peace in

poetry photography & clouded intentions

[ofincenses]

I know most of us don’t use this app much anymore - but @partytilfajr needs to atone for his sins. He is a serial abusive partner - thief and liar. Do not let him manipulate your communities and take advantage of innocent women.

Read the account of his ex wife - a beloved community member who always poured her heart into those around her. Instagram: @shamiyan

[blog-cdaleyoung]

SLEEP by Ellen Bryant Voigt

another heavy frost what doesn’t die or fly away

the groundhog for instance the bear is deep in sleep I’m thinking

a lot about sleep translation I’m not sleeping much

who used to be a champion of sleep

ex-champions are pathetic my inner parent says the world

is full of evil death cruelty degradation not sleeping

scores only 2 out of 10

                                       but a moral sense

is exhausting I am exhausted a coma looks good to me

if only I could be sure there’d still be dreams it’s what I miss the most

even in terrible dreams at least you feel what you feel not what

you’re supposed to feel your house burns down so what

if you survived you rake the ashes sobbing

                                                                        exhausted

from trying to not smoke I once asked for a simple errand

from my beloved who wanted me not to smoke he forgot unforgivable

I fled the house like an animal wounded enraged I was thinking

more clearly than I had ever though my thought was why

prolong this life I flung myself into the car I drove like a fiend

to the nearest store I asked unthinking for unfiltered Luckies oh

brand of my girlhood I paid the price I took my prize to the car I slit

the cellophane I tapped out one perfect white cylinder I brought to my face

the smell of the barns the fires cooking it golden brown smell of my father

my uncles my grandfather’s tin of loose tobacco his packet of delicate paper

the deliberate way he rolled and licked and tapped and lit and drew in

and relished it the smell of the wild girl behind the gym the boys

in pickup trucks I sat in my car as the other cars crept by

I looked like a pervert it was perverse

a Lucky under my nose

                                        I drove myself home

I threw away the pack which was unwise the gods

don’t notice whining they notice brief bright flares of human will

they lean from their couches yes more fear and dread for that one

yes let’s turn the suffering up a notch let’s watch her

strike the match I strike it now when I wake

in the dark I light that little fire

[ofincenses]

[ofincenses]

but didnt you say

that was the best part

the curtain pulled up

always an arms length away

never creating enough space

between my top & bottom laew

enough, for you to enter 

a warmth lie there

it cools in autumn 

it cools in winter

it cools all your rage

makes fire saunter in your chest

and god knows we were always

swimming in its wetness

[ofincenses]

this is a small safe space. 

ive never felt such deep pain in my entire existence on this earth than in the past few weeks. at one point i thought i finally achieved some inner level of peace. i dont know what im doing and its terrifying. i dont know what my future holds and all my hard work stands to be meaningless which is shattering. 

whats it like to give everything you have and still see failure on the other side? 

[mortalghost]

Mornings are a tougher time. I take in stride, The lonely nights. I tell myself, ‘There’ll be better days.’ But, sometimes…

Monday mornings need a coffee, a smile, and a friend…

-H. Murcia =

[faramosh-deactivated20170126]

Does anyone else feel like they’re living their lives in third person? Like nothing seems fully real, and it’s hard to connect to anyone or anything no matter how beautiful or tragic. It’s almost like things are passing by and you’re watching yourself experience everything, but feel nothing.

[ofincenses]

now i know this is called disassociating and thats no bueno

[ofincenses]

wow i love my family. and best friend(s). and co-workers. and peers. and my career. and my hobbies. so why do i still feel empty. like walking into the fog (with a fog seeping in your insides. waiting for a crack in your rib cage to come through).

they tell you to keep going and to take a break in the same breath. 

[oaluz]

Exercise: Exploring New Ways of Being in Relationships

Let’s create a profile of emotional maturity that you can work towards. The following lists present a picture of how an emotionally mature person might interact and behave in relationships. Read through the following lists of new behaviours, beliefs and values and choose a few to practice. Just pick one or two at a time, and be gentle with yourself as you work on them. Some might be harder than others.

Being Willing to Ask for Help:

I’ll ask for help whenever I need to.

I’ll remind myself that if I need something, most people will be glad to help if they can.

I’ll use clear, intimate communication to ask for what I want, explaining my feelings and the reasons for my request.

I’ll trust that most people will listen if I ask them to.

Being Myself, Whether People Accept Me or Not:

When I state my thoughts clearly and politely, without malice, I won’t try to control how people take it.

I won’t give more energy than I really have.

Instead of trying to please, I’ll give other people a true indication of how I feel.

I won’t volunteer for something if I think I’ll resent it later.

If someone says something I find offensive, I’ll offer an alternative viewpoint. I won’t try to change the other person’s mind; I just won’t let the statement go unremarked upon.

Sustaining and Appreciating Emotional Connections:

I’ll make a point of keeping in touch with special people I care about and returning their calls or emotional messages.

I’ll think of myself as a strong person who deserves to give and receive help from my community of friends.

Even when people aren’t saying the “right” thing, I’ll tune in to whether they’re trying to help me. If their effort makes me feel emotionally nurtured, I’ll express my gratitude.

When I’m irritated with someone, I’ll think about what I want to say that could improve our relationship. I’ll wait until I cool off and then ask if the other person is willing to listen to my feelings.

Having Reasonable Expectations for Myself:

I’ll keep in mind that being perfect isn’t always necessary. I’ll get stuff done rather than obsess over getting things done perfectly.

When I get tired, I’ll rest or do something different. My level of physical energy will tell me when I’ve been doing too much. I won’t wait for an accident or illness to make me stop.

When I make a mistake, I’ll chalk it up to being human. Even if I think I’ve anticipated everything, there will be outcomes I don’t expect.

I’ll remember that everyone is responsible for their own feelings and for expressing their needs clearly. Beyond common courtesy, it isn’t up to me to guess what others want.

Communicating Clearly and Actively Seeking the Outcomes I Want:

I won’t expect people to know what I need unless I tell them. Caring about me doesn’t mean they automatically know what I’m feeling.

If people close to me upset me, I’ll use my pain to identify my underlying need. Then I’ll use clear, intimate communication to provide guidance on how they could give it to me.

When my feelings are hurt, I’ll try to understand my reaction first. Did something trigger feelings from my past, or did the person really treat me insensitively? If someone was insensitive, I’ll ask him or her to hear me out.

I’ll be thoughtful to other people, and if they aren’t thoughtful in return, I’ll ask them to be more considerate and then let it go.

I’ll ask for something as many times as it takes to get a clear answer.

When I get tired of interacting, I’ll politely speak up, asking if we can continue our contact at another time. I’ll explain kindly that I’m just out of gas at the moment.

(From Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson)

[thatlinearttho]

[ofincenses]

[ofincenses]

[ofincenses]

i think about permanence.

everything seems so temporary,

it is becoming hard to stand up straight.

plant my feet firmly into dirt.

;think it’ll never sink. never become washed away.

forgotten.

i repeat the last word in a whisper.

under warm breath like a curse word. it seems to me everyone is fixated on

its fallible lettering.

who/and where/and how/ they can stay in this temporary place.

for as long as possible.

just look. its here; in the form of a long winded Facebook post.

• a viral tweet; a photograph.

a never-ending winding staircase of

{killing others to make it on the front page}

sometimes as individuals (terrorist). others heroes (soldier)

the objective seems to be :

< kill the same people > on that same dirt. all sinking.

lucky to have, a tombstone, etched as a final imprint before the ground loosens enough

to

fit

us

all

[ofincenses]

it seems like everyone else is convinced by an illusion. a telephone game of fake oracles prophesying towards re-population.  wonder who else sees the king in his nakedness; pride the only cover. 

[ofincenses]

always magnetized by the sea she pulls me i the moon her the pull . gravity . . paid for the life that i chose if i could id trade it all trade it for a halo and he said that he'll pray for me i said it's too late for me ____ hang up my fragile thoughts a space, a drop, a cloth a comfort of fragilities in me make slow, get inside & pull on my sea the moon is dead but she still pulls on me ill shut out what's destructed 'round you

[ofincenses]

ellas eyes emerald, like the montañas‬ ‪under zard sol ‬ ‪kurdistan‬ ‪3an de irhabakan 👁 ‬ ‪chaw heez ‬ ‪ ‬ ‪agataen labaee. ‬ ‪that chica;‬ ‪black eyed soul‬

--------------- -------------- ----------

the girl's(é) eyes emerald like the mountains(é) under yellowed(ك) sun(é)

evil eye from the enemies(ع/é/ك) lustful/wandering eyes (ك) watch over (them/her) (ك)

that girl (é) black eyed soul

[ofincenses]

under the shadow of a black spruce tree i sit cross legged unraveling the knitted scarf my sisters fingers weave thousands of miles away

why us undoing unfailingly faster than laboring

her love for me nestled within each (k)not

i twist the yarn between my exposed knuckles make a ball

& swallow it whole