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@ohitselmo
tumblr isn’t considered a social media because everyone on here is just talking to themselves
Just noticed that I started a post about my mental health in June but never posted it. I'll write a new post concerning (my) mental health soon.
8 October ‘20, 11.51PM
Hi, I'm a 24-year-old Switzerland-based student, writer, artsy-lover, weirdo, whatever. In my 24 years, I've never been on a date with someone from a dating app until last week. I thought I should finally go out and meet new people. A dating app seemed to be the easiest way, so I downloaded bumble (after consulting my friend of course). A few minutes after setting up my account, I received my first matches and I started talking to them. One guy did not chat or write much but straightforwardly asked for a date. I have to admit, I was hesitant at first because he was still a stranger. Buuuut then again, I signed up to meet new people, so I just agreed to dinner. (I proposed a coffee date but he was not able to meet earlier). He sounded really excited when he asked me out but the next day it seemed like all the excitement was gone. He is not a frequent texter which complicated planning the date a bit. On the day of the date, I was not sure if we were still meeting up because he hadn't confirmed the time until a few hours prior to our dinner. I chose the restaurant and he said, he could be there at 7.30 pm. The whole time I felt like he was going to cancel on me but I still got ready in time. Before I left the house, he texted me and said that he tries to be on time but that he might be a few minutes late. I don't mind if someone is a few minutes late (and by 'few' I mean 5-10 minutes) just don’t be too late.
I arrived at the restaurant at 7.35 pm because my train had arrived a few minutes late. I wrote to him to let him know that I was waiting outside. I was texting my friends while I waiting for him. At 7.50 pm my friend told me to leave if he doesn't show up in a minute because 20 minutes is a bit more than a "few minutes late". Right then, he texted again saying that he'll be there shortly. Soo I decided to wait a bit more because I was really hungry and ready to have dinner. He managed to arrive at 8 pm. After I had waited for almost half an hour. So, that was my first impression of him.
The dinner was pretty awkward, lol. There were a lot of times where we didn’t know what to talk about so there were awkward silences and awkward staring at our food. But the worst part is that he was constantly on his phone! As soon as we sat down, he took out his phone and started texting - before we even had a real conversation! After a bit of small talk, he then explained to me that he was expecting a call, so he had to check his phone constantly. Normally, I don’t look at my phone when I’m meeting someone unless I have to show them something or take pictures of my food. Therefore, his behavior seemed extremely weird and rude to me. First, he shows up late and then he only focuses on his phone. Geez, that date was so bad that I started laughing internally. It was my first online date experience and it was really strange. I knew right then that I was not going to see him again after that.
After dinner, he suggested that we go on a walk. We went outside and he immediately wanted to go to a convenience store to buy cigarettes. Actually, I don’t mind if someone smokes. My friends smoke too. But his dating profile said that he isn’t a smoker, ergo that kind of slightly bothered me. Our walk was better and less awkward than our dinner. We were able to talk without the awkward silences. However, he was still constantly checking his phone and not fully focusing on our conversations.
We sat down at a place with a view of the beautiful city (but gladly we were not all alone). Minutes later, he finally got the call he was waiting for the whole date. He was gone for a solid 10 minutes to talk to that mystery person. (I seriously contemplated leaving haha). He came back after his call and said he had to leave because his friend was celebrating his birthday. I was fine with ending our date. I walked halfway back with him until we had to go separate ways. When we said goodbye, he actually asked me if he would see me again! I was surprised to hear that! And he even texted me before I got home and asked me if I would go on a date with him again. He promised me, he would be less weird the next time (aka not being on his phone all the time haha). I have to say, he was kind of nice (when ignoring the weirdness) and doesn’t look bad but we just weren’t vibing.
Well, I’ve deleted my dating app today. I don’t use it, and I stopped talking to the people there.
Honestly if you miss me you gotta tell me bc otherwise imma just assume you don’t think about me at all
2 May ‘20, 03.35PM
I changed my diet and I’m currently trying out the ketogenic diet. My goal is to lose a bit more than 10 kg (22 pounds). I’ve gained weight in the past months and I don’t feel comfortable anymore. I used to be fit and skinny-ish. So, I want to get back to that. I don’t want to just lose weight; I also want to feel, be and stay healthy. My father suffered a heart attack two years ago and was diagnosed with coronary artery disease and diabetes which can be genetically inherited (as the doctor explained). Therefore, I need to take care of my body and health.
I thought about changing from very-low-carb diet to low-carb diet after I’ve lost some weight. However, these past days have been hard as my body is still adjusting to the change (I had constant stomach aches and major head aches the past days). I’m trying my best to pull through tho and achieve my goal.
It's been 2 months since I posted my relationship posts & I decided to post one (hopefully) last open letter regarding that relationship. I've been confronted with memories and thoughts of that time lately and lived through certain emotions again. My friend asked me, if I've ever asked or told him everything that has been on my mind during or after dating him. Months ago, I did ask him several questions every now and then but I felt like it harmed my mental health. So I tried to break off contact with him & move on. It hurt but helped me (especially his reaction to me breaking off contact, made it easier because he seemed like he did not care at all). That's why I don't understand why these emotions and feelings have been coming back.
24 April ‘20, 01.24AM
So, this pandemic is not doing any favors for my mental health. I was doing better and working on getting better mentally before the lockdown happened. Little did I know that it would have that much of an impact on my mental health. We live in a spacious house and have the freedom to go out for walks etc. Plus, I still have uni (online), so I thought I’d be busy and not bored at home. However, studying these lectures and seminars at home is harder than I thought; some of them are podcasts others are zoom meetings. But I miss university! I miss being there physically with my friends. I’m behind in my studies and I have a hard time catching up. I know that I have to catch up because final exams are approaching soon which only increases the pressure on me. I can physically feel the tension in my head; it feels like someone is pushing really hard on my head. Every single day, it feels like a mental battle to conquer the day because of the lack of motivation and anxiety. I don’t even have the energy to study all my lectures at times. I feel mentally exhausted after each zoom meeting or podcast. My cousin told me to take breaks and go out but I feel guilty if I don’t study. Does that make sense? I think, my studies and I have a toxic relationship.
I recently started a devotional called “Victory over Anxiety” which has helped me to cope with my anxiety lately. I was able to let go of the fear (of my future) and I think if I start planning my days better, I can gradually improve my mental state. I hope that I will be doing better after finals.
Maybe I should also talk to my friends about that and check up on them. We are all in this together and I guess more people are struggling than we think. I hope you are all safe and healthy. <3
Bubbles, Blossom & Buttercup or better known as POWERPUFF GIRLS ✨ When I was little, I always wanted to be Bubbles. 😄 Created with color pencils. >> Swipe for the filter-free picture #powerpuffgirls #powerpuffgirlsart #bubbles #blossom #buttercup #colorpencil #colorpencildrawing #drawing #art #ishouldbestudying #ArtsyElmo https://www.instagram.com/p/B_FsKrDBCkI/?igshid=1f9xi2kkf4l01
“It’s not in my nature to chase after anyone, meet me half way.”
— Meggan Roxanne
19 February '20, 11.23PM
My sister and I went to dinner with a friend who used to be like a brother to us. We were not really in touch the past few years but it was nice seeing him again. It was so much fun to talk about the old days. He still remembered a lot from then and we were laughing non-stop. It was just great. It's awesome how you can re-connect after a few years and still vibe on a good level or even the same level as before.
Moreover, I received an email from my favorite professor confirming to be my BA thesis supervisor. I'm sooo excited and glad that she accepted to supervise my paper. She's an amazing professor and I'm extremely impressed by her knowledge. I really wanted her for my bachelor thesis. I'm looking forward to working with her.
two sunset kinda things and one starry night💫 | created with water paint alone >> swipe for unfiltered picture #waterpaint #drawing #sunset #mountain #water #stars #galaxy #forrest #ArtsyElmo https://www.instagram.com/p/B7mAiJHhkD4/?igshid=1xfb2p2njq9uv
1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them. 2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message. 3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. 4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck. 5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government. 6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it. 7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’. 8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. 9. Don’t dumb it down. 10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut. 11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack. 12. Never park in front of a bar. 13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly. 14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend. 15. Hold your heroes to a high standard. 16. A suntan is earned, not bought. 17. Never lie to your doctor. 18. All guns are loaded. 19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know. 20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once. 21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year. 22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good. 23. A handshake beats an autograph. 24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out. 25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short. 26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature. 27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event. 28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets. 29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it. 30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends. 31. Eat lunch with the new kids. 32. When traveling, keep your wits about you. 33. It’s never too late for an apology. 34. Don’t pose with booze. 35. If you have the right of way, take it. 36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname. 37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family. 38. Never push someone off a dock. 39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant. 40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it. 41. Don’t make a scene. 42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best. 43. Know when to ignore the camera. 44. Never gloat. 45. Invest in good luggage. 46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too. 47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser. 48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp. 49. Give credit. Take blame. 50. Suck it up every now and again. 51. Never be the last one in the pool. 52. Don’t stare. 53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally. 54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once. 55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking. 56. Admit it when you’re wrong. 57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done. 58. Look people in the eye when you thank them. 59. Thank the bus driver. 60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table. 61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. 62. Know at least one good joke. 63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son. 64. Know how to cook one good meal. 65. Learn to drive a stick shift. 66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime. 67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself. 68. Dance with your mother/father. 69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work. 70. Always thank the host. 71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late. 72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes. 73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt. 74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. 75. Keep your word. 76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. 77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months. 78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs. 79. Don’t be the talker in a movie. 80. The opposite sex likes people who shower. 81. You are what you do, not what you say. 82. Learn to change a tire. 83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them. 84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it. 85. Don’t litter. 86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important. 87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest. 88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm. 89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly. 90. Make the little things count. 91. Always wear a bra at work. 92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it. 93. You’re never too old to need your mom. 94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill. 95. Know the words to your national anthem. 96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone. 97. Smile at strangers. 98. Make goals. 99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime. 100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.
a high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words (via live-la-bella-e-vita)
14 February '20, 3.00AM
I was at the Jonas Brothers concert a few hours ago and it was AMAZING. My sister's friend managed to get us tickets, so we were able to go. I used to be a fan of the band when I was 13-ish and was so excited to see them. Back then I thought I'd marry Nick one day. And OMG the guy who checked my ticket was like: "I know you! From primary school!" He laughed at me & that's when I recognized him. I was surprised that he recognized me on the spot. It has been over ten years that we've been to school together but it was fun seeing him again.
Nick, Joe and Kevin are extremely talented entertainers and I loved watching them sing, play their instruments and move around on the stage. Each song was performed with high amount of energy and they were able to move the crowd. And I felt like 13 again. I was screaming my heart out; it was so beautiful. I know the older songs better than the new ones, so I was happy to see that they played a number of the older songs as well. One time, they were almost standing in front of me and I thought I was dreaming. 13 year old me might have cried at that moment tho. I just cherished that evening so much and I am soooo happy and grateful that I was able to go. I love concerts and seeing the artist play their music live with passion. It just hits different than listening the songs on spotify. Tonight I'm definitely sleeping with a happy heart.
P. s: I'm writing a part 2 to my relationship post that I will publish soon.
I was writing a new post on my phone. Quickly switched tabs to look something up without saving the draft and now everything is gone. #fml
7 February '20, 4.48PM
It is such a beautiful day today and I needed some time to myself; so I took the first train that departed without deciding where I want to go. Three train rides later I arrived in Bern. I wanted to enjoy the winter sun a bit, therefore, I wandered around the old city and allowed myself to get lost, which I did. I was looking for a nice coffee shop what ended up being harder than first expected. Well, I finally found one and I‘m drinking my turmeric latte and observing pedestrians pass by the window while writing this post.
I have been experiencing a major rollercoaster of emotions for the past few months and there is sooo much on my mind right now (but I cannot write about everything in one post). I am an over-thinker. Sometimes stupid (or sad) thoughts hit me and I make the mistake of working myself up into that emotion, so I end up feeling anything but happy or content. I recreate scenarios in my head and ask myself where I went wrong or why certain things had to happen in a way. I think by reliving these memories, I tend to slightly alter the narratives. I am telling this because a guy told me today that I ALWAYS portray myself as the victim (not the first time he told me that). This statement kind of stuck with me. Of course, I‘ve seen and experienced the way people of my past have hurt me but I am also aware that I am not perfect. I do make mistakes and ruin friendships & relationships; I played my part in whatever happened. However, I am not the kind of human who will want anything evil for someone else. And I am certainly not trying to paint others as the sole evil ones. I am just still bad at handling situations where I have been hurt and I have been hurt a lot. I too have my ups and downs when I go through shit. I have mood swings when I am hurt; I try to be happy but it costs too much energy that I snap at times. I try to make sense of everything but sometimes I just can‘t. In my head, I go through everything in detail and look for MY mistakes but I don’t like to show my vulnerable self to others. And I‘m sorry for making people look bad in my narratives. It is my narrative tho. It is evident that I am telling that from my (hurt) point of view but I am learning to let go; which means (for me) that I have to get closure and not to talk about the past too often. Moreover, closure is what I need right now. I need to make peace with my past and accept that certain things need to end for greater things to come. I want to be on God's timing from now on and not mine. In 2020, I want to learn to forgive everyone, including myself, and let go of any grudges. I want to be free and not a victim from my past. Mostly, I want to become the wholly kind-hearted person that God created or intended me to be.