Wilted Rose

"We're all sentenced to solitary confinement inside our own skins for life."-Tennessee Williams

[anxietyproblem]

[halloithmeagain]

I wish my heart didn’t feel everything so deeply

[amortizing]

[weltenwellen]

Clarice Lispector, tr. by Johnny Lorenz, Um Sopro de Vida

[vanitybecomesme]

My four emotions:

Unhinged rage

Inconsolable sadness

Absolute boredom

Nothing at all

[londonfromparis]

“I couldn’t help but feel stupid. Technology today makes it so easy to reach one another - I mean, we all literally live with our phones glued to our hands. Yet still, he didn’t call, he didn’t text, he didn’t reply. All it would take is the tap of a few buttons - and he wasn’t even doing that. Any sane person would take the hint, but here I am, staring at my phone willing it to ring.”

— He isn’t going to call. // 12/2/21

[anotherlxve]

Reading your old texts is enough for me to fall apart once again. I wish you were the same person as you were in the beginning. How did you turn so cold?  

[itallstartedwithakiss]

"I sense that I am slowly letting go. That I'm growing less in love with you every single day. I think that's the most difficult thing about losing someone you've loved, the way you feel never really dies all at once. All you can do is wait and watch it fade away one day at a time."

- Beau Taplin

[angel518dust]

[vodkatales]

Maybe love changes. Maybe it goes from “I’ll wait up and call you after work” to “I’m going to sleep, I’m tired.” Maybe it goes from “You have nothing to worry about” to “I really wish you didn’t overthink so much.” Maybe it goes from “I choose you” to “I have to choose myself right now.” Maybe love isn’t one of those things that grows with certain people. Maybe you become too big for it. Maybe it’s like that sweater you always loved growing up or your childhood bed. You learn to appreciate it for what it was, but you come to terms with the fact that you have outgrown it. You learn to let it go. And maybe letting go of love isn’t some loud celebration at the end of a dark tunnel. Maybe letting go is the moment you decide that you can no longer keep the past alive inside of you. Maybe when you walk away, your life is just beginning.

[wayti-blog]

“It’s okay to let go of those who couldn’t love you. Those who didn’t know how to. Those who failed to even try. It’s okay to outgrow them, because that means you filled the empty space in you with self-love instead. You’re outgrowing them because you’re growing into you. And that’s more than okay—that’s something to celebrate.”

— Angelica Moone

[thepeacefulgarden]

[wishing-for-deathx]

It’s not that I won’t fall in love again. I think I can. I’m silly and naive like that. I fall so damn easily. Even though I know I’ll never love someone the way I love him but I think I can love again. But I do know that, it’s not worth it because no one will ever fall for me. It’s always going to be the same story for me. Unrequited love. You see I fall too easily but I’m so fucking hard to love. So it’s better this way, being alone.

— I don’t think I’ll make it if I love someone without being loved again

[enchantedengland]

The poignant, powerful beauty of rural England (@dpc_photography_ IG)

[perfectquote]

“Trauma permanently changes us. This is the frightening truth about betrayal. You never really get over it. At best, you grieve and make some kind of peace with it. But a major life disruption leaves a new normal behind. There’s no going back to who you were before.”

— Unknown

[loved-ones]

Never forget how they gave you distance when you needed love

[stargazerinmoksha]

A letter from the future—

you will wake up some day and the same thoughts of regret and guilt won’t be as present. the feelings you of unworthiness will subside. your path of true healing begins when you start to understand that we were designed for fuck up. the human experience is best described as a timeless story, you will be a masterful stroke of terrible bad luck, but your redemption arc is worth every fucking penny. you learn to laugh a little at your pain and silliness. you learn to live a little more than usual. oh, for sure; you are flawed and not perfect. but your crooked smile is beautiful— you shine even when the stars dim out, even when the sun doesn’t show, even when the moon is entangled with the clouds, you shine and shine and shine. a blossoming dream of roses and finery. the same shit that makes you laugh, makes you cry.

you will learn patience. you will learn that quite slowly. the hardest part about forgiving yourself that they don’t tell you about is the silent journey of your internal exchanges— about how much of an idiot you were and possibly still are. change doesn’t begin in a day, if rome wasn’t built in a day, you cannot possibly change in your moments of rage and depression. the courage to look at yourself and understand that you cannot possibly do this alone. you will attract your support system into your life. with your own hands, you’ll craft something worth waking up to. the loneliness of today will cause you to do stupid shit for attention. the company of tomorrow won’t always stay, but at least you’ll still have your freedom. the greatest feeling is knowing that you’ll always keep moving forward. for better or worse, you never stop going. your first step is the hardest step, but it’s the only one you’ll ever be acquainted with. most intimate with. your bravado to brave through your worst fears. the shape of misery unmistakably the softest of reminders that you must treat others with respect. karma is such an alluring mistress, she always kisses you goodnight. your solitude is justified. you must learn to love before you are able to receive it well once more.

dear star-child of mine, when was the exact moment of when you lost your way home? why don’t you just look up? it’s cold out and you’re still writing your precious little poems. you cannot feel the warmth of your own body, but you write through the numbness. you are triumphant. you are titanium. your heart made out of pure gold. smile your sorrows away, it was just a lapse of judgment— you have no room to judge anyone. you have no more room for hurt paintings inside the corners of your mind. plant your desires there. plant your heroics there. plant your beautiful soul there. plant your best efforts to love better there. plant your prettiest roses of love there. plant your impressionable mind there. plant your gentle and calm touch there. plant your unconditional love there. plant your most ℒovely memories there. plant your favorite songs there. plant your third eye there. plant the constellations keeping you safe on your walks home there. plant the best parts of your story there. plant the best version of who you were truly meant to always be right there. and for a million nights and a billion years— you will be a timeless blooming of my favorite kind of roses. the kind that you’re never afraid to give away. one day you’re going to feel amazing about all of it. you are the unconditional love that you must give to yourself first. a light version of what it means to truly be free. to let go of pain and embrace the journey because without the rain, there wouldn’t be any flowers left for you to give. so proceed with caution, but always proceed. you are both an ending and a new beginning. you are the first page and the last chapter. you are the worst parts of your life, but you are also the sweetest moments of a midnight dance in the dark shared between innocence and young love. you are the road least traveled. the rose that grew out of concrete. you are the most beautiful person to complete this unfinished story. you are both author and reader. you are the rain. you are the flowers. you are the plucked. you are dry-pressed flowers hidden under beds for a rainy day that might never come, but still you arrive all the same. you are the stars and all of its wishes. you are the faults and the mistakes. but you are also the answers and the corrections. you are the struggling, but you are also the unshakable. you are the calm, but you are also the storm. you are that very strange fixation to go on. because there’s nothing sweeter than your road to victory. you are every time you’ve watched yourself cry, you are also every moment you decided to smile. you are so damn incredible and worthy of a happy life. it has been my honor to watch you grow. you still don’t have everything figured out, but my god, aren’t you just a sight to behold? you must breathe gently for those that can no longer do just that… breathe gently now, because it’s really gonna be alright, i love you with all that i am. because there’s no other way around it, love starts and begins within. without that we are all truly fucked. you are the warm blood rushing back to cope with the absence of the sun, and it really is bright enough to shut out the darkness forever. i promise, everything is going to be alright. you’re just learning how to do just that. start there. love there. do it right this time. my love, do it better this time!