Everything I Was Afraid To Happen Happened.

[vxmitbxnnie-deactivated20230301]

i wish my blood was pink

[selly1214]

Das schlimmste ist zu wissen das man nie gesund wird..

[mistapluto]

[understands]

[cheaphalloweencostume]

me: I should do laundry

my brain: you should die

me: touché

[yms1]

i only understand like 9% of life

[yms1]

🤏 this close to disappearing forever

[tricksx]

[o0o-grenztraeumerin-o0o]

A little story

So it's no secret that I am ashamed of my body. I frkn hate it. On top of that I haven't showerd the last two days, i was covored in body hair, didn't wear any nice underwear und I barely show myself even in a swimsuit in general.

Well, today we had friends over for the evening and we played a drinking game. It was all fun and games till my bf had to choose one rule for the game which was to let go of one piece of your clothes if u swear. I was the only one who swore in the god damn game so far. So I went on unpurposely. I already took off my shirt and my socks, what was uncomfy enough but I couldn't stop swearing. Everyone was fine but my bf insisted on me getting more undressed in front of everybody. Even when I stopped myself at the first two letters. Gladly my best friend has seen that I was very uncomfy and let my jewelery count. My bf was mad and insisted that these aren't clothes and I had to undress me even more, what I gladly didn't.

Now my question.... if your bf, who knows about your bodyhate and the emberrassement being undressed causes.... wouldn't he want to protect you from that feeling? Wouldn't he be uncomfy, too to present you like this in front of others? I just can't take it anymore....

*sorry for typos I'm lightly drunk and crying. Don't rly care about grammar and spelling rn.

[o0o-grenztraeumerin-o0o]

Do I have a wrong idea of love? I dream about being the most beautiful thing in this world to my man. I want to be seen as unique, so unique he's afraid of loosing me. I want to see this in his eyes, everytime he looks at me. I want to be touched as if he would've just this one chance to do so. Like .... idk. Is it so wrong?

[tiny-peachess-deactivated202005]

[recaption]

[o0o-grenztraeumerin-o0o]

Warum Tumblr mir hilft

Ich hab ein schreckliches Chaos in meinem Kopf

Und dann scroll ich durch mein Dashbord

Und ich sehe Posts die EXAKT das aussprechen was ich denke und fühle

Somit kann ich meine Gedanken und Gefühle ein Stück weit ausdrücken und verstehen

Ich sehe Posts, die ausdrücken was ich in meinem Chaos im Kopf nicht ausdrücken kann

Auf meinem eigenen Tumblr ist also praktisch nur das gepostet oder gerebloggt was genau meine Gedanken trifft, nur von anderen formuliert

Wenn ich das dann auf meinem Blog sehe oder poste, bin ich ein Stück weit froh, dass meine chaotischen Gedanken in Worte gefasst wurden

Das hilft beim Loslassen, ich fühle mich danach etwas freier und verstandener.

[lapcanine-deactivated20260719]

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[sa-dnesss]

“I was 12 thinking about killing myself. I am 21, still thinking about killing myself.”

—

[myanamemes]