Oh, your love is sunlight @oblitus-vulpes - Tumblr Blog

The Icarus to your certainty.

gin's priv blog. you can follow if i rb from you 👍

ok to like/reply, u may interact with my horrors. reblogs ok to rb. personal posts ok to rb to horrorsblogs. dm to delete rbs

tagged: sa, ed, sh, n.sfw (sex horrors not porn). tagged as #//[topic]. posts with an additional warning tagged as //tw

long and tagged posts may be utc, open at your own risk.

i will not acknowledge vent/vagueposting. if you're posting it on tumblr, i will not treat the same as communicating with me. do not expect me to know who or what you're vagueposting about. i don't. if its important, you have to tell me directly. (/not directed??? directed at the mewtsies idfk)

link

Oh, your love is sunlight, but it is sunlight.

#pinned #lyrics from Sunlight by Hozier #guyd please look at my desktop theme it's so pretty

i feel so crazy suicidal and i feel bad bc he's trying to help and i'm only feeling worse

fandom-trash-goblin

we've got a life to love living.

teaboot

advice that has literally saved and improved my life

it's so weird dating a guy that loves women and isn't like. crazy misogynistic or smth.

we were talking abt contraceptives and like he was alr considering a vasectomy but like having sex w me kinda sealed it 4 him, and we were talking more abt like what if it failed what if i couldn't receive care in time etc etc etc

and i mentioned that like if my circumstances change then in 2 or 3 years an IUD wld be on the table and he freaked and was like i don't want you to ever feel like you Have to put something in your body like not getting you pregnant is My responsibility. ??????

i just feel so like. not known and like dismissed and i rly feel like i'm js made to like. settle for less. especially this week, idk if it's worse or if i'm just noticing it more or able to cope w it less

i wonder what would happen if i was never born in the first place

oblitus-vulpes

rly wanting to get beaten rn i think that wld help me emotionally regulate

oblitus-vulpes

twin u r not beating the allegations the allegations r beating u

rly wanting to get beaten rn i think that wld help me emotionally regulate

idk if i ever rly posted abt how i didn't rly see the appeal of wearing my partners clothes bc i js did not like the smell of someone else, i like mesmell. ☹️ actually i do like himsmell now

oblitus-vulpes

sometimes it still makes me so. so so. thinking about being in a wheelchair next to him. nothing to do with him i js can't imagine someone would actually want ? to be seen next to me. like it shocks? me that he went into this knowing i was paralysed and was like 100% cool w it. like, it's one thing when it's a friend or like maybe even a situationship, like yeah it's a bother but it's okay, there's no resentment. it's only for a couple hours every once in a while, or every week if we have classes together. but i can't imagine anyone being around me so intimately without resenting me or my disability or whatever. maybe this has to do with my family resenting me for my disability and telling me Everyone will at some point🧍‍♂️

oblitus-vulpes

i talked to him ab this and like my needs and he was like dawg what r u talking about "too much". i'll get depressed if i don't do these things. these r things i'm doing anyways. I HATE MEN!!!!!!!

n i was also talking about how like there's still a part of me that can't believe anyone wld want to be seen w me. like that's a huge hit to ur social status being friends w or god forbid d*ting a cripple. n like ik he doesn't feel that way at all like my feelings r completely independent of his thoughts but WOW he is in love with me :uhm: its scaring me. he showed me the photos of us together and he looks at me with the most disgustingly lovey dovey heart eyes ☹️

last night we were playing mc and i wasn't sure if i was hungry and i jokingly asked him if i was hungry and he was like when did you eat etc etc etc anyways like half an hour later i think i am hungry so i get up to find something and like halfway through warming up my leftovers i remember i actually had 2 sandwiches instead of the one that i remembered and i told him like wow it's rly bad that i remembered that and my first thought was like, am i still allowed to eat now if i've already eaten twice today lol isn't that so bad and he was like 😐 yes that's bad

#sometimes i think I'm like free from like disordered eating and then i remember that If I Eat Now I Won't Get To Eat Later is a real thing i #experience on the daily. like i only get so much food per week so if i have more one day then i don't get as much the next #hashtag food insecurity hashtag neglect #but i also feel sooo guilty that they need to spend money on food for me so oftentimes i js won't ask for enough if at all #so it's really MY fault i'm being neglected #i don't even have an ED anymore

i have 2 kill myself

sometimes it still makes me so. so so. thinking about being in a wheelchair next to him. nothing to do with him i js can't imagine someone would actually want ? to be seen next to me. like it shocks? me that he went into this knowing i was paralysed and was like 100% cool w it. like, it's one thing when it's a friend or like maybe even a situationship, like yeah it's a bother but it's okay, there's no resentment. it's only for a couple hours every once in a while, or every week if we have classes together. but i can't imagine anyone being around me so intimately without resenting me or my disability or whatever. maybe this has to do with my family resenting me for my disability and telling me Everyone will at some point🧍‍♂️

lowkenuinely tht post made me cry is that rly how he sees me

terraswallows

:3

i have to kill myself

they should invent a me that is not evil

#i feel so suicidal all of a sudden #; V

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Oh, your love is sunlight