it's not like she didn't deserve it, she did. in fact if pandora slapped her, vera would be sure she deserved that too, but suddenly the elevators stifling hot and the younger woman takes a breath through sick lungs. all music talk is gone, nothing fake pleasant about this anymore. there's nothing she can say. i'm sorry you were so sad seems like something a friend would say when someone was depressed, i never realized, but this was the others fault, hers, so it didn't make sense to apologize for ruining the others dream. not when there was more between them. more that, of course, panda wouldn't skirt around.
if she looks at her ( she doesn't dare ) she would see the tears in the others eyes, and as if they're still connected like that? her own eyes burn. "panda," the softness is reserved only for her; only for someone she still cares for more than anyone she's ever known. "please, just..." the floors crawl up; she's missed hers, but she doesn't care. not right now when she can explain in private. so, she panics and presses the emergency stop button, leaning up against the panel so the other woman can't press down on the buttons. "wait," it's a plea because since the night she left? all she thought about was her, what she'd say if she ever grew brave enough. "just.. listen, okay?" another pause? start talking, idiot. "putain d'idiot," fucking idiot is murmured under her breath before she realizes, "not you. me, i'm a fucking idiot." a deep breath, a swallow that aches. "we were just getting so close, the kissing, the touching, i tried to tell myself it wasn't a big deal.. because i've never.. not with another girl, i mean, uh, another woman. but, it was. it was a big deal because i kissed you that day before you left and.." i loved you seemed like too much right now. "...i realized you weren't just my best friend, and that i wanted you and even though we were doing things i didn't think you'd want me like that, so i panicked, i panicked," eyes spill over and she sniffles. "i'm sorry. i thought it was better that way but all i've thought about is you. since i left, just you."