When was the last time Sirius saw Lily and James?
Peter kept nervously glancing over his shoulder, but Sirius thought that was fair enough, all things considered.
‘Will I have to start doing this?’ he whispered, glancing down at the bags of groceries. ‘I don’t mind, but you’ll have to write me a list-’
‘Keep your hair on, I’ll keep doing it,’ Sirius muttered back. ‘Anyway, they haven’t agree-’
The door opened, and Lily’s beaming face appeared, greeting them with such warmth that the grey October day seemed just a little brighter. She tried to help them with the bags, but both Sirius and Peter ended up competing in their gallantry and carrying through more than was reasonable to manage as she chuckled.
James was kneeling on the living room floor with Harry, holding the baby’s hands as he stood wobbling before him. James grinned delightedly up at them as they entered. ‘Sirius! And Peter too - excellent.’
‘He’s not?’ grinned Sirius as they dumped the bags on the coffee table, nodding at Harry. ‘He’s not walking?’
‘Not far off,’ said James, beaming proudly as he looked back at his son. ‘He can if he’s holding on to something - come on, you, let’s see what’s for dinner for the next few days.’ He gently pulled on his son’s hands so that Harry clumsily put one foot in front of the other, leading him to the coffee table.
Peter and Lily were already rifling through the bags.
‘You’ve got eggs, bacon, butter and what not,’ Peter was saying. ‘Some bread…’
‘Oh, rhubarb!’ said Lily gleefully, pulling out the long reddish stalks. ‘Sirius, you remembered-’
‘Of course I did, Lily,’ said Sirius grandly. ‘And to go with it…’ With a flourish, he plunged his hand into another bag and, staring right at his godson with raised eyebrows, pulled out a tin.
‘Custard!’ Lily cried, and even though Harry surely couldn’t understand why the adults were lightly cheering, he smiled, his chubby little hands gripping the edge of the table as he stomped his legs in excitement.
But there was a slight grimace to James’s smile - Sirius understood. It must be unbelievably frustrating, for a man like James, to not even be able to leave the house, to rely on others to do things as simple as a food shop for you, counting on them to remember that you had asked for milk and that your wife had been saying she had been craving rhubarb crumble, to not be able to wander through the grocers and think, ‘oh, those cherries look particularly good,’ or ‘the aubergines are going cheap - I haven’t got a clue what to do with them though.’
They unpacked the shopping, Lily’s knack of charms sending each item floating away through to the kitchen to go to what Sirius was sure was the perfectly correct spot, Harry shimmying his way around the coffee table until he was in front of Sirius, who picked him up with a large bounce.
‘Sirius!’ yelped Lily, lunging forward as Sirius tipped him upside down. ‘His head!’
‘He’s fine,’ Sirius drawled easily as his godson squealed with laughter.
‘Ah,’ said James, clicking his fingers as he apparently remembered something. ‘Let me give you some extra money for next week’s shop - Harry needs more clothes.’
‘What? Again?’ Sirius looked at Harry’s face. ‘Stop growing,’ he told him.
‘I tell him that all the time, he never listens,’ said James. His eyes flicked over to Peter, who had slouched on the sofa rubbing his jaw. ‘You all right, Wormtail?’
Peter looked up at him; he looked grey, and tired. ‘It must be awful for you both,’ he said quietly. ‘Living under this house arrest.’
James and Lily were both silent for a moment, Harry babbling in Sirius’s arms. ‘Well,’ said James awkwardly. ‘We’ll get used to it. Especially once I have my cloak back.’
‘You spoken to Moony, lately?’ Sirius asked quietly.
‘Yeah, he was here last week,’ said James stiffly. ‘Why?’ There was an accusing edge to his tone.
‘We-’ Harry suddenly began to wriggle indignantly in his arms, whining and reaching for his mother.
‘He wants feeding,’ said Lily swiftly, reaching out her hands and taking him. Sirius looked away politely as she sat in the armchair with him, pulling a blanket over her shoulder.
‘D’you - d’you want us to go in another room?’ squeaked Peter.
Lily shot him a look. ‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘I want to hear what it is the pair of you have got to say, looking all shifty like that.’
Sirius gave a dark, low chuckle. Of course she had noticed that they had something to say. He sighed, and sat on the sofa beside Peter. James did not sit down, but paced a little around the room, as though he did not know what to do with himself, before leaning an elbow on the mantlepiece and looking over at them irritably.
‘I know what you’re going to say, and I told you, I think they’re coincidences-’
‘We’re not here to talk about any of that,’ said Sirius steadily. ‘Well, sort of, but that’s not the point. We’ve had an idea - I’ve had an idea,’ he corrected, as Peter sent him a panicked look.
‘I’m not confronting Remus, Sirius,’ said James sharply. ‘It’s not - he wouldn’t, you’re just being cynical-’
‘It’s not about that!’ emphasised Sirius. He glanced over at Lily, watching them cautiously, Harry hidden beneath the blanket, then back at James. He did not look like the James Sirius knew so well - there was no cocky grin or laughter in his face, his hair was rumpled from sleep, not wind, and though his stance was as relaxed and lazy as it always was, his fingers tapped against the mantlepiece - it occured to Sirius that he hadn’t seen him stop moving since he had arrived. ‘I think Peter should be the Secret Keeper,’ he said at last. ‘Not me.’
James stared at him, breathing deeply. ‘You…’ his voice was hoarse. ‘You’ve changed your mind?’
‘No,’ said Sirius firmly. ‘You know I’ll always keep it. For all of you,’ he said, looking back over at Lily, who had her exposed arm curled protectively around the lump under the blanket. Sirius looked back at James. ‘But that’s the point. I’m a very obvious choice. I was the first person you thought of, wasn’t I?’
‘Of course you were,’ said James, who now looked rather insulted.
‘So everyone knows that,’ said Sirius. ‘Including the people I’ve shared the secret with so they can go and visit - yes, that includes Remus,’ he said, as James exhaled in irritation and looked away. ‘You don’t want to admit it, James, but someone is-’
‘It doesn’t mean that it’s Remus,’ said Peter soothingly, looking up at James. ‘But the point is, Sirius is marked as a Secret Keeper.’
‘You said,’ James said hollowly, ‘you said you were prepared to die for it, that’s what you-’
‘I still am!’ said Sirius fiercely. ‘I still will, if that’s what it takes.’ James ran his hand through his hair, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, swaying slightly. ‘But the point is, while the focus is on me, while everyone assumes I’m the one keeping the secret, the actual keeper could be Peter.’
‘Like a diversion?’ said Lily.
‘Yes, exactly. Let them try and trick me or track me down and torture me or whatever, let them spend all their time and energy on that, and all the while it’s actually Peter keeping you safe. Another layer of protection.’
James looked at Peter. ‘And you agree to this, do you?’
Peter hesitated, clearly thinking how to phrase it as he sighed. ‘No one would ever suspect me, Prongs. You and I have never been as close as the pair of you.’ He jerked his head at Sirius, who nodded.
‘The pressure’s off Peter, then. I keep all the stress, he keeps the secret.’
James ran his hand through his hair again, looking over at his wife; Lily’s expression was unreadable to Sirius, but James seemed to understand something from it. ‘I don’t… I don’t want to be cut off from people even more. I don’t want even fewer visitors, I don’t want to leave Remus not knowing where-’
‘Those people will all still know the secret,’ said Sirius. ‘We’re not breaking the charm, just changing it slightly. All it means is I can’t tell anyone else. Nobody needs know anything has changed at all. If someone in the know is passing information, they’ll keep telling Voldemort that I’m the man to find.’
James looked at his wife again, and she inclined her head. He looked back at Peter. ‘You know what you’re taking on?’ he said. ‘This… This isn’t an honour or a- a-’
‘I know,’ said Peter. ‘But it’s the right thing to do.’ His face was very solemn now. ‘And I’ll do it. For you.’
‘It’s not for me,’ said James suddenly, his voice breaking slightly. ‘It’s not for me - it’s for my son. For my wife and son.’
Peter nodded rapidly, his face miserable. ‘I know. I know, mate.’
Lily had started to cry, silent tears slipping down her face, clutching the blanket closer to her. James was pacing in front of the fireplace, running his hand through his hair and knocking his glasses aside to rub his eyes.
‘James,’ she said quietly. ‘It makes sense.’
‘I’m trying to be clever about it, mate,’ said Sirius. ‘Trying to think like they would.’
James stopped, and nodded. ‘If you’re sure, Peter?’
Lily had finished feeding Harry, and she fiddled under the blanket for a few moments before bringing him out from beneath it. He lay sleepily against her, his head on her shoulder. Lily and James looked at one another, and then at last he said, ‘would you be able to?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘You’ll need to take him while I prepare the charm.’
He did so, Harry barely waking as he was transferred from one shoulder to the other, and he glanced at Sirius and Peter. ‘I need some air.’
‘Peter needs to stay here,’ said Lily. ‘While I prepare.’
James nodded, and Sirius clapped Peter on the shoulder as he rose, following James out to the garden.
Careful not to disturb his drowsy son, James carefully lowered himself to sit on the brick wall, which dropped down onto the flowerbeds. Sirius sat beside him. ‘They for tomorrow?’ he asked, nodding at the vegetable patch.
James followed his gaze, where the dark shapes of pumpkins could be seen. ‘Oh, yes. Baby’s first pumpkin carving. I’ve got my eye on that big one. It’ll look lovely in our window for absolutely no one to see.’
‘Ah, all a load of American nonsense anyway,’ said Sirius easily.
‘Are you sure about this?’ James asked him, his voice faraway sounding. ‘It’s worked so far.’
‘It’s been nearly two years of the pair of you in hiding, but only a week under this Fidelius Charm,’ said Sirius. ‘If we’re going to be in for the long haul, we need to be strategic.’
‘But I know you’d never…’
James looked at him over the crown of his son’s head. ‘I trust Peter, obviously. But I’m not sure he’d hold up as long under torture as you.’
‘That’s why we’re not telling anyone it’s him,’ said Sirius. ‘And this way, they can torture me as much as they want - I wouldn’t be able to tell them even if I wanted to.’
James closed his eyes for a moment, and then slowly turned his head and looked out over the long, darkening garden, stretching out into a sweeping landscape. It had been spitting with rain earlier, and it was threatening to do so again - dramatic wisps of mist rolled over the hills like waves.
‘I’m not changing the other plan,’ said James abruptly. ‘If something goes wrong - Lily and Harry are apparating straight to yours.’
‘You have to look after them.’
James gave a shuddering breath and seemed to swallow. ‘This was not how I imagined joining the Order of the Phoenix would go,’ he said, with a wry voice.
Sirius grimaced. ‘No, nor me.’
‘House arrest for life and wondering if my wife will remarry once I’m dead.’
He looked at James carefully. ‘It’ll be all right though, Prongs. There won’t be any need for Lily and Harry to apparate to mine.’
James sniffed, and rearranged Harry so that he was cradled in his arms, now fast asleep. He looked down at him for a moment, and then back up at the rolling mist on the hills. ‘Sirius,’ he said, his voice low and calm, ‘I am going to die. At some point. For Lily and Harry. I will have failed if I don’t-’
‘Don’t be stupid, that’s what all this is about, keeping you all-’
‘Sirius,’ he said firmly, turning his head slightly towards him. ‘He will never stop hunting him. We’re only biding time. Hoping we can last long enough for… something,’ he said helplessly. ‘For Harry to grow up.’ His voice broke again. ‘He seems to be growing very fast.’
‘This plan is going to work,’ Sirius said. ‘I promise.’ James nodded. ‘Want a smoke?’ Sirius asked him.
‘I’ve quit,’ James said miserably. ‘Lily says those things’ll kill you.’
There was a pause, before they caught each others eyes, and started to snigger. James chuckling as he looked back down at his son - who was looking more and more like him every day - brushing back some of his dark hair.
‘Hey,’ came a soft voice. The looked over their shoulders - Peter was stood in the doorway. ‘Lily says the charm’s ready now.’
They followed him back inside, and James quickly put Harry to bed before they began, leaving the other three in the living room. Lily approached Peter, and placed her hand on his shoulder.
‘No one will blame you if you back out, Wormy. We’ll understand completely.’
He looked at her for a moment, his mouth slightly open. Then he closed it again, and swallowed. ‘I have to,’ he said.
‘You don’t,’ she said gently.
‘No, Lily, I really do,’ he said. She smiled, and embraced him - Sirius saw Peter blink in surprise but then hug her back, closing his eyes tightly.
‘Thank you,’ she said, as they broke apart. ‘You’re so brave.’
His lips twitched into an uneasy smile, and then James returned. At Lily’s instructions, he grasped Peter’s hand with his right, then crossed his forearms to grasp Sirius’s with his left.
Lily did the spell. Something golden and twisting swirled around their hands. Sirius looked up from their grasped fists, and his eyes met James’s hazel ones.
‘I do feel a bit better,’ James told them, as he walked them to the door. ‘Like there’s a bit more of a united front now.’
‘Good,’ said Peter. ‘Are you coming to the Order meeting tomorrow night? He asked as they dropped down onto the step.
‘Even with sparkling new security, I’d better be a good boy and stay indoors,’ said James.
‘We were thinking of going to the pub after - I’m sure we could rustle up a disguise for you,’ said Peter.
‘We could pinch some of the polyjuice stock,’ added Sirius.
‘I…’ James looked rather tempted. ‘I really should…’
‘Plus we never acted on that bet for a pint we did,’ Peter reminded him. ‘The one you won, on whether you could jump across that ditch.’
‘Ah,’ said James, tilting his head and smiling slightly but still looking rather glum. ‘We’ll just say you owe me, Wormtail.’
‘All right, mate,’ said Sirius quietly, as Peter looked crestfallen. ‘I’ll drop in on you all in a few days, yeah? With more food and stuff.’
James nodded, still smiling weakly, and Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. As he and Peter reached the garden gate, he glanced back to see James turning back inside, the back of his dark head vanishing behind the closing door.
‘There must be a way,’ said Peter, as they walked down the road. ‘To make it easier for them. Do they all have to be in hiding like that? If it’s just the baby he’s after? They can’t live like that forever, it’s not living at all.’
‘Ah, Peter,’ said Sirius heavily. ‘You know neither of them would stand for anything else.’ They reached a shadowy corner, out of sight of potential peeking Muggles. ‘I’ll come round before the meeting tomorrow, yeah? We can go together, I’ll have my bike with me.’
‘I - yeah,’ said Peter, looking rather distracted. ‘Yeah, see you then.’
‘Lily’s right - you’re a brave man,’ Sirius told him. They nodded at one another, bade each other farewell, and then Godric’s Hollow echoed with two loud cracks.
