Oh eyelashes

I'm Liv. I have Trichotillomania. This blog's all about that.

[officialaudreykitching-deactiva]

‪Constantly analyze yourself. Figure out why certain things upset you. Question your own motives. Understand your behavior. This creates a pathway for change. Acknowledging why you do the things you do is the first step in shifting out of toxic patterns.‬

[grshn]

Observational exercises like this one and breathing exercises (such as breathing in for four seconds, holding your breath for two seconds, and then breathing out for four seconds) are very simple ways to help you through hard times. Although they might not solve all problems, they can help you regain a clear mind in order to think of other solutions, making them essential stepping stones in recovery. 

Take care of yourself, please. And try your best to reach out when things are difficult. 

It’s going to be okay.

reach out if you need to

gentle reminder self help book

[livinoon]

I smeared eyeshadow and eyeliner all over my face - unlocking the art-crazy little by little it seems!

I used to be too scared to look people in the eye because I didn’t want them to notice that all my eyelashes were missing. Trichotillomania does that to you. 

It’s good to not feel so insecure about it anymore, though. That’s pretty rad

[themidwifeisin]

PSA

You feel like shit is a website set up to help you get out of that funk/improve things just enough to not feel horrible and miserable all the time.  It’s amazing.

Whether you struggle with mental health problems all the time or whether this is a new/temporary state for you, this guide is an easy and judgement-free self-care tool.

PLEASE TRY IT OUT!  Really!  You just click through the questions to answer and follow simple instructions that in the end, ideally, will help you to feel more comfortable and stable on a daily basis. 

Good luck!  Have fun!

[drchelsearar]

Wow this self-care took is incredible.

I’m feeling ok right now and am about to settle into bed (but this was scheduled hence the early morning post) but I flipped through it for awhile just to see what it is like and holy crap it’s like a choose-your-own-adventure of self-care activities that not only aims to engage you in positive feel good behaviors but also tries to match its suggestions to your level of energy/ability/can even.

I think I am going to use this definitely when I am having a bad time but maybe also try to incorporate it into my life on at least a weekly if not a daily or semi-daily basis.

This is super super awesome!

[boethiah]

when you successfully resist a self-destructive impulse

[sunwomb]

3 types of self soothing thoughts 

Validation: it’s ok that I hurt and want to feel better

Reassurance: I can handle this pain even though it hurts 

Perspective taking: I’ve had bad days like this before and I’ve made it through them. I can remember my better days and know I’m not always hurting this much 

[co-existence]

do u ever feel like every single person you care about cares about someone else more

[casquecest]

Sure, but that doesn’t mean I’m worth less.

[urbanthropologie]

ways to start feeling again

sit in the sun without anything to do, feel the heat of the rays hit your skin, realize that this sunlight has travelled a very long way to reach you

walk around barefoot and try to feel as much of the ground under your feet as you can, notice every rock and blade of grass

sit quietly for a while and notice the touch of breath in your nostrils, feel how the air gets cooler as you inhale and warmer as you exhale

drive around aimlessly and blast some of your favorite songs, scream/sing along to them and feel the vibrations of your favorite lyrics as they change the air in your throat and around you, feel that the music is healing you from the inside out

stay away from alcohol or drugs for a few days, try to be as aware and present as you can in every moment, stop trying to numb or dull your senses

eat a few meals without any distractions, notice every bite and taste every flavor that covers your tongue, be grateful for it all

look up at the stars and the moon, understand how small we all are and how immense the universe is, realize what a miracle everything is, let your heart swell with amazement and admiration for life itself

[kinomatika]

ok this is actually cool bc doing all of this is a technique called “mindful thinking” that is extremely useful for people with anxiety disorders and dissociation disorders and stuff!

[tlcbfrb]

Live in or near New York? Join us next Tuesday, June 13th, for a screening of the documentary, @trichsterfilm at @rosendaletheatre! 🎥 Let us know if we’ll see you there! More info at bfrb.org.

[oh-eyelashes]

June - 3 New Skills for Trichotillomania

This is the second month of me doing this. Last month went really well. I feel like I have a much better grip on self-soothe, TIPP, and “Check the Facts” I feel like self-soothe has definitely become more of an easy thing for me to do. I can recognize when I need it more often.

So these are skills I’ve learned from DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and they’re not limited to trichotillomania. I think they could be really helpful for anyone.

The skills I’ve chosen for this month are One Mindfully, Distract, and Think Dialectically

One Mindfully can be sort of like getting lost in the moment. For me, that would be like suddenly playing tag with my little sister in the park (when we usually just walk) or dancing to my favorite songs. Those kinds of things make it seem like there’s nothing else that’s pressing at the moment. When I do something mindfully, I try to only focus on that particular activity or thing. And it doesn’t have to be about getting lost in the moment. It can also be about just noticing and focusing on something. Taking a shower or eating a bowl of cereal or anything can be done mindfully. (this is really similar to self-soothe in a way when it comes to noticing the senses and stuff) One mindfully is meant to help build control over your thoughts. I think it also helps to build a relationship between yourself and your thoughts since you can become more and more aquainted with them with practice. I’ve noticed through my journaling that I have a lot of worry and longing. With that, I’ve realized that I want to work on acceptance and appreciation more

Distract is for when you can’t make things better right away. Instead of dwelling on the problem or difficult emotion, you can distract yourself for a little bit in healthy ways and there are a bunch of different ways I distract myself. Yesterday, for example, I was feeling lonely and insignificant. I was lying in bed just ruminating on those feelings and I was starting to pull, and I was just like “Forget this. I’m going shopping.” I went to a craft store, a book store, and then I bought myself cookies. I splurged a little on myself and it was nice. Buying too much and feeling guilty wouldn’t have been helpful, but taking myself out and distracting myself with new things definitely worked for the moment. Other good distractions for me are scary movies, showers, walks, and even puzzles and riddles? In therapy, pushing the painful thoughts away with a visualization of some kind was also recommended to me, such as imagining the thoughts as a website tab on the computer and exiting out of it or putting them in a box until it’s time to deal with them. It’s not about avoiding the problem forever. It’s about giving your mind a breather so that it can deal with it later at a better time.

Thinking Dialectically is kind of new. Dialectics are about realizing that there are multiple ways of seeing a situation. There can be opposite truths - things that seem like they conflict with each other, but really they can both be true at the same time. I can miss someone and not want to go back to how things were. I can be excited about moving forward in my life and flippin’ scared too. Some of the examples from the DBT booklet I have are “I’m doing the best I can and I can do better. I can do this and it’s going to be hard. I’ve got big problems and I can try to solve them. I’m tough and gentle.” I personally like the last one. Thinking dialectically is about moving away from black-and-white thinking and/or all-or-nothing thinking and acknowledging the different layers and perspectives to situations and emotions. It can bring about a more open-minded way of looking about things.

I think a really good dialectic for me as a trichster is “I pulled out eyelashes and I’m still making progress” that’s sometimes hard to wrap my head around, but it has relieved me of a lot of guilt I used to have every time I pulled

[oh-eyelashes]

Trichster nighttime essentials...at least for me because I pull eyelashes out in my sleep sometimes ://///

[tlcbfrb]

We are so excited to start up #FidgetFriday - where we will be sharing our favorite fidget toys that we sell to keep your hands busy. First up, something we’re sure you’ve all heard of - the fidget spinner! We are so excited to now have these in stock in 14 different colors. Shop for them now at store.bfrb.org, and let us know which one is your favorite! #trichotillomania #dermatillomania #bfrb #fidgetspinner

[trichs-n-picks]

Who has one of these?!

[oh-eyelashes]

Letting Things Go

I realized that this hate and anger I’ve felt for the past six months over my breakup has been partly due to the disgust and disappointment in myself for caring about someone who let would let me down. Every good memory was marked as bad in my head. Laughing with him in the park, playing video games, kissing, everything - all those memories couldn’t possibly be seen as happy now because he ended up letting me down. I hated my past self. I tried stepping back and returning to the love and happiness I felt and I felt a release almost. I let myself look back on the good times and remember that happiness - not judging it, hating it, or yelling at it. At the time, I was so happy to be with someone and be part of a new experience. It was exciting and great. It’s bittersweet instead of evil in my head now.

But that wasn’t all of it. I still hated him. I kept thinking he was trash, and that needed to stop too. I overheard him talking to a coworker about his parents moving to a new house, and I don’t know, just something about that plain, normal conversation changed something for me. I realized that he wasn’t the evil villain that I saw him as. This was today, and I’m feeling so weird. I’ve only felt hate and anger for six months and it’s like I can breathe again. It’s a crazy relief.

He’s a person who’s got issues just like everyone does. He was never some evil villain trying to destroy me. He probably truly cared about me too. I wasn’t blind when I was with him. I felt something genuine with him even if it went downhill pretty soon. The fact that we didn’t work out doesn’t mean he’s not gonna keep moving forward. Maybe he’ll figure his shit out and be somebody better. I hope it’s the same for me.

It’s so so so strange to feel this way after all this blind hate. I didn’t want to feel the sadness and loss. We laughed a lot together and I learned that we both come from similar fears and desires. We just went about them differently. I’m feeling that loss again of what could’ve been. There was the potential to really know one another and be something strong. I couldn’t let myself feel the loss back then because it was too much for me. It cuts deep when I lose a friend, so losing someone who got much closer to me was just too much. It was easier to hate everything

the past is a closed door now, and I’m almost ready to look up and see the paths ahead of me. I do kind of wish I could talk to him and make peace. I don’t know if we could be friends again, but I wanna get some lingering questions answered and maybe answer some of his if he has any. 

This is a really lonely feeling right now. I wanna talk to him because he’s the only other one who went through this. I feel the urge to run away from it and distract myself, but I don’t want to let it go. I really don’t want to return to anger. Please, God, help me get through this properly.

[oh-eyelashes]

It’s not about him anymore

My first relationship was really nice at first, I laughed a lot. I ended it because he was showing his true colors and I realized he was just pretending to listen to me and respect my needs. I thought he was my best friend but he was never interested in me to begin with. he just wanted somebody nice enough who would tolerate his bullshit. he was so concerned about just not being alone and having a “cool girlfriend” to brag about, he didn’t realize that I actually have a spine.

So why am I still so angry and caught up in it? I feel like I deserve an apology and maybe I do, but I’ll have to accept that it is how it is. I just have to let it go and let him live his empty ass life.

[oh-eyelashes]

3 Skills - Trichotillomania Dealings! for May

So I’ve been in Dialectical Behavior therapy for well over two years now, and I’ve learned tons of different skills for mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, that kind of thing. It’s a little too much to keep track of everyday actually. 

( I have these daily diary cards and I have to tick off all the skills I used each day from this long list of different skills and practices. I like to ignore it all together because it never feels like I did enough, which is a poo feeling )  

Also! What I’m about to talk about isn’t exclusive to trichotillomania. I think anybody with any sort of body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB) can find this helpful. For me, it’s just trichotillomania. that is part of my personal experience.

So I’m trying a new strategy that’s been much more helpful in these last several days since I started, and all I’m doing is choosing 3 skills to focus on for a month. (Now, I started this in the middle of this month, but that’s okay.) I’m gonna see how it goes!

My 3 skills of choice: Self-Soothe, T.I.P.P, and “Check the Facts”

Self-Soothe is part of the “Distress Tolerance” category. It focuses on the six senses. (Wait 6? yes!) Vision, Hearing, Smell, Taste, Touch, and Movement, which is kinda cool. You could go on a walk and take in the sights and sounds of nature. Eat your favorite food and really pay attention to it. Dance to a nice song maybe. It’s really up to what you like. When you’re feeling upset, self-soothe is meant to calm you down by sort of shifting the focus to something pleasant and nice for a bit. It can help you reach a calmer head-space. When thoughts and feelings start to cause me to want to pull out my eyelashes, self-soothe can be an alternative route. It can also be practiced before I’m in any situation with strong urges. Self-soothe can help make my day easier to begin with, so I can use it as a preventative measure in a way.

T.I.P.P. is another Distress Tolerance one. It stands for Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced breathing, and Progressive muscle relaxation. This skill is for more intense emotions because TIPP makes it easier to grab your full attention away from whatever is bothering you. 

Temperature can be like washing your face in cold water for a minute or putting a cold pack on your cheek for 30 seconds (only if you can handle cold water though) 

Intense exercise is just taking 10-15 minutes to do something to get your heartrate up like running, dancing, or jumping. I plan to buy a jump rope soon, which will be fun. (same caution for this, only try it if your health permits)

 Paced breathing is balanced breathing (using your abdomen/diaphragm, breathing deeply as best you can), and you can do whatever works for you. Something like 4 counts in, 4 counts out for a minute or two. I usually close my eyes to focus or i’ll look at this tree outside my window.

 Now, progressive muscle relaxation is tensing different parts of your body one at a time and relaxing them, noticing the difference between the tension and relaxation. I usually go feet, to legs, to butt, to torso and back, to shoulders and neck, to my face (one group at a time. don’t want to cause knots lol) 

Check the Facts is the last one for this month. It falls under Emotion Regulation because it’s about recognizing your emotion and experiencing it without letting it control you. It’s like riding a wave instead of being washed over. Checking the facts is simply going over a situation that troubles or puzzles you or whatever. You describe it to yourself, and you state only facts - no speculation. These questions can help - Are you interpreting the situation correctly? Are there other ways to interpret it? Are you thinking in extremes? (all-or-nothing or catastrophic thinking) What’s the probability of the worst happening? Even if the worst happens, can you imagine coping well with it? Checking the facts just kinda helps me to step back and evaluate instead of letting my thoughts spiral.

A good example is that I was texting a guy today about getting coffee and he just disappeared for hours - no response at all. I started thinking like “Ohmygod maybe he meant to text somebody else and I was a mistake !” “he hates me!” Really all that I knew at that moment was that he texted me about getting coffee together, I said yes, and then I didn’t get a reply for hours. I didn’t know if anything happened or if there was a problem, but reminding myself of the facts helped me not to panic and to be patient until I did get a reply. 

So I just try to practice these 3 skills everyday. I go on walks, I practice balanced breathing, I tried yoga today ? There are lots of things that can qualify for these skills, and simply focusing on a few makes it a lot easier instead of trying to conquer them all. I’m getting more thorough and thoughtful practice, which will help me in the future.

What usually happened for me was that I would sort of practice skills, but when strong urges came about I felt I had to pull out eyelashes before I could return to my task. I’d try a skill but come right back to a strong, insistent urge to pull.

I have seen progress in myself, however, for sure. I don’t pull as many eyelashes during episodes anymore. Even though I can’t stop it completely, it’s nowhere near as severe. I can step back after a few eyelashes and refresh. I used to not be able to stop myself until everything was gone on my eyelids. Sometimes I relapse, but it’s more spaced out, and I don’t feel the heavy guilt and embarrassment I used to feel. DBT has seriously taught me how to be on my own side. I’ve become a lot more aware of my needs and tendencies too.

 I definitely don’t expect to be cured right away. I’m on summer break, which definitely makes things easier. I’m at home most days. But with this better system for practice, I hope that I’m more prepared for the urges that may come with future stress. I noticed the other day when I was working at my computer that I was getting tired and I suddenly preferred to practice a skill instead of the usual “force myself to work until I get frustrated” Retraining your brain takes a while that’s for sure, and I think it’s possible when you invest a little energy into it habitually over time.

[insectstim]

$5 and under stim toys

hey! if ur a super super poor person like me, sometimes u cant even afford $10 for a stim toy.

not to worry ! here are some stim toys that are $5 and under, INCLUDING SHIPPING !

Spinners:

style 1 ($0.72) | style 2 ($1.59)

style 3 (3.99 + 0.99) | style 3 ($1.69)

Fidget cubes:

style 1 ($0.99 + $0.80 shipping) | style 2 ($3.98)

style 3 ($3.68) | style 4 (2.61)

Tangles:

style 1 ($1.45 | style 2 ($0.99 + $0.69 shipping) | style 3 ($4.20)

style 4 ($2.43) | style 5 (1.99) | style 6 (1.99)

Squishies:

bunnies ($3.61) | cup kitty ($3.78) | narwhal ($1.90)

pandas ($0.72) | cat bread ($1.99) | whale ($1.89)

strawberries ($1.32) | peach ($2.70) | carrot ($1.47)

Misc. hand-busying fidgets:

magnetic beads ($4.38) | chain fidgets ($1.28)

6 stretchy strings ($4.98) | boinks ($0.99)

Gel/water-based toys:

grape ball ($1.79) | spitting gudetama ($0.99) | fruit squisher ($1.96)

gudetama egg ($1.78 + $0.73 ship.) | gel eggs ($2.52) | watermelon ($3.29)

edamame squish ($1.09) | 1,000 orbeez ($0.99) |  giant orbeez ($0.72)

Slime:

barrel o slime ($1.22) | color changing putty ($3.99)

magnet putty ($0.99) | glass putty ($2.91)

Puzzle toys:

puzzle ball ($2.95) | puzzle pyramid ($3.99)

twisty ($1.99) | puzzle cube ($3.11)

—-

I hope this helps!

if you can, please do support ND stim toy creators. this post is specifically so ND people without much money can afford the things they need to function!

[tlcbfrb]

View this post on Instagram

Want to raise BFRB awareness but not sure how? One easy thing you can do is sport an official BFRB awareness wristband! And good news - they’re FREE when you spend $20 or more on store.bfrb.org 😄let us know what’s on your BFRB shopping list! #bfrb #trichotillomania #dermatillomania

[trichs-n-picks]

Check out this sale going on at store.bfrb.org!