Worlds Away

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When disaster strikes, Riah discovers that her father isn’t the only hero in their family. What good is magic if you can’t use it to pick a fight with an evil sorcerer?

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[officialleehadan]

Writing Pregnancy

Hello darlings. I've been thinking about writing this for a while, and it seems useful to a lot of people who are planning to Baby or who have characters who are planning to, or currently are, Babying.

It's not exactly a story, but y'all seem to like these essays from time to time, so I hope this one is interesting too.

So here it is. A guide to being pregnant as written by someone who has recently done it, for writers who have not or will not do it themselves.

This post will be broken down by weeks, because that’s how medical people do it, and also because some of this stuff really doesn’t happen by month.

DISCLAIMER: Every pregnancy is different. Your mileage may differ, maybe a lot. This is based on my pregnancy and is written as a handy reference for people who haven't done this themselves.

An important note, doctors count pregnancy as having begun AT THE DATE OF THE FIRST DAY OF YOUR LAST PERIOD unless there are extenuating circumstances such as an extremely unreliable, or nonexistent period. If this is the case, they will judge it based on your first ultrasound (8 weeks or so) or by when morning sickness kicks in (6-10 weeks) depending on the tech level your character is facing.

Be aware, this guide will be fairly explicit and will talk about the squishy bits, since they’re pretty involved in this whole business. If you keep reading and discover the horrible truth, that pregnancy is profoundly icky in many ways, I warned you.

Anyway, on to the fun part!

FAQ:

I am in my early-mid 30s (early when newly pregnant, older now obviously) when I was pregnant. I am in sound, but not neurotypical, mental health, and good physical health. I do not have major allergies or food issues other than caffeine which I am allergic to. (This is also relevant. More on this later.) I have some notable back problems which will be noted here because they’re relevant too. This pregnancy was planned and I have a wonderful and extremely supportive spouse (husband) who is the baby’s biological father. I also work a lot, but from home, which very much altered my experience

Week One: FIRST TRIMESTER

Technically speaking, right now, you’re probably menstruating and not actually pregnant at all. This will feel like a normal period, because that’s what it is. You’re not pregnant yet. Business as usual. If you were planning to get pregnant, you’re already on prenatal vitamins.

Week Two:

Congrats! You got laid! You still feel normal because implantation hasn’t happened yet. You’re still not technically pregnant. Just horny. Get it while it’s hot. If this pregnancy was an accident, or you’re trying to get pregnant, you’re not eagerly awaiting the point where you can test to know for sure.

Week Three:

Okay this is where you might see your first symptoms if your cycle is very regular, like mine is, and you’re watching your body closely for “that’s new” stuff. In my case, my boobs started swelling like they do when I’m on my period, except I was two weeks out from my period. Cue “huh, I might be pregnant” montage.

Week Four:

If you can test and you’re using the good home tests, or you’re in a hospital, this is probably when you test positive for pregnancy. Congrats!

Cue the “oh crap I’m pregnant??” Montage. (Yes this will happen even if you wanted it, planned it, and were actively trying to get pregnant. There will be some panic. You very likely will consider getting an abortion even if you’re eager and wanting the pregnancy. Don’t beat yourself up. This is normal.)

Week Five:

If your cycle is reasonably regular, this is when you’re gonna miss your first missed period. If you knew you’re pregnant, this is cool! Menstruation sucks. Not having your period for nine months is one of the best parts of pregnancy. If you didn’t know you’re pregnant, you’re probably panicking about now and buying a home test.

The ClearBlue digital ones are good and they’re in most pharmacies. Get those ones. Buy your prenatals at the same time. If you don’t want them, you don’t want them, but if you do want them, making a second trip is annoying. Also consider taking D3, calcium, fiber gummies, and fish oil. They all support you and baby health and keep the pregnancy from taking more of the nutrients form your body than you can spare.

Week Six:

You feel like you should feel different and don’t, and it’s weird. For those with a longer, or irregular cycle, this might be where you hit the stuff from Week Five. If you’re having the boob inflation like I did, that’s still happening. Buckle up. It’s not gonna stop. Otherwise, you feel weirdly normal. For a character who doesn’t have access to good sex education, they may not even know they’re pregnant yet.

Week Seven:

Basically the same as Week Six. You feel like you should feel different, and don’t. It’s uncommon, but you might start feeling morning sickness around this point. It’ll start as vague nausea and food aversions. This will get worse.

Week Eight:

Your first ultrasound! Congrats! It looks like a gummy bear that twitches! If you have twins, it may or may not be detectable at this point. You can’t tell the sex yet. It’s a gummy bear. If you don’t get an ultrasound for reasons of fictional story, you still might not know you’re pregnant. If you’re going to get an abortion, this is the last chance in many places.

Week Nine:

So It Begins. The morning sickness. You have food poisoning all the time. You feel profoundly like hell and may be prone to puking, and still being hungry, so you go back and keep eating, because you need the calories. This is also when you start getting thirsty all the time. This is because you gain more than half again your blood volume while pregnant. You need that hydration to make blood and amniotic fluid for your baby.

I found ice cream bars with nuts to be very good for dealing with morning sickness, and ginger did absolutely nothing at all. I basically lived on tea for a while there.

Week Ten:

Congrats. You feel like crap basically all the time. My morning sickness was pretty mild and I was puking almost every day. More if I hit a trigger food, which for me was anything that tasted or smelled ‘green’ (zucchini especially but cucumber and most leafy greens too) ‘water smell’ (showering, rain, humidity in general) and the usual ick smells (the trash).

You’re also tired all the time. Naps R Us. If you get flat and comfortable, you’re gonna fall asleep. If you’re flat and uncomfortable you might fall asleep. If you’re reasonably supported and upright you might fall asleep. Just assume you’re gonna be sleeping a lot.

If you’re writing a character with morning sickness, they’re likely to be very cuddly, but also very reluctant to go more than a very quick jog to the toilet.

The good news is that this is also when the major risk of miscarriage is over, and is frequently when people tell their families they’re expecting. Cue lots of celebrations!

Week Eleven:

“What the crap did I get myself into?”

Week Twelve:

“When is this crap gonna go away?”

Your baby is moving now, but you can’t feel it at all. You’ll see it in the ultrasounds however, which is neat.

Week Thirteen: SECOND TRIMESTER

“I have been eating soup and applesauce for FOUR WEEKS and I want Mexican but refried beans went Badly.”

it’s not uncommon to get a UTI at this point because you’re peeing a lot and it’s tough to stay clean because water smell makes you puke. Your doctors will take this uncomfortably seriously. You will get The Good Antibiotics, not the piddly crap they usually give out.

You will also now have very strong opinions about what sucks to puke up, as dictated by your nose, which has opinions about everything. You will have safe foods. Unfortunately for you, you’re just about past needing them.

Week Fourteen:

“I want a sandwich with deli meat, and a whole plate of sushi, and I can’t have either of them. This sucks.”

If you gave up caffeine, this is where that will really get hard. If you were already caffeine free, like I was, you’ll be jonsing for stuff you’re not allowed to have, like raw fish and deli meat. Be strong, but if you waver, it probably isn’t the end of the world. 

I’m told this is where cravings kick in, but I didn’t get anything notable, so I don’t know.

Week Fifteen:

This is about the time you kind of start feeling better. They say morning sickness starts improving around Week Thirteen, but for me it was longer. The napping is still a thing, so just be okay with that. This also when I started to show. That really depends on body type. I went into pregnancy carrying a little extra weight because I knew I would lose some during morning sickness (I lost nine pounds and mine wasn’t that bad. Be aware.) so it took a little longer for me to show.

More interestingly, you can actually feel your uterus now. It’s kind of like a grapefruit below your belly button. It will grow. You will be very curious about it the whole time

Week Sixteen

“Hey, I kind of feel better now!”

You have energy again. It’s novel. You can do chores and drive, and generally be a person. It shouldn’t be as exciting as it is, but here we are. Time to decorate the nursery if you have one, and to put together a whole bunch of stuff. It’s also a good time to clean up the ‘first trimester disaster’ that is your comfy spot and the mounds of crap around it.

Week Seventeen:

Still napping a lot, but almost feel human. Watch out for the Icks (your pregnancy sensitivities, like ‘green’ for me, which didn’t go away for my whole pregnancy) but you can actually take a shower without puking in the shower now! Scented products may or may not bother you later, but you’ll want them after you give birth. I threw away my shower gel after it made me sick and I regret it now.

Week Eighteen:

“Wow, I have a Baby Bump!” Cue walking around with your hand in your belly so everyone knows you’re pregnant OR wearing your biggest baggiest clothing to hide it and still feeling like it’s super obvious.

Week Nineteen:

There’s a fair chance you felt your baby move at this point, but unfortunately you’re also farting enough to fill the Hindenburg and this early any kicks feel like gas. Stay away from open flames and you’ll be okay.

Week 20: HALFWAY DONE!

Anatomy scan! This is your second ultrasound and the one where you might find out the sex of your baby. This is also where they’ll look for birth defects and genetic conditions. You may also do a blood test here which can also screen for genetic issues, and problems such as RH incompatibility, which is totally treatable with modern science but could kill a baby in a more medieval story.

Note: you may not find out the gender at this or any point until birth. My little girl got her nickname of Wiggles because she was doing cartwheels and the tech couldn’t get a good look between her legs. We didn’t find out her gender until she was born.

If you do find out, and this is crucial, DO NOT tell anyone but your partner what the sex is, or what names you’re considering. Everyone has opinions and all of them suck. Lie through your teeth about not knowing, or just tell them you want it to be a surprise. Do anything but tell them what they want to know. You will regret it if you do

Week Twenty-One:

“Holy crap that was intense. Definitely a kick!”

This is called the ‘quickening’ and for a fantasy character, will be one of the big ‘you’re really pregnant’ signs, because miscarriage is common. At twenty weeks, that risk is much less, which is a huge relief. Plus, now you’re getting kicks, which are all kinds of fun. It’s your first chance to really interact with the person you’re building inside you!

Week Twenty-Two:

“I need to clean the whole house right now everything is dirty I might rearrange the living room.

Welcome to nesting. It doesn’t go away. Use it to your advantage and clean whatever needs cleaning. Don’t judge yourself for starting and not finishing a project. You’re burning everything you have. Shame isn’t welcome here.

A fantasy character may start cleaning if they’re poor, or making baby clothing.

Week Twenty-Three:

Okay here’s where I started having problems. I have hypermobile ribs and mild scoliosis in my lower spine, these together mean a lot of back pain over the years, which I am very familiar with and which is annoying at best and debilitating at worst.

The issue? Pregnancy comes with a huge dose of the natural chemical relaxin. As the name implies, this softens up your tendons, among other things. If you have hypermobility already, get ready for a whole range of fun new ways to pop your bones out of place.

The worse issue? During pregnancy, you’re not allowed any painkiller but Tylenol. If you’re like me and hyper resistant to most pain meds, you might as well be popping tiktacs for all the good Tylenol will do for you.

Buy a heat pad (NOT A BLANKET, you cannot overheat right now) it will help.

If you tell your medical professionals about this back pain, they will freak out and want to get your kidneys tested, because asymptomatic UTIs can turn into kidney infections very quickly during pregnancy and can get very serious very quickly. If you are familiar with your particular brand of back pain, have the “Chronic Pain and You” conversation with your doctor early. The earlier the better. They still won’t give you anything better than Tylenol, but they probably won’t try to test your kidneys unless you pop a fever

Week Twenty-Four:

Kicking! Those are real kicks! Holy crap! Kicking!

This is so much fun, but it's also pretty unreliable. Baby will kick when it pleases them, not when you want to show someone else, and it'll be sporadic, even until the very end.

You may be getting Braxton hicks contractions. They don’t hurt, but they make your belly tense up, which is amusing. Also, when you orgasm, your uterus will get all hard. It does this normally, you just can’t usually feel it. It might freak you out a little. Coincidentally you will be horny enough to hop aboard just about anything that holds still long enough. Get a willing partner and/or a very fine collection of sex toys and be prepared to spend a lot of time taking yourself in hand.

Week Twenty-Five:

Your Dr appointments now happen every two weeks unless they’re worried about something. Also, buy a really comfortable pair of slip on shoes. Your time of being able to reach your feet is coming to an end and you’re gonna want them. Pro: maternity clothing is super soft and comfy and you’re gonna be delighted to wear it. It does tend to come in an unfortunate variety of ‘little house on the preggo’ floral patterns with demure necklines, but there’s some good stuff out there

Week Twenty-Six:

The Eater Beast Appears. You’re hungry all the time. No really. All the time. Constantly. Nuts are good for a snack. I ate a lot of peanut butter and apples. You may be having cravings. If so, lean into them. Have fun with it. This is the good part of your pregnancy.

Plus side, EVERYTHING tastes good!

Week Twenty-Seven

You REALLY look pregnant now. People will start asking when you’re due and giving you bad advice. Don’t murder them. You can probably get away with it, but cleaning up all that blood is hard when you can’t actually get off the ground without help anymore.

Week Twenty-Eight: THIRD TRIMESTER

Final ultrasound and gestational diabetes testing. The ultrasound is fun because Baby looks like a baby now! Holy crap! There’s a whole person inside you! You contain twice the usual number of bones! If you’re having a boy, you have in fact grown a pair.

My baby had a tiny little heart defect, so we talked to a specialist at this point. Try not to freak out if this happens. Defects like that are very easy to fix, and often go away on their own as my girl’s did.

The diabetes testing is different for everyone. They’ll have you drink a glycerin drink (get the orange flavored one. It’s reasonably inoffensive and you have to chug the stuff) and will test your blood to see how you react to the sugars. Don’t freak out if it’s positive. Most of the time gestational diabetes goes away after birth. If you’re borderline, they’ll test you again but for three hours rather than one.

The glycerin drink made me really sick and I refused to do the three hour testing. They will get very grumpy if you do this, however, you can buy a diabetic testing kit and track your blood sugars four times a day for a week instead, and they’ll accept that too. (Don’t get the one they prescribe. The Contour Next is cheap, reliable, easy to use, and doesn’t cost $200)

They might want you to change your diet and exercise. You will want to murder them for this. Don’t do it. Go for the damn walks and eat less carbs. It will kind of suck, but it’s for your baby, and it isn’t permanent.

Week Twenty-Nine

Return of the Nap Demon. You will sleep SO MUCH. Let it happen. Your body is working hard to build another person. Have mercy on yourself. Eat. Be okay with the weight gain. A lot of it is the baby inside you and your placenta, and the fluid you need to support them both. You need the calories.

Also, LACTATION! This is when two more of your orifices, which previously did not leak, start to leak. This too, will get worse. You can save the colostrum for your baby though, which can be helpful.

Week Thirty:

The Final Countdown. You’re ten weeks off your due date and if you haven’t already, you need to figure out how and where you want to give birth. Talk with your midwives and doctors. If you’re high risk, they won’t want you to give birth outside a hospital. This will feel crappy, but is honestly the safest choice provided you’re willing to tell doctors to piss off when needed. Start figuring out your birth plan. Talk to other expecting parents.

Week Thirty-One:

“Ugh, I’m huge.”

At this point, your character absolutely is not getting on a horse without a lot of help, and cannot ride for long regardless without serious discomfort or even pain. A fall could mean losing the baby, or a serious injury, and the undercarriage is not gonna handle having that much weight on it for long without protestations.

Week Thirty-Two

“Why am I crying? I’m not actually upset about anything and yet, I am hysterical.”

Warn your partner about this phase beforehand. They won’t believe how bad it’s gonna get, but the warning is still nice to have. Remind them that you warned them between bites of your favorite ice cream.

Week Thirty-Three:

Everyone you know who has baby stuff will try to give it to you. Be prepared to refuse whatever you don’t want. Be merciless or you will be flooded with broken baby crap you don’t want until you find some other poor soul to pawn it off on.

Week Thirty-Four:

You’ve been talking names, but now it’s time to decide for real. Try to follow this guide with your baby name options. Your kid will thank you for it.

1. Easy to say (no weird pronunciations)

2. Easy to spell (you are permitted ONE silent letter and no more)

3. Does not require explanation (Cultural names of a culture you’re not part of, especially)

4. Sounds good with middle and last name

5. Initials don’t spell something weird or stupid (Dora Indigo Kennedy sounds great, but the initials spell DIK)

6. Has agreeable nicknames (Elizabeth > Lizzy)

7. Isn’t a gimme for bullies to make fun of (Pubert)

8. Isn’t in the top 10 most popular names within the last five years. (Don’t want five of them in the same class)

9. Is not the name of someone you hate, even if it’s also the name of a family member. (obviously)

Follow these, and you will have a happy child who does not resent you for naming them something weird and messed up that no one can ever say or spell correctly, and which they have to explain every time they introduce themselves

Week Thirty-Five

You’re huge. You’ve just about reached maximum size and if your baby comes early at this point, they’ll probably be fine. This is immensely reassuring, because you have spent the last several months panicking about what if the baby comes early. Nightly baths are amazing. Also, your hair and nails will grow super fast right now, so be ready for that.

Week Thirty-Six:

Mobility is a serious issue. Stairs are hard. So are curbs. Getting into and out of a car is a Process and getting up off the couch or out of bed takes a While unless you have help. Your balance is screwed and you waddle now. You’re a real fall risk and that does change how you interact with the world.

You also probably can’t unload the laundry if it’s a top-loader, and you might not be able to do the dish washer either. Bonus! Less chores

Week Thirty-Seven:

Remember the Nap Demons? They’re back and they brought a friend. Heartburn Hell. It’s been bad for a while but it’s worse now. Skip the tums and go for something stronger.

Week Thirty-Eight:

Your craps are gone. Baby is due in fourteen days and you have given up on your good habits. You’re probably still walking, but only because Baby has their head lodged against your cervix and is trying to burrow out. People call this lightning crotch for a reason because it really feels like you have a taser lodged up there that gives you a shock now and then

On the plus side, baby kicks like crazy now and that’s both awesome and kind of uncomfortable. You can play with their feet and poke them, and they’ll probably have a favorite place to hang out in your belly. Pro tip, if baby just will not settle, get a hot pack and put it against the side where they hang out. They’ll curl up and go to sleep on it. Just make sure you don’t overheat.

If you think anyone this pregnant is doing much of anything except growl about how heavy they feel and eat, you’re wrong. Nobody is leading armies to war like this. Anyone trying to fight because their life is immediately in danger will probably lose because they are large, heavy, clumsy, and their center of gravity is toast.

Week Thirty-Nine:

The last rush of Nesting and it’ll be a bad one. You’re gonna try to do all kinds of stupid crap, like scrubbing the floors (you get stuck) climbing up ladders (you are a fall risk, get down) trying to drive places (you get dizzy, you should not be driving at this point) and trying to lift heavy stuff (absolutely not). You might try to paint your nursery or hang curtains. I tried to plant my whole garden. Don’t be me

Week Forty:

The Due Date Has Come. You’re now on baby-watch. You’re probably having a ton of Braxton Hicks, but the big difference between them and the real deal is pain. Braxton Hicks don’t hurt and real ones kind of feel like period cramps. How uncomfortable contractions are at first will really depend on how you handle pain.

Week Forty-One:

“What the hell do you mean I haven’t gone into labor yet?? Get this child out of me!”

Week Forty-Two:

“Crap. I’m just gonna be pregnant forever, huh? …oh crap. I think my water just broke.”

The usual questions:

Morning sickness:

So, morning sickness isn’t puking all the time. In fact if you’re puking more than once a day it’s a serious medical condition called hyperemesis gravidarum and sometimes requires medication

More commonly it’s a general sense of not feeling well, followed by brief but dramatic puking. Honestly, the closest analogy is really bad food poisoning when you can feel the puke coming, but it hasn’t come yet

During the morning sickness phase, you HAVE to eat. Not eating makes it so much worse, so it helps if you set a strict schedule of eating a snack or a small meal every two hours you’re awake, and as soon as you wake and right before bed. Apple sauce good. Doesn’t suck coming back up. Same with most soups. Avoid spicy, acids, and crunchy stuff. They’re all miserable coming back. Drink a LOT of water.

Scents will be a problem. Your sense of smell goes haywire and cranks up to 11. I’m practically noseblind and I could smell the apples in my kitchen from across the house. Normally this would be fun. During morning sickness, it means fun new ways to puke in exciting places. The smell difference between being inside and going outside is sometimes enough, and any of your trigger scents or flavors will get you reliably. Scented products are a hard no. Pack them away for now. You’ll want them later.

The hard part is that doing anything strenuous, like hanging out with friends or going to the grocery store, will make it worse for the days following. The exhaustion compounds. You absolutely can’t borrow from tomorrow’s spoons and trying to push yourself will just lead to being even worse off the next day. You HAVE to rest. It’s not optional and your body will enforce it on you.

It does help to get an essential oil you like and wear it in a diffuser. I used lavender, but any smell you like and which doesn’t smell like death to you will work. Make sure it isn’t touching skin. A lot of oils are caustic, and some are toxic.

Other than that, just try to ride it out. It doesn’t last.

Body changes:

It starts out slow and then lingers. You’ll feel like you should be showing way before you are, but once you hit your second trimester, it’s very obvious you’re pregnant, and one you hit the third trimester they can probably see you from space. You waddle. Your coordination goes down the tubes, you’re hot all the time, thirsty and hungry all the time, and exhausted a lot of the time.

You will also stink. Your BO will spike with your hormones and unfortunately, you will absolutely not want to bathe until the third trimester, when you want to be in the water all the time.

Your hair will, however, be awesome. Preggo hair is a thing. So is post-partum shedding, so be ready to shed more than three long-hair cats. It’s a thing. Unfortunately this does include your body hair, which will grow fast and thick. If it bothers you, you’re gonna be shaving a lot.

Here’s where it gets TMI, but if you’re writing a pregnant character or you’re pregnant/want to get pregnant yourself, you gotta know. There will be itching. You will not be able to shave your undercarriage at all after a certain point, so if it matters that much, you’ll need help. Your cooch will also smell different. Weird, but there it is.

Being in water helps immensely I spent a lot of my pregnancy in the bath and I strongly credit that for helping to support my back and ribs, which were not thrilled about the temporary tenant. It also helps with the ‘ugh I’m heavy’ complaint. Spend as much time in the water as you can, but remember not to let it get more than 100 degrees, or you can put Baby and yourself at risk. You have a lot more blood in your body right now. That makes for certain issues, such as fainting.

You will feel heavy. This is most notable during the third trimester, but when it becomes a problem, it really becomes a problem.

This is a problem because the only pain killer you’re allowed is Tylenol, and not much of that. If you’re in screaming pain, you can go totally hospital but they probably won’t give you anything for it. There’s a serious risk to your baby; and while they won’t prioritize the baby over you, you’re the one who is driving the bus, so they’re gonna make you obey the metaphorical traffic laws.

Labor:

Game day. You’ve been waiting for this for nine months and thank anything holy it’s finally here.

It starts as little flutters that kind of feel like gas, and you’ll probably be farting a fair bit anyway because you have a baby squishing your organs in every direction. After a while, it’ll start to feel more like cramping, and that’s when you know it’s game day. You start timing them at that point, and here’s where Hollywood starts messing up.

Labor is slow.

I was contracting for about ten hours before my water broke. If you’re pregnant, buy the adult diapers. Just do it. Put them on as soon as you realize you’re in labor. What comes out of you when your water breaks is foul. It’s not water. It’s slime, and it’s stinky. Sometimes it’s brown. It’s never something you want on anything you’re planning to keep. The diaper will contain it and you will be GLAD.

So ten hours in, my water broke. This is the sign that it’s not false labor. You’re ready to rock and roll.

This is also where my story differs from most.

Generally, when your water breaks, you’re about ten hours from pushing. Those ten hours will suck, but the nurses are mostly really nice and you can kick the mean ones out without repercussion. If you don’t vibe with one, switch tjem out. You don’t have to keep a nurse you don’t like.

The contractions will get stronger and they will get more painful. The nurses will call them “intense”. That’s bullcrap. It hurts. If you want medication, you have options. Ask for them freely and without shame.

Pushing is kind of a blur. You’ll be on so many endorphins and probably an epidural, that you’ll be in a haze. You push with the contractions for best effect. You’re gonna poop. This is good. Means you’re pushing right. You absolutely will not care in the moment.

It will feel like it’s not progressing at all, but your support people are gonna be on the ball and they’ll give you updates. If you have an epidural, it helps. If not, breathe through it and ride the endorphins. The worst part is when the head isn’t entirely through the cervix and everything is stretching a whole lot. Once the head is in the channel and you’re making progress, it gets easier.

It still hurts a whole lot, even with the meds, but you honestly won’t care because your whole body is designed to do this thing, and it’s GONNA do it at this point, whether you want to or not.

As soon as the head is out, the rest of the baby follows, and it sort of feels like you’ve been gutted. Things because you pretty much have. Birthing the placenta is entirely secondary to your tiny new baby and getting sewn up if you tear is uncomfortable, but after everything else, pretty negligible. Also, new baby!

Afterwards:

So, postpartum recovery sucks. All those endorphins are gone, you’re no longer on pain meds, and you just squeezed a baby through your cooch. You probably have stitches, and everything hurts. Walking is hard and without help, it’s also dangerous. You’re a fall risk. Do not try to hold your baby and walk at the same time unless you absolutely must. That’s what your birth support person is for. If you don’t have one, they’ll provide one.

Peeing hurts. Pooping is worse. You will be passing blood clots and your underwear (remember, get the adult diapers. They’re way better) will look like that scene from The Shining with the blood tsunami. This is all normal but it’s pretty horrifying.

They will give you various products to help with recovery. Some work better than others. Use all of them. The compound effects help.

It will be about three weeks before you feel like you can pee without it hurting. It’ll be closer to six before you can poop without worrying. Either way, there will be some major changes to your squishy parts.

Me specifically:

Remember how I mentioned my story was different? Yeah. So I was in labor for 62 hours, and pushed for five of those before my daughter was born.

For most of it, it was just waiting for my body to get into gear, and then when I wasn’t progressing, for the pitocin to kick in. I didn’t want to be on pitocin, but I wasn’t going to risk my baby, and labor that long comes with some real risks to mother and baby.

I did have both fentanyl (which for reasons of my messed up biology doesn’t affect me at all) and an epidural, which did help, but was hindered by my scoliosis. (Having a curve in your spine makes it hard to put the needle in the right place).

I could have had a c section, but I was very against it and since we were doing okay, despite it taking a long time, they let me have a vaginal birth.

This is not normal and is a product of my messed up biology. Your experience may differ.

Breastfeeding:

Okay babies do not come out of the uterus knowing how to do this. They’re really bad at latching at first and it will take a few tries to get them to latch. Even then, if they have a high palate or a tongue tie, they may struggle to latch.

Even so, breastfeeding really is an incredible feeling of knowing nature built you so right that you can keep your whole baby alive with just what your body makes for them.

This can make breastfeeding hard, and even if they have a good latch, it kind of sucks for a while as your nipples get used to nursing and your milk comes in. You’ll produce colostrum for the first few days, and that will slowly turn to milk over a week or so.

Baby will need to eat basically every hour for the first few weeks, then every two hours, but in greater amounts. As they get better at feeding, it gets easier, but there’s no shame in using formula as a support for your milk. The goal is to keep the baby alive.

Once you’re both used to it, you can even nap pretty well while you feed, especially once you’re in bed. Just make sure there’s absolutely no risk of dropping or rolling on top of the baby.

Your Baby:

Here’s the good part. Babies are awesome! They’re cute, they’re fun, and they’re deeply entertaining to mess with. Make sure you have a basket of toys for your baby, and let the good times roll, even when things are hard. They’ll only be this small once, The tiny baby clothes feel too small until you put them on. I’m keeping all of mine. I don’t know what I’ll use them for, but they’re too cute to get rid of.

[officialleehadan]

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

[officialleehadan]

This made the rounds last year and I’m bringing it back now for a reason.

With the world being in the state it is, April Fools has me worried. This isn’t the time for cruel jokes, scares of any kind, or misleading information.

Remember, if anyone is sad, scared, or angry when the joke is over, it wasn’t funny in the first place.

Have fun, darlings, but be gentle with each other. It’s been a bad year and it’s not even May. The least we can do is share some kindness around to try and lighten the load.

[officialleehadan]

Hello my darlings, it’s that time of year again.

2021 hasn’t been much better than 2020 so far, and my stance on mean jokes has not changed.

If the joke is racist, it’s not funny.

If the joke is LGBTQ+phobic, it’s not funny.

If the joke is antisemetic, it’s not funny.

If the joke hurts someone, it’s not funny.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no intentionally triggering content. There will be no misleading posts of false information.

This blog is a Safe Place for all those who need one. If you’re scared, or lonely, or need a friend, I’m here. My stories have happy endings. My comedy does not make fun of orientations, genders, race, or identity.

You’re safe with me.

Pass it on.

[officialleehadan]

Time to resurrect my annual post regarding April Fools day because the world hasn’t exactly gotten nicer since last year.

As always darlings, I encourage you to be kind to each other. Little pranks that make people laugh are good. Endless puns, rickrolls. Go for it. I give you my blessing without hesitation.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no false information. There will be no mean-spirited jokes. I don’t do that, and I never will. You’re safe with me.

So go gently, darlings. Smiles are in short supply as this pandemic drags onward. Share your joy and the load we’re all carrying will be lighter.

[officialleehadan]

Time for my annual post about April 1st. I do not support this holiday, because it very often leads to mean jokes and people getting hurt. That is not something I’m okay with. I do not permit cruelty of any kind on this blog, and that includes the usual fare for April 1st.

As always, darlings, this blog is a safe place. there will be no jump scares, screamers, mean jokes, or anything else that might cause harm.

I hope you all stay safe, be kind to each other, and take good care of your mental health.

[officialleehadan]

As always, here’s my annual April 1st post.

This blog is safe. I do not post screamers. I do not play mean jokes. I do not condone cruelty in any form, and I consider any joke that causes harm to anyone to be cruelty.

You are safe with me. You are always safe with me. that is true all the rest of the year too, but it’s especially true on April 1st, when so many people take it as an excuse to be mean to their friends.

Be gentle with each other. Life hasn’t gotten easier, and we’re in for a long year. Hold together and support each other. We’ll make it though this.

[officialleehadan]

Okay darlings, it’s been a tough year and it’s gonna get tougher, so here’s my post as always. This blog is a safe place.

I don’t post screamers, and I never will. I don’t do pranks, mean or otherwise. I don’t do jump scares.

Be kind to each other. Stand together.

Remember the parable of the star-thrower. One person can make a difference for one stranded starfish. A million can clear the beach.

Stay safe and be kind. We’ll get through this.

[officialleehadan]

Not exactly fan art but in Build an Empire: Shots Across the Plate there's this line "...salt-cured melon slices in spicy vinegar sauce, and white fish, slow-poached in butter with slices of the lemons..." and it got stuck in my head so I spent a week and a half salt curing melon

(with orzo and bok choy poached in the same butter as the fish)

I AM SCREAMING. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. OMG YOU MADE FOOD I WROTE.

You have made my whole entire week. Maybe my whole month. I hope you enjoyed it! If you post the recipe you used and tag me, I’ll absolutely reblog.

[officialleehadan]

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

[officialleehadan]

This made the rounds last year and I’m bringing it back now for a reason.

With the world being in the state it is, April Fools has me worried. This isn’t the time for cruel jokes, scares of any kind, or misleading information.

Remember, if anyone is sad, scared, or angry when the joke is over, it wasn’t funny in the first place.

Have fun, darlings, but be gentle with each other. It’s been a bad year and it’s not even May. The least we can do is share some kindness around to try and lighten the load.

[officialleehadan]

Hello my darlings, it’s that time of year again.

2021 hasn’t been much better than 2020 so far, and my stance on mean jokes has not changed.

If the joke is racist, it’s not funny.

If the joke is LGBTQ+phobic, it’s not funny.

If the joke is antisemetic, it’s not funny.

If the joke hurts someone, it’s not funny.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no intentionally triggering content. There will be no misleading posts of false information.

This blog is a Safe Place for all those who need one. If you’re scared, or lonely, or need a friend, I’m here. My stories have happy endings. My comedy does not make fun of orientations, genders, race, or identity.

You’re safe with me.

Pass it on.

[officialleehadan]

Time to resurrect my annual post regarding April Fools day because the world hasn’t exactly gotten nicer since last year.

As always darlings, I encourage you to be kind to each other. Little pranks that make people laugh are good. Endless puns, rickrolls. Go for it. I give you my blessing without hesitation.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no false information. There will be no mean-spirited jokes. I don’t do that, and I never will. You’re safe with me.

So go gently, darlings. Smiles are in short supply as this pandemic drags onward. Share your joy and the load we’re all carrying will be lighter.

[officialleehadan]

Time for my annual post about April 1st. I do not support this holiday, because it very often leads to mean jokes and people getting hurt. That is not something I’m okay with. I do not permit cruelty of any kind on this blog, and that includes the usual fare for April 1st.

As always, darlings, this blog is a safe place. there will be no jump scares, screamers, mean jokes, or anything else that might cause harm.

I hope you all stay safe, be kind to each other, and take good care of your mental health.

[officialleehadan]

As always, here’s my annual April 1st post.

This blog is safe. I do not post screamers. I do not play mean jokes. I do not condone cruelty in any form, and I consider any joke that causes harm to anyone to be cruelty.

You are safe with me. You are always safe with me. that is true all the rest of the year too, but it’s especially true on April 1st, when so many people take it as an excuse to be mean to their friends.

Be gentle with each other. Life hasn’t gotten easier, and we’re in for a long year. Hold together and support each other. We’ll make it though this.

[officialleehadan]

Okay darlings, it’s been a tough year and it’s gonna get tougher, so here’s my post as always. This blog is a safe place.

I don’t post screamers, and I never will. I don’t do pranks, mean or otherwise. I don’t do jump scares.

Be kind to each other. Stand together.

Remember the parable of the star-thrower. One person can make a difference for one stranded starfish. A million can clear the beach.

Stay safe and be kind. We’ll get through this.

[officialleehadan]

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

[officialleehadan]

This made the rounds last year and I’m bringing it back now for a reason.

With the world being in the state it is, April Fools has me worried. This isn’t the time for cruel jokes, scares of any kind, or misleading information.

Remember, if anyone is sad, scared, or angry when the joke is over, it wasn’t funny in the first place.

Have fun, darlings, but be gentle with each other. It’s been a bad year and it’s not even May. The least we can do is share some kindness around to try and lighten the load.

[officialleehadan]

Hello my darlings, it’s that time of year again.

2021 hasn’t been much better than 2020 so far, and my stance on mean jokes has not changed.

If the joke is racist, it’s not funny.

If the joke is LGBTQ+phobic, it’s not funny.

If the joke is antisemetic, it’s not funny.

If the joke hurts someone, it’s not funny.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no intentionally triggering content. There will be no misleading posts of false information.

This blog is a Safe Place for all those who need one. If you’re scared, or lonely, or need a friend, I’m here. My stories have happy endings. My comedy does not make fun of orientations, genders, race, or identity.

You’re safe with me.

Pass it on.

[officialleehadan]

Time to resurrect my annual post regarding April Fools day because the world hasn’t exactly gotten nicer since last year.

As always darlings, I encourage you to be kind to each other. Little pranks that make people laugh are good. Endless puns, rickrolls. Go for it. I give you my blessing without hesitation.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no false information. There will be no mean-spirited jokes. I don’t do that, and I never will. You’re safe with me.

So go gently, darlings. Smiles are in short supply as this pandemic drags onward. Share your joy and the load we’re all carrying will be lighter.

[officialleehadan]

Time for my annual post about April 1st. I do not support this holiday, because it very often leads to mean jokes and people getting hurt. That is not something I’m okay with. I do not permit cruelty of any kind on this blog, and that includes the usual fare for April 1st.

As always, darlings, this blog is a safe place. there will be no jump scares, screamers, mean jokes, or anything else that might cause harm.

I hope you all stay safe, be kind to each other, and take good care of your mental health.

[officialleehadan]

As always, here’s my annual April 1st post.

This blog is safe. I do not post screamers. I do not play mean jokes. I do not condone cruelty in any form, and I consider any joke that causes harm to anyone to be cruelty.

You are safe with me. You are always safe with me. that is true all the rest of the year too, but it’s especially true on April 1st, when so many people take it as an excuse to be mean to their friends.

Be gentle with each other. Life hasn’t gotten easier, and we’re in for a long year. Hold together and support each other. We’ll make it though this.

[officialleehadan]

Okay darlings, it’s been a tough year and it’s gonna get tougher, so here’s my post as always. This blog is a safe place.

I don’t post screamers, and I never will. I don’t do pranks, mean or otherwise. I don’t do jump scares.

Be kind to each other. Stand together.

Remember the parable of the star-thrower. One person can make a difference for one stranded starfish. A million can clear the beach.

Stay safe and be kind. We’ll get through this.

[officialleehadan]

April First

I loathe April Fools Day.

It nearly always seems to be a day for mean-spirited jokes and casual cruelty disguised as humor, and I’m not okay with either.

I like humor. I like comedy. Sometimes I even like physical comedy, as you can see from my Familiar Beasts series.

But if the ‘victim’ of a joke is angry, or scared, or sad, it’s not funny.

So yeah. There will be no pranks here on my blog, on my Patreon, or anywhere else.

This is a Safe Place, on April First, and every other day.

[officialleehadan]

This made the rounds last year and I’m bringing it back now for a reason.

With the world being in the state it is, April Fools has me worried. This isn’t the time for cruel jokes, scares of any kind, or misleading information.

Remember, if anyone is sad, scared, or angry when the joke is over, it wasn’t funny in the first place.

Have fun, darlings, but be gentle with each other. It’s been a bad year and it’s not even May. The least we can do is share some kindness around to try and lighten the load.

[officialleehadan]

Hello my darlings, it’s that time of year again.

2021 hasn’t been much better than 2020 so far, and my stance on mean jokes has not changed.

If the joke is racist, it’s not funny.

If the joke is LGBTQ+phobic, it’s not funny.

If the joke is antisemetic, it’s not funny.

If the joke hurts someone, it’s not funny.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no intentionally triggering content. There will be no misleading posts of false information.

This blog is a Safe Place for all those who need one. If you’re scared, or lonely, or need a friend, I’m here. My stories have happy endings. My comedy does not make fun of orientations, genders, race, or identity.

You’re safe with me.

Pass it on.

[officialleehadan]

Time to resurrect my annual post regarding April Fools day because the world hasn’t exactly gotten nicer since last year.

As always darlings, I encourage you to be kind to each other. Little pranks that make people laugh are good. Endless puns, rickrolls. Go for it. I give you my blessing without hesitation.

There will be no jumpscares on my blog. There will be no false information. There will be no mean-spirited jokes. I don’t do that, and I never will. You’re safe with me.

So go gently, darlings. Smiles are in short supply as this pandemic drags onward. Share your joy and the load we’re all carrying will be lighter.

[officialleehadan]

Time for my annual post about April 1st. I do not support this holiday, because it very often leads to mean jokes and people getting hurt. That is not something I’m okay with. I do not permit cruelty of any kind on this blog, and that includes the usual fare for April 1st.

As always, darlings, this blog is a safe place. there will be no jump scares, screamers, mean jokes, or anything else that might cause harm.

I hope you all stay safe, be kind to each other, and take good care of your mental health.

[officialleehadan]

As always, here’s my annual April 1st post.

This blog is safe. I do not post screamers. I do not play mean jokes. I do not condone cruelty in any form, and I consider any joke that causes harm to anyone to be cruelty.

You are safe with me. You are always safe with me. that is true all the rest of the year too, but it’s especially true on April 1st, when so many people take it as an excuse to be mean to their friends.

Be gentle with each other. Life hasn’t gotten easier, and we’re in for a long year. Hold together and support each other. We’ll make it though this.

[officialleehadan]

Okay darlings, it's been a tough year and it's gonna get tougher, so here's my post as always. This blog is a safe place.

I don't post screamers, and I never will. I don't do pranks, mean or otherwise. I don't do jump scares.

Be kind to each other. Stand together.

Remember the parable of the star-thrower. One person can make a difference for one stranded starfish. A million can clear the beach.

Stay safe and be kind. We'll get through this.

[officialleehadan]

I got this ad. It goes to THIS LINK, and I only clicked on it because the AI is so profoundly terrible and made me laugh.

[officialleehadan]

I did a thing! Pre-release is available now for Kindle! Launch day for kindle and print copies is September 4th!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DHT88YS7

[fuckyeahcomicsbaby]

Different Stories Resonate with Different People

[officialleehadan]

Alternative Uses

hello darlings! Prompt month continues! Hopefully I'll be able to get the stories out a little faster in the coming weeks. Today's story was brought to you by Six! Darling, thank you so much for your support!

Prompt: Blood Fire

+++

Keeli never knew that Morzan could heal.

Generally, healing was the domain of light-path mages. The realm of those who were capable of magic other than destruction. Keeli couldn’t do it. She had thought healing as a dark-path mage was impossible.

Except Morzan wasn’t just a dark-path mage, he was a blood-mage­, and apparently that came with more than just his preferred flavor of ghoulish murder.

His temper, however, remained as fiery as ever.

“If you move, I will take your leg off at the knee and leave you to bleed out,” he snarled to the man he was attempting to save. The farmer caught the wrong end of an axe during the bandit attack. He was bleeding terribly when Keeli and Morzan reached him, but Morzan pulled his dark, bloody magic around his hands and got to work. “This is difficult enough as it is!”

Despite his harsh words, his hands were swift and as gentle as could be managed. The farmer’s blood wove around his fingers in ribbons until they flowed back into the man’s veins, and stayed there.

“Can you mend it?” Keeli asked, primarily serving as a source of power, although Morzan gathered plenty off the bandits they killed. He had stored the death energy away in a pocket full of crystals, ready for use later. He was probably gathering power off this man’s pain too. The power was there, whether or not he drew it from the air, after all. It didn’t harm the many any for Morzan to take the magic that naturally gathered around strong emotions. “His wound?”

“Not like a true healer could, but I can keep him from bleeding out, and I can close it up,” Morzan said, and focused hard on his work. Keeli slipped into his thoughts to see what he was doing, and watched intently. He pulled on her power and she fed it to him in a steady stream. “I can clot it. It won’t serve to heal the damage. If there wasn’t a true healer available, he would still be in danger.”

It was just as well that the man himself had passed out as Morzan worked, and also that the town did have not one but three healers, one of whom had a pair of apprentices as well. They were making the rounds of the wounded, but Keeli and Morzan were doing their best to help.

Morzan’s unexpected talent for saving lives, rather than taking them, seemed to surprise them both.

“I’ve mostly done this on myself,” Morzan explained when one of the healers reached them, traded thankful nods, and took his place to begin mending the worst of the damage. She probably wouldn’t heal it completely; there were still a lot of wounded who needed attention. The bandit attack caught too many people outside the walls, and the death toll was still mounting. “After… well. It works. That’s what matters. Blood doesn’t have to be used the way I usually use it.”

“It’s good to see a blood mage using the power for something useful, for once.”

It was the most senior of the healers. An aged man who leaned on his walking stick as if he hadn’t just used it to bash in he head of one of the bandits. He had a swing like an ogre. Keeli didn’t want to be on the wrong end of that stick.

“Most of us are fairly mad,” Morzan said wryly and joined the healer at the next patient, a woman who sported several nasty cuts on her arms. The reward for saving the lives of several young children. The healer brushed his fingers over her forehead and Keeli caught her and eased her to the ground as she fell asleep on the spot. Kinder than the alternative, given the healer was pulling out supplies to stitch the cuts. “If she doesn’t need magic, I can do that.”

“She needs both,” the healer said, and offered a hand to shake. “My name is Feverfew. You’re Morzan, yes? And Keeli? Heard the others call you by name.”

“You have us,” Keeli said. He pointed to hi satchel and she retrieved it for him. “How do we help?”

“You’re already helping by taking some of the load off us,” Feverfew told her briskly and got to work, cleaning the cuts. He passed a bottle to Morzan. “Coat all of them in that. Be generous. I have more.”

“As you say,” Morzan said and got to work. Keeli wondered at how obedient he was being, and jumped when he gave her a little mental snap for the thought. He also offered an explanation. (I respect healers. Always have. They’re the other side of my work as a blood mage. They gain power by helping as I do by killing.)

(Healers don’t gain power by healing,) Keeli pointed out, and moved to hold one of the cuts closed so Feverfew could stitch it closed with tiny, neat stitches. (We’re the only ones who gain power by spending it.)

(Are you so sure?) Morzan asked and tilted his head at Feverfew. (Look again. Properly.)

Keeli blinked at him, but let her magesight slip over her eyes as he instructed. In this, he was very much her superior and she was inclined to take any instruction he would offer.

At first, there was nothing but the glow of Feverfew’s magic, contained and cleverly-used not for healing, but for warding the wound against infection. It was a good use of power, and would have a longer lasting effect than simply closing the wounds right off.

Then she looked more closely, looked more carefully, and felt the shiver of wonder slide down her spine.

(Low magic,) she said to Morzan triumphantly. (I never saw it before because it’s not magic they’re using, it’s magic that is reacting to them, right)

(Right,) Morzan said. He sent her the tiniest curl of pride that she got it so quickly. (And it gives me an idea for how to deal with my Mistress. We can’t fight her. She’ll tear us apart. But her tower… how much do you know about rubies?)

+++

Blood Fire: (FULL COLLECTION)

Blood Mist

Flower Crown Dreams (Subscriber Only!)

Runes Written

Blood Fire

Red Salt Warning (Subscriber Only!)

Hunter Cry  (Subscriber Only!)

Cool Water Bond

Runes Written Gold

Argument Array

Dreamless Sleep

Forget Our Yesterdays

At the Last Moment

Healing Touch

Unbound, Unbroken

Blood Runes (Subscriber Only)

Ink in Water

In Dreaming Promise (Subscriber Only)

Rupture

In Conflict

Heading Out (Subscriber Only)

Dream a Life

Unexpected Salvo (Subscriber Only)

Alternative Uses (New!)

+++

MASTERLIST

[officialleehadan]

Scented Treason

Hello darlings! Today's story was brought to you by Stells! Darling, thank you so much for all your support!

Prompt: Bitter Hospitality

+++

Although Rhyl did not appreciate being treated as a pet, he chose to play the part, and was determined to do it well.

It was to his advantage, after all. If he was a pet, he could not be a target for abuse without the permission of his owner. That too, burned under his skin, but it was acceptable, because it was his decision to play the part. Also, he could admit to himself, because he was nearing the end of his own endurance.

Better to be a pampered pet, to be thought tame and to bide his time until he regained a little of his strength. He was blind, and did not think the king’s mages were careless enough to le t him regain his sight or his claws, but the rest…  a few good meals and sleeping warm made a significant difference in his attitude.

It didn’t hurt that Nikala made absolutely sure to be respectful of him in every moment they were not being observed by the king’s spies.

To that effect, they were in the gardens, in what he thought was a glass house, given the smell of lush plants and the humid warmth on his skin. They were surrounded by ladies of the court, who tittered nervously at his presence. Nikala had provided more clothing for him, silks that would have been too thin if they were not accompanied by a heavy fur cloak that draped almost the way his wings might.

The clothing was decidedly scanty, he noted with some amusement. Clearly decorative. Another offense, but that he agreed to that as well, and did not especially care how he looked to the humans around him. If decorating him like a prized courtesan would help their plans, he would permit it.

And the silks were soft on his bruises, which were healing damnably slowly. He didn’t have the resources to heal quickly anymore. Hopefully heat and food would remedy that.

For now, he was pretending to doze with his head in Nikala’s lap, listening to the chatter of the court ladies around him.

“How did you tame him?” one lady, scented with jasmine, asked Nikala nervously. She was the closest of the ladies, but she smelled nervous. Trying to curry favor with the new royal, no doubt. “The dragon, I mean?”

“How do you tame any wild beast?” Nikala said with biting cruelty, but Rhyl could smell her own impotent fury. She could do nothing but play her role. Any break in character could mean her death, and a return to the snow for Rhyl. For now, she was as trapped as he was. Perhaps more-so. He could at least count on a rescue coming sooner or later, if he did not escape first. “The simplicity of food for good behavior. New clothing. A bath when he showed he was prepared to behave for me. As you see, his loyalty comes cheaply.”

At that, Rhyl did hiss, but it was half-hearted. Nikala only laughed and stroked her fingers through his hair. He hissed again, which made the ladies around them skitter back a few steps, and made Nikala dig her fingers deeper into his hair to rub at his scalp. Pleased enough at the kind touch, and by the associations grooming had for his own people, he huffed a sigh and rumbled a purr in his chest.

He was warm, fed, and comfortable, and now his one ally was allogrooming him. if he wasn’t surrounded by enemies on all sides, he might consider a nap.

“He certainly is a handsome thing,” another woman says. This one smelled of lily of the valley. Poisonous, but sweet. Rhyl kept a closer ear on her than he did on the one who smelled like jasmine. Something about her set his wings up and made him glad he didn’t have his tail just now. It would certainly be lashing, which was no way to play the part of a contented housecat with a favorite person. “Would you lend him to me, bychance?”

Someone else reached for him. Rhyl could feel it in the shifting air and in the smell of perfume suddenly too close. In an instant he sat up, teeth bared and hissing again, this time in sharp warming. His claws and fire might be bound away, but his teeth were still plenty sharp and he was not afraid to bite. The woman gasped and yanked her hand away, but he stayed where he was, growling under his breath.

“He’s rather a one-woman pet,” Nikala said just a little too fast and traced her fingers over his shoulder. He had told her it was the safest place to touch him if he had a startle. He couldn’t easily twist to bite her faster than she could pull away, if his own instincts were too much to restrain. After another moment of growling, just to be clear that no one else was allowed to touch him, he let her pull him back to her side. “And he can hear you, Lady Forana, and he is intelligent enough to understand. What he tolerates from me, he would not accept from anyone else.”

That part was true, at least. Rhyl allowed himself a toothy, hostile smile that made another of the women gasp. There as no fire behind his teeth, but the suggestion of it was clear enough even to these women.

“Something to think on,” a cold female voice came from the door, where Rhyl could smell the cold, snow-scented air from outside. There was a quick rustle of skirts and he felt Nikala stand beside him. he stayed on the floor where he was. He was already kneeling, after all. Besides, he was curious about what the queen, King Miquest’s detested, but honored mate, wanted from any of them. She was as cruel as her husband, in different ways. Rhyl knew better than to seek an ally in her and would warn Nikala about her if she did not know already. “Nikala. You have made remarkable progress with it in so short a time. Tell me, was it truly food and warmth that bought its good behavior so easily?”

“Even a beaten dog will respond to a little sweetness,” Nikala said, cautious and still close enough that Rhyl could feel the brush of her skirts on his bare arm. She was afraid. Good. She should be. This would be her hearth-mother when she wed the wretched prince and was the queen before that. A dangerous enemy, but a worse friend. “What can I do for you, your majesty?”

“I wish to see what tricks your new pet can perform,” the queen said, and rustled about until there was the sound of a chair scraping on the greenhouse’s marble floor. “Go on, girl. Prove that it is tamed. Know that if you fail, I will certainly mention it to my royal husband. After all, we cannot allow any treason under our noses, can we?”

+++

Bitter Hospitality

Spark of Warmth

Warmth Given 

Gifted Away (Subscriber Only!) (New!)

Scented Treason (New!)

+++

MASTERLIST

[officialleehadan]

Fifty

Hello darlings! Today’s story was brought to you by Hel! Darling thank you so much for all your support!

Prompt: Looping Souls

+++

Tiago was tired. So incredibly tired.

Erik and the team were doing their best to keep him going, and he was grateful, but the last few loops had been bad ones. Tiago was closing in on Conatus, but the villain was well-protected both by allies and defenses of his own making.

Aloe warned him that Conatus was deadly, but Tiago expected to at least reach the man before he had to contend with life-threatening defenses.

The fight to even find the man in the first place was a battle of attrition that Tiago did not have time for. First he had to convince Aloe, healer to the villains, to give him Conatus’s information, which took days longer than it should have but was unavoidable. Almost no one even knew how the powerful psionic could be contacted, let alone where he lived and worked.

Talking Aloe around took days, until the healer, most likely because he could sense Tiago’s rapidly deteriorating mental state, gave him a code, like the one Tiago’s own team used, to prove the time loop.

After that, it was easier, but even Aloe was only able to give him a general part of the city where Conatus liked to haunt. He didn’t even know if Conatus lived there, or just happened to have a favorite bakery in the area.

It was a lead. One Tiago badly needed. He was almost out of options and that nuclear explosion at three PM was starting to feel like a mercy, not a ticking clock.

Erik was worried but there was nothing he or anyone could do. Tiago had to break the loop, and as the only one in the loop, he was the only one who would even remember the coming days.

He didn’t throw the code for a time loop on his fortieth loop. He just let himself pretend he didn’t know what was coming, until that world-ending flash of white light came and he watched the destruction roll towards him, too fast and too inevitable for even the most powerful heroes to stop.

He tried that too, in the early loops. Tried calling up the best and brightest.

They failed. The flash came. They all died.

He didn’t try that again.

Now he was desperately seeking the bone villain who might be able to tell him where that flash was coming from. Once he knew that, maybe, just maybe, he could find a way to stop it for good.

If he was very very lucky, that might even break the time loop, and he could get some rest.

When this news over, assuming he survived it, he was taking a vacation. Maybe he would even go looking for the soul words on his collarbone. The ones he mostly pretended weren’t there, except in his darkest moments.

They went grey a heartbeat after the flash came and killed them all. Tiago didn’t know whether to be furious or glad to know they were in his city, closer to ground zero than he was.

It was a blessing and a curse at once, but now he couldn’t help but stare in the mirror to watch them grey out. Proof that, once upon a time, the universe believed there was someone who might just love him despite how broken he was.

But that was a daydream for another day. One that didn’t keep repeating until he thought he would go insane with the press of always-the-same that threatened to destroy his mind.

Today, he was going after what he thought might be Conatus’s actual lair.

Gunfire rattled his stolen car. Three looos proved to him that it was more efficient to steal a car than try to get a legitimate one. Unfortunately the best car he could steal in short notice belonged to a local drug kingpin.

Pro: it was fast and packed and arsenal under the hood.

Con: it came with a side of gunfire as the crime lord tried to get it back.

As far as challenges Tiago was currently facing, a little gunfire was manageable.

He hadn’t even gotten shot this time.

Reaching his contact was harder.

“Tell Aloe I’m coming in hot,” he said into his also-stolen phone. His own inevitably got destroyed sometime in the first half of the day. Stealing one did however make other parts of the day go more smoothly. Once he told Erik his phone got destroyed, they spent Day Forty-six plotting out every phone Tiago might reasonably be able to get his hands on.

Turned out an ounce of preparation really did make things easier.

He was a sniper. That shouldn’t be a surprise.

And yet.

The gunfire returned, more determined this time. Tiago muttered a curse and returned fire, his brain remembering, even if his muscles didn’t, where the perusing henchmen would be.

A scream from behind hi. Told him his aim was as flawless as ever. A small reprieve considering the day he was having.

“Aloe, where the hell am I going?” He demanded over his stolen phone. Aloe was barely willing to g to help, but he was willing and it was enough. Tiago didn’t want to bring down a firestorm on himself by kidnapping the healer, but he really did have unlimited time to prepare right now. There was almost no one who could do him real damage.

Conatus was the only exception. Physical damage might fade, but mental damage left deep scars that would linger through the loops. Tiago had more than enough of those for six people.

Maybe he wouldn’t tell his soulmate that part.

An explosion rocked his car as he crossed the bridge towards Conatus’s favorite apartment and the lab beneath it.

It was risky, but at least this time Tiago knew if he died, he would wake back in his own bed, ready to try again.

A bullet exploded out his windshield and Tiago swore.

That was new.

He wrenched the wheel to one side, and closed his eyes as the car plunged off the side of the overpass into the darkness below.

Tiago void closed his eyes and held on for the inevitable crash when he hit the ground.

After that he knew nothing more.

His next life would be better.

+++

Looping Souls: (FULL COLLECTION)

Fifty-Seven (Subscriber Only!)

Fifty-One

Three

Twelve

Thirty 

Thirty-Nine

Fifty-Two

Fifty (New!)

+++

MASTERLIST

[officialleehadan]

Three Brains

Hello darlings! Today's story was brought to you by Kat! Darling, thank you so much for all your support!

Prompt: Between Love and Duty

+++

Nick loved his job.

He worked in bioengineering, which was always a business fraught with supervillains. Mostly, the ones with an intelligence factor who were making weapons to sell to other villains. There were two in Nick’s lab, as it happened, which was probably why the villain with the Cube attacked in he first place. Rayan kept his identity well-hidden, so Nick was pretty sure they weren’t after him.

All the same, it made for an interesting situation for Nick. His coworkers were too smart to not realize he knew about them, and he wasn’t going to insult them by pretending otherwise. As a result, they had a very comfortable working dynamic in which the villains, Stevens, who also went by Doctor Unholy and Tariq, who also went by Gravity Crash, respected his space and didn’t try to recruit him.

It was for the best. Nick didn’t want to get into villainy. He was a talented scientist, and probably could do fine in the work if he wanted to, but he simply didn’t need the drama.

Of course, his fiancé was a Power himself, and his best friend was on the Hero path. His life already had plenty of drama going on.

Still, it did occasionally make for interesting afternoons when they were cleaning up for the day and the shop talk turned to shop talk.

“Word is that there’s a new development in play,” Stevens said as he loaded up the autoclave. Nick himself was wiping down all their counters and Tariq was sweeping, and would mop when they were done. “I heard from the north river lab that the attack here involved a device to remove people’s Powers.”

“I’ve heard the same,” Tariq said conversationally, but without any hint that he actually knew anything. Certainly he didn’t know where the Cube was, considering it was currently taped under Nick’s bed. Even the supervillain who actually slept in the bed didn’t know it was there. “The Heroes are very excited about it, for obvious reasons.”

“I’ve heard Mephit and Libra are working together on it,” Nick added. As he knew they were villains themselves, and enhanced mental abilities to boot, he knew, and they knew, that Rayan was Mephit. They didn’t know about Carolina being Libra, however, and he meant to keep it that way. Rayan knew about the two villains as well, and was alright with Nick talking with them about his work, as long as it didn’t put Nick in danger. “But no one knows where the thing is and it has both sides anxious.”

“it has me anxious too,” Tariq admitted. “Avia as well.”

Avia was his wife and was a Power on the villain side. She specialized in hydrokenisis and tended to target big resorts on the coast, and cruise ships. Lately she had formed an alliance with three other Elemental powers, all women, and they were making the news as environmental terrorists. Nick approved of their work all things considered. Cruise ships were sailing biohazards.

“I think all of us who have someone in the game are worried,” Nick said, since it was true, and also because he was considering bringing his fellow scientists in on his secret. “Does anyone know where the thing came from? That fellow who attacked our lab had it, last anyone knew, but where did he get it?”

“That’s a good question,” Stevens said, and turned on the autoclave before he moved to pipettes next. He eyed Nick, and caught Tariq’s eye. Nick looked them both over and sighed. He had been too obvious. “So, where is it?”

“I couldn’t possibly be able to say,” Nick said, since there was no point insulting them by pretending he didn’t know what Stevens was asking. They figured out that he had the Cube. Now it was up to them, and him, to decide what to do with that information. “But I might be able to mention something about how a scientist I know examined it, and couldn’t figure out how it works.”

“Did this scientist leave you lab notes to share?” Tariq asked carefully. They all understood they were on very dangerous ground. Everyone on both sides of the Powered community would kill to get the Cube, and only the three of them knew who had it. Only Nick alone knew where it was. “Or any other information that you might be able to give, safely, to a colleague?”

“Maybe,” Nick hedged. He wasn’t sure he wanted them to see his research not he Cube, but he needed help. So far, it had defied all his efforts to figure out how it worked, but it had to affect the body somehow. Powers were a genetic mutation. Whatever else it did, the Cube must hit those genes too. That put it firmly in their realm of expertise. “It has my friend very concerned, given the implications on his loved ones.”

Stevens shared a long look with Tariq, and then, very deliberately, reached behind the autoclave for a control panel Nick pretended he didn’t know about.

All at once, the noise from outside the lab cut off, and there was a slight shimmer over the windows as forcefields powered on. The lab security of a pair of villains who didn’t want their personal lives in danger if there was another attack. A reaction, Nick knew, to the attack that brought the Cube to his door.

“Right,” Stevens said when the lab was locked down. He set the pipettes aside and washed his hands as Tariq set aside the broom. Nick joined them at the nearest table and took a seat. “We have a lot of genius in this room. Tell us what you know, and we’ll see if three brains are better than one.”

+++

Between Love and Duty

Two-sided love (Subscriber Only!)

Close to Home (Subscriber Only!) (New!)

Three Brains (New!)

+++

MASTERLIST

[officialleehadan]

Safe Bubble

Hello darlings! Welcome to Prompt Month! Today's story was brought to you by Veres! Darling, thank you so much for all your support!

Prompt: Warm soft couple time, with Stone Kisses

Stone Kisses

+++

Alivir loved watching Dainea and Tallinvar kiss.

They were a study in contrasts. Light and dark, pale skin against tanned. Hard muscle against soft curves. Even their clothes showed off their differences. Tallinvar had always been a bit of a peacock, and his night clothes were ghost-thin silk, marked by soft embroidery that looked like someone had done it for him by hand.

Dainea of course owned little but what the healers gave her when she woke, and her nightgown was simple white cotton. Soft, but basic, and not much difference from Alivir’s own, save only that hers was cut for a female form and his was not. Ordinary clothing, made to be easy to wash and comfortable to sleep in, but little more. Not like Tallinvar’s silks.

Admittedly, Alivir very much enjoyed the silk,a and they were more recently learning how fast they could get their lover out of his silks, or his robes, as it happened. Tallinvar was bemused by their dedicated study of his clothing, but was almost always willing to indulge them.

Of course, that was not their goal for today. Today it was only a matter of warmth and comfort, and holding Tallinvar against his own painful, and conflicting emotions.

A glance at the half-covered mirror in the corner assured him that the warlord and his men were safely contained across the school, shocked by the loss of Master Wishtain and several of their other mages in the sporadic attacks. They were getting very short of magical aid, Alivir noted absently, and wished them well of their uneasy sleep.

He had nicer things to look at.

“You’re too far away,” Dainea said and reached for him. When she realized she couldn’t reach him, she pouted up at Tallinvar who, although he was still raw from the loss of his father, was very thoroughly distracted by the lady in his lap. “Can you…?”

Although he would have come closer if she asked, Tallinvar didn’t give Alivir time to reply to her request. He snapped his fingers and blue magic coiled around him and floated Alivir close enough for Dainea to curl her fingers around his throat, and to kiss him softly.

Although amused at the waste of magic, Alivir wrapped his arms around her and Tallinvar and pressed kisses to her shoulders.

None of them were terribly interested in taking things much further tonight. Not with Tallinvar still shaken and fragile. All the same, the closeness made their room into a small, comfortable bubble of safety, protected by Tallinvar’s magic, and Eikh’s, and guarded by Alivir’s frequent glances at the mirror, searching for threats drawing near.

Nothing had dared their joined defenses. Even the monsters, hidden under their anti-magical defenses, stayed low in the caves. Alivir tried to get a look at the broodmother, but either she was even deeper than her brood, or she had her own defenses. Every time he tried to look at her, his Sight drifted to other people.

Mostly Eikh, but sometimes Tallinvar and Dainea, on the one occasion Alivir left them long enough to bathe. He didn’t like parting from them, his Sight tended to throw confusing images at him when they did, but he hated to go to bed covered in the sweat of the day.

Even on a normal day, the heat of the school made his skin itch. Today, after their brief fight and the fear and stress of seeing the broodmother, had left him covered in sweat and filth.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Dainea purred and twisted around to straddle his lap, still with Tallinvar’s hands on her hips. Her lips were reddened with kisses and she was flushed. Her hair fell down over her bared shoulder in soft ringlets, and her eyes were soft when they met his. “Stop thinking about magic. You have us.”

“Always,” Alivir said, ever obedient to her will as she tilted her face up towards his, ready for more kisses, this time from him. She trailed her fingers down his neck to his heart possessively, although one hand stayed on Tallinvar’s thick. She almost never let go of both of them at once, and preferred for them to stay in reach. “We’ll give you the world, you know.”

“I don’t want the world,” she said and smiled up at him between lingering kisses that stole his breath away. Exhaustion rolled through him, ever-present and difficult to resist. They were all tired, and every time they cuddled in together, he seemed to fall asleep. Now, with the difficult, shocking day behind them, it was small wonder they were barely fighting sleep. “I just want you two. You’re all I could hope for and more.”

“And you’re all we’ve dreamed,” Tallinvar replied softly, and pulled them all down onto the bed with Dainea between them, soft and warm and welcoming. “I still don’t know why you two want me but…”

Their poor lover. Shaken and battered from the loss of his much-hated father, and the terror of the brood mother, and the ever-present threat of the monsters. If only Alivir realized long ago that Tallinvar was so prickly to hide his soft heart. He would have made friends with him at least, and maybe even fallen in love with him sooner.

Ah well. There was no taking back time that had passed. He would just have to make up for lost time as he could. Dainea would help. She loved Tallinvar as much as he did. Together they would make sure he never had a moment of doubt that they cared for him.

“Couldn’t be because you’re handsome, powerful, and brilliant,” Dainea giggled. She rolled to pull him close and Alivir captured both of them in the blankets. “Now sleep. I will be hungry later, and I expect you to provide me supper.”

+++

Stone Kisses: (FULL COLLECTION)

Stone Kisses Volume 1

+

Stone Kisses V2: (For full collection, see V1)

Checking Outward

One Fallen (Subscriber Only!)

Deep Wound

Safe Bubble (New!)

+++

MASTERLIST

[officialleehadan]

Safe Bubble

Hello darlings! Welcome to Prompt Month! Today's story was brought to you by Veres! Darling, thank you so much for all your support!

Prompt: Warm soft couple time, with Stone Kisses

Stone Kisses

+++

Alivir loved watching Dainea and Tallinvar kiss.

They were a study in contrasts. Light and dark, pale skin against tanned. Hard muscle against soft curves. Even their clothes showed off their differences. Tallinvar had always been a bit of a peacock, and his night clothes were ghost-thin silk, marked by soft embroidery that looked like someone had done it for him by hand.

Dainea of course owned little but what the healers gave her when she woke, and her nightgown was simple white cotton. Soft, but basic, and not much difference from Alivir’s own, save only that hers was cut for a female form and his was not. Ordinary clothing, made to be easy to wash and comfortable to sleep in, but little more. Not like Tallinvar’s silks.

Admittedly, Alivir very much enjoyed the silk,a and they were more recently learning how fast they could get their lover out of his silks, or his robes, as it happened. Tallinvar was bemused by their dedicated study of his clothing, but was almost always willing to indulge them.

Of course, that was not their goal for today. Today it was only a matter of warmth and comfort, and holding Tallinvar against his own painful, and conflicting emotions.

A glance at the half-covered mirror in the corner assured him that the warlord and his men were safely contained across the school, shocked by the loss of Master Wishtain and several of their other mages in the sporadic attacks. They were getting very short of magical aid, Alivir noted absently, and wished them well of their uneasy sleep.

He had nicer things to look at.

“You’re too far away,” Dainea said and reached for him. When she realized she couldn’t reach him, she pouted up at Tallinvar who, although he was still raw from the loss of his father, was very thoroughly distracted by the lady in his lap. “Can you…?”

Although he would have come closer if she asked, Tallinvar didn’t give Alivir time to reply to her request. He snapped his fingers and blue magic coiled around him and floated Alivir close enough for Dainea to curl her fingers around his throat, and to kiss him softly.

Although amused at the waste of magic, Alivir wrapped his arms around her and Tallinvar and pressed kisses to her shoulders.

None of them were terribly interested in taking things much further tonight. Not with Tallinvar still shaken and fragile. All the same, the closeness made their room into a small, comfortable bubble of safety, protected by Tallinvar’s magic, and Eikh’s, and guarded by Alivir’s frequent glances at the mirror, searching for threats drawing near.

Nothing had dared their joined defenses. Even the monsters, hidden under their anti-magical defenses, stayed low in the caves. Alivir tried to get a look at the broodmother, but either she was even deeper than her brood, or she had her own defenses. Every time he tried to look at her, his Sight drifted to other people.

Mostly Eikh, but sometimes Tallinvar and Dainea, on the one occasion Alivir left them long enough to bathe. He didn’t like parting from them, his Sight tended to throw confusing images at him when they did, but he hated to go to bed covered in the sweat of the day.

Even on a normal day, the heat of the school made his skin itch. Today, after their brief fight and the fear and stress of seeing the broodmother, had left him covered in sweat and filth.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Dainea purred and twisted around to straddle his lap, still with Tallinvar’s hands on her hips. Her lips were reddened with kisses and she was flushed. Her hair fell down over her bared shoulder in soft ringlets, and her eyes were soft when they met his. “Stop thinking about magic. You have us.”

“Always,” Alivir said, ever obedient to her will as she tilted her face up towards his, ready for more kisses, this time from him. She trailed her fingers down his neck to his heart possessively, although one hand stayed on Tallinvar’s thick. She almost never let go of both of them at once, and preferred for them to stay in reach. “We’ll give you the world, you know.”

“I don’t want the world,” she said and smiled up at him between lingering kisses that stole his breath away. Exhaustion rolled through him, ever-present and difficult to resist. They were all tired, and every time they cuddled in together, he seemed to fall asleep. Now, with the difficult, shocking day behind them, it was small wonder they were barely fighting sleep. “I just want you two. You’re all I could hope for and more.”

“And you’re all we’ve dreamed,” Tallinvar replied softly, and pulled them all down onto the bed with Dainea between them, soft and warm and welcoming. “I still don’t know why you two want me but…”

Their poor lover. Shaken and battered from the loss of his much-hated father, and the terror of the brood mother, and the ever-present threat of the monsters. If only Alivir realized long ago that Tallinvar was so prickly to hide his soft heart. He would have made friends with him at least, and maybe even fallen in love with him sooner.

Ah well. There was no taking back time that had passed. He would just have to make up for lost time as he could. Dainea would help. She loved Tallinvar as much as he did. Together they would make sure he never had a moment of doubt that they cared for him.

“Couldn’t be because you’re handsome, powerful, and brilliant,” Dainea giggled. She rolled to pull him close and Alivir captured both of them in the blankets. “Now sleep. I will be hungry later, and I expect you to provide me supper.”

+++

Stone Kisses: (FULL COLLECTION)

Stone Kisses Volume 1

+

Stone Kisses V2: (For full collection, see V1)

Checking Outward

One Fallen (Subscriber Only!)

Deep Wound

Safe Bubble (New!)

+++

MASTERLIST

[officialleehadan]

Baby Rider

What Once Was

+++

Cyra was aware that bouncing a baby on her hip was not the most intimidating look.

She was also aware of how hard it was to have a new baby in the family, and that Lavas and his wife were halfway dead with exhaustion, and the best possible way to hold a meeting in peace was to to take the fussy little boy from his father.

Lavas probably would have protested, but the naked relief in his eyes when his son stopped yowling and finally took the bottle Cyra offered was more than enough to buy his silence.

Leonara hadn’t stopped chuckling, but Imlyn was old enough, barely, to remember how she had carried his brother the same way so his own parents could get some sleep.

Lavas was asleep on a couch in the corner. Cyra couldn’t even be annoyed with him for it.

“I would say you’ve gone soft, Dread Lady,” Dameld said, much amused by the whole thing even as Geraeld came over and, with the steady hand of a father of seven girls, took the almost-asleep baby from Cyra and bounced him gently. The little lad cooed sleepily at him, but snuggled into Geraeld’s wide arms with every indication of comfort. “But I know better. The skill with a child, however, is new.”

“Not that new,” Cyra said with a find smile for her godson, who was talking with Geraeld’s daughter, Elmia. They seemed to be discussing something that was either a creative way to kill a whole city, or an irrigation system. Cyra wasn’t sure. It might be both. “I learned a great deal with Imlyn and his brother, including how badly a new parent needs their sleep. We take no harm for Lavas having time to sleep.”

“I never suggested it was a bad thing,” Dameld said and ran one large finger over the baby’s soft cheek, but she didn’t make any move to take the child from Geraeld. For good reason, as he had, with an experienced father’s skill, coaxed the little lad almost to sleep. “But.. perhaps odd to see these skills of a peaceful life after our many years of monstrosity.”

“I was retired. We all were,” Cyra said and shrugged. “I hoped not to ever call you lot again, if we’re being honest.”

“I am glad for the call,” Leonara said, and suddenly wrinkled her nose. “But there is a reason I rarely interact with children. Their thoughts are so very loud! He is wet. It is foul, apparently. He wants to be changed.”

“Can’t say I’m any happier when I wet my britches,” Geraeld said and raised the bag Lavas brought with him when he appeared with his son in arms. His wife was still recovering from the birth and despite his desire to make a good impression with Cyra and her Riders, he valued his wife more highly still. Fortunately for him, Cyra approved of his priorities, and the little boy was, to all accounts, an easy child. “Thanks Leonara. I didn’t think he was hungry yet, but there’s no telling.”

“He is also hungry, but the filth in his diaper has his attention,” Leonara reported, clearly entirely displeased by the knowledge that was undoubtedly being bombarded into her mind. Her skills, Cyra knew, could either be open to receiving the thoughts of those around her, or turned off entirely, but only focused on one person with great effort. As a result she could not tune out the baby, and would not turn off her skills when surrounded by people she did not trust. “Warm another bottle while you have the chance.”

“You’re more useful like this,” Geraeld noted and grinned manically when she stuck her tongue out at him. He did change the baby with the ease of experience and tucked the soiled diaper away for Lavan or his wife to wash later “Watch it, spy. You’d be just as pretty without a tongue.”

“I knew you thought too much about my tongue but Geraeld, flirting with me after all these years?”

“Say that in front of my wife, I dare you.”

“Ma is fierce,” Elmia agreed, distracted from her discussion with Imlyn, which had progressed to paper models on the table. Cyra eyed them and decided that the subject was neither poisoning nor irrigation, but apparently siege warfare, considering the small paper trebuchets and what might be cavalry. “People sniff around Pa now and then. She clubbed the last one with a cast iron pan.”

“Auntie did that when our castle was invaded,” Imlyn noted and leaned against the table to observe Geraeld’s efficient disposal of the dirty diaper, and his soothing of the now-squalling child. “Didn’t think they’d make such good weapons.”

“They’re heavy and iron. You can club most anything with something that heavy,” Cyra told him, and reminded herself to resume his sword lessons. He would need them soon. “Leonara, you can leave if the baby bothers you. I don’t think we’re getting much else done. Leave Lavas alone. He needs the sleep.”

“Maybe a bit soft,” Dameld noted, but she was smiling as well, and let the little boy grasp one of her fingers. “But perhaps that is no bad thing. Has there been any word of our missing two? I would not want to call them betrayers so soon, but their absence brings questions I cannot ignore.”

“I know,” Cyra said, and reclaimed the baby from Geraeld easily. “Which is why I have Alanter scrying for them. If they need aid, we will retrieve them. If they have betrayed me, they will learn why no Rider of mine has ever survived to tell my secrets to another.”

+++

What Once Was: (FULL COLLECTION)

Lady of the Kitchens

Solar Safe

Family Meeting

Birthing Heroes (Subscriber Only!)

Recipe for Intrigue

Edifice

Three Riders (Subscriber Only!)

Old and New

Baby Rider (New!)

+++

MASTERLIST