Ocean Girl

Striking a balance between ease and effort

[ocean--girl]

Worn, Weathered, Still Beautiful

The thread wound on my wrist once was fresh and tightly spun. With time, it survived showers, runs, the ocean, the pool, nights out, road trips, and, of course, hours on the mat. The wear and tear of life still makes it beautiful in its own way.

This thread is each of us. Experience may change its appearance, but it is still the same thread. You recognize it as it is. At each stage of its existence, the thread is still beautiful in its own way for its own time. 

We change with the tides and at our core we will always be who we are. Experience may change us, but we still have beauty inside that wants to radiate out. At the center of who we are is love and that is always beautiful to have and share.

[ocean--girl]

Yoga Teacher Training Finals

“I am my best friend. I am my own great love.”

To complete the yoga teacher training, we had to come up with an hour-long practice of our choosing to teach the class. I agonized over the sequencing and theme I would include with the practice. The theme I chose centered around a mantra that became close to me over the past month to re-instill confidence in my own resiliency and to someone I love that felt the need to discover how to become a better friend to their self. When the love at the core of our being feels clean, true, and whole, we are so full and fearless in spreading love around us. But when the love we have within ourselves is marred by our personal lack of confidence, understanding of who we are, and self-acceptance, sharing love is difficult when we cannot find it for ourselves.

Yoga by nature is a deeply personal practice and to focus on a theme of personal significance would be the best way to share with other yogis. Before my turn to teach, I was insanely nervous. Feeling nervous can be considered a good thing because it shows you care.

When the class started, all the worry and nerves seemed to melt away. The words bringing cohesion to the theme of self-love and the poses seemed to flow from a place inside me of abundance and love. In every pose, you find a way to take care of your body as well as yourself finding comfort where you are and accepting your body in its present knowing you have the power to change. I wanted to tell the class through this practice when you love yourself and maintain who you are despite the fluctuations you experience, your world will change for the better.

Repeat this to yourself. “I am my best friend. I am my own great love.” The person you spend the most time with is yourself, so you might as well love it.

[ocean--girl]

Learning to love heart openers

Ustrasana or camel pose is my least favorite pose, but one that I need the most. My shoulders tend to round forward as if my ribcage is not enough protection for my chest and heart. I dread the moment a yoga teacher announces we will do camel pose next. Every time I do this pose, my chest feels like it is tightening, my breaths become shorter, and I feel light-headed. All I want to do is get out of the pose. I do it because I know I need it to be part of my practice. If I practice this pose consistently, it becomes easier to breathe and open my heart. I am learning to love it, but it is definitely not easy.

Life gives you what you put out. Vulnerability may feel terrifying, but sometimes you have to try it just to see what you are capable of. You open your heart to love that you never knew existed. It breaks. But closing yourself off to protect your heart means you are also keeping love out. Heart opening poses reminds you what it like to feel vulnerable and find ease in the effort. You remember the joy in being open to possibility. Keep your heart open and let love flow through. You are love at your core.

[ocean--girl]

Yoga, Journaling, Svadhyaya

Writing in my journal has always been a means for self-reflection and introspection on events in my life and thoughts or emotions that I have. Part of why I like journaling is to know myself better through it, better understand who I really am, and learn how I can change things to reflect that. 

I came across this word Svādhyāya, which means self-study to bring you closer to your true self. It is one of the Niyamas in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali and traditionally is done through sacred texts or mantra. I took away from the idea of Svādhyāya is that as long as the intention is self-study, then any inspirational activity may work as long as you have the discipline to continue doing it from your heart. For me, it is writing.

This explanation of Svādhyāya by William J.D. Doran resonates the most with me:

Sva means "self' adhyaya means "inquiry" or "examination". Any activity that cultivates self-reflective consciousness can be considered svadhyaya. It means to intentionally find self-awareness in all our activities and efforts, even to the point of welcoming and accepting our limitations. It teaches us to be centered and non-reactive to the dualities, to burn out unwanted and self-destructive tendencies.

With self-study or self-inquiry, we better know and understand ourselves so the reflection we see of ourselves is clearer. Maybe you choose to draw, play guitar, or talk to someone. Use whatever act best suits your version of Svādhyāya. You study with your heart. You show yourself love. Writing is the first place I go to for clarity. It is not just cathartic, but I can understand and better see myself as the words flow from my pen to paper. I learned how to have compassion for myself and accept what makes me me. What I learned from writing definitely has made me a happier and more self-aware person.

[ocean--girl]

And then I went up

This is what Pincha Mayurasana or Peakcock Pose looks on me today. It took me about a year to get up without the comfort of the wall to catch me. Falling over into a backbend is a scary thought. I practiced almost every day for a few minutes gradually edging myself away from the wall. At the same time, I saw the strength in my shoulders and core building. Pointing my tailbone to the sky became less scary as I grew confidence and found that I was not going to fall over after all. Then one day it happened. I got up on my own.

All those little bits of practice built upon each other over time. I almost did not even notice that those few minutes each day was going to create this amazing change. I let go of fear and found the courage to trust myself.

[ocean--girl]

Yoga Information Overload

Yoga teacher training involves a lot more hours off the mat that I had physically prepared for. The homework takes up a lot of time. It is not just completing the assignments, but also taking time to learn and imprint all the information to memory. I get overwhelmed with how much information there is to take in. The anatomy classes are so compact it like trying to ingest a semester-worth of information in one week. I pore over alignment points for each pose so I know how to keep others safe.

Overwhelming does not have to mean a lot of stress and crunching. It is fun to learn. It also means that you have to learn how to plan your time and make the most of the little time you can put aside for each thing. This is a lesson in yoga off the mat in that when I do my homework, I am completely present and dedicating my entire effort towards learning and studying. It also means when I find an hour for myself, I give in to my time completely and focus inward. In the same way, time spent with family and friends is spent in the present wholly with them with your mind not drifting somewhere else or eyes focused on your phone. All of a sudden what is overwhelming becomes simply something that now fits easily into your life. You are where you need to be when you need to be instead of getting pulled in so many directions at once.

[ocean--girl]

The Story Behind the Pose

Each class we read a chapter from Myths of the Asanas by Alanna Kaivala. It is an opportunity to dive deeper into the significance that lies within a particular pose. We use these stories to expand the practice of yoga, bring meaning to the poses, and how to bring what we learn on the mat off.  We share stories in a way that is real and relatable to our fellow yogis so that we may connect.

In Virabhadrasana I, II, and II, we need need the ferocity to fight as well as seek integrity. There lies both the physical and spiritual warrior.

[ocean--girl]

108 Surya Namaskara A

On our second full day of yoga teacher training, we started the day with 108 sun salutations. Each person led a few series of Surya Namaskara A and upon completion, we flowed through a total of 108. It took about an hour and a half from start to completion.

Moving through all 108 was not easy. Reciting your own breath script to the class in Sanskrit and English for the first time was humbling. I sat back in child’s pose a couple times to come back to my breath and also because I was low on energy from not having eaten. I did find an unspeakable joy and calm moving in the same breath with my fellow yogis. Together, we experienced  and connected through the 108 sun salutes practiced in unison.

[ocean--girl]

Fresh Threads

As I start this journey to 200-hour Yoga Alliance certified yoga teacher training, I know that my life is going to change in a big way. I do not know how life will change or to what end, but that it will simply change.

On the first meeting with my fellow students, we received this thread wound and knotted around our wrists to accompany us on this journey. This thread binds us together for the duration of the course. We may forget why we started and our goals may change, but we are here learning, growing, and living.