Moderately Distressed Batman

I may be wearing Nike but I assure you I cannot do it

[inimoose]

Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

[stabthroughme]

There is a photo deep in the Centaurs media reel archives from a community day thing where baby Shane (7) is running away from Chuck the Beaver and being “protected” by the then-Captain of the Centaurs.

Harris finds it while combing through the archives for fun comparisons to the current team.

Instantly posts it with a picture of Ilya pulling Shane away from a fight single handed, and with the photo from Shane and Scott’s post-game fight when he was a Metro.

“It only takes one Ottawa Centaur to keep national treasure Shane Hollander safe. How many Metros does it take to stop gay on gay crime???”

[raincitygirl76]

Harris is an excellent PR person, and a gay man with an activist bent. It would’ve been much easier for him to show up at work in a hypermasculine environment without the Pride pins on his jacket, but Harris doesn’t do easy.

But Harris is also a lifelong Ottawa fan who (like Shane) grew up locally. Going to games and cheering on the team in tiny replica jerseys. Shane Hollander is a hometown hero who was treated shamefully by Montreal because he’s gay. Not to mention because he’s in love with Ilya Rozanov. Harris considers Ilya a friend, and Ilya was also integral in matchmaking between Harris and his boyfriend.

Oh, and Shane also took a pay cut to move to Ottawa after his relationship with Montreal collapsed. He could have made a lot more money by going to an American team. So Harris, even when he doesn’t know Shane well on a personal level, is predisposed to think well of him. Shane makes Ilya happy and is going to improve the team Harris grew up cheering for.

Therefore, Harris’s professional instincts for good PR would meld with his personal instincts to poke at Montreal for their bigotry and protect Shane. Bigotry which caused them to treat a hometown hero like dirt. The combination of those instincts would make for a very entertaining official Ottawa Centaurs social media account.

Well, entertaining for Ottawa fans and neutrals. Not so entertaining for Montreal fans and Montreal’s PR team. They just want to forget the whole nightmare, but between hockey twitter and a vengeful Harris Drover, they can’t.

[guildofscribes]

Obi-wan Kenobi is the guy you want.

You want the guy who is willing to talk. You want the guy who is willing to go into a winning or losing situation willing to stop everything and negotiate.

Maybe it has to end in a fight.

Maybe it doesn’t.

You want the guy who can do both.

You want the guy who has been in a whole Rolodex of bad situations, because that guy is your best bet of getting out.

You want the guy who definitely knows how to end a fight. You want the guy who trained in one of the most aggressive and overwhelming fighting styles for over a decade of his life, and then ultimate form of defense, and then mashed them together into the Ego-Buster 3000.

Throughout the whole series of Star Wars books, Obi-wan is the guy who ends up on insane missions, literally, and resolves to move forward even though he’s usually doubtful of his own ability to do what needed to be done. In spite of a lack of confidence, he always moves forward. Every time.

You want the guy who just wants to see everyone go home happy. Because even though that’s not how life works (and he knows that), you still want the guy who wants the best possible outcome.

You want the guy who has set his ego very firmly to the side. And Obi-wan has had his ego shunted to the side at least one time per book, usually more. And when ego gets out of the way, the path forward opens up.

Obi-wan Kenobi is never the strongest, yet he measures up. Obi-wan is never the most talented, yet he works harder than most ever will. Obi-wan fails often, yet he never fails to learn. He is not the smartest man in the galaxy, yet he has learned and applied many lessons, and therein grows wisdom. And Obi-wan is indeed very wise.

He’s a guy who learned Qui-gon’s lessons of openness to the force, mindfulness of the will of the force, the ways of conscience and willingness to give of himself for the betterment of others. Old lessons are always coming to his mind, every time he chooses to continue applying them to his life, always learning, willing to be taught. In the way that Jedi are lifelong students of the ways of the force, Obi-wan lives to learn.

That is the thing about Obi-wan Kenobi.

There is no-one better.

[mandhos]

I haven't drawn it in a long time :,)

[okoyestrainee]

A continuation of this post, because I want to see Shane and Ilya happy, giggly, and cute.

Harris schedules filming for a second Ottawa Centaurs Try Not to Laugh video after practice. The rules are simple:

1. You laugh, you’re out.

2. Shane and Ilya CANNOT sit next to or on each other.

He probably should’ve added a third to prevent what’s happening, but it’s far too late to stop it now. The team seems to have agreed that eliminating Shane and Ilya is the goal, and every joke told thus far has been tailored to them. Is it fair? No. Will the engagement be amazing?

Fucking hell, it’ll be off the charts. This is too good.

Shane is holding his nose, lips trembling and face red as he tries to hold in laughter.

“Please,” he gasps desperately. His chest spasms with trapped giggles and he’s this close to breaking. “I can’t. This has to be against the rules.”

“This is torture,” Ilya grits out. His teeth are clenched almost as hard as his fists are at his sides. “Bag skates for everyone tomorrow.”

“Worth it,” Bood cheers as he grabs the mic for his turn. “Alright, buckle up. What do you call a drink made with tuna juice, maple syrup, and rose petals if you leave it alone for a while?”

Wyatt snorts and covers his face with his hands. Luca looks like he’s about to combust. Bood bites his bottom lip to maintain control before the punchline.

“Depends on the year. If it’s 2016? A sad Russian.”

Ilya’s eyes about bug out of his head as a team-wide “holy shit” echoes in the room. He reaches out wildly for a hand, an elbow, anything to steady himself, but it’s no use. He pitches forward in his seat, falling out on the floor in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Shane makes a sound like a dying animal. His jaw’s clenched so hard that he thinks he can hear teeth cracking.

“Please,” he wheezes. A tear rolls down his beet-red cheek. “Mercy.”

Wyatt snatches the mic. “Okay, this has to do the trick. I’m calling it.”

He clears his throat, looks Shane in the eye, grins like an absolute lunatic, and jumps right in.

“Do you know,” he starts, voice high pitched and ridiculous, “the Muffin Man?”

“Ah, yes,” Ilya cuts in, words garbled in between chuckles. “The Muffin Man. Who lives on Drury Lane?”

“I hate you,” Shane chokes out. “You asshole. I fucking hate you, oh my God.”

Wyatt makes a strangled noise, but keeps going. “Well…she’s married to the Muffin Man.”

Shane slaps a hand over his mouth. He’s not going out like this. He won’t!

Unfortunately for him, Harris decides to join the fun. “The Muffin Man?”

And before Shane can shoot Harris a look of utter betrayal, the entire team joins Wyatt for the killing blow.

“THE MUFFIN MAN!”

The final cut of the video shows Shane Hollander, three-time Stanley Cup winner, People Magazine’s Hottest Man Alive 2022 and 2024 (and in the top 5 since 2021, right along with his husband), and man known for his unwavering professionalism, completely losing his shit. Mouth open so wide that at least a few viewers will comment on a filling in his bottom left molar. Tears streaming down his cheeks. Laughing so hard that he doesn’t even make sound at first—just shakes silently as the full force of repressed giggles builds up before he gasps and explodes into impossibly loud joy.

The video is an instant hit.

[subcultureblues]

i do not speak goalie

[judeval]

Based on this post: I think Wyatt is Shane's work husband. This is more based on the new lore of the show but I think that Shane's particular flavour of autism really vibes with Wyatt's (who I also think is probably autistic 'cuz like, goalie tings).

Like he's not into the superhero stuff, but I think Wyatt allows Shane to be weird and obsessive and that's like, really fucking valuable to him. So yeah, Trolya work husbands for sure, and I think Wyatt-Shane is the other side of the coin. Any given moment they're like, sitting doing parallel play (shane's watching highlights and Wyatt's desperately trying to acquire a rare action figure)

[themenacewhowrites]

I’ve been thinking about chirping dynamics on the Centaurs for the last day-and-a-half, so I guess it’s headcanon time on my page now.

So, I imagine that different players get sicced on people for different reasons during a game.

For example, if you want someone flat-out angry, sic Troy Barrett on them. Fight or no fight, they’ll be mad and sloppy about it.

If you want someone humbled and murderous, Ilya Rozanov is your best man, Mister Chirp-a-licious himself, the professional ragebaiter of the league.

When you want someone so frustrated, confused and generally helpless to retaliate, Wyatt Hayes is your man. I mean, you can try to retaliate to him chirping how bad you shoot, but either he’s going to ninja your skates out from under you or his team will bulldoze you. Calculate your risks wisely.

However, if you want someone to straight up cry, set Shane Hollander on them. He’ll get it done in the most cardboard-soup tone and he’ll look bored doing it.

[yuzutea1864]

"The Orcs fled before his face; for since his torment upon Thangorodrim his spirit burned like a white fire within, and he was as one that returns from the dead."

[asexualmaul]

[darkstarknight03]

The concept of Shane being in voyageurs superhell post outing and meanwhile in every press interview the other centaurs will NOT refer to Ilya as anything other than Shane Hollander’s Boyfriend.

“Yeah, Shane Hollander’s boyfriend scored that nasty goal in the third, tying up the game, really brought the energy back in—”

“There’s a lot of good chemistry on the ice — playing on the first line with Hollander’s boyfriend and Barrett is some of the best hockey I’ve ever played.”

“Yeah, the team is really pulling together for playoffs. When you’ve got an all-star like Shane Hollander’s fiancé as captain, he really makes you believe in yourselves. What? Oh, yeah, apparently he’s been holding that out on us since January. They still call each other boyfriends, though — I think cap has a grudge against the French language.”

The league keeps telling them to stop and Harris KNOWS that but also their engagement numbers have never been so high and it’s definitely not just because they’re going to playoffs…

[lavenderprose]

Some things that the Centaurs hear while sharing a locker room/hotel/bus/plane with Hollonov that blast open their communal third eye with regards to what Shane and Ilya have going on:

- "Show it to me. I know you got hit, show me. Mm. Is very painful? Mm. You on your side tonight, I think."

- "No, my baby, you'll come to Monk's. Drink two beers, talk to people who are not me. Mm, no, not Troy either. He is basically shorter you."

- "...just a little longer, I think, and then maybe a trim, just so is not in your eyes when you skate--"

- "Ah, no, he doesn't like drinking his coffee black. Oat milk, two sugars. I know what he does but is not what he likes. What, Shane, do I lie?"

- "Give me number. Ah-ah. One higher, I think. I know you like even numbers, baby."

- "Ask nicely."

- "...and then I take you home and--fuck off, Dykstra, I am coming onto my husband. You never heard of flirting? We are in the back of bus, it was private until you came back here--"

- "Here, made you tea. Something special in it for you."

- "...lunch from that Greek place? Nice. Okay, Shane will have--"

- "...thin walls, huh? Bet they can hear you. Let them hear you. Say my name. Yes, baby, fuck. Louder."

[gaydhros]

thinking about maedhros salvaging a single bloodstained golden ribbon from the mire of anfauglith where fingon fell. there’s nothing left of him, no body to bury, but there’s this. maedhros braids it into his own hair. he wears it as a reminder of fingon, of his own failures, of the cost of trust misplaced. keeps with him always this last remaining piece of fingon and clings to it even as he spirals so low, as he maddens with grief and desperation and his oath, until at the end he’s become someone fingon would hardly recognize. and at the last he casts himself into the fire with fingon’s ribbon woven through his hair, but it’s become so marred with rusty blood and grime and filth that there’s nothing left of its golden luminance, its shine, any of the things fingon had so loved about it. maedhros who destroys himself and with him the last remaining piece of who fingon had been, who they had been; maedhros who through his own actions turns both himself and the memory of fingon into something utterly unrecognizable.

[wendydoodles]

Leon's comebacks are one hit kills.

[thetiredprometheus]

When Maedhros comes back from Thangorodrim, the sun burns him. It burns him like it burns orcs, burns him like he is one of Morgoth's fell monsters. And sometimes he thinks that the sun must be able to recognise the darkness in him, the fact that he truly is not so different from the other creatures of Angband that he slays. It's only centuries later that he realises: oh, gingers just do that

[otto-tigtea]

Silly and sunny

[j1mzi]

Damn….

Random Maitimo/Maedhros i drew like a month ago and apparently I’m not going to render it further lol