Can you review my OC? Thank you.
Original. It follows a group of agents in Skotos, a village mostly populated with people who have been wronged by humanity. (It has become a haven for those types of people after people discovering it by pure luck + technology). One day, while Skotos agents were doing their thing (school and house visits, assemblies, online posting, whipping out bells and shouting, etc) and trying (keyword: trying) to educate people about the horrible things they were doing and why they should stop it, they discovered this organization about the Angels. (They were trying to convince everyone to stop what they were doing, but most of them refused to listen and called the agents names. One of the agents found out that the treatment was because of an organization called the Angels through questioning various of the villagers. The Angels apparently originated from the internet and formed an organization about their beliefs over time). The Angels were trying to promote humanity’s sick things by saying that the victims deserved to be mistreated and even insisted that not only that humanity should not show pity for the victims, but they should also even treat the victims more harshly. To counter this, the head elder of Skotos formed a team of Skotos agents to shut down the Angels (AKA kill all of them since none of them could listen to reason and almost everyone had been brainwashed by their propaganda), but the Angels wiped them out. This continued down the line, through generation and generation and the story takes place where “Squad I” is sent out to hopefully stop the Angels. My OC is in Squad I.
Inspiration: Gaius Cassius Longinus, Judas Iscariot, Satan, Adolf Hitler, and Kamui Gakupo.
Birthplace: A village named Angeli. Angeli’s Latin for Angel, which ties into the expectations it has for its citizens. If they sin, said villager must repent. If they do not repent, they get moved to the horse stables and/or banished to die a slow and painful death. Meanwhile, if their family sticks with them, they are executed. The system is pretty twisted but it’s an exaggerated version of the high expectations people have for each other and the consequences that said people face when expectations aren’t met (not to mention the number of violence humans exercise on a daily basis).
Sexuality: Asexual Demiromantic
Looks: He has light brown skin, sable hair, and sapphire-blue eyes. He has some acne on his forehead, though some of it is hidden by his bangs. He also has wrinkles on his forehead and his hands. He is 5'11 and weighs 120 lbs (he’s supposed to be underweight). He wears a long-sleeved black shirt with black pants and black leather shoes. His cloak can somewhat be compared to that of a nun’s dress, except that it is halfway cut open in the front, and he, of course, doesn’t wear a veil. (He’s a priest of a made-up religion).
Abilities/Powers: Every human (in this world) has two special abilities (no one in this world has been born with more or less abilities, although there is a drug that can permanently take away your abilities). One of them (the first of which is the same for everyone) is awakened at birth, and the other is awakened (or rather, it just appears when said person turns 21) when they turn 21 (in this case, Cassius has “awakened” the two of them). The 1st power is the ability to hear any language and have it translated into your own when it reaches your ears. This excludes phrases that are meant to be said in the original language, names, and curse words (the last reason is to provide plucky comic relief). The first ability also rewinds the grammatical structure of a sentence that someone says to fit your language, as well as mess with your eyesight so words written in a different language will appear as if they were written in your language. The second power that Cassius possesses of is kind of strange: He reads a passage from the Babonian Scriptures (the Babonian Scriptures are still a work in process for Babo. Right now, there are 1,000 pages, 700 which are filled with him punishing random people) and whoever his gaze is fixated upon will have what he describes happen to him/her (for this to work, the Babonian scriptures must be whole- same book cover, same pages, same text. If a requirement is not met, then it does not work). However, even if this power seems overpowered, it does have its drawbacks: If he messes up on a word, his power won’t work (the thing he’s trying to do to his enemies will instead happen to him); If he can’t speak, his power won’t work; and his power can’t reach those close to him (he knows because he tried to kill a rabbit, but it got away since it always stayed within the 20 feet blind-spot that his power has) because Babo wanted Cassius to develop fighting strategies and to not rely on his power too much (he gave Cassius a blindspot). The quote he reads also is limited to that of the Babonian Scriptures, and it won’t work without his eyes.
Strengths: He is intelligent, calm and wary of others and is a careful judge of character. He (most of the time) knows what people to trust and what people to avoid. He also communicates with people with apparent “ease,” though he is terrified of humans on the inside. However, sometimes this shows through his constant habit of not meeting the eyes of someone he talks with. Another strength of his is that he’s (usually) very determined and hardworking when it comes to achieving something that he wants.
Weaknesses: He is a dirty coward, and would gladly throw you under the bus if it meant saving himself even if you saved his life 2 seconds before. He is also not very physically fit, so it is easy to crush him and outrank him in terms of physical strength, as well as going crazy (an exaggeration) when he’s not in control of the situation presented to him.
Family: Prisha Kumar (mother, alive) and Indranil Kumar (father, alive). They both love him but they cannot communicate because if they communicated with a sinner, they would be executed. Prisha loved Cassius, but her way of showing love was letting him figure out things for himself and spanking him when he got a problem wrong. In his childhood, Cassius saw her as a dictator; however, when he matured, he began to love her when he saw the long-term lasting effects that her discipline had had on him. (There’s tricky wording with the two “had"s right next to each other but I couldn’t find a substitute, partly because English isn’t my first language so my vocabulary needs expanding). When she noticed his lack of emotions (due to his shrunken amygdala, he experiences social emotions [shame, guilt, embarrassment, etc] on a much smaller scale), she shouted for joy knowing that she wouldn’t have to deal with a lot of crying when he entered his teenage years. When she found out that he had gotten raped, she grew infuriated but told Cassius to suck it up (after comforting him for about an hour) since she knew he would be seen as a sinner by the community.
Indranil was a strict man, though he was a bit more lenient and caring than Prisha. He took the main part in raising Cassius, teaching him about the world and the behavior that he should act in. He also believed that the conclusion to major problems could not end without bloodshed and taught Cassius to defend himself. Indranil was always the parent to go to whenever Cassius was confused with something or needed an emotional bolster. That being said, though, Indranil still punished Cassius. When Cassius was little, he would take a ruler and smack the back of his legs with it. As he matured, Indranil changed tactic and made Cassius sit on a durian shell for a set period of time, with the time differentiating with the weight of the "crime” committed and Cassius’s age. Cassius fondly looked upon his father, though the times when his father was upset were the worst for him, as he hated the punishments his father would dole out. When Indranil found out that Cassius had little social emotions, he celebrated with Prisha and cried tears of joy. When he found out that Cassius had been raped, he did everything he could to distract Cassius from that incident for a few weeks.
Friends: He has two friends. One is a male witch whose name is Przemysl Slusarski and the other’s a Muslim named Ahang Arjani. He respects Ahang, and they both like to learn more about the other’s religion, create theories about life with each other, talk about their pasts, and brainstorm theories about which areas humanity could improve on. His relationship with Przemysl is filled with lots of bickering and Cassius smacking the other male for being an idiot (he’s the only one who could get under Cassius’s skin), but they are friends nevertheless.
Drive: He wants to kill Julius Green (his rapist) and educate humanity on their mistakes and why they should fix them.
Likes: Horror books, Books with deep meaning, Books in which humanity is wiped out, writing and reading in his “ego journal” (it’s a journal in which he writes his faults in to lower his ego. Unfortunately, it’s a double-edged sword as his self-esteem is not very high because of this) daily, playing chess, thinking about the happy times he spent with his loved ones, thinking about the happy times he’ll spend with them if they’re reunited, thinking about all the ways he can kill his rapist, and reassuring himself that he’ll be out of the treacherous world he lives in once he kills his rapist. He also has chocolate cravings (though he never indulges in them), which can show you his opinions about that particular food. Other additions to his likes are silence, knowledge, and inner peace along with sleep.
Dislikes: Noise, deprivation of sleep, bumbling idiots who are good for nothing, overly happy people, intelligent people who he can’t manipulate, Angeli, the Angels, his rapist, and the world he lives in.
Personality: He is very shrewd and calm (most of the time), and oftentimes thinks before he acts/speaks. Because of his past, he enjoys manipulating the situation since it makes him feel like he’s in control. Due to his shrunken amygdala, he doesn’t show much emotion (hence social emotions that include but are not limited to guilt, shame, embarrassment are not present). He also has enormous amount of cowardice and the low self-esteem he has. However, although he enjoys using the situation to his advantage even if it costs a few lives in the process, please note that he does not take pleasure in anyone’s death (except his rapist). After all, major problems can’t be solved without bloodshed. He also likes to complain about what’s wrong about the world and himself, which was something he picked up after he was banished from Angeli. He doesn’t think it’ll do anything- he just does it to lower his ego. That’s only his exterior though- on the inside, he’s actually a very confused person who is drenched in sorrow every day and whose only driving point is the murder of his rapist. (At the beginning, he plans to suicide after he kills his rapist because he’s tired of the world he lives in and he wants to be reunited with his loved ones if possible).
Health: For his mental health, he is a bit suicidal since he is tired of the world he lives in and only lives for the demise of his rapist. He plans on suiciding after he kills his rapist. (No one except Ahang knows about his intentions since he isn’t open about it. Ahang opposes his thoughts and constantly throughout the book tries to convince him to do otherwise, but she understands where he’s coming from and why he feels that way). For physical health, he is a bit underweight due to starving himself after he arrived at a village called Skotos - if his rapist ever caught him again, he wanted to be unrecognizable, hence him growing out his hair, starving himself, and tanning to such an extreme extent that his health is in danger because of it. (He was originally very muscular so losing weight was the only option he could do to change his body shape). It was very difficult for him to lose weight since neglecting his bodily needs meant that an aching pain was in his stomach. His body eventually adjusted to the lack of food, but it took a long time and he still needs to eat. He did not train during the time, an after he fled Angeli he immediately decided that he wanted to do it. He did have some thoughts about why he had to change and not Julius, but he then realized that Julius would (probably) never change.
Fears: Genophobia- it reminds him of the time he was raped and it only “activates” when he’s in a sexual position/setting.
Homophobia (the fear + aversion)- his rapist was homosexual so whenever he meets other homosexuals, he grows a bit wary and like his other phobia, it only “activates” when he’s around homosexuals. When people are discussing about them, he slowly walks out of the room or tries to ignore what they are saying by plugging his ears with ear plugs for as long as they talk about them.
Anthropophobia- this was from his past and the pasts of the people of Skotos, too. Ever since he heard such gruesome pasts, he had been growing afraid of people. This does not apply to villagers in Skotos or his loved ones, but outsiders tend to make him nervous. He only experiences it when he comes in contact with outsiders.
Apeirophobia- Since humans in this world, if not killed or infected with disease have the potential to live forever, this phobia is actually valid. This again ties into his anthropophobia- he fears that if he can’t kill himself, no one kills him, and he doesn’t catch a disease, he’ll end up living forever and meet another homosexual rapist that’s interested in him. It affects him on a daily basis.
Dementophobia- He’s afraid that if he ends up going insane, he’ll lose all sense and morale and he’ll start to act like the monsters he condemns.
Never seeing his loved ones after death (I don’t think there’s a name for this fear)- he’s afraid that when he suicides, he’ll end up going separate places than his loved ones and he’ll never be able to speak to them. It affects him on a daily basis. (The Babonian Scriptures don’t say anything about suicide, but he’s afraid that if he or his loved ones lived lives that were very different, they will not end up in the same place. Said places are: Hell [for those who have lived lives filled with cruelty], Asylum [this is a place where souls who have lived neither explicitly good or bad lives go] and Heaven [self-explanatory at this point …] ).
Hobbies: Reading, writing, gathering information, and planning for his cause. Those aren’t really hobbies but they’re little things that he enjoys doing so …
Weapons: A kitchen knife he bought at the grocery store. Don’t ask.
Backstory: When he was 18, he was a senior at Angeli Academy (which was the main school for the city he and his family resided in, Angeli) and met someone named Julius Green, who he quickly became friends with thanks to Julius’ bubbly personality. Over the months, though, he noticed that Julius seemed obsessive over something, and it turns out that something was him. When Julius confessed to him, he declined politely, and they continued their friendship. Julius would sometimes get a little too touchy with Cassius, but he didn’t mind- after all, they were great friends. However, even though he was hiding it, Julius’s infatuation with Cassius never did go away, and when it resurfaced it was worse than ever after Cassius started a very deep relationship with a person named Junia. As soon as they made it official, it seemed like Cassius forgot all of Julius, only hanging out with her. They did almost everything they could together, and the times that Julius could squeeze in a chat with Cassius were filled with him talking about how great Junia was. Junia practically became his world. Junia helped him with everything, expanded his confidence, and made Cassius a better person overall in addition to giving Cassius little “donations” to help his struggling family. Julius, becoming jealous, started getting all the information he could on Cassius, grilling him on everything, and even stalking him secretly. He also snuck sneak-kisses when Cassius was asleep, putting his hands in places where they were not supposed to be as well as hoarding Cassius’s “junk” and making them his prized possessions. He confessed to him again but was declined, this time with Cassius telling him to “get help and make a life for yourself.” After Cassius said that statement and fled, he felt a sudden burst of guilt, but he didn’t turn back. (That incident later led to Julius pushing Junia off of the roof of a building. He did it in a way that was so discreet that no one could find out the person who did it. It didn’t matter if they found out that he was Junia’s murderer, anyway- he was the son of the mayor of Angeli, which meant that he was protected at all costs. When Cassius heard the news, he was mortified and cried all week. He didn’t come to Junia’s funeral- he didn’t get the invitation). A week later, Julius and Cassius were assigned to work on a group project together, along with some other students. The very next day, Julius came over to Cassius’s house to work on the project, and 2 hours were made up of them researching and planning what the poster would look like. As Julius was about to leave, Cassius joked and said to Julius, “Now, don’t obsess over me too much now. You need a life, and you need to get one quickly.” Julius was infuriated by Cassius’s comment and tried to fend off his emotions, but they got the better of him, thus driving him to sexually assault Cassius. When the process was finished, a naked Cassius was left on the floor, bruises all over his body and half of his hair lying on the floor, mentally scarred. For three weeks he remained silent, wanting to hide his past, but on one day of the third week, he snapped when he saw Julius being praised for his “purity and kindness.” Anguished, he cried out the events of what he called “the Incident” but he was greeted with the unkind responses of “you’re just jealous,” “f*ck off, you dirty homophobe” and “same-sex rape obviously isn’t real, stupid.” The villagers then proceeded to shun him because of his “lies” and no one would even acknowledge his existence, only communicating to him through their torturous and hate-filled letters (his family was separated from him, as per community law, and he was moved to reside in the horse stables). Those letters consisted of reasons why same-sex wasn’t real and called him out on the “lies” he had told. Every single letter sent a knife through his heart. One day, as he was walking in the streets, unnoticed, he saw Julius wandering around, lost in his dreams. At that point, Cassius could no longer contain his anger and slapped Julius, scraping his overgrown nails at his face and drawing blood. The council decided to kick him out of the village to die on his own. A few days after he was kicked out of Angeli, a ghostly figure who would come to be known as Jibaeja Babo (yes, that’s his name- the “babo” part would be there for the laughs) and asked him to become his “Jesus.” (What he wanted was a person to spread the Babonian religion [not to be confused with the Babylonians] and set an example for other future Babonians). It wasn’t that Cassius was special or anything- Jibaeja Babo was just looking for some vengeful souls and he happened to appear in front of Cassius. He promised Cassius food, shelter, and most important of all, vengeance … but only if Cassius became the religious leader of the Babonians. Cassius obviously agreed. After months of training (which basically was teaching Cassius about the ceremonies he had to do, familiarizing himself with the church, and answering questions about what the Babonian religion was about [ten answers wrong meant a bucket of boiling oil as punishment]), Cassius was given the title of High Priest by Jibaeja Babo was set out to teach people about the Babonian religion. (The Babonian religion basically focuses on how people are creatures of the light, which corrupts people into the horrifying beings that they are. The only way to cure themselves would be to accept the darkness within themselves and realize the wrongs of what they did, along with retaliating and punishing other wrongdoers who refused to turn. Of course, the leader of those retaliators would be Jibaeja Babo).
I don’t see anything wrong with your oc, the weight does seem super malnourished though. I understand you were going for that, though the lowest (that would basically be skin and bones) would have to be around 135, not much lower that that though.
Very interesting character and concept though!