What does it mean to be a smart submissive?
- If there is any doubt about what you’re doing, and it was instructed by your Dom, get clarification.
2. Are aware of what you need and what you want.
- A necessity and a desire are two very different things.
- Be aware of your Dominants usual behavior, if something is off, mention it. Dominants are human too, they equally need and deserve comfort and understanding during rough times. D/s dynamic aside, be a good partner, care for each other on an intimate level, otherwise the relationship won’t last long.
4. Don’t shy from problems, even though confrontation makes you uncomfortable.
- It is important to address issues within the dynamic. If there is a conflict of interest, let it be known, otherwise it will never be resolved.
5. Allow your Dom to bend your limits, not break them.
- A gentle push is healthy, a rough shove is abusive.
- Your Dom can be in control of your world, do not let them be the only thing in it. Have hobbies, interests, work, school, something you can invest yourself into for your own benefit/growth and development. Also have other people to converse with, otherwise you are being isolated by your Dom, something that is common among abusers.
7. Do your own research about safety for certain activities. You are the first person responsible for keeping yourself safe.
- It’s like safe sex, never expect the other person to always have a condom when you can carry one yourself. The internet is a very useful/educational tool, if you’re reading this then you already have this at your disposal. Use it.
8. Remember to respect yourself while respecting your Dom.
- Retain your sense of self while you are with your Dom. Don’t let your need to submit blind you to an inadequate “dominant” who just wants to take advantage of you.
- Communicate your needs, your discomforts, your concerns, your interests, your perspective, your likes, and just your thoughts in general. Regardless of how good your Dominant is, they are not a mind reader. It is imperative to communicate, especially if you are in a long distance relationship.
However, there are times when you can be “too smart” of a submissive. Sometimes that’s a good thing, other times, not so much. This means that you’re beyond analytical, you never allow yourself to fully submit, and you obsess over being “the perfect submissive,” even though there is no such thing. This cautiousness can go from keeping yourself safe, to restricting yourself, very quickly. It is important to find that balance and more important to be with a Dom who has earned your trust.
Now this leads to the ultimate point that was to be made to me by writing this. I’m an educated, yet inexperienced, submissive. Am I a smart submissive? According to what I’ve written, it seems so, but I still disagree. I don’t see myself as being a “smart submissive,” I see myself as being a submissive with an intellect, an impulse to question the majority of things, and a reserved demeanor.
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