ᵇᵘʳᶰ ᵐʸ ᵈʳᵉᵃᵈ

ᴵ'ᵐ ˢᵘᶜʰ ᵃ ᶠᵒᵒˡ ᶠᵒʳ ˢᵃᶜʳᶤᶠᶤᶜᵉ

[ochazos]

｡☆✼★━━━━━ Watch the world from the sidelines; had nothing to prove 'til you came into my life ; gave me something to lose ━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

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[ochazos]

// for now i am moving makoto to styxisms. if any of you follow over there i will ask to continue threads. i get not wanting to. i don't have time or energy to run this blog or basically any blogs rn. i am moving p much everyone over there so i can try to focus more. i might move him back here eventually but for now yeah

[ochazos]

// I'm going to be very very low activity indefinitely. My muse for Makoto is still alive but writing isn't coming to me. I think it's because I'm stressed and depressed idk. I don't know when I'm going to feel better and I don't know when I'll ever resume the same level of activity. I still have muse but I just can't focus.

[autonomousxselves]

His words brought no comfort or convincing to her. Less than comforting and convincing, actually. As much as Aigis wishes she could follow that directive from her leader, she doesn't believe she has the guts to do so. It would directly contradict her own desire and priority. She wants Makoto to just understand this and accept it, though they both know of her many weaknesses and failures already. The dogs, the shadows, both fights at that damned bridge; hell, she had already tried to convince him to end this and kill Ryoji, and he hadn't listened then either. Which may lead to a potentially good ending, but this certainly couldn't. Even after all this, he's not just her leader or someone she just thinks prioritizes anymore, it's her fault her friend is in this situation at all and she needs to atone.

Even as Makoto speaks, she longs to cut in, say something to stop him, but fails to do that, too. She's at a loss for words despite having so much to say. And it tears her up from the inside, figuratively speaking. She can't bring herself to look back at him, staring at her right hand with barely a whispered attempt to speak, "Please stop..."

'Sad'? She doesn't know. She wouldn't and couldn't know. She certainly couldn't show sadness with tears. A failure to have the proper reaction yet again. Her face scrunches up a bit, almost believable as a pained expression should there have been true tears unfortunately. If only she was as real and true as he seemed to think she was, her physical response may have been an answer obvious to even Makoto that she was sad, scared even, but alas she probably doesn't feel anything at all. "Does this not make you sad? Talking about yourself this way...its wrong... If you were to get hurt again or die, I...."

[ochazos]

Guilt attacked his heart upon seeing her almost fall apart at his insensitive words. Old habits die hard. Makoto had not had anyone care about him in so long that he had forgotten how to behave. Before arriving here, only his parents had ever truly cared. All of his other guardians saw him as a burden or a problem. He had thought himself entirely unlovable. He still didn't quite understand it. Back then, it didn't even hurt to think that. Hurt, joy, sadness, anger... It was all swallowed by nothingness. By the hole left inside of him that night. Back then, he would have killed to feel even a scrap of the emotion he felt now, staring at her as she failed to cry but still was so clearly unhappy.

Why Aigis cared about him eluded him somewhat. She discovered why she had felt so strongly before. Yet it seemed as though that feeling of duty -- of monitoring Death -- had changed into something genuine. He was her friend. The affections he felt for her were reciprocated. But he had a hard time grasping it. Until it was too late. Until he had crossed a line.

"Sad...? Not really." He answered honestly. "I... Sorry. I misunderstood the situation." Between the two of them. Makoto had a rough time lying, even white lies. Maybe this was one of those times he should have kept his thoughts to himself.

"Aigis." His voice is soft but firm. "I'm not dying or anything. I promise I'll try not to let that happen." A pause. "I was being cruel just now, huh? Sorry."

[melamemea]

I am role player who matches energy. If I feel that you are no longer interested in interacting, I will give you space. If space turns into radio silence, the that's okay. People drift apart, it doesn't always mean it has to negative.

[ochazos]

Where to find topaz?

styxisms

ochazos < you are here

cyclonearrow

brightblessed

[marogarreh]

PERSONA 5 ROYAL  ▴  18/– ↳  Inglorious Beefbowls showtime

[ochazos]

BOLD any fears which apply to your muse. Italicize what makes them uncomfortable.

the dark. fire. open water. deep water. being alone. crowded spaces. confined spaces. change. failure. war. loss of control. powerlessness. prison. blood. drowning. suffocation. public speaking. natural animals. the supernatural. heights. death. dying. intimacy. rejection. abandonment. loss. the unknown. the future. not being good enough. scary stories. speaking to new people. poverty. loud noises. being touched. sex. chains. inner demons. hallucinations. staring. going berserk. betrayal.

Tagged by: indirectly by @chibitantei

Tagging: my beloved moots

[nijimx]

He wanted to get involved due to personal reasons? Well, that was more or less what they'd all gotten involved for so she wasn't going to force him to tell her just what those reasons were, however, if he wasn't interested in changing hearts it did leave her curious.

"I'm not going to force you to tell me what your reason for wanting to join our group is but if you're not looking to help us change hearts then what is it you want to join for?" Again, if he preferred to keep it to himself she would respect that but she would have to keep an eye on him going forward. "And you mentioned a group you used to work with? Persona users I presume? what was it your last group handled?" She hadn't heard of change of hearts until recently so she doubted his old group had a similar mission.

[ochazos]

He should have expected questions. Makoto wasn't exactly a great liar. Nor was he a social person despite how many friends he had made before his death. He sighed softly, sliding his hands into his pockets and casting his eyes down to his shoes. There was a lot he couldn't say. But he didn't exactly want anyone digging around.

"I want to join for information. There's a question I need answered. It's really personal. So I don't really want to go into it. Not yet anyway." They weren't even allies yet. Plus, his motivation being his own death might put her off. As for the second part... He needed to choose his words carefully. "Yeah. We were a school club. It was a front for a group that worked for the company that owned our school. We... All lived in the same building together and had to act in operations whenever they came up. Fighting shadows and whatnot." It was vague. Very vague. But it was more or less the truth. "It was kind of like we were a special combat force. But we fought with our Personas. It wasn't like many of us had lofty goals or whatever. Most of the people there didn't even have families." It sounded shady, sure. But in retrospect, it kind of WAS. It was for the greater good. Despite the fact that they had all more or less been soldiers.

[safeworksjournal]

"Remember... You must die."

[ochazos]

.

[ochazos]

#going on semi-hiatus for mental health reasons and also other stuff#will be slowly picking away at drafts#sorry for the sudden slow down#life is stupid

[ochazos]

T𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄   :   𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒;

𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐒     -               true romantic, loving the classics, pricked fingers,  perfect makeup done to impress, bruises easily,  beloved but unknown, soul as old as time, overused, and under-appreciated.

𝐃𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐒     -               clean linens, youthful naivety, family, wide open spaces, running barefoot, moving towards instead of away, trying to forget about death, sun blindness.

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒     -               standing tall,  strong roots, a home to always return to, warm summer air, holding onto lost hope, belief in growth,  painted overalls,  split ends.

𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐒     -               the end of spring,  determination for the truth, cold and cautious, moonlight on windowsills,  the taste of ice, unnecessary shyness, quiet belief in the extraordinary, complicated morals.

𝐃𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐒     -               mom friend, sweets, the smell of baking, riverbanks, leaving behind a toxic situation, being happy with your reflection, believing in luck, moving in a pack.

𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒     -               sour candies, unappreciated elegance, valor, crystals projecting rainbows on white walls, unintended organization, old royalty, refusal to bow, learning a new language for the fun of it.

𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒     -               secret poison,  perfect handwriting,  crisp consonants,  pressed and ironed sheets, open windows,  infinite persistence, thick skin, colder hands.

𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐂     -              fleeting and fair, strong but delicate, radiating good vibes, the beauty of falling apart, the joy in being scattered, soft fabrics, whirlwind romance,  keeping the door open.

tagged by: stole it from @akirathief tagging: anyone that feels like it

[herbst-wetter]

I'm not afraid to die.

[investigationshoujo]

when the shadow hits the ground and dissipates into smoke, madoka pumps her fist in the air in celebration, calling 'nice one!' in encouragement. lips curve up in a smile; makoto isn't half bad in here! she still doesn't understand how he could possibly have experience fighting shadows, but now is not the time to question a good thing. in fact, it's her turn. another one of the birds charges at her, but a swing of her axe is enough to send it sprawling. it lets out a shriek as it recoils and loses its form, becoming dust in the wind.

they're not done yet, though. reinforcements block the path to freedom even now, even if they can advance a little. madoka turns to report the situation to her saviour, only to nearly drop her weapon in shock: the blue-haired boy has produced the gun from his holster... and is pointing it at himself. gray eyes widen in horror. the fact that they are in battle is forgotten entirely, madoka trying desperately to close the distance between them before his finger tightens around the trigger. what would killing himself in here accomplish?!

"yuki-kun, no—! don't!"

"persona...!"

... wait, what?

a hulking, terrifying figure adorned in coffins and carrying the biggest sword madoka has ever seen manifests between the humans and the shadows, letting out a mighty roar as it cleaves through its enemies nigh-instantaneously. she shudders a little at the carnage and the shadows' screams, suddenly very glad makoto is on her side. she's not sure she'd be able to win against power like this if he were the culprit. she tears her eyes away from where the entity had once taken form; there are a few shadows remaining, lingering just out of reach, but the vast majority had been obliterated. but as she's about to ask makoto about his persona, he... collapses to his knees with a yelp. a metallic tang fills the air. he's... he's bleeding...

"........... just start running. i have their attention."

"absolutely not!" she cries, dropping to her knees in turn and reaching out to steady him. the shadows must smell the blood, for their hesitation is gone and they're fast approaching. rock-like creatures she's seen before; she doesn't need teddie's analysis to know they're weak to ice. once she's sure the boy won't keel over, madoka gets to her feet. determination blazes in gray eyes. "hang in there, yuki-kun. i'll take care of this. we're getting out of here together."

she runs a hand over her glasses, searching her soul for the power she needs to protect. it wells up within her, like bubbles rising in the sea, and the sound of shattered glass announces its arrival. ganga... a persona with dominion over ice, with healing magic to boot. she'd initially been disappointed with its summoning; something apparently had gone wrong with the last fusion she'd attempted in the velvet room. now she couldn't be happier with its presence.

"persona!"

perhaps everything really does happen for a reason, she thinks to herself, making a mental note to thank igor later. with that, she wastes no time in dispatching the rock shadows; it's a little slow going due to the persona's lack of skills that would hit multiple shadows, but it is enough. once the last one fades into smoke, madoka shakes her head to steady herself, and then returns to the boy's side.

her head is spinning a little from using this much power at once, but she's not about to just leave makoto behind like some kind of shadow bait. her touch is gentle, the warmth of healing magic flowing through her to him as she does her best to undo the damage that using such a powerful attack had dealt him. when she's satisfied, she pulls away and gets to her feet. she offers him both her hand to help him up, and a warm, affectionate smile.

"yukiko-chan's a better healer than i am, but i'm sure this'll be enough to keep you going," she admits with a tiny laugh, "come on, the path's clear! if we can make it to the stairs, i'm sure we'll be able to find my friends."

... man, the music in here is loud. madoka winces a little, wondering whether she ought to call for a retreat for the day once the groups meet back up. are all strip clubs like this...? or are the feelings rise kept hidden just that overwhelming? pity washes over her for the idol... they have to save her as quickly as possible, but... getting makoto to safety and hearing his story is equally important.

[ochazos]

She needed to move. He knew that. Makoto wasn't afraid of dying. Not at all. His life didn't matter. He knew it. There was a feeling of resignation that came with it. And something else. Something like deja vu. It spun in his mind as the pain of his wounds drowned out any other thoughts.

Pain. Blood. Death. Darkness. It felt like... it felt like he had been here before. He remembered sinking into the cold. Feeling the pain and exhaustion become part of the cold until he felt nothing. As if he was remembering a past life.

At the very least, she could get out of her. The fog around him blinded him to how many were left. His wounds were his own fault. Using a power he couldn't control. What a fool.

And she denies his order to escape. Ah. He should have expected that. If he could just move... He could do something. But he felt too weak.

"Yoshinaga... You..." He chokes out the words weakly. He wouldn't die from these wounds like this. Not unless he stayed here and bled out or was eaten by the Shadows. She calls upon a Persona and even if he can't see very well, he can hear the shadows shrieking and dying.

As his own battle high starts to fade, his vision darkens. He's going to pass out. Until... he feels a gentle touch pull him back from the edge. And warmth fights back the cold trying to swallow him. His wounds were closing. Slowly, the agonizing pain began just a dull ache. He could manage it.

He takes her hands and stands slowly. He needed to be more careful. The music and lack of visibility here was making his head hurt. He lets go of one of her hands but holds the other. He couldn't explain it but... it felt like he hadn't had someone touch his hand in a long time. He slowly lets go. It was hard to see in the fog but not impossible. He'd be okay.

"Thanks." He says softly. His voice was quiet, almost drowned out by the music. "I'll follow you then." He didn't know where he was anyway. Or how he got here.

[howling-suggestions]

Don't try to know me. Don't look at me with concern, don't ask questions, don't offer help, I can't handle it, I don't want anyone touching my soul, I can't handle any more pain, just keep the hell away from me.

[ochazos]

.

[fatexbound]

She'd frown and her mood would've soured a little if he didn't add that he would try, at least like he always did. His best until the end, like herself. "That's good enough for me." She nodded, letting her hands rest on her lap now without the fear of being judged for her words or actions. She was happy to have opened up to him little by little, sharing her thoughts and how she would handle this whole mess.

Hell, she wondered if her mom was as scared as she was or didn't give a damn about her safety.

Makoto's next words registered in her brain and she blinked once, then twice. A red flush spread across her cheeks upon realizing what they meant to her. A future with her by his side sounded too good to be true.

"I... um... y-yeah! Me too!" She stammered unexpectedly, fingers clutching the ends of her skirt nervously. "I-I mean... I also want a future with you because... you know-- I would've left SEES if it weren't for you back in Yakushima. I'd have stopped believing in my dad... I owe you my life. You saved me so many times... so I'll save you if I have to."

[ochazos]

Was it love? Makoto didn't even know if he was capable of loving someone in that way. He knew he loved them all. He knew that. But the idea of loving Yukari like that scared him. The way he sometimes wondered if she liked someone. The way he felt his heart was. The way he felt when he looked at her. He didn't know what it was. And even if it WAS that... She probably didn't feel the same way. After all...

"Why are you blushing?" He asked when he laid eyes on her. He had to admit... It was cute as hell. But at the same time, the sight of her blushing at his words made his own cheeks feel a little warm. "Did I say something wrong?"

They might die, huh? It's true he wanted her by his side. Every version of the future he pictured had her there. Oh well. In terms of what she had said...

"I owe you everything, Takeba. Without you, my life would have never found meaning. Thank you." Without that night and the sudden drive to protect her.... He might have stayed empty forever.