queen of crime

Felicia Hardy. 25. Black Cat. "Well, then, it's your lucky day."

[nycthief]

foggyavocado:

“If you’re here to sue someone,” Foggy called out, to whoever was standing in his door. A corner office was a sweet perk, but it came with plenty of work to do, and currently, he couldn’t spare the time to lift his eyes from the briefing in front of him. “Then you’ll have to wait. If you’re here about damages, you want Marci, down the hall, to the left.” A lot of people were pursuing legal measures after the Skrull attack, and Hogarth, Chao & Benowitz had stepped up to the plate massively. Mostly by relying on their not-quite-partners, aka – dumping the majority of the caseload on people like him. “Also, side note. You cannot actually sue the city of New York for failure to protect you against aliens, since, in the end, they very technically did.” 

"I’m just here for you, Foggy Nelson,” Felicia announced with a wave, unable to maintain the straight face she planned for when she learned just where Foggy worked. They weren’t close, not really, but one stipulation of seeing Matt (when she was seeing him, that is) was getting to know the second half of the avocados at law, or whatever Foggy called them. Anchovies at law? Whatever. Felicia couldn’t remember. She stepped further into his office. “I’d never sue NY,” she added, taking a seat across from his desk. “That’s bad for business.”

[nycthief]

gcttagofcst:

“I think he flies around in that big metal suit to compensate for everything,” Pietro replied. It was hardly fair. Stark built the Avengers cool things including his shock absorbing body armour, and he seemed to tremble in his expensive shoes every time Wanda walked in which Pietro could always appreciate, but if there was one thing Pietro could do well, it was hold a grudge. That and running, obviously.

This girl was someone that Pietro could get behind. None of the weird morality stuff was present in her that seemed to turn the rest of his team against stealing, and she was popping bubblegum while breaking into a nearly impenetrable company, so that wasn’t nothing. “Amazing,” Pietro said, letting out a low whistle to show how impressed he was. “You’ve just saved the free world, or something like that.”

Osborn was a pretty creepy dude, regardless of what the press said. For one, he seemed to almost have a green tinge to his skin, and anytime someone brought him up in the Tower Peter went the same shade, or else completely pale. Pietro wasn’t much of a psycho-analyzer, though, so he just settled for the dude being a potential super villain. “Leaving me all the fun?” he asked, quirking a brow. “If you don’t get motion sickness, I can bring you for a whirl down there too. Two punches for the price of one!”

Shocker. Stark and compensating just clicked. Felicia would bet the same of Lex Luthor and Bruce Wayne and Victor von Doom.

Felicia laughed. “All in a night’s work,” she offered as if it involved no effort at all, though doing what the Avengers constituted as good was rarely at the top of her to do list. “Hit me up in Queens if you need another good guys’ sanctioned petty robbery,” she added, amused. “That’ll get you guys on the slippery slope some of my friends are on.” Even Matt’s grumbling didn’t mean he was stopping all of her jobs. The heroes in this city had bigger fish to fry—what was one measly piece of art when men like Green Goblin made nefarious plans?

She grinned. Q was bringing her along? Her night just got a little more interesting. “I’ll get over it. Let’s go.”

[nycthief]

bluerobotbitch:

Nebula paused for a moment at the offer. “Pay,” she said, turning her head towards the strange woman. “You mean the green paper that accounts for currency here, correct? It can be used to buy scones?” she asked, deadly serious. 

She turned back towards the other building. “What is it, precisely? It does not appear to be a weapon.” She couldn’t imagine the point of stealing anything else, but human weapons could appear so strange. “I could help you attain it. The men guarding it will be easy to kill, and then stealing it will be simple.”

Blue was a bit of an odd duck, but it didn’t bother Felicia, really. There was an E.T. vibe going on here, if you rewrote the movie and imbued the alien with a murder streak and tendency to take things very literally.

“Scones,” she confirmed, trying not to smile. Laughing at the trigger happy robot would not bode well. “You bet. You could buy a whole bakery with your cut, you know.”

“It’s just a piece of art,” Felicia explained, stowing her goggles away. “Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder. Value’s the same thing. Somebody wants it really bad, and you and I are gonna get it.” Blue agreed to help, but Felicia’s line-of-no-crossing was a long way in the other direction. “Stealing’s a little harder without killing anyone,” she admitted, “but this is my heist. My rules apply. You want a cut, Blue? No killing. Set your phasers to stun, or whatever.”

[nycthief]

marvclboy:

“That’s a very unspecific address,” Noh-Varr pointed out, raising his eyebrows. When it came to singing, no one had anything to be shy about! Not everyone could be as insanely talented as Britney Spears. “Not everyone is deserving of my fantastic lines,” he countered. “Why should I try to use one on you?”

"A woman’s gotta have a little mystery,” Felicia explained, unrepentant. 

He could hold his own, at least. Full points. “I’m worth the effort,” she added, shrugging. False modesty was beneath her. Felicia knew she looked good. It was just a fact. “Enough said.”

[nycthief]

thcmystique:

Mutants carried themselves a certain way. Some were dangerous, chips on their shoulders the size of mountains, used to having to defend themselves, like Raven was. Others were angry like Erik, determined like Charles, or merely terrified like the original X-Men had been, once upon a time. This woman didn’t carry herself like any of those. She was confident in her abilities, hesitated for only a moment before agreeing to assist. She was a human, and that made Raven pause for longer than usual, then nod slowly. Worst case, she could just kill her, right? “Perhaps you even have the boss beat out for generosity,” Raven replied with a smirk on her face. “You might not need it, but I’m sure we will find some way to reimburse you. I would owe you one.” A favour from Raven counted for a lot, after all.

“No time like the present,” Raven replied, gesturing towards the scanner. “If you end up getting us arrested, I won’t be the one paying.” She gave a little laugh after that, but knew it didn’t quite sound realistic. There was only so much she could fake.

She wasn’t going to deny Mystique’s favor, although it did make her hesitant. It wasn’t immediately clear if it was one of those gifts that you treasured the first day and hated the second, or if the offer was a genuine one. Felicia had the hedge her bets. “Let’s play it by ear,” she suggested.

Felicia got to her task, making quick of the scanner. “I run fast,” she explained. She’d never been to prison and had absolutely no intention of ever going. “Follow me,” Felicia added, gesturing down the hallway. 

[nycthief]

bluerobotbitch:

Now she was truly confused, and it showed on her face for a moment before irritation took its place. That at least, was more familiar. “I do not know what you’re talking about,” she said finally, clenching her jaw.

The woman was dressed in all black, perhaps one of the masked vigilantes Nebula had heard inhabited this planet in droves. Did she have the powers that had so fascinated her father? Or was she simply skilled? “No,” she said simply. “But wait here a moment.” 

Without another word, she stood up, and leapt over to the roof of the other building. Cybernetic enhancements did have their perks. She landed gracefully, and strode towards the center of the building. A large glass window looked down on the floors below, giving her a clear view. There were guards on the various levels, patrolling lazily. In the center of the room was a case of some sort, presumably the reason for the guards. With another leap, she landed back next to the woman. “There are eight men inside. Patrolling in pairs. They are guarding something on the ground floor, though I could not see what. I presume that is what you want?”

Hey, maybe Blue didn’t know. Felicia let it go, unperturbed. No skin off her back.

Felicia did not bite the hands that fed her. Surprised, she watched Blue take a gigantic leap, strong as the Spider, patrol almost lazily, and come back. “Yikes,” she commented, impressed. “Want a cut of my pay?” Felicia asked, feeling generous. Blue just did her a favor.

“That is what I want.” Intel, art...she went after anything with a paycheck waiting for her in a PO box.  “It isn’t the heist of the century, but it’s pretty choice.”

[nycthief]

gcttagofcst:

“You’ve seen him,” Pietro said with a shrug. “He’s an old rich white guy, and even more than that, he’s short. That’s like five reasons why I’m allowed to steal this ice gun and then never give it back to him.” Really, hiring a thief to steal something and then expecting them to give it back to someone else was insane! Pietro was a kleptomaniac, he didn’t do this for the money. If he needed money, all he had to do was show up in Stark’s lab and vaguely reference the fact that the man’s company had killed his parents, and Iron Man would be grovelling at his feet. It was a foolproof plan!

Pietro leaned back against the wall beside the safe, pulling a stick of gum out of his pocket and popping it in his mouth before waving the pack in Black Cat’s direction. “Gum?” he asked, not even a moment later. She might be focusing, but honestly, when people got that look on their face Pietro was nothing other than bored. “You’re up for it? Great! God, this will be amazing. You think we could punch Osborn in the face on the way out? I bet he’s holed up in the top floor, he seems like the kind of guy who wouldn’t need to go home to someone!”

Old rich white guys ruled the world and always made it worse. Felicia would’ve laughed if it wasn’t about to break her concentration. “He is really short,” she conceded. “Do you think he flies that big suit around to compensate for something?” Q might like that one, even if it was a little tired, jokes wise.

“Please,” she agreed, reaching blindly for the piece without turning around. She snapped the gum loudly and triumphantly as the safe cracked open, smiling as she stepped aside for him to see. If that wasn’t a freeze gun, she didn’t know what was. “Voila, Q. I deliver.”

“Osborn needs a good punch,” said Felicia, thinking of that asshole’s smug face. She accessed a lot of his network as an assistant—Felicity Harmon—but his board of directors was about as gropey and disgusting as men could get. She already keyed all of their sports cars. “He usually floats around the labs, actually,” she pointed out, wanting Quicksilver to go in the right direction. “Just so you know.”

[nycthief]

marvclboy:

“Where?” Noh-Varr asked excitedly. “Every line I have is great.” She was very obviously checking him out and Noh-Varr grinned cockily. “Of course I did, and I can come up with hundreds more.”

"Some little dive on 53rd Street.” This guy was cute. Felicia didn’t mind the idea of him hearing her sing, but she was no Mariah Carey or anything. “Oh yeah? Lay one on me.” Plenty of guys felt that they were the epitome of creativity, but Felicia knew better. Real wit was one in a million. “Show off one of those...hundreds of lines.”

[nycthief]

akagoddammit:

Jessica was two-hundred percent done with this. More than ready for it to be over, but it seemed like BC grew more comfortable the more uncomfortable Jessica felt. “You share a cat,” she deadpanned. “And yet, I’ve never heard about you. He’s never said anything. How do I know this all isn’t some bullshit so I’ll leave and you can rob the place? Stealing from a blind guy is a low blow, for the record. Even I’m not that screwed up.” She scoffed and shook her head. “P.I. Not detective.” 

Felicia held on to the last vestiges of her composure for dear life. Jessica Jones probably didn’t intend to be funny, but she really was. "Is that supposed to bother me?” She asked. It sort of did, but not enough to put a damper on her day. She and Matt didn’t have a painful breakup—she didn’t look back on their time together with regret. She just got a little wistful, because there was one great guy who knew about her and what she did and tolerated it, but they weren’t still an item. “I can’t put my name in his mouth, even if it’s nice to hear him say it.” It’s nice to hear him groan it, she thought, but wisely kept that to herself.

“What’s there to rob?” Felicia asked, polite when Jessica wasn’t. Matt toed the unemployment line like Felicia toed the limits of legality. “Go on, I’ll wait, P.I.”

[nycthief]

notdaredcvil:

“Alright, alright, opposing counsel makes a compelling point,” Matt relented, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Let me think. I’m leaning towards admitting that your occasional strokes of genius are a thing of beauty, but I think that might be a bit too much. I’d hate to make your head so big you can’t get through heating vents or something like that, Felicia. I’m thinking of your career.”

The mere notion of Felicia’s opinions on everything - always well formed, always divisive, and always spoken with a scathing wit that left most of the population wondering over what method would be most apt at handling her quickly and quietly - being publicised almost broke Matt out in a rash, but he laughed regardless. It was a game they played, elaborating the possibilities that Felicia’s riches could give them. “And what would you do for the second week’s paper?” Matt asked. “Daredevil would only have so much novelty, surely.”

Matt nodded, letting out a breath of relief, but he couldn’t quite stick to his own word. “Really?” he said, a few moments later. “Felicia, if I’d known, I would’ve put in a good word for you.” That wouldn’t be awkward or anything.

Matt used way too much legal jargon at every opportunity, but it amused Felicia plenty. “Opposing counsel’s about to win this damn case,” she announced, triumphantly. “Opposing counsel appreciates the defense’s courtesy toward her illustrious career,” she added, grinning. That was a little funny coming from a guy who couldn’t quite see her face. “But you’re so right. I’d hate to not be able to do my job right.”

She thought about it, really searching for another superhero that she preferred. Criminals were a little easier. Maybe she could run a poll about Mystique’s methods, yay or nay. “Front page editorial about how misunderstood Black Cat is,” she decided. “I’d subtweet Jean DeWolff the whole time.”

Felicia pouted. “You’re going to make me leave,” she warned. “And your good word would probably send him into uber arrest mode. He’s like...a hall monitor, sometimes.” A cute one. The Spider wasn’t afraid to linger in his territory if he saw her stealing something. Matt usually only minded if it fell into Hell’s Kitchen.

[nycthief]

marvclboy:

New York was always bustling, it was one of the many things Noh-Varr loved about Earth. The second was quite simple, and it was music. As he paced down the streets, looking for something to do – unfortunately, crime rates were low – he heard an instrumental piece, loud and captivating, and he slipped inside of the building playing it. Much to his surprise, it was a record store. He had been inside of them in the past, though stealing records was difficult, and therefore, Noh-Varr owned zero. In order to continue listening to the song playing, he began roaming the aisles, and ended up standing beside someone. “I want to start a band,” he informed them shamelessly. “Do you play any instruments or know anyone that does? We’ll end up famous! Musicians are always pretty, and we’re both that.” Flirting came natural to him and humans seemed to love it!

She could sort of sing. “I rock happy hour karaoke,” Felicia answered, pausing in her perusal of records. Nothing was really striking her. “Great line,” she added, amused, looking the guy up and down. When you looked that good, confidence in abundance. “Come up with that one all by yourself?” 

[nycthief]

akagoddammit:

Jessica was not, despite whatever Tony had joked about so long ago, a jealous girlfriend. That wasn’t who she was. But seeing how comfortable Black Cat – god that name was stupid – was in Matt’s apartment set her teeth on edge. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, wanting to keep watch on this woman at all times, and just shook her head slowly in reply. “They’re not exactly my style. Dive bars are cheaper,” she muttered.

Her cat? What the hell? Jessica’s confusion was clearly painted across her face. “You named your cat Garbage,” she repeated in a deadpan voice. “Only cat I’ve met is my own one-eyed bastard. She’s a big fan of Matt, actually,” she said, neglecting to mention the various scratches and scrapes Matt received from Cat on a regular basis. “Why do you visit him and your cat in his apartment?” 

Well, duh. Felicia decided against sharing that little quip, lest she poke the bear again.

This time, however, she had to show some teeth. “Obviously,” Felicia answered, more amused about the whole thing than she expected. God, this was fun. “I found her in a trash can, and the rest was history.” Jessica and Matt seemed closer than she initially thought, unless Jessica’s own pet bore an uncanny resemblance to Felicia’s. “We share her,” Felicia explained, opting not to elaborate on how Garbage’s charms wouldn’t be well received in her landlord’s eyes. For all the money she was paying him for a penthouse, she should at least get her own cat. “I forgot my custody agreement at home, though. My bad,” she added, not bothering to hide her smile again. “That gonna fly with you, detective?”

[nycthief]

theqxestion:

“Must be.” She mused. Renee was still new enough to the city that trying to guess the motives of the local nut jobs. Renee took the ID and the picture, looking both over. “Think so.” Robbery was something much more up her alley. “I’ll send the picture out to our grand thief guys, see if it pops up anywhere on the black market.”

“Ms. Harmon, do you have any documentation on the purchasing history of the necklace? Having a record of things might make the hunt for it easier.”

Supervillains with bad credit history sounded like a sitcom waiting to happen. Fortunately, Felicia didn’t fall under that classification. She had standards, first of all, and secondly, amazing credit. “They must watch out for a lot of stuff, huh?” She asked, feigning ignorance. “I think that’d just exhaust me.” Narrowing her focus was much easier. When you searched for one artifact, ignoring the rest was easy.

“Not with me,” Felicia admitted. Better drum that up sooner than later. She needed to consult with the Tinkerer for getting some authentic papers. “Can I bring it another day?” Felicia asked, finding it easy to seem nervous. She wanted her necklace back, and it was seriously bugging her. “I was in such a rush to report it, I forgot it on my dresser...” Play the scatterbrained witness. It happened often.

[nycthief]

notdaredcvil:

“Here was me assuming that Foggy’s compliments counted as my own.” There was a reason why Foggy had always complained about Matt bringing his girlfriends home, and it wasn’t just because Matt was, and he quoted, a ‘massive, depressed pain in the ass’ when it all fell to shit. Felicia had been one of the rare people who managed to render Foggy Nelson speechless, and the tap dance that his heart rate and breathing did when she walked in was really, really hard for Matt not to comment on. (He still did, it was just after they left, when Foggy couldn’t punch him in the arm for it.)

Hell’s Kitchen mascot? “I don’t mind the sound of that, actually,” Matt admitted. “Hero worship doesn’t sell as many papers, though.” Few journalists, Karen and Ben before her exempt, cared about the truth of what they were selling, so long as they got a few extra bucks in their pocket. “If I’d known I had Rocky in my corner, I would have fought her on it right that moment. I’ll know for again.”

Panic. Matt didn’t have much experience sensing that from Felicia, and he would’ve found some kind of pride in that if he wasn’t gaping at her. “You’re trying to tell me I heard you wrong?” he repeated. “That was rhetorical, by the way, because I know what you’re doing. You’re in denial. Over Spidey.” He didn’t need to talk about this in confession, but he felt the need to be cleansed by it in some way or another regardless. “Let’s never talk about this again.”

“Foggy can’t do the job alone.” She liked Foggy Nelson. Sharp wit got you everywhere with Felicia. He was delightfully oblivious to her pranks, too. Moving his chair an inch every day, until he didn’t see the change until it was too late; swapping his writing utensils for crayons; even adding a macro to disrupt his legal briefs was hilarious. “It’s gotta be a team effort.”

Felicia had more money than she knew what to do with, sometimes. That let her offer absurd suggestions to see how far Matt would consider them. “I should just start my own paper. Felicia’s Take. I’ll bash everybody we hate and make you my headliner.” Daredevil got a bit of a bad rap in the other neighborhoods, but maybe Felicia was a little biased. Whatever. That sold papers these days, didn’t it? 

“Great,” Felicia agreed, eager to drop the subject in the way only a pricey diamond could make her. God, that was embarrassing. She had to find something to make fun of him for to recover. All in due time. “I won’t if you won’t.”

[nycthief]

bluerobotbitch:

Why was Terran language so strange? “Pandies?” she repeated, scowling. “I was under the impression they were a bear. I do not own one, nor do I think they are very twisty.” She eyed the crude device in the woman’s hands, recognized them as a meager attempt to improve the awful eyesight of humans. 

She turned, looked over her shoulder at the building. She could see it quite clearly, her own vision enhanced by her cybernetics, particularly her right eye. “I do not use blades,” she murmured, glancing back at the woman. “Why are you staring at the building?”

"Panties,” Felicia corrected, bemused. “You don’t own any?” Robots went commando and/or were hard of hearing. You learned something new every day.

She had no reason to lie. Once you got spotted doing reconnaissance in costume, there wasn’t much you could do to recover. “There’s something I want in there.” She paused, eyeing the robot. Such was her life, after watching the Skrulls try to take over the world. Things got weird, but Felicia rolled with it. “Can you see through it, by any chance? That’d really help me out.”

[nycthief]

thcmystique:

There was every chance that what had happened with several of OsCorp’s employees now was nothing more than a series of circumstances that had lined up in a coincidence, but Raven had lived long enough now to know when something stunk, and OsCorp was a sewer. From whatever the hell had gone on with their CEO years ago, rumours of which still surfaced every now and again, to the Lizard and Rhino that terrorised the streets, it was either human experimentation or Mutant meddling, and Raven was reluctant to admit that she would feel inclined to stop even the former from continuing. Human mutates received the same stigma her people did, though they would not benefit from her constant protection once their lives had been saved.

A thief with a bleeding heart. Raven could be wrong, but she was pretty sure that the confidence the woman had previously demonstrated was faltering only after Raven revealed why she was there. She was also pretty sure that she wasn’t wrong - after all, she’d had a century to get to grips with how people hid their emotions.

“Can you really do that?” Raven asked, raising an eyebrow. She had memorised a few vocal patterns of OsCorp scientists, but it would be much easier if the retinal scans didn’t need to be taken at all. It took a lot of focus, after all, that was better directed towards figuring out their game plan. “You would be well reimbursed for your time. My boss is a generous man.”

Felicia deigned not to be insulted by the question. She boasted like a new kid with a knack for the game, but in the end, Felicia could deliver results. “Hell yeah,” she answered, relieved for the brief diversion from Raven’s mission. Felicia wasn’t the squeamish type, but by the sound of these experiments, they were in for a mess. “No, I—” Getting paid for this would push her into the squeamish type. Felicia liked compensation when the work wasn’t so...morally inclined. “I don’t need to get paid for it,” said Felicia, probably for the first time in her entire life. “I’ll go pro bono.” She wasn’t angling for sainthood, but this was a good thing to do, right? She liked it. 

Maybe.

“Whenever you’re ready to go, we’ll go,” Felicia assured Mystique, committing to this crusade with all the effort she put in to her usual handiwork. “Free of charge, okay?”

[nycthief]

theqxestion:

“Robbery, great. I can work with that.” It was nice to know that average crime still went on during intergalactic invasions. Unless a Skrull stole it, Renee’d be able to track down the people involved and get them locked up. “Not usually his M.O.” She mused, squinting at the photo. “But nothing surprises me anymore. Please, come in.” 

Stepping back into her office, Renee pulled up a blank document on her computer. “Can I get your name and a description of what was taken?”

Felicia kept her amusement to herself. A thief reporting a robbery was her own little private joke. Holding her hands out of the situation was going to be the hard part. “Maybe he’s broke or something,” Felicia suggested, following the detective into the office. Renee Montoya, she read, scanning the room with her eyes. Not the usual cop fare, Felicia decided. That was a breath of fresh air. “Or just a nut. It’s one or the other.”

“Felicity Harmon,” answered Felicia, offering an authentic ID for her squeaky clean persona that never stepped a toe out of line. Credentials were just as important as honing her skills. “He stole a necklace. I brought a better picture of it, if you want to keep it.” She passed that over too. “Think you can help me out?”