everyday i wake up, there's a sound at the back of my head saying 'you should be somewhere else. you're not supposed to be here.' it haunts me then. if i'm not supposed to be here, then where should i be? and if i move away from the things that i'm not familiar with, would this sound at the back of my head disappear? what if in the process of reaching that place, i back up and the inner voice keeps saying that it's not it? would all the struggles become a waste of time? or is it because i kept seeing my peers, my friends reached that stage where they able to create a brave move and it didn't feel like cost them so much?
I realize that this period of my life were just unstability here and there. everything i try, is not leading me somewhere i want. but i think this period of life is also about figuring out, discovering, what's behind the other door, and i don't know how many wrong turns will be in front of me. I'm not supposed to find the answer anytime soon, because if i do find it today, for instance, it won't feel right. it has to happen in the perfect time, perfect moment, and then everything will fall into place.
will i find eternal peace? a peace where the inner voice at the back of my head keep saying that this situation is not ideal for you? maybe not. maybe my whole life, i will keep searching. i will never be satisfied with what i achieved, with whatever i completed, because then if i reach eternal peace, then everything will just stops. there's nothing left to search and be my reason to wake up in the morning. i actually dream a simple day. a day where i wake up and i don't feel like being haunted by the question of regrets. so that i could just live normally like everyone else. but i don't think it's supposed to be easy. i don't know.
