A few days ago (more than a week now) I stopped all kinds of communication with my ex and also the guy I was currently seeing.
It was scary at first. Especially the first day. I am so used to having some sort of attention..someone to check on me every now and then. A daily compliment or just a "good morning ❤️".
I am taught that I need a man to survive. It's been printed onto my brain since arriving on this earth. And it really does feel scary to be single. Let alone a single mom.
But during these few days of having no one but myself (this happens for the first time in 10 years btw) i am not scared at all. I don't feel differently, I don't miss the "good morning" messages. I used to put so much weight on these little things, as they are what I rely on most. Like they are of the utmost importance.
The full picture is what matters. Not how I feel today, but how I feel overall. The little compliment will make me smile, but will not heal the wound of making me feel unseen.
I opened Pinterest now and said to myself: the first image I see will be my sign. And this was it.
It was not helpful. It looks like little me and I don't like the little me and I don't wanna remember. She had no confidence and no space to be herself. She was bullied, but the worst part is she was bullying herself too (still does).
And my next thought was .. yes, ofc he remembers me. We're connected by a red thread, no matter if I like it or not. Does this make sense?
I wish people on social media were more honest. I like funny, I like profound, but please be real to me.
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