Deleted paragraphs from our Kofi Post (bc its too long and I got embarrassed)
Sorry for the sudden silence these past few weeks ever since the last ko-fi request day. I've just been SO.. SO BUSY preparing for PhiliFUR 2026!!!!
This will be my second ever FURRY con, and I am very excited! Balancing this all with college is really tough though, so it's unfortunately caused some silence... ^^;
My current classes are 3D Animation and Software Programming. They sound fun, but they're really fast paced classes! I feel like I'm on fire from how fast I'm moving, switching being personal time, school work, streaming (when I can), commissions, and then event-stuff! I just keep telling people "I'm BOOKED!!!" these days...
However, as much as sometimes the GRIND feels like it's going to kill me, and I also do not believe in grind-culture, thinking about my ART is what keeps pushing me to keep moving along the muddy... muddy path it feels like I am in right now.
I was in class one day, and I started talking to a classmate about boothing—it just so happens that an oomf and I were in the same class! I mentioned something about streaming... and they looked at me and went,
"You are doing a LOT! You're always so busy! I don't know how you're doing that." (or something along these lines...)
And honestly chat, I really needed to hear that, I think. I always feel like I'm not doing enough, to prove to everyone that I am "good enough" to do what I want to do—to not have to succumb to a cold corporate life where I am not happy.
And I do want to do more! I want to make videos. I want to continue streaming, I want to keep creating art either commissioned or to sell—or to just make! And I want to be able to do it without having to be afraid of how long I can do it for—if I can keep it up.
I think we can all relate to that to some degree—wishing you could live off of what you love, but struggling because survival sometimes becomes more important.
To me, I think I really am fighting for my survival, though. I feel like... If I am not going to be able to live life doing what I want to do—which is to make art on my own terms—then something is wrong, very wrong. I think I really do feel like a rabid animal coming out of several metaphorical car crashed, brushing its fur neat, and then getting hit by a car again—metaphorically.
It's EXTREMELY possible that all I've shared with you all today may come off as "too much information", but I wanted to be honest with how I feel about this path you are all with me on these past few months—years.
Not because I am warning you all that I am about to give up, but because this is VERY HARD.. And I am extremely determined to continue, because I feel like over the past few years, I've understood this as my calling of some sort. A very hard, non-traditionalist calling, so I don't have a lot of support from a lot of people in my physical life.
So thank you everyone. I know I am quiet at times, but I am so happy to have you all with me. Thank you for supporting me and giving me hope! I know there is only five of you, but YOU are all the reason I can afford a few things, as I am not employed.
Read the rest on kofi if you want !