#indeed

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YOU ARE THE REASON

⁂
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Not today Justin

if i look back, i am lost
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@occhen
#indeed
a lot of children - especially mentally ill children - end up traumatized not because someone was specifically hurting them but because their needs weren’t being met, or because their problems weren’t being seen, or because they were rendered particularly vulnerable by other aspects of their identity, like queerness or race.
and it can be hard to look at your childhood and go “I was hurt” and also know that the hurt wasn’t deliberate. it’s uniquely painful to not have someone to blame.
you do not have to excuse the people who hurt you, even if it was unintentional. & acknowledging your own pain does not necessarily entail blaming them for it.
you are allowed to do what you need to do in order to recover.
Me after cleaning my room and reading one (1) page of my textbook
12th House Sun folk will lose themselves in other people. Their sense of self will depend on others. Once they lose that dependency they go through a journey of realizing the self they buried beneath the deep ocean’s floor. Connecting the best with that true sense of self in solitude or comfortable places. When they come out from the safe, sacred deep waters they lose their sense of self again, turning into chameleons as energies around them repaint their facade.
Take heed, dear Friends, to the promptings of love and truth in your heart, and respond to them; they are the leadings of all that is good and pure. In each of us there is a light to show us our condition and to renew us.
Aotearoa/New Zealand Yearly Meeting, Advices and Queries, A1
how do I deal with the fact that the closest meeting house is over 2 hours away from me.
I want, more than anything, to experience what a meeting is like and I feel sort of like a fraudulent quaker in a way having never attended one
hard same, thoughhh. the closest meeting to me is in the city and i think it might even meet while i’m at work :((
i’m in some young friends pages for my area but they’re?? so quiet?? same w the discord i’m in :c
where! are! my! quakers! D:
I’ve honestly been tempted to wander in to some local churches just bc I have nothing else. I can’t bring myself to but that longing for a sense of religious community is so powerful
ngl i feel that, i’m just.. here yearning for that community 3:
i’m lgbt or i’d just wander *literally anywhere* buut i feel like i have to find an inclusive one aha
absolutely!! I could never feel comfortable in a church that wasn’t lgbtq affirming, even though I’m somewhat sure I’m not queer myself.
the biggest thing standing in my way in terms of a regular church (that aside) is that I don’t hold the bible as the inerrant, perfect word of God and that’s sort of a big no-no for most Christian circles
…i ended up doing a google. and i literally don’t think there’s an lgbt afforming church near me, or not one that advertises it /cries
the one I found is a Community of Christ church which is the reformed version of the LDS Church (which lmao is NOT LGBT affirming and very scary) but it broke off literally when the founder died and looks??? promising
I'm sorry you're struggling to find a place 😭💗
If you genuinely enjoy being alone, do you ever wonder if it is an inherent part of your character or if it stems from feeling inescapably lonely in the first place until you taught yourself to enjoy the peace and happiness one can find in solitude? what if the reason you now prefer & choose solitude at every turn is because you were a very lonely child, or teenager, not by your own choice, and that’s how you learnt to thrive and grow, so you no longer know if you can do that around people? There might also be an element of personal pride, an unconscious “you can’t fire me I quit” point when your brain decided to switch your feelings about solitude from distress to relief. I often find myself defending my love of being alone, to people who worry that I can’t possibly be happy to live in an isolated house in the woods; I insist that I do! I really do specifically enjoy the isolated factor and chose to live here because of it, but then I wonder how to differentiate an ingrained love of solitude from an acquired ability to thrive off unchosen loneliness, to learn from it and be nourished by it; to what extent it might be a form of contentment built on a bedrock of resignation.
Me, while understimulated: MY KINGDOM FOR A DISTRACTION. PLEASE RADIO STOP PLAYING SLOW SONGS
Me, while overstimulated: please stop your heartbeat I can hear it from across the room
VIBE CHECK *gently presses our foreheads together*
i crave your sleepy kisses and the feeling of your skin against mine as we drift off asleep.
Louis-Marie, Geneva, Switzerland, 2018
No, a woman’s fertility does not peak in her teens
Nothing sparked this, but as I am continually researching more into midwifery and women’s health, this is something I wanted to put out there for those debating the “right time” to have a kid. Any legal age from 18 to menopause is perfectly doable for women, but there are some misconceptions that people spread about teen and young adult fertility/pregnancy that I want to correct:
Before the age of 25, the major bones of the two hipbones (illium) of a woman’s pelvis is bonded together by cartilage. They do not fuse into bone until the midtwenties. In pregnancy for those under that age, mothers will need proper chiropractic care or other support, or face a lot of pain otherwise. This can be an obstacle if the mother has no health insurance, needs to work a lot on her feet, etc. We can help by advocating for better work environments, but sometimes this can not be avoided.
The woman’s menstrual cycle (and thus her fertility health) does not fully mature until 12 years after her first period. 5-7 years are for regulating estrogen (to ovulate regularly), and the last few years allow for progesterone production to optimize (the hormone produced after ovulation, that causes many health problems if not at proper levels). So if a girl has her period at, say, 8 years old, she will not have a mature hormonal cycle until she is 20 years old. Even then, starting your period that young is considered abnormal (12-14 is the normal average), and premature menstruation is a societal health concern that can increase a girl’s risk of breast cancer and other problems.
A woman’s fertility truly “peaks” around her late twenties. Even then, her fertility declines afterwards but very slowly so. It does not up and vanish after some arbitrary due date. Assuming a woman has no underlying conditions such as PCOS or endo (or is receiving helpful treatment for it if she does), and also assuming that she is living a healthy lifestyle and diet, she can still become pregnant even into her early forties. Each woman’s fertility and health is a unique case, and should be treated as such by her family and care provider when discussing family planning.
Much of the “infertility” crisis that “older” women are facing can be prevented and addressed through sufficient fertility awareness education, as well as targeting reproductive health issues when the woman is still a teen or young woman. If a woman in her thirties has endometriosis that her doctors never diagnosed until she began to try for a baby, it was her untreated endo that caused infertility, not her “selfish” motive to have a career first and delay childbearing. Women need better healthcare, not undue pressure to have kids when they are not ready. Obviously infertility is real and some women will need higher tech involvement to combat it, but I am merely saying that much of that use can be avoided (and save people MUCH money and emotional turmoil) with proper sex education and support.
Teen mothers are more likely to experience complications. Part of this is due to mistreatment and bias in the medical system, so addressing and remedying that through proper social awareness and support, such as hiring a doula, can help lower those complications; but it doesn’t help when you have a shitty OBGYN when your body is clearly struggling, and they refuse to give you an epidural, or to take your postpartum depression seriously. Teen mothers deserve our full support to keep themselves and their babies healthy, but we also have a duty to not mislead girls about their health and spread falsehoods about teen pregnancy.
It’s true that “no one is ever ready for parenthood”, but that doesn’t mean you jump into it without proper discernment and preparation. There are parenting classes, support groups, and even books that can help a person decide when and how to have kids, rather than force them to jump into it blindly and irresponsibly. Childrearing – from conception through pregnancy to birth throughout childhood – is a full time job, and one that needs to be respected as such. Women and men alike have a right to discern whether they should have children, and to be open to research and common sense knowledge about when the time is “right” for them. Pushing people to have kids when they are not fully mature or educated is unhelpful, and in some cases, can even be dangerous.
If someone is 18-24 years of age, they have every right to plan a family as a legal adult, I am not saying that no one in that age group should avoid having kids. But these people should do so with the full knowledge of the risks and drawbacks of doing so, and be prepared to handle them if they come up as a problem. I happily had my first pregnancy at 19 and do not regret it, but I do regret not knowing the things I know now. Had I known, my pregnancy and health experience would have been MUCH better, and prevented unneeded medical trauma that had occurred. The issues I faced were “normal” for a very young parent, but could have been lessened greatly has I simply been informed about it and knew about my options. This is something that the “teens are at their most fertile ever!!!” crowds do not ever talk about.
With all that said, people need to stop glamorizing teen fertility and pregnancy (the pre-18 kind). Not only is it setting these girls up to be vulnerable to toxic creeps/relationships, but giving false information about their health can prevent them from fully advocating for their options when pregnancy does occur (planned or unplanned). Teens CAN have a safe pregnancy, but only when they and their support team are fully informed of the facts; even then, the pregnancy should not occur in the first place, and I only share this tidbit here to make sure that I don’t demonize teen pregnancy when trying to prevent it’s romanticization.
Pregnancy and fertility should be respected as biological norms, as well as noble responsibilities, for women and girls, men and boys, instead of something that is hated and feared – and we can only do that once we share factual truth, instead of pedo-induced, psuedoscientific fantasy. Knowledge is Power, and it can help women safely plan their families at any age, or to take care of themselves properly should it happen too soon.
References for further reading:
Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin
Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler
babycenter.org
factsaboutfertility.org
naturalwomanhood.org
americanpregnancy.org
larabriden.com
midwiferytoday.com
sleeping at last - saturn
you know what’s even better than a guilty pleasure?
a smug indulgence. tell yourself, “i’m gonna do this thing because i like it, and there’s nothing you can do to make me feel bad about it!” eat that cake! read that romance novel! be free!!!
the way he said gay rights absolute king
me with my barbies