Oh, your love is sunlight

[oblitus-vulpes]

The Icarus to your certainty.

gin's priv blog. you can follow if i rb from you 👍

ok to like/reply, u may interact with my horrors. reblogs ok to rb. personal posts ok to rb to horrorsblogs. dm to delete rbs

tagged: sa, ed, sh, n.sfw (sex horrors not porn). tagged as #//[topic]. posts with an additional warning tagged as //tw

long and tagged posts may be utc, open at your own risk.

i will not acknowledge vent/vagueposting. if you're posting it on tumblr, i will not treat the same as communicating with me. do not expect me to know who or what you're vagueposting about. i don't. if its important, you have to tell me directly. (/not directed??? directed at the mewtsies idfk)

link

Oh, your love is sunlight, but it is sunlight.

[oblitus-vulpes]

i have to kill myself

[oblitus-vulpes]

they should invent a me that is not evil

[oblitus-vulpes]

wow. i love myself so deeply

[sacred-portal]

[oblitus-vulpes]

a while ago, we were having a class discussion about microaggressions. I mentioned that a microaggression i experience frequently as a wheelchair user is people going out of their way to open doors for me (even if they're automatic!) (even if they aren't, i'm perfectly capable of opening doors!! even if they're heavy. i'm an adult i can ask for help if i want it. you wouldn't assume that a non wheelchair user needed help opening a door)

and people tried to justify it like Oh They Were Trying To Help, and the takeaway from my example was not "you YES YOU are very capable of committing a microaggression without even realising it. unlike a lot of other examples, that rely on misogyny or racism, ableism isn't thought about as much and it's much more likely that you YES YOU will do this exact example without thinking anything of it. you are not immune from doing harm because you consider yourself a Good Person. everyone even you YES YOU is capable of doing harm"

instead, the takeaway was "oftentimes, microaggressions can be well-meaning!". and i had to watch this discussion unfold as if them not understanding my clear laid out example and follow-up discussion WAS ALSO A MICROAGGRESSION!!!

anyways i was talking about this to roach guy again today (i also talked to him about it when it happened) and this time around he agreed that like yeah. he wasn't going to say it back then but like, it's not THAT BAD... it's probably exaggerating a little and it's like dramatic. but like now that he's been with me in public and seen this for himself It Really Is That Bad

[fictfrenzy]

you know?

[oblitus-vulpes]

actually there's a petname i want to call him but it's nonstandard and i get nervous using nonstandard petnames

[apolladay]

(Tw suicide)

If you were/are suicidal, what was the main reason?

I didn’t/don’t want to live my life, for (in my current opinion) rational reasons (stress, abuse, trauma, just a bad living situation, for example)

I didn’t/don’t want to live my life, for (in my current opinion) irrational reasons

I had/have other mental/physical health issues that I didn’t/don’t get the right help for

I just started feeling that way, after some bad things happened to me

I just started feeling that way, for no apparent reason

I thought/think the world would be better off without me (and think (as in you still think this if you were suicidal in the past) this is a rational thought, it literally would be)

I thought/think the world would be better off without me (which I thought/think is an irrational thought)

I had/have another reason (say it in the comments if you feel comfortable doing that?)

There’s not really a main reason, multiple of these contribute (once again, comment if you’re comfortable?)

I’m not sure why

Results

(Also, just as a note, if someone does share their experience in the comments, please please please don’t report them, tumblr will not help, they will just suspend/ban their account, which is likely to make things worse. Youre free to block people if you don’t want to see their posts)

If you were/are suicidal, what was the main reason? 1 I didn’t/don’t want to live my life, for (in my current opinion) rational reasons (stress, abuse, trauma, just a bad living situation, for example) 2 I didn’t/don’t want to live my life, for (in my current opinion) irrational reasons 3 I had/have other mental/physical health issues that I didn’t/don’t get the right help for 4 I just started feeling that way, after some bad things happened to me 5 I just started feeling that way, for no apparent reason 6 I thought/think the world would be better off without me (and think (as in you still think this if you were suicidal in the past) this is a rational thought, it literally would be) 7 I thought/think the world would be better off without me (which I thought/think is an irrational thought) 8 I had/have another reason (say it in the comments if you feel comfortable doing that?) 9 There’s not really a main reason, multiple of these contribute (once again, comment if you’re comfortable?) 10 I’m not sure why

1

2

3

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5

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8

9

10

results

Voting ended onMay 30

(Also, just as a note, if someone does share their experience in the comments, please please please don’t report them, tumblr will not help, they will just suspend/ban their account, which is likely to make things worse. Youre free to block people if you don’t want to see their posts)

[oblitus-vulpes]

he doesn't know he's going to propose to me in 2 to 3 years. but i do :acherizz:

[oblitus-vulpes]

ik i sound crazy guys but trust trust. u have 2 believe 🐺

[oblitus-vulpes]

he doesn't know he's going to propose to me in 2 to 3 years. but i do :acherizz:

[oblitus-vulpes]

i feel so alive. #girlnotrotting #antirot #antiseptic

[jumex]

are you okay

is anyone

[comfybutter]

today is the day where we aaalllll think about how awesome it would be to be a little girl who doesn't think much and does whatever you want whenever

[oblitus-vulpes]

there is something about outperforming (the expectation of) my peers (visibly disabled and/or wheelchair users), while also performing at or below the level of my peers (engineering students)

i feel like I'm being celebrated for doing a lame trick bc it's way more than anyone thought i'd be able to achieve

[oblitus-vulpes]

i did our kittenwhiskers bit to him and i referred to him as my little girl and i got the ick so bad. idk how he calls me that i would kill myself. he is so strong

[oblitus-vulpes]

recently I've been thinking about trying therapy again