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@themenacewhowrites
Since I donāt actually know who looks at my blog and I wannaā be considerate and not wreck any vibes or be more annoying than I have to beā¦
To the people who see this and at least sort of follow my blog in general:
Would you be okay with seeing me post about my crises over the writing process and generally just talk about my stories here?
Lol, no. Nobody wants that. Get a grip. Keep it the way it is.
Sure! Let the madness commence!
YOUš«µ'RE 𫵠NE->XT.!! moTHERFUCKER!!!!
GET LOVED!!!!!!!!!!
Step into my imagination for a momentā¦
Cliff Marlow very unironically does this to the whole team group chat. On more than one occasion.
It starts with Campbell, the goalie, who had a challenging game after coming back from an injury. Then he moves straight to is Best Friend Ilya, who had been quiet lately. And then St. Simon. And on and on and on. He pings every single player in the chat individually.
And because itās Cliff, and Cliff is just the Guy Of All Time, everyone knows he means it with his whole chest.
It enters the team lore and lexicon, and somehow it returns every now and then, even after Marlow retires.
Very āget loved idiotā energy.
being a writer is fun
-4 psychic damage
-4 psychic damage
-4 psychic damage
-4 psychic damage
-4 psychic damage
Ive really been enjoying your goalie Shane fics, have you considered putting them all in a series together on ao3?
Hi there! Iām so glad you like my silly stories!
I hadnāt thought about putting them in a series, but that might be a good idea! Especially if it keeps expanding as it has been.
Thank you for the idea! Iāll definitely think this over!
shane effortlessly defying ilya's internal self deprecation with the most blunt, heartstopping, to the point sincerity is such an important part of their dynamic to me
"but you know me, i'm lazy, so." "i don't know that side of you at all."
"is that what we are going to do? relax?" "i hope so. i would like to relax with you. for once."
"because you like to be bad." "hey, that's not what this is. you and me. maybe it was at first but, not now, and not for a long time."
to the point where it even usurps other peoples interpretations of ilya before he gets the chance to internalize them -
"but, you hate him." "no. i mean, i get that. but no. i love him."
and ilya has that exact same subtly gobsmacked expression every time he does it
Shane is a world-class weapon of mass destruction with all of that sincerity heās got, and he just hits people square in the eyeballs with it from time to time, like pocket sand.
And he doesnāt realize the seismic shifting heās causing when he does. Itās literally just, āum, actually itās this- of courseā like itās obvious.
Heās the epitome of the introvert overthinker who has declared their love for someone, and done so exceedingly clearly and on purpose after deeply considering every reason in existence not to⦠and this is still their final decision.
Declared with such earnest conviction that it might as well be notarized by a judge and added to the Code.
It may take him a minute to sort everything out in his head, but once Shane gets there?
Itās too late.
The die is cast, Ilya. You will never recover.
1066 words down for the third Yank.
I swear, Iām writingā¦
So, I wrote the Teeny Tiny Goalie Shane one-shot with David realizing that his son is actually not on the same level as the rest of the kids in his class, that Shane is better actually.
Yuna isnāt quite as surprised, but nobody is ready for their only child to outstrip all of their peers.
And also a bunch of adults.
Read it here!
The brain gremlins are doing brain gremlin things at 8am in the grey morningā¦
So now I have half of a one-shot of David coming to terms with the fact that his Small Boy Son is a holy terror to his grown-ass hockey friends who play competitively for fun.
It kind of creeps up on him over the years, and then cracks him over the head in the shower one night.
Yuna is⦠not so much blindsided as deeply surprised at the depth of critical skill David is itemizing. She knew Shane was good, but it didnāt hit home how good until David is saying he does the same with with a bunch of adults whoāve played hockey since they were little kids, and went to college to play and still play, as she watches him do with the actual kids in his class who complain that itās ānot fair when Shane is playing goalie.ā
(Edit: I wrote the fic!)
The notes are broken. This is what tumblr is all about apparently.
THE NOTES ARE BROKEN!Ā This has been reblogged so many times, Tumblr just shrugged and said āinfinityā
I recognize that canon has made a decision, but given that itās a stupid-ass decision, Iāve elected to ignore it and indulge myself in fanfic.
Reblogging for that last comment.
Save me from myselfā¦
So, an update on the Wallander Yank; part 3 is solidly underway, and while itās not flowing super smooth, Iām also working on it in snatches and bits, so this might be the roughest one yet. And theyāre all rough!
But! Part 5 is complete! Since like, a month ago! And that one is my favorite! So after this, all I have to do is grind out part 4, and then make good use of my time with part 6.
But also, Iām working on my long fic in fits and bursts.
I donāt think you understand how much I want Shane Hollander and Ryan Price to be friends.
One of the strangest experiences (for me) with having autism is struggling with task avoidance even when itās something I want to do. Like, puck and pretend was updated over a week ago and I still havenāt read it bc for some reason Iām avoiding it and even starting new fic but like, I love this fic and Iām so hyped for such a large update. So why why why have I been avoiding it?? Someone make it make sense
On the one hand, itās cool to know that Iām not the only one who does this.
On the other hand⦠who said you could crawl inside my skull and snoop like that???
I posit that Prime Shane Hollander does not so much have āan assā as he has a truly improbable mass of lower back-glute-hamstring-thigh muscles that are to be thanked for outstripping all the long-legged players in every speed contest on the ice ever.
This is not just āwhat a fine assā in passing. This is 100% Beefcake Territory. It is not sculpted like a Greek statue. It is built like a Mack Truck. This is the inspiration for bulldozers. There is so much going on. Is it picturesque? Only for anatomy and physiology textbooks, probably under āproportional and healthy bodybuilderās musculatureā or something.
This is not your average aesthetic specimen. This is not your sleek little thoroughbred racehorse. This is a thick-ass draft horse who could pull a brick house off its foundations.
This is a 5ā10ā hockey player that can go 0 to 30 miles per hour in two seconds flat.
His barbell squats are the stuff of nightmares.
Nobody wants to work out next to him. He uses half the plates in the gym for his āeasy dayā workouts. Itās worse if heās bulking.
Every single set of muscles has a spot on his workout list. It is an unending cycle of every quarter getting leveled up, like the video game psychos who level up every stat at the same rate for the whole game instead of focusing on the āimportantā stuff first.
His hip adductors and abductors are of a size that should be studied, and their flexibility on paper should be a joke, but his yoga absolutely is not.
Resistance training? Those are not exercise bands, Hollander. Those are gaskets for an fifty-ton industrial vehicle. Where did you even get them? Is it even legal for you to have them?
He gets bullied into participating in the ācrack a watermelon with your thighsā challenge, and he makes it look so easy.
Box jumps? Mister five-foot-ten does a disgusting sixty-six inch jump.
That āfightā with Scott? The only reason Shane āThunder-Thighsā Hollander moved at all when his teammates pulled him away was because he hadnāt set his skates and decided he wasnāt moving, actually. And what do you mean having skates on means you can be moved across the ice easy when someone wants to move you? Nobody ever told him that. Shane Hollander sets his skates and thatās the end of the negotiation. Between his beefcake-ness and skill in wearing knife-boots, forget moving him if he doesnāt want to be moved.
(This is not done. I just⦠got tired⦠Iām adding more all the time.)
What do you MEAN I can post different kinds of things on my blog?
Donāt you know itās a sin to let the food touch on your plate?
I am writing.
Badly, but Iām writing it.
Iām merging my own headcanons now. Get ready for Hockey Man Exhibit A David and Badass Goalie Shane!
So in one corner we have the most infuriating thing to ever happen to college hockey, McGillās own problematic shadow-dweller and king of textbook hockey, David Hollander. In the other we have a budding masonwork masterpiece, pint-sized Shane Hollander in too-big goalie pads.
David starts to notice around age eight that Shane swaps between shooting pucks and blocking pucks when theyāre play practicing frightfully well. He later learns that Shane is the only kid in his whole Timbit class who doesnāt make a fuss over being the goalie for the day, other than the singular boy who flat came to class on his first day talking about how he wanted to be a goalie. Wendel, was it? Wayne? Anyway, once that kid moved away, the only other kid who wasnāt mortally offended by being asked to wear goalie pads was Shane. And Shane was really good in goal, for a ten-year-old boy.
But ten-year-olds grow. Shane gets better.
David has to start practicing and polishing up his, not inconsiderable, old skills in earnest just to keep challenging his son. It gets to the point that he recruits all his beer league buddies and anybody around from college days or work who played hockey to come and play hockey with him and his son on the odd weeknight and rare, clear weekend⦠all to keep ahead of Shane. Just to keep him challenged and hungry and learning how to cope with a faster pace, more chaos, traffic, confusing plays, and no-win judgement calls.
By the time Shane is fifteen, he subs in every once in a while for this very team when their goalie is out. It squeaks by because itās rare, and even though heās not very big, heās good enough to hold his own in an adultās game.
Quiet, compact, eerily sharp Shane Hollander slowly becomes a name to watch for in Juniors.
Goalies donāt develop as fast as the other positions, but Shane is notable before he can legally drive.
Thanks to all the extra practice with Shane in goal, Davidās beer league sharpens up and takes their championships more often than not. A bunch of blue-collar men have to work harder than they have in years to outwit lilā Hollander in goal.
Itās frustrating when heās not in goal too, because heās a great forward in a pinch, with an impossible stride thanks to his flexibility rather than long legs, freaky fast without thirty pounds of pads strapped on, and a good head for defending. Davidās friends have shaken their heads and tutted that his son has settled into the crease instead of a position as a flashy forward.
By the time Shane Hollander hits the NHL, he is like a shark moving quietly through the development teams, devouring the confidence of every puck handler that faces him in the net, leaving wrecked egos in his wake, and he is the only goalie prospect in the first round of the 09ā draft.
Nobody expects him to be the rock that Ilya Rozanov crashes into, and does not give ground in the onslaught.
Greater, more experienced, award-rich goalies get bamboozled by Rozanov.
But not Hollander.
Not David Hollanderās son. Not the son of the man who cut through flashy feints and straight to the quick when he checked or stole the puck.
Hollander has been defending against bigger, better, faster, more experienced players since he was ten years old. He sees your bullshit, raises his glove, and swallows your dreams of a goal. He is the only player, goalie or otherwise, not intimidated or enraged by Ilya Rozanov after playing him. Rozanov will have to work hard to break the brick wall that Hollander has made himself in goal. And Hollander will improve his game to keep abreast of all the skill and pressure Rozanov brings to the ice.
David enjoys listening to his friends lose their marbles over every Montreal game that his boy owns the net in, and basks in the satisfaction of watching all the hard work his son put in over all the years as it pays off and Shane lives his dream.
(Edit 07.14.26: the fic is up!)