Not today Justin
Today's Document
🪼
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Monterey Bay Aquarium
cherry valley forever
tannertan36
Stranger Things
$LAYYYTER
we're not kids anymore.
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KIROKAZE
h
todays bird
ellievsbear
pixel skylines
NASA
JVL
RMH
izzy's playlists!
seen from Australia
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seen from Germany
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seen from Nigeria
seen from India
seen from Ukraine
seen from Bosnia & Herzegovina
seen from United Kingdom
seen from France
seen from TĂĽrkiye
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seen from United Kingdom
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@ocdtalkwithme
friendship is chosen
don’t feel obliged to be friends with someone. u don’t owe anyone ur friendship, it’s truly ur choice. u choose who to surround urself with. it took me too long to realise that sometimes it can only take one person to ruin ur mental health.
im feeling better
ive had such a shit year with shit things happening to me and shit suicidal thoughts and shit intrusive thoughts. ive decided im so much happier now, after i read some previous posts. life does go on, and im glad i was here to see it.
i just got back this week from a much-needed weekend trip to the beach, and i havent felt so good about myself in a long time. im so grateful for what i have, i turned 20 during lockdown, and im saving for a deposit now, approved for DSAs (disabled students’ allowance) at uni, im gonna make the most of my life.
i watched “After Life” on netflix and it made me sad to imagine finding/realising the the love of ur life and have death interrupt. life is so precious, and shit sometimes or a lot of the time, but i dont want it to be. and so i won’t. im going to be better, as a person, too.
healthy living
im doing ok, ive had a couple of counselling sessions from my uni. i hope everyone is ok during the pandemic, i know it’s a struggle and i just want everyone to be safe, stay indoors, video call friends and loved ones, make sure u take this time to obviously do ur work etc. but to take care of urself and nurture urself. i love u guys !
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
—
Haruki Murakami
Your brain believes performing a compulsion will make things better. While it can, it only helps in the short term. In the long term it just reinforces your brain to believe that you must do the compulsions in order to reduce the obsession(s), even if the compulsions stop “working”. Breaking the pattern of compulsions is uncomfortable and feels horrible in the short term, but feels much better in the long term.
Hey, my love. You made it. You made it through another year. Look how far you have come. Oh, I am so proud of you. You made it through every heartbreak, every bad day and every bad thought of yours. You took care of yourself when you hit rock bottom and tried to mend your own wounds. You may not feel like it but you have healed so much, darling. You have grown and recovered so much. Look at you now, my love. You are still breathing, you heart is still beating and you are still fighting. You are still here, trying to find life’s deeper meaning, trying to find your purpose. I promise you that you will be okay. You will find your purpose, you will find more reasons to stay alive and you will find more love. 2020 is going to be good to you, please be good to yourself as well. Do not be too hard on yourself, take it slow and be gentle with your heart. Just because it is a new year, does not mean your wounds have healed. Go slowly. But please know that healing, recovery and love await you. Happy new year. I love you dearly.
“I’ve learned a lot this year. I learned that things don’t always turn our the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learned that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you”
— Jennifer Weiner
homeless
im now out of my family home and i dont have anywhere to live after thursday 12/12/19. i dont know where to go.
staying at my friend’s house until thurs when i’m staying at my boyfriend’s house then my ex’s on friday. my friend’s mum said i could stay here indefinitely. i hope i’ll be ok bc i called 101 and i gave them a statement and theyll be questioning dad and it could go to court. im worried about the consequences
mum just said that my uncle’s immigration case may be endangered by me giving a statement to the police bc “theyre monitoring the whole family” and she said that they could all be deported. she said that between me and my dad, one of us has to give, she said “the two of u did this” even though im the victim ? why do i have to give in and go back to how things were and be there for them to kick around forever ? if i died that day maybe then she would care. im just really really sick of her blaming me for this, i didnt ask to be threatened, and i will not retract my statement against him. he is going in for a voluntary interview and thats his choice, ive got nothing to do with how it pans out, i had to call the police. im really upset because i’ll be blamed for my uncle’s case if it goes wrong, i cant deal with this family theyre all psychotic and selfish and unbelievable, the way she talks to me after this happened to her child makes me feel like im glad i finally got out.
my boyfriend broke up with me because it was affecting him and his family (indirectly). heartbroken, homeless, hopeless. want to just die already.
im doing much better, i have uni accomodation, i have a maintenance loan, and im on a break with my boyfriend for a month but ik we both love each other still and i feel less anxious. i am doing much better and i am glad that i kept pushing through what felt like cement. thank u to the people who messaged me and who kept tabs on me, idk what i would have done if things got any worse. thank you for all your kindness.
homeless
im now out of my family home and i dont have anywhere to live after thursday 12/12/19. i dont know where to go.
staying at my friend’s house until thurs when i’m staying at my boyfriend’s house then my ex’s on friday. my friend’s mum said i could stay here indefinitely. i hope i’ll be ok bc i called 101 and i gave them a statement and theyll be questioning dad and it could go to court. im worried about the consequences
mum just said that my uncle’s immigration case may be endangered by me giving a statement to the police bc “theyre monitoring the whole family” and she said that they could all be deported. she said that between me and my dad, one of us has to give, she said “the two of u did this” even though im the victim ? why do i have to give in and go back to how things were and be there for them to kick around forever ? if i died that day maybe then she would care. im just really really sick of her blaming me for this, i didnt ask to be threatened, and i will not retract my statement against him. he is going in for a voluntary interview and thats his choice, ive got nothing to do with how it pans out, i had to call the police. im really upset because i’ll be blamed for my uncle’s case if it goes wrong, i cant deal with this family theyre all psychotic and selfish and unbelievable, the way she talks to me after this happened to her child makes me feel like im glad i finally got out.
my boyfriend broke up with me because it was affecting him and his family (indirectly). heartbroken, homeless, hopeless. want to just die already.
homeless
im now out of my family home and i dont have anywhere to live after thursday 12/12/19. i dont know where to go.
staying at my friend’s house until thurs when i’m staying at my boyfriend’s house then my ex’s on friday. my friend’s mum said i could stay here indefinitely. i hope i’ll be ok bc i called 101 and i gave them a statement and theyll be questioning dad and it could go to court. im worried about the consequences
mum just said that my uncle’s immigration case may be endangered by me giving a statement to the police bc “theyre monitoring the whole family” and she said that they could all be deported. she said that between me and my dad, one of us has to give, she said “the two of u did this” even though im the victim ? why do i have to give in and go back to how things were and be there for them to kick around forever ? if i died that day maybe then she would care. im just really really sick of her blaming me for this, i didnt ask to be threatened, and i will not retract my statement against him. he is going in for a voluntary interview and thats his choice, ive got nothing to do with how it pans out, i had to call the police. im really upset because i’ll be blamed for my uncle’s case if it goes wrong, i cant deal with this family theyre all psychotic and selfish and unbelievable, the way she talks to me after this happened to her child makes me feel like im glad i finally got out.
homeless
im now out of my family home and i dont have anywhere to live after thursday 12/12/19. i dont know where to go.
staying at my friend’s house until thurs when i’m staying at my boyfriend’s house then my ex’s on friday. my friend’s mum said i could stay here indefinitely. i hope i’ll be ok bc i called 101 and i gave them a statement and theyll be questioning dad and it could go to court. im worried about the consequences
homeless
im now out of my family home and i dont have anywhere to live after thursday 12/12/19. i dont know where to go.
tw : abuse, suicide, death, killing, rape, racism
dad came home and was verbally/emotionally/threatened to be physically abusive tonight, yelled at me for a small argument we had yesterday about liam fucking neeson and he said i should kill myself and he wishes i would drop dead and that if i piss him off again, he’ll kill me
we argued bc i talked during his movie and said that liam neeson was racist bc he went out with a weapon to kill any black man he met after his friend was raped by a black man and my dad was defending it until he got so pissed off at me and was shouting and i said he was just so rude. now he wants me to kill myself after this small argument. dont create fucking children if u want them to die and u dont want to raise them or parent properly, u fucking bastard i fucking loathe u and i know u’ll go to Hell, ur not human, ur a fucking monster
im looking to move out and find some place like a shelter.
do people care ?
no one i care about could come to my private view at uni bc theyre either at uni or busy, it was yesterday and it’s of my year’s artwork this term, and i cried a lot the past few days because i only invited my boyfriend but hes been really low and couldnt make it, and ik it isnt a big deal but i was really excited to show my work and i felt like no one cares about me. im ok now but it was disheartening when i was telling my mum about it and she didnt really care. i had a tutorial today and my tutor said he thinks it’s a really good project and that it’s been a good term. im ok
my ocd after it’s convinced me to perform a compulsion in public:
repeat after me:
even if i don’t like my body today i will take care of it
even if i don’t like myself today i will still be patient and kind with myself
even if i do not love myself i will still take care of and be kind to myself, despite not wanting to
