anon â "can you do one where their partner is a big nerd?"
â âdebated for the longest time about the differences between nerd/geek/dork, so this is a bit of everything ( `Ď´ )Űś! (p.s.: love how the hc's turned out for this one >_<)
â§âËâŠĺ˝Ą includes: established relationship, pet names, fluff, cussing, headcanons under the cut.
đ headcanons .á
you're rambling again. seungcheol watches, entranced, at the way your eyes light up as you talk about your tabletop games. the way your hands move as you explain things. when you notice him staring, you trail off. he immediately snaps out of his quiet awe to reach for your hand across the dining table. "why'd you stop?" he asks in a soft whine, jutting his lower lip out in a mock pout. "you were getting to the good part about the cleric and the rogue. don't leave me hanging, love." (or: seungcheol always pays attention.)
there's a look of mild exasperation on jeonghan's face as he watches you scroll excitedly through his latest fansign photos. you point out all the characters that are familiar to you, and you get just a little too excited when he's borderline cosplaying. he pretends to be annoyed about it, even though the truth is that he'd play dress up all day long to see you smile like this. "really," he huffs all the same, prying his phone out of your hands. "if i knew this was all it would take for you to fall in love with meâŚ" (or: jeonghan indulges you.)
every time he travels, joshua visits a bookshop. not those chain stores, either. he goes for the obscure ones that sells secondhand, well-loved novels. the types that are a little beaten up and worn around the edges. he'll spend hours looking through the shelves for covers that he thinks are pretty, or descriptions that match the genres you always rave about. it's his little joy, to come home after all these international stops with his arms full of books. "these reminded me of you," he'll say as he holds them out to you. (or: joshua remembers you everywhere he goes.)
a bead of sweat trickles down junhui's temple as he battles with yet another stubborn screw. you've long since given up on trying to help him; he wasn't about to let you lift a finger in this endeavor. he grumbles little complaints as he assembles the overpriced IKEA shelf, but all of it is worth it when you start to stack your things on to it with that sweet smile of yours. he knows he ought to stop putting himself in to these situations. he also knows he'll assemble a hundred pieces of furniture if it meant that you could have what you want. (or: junhui enables you.)
soonyoung really couldn't give a damn about the planetarium. he'd much rather have date night at something more exciting. an amusement park. a concept restaurant. but there's just something so special about getting to walk alongside you at a leisurely pace, to have you whisper to him little fun facts about the projected stars and the styrofoam planets. he knows they're only versions of the real thing. it's just⌠the way you explain them make it seem like they're just right there. he knows he can't really reach for the stars, so he settles for the next best thing. he goes to hold your hand. (or: you remind soonyoung to take it easy.)
mid-game conversations with wonwoo are punctuated mostly with quick jabs, typed out in between lulls. it's a last resort type of thing. most of the time, the two of you are playing with audio. or, better yet, in the same room as each other. there's something liberating in how he doesn't have to reel anything in when it's you, because you know how these matches go. you speak his language, essentially. and whenever he says "one more game?", he knows you're already not too far behind in rejoining the lobby. (or: wonwoo lives to be your player two.)
sometimes, you're so quiet that jihoon forgets you're there. he'll only remember when he tears his gaze away from his computer screen and his eyes land on the studio couch, where you're sprawled out doing whatever your hobby of the month is. it always makes him melt a bit. the way the two of you are just content to co-exist, happy to be in each other's orbit. when he turns back to produce, he goes at it with a renewed purpose. he's got such good inspiration, after all. (or: loving you never feels like work to jihoon.)
mingyu was never the sulky typeâ until he met you, that is. it's a bit embarrassing, how much of a fool you have him acting like. because what do you mean kim mingyu is jealous of 2d characters? when you return after abandoning him for the latest chapter or the newest episode, he'll consistently act all off-put even though he's sooner to crack than you are. "your anime boys don't love you like i do," he insists, trying his best not to laugh at how silly he sounds to himself. "i'm the real thing, babe." (or: mingyu is a bit of a glutton for your attention.)
it's difficult to be anything but in love with seokmin, especially when he's so sincere in everything that he does. even after he accidentally knocked over the millenium falcon lego set it took you months to build, he's so endearing in his attempts to make amends. he'll spend hours poring over the instructions booklet, and he'll sort through the seven thousand pieces until his eyes are bleary. even then, he shakes his head when you say he should go to sleep. "i like spending time with you like this," he tells you, and you know he means it. (or: seokmin wants to give you the world.)
any other person might be annoyed as the hours tick by with no response. but minghao is not anything if not patient, and he's gotten quite used to losing you to the media that consumes you. if he's being honest, a part of him is probably in love with you because of that. it doesn't matter to him if you respond minutes or days late. all he cares about is that you always come back to him; that's more than enough. (or: minghao would wait lightyears for you.)
seungkwan sometimes feels like a big chunk of his early years were given up to get to where he is now, and so he didn't really have the time to like the things that other people his age normally might. when you came around with all the things that make you happy, though, he can't help but want the same thing for himself. so maybe he is a little betrayed that you watched the newest one piece episode without him, or that you beat all the gyms in pokĂŠmon scarlet & violet while he wasn't looking. can you blame him? (or: you are the youth that seungkwan missed out on.)
prior to meeting you, vernon could count on his two hands the instances wherein he's been extremely passionate about something. nowadays, he's always getting in to one petty debate or another about the best frank ocean album or the most insufferable f.r.i.e.n.d.s character. "you bring out the worst in me," he'll joke to you one evening. both of you know that it's the complete opposite. neither of you have to say it out loud, though. all you have to do is start bickering, again, about something that would have everyone else merely scratching their heads. (or: you keep vernon on his toes.)
chan isn't stupid. he's far from it, even. you're justâ so smart. unbelievably so. he's not playing dumb or goading you when he's bombarding you with questions. he's genuinely astonished by the extent of your knowledge, the easiness of which you retain all these things. it's one thing to be proud of someone, and it's another to admire them. to look up to them. he feels all that for you and so much more. (or: of all the facts in the world, the one that chan is most certain about is thisâ he really, really does love you.)
summary: being abducted and dragged to italy in the middle of promotions was not something wonwoo could've ever expected, but idol life was very unpredictable after all. what had truly caught him off guard, however, was the girl he met whilst strolling the pretty sights at night, fully unaware of his title as idol or any of his hectic life, offering a breath of fresh air he could've never accounted for.
content: strangers2lovers!wonwoo, idol!wonwoo, meetcute<3, shy!wonwoo, reader is lovely and outgoing!!, no race specified but reader's nationality is italian, language barrier (but reader is said to understand and speak korean so its ok!!), long distance relationship, summer love vibes, love at first sight type of situation, takes place during nana tour but does not follow the actual chronology of real events in the show, afab reader, smut, sex dream(?), dry humping, leg riding, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.
wc: 18.3k
a/n: i want to preface by saying i had no idea where to watch nana tour for free so i never watched it!! so this fic does not follow nana tour at all outside of the premise in which they were in italy for a few weeks!
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Wonwoo should've known.
The moment he saw that uncharacteristically free month in his schedule, he should've known that something was up. Neither Hybe nor Pledis would ever allow for Seventeen to have an entire month clear of any schedules. It'd be an immediate financial failure in their eyes.
As much as Wonwoo enjoyed the rapid life of an idol, he missed the days when he was a teenager and time could stand still for a few moments. It had been a long time since he'd had that luxury.
So when he cross checked his schedule with his groupmates and realized they were all equally free of idol duties for an extended period of time, he couldn't help but feel worried yet relieved. Could be possibly make plans during this free time? Maybe rest? Maybe simply enjoy the quiet and slowness of time as it passed without a worry for what was next?
His questions were answered pretty quickly.
As he rested in his room after a grueling week of back to back concerts in Japan, Wonwoo felt content in knowing that he'd get to head back to Korea and rest for a few days. He only had a few simple album-related shoots for the following days, and once those were done he'd be able to cash in on his free month. The company hadn't mentioned any change of plans, nor had they officially announced the meaning of this gap in schedules, so Wonwoo chose not to question it and simply bask in it.
Unfortunately for Wonwoo, life was never that simple.
As per usual, he was not even allowed that a full night of sleep before being bombarded by noise just outside his door. Assuming it was just his hyperactive members meaning to make another attempt at dragging him into their impromptu rap battle, he simply turned to his side whilst nuzzling under the covers, too comfortable to be bothered.
The next disturbance came in the form of one Boo Seungkwan hesitantly opening his door with a key he assumed came from his manager, sneaking into the room as he checked for signs of life.
Not fully awake, Wonwoo continued to ignore the situation, hoping that his lack of reaction for whatever was going on outside would lead his members to realize that he was checked out for the night â something quite usual for him after an extraneous concert.
After a few moments, Wonwoo was able to hear the descent of Seungkwan's steps, meaning he had likely left the room and that Wonwoo could now claim slumber to its fullest extent.
That was until an entire band of people marched into his room, carelessly turning on the light and rushing towards his lone form on the bed. Sitting up sleepily, he attempted to make sense of what was happening, unsure of why this many people had entered his room, and suddenly far too aware of his lack of clothing, pulling his blanket to cover him as much as possible.
Thanks to Boo Seungkwan, his glasses quickly found their way to his face and a shirt was thrown at him to put on while under the covers. It wasn't until then that Wonwoo realized that Na PD was one of the many people currently looking down at him as he laid in bed, camera man next to him.
"What is happening?", he murmured about one minute into the situation, barely awake enough to speak.
"We're getting abducted, be ready," spoke Mingyu with a laugh from the side of the room, looking far too excited and as if he had already been briefed on the situation.
The rest of the details were blurry, but the gist of the situation ended in only one verdict â Seventeen was now headed to Italy.
The free month should've been a dead giveaway, but Wonwoo had simply been far too busy with his usually hectic schedule to even make the connection. It had been a while since the deal to be taken away spontaneously had been made, so the whole thing had left his mind.
Despite his prior desire for some free time, the thought of finally stepping foot in Europe for the first time did bring a smile to his face. Mingyu had always told Wonwoo of his wish to go to Italy someday, which was usually echoed by Wonwoo himself. The chance to go with all his friends made him look forward to it all the more. All he needed was his camera and he'd be a happy man.
One lengthy flight later and Wonwoo found himself in Italy with a band of eleven friends (Seungcheol was sadly left behind) and even more staff members. The gist of the trip was that they'd be recorded simply exploring the beautiful city they'd landed in and playing the occasionally game for content on the show. It had been dubbed Nana Tour, even including personalized shirts for every member.
As per instructions by Na PD, they would get a lot of leisure time to use however they desired. Being a good friend of the group after a few prior meetings, Na PD had assured them that he wanted to grant them as much vacation time as possible whilst in Italy, not wanting to put too much pressure on the content-making aspect of the trip. As long as they were able to record a good six hours of content every week for the duration of their month-long stay, they'd have more than enough for a full successful season of the show.
So now Wonwoo was in Italy, a place he considered to be one of the most beautiful he had seen in his short life. The weather was comfortable, the sights amazing, the food delicious, and not to mention the freedom that came with being out and about on his own, worry-free of his responsibilities as an idol.
Surely he'd get recognized by Italian carats sooner or later, but within the few days he'd been here, always opting to go on a quiet outing at night, he had not been spotted as of yet. Maybe it was the fact he was so far from home and his location was unaccounted for by the media, or perhaps the nighttime making it difficult to recognize him, but he was currently experiencing an incognito lifestyle he had long bid adieu to.
Tonight, similarly to the previous three nights, he made the rounds in the small home Na PD'd staff had rented for Seventeen and excused himself for a nightly outing. At this hour, all activities expected for them had been wrapped up, giving them full freedom to spend their leisure time as they wished. Some other members opted to stay home, having already enjoyed outings during the day, whilst others went out in groups. Wonwoo was alone in the fact that he craved alone time at this hour, preferring to head out with no company other than his camera.
Camera in hand, Wonwoo made his way outside, always heading in a different direction than the previous night, seeing where fate would take him and taking pictures of any pretty sight on the way.
The night was chilly, illuminated by the yellow streetlights that had a tendency of brightening up the city as dawn fell. Maybe it was the change of scenery, but Wonwoo found himself in love with the atmosphere of the nightfall in Italy. Every sight was one to behold. It hadn't taken long for his love for photography to invade his every free moment in the beautiful city. Pictures overflowed his camera roll, all satisfying his artistic eye.
His nightly stroll lasted a good half an hour before he found himself near a shore, looking to the distance and finding nothing close enough to the end of the sea. It was too dark to tell what might be beyond, but the sight was still one Wonwoo quickly became hypnotized by. Surprisingly, the area was quite lonesome, with most people choosing to hang by the brighter areas nearby, housing themselves in restaurants or small shops that opened late into the night. He found himself alone with the ocean and a lone street light providing him with that yellow hue he came to find comfort in.
The comfortable loneliness did not last Wonwoo too long. A sudden presence practically materialized a few feet from him a few moments later, or maybe he'd just been too drawn by the sight to notice anyone approaching prior. He meekly turned his face to the side, unable to help wondering who was his new silent companion. Upon taking a cautious look, he found the silhouette of a girl. Wanting to avoid making her uncomfortable or being too obvious, Wonwoo looked forward almost immediately, now eyeing the view once more.
They stood like that, in comfortable silence, for a few long minutes. No words were exchanged despite the mutual knowledge of the other's presence, simply sharing a moment of solace together. It was unlike any other interaction he'd ever had with a stranger â or lack thereof, really.
He felt comfortable, uninterrupted in his peace despite the presence of a stranger. Wonwoo had never been good at strangers, specially not in foreign countries. He usually found himself being anxious and far too quiet for comfort, never one to pick up casual conversation even in his native language, much less in one he felt no confidence in. His on-stage persona was very different than that of his actual one. Carats were quite correct in assigning the black cat stereotype â quiet, untrusting, keeping to himself.
The silence halted with the sudden stutter of a camera, taking Wonwoo out of the trance he'd been in as he stared out to the water, making him turn to the left in a combination of fear and curiosity. His instant assumption had been that whoever the faceless girl was, she must've taken a picture of him, having recognized him. But as he turned to the side, he found her in a rather awkward position, crouched down and camera facing the sea as she found the best angle possible for her shot.
He chuckled breathlessly to himself, a bit embarrassed that he'd made such an assumption of an unsuspecting stranger who likely had no idea who he was. Where did that big head come from, Wonwoo?, he thought to himself. This girl knows nothing of who you are, most people here seem to be the same, he should be happy.
It was then that he finally made sense of your appearance, as you crouched towards the edge of the shore and gave him a better look of you under the streetlight nearby. He couldn't see your face very well as you continued to face away from him, but he had a good enough view to catch the slope of your nose, the color of your hair, the shape of your body, all distinctive features he could appreciate under the melancholic lighting.
Wonwoo wasn't really one to care much for appearances. Beautiful people came in all forms, but he was one to truly find beauty in a person through other means, usually enjoying the physical aspects of a person's being only after getting to know the emotional ones. There seemed to be some exceptions to the rule, however, as Wonwoo came to find when you got up to your full height, making your way back to your original spot but incidentally locking eyes with him as he eyed you curiously. Your eyes drew him in immediately, finding you beautiful upon a single look.
As embarrassed as he was at getting caught staring at you, his mind was eased when you offered a friendly smile, taking his smile in return as a welcome to stand closer than you'd been before. Wordlessly, you made your way to his side, eyeing the small disposable camera he had hanging from his neck.
"Photographer, or is it just a hobby?", you asked in a language Wonwoo recognized to be Italian. Prior to this trip he probably wouldn't have known the language, but it was easy to tell it apart after a few days of being surrounded by it.
Sadly, his short stay in Italy had not educated him enough in the language to even be able to pretend he understood you.
"I don't know Italian, sorry," he responded apologetically in English, hoping it was as much of a universal language as school had taught him.
"English, then?", you now responded in English, accent as perfect as it had been when you'd spoken Italian. It didn't surprise Wonwoo to meet an English speaker, but he still couldn't help but feel impressed at what seemed to be your knowledge of a second language.
He smiled awkwardly, eyes not meeting yours completely, "Not much, sorry," he rasped with an awkward chuckle, feeling dumb for misleading you by speaking English.
"Hmm," you mulled for a second, eyeing him in a way that made him a little shy, "Korean?" you asked with a tilt of your head.
His mouth morphed into an o shape, nodding surprised, "How did you know?", he asked in English, sure you likely didn't speak Korean.
"There's Korean writing on your shirt," you pointed out with a smile, giggling when realization hit his face and drawing a similar laugh from him, "What brings you to Italy?", you asked, continuing to make brief conversation.
Wonwoo needed to take a short moment to think of how to respond. He'd done many fancalls in English, having to rely on his limited knowledge of the language and the quick assistance of English-speaking staff, but he always avoided these situations when he was on his own. This was a conversation he was interested in pursuing, however. You interested him, not to mention that he found you quite beautiful.
"I'm sorry, it's unfair of me to expect you to answer in English. I understand a bit of Korean, if that helps?", you interrupted his thoughts, pure kindness in your voice.
His eyebrows raised, surprised at your statement. He couldn't help but question you for confirmation, this time in Korean, "Really?"
Your giggle invaded his ears again, causing his eyes to crinkle with a shy smile to match, "Yeah, I studied abroad in Korea when I was a teenager. It's not perfect, but I can understand some," you elaborated, "Am I putting my foot in my mouth by speaking so much? Can you understand me, or should I try my broken Korean?", you continued. A kind and sympathetic smile remained glued to your face every time you spoke, making Wonwoo feel at ease and more relaxed than he ever had with a stranger.
"Yes, I understand," he explained in English, wanting to make things easier for you and with a slight fear of scaring you away if he made the language barrier too blatant, "I have an, uh, American friend. He teaches me," he added, thinking back to his two friends who usually took place of unofficial translators whenever he needed them.
"Okay, that's good. Don't feel shy if you need to speak Korean," you reassured, arms crossing due to the sudden chill of the night reaching you â blame your proximity to the water, "We can work through the language barrier."
"How long were you in Korea?", he asked in Korean, testing out if you'd meant it.
"Three years," you responded, "It's kind of embarrassing how little I learned in such a long time," you laughed at yourself, beginning to rub up and down your bare arms, huffing out a hot breath in the nighttime's chilly temperature.
His focus went to your outfit, noting you were wearing a sundress with sandals, probably not the most optimal outfit for a chilly night out in the town. Before he could stop himself, unexpected words began to leave his mouth, his actions matching his words as he set down his camera bag and shrugged off his hoodie, "Here, take my hoodie," he mumbled in Korean, handing you the sweater without a second thought.
Eyes widening, you shook your head adamantly, "Oh, no, that's fine, I swear," you began, only to for him to push the hoodie onto your arms, silently insisting, "Okay, thank you. But now you'll be cold," you pouted, giving Wonwoo thankful eyes that had his heart warming.
Coughing to mask his reaction, he cleared his throat, "It's fine, don't worry about it. You looked colder than me," he did his signature awkward chuckle again, earning a mirrored reaction from you.
"A gentleman, huh?", you grinned, sharing a brief moment of quiet as he smiled back at you, readjusting his thick-rimmed glasses as he took in the sight of you being swallowed by a sweater that was already oversized over his wide frame, "So, to go back to my original question: Are you a photographer, or is it a hobby?", you gestured to the disposable camera, seemingly not taking notice of the larger camera bag laying on the floor next to him.
It was clear to Wonwoo by now that you had no knowledge of who he was. This sometimes happened when he went overseas and decided to head out on his own. The lack of other members and of a manager accompanying him usually allowed him to go out unrecognized any time he left Asia. However, those instances were far too few, leaving him slightly surprised at someone your age being unaware of his role as an idol in one of the most popular K-pop groups â not that he wanted to needlessly sing his own praises or anything.
Should he tell you? Or would that be too odd? It wasn't as if he knew who you were or what your profession was. This was just a casual conversation, after all. Wonwoo needed to get out of his head and relax. Pretty girls spoke to him almost every other day, with many of them being dedicated fans who adored him for everything that he was, so why did he feel like he needed to go an extra mile to merely interact with you? You liked him well enough and seemed to not care much who or what he was, simply enjoying the calm company he brought, he needed to-
"Maybe I should've introduced myself before intruding on your time alone, sorry," you chuckled to yourself as you thankfully interrupted his thoughts once more. Your hand went out of the sleeve of his large hoodie, presenting itself to him, "My name is Y/N," you smiled, grin growing wider when he returned your handshake and grasped your hand in his larger one. Yours was cold while his was warm, creating the perfect shared temperature.
A quiet few seconds went by as he pondered whether or not he should give you a false name, but the need for a normal interaction won him over quickly.
"Wonwoo. Nice to meet you," he spoke in English this time around, enjoying the way your eyes crinkled any time he spoke in the language, "It's a hobby, by the way. Sorry, I'm not exactly known to be the best conversationalist," he excused himself for his previous silence, now sticking to Korean.
Your contagious giggle invaded Wonwoo's ears again, making him silently hum to himself in satisfaction. Wonwoo's night had evolved from a pretty scenery and even prettier company, Italy was turning out to be even better than he thought.
"Any way I can see your pictures?", you bit your lip, eyebrows raised in question, "I do some photography on the side, so it could be like an exchange, y'know? I show you mine if you show me yours," you gambled, taking baby steps towards him to bump your shoulder against his in a friendly manner.
"You're a photographer?", he asked, genuinely interested in hearing more. Photography was one of his greatest passions, the mere subject turned his shyness upside down without failure.
"Yeah!", you responded excitedly, lifting up the small camera that was hanging from the camera bag on your shoulder bag, "Wanna see?," you leaned to his side, holding the camera under both your gazes as he leaned into your personal space to see. You didn't mind this, fortunately, even making an effort to get closer to provide him a better view, "I took these while you were here, as you can probably tell," you explained as you showed him the pictures he'd seen you take. Somehow the beautiful scenery looked even more eye-catching through your lenses. Your artistic eye made it easy for Wonwoo to appreciate your talent, which you demonstrated through every pic you showed him in your camera roll. They were raw and still unedited, but he could tell this was a talent of yours. A nice sight was always easy to find, but capturing it to perfection took skill, this was something Wonwoo knew all too well, yet every photo you went through showed him your innate talent.
"Do you like them? You're pretty quiet," you chuckled, looking up over your shoulder and causing Wonwoo to realize just how close he'd been leaning. Flustered, he took a step aside, allowing you some breathing room as he looked down to his feet to gather himself for a moment.
"Yeah, they're amazing," he started in English, switching to Korean to further express his praises. During his commentary of your photography, he even went as far as to ask for your camera so could look at them once more, asking you questions about every scenery, every subject, unable to help himself in wanting to know more about your creative process.
As friendly as you'd been from the moment you first spoke to him, you took the praise with modesty, excitedly answering every question and even inquiring for his opinions, curious about his own photography despite his praise. Eventually, he gave back your camera upon vast insistence from you to take a look at his own photos, smiling widely when he pulled out his larger camera from his bag, sheepish as he showed you his pictures and blushing a bit at any and every compliment that left your mouth â and they seemed quite endless to Wonwoo. Occasionally, you'd even let out a few basic compliments such as 'so pretty!!' or 'that's beautiful' in Korean, making Wonwoo's eyes wrinkle at the smile invading his face.
The photography conversation eventually ended, both cameras making their way back to their bags and the two of you somehow finding yourselves on a little walk. Side by side, you took slow steps as you conversed and shared words in your respective language. It wasn't a full on conversation, but the small talk was still comfortable enough for Wonwoo to not want it to end.
"What brings you to Italy?", you asked once you made it closer to Wonwoo's final destination. He slapped himself mentally for not heading a different way when you suggested a walk, not wanting to make it back so quickly.
For a few moments, he pondered on an answer. You were a stranger he was likely to never see again, so lying to you about his presence in Italy probably wouldn't have any repercussions, but he also wanted to be honest. In the end, he opted for a mixture of truth and a lie.
"I'm on break with some friends", he responded, mirroring the question to you, "How about you? Are you from around?"
You nodded, arms folded due to the continuous chill surrounding you despite being cocooned in Wonwoo's sweater, "Yeah, I grew up a few cities north from here. I just moved nearby with a friend," you informed him, "So, does that mean you're leaving soon?"
Taking in a breath, he nodded, frowning without realizing, "I really like it here, but I'm only here for three more weeks," he replied, chuckling at the pout you gave him at his response.
"That sucks. It's rare to meet interesting tourists around here," you said, frowning at him as he mirrored your frown.
As you continued to walk and talk, Wonwoo couldn't help but feel intrigued by you and every bit of information about yourself you shared. Some may even call what he felt to be interest â you were pretty, talented, smart, nice, and these were traits he picked up on only within an hour of knowing you. The intrigue to continue to get to know you began to itch at him.
The fleeing thought of a crush crossed Wonwoo's mind, but he tossed it aside immediately, believing it to be childish and improbable. Wonwoo was 27, for God's sakes, the last time he'd had a crush had been when he was 16 years old. There was no time for crushes in his profession, much less during what would likely be the only vacation he'd get in the following ten years.
Eventually, you made it all the way to the street where Wonwoo's rented house was located, steps growing slower by the second as you approached the location. It'd be obvious to any spectator that neither of you wanted to end the conversation, but it had been a few hours since he'd first headed out, and he knew he had a schedule to attend to in the morning, so he opted to not make himself late the following day.
"Well," you started, stopping and facing him, "If for any reason you get bored during your stay, maybe you'll stop by the coast again? You know, only if you get bored," you rambled, biting your lip as you looked up at him expectantly.
With a laugh, he nodded, squinting his eyes in humorously, "I'll get bored again, don't worry," he reassured, wanting to be direct in letting you know he wanted to see you again.
You grinned widely, making him feel no option but to return your smile. A shock came over him when you suddenly offered him a hug, wrapping your arms around his middle as he let himself envelop you by your waist. The fit of your body against his own felt perfect, but sadly he was unable to really experience it due to the friendly nature of the hug, ending as soon as it began.
"Oh!", you suddenly exclaimed, "Your hoodie, let me-" you went to remove it, only to be stopped by Wonwoo.
"Keep it. I think I might get bored again tomorrow. You can give it back then," he suggested, surprising himself at being so forward.
With another grin, you nodded, offering him a shy smile and a wave of your hand, turning to leave as he stayed there, dumbfounded at the sudden shift his night had as soon as you took notice of him.
Standing there in silence, Wonwoo smiled at himself, feeling butterflies he had only ever seen people experience in the cheesy K-dramas Soonyoung and Dokyeom insisted on watching at the dorms during their earlier years. It was also a feeling reminiscent of the lyrics Jihoon was endlessly praised for by carats. Suddenly he understood it all, having never felt so giddy so soon at a mere interaction. Maybe this had been a meeting of fate. Only time would tell. As of now, Wonwoo found himself looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, and maybe then again and again after that.
Unfortunately for Wonwoo, the following day his mind was taken up entirely by the sudden insecure belief that he would never see you again. His mind went directly to thinking that you might've looked him up as soon as you went home, or that you'd disliked his shy and off-putting personality. What if you had simply been humoring him, only engaging in conversation because he had been in your way? Or maybe you didn't appreciate how easily he'd given up on speaking English, sticking to Korean while you spoke to him in your second language? He couldn't help but reprimand himself for not encouraging you to speak however you were most comfortable or for not bothering to ask you questions of his own.
Thinking back to it, the entire time you spent together was taken up by you trying to get him to open up and by asking him questions in order to keep the conversation going. Although Wonwoo had gone home that day with a warm heart and comfort in your interaction, he couldn't help feeling insecure the following day, worried that he'd go back to that same spot and find it empty, with you nowhere to be found.
As a seasoned idol, he had been able to hold back any apprehension he felt while camera, but he was sure his friends were able to tell he was off that day. Fortunately, his members knew him well enough to let him grovel on his own, simply engaging with him whenever he seemed to be in the mood.
The entire day went by in decades, or at least that's how it felt to Wonwoo. It felt kind of pathetic how much he was looking forward to seeing you, but it was also exhilarating (whilst still very anxiety inducing). Wonwoo hadn't realized what a rollercoaster of emotions a crush could become, especially so rapidly.
Unlike previous days, tonight Wonwoo left the rented home as soon as possible, rushing to find the empty street by the coast that he'd been frequenting since his arrival. For a moment he wondered if you'd seen him there beforehand or if that had coincidentally been your first time walking by there. He knew that if you had arrived there before him, he would've walked the other way, assuming he'd be disrupting your peace. Relief cruised through him knowing you hadn't felt the same way and chose to make conversation with him instead.
Now he stood there alone, earlier than the day prior as he hoped for your prompt arrival, if at all. Once there, he felt dumb at having so many doubts and building ten different scenarios in his head. A desire to be more casual about things like this cruised through his mind, but any further thought was interrupted by someone clearing their throat.
Turning around towards the noise, Wonwoo found you standing there, a large grin on your face as his hoodie swallowed you whole once more. You waved at him from the small distance away, lifting your arm high and swinging your wrist enthusiastically. Wonwoo returned a shier version of your gesture, waving shyly at you with a small smile on his face.
"Wonwoo!", you smiled happily, practically skipping to his side, "I didn't think you'd show," you laughed, "Thought maybe I talked too much last time and scared you off."
He smiled at this, thinking of his own dumb concerns about seeing you again and noting how dumb he'd been to think someone as nice as you would ghost him (and steal his hoodie in the process), "Of course not," he responded in English, hoping to hype himself up enough to speak a little more today than he had last time.
"Let me give you your hoodie," you said as you went to take it off, only to be stopped by Wonwoo just like last time, shaking his head and lifting his hands to prevent you from even removing it.
"Keep it. It's still cold today," he reasoned, truly just liking the way you had something of his and how largely it fit you (though it was also large on himself).
You eyed him curiously but with a smile, putting the arm you'd taken out of the hoodie back in it to upon his request, "You know, tourists usually get pickpocketed around here, but I don't think you need to worry about that, giving your stuff away for free and all," you joked, earning a chuckle and a matching eye smile from him.
"I don't mind it," he responded softly, "Think of it as a thank you for walking me around yesterday," he added, pondering as to how direct he should be about his interest in continuing to see you past the last two days.
"Ah," you said, "An exchange of goods and services, then?", you asked, beginning to walk in a different direction from last time, nodding at him to follow you, something which he embarrassingly did with an unnecessary urgency. Your giggles in response to his rush to follow you made it worth it.
"Sorry if I'm taking up your time," he apologized, realizing that you might've come meet him only due to the hoodie, somehow attempting to read past every other positive signal you'd given him so far.
"No! You're not, at all," you were quick to clarify, "I would've come back here to see if you came back anyways," you continued to admit sheepishly, "Plus, you need a local to show you around, don't you? And here I am, offering my services for free."
Somehow you were able to swerve around every ounce of self doubt that'd spring out of Wonwoo unexpectedly. Interacting with you made him feel weirdly needy, like he had to make it up to some sort of higher power for being able to have you pay him any mind. The lack of unpunished social interaction with a pretty girl had been so lacking in Wonwoo's life that he had no idea how to act around you. Sure, he was around pretty backup dancers and idols alike for a majority of the time, but the presence of cameras was always there, along with the controversy behind any interaction constantly present. Plus, his status as one of the most popular members of one of the top K-pop groups in the industry made it hard for him to ever find true friendship â or more, which was completely out of the picture for him.
For lack of a better term, you were a breath of fresh air for him, something which made him anxious. He knew this was just a summer crush, but he had every intention of enjoying it as much as he could.
Soon after your encounter, you'd dragged Wonwoo along with you to a few different places. It was nighttime, so not every suggestion of yours worked out perfectly. Within those two hours spent together, you'd shown Wonwoo a few cafe's you claimed your favorites (though sadly they were closed at that time), a pier nearby, and had taken him to a touristy area with street food. Thankfully, you'd done all the talking, also insisting on treating him to some traditional Italian street food.
Now with a full belly and a happy mind, Wonwoo walked side by side with you as he ate the ice cream you'd insisted on buying him. He felt like a sad excuse of a gentleman, but Na PD had taken all their money, which meant he was unable to fight you over who'd pay for any snacks tonight.
"So, how's the Italy experience so far?", you asked, shoulder bumping into his in a lighthearted manner.
He smiled sheepishly at you, "It's been nice. It's nice to have a change of pace and relax. Work's been, uh, very hectic these past months," he scratched the back of his neck, not sure how to open up without giving himself up.
"Oooh, that sounds interesting. What do you do? You give me a corporate vibe. Or maybe a streamer? Okay, those are complete opposites. Am I far off?", you asked, a joking tone in your voice.
He chuckled awkwardly, body language likely showing his discomfort. It's not that he wanted to lie to you, but he didn't want his profession to get in the way of whatever was happening between the two of you. In his years of being an idol, he noticed a drastic change in treatment before and after becoming successful. Even on the rare occasion in which someone was unaware of his status, their behavior would immediately change upon revealing his profession â whether this was a conscious or subconscious reaction, he wasn't sure.
These were the reasons why Wonwoo decided to do something he usually stood against.
He lied.
"I work in an entertainment company. Nothing too exciting. It just gets busy every so often," he replied as nonchalantly as possible, "How about you?"
He didn't feel good about lying, but in the grand scheme of things, he guessed it didn't really matter. In just a few weeks, he'd never see you again. Hell, maybe even today would be the last day to see you-
"Wow, really? That sounds fun," you interrupted his thoughts, "I'm a photographer, like I said yesterday. But for the most part I work at a museum nearby. Maybe you'd like to stop by one of these days? In the daytime, of course," you giggled.
Or maybe he'd be seeing you again a few days from now. Yeah, that worked perfectly well for him.
"R-really?", he couldn't help but smile, "I'd love to. When? I, uh, I might have plans with my friends, but I can make time whenever you're free."
"Maybe you should give me your number?", you smiled back, "That way we can come up with a time. It's getting late, I don't want to keep you."
Oh, right.
Pulling out his phone, he noticed it had suddenly turned into 12:16AM. Shit, had he really been walking around the villa with you for four hours?
"Shit, yeah, you're totally right. Let me walk you home? It's really late, I'd feel terrible just leaving you on your own."
Handing you his phone, you entered your number, texting yourself before handing it back with a smile.
"Can't say no to that. Come, it's this way," you grabbed onto his jacket-covered arm, making him stumble for a moment before clearing his throat and straightening his back, attempting to appear entirely unaffected
He was not expecting any sort of physical contact, but he couldn't lie in admitting he liked your arm wrapped around his own. This was platonic enough for him to justify it in his head â though the increased speed of his heartbeat was nothing but platonic.
After walking you back to your place (and forcing himself to deny your invitation inside with a mental slap to himself), he headed back to the villa in which he and his groupmates were situated. The pleased smile wouldn't leave his face, it was kind of embarrassing.
During your very extended goodbye (and a sly smile from you as you attempted to lure him inside), you'd convinced him to meet with you a week later, this time in the morning so you could show him around your workplace and maybe a few other places you thought he'd like. (In the meantime, he made sure he could still meet you nightly, of course). You'd called it a date, making Wonwoo have to bite back an excited smile. He knew the word 'date' in English didn't necessarily mean a romantic outing, but the thought still managed to excite him.
Managing to avoid bumping into any staff or members as he went to bed, he laid down to sleep. This proved kind of useless for the first few hours, however, as he continued to think about you as the night progressed.
He felt beyond silly. That was the best word he could use to describe this feeling. He felt overly excited at the mere thought of seeing you again tomorrow and the day after, and the day after, and the day aft- well, every day he could manage until you got bored of him.
It was difficult to not let his mind wander to the end of his trip. To the day in which he'd have to pack his bags and never see you again. But he wanted to enjoy his harmless crush as much as he could. Who knows, maybe one day Seventeen would land in Italy during on of their tours, and maybe then Wonwoo could drop by your door. Would you be angry if he suddenly popped up again two years from now with the confession of his true identity?
That brought up an entirely different set of questions. Would you swoon at his career? Would you tell him to fuck off for lying? Or maybe you'd just hate celebrities, you did seem like the type of person to keep to yourself. But! He was too! He just had to share certain parts of his life due to his career. Fuck. Would this even work? Was he just giving himself the false illusion of pursuing something with you.
God, he was getting far too ahead of himself. He'd known you for a total of eight hours, give or take, yet he was already wondering how a relationship could possibly work out. He didn't even have any reason to believe you liked him back.
A few hours were spent like this, with a constant back and forth in Wonwoo's brain, overthinking issues that were entirely nonexistent. When slumber finally took him, he was happy to awaken the following day to renewed (and thankfully much less erratic) thoughts of you.
"So he asked for permission to cheat and still lost?", you laughed, hand covering the pretty smile Wonwoo had grown to adore these past days.
Maybe one day he'd grow the balls to tell you just how much he liked it, maybe inspire you into letting him see it to its fullest extent at all times.
For now, all he could do was laugh along with you and mentally high-five himself for being the cause of that smile in this moment.
"This was Seungkwan, right? The super extroverted one?", you asked once your laughter subsided.
Ah, yes.
Within the twelve times in which Wonwoo had met up with you, he'd managed to practically give you his entire life story, tales about his members included. He'd left out the grand part in which he was a in a worldwide famous K-Pop group, but everything else had been entirely truthful.
Each night spent together ran for four to five hours, giving him ample time to fill you in on his life while you did the same in return. The language barrier was practically nonexistent all throughout, with him continuing to speak Korean and the occasional sentence in English and you doing the reverse.
Your conversations sometimes had him wanting to take on English as a full-time hobby, as he occasionally missed a word or two, but you were always so understanding and never minded slowing down or rewording yourself. He, on the other hand, was lucky enough that you never seemed to have trouble in understanding him. It made him feel bad sometimes, as if you had to put all the effort into your talks, but you'd reassured him immediately after he'd voiced this concern to you.
With just a little over a week of knowing you, Wonwoo was now entirely sure â he had feelings for you.
Was it too far fetched to confirm such a thing with less than two weeks of knowing a person? Maybe. But Wonwoo just adored everything about you. You were nice, funny, understanding, you shared a lot of his hobbies and beliefs, and god, were you gorgeous.
Sure, he would not call himself in love, but he knew that if he had unlimited access to you, he'd surely fall as deep as a man can.
With these past meetings, it had been somewhat established that you'd keep contact after his departure. It was a casual agreement (though entirely giddy for Wonwoo). These past few days had already been spent with constant texting throughout the daytime, which made Wonwoo excited in advance.
Tomorrow was the day in which you'd finally have a daytime date together, a short tour at the museum you worked at. After having to reschedule with you a few times, â coming up with lame excuses as to why he was busy without revealing his true profession â you had finally settled for tomorrow. The producers of the show had granted all the members three free days without any single ounce of recording. The first had been wasted before he'd met you, with this being the second one, and the third one likely to be used on you once again.
It had been difficult to ward off his members when a few of them had attempted to make plans with him for the day without bringing to light what had been keeping him so busy night after night, but he had somehow managed. Plus, he was pretty sure a few of them had some sort of idea as to why he was so occupied as of late, but since none of them had directly questioned him, he continued to enjoy you in private.
"So, am I ever meeting these friends? They're the ones you're on vacation with, right?", you asked after the laughed had died down a bit.
Wonwoo scratched the back of his neck, arm instinctively pulling you closer to him â yeah, the physical contact had gotten even more personal through the passing of days, something which absolutely did not make his heart race like crazy. Your arms wrapped tighter around his own arm, aiding in pulling yourself closer.
"They're, uh, busy, but I'd love that! I think you'd get along really well."
And it was true! They were busy. And he did believe you'd fit right in. But it was just too much of a risk right now. He didn't want his secret airing itself out so soon. Maybe it'd be easier to tell you about it all when he was back in Korea, when there was no risk of you telling him to fuck off right to his face.
"God, I can't believe you have to work even on vacation," you pouted, "Your job sucks!"
Well, he wouldn't say sucks, but he got exactly where you were coming from, with the lack of context about what his job was and all.
"It's fine. It still gives me time to hang out with you," he smiled.
You returned his smile, snuggling closer to his arm as you walked side by side, much to his heart's chagrin. As you approached your place, your hands became more and more curious, occasionally traveling down to his own and gracing your fingers through those of his. You never actually intertwined them, but the playful touch still had his heart fluttering.
In these past nights of knowing you, he'd come to find that you were, in fact, single. This piece of information should not have excited him as much as it did, but it couldn't help but alter his perception of your interactions. It was easier to interpret some of your words, your touches, as flirtatious.
Wonwoo was used to touchiness from his members, but the tentative and playful contact you'd have with him was entirely different from what he was used to. It was far too reminiscent of every shy more-than-friends-but-not-yet-lovers stage he'd had with girls in the past. The fleeting looks, the multiple attempts you'd had at inviting him into your home without any blindly veiled excuse for coffee, the constant proximity, the smiles, the wandering eyes, it was all indicative to attraction.
That, or Wonwoo could officially declare himself as socially inept as they come.
Arriving at the front door of the small home you'd been residing in with some friends was always the worst part of your nightly outings. After the first few times in which he walked you home, you had developed a habit of refusing to let go of his arm. You'd lean against the door frame leading into your home, giving him a look and intertwining your fingers with his own as you silently attempted to pull him inside. You'd sometimes even go as far as asking if he'd like to continue the night, that you didn't want to wait another 24 hours to see him (which absolutely killed him).
You'd never said nor implied anything explicit, nor did Wonwoo genuinely think you were meaning to incite anything further than maybe a more intimate conversation in a more private setting, but he couldn't help if his mind just went there. He wanted to imagine a future in which he'd be able to go into your home for that motive, but the mere thought made him blush. He wasn't the type to have sex so casually, but he felt he'd connected with you emotionally so seamlessly in such little time that he could do so physically with a similar ease.
Tonight you went along with your usual routine. You walked all the way to your front door, with Wonwoo halting a few steps prior but letting you drag his arm in your direction. Turning around, you leaned against the frame and smiled at him, fingers reaching his own and toying with them a bit.
"What can I do to convince you to come up?", you asked, tilting your head to the side and biting your lip.
You'd both shared some wine tonight. Neither of you were drunk, but loose enough to relax your tongues. It wasn't surprising to Wonwoo when you asked him so directly. However, it still made heat rush to his cheeks.
Specially so when you took a step forward, letting go of his hand in favor of wrapping your arms around the back of his neck, incidentally making him lean down a bit. Your smile didn't leave your lips, appearing entirely too pleased with the situation.
Wonwoo gulped, hands naturally reaching down to your waist and sighing internally when he felt the contour of your body. He had to restrain from letting his fingers squeeze at the bare skin that laid between your shorts and your top. It was the smallest sliver, but his hands ached to reach up and uncover just it a little more.
"I promise to be on my best behavior," you spoke up again, biting your lip through the ever so present smile on your face.
Wonwoo knew he couldn't go in there with you. He knew that both you and him would convince yourselves of doing more than innocent things with each other under the excuse that his departure was approaching. It wasn't as if he didn't want you. He did. This was the fastest and easiest he'd found himself craving someone.
The issue was that he could not risk marring your current relationship with sex. It felt dirty to think of fucking you and then flying off to another country just over a week later. No, he needed to know things could go a long way before taking that step. He liked you too much to trick you into thinking this could be like any other long distance affair.
But under all these complex emotions, Wonwoo was nothing more than a man. His need to be close to you could only be held back so much.
Burying his face in your neck, he closed his eyes and sighed, breathing you in. His hands wrapped all the way around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. Your own hands went to his hair, running through it and aiding in pressing him into your neck. Shyly, his lips traced the skin of your neck, sighing at the scent of your perfume.
It started with feather-light kisses pressed intermittently to your skin, but quickly evolved to hotter, denser ones. He hummed into your skin, almost moaning at how your back arched right under his palms, neck tilting aside so he could kiss you more.
"You know I want you," he breathed, "I don't even have to say it, it's embarrassingly obvious. Just, fuck, I can't ... Not if I have to leave you right after."
You separated yourself from him just enough to look up at him, offering him a close-lipped and shy smile.
"Can I get a kiss, at least?", you murmured with your eyes glued to his lips.
He didn't have to answer, already closing the gap and pressing his lips to yours.
As much as he would've wanted to keep it chaste and PG, his mammalian instincts took over without a warning. His mouth opened, tongue peeking out to seek your own. A single moan from you was enough for the kiss to grow heated.
It was borderline perverse the way in which Wonwoo kissed you, and he was well aware. There was spit, knocking of teeth, groans swallowed by one another (and maybe some hardness forming in Wonwoo's pants). Luckily for you both, no spectators were present late into the night in your small neighborhood, or else they would've been privy to you practically fucking each other's mouths with your tongues.
Wonwoo had to hold back from pushing you up against the nearest wall and humping you until finding completion inside his pants. More so did he have to hold back when you finally pulled away for air and gave him those eyes that he knew were begging from him to come upstairs with you.
With one last, but this time chaste, kiss, he wished you goodnight, chuckling at your petulant pout. Your antics lasted mere moments before you hugged him goodbye, letting him know about your excitement to see him tomorrow morning for your first daytime date.
He went back to his villa that day with an irremovable smile stuck on his face (and some slight discomfort in his pants).
Arriving at the villa, Wonwoo was immediately met with Mingyu and Dokyeom drinking together as they sat on a recliner located in the patio. Wonwoo had initially hoped to pass through the patio and onto his room without being perceived, but unfortunately both boys had been hyperaware to his presence as soon as be stepped foot in the premises.
Calling out to him with what Wonwoo was sure was tipsiness bordering on drunkness, he winced at their gestures for him to join them, groaning inwardly before walking up to them.
It wasn't as if Wonwoo didn't want to hang out with his friends, but he had already drank a bit prior to arriving home and did not want any encouragement in continuing â especially knowing he had to record for the show early the next morning.
"Where're you coming from so smiley?", teased Seokmin, pulling at Wonwoo's arm with a joking flirtatious smile.
"Disappearing alone at night for extended hours ... Are we going to need to draw up an NDA for you?", added Mingyu, canines bared due to his teasing smile.
"Shut up," he grumbled, swatting Seokmin's hand away from him in fake anger, but unable to completely hide the grin he'd had on his face since seeing you.
"Oh! Did you see that?", Seokmin gasped, slapping Mingyu's chest to get his attention, only earning a groan from the man at the sudden impact, "He's smiling! It's true! You were with a girl!"
"That much was obvious," added Mingyu, "The real question is who is it?"
With both boys facing him with expectant looks on their faces, Wonwoo had no option but to groan.
"We're going to drop this, actually. And we're all going to go to sleep since we have to record tomorrow morning," he declared, dragging both boys by their arms in encouragement to stand up.
Groaning in unison, the two large men allowed Wonwoo to push them in the direction of the entrance with him following close behind. He needed tomorrow's recording to go by quickly in order to run straight over to you.
After battling with a few other members who teased him over the pleased look on his face (was he that obvious?), he finally headed to bed. As per usual, you were in his thoughts, but some anxiety now joined in in the mixture of emotions he usually felt after a nightly outing with you.
It was hard not to feel nervous for what he interpreted to be your first date. Except that no such thing was ever confirmed by either of you. As far as he was aware, tomorrow was just you showing a lonely foreigner around one of the many popular sights in the city.
No part of Wonwoo believed you'd lead him on on purpose, but deep inside him he felt that he might've made everything up in his head. There was no way you'd kiss him like that if you didn't feel something for him, right? Or well, he had been the one to initiate that kiss (one that was uncharacteristically nasty, but insanely hot). Had he gone too far? Fuck, maybe sticking his tongue in your mouth had been too much ...
His mind was going a mile a minute.
He decided to chalk these thoughts up to be the usual insecurities he felt late into the night. Everyone knew that late night thoughts were always misleading, and so he hoped this was one of those cases.
The following morning, Wonwoo spent in a constant state of anxiety.
Not only was he nervous to see you right after your first kiss (a rather nasty one at that), but he kept panicking that the recording would run too long and he would miss you altogether. On top of that, he had the usual first date nerves. He kept debating on what to wear (not that he had ample options considering he was not allowed to pack before getting kidnapped), what to bring you, whether he should take you elsewhere after the tour of the museum.
But luckily for Wonwoo, most of his worries died down one by one.
As it usually happened, the recording ended right at the expected time, leaving Wonwoo with more than enough time to choose an outfit and do his hair just right â he even had time for a quick stop to get you some flowers.
Your reaction to last night's kiss had also not been as terrible as he expected. On the contrary, you welcomed him with a sweet peck on his lips, wrapping your arms around his own as you liked to do before thanking him for the flowers.
Your first 'date' also went amazingly. The tour of your workplace had been fun and filled with expert information you'd memorized to the letter as the usual tour guide at the establishment. After the quick tour, you had even insisted you and Wonwoo take a walk to a nearby street food vendor so you could extend your time together.
All in all, the evening went incredibly well. Well enough that Wonwoo didn't think to worry about what was different about tonight's outing, which was the daytime aspect of it all.
Completely unsuspecting, the last thing Wonwoo would've expected was to bump into any of his members while he enjoyed a shared smoothie with you.
Far too content in your company, he took no notice of the three nosy men watching him from a distance, stopping in their tracks and discretely pointing at him while they whispered scandalously at one another.
Their whispers in Korean were loud enough to catch his attention, making him look their way while you were distracted looking at pretty items set out by street vendors. Looking in their direction, Wonwoo's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he began to mouth expletives at them, scolding at them to leave him alone.
The three boys at hand, Jeonghan, Joshua and Seungkwan, just so happened to be some of the nosiest men he'd ever met, meaning that be already knew how this interaction would end.
With smirks in their faces, they headed over to him, eyeing you before throwing secret smiles and winks at Wonwoo.
"Wonwoo! Long time no see!," began Joshua, his voice calling your attention and causing you to join Wonwoo in facing them.
"Who's the pretty girl?", asked Seungkwan in Korean before stretching his hand out to you and introducing himself in English.
You introduced yourself back with a bright smile, "You can speak Korean, I understand," you added afterwards, causing eyebrows to lift.
"Pretty and smart. You pick them well, Nonu," joined Jeonghan, offering you a handshake of his own along with an introduction.
Wonwoo, annoyed at his friends, cleared his throat, "These are the friends I was telling you about. The ones I'm on vacation with," he made sure to enunciate the correct words, attempting to give his friends a hint of what he'd told you about their situation.
"Oh, yeah! I remember their names. You guys work with Wonwoo at the entertainment company, right?," you inadvertently finished the thought for them.
They all caught on pretty quick, nodding along while they forced smiles from their faces at Wonwoo's omission of the truth.
To be fair, with only five days left in Italy, Wonwoo had done very well in concealing such a huge aspect of his life. He was surprised he'd managed to go along with it for this long.
"That's us," replied Joshua, "But he's told us nothing about you. How'd you two meet?", there was a teasing tone in his voice, one that was so subtle only Wonwoo and his friends could take note of it.
You explained your first meeting, elbowing Wonwoo halfheartedly for keeping you a secret from his friends. Wonwoo joined in to add some details of your dynamic, but neither of you ever stated a label to describe you.
Unfortunately for Wonwoo, your outing was completely taken over by the three men, leaving him as a side character to your encounter. You took a lot of interest to his friends, which was the only silver lining of it all, Wonwoo supposed. He was happy to see how well you got along, but was also frustrated that some of his last moments with you were being used up by someone else.
When they finally left you alone (after a lot of subtle insistence from Wonwoo), the two of you were finally left to yourselves as per usual. It was already nighttime by then, however, so Wonwoo didn't have much time with you before having to head back to the villa with the guys.
As per usual, you had a few street snacks and walked arm to arm, content with the comfortable silence offered by the city. You'd each interrupt the silence with the occasional short-lived conversation, but it was still just as enjoyable.
It continued like this up until you suddenly stopped whilst on the way to the usual path Wonwoo took to walk you home.
"Wonwoo?", you asked, slight reluctance in your voice.
"Yeah?", he hummed, looking at you with slight worry yet sincerity in his eyes.
You swallowed before speaking. Your brows were furrowed with what seemed to be worry and your overall demeanor seemed less bright than usual.
"Will we see each other again after you leave? Or is this just a summer thing?", you bit your lip as you asked.
Wonwoo couldn't help but feel some sadness at your words.
Every part of him wanted to see you again. He knew a long distance relationship would be risky and difficult, specially with his day job, but he wanted to at least try. Maybe one day you could come see him? Or he could come back here? He still had to figure out how to ease you into even finding out about his lifestyle, but he trusted that you'd be understanding.
He stood in front of you and grabbed onto your hands reassuringly, bringing them up to his lips for a light kiss on the back of the palm of each. You smiled at this, silently understanding his reassurance.
"I'd take you back with me right now if I could," he began, "But if you ever happen to drop by Korea, I'd have to return the favor of showing you around," he ended with a smile.
"That sounds like an invitation for me to give you a surprise visit."
"Please give me a surprise visit. Give me all the surprise visits," he bit his lip in amusement.
It was agreed then, though hidden in jest, that this was not the last of you. This summer fling was the beginning to something Wonwoo ached to explore since the moment he met you.
His departure away from you and the perfect vacation was not easy. No tears were shed, but one last chaste kiss was had. It was one of the only kisses shared by you outside of the one that almost led him to his knees, begging to take you upstairs (though he was sure you wouldn't have objected).
After your chance meeting with Joshua, Jeonghan and Seungkwan, it wasn't late until the rest of the guys heard the news. His last few days at the villa with the boys were spent with constant teasing about Wonwoo's 'summer fling' as they liked to call it. Wonwoo had to hold back from correcting them, chuckling to himself at knowing it'd just provoke their teasing to increase tenfold.
Immediately after landing in Korea, Wonwoo turned his phone back on to find a message from you telling him to have a good flight and call when he arrived home signed off by a kissy emoji â a very important detail to add, according to Wonwoo.
His response to you came in the form of a short greeting, though your response after that morphed into an incoming call. Wonwoo suddenly remembered the seven hour time difference, realizing it wasn't too big.
Picking up the call, he mentally prepared himself to hear your voice again.
"Hi," he could hear the smile in your voice.
"Hi," he returned, shy, "I was kind of worried you wouldn't call," he found himself admitting.
"What, why?" your smile was replaced by a pout, he could tell.
"I don't know. Just thought maybe I was just a summer fling type of thing, that you were just too nice to let me down in person," he couldn't help but think back to the words of the members.
"It's too late to get rid of me, Wonwoo. Should've given me a fake name and number to ward me off."
"Maybe I did. Maybe it was all a lie," he joked, though still realizing it was sort of a half-truth.
"Oh my god, don't say that!", you giggled, "I can't see your face, you'll make me think you're being serious."
"Was I not obvious enough about how crazy I am about you last I saw you?"
He knew he had absolutely not been obvious about it. He was too shy in person. The boldness was only coming out due to the lack of interpersonal interaction.
"No. I'm pretty sure I was the one who was obvious," you smiled again (he was so sure of it).
"Well, I'll have to make sure to let you know next time I see you."
"Oh? Is that a date, then? We've known each other for a month and I only got one date out of you. That's kind of mean of you, don't you think?"
Okay, you clearly weren't smiling anymore. You were teasing him, and Wonwoo could very well remember that look on your face any time you knew you had the upper hand on him.
Wonwoo bit his lip through the grin he could just not get out of his face, "I'll take you on as many dates as you want as soon as we're in the same country again," he promised and meant it.
"Is that a way to convince me to get on a plane to Korea right now? Because it's working."
He wished that were true.
"I'll catch a flight back to you the moment my schedule allows, I promise," he hoped the desperation to see you in his voice wasn't pathetically obvious.
"We'll see who gets to the other first," you challenged.
Wonwoo pondered on the thought of you in his home country. He still remembered the many times you'd 'threatened' to drop in on him without warning. The thought made him nervous, but part of him kind of hoped it was more than a joke to express your excitement to see him after you were a few countries apart. The reality of you coming to Korea would be slightly more grim, however, considering that it'd be virtually impossible for him to hide his career from you here the way he had in Italy. Being frank, he was pretty surprised you hadn't somehow figured it out yet.
Your call continued for about an hour before you caught on to the tiredness in his voice and insisted he go to sleep. After some half-hearted insistence to stay on call (only to be refuted by you), he finally hung up and headed over to bed.
This routine of calling and texting multiple times a day continued through the following few months. Despite his busy schedules, Wonwoo managed to make time for you almost every single day. The time difference actually ended up working in Wonwoo's favor, seeing as by the time he was done with his day yours was barely starting.
Much to Wonwoo's dismay, the way in which you became official was much less romantic than he would've loved to provide to you, but only a few weeks into your daily calls and his heart just insisted he needed to make things official. He had been scared as soon as the question left his mouth, but your enthusiastic agreement alleviated him extremely. He felt an unexplored sort of giddiness at having you officially be his girlfriend.
Occasionally you'd whine about missing him, something which he soon learned to tame through either teasing or reassurance (it depended on his mood). His confidence when speaking to you grew through the hours of calls and face-times shared between you, along with your more frequent use of Korean when speaking with him. He was so smitten with you, though, that he'd begun taking both English and Italian lessons on his rare time off. Maybe he could surprise you with that someday.
Some months of pure long-distance bliss were spent like this. The guys had been made aware of his relationship and were nothing less than supportive, though the occasional worry was brought up by a few members about his lack of communication when it came to his career. This worried Wonwoo too, but an uncharacteristically selfish part of himself was just too scared of the consequences behind it to break the news any time soon.
It was unfortunate for Wonwoo that that decision would ultimately not fall down to him.
Wonwoo woke up that day ready for a grueling day of practice just like any other.
Most days seemed to blend together as of late. No overseas schedules seemed to be in the horizon for the foreseeable future, which meant that Wonwoo's job for the time being mostly consisted on working on future comebacks in advance and a few shoots here and there.
His life had been pretty menial for a while (at least as menial as an idol's life could be). Your calls continued to fit perfectly with his schedule, and he hadn't had to miss one in weeks.
Four months into your relationship (and about six since knowing you) and you continued to go very strong. Wonwoo had released bits and pieces of his career to you at varying times, hoping to somehow ease you into the knowledge that he had omitted a large truth of his life from you. He'd been open about working in entertainment, having producing experience, working an unpredictable schedule, and traveling a lot. Although these were all true, he still felt an itch at his heart bugging at him for not just coming out and telling you 'I'm a K-Pop idol with millions of fans! I can't date publicly because of my job! I am far from home almost 90% of the time! My entire life is watched at all times!' Perhaps it was the knowledge that that information was incredibly intimidating. But it was also due to how far he had dug himself into this lie.
Wonwoo was surprised you hadn't looked up his name online by now. You'd exchanged instagrams with each other (though, to be fair, he had given you his private, friends and family only, account), but a nosier person than you would've already typed Wonwoo onto some search engine and found him to be the very first result accompanied by hours of content related to him and his members. Part of him was scared you'd actually do it one day and proceed to ghost him due to either the pressure of his career or the blatant lie he'd told you (and kept up) upon meeting you.
Today was one of the many days in which this thought crept into his head. Some days it bothered him more than others, which was why he had already set up a plan to go back down to Italy as soon as fashion week began next month and finally tell you in person. He owed you that much.
For now he'd just let it go, hoping you'd find it in yourself to forgive him for not being open with you from the start while also being happy at the prospect of seeing you again.
This happiness, sadly, did not last Wonwoo for too long. It all started going downhill when you'd called him earlier than normal that same morning.
It was odd. It was about 3AM in Italy when he'd gotten the call. Not one to ever miss a chance to talk to you, though, he picked up without hesitation. This was when everything started crumbling down.
"Wonwoo!", you exclaimed excitedly into the phone.
"Babe? Hi. It's so late over there, what's up?"
The usage of pet names was still new, but he couldn't help in giving into it with no hesitation.
"Nope, don't think so. It's bright and sunny right now."
"Hmm? Are you outside? This late? What are you up to, pretty?", he smiled as he said so, amused yet confused at your words.
"Wanna guess where I am?", the smile could still be heard in your voice.
"Heading home, I'm hoping? It's late, baby. You got a ride?", he couldn't help but continue to express concern. You weren't much the type to be out further than 1AM or so.
"Wonwoo!," you interrupted, "God you're so difficult to surprise- I'm in Korea!"
His former steps halted the moment you spoke, leaving him standing in the middle of a hallway at the Hybe building as he headed to his following destination. You were wrong. Apparently he was very easy to surprise.
"You're- what?"
"Surprise! They're remodeling the museum so I took up a writing job online in the meantime. It's all remote, so I thought why not come visit you. Excited?", he could hear the kiddish excitement in your voice.
"Baby, what? You're here? Wait, where? Are you joking? You're really here?", he looked to his surroundings as if you'd suddenly spawn there.
"Well not here here. I'm at the airport still. I was hoping to surprise you at your apartment, but then I remembered I don't actually have your address," you giggled, "Any way you'd give a girl a lift over to your place? I promise to be good."
The flirtatious turn to your tone almost made Wonwoo forget about all the implications that came with you being in Korea. He had half the mind to leave work right now and run into your arms as he often saw in romantic movies upon a reunion of lovers.
That's when he remembered who he was and where he was currently standing. He had more than enough flexibility as a senior idol to take off for the day and whisk you off your feet and over to his apartment. However, it was the trip in between that proved problematic seeing as Jeon Wonwoo would easily be spotted at the airport, especially if he had a pretty girl in his arms while there.
But this thought didn't stop Wonwoo from happily agreeing to picking you up. You were the girl he was in love with, having traveled all the way to him in hopes of being received with open arms. There was no timeline in which he'd ever say no to you.
"I- I'll pick you up," he stuttered, unable to mask his nerves, "I'll be there in twenty minutes, okay, baby? Can you come meet me in the parking lot? I won't be able to get out of the car. I- I'll explain later, okay?", he attempted.
You hesitated for a moment before responding, "Uh, okay, Nonu. Whatever works for you. Tell me you're excited to see me, at least?", you encouraged with a pout somehow noticeable in your tone.
"You have no idea how happy I am. God, I can't wait to see you, angel," he couldn't help the dulcet tone that took over his voice. He probably looked like a freak to any staff member passing by.
"You better be. I don't travel to another country just for any man."
"I'm the luckiest man," he entertained you (whilst fully believing the statement), "Stay where you are, okay? I'll text you where to meet me once I'm there. Be good and don't talk to any strangers," he couldn't help but warn worriedly.
"Yes, dad," you jokingly mocked, "See you soon, Nonu. Love you, mwuah!" you did a kissy sound at the phone, demanding one back from him before finally hanging up.
Wonwoo practically ran over to his manager after that, asking for the keys to the car in which he was usually driven while in Korea. He explained the situation to anyone who needed to be privy to it before heading over to you, anxious yet excited to see you. Once there, he parked somewhere easy enough to locate and called you in order to direct you to his current location.
The moment he saw you from a distance, he couldn't help but let a smile take over his entire face. It hurt from how big and annoyingly there it was, but he hadn't felt this giddy in months. The only moment that beat it was when you also noticed his car, practically running to it with your suitcases dragging behind you. It took everything in Wonwoo not to get out of the car, which served as a reminder of the uncomfortable conversation that was to come. All was forgotten, though, the moment you entered the unlocked car and immediately jumped at Wonwoo to the best of your ability inside the small space on the front seat.
"Nonu!", you squealed, wrapping your arms around him and practically making your way over to his lap. Your door was still open and your suitcases sitting right behind you, but your priorities were clear.
Wonwoo's arms wrapped right around you, squeezing you against his chest as he nuzzled his head into your hair, humming at the warmth you immediately provided him with.
"Missed you so much. You have no idea, pretty girl."
"I have some idea," you hummed back, attempting to pull away but being denied by a tightening of Wonwoo's arms around you, to which you responded with a giggle.
"Give me one more minute," he murmured.
After what was easily more than a minute, you finally pulled away, creating enough distance to look into his eyes with a smile that mirrored his own.
"I want to kiss you, but I'm also hyperaware of my suitcases being stolen," you giggled, "You guys got any pickpockets in Korea?"
He laughed, "Get your stuff in the car, pretty. I'll kiss you all you want when I get you back home."
"Oooh, home? Am I staying at your place then? Stealing me away already?"
"Yup, I'm holding you hostage for as long as you're in Korea," he said nonchalantly as he started the car after you'd logged your stuff onto the backseat.
"Don't threaten me with a good time."
To Wonwoo's fortune, his car's windows were tinted from outside view, which meant he did not have to worry about anyone seeing you with him. He was also lucky enough to not have bumped into any Seventeen related billboards or such that may have given away his identity. But despite this, Wonwoo knew he had to break the news to you sooner rather than later. During his ride over to the airport he'd decided to tell you as soon as he got you settled at his apartment. There was no use in delaying it.
"Woah, how rich are you? This place looks so expensive," you wowed at him as soon as you stepped foot in his and Mingyu's shared luxury loft.
He chuckled and dismissed your compliment, opting instead to move your suitcases to the side so he could finally envelop you in a proper hug. There were no complains from you, or at least that's what he got from the sigh of contentment you released against his chest at his embrace. Swaying you back and forth a bit, he pressed you impossibly close to him, taking his time to enjoy the faint smell of your perfume that had somehow survived your flight. You had a warmth to you, probably brought from the nap he was sure you'd taken during your flight. It felt far too nice to hold you like this.
"God, you missed me so bad," you teased, chin propping itself on his chest and staring up at him with a grin.
"Not gonna deny it," he murmured, pecking your lips when you puckered them up at him.
Falling into domesticity with you felt completely natural to Wonwoo. He was slightly surprised at the realization that he no longer felt the same nerves around you that he did back in Italy. It might've been the tons of hours spent on facetime calls, but it was still unexpected to Wonwoo. You simply brought a brand new level of comfort to him.
"Well, kiss me about it!", you pouted, continuing to pucker your lips to demand more kisses.
Leaning down, he finally captured your lips in the way he had been wanting to since that tipsy kiss back in Italy. His hands held onto the small of your back while yours found a home in the treces of his hair. You'd mentioned you liked the length, which had been a great contributor in his denial to do any changes to it when his stylists suggested so upon his return to Korea.
The kiss grew more heated than Wonwoo had planned, but he couldn't help himself in wanting to enjoy you while he had the chance. The two of you were finally together in the daylight, behind closed doors and alone. This was a circumstance you had never had the privilege of being under.
It was you who began walking backwards, Wonwoo believed, but he wasn't too sure seeing as his feet followed you anyway. He made sure your head didn't bump into the wall once you'd reached it, but his focus was quickly taken right back to you at the increase in proximity. Practically molded into each other, you continued to explore each other's mouths with a mixture of frustration and need.
It was quite reminiscent of your first kiss. It was heavy and loaded with yearning. Humming into your mouth, Wonwoo gasped when he felt you readjust his hands so he could feel you up in ways he'd been imagining but did not think he'd have the balls to do once he found himself in your presence. Taking note of the silent consent, he let his hands enjoy the curves of your body and swallow any moans that left you as a result.
"Nonu," you mumbled when his lips began trailing down, teeth gracing lightly at your skin, "Should we go to your room?"
He didn't respond, instead pressing a few more kisses on you before taking hold of your hand to lead you into the couch located in the living roomâ he had no headspace to make it to his room. Once there, you became immediately excited to push him on the couch, straddling his hips as he say at the edge of it and continuing your ministrations.
"Is this okay?", you sighed into his lips upon beginning to feel up the skin under his shirt, fingers itching to fully remove it.
A nod from him was seemingly all you needed to begin unbuttoning his shirt while Wonwoo himself allowed his own hands to explore the skin under your clothes.
Everything was happening so fast, but neither you nor Wonwoo had it in you to stop. There had been tension between you every night you met up in Italy, and somehow this tension only continued to build with the distance suddenly placed between you. If it had been up to Wonwoo, he would've taken this all the way to the end, and then some. Already with a fully unbuttoned shirt and your own gone altogether, Wonwoo was ready to bury his head in your bra-covered breasts and let you grind on him until his brain was complete mush.
But then you suddenly stopped.
"Hmph," you grunted between kisses, pulling away and looking over his shoulder with a muted gasp. You pointed behind him as you halted the movements of your hips while Wonwoo was still on a daze caused by your lips.
"What's that?"
With some effort, Wonwoo turned his body as much as he could, having to maneuver you on top of him as he zeroed in on what you were looking at and- fuck.
"Is that you?," you got up, heading over to the object that had caught your attention, "Is that Elle magazine?"
By then, you'd gotten off him altogether, walking over to the section of his living room that held the small make-shift shrine of magazines Mingyu had insisted on making a few weeks ago. This wall had multiple magazines hung on it, with a majority of them being Mingyu's while the rest were some of Wonwoo's.
"Is that Kim Mingyu? Wait, shit. Your roommateâ Your Mingyu is the Kim Mingyu? Wonwoo, what the fuck?"
You were now standing next to the shrine, only donning a bra as you looked to Wonwoo with immense confusion in your face all while he continued to feel a tingle on his lips due to your previous activities.
Wonwoo had told you the names of all his friends throughout your time of knowing each other, blindly hoping that you'd be none the wiser â which you'd been. So he was slightly shocked at the sudden realization that you somehow made the connection between his roommate Mingyu and the Kim Mingyu currently displayed multiple times on his wall.
"You know Mingyu?", he asked dumbfounded, clearly not focusing on the actual matter at hand.
"I saw he was at Paris fashion week and on some billboards-," you interrupted yourself with a shake of your head, "That's not important!" you went to grab at one of the many magazines displaying Wonwoo, "You're on a magazine cover? Wonwoo, are you ... Oh my God, you're- are you an idol?", you finally asked.
To Wonwoo's dismay, your shock did not seem like the positive kind that he'd grown used to any time people found out he was part of a popular idol group. No, your shock seemed more so frustrated, angry even.
Getting up, his hands went to halfheartedly cover up his chest by closing his unbuttoned shirt before carefully making his way to you.
"I- I'll explain, okay? Can we sit down? I'll answer any questions you have, just sit with me," he practically pleaded, hesitant in extending his hand for you to take and sighing in relief when you accepted it, letting him lead you back to the couch, sitting side by side this time.
Your body turned to his, "Wonwoo-"
"Yeah, I'm an idol," he began, giving up on his ruse, "I'm in a group called Seventeen with Mingyu. I, uh, I was recording a variety show while we were in Italy. That's why I could only ever see you at night. That's also why I couldn't get out of the car when I picked you up," he let it out all at once.
You sat there in silence, eyebrows raised in shock and mouth adorned with a slight frown. Your appearance didn't give Wonwoo a feeling of anger, but rather something worse â disappointment.
At your silence, Wonwoo cleared his throat and continued.
"I didn't mean to lie to you. When I met you, I was sure I'd never see you again after those first few days, but then we kept meeting, and, and then we kissed and started, well, our relationship, I guess. Before I knew it, I ended up liking you far more than I'd ever allowed myself to like anyone before," he rambled, hands anxiously squeezing your own every so often, "I thought that I'd be ruining what we had if I told you the truth and I'd end up scaring you off or that you wouldn't see me the same anymore," he took a deep breath before continuing, "But I'm sorry. I never should've kept this from you. Specially not for as long as I did. I should've trusted you with this and not blindsided you like this, and I'm so, so sorry."
By the time he finished you were still silent, looking down at your intertwined hands rather than at him and with a sad look on your face. Wonwoo decided to give you a few moments before he attempted to speak again, hoping that his apology might at least be the beginning of him making it up to you.
After what felt like hours, but was likely mere seconds of silence, you finally landed your gaze on him, gulping before speaking up.
"Wonwoo, I- Did you think I could be that shallow as to care about you being an idol?", you sounded hurt as you said it, though you continued to give him the privilege of holding your hand.
"No, no, it's nothing like that, I-"
"Then why didn't you trust me? I understand not telling me while we were in Italy, but, now? We've been doing long distance for months. We've said I love you to each other. Did I- did I do something to make you not trust me?"
"No!", he couldn't help but feel exasperated.
He cleared his throat, wanting nothing more than to remain calm and show you how apologetic he was the best that he possibly could. Squeezing your hands once more, he shifted on the couch again, propped leg touching your own as he pleaded with his eyes.
"It wasn't about you. I need you to please understand that. Nothing about you made me distrust or want to lie to you," he took a breath, "This was all me. I was insecure and panicked and ended up lying to you in the process. I should've told you. There's no fixing my mistake, but I want you to know that I love you and I trust you. Completely. I was going to tell you as soon as we made plans for you to come visit me, or as soon as I went back to Italy, whichever came first. I- I couldn't do this over the phone. I owed you that much, at least."
Wonwoo had said his piece. He liked to think he was good with words, writing them for a living and all, but with you sitting in front of him, distrust in your eyes, he felt like he'd spoken all the words imaginable and had been left with nothing coherent enough to convey his feelings. He wished he had the same poetic tongue he showed off to his fans time and time again, but you were on an entirely different league to him.
"I'm just ... hurt. I'm hurt you didn't tell me. I'm hurt that I didn't know about this huge part of your life that clearly means a lot to you," you paused for a second to sniffle, showing the first sign of crying that Wonwoo hoped wouldn't come, "I'm hurt you'd be willing to have sex with me while still lying about your identity."
Oh.
Oh, he-
"Would you have told me after we'd slept together? Or were you just going to give me an NDA to sign right after?", there was a slight tone of snark in your voice as you let go of his hand for the first time.
Wonwoo felt hurt by your words. He knew you didn't mean them. That you knew he felt more for you than to string you along just to send you running with a legal document detailing your contractual obligation to keep whatever happened between you a secret. But this still didn't take away the sting.
But no part of him blamed you. It was possible that you did feel like he'd been using you. That he took advantage of your lack of knowledge of him to live out some fantasy of his in which he didn't have to worry about being an idol.
"I'm sorry. I'd never- it was never like that for me. You weren't just an NDA to me. I wanted to keep you away from all that stuff for as long as I could. But I never consulted you about it. I should've let you decide whether you wanted-" he cleared his throat, swallowing the vile building there, "whether you'd still want to be with me despite that."
Upon looking into your eyes, he saw a slight change in your demeanor. Unbeknownst to him, his eyes had begun forming tears, tears which your hands immediately reached up to wipe at with the most delicacy imaginable. His lips tugged up slightly at your demonstration of affection. One of his hands came up to hold yours hostage against his cheek, leaning into it when you caressed it. Your eyes now showed more compassion than anything, with your frustration at him being overtaken by care for him.
"I'm sorry, I-" he went to apologize, only to be interrupted by your moving closer to him on the couch and sushing him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I know you didn't- I know you wouldn't do that, I'm just ... I'm just mad, I'm sorry," you needlessly apologized, causing Wonwoo to shake his head in an exasperated manner.
"You should be mad. I lied to you," he chuckled sadly at your frown. It made him melt how your immediate reaction to him crying was to push everything aside and comfort him.
"I'm not actually angry. I'm just disappointed. I feel like there's this huge part of your life I was just left out of while I opened myself up to you entirely," you mumbled sadly.
"I know," he whispered, not knowing what else to say and being entirely too scared that anything else would make you take your hands away from him.
A moment of silence passed by while you both sniffled and you continued to wipe at his silent tears. His hand held onto your empty one, heart accelerating at how you held his back.
"I would've liked you just the same, you know," you mumbled a few moments later.
"What?", he asked as if he hadn't heard you.
"I wouldn't've minded your job. I would've liked you just as much as I already do. I- I would've been willing to put the extra work it would've taken for us to be together if necessary," you continued.
His stomach churned. He knew this. Deep within him, he felt a connection so strong, which he knew was entirely mutual. The thought made him happy, but that was quickly taken away when he remembered the context of the conversation.
"I know," he rasped, "I- I should've known," he corrected, "I'm sorry."
Wonwoo was unsure as to what was supposed to happen next. He wanted to leave it up to you. No matter what your decision was, he'd respect it.
"I don't want you to beat yourself up over it, Wonwoo. I just ... I think I need a little while to think things over, if that's okay," you looked to him with a small smile which he returned.
"Yes, of course. Anything you need. Do you- do you want me to get you a hotel? Or ... Would you still want to stay with me?," he felt so pathetic asking, but he held the hope that you'd still be willing to stay with him.
"Of course I want to stay here. I told you, Wonwoo, I don't travel to another country for just any man," you joked lightheartedly, making Wonwoo chuckle lightly.
The conversation mostly ended there. You continued to awkwardly put your shirt back on and settled yourself in his room. He decided to stay at home for the rest of the day, attempting to mend things with you.
You continued to treat him as usual, occasionally asking him about his career, to which he responded awkwardly but attempted to keep things casual as to not make the situation uncomfortable. For the most part, he helped you settle down, as you'd informed him you'd be staying for two months due to the duration of your current assignment. At some point you'd offered to stay at a hotel, likely sensing his change of demeanor after your argument, but he profusely insisted you stay.
When it was time to sleep, he felt even more awkward, not knowing whether he should offer to sleep in the living room or bunk with Mingyu to avoid making you uncomfortable by staying on the same bed.
"Don't be dumb. I don't mind sleeping together," had been your nonchalant response, not noticing his reaction at the implication.
"Are you sure? I don't-"
"Wonwoo!", you suddenly raised your voice, pinching at your eyebrows in frustration afterwards, "I'm not mad at you."
You made your way over to him, putting down some of the stuff you'd been organizing in the walk-in bathroom located in his room. Once in front of him, you hesitated for a second but opted to hold his hands as you often liked to do.
"I want to spend time with you. Let's just ... let's try to move past it. I'm not angry, I just need to process it a bit, okay? I'd still like to share a bed with you, if you want that too," you looked shy for a mere second, "I've always thought about cuddling you," you finished with a small giggle.
Wonwoo smiled fondly at you, letting his guard down the most he had been since this afternoon's situation. He went on a whim and hugged you, pressing you comfortably against his chest.
"I'd love that. Thank you," he found himself thanking you as he led you to bed, humming happily when you removed any distance from between the two of you as soon as you laid down.
"I've always wanted this," he whispered against you, arms holding you safely against him.
"Me too," you whispered.
Like that, you fell into slumber, giving Wonwoo a brand new hope that things would be okay.
The following day started very differently than originally imagined. Part of Wonwoo was convinced it had all been a dream. The groggy part of him as he laid there, pressed up against you and only about 10% awake was truly convinced that he was currently in a dream state.
Which was why what followed didn't seem out of the ordinary for him.
This had not been the first time Wonwoo had dreamt of you.
Although most of his dreams were sweet and innocent, filled with your pretty smile and sweet touch, there were a few outliers. These were some which he was mostly embarrassed by, but he really couldn't deny enjoying them.
This dream seemed like a bit of a rollercoaster, really. It all began with you coming to visit him? In Korea? Man, was he elated to have you. But then the inevitable happened. You'd found out about his lies. You'd gotten hurt by him. He'd disappointed you.
He was unsure how the rest progressed, but somehow he ended up in bed with you, sharing an 'I love you' before falling asleep by your side.
What ensued after had been his favorite part.
Having you pressed up so closely against him had an immediate effect, or at least so much was obvious by the sudden tightness of his boxers. His hips took a mind of their own as they pressed further against the ass curved so perfectly against him.
His hands held tightly onto your hips, beginning to slowly hump against you.
Many of his M rated dreams about you went on like this. It'd start with some scenario involving you and eventually evolve into Wonwoo humping his bed in his sleep, but it always felt entirely too real.
Almost as real as now, but maybe not quite.
Maybe because this was real. It just took Wonwoo a little while to realize it.
What began to break him out of his sleepy daze had been the breathy sigh he heard in his vicinity. But what truly took him right out was when his pillow(?) pushed back against him, drawing a pathetic whimper from his throat.
Opening his eyes, he then realized the reality of the situation.
He just so happened to have his pretty girl actually on his bed.
It all came back to him immediately. The surprise visit, the almost-sex, the revelation, the crying, the reconciliation, everything.
But his hips never stopped moving.
And when they did, he suddenly felt a hand draw back and press his own hand further into your hip, a whisper of a voice coming out.
"Keep going, Nonu ..." you said, pushing yourself even harder into him.
With a groan, he buried his face into your neck, kissing the skin he found there. This was when he really lost himself.
"Fuck," he groaned, hips humping you with desperation. It was that morning sensitivity that had him acting on impulse, he knew this, but he still couldn't help himself â especially when you began moaning along.
"Take off your pants," you grunted.
It was obvious to Wonwoo what you wanted to do, which was why no objection was had as he undid the drawstring of his pajamas before pulling out his dick just enough for you to dig behind you and take hold of it in the pretty hands he'd dreamed of many times before.
Lowering your own sleeping shorts just enough, you did the unexpected, burying his cock between the nonexistent space between your thighs and encouraging him to hump his dick against him.
He gasped at the tightness, feeling the upper side of his dick be permeated with the wetness you'd released. His brain piratically short-circuited at knowing just how close you were to him.
"Baby," he grunted.
"Feel good, Nonu?", you grinned. He couldn't see your face, but he just knew.
Head still buried against you, he whined a pathetic 'yes' while he sucked love bites into your neck. It was downright pitiful how good he felt without actually fucking you, but his hips just wouldn't stop seeking that tightness.
He continued to grace your cunt, giving you what knew must've been a frustrating amount of stimulation â enough to have you wanting more, but lacking the fulfillment he could easily give you once inside you.
Wonwoo really wanted to make you cum. God, did he want to flip you to your back and have his way. But this felt so fucking good. It was a lost battle and you knew it. It had been your plan from the moment he'd woken you up by grinding against you. It was all so transparent to Wonwoo. You wanted to torture him, and god did he want to be tortured.
With a few more thrusts between your thighs, he finished. The whimpers left against your skin would've been embarrassing had he not felt the pulsing of your cunt any time a sound left his throat. You liked it, and he wanted to give you everything you liked.
You turned around afterwards, now facing him and immediately stealing a kiss from him. No words needed to be shared when he'd missed your kiss so much. Not when he felt so good as he kissed you. Making love to your mouth as badly as he wanted to your cunt, he kissed you until you were both out of breath.
His leg caught onto your middle, sneaking its way between your legs as you dragged your cunt against it whilst continuing your kiss. Your pants and heavy breaths landed directly into his mouth, but he welcomed it, ensuring your lips remained connected. Dragging your middle up and down his leg, he could feel your high approaching. You pulsed and writhed at the friction, angling yourself however you saw fit while Wonwoo aided you by dragging his leg in synch.
With a broken gasp, you came while Wonwoo's embrace never left you. A visceral reaction overtook him during your orgasm. The sight and feeling of the pretty girl he'd been thinking about for months finally falling apart under his barely-there touch had the most obvious effect â he was hard, again.
"Wonwoo," you breathed out after catching your breath. Your hand found his chin, angling him to look into your eyes.
"Hmm?", he was slightly nervous at how deadpan your tone sounded.
"I need you to fuck me."
"A-ah," he grunted when you guided him on top of you, "Are you sure?" he breathed once hovering over you.
"Extremely."
"But-"
"Wonwoo, I love you. I've been wanting this since Italy. It's okay, I promise," you went to hold his face in your hands, smiling that pretty smile at him as you spoke, topping it off with a chaste peck.
"I love you too," he smiled back, connecting your lips for a longer kiss.
The rest was pretty much history. Your bodies molded with one another, foreplay becoming far too natural for your first time together. You kissed and felt every inch of each other's bodies before Wonwoo blindly patted his end table for a condom, entering you when you continued to insist on him doing so.
He groaned into your neck, puffing hot air against your sweaty skin at just how perfectly he felt. He'd missed your presence so bad, but he didn't realize he could miss this despite having never had it before. It was clear to him now that there was no way he could ever let you leave Korea again. He'd have to ditch his job and hike a flight back to Italy or simply hold you hostage in Seoul.
Or maybe that was just the pussydrunkness speaking.
"Move," you whined after too many seconds spent by Wonwoo attempting not to lose himself as soon as he entered you.
It became even more tortuous when he began bumping in and out of you. He found the perfect rhythm immediately, with your hips humping upwards and aiding him in the task. He wasn't sure if it was because you just so happened to be made for him or if it was due to how much he loved you, but the feeling of you was completely unrivaled by anything else he'd experienced in his 28 years of life.
His arms went to the back of your thighs, lifting them further up his waist to hold you as close to him as possible. Your responded by digging your nails into his biceps, crying out his name when the canting of his hips just became too much to handle.
"Fuck, just like that," you sighed, "R-right there!", was your next respond when he angled you just perfectly.
Knowing his orgasm was just moments away, he followed your every direction, becoming in tune with your body almost immediately. His thumb was practically glued to your clit, working different patterns until he found one that had your eyes rolling back. It was hard not to become obsessed with your pleasure upon getting a taste of it.
"F-fuck. Gonna cum, Nonu," your nails dragged down his back.
He hissed at the pain, but drank it all in. His grunts encouraged you to do whatever you wanted to him. He was yours from now on.
"Cum, pretty. I'm right behind you," he panted. That dancer's stamina was really paying off right now.
Your orgasm led directly to his own, with mumbles of 'I love you's muttered as mantras as you both entered and rode your highs. The sticky sweat shared between your bodies did not bother Wonwoo as he nuzzled against you, making sure he did not drop his entire body weight into you while keeping himself as close as possible.
Throwing out the condom, he got up despite his exhaustion to make sure to clean you up a bit, dragging your tired body to pee while he made sure bed was warm and ready for your return.
You emerged back with a lazy smile on your face, almost tackling him when you ran back to bed and let him envelop you in his arms.
More sweet words were exchanged (along with some brave touches in between kisses) as you fell asleep in each other's arms again. When you awoke again, it was with smiles glued to your faces, not leaving you even as you went out to fix yourselves up a quick and domestic breakfast.
He held your waist and buried his face in the crook of your neck as you insisted on cooking, just as he'd pictured uncountable times before. You were so into your own world that you did not hear the entrance of Wonwoo's roommate.
"Huh," you suddenly heard from behind you, causing the two of you to jump.
"So you're the girl taking up all of Wonwoo's attention," Mingyu grinned teasingly, hands on his hips in an accusatory manner.
And that was only the beginning of your welcome into Wonwoo's world.
to read short 2.2k word continuation (+ all other previously written bonus content) you can go join my svt monthly tier on patreon!
content: smut, afab reader, pda, mingyu third-wheeling, dry humping, an appearance from a few other members, etc.
wc: 531 (teaser); 2.2k (full drabble)
sneak peak:
"It's been three weeks and I'm still not used to being your third wheel. Don't feel particularly happy about it either," Mingyu whined from his lonesome couch whilst staring at the two of you cuddled up in another.
Ever since you began staying with Wonwoo, your affection had been through the roof. Neither of you were too big on PDA, but you didn't really mind it while indoors â especially since that was the only environment in which you could truly be together freely.
It was unfortunate for Mingyu, however, that indoors usually involved his presence.
Mingyu had welcomed you with open arms, insisting that he was more than happy to share the apartment with Wonwoo's girl, as he called you. But within only a few weeks, his demeanor changed slightly. He began to pout and whine any time you'd lounge around together, claiming he was now a third wheel in his own home and complaining about feeling single.
There had also been a few less PG instances the had a tendency to complain about.
It had only happened a few times, but that didn't make it any less mortifying when it did happen.
Today, fortunately, was one of the tamer instances in which you'd simply opted for a night in. Surprisingly to you, the two boys you'd been roomming with were both more homebodies than they seemed. Well, you'd expected it from Wonwoo, but Mingyu had been a surprise.
As per usual, you were cuddled up with Wonwoo as you watched a movie. Meanwhile, your friend Mingyu sat at a slight distance away on his own couch, continuing to stare with a pout.
This only went long enough until your boyfriend decided to whine back at his roommate.
"Gyu, just go on that blind date Kwannie suggested. Stop acting like we killed your dog," he grumbled.
You only giggled along as you listened.
"I like the single life! It's just that I wasn't expecting to have the human manifestation of a romance novel shoving their perfect relationship in my face at all times," he went on to complain.
"Dude, what do you want from me?", Wonwoo complained, annoyed.
The large man simply sighed petulantly before getting up, shooting you yet another annoyed look.
"I'll just go out again, I guess. Please don't do anything disgusting in my absence," he called as he made his way to leave, taking a plate of snacks away from you and Wonwoo in the process despite your lighthearted complaints.
With a few other scoldings from him, he made his way out, likely to go hang out with some of the many friends the man had to choose from. Simultaneously, Wonwoo took advantage of the newfound privacy to somehow cuddle up to you even closer, burying his face in your neck to breathe you in.
"Well, that was fun," you joked.
"Mhm," was all Wonwoo responded, his attention now laying completely on the skin of your neck as he began nosing at it, pressing the occasional kiss.
"I think it's better when he's gone, don't you think?", he mumbled between kisses, hands beginning to roam your torso.
"He's fun," you defended half-heartedly, easily giving in to him.
...
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Growing too strong to stay at the lab you grew up in, youâre shipped off to South Korea to continue your life in their much bigger and more high-tech lab. Thatâs where you meet thirteen other experiments who are just like you, only knowing life inside the labs which consists of constant inhuman studies and awful mistreatment. However, being kept solitary for your whole life, you find it difficult to trust even the experiments who know exactly what youâve gone through. But the labs simply creating these experiments because they can may not be the only reason for your existence, and trusting the other experiments might be your only way to freedom â assuming you can stay hidden from the white coats.
Genre - Greek Demigod AU! Weâve got crack, smut, fluff , angst, hurt, comfort, all of it in this series, buckle up!
Previous chapter
Chapter summary - As you delve deeper into the world of the demigods, a party throws you spiralling down a road less taken. While it seems there's one member who may be able to help you with it, there's another you want to lend a hand to. And more.
A/n - As usual, I'm not revealing which member/s are in the chapter hehe :)
I do have a taglist so comment/DM/send an ask to be added! And if you enjoyed reading, please don't forget to leave feedback in the comments or tags - we've got lots of chapters to go and hearing thoughts really helps <3
Smut warnings - I'm trying this thing where I won't be adding any detailed warnings as of now now, I will be including them after 1 week instead! I'm trying to keep the suspense for those who are interested but I understand there might be some of you who are wary of reading certain things - I will be adding warnings for your sake in a week's time! (There are no trigger warnings for this fic though!)
Today you slept with both the windows and the curtains closed.Â
Not just Seungcheol's eagle, even the late morning sun couldn't wake you up, leading to you casually strolling into the dining hall, late in the day. As you walked in, still dressed in your pajamas, twelve heads turned towards you, following your every step.Â
Seokmin turned towards Seungcheol who's gaze was fixed on his food, like it was adamant not to meet yours. Hesitating, the former cleared his throat, taking one for the team, questioning you instead.
âYou uhâŚ.didn't come to train today.â
âYes, I didnât.âÂ
Walking in, you grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl and sat as far away from Seungcheol as possible. If anyone noticed the hostility between the two of you, they didn't say anything. Seokmin looked at you like he was expecting to hear more - then he realised that was all you had for an answer.Â
âWhy didn't youâŚ...âÂ
âI got wet in the rain last night.â You munched on your fruit. âFelt sick in the morning.âÂ
A part of you expected at least one of them to have the decency to ask you how you were doing now but all the boys simply exchanged looks. As you frowned at them confused, Joshua finally looked at you. âDemigods don't fall sick Y/n.âÂ
You blinked. âWhat?âÂ
âWe're half gods, so uhâŚ. stuff like bacteria and viruses don't really have an effect against us.âÂ
Suddenly, at that point, the last 25 years of your life made a little more sense - you realised you hadn't ever fallen sick. You also realised that last weekend when you offered to watch a movie with Seungcheol because the two of you were alone in the house, he had declined, stating he had a cold and didn't want to pass it on.Â
Of course he lied. All that man did was lie.Â
Scoffing, you shook your head. âOf course we don't.â
âIs there a problem?â Minghao narrowed his eyes at you conspicuously. âAny particular reason you couldn't or didn't want to come?âÂ
Sighing, you shook your head. âIt's just been hard getting used to things, I'm trying but-âÂ
âThere's no room for but Y/n.â Seungcheol finally spoke, looking up. âQuest season is approaching and we cannot have a weak link on the team.âÂ
âCheol.â Jeonghan cautioned, looking at him just a little sternly. âEnough.âÂ
Seungcheol stared back at Jeonghan like he wanted to retort but when the latter shook his head at him, he got up, throwing his plate into the sink a lot louder than anyone had expected.Â
If Chan hadnât muttered that the cab was ready to leave, you would have exploded - how dare he? He was the one who hinted at something more last night and he was the one who had left you in the middle of the storm so why was he behaving like this was your fault?? But before you could say anything, Seungcheol and the members going for morning shifts grabbed their things and set out for the day, unusually quietly. As Mingyu began to follow the crowd, you held him by his wrist,Â
âWhere are you going? You donât have work today?âÂ
âAre you keeping tabs on me, newbie?â Mingyu bent down, smirking at you. âCan I consider you interested?âÂ
âYour schedules are on the white board genius.â You rolled your eyes, letting him go and pointing at it. âWe need to talk.âÂ
Mingyu frowned, both confused and curious.Â
âThe house Gyu, my house. I have a final plan for it.âÂ
âOh! Okay sure letâs go-âÂ
âWait.â Joshua stood up shaking his head. âI don't know what's going on with you Y/n, but unlike Cheol, I cannot walk away from what I am responsible for in this camp. You're going to put that fruit down-â He pointed at the plum you just reached for. â-go shower, have a full breakfast and then you can sit with Mingyu and finalise whatever you have to.âÂ
âBut Shua-âÂ
âNo.â He said in a tone that you knew meant that this was not open for any more discussion as he turned towards the man who was stuffing his face with cereal. âAnd Kwon Soonyoung, why are your sheets still in the dryer?âÂ
Oh fuck.Â
Soonyoung looked at you confused - you had completely forgotten about that.
âI uh couldn't carry them back in the rain last night.â He muttered, drinking the last of his milk straight from the bowl, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. âI'll take them now.âÂ
âWhy did you need to wash your sheets in the middle of the night?â Hansol frowned at the man beside him sceptical and Soonyoung glanced at you but you were suddenly deeply interested in some random crack on the table surface.Â
âI was bored and jerked off.â Soonyoung washed up his bowl, shaking the water off his hands. âIt was a good one.â
Hansol groaned disgusted and you looked at Soonyoung scandalised as he shot you a cheeky wink before disappearing out of the hall. A part of you was kind of relieved - you were worried after last night, especially considering what he said as you were leaving. Perhaps you heard it wrong because Soonyoung seemed just as relaxed as ever, like nothing had changed.Â
You were thankful for that - now things could go back to like they were before.Â
Or could they? Because Jihoon was yet again looking at you like he knew everything
âThis is your final plan?âÂ
âYes.â
âIsn't this the first plan you had made?â
âYes.â
âY/n,â Mingyu groaned. âIf you wanted to do this we could have finalised it days ago.âÂ
âI told you, I was confused about the whole bathroom situation.â You muttered, tracing mindless patterns over the floor plan. âLet's just make the residence alone. I'll adjust with the common showers.â
âWe can still arrange to build a bathroom for you.â Joshua glanced at the papers. âSince we have to divert water pipes, it'll just take a little longer-âÂ
âNo.â You gripped the pencil tight. âI don't want anything that takes a little longer. I want this house made as soon as possible so I can shift to my own space.âÂ
Your adamance was definitely new but neither boys commented on it. Instead Mingyu pulled out his phone and scrolled through clumsily.
âI need to place an order for the brick and cement and sure Chan has got a decently sized cab but it's going to take a couple of trips to bring the whole load.â He sighed, not looking up. âIt's going to take a couple of weeks to get the house ready-â
âNo, no no.â You shook your head. This couldn't be happening. âI need my own house as soon as possible, MingyuâŚ.â You looked away rambling as both men frowned. âI'm in my final year, I've uh got projects and submissions to work on. The library isn't well lit enough to study all night and Seungcheol's house is too far from the charging station in the Great Hall, I can't keep making such long trips just to charge my laptop? What if it rains like last night again? What if all my stuff gets wet and-â
âOkay, okay, I get it.â Mingyu set his phone down and tried to calm you down. âThough if those are your concerns, you can move into my house. I live close to the Great hall and I have a loft - you wonât have any issues there.â
Oh no. No no. You weren't about to fall from the frying pan into the fire.Â
âNo Mingyu, what I need is my own space, like every other member of the camp.â You sighed. âAnd I know it's a lot to ask but I hope we can be done with it fast.âÂ
âI really wish I could help Y/n.â He looked at you pitifully. âYouâre an architect, you know the kind of time it takes to build a house. Maybe if you had opted for something simpler, like a wooden cabin-âÂ
âCan you build that faster?âÂ
âI mean we do live in the middle of a forest and I do have automations to cut trees-âÂ
âHow long will a wooden cabin take?â
âA few days.â Mingyu rubbed his chin in thought. âProvided it doesn't rain or-âÂ
âDo it.â
Both men looked surprised.Â
âYou're sure?â Joshua spoke up this time. âWooden homes tend to feel colder, it would also be harder to-â
âI'm sure.â You nodded, gathering the sheets. âI'll have to make a few amendments to the layout then you can start. Meanwhile, why don't you go ahead now with theâŚ.. wood gathering?â
Mingyu nodded, stuffing his phone into his pocket, resting his face on his interlocked hands.Â
âWhat're you waiting for Mingyu?âÂ
âNow as in right now??â
âYes right now.â You looked at him like it was obvious. âPlease.âÂ
Joshua nodded, signalling Mingyu to leave and grumbling, the bigger man left, much to your relief. Just a few more days. You could handle a few more days with Seungcheol, right?Â
âYou cannot.â Joshua turned to you. âYou cannot survive with a group of people if you don't communicate Y/n. Do you want to tell me what's going on?â
You let out a deep breath considering it for a minute but then shook your head. âIt's not worth discussing. I'll deal with it on my own.â
âWell you better do it fast because,â Joshua pulled out a sheet from his bag and slid it across the table to you. âThings are about to get a lot more hectic.â
You were too scared to extend your hand and reach for that paper. Good god, what else was in store for you.Â
âSeokmin and Minghao are already covering physical training for you but being a demigod is so much more than just combat - you need to learn about this world, about its people, about the laws that govern it.â He looked at you apologetically. âI've drafted a schedule where the members will cover these different areas with you. Of course you will have time for your own obligations but you will also have to strictly adhere to the restâŚ..âÂ
Joshua's words trailed off as your eyes landed on the timetable and the names scribbled on them.
You counted 12 names, all the members were scheduled to help you except-Â
âWonwoo.â You breathed out. âHis name isn'tâŚ.here?âÂ
âYeahâŚâ Joshua scratched the back of his head. âWonwoo isn't really available for stuff like this, he's got other things to doâŚ.âÂ
Of course he did. He was a top secret government official, he did guard duty at night, he was working on your case too, you could understand that he was busy.Â
But what you didn't understand was why he always ignored you. Even earlier when you popped into the showers forgetting that Wonwoo usually washed himself much after everyone, you had in fact, caught him butt naked.Â
Any normal person would've covered himself up or at least responded to your small scream, quick turn and innumerable apologies but Wonwoo? He simply grabbed a towel, wrapped himself and walked straight past you into the locker rooms like you didn't even exist, the trademark scent of his perfume the only thing lingering behind.Â
âY/n where are you lost?âÂ
You shook your head. âI was just thinking about how the bath house would've been more efficient if the showers were attached to the locker room so we didn't have to walk so far in a towel to change.âÂ
Joshua looked at you like he didn't understand a word you were saying. Or why you were saying it.Â
âIt's justâŚ. I'm just being an architect, don't bother.â You shook your head then the paper. âThank you for this.â
âNo worries.â He smiled sweetly, getting up, leaving you to your breakfast. âI see your first lesson is History of the Gods. Unfortunately I think Chan is busy with some delivery in the evening so, it'll be just you and Jihoon. I hope you'll attend the lesson earnestly.â
You nodded, giving him a hard smile.Â
How were you supposed to last 2 hours with a man who read you like an open book?Â
The darkness behind your closed eyelids was supposed to be comforting. That's why you were lounging in your chair, half asleep while waiting for Jihoon to show up. But somehow, it felt like you were being watched and sure enough when you opened your eyes, the face of your instructor of the day was inches away from you.
âJesus Christ JihoonâŚâ You sat up scrambling, pulling yourself away from him. âWhy didnât you say something?â
âYou're tired.â He tucked his hands in his pockets walking back. âI was wondering if I should let you rest-âÂ
âI'm fine.âÂ
â-but it's strange considering you skipped training and slept all morning, yet you're incredibly sleep deprived.â Leaning back against the table he looked at you amused. âWhat might have happened last night that exhausted you so?âÂ
Words refused to leave your mouth considering you didn't know if he was teasing you or actually concerned. Given the last few days you assumed it was the former and ignored him as you began closing all the books you had strewn on the table before you.Â
âI see you're doing pre reading.â
âChan gave these to me before he left for work. He said I should read to understand better.âÂ
âDid you?âÂ
Of course you didn't. You were almost snoring away and Jihoon saw that, yet he asked the question like he wanted you to feel embarrassed about the answer.Â
âI thought you were supposed to teach me.â You shut the last book and glared at him. âIf you just expect me to just read off a book, I donât see why youâre required here.âÂ
âAre you suggesting I leave my own class?â He raised his eyebrow amused. âIâm going to have to disappoint you but unlike some, I take what Iâm told at camp seriously.âÂ
You glared at him like you were contemplating throwing the book straight at him and you almost did when he walked around the table, sat down on the chair and cocked his head at you.Â
âFor someone who is the daughter of Hestia, hospitality isn't really your trait is it? Â
âHow would I know, arenât you supposed to be teaching me about this God stuff?âÂ
âI am.â He nodded, crossing his arms. âBut it depends on how much the mortal world has already taught you.âÂ
âIâve never really bothered myself with Greek mythology.â You rolled your eyes. âTheyâre just stories for bored children.âÂ
âExcept they arenât. They are your reality.âÂ
âNot by choice.â You mumbled. You did not wish to be an outcast in the only world you knew and thrown here. You did not wish for any of this.Â
âParentage is no oneâs choice.â Jihoon sighed. âBut to be a demigod is a gift. Itâs a shame that you disregard your power.âÂ
âWhat power?â You scoffed. âI donât have anyâŚ.â Trailing off you gulped.Â
That was a lie.Â
âI am the Son of Apollo which means I was there at the Court of Delphi when the Oracle assigned you.â Jihoon reminded you of the fateful night.
The night when a couple of masked men had forcibly picked you from your dorm, throwing you into a large room of unknown people and a round crystal in the middle on an altar. No sooner than you took a scared, confused step forward it spoke - Daughter of Hestia, Camp Seventeen.Â
âThe Oracle only recognises those who have God's blood. So if youâre telling me you donât have any powers and this is all a mistake, you must think Iâm an idiot.âÂ
âIf youâre so smart-â You narrowed your eyes at him. â-why donât you do that mind reading thing you do and figure out what my powers are?â
âI canât read minds Y/n,â Jihoon looked at you quizzically. âIâm not Athenaâs progeny.âÂ
âY-you canât? But all these daysâŚ..â You blinked at him confused. âOh my god, can Jeonghan??âÂ
He shook his head. âNeither can Jeonghan. Not all of Athenaâs children are mind readers. Iâve only ever come across one in my life and if she wasnât busy shuffling through everyoneâs brain in the quest, perhaps she wouldnât have been killed.âÂ
You opened your mouth and then shut it, unsure which of the hundred questions in your mind to ask first.Â
âIf you really must know, my father is the God of Medicine which makes me a natural healer.â He leaned back with a small smile. âI donât read peopleâs minds but their bodies. I can tell when one is sick, or hungryâŚ.or even horny.âÂ
You gulped, feeling your heartbeat raise. Could he tell that too?Â
âIt goes without saying that a demigod's powers are associated with their parentage. So as the daughter of the Goddess of Hearth and Home, Iâm assuming you have some sort of bond with fire.âÂ
Tightening your fists, you refused to meet his eye.Â
It made sense why you never told anyone in the human world about your ability to create fire out of thin air but somehow you couldnât bring yourself to tell anyone in the demi-world either.Â
You had seen the powers the boys had - Seokmin was the son of Posiedon, God of the Sea, but he couldnât create water, only bend it. And Mingyu? His father was the literal God of Fire and even he was only immune to flames.Â
But you, birthing fire from thin air? Something told you that even in the world of demigods, the world where you belonged, you were a freak.
âOr maybe Iâm an architect because of you know, the âhomeâ bit.âÂ
âI donât think so. Your college preference is pretty much just a personal interest.âÂ
âThen I guess I donât have any powers.â You shrugged. âMaybe the Oracle made a mistake.âÂ
âThe Oracle isnât human. It never makes mistakes.âÂ
âThen maybe my powers are too insignificant for us to care. I mean think about it - what can the daughter of such a goddess have to offer? I most definitely donât have anything of value.âÂ
Jihoon stared at you like he had too many thoughts.Â
âDo you know the life cycle of a demigod?âÂ
You shook your head confused about where he was going with this.
âNot everyone born half breed inherits powers and even if they do, it is dormant until puberty. At the ages of 16 to 18, demigods are at their highest energies which gives them an aura that makes them instantly identifiable - the stronger their abilities, the stronger the aura. After they are picked either by their parents or our scout force, theyâre taken to the Oracle who puts them in camp where they will be best suited to train and learn to harness their powers. If a demigod isnât placed in camp by 18, you best believe that they are dead.âÂ
âHuh?â You blinked. âWhy is that?âÂ
âBecause either the inability to handle their own powers will kill them or in rare cases, monsters.âÂ
âM-monsters?âÂ
âThereâs always good and bad in the world. Where you have gods, you have monsters too.â Jihoon opened one of the books to a page filled with sketches of the most gruesome creatures youâd ever seen. âMost of our predecessors have already locked up many of these in the Underworld but there are still some out there, lurking around. If they sense an aura and you arenât trained for combat, you donât stand a chance.âÂ
âSo you think because Iâve managed to survive the last seven years, on my own and untrained, I am powerful?â You frowned. âDid you consider the fact that perhaps my aura was so weak no one could detect me?âÂ
âI did. That was my first assumption till the Oracle.â He leaned onto the table. âEven Gods have to touch the orb for a reading but your mere presence lit her up Y/n. Your aura isnât weak, itâs different and my guess is it has something to do with being Hestia's daughter.âÂ
You hummed, trying to make sense of things. âWell, did the same thing happen with her other children?âÂ
Jihoon shook his head. âWe donât know. Unfortunately for us, there are no other known children of Hestia - you are the first ever.âÂ
You stared at him, letting the weight of his words sink in.Â
âIâm her only child?âÂ
Jihoon nodded slowly.Â
If that were true, the whole of last week made no sense. Ever since you had discovered the temple, you had been trying to reach out to your mother every other hour. You assumed she might have been busy or probably had too many places to be to tend to you, but to learn that you were her only progeny and she still didnât care hurt differently.Â
Scoffing sadly you shook your head. âWhat kind of mother doesnât care about her only child?âÂ
âOne who is not proud of her momentary lapse of judgement.âÂ
âWhat do you mean?âÂ
Jihoon sighed. âHestia is one of the three virgin goddesses, along with Artemis and Athena. Sheâs not supposed to have any offspring, much less one with a human. If anything, you are a walking talking symbol of her weakness.âÂ
âI am her child-âÂ
âIn theory.â Jihoon emphasised. âBut in reality, youâre merely a fragment of her.âÂ
âI donât understand.âÂ
âHumans and Gods donât mix Y/n. Hell, even humans and demigods canât.âÂ
âIâm aware.âÂ
Jihoon took a pause before he narrowed his eyes at you playfully. âWhy and how are you aware of that?âÂ
âIrrelevant.â You brushed off. âBut if what youâre saying is true, how can demigods even come to be?âÂ
âBecause itâs not unlike even the Gods to succumb to lust. At any time they feel particularly attracted to a human they enchant their partners.â When you frowned like you didnât understand, he sighed and continued. âEnchantment is what we call the process of godsâŚto crudely put it, possessing people. Taking over their bodies, controlling them.âÂ
Your jaw dropped.Â
âYou mean they possess one person to have sex with another???âÂ
âWell, sometimes itâs just sex but sometimes it is love. They stay on Earth for years together till the lesser gods arenât able to handle things and they are forced to go back.â Jihoon got up, pacing around the room. âDemigods are born to two human parents who are completely unaware about what happened with them and what their child actually is.âÂ
âWowâ You breathed out dumbfounded. âYou mean to say I have two parents in the Mortal world and one sitting in Olympus-â Jihoon nodded. â-and neither of them care about me?âÂ
Jihoon looked at you like you had given him more information than he asked for.Â
âI canât speak for your mortal parents but as far as Gods are concerned, they donât really care about their half human childrenâŚâŚ unless they are powerful.â He locked his arms behind his back. âDemigods train for years to become worthy of their parents' attention.âÂ
âSo being a demigod isnât really a gift after all.âÂ
Sighing, Jihoon sat down beside you. âYou canât allow yourself to be governed by emotions Y/n. You are the result of a Godâs lack of resistance to impulses - those who sit in Olympus have their own flaws. If you run your whole life seeking their validation, you will keep running. They will keep you running.âÂ
âWhat do I do then?â You blinked at him lost. âI think I have more than one question I want to ask the woman because of whom my life is a mess. How do I get her to notice me?âÂ
âPlay it smart. First, learn about our world and the things that shape it. Understand how Olympus works - what the God's weaknesses are, what ticks them off, what will bring them on your side.â He turned to you. âIf you play your cards right, trust me, your mother will come looking for you in no time.â
Letting out a deep breath, you whispered hesitantly. âWill you teach me how?âÂ
Smiling in a way that made your stomach turn a lot differently than it used to for Jihoon before, he nodded. âI'd love to.âÂ
You didnât even realise when your supposed two hour session with Jihoon dragged on till after the sun had set.Â
By the end of it, you had a book full of notes stuffed in your backpack and a head full of information that your instructor had filled. As you stepped out of the library building, Jihoon offered to walk you back to Seungcheolâs house given it was nightfall and as much as you wanted to continue talking to him, you politely refused. You werenât ready to face that man just yet but just as you began walking towards the Great Hall to grab a snack or two, your eyes fell on Jeonghan and Seungcheol whispering away near the trees.Â
As you skidded to a stop in your path, they turned towards you, both surprised and relieved by your presence. When you noticed Jeonghan nudge Seungcheol making him take a step towards you, you immediately walked back, knocking into someone behind you, earning a shriek.Â
âWatch it rookie.â Seungkwan muttered as you apologised under your breath. From the corner of your eye, you noticed a couple of the guys standing fully dressed like they were headed out to a party.Â
âY/n.â Seungcheol took another step, trying to get your attention again. âWe need to talk-âÂ
âI canât,â You walked over to the boys, placing yourself right in the middle of the group. âIâm going out tonight.âÂ
âDressed like that?â Seungcheol raised his eyebrows, looking up to down at a really old t-shirt you had donned over a pair of worn out shorts.Â
âFunny that a man who pairs socks with sandals is judging me about my outfit.âÂ
Behind you the boys snickered, glancing down at Seungcheolâs feet.Â
âThatâs not my point-âÂ
âCan you drop my bag in my room?â You looked over the leaderâs shoulder at his sidekick. âSince you love roaming around that house anyways.âÂ
Jeonghan caught the bag you threw to him, sighing as he swung it over his shoulder.Â
âWell, that would make a total of eight of us..âŚâ Seokmin looked around, doing a headcount. âDinoâs car can take us all but it will be a bit congested-âÂ
âI can take my bike.â Mingyu offered, running his hands through his hair. âItâll be more convenient for you guys and-âÂ
âCan I ride with you?â You turned to Mingyu, looking at him just a little pleadingly.Â
Even though you were on the way to a party, you werenât in the mood to be stuffed in a small car with a bunch of guys right now - all you wanted was some air and space away from Seungcheol.Â
Shooting you a small smirk, Mingyu nodded, just in time for his mechanical bull to jog over, modifying into a slick bike the moment it neared him. As he got on, you followed him, gripping his shoulders as you clambered on.Â
âHold tight.âÂ
Wrapping your arms around his waist, you glanced at the two boys left behind - Seungcheolâs jaw was tight and Jeonghan looked mildly curious, eyes darting where your body pressed up against Mingyuâs back. You could tell the normally cocky Mingyu did seem slightly tense under your touch, perhaps because you were not wearing a bra and he could feel everything very clearly.Â
âShall we?â He muttered, turning on the engine.Â
Sighing, you nodded, a part of you well aware that tonight was most definitely going to be a long night.Â
âLetâs go.âÂ
âIâve been to funerals better than this.âÂ
You muttered to Seokmin about fifteen minutes after reaching the house that the boys had brought you to for the night. Your expectation had been that of a frat party, one with pizzas and chips and dip and booze instead you were looking at a living room filled with pink balloons, rose gold streamers and french appetisers.Â
âWait till Soonyoungâs alcohol goes around.â Seokmin half giggled, grabbing a canape from the table. âThings always get so much fun after that.âÂ
You watched the man in question pulling out some bottles from his pockets, handing them over to some boys at the corner of the room.Â
The moment Chanâs car had stopped at the location, all the boys had practically disappeared. Seungkwan headed over to a bunch of people Mingyu said were some of his very close friends. No sooner than he said that, he too disappeared as did Chan, Soonyoung and Mingao. The only ones who remained by your side were Seokmin and Joshua but just as you stepped into the house, a couple of girls pulled Joshua away, leaving you with your current company.Â
âWhy do I feel like something about Soonyoungâs alcohol is sketchy?âÂ
âMaybe because itâs an illegal blend?â Seokmin shrugged before realising what he had let slip. âYou cannot tell anyone. Everyone in camp will kill him and Soonyoung will resurrect and kill me.âÂ
Laughing you shook your head, grabbing a cracker and topping it with brie, stomach rumbling due to the lack of dinner.Â
âYou donât have to keep me company Seokmin.â You turned to the man who was sweet enough to stay by your side. âI donât wanna ruin your night.âÂ
âItâs no big deal.â He muttered, putting himself between you and a drunk guy leaning over you to grab a drink from the table. âI know you donât know anyone here-âÂ
âIâm not looking to socialise anyways.â You confessed, piling a bunch of stuff on your plate. âIâm just going to sit outside and grab a bite in, hopefully, some peace and quiet.âÂ
âOh.â Seokmin looked a little upset, like he wanted to hang out with you but before you could tell him that you didnât mind his company, Mingyu popped by out of nowhere, pulling his friend by the elbow and dragging him away excitedly. Chuckling, you got back to piling your plate.Â
âYou worked up an appetite.âÂ
You turned to see Soonyoung hovering behind you, hands tucked in his pocket.Â
âYeahâŚ.â You shoved a spoonful of cold but nevertheless tasty pasta salad into your mouth. âApparently spending three hours learning about Greek gods can really drain you.âÂ
âJihoon can be a bit intense with teaching.â Soonyoung laughed, nonchalantly wiping the cream at the edge of your lips with his thumb. âThe trick is to remind him about his workout. He'll drop everything and run.âÂ
âHuh.â You laughed uncertainly before struggling to swallow your bite and turning to him. He stared at you stuffing your mouth with an expression you couldnât quite read.Â
âSoonyoung weâŚ. â You swallowed. âWe didn't get to talk about last night.â
âOh.â Soonyoung blinked. âWhat about it?â
About what he said. About if you heard it right. About if he meant it.Â
âAbout if whatever happened wasâŚ. of any use with Mina?â You diverted like a coward.
âI uh haven't spoken to her yet.â Soonyoung confessed, scratching the back of his head. âSurprisingly I haven't returned any of her calls.â
âWhy is that?âÂ
âI don't know.â He looked at you intently. âI don't feel like doing it.â
âIs thereâŚâ You whispered softly, wondering if you should even be asking this. If you were ready for his answer. â....something else you feel like doing?â
Soonyoung nodded, his tongue running across his lower lip, his eyes darting to your mouth. Just as it seemed like he leaned in, out of nowhere, the most beautiful girl you had ever seen, threw her arms around Soonyoung's neck, pulling his mouth to hers instead.Â
âHoshi.â She mumbled against his lips, pressing her body up against him not so subtly.Â
You weren't sure why exactly you were continuing to watch the two people before you shoving their tongues into each other's mouth but perhaps that's how shock worked. Though you didn't have the intention of continuing anything at all with Soonyoung, something about being interrupted this way stung differently.Â
By the time they had separated, you had chugged an entire can of beer, crushing the metal in your hand.
âAnd who might this be?â She looked at you, pushing her hair back.Â
âShe's the new member of camp seventeen Y/n,â He pointed between the two of you, âY/n, this is Mina, my uhâŚ.â
âGirlfriend.â She smiled, with an unbelievably perfect set of teeth. âSo the rumours are true. The infamous all-boys-celibate camp finally has a female presence. Tell me,â Her eyes glowed. âHave you gotten your eyes on any of them? Or even better,â She lowered her voice. âHave you gotten your hands on any of them already?â
You looked at Soonyoung, utterly uncomfortable.Â
âMina, you canât ask such things-â
âWhy not? It'll be between just us girls-âÂ
âPlease.â He pulled her back. âLast I saw you, we broke up and now you just waltz back and-âÂ
âI know, I know. We never should have broken up in the first place. That whole fight was stupid.â She pouted, wrapping her arms around him tighter. âForget about it Soonyoung-âÂ
âForget about it?â His expression was of disbelief. âSo you don't have anything to say to me?âÂ
She looked away, pretending like she was thinking before turning back to him with a smirk. âYes, I do. I didn't wear any underwear today.âÂ
Inwardly groaning you stared at the design of the tile hoping the ground would just swallow you instead. You wanted to get the fuck out of here since this conversation was of no interest to you but moving was impossible with both their intertwined figures blocking the way.Â
âCome on Soonyoung, it's been so long and I'm in the mood tonight. The bedrooms on the second floor wonât be free for long.âÂ
Soonyoungâs adam's apple shifted, his words stuck somewhere there as Mina held him by the wrist and began leading him away. As he was dragged off, you expected him to turn and shoot you a grateful look, instead, he looked at you wistfully.Â
Your plan was simple - stuff your face with all the incredibly bougie food, catch some air in the patio away from all the noise and then leave with the boys whenever they were ready to go. Instead here you were, your plate somewhere unattended while you were gripping the edge of the sink, leaning over it, chest heaving as you stared into the mirror.Â
Now you knew you werenât supposed to be hogging the washroom for this long but you couldnât bear to go out. One, you didnât want to see Soonyoung and his girlfriend again - especially if she was going to be all over him like a leech because something about that sight made your stomach turn violently. And two, you were somehow, for no reason at all, incredibly wet.
Perhaps it was because suddenly, everyone in the party was quite literally all over each other, or because you were thinking about what happened in Soonyoungâs residence this time yesterday, or because you were just plain desperate to have something, anything inside you.Â
Last night awakened something in you that you didnât know existed and now nothing seemed to satiate the beast. Chiding yourself for being out here when you could have been in your own room, having your way with Soonyoungâs toy or your own fingers maybe, you gripped the sink tighter, feeling your heart rate rise unprompted. It was getting harder and harder to stay modest.Â
The only thing that stopped you from putting your hand down your pants in a house full of sixty people on the other side of the door, was the knock on it.Â
âWhat part of I am throwing up in here do you not- Oh!â You gasped, walking back as the door flung open and in stepped a slightly inebriated Chan. âWhat are you doing!?âÂ
âYou wonât open the doorâŚ.â He slurred. âItâs been so long, Seokmin was worried.âÂ
âHow the hell did you open three locksâŚ.â You stared at the door as he slowly shut it behind him.Â
âMy father is the God of thieves. Are you really surprised that I can open any lock and any door?âÂ
âI guess not.â You muttered, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. âBut you didnât need to, I was going to come out-âÂ
âYouâve been in here for over 20 minutes.â Chan crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. âI thought you passed out or something.âÂ
âI wish.â
Passing out would be much better than whatever was going on between your legs.Â
âYou donât look like youâre enjoying the party.âÂ
âIâm not. Iâm just waiting for us to head back.âÂ
âThen why ask to tag along?â He raised his eyebrow. âDoes it have anything to do with the hostility between you and Seungcheol?âÂ
âSo you noticed.âÂ
âI think everyone did.â Chan chuckled. âDo you want to tell me why or should I guess?âÂ
âShoot your shot.âÂ
Chan shrugged all knowingly, âHe rejected you.âÂ
You looked up at the boy before you so fast, you nearly fell back thanks to the inertia.Â
âW-what makes you think that?â
âSons of Zeus and Daughters of Aphrodite have a natural tendency to attract the opposite sex.â He stated like it was obvious. âSeungcheol has women swooning over him like they're in some sort of trance. He doesn't really care for them because he knows it's a mere chemical attraction thanks to his dad. Instead he just ignores them or if things get unbearable, he breaks their hearts so they snap out of it.âÂ
You knew Chan had to be quite tipsy to so bluntly place you in the list of women Seungcheol had rejected. It wasn't like that was it? Yesterday in the rain, he had hinted his feelings for you, he almost kissed you butâŚ.. what about what you were feeling? Was this irresistible attraction you felt towards him nothing but chemical?Â
Considering how you had been feeling since Mina wrapped herself all over SoonyoungâŚ. You wouldn't have felt that if your heart was set out on Seungcheol right?Â
Then againâŚ.. it was Seungcheolâs name that left your mouth as you orgasmed yesterday.Â
Staring at the floor you shook your head slightly. You could not think about last night again, not with how soaked you already were at the moment.Â
âHey,â Chan inched closer, putting his finger under your chin, lifting your face to meet your eyes. He did not however notice the way you pressed your thighs together at his touch. His eyes skimmed over the features of your face, a slight amused smile forming on his face. âYouâre flushedâŚ. Did you have any of Soonyoungâs alcohol?âÂ
You shook your head but were unable to shake his fingers from your face. âHis blend is not my drink of choice.âÂ
âOh gods, please donât tell me you had any beer.âÂ
âI think I had two cansâŚâŚ or maybe four?â You frowned. âI can't remember but I'm not drunk! Beer barely makes me-âÂ
âY/n,â Sighing, Chan finally let you go. âParty rule number one, you never drink alcohol at an Aphrodite rager.âÂ
âWhy not?âÂ
âBecause Aphroditeâs children are a bunch of troublemakers. Donât let their gorgeous faces fool you.â He brushed the hair off your face. âYou must think people like Joshua are the finest to walk the Earth, but donât judge a man without knowing his stories.âÂ
Joshua? You frowned. How could he be anything but a sweetheart? Soonyoungâs girlfriend maybe was an obnoxious toad but not Joshua. He was flawless.Â
âYou might as well have drank Soonyoungâs disgusting blend.â Chan muttered. âWhy do you think his alcohol sells so well at these parties?âÂ
âBecause his annoyingly beautiful girlfriend is a daughter of Aphrodite?âÂ
âYes, but also because only the insane drink the booze served at an Aphrodite party. She may be the goddess of Love but sheâs also the goddess of Sex and more importantly, her children are addicted to it.â Chan looked at you just a little worried. âThose drinks are their special concoctions of aphrodisiacs.âÂ
âA-aphrodisiacs???âÂ
âAphrodite, aphrodisiacs - not far off huh?â He shrugged. âIâm not sure if it hit you yet - do you feel anything?âÂ
âNoâŚ.â You shook your head.Â
The correct answer was hell yes. Everything going on with you suddenly made sense but you couldn't tell Chan that, not him.Â
âAre you not feeling unnaturally hot?â He looked at you concerned as he sat down beside you, his body unwittingly brushing against yours. âDoesn't the tiniest bit of proximity rile you up?âÂ
You didnât answer him. You didn't need him to know just how much even his presence was affecting you thanks to those stupid sex potions.
âI should tell you beforehand, when it hits, itâs going to be intense but the longer you resist it, the stronger it gets.â You turned to him, only just realising how close his face was to yours. âThe only chance you have of getting out of itâŚ. is to give in.âÂ
Gulping you stared at him. The boy who was always bright, laughing around and cracking jokes like he was an old man was looking at you with unusually darkened eyes, his thighs pressed against yours, your hand inches away from him.Â
The only chance you have of getting it out is to give in.
âChan do you thinkâŚ.â You gulped. â...you can guard the door for a while?â
Perhaps if it were anyone but Lee Chan you would have climbed them by now. Because he was right - the more you tried to control yourself, the more you felt yourself slipping. But not with Chan, definitely not with him. He was far too sweet and innocent to be dragged into whatever mess was going on with you.Â
âI might uh need a few minutes alone here.â You mumbled.Â
Chan blinked like he didn't understand but when you looked away, wiping the sweat trickling down your neck in a pretty cold room, he seemed like he got it.Â
âOh y-yeah sure.â He got up quickly, not looking at you. âI'll be right outside.â
And with that he scurried out, closing the door behind him.Â
The moment he disappeared you smacked your head - you didn't particularly enjoy beer anyways, why did you have to drink it tonight? If you were being honest, it was because of Soonyoung and his irritatingly gorgeous girlfriend and their unnecessary antics right in front of you face-Â
No.Â
No no no.Â
You couldn't be spiralling with these thoughts again. Chan said the longer you resisted, it was going to get worse so you were going to do whatever it took to get this feeling out of your system.Â
As you unbuttoned your shorts, you got up and leaned against the sink to avoid seeing your face in the mirror, barely able to meet your own eyes given what you were about to do. Pushing your embarrassment aside considering the need of the hour, you slid your hand past the material of your underwear, fingers feeling exactly how drenched you were.Â
âFucking hell.â You muttered. How was it possible that you were this wet absolutely unprompted and for no reason at all? What the hell was in those concoctions??Â
You thought you could just get off with your own fingers but given how easily they were sliding past your hole there was no way you could do this on your own, especially not here. Annoyed, you pulled your hand out and turned, washing it under the running water, sighing at your reflection in the mirror. Chan was right, you were incredibly flushed, your pupils were blown and the sheen of sweat was very evident - oh it was definitely getting worse.Â
Maybe you could go find Mingyu and convince him to give you a ride back to camp. If you could get your hands on Soonyoungâs toy again, you could help yourself out of this. That was perhaps the best thing to do right now.Â
Adjusting your hair and your clothes, you gave yourself a determined nod and opened the door, expecting to see Chan but finding someone else entirely guarding the door.
âM-Minghao.â You stuttered as he looked over his shoulder, eyes finding you.
âParty rule number two, never trust Lee Chan to do anything in a party with alcohol.âÂ
You should have known - he might be your age but Chan was like an overexcited child. And did Minghao just say rule number two? Did that mean he was awareâŚ.
âYouâre still very aroused.â He smirked as you felt your cheeks heat with embarrassment. âIâm guessing whatever you were trying to do in there didnât work out.âÂ
You groaned. âI canât believe Chan told you-âÂ
âHe didnât.â Minghao shook his head amused. You watched as he ran his eyes from your face down. âHe didnât have to, itâs pretty evident.âÂ
âI just need to get home and Iâll be fine-âÂ
âI donât think so.â He dropped his voice, his wide frame covering anyone from seeing you. âOn the contrary, you might quite literally pounce on the first guy you see-âÂ
âYouâre the first guy.âÂ
Minghaoâs eyes darkened as he looked at you wordlessly. Strangely, you felt something shift inside you too - oh god he was right.
âHow much longer-â
âThereâs bedrooms upstairs you know-âÂ
âAre you guys done-â Â
âNo.â Minghao shook his head, silencing the voices behind him as he slid his bracelet off his wrist and hooked it to the door handle, eyes not leaving you even once. âGet in.âÂ
Surprisingly you obeyed, taking a step back, allowing him to enter as he closed the door behind him much to the disappointment of the many queueing outside.Â
âY/n,â How was his voice so much deeper suddenly? âThis is the exact kind of trouble the Aphrodite children are looking for. They want the drama that comes from the inability to control oneself, youâre better than that.âÂ
âWhat do you want me to do?â You groaned. âBefore you shoved me back in here, I was trying to leave and get back to camp so I can deal with it myself-âÂ
âThe art of war lies in self control.â He slid his arms in his pockets, looking at you just like he did every morning on the training field. âAs a demigod, you are at your best when you learn how to control yourself. People misunderstand how this aphrodisiac works - you don't have to give in, it does wear off after a point. Most just don't happen to be able to control themselves till then.â
âWears off at what point because Minghao, it's been barely 20 minutes since Iâve had those drinks and Iâm barely able to get a hold of myself.âÂ
âWhich is precisely why leaving right now is a horrible idea - you donât have a hold over yourself.â He let out a deep breath. âWe can fix it. We can stay here for however long you need and you can let this pass. Consider it a lesson in your training.âÂ
âWeâre training in the middle of a party?âÂ
âAs warriors weâre always training.â He walked past you, sitting on the edge of the bathtub like you had been just a while ago, looking annoyingly relaxed. âDo you think I enjoy these all-pink, snooty french parties? I come here just for the drinks.âÂ
Your jaw dropped. âY-you had the beer too?âÂ
Minghao nodded.Â
âOn purpose? After knowing what they do?âÂ
He nodded again.
âWhy in the world would you do that?âÂ
âTo practise self control.â He stated like it was obvious.
âBy drugging yourself?âÂ
âA good warrior is one who doesnât allow himself to be governed by any kind of emotion - lust is usually the hardest to control.âÂ
âSo that concoction has no effect on you?âÂ
âIt's starting to hit.â Minghao looked at you intently as your eyes flickered down to his pants, noticing the bulge. âBut I'm not the kind to give in.âÂ
âWell I think I'm the kind to.â You muttered, throat going dry as you peeled your eyes away. Minghao didn't. âI don't know how to explain it.â You shut your eyes tight, embarrassed of the words leaving you but you knew he might be the only person who understood where you were at. âbut I have this feeling like I'm being clawed on the inside, like if I don't have anything in me right this second, I might just lose my mind.â
âI get it.â Your eyes flew open to find him standing right in front of you, his face inches away. âI feel like I'm on the edge of my sanity too but you can fight it.âÂ
Gulping you looked at the way his lips moved, the vein of his neck stark as was his collarbone peeking from under his shirt. Before this, you hadnât actually noticed just how handsome Minghao was.Â
âl can't.â You whispered, running your eyes over his features. âCanâŚcan you help me?âÂ
Leaning closer, his gaze hardened. You could see there were thoughts running in that head of his - the warrior was engaged in a battle with himself.Â
âMinghao please.â
Grabbing your waist, he spun you around swiftly, trapping you between his hands and the sink, meeting your eyes in the reflection of the mirror.Â
âHelp you how?âÂ
You looked at how his mouth was right by your ear and his frame so wide behind you that he was engulfing you merely with his presence. On one hand there were his arms, veins running up them as he gripped the edge of the sink and on the other was the fact that if you just took one step back, you knew you would feel his length pressed against you - both of which were making things exponentially worse.Â
âTell me how you want me to help Y/n.â He muttered, his breath soft against your ear.
âI⌠you know how-âÂ
âI was helping. I was telling you what to do-â
âCan't you do something instead?â Knowing exactly what you were doing, you took a small step back, pressing your back against his chest and your ass against his length. âDidn't you say it hit you too?âÂ
You thought it was a fair enough proposition. Both of you had taken the drink so it was easy to put the blame on it for anything that might potentially happen.
âBut I don't need any help.â He shook his head adamantly. âIf I help you, what's in it for me?âÂ
âI'll owe you one.â You sighed. âWhenever, wherever, please MinghaoâŚ.â
âRemember those words.â He whispered, his hand snaking around your waist to unbutton your shorts, fingers lingering over your skin.Â
âW-wait.â You gasped. Though this was exactly what you were expecting when you asked for his help, as it blended into reality, you felt an uncertainty kick in. âW-what if someone opens the door-â
âA door that has the bracelet of Ares on it?â Minghao's reflection raised his eyes amused. âThey'd be crazy to.âÂ
âb-but what ifâŚ. I'm too loud or something. Wouldn't we be in trouble?â
âY/n.â His hand drew back just a little. âAre you sure you want me toâŚ.âÂ
âYes.â You shut your eyes mortified that just the feeling of him withdrawing his touch was physically painful. âYes please âŚâÂ
Almost instantly Minghao obeyed, his hand snaking past the material of your shorts, just the thin layer of your underwear keeping his fingers away from you.Â
âOh you poor thing, you're drenched.â
You nodded as his hand pushed aside your panties, running his digits along your folds, smearing your arousal everywhere, a fingertip prodding your hole ever so slightly.Â
âI'm not sure two fingers are enough for you.â He muttered, groaning. âYou really want a dick inside don't you?âÂ
âSo bad.â You whispered back. âI wouldn't even mind two of them in me right now-âÂ
You felt your words die in your throat as Minghao chuckled, slipping his fingers into your wet hole. âLet's start with two of these first.âÂ
A soft moan left you as you agreed, hands gripping the edge tighter as his digits simply stayed inside you.Â
âLook at you.â He muttered in your ear. âOpen your eyes and look at yourself.âÂ
Hesitating you obeyed, catching sight of the two of you in the mirror as his free hand wrapped around your waist, holding you in place against him. Something about the way your small frame fit against his wider one wasâŚ.nice.Â
You wanted to ask him to move his fingers, to give you something but before you said it, he slowly began pumping his digits in and out, burying his face in the dip of your neck. As his mouth brushed your skin, you felt yourself tense around his fingers.Â
âSo tight. â He mumbled. âOh you'd be such a delight to fuck.âÂ
âThen fuck me.â You moaned as his fingers picked up speed.Â
âTempting.â His voice left him like a low growl as his teeth grazed your skin. âBut I'm a man of principles.âÂ
âAre you sure?â Reaching for the hand on your waist, you led it up your torso under your shirt, guiding him to your tits. Â
âNo bra?â He half groaned, squeezing it. âWhat a doll.â
âDon't you want to fuck me?â Moaning you tried to push your ass further against his rock hard self. âUse me and we can both be free of this-âÂ
âDon't be greedy Y/n.â Contrary to his words, he let a third finger join his act. âTake what I'm giving you.âÂ
Feeling a lot more full now, you felt your jaw slacken and no words left as both his hands took turns to harshly pump and squeeze, his mouth along your shoulder and neck, leaving painful, stinging marks of red.Â
âFaster.â You panted as his tongue ran along your skin to soothe the burn and fingers obeyed, stretching you out just right. Minghao could tell it wasn't enough and his thumb darted to your clit, having you keen in his arms. The moment he curled his fingers up, met your eyes in the reflection and whispered, âcum for me doll.â, all that was building inside you instantly snapped, your orgasm washing over you in waves.Â
Thank god he held you up against him because as you pressed your legs, riding out your climax, they began trembling. When your sight became clear and you came around, Minghao slowly let you go but whatever fire was burning inside you was not satiated.Â
Fucking hell.Â
âYou need more?â Minghao chuckled as he took a step back and you turned to him, eyes still hooded with lust.Â
âPerhaps just anotherâŚâ You ran your hand down his chest, unzipping his hoodie, revealing his black tank top. âFinish off the favour.âÂ
âI donât think so.â He shook his head. âAs your campmate I did help. But now as your trainer, I'm going to let you get over the rest on your own.âÂ
âMinghaoâŚ.â You groaned. If he was going to leave you halfway, he might as well not have done anything. Now you were, in fact, much more turned that you didn't think his fingers could even do the job anymoreâŚ..you needed the whole package.Â
But like he said, Minghao was a man of principles, he wouldn't give inâŚ. unless you could tempt him enough?Â
Humming you looked around. The four walls of this bathroom did not seem like the right place to try and entice him but thankfully, you remembered Soonyoungâs girlfriend mentioning the bedrooms upstairs.Â
âFine.â You agreed, adjusting your clothes and buttoning up while Minghao washed his hands. Perhaps if the two of you found yourself in the proximity of one of those rooms, you could get him to succumb.
As you pulled your hair into a ponytail, Minghao opened the door, holding it for you to leave first but being the girl you were, you wantonly brushed your hand against his erection, pretending your actions were innocent. He stared at you as you walked away from him, stopping only at the edge of the staircase to glance at him before heading up, hoping he was following.Â
Pushing through the crowd of people making out and feeling each other up in a way that was far from decent, you glanced down the corridor, slightly surprised. The house didnât seem so big from the outside but the corridor before you looked endless with dozens of rooms on either side. You walked past them, avoiding the ones with socks on the knobs, knocking on some to receive screams of âgo awayâ and âtakenâ and opening some unanswered doors to sights you wished you never saw. Half disturbed and half amused you continued to try and find an empty room when the sound of a particular something made you stop your tracks, eyes widening.Â
Your name.Â
Your name sounding like a strangled moan, repeated over and over, getting breathless with each word.
Gulping, you slowly pushed the door next to you open, both terrified and curious about what you were going to see because a part of you recognised that voice - it was one you heard on camp all the time.Â
Sure enough, before you was a large bed, Soonyoung sitting against the headboard, his pants pushed down his thighs and his dick in his fist, pumping it hard and fast. He didnât seem to notice your presence, his eyes screwed shut as your name continued to spill from his mouth. Of course this wasnât the first time you were seeing Soonyoung do this but something had most definitely changed since last time.Â
When you took a step ahead, letting the door close behind you, the click of it shutting was what finally got his attention, his eyes flying open. Catching sight of you he immediately swore loudly, tucking his length back into his pants, face turning a lot more red than it already was.Â
âGod woman, how long have you-âÂ
âLong enough to hear whose name you were saying.â You looked at him guiltily. âSoonyoung, you have a girlfriend-âÂ
âMina and I are not together.â He confessed, gulping.âShe wanted to but for the first time ever I refused toâŚ.âÂ
âWhy?â You whispered, terrified of the answer. Please, please, please. Kwon Soonyoung cannot be in love with you.Â
âFor the last ten years I thought no one could make me feel the way she did and thatâs why the two of us belong with each other butâŚ.â He sighed. âI learnt that thatâs not true.âÂ
You blinked at him as he looked at you softly.Â
âAnd you know why itâs not true.âÂ
âSoonyoung weâŚ.â You walked in, sitting on the edge of the bed. âWhat happened between us was just a favour, one friend to another. How can there be something between us-âÂ
âI know.â He nodded. âIâm not saying Iâm in love with you or something, IâŚ. I myself donât really know, all this is new to me too.âÂ
âBut what you were doing,â You tried not to glance at his pants where his erection was still very much evident. âThat seemed like-âÂ
âY/n Iâve only ever been with one woman my whole life who gave me a boner before I turned her down for good.â He couldnât look at you either. âWhat else could I really doâŚ..âÂ
A part of you understood him. You too were incredibly wound for a while now and you knew what it was like to try and fight it - you too had succumbed. In fact you were still not fully rid of the feeling and Soonyoung was right before you, just as aroused. Yesterday could be justified as an ignorant act whose consequences were not expected but if you went through with this today, there was no coming back from it. It wouldnât be rightâŚ..
.
.
.
But fuck it.Â
âYou didnât finish, did you?âÂ
Soonyoung shook his head slowly
Sighing, you kicked off your shoes and climbed on the bed on all fours, crawling towards him as he held his breath.Â
âThis is yet another favour.â You clarified, more to yourself than him, âJust so you can understand if it's me you want to fuck or just anyone who's not your girlfriend.âÂ
W-what?â He stuttered as your hand found the waistband of his pants. âWe're going toâŚ?âÂ
âWe don't have to if you don't want to-âÂ
âYes.â He breathed out, nodding fast. âGod yes I want to.âÂ
Smiling just a little, you pulled his pants down a bit, the way they were when you had entered. His erection sprung out, lying against his shirt, the tip pink and flushed. You were familiar with how it looked, but this was the most up close you had seen it and the first time you touched it as you wrapped your wrist around the base, earning a hiss from him.Â
âHow long have you been hard?âÂ
âOver 20 minutes.â He groaned. âEver since we spoke at the tableâŚ. your ass looked fucking good when you bent over the table.âÂ
âYeah?â You pumped his length slowly. âYou're not too bad yourself. Your abs are hot.â
Almost immediately, without needing to be told, Soonyoung pulled his sweatshirt over his head, tossing it on the floor.Â
âGood boy.â Tongue darting out, you licked the precum on his slit, looking up at his blown pupils. âYou taste good too.âÂ
âFuck y/n, I might just cum right now.âÂ
âIn my mouth?â You cooed. âNot inside me?â
Groaning Soonyoung threw his head back. Honestly, you had no idea how these words were even leaving you - you owed it to both the aphrodisiac coursing through you and also how submissive Soonyoung seemed in your hands. So reactive, so easy to please.Â
The moment you took his tip in your mouth, his hand gripped your ponytail, trying to push himself further in. Pulling back with a wet pop, you clicked your tongue.Â
âUh huh.â You shook your head. âIf we do this we do this my way.âÂ
âDo whatever the fuck you want.â He panted, his thighs twitching. âI'm all yours.âÂ
Although you had some thoughts about that statement you didn't voice them. One because you really wanted to suck him off and two because you heard a voice you knew most definitely wasn't Soonyoung.Â
âSo this is how you choose to tempt me.âÂ
Before you Soonyoung froze, eyes looking past you at the door where Minghao was standing. You could tell the man before you was both shocked and embarrassed and wanted to cover himself up but you didn't move to give him room for that.Â
âIf you're worried about your modesty Kwon, you should know I don't give a fuck.â Minghao leaned back against the door. âI'm only interested in what Y/n has to offer.âÂ
Soonyoung looked at you confused as you smiled just a little. Oh you managed to crack him and it didn't even take much.Â
âTell him my offer is still open.â You ran your tongue from his base up. âIf youâre okay with it too that is.âÂ
Soonyoungâs eyes widened, finally realising what was happening. You doubted that he wouldn't be okay with it - the man was quite literally falling apart in your hands.Â
Sure enough, he slowly nodded.
âFrom only one woman ever to this overnight?â Minghao raised his eyebrow. âYour girlfriend must've put you up to a really strong dose of those sex potions.âÂ
âI didn't drink a-any beer.â Soonyoung muttered as you ran your eyes over his face. He was the same as you - pupils widened, face flushed, breath fast and shallow.Â
Oh.Â
âYou're telling me that woman isn't capable of slipping in a little something to entice her boyfriend who won't crawl back to her like he always does?â Minghao chuckled. âBecause I think so.â
Well wasn't this ideal, now you could justify everything that was happening - it was simply three people succumbing to the effects of an aphrodisiac - nothing personal, nothing beyond anything physical. Except deep down you knew it must mean something if despite being drugged Soonyoung rejected his girlfriend because of you and Minghao who was a man of impeccable self control was crumbling for you.Â
Except he hadn't really yet.Â
Deciding to leave the thoughts for another time, you slightly looked over your shoulder at the man who was leaning against the wall.Â
âOnly my mouth is busy, I have two more free holes you know.âÂ
You could tell that something about the energy in the room had shifted the moment you said that, like it was only a matter of time before Minghao joined. Sure enough, you heard the lock of the door click behind you and from the way Soonyoung gulped and his eyes followed his teammate, you could tell Minghao had neared. Wrapping your mouth around the older man's tip again, you hummed at the weight of his dick on your tongue.Â
âF-fuck.â Soonyoung groaned under his breath.Â
As the bed dipped behind you, you knew Minghao had climbed in, finally succumbing, finally giving in. .Â
âIs that the best you got?â He chuckled with a deep voice, pushing your knees apart with his own and running his hand down along your back as Soonyoung stared at him wide eyed. âThat won't be enough for me.â
You could feel your mouth practically water, drool leaking down the corner of your lips as you took Soonyoung further in your mouth, earning a pained hiss. Minghao though was still not satisfied as he bent over, one hand unbuttoning your shorts, his breath at the shell of your ear, whispering.Â
âTake care of my friend and I'll take care of you.â You looked at Soonyoung to see his eyes flickering between the two of you. âThe louder he moans, the harder you'll get it.âÂ
Most definitely motivated, you sunk Soonyoungâs length deeper into your mouth, his tip touching the back of your throat, a deep groan leaving the man as his hand gripped your hair again to hold you back.Â
Minghao smacked it away with the shake of a head as he drew himself back, fingers hooking onto your waistband as he pulled down both your shorts and panties in one go, letting it pool at your bent knees.
You could feel your arousal drip down your legs given how incredibly wet you were. A part of you wanted to see Minghao's face but then you would have missed the sight of Soonyoung panting, looking down at you like the mere smell of you had awakened something wild in him. To make things a whole lot worse, Minghao ran his fingers up your slit, playing with your wetness before gathering it on his digit and holding it out to his friend.Â
âWant a taste?âÂ
âBold of you to assume this is my first time.â Soonyoung smirked as he sucked off Minghao's fingers and you grinned to yourself. Atta boy.Â
Minghao chuckled as he pulled his fingers away, smearing the wetness on the cheek of your ass, landing a smack that sent a sharp sting, making you moan around Soonyoung.Â
âBarely a week in camp and look at you.â He mimicked his actions on your other cheek, the impact jerking your forward, Soonyoungâs length slipping into your throat. âGood girl.âÂ
âSo fucking good.â Soonyoung moaned. âThat mouth is divine.â
âNot more than this.â Cupping the curve of your ass, Minghao dipped his finger into your quivering hole. You keened at the sensation, but didn't stop working on Soonyoung's dick - you knew if you gave Soonyoung what he needed, Minghao would give you what you wanted and god did you want to feel full of him. When you grinded against his hips, his hands left you and you finally heard the sound of Minghao's zipper despite the lewd noises leaving your mouth being much louder.Â
âFuck baby just like that.â Soonyoug groaned as you picked up the speed, making him feel more and more of your throat.Â
You still couldn't tell what Minghao was doing, the absence of his touch testing your patience, your teeth accidentally grazing Soonyoungâs dick making him hiss in pain.Â
Minghao chuckled, adjusting your body on each knee to pull out the clothes on your lower half and when he aligned himself behind you, you could tell he discarded his own too. His hands returned to your ass which you guessed was faint red, a colour that was exceedingly a part of Minghao's life, a colour he seemingly enjoyed. Although you did want him to rail you into tomorrow, you didn't mind if he took a moment to admire what he saw.Â
As though he was lost in thought about the same, Minghao dragged his dick along your folds, his length bumping your clit and sending a jolt down your nerves, before he aligned himself.
âW-waitâ Looking at his friend, Soonyoung let out a strangled cry. âShe hasn't been prepped-â
âOh Kwon.â You felt his tip pushing into your needy wet hole. âShe's already ready for me.âÂ
And with that he buried himself to the hilt, the suddenness making you choke around Soonyoungâs length much to the latter's surprise and delight. Barely giving you the time to get a hold of yourself, Minghao began thrusting into you, the force pushing your mouth to take more of Soonyoung, your hands painfully gripping his thighs. The older man, who could have been a little more considerate, also began ramming his dick into your mouth, barely allowing you to breathe.Â
You could feel yourself losing a grip on reality, one man fucking you onto another - you never thought you would ever find yourself in a situation like this but here you were, being wrecked on both ends by men who were strangers just a week ago but god did it feel good.Â
Minghao bunched the material of your shirt, pushing it up along your spine, as you pulled yourself away from Soonyoung, desperate to get some air before you passed out. He groaned at the loss of your warm mouth but his expression turned fond as you looked up at him, drool running down your chin messily. Considering you looked absolutely fucked out, you didn't get why he was so enamoured as he tucked your hair behind your ear.Â
âShit I could watch you all day sweetie.âÂ
You wanted to say something back but your throat felt too sore and bruised so you settled on just giving him a sweet smile. Minghao watched the interaction between the two of you intently, his movements slowing down to deep, hard strokes. You could feel him so far in, reaching spots no one ever had before. Not even Cheolâs dildo model.Â
âDo you need a breather?â
Soonyoung's concern laced voice was echoed by another one that sounded a lot more condescending. Â
âDo you?â
Though you had barely gotten any air in you for so long and your eyes were threatening to roll back, you knew Minghao would only allow you to cum if Soonyoung did and man did the latter have the stamina of a bull.Â
Shaking your head you spat in your hand and wrapped your fist around the base of his cock, stroking it.Â
âI'm tired.â You muttered. âFuck me Soonyoung.âÂ
Forgetting Minghaoâs previous instructions to not use his hands, Soonyoung obeyed, gripping your hair again, guiding your mouth back to his cock.Â
âTap me twice if you want to stop.âÂ
Much to his surprise, you took him in at a whole new depth, making him throw his head back in pleasure as he held your head down, dick getting squeezed down your throat. At the same time the man behind you decided to pay attention to your clit, making you tremble at the combined sensation but there was nothing you could do - you were at the mercy of both men.Â
As Soonyoung loosened his grip, allowing you draw back, you barely had the time to catch a breath before he was fucking his dick into your mouth, at the same speed Minghao was ravaging you from behind.Â
âFuck fuck fuck.â Soonyoung groaned as his movements got sloppy and his grip tight.Â
âFuck I'm gonna come.âÂ
Oh fucking finally.Â
But to your complete surprise, you felt Minghao's weight press against your back as he leaned over you, hips not stopping their abuse on your hole, whispering,Â
âEnough.âÂ
Although you knew it was cruel, you immediately tapped Soonyoungâs thigh and the moment he let you go confused, you pulled away, looking at him guiltily as you got on all fours.
âThat's my good girl.â
âXu Mingao.â Soonyoung groaned as the other man drew back. âWhat the hell?!âÂ
Minghao simply chuckled. âYou know how much I enjoy pain.â
âSadist.â Soonyoung mumbled, trying to push himself to the edge again, pumping his length slick with your spit, hard and fast.Â
âOh no.â Minghao shook his head, continuing to fuck the living daylights out of you. âIf you cum I'm not letting you get a taste of this.â
âThat's for Y/n to tell.âÂ
âTell him doll.âÂ
You didn't know how he expected you to answer as he rolled his hips against your ass, hitting all the spots.
âTell him what you want.âÂ
âDon't youâŚâ You moaned as Minghao tightened his grip on you painfully. âDon't you want to cum inside me?â
Muttering under his breath, Soonyoung looked at you with eyes filled with lust. You could tell he was leaning to kiss you, but suddenly Minghao's hand wrapped around your neck, drawing you away.Â
Sitting on his ankles, he pulled you back till your thighs rested on him and stripped you of your shirt, baring your body to Soonyoung like a mannequin on display.Â
âDidn't you say you could watch her all day?â He smirked at the older man, hand snaking around your waist. âNow watch.âÂ
You finally seem to understand where the shift in intentions was coming from as he began snapping his hips up into you. Though he wasn't hitting you as deep, his fingers found your clit again and was tightening that knot in you unbelievably fast, your body growing hot and tense.Â
It was the sound of Soonyoungâs soft sigh that brought you attention back to him as he watched where Minghao disappeared into you with unwavering eyes, fully discarding his pants. When you let out another unholy moan, he looked up, not before his eyes lingered at your tits, his tongue running along his lower lip ravenously. At the sight of him and with Minghao hitting that spot once again, you finally convulsed around him, your orgasm hitting you with an intensity it never had before. Under your grip as tight as a vice, Minghao swore in your ear as he came too, ropes of his release painting your insides.Â
It was only when his warmth hit your walls that you realised he had not worn a condom and you had not cared.
Before you could justify to yourself that Demigods probably didn't get STDs and it didn't matter, Minghao pulled himself out, depriving you of his girth to clamp around. With a swift movement that was all a blur to you, he manhandled you around till you felt your back aligning against Soonyoungâs chest, the latter spreading your legs apart, the mixed releases leaking out of you, onto his dick.Â
âJust a little longer.â Minghao tilted your head up by the chin, face hovering over yours. âBe a doll will you?â
You nodded as Soonyoung slipped himself into you with a groan.Â
âFuck I don't think I'm going to last long enough anyways.âÂ
Considering you still hadn't even fully come down from your orgasm yet, Soonyoung's intrusion felt like an intense surge of pleasure shooting up your being. Overwhelmingly, in less than a thrust or two, you found yourself cumming again almost immediately, walls fluttering, tightening around him.Â
Muttering a string of fucks, Soonyoung bit down on your shoulder, his hips moving erratically as he felt himself nearing his high. Cooing into his ear though his thrusts were starting to get painful given your sensitivity, you rolled your hips and with two sharp jerks, Soonyoung finally emptied his load straight into you, cumming copiously.Â
As he softly held you against him, letting your breaths slowly become regular again, your vision finally cleared and you caught sight of a half naked Minghao before you, watching you snuggled in the arms of his friend. Your eyes ran down, finally catching sight of the dick that had been inside you, lips curling into a small smile.Â
âGood?âÂ
He asked, scanning your features as he slid off the bed.
âSo good.â You muttered, beckoning him with your hand.Â
Narrowing his eyes confused, he walked around, picking up all the clothes tossed around before he neared you. Pulling him closer to the edge of the bed by the hand, you wrapped your hand around his dick, leaning over to take it in your mouth. As you licked it clean, tasting your mixed releases along his length, you watched his eyes darken.Â
âJust wanted to be fair.âÂ
âYou're not satiated are you?â He smirked amused as you slowly shook your head. âCareful doll, you won't be able to stay conscious through another round with us.âÂ
âI know..â You muttered, snuggling back into Soonyoungâs chest. âIâm tired. Wanna go back.âÂ
âLet's clean you and get you dressed first.â Soonyoung patted your head softly, unwilling to move as your eyes began fluttering shut. âHao, open that third drawer under the sink, there's washcloths in there.âÂ
âAnd how do you know that?âÂ
âThis is my gir- ex girfriend's room.â Soonyoung muttered.Â
That information seemed to surprise even Minghao who was usually quite unfazed. âYou're crazy Kwon.âÂ
He voiced your thoughts as he disappeared into the bathroom, shaking his head. Within seconds he returned, handing a white towel to Soonyoung who slowly wiped you clean, trying not to brush any sensitive areas.
Just as he finished and his lips softly pressed against your temple asking you not to fall asleep, the sound of a knock resounded in the room, along with a voice.
âAnyone from Camp Seventeen here?âÂ
âYes.â Minghao frowned in response.
âSomeone is here looking for your team. Says it's code yellow.âÂ
You watched as the boys shared looks, panicked. Slowly pulling himself away from you, Soonyoung caught the clothes Minghao threw to him, the two of them moving quickly to dress themselves.Pulling your hair into a neat ponytail again and trying to ignore your aching body, you swung your legs off the bed.
âWhatâs going on?âÂ
âGet dressed.â Minghao handed you your clothes, looking tense. âWhen a team member calls a code, it means everyone needs to gather immediately.âÂ
 You nodded, half understanding as you began to dress yourself. âBut what's code yellow?âÂ
Looking at your shivering self, Minghao threw you his hoodie, which you slipped on, letting it envelop you in its warmth.Â
âYellow is a moderate danger alert.â Soonyoung held the door open for you as Minghao stepped out. âIt most likely means the camp is under attack.â
Oh fuck.Â
Pushing through the crowd, you followed the boys downstairs, trying not to lose them in their hurry. Noticing you lagging behind thanks to the fact that you were struggling to walk, Soonyoung grabbed your hand, wrapping his hand around your wrist.Â
From the corner of your eye, you saw Seokmin and Joshua laughing away with a group of girls but before you could call them along, you were dragged away in the urgency of the boys you were with. As you reached the front door, coming to a halt right behind Minghao, your eyes fell on the familiar back of a man leaning against the frame.Â
Oh no.
âChief.âÂ
Seungcheol turned as both boys bowed, greeting him.Â
You simply stared wordlessly, as the blonde man's eyes found you, flickering from the jacket you had donned, to Soonyoung's hand which was still holding yours.Â
Behind him lightning cracked opened the sky and rain began pouring furiously.Â
a/n - please send me your thoughts - this series is waaaay out of my comfort zone, I need to know I'm not completely messing shit up and if I missed you in the taglist, please lmk! Also please be patient for chapter 3 - I have to temporarily shift focus to my other stories as well, I will be back here soon!
â§â synopsis: wonwoo, a heartbroken and burnt out writer nearing the end of his math degree, wants nothing to do with the seemingly perfect, intimidating girl who has everyone under her thumb. you. unfortunately, his literary talent has got him shoved him between a rock and a hard place when you want to write a book and require his expertise. you two are the furthest from compatible. wonwoo canât see this going well. at all.
pairing: wonwoo x fem!reader
word count: 22.6k
genres/tropes:Â writer!wonwoo, university!au, plug!vernon + boyfriend!mingyu as prominent side characters, SLOWBURN (i am not fucking around this is my slowest burn yet), relationship drama, soul searching, strong angst/hurt (iâm coming for the jugular), comfort, romance, smut, a smoothie of every emotion on earth.
(!) warnings: drug use (weed, cocaine, ecstasy), wonwoo has anxiety + anxiety attacks + fairly dark thoughts, prescribed medication, gambling, intense language, infidelity, throwing up.
â§â a/n: just some quick things i want to make apparent!
the fic is told from wonwooâs pov, not the readerâs!Â
all major timeline events are organized through chronological dates
any smut or potentially triggering scenes are NOT MARKED bc the content is already quite mature, so just plz be aware of that!Â
bolded and italicized text implies the characters are conversing in korean, tho it doesnât happen often!
the fic in its entirety is 140k, so it has been split into 6 parts.
here it is... the FINAL part đ it seemed that a number of you were quite worried as to how i'd wrap this up, and i can finally give you the answer! :3 this has been an epic journey. thank yew for ur time đ
more rambling continues at the very end. as per usual. again, a little bit more of an early upload! as a treat <3
â˘Â part one | part two | part three | part four | part five
⢠soundtrack for those curious!
â˘Â read at ur own pace! :)
âSEPTEMBER 30TH.
The morning after was strange.
Early sunlight permeated through the living roomâs white cloth curtains, dappling in water-like speckles against the glasses still held on his nose. For a moment, Wonwoo was frozen, as his mind made the shift from deep sleep to consciousness, though when he finally did awaken to find his blanket half-pushed off the recliner and the remnants of Chinese takeout left scattered across the coffee table, his lethargy started fading.
Vernon was gone.
Judging from the text on Wonwooâs phone, the boy had quietly made his way out at around seven in the morning. It surprised Wonwoo to no end that Vernon could manage to sleep so little yet remain fully functional all the time. He seemed magicâor maybe it was something else that Wonwoo would be concerned to know about.
He spent some time cleaning off the coffee table.
Down the hall, his bedroom door remained closed.
When you finally did emerge, it was with the olive-green dress draped over your arm and the ivory heels in hand, which you proceeded to arrange on the small dining table by the kitchen.
Notably, however, there was something off about you, something that Wonwoo interpreted as nerves with an underlying awkwardness you didnât typically, if at all, demonstrate. When he asked if you wanted breakfast and tea, your response was a tiny head shake and a poorly fit smile. Though, Wonwoo wasnât going to paw at you.
He found that mornings always tended to be quite sobering, even if he hadnât exactly drunk enough to make the room spin or swallowed some colourfully disguised pill on his tongue. Just the air was enough to rewire his headâthat cooler, crisp air that he either loved or hated.
Undoubtedly, you had much to think about.
Wonwoo helped you get a hold of Princess using his phone, and the two of you watched television in silence while waiting for her to pick you up. He escorted you down through the pottery shop when it was time, and you sported very little shame, walking out onto the bright city sidewalk in just his t-shirt, clothes and shoes wrapped in your arms. Princess had this awfully perplexed look slapped onto her face while leaning over to nudge the car door open for you, and in that moment, Wonwoo was scared of how it all appeared and what might transpire now that the giddiness and frivolity from the night before had ebbed away. He didnât regret anything, though. Not at all.
But, in truth, what the fuck even were you two?
And what was supposed to happen now?
âOCTOBER 3RD. Â
Since you had left his apartment in a daze that Saturday morning, Wonwoo hadnât seen or heard from you. It was concerning him as time passed, he couldnât deny it, but he also trusted you and wanted not to make you feel pressured into explaining yourself.
He was caught in a brisk walk along campus after leaving his early lecture, a warm coffee cup pressed against his lip that he had grabbed from the ground floor of SRXâthey had been giving hot drinks away for free, and, consequently, it tasted like it. Nonetheless, the air was chillier by the day as autumn pushed its way in and decorated the walkway with dry leaves that rustled and crunched under his shoes. It was nice to have something hot in his hand.
He took a second to glance down at his phone.
Still, no messages from you, Wonwoo realized with a suckling sip of the very watery coffee, nearly tempted to text you himselfânot anything pushyâjust a simple reassurance that he was there for you if things werenât going well.
Suddenly, however, Wonwoo had smacked into someone.
âFuckâsorry,â he muttered, readjusting the computer bag slung over his shoulder and pushing up his circled glasses.
To Wonwooâs complete and utter misery, he was unfortunately acquainted with the person heâd bumped shoulders, and now he was wishing that he had just kept walking like an impatient asshole.
Seokmin was standing before him, dressed in a similar-style woolen trench coat that his hands were stuffed into, the sun turning certain threads of his chocolate brown hair all shimmery. He hadnât gotten back to Seokminâs numerous texts ever since Wonwoo sent a brief, very purposefully vague message to the boy that night he ran out with you at the dinner party.
Now he was wondering if the shoulder bump was intentional.
âWonwoo⌠uh, hey,â Seokmin stumbled.
Sniffling, Wonwoo let a second or two pass before answering.
He was still debating whether or not to walk away.
âWhatâs up?â
âYou just get out of class, or?â
Wonwoo nodded. âYeahâadvanced stats.â
Seokmin flitted a barely-there smile, staring at his coffee cup.
âIs that the free stuff from SRX?â
âIndeed.â
âHow does it taste?â
âUh, watery⌠like shit, basically.â
Wonwoo knewâhe fucking knewâthat there was something buzzing on the tip of Seokminâs tongue that he just couldnât spit out. His absentminded expression and clear not-giving-a-damness about whether Wonwooâs free coffee was actually good completely betrayed him. Not wanting to dawdle and get stuck in the mud of conversation, Wonwoo swallowed the lump in his throat, flashed his friend a tight-lipped smile, and pitched a goodbye, blandly wording it as, âI wonât keep you. Later.â
But Seokmin didnât seem prepared to let that happen.
And Wonwooâs eyes nearly rolled backward into his skull when the boy turned around and attempted to catch his attention again.
For some stupid, incomprehensible reason, Wonwoo stopped.
Maybe he knew the conversation needed to happen.
It only made him loathe the situation more.
âYeah?â
Seokmin dragged a hand through his hair, brushing it up and down against the back of his head while he squinted at Wonwoo.
âI think⌠uh⌠if youâre not busy⌠I think thereâs maybe some stuff we need to talk about. I donât mean to like, catch you at a bad time or anything⌠do you wanna go sit at the picnic table over there?â
At Seokminâs carefully suggested inquiry, Wonwoo followed the boyâs pointing finger toward the empty table placed on the large grass circle that the walkway wove around. With his grip hardening into the coffee cup, Wonwoo stopped to think despite knowing his answer.
âOkay⌠yeah.â
Wonwoo realized it had never felt this weird and stilted to sit down with Seokmin despite him being quite a reliable friend over the months, though Wonwoo was developing the sneaking feeling that his study buddy was about to deal an irreparable blow to their relationship. Seokminâs folded hands were sitting atop the flecked, aged wood of the table, thumbs nervously twiddling, meanwhile Wonwoo remained silent to sip from his coffee that only became more and more tasteless.
Eventually, his friend seemed to find the words he needed.
âSo, I donât know if youâve heard⌠but⌠Her and Mingyu are taking a break. Theyâre officially pressing the big pause button. I wasnât there to witness the conversation, although I get the gist it was a pretty⌠uh, unpleasant talk,â Seokmin winced, bracing his teeth, âand⌠well, naturally, I learned that you were a big part of that talk, seeing how it looked and allâyou and Her running out at the dinner partyâŚâ
He left what seemed like a purposeful pause, and Wonwoo assumed that he was supposed to feel pressured and jump to make a correction or provide an explanation, but he kept silent and rather expressionless. Ironically, Seokmin was the one to continue his spiel.
âWell, basically, there were some accusations thrown around as you can imagine. And Iâm not sitting here to point a finger and question you to death about everything, but I just thought Iâd give you the tableâuh, literallyâto explain whatâs been happening.â
Wonwoo finally set aside his drink, then shifting off the strap to his computer bag, letting it fall down his shoulder. He didnât make a huge, overwhelmed sigh even though his body was screaming for it, nor did he ponder abandoning the conversation despite the magnitude of everything Seokmin laid out for him.
Fuckâhe hated being matured.
âI canât speak on her feelings. But I like her.â
âOhâyou do?â Seokmin was astonishingly surprised.
Wonwoo shrugged. âYeah.â
âSo, then, does that meanââ
âActually, sorry, Iâm downplaying it like a coward,â Wonwoo interrupted, shaking his head, âI donât just like her. Iâm in love with her.â
It was then that Seokmin simply didnât speak at all. His mouth had formed a hollowed shape, resembling something like a gulping fish, and Wonwoo capitalized on the silence to keep his thoughts fluent.
âI understand, okay? I understand why Mingyu is pissed. It takes two to tango, I get all that. And I know you probably want me to state my regret and all that so I donât seem like such an asshole, but, honestly, I donât really regret anything. Mingyu doesnât care about her.â
Seokmin chuffed, rubbing at his chin. âOkay⌠I donât know if I would go as far as to say that in particular. But you are admitting to it? I donât know what it is youâve done but youâve done things with Her.â
âWeâve never had sex if thatâs what youâre asking.â
âAndââ
âWeâve never kissed, either⌠the only thing I was supposed to do was help her write that little love story. Which you set up, by the way. I didnât know it would turn into this. I tried to get out of it.â
âI never thought she would stick it out.â
âI know.â Wonwoo sucked in his bottom lip, staring across the weathered wood at Seokmin. âYou probably wanted her to drop it the second she mentioned it. I bet Mingyu thought the same.â
Seokmin scrunched up his face in disagreement. âThatâs not necessarily true. She just fixates on stuff and then burns out after. She's always been like that, ever since I've known her. I figured the book would be no different. I thought it was something she needed to get out of her system, I didnât think it would start rolling andââ he leaned forward into his palms for a moment, swallowing audibly. âSorry, I justâI donât get it, thatâs all. I donât get her fixations.â
âI think youâre just uncomfortable with her self-expression.â
âSheâitâs not self-expression, though. Look, I know a pinch of what her story is about. Itâs not about herself. Itâs about Mingyu.â
âYou think that just because sheâs writing about someone else, thereâs no pieces of herself in it? Her own feelings? Her own perspective? Câmon, Seokmin. Youâre fucking smarter than that. You know what it's actually about.â
His friendâs eyes drifted away from him. Â
Wonwoo then cleared his throat. âLook, you donât really need all the details, Seokmin. Like I said, I donât know exactly how she feels about me. I can surmise. I can say weâve had moments that we shouldnât. Butâgenuinelyâyou probably know more than I do and youâre lying to yourself if you canât realize that Mingyu is just some advantageous prick who makes her miserable.â
âWell, I think thatâI donât know if itâs reallyââ
âHe walked into an opportunity with her and he knew it. His whole fucking life and career was basically set up for him the second he met her family. Heâs beyond lucky Her ever looked his way.â
âJeez, Wonwoo. Honestly, itâs not like that.â
âHow is it not?â
Seokmin ran a hand through his hair, appearing flustered and without a tongue to make sense. âJustâokayâIâve been around them a lot. I know how it seems from an outsiderâs view. They can argue and push buttons. Their relationship isnât perfect, but whose is? Mingyu didnât just walk into the family asking for this and thatâheâs never asked for anything, no handouts. Everything thatâs been âset upâ for him was because Herâs family wanted it. They know heâs a good guy.â
The scoff shot from Wonwooâs mouth like an arrow. âIâm sorry but, what do they want for Her? Were we at the same dinner party? Did you see her nearly burst into tears? She has to live life in this rigid box, trying to conform to everyone else around her. Donât you think she wants to live her own life? Be her own person?â
âOf course, butââ
âNoâwhy is there even a âbutâ?â
âI donât think you understand. Her has everything she needs.â
âYou mean, what everyone thinks she needs.â Wonwoo tossed his hand up in the air, laughing, while also getting the strong impulse to ring out his friendâs neck. âIt doesnât make any sense to me. How can you be so close to her, but you donât realize how unhappy she is? You know what I think? Youâre part of it, Seokmin. You're always in her business, hovering, watching, sewing seeds of doubt, shooting down her interestsâand you disguise it as help. No one in that house listens to her. Theyâve told her who she should be instead of letting her figure it out for herself. How can you be so complicit in that? She gets no support from any of you, about the decisions in her life that actually matter. And Mingyuâhonestly, he can go fuck himself. Heâs just as complicit as you. Heâs soul-sucking.â
âGodâsh-sheâs an adult.â Seokmin was exasperated, his cheeks reddening like two ripe apples. âShe doesnât have to visit her parents. She doesnât have to date Mingyu. Nothing is forced on her. No one is dragging her there. I help because I know what she's capable of. I know the perfect life she can have. Her parents know, too. But she just gets sidetracked! She gets wrapped up in stuff that doesn't matter! If she hates everything, she can easily walk away.â
âBut you guys have made that so impossible for her.â
âHow?â
Wonwoo proceeded to clench his fist up so tight he thought his skin might bleed, the edge of his knuckles pressing down on the table.
âShe doesnât know who the fuck she is.â
Seokmin instantly paled. He looked whiter than a snowflake.
âThatâs like clipping a birdâs wings and then asking why it canât fly away. Knowing who you are is such a big part of life. Itâs arguably the foundation. What the fuck do you want her to do? I donât evenâI honestly donât even want to look at you, Seokmin. Let Mingyu beat me up if he wants toâlet it happen a thousand timesââ slinging the computer bag back over his shoulder, Wonwoo was rising from the picnic table while glaring down at the stiff, empty-faced Seokmin, who had suddenly morphed from a friend to a bitter stranger, ââI donât care what he thinks. Itâs not going to change how I feel about her, or make me stay away. Iâve seen who she can be and what she actually wants from life, and it's not some snotty, vapid, copy-and-paste hell that her parents are forcing on her. But neither of you seem to give a shit. Youâre both completely undeserving.â
Stepping away from the bench, Wonwoo tensed his jaw as the sunlight splashed over him, breaking in between the skeletal trees and their resilient orange leaves. âGot everything you wanted to know? Go run it back to Mingyu. Iâm sure thatâs what you were gonna do anyway.â
The anger in his chest felt like it was going to crawl out from his mouth and squeeze Seokmin into a ball, therefore Wonwoo exercised his breathing while on a strict path back down the walkway.
Abandoning Seokmin did hurt him more than he had thought, knowing he just lost a friend from his already very limited circle, someone whom he clicked with so readily. At the same time, however, there was a lightness about it. As Wonwooâs frustration seeped out during the walk back to his apartment, some of the weight pressed into his shoulders released itself like water evaporating from a blacktop.
He just wished he could be at your side more than anything.
There was obviously a reason for your silence.
[ Wonwoo | 11:28 am ]: I heard about the break.
[ Wonwoo | 11:28 am ]: Iâm here if you need anything at all.
âŚ
[ Her | 4:05 pm ]: you talked to seokmin?
[ Wonwoo | 4:07 pm ]: Yeah. Never again.
[ Her | 4:07 pm ]: mingyu is so mad
[ Wonwoo | 4:07 pm ]: I figure.
[ Her | 4:08 pm ]: please avoid him if you can. iâm worried
[ Wonwoo | 4:08 pm ]: Iâm not.
[ Her | 4:08 pm ]: wonwoo heâs seriously pissed
[ Her | 4:08 pm ]: canât you hang out with vernon some more
[ Wonwoo | 4:09 pm ]: Seriously?
[ Her | 4:09 pm ]: yes
[ Her | 4:09 pm ]: mingyu got into trouble with dots and had a real big scare. so he doesnât like to mess much with him or his friends. he'll showboat but that's about it
[ Her | 4:09 pm ]: well ik dots died but u get the point
[ Wonwoo | 4:10 pm ]: Fair.
[ Wonwoo | 4:10 pm ]: But I canât just pull Vernon around as my Mingyu repellent lol. Honestly, if he wants to rock me, idc.
[ Her | 4:10 pm ]: well I do care
[ Her | 4:10 pm ]: ugh
[ Her | 4:11 pm ]: life has been sucking so hard lately
[ Wonwoo | 4:11 pm ]: I want to come see you.
[ Her | 4:11 pm ]: I want that too. but I need more time, k?
[ Wonwoo | 4:12 pm ]: I know.
[ Wonwoo | 4:12 pm ]: Here if you need me.
âOCTOBER 18TH.
For the past two weeks, Wonwoo had been walking around with the looming possibility of getting jumped by your six-foot tall, rather muscley boyfriend, and he was thus very relieved to have made it this far without eating a fist to the face. Well, now Mingyu was an ex.
Maybe.
The pause in your relationship read like a gray area that Wonwoo had been treading the thinnest eggshells on, prompting him to wait and hear the truth from you directly whenever you felt steady enough to tell him. He wondered if today might be that day.
Placing another strawberry onto the cutting board, Wonwoo chopped his knife through the leafy green bit, removing the stem. The cleaned-up strawberry was then dropped into a bowl of fresh ones that you had been picking away at for the past few minutes or so.
Wonwoo smiled while grabbing another berry to cut.
âI feel like this bowl hasnât gotten any fuller, for some reason.â
Your legs were swinging as you sat atop the small kitchen island while looking down at his every movement with the knife. Once he dropped another cut strawberry into the bowl, you scooped it out.
âJust making sure they donât go bad,â you responded, shrugging.
He raised an eyebrow at you. âThe fruit you buy usually goes bad within the minute? Are you getting into a fist fight with it?â
You poked at his hip with your socked foot. âWell, you said you were cutting it for me. So can I eat it or not? Iâm getting mixed signals.â
âNo, of course you can eat it. Iâm just teasing.â
âI donât do too well with delayed gratification.â
Wonwoo smiled at you, proceeding to remove the last few strawberries from the basket to cleanly dissect their stems. He then turned around, tossing the cutting board and knife into the stainless-steel sink with a clatter. After washing his hands, he was back at the island, noticing that the bowl was now seated in your lap like a bag of movie theatre popcorn with just the perfect amount of butter and salt. For a moment, Wonwoo didnât say anythingâthat focused look to your face as you ate the fruit he prepared was much too captivating. He wanted to catch one of your swinging legs, pull you right to the counterâs very edge and have you wrap yourself around him. He wanted everything with you.
In your earlier days together, Wonwoo used to be a lot more evasive about his staring (at least, thatâs what he wanted to believe), but now he didnât feel as required to be so painfully subtle and imperceptible about things. He let you snack until you were satisfied, the empty bowl then being exchanged with a damp rag to clean your fingers.
âSo,â clearing his throat, Wonwoo braced his hands against the granite island and glanced at you from behind his glasses, scanning down the unbothered, relatively straight face you had, âeverything going okay?â
Pressing your lips together, you nodded, making only an âmhmâ sound that didnât leave much to be interpreted.
Wonwoo saw the hands that plunged swiftly between your thighs, how you were quick to squeeze around them, like there existed something weighted and hidden.
He wanted to leave it up to your discretionâhe really did.
âOkay, thatâs good⌠justâuh, heâs not giving you a hard time, right? Heâs not bothering you at all?â Wonwoo asked, adjusting the rim of the black beanie heâd thrown on to keep his messy hair tucked back. âI donât mean to disinter anything. Iâm only asking because Iââ
âBecause you care,â you finished his sentence quietly with a trusting and faint smile, âI know. Thank you. It is hard for me, though⌠I donât know why this particular thing is so hard but it is.â
Wonwoo slid his hands together, moving them slow along the cold granite. âNo⌠thatâs understandable. I get it plenty.â Hellâhe didnât just get itâWonwoo had miserably and insufferably lived it for damn near a year at that point. In fact, tomorrow would mark the day that he came home to this same apartment only to discover the interior stripped of all the traces, sentiments, and artifacts that breathed miraculous life into the girl he once thought to be his other half.
A whole fucking year without Jeanie.
How flipped things were. How oddly coincidental that he was now in the same space but with a new person to create everlasting memories. You had the most opposite personality and spark.
Wonwoo sighed. He got close to you, settling his hand atop your knee before gliding it underneath your thigh, gripping at you firmly and pulling you forward until he was bracketed in between your legs. Your response was smitten, and he couldnât deny that he loved to practically see your heart beating under your chest in addition to sensing the warmth that flourished off your skin like you were sizzling in a pan.
Wonwoo set one hand down on the counter, right next to your hip, while the other tended to the side of your face, his fingers running behind your ear and down the slender path to your silk-smooth neck.
âLookâŚâ he breathed out, finding your eyes that were now a bit watery and tinged with stinging emotion, âI know itâs hard. And I would never rush you into figuring things out⌠but I like youâŚâ Wonwoo swallowed, letting his thumb play with your earring meanwhile his deep voice triggered the sharp, raised hairs spreading down your arms like an electric current, âI love spending time with youâeven just being in the same room as you, getting to stare at youâbut I justâwhen I donât know what you are to Mingyu, I donât know what to do with us.â
You drew in an immediate breath, then releasing a quiet laugh mixed with a runny sniffle. âI-It seems like you knowâŚâ
He pushed both his hands into the countertop, smiling at you.
âWell, I know what I want to doâŚâ Wonwoo murmured, gazing so intimately into your eyes as the oceans he urged to drown in, âbut you have to understand my reservations about it. Thatâs all.â
Bringing a pinky finger to your mouth to nibble on, you nodded.
Softly, he pinched the bare expanse of your waist. You gasped.
âBecause I do, in fact, want you.â
You didnât say anything, although Wonwoo noted that you were staring back into his gaze with so many hues of simple human emotion pulsating behind your eyesâthere was frustration, possibly at yourself and everything you couldnât yet communicate, and twinkles of impulse that matched rhythm with your heart. Then, employing unforeseen abruptness, your fingers were running down the back of his neck all ticklish and he felt the warmth from your breath feather his lips as you moved in closer, smirking at him, hazy like a sunrise pouring its light through a thick cover of morning fog.
âIf you can be patient for just a little longer, you'll have all of me.â
Thankfully (or maybe not so thankfully judging from the pure adrenaline coursing through his veins in a hedonistic, addictive sort of way) there were a few knocks at his door.
Your eyes rolled. âIs that your landlord or something?â
Wonwoo took a step back, letting you slide off the countertop while he adjusted his glasses and brushed down his t-shirt. How were you suddenly so casual? One second you were chewing nervously on your finger with the timidness of a newborn doe and the nextâback to your typical self. He watched you approach the door, tilting his head.
âUh, maybe? She usually texts me, though.â
âOr Seokmin with a batch of chocolate apology brownies.â
He chuckled, folding his arms. âDoubt it.â
Really, Wonwoo had no idea who it could be. It possibly was his landlord who had perhaps forgotten her usual warning text, or maybe his younger, sometimes irresponsible neighbour across the hall who would specifically ask to borrow his scent-free laundry detergent every now and then. As long as it wasnât Lady Liberty on the other side (in Vernonâs tried and true nicknaming spirit) then Wonwoo had no reason to care.
âWelp,â you made a balmy, popping sound with your lips, âonly one way to find out. I think I can smell the chocolate.â But once the door was pulled open, that little joking smile fell from your face concerningly fast, as though someone had plucked it right off.
FuckâWonwoo thought right off the cuffâit was Lady Liberty.
Your head quirked ever so slightly. âUh, helloâŚâ
Whoever the person was, they were just outside the threshold of what Wonwoo could see from his spot in the kitchenâexcept, now he didnât think it was Mingyu at all, since your tone seemed more confused than anything else.
For a moment, Wonwoo just stood where he was, not particularly understanding why he couldnât even twitch a measly finger.
âHiâIâm sorry, is this theâis thisâdoes Wonwoo still live here?â
From across the room, you shifted him a glance.
There was a heavy pause before you answered.
â⌠Yeah.â
âO-Oh, well⌠um⌠Iâm so sorry, but are you living here as well? Is he home? I donât mean to bother or anything. I guess I came by on a whim. Itâs a little hard to explain⌠I can always come back later.â
At that point, Wonwoo was making his way beside you.
That voiceâthat delicate wispy voice, lighter than a tuft of cotton adrift through the breeze under a salt blue skyâthere was such a familiarity about it that he was getting dizzier by the second. Your jaw was distinctly clenched as Wonwoo stopped at your side.
He took one look into the hallway and damn near fainted.
âWhat the fuckâŚâ Wonwoo whispered, his mouth suddenly stark of moisture as he lifted a hand to grab the doorâs edge, âJeanie?â
âUh, hey, Wonwoo.â
Waitânever mind, never mindâhe panicked. Maybe he did want it to be Mingyu. In fact, Wonwoo would have anticipated Bohyuk showing up outside his door, or his parents, or his girlfriend of two weeks back in sixth grade who broke up with him over a juice box before he could guess that his ex who disappeared without a trace would be there.
It sounded borderline insane, but Wonwoo almost wanted to poke her just to test if she was even real. She looked real. She sounded real. You didnât seem to be staring into empty space while side-eyeing him worriedly, rather you had very much acknowledged her. Wonwooâs grip fastened to the door, then realizing he was using it as a personal crutch to keep him upright as his legs slowly regained their rigidity and strength. He also realized that you likely had no idea who she was until her name had been distantly tugged from his lips by his instincts.
Jeanie splayed out her hands in a demonstration of submission.
âIf itâs a bad time, I can come back laterâŚâ
Wonwoo noted that you had taken a step away from the door, although you continued to stare at Jeanie with a countenance that refused to spoil muchâit seemed inquisitive and curious but still hardenedâthe moment was probably overwhelming you, too.
He gulped dryly, flicking his eyes back to her. âUh, well, I wasnât evenâyouâre like, the last person I would expect to see andââ
âItâs okay. Iâll leave.â
Jerking back to you, Wonwoo nearly gave himself whiplash.
âHerâyou donât need toââ
But you shook your head.
Grabbing the cream purse off the couch and slipping back into your comfortable, clean white tennis shoes, you seemed eager to go while simultaneously jaded at the circumstances.
âNo, donât worry about it,â you stopped in front of Wonwoo, adjusting the strap wove around your shoulder, âthis seems important, so⌠I donât want to stand in the way of anything⌠Iâll see you later, âkay?â
Then, you turned to Jeanie, sticking out your hand. âNice to meet you.â
She looked to Wonwoo for a split second.
âUm, yeah, you as wellâŚâ Jeanie eventually accepted the handshake, sounding breathy with nerves, âsorry about all this.â
While making your way to the staircase, Wonwoo quickly stepped into the corridor and waved at you, feeling his chest tighten.
âIâll call you, okay?â
You flashed a transient smile. He hated watching you leave.
Jeanie was watching you, too, hands politely folded at her abdomen, bunny rabbit teeth digging at the skin of her ruby-stained and calloused lips. She had always been a chronic lip-biterâanxiety, thrill, or stress, Wonwoo vividly remembered the blisters she absentmindedly inflicted unto herself from the bad habit, similar to the scars marking the cuticle of his thumb. After a year Jeanie looked different no doubt, but she also reflected an unchanged image through her conserved, fidgety behaviours. She was shy like a budding flower kept just short of the sun.
âAre you okay if I come in?â Jeanie mumbled, hardly able to maintain eye contact with Wonwoo for no more than a second or two.
He stepped back, beckoning indoors.
âYeah⌠thatâs fine, I guess.â
âLooks pretty nice in hereâŚâ she remarked soft-spokenly, taking a moment to marvel the space she once came home to every day, although she couldnât seem more like a stranger to the apartment even if she triedâlike a magazine cutout slapped onto a novel.
Wonwoo rubbed under his nose. âWell⌠I make due.â
Her hair used to be a symmetric, blunt length with her chin, but she had clearly grown it out over the months. The black tresses thrived in long and loose ribbons down her back, shinier than sea glass polished by rough waves. She was never one to wear much makeup eitherâtrimming her eyebrows, glossing her lips, and flicking on some mascara was all she really ever cared to do, and Wonwoo remembered being in love with her simplicity.
Jeanie proceeded to walk behind the couch, squeezing the back in her hands. She was so tiny. That hadnât changed much. He could only stand in one place, keeping still, examining her every movement and fighting against the trillions of voices clawing to his mindâs surface.
âFeels strange to be in here,â she laughed, running her fingers along the couchâs fabric, staring around the space, âI think it definitely has more of your touch now⌠it was nice to see Saskia again, too.â
âYeah.â
She stopped on him. âYou look well. Healthy.â
Wonwoo squinted at her. âWhy are you here?â
He didnât say it in a rude, impatient way. Genuinely, Wonwoo wasnât angry with her, not like he might have been a few months ago.
But he was confused and feeling increasingly anxious. You were gone, probably on your way back home, though Wonwoo wished you hadnât left at all, even if it were to make things sticky and awkward. Your presence in a room was the comfort he badly, painfully missed.
âSure,â Jeanie cleared her throat, âIâll explain. Care to sit?â
Together, they nestled onto the couch.
Wonwoo was kept to one end while Jeanie sat more in the middle, pulling at the long, flowy hem of her fern-patterned blue dress.
He tugged at the rim to his beanie, waiting for her to speak.
The girl gripped onto her knees, poised a soft, gentle look in his direction while taking in a breath. Their nerves seemed to be coalescing like different colours bleeding from freshly soaked paintbrushes. If anxiety were personified into butterflies, the room would start fluttering.
âI guess I thought it was time. Taking a shot in the dark, I know. I didnât know if you would still be here, but I got luckyâŚâ she clutched at her dress, fingers pulling into the airy material. âWonwoo, itâs not like I donât think about you, or wonder about you. I know what I did, how much it hurt⌠then I wasnât sure if Iâd be able to come back to here, with you. But I processed it all and it became an itch I had to scratch.â
Puffing out through his nose, Wonwoo almost laughed.
âYeahâyou wanted to see if I, what? Threw myself off the building or persevered, becoming some big money writer?â
Jeanie blinked at him a few times, furrowing her neat, straight brow, with every hair gelled down perfectly in place.
Wonwoo shook his head, lifting out his hand.
âOkay, my bad. That sounded like such an asshole thing to say.â
âNo, itâs okay. I get it.â Her cheeks flooded with a tide of rosy pink as she chuckled. âI-I just⌠well, you seem different now.â
He pushed up his glasses. âYou think?â
âYeah.â
âIn a good or bad way?â
Jeanie clasped her hands together, thumbs tapping.
âWell, I guess you seem more... upfront, not as prevaricating. Maybe thatâs how youâve always been and I just never really saw it or you picked it up from someone else.â
Wonwoo shrugged. âProbably a bit of both.â
âI am sorry. I know it was all so⌠sudden. I know this is sudden. I thought about calling... my hands would just shake so much whenever I picked up the phone, getting all sweaty and stuff. It felt like something that I had to just do. And, well, once I was back in the area, I didnât even want to lend myself time to dwell. I only came in yesterday.â
âYou went back home, then?â
âI did.â
âI figured⌠well, I got the hint pretty clear when your mom sent me that email. It was only a sentence or two long, but it hurt like hell.â
âItâs what I asked her to send. Itâs all I felt you needed to know.â
âYeah, I get that.â
Jeanie sighed, âI feel warranted in what I did⌠even so, I-I think I owe you an apology. Because, well, you were and still are someone I regard highly. You were going through something pretty serious⌠I mean, itâs obvious youâre taking such better care of yourself.â
 âIt definitely hasnât been linear.â
Tucking some hair behind her ear, the girl smiled. âWell, what in life really is? It only feels that way when youâre going straight down.â
He hmphed, thinking. â⌠Yeah. Really though, donât worry about it. An apology isnât necessary. Youâve always been too gracious.â
âI-I guess⌠but, I think it is, sinceââ
âJeanie, câmon. Itâs really not. I was dragging you down.â
âWonwoo, I feel likeââ
âIâm telling youââ
âWell, Iâm telling you and it would mean a lot if you just let me speak and get this off my chest. Please. Then you can have the floor. Tell me to package it all back up. Whatever it is you have to say. But I spent our entire relationship just listening and trying to understand you and interpret all your vague signals when I should have been trying to understand myself, and what I wanted. Iâm not the verbose type, I know that. Going off on longwinded tangents about my feelings has never been something that suits me but Iâm here now and I owe it to the girl who just sucked it all up, all the time, trying to be this perfect girlfriend for you.â
He managed a long, introspective breath.
Fuckâhe really did owe her that. He owed her so much more.
âLeaving was the very last thing I wanted. I swear it. I agonized over the choice every day. But you didnât even notice. Thatâs when I knew it was more than bad, and whatever it was you were going through was just pulling you down so deep, like a whirlpool. Itâs like⌠I would talk to you, and there was no one inside. When I felt like you needed space, I gave you space. When I felt like you had something hard to say, I would sit with you all day, trying to ease it out, waiting for you to say it.
When you seemed so angry at yourself and everything around youâI-I donât knowâI tried to be the best thing for you. But I was hitting wall after wall. Sometimes I wonder how much of it was my fault. If I had just been upfront about my feelings then maybe things would have been⌠well, you know, different. I guess I never did say much because it seemed like the last thing you needed to hear, like I would be adding to your already massive collection of burdens. You have to understand, I felt trapped, Wonwoo. Like I was in a glass box or something.
I was decaying from the inside out. If I didnât leave, if I didnât make that split second decision to phone up my mom and tell her everything that morning you left for workâthen maybe we would have gotten even worse. Maybe we would have just drowned. I donât know. Iâm⌠glad, relieved, happier than ever, that I donât know what might have happened. And now that it seems weâre both⌠whole⌠I feel like an apology is just a way for me to say that if I had the steel to speak for the both of us, maybe we could have spared so much pain in between.â
Jeanieâs doe eyes twinkled with tears. âI thought that being apart might heal us both⌠I-I did it âcauseâin essenceâI did it because I cared, Wonwoo. About you. So deeply. But I also needed to start caring about myself, too.â
The corners of his mouth flitted in an unbridled smile toward the girl, his gaze admiring how the evening sunlight warmed up her cool-toned skin and shimmered through her strong, healthy hair.
âI know,â Wonwoo finally answered. âIâve known for a while.â
Jeanie stayed for about an hour longer, until the sky started darkening. Together, they filled each other in on the breakages in each otherâs distant lives, like a spider reweaving a gash through its cobweb. He was pleased to learn that she was doing quite well for herselfânow moved out from her family house and living with her younger sister, Jeanie held true to pursuing her ambition of managing the library she had always adored coming to during her childhood (he remembered it specifically as âthe one with the bean bag corner and the giant toy crate with the giraffe.â)
Wonwoo felt he didnât have much to say regarding himself, however, he had plenty to say about you.
Rubbing at a strand of her hair, Jeanie nodded. âYeah, I remember Her. Sheâlikeâshe did scare me a bit⌠I donât knowâshe really seemed to know what she was doing. I was a little envious of that. And she had really great style. She could pull anything off. She came in looking for a textbook one time, but I made my co-worker help her instead. I think I was too nervous to talk to her.â
Wonwoo had his legs stretched out onto the coffee table, hands settled on his stomach. Itching at his eyebrow, he smiled. âI probably would have done the same, back then. Honestly though, sheâs nothing like what she seems. I can promise you that.â
Jeanie was quiet for a moment, adjusting the legs tucked up underneath herself. âSo⌠you two are⌠youâre dating?â
âNo⌠itâs weird. I wish.â
âI recognized her when she opened the door. I was pretty confused since⌠of all the people that you could have over⌠she seemed like the most unlikely candidate. I-I mean, Iâm not saying that you could neverâIâm not saying that it could never happenââ
He tilted his head at Jeanie, grinning slyly. âNo, just say it. You didnât imagine Iâd ever even be able to talk to someone like her.â
The girlâs face flushed. âWell, youâre quite the opposites.â
âIn some ways.â
âI donât think sheâd like me.â
Wonwoo pursed his lip in disagreement. âThatâs not true. To be fair, youâve ever only got to see one side of her. Sheâs trying to figure shit out just as much as we are. You never really stop, I suppose.â
He felt Jeanieâs gaze still on him for a few seconds, her mouth twitching into a delicate, sincere smile made brighter by her eyes. âSo⌠you figure sheâd like me? Even if she knew all the details about us? How rough it all was?â
Wonwoo crossed his arms, staring back toward her confidently. âI figure sheâd probably like you more than me, actually.â
8:28 pm
âHey, thanks for picking up.â
âOh, no big deal. You called me at a good time. I was just about to start my skincare and I would have needed to sit for fifteen minutes doing absolutely nothing in a slimy face mask.âÂ
âSounds fun.â
âIâm guessing your conversation is over and done with.â
âYeah. She only left like, five minutes ago.â
âAnd you didnât want to sit alone in your bedroom contemplating the universe for an additional hour with all the blinds drawn? Woah. Wonwoo, I am impressed. Finger snaps.â
âFinger snaps.â
âSo⌠am I allowed to know how the whole thing went or did you just call me to hear the sound of my voice?â
âBoth. But mostly to hear your voice.â
âOkay. Enlighten me then.â
9:45 pm
âAnyway⌠yeah. The conversation went well. I still canât believe she actually came back to see me. Like, what a mindfuck, you know?â
âThat took a lot of courage from her part.â
âYeah, it did. Makes me proud, though. To hear her actually speak her mind. She really was just trying to be the best possible person for me and the only thing that got her is heartbreak. Sheâs putting herself first, now. Sheâs spending a couple days in the city with her sister.â
â⌠Do you think that youâll want to see her again?â
âI donât know. Do I need to?â
âDo you?â
âNo. I mean, donât get me wrong, as much as it was a shock to see her again, there was great closure in it. If she had come to see me way sooner, no way would I have been open to itâI probably would have freaked the fuck out and had an anxiety attack or some shitâbut I feel way better about everything now. I felt like I understood her choices, kinda like I was the one making them... but, you know, weâre evolved people at this point. Weâve veered onto two separate paths, neither one being greater than or less than the other⌠just different.â
âRight.â
âWe just wished each other well.â
âNo, thatâs great. You put a bow on it. I just didnât really know what the whole thing was gonna entail⌠so, yeah, I had gotten kinda worried⌠likeâonce I knew it was herâI thought she looked so perfect for you. You two just made immediate sense in my mind. Sheâs got such a sweet voice, and the kind, shy personality that everyone always adores. I think if you stuck her in a room with me, sheâd hate my guts.â
âHaâJeanie hates no oneâs guts. Sheâs got no room in her heart for that kind of stuff. You two are different for sure, but I think thatâs what would make you interesting and attractive to each other.â
âReally?â
âYeah. If it makes you feel any better, she didnât think youâd like her either. But I told her youâd probably like her more than me.â
âWhat! She actually thought that? I mean, maybe I seemed a little damp when I left, but that was just my mind on overdrive.â
âNeed me to arrange a date between you two?â
âHaâshe did have a great perfume on. Maybe ask about that.â
âWell, I will if I see her.â
âShe doesnât know about the book you were writing for her, does she? I canât believe thatâs been sitting on your laptop all this time.â
âNo, she doesnât. I used to sit there and stare at it every day, but I donât think Iâve even opened the damn document in months⌠since I met you, my mind has gradually moved away from it, I guess. I think now itâs more of an effort thing. All the time I put into it. Itâs like, if I delete it, Iâm deleting that time from my life⌠does that even make sense?â
âYeah, I know what youâre saying.â
â⌠Did you ever finish your book for Mingyu? I know you wanted it done before your anniversary in December. It seemed like you were on track to have it done quite early, with all that time you gave yourself.â
âI did finish it, actually.â
âNo fucking wayâthatâs a big accomplishment.â
âYeah. Now Iâve just gotta decide what to do with it.â
âNOVEMBER 3RD.
Wonwoo was fairly surprised that Princess had invited him to her birthday dinner at Terra Cotta. At one point, he wasnât certain where he stood with your closest friend, even if his relationship with her presented itself as amicable on the surfaceâhe always thought that maybe deep down, Princess really did despise him. Then Wonwoo wondered if you had nipped at the birthday girl into inviting him, although that didnât seem like something in your character.
Through all his fretting, thumb-scraping, and late-night pondering in the shower, Wonwoo eventually came to the conclusion that was probably the simplest and most accurate: Princess just liked him.
A call from Vernon came through right as Wonwoo was getting into bed last week, to which the rambling boy had impetuously thrown out, âyeah, I got an invite to Herâs best friendâs birthday dinner or somethinâ like thatâwhat was her name again? Penelope? The sexy dark skin girl with the braids? Anyway, I told her Iâd love to go, but Iâm gonna be out of town for a few days in November. Said I could hook her up with a couple MDMA bombs, though. Yâknow, as a gift.â
Thus, that concluded the story of Wonwoo having to sit at a rather large and reserved candlelit table in an expensive, esteemed restaurant, surrounded by some friends and strangers alike, with a plastic baggie of hard drugs shoved into his pants pocket that he couldnât stop worrying about. Vernon had wanted him to leave it with Princess when appropriate. Most people invited were going to the club later in the nightâRoom 319âwhich he figured could only be survived by going buckwild off ecstasy. As his knee continued to ricochet underneath the tablecloth, Wonwoo was soothed by your hand sliding over his thigh.
You gave him a solicitous glance, smiling with care. âWhy donât I just put it in my purse?â The offer was whispered amongst the conversation.
Wonwoo couldnât help but flit his eyes around the table, ensuring no one was giving his general direction a lick of attention. The waiters and waitresses would pop from the blue every now and then with bottles that seemed glued to their hands, scouring for anyone who needed a top up on alcohol. His glass had been seldom touched for the past half-hour.
He sighed, shaking his head. âNo, itâs fine.â
âWonwoo,â you deadpanned at him.
âItâs fine.â
âOh my Godâjust give me it. Itâll take me two seconds to dig it out from your pocket and shove it in my damn purse. Besides, I canât enjoy myself when the anxiety is emanating off you in waves.â
His knee immediately stopped jerking. Wonwoo looked you straight in the eyes, the stiffness turning him into straw. âIs it really?â
âYes!â You laughed quietly, your head hunkering down on his shoulder for a brief moment. âNow, give me it please. Pretty please.â
Sliding a hand into the smooth pocket on his pants, Wonwoo began fishing out the small plastic baggie while puffing, âfuckâalright.â
âGosh,â he heard you mumble while discreetly taking the capsules from him, rustling them into your purse, âyou could never be a drug dealer, could you? How are you even friends with Vernon? That dude probably walks around with sample sizes taped to his jacket.â
âItâs different.â
âIs it?â
âYeah,â Wonwoo was finally able to roll out his shoulders and relaxâeven give you a humorous little smirk, âI have a way better chance of escaping the drug dogs than he does. Iâll get a nice head start.â
His thigh was met with a slap before your hand pulled away. âIâm acting like I donât know either of you.â
To be fair, Wonwoo couldnât picture his bad-mouthed, fairly uncouth friend in a snotty establishment like Terra Cotta, especially considering his ideal places to eat were twenty-four-hour diners and cereal pantries belonging to girls whom heâd just slept with. The restaurant was no doubt beautiful, though it was definitely for the upper echelons who could not only afford it, but also act the pleasant, opulent guise.
At least the table that Princess reserved was a bit more separated from the other tables in the restaurantâit was close to a waterfall built into the wall, encompassed by all sorts of burnish-looking smooth stones.
Neither Seokmin or Mingyu were at the dinnerâtwo absences that no one seemed to be questioning. To Wonwoo, that was a gigantic reliefâhe assumed you felt the same. Clara was there, seated further down the table, but Bells wasnât. Seungcheol was an obvious guest, and besides you, he was the person that Wonwoo had spoken to the most since arriving at the restaurantâheâd even given Wonwoo the slip on his secret gift for his girlfriend, which was a two-week vacation to the Bahamas after the winter exam season.
Wonwoo was a little jealous.
He would love for you and him to vacation somewhere.
Maybe even take you back to South Korea.
âSo, you guys,â Princess had started a conversation with you and Wonwoo from across the table, hands folded underneath her chin while she smiled kindly between you, âthink youâll come to the club after?â
You pouted at her, âweâre passing, babe. A million sorries.â
âAwe, thatâs okay.â She reached across the pristine tablecloth to lay her hand over top yours. âYou already took me out for my birthday, anyway. And let me vomit in your washroom for two hours.â
âMmhm. Youâd do the same for me.â
Princess giggled, her grin luminous and wholly genuine. âOh, of course. I have already done it!â
âWell, youâll have to tell me all about Room 319. The stories Iâve heard about that placeâsounds like some shit from a movie.â
âTrust me, youâll get the entire script in a bound book. I know the club thing isnât for everyoneâthatâs why I did the dinner. And Iâm doing cupcakes instead of cake! Remember those red velvet cupcakes we had that one night? And then that other night? FuckâI couldnât stop thinking about those damn things.â
âOh, those were fucking delicious.â
âDe-licious. Have you ever got to try one, Wonwoo?â
He swallowed, a bit jarred to be welcomed into their conversation that he had been happily listening to from the sidelines.
âI tried one. I liked it.â
Princess gasped at him. âOnly liked? Be serious!â
âWell, ask me again later tonight. I wasnât having it fresh.â
âI will be asking. Howâs Vernon? Iâm sad he couldnât make it.â
âOh, heâs fine. Sometimes he just mysteriously disappears from town for a couple daysâI donât ask because I donât want to know. But, uh, he did leave me with a gift for you⌠if you didnât already know.â
âOh⌠oh! Right!â Princess straightened up, nodding. âYeah, I remember. You can give it to me when we leave. Outside.â
âI have it actually,â you clarified, flickering a transient look at the tiny purse you had moved onto the table, âwhen we take a girlâs trip to the washroom, you can have it. The dose is pretty high. I know I donât have to worry about you and this stuff, but be careful, yâknow?â
âOf course. Just make sure you hide the purse in your lap when the waiter comes back. They love offering to take bags and satchels and all that stuff to hang in the coat room.â After clearing her throat with a sip from her pink, frothy champagne, Princess curiously poked at you two. âSo, how do you guys plan to spend the rest of your night?â
Wonwoo opted not to speak.
You grabbed your wine glass, swirling the aromatic alcohol around inside while shrugging. âNot sure. Itâs chilly out. Hope you donât freeze your tits off standing outside in the mile long line for the club.â
âThatâs what this push-up is for. The paddingâs so toasty warm.â
Laughing with Princess, you ended up snorting.
Seungcheol, who was sat beside his girlfriend and had been occupied in speaking to a friend Wonwoo forgot the name of, finally parted from his conversation, turning his head at the last second to hear the giggling.
âPush-up? What are you guys talking about?â
You shook your head. âNothingâjust her bra.â
âOh,â Seungcheol mumbled, âwhat about her bra?â
Princess smiled. âJust that with all this padding itâs got, itâll keep me nice and warm when Iâm waiting outside. Perfectly insulated.â
Rubbing a thumb and index finger along his jaw, Seungcheol grinned all relaxed-like while Princess rolled her dark brown eyes at his comment, the gold accents in her inner corners glimmering.
âI bet my hands would be a lot more efficient. Nothing warmer than skin on skin as they say.â
She shoved his shoulder half-heartedly. âWho says that? Now, bedroom eyes away before I make you wear a bag over your head.â
âI donât see a bag here.â
âAs the birthday girl, Iâm pretty sure I can request one.â
The dinner officially wrapped up around ten at night. Wonwoo was able to reaffirm with Princess that the red velvet cupcakes were indeed moist and delicious. As everyone stood right outside the restaurant in the nippy, cold November weather, giving hugs and farewells to those who werenât clubbing, he made sure to wish Princess probably the twentieth happy birthday sheâd heard that night. He waited for you to give her another speech about staying safe but still having fun, sprinkled with lots of âI love youâsâ and inside jokes that Wonwoo wondered if he would ever understand, before you two left on your own.
Each time he spoke, his breath would come to life in a warm wisp from his mouth, meanwhile the streets lights reflected in the melted snow all over the sidewalk he aimlessly wandered down, with you sticking close to his side. It hadnât been a heavy snow, at least.
âBe honest,â you said, glancing toward Wonwoo, âhow relieved are you that weâre not going to the club? On a scale of one to ten.â
âIs ten the most relieved?â
âYeah.â
He looked at you, completely unabashed. âTen.â
Kissing your teeth, you nodded. âThatâs what I expected.â
âSo,â Wonwoo hummed, stopping beside you at the intersection while waiting for the crosswalk light to change, âwhat now?â
Your eyebrows raised. âStill want to do something?â
As the cars whipped past, throwing up brisk winds and exhaust into the twinkling city atmosphere, Wonwoo shrugged. âThe night is young.â
âWhat's on your mind?â
âWeâre not far from Centertown. Itâs maybe a fifteen-minute walk or so at this point. Thereâs a bar there I want to try. The Honeymoon.â
He was glad you didnât seem opposed.
âSure. Iâm down.â
Once the crosswalk was open and the floods of people started pressing forward, there was somebody who passed themâsomebody who almost went completely unnoticed by Wonwoo until his memory reloaded and he suddenly found himself pausing to observe over his shoulder.
You pulled at his sleeve. âWhat?â
âUh, nothing,â Wonwoo replied, wetting his dry lips while heeding your polite tug, âthe woman that passed usâsheâs dressed exactly like this prostitute that Vernon told me he saw last winter, hanging outside Room 319. She has the heels and everything.â
âWhat the fuck. Really?â
âMmhm,â he laughed, âhe called her Pink Heels Lady. To be honest, I thought he was lying⌠but Iâm pretty sure that was her.â
âSpooky. Coincidence or fate, do you think?â
Wonwoo glanced at you, seeing the intrigued smile on your face.
âI donât know, actually,â he responded after the question hovered around in his mind for an oddly long second, deciding to pick up your hand in is, âI assume itâs just the universe working its magic.â
Wonwoo was never particularly into bars, although he could tolerate them much more than a club despite their parallels. The seedy lighting, deafening music, and signature throw-up gutter in the street or alleyway right outside the building was crucial to both, he had realized.
The Honeymoon was a newer bar that had garnered some notable buzz. It was less like a pub, being slightly more formal with a touch of modernity that had landed it just below presumptuous, in Wonwooâs opinion. At least the music wasnât overbearing, nor was there intoxicated, flush-faced men hollering at sports teams on televisions that would never hear them. You decided to sit at the counter, sliding onto the heightened chairs and leaving your jackets draped over the low backs.
You bristled, shaking out your shoulders. âIâm cold.â
Wonwoo cupped his hands overtop your icy cheeks for a moment, allowing some of his warmth to seep into your skin.
âA drink will fix that right up.â
âHow are your hands hotter than mine? Youâre always freezing.â
He smiled at you, letting you have your face back. âI can warm them up at will to your benefit.â Wonwoo joked, bumping his knee against yours. âWhat do you think of the place?â
Your lip pursed as you glanced around, examining the bartenders filling up glasses with their silvery, shiny spouts, and then over your shoulder at the numerous other tables occupied by the cityâs strangers. For a frigid November night, it was quite full.
âItâs nice. The lighting is pretty. Reminds me of Alley Cat.â
âOh, yeah. Vernon took me there once to celebrate my exams being done, then he got into a fist fight with this university student over something I canât rememberâsmashed a glass on the dudeâs head.â
Predictably, your eyes rolled. âOnly Vernon is getting into fist fights at Alley Cat.â
Wonwoo chuckled. âWell, now he canât get into fist fights there at allâmanagement banned him and the other guy. Apparently, theyâve got this back wall of people whoâve been kicked out and heâs on there.â
âFigures,â you sighed.
âOh my gosh! Wonwoo? Itâs you!â
At the sound of his name being excitedly called, Wonwoo was soon met with the surprised but cheerful expression coloured to Sierraâs freckled face. He hadnât forgotten that she worked there, but he was clueless about her schedule. She looked very pretty, glowing in a halo almost, with her coarse, reddish-brown hair pulled back slick into a ponytail and a crisp, clean black uniform tailored to fit her perfectly.
Wonwoo grinned. âHey there. I didnât know you worked tonight.â
Sierra set one hand onto the lacquered wood counter while the other stuck to her hip. âI donât usually. Fridays are game nights with my little sister. But there was a call-in. A little extra cash never hurt.â The girlâs big, round eyes then flitted to you. âHer, right? I donât think weâve ever met formally. I know youâre one smart cookie, though.â
âIâd like to think so,â you answered, smiling back at Sierra, âyou were at the party, werenât you? The one Seungcheol threw this summer?â
She nodded, âI was. I made a few drinks here and there.â
âI never got to taste one,â you frowned, pouting.
Throwing up her hands, Sierra was quick to exclaim with her typical charisma and sugar sweetness, âwhat! Preposterous! I think Iâm pretty wicked at it. What are you thinking of having?â
âTo be honest, Iâm not looking for anything too fancy at the moment. In fifteen minutes from now, I wonât be able to promise the same. Iâd like to start off with a rum and coke, if thatâs alright. For now.â
Sierra grinned. âNo, thatâs perfect. What about you, Wonwoo?â
He shrugged. âIâll have the same. For now.â
âWell, for now, Iâll start you guys off with two rum and cokes.â
Leaning his elbows onto the countertop, he threw her a question.
âHowâs it going with Carmen?â
While she prepared the drinks, Sierra blossomed into a smile. âOh, itâs going great. Sheâs genuinely a blast. Weâre going to the movies next weekâthat horror one is coming out, about the swimming poolâwe think itâs gonna suck but thatâs what makes it fun.â
Once Sierra slid you the cold glass, you tilted your head at her while fixing your lips around the black straw. âWhoâs Carmen?â
âMy girlfriend.â Sierra answered. âWe met here, actually.â
âUgh, no way,â you swooned, pressing a cheek into your hand as the next drink was given to Wonwoo, âthatâs so fucking adorable. Does she ever tell you how beautiful you look in that all-black uniform?â
Giggling, Sierra wiped down the countertop and flushed. âIâve heard it many times. Itâs honestly just a t-shirt and slacks!â
âWell, youâre making it work.â
âPleaseâmy face is heating up! Youâve got quite the gorgeous dress on yourself, you know. I always wonder where you get all your clothes. Wonwoo, have you complimented her yet, tonight?â
Mixing the ice cubes together to hear the satisfying clinks using his straw, he answered easily. âIt was the first thing out of my mouth.â
Sierra nodded in satisfaction. âGood! Well, I wonât hover. But if you need any refills or have any questions, you can try to flag me downâor ask Jamie! Sheâs just down there. Sheâs great at martinis. Later!â
Once Sierra had left to busy herself with tending to others waiting service at the counter, you looked to Wonwoo, lips downturned.
âJeez, sheâs so freaking nice. How come I donât have that kind of natural charm? Not that Iâm not charming. But hers is so⌠magnetic.â
âEveryoneâs got their natural quirks.â
âYeah, well, my natural quirk is that Iâm probably going to down this in the next two minutes. And then have three more after that.â
Wonwoo rubbed a hand to your shoulder, smirking into the glass that he raised to his mouth. âJust focus on the one you have now.â
3 more rum and cokes (+ 1 martini) later.
âNo, noâbut then, it gets even worse! Because not only had she been lying straight to his face the entire time, so was his best friend! They were seeing each other for weeks and weeksâhe had no idea. What gave it away though, was the perfume. He was always telling her not to wear heavy perfumes and stuff because it will leave a scent on the sheets, but she messed upâso they freaked it, she spends the night, and then the next day when heâs over, he goes into his friendâs room looking for a charger and smells the perfume on the sheets! He puts it together! And then, and thenââ
You paused, picking up the wide-mouthed martini glass to take a sip in the midst of your long-winded and passionate adultery story that Wonwoo had been struggling to follow for the past blurred time interval, the names now completely lost on his ears. There was hardly anything left in your glass, which led to your frustrated grumble, followed by an attempt to flag down the bartender, Jamie.
However, Wonwoo swiftly caught your hand despite his own impaired state, lowering it back to the countertop.
âOkay, I think thatâs enough.â He pushed forward the cup of water he requested for you. âThe least you can be right now is hydrated.â
Although you werenât happy about his thwarting, you did yield to the advice and drink some of the water. Wonwoo knew he should probably have some himself after his own splurge on the barâs pricy concoctions, but he still felt that he was holding up quite well. Before Jamie could whisk by again, he made sure to ask for another cup.
âSo, what happened next?â Wonwoo nudged your elbow while you stared off cluelessly, urging you to continue the story.
âWhat?â
âHe smells her perfume on the bedsheets. Now what?â
However, you were suddenly slumping forward, forehead nestled into your hands. For a moment, you stayed like that without word, until Wonwoo couldnât help his concern and touched at your bare shoulder.
âNot feeling well?â
You shook your head, whining out, âno, no. Itâs not that.â
He frowned, scooting to the edge of his chair and securing his arm across your shoulders. His voice was softer and closer against your warm cheek as he attempted to gauge that sour, twisted expression past your concealing hands, wanting to understand your hiding.
âWell, am I allowed to know whatâs bothering you?â
Again, you remained silent, biting your lip. There was such tenseness in your body that he could simply feel with just his arm.
Wonwoo leaned back, instead tugging at your wrist. âCan I at least see your face? Please?â You didnât budge. âHer, youâre worrying me a bit, here. Do you need me take you homeââ
âOkay, I have something to tell you.â Breaking abruptly from your husk, you were now staring straight and square at Wonwoo with distinct inebriation cloudy in your eyes, although there was something else too that compelled Wonwoo to bite his tongue and listen. âHonestly, I think Iâve held onto this long enough. And, Iâve wanted to confess this to you for a while now, but there was just so much debris in my life that I needed to sort through first. But youâre beyond important to me, and I just think that itâs time you finally know⌠so, can I tell you?â
âUmâŚâ
Wonwooâs throat was suddenly bone-dry and his pulse had spiked to the point where he could feel a vein along his neck start throbbingâhe even pondered waving down the bartender for another drink to pacify his growing nerves. Â
Ultimately, Wonwoo wouldnât last that long. Pushing up his glasses, he nodded, noting that you hadnât blinked once while you waited.
âSure. Tell me.â
Your upper lip twitched.
âMingyuâs been cheating on me, for two years.â
Wonwoo was quick to feel all his awareness become dull and drowned. He hardly registered his elbow shifting across the countertop, almost knocking over the glass of water onto the floor, nor did he realize the manner in which his mouth had subtly dropped open. You continued to stare at him with intensity, likely studying every tweak and fidget in his body language before swallowing deeply and choosing to continue the revelation.
He tightened up his jaw, trying to seem firm.
You looked ashamed of yourself as you admitted, âitâs been going on for two years, and Iâve known for about a year.â
âReally?â He answered, sounding mystified. âAn entire year?â
âGive or take.â
Then, Wonwoo was shaking his head. His fist had clenched up tight, though it wasnât the usual automated response that accompanied his anxietyâhe found there was immediate distaste and anger swirling together like storm clouds in the pit of his stomach.
Your gaze was cast to the water glass on the countertop, which you moved away for no apparent reason, your expression emptied.
After a frail sigh, you continued, âdo you remember that day I came into creative writing and got super upset at that guy for sitting in my seat? Remember how we talked about it at the nature museum, and I told you that I had a fight with Mingyu before going to class?â
âYeahâŚâ
âWell, that day, I tried bringing it up to him. And it totally didnât go over how I thought it would. Mingyu denied it all⌠of course, I only had some vague but suspicious texts to go off of, which he explained his way out of pretty poorly. But I just accepted it for the sake of our relationship. And I never brought it up again until⌠you know.â
Wonwoo let a natural, stagnant silence fall in between you, meanwhile the encompassing atmosphere was kept flowing by the various conversations of those around youâseemingly happyâwith plenty to drink as they kept warm from the bitter cold just outside.
He was biting his tongue, though he couldnât hold the question any longer, piquing his, âdo you know who he was cheating with?â
A huff shot straight through your nose.
âI knowâŚâ you mumbled, âand you know her, too.â
Suddenly, a name popped to his mouth without thought.
âBells.â
When you didnât confirm nor deny, opting to stare off to the side to conceal the emotion springing forth, Wonwoo knew it was solid truth.
âFuckâŚâ he cursed, grazing his hand across the smooth leg that was folded over your knee, âIâm so sorry⌠Iâm at a loss for words.â
You could only sigh while a glossy film developed in your eyes.
âI mean, Iâve been through all the stages alreadyâgrief, denial, acceptanceâwhatever the other ones areâso I donât know why Iâm still getting so choked up about it. I obviously didnât want to believe it⌠I mean, who the fuck does? Especially when you truly do have feelings for that person.â Shaking your head and sniffling, you exasperatedly flicked out a hand. âHer and her stupid sparkles. That was when I really started putting it together. Oh, Iâm going out to play poker, babe! And the next day, Iâm wearing his sweater, and I realize thereâs these fucking little bits of glitter on it, inside itâit was like a fucking beacon that was just screaming at meâhey! Your asshole boyfriend is cheating!â
That was something Wonwoo had noticed himself, after Bells had bumped into him at the partyâthe girlâs adoration for sparkly clothing and makeup essentially left behind a glaring trail of glimmery breadcrumbs. Wonwoo had found them on his clothes once he took them off and could really see the fabric underneath the light. The confession suddenly painted your actions that night in a new colour.
Rubbing against your temple, you explained further despite the struggle to speak over that clogged sound coming from your throat.
âItâs not like Iâm stupid, either, even if right now, in this situation, I seem like it. I know what Bells is like⌠sheâs spoiled rottenâalways has beenâand is used to getting whatever the fuck she wants. But, you see, thatâs the thing! Thatâs the fucking thing! Seokmin, Clara, Bells, even PrincessâI only met them because of the webs my parents have in their business world. I was never really allowed to find my own friends. It really just shows how much they had a say in my life⌠donât misconstrue, I truly do love Princess and sheâs by far the most normal, grounded person amongst them. She actually listens, and cares. But I was only allowed to befriend her âcause my parents know her parents.
Mingyu seemed like the one person I was actually able to connect with on my own⌠but heâs honestly changed so much. Itâs like, my parents were able to get their little fangs in him and warp him. And now⌠I really donât think he loves me at all⌠I think he loves my image, and what I represent, and the opportunities that come with me⌠but, I donât think he actually, genuinely loves me like he used to... like, back then, he was so, so sweet. He was always fumbling over himself, nervous, trying his best. I mean, you've read about it! He used to want to be an architect, Wonwoo. A freaking architect! He sketched all the time. He has a closet drawer full of sketch books from when he was younger. But everything's different now. He doesn't care. He hates when I bring it up! He hates me!
And I donât just thinkâI know it, Wonwoo. He resents me, but he wonât let go. Instead, he just sucks the life out of me, like heâs trying to get me to hate myself, too. And I do. I guess, as long as I hate myself, it makes me perfect in their eyes. Iâll just keep letting them mould me until I feel complete.â
Wonwoo didnât know what to do.
Hell, he didnât even know what to say except for the fact that you were rightâas long as you always felt subpar, or lacking, or frustrated with your drought of true identity, it would lead you back to the reliance you had on the deceptive characters in your lifeâit was nothing but a miserable cycle designed to bog you down and snuff you out. At least your tearful eyes had dried up.
You looked at him fondly, with a gentle smile. âThatâs what I like so much about you⌠even if you didnât intend toâwhich I know you didnât, judging from what Iâve heard about you trying to avoid writing with meââ (he bit his inner cheek coyly, casting a somewhat anxious hand through his hair), ââyou helped me realize parts of myself that were always there, but only needed some nurturing. You actually encouraged me. Supported me. AndâokayâI know I said that I hate myselfâbut since Iâve met you, Iâve been replacing it with an understanding of my situation. Iâve been kinder. Iâve been more of myself. I like to think what we have is a sort of symbiosis.â
Wonwoo nodded. âI think youâre right.â
âDo you think that Iâm⌠stupid⌠for staying?â
Immediately, Wonwooâs face furled in disagreement. âNo, no. Absolutely not. Mingyuâs been with you for so long. He has an integral quality in your life. It would be difficult to uproot yourself just like that. No oneâs a better judge of that situation than you.â
âYou think?â
âI know.â
As you relaxed back into the bar chair, Wonwoo could practically see this heavy, dark mist levitate from you and dissipate into the air. He knew that feeling of relief and inner freedom very well, and there was almost nothing that could compare to it.
Wonwoo then sipped from his glass of water, continuing to watch the stiffness melt off you like ebbing spring snow. "So, what was his response like? To your accusations? Was he at least honest?"
"Yeah, I got it all out of him eventually," you revealed with a very cumbersome sigh. "But he was deflecting like crazy... I'd never seen him like that before... he was fumbling his words all over, like he used to when we were first dating. But it was different. It wasn't nerves, it was just blind anger. He said I was no better. I mean, he's convinced we've had sex, and he wouldn't accept my denial, no matter what."
"It's not black and white," Wonwoo said, squeezing your arm, "it seems to me like a natural consequence. You felt trapped and alone."
For a split second, Jeanie flashed in his mind. A sear of guilt snapped through him. Mingyu would have much reflecting to do.
Nodding your head, you looked to Wonwoo and graced him with the words he may or may not have been waiting months to hear: "it's all over nowâMingyu and IâI made that extremely clear. And I honestly don't care what anyone else has to say. My mom didn't want to believe it... she's been acting strange since. I don't blame her."
In response, he merely nodded, warming you up with his gentle eyes.
But then he was shifting forward in his seat, elbows settled to the counter. Although it was quite late and he felt exhausted from drinking, his curiosity about a particular matter was still sharp.
âSo⌠Iâm wondering⌠what's your reason for writing the book?â
You gulped. âI wanted a way of looking back on everything. Seeing if maybe I could find myself somewhere amongst all those memories. Maybe when I started losing Mingyu was when I started losing myself. Maybe that's when I realized I was losing myself. Maybe that's when I realized I never really knew myself to begin with.â
He shrugged, his face colouring with admiration for you.
âWell... have you found something?â
Your only means of response was a twinkle-eyed grin.
The walk back to your apartment wasnât as dreadful as Wonwoo anticipated, mostly attributed to the alcohol soaking up in your stomachs, keeping your blood warm even in the face of a tough, harsh wind. Back when it wasnât so late in the night and his lips had yet to touch his first rum and coke, Wonwoo thought he would take himself home after seeing you off first. But now it was almost midnight, and he had this impending feeling of vertigo while he walked, and he was therefore very limp to fight the offer that involved a comfortable stay at your place until morning.
Wonwoo wasnât exactly sure where he deposited his coat or his shoes, or even his phoneâinstead he found himself sitting at the end of your bed, listening to the muffled sound of a running sink behind a closed door as you were busy in the washroom.
He leaned over, removing the glasses already slid down his nose and rubbing a palm into his eye until stars traversed the length of his vision. So, Lady Liberty was a cheater. For the past two years. It did bring Wonwoo to wonder what else Mingyu had said during your argument. Did he ever give a reason for cheating? Did he feel boxed into a life that wasn't the enriching utopia he surmised it might be, but he was toughing it out for the sake of success? Was he cheating because he was mad at you or mad at himself?
Or was he honestly just an asshole?
The Mingyu he was familiar with was shifty, and hardened, and image-obsessed, and now Wonwoo knew for a fact he wasnât delusional for feeling the tension between you and him whenever you were together. Godâhe could practically cut all the thickness in the air using Seokminâs nose and serve it like pieces of cake. But Mingyu hadn't always been like that according to your allegories. Deep down there could still be traces of the man you fell in love with, flickering like shiny little minnows beneath murky, clouded water.
But it was too late now.
Fitting his glasses back on, Wonwoo rolled back the sleeves to his crisp white dress shirt, proceeding to take a gander around your bedroom that he hadnât revisited in quite some time.
The running sink in the washroom across the hall was finally turned off, although Wonwoo had stopped paying attention to the background noise in place of reading your every detail off the walls. In minuscule ways, the room had changed. There were missing photographs from the dresser, your makeup vanity drawers no longer left ajar in your likely last-minuting rushing to ensure everything was perfect. The closet seemed cleaned-out. Emptier than it once was.
âI thought you might fall asleep.â
He jumped slightly, realizing that you were in the bedroom now, setting down your heels in the corner before making a stride toward the closet where the dress over your arm was hung back up.
Wonwoo bit his lip. âI questioned it.â
You smiled, and within that moment he noticed the long t-shirt you were draped in was the dark blue, logoed math shirt, the one youâd picked after sprinting back to his apartment amidst a rain storm. He felt something in his chest swell and ache in response to how pretty you looked wearing it. Wonwoo knew he was staring, blushing, but he didnât care. You had two of his t-shirts now. He hoped that collection might continue growing. He hoped that you wore them until his scent was naturally replaced by the strawberry sweetness of your own.
âThinking about anything in particular?â You asked, arms folded.
Slapping a guilty little grin on his face, Wonwoo shrugged. âNo.â
But then you started striding toward Wonwoo, uttering out something half-whispered that sounded a lot like âliarâ, and now he truly wasnât thinking about a damn thing, not even his own breath, as you proceeded to slide your arms around his neck and seat yourself in his lap. He was frozen. You hadnât been this fucking close to him since you two had cuddled during Seungcheolâs party.
But this was worseâthis was full-throttle intimacy with your penetrative, fluttering eyes eating up his soul while your bare thighs squeezed the sense out of him, trapping him, testing him.
âScared?â You whispered, moving your face in closer.
Yesâhe was horrifiedâhe couldnât even speak with you smiling at him so innocently despite the flames you were igniting.
Though, when he felt a wriggle from your hips that seemed to push against him in all the right places, Wonwooâs hands were immediate on your waist, tight and stilling, and he swore there was a vulnerable, pliant spark in your eyes that he had never seen before. Maybe Wonwoo could have been more polite about the approach, but after waiting so, so long, he felt like a rocket ship rife with fuel.
He kissed you.
In one decision his lips were pressed to yours, and in a kiss that was full of friction and earnest want, he could only dig deeper. Your arms curled further around his neck, to which you slipped in a quick, sharp breath before pouring yourself back into him so suddenly, mouths moulding again and again, spit slickening, noses bumping. He would have paused to take off his glasses, though Wonwoo was in no place to leave your lips for even a secondâespecially when your playful tongue glided with his and the world around him melted like wax.
Maybe he was biased (or maybe it was love), but Wonwoo swore it had never felt this right to kiss someone. He knew it, somewhere outside himself, far out in the ever-expanding universe and every other version that belonged, that this moment felt destined to happened. Wonwoo had never particularly believed in fate.
But then he wouldnât know how else to describe you.
His hands itching to touch more of your skin had gravitated to the thighs clenching at his hips. Your warmth and smoothness only made him greedier. As the kissing became messy in the desperation, he couldnât help but slide his hands to your ass, immediately kneading his cold fingers into the flesh, pulling, squeezing, pushing you closer into him because he quite literally wanted you to engulf his body.
Then, you were gripping at the back of his hair. You had opened up his throat for your wet lips to continue exploring, and Wonwoo felt every suckle and teething bite draw him further from clarity.
Each kiss slithered lower, until you were gradually lifting from his lap and placing yourself onto the carpet floor. Wonwoo had leaned back to tightly fist the bedsheets behind him, although he would never waver his lusted eyes from the sight of you between his spread legs, on your knees, palming him overtop his dress pants while biting your swollen, glistening lip. He almost wanted the camcorder to capture it.
âHow does it feel?â You hummed, staying focused on each pressured movement your hand applied to his prominent erection.
Wonwoo chuckled, clearing the huskiness in his throat, âlike Iâm gonna die.â His head tilted back. âHoly shit.â
Flashing nothing but a conniving, pleased smile, you tended to undoing his belt buckle. Wonwoo was burning up. As you pulled down the zipper to his pants and helped him shift down the waistband to his underwear an adequate distance, he couldnât process anything but the fact that he might burst like an explosion of confetti the second your hand would touch him.
Except, you opted to sit back on your haunches.
Tilting your head, you smirked at him.
âI would like a demonstration, please.â
He almost choked. âA what?â
âA demonstration,â you repeated, shuffling closer in between his thighs and gazing up much too seraphically through your lashes, âwonât you show me how you touch yourself, Wonwoo? Please?â
For the life of him, he couldnât produce one stupid fragment of a sentence, or even a word. Godâit didnât fucking help that you took reign and offered to get him startedâyour hand carefully reaching past his underwear, gripping onto him gently to spring his erection free. A shiver surged throughout his body at the sensation. Hotness spread like molten lava across his face as the result of your lascivious, teasing actions stood leaking and stiffer than wood right before your eyes, which were agleam with thrill and haze.
You seemed as though you were going to pounce on him.
But he could visibly see you swallow the temptation.
âAww, you have the prettiest dick Iâve ever seen,â you giggled, wrapping a hand around him that was soft and warm, âwould it make you feel better if I started you off, then? Gave you some help?â
Wonwooâs fists were tangled so intensely into the bedsheets he was surprised the fabric hadnât disintegrated. Holding his breath, he watched you lean forward until your mouth was hovering an agonizing distance over him, only to produce a line of spit that dripped onto his head. His jaw unhinged in a groan. Then you began working the saliva along his shaft, pumping a hand up and down, occasionally flickering your thumb over the sensitive tip only to remove the contact so casually, likely knowing it would rip him apart.
âYour turn.â
He took a second to push up his glasses and shake his head.
âMânot gonna last long, you know,â Wonwoo grunted, at last heeding your request and beginning to stroke himself for your viewing pleasure, âespecially after that big display. You fucking tease.â
With an arm slid over his thigh and the drool collecting in your mouth, you couldnât have looked anymore dazzled by the thirst you were experiencing, your eyes refusing to part from every tug delivered by his own hand. It was a spell, and you were unapologetically under it.
âMmm, a tease?â You purred, smiling. âI was just trying to help.â
âWere you?â Wonwoo scoffed, pumping faster while continuing to twist up the bedsheets using his other hand. âRubbing your fucking spit into my cock is tt-trying to help me? Is that what you think?â
âMmhm,â you answered, straightening up as Wonwoo felt himself become tenser, felt the pressure in his abdomen climb.
He shuddered, a groan reverberating from somewhere deep in his chest. The sound of his fist wetly slapping up and down consumed the room and Wonwoo knew it was only a matter of seconds before he lost it. You were basking in every sound and movement.
âFuck, fuck, I-I can'tââ
Suddenly, youâd pushed Wonwooâs hand away. His stomach flipped upside down. Before he could recognize the brief loss and regain of pleasure, your suckling, wet, hot mouth was already sliding down around his erection, your grip fastening to whatever you couldnât quite reach. Wonwoo bit his lip so hard at the sensation that something coppery-warm was tasted on his tongue, although that was the least of his concerns when you were throating him with messy desperation. His hand rested on your scalp, nervous to push your head down too firmly, but once he did, you moaned out so erotically around him that Wonwoo fragmented.
His hips bucked straight into your face while his fingers had tightened at the back of your scalp, feeling every intense throb expand against your throat, spurt after spurt filthy in your mouth. But you were diligent and zealous and Wonwoo knew you were swallowing it all despite the few tears trickling onto his pelvis. His length didnât leave the velvet, pillowy confines of your mouth until every bit was expertly milked out from him, though had Wonwoo let his hand drift off your hair in case you wanted a breath.
With a hiccup and a wipe against your chin, you were tasting the bedroomâs heavy air and exhaling ragged as Wonwoo marvelled you.
âTrying to take my soul with you or something?â He huffed, using his thumb to remove some leftovers from the side of your lips.
You caught his hand in an instant. âNoââ you piped up, quick to close your mouth around the digit and suck off whatever he politely removed, laving your tongue like you were licking a popsicle, ââI want all of it.â
He thought he might crumble, hearing you mumble such obscene words while tracks of tears dried overtop your cheeks, your voice sounding somewhat hoarse from the labour of taking him whole.
You were climbing back onto Wonwooâs lap almost blindly, his next breath taken away by a passionate kiss you pushed so fervently onto his lips. There was another tangling of tongues, saliva mixing together, but neither attempting to take controlâ though at this point Wonwoo would gladly oblige to throwing you on the bed and twisting off those frustrating panties he imagined were sticking to you. He could feel your arousal dampening through the baby pink cotton as his length twitched back to hardness underneath you.
âWonwoo,â you whined breathily into his ear while grinding your hips against him in search of friction, âIâve got to tell you something I did.â You bruised up his neck with more kisses. âSomething bad.â
His eyes were shut, hands continuing to grope your ass. âYeah?â He mumbled, feeling your tongue drag across a vein in his neck. âYou did something bad? What could that be?â
Your hands drifted down his chest, yanking open the buttons on his dress shirt in satisfying pops. Warm, feathery breath hit his ear. âThat day I stayed the night in your bedroom⌠aloneâŚâ you kissed him on his mouth, letting it linger and last, âI couldnât help it.â
Wonwoo had gripped the side of your face, meanwhile he rubbed underneath the waistband to your tiny, thin underwear.
âCouldnât help what?â
He flinched as your hand sunk down to grab his cock.
âI touched myself,â you confessed just an inch from his face, âI laid back against your pillows, spread my legs all wide⌠I had my fingers stuffed so deep inside myself, but it still didnât feel like enough.â Again, you were softly stroking him. Wonwoo continued to uphold that unwavering, painfully honest gaze you were pinning him in. âNdâ I came all over your t-shirt, Wonwoo. I played with myself until my fingers were cramping and my legs couldnât stay open anymore.â
He gulpedâheavyâlike swallowing a chunk of lead. His tender thumb grazed along your cheek and rubbed over your puffy lips. âI wanted to fuck you so bad that night,â Wonwoo soothed your confession with another, which was already quite obvious, âI dreamt about it. I wanted to bury myself so fucking deep inside your gut.â
You shook your head, eyes teary. âWhy didnât you?â He felt the delicate stroking motion along his erection come to a pause.
Wonwoo cradled your cheek. âIt would have fucked everything up.â
âBut I wanted it,â you whimpered. âIâve been wanting it for so long and you just left me there. I would have been quiet. You could have put me face down in the pillows and just used me all you wanted.â
âNo,â Wonwoo argued, âI would never want to use you. I want us to be together in everything. I know you wanted it. But lust makes you think different. Just like itâs making you think different right now.â
He softly slotted his mouth with yours, exchanging a much slower, sweeter kiss that lit a glow in his belly. You puddled right into the contact, curling your arms back around his neck to hold him tighter.
Much lighter kisses dappled the edges of your lips.
Wonwoo could feel you start to smile.
âI figured something was off the next morning,â he said.
You chuckled, âI didnât know how to face with you without thinking about it. I felt so dirty. But in the moment, I needed something.â
He nipped down your slender neck, letting his hot breath and reverberating, husky tone tickle your skin until your hairs stood up.
âHow wet were you?â Wonwoo purred, smirking.
Immediately, your hips were pushing down on him. âSoaked,â you then whispered, âI was making such a mess. I tried so hard to be quiet. But part of me wanted you to hear.â
Wonwooâs hands drifted up your t-shirt, gliding slow against your stomach, coming to reach the plump, sensitive breasts that he could only surmise were waiting for his attention. He cupped them in each palm, giving a tender squeeze and pull that pitched your breath into a squeak. Caressing your neck with more wet, open-mouthed kisses, he felt the absentminded grinding reignite the friction between you.
âDid you touch up here, too?â
His thumbs brushed your pert nipples. He felt you shiver.
âY-Yes.â
Tsking his teeth, he pleasured them with slow, rubbing circles that you mewled in response to. âYouâve got the softest skin. I could touch you until I die, and it still wouldn't be enough.â
âMmhm,â he heard you exhale shakily, âI touch myself at home, too. Put my pillow between my legs. Pretend Iâm grinding against you. Then let my fingers take me again and again until it hurts.â
How dare you fucking say that to himâhow dare you put such an intimate visual in his mind to haunt him like a ghost to hallowed grounds. How many times had you done it? How many times had you stood right in front of him, smiling so innocently, despite knowing damn well what you had done to yourself the night before.
Wonwoo pinched your nipples, watching you flinch.
âDoes it hurt right now?â
You nodded.
âWhere?â He lowered his voice, sinking his hand back down the creases in your tummy until it paused right on your mound, his eyes trained to your suddenly very desperate, misty look. âDown here?â
âYes.â
Holding eye contact with you, Wonwoo trailed his hand further along your panties until his touch was situated right between your thighs, directly feeling the wet fabric, the radiating heat, the aroused pulsations. Your fingernails were pricks in his shoulders.
âFuck, you are drenched, arenât you?â Wonwoo commented, rubbing his hand against you through the cotton material, your hips soon chasing the overwhelming pleasure. âCan feel you throbbing against my hand, you know that? Bet it aches so fucking good, hm?â
He grinned hard at your eyebrows knitting together. While he massaged you with one hand, the other gripped your chin where he pushed a hot, uncoordinated kiss onto your whiny mouth.
âLay across my lap,â Wonwoo whispered in between the hasty break for air, âlet me play with you instead, make you cum. Please.â
To his delight, your compliance came easily.
It didnât take long for you to splay yourself in the desired position, with Wonwoo pushing up the shirt to bunch at your waist while your bottom was perfectly presented in his lap. He massaged you, leaning down to mark a trail of kisses along your lower back, along your assâspreading you wide to see the large, soaked patch glistening on those easily rippable underwear.
âJust open your thighs a bit more,â Wonwoo instructed, to which you quickly listened, âfuckâperfectâall this, only for me.â He pushed his thumb against you through the panties and you instantly squeaked.
âRight?â He urged. âIs this all just for me?â
âMmhmâyes, yes. I fucking promise. Just for you.â
Wonwoo bit his lip to stop the size of the immediate smile from breaking across his face. Your hips wriggled up as his touch drifted away.
âI need more,â you groaned in frustration, âplease.â
âMore here?â Wonwoo pulled back on one side of your glute to help reveal the sensitive area, then rubbing his thumb against your clit.
Your entire body jerked, and he noticed your fingers dig into the bedsheets, clawing them up. He figured the wet friction between his thumb and your panties was frustratingly amplifying every little sensation in a dull but very cruel way. He continued his ministrations, adding some more pressure for you to squirm and moan at.
âDoes it still hurt?â Wonwoo asked, letting his other hand slide up your bare waist, the skin beginning to sweat and turn even warmer.
âPlease,â you groaned, attempting to adjust your hips against the stroking from his thumb, âI feel like mâgonna fucking die, Wonwoo.â
âStill need more, then?â
âYes!â
Deciding to throw you a bone, Wonwoo grabbed those thin, pink panties in his hand and helped you slide the constricting fabric down and off your legs. Once he spread you nice and wide, let the cold air ghost the slicken, swollen skin, you had gasped. For a moment, Wonwoo didnât speakâhe only stared at you with all the stars in the universe collecting behind his eyes, glittering like a snow globeâat how beautiful and exposed and needy you looked.
He let his fingers slide ever so slowly along your clit, drawing up to your hole, then pushing back down to hear you whimper brokenly.
Wonwoo swallowed the dryness in his throat.
âDo you have any fucking idea how beautiful you are?â He complimented, his fingers soaking in your arousal. âI knew your cunt would look pretty, but this is more than that. GodâŚâ experimentally, Wonwoo shifted a finger gentle into your opening, giving the digit a wriggle and few shallow pumps. Immediately your intense warmth clenched down tight before loosening, engendering him to effortlessly press in two more long fingers. âThere you go⌠good girlâŚâ he mumbled his encouragement as you gripped the bedsheets and moaned a guttural sound, âtaking in my fingers so fucking wellâthey slide in so easy⌠make such perfect, dirty noises whenever they fill up this gorgeous cunt.â
His thumb touched at your clit, lending it some attention that had you twisting and bucking back to receive even more pleasure.
âGod, WonwooâŚâ you gasped, sounding lost to the ecstasy while letting him take his time with mapping out your inner walls with curious strokes, âthat feels so fucking good. You have no idea. Feels like mâgonna pour all over you.â
He grinned, further stimulating your swollen clit, maintaining the pattern as you propped up on your elbows, tugged at the bedspread, and released a mellifluous, shuddering moan from your throat.
âF-fuck ye-yessâŚâ you whined as his fingers squelched deeper and his thumb continued its circles, âyes, yes, yes, keep doing thatâoh-oh, fuck! Mâgonna cum all over your fingersâmâgonna make a mess!â
âThatâs all I want,â he breathed, his chest tightening at how much arousal was pooling sticky around his digits, âthatâs all Iâve ever fucking wantedâmake a mess all over me, like the pretty, desperate girl you are. Let me see it. Let me feel everything. Cum just for me.â
Your entire body proceeded to seize, Wonwooâs fingers now struggling to pump, as this striking wave seemingly coursed through you and resulted in heavy fluids wetting his dress pants. It took a moment for you to power through the pleasure, though Wonwoo was at least able to maintain his stroking gestures against your clit until he noted the sharp, almost spastic twitches in your muscles.
âThatâs a good girl,â Wonwoo hummed in satisfaction while he gingerly eased his fingers out and left your poor, throbbing bud alone.
He smoothed his hand down your back, offering you a moment to relax, breathe, and ride out the electricity.
âFuck,â you wiped at the sweat on the back of your neck, chuckling at the discomfort, âI can feel it all between my legs.â
Wonwoo smirked. Hard. He bent forward to peck your temple, then brushed his lips against your stinging hot ear. "How about I clean that all up for you?" The velvety whisper caused your body to jitter.
"Clean me up how?" You turned your head, catching his eye.
There was a swap of positions. Wonwoo lowered himself to the bedroom floor, the carpet spongey against his knees, while you lay down on your back and draped your legs off the edge of the bed. But he was hungry for you, and greedier than a treasure hunter, and you went limp as he hitched your knees over his broad shoulders.
Being face to face with your intimate heat was like the kiss of lifeânew energy was taking over himâgiving him desire unlike any other.
He didn't know if he wanted to keep staring at you, your soft skin messy with slick and twitching anticipatorly at his closeness, or if he should stop prolonging the moment and just bury everything into you. Adjusting his glasses, Wonwoo licked his bitten lips. You were in the midst of shuffling up to your elbows, likely wondering what the hell he doing, staring between your thighs for so long.
But as quickly as you squeaked his name, it was interrupted by an intense gasp a second later. You leaned all your weight onto a single elbow, tossing your head back, panting for dear life as Wonwoo striped his tongue long and flat against your heat. His hands gripped your hips, sculpting them over your bone while he tasted your arousal, all sticky and musky and delicious to the point of addiction.
"O-Oh my god, Wonwoo," you cried, letting your body collapse onto the bedsheets, limbs becoming jelly, "that feels fucking amazing."
He licked into you like he were trying to reach the centre of a sweet, colourful jawbreaker. Every pass from his tongue was firm, encompassing, smothering you in pleasure and painting you with spit. But you reacted best when he toyed his ministrations around your sensitive clitâyour back would jolt off the bed, arched, as your thighs hugged him tightâWonwoo heard your begging akin to a distant echo. He would even smile into you, glasses all foggy, chin running in wetness, as you preached his name dumbly, losing your mind. Wonwoo pressed his mouth hot against you, flicking his tongue to your overstimulated clit, focusing hard on his pattern.
"Fuck, fuck!" You shouted, writhing into the sheets. "Please, Wonwoo. Please, please, pleaseâI'mâI'm gonna cum! Please, justâk-keepâ"
There was a surge of something warm and liquid that Wonwoo wanted to drink like a peach's nectar. You were throbbing right under his tongue and he loved it to a point that felt utterly insane. He didn't want to stop even if the world was ending. His face plunged in deeper, his hands grafting into your hips harsher, completely ignorant to your fingers pulling at his hectic locks of hair. Wonwoo only wanted you and nothing else and he was going to drown in it.
But you were attempting to sit up, your sweaty body becoming better at escaping his eager, hungry licks that dug into your slit, and once he heard you wince particularly sharp, he knew he had to stop.
He sat back, removing his glasses and wiping off his chin. You slid a leg from his shoulder, using a foot to gently prod against his chestâa light scolding for perhaps enjoying you a little too much.
"Are you starved?" You laughed heavily, gulping down a breath.
Wonwoo fit the glasses back to his face. "For you? Yes." He then licked at his teeth and lips, still yearning to find traces of your arousal, only to realize you were shaking. "ShitâI'm sorry if I hurt you." Standing up, he cupped your face, bending down to kiss you gentle on the lips over and over. "I'm so fucking sorry. You taste amazing, that's all. And you're so beautiful. I couldn't fucking help it."
With a giggle, you tousled his hair. "No, I'm fine. I like a little pain." Your eyes were back to shining. Then, you caught his mouth, stealing another kiss. "But Iâm even greedier than youâ," pushing yourself up, you nipped at his lips, ââand I want that pretty, long cock inside me to hit all the right spots.â The exchange had you seated back in Wonwooâs lap, where your bare, soaked pussy was free to brush against his straining and achingly hard length.
âYeah?â Wonwoo smirked, welcoming your spit-smeared mouth.
Feeling your hips grind against him, you purred, âyeah.â
âIâve got no protection,â Wonwoo admitted in between the make-out session, hardly able to pry your lips from one another as you slid backward on the bed with Wonwoo climbing over top.
Helping to shove off his dress shirt and slacks, discarding them to the floor, you shook your head. âDonât need it.â
Returning the gesture, Wonwoo had you fully undressed. The entirety of your bare body on full display felt like something sacredâan artwork that had been crafted with unimaginable attentiveness to every single detail, no matter how miniscule. He couldn't liken it to anything else in his life but a distant memory from childhoodâa grand mausoleum that he found himself inside with his older brother, the ceiling intricately chiselled with angelic, satin-like bodies.
Your words seemed distant. It took a second for him to remember.
âDon't need protection? Why?"
As your hands locked behind his neck, pulling him down close, you dug into his eyes with an emotional gaze. âFinish inside me.â
He stuttered, furrowing his brow, âseriously? You wonâtââ
âNo. Iâm taking precautions, you know.â Brushing at his dampened, thick hair, you asked, âhave you ever had unprotected sex?â
Wonwoo scoffed, surprised at the inquiry, âyeah. Butâis thatâyou really want that? With me?â He stared down at you intensely.
âI only want it if you want it, too.â
He nodded, biting his lip, taking a moment to examine your perspiring face alongside the the rising and dipping of your chest.
Truth be told, a splinter of nerves had lodged into his chest at the thought of having to perform to your anticipationâWonwoo was never really sure if he would ever get intimate with youâand as his gaze again streamed your body, he felt overwhelmed. But then your fingertips were stroking down his bicep, seemingly drawing out the forthcoming anxiety from him like you were pulling out a thread of energy, and the easygoing smile he was met with tamed his heart.
Wonwoo eased closer toward you, allowing your expert touches to be the guide. Your hand had returned to his length for a few more thorough and especially lentamente tugs, prompting him to hiss into your neck while very flushed shades of pink crawled up his face.
He felt himself throb, wanting to simply collapse against you and climax at your hand for the second time. To make matters even more complicated, Wonwoo felt you shift slightly, and then the tip of his impatient cock was suddenly gliding all slippery like butter along your folds. Wonwooâs arms started to shake.
You laid your palm gentle against his neck.
âHowâs that feel?â You whispered in a trembling breath, meanwhile continuing the heavenly ministrations of tracing your clit with his length. âI-I think it feels quite niceâgetting you all wet.â
âAmazing,â he answered, pressing his forehead to yours and pecking at your lips, âyou want me to take it from here?â
Keeping silent, your grip drifted from his erection and you seemed satisfied to let the control sway now that Wonwoo was adjusted. Just before he aligned himself, however, he looked at you and laughed.
âCan you push up my glasses real quick?â
You chuckled, âseriously?â
âWhatâs wrong with wanting to be see you properly?â
âNothing,â you flashed a tender smile, then using your finger to help position the glasses back up his nose, âthere you go.â
Wonwoo proceeded to slide himself inside you at a slower pace that allowed him to bask in the intimate sensationâhe made damn sure every little squeeze, flutter, and convulsion your heat cushioned him with was feltâthough that made it considerably hard for him not to release in pathetic fashion, before he had even made a good, swift thrust. You were soaking up the moment just as much.
He didnât want to advert his eyes from the pleasure cascading like ripples across your face for even a second. Once he was buried in still and deep, completely stuffing you to the hilt, your breath had fogged up his glasses.
âFuckâs-sorryââ you squirmed through the apology, your hips occasionally canting against his in unbridled twitches, ââI can hardly fucking think right now. Do you know how much youâre throbbing?â
He choked out a hoarse laugh, âdo you know how insanely good you feel to me? Feels like mâgonna fucking break into a million pieces. â
âI want you to break me into a million pieces,â you whined so needily, looping your arms around his neck, âfuck me, Wonwoo. Please.â
He was positive you had told him that in a dream once.
As euphoric as you felt clenching around him, Wonwoo truly did want the sex to last. His thrusts into your heat werenât frantically impatient, rather they grooved incredibly, purposefully deepâeach stroke was thoughtful but hard, slow but timely, and judging from your high-pitched keens and the nails scraping against his shoulder blades, he knew you were appreciating the moment just the same.
Wonwoo grasped your sweaty hands in his, your fingers interlocking tight, in order to hold them against the sea of silky pillows above your head. With another especially daggering thrust that made his teeth clench and his abdomen flutter, you had jerked and cried out his name, followed by a breathless, ârr-right there!â
A leg wrapped around his hips, your ankle digging uncomfortably into his side while he continued to push his length into the spot that was making you howl. But it was getting increasingly difficult to continue the tempoâyour leg was tightening around him like a boa constrictor and your warmth was clamping down with plain strength, almost as though your body was attempting to lock him inside.
He merely squeezed your hands harder, losing his breath. âYouâre almost there, arenât you?â Taking advantage of another thorough stroke, Wonwoo had the bedframe thudding the wall, his words hotly pressing into your ear. âYouâre trying to keep me suctioned in.â
Your whimpers were falling apart like crumbling clay. Wonwoo tried to understand what it was you were mewling at him, something involving his name, how good it felt, that he should keep going, meanwhile tears were springing to your eyes and wetting your glimmery cheeks. Wonwoo bit his lip. He was throbbing wildly inside your heat, knowing you were only getting dumber and turning incoherent as he speared you so intimately on his cock.
Wonwoo wasnât going to last much longer and neither were you. He was already feeling himself burst and breakâthe convulsion ripped through him like a landslide and now your leg was fully hooked around his hips, pinning him against you while he emptied himself disgustingly deep inside your warmth.
The sensation must have triggered your own orgasm, because his cock felt like it was practically being suffocated as you squeezed down on him. Wonwoo thought he might blackout when you whined his name into the dim bedroom humidity, strung in a loud, trembling lilt that cracked beautifully in the middle.
Your arms were winding back around his neck, pulling his face to yours, a kiss crushed onto his awaiting mouth.
âI need more,â you panted in between the kisses, âdonât feel full enough yet. Cum inside me again, Wonwoo. Please, take me again.â
âAgain?â He smiled, his glasses bumping your nose. You were completely uncaring, only nipping at him harder. âAre you sure?â
âYes, yes, yes,â you chanted, âIâve never been surer of anything in my fucking life.â Suddenly, you were wriggling underneath him, rolling onto your stomach, and repositioning yourself such that you were face-down-ass-up. With eyes twinkling bright in pure, carnal lust, you threw him a a yearning glance from over your shoulder. âFuck me again, nice and deep like before." His heart shot into his throat. When you begged, it was like his world was shrinking into a bubble where only you and him existed. "PleaseâI need it before your cum starts leaking out. I need to be filled by you, Wonwoo. Please.â You looked like you might cry if he didn't oblige the plead.
And so he did, his fingers planting a firm grip on your strong hips.
As much as you were willing to take, he was willing to give, finding himself submerge further and further into the intoxicating nature of it all until he started to lose his mindâall he knew is that it was concerningly late at night, your bedsheets were sticky and ruined, and you had gone from being thrust into the pillows to slapping yourself down on his cock while Wonwoo hazily watched. He loved the sight of your sweat, your glowing light, your bouncing breasts and pleasure-drunk face far too much. At some point, you had slumped forward into him, spent to fucking hell.
With your chests were pressed together, his cock still throbbing and stuffed inside you, there was a moment of nothing but thick, laboured breathing and heartbeats synchronizing. He kissed your temple and wrapped his arms around you, proceeding to mumble something sweet and half-asleep that contained your name.
You had squeezed his length unforgivingly in response.
âFuckâdonât get me hard again. Iâm fucking exhausted.â
âI like when you use my name.â
He smiled into your cheek. âI can tell.â
Wonwoo had woken before you.
Mostly because the bedsheets had been gradually wrapped up and tugged away and progressively stolen from him during the night, letting the cool, morning air dust over him like spray from an ocean. You were a fidgety sleeper, he had realized, sometimes even a mumbler, although Wonwoo had never been able to discern what it was you were sluggishly declaring in your dreams.
He turned his head to you, saw the bare groove of your back, shapely like a flower petal, and your arm dug underneath the silk pillow, observing every breath your unconscious body took.
Then, Wonwoo was leaning over you, feeling his fingers sink into your fleshy waist while his lips touched a kiss against your warm cheek. He hoped you wouldnât mind him using your washroom for a shower.
Afterward, Wonwoo retraced the apartment, finding his shoes a questionable distance apartâone stood square at the front door while the other was left in the hallway leading to your room. His winter jacket was tossed over the arm to the couch, meanwhile his phone involved a more in-depth search. For some reason, heâd left it atop a shelf beside the television, hidden by a clumsy stack of textbooks.
When he tapped the screen, it illuminated some text messages from Vernon that had been sent at around two in the morningâmostly inquiries about the birthday dinner and whether or not Wonwoo had bothered going to the famed and mysterious Room 319.
Though, he opted not to respond, realizing the details he wanted to share with his friend would likely require a sit-down discussion over burgers, fries, and sodas at Solar Pop. Making his way back to the bedroom, Wonwoo carefully creaked open the door to find you half-shoved onto an arm, making tired circles against your eye.
He smiled, coming to sit beside you, handing off the glass of water he poured for himself.
âAre you leaving?â Was the first question you blearily pieced together after accepting the water but not drinking anything from it.
Wonwoo shook his head. âNo.â
You managed to sit up properly, the sheets settling around your hips while you continued holding onto the glass. For a moment, you seemed to just observe Wonwoo, your eyes still swollen from sleep.
âWhere are you going, then?â
He furrowed his brow. âNowhere,â Wonwoo laughed, pulling one leg up onto the bed. âI got up to shower. Went and found my things. Got a glass of water, which youâre now holding, by the way.â
You swallowed, looking down at your lap.
âOhâŚâ after a recollecting pause, you took a sip from it.
Wonwoo smiled, his eyes softening like fresh brown sugar, as he proceeded to unstick some matted hairs from the edge of your face.
âYouâre a pretty big sheet stealer,â he said, continuing to spread his fingers about your features, removing fluffs and rubbing off bits of dried spit, âand you seem to like talking, even in your sleep.â
âOh, yeah⌠I should have told you that.â
He shrugged. âItâs fine. I liked not knowing.â
âDid you?â With a laugh and smile, you drank some more water.
âYeah. Because itâs you, it makes me adore it even more.â
âI donât always mumble. I swear. Only sometimes.â
Wonwoo didnât care. âItâs not a big deal.â
âI guess I should shower, too. Then Iâll change the sheets and get new ones on.â You abruptly raised the blankets at your lap, lifting up a leg to examine something Wonwoo couldnât see. âYeah, I definitely need to change the sheets⌠oh! And take my pill. Fuck. I canât forget.â
âI can help with the sheets.â
âOkay,â you said while leaning forward to pull open a drawer on your nightstand, revealing a thin, silver cartridge of pills, âthanks.â
After you had showered and gotten dressed in a clean spare t-shirt, you changed the dirtied sheets to your bed together.
Then you and Wonwoo spent some time together in the open, bright living room, lounging on the couch. Maybe you had kissed a few more times, and maybe his naturally cold hands had found their way underneath your loose t-shirt to curiously massage and press along your pretty chest, and maybe you had kissed a little more after that while the sun rays slid up your sensitive skin.
You twisted away from Wonwooâs lips with a giggle.
âMâkay, thatâs enough, or else Iâll need another shower.â You grabbed at Wonwooâs hands that had been squeezing your breasts.
Although he didnât want to stop, he listened, relaxing against the pillow he had stuffed between his spine and the arm of the couch, now throwing an elbow behind his head. You were leaning back against him, getting comfy between his legs, and for a few minutes or so, the two of you gazed out those large, floor-length glass windows into the awakening, snow-capped city.
He felt you stir against him.
âYou know⌠sometimes you donât always speak English.â
Wonwoo itched his eyebrow, chuckling, âwhat?â
âLast night, like, when I was riding youââ your head tilted back onto his shoulder, beaming him a smile, ââyou would start switching languages. In between English and Korean. It was so cute.â
âOh, yeah.â He adjusted his glasses, staring down at you while his cheeks became rosy. âI donât know, itâs just something my brain does automatically. I donât always realize Iâm doing it.â
You grinned; eyes sparkling. âWhen it feels too good?â
Ruffling a hand through his hair, he simply smirked at you.
âHaving a front seat view to the most beautiful girl in the world riding me just happens to be something that makes me feel really good.â
You pushed your head up to kiss him, followed by a sweet and brief whisper that he smiled at, âcompliment appreciated.â
A few more quiet minutes passed. Wonwoo thought he could spend the entire day just sitting on the couch with you warm in his arms, watching the snow tumble down like wisps of tender willows.
âWonwoo?â
âMm?â
You got quiet.
Then, your weight against his chest was gone, and you had half-turned yourself around to look at him, seeming nervous.
He tilted his head. âWhatâs wrong?â
âNothing,â you answered, glancing down briefly before soaking him back into your agleam eyes. âI just want to apologize, actually.â
At that, Wonwoo stiffened. âYeah? What for?â
With a sigh and another anxious moment to fiddle with the rolled-up cuff belonging to his wrinkled dress shirt, you were reserved.
âEver since we fought, I can't help thinking about it. I mean, Iâve thought about what you said, and the fact you apologized, and explained yourself, and how you gave me time to process it all. You gave me so much grace, even when I felt like I hated you⌠but⌠I also said some hurtful things about you⌠I mean, back then I felt like you deserved it. And, I donât know⌠maybe you did? Like, maybe we both needed to just be there, screaming at each other, digging our guts out, throwing up all this stuff to the surface because no one else has ever given us that freedom or made us feel like we could before. Anyway, I just feel like itâs only right that I say sorry, too.â
Scratching at his neck, Wonwoo swallowed. He never thought of it like that. âUh, sure. If thatâs what you feel you need to do. â
âIâm sorry, Wonwoo. I really, truly am.â
He smiled, grasping at your hand and threading his fingers with yours. Pangs of regret were flooding your eyes, filling them up until they were undoubtedly teary and Wonwoo had to wipe it all away.
âItâs fine, I swear,â he whispered, moving in closer to you, brushing at your cheek as you sniffled. âNothing has ever truly changed how I feel about you. Youâre incredibly firm but sensitive, and have such fiery passion, and youâre curious about everything, and I know that it hurts so much to live without really knowing yourself. But I see you, and I feel like I know you. I never want to stop knowing you, alright?â
âWonwoo?â
âYeah?â
Your mouth pressed against his, and he tasted the salt from the tears that beaded down the slopes of your cheeks, warm with life.
âI love you.â He felt the whisper touch at his lips. âI really do.â
Wonwoo held onto your face like he was cradling a big pearl. âI love you, too.â Another kiss sealed the expression into felt, tangible emotion. âBut honestly, you already knew that.â
Later in the day, you came up to Wonwoo as he ate lunch at the table, only after having disappeared into a distant office space further down the hallway. You dropped before him a clear, plastic duotang, which held a notably thick stack of papers that had quite a weight to it upon picking up. It only took a few flips into the papers for Wonwoo to realize that it was the completed book he used to proofread for youâa series of chronological memories between yourself and the boyfriend you had gradually drifted apart from.
True to your word, you had forged ahead and finished the book alone.
He was proud to hold the evidence.
Wonwoo asked what you planned to do with the book now that it was done. He even wondered if you might let him read some parts he never got to work on, though he understood if you preferred to keep the contents private. As he was in the middle of lifting a hot spoon to his mouth, Wonwoo suddenly paused at hearing your response.
âI think Iâll just shred it.â
You didnât seem to care.
The decision came easier than pressing a button. There was only one copy of the book, apparently, and you had plans to turn all its pages into literary confetti. But that was a very you thing to do, Wonwoo had come to accept. Writing served many purposes, and it seemed that the purpose you had sought out was met. Somewhere, in all those paragraphs, sentences, letters, and ink, you found the fulfillment you had always ached for. At last, you struck a glimmer of promising gold after digging through all the haze and confusion.
âSure,â he answered, âshred away.â
â8 MONTHS LATER. END OF JUNE.
âIt looks so pathetic!â
âWhat?! No it doesnât!â
Peeking up from the mason jar of earthy blue water heâd been swirling together using some dirtied paintbrushes, Wonwoo saw you seated across from him, talking to a very dismayed, upset twelve-year-old girl. Sierraâs little sister, Cora, had enrolled in his landlordâs ceramics class over the summer, and thus every Saturday evening she spent her time moulding unwilling chunks of grey clay alongside other similarly aged students. It was only Cora in the shop since she had been the last to get her teapot in the kiln, taking extra time with every minute detail.
Though, despite her care and attentive pace, Cora was still not pleased with the teapot, leading her to grumble and shake her head.
You were sitting beside her, a hand rubbing along the little girlâs back while she continued scrutinizing her creation. Ever since you moved into Wonwooâs apartment back in May, Saskia had quite liked you more than her average tenant, and that somehow transformed into an offer to help her teach the summer ceramics class (with pay).
Wonwoo was always there to assist in the clean-up afterwardâhis favourite part was submerging all the greasy, bristly paintbrushes into a clean jar of water so that he could watch how their colours bled out in thin, swirling hues.
âNo, no, noâitâs just bad.â
âIâm telling you. Itâs not.â
Cora picked up the lid to the pot, then placed it back down. âThereâlookâit doesnât even close properly. And the spout is not spouty enough⌠itâs too thick, I think. Hardly any tea will go through!â
âWell, I really like it.â
Tucking a tuft of poofy, rust-brown hair behind her ear, Cora gave you a suspecting and funny sort of look that made Wonwoo smile to himself. She was a very shy student, but she talked to you the most.
âYou say that about everything I make,â Cora sighed.
âSo what?â
âSoâŚâ she nibbled on her small lip, looking off to the side, âyou have to say that, because you're nice. Youâre like my mom. She says she loves everything I make. But then why donât I ever love it?â
âShe loves it because you made it, obviously. And she loves you. I think love changes how we look at things. Even the impractical.â Then, you picked up her teapot and moved it closer. âYou know why I like this teapot? Because it shows youâre determined. I mean, look at all those bowls on the newspaper over thereâyouâre the only one who did the teapot! And you did it mostly by yourself. You wouldnât even let me help you roll out the clay. So, thatâs why I like it. Because I see you in it. And when you tackle it again, youâll know what to do differently. Plus, you know you can ask me for help, right? You know Iâll always help you.â
The little girlâs freckled face suddenly became less twisted with judgement and frustration. She set her elbows onto the table, scratching at a Hello Kitty bandaid along the back of her hand, while you gave her hair a quick ruffle. Wonwoo started drying off the paintbrushes using paper towel before moving them into the cup labelled âcleanâ with a piece of tape.
âWhat should I do with this, then? If it wonât work,â Cora asked.
You shrugged. âI donât know. But for now, just leave it with the other stuff. Weâll give it a nice glaze next time around. Make it even prettier. Then you can decide what to do with itâwhether or not you want to keep it or smash it on the ground. Itâs up to you, Cora.â
Wonwoo tilted his head. âWhy donât you turn it into a miniature flower pot or something? Fill it with soil and plant something in it?â
Cora raised her eyebrows. âI like that idea, actually.â
âMe too,â you said, shooting Wonwoo a sly wink that he smiled very stupidly at, âlook at this guy over here. Lurking with his good ideas.â
By the time Sierra was available to pick up her sister, Wonwoo had officially finished cleaning all the paintbrushes and whittling tools, as well as replacing the tablecloth with a fresh one. The three of you stood at the base to the shopâs very small stoop, exchanging some general conversation while a sleepy Cora held onto her sisterâs hand and leaned her seemingly heavy head against her side.
The sky was a tame yellow shade, not as bright as a buttercup, but something delicate of the like.
âHeyâI heard you guys are planning a vacation!â Sierra chirped, adjusting the car keys in her hand, âis that all true?â
âYeah,â you nodded, flashing Wonwoo a soft smile, âuh, we decided that weâre gonna spend some time in South Korea. I havenât visited his family at all. But, yeah. Gonna leave start of August and come back right before October. So, a pretty good chunk of time.â
âNo way!â She exclaimed.
âWeâll see how it pans out,â Wonwoo commented, sliding his arm around your waist and digging his fingers into your hip. âBut my brother wonât shut his mouth about meeting her. And my parents are obviously curious. Besides, there are some great places I want to show off.â
Sierra shook her head. âIâm jealous. And totally sure you guys will have a great experience together. Weâll miss you here, though.â
âPlease do,â you laughed, and Sierra pinched your cheek.
She then looked down at her sister, who had her eyes shut.
âOkay, Iâm gonna get this little dove home. Thank you so much for helping her at ceramics by the way. She talks about you all the time.â
âReally?â You touched at your face, seeming flustered. âWell, I love helping her out. Sheâs a sweet girl with a lot of will on her shoulders.â Lowering your voice, you moved in closer to Sierra. âIâll keep my eyes peeled for a cute gift she can have while weâre gone.â
After parting ways with Sierra and Cora, you and Wonwoo returned upstairs, back into the apartment to prepare for supper.
Both of you were feeling particularly lazy, and the shiny red tomato he was supposed to chop ended up being ignored in place of eating ice cream straight from its tub.
You were the one who grabbed itâWonwoo was only following suit as he picked up a spoon and curved some out.
Something else interesting about you that Wonwoo had learned since moving in together was that you didnât really care to ever sit on a chair, even when you were eating. It was either the sofa, the floor, or the kitchen table, in which you would be holding onto your food even though he always thought how easier it could be if you did sit down properly. The quirk was fun, nonetheless, and Wonwoo had admittedly started looking at the kitchen table in a different light after he proceeded to give you oral on it one night. Consequently, it bloomed a very dangerous habit between the two of you.
A habit that might become drastically less accessible once you two jetted off to his native country for over a month, confined between his parentâs cozy home where he grew up and the two-story apartment his wealthy brother and sister-in-law owned in the glittering heart of South Koreaâs Seoul. He was nervous. You were nervous. But at least you were together.
Over the months, your parents had gradually come to accept him as your boyfriend, even if they weren't exactly warmed up to the idea at the start. Wonwoo revisited your home a few times alongside you to help in the explanations of your story and future prospects, although he partially understood that Mingyu was like a precious sapphire to your family and having him out so suddenly was hard to stomach.
He spent years nestling himself a comfortable burrow and smoothing out the bumps to make a crafty façade that, particularly your mother, couldn't help but outwardly adore. Like a son. Like Seokmin, too.
Wonwoo thought Mingyu might give him trouble.
In truth, he'd scarcely seen him, unless transient glimpses of his towering, quickly bustling figure from across a university campus or city street were noteworthy. Obviously, he wasn't inside Mingyu's head and he really had no inclination as to what the boy might be thinking on the occasion he spotted you and Wonwoo hand-in-hand at the park, or sharing breakfast at the cafĂŠ along Sunnyside.
But if Mingyu maintained even half the feelings that Wonwoo did for you, then he was positive it hurt like fucking hell.
Of all people, Wonwoo supposed he himself knew best.
âAUGUST 1ST.
âWonwoo!â
He closed his dresser drawer, almost slamming his fingers inside. Your voice echoed from the living room, sounding hectic.
âYes? Whatâs up!â
âThe taxiâs here!â
Fuck. He immediately thought. The time was flying by.
Wonwoo had made a gigantic list of what to pack, but over time he kept adding and taking things away from it. Now, it was early morning, soft rain and cracks of bursting light coming down outside, and he was doing a final clean-sweep of the bedroom as well as his poorly scribbled list to ensure everything he needed was with him.
Quickly approaching the window, Wonwoo glanced outside to see the cab parked at the curb. Fuck. Again. Vernon always said he would happily provide you two a ride to the airport, but then the boy was unsurprisingly wrapped back into some trouble, and Wonwoo hadnât seen his best friend in over a week.
Graciously, however, Vernon had given him a heads up and a proper goodbye beforehand. Heâd even left him a voicemail to listen to, which immediately jumped into Wonwooâs brain at random as he scrambled around the bedroom in search of his phone.
âJust give me one more minute!â Wonwoo shouted.
There was a pause on your end, and then a sigh.
âDo you need help?â
âNoâall good. I promise. Can you let the cab driver know?â
âI will.â
âThank you!â Wonwoo sang, finding the phone blended into his bedsheets, then proceeding to open his inbox. âI love you!â
âI love you, too!â You shouted back. âJust hurry the fuck up!â
He let Vernonâs message play while also tossing his suitcase onto the bed, stuffing in a few more last-minute grabs with utter clumsiness.
âHeyyy, Glasses! How are things? Iâm shooting you this cute little message at aroundddâoh! Looks like itâs two in the morninâ! Itâs two in the fuckinâ morninâ and Iâm pulled up outside this dudeâs house all âcause he canât pay me back for my good, hard services. Itâs nothinâ serious, though. Donât get all uptight like usual. You know Iâm good at handlinâ stuff and keepinâ my cool. Probably my better qualities. Anyway, Iâm bored as fuck. Iâve spun this Lloyd CD about four times and I just canât listen to that dude anymore. He can sing, though.
I am pissed youâre leavinâ me. And Iâm pissed sheâs leavinâ me, too. You guys are what I look forward to whenever I drive down into that shithole city. Well, I think just about every cityâs a shithole city. In fact, the city Iâm in now is probably more of a shithole⌠Seokmin texted me the other dayâsaid he wants to talkâwhich is vague as fuck and to be honest, Iâve been ignorinâ it âcause I canât get myself to give a god damn. But maybe Iâll hear him out. That guy was a cutie, wasnât he? I still think youâre a bit cuter. And better at mini-put.
Iâll miss you a lot when youâre down there⌠it got me thinkinâ about the night when we first met. The New Yearâs Eve party. You remember that pretty well, donâtâchya? I saw you come in with those guysâthey didnât look like your crowd at allâbut then after a while you were alone. Wanderinâ around. It didnât even seem like you knew anyone else was there. You had the blankest look on your face. Like you were stuck in a loop and you didnât even know it. I donât know that I felt pity or anything⌠hell, maybe I felt a little. I just talked to âya âcause I wanted to know if you knew where you even were.
You knew you were at some stupid, loud, awful fuckinâ house party jammed with unfamiliar faces. You knew how much you hated beinâ there. But I donât think you actually knew how you got there, or why, or what was supposed to happen next. It kinda drew me to you. I wanted to understand it. And you gave me the weirdest look, too, when I stopped you. But once I got you outside, away from all the bullshit, you loosened up just a bit and I realized I was talkinâ to this smart, well-rounded, thoughtful guy who was just a little lost in the weeds.
I know you didnât really care about me like that. I was just some jumped-up weirdo who could give you mint weed at a sweet price. But I still liked you⌠I dunno⌠other people see you differently when they care a whole lot, donât they? I guess they see things about you that others canât, or they know exactly what you could be when others donât. They see stuff even you canât see. Itâs like a superpower, I think⌠my best superpower is probably makinâ girls giggle. Iâve got a lot of charm, wouldnât you agree? Haâanywayâstay safe on your trip, tell Her that Iâll miss her a lot, tooâoh! Oh!
Fuck! Thatâs it. That little fucker is cominâ outsideâhe canât resist his two am darts on the porch. God bless you, nicotine! Okay, uh, guess this is me hanginâ up on you. Later, Wonwoo!â
At that point, everything Wonwoo needed was packed. But heâd taken the additional time to complete Vernonâs voicemail, now sitting on the edge of his bed while staring out into the early, glimmering rain shower and the water droplets collecting against his window.
Then, Wonwoo glanced down at the laptop he had open.
He hadnât written in⌠months. Not even monthsâit had been over a year since Wonwoo wrote. And, somehow, it felt good not to write.
It felt necessary to step away from the craft.
Besides, writing would always be there. Just because he hadnât filled up a document on his computer with harmoniously arranged words, or penned anything down in the journal he used to scribble poetry in, that didnât make him not a writer. In fact, it could be crucial to know when to step away from somethingâwhen to let go of an invisible weight keeping one from progressing. While he hadnât thought about it in months, it floated to the surface of his mind that there may be something he should let go.
The unfinished book. 01.
Wonwoo deleted it. Simple as that.
Shoving the laptop into his shoulder-sling bag, Wonwoo made sure to knab his journal from the nightstand before he left, just in case anything did excite him with a crack of inspiration as he embarked on his newest chapter with you at his side. Rolling his suitcase hurriedly behind him, Wonwoo rushed out onto the street, feeling the rain graze his hair and skin, while you were leaned against the cab, arms folded and teeth anxiously raking over your bottom lip.
He peppered the cab driver in apologies while he helped shove the suitcase into the trunk.
âLiarââ you grumbled after sliding into the cab, undoing the buttons on your coat, ââyou said one minute, not one lifetime.â
âI know, I know,â Wonwoo laughed, removing his glasses to rub off the mist and dew, âbut that voice mail from Vernon distracted me.â
âLet me do it,â you said, taking his glasses with a sigh, âwe should be fine. I know weâll make it on time⌠I guess Iâm just on edge.â
He watched you massage at the lenses gently with a sleeve. The driver climbed back into the cab, now pulling away from the pottery shop and driving toward the beam of light that sliced through the dense clouds, like the sun was handling a giant blade.
âEverythingâs gonna work out, I promise⌠and I already told you that weâll be staying with Bohyuk first, right? Him and Nari?â
Handing the glasses back to Wonwoo, you nodded.
âYeah⌠godâI hope he likes me.â
âOh, he will. You guys are pretty similar, actually.â
The look you gave him warbled slightly.
âWhat if thatâs a bad thing? Every time you tell me a story about your brother, it usually involves you loathing him for something.â
âThose stories took place years ago.â
âBut the feelings are still there, arenât they?â
Wonwoo settled his hand over top yours, giving your fingers a soothing squeeze. He knew you wanted to make the perfect first impression. After all, first impressions were not something that could be easily taken back or erased, unless the people you were meeting were quite forgiving. And Bohyuk was fortunately the forgiving type.
It was only time that Wonwoo exercise the quality as well.
Leaning in close to your face, Wonwoo gazed into your eyes, watching their frantic nature become still like the surface of a calm pond.
âYouâve got nothing to worry about, alright?â He murmured.
Huffing out an intense, long breath, you nodded.
âAlright⌠can I have a kiss, please?â
Lifting his hand to graze against the side of your cheek, he paused to admire your beauty for a moment, only to properly cup your face and push his lips to yoursâwhich tasted sweet and balmyâbefore feeling you push back firm. He proceeded to give you another soft kiss for good measure, one that cured you to smile all fluttery and coy against his mouth until he was inevitably smiling, too.
In fact, Wonwoo only ever found himself smiling that hard when he was with you.
âEND.
heyyyy :] ramble incoming...
first and foremost, ABOVE ALL ELSE, i just want to say thank you! i know this was a very, very long fic for me to be uploading on tumblr. this site is not the most fanfic friendly (or creation friendly for that matter) so stomaching the fact that this needed to be split up into so many parts was like a dagger to the heart! for those who decided to buckle up and lock into this journey, i honestly thank you so much <3 life was not always kind in the process of writing this (hence the fact it took me 2 years, plus some extra) but i was so dedicated to seeing this story through! a lot of the frustration i was feeling toward myself was funnelled into wonwoo's character, so this is quite personal :3
nonetheless, i hope there's something, even a single thing, someone else can take away from the story as well! both wonwoo and her as characters introduce their own unique themes--wonwoo (at the core) is more so about learning to let go in order to progress, whereas her is about using creative tools to help guide the search for identity. i think that writing has helped me learn a lot about myself (even uncomfy, icky things) so i wanted that to be represented through her.
of course, these are not the only things they stand for! but these are the elements i based their characters on, to which other concepts sprouted from. i also loved the idea of pairing someone as lost and misguided and emotionally stunted as wonwoo with this girl who seems so bossy and firm. at first he doesn't like it, but that was really what he needed to accept some of the flaws holding him back. idk if you're familiar with the EXCUSE ME! HE ASKED FOR NO PICKLES! meme but that's what comes to mind when i think of them xD
additionally: special shout out to vernon. he became a much bigger part of this story than i originally intended. he is in some ways wonwoo's foil. vernon knows he's flawed but that's sorta his strength and what makes him genuine. he witnesses wonwoo's entire journey, so at times he also feels like our role, the "reader" and gives wonwoo some wisdomy parting words without rly knowing it (but that's part of his charm <3 i don't want vernon's emotional intelligence to be underrated, which is also an ode to the conversation wonu & her have back in the museum. wonwoo knows there are different types of intelligence and emotionally he is lackinggg).
also small s/o to seokmin. SORRY! HAD TO DO IT!
this has been my slowest slowburn! i wasn't sure how late they were going to kiss. but i didn't want to force anything. i wanted to add the moment when i felt it was surely right! also, if you haven't yet listened to the playlist and you're curious, i recommend listening to the very last song, writer, by ellie goulding. i've been listening to that song for many years, and one day it hit me how coincidentally her lyrics overlap with some of the fic's storyline!
i think it adds a nice final touch <3
LASTLY!
upon contemplation, i will be uploading this fic to ao3 in the same chaptered format it's been posted here! i realize the convenience to bookmarking on that site (and it also doesn't give people's phones a heart attack when trying to read something lengthy) so i hope that appeases some of you who wish to reread with more leisure! i'll be under the username @/uglypluto!
i'll upload the final chapter (this chapter) to ao3 probably between late sunday & early monday.
i have no words for this?? wow just wow... the writing, the pacing, the emotions? this was simply incredible, i was hooked right from the start and i binge read this until 1am sometimes! definitely a recommendation. big big love to you, amazing work đ
â§â synopsis: wonwoo, a heartbroken and burnt out writer nearing the end of his math degree, wants nothing to do with the seemingly perfect, intimidating girl who has everyone under her thumb. you. unfortunately, his literary talent has got him shoved him between a rock and a hard place when you want to write a book and require his expertise. you two are the furthest from compatible. wonwoo canât see this going well. at all.
pairing: wonwoo x fem!reader
word count: 22.7k
genres/tropes:Â writer!wonwoo, university!au, plug!vernon + boyfriend!mingyu as prominent side characters, SLOWBURN (i am not fucking around this is my slowest burn yet), relationship drama, soul searching, strong angst/hurt (iâm coming for the jugular), comfort, romance, smut, a smoothie of every emotion on earth.
(!) warnings: drug use (weed, cocaine, ecstasy), wonwoo has anxiety + anxiety attacks + fairly dark thoughts, prescribed medication, gambling, intense language, infidelity, throwing up.
â§â a/n: just some quick things i want to make apparent!
the fic is told from wonwooâs pov, not the readerâs!Â
all major timeline events are organized through chronological dates
any smut or potentially triggering scenes are NOT MARKED bc the content is already quite mature, so just plz be aware of that!Â
bolded and italicized text implies the characters are conversing in korean, tho it doesnât happen often!
the fic in its entirety is 140k, so it has been split into 6 parts.
updates: in terms of a posting schedule, i'm pre sure i'm just gonna post every saturday night ~12am EST (so technically sunday lol). taglist is included in the comment section since tumblr now has limit as to how many peeps are mentioned per post :p
thanks againnnn! đ
⢠part one | part three | part four | part five | part six
â˘Â soundtrack for those curious!
â˘Â read at ur own pace! :)
âMAY 12TH.
Wonwoo was sat on his couch with your laptop glowing in front of him, one hand holding up his chin while the other scrolled slowly through your writing. Finally, youâd let him actually glean your work, and he was quite impressed with your natural skill. He supposed the biggest issue was the choppinessâyour sentence structures were much like your racing tangents, and in some areas the writing lacked flow and a smooth continuality. But that sort of ability would just develop on its own as long as you were practicing.
For the most part, Wonwoo was leaving behind small notes and highlighting areas that you could revisit at a later time.
âOkay, Iâm going to do a handstand.â
However, as Wonwoo had been combing through your work for the past half-hour, that left you with an apparent boredness which somehow translated into an acrobatics session in his living room.
âIâd really prefer you didnât,â he answered through the fingers covering his mouth, his eyes trained with focus on the document.
âNo, no. I used to be so good at them. Watch.â
Wonwoo was in the midst of typing a note when a small, circular embroidered pillow had suddenly struck the laptop, nearly forcing it shut. It was then that Wonwoo looked up with a long sigh, acknowledging the devious, shining smile that sprung to your face.
âNow that I have your attentionââ
Wonwoo titled his head, folded his arms, and propped one foot onto the coffee table, somewhat like an exhausted parent who was being heckled by their child to watch the âspecial trickâ theyâd just learned. He was internally praying you actually were good at handstands, because that fragile pottery vase and the antique gold clock sitting on the fire mantel had never looked so breakable until now. A cool breeze slivered in through the open window as your arms began raising above your head, and he heard you inhale steadily.
âGo!â You then shouted, either in motivation or impatience aimed at yourself, loud enough to make Wonwoo flinch.
The next moment, you were basically flipped upside down, your socked feet sticking pointedly in the air while your hands stumbled about on the brown rug for a few seconds, attempting to find their place rooted in the fuzz. Wonwoo pursed his lip, impressed.
âSee! Told you!â
âI mean, I never said you couldnât.â
âAre you amazed?â
He watched with a slight bit of nervousness as you walked a few paces forward with your hands, though he kept his calm composure from the couch and dealt you about three dull claps.
âCirque de Soleil is asking for you, actually.â
To Wonwooâs utter relief, you collapsed back onto your feet, probably because the blood was gushing to your head and heâd rather not have you faint squarely on the face in his living room. You then sat on your knees for a moment, rubbing slowly at your scalp.
âIâm almost done,â Wonwoo reaffirmed, moving aside the stitched pillow youâd chucked at him earlier and reopening the laptop.
âDonât let me rush you.â
He chuckled instantly. âYou mean to tell me youâre not bored out of your mind? Why else would you be doing cartwheels.â
Finally, you got up from the rug.
âUm, it was a handstand,â you were hasty to correct him, now sinking into the seat beside Wonwoo on the couch with the circle pillow pulled onto your lap. âI could do a cartwheel, though.â
âYeah, not in this house youâre not.â
âNot in this house youâre not.â
He merely smirked at your attempt to mimic him by employing a cartoonishly deep tone that you found very amusing, made evident by your prideful giggles close to his ear. Just as Wonwoo scrolled to the end of the document to type his last note, you were piqued with curiosity and leaned over his lap, grabbing at the screen to examine how far heâd come during your hour together.
âSo, where are you at anyway?â
Wonwoo pressed himself back into the couch, immediately removing his hands from the keyboard. It felt like at the most random, unpredictable times you would swoop in so close to him, and he never quite knew how to react. Most times he would freeze, become stiff and hardly breathing, run his eyes in all different directions around the room because everything seemed easier when he pretended you didnât exist.
He adjusted his glasses, cleared his throat.
âIâm basically done.â
âYou are? Okay. Hm⌠it seems like you made a lotta notes.â
Wonwoo squirmed in his seat as though it were scratching him. You eventually pulled away, but your knee was now resting on the side of his thigh and you were sitting much closer than beforeâclose enough that your shoulder was digging into his and he could sense your full, bright eyes burning a stare at his pink cheek.
âTheyâre mostly easy fixesâŚâ he mumbled, refusing to look at you, instead scrolling impetuously through the document with jerks of his pointer and middle finger. Â
âWell, what do you think of it?â
He paused, still staring at the laptop.
âOf what?â
âWonwoo, my writing, obviously,â you said with a warm laugh and a soft breath that rushed over his neck in such a pleasurable, lightheaded way. âAnd look at me,â he heard you ask in a lower, more sincere voice, your fingers then ghosting along his tense jaw in a fleeting, sensitive touch as you guided his head gently in your direction, âI just want to know youâre telling the truth.â
He was accustomed to your eyes being filled with sparks and the readiness to pit the most sharp-tongued comment in history, and so Wonwoo was able to relax ever so slightly upon realizing how your gaze had become increasingly mellow, welcoming even.
âWell, youâre obviously good at it,â he managed to answer the question without his voice trembling, âjust some pacing issues, mostly. Youâve got a bit of an issue with run-on sentences and closing up a scene. But you plan a lot, which is nice. I mean, you can only get better.â
An earnest smile picked its way across your face, framing your polished teeth and pushing up the apples of your cheeks. Wonwoo had to look awayâsometimes it was too muchâyou were too much, and he refused to let himself drown beneath your intensity that he found purely terrifying. Your knee proceeded to pull from his thigh and you were now dragging your body off the couch, which meant that Wonwoo could safely exhale the breath he was holding. He wondered if you just wanted to hear the compliment, or if you were legitimately pleased with his praise.
You walked up to his fireplace mantel, examining the items left along the white, sparkling trim heâd spritzed clean of all dust.
âDid you make this?â Came your inquiry, a curious finger pointing toward the round-bottomed, thin-necked red vase.
Wonwoo shook his head.
âNo, it was a welcome gift from the landlord.â
âShe made it?â
âYeah,â he hummed. âDidnât I tell you? She owns the pottery business downstairs. Saskia. She immigrated here like, eighteen years ago, now. From Poland. I thought you mightâve run into her.â
Shaking your head, you turned back to the vase.
âI didnât see her at all.â
âShe was probably in her office.â
âHow did she make all these little emblem thingies? Around the base? Like, this oneâs got an elephant. This one is a fruit tree.â
Wonwoo squinted at the vase from his place on the couch. He hadnât really examined it much, apart from when his landlord had thrust it into his hands while she welcomed him to the building. It never held any flowers, eitherânot even the brilliant ruby coloured poinsettias his ex-girlfriend's mother was supposed to send.
The relationship has disintegrated before it could ever happen.
âFuck, donât know. She has a bunch of little tools down there for more detailed work. Maybe a stamp. Youâd have to ask her.â
âItâs really pretty.â
His brows furrowed. âYeah? You like ceramics or something?â
You turned back to him, shrugging.
âI donât know. I was just saying, itâs pretty.â
âIt is. Itâs very pretty.â
With a sigh, you climbed back onto the couch.
âDo you think youâre done editing?â
He picked up the laptop and set it down on the coffee table.
âI think so. For the day.â
âPerfect.â You smiled. âIâll make time to read your notes tomorrow morning, if I can. Seems like thereâs about eight-hundred.â
âTwenty?!â Your eyes bulged in shock as you gripped onto the embroidered pillow hugged back into your lap. âThatâs so many!â
âWhatâtwenty is somehow more than eight-hundred? What fucking planet are you living on where numeracy works like that?â
âWonwoo, I have so much to do tomorrow!â You winced, tossing your head against the couch and slipping down the cushions.
âOkay, like what?â
â⌠Gosh⌠no, no. Fuck it. It doesnât matter.â
âNo, tell me. What have you got to do tomorrow?â
âI donât want to tell.â
âWhy not?â He murmured.
âIf I talk about, then Iâll want to do it even less.â There was an empty sigh he heard from your chest as your arms curled tight around the pillow. âBesides, itâs squished all into my colour-coded block on the schedule. The pink one. I justâI donât want to think about it.â
âFair. I get that.â
âItâs complicated family stuff.â
Wonwoo huffed sympathetically. âI get that even more.â
â⌠So, weâre still good for Spring Street on Sunday?â You asked, staring up at Wonwoo from your sunken, defeated slump.
He nodded.
âIâll be there if you are.â
âMAY 14TH.
The Spring Street Fair. It happened every single May, for three days straight, usually Friday to Sunday. In the daytime it was cheerier and more watered down for the children that came hand in hand with their parents, looking to feed the alpacas and ride those nauseating teacups and sob until exhaustion because they accidentally let go of their kitten-shaped balloon. However, at night, the fair had become a beacon for the older, rowdier university crowd.
Wonwoo never went despite all his recent years living in the city, but Vernon had, usually on accounts of âbusinessâ which really meant selling drugs for idiotic prices behind the Whirler or the Starship. You wanted to go, but hadnât told Wonwoo the reason. He opted to assume it was another part of your storyâmaybe you ran into Mingyu at a similar fair when you were younger, and it was therefore very integral you go Spring Street tonight. It was the exact opposite of what Wonwoo typically appreciated doing on Sundays, and he knew for a fact heâd loathe it, every single part.
âNo fuckinâ way!â Vernonâs voice exploded through the crackly static on Wonwooâs phone as he stood in line for the fair, gazing over top everyoneâs heads to gauge the ticket booth. âI canât believe your loser ass actually crawled outta bed for that.â
Wonwoo scoffed, âyeah, it wasnât my choice.â
âThen what for?â
âHer. She wanted to go. Itâs for the book.â
He was supposed to meet you inside the fair. It was almost ten oâclock at night. The sky was beautifully clear, illuminated with pinpricks of starlight, and the air had once been crisp. Now, Wonwoo was beginning to smell sparked cannabis, and he assumed a likewise scent would follow him all damn night. The horrid, anxious process of standing in the mile long line was made palatable through his conversation with Vernon, whoâshockinglyâwasnât even there.
âOhh, the book, the book. Waitâsheâs gonna write her book at the fuckinâ Spring Street Fair? How the fuck does that work?â
âNo, itâs not like that,â Wonwoo chuckled. âItâs stuff about the settings, the environment; she uses it to help with her writing.â
âHm, doesnât make much sense to me, probably âcause I donât like readin' or writin' or anything with books. But, damn, Iâm jealous of you, Glasses. Do yâknow how hard I tried to smooth talk my way into that girlâs pants? Nâsomehow, you can write goodââ
âWrite well, not good.â
âOh, fuck youâwrite wellâso she takes you everywhere like a little purse dog. When does that happen to me, yeah?â
The line started slowly pouring forward, and Wonwoo felt himself get dragged along. Probably another five minutes and he would be at the ticket booth, getting one of those neon bracelets circled around his wrist that were nearly impossible to rip off.
âWhy didnât you come?â Wonwoo asked.
Vernon groaned, âgot into some bullshit with this guy whoâs not payinâ up. Iâm handlinâ it, though. If I can manage to get it all sorted, Iâll come later. Itâs too fuckinâ easy selling those gummies to the first years, dude. Shit, it could be some Flintstone vitamins and theyâre actinâ like Chicken Little. Cracks me the fuck up.â
Wonwoo cleared his throat, smiling. âYouâre such a cunt.â
âHey, hey, you are what you eat, okay? And, when you get inside or whatever, text me where youâre hanginâ so if I do come, I can see you for a bit. Dunno if your girlfriend will approve.â
The air began mottling with a thin, chalky smoke that drifted from somewhere down the crowded string of university students. Again, the line shuffled, and the congestion gradually broke up as more people were allowed into the fair. Wonwoo switched the phone to his other ear, getting his wallet ready.
âDonât even start.â
âStart what? I said nothinâ.â Vernonâs laughter was raspy and obviously laced with a smirk that Wonwoo could hear.
âDonât be such a prick. Sheâs not myââ
Suddenly, Wonwooâs phone began vibrating against his palm, and when he pulled it down an immediate lump conjured in his throat upon reading your name. His heart jolted, and it wasnât until someone pushed hard on his back to urge him forward that he realized the line was once again ambling closer to the ticket booth.
Vernon sighed, âso, again, tell me where youâllââ
âShitâuh, gotta go. Talk to you later.â
A few remnants of Vernonâs miffed, guttural cursing managed to leak through the phone before Wonwoo could press to accept your call. In an instant, his friend was blipped away, and he heard your voice instead. He held back a cough from the astringent, cottonish air.
âWonwoo, hello. Iâm glad you picked up. So, where the hell are you? Itâs nearly ten! Did you not get in line early?â
Wonwoo kept the phone secured between his shoulder and ear while he shimmied the coins out from his wallet.
âNo, I did, promise. Just about to pay. Where are you?â
âWhen you get in, just follow the arrows. They're lit up with those blue lightbulbs. They go to the tavern. Iâm having some drinks with my friends. Donât worry. You wonât have to do much socializing.â
âUh, okay,â Wonwoo answered, internally counting up the money in his hand until he was certain of the amount. âMingyuâs there?â
âNo. He always plays poker with his friends on Sunday.â
An unbeknownst pressure escaped his chest.
âOkay. Iâm close to the front. Iâll see you in a bit.â
âSure. Donât be late!â
âI know. Bye.â
Hanging up the phone, Wonwoo had just enough time to wriggle the device into his back pocket before handing the ticket booth clerk his coins. She dropped the cold change into his hand, then asked to see his wrist, where she proceeded to attach the bracelet with the words Spring Street Fair etched into the orange, plasticky-feeling paper.
Finally, he was let inside.
Blue arrows, blue arrowsâthat was all Wonwoo kept reiterating in his head like some religious hymn as he followed the glow throughout the fairgrounds, weaving his way between large groups of people that he gleefully didnât recognize. Eventually, he saw the tavern you were referring toâan outdoor bar with picnic tables set up everywhere, beneath cheap little strings of warm, lambent lights.
Even with his glasses on, Wonwoo was still squinting as he walked between each table, attempting to discern your dolled-up face somewhere amongst the strangers sipping on their large mugs of alcohol, that was until he heard his name being called over the music rumbling from the barâs horrible speakers. When he looked straight ahead, he saw you cutely waving him over. With each step he took, Wonwoo reminded himself to breathe, to loosen up, to stop clenching his fists so painfully tight as though he were going to split someoneâs eyebrow. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Just breathe.
You stood up from the table to welcome him, and he felt your hand settle softly on his lower back. The touch was grounding.
âSo, everyone, girls, if I could get your attention for just a moment despite the general impairment going on hereâthis is the mystery guy whose been helping me write. Wonwoo.â
Godâhe wanted to puke, all those big, curious, unabashed eyes soaking him in like freshly dipped watercolour to a cloth canvas. There was a cluster of high-pitched voices that repeated his name in a shrill, unison greeting. However, Wonwoo was unable to meet a single girlâs gaze, and so he opted to stare down at a paper plate on the table aligned with cinnamon-sprinkled churros.
Again, he wanted to throw up.
âSo, of course, Wonwooâs been the biggest help with everything,â you said, to which he could sense your nails subtly digging at him through his clothes, most likely a silent urge to say something so he didnât seem so unprecedentedly stiff and metallic.
He cleared his throat.
âUh, yeah. Iâm just proofreading, really.â Wonwoo had to swallow. âSome tips here and there. But, sheâs pretty good as is.â
âIs that your actual voice?â
His eyes darted to find who asked the question. She was toward the end of the picnic table, tucking a lock of short, coffee brown hair behind her ear. Before the girl was a gigantic and fluorescent pink drink, the glass resembling the shape of a fish bowl.
â⌠What do you mean?â Wonwoo replied.
She sat up on her knee, continuing to ogle him with those fixated but glazed chestnut eyes. Her mouth seemed to drag as though it was thawing when she spoke. Wonwoo could tell she was already well inebriated. There was no way that was her first drink.
âYour voice,â she repeated, âitâs so⌠deep.â
âWell⌠I donât know. Puberty.â
His comment elicited some giggles from around the table, to which he could feel the cartilage in his ears burning.
âWonwooââ another girl then leaned forward with her head tilted up and a coy, drunk smile flittering on her mouth, ââI think itâs so, so great youâre helping Her write. I actually think itâs the sweetest, ever.â Her lashes were coated in smooth mascara and her eyelids were remarkably glimmery, drenched in an electric shade of blue that he couldnât stop staring at. âAlso, sorry, but youâre like, super gorge.â
âSuper what?â He repeated, confused at her wording.
But she didn't seem interested in repeating herself, instead scooping the long and impressively silky black hair off her shoulder to spill down her pale back.
âOkay, okay, okay. Weâve all shared some impetuous conversation and weâve all swooned over him now. Yippee. Unfortunately, weâve gotta get going, friends.â
Wonwoo felt your hand land on his shoulder and gently tug him backward, away from the table. You then proceeded to grab the glass left at your seat, chugging the remaining alcohol until there was nothing but a melting block of ice cubes clicking at the bottom. While you wiped your mouth, you began aiming a finger at each girl.
âTo make a long story short, thatâs Princess, Clara, and Bells. Do you have any comments for them before we go?â The impatience in your tone was bleeding through with sheer apathy.
Wonwoo shrugged. âUh, nice to meet everyone? I guess.â
âShort and efficient. How perfect. Okay, Iâll see you guys later, I think. Actuallyâprobably not. So can someone eat my churros?â
Your arm curled around Wonwooâs bicep as though to whisk him away as hurriedly as possible. Everyone left at the table began waving, and Wonwoo couldnât even bring himself to force a fake, pleasant smile because he was still attempting to understand what all those comments even meant. You walked briskly until the poetic, firefly lights of the tavern were lost long behind in the distance, and when you finally paused, he had not a clue where he was standingâa busy centre with people mingling all around him, the wild whirring of carnival rides and chaotic, blinking hues strobing above his head.
When he looked down at you, he was surprised to see you were already staring back, and he could only hold the eye contact for no more than a few seconds or else his heart would skip a beat.
âSorry about all that,â you said, rolling your shoulders, âI tried to be somewhat reasonable with my drinking for once. I canât say the same for Clara and Bells. They guzzle cocktails like apple juice.â
âBells is⌠the one with all that sparkly blue eyeshadow?â
âOhâyeah. She loves sparkles. Glitter. Anything glimmery. Sheâs been like that ever since Iâve known her. Clara was the one who asked about your voice. She has a thing for guys with deep voices and you unfortunately fit the bill. And Iâm sorry that Princess didnât say anything. She kind of just looks and observes. Also Iâm like ninety-eight percent sure she popped something in a porta-potty before we met up so sheâs probably in a mental state of star-surfing. Anyway. You donât have to worry about them, alright? Itâs just us for tonight.â
 âWell, thatâs⌠easy enough.â
âIâm not sure if we should stand here.â
âHm?â
You then pointed to something behind Wonwoo, and when he turned his head, he felt a gust of wind from the gigantic, spinning ride that resembled a flying saucer in the nighttime sky. It was always beyond him why anyone would choose to strap themselves into a machine that terrifying. It made him sick just watching.
âIf I get throw up on my head, Iâm killing myself.â
âOkay, so letâs find somewhere else.â
As he began walking away in search of a quieter area, you grabbed onto the back of his clothes. Wonwoo raised his eyebrow.
âWe have to hold hands, or have arms linked,â you said.
For some reason, Wonwoo presumed you were joking, and so he tilted his head at you with a questioning smile. But when your serious expression didnât crack, he realized it wasnât a joke at all.
âOh⌠why?â
âBecauseââ you then took a step toward him and spoke matter-of-factly, like you were reading a rule book, ââitâs the buddy system. Always have someone at your side, and make sure youâre linked in some way. Itâs too easy to get separated in places like this, otherwise. Have you never heard of that before?â
âI have,â Wonwoo answered, adjusting his glasses. âMyâum, my hands are a little cold. I donât have the best circulation.â
The truth was, Wonwoo didnât want to hold your hand. He didnât want to link arms with you. He didnât want you pressed into his side all night. He didnât want to have the scent of your hair under his nose or feel your ticklish breath against his neck each time you spoke.
But he didnât have a good enough excuse to fight it.
âOh my god, who cares,â you retorted. âAnd I have super sweaty hands. Like, uncomfortably warm. We'll balance out.â
 âActually?â
âYes! Is that a problem for you, sweetheart?â
Wonwoo quickly shook his head in response to your condescending tone. You then reached for his hand, which he offered up for your required holding, and chose to ignore the butterflies in the deep pit of his stomach when he realized how perfectly your fingers slotted with his. He followed your lead through the fair until you came outside a small lemonade booth. Wonwoo thought you would drop his hand, but you didnât, and his knees felt like gelatine.
âI want another drink,â you told him.
He squinted at their options, which didnât really consist of much. The prices were obviously insaneâit was another reason he hated going to fairs. His wallet always got cleaned out.
âYouâre going to have to use the washroom a lot.â
âUgh,â you gritted in response, brushing some hair from your face, âI hate public washrooms. Theyâre so gross. Completely unsanitary. Awful maintenance. One time I was here and I walked into the washroom by the Mirror Hall and I swear, a freaking rat ran across the floor! I screamed bloody murder. Iâd rather squat in the bush and risk getting, like, poison ivy. But the washrooms have mirrors obviously, and I like checking my makeup and stuff. I wish I could check now.â
âRight now? I mean, your makeup looks fine.â
Wonwoo saw your entire face freeze, and then begin to warp, as though heâd just said the most dreadful thing he could think of.
âFine?â You glared at him. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
He started stumbling over his words, feeling his chest tighten.
âSo, what youâre saying is that I look ugly? That my makeup looks bad? Because if you really thought it was âfineâ then you wouldnât have said it looks âfineâ because everyone knows that word is a substitute for passable and passable is just a substitute for ugly!â
He opened his mouth, then instantly closed it.
âSo whatâs wrong with it? Are my under eyes creasing? Is my contour too dark? Is my lipstick smudged? Did it get on my teeth? Ugh, I knew I should have brought my compact!â
âNo, no, no.â Wonwoo squeezed your hand, hoping that he could somehow undo the damage he had no intention of even inflicting in the first place. âUhâIâm sorry, I didnât mean it that way. You lookââ he wasnât sure he could say the compliment without shivering, but Wonwoo didnât care in the moment, ââyour makeup is beautifully done. Thereâs no creasing or smudging, thereâs none of that."
You kept touching worrisomely at your face. âAre you sure?â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
âI promise.â Wonwoo confirmed, giving your hand another tight, reassuring squeeze that seemed to calm you down.
He had never seen someone switch gears that quickly. You could be perfectly amicable one second, and then break down into near hysteria the next, a slew of anxious thoughts running straight from your brain to your mouth like clockwork.
Wonwoo wondered how Mingyu dealt with such tangents all the time. The trait almost didnât seem to fit your image.
The line moved forward another step.
âAre you going to drink anything?â You asked after a moment of silence, in a quieter voice. âI want to get the strawberry refresher.â
âMaybe.â
âWhat will you get?â
âI⌠donât know. A regular lemonade?â
âNo,â you shook your head, pointing toward the corner of the boothâs menu, âget the pina colada thing. I want to try it, too.â
âOkay,â Wonwoo agreed with a shrug as he retrieved his wallet, not really caring about what he drank. âIâll pay for it. No worries.â
The longer Wonwoo was at the fair, the less he actually thought about why he was there, until the question leapt into his mind at random while he stood beside you, waiting for a seat on the dauntingly large Farris wheel. He removed the straw from his mouth, swallowing a gulp of his pina colada flavoured drink, and peered down at you. His hand was still interlinked with yours. You had finished the strawberry refresher in about five minutes.
Now, you were texting someone. He didnât know if it was a friend from earlier or perhaps your boyfriend, but Wonwoo wasnât a serious sleuth, so he opted to look away despite the natural urge that was pricking him. When you finally tucked the phone back into the small bag slung around your shoulder, Wonwoo lowered the plastic cup from his mouth, making sure to clear his throat.
âSo, uh, why are we here, exactly?â
You sniffled. âWhat do yâmean?â
âDoes the fair have anything to do with your writing? Is that why weâre riding the Farris wheel? Ohâspeaking of which, I didnât think to bring the camcorder, in case you wanted any footage.â
âOh, no,â you said, waving a dismissive hand, âthis has nothing to do with my book. Weâre palate cleansing.â
âPalate cleansing?â He echoed.
âYeah. Itâs like, doing something different in between a routine, to keep yourself fresh. You always eat breakfast at home but today you skip it and go out for brunch. Yâknow, shit like that.â
Wonwoo huffed in amusement. âYou could have told me beforehand.â
âUh, noââ your face scrunched up in clear disagreement, ââI couldnât, because then you wouldnât have gone. No offence, but youâre a hermit, Wonwoo. You donât really like going anywhere or doing anything and youâre definitely one of those people who bores themselves into hating their own life because your stimuli is so limited. Thatâs why I didnât tell. Again, no offence.â
âOh.â
That was all he could string together in responseânot even string together, because it was just one boring, monotone sound that basically got carried away in the chilly wind, tinted with the smell of buttery popcorn and weed. It sounded like something that was supposed to sting, but it didnât really. Maybe he was growing more accustomed to your unprompted judgements on his personal life.
Suddenly Wonwoo had blinked and you two were next in line for the empty cart. The clerk pointed at Wonwooâs drink.
âYou canât bring that with you,â he said.
Before Wonwoo could think to respond, you had already grabbed the cup from his hand, chucking it straight into the garbage.
âWeâre not.â
Pulling on his hand, you guided him into the shaky cart, both of you squishing onto the cold, metal bench. It was quite literally the tamest ride in the entire fair, and yet Wonwoo was still feeling nervous about itâthough, that was possibly the fact he was going to be sailed one-hundred feet into the satin black sky, left amongst the stars and the bright, shimmering halo of the moon with you and you alone. He was actually relieved you had tossed his drink, otherwise he might have dropped it due to the trembling in his fingers. It was easier to fiddle with them in order to disguise their shakiness.
âI guess I should have asked if youâre afraid of heights,â you said.
The cart jerked abruptly as the ride began to move and lift you two ever so gradually from the ground. Wonwoo peered over the edge for a brief moment to watch his distance grow from the people below, their jumbled mess of conversations fading in place of quiet.
âUh, no. Iâm okay with heights,â he finally answered.
He saw you glancing down as well, smiling to yourself.
Wonwoo wasnât sure if he should attempt at conversation or just maintain the stillness between you. Usually, he couldnât stand it, and the pressure to talk and fill the silence always tended to fail or squander something potentially enjoyable. But he supposed it was typically like that in a situation where two people werenât the best acquaintedâthatâs why Wonwoo always quite liked Vernon, despite his rough, nonconformed edges and often vulgar way of speaking.
He was able to carry a conversation so naturally that the quieter moments never felt suffocating, instead falling exactly where they should, like puzzle pieces. But that was harder with you.
Maybe it was because you could be intimidating, unpredictableâWonwoo was never truly relaxed around you because there was this intangible, looming worry that he needed to have the perfect responses and be the most perfect person. He found that perfect people only hung out with other perfect people and Wonwoo was certainly not thatâperfect. You must have seen it by now. He was just as rough as Vernon no doubt, but in a different, hidden way that had to be dug into like an archeologist looking for broken bones.
The Ferris wheel slowed down, coming to a stop. You werenât at the very top, though the air was notably cooler and much fresher. When he inhaled a long breath, it smelled purely of night and not overpriced, buttery fair food and burning weed. He noted that you stared straight ahead, at the crescent-shaped moon, which mirrored a backward stare with how squarely it sat in front of the ride. For once, Wonwoo wasnât squirming, wriggling, stressing at the silence. When he spoke, he did it because he genuinely wanted to.
âHow was your Saturday?â
âMy Saturday?â
âYeah. I saw the schedule. You had to run a bunch of errands with your mom. Looked like you were pretty keyed up.â
âOh, yeah. I mean, I want to say I was overreacting the day before about how much I was dreading it. But then it fucking happened. And⌠I, uh⌠I realized I was exactly right. It was awful. I did get to your notes, though⌠yeahâI justâI squeezed them in between brunch with my momâs friend who could talk herself to death and the excruciating car ride to the publisherâs office.â
âMmhm.â Wonwoo smiled tenderly. âDid they help at all?â
âYeah,â you breathed out, âa lot, actually⌠thank you.â
âIâm sorry your Saturday went so terribly.â
Huffing in response, you nibbled on your inner check.
âYeah, well, it is what it is⌠I already knew it was gonna be a shit show. So, what is it that you write about, anyway? Because you seem like you know a whole lot. Seokmin says you let him read some of your poetry, but it was only like, two excerpts.â
âOh, yeah.â
Wonwoo recalled the memory of Seokmin picking up his leather notebook when it fell out from his bag one day. Heâd pestered him about the contents until Wonwoo succumbed and presented him with some lifeless, impatiently scribbled prose that heâd most likely jerked out on the bus or in between his lectures. Seokmin seemed to treat it like fine, prestigious gold, though Wonwoo knew it was the least personal of his work that he would never let another living soul on the planet breatheânot one scent of the ink or even the paper.
âSo, you write poetry?â
âI started writing poetry, haikus and all that easy stuff. I developed the interest a lot more through high school. But I never sat down and tried writing anything like a novel until I... I started uni.â
âYeah. Deciding to be a math major. I still donât get it,â you sighed, fidgeting with some rings on your fingers. âBut what do you even write about? Like, whatâs your inspiration?â
Wonwoo paused, looking down at his knees.
â⌠Life.â
âLife?â You defeatedly slumped into the seat. âThatâs the million dollar answer your intelligent brain chose to erect? Itâs just that when I think about it, Iâm letting you help me with my writing, but Iâve never even read a little smidgen of yours. Howâs that fair?â
The higher the Farris Wheel climbed, the stronger the breeze blew, and Wonwoo could feel its tendrils lashing across his cheeks and parting through his hair. You huddled further into your jacket.
âWell, you took Seokminâs word for it,â Wonwoo laughed.
Your eyes rolled, but you smiled gently. âI know.â
Suddenly, your hand had reached out, and you were pushing the floppy, black tresses off his forehead. Wonwooâs fingers dug bluntly into his arms. You then angled yourself in the small cart, looking back at him, sculpting your gaze to each crest in his face.
âWhy donât you ever push your hair back?â
The question hit the dark, cold atmosphere like a sizzling ember and Wonwoo was afraid to even open his mouth because he was certain a dying squeak would come out. You continued to play around with the locks, earthing your fingers deep into its texture and attempting to style it despite the persistent, fluttering breeze.
âUmâŚâ
âIf you styled it like thisââ you moved in closer, staring with so much focus at your nimble movements, ââyeah, like that. It shows off your forehead, gives you a bit of class. I mean, the windâs messing it up. You donât tend to do anything with your hair.â
âNo.â Wonwoo swallowed, hard.
âWell, you should. Not all the time, obviously. And Iâm not saying you look bad with it downânot at all. But youâve got nice, smouldering features and theyâre so much more⌠framed⌠when you show your forehead.â You collapsed back into the seat, and that tingly feeling he experienced when your fingers had been tugging and pulling was disseminating throughout his entire body. âI mean, look at how my friends reacted to you. I should apologize for that again, by the way. O-M-F-G, they see one hot guy, and they lose their grip.â
He nearly choked. âHot?â
It didnât sound right. Not at all.
âWell, what the fuck, Wonwoo? Youâre not ugly.â
âDid you think that when you first saw me?â
You had folded your leg again as the Farris wheel came to another stop. This time, at the very top, at the centre of the night.
âDid I think what? That youâre not ugly?â
âNever mind,â Wonwoo grimaced, hearing the cart creek as you better positioned yourself to face him. âItâs pathetic like that.â
âNo. I didnât think you were ugly. Did you think I was ugly?â
Wonwoo wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the question, but he smothered it down because he knew one little laugh might hit your ear the wrong way, and it would be flames, sputtering and spewing. Obviously, he didnât think you were uglyâhe never had, even before he ever spoke to you. But he wasnât so shallow as to only regard someoneâs physical appearance. You were still terrifying.
âI wouldnât consider anyone ugly... and I wouldnât ever use it to describe some aesthetically. ButâI mean, I think people can become ugly through their personality, if that makes sense.â
âYeah, like, if theyâre rotten inside.â
âMmhm.â
âI agree.â
âWhat was that word your friend Bells said?â
You shrugged, âwhich word?â
âShe said something like, youâre super⌠I donât know⌠super something.â
âOhââ you sat up more in the cart, your back pressed against the uncomfortable corner, ââBells said you were super gorge.â
âMeaningâŚâ
âMeaning super gorgeous.â You made a big show of the rehashed compliment, parroting your friend's tone and swaying your shoulders.
âOh⌠really?â Wonwoo shook his head. âI thought she was referring to gorge as in when you gorge yourself, from eating.â
âNo,â you giggled at him, âitâs a short form, dumb-dumb.â
âWhy make a short form out of that? Is it really that strenuous to say the word gorgeous? Itâs only an extra syllable.â
âOkay, well, this isnât the nineteen-twenties. We donât all cross our Tâs and dot our Iâs. It reminds me of how you text.â
He furrowed his brow. âHow do I text?â
Your eyes rolled frivolously. âI dunno. Like youâre typing to a business colleague or something. Youâre so formal. When I think of you texting, I imagine itâs like someone using a typewriter. And that funny little ding sound it makes whenever you start a new line.â
âOh.â
âWhatâno oneâs ever told you that before? No way.â
âThat I text like Iâm using a fucking typewriter? No, actually. I canât say Iâve heard that.â
âWell, itâs not a big deal. Youâre just not very plugged into the internet, I suppose. Which is a good thing. It gives you prestige.â
At that, Wonwoo chuckled. âDoes it?â
âYes,â you smiled, eyes full of starlight, âandâjust ignore Bells, okay? She was being kind of weird but that can be fully attributed to those three shots I told her not to take.â
âHm.â
You continued to stare at him with a plotting smile.
âHm what? Whatâs the matter?â The metal of the cart squeaked as you leaned forward, your voice suddenly lathered in mischief. âDid you think she was cute?â He heard your tone drop, and your low, smooth voice breathing hot against his ear. âDid you think about fucking her, Wonwoo?â
âNoâwhat the fuckânot at all.â Quickly, heâd pushed you away and off his shoulder, to which you retreated into the corner with a giggle that should have made his skin crawl, but didnât.
âWell, how would I know?â You answered, tilting your head and stretching out your arms high into the blackness, as though you were trying to reach for a star. âI never know, because you never look at me. It makes me think you just lied and you do think Iâm ugly.â
Wonwoo glanced over the edge of the cart, at the almost nauseating distance between himself and the fairgrounds, covered with miniature, bustling people that seemed like breadcrumbs by comparison to their place in the sky. He didnât want to sink into this conversation. Besides, how was he supposed to look at you when your fingers were just gliding through his hair and your lips were whispering close enough to brush up against his ear? How was he supposed to act composed? Normal?
âHey, Wonwoo?â Your fingers snapped.
But he just kept thinking. Like he was cut from a separate cloth than youâthe fabric of his universe wasnât woven with yours and he could ruminate as much as he wanted to and it was impossible to hear your intrusions. Why couldnât he look at you?
You intimidated him, yes. You scared him, double yes.
He already knew that. It couldnât just be that.
âWonwoo? God⌠you shut down over the simplest things.â
âI donât know.â
You paused, staring him up and down, perplexed.
âWhat? What do you mean?â
âI donât know why I canât look at you.â
There was a lasting silence between you. Wonwoo felt like he might throw up for acknowledging the fact out loud, and his fist tightened in his lap as though to ground himselfâto remember where he was and to breathe slowly, because having a panic attack on top of a stupid Ferris Wheel was the last place it should happen. He hadnât even realized that youâd shifted closer, one leg curled beneath you while you spoke at the side of his head. But he didnât hear you, couldnât see youâthere was a harsh void inside him that sounded like suctioning air and static. His fingernail was pressing so deeply into the flesh of his pale skin that it was beginning to faintly bleed.
Andâall of a suddenâthere were these hands cautiously gripping onto his face, pulling him toward you. He kept staring at the movement of your soft lips, focusing on their pronunciation until everything flooded back in one overwhelming whirl and it felt like being slammed by a freight train.
Wonwoo then grabbed onto your bare knee as a crutch. He didnât mean to. But you didnât seem to care.
ââeverything okay? Wonwoo? Do I need to like, call someone? Because you look like youâre going to be sick.â
He heaved in a gaping breath, feeling how cold the midnight air was in the thinning atmosphere that encompassed him. It was soothing, akin to a hand massaging along his back.
âWonwoo?â You repeated his name, sounding awfully scared.
Pulling off his glasses, he rubbed at his eyes. He blurrily saw you touch the spot on your knee where his hand had buried into.
âSorry,â he then coughed through the heartbeat raspy in his throat, bringing the glasses back to his face, âI spaced out.â
âSpaced out?â You echoed. âThat wasnât spacing out.â
âIt doesnât matter.â
He thought you fight might it.
âWellâŚâ you sighed, glancing around uncertainly, âare you okay? Is there someone you want to call? I donât know.â
But you didnât. Thank God.
âNo, Iâmââ he stopped, gulping back the words.
â⌠Yeah?â There was a softer intrigue in your cadence.
Wonwoo looked at you. Fully this time. He looked straight into your eyes that were like a glossy, moonlit ocean, detailed with swirling riptides of surprise and apprehensiveness, but also immense depth that seemed genuinely appreciative of his gesture.
âIâm fine.â
And then he watched you nod, smile, and in return study his cavern eyes with the same intensity and wonder. It was such a peculiar experience, staring at you, understanding a little more of your truth, your gentleness.
He didnât feel as scared.
âMAY 16TH.
Wonwoo had been standing before the mirror in his washroom for the past half-hour or so, primarily just staring, examining, and pulling at the long, limp fronds of his hair. There was a point in his life when he legitimately put effort into styling it, and all his old hair products were still sitting in the cabinet. Though, his ex-girlfriend had tended to help him with it most days, because he found the strands were just too thick and stubborn to work with.
However, since the Spring Street Fair, Wonwoo hadnât been able to shake those comments you madeâabout how nicely his face could be framed and the smouldering nature of his features. He would never think to describe himself that way as it seemed particularly pompous and kind of foolish, but hearing you say it was different. The thing was, Wonwoo had no idea where to start, and attempting to rummage his fingers through his hair just didnât feel as stimulating or electric compared to your meticulous, sweet touch.
In the midst of opening his cabinet for a comb, Wonwoo heard his phone vibrate. He looked down at the sink, seeing the screen brighten with a text notification from Vernon.
[ Vernon | 12:54 pm ]: hey Glasses
[ Vernon | 12:54 pm ]: Solar Pop at 2?
Wonwoo thought about it for a moment, running his thumb down the spine of the comb to hear the little thwip. And then he sighed in decision, texting back a thumbs up. Itâs not like he was working later, and as much as Wonwoo would love to believe that today might be the day he made actual progress on his own story, he knew it was just wishful thinking. In reality heâd waste ample time staring into the document, pondering all the scenes and emotions and nuances he could write rather than moving to write anything at all.
Besides, he hadnât eaten yet today. The thought of a juicy, sauce-slathered, bun-toasted burger being his first meal prompted the boyâs face to sallow greenly with sickness, but the longer he stood in the washroom, combing and slicking and running styling balm through the black birdâs nest on his head, Wonwoo felt the hunger start to bite like an emaciated, starved dog. He left his apartment knowing he would be somewhat late, but Vernon was always later.
And while Wonwoo sat in one of the booths at Solar Pop, flicking the laminated menu back and forth despite knowing the exact order he was going to place, he thought about sending Vernon another text to ask where the hell he even was. Wonwoo could only sip his slippery glass of coke for so long until the waitress decided he was crazy and had been one-hundred percent stood up.
âHey, fuck, Iâm here.â
2:24 pmâthatâs when Vernon finally arrived, sliding himself into the leather bench opposite to Wonwoo while tossing his big, metallic clump of keys onto the table. The boy then proceeded to shimmy off his black jacket, propping his elbows onto the table.
If Vernon ever pulled a tardy stunt like that with you, Wonwoo imagined his friend would probably get stuffed into one of those boxes for sawing people in half. Except it wouldnât be magic.
âDid you get pulled over or something? Police raid? Traffic stop?â Wonwoo asked, now resting his menu down flat.
Vernon laughed, shaking his head. âUh, no. Couldnât find my fuckinâ car keys,â he spoke in a breathless voice. âSorry âbout it.â
âCouldnât find them?â Wonwoo almost scoffed at the excuse while his friend began scouring his way through the menu. âDude, theyâre the fucking size of a bowling ball. How could you lose them?â
âOkay, okay. Fuckinâ skin me alive, why donât you?â
âYou didnât come from your place, Iâm guessing.â
At that, Vernon began to grin, the metal on his pierced lip glinting underneath a ray of sunlight through the blinds. He was still occupied with choosing which burger he wanted. Wonwoo picked the same choice every time. Vernon always tried something different.
âNo, I didnât,â he rasped, flashing his sharp teeth and flipping the menu over, âbut when Maleeha Rabia sends you a text at goddamn one in the morning of her tits, you donât roll over nâ go to bed like some loser. Besides, my ecstasy was just sittinâ around and I had to use it one way or another. Anyway, doesnât fuckinâ matter. I think Iâll get the Double Bacon Crunch Burger. Sounds good as hell.â
Finally, Vernon threw the menu down with conviction.
âJesus Christââ his copper-burnt eyes then flared open as he looked across the table at his friend, ââwho the fuck are you?â
Wonwoo itched his nose. âUm, what?â
Vernon leaned forward, seeming captivated. âUh, your fuckinâ hair? Howâd you get it like that? Itâs all brushed over and soft lookinâ and shit. I feel like I shouldnât be sittinâ with you, Prince Charminâ.â
âI just put some balm in it, combed it around,â he answered, reaching for his drink. âTook me a humiliating amount of time.â
âWell, consider me starstruck. Whatâs made you do all that?â
Before Wonwoo could answer, the waitress returned to the table with her small notepad and shiny pen. Vernon pitched his order first, and Wonwoo followed, asking for the regular quarter-pounder with a side of hot crinkle-cut fries. Once she whisked the menus away and promised to grab Vernonâs root beer float, Wonwoo realized he still had to answer his friendâs question. He didnât exactly want to tell the truth, because he knew Vernon would never let him hear the end of it, but Wonwoo also didnât want to be too dishonest.
âYour face is doinâ that thing.â
âWhat thing?â Wonwoo answered, swallowing his sip of soda.
Vernon crossed his arms on the table, accenting the canvas of darkly-inked tattoos needled into his skin. He shook his head.
âItâs âcause of your little girlyfriend, isnât it?â
Fuck. Wonwoo should have just opened his mouth straight away and spieled out some quick-witted lie. Now he would be painfully subject to Vernonâs unfiltered teasing. Leaning back in his seat, Wonwoo unearthed a miserable sigh at Vernonâs smirk.
âYouâve gotta drop that bullshit.â
âItâs true,â Vernon pressured.
âNo, itâs not.â
As though to interpret Wonwooâs steadfastness as a challenge, Vernon leaned further over the table, dropping his voice but still smiling devilishly through every word he mimicked between his teeth.
âOh, Wonwoo, your hair looks so fucking sexy like that. It makes you look so perfect. Youâre from my dreams. Please, just fuck me right here, right now so I can push my fingers through it âcause itâs so soft and silky and Iâm basically in love with you.â
âShut the fuck up. Please.â
âThat was a good impression, though, wasnât it?â
In the loud space of Wonwooâs disgusted silence, the waitress placed Vernonâs drink onto the table and ensured the food would be coming soon. Vernon watched her walk away, back into the kitchen.
âHey,â he then grinned in capitulating fashion, âtake a stupid joke, alright? I know sheâs not in love with you and she doesnât wanna suck your dickâsheâs got a fuckinâ boyfriend. If it makes you feel any better, Iâm just projectinâ âcause you know Iâm jealous.â
Wonwoo sucked in a sip from his coke, shaking his head.
âThereâs nothing to be jealous of.â
âYeah, yeah,â Vernon dismissed, poking his spoon at the near perfect scoop of vanilla ice cream afloat in the frosty mug, âbut just so yâknow, your mopey ass left me out to dry on Sunday night. Shoved me off the phone, didnât respond to one of my texts. Youâre lucky I even asked you tâhang today. Did she take your phone or somethingâ?â
Shit. When Vernon said it like that, Wonwoo seemed like a terrible friend. Maybe he did deserve a deal of teasing. But at the same time, Wonwoo knew how easy it was for your attitude to flip and he hadnât been at all interested in starting the night with hostility.
âOkay, fair.â He admitted, rolling up his sleeves.
âAnd?â Vernon raised his eyebrows expectantly.
âIâm sorry.â
âThere you fuckinâ go. Thatâs all I wanted tâhear, Glasses.â
The truth was, Wonwoo actually quite enjoyed his time with you that nightâdespite the transient, bickering hiccups and his nearly faltering panic attack, he had fun. Actual fun. Of course, as soon as your ride ended on the Ferris wheel, youâd clutched onto his hand like a snake sinking in its fangs and dragged him throughout the entirety of the fair to find a washroom. Nonetheless, he really loved playing some carnival games with you, like skee ball and the water pistol. He was even able to win you a pink stuffed bear that you had carried close to the chest for the remainder of your time at the fair.
Wonwoo thought he could spend another night like that with you again. Just to get out of his apartment, to feel exhilaration in the pit of his stomach, to laugh until his lungs dried out, to hold your warm, comforting hand in his even when it became too clammy or inconvenient because otherwise you would scold him for letting go.
âFoodâs on the way,â Vernon perked up like a child about to be served a slice of birthday cake as the waitress walked over with two full plates, âif you canât finish yours, Iâll take it.â
âYeahâhow about you focus on chewing and not choking to death first,â Wonwoo sighed, watching his friendâs metaphorical tail wag.
Once she set the food down, inquiring about any refills, and left while flashing her perfected customer service smile, Vernon grabbed the burger with both his hands, taking a gigantic, succulent bite that somehow didnât singe the roof of his mouth. Wonwoo winced, instead going for his crisped, golden fries. Â
âDamn. Youâre really that hungry?â
âIâm ravenous,â Vernon mumbled, picking up a few caramelized onions that fell onto his plate. âDude, I woke up at noon in Maleehaâs bed. She was out cold. Nothinâ in her pantry but some stale fuckinâ Fruit Loops that I may have tried. Iâm a grown ass man. I need a meal.â
âIâm glad youâre so proactive," Wonwoo answered, sinking his burning hot fry into the small side-bowl of ketchup.
It took them less than half an hour to clean their plates. Wonwoo tended to eat at a slower pace, with smaller, more savoury bites, while Vernon sloppily devoured his entire burger and gobbled down his fries with the occasional dipping into the root beer floatâs ice cream. They scarcely talked in between, too focused on eating and drinking. Wonwoo pushed away his plate when heâd finished and proceeded to wipe off his salty, crumb-speckled fingers with a napkin, meanwhile Vernon took a moment to sink backward into the leather seat, placing a hand over his full, satiated stomach.
âHey, do yâthink they have any Life Savers?â He eventually piped up while sticking a toothpick into his mouth. âI want grape.â
Wonwoo scoffed, tossing the napkin onto his plate and taking out his phone. âWho the fuck likes grape?â
âMe, you smartass,â Vernon answered, turning backward in his seat and scanning the restaurant for any colourful candy bowls.
He couldnât deny that he was hoping to see a text from you, but there was nothing, and his chest dropped. Wonwoo decided to open the schedule you had made, curious as to what you were even doing todayâwork until five oâclock, and then you were going out for supper with some friends at Terra Cotta.
He thought about texting you. His thumbs kept hovering above the keyboard in contemplation, even though he knew for certain he wouldnât text anything. He would just stare and hope.
âHoly shit. Uh, oh my God. Wonwoo. I-I seeââ
Vernon had suddenly reached a hand onto the table, slapping the lacquered wood a few times to garner his attention.
âWhat?â He mumbled in agitation, keeping his focus glued to the phone. âIf you see the Life Savers just go up and take some. I swear, theyâre not gonna fucking care youâre not twelve years old.â
âNo, no, no, dumbass,â Vernon hissed, turning back around in the booth, his honey eyes glistering in oils of dread and panic. âLook, actually look. Thatâs Mingyu, isnât it?â
Immediately, Wonwoo clicked off his phone, instead squinting into the distant corner of the restaurant where a notably tall, black-haired boy with tanned, amber skin had emerged from a doorway, standing in a somehow casual but imposing way that only be Mingyu.
It must be Mingyu, and that fact became glaringly obvious when Wonwoo made the unintentional, floundering mistake of staring straight into the boyâs wandering and earthen brown eyes.
âOh my fuckinâ God, oh my fuckinâ God,â Vernon kept reiterating under his breath, bouncing his knee like an anxious student waiting for their test. âHe definitely saw us. Orâhe definitely saw you. This is so bad, man. I think heâs gonna rock me.â
âWhat?â Wonwoo whispered back harshly, attempting to float his gaze away from Mingyu in a casual manner. âFor what reason?â
It seemed like Vernon almost wanted to gag at him. âUmâbecause of what fuckinâ happened between me nâ his girl! At that party? I told you about that shit, didnât I?â He rasped from across the table, his bottom lip worried between biting teeth. âDude, what if he tries to pull a fast one? Youâre whatâlike six foot something? You have to help back me up. I can throw a pretty solid punchâeven better when Iâm shit-facedâbut that might not be enough. Lady Libertyâs built like a brick.â
âOkay, youâre acting crazy,â Wonwoo uttered in disbelief. âI doubt heâs going to be anything but physical, especially in a public place. And, you said you didnât know Her was in a relationship.â
âHow the fuck do I know he knows that? Canât exactly use my infectious charm on someone whose girlfriend I tried to rail.â
Vernon somehow dared to spare another rapid glance over his shoulder, only to shed an entire mould of colour from his complexion.
âHeâs coming, heâsââ
âShut up and relax,â Wonwoo mumbled. âIâm sure itâs nothing bigâheâll say a thing or two and be on his way. God, Iâll handle it.â
For some reason, Wonwoo thought he should be sinking into consternation a lot more than he actually was, but itâs not that his chest wasnât thumping or his mind wasnât spinning amuck with worry. It was more so that he was managing the whirlwind, as best he could, as much as he could manage. Mingyu wasnât a complete stranger, and all their past interactions had been boringly cordial or even forgettable. Nonetheless, Wonwoo would still prefer to avoid the boy because that made his life simpler in the grand scheme of anxiety.
âHey, Wonwoo,â Mingyu approached the table with a confident, leisurely stride, extending his large hand for Wonwoo to grab, exchanging a dap. âI almost didnât recognize you for a sec.â
âAll good,â Wonwoo answered, attempting a polite grin that felt much more sweltering on the inside than out. âHowâve you been?â
Mingyu shrugged, burying his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants while he gazed at the slitted curtains for a moment, pondering his reply. âDecent. Playing a lot of basketball. I donât think Iâve seen you since I came to the pharmacy. You still there?â
âStill there.â
âWell, at least I havenât had to come in for a fuckinâ pregnancy test yet. Thatâs good I suppose, yeah?â The boy chuckled, then tilting his head a certain way to crack a stiff spot in his neck.
âAisle five if you ever need it.â
Mingyu responded with a smirk that perhaps lasted a second too long, and these slimming, analyzing eyesâa gaze that Wonwoo felt ripple in his gut. He chose to believe it was nothing dire, or else he would spiral right there on the spot and lose all fine-tuned control.
Meanwhile Vernon had been sitting quietly the entire time, most likely hoping he would remain in the dark, skulking shadows outside Wonwooâs spotlight. But he must not have been hoping hard enough, because Mingyu proceeded to smile at him, again extending his hand for another dap, which Vernon yielded apprehensively.
âYouâre a pretty recognizable guy, unfortunately,â Mingyu acknowledged with a husky laughâa clear reference to the boyâs identifying tattoos and numerous facial piercings, âI think you deal to at least a third of my friends. Itâs Vernon, right?â
âMmhm. Yes sir.â To Vernonâs luck, he had a well-polished and gleaming smile that made it impossible for him to seem disingenuous, though Wonwoo knew he was wilting inside.
âIâm sorry about Dots.â
âOh, uh. All good. It is what it is, yâknow?â
Mingyu nodded.
âHeyâthose tattoos are crazy good. Whereâd you get them?â
Vernon looked across his arm. âThanks. Mostly Liquid Impactâdude there that I call Funfetti âcause he eats Funfetti box cake all the time. Uh, but his actual nameâs like, Axel or some white-boy shit like that. Heâs done a majority of it. The othersâman, I donât know. Half the time Iâm off my fuckinâ face and wake up with shit I never remember.â
âOh, yeah?â Mingyu sniffed, running a hand through his long, shiny onyx locks of hair. âGuess you also donât remember promising my girlfriend the best sex of her life, right?â
At that, Vernon looked straight to Wonwoo, and Wonwoo returned the enlarged, incinerating stare straight back, reading the split-second terror that swam like flopping fish in Vernonâs eyes. The atmosphere hit the ground with a palpable and ugly shatter.
âYeah, umâabout thatââ
Mingyu then balanced backward on his foot for a moment, beginning to chuckle, sway his head, as though to dismiss the entire accusation in the same intense breadth it was mentioned.
âNah, nah. Iâm playing around,â the boy chuckled, rubbing at his nose. âYou didnât know she was taken. No hard feelings, yeah?â
Vernon immediately nodded his agreement, and the tension nailed into his broad shoulder line seemed to melt. âFor sure. No hard feelings. I mean, sheâs beautiful. Canât even imagine what itâs like beinâ her boyfriend when youâve got sluts like me around.â
Mingyu grinned, âno, youâre good. I know she gave you some attitude about it. Bit of a troublemaker herself. But, yeah. Water under the bridge.â The boyâs attention then turned back to Wonwoo, who was more than eager to somehow extinguish the conversation from you as a topic. âI know sheâs hangs out with you right now.â
âOh, yeah,â Wonwoo hummed, âthe book thing.â
âShe doesnât like talking to me about it.â
âWell, donât stress,â he answered, catching the sunlight that blitzed through the curtains and dipped like a gold paintbrush into the boyâs eyes, turning them to warm molasses, âsheâll show you the whole damn thing when itâs over and done with.â
Mingyu huffed, âI thought sheâd have dropped it by now.â
âI donât think she will. Sheâs pretty committed.â
âHm.â He nodded simply in response, kissing his teeth.
Vernon folded his arms, leaning back into the leather seat with the toothpick again sitting in his mouth. âYou got any plans for the summer, then? Doesnât your pal always throw a huge party?â
âYeah, actually. Doing it this year if we can manage. Seungcheolâs parents pretty much spend their entire summer bouncing around all the Great Lakes. Weâre gonna do a co-hosting type deal andâshit, since youâre here, this is really good timing.â Mingyu then looked down at Vernon and lowered his gravelly voice. âI know what your main gig is. What about blow? You sell it?â
A slow but gradual, catlike grin trudged the edges of Vernonâs mouth, to which he pulled out his toothpick and set his elbows onto the table. âLook, canât chop it up here, man. Ask one of your friends for my burner. I can get you to the ski slope, but it costs, obviously.â
âNah, thatâs fine. Itâs justâmy last plug fell through.â
âTough.â
âYeah. Okay, well, I should get going. Iâll follow up with you later. Do you care if Seungcheol knows the number, too?â
âNo,â Vernon shrugged, planting the toothpick into the corner of his mouth and flicking it with his tongue, âjust donât go throwinâ it around. I could only get enough for a couple people, anyway.â
âAll good. Okayâlater, guys.â
Mingyu stepped away from the table with a wave and a flash of his pearled, charming smile, nothing but the mild scent of his fresh and expensive-smelling cologne to swirl through the now vacant space. In true espionage fashion, Wonwoo and Vernon both picked open the slots between the restaurant curtains, cautiously observing the boyâs stride into the parking lot and onto the sidewalk, where he at last disappeared into the warm, sunny afternoon.
Heaving a gigantic exhausted breath, Wonwoo took off his glasses and set them in his lap, massaging deep into his eye sockets.
âYâknow, heâs not that fuckinâ bad,â Vernon commented, âI mean, he scares the shit outta me, but that could have gone worse.â
"Jesus ChristâI canât believe what I just watched.â
His friend laughed, banging his fist excitedly enough on the table to engender the silverware clattering on their plates. âHa! I know, right? DudeâSeungcheol and Mingyu are the kingpins of that fuckinâ university you go to. They can cough up the big bucks for that shit. Just imagine the distribution pay I'm gonna get with them on my rosterâactually, that couldnât have gone better.â
âAnd where are you gonna get it?â Wonwoo pressured, at last settling his glasses back on, clarifying Vernonâs smudged, blurry face.
âWell, let me fuck around and work my magic.â
âI donât want him to use you.â
âPfft. I donât give no fucks about being used,â Vernon cackled, wearing a self-indulgent, luminous smile and continuing to play around with the toothpick while he readied his wallet to pay. âYou know what you should worry about, Glasses? Sweet talkinâ the fuck outta that dudeâs girl and securin' yourself an invite. You probably donât even need to try sweet talkinââshe obviously likes you.â
âNo,â Wonwoo grumbled, âno way.â
âYou donât want to go?â
âWhy would I want to go, dumbass? The last time I went to a party, I ran into you. Theyâre loud and suffocating. Iâll pass.â Wonwoo also pulled out his wallet, taking his card. âBesides, I get the sense Mingyu doesnât trust me a whole lot. Iâm not gonna stir the pot.â
Vernon shook his head. âYou stir the pot every time you hang out with his girl to go write romantic poetry and run around, gigglinâ at Spring Street. Nâyeah, exactly. You met me. I donât get the fuss.â
âItâs nothing like that," Wonwoo answered in frustration.
âYeah, yeah. Youâre a Patron Saint. I just want my Life Saver.â
âMAY 19TH.
Wonwoo was going to your apartment today for the first time, and it had nearly killed him in the process.
His abhorrent sleep schedule hung over his head every single instance he woke up at lunchtime, the entirety of his mornings wasted to weathered heartbreak and its lasting, stained consequences. Needing to be at your apartment for ten had Wonwoo buckling his face into anguished hands the night before, wondering how he was going to pull off such a triumph without wishing for death. Â
He did know one thing for certainâthe sound of his alarm erupting into its timely, strident beeping made him instantly sick. In fact, the first thing Wonwoo did was half-stumble in complete bleariness out from his bed, dragging a white sheet along by his ankle as he burst into the washroom and hung his head over the toilet like he was sweating through a wicked hangover. But it wasnât alcohol. It was months of bad, soul-stitched habit festered up in stomach bile and perhaps, a hatred for himself. It was his own fault, in a way.
And yet, when you texted him a half-hour later to reconfirm your address, Wonwoo replied with not the slightest hint that he was feeling pretty fucking terrible. The headache and shudders followed him down the street, onto the bus, and into the lobby of your notably opulent apartment complex. He felt rather incongruous amongst all the marbleâthe white trim, the clean, untainted air, even the breakfast table with dispensable lemon water and small, fruit-topped pastries that somehow made Wonwoo want to kill himself.
He looked down at his phone.
[ Her | 9:10 am ]: 717 thorton street, unit 61
[ Her | 9:45 am ]: are you almost here? :)
Wonwoo pressed the button to the elevator.
[ Wonwoo | 9:50 am ]: Yes. In the building.
His phone vibrated immediately with a text.
[ Her | 9:50 am ]: Iâm so excited
The doors pulled apart. Wonwoo stepped aside for a couple who were leaving the elevator before he entered. Quickly, he clicked the button to close the doors, not wanting to share the space with anyone but himself and the headache throbbing at the forefront of his cranium. He sighed, glancing at his texts again to reply.
[ Wonwoo | 9:51 am ]: Do you have any Tylenol?
[ Her | 9:51 am ]: most def
[ Her | 9:51 am ]: whatâs wrong?
[ Wonwoo | 9:52 am ]: Nothing much. Just a headache.
When he didnât receive an immediate answer, he assumed you had put the phone down to search your medicine cabinet. Getting off the elevator, Wonwoo proceeded to find the correct apartment. He put his fist up to the door, and then, at the last second, stopped.
There it was againâthe same melting pot of anxiety and butterflies that had bubbled up when you first visited his place.
He supposed the feelings never truly disappeared each time he would see you, and he was beginning to detest it. Why couldnât his body just adapt? Get over it? What purpose did it serve to constantly remind him of his unkempt emotions? It was like the idea of you terrified him more than you as an actual person, because in person, he felt comfort, as crazy as it sounded. So why couldnât his anxiety and security just complete that stupid sliver of a synapse for once?
Knock knock.
After a moment, the handle clicked, and the door to sumptuous unit 61 was pulled open. For the first time, Wonwoo saw your face without any makeup, and it sort of made him stutter in his wordsânot that he was shocked in abhorrence at the contrast, more so the vulnerability behind it, the fact you felt comfortable enough to shed your compulsion with always presenting a perfect, glamoured face. He was pleased to see you were in a fuzzy pair of pink shorts and a white, thin long-sleeve that were basically pyjamas.
Maybe it was weird to think, but you seemed more human.
âYou made good timing. Iâm impressed.â
âThanks,â Wonwoo answered while stepping inside, toeing off his sneakers next to your plethora of shoes at the doormat.
âI would obviously say tour first, but I have your Tylenol sitting on the counter over here, for your headache. Can you dry swallow or do you need water?â
âDry swallow?â Wonwoo laughed, following you toward the kitchen area. âWho the fuck dry swallows any sort of pill?â
âI donât know! Personally, I donât. But there are some freaks out there who do. I was actually testing you. And you passed.â
âLucky me,â he sighed.
Taking a seat at one of stools displayed around the large, granite-surface island, Wonwoo waited for you to pour him some water. Obviously, the apartment was spacious, gorgeousâthe large, white-fluffed rug in the centre of the living room was definitely suited to you, though he was surprised by the tall, lush potted plants aligned by the window panelling. He didnât know you had a green thumb.
While placing down the water, you shifted closely into the seat beside him, and Wonwoo could smell the scent of strawberries on your skin. You let your chin press into the hammock made with your hands, watching as he set the pill on his tongue and gulped it down.
âSo, is it really bad?â
Wonwoo turned the glass back and forth atop its coaster, deciding on whether or not he should tell the truth. It always tended to sting him when he lied, and so he turned to you, shrugging.
âI felt it when I woke up. But itâs manageable.â
âOh, I get that sometimes.â
âItâs because of my repulsive sleep schedule, no doubt.â
You smiled at him, adjusting your leg under the island.
âIs that why you prefer afternoons all the time?â
âPretty much. Itâs a horrible habit. Iâll break it somehow, Iâm sure. Just a stupid hump to get over. Anywayââ Wonwoo slung the laptop bag off his shoulder and onto the counter, ââyour place looks pretty sweet. How are you? Whatâs the plan for today?â
âWell,â you hummed, slapping an arm down onto the reflective granite, âIâve wrote some more this week. Iâd love for you to proofread it. Maybe we can go out for lunch later, but youâd need to give me time to get ready. I mean, I did shower this morningâŚâ
He watched you pause, and then swallow. "You donât care, do you?â
âAbout what?â Wonwoo answered.
âOh, wellânever mind, then.â
âNo, what is it? What donât I care about?â
You started to grin, hiding half your face with a hand that slowly scraped across your cheek, as though to rub off any remaining lethargy from the morning light. Wonwoo waited for you to answer.
â⌠I look like a mole.â
He at last realized what you meant.
âNo, you donât.â
âI was just feeling lazy. I know, gasp, what an insane word to come from my mouth. But Iâm glad you donât care. I didnât think you would, but I still wasnât sure. At least your reaction wasnât obvious. My chin is breaking out so please donât stare at it, if you can help it.â
âOh, well, you know, you lookââ that one banished word almost slipped, but Wonwoo smoothly mended the break, âyouâyou have nothing to worry about. I get breakouts, too. It sucks, but itâs life.â
Your bare, soft face turned cheerful in a fawning smile.
âI know. I guess I'm just not very used to the feeling of people seeing me like this. Did you want to do lunch later?â
Wonwoo leaned back in the small seat, running his hands up his knees, knowing damn well he hadnât eaten breakfast.
âUh, I should probably start with like, cereal or something.â
âYou didnât eat?â
âNo appetite.â
âIâll fix you something. Unfortunately, no cereal. But I'll get some the next time Mingyu and I do groceries. So, what do you like best? Toast? Oatmeal? Scrambled eggs and toast? Orange juice? Bagel?â
At the mere mention of orange juice, his fist clenched. Attempting not to dwell so obviously, Wonwoo straightened up and smiled.
âI like toast.â
âThatâs good. Itâll be easy on your stomach.â
Wonwoo watched you squeeze off the stool and open the fridge to pull out a plastic bag of bread. He watched you stand on your tiptoes to reach into the highest cupboard and grab a plate. He watched you pop open a jar of fresh raspberry jam and slot the bread into the toaster. He could watch you do anything, it seemed.
Anything at all.
It took Wonwoo about half an hour to eat his raspberry toast and skim through the newest additions to your document. You were getting more into the thick of your relationship with Mingyuâjust as youâd warnedâbut Wonwoo was able to gloss most cloying paragraphs without too much bitterness or personal weight clouding his possible critiques. Wonwoo was still seated at the island, meanwhile you were lying face down on the plump-cushioned couch, an arm dangling off the side. In a morbid way, you looked very much dead if not for the shallow rising and dipping of your back.
âDone, for the most part.â
Your head perked up, and he was relieved to see you hadnât fallen asleep or suffocated. âWhen will you add your notes?â
âAfter lunch. Is that okay?â
âMmhm.â
âSoâŚâ Wonwoo slid down in the chair, reaching out his arms with a gigantic yawn, âyou actually snuck into his basketball game?â
âYeah,â you sighed, letting your chin snuggle into the blanket strewn underneath you, âI was obsessed with him. I couldnât help it.â
âI wouldnât expect your first date to be at the nature museum. The way you wrote about the butterfly exhibit was nice, though.â
âIt was fun. Mingyu wasnât the biggest fan, but I had always wanted to go. There was this huge skeleton of a blue whale, and sometimes the museum would play the whaleâs balladââ you flopped onto your back, staring up at the ceiling with a tender, ardent laugh as your fingers twirled the fluffy knots of the throw, ââit used to scare Mingyu so bad. He kept telling me he was gonna leave our date unless we went to another exhibit.â
âThe sound can be pretty jarring if youâve never heard it before, to be fair,â Wonwoo reasoned, now massaging down his legs.
Shoving your body to sit upright on the couch, you poked out your tongue at him, grinning, âdonât defend his loserness.â
He huffed in response, âmy bad.â
âShould we do a tour now? I really want to show you my room. And if I keep lying on the couch, Iâll fall asleep.â
âUh, sure. Do you want me to wash my plate?â
âNo, no, itâs fine. Just leave it in the sink.â
After Wonwoo cleaned off the granite island, he came to join you in the living room, the white rug resembling what he imagined a cloud to feel like underneath his socked feet.
A thought had suddenly popped into his head.
âThereâs a nature museum here, too.â
You grabbed the blanket, wearing it like a shawl around your shoulders. Wonwoo had never seen you so sleepy before.
âI know.â
âHave you ever gone?â
âNo. Not at all. I did ask Mingyu once when we first came here for university. But I think he was still mortified from the whale thing. I dunno. Anyway, is that your round-about way of asking if I ever want to go? Because I would, to help with the story.â
Wonwoo scratched along his collarbone, heated with the itch of being blatantly exposed for his plotting. However, he hadnât suggested the museum with the intention of employing it as a visual to sharpen up your scene-work. He was hoping to go just for the sake of itâlike a palate cleanser, as you had previously mentioned.
But he obviously wasnât going to articulate that.
âWe can plan it more later,â he said.
The tour started in the living room, which Wonwoo had become well acquainted with throughout his half hour of sitting at the kitchen island, occasionally flicking his eyes toward the couch to ensure you were still alive. You explained that the pristine white rug was a housewarming gift from Mingyuâs parents when you first moved into the apartment, and he felt guilty for even stepping on it.
He decided to ask about the plants by the windows.
âOh, I donât actually look after those,â you answered, touching at one of the heavy and balmy-looking green leaves from a plant nearly as tall as you, âSeokmin comes over to water them and stuff, gives them special nutrient foodâeven sprays their leaves with this misty bottle thing. I tried giving them all to him, but he says heâs got no space at his apartmentâwhich is total bull by the way.â
âMaybe he just wants an excuse to see you.â
âYeah,â you scoffed, rolling your eyes, âdoesnât everyone?â
Wonwoo bit back a stupid little smile as he followed you into your bedroomâthe place you seemed most enthralled for him to finally see. You twirled into the open space and threw the blanket off your shoulders, then whipping your hands into the air akin to a magician whoâd just performed the most grandiose magic trick.
âTada! Bedroom reveal!â
He pushed up his glasses, taking a good, solid look around at everything he could: the prestigious makeup vanity with the drawers left half-open, your dresser, lined with photographs of what he assumed to be friends, family, and Mingyu, the beaded, dangling chandelier, the ajar closet doors that revealed your unsurprising magnitude of outfitsâskirts and dresses and professional blazers and lascivious things from threads of lace and silk. He finally looked to your beautiful bed, which you proceeded to flop onto.
âThis is my favourite part,â you hummed.
Taking some further steps into the bedroom, Wonwoo began recognizing smaller details, though he couldnât explain what he was feeling. He always thought a bedroom was such a personal, intimate space, like a treasure chest stuffed with memories and pieces of personâs essence that couldnât be captured using words alone. To sit on someoneâs bed, or sift through their drawers for a pen, or even grab a shirt from their closetâhe felt it was all so⌠sacred. It was the reason he had such a hard time having others in his bedroom.
âThe bed is your favourite?â He wondered.
âYes,â you giggled, a glimmer flashing into your eyes like diamonds in the sun as you climbed onto your knees.
Before Wonwoo knew what was happening, you had clutched a hand into his shirt and jerked him toward the covers. He landed beside you, and his heart thrust with electricity.
âYou could have just asked me to sit,â he chuckled, wiping some wrinkles off his shirt and adjusting his glasses.
âNope.â
âBedâs comfy.â
âDuh,â you sunk backward, smirking at him, âitâs a bed.â
âHey, you should have seen the bed I had growing up in Changwon. My older brother and I, we hated it. Shit was like sleeping on a piece of cardboard. It didnât get better for years.â
Propping your head onto a pillow, you continued to smile prettily at him with those entrancing eyes, and for a second, this piercing fear struck in the core of Wonwooâs chest that he had just spoke about himselfâactually spoke about himselfâin a manner that screamed of vulnerability. He felt terror. Why did he do that?
âHm. I guess Iâm just spoiled, with my memory foam and all.â
At least you didnât push into the topic. You were getting better at that, almost like you could interpret the subtle tweaks in his face or the stiffening of his bones. Wonwoo rested his elbows on his knees.
âYour roomâs nice. It smells like you.â
He heard you giggle, âwhat? Like strawberries?â
Wonwoo pursed his lip, looked down at his fingers. âYeahâŚâ
For a moment, his eyes lingered unfaithfully on your exposed midriff, down to the fluffy hem of those pink lounge shorts. He squeezed his wrist tight, practically stopping his own blood flow, willing himself not to think anything unhinged that would simmer up to fuel his self-hatred later. The longer your head spent sinking into that plump pillow, the more your lids fluttered with sleep. As he continued to gaze about the room, he spotted the pink stuffed bear that heâd won you at the Spring Street Fair, sitting atop your bedside table.
âYouâve still got that?â
âHm?â You pushed up onto your elbows, yawning. âOh, yeah! âCourse I still have her. Itâs a perfect little memento from that night.â
âWell, I did go through a lot of effort to win it.â
âOh, Iâm aware... wanna know what I named her?â
âWhat?â
âMiss Priss.â
Honestly, Wonwoo was surprised you hadnât stuffed it into your closet or abandoned the toy in some innocuous corner of your apartment. Instead the bearâs vibrant pink face and slightly lopsided eyes were staring him down, making him rerun Vernonâs words in his head: âyou stir the pot every time you hang out with his girl to go write romantic poetry and run around, gigglinâ at Spring Street.â
Wonwoo immediately shoved the memory aside, letting the implications sizzle up and burn on the hot coals of his brain.
âHm. Funny.â
You rolled your eyes.
Wonwoo tapped his wrist, thinking.
âSo, uh, I hope you donât mind me asking this, but why donât you live with Mingyu? I know he stays over some nights.â
Lifting yourself up with one arm, you shrugged, opting to stroke a hand along the blanket to smooth out some crinkles. âI donât want to move in with anyone unless Iâm engaged.â
âActually?â
âYeah. I mean, that's what I told my parents, at least. They used to really push for us to have an apartment together. Which makes sense. They freaking love him. I swear, more than me," you laughed, picking at your shirt. "I get it, too. Mingyu and I have pretty much been tied at the hip all these years. But we agreed that we wouldn't live together until things went to the next level. He does keep a lot of his stuff here for when he does stay over, and vice versa. Heâs got an extra key and everything, his own nightstand, bathroom stuff.â
âAnd thatâs for certain?â
You tilted your head. âWhatâs for certain?â
âThe engagement thing. Or was it just to shake off your parents?â
âWell⌠I guess I mean it. Is that weird to you?â
âNo,â Wonwoo said. âI personally haven't heard it plenty.â
âYeah, most people are surprised to learn we donât live together. I guess we really give off the impression that we're together in most things, if not everything. It's good to get a little space, though."
âWell, I understand itâwanting to have your own space. I mean, I think everyone should try living alone, just once if they have to. You learn more about yourself, I suppose.â
You cracked a smile at him. âWhat have you learned?â
Wonwoo chuckled, knowing all the things he could never say were tingling right on the tip of his tongue. âWell, I meant in a general sense. I wasn't exactly talking about myself.â
âHaâyou learned how to be a hermit.â
âI'm pretty sure I was always like that.â
âYeah, but probably not that bad.â
âThat bad?â He furrowed his dark brows at you, staring straight into your eyes that twinkled with challenge. âMeaning what?â
âPlease, you would not leave that apartment if it wasnât for your commitment to the book. Maybe for work, some groceries every now and then. Otherwise, your ass is not leaving.â
âDamn. Just call me a loser.â
âFine,â you huffed, pushing up onto your knees, âloser.â
Wonwoo managed to hold the penetrating, spirited strength of your gaze, and he was proud of himself for doing so, even if his heart felt like it was going to leap into his throat. It was still difficult for him to be routinely engaged in eye contact, but he knew how much you appreciated itâthe feeling of being listened to and experiencing someoneâs dedication to presenting their full attention.
Since it was getting close to lunch time, Wonwoo figured you might want to start thinking of where to eat. He was getting notably hungry, and having to function off some toast coated thinly in raspberry jam wouldnât be enough to power him throughout his proofreading. He pulled out his phone, wanting to check the time, and began sliding off your comfortable, warm bed.
âDid you want toââ
âHey, wait, wait, waitââ Wonwoo felt your hand curl around his bicep in a firm grip and begin to pull him back down, ââbefore we get up and everything, I want to talk to you about something.â
Oh no.
His stomach writhed.
Wonwoo started praying it wasnât about his and Vernonâs encounter with Mingyu at Solar Popânot that anything particularly terrible or concerning had happenedâbut maybe Mingyu had mentioned something to you. Maybe he didnât like Wonwoo and thought it was best you stop writing together, stop seeing each other.
His mind started quivering with a steadfast hurricane of awful thought and Wonwoo knew the flushed colour had most likely drained from his face as quickly as a popped balloon.
Your hand remained on his bicep, squeezing it.
âWhy do you look so worried, already?â You chuckled in a quiet voice, rubbing his arm until Wonwoo visibly relaxed. âI havenât even said anything yet. Unless, you think I should be worried, too.â
âNo.â Wonwoo shook his head. âJustânever mind.â
âHm, well, thatâs kind of what I want to talk about.â
As your hand drifted off his arm, Wonwoo sat crossed-legged, narrowing his eyes at you in question. âWhat do you mean?â
The conversation began with a clunk of silence, to which you glanced down at the bed for a moment, clearly biting on your inner cheek in contemplation. Wonwoo desperately wanted you to spit it out. He hated when empty words hung so burdensomely in the air.
âWell⌠thereâs no easy way to bring it up. And Iâm not sure youâll even want to talk about it with me, but I keep noticing it, again and again. I think itâs at least worth it to put it on the table. And, if itâs not my business, you can freely tell me to screw off.â
âOh⌠okay.â
And then you were looking at him, not with any sort of accusation or anger or even disappointment. Somehow, Wonwoo knew what you were going to say, and he braced himself for it.
âDo you⌠do you have anxiety?â
Wonwoo said nothing. He wasnât sure if it was an issue of not wanting to speak or being unable to.
You breathed out heavily in response.
âOkay, silence, I definitely saw that comingâbut, um, Iâm not stupid, you know? Your face just gets so pale, and I feel like I can see the heartbeat in your chest⌠and you always do that thing with your fist. Clenching it. It always looks so painful but you never seem to care andâanywayâI just⌠I can tell when it happens and it kind of bothers me that you try to like, shrug it off or call it âspacing outâ when itâs really clearly not. And, maybe thatâs my fault.â
His gaze had shifted to lock with yours.
Again, you werenât staring at him with any malice or dejectionâheâd come to learn that your eyes were actually quite soft most of the time, soft but always glittering, like a handful of silk. Still, Wonwoo couldnât yet find his words, which must have come across as remarkably shocking for someone who spent their whole life grabbing all the shiny bits of possible vernacular.
You sat up straighter, touching his knee.
âIs it my fault you donât want to talk about it? Can I at least know that much?â There was an imploring desperation in your face.
Wonwoo at last cleared his throat.
âI donât talk about it with anyone.â
âOkay, I get that. But, did I make you feel like you couldnât bring it up? At all?â Your fingers dug a little harder into his knee, though Wonwoo knew you probably hadnât realized it. âI justâI do want to know, actually. Because sometimes I let myself get in the way of being present for other people. But I care. I honestly do.â
He nodded, cracking his knuckles.
âI mean⌠I definitely wouldnât have thought to bring it up with you. I guess I felt like, if I did, what would it accomplish? You might think Iâm incapable or⌠I donât know.â He shoved his hands underneath his glasses, rubbing at the indents on his nose. âAs you can see, Iâm not the best at talking about it. I donât talk about it.â
You folded your legs in similar fashion to Wonwoo.
âWell⌠um⌠do you⌠is there anyone that could, like⌠I donât know what Iâm saying. I guess, are you coping alright, is what Iâm asking. I really donât mean to overstep. I swear.â
At that, he chuckled quite loudly. Your face twitched in surprise at his reaction, and the hand slipped off his knee.
âIt really doesnât matter. I just deal with it.â
No. He took nothing. He did nothing. Wonwoo just sat and suffered and felt no initiative to help himself. At that point, he really didnât want to dissect the topic any further. He could sense the slithering under his skin, the way his body physically bristled like a perturbed cat at the thought of having to be any more open than what he'd already shared. The choices he made in his life werenât important if he was going to end up back in the same slippery trench.
âOh. Well, I hope you take care of yourself,â you said with a smile, giving his bicep another gentle squeeze. âThatâs all.â
âJUNE 2ND.
About two weeks had passed since Wonwoo visited your apartment. Afterward, you had met up four times to continue writing and making small ventures to places that you deemed vital for developing your story. Wonwoo found himself enjoying most trips.
He remembered the ice cream shop. Apparently, it was the date where Mingyu had officially asked you to be his girlfriend. You had gotten their most popular strawberry cheesecake flavour while Wonwoo ordered mint chocolate chip, which was a rather boring but favourite classic of his. No doubt, you sat across from him on their outside patio the entire time, pitting remarks about how awful his choice was in lieu of writing anything down in your document. With every spoonful he ate, Wonwoo had to keep reminding you to stay focused, and eventually, his repetitious ordering worked.
"Did you actually come here to get any writing done or did you just want the ice cream? We're not palate-cleansing are we?"
"Why can't two things be true at once?"
âCan I see your laptop?â
âNoâhey! Donât try to grab it!â
âWhy? Because youâve written fuck all?â
"For your information, I have a bullet-point list going."
"Oh, yeah. A bullet-point list, hm?"
"Yes. It has all my major writing points. Point number one: Mingyu seats me down at the table. He's clearly nervous. We've only been in the shop for a minute or two and he won't stop brushing his hair behind his ears. Point number two: Mingyu grabs our ice cream from the counter. He gives me his flavour, rocky road, by accident, and then we awkwardly laugh and switch. Point number three: I remember thinking his nerves were endearing, andâ"
"Okay, okay. I get it."
"Exactly. Let this be a lesson in poor assumption. Don't try to assume anything about me, Wonwoo. It's probably wrong."
And then there had been the journey to Mooneyâs Bay, one of the most well-known beaches outside the cityâprobably because the lake actually looked a clean, salty blue and the soft sand wasnât littered with drifting pieces of plastic. It had been the first place Wonwoo took his brother when he came to visit from his office in Korea, and the picture they had taken together with their pant legs cuffed up, standing knee deep in the water, was still pinned to the corkboard in Wonwooâs bedroom. However, Wonwoo hadnât been back to the beach since, until you dragged him there in an hour-long car ride. He had mostly looked out the window, thinking, as always.
You said that Mooneyâs Bay reminded you of a cove from your hometown, a more clandestine one, where you and Mingyu used to splash around in the isolated, iridescent waters at night, laughing into the chilled breeze and coughing up all the liquid splatted into the otherâs face. Wonwoo had used the video camera to record some footage of the beach per your request. By evening, most people had packed up their coolers and umbrellas and sun towels, granting him more freedom to film wider, panned shots. He remembered standing at the foam shoreline, feeling the sand squelch wetly under his bare feet, recording you wading further and deeper into the water that reflected like a bleeding, scarlet portrait of stained glass.
âIt feels amazing! You should come in!â
âI canât. Itâll ruin the camcorder.â
âSo put it down! In the bag! Thereâs enough footage.â
âBut the sun is setting behind you. It makes for a good shot.â
"So just hurry up! The water is the perfect temperature."
"Butâ"
âIâm not asking you. Iâm telling you.â
"Well, I don't know... I, uhâI can't swim."
"This isn't swimming, this is wading. Just go up to your knees. It's been a hot, long day. I think this will help get the scowl off your face."
â⌠Fine. At least give me a second to fix my pants.â
The third location, while not his favourite, had been an open bar that was conveniently placed a few streets over from his job at the pharmacy. Wonwoo had went there a number of times with Vernon in the past, usually after he finished a midterm or handed in some grating assignment, though Vernon tended to drink more than his body could sufficiently handle. By the end of the night, Wonwoo would most often find himself being a mediator between his tattooed, foul-mouthed friend and whatever blundering, equally drunk idiot he happened to be arguing with.
It was too much for his anxiety.
Nonetheless, heâd met you there after work despite the churning cauldron of memories that he harboured, unsurprised to find you seated at a small table swarmed with dewy drinks and shots that interested observers had sent over. Wonwoo felt each digging, plying stare that sculpted against his back as he sat beside youâhe even choked down one of your retched tequila shots (while not the best idea), hoping it would mellow him out.
You never really explained why the bar was pertinent to your history with Mingyuâor, maybe you had, and Wonwoo was simply one flaming shot past coherent of properly digesting your words. He did, however, remember your entire, almost scientific explanation of why you liked wearing low-cut or heavily revealing tops at the bar, and Wonwoo had listened along as best he could manage, even when that floating sensation started hazing through his mind. At one point, this girl who Wonwoo had never encountered once in his life came up to him with a polite tap on his shoulder and an inquiring smile.
âHeyâsorry to intrudeâand this may be a super dumb question, but you are guys together?â
âNo, no. Not at all. Iâve got a boyfriend. Heâs single.â
âOh, perfect. I was justâI was sitting over there, in the corner with my friends, if you can see. AnywaysâI said something dumb about how you were really good looking, and now Iâve been dared to come up and ask for your number. So, um, yeahâŚâ
âNo, Iâm good. Thank you.â
âO-Oh. Wait⌠are you⌠being serious?â
âYes.â
âOh. Sorry. This is really fucking embarrassing⌠uh, I guess I wonât linger then. Bye.â
â⌠Jeez⌠had a bit much to drink or something?â
âNoâjust donât like giving out my number to strangers.â
âShe was cute, though. Probably a fun one-night stand.â
âThen you have sex with her, yeah?â
âHa! Youâre so funny. Whenâs the last time you even had sex? I mean, you obviously pull. At least, I think you doâŚâ
âI donât remember. Months and months ago, I guess.â
âWow! Zero play. I kind of respect it. I could never, though. So⌠actually, let me guess: youâre the type of person that canât have sex without attachment? You need to be in love?â
âWhatâs it to you?â
âIâm just asking.â
âI donât know.â
âGod. Youâre so fucking boring, Wonwoo.â
âBecause I donât go out of my way to find some pretty girl to have sex with every week, Iâm boring? How does that make sense?â
âNo, not that. I mean the fact you never really want to discuss anything about yourself. Honestly, sometimes talking to you is like pulling teeth, yâknow? Anyway, move back a little. Backwards cap with the earrings has been staring on and off for the last ten minutes and I want one more free shot before I call it a night.â
The most recent place you had been together was the popular drive-in at Richmondâs Farm. Wonwoo knew that in the autumn months leading up to Halloween, the venue was turned into a haunted carnival with all the typical attractions: pumpkin patches, horror movie screenings, corn mazes, and masked, fake blood-spattered psychopaths chasing people around with a roaring chainsaw.
Seokmin, despite being quite weak-stomached and completely disastrous when it came to anything horror-related, had actually implored Wonwoo to go the year before after hearing the raves about their newest House of Nightmares, although Wonwoo declined in order to study for a test.
Really, there was no test.
Wonwoo just hadnât been in the mood for losing all his hair and being crammed into pitch black, narrow corridors with a murderer promptly waiting around the corner. He hoped Seokmin wouldnât ask him again this yearâthen his excuse would be obvious.
In the spring and summer, however, the farm mostly broadcast screenings at their drive-in theatre behind the maize field, and you had leaped at the opportunity to go because it was the perfect chance to relive one of your favourite dates with Mingyu. By your explanation, heâd taken you to see Crazy, Stupid, Love before you two had departed your hometown for university. But the drive-in obviously wasnât playing that movie, and so you two had to settle for watching their only available screening, 500 Days of Summer.
Wonwoo hated that movie.
Of course, he hadnât told you that.
Before the movie had started, Wonwoo helped you throw down a blanket into your trunk alongside some couch pillows that you grabbed from your apartment, creating a makeshift lounge in the rear of the car. Since the screening was late at nightâand way past your typical good girl bedtimeâyou were worried about falling asleep halfway into the movie, though Wonwoo promised he would keep an eye on you to ensure you wouldnât miss anything important.
Since it was too dark to film anything of quality on the camcorder, Wonwoo left you alone in the blanket-pillow trunk to scribble down any nostalgic, limerent sentiments while he grabbed some snacks. You had told him to get gummy bears, because you hated the way broken pieces of popcorn kernel shells would sliver between your teeth and dig into your gums, neither did you want a soft drink since it would be an abundance of sugar before bed, and it always resulted in a breakout the next morning. He was able to make it back to the car just before the screening started.
He remembered how strange it all seemed, sitting so close to you underneath the blanket, occasionally feeling your elbow dig into his arm or your knee bump his thigh, and the sharp blip it would cause in his pulse. Wonwoo remembered how often you complained about the temperature throughout the movieâfirst, itâs too hot, now, itâs too cold, youâre too close to me, youâre too far away and Iâm cold again, I need the blanket, I donât want the blanketâWonwoo hadnât realized a personâs body temperature could fluctuate that drastically.Â
However, the worst part of that night happened about half an hour before the movie ended, just when Wonwoo was beginning to feel relieved about going home. You were getting sleepier by the minute, and Wonwoo could tell from the yawning every now and then, wanting desperately to rub at your eyes but refusing because it would smother the mascara into somewhat concerning, black whorls.
You had nudged his arm, and when he glanced over at your face, exhausted and half-illuminated under the watery, bright cast of light from the screen, you asked him in a quiet, dulcet voice: âis it okay if I rest my head on your shoulder for a few minutes?â
Wonwoo had wanted to say noâof course you canât, because if you do, I will sit here stiff, and hardly breathing, and listening only to my own heartbeat. It will be the sole thing Iâll think about for the next three days no matter what I do to mask the memory. Iâll keep thinking about it until you burn out in my mind like a star.
But then Wonwoo had agreed instead.
He proceeded to clench his fist upon feeling the weight of your head sink softly to his shoulder. Your legs had been curled up underneath you, and your knees were then pressing flush against his leg. Every breath he inhaled was faintly tainted with the scent of your sweet, fragrant shampoo and it was fucking killing him.
âYouâre so tense,â you had whispered in a giggle, âif it makes you uncomfortable, I donât have to. Itâs just because Iâm tired.â
âNoââ it had come out somewhat like a blurt, and Wonwoo just knew the tips of his ears were tingling red, ââitâs okay. I promise.â
âYou sure?â
âIâm sure⌠what?â
âJust wanted to look in your eyes when you said it.â
âFuck, not that again.â
âI have to know!â
âOkay, thatâs fine. Movieâs almost over, anyway. Just donât fall asleep because then I really wonât know what to do.â
That had been four days ago.
Now, it was almost midnight. Wonwoo was sitting on the roof of his apartment with a messily rolled up blunt in his fingersâthe second one he prepared, mostly out of impatienceâdrawing in a slow and deep breath that ghosted from his lips like wispy fog flowing down a shallow hill. He then coughed twice by his elbow, attempting to clear the stinging prickle that caught against his throat.
âYouâre so fucking full of it,â Wonwoo laughed.
âNo! Iâm not.â
âYou did not write thirty pages in a day.â
âUhâactually, I did! And the fact you donât believe me is a testament to your own wilted motivation. I am very motivated.â
He smiled at the sound of your voice crackling through his phone, which heâd been holding with the latter hand. Breathing in another hit, Wonwoo pulled at the sides of his black beanie, grinning through the thin cloud that was exhaled in a quick, neat puff.
âOkay, you wrote thirty pages. Didnât have to fucking drag my career through the mud in doing so. I mean, I guess itâs a hobby.â
âFor all I know, youâre the biggest poser that ever posed.â
âYeah?â
âYes. I still donât know what you write about.â
âI told you.â
âNoâyou fucking didnât. You said something vague and ambiguous that could have meant literally anything. All I had to go off were some sing-songy praises from Seokmin.â
âI give you pretty good notes, though.â
âYeah, whatever.â
âSo I must be decent.â
âI donât even know why I bothered calling you. I was supposed to be in bed, like, an hour ago. Youâre such a distraction.â
âFuck,â Wonwoo laughed, tapping the warm blunt to knock off a clump of papery ash, âitâs been an hour already?â
âYes.â
âWell, I donât know why you called either.â
âTo complain about that lady whose makeup I had to do today! She was horrible. God, were you not listening?!â
âNo, no, I was. She told you the makeup she wanted, you said it wouldnât suit her too well, and then she got all pissed off when it looked exactly how you said it would. Thatâs not what I meant.â
âOh. Well⌠I just thought you should know about it.â
âMmhm.â
Silence followed his velvet, almost teasing hum, but Wonwoo didnât mind it, and he assumed you didnât either. Your phone call had been completely out of the blue, only a few minutes after heâd climbed onto the roof and started sparking his lighter. An hour had already passedâWonwoo couldnât believe it. Time had never seemed so blurred and insignificant before, like tomorrow didnât exist at all.
âI didnât know you smoked.â
Wonwoo repositioned the phone in his hand.
âFrom time to time, yeah.â
âWhat strain?â
âNorthern Lights.â
âIâve never had that one. I mean, Iâm not much of a stoner, and neither is Mingyu. I donât like the way it feels in my throatâthat dry, burning feeling. And I hate the cotton mouth afterward.â
âShouldnât be that bad if youâre inhaling it right.â
âWell, maybe you can teach me one day.â
He let the blunt hang from the corner of his mouth for a moment, a very fluttery-feeling smile taking shape. Not wanting you to hear that slight bit of giddiness in his tone, Wonwoo took another hit, holding the smoke in for longer than usual before exhaling.
âDo you, uh⌠do you still want to go to that museum?â
âOhâthe nature museum?â
âYeah.â
âIâll have to do some poking around in my schedule. I have this stupid leadership council meeting for SSA that I have to go to.â
âThatâs fine. Text me when you figure it out.â
âOkay⌠gosh, itâs really fucking late.â
âYeah, you should get some sleep.â
âAre you pushing me off the phone? If anything, I should be the one pushing. Youâre not doing anything to fix your terrible sleep schedule. And I certainly donât want you to ruin mine.â
âThatâs what Iâm sayingâyou need to get some sleep.â
âWell, you shouldnât have said it like that.â
âHow did I say it?â
âLike you were pushing me off the phone!â
âOkay, okay. Iâm sorry. How âbout this: I know how important structure is to you, and I am deeply concerned that this late night conversation weâre having may somewhat affect your sleep. And while Iâve thoroughly enjoyed talking to you and hearing your pretty voice through my shitty phone speaker, I think we should both go to bed.â
âThat seems fair.â
âGreat. So, goodnight then.â
âNo! I want to be the first one to say goodnight.â
âWhy?â
âBecause, I say goodnight, then you say goodnight back, and then I get to be the one who hangs up first. Itâs a courtesy thing.â
âUh, okay then... Iâm listening.â
âGoodnight!â
Wonwoo smiled. He smiled so fucking widely and brightly that he could feel the muscles in his face aching.
âGoodnight.â
âJUNE 7TH.
Since the quickest route to the nature museum was about half an hour from Wonwooâs apartment, he suggested that you stop by around lunch time so that you two could make the walk together. It wasnât too warm outsideâthe large smattering of clouds dotted in the sky and the typical city breeze helped to keep the temperature down.
âWeâre not allowed to film in the museum,â you said from your seat at his small dinner table, âso donât bother taking the camcorder, I guess. Iâll just try to soak up everything as best I can.â
Wonwoo was sat across from you, waiting for you to finish the heated-up carton box of creamy mushroom pasta that youâd raided out his freezer. Heâd tried his best to eat beforehand as well, but the most he could stomach was some milk and cereal in addition a handful of blueberries. It was still better than his usual routine, which involved skipping any sort of meal post lunchtime.
âIf you really needed to, Iâm sure you could take a couple pictures,â Wonwoo answered, brushing a hand through his styled, pristine black hair that you had earlier littered with a flustering spiel of compliments. âI doubt the exhibits will be exactly the same, but if it's more so to capture the feeling, then it wonât matter much.â
You patted the corner of your mouth upon finishing the last few noodles left in the box, nodding your head in agreement.
âMy journalâs in my bag. It should be fine.â
Wonwoo flipped over his phone to check the time.
âHow was the SSA meeting yesterday?â
âOhâI didnât go.â
âReally?â Wonwoo asked while settling back in his chair, watching you toss the fork into the carton. âHow come?â
âBecause, itâs mostly pointless. We always sit there, in front of all those old, crusty men, trying to explain to them how we can improve the campus, the student experience, blah blah. And they act like theyâre legitimately consuming our input, using phrases like: âoh, we hear you, we understand, weâre gonna try our hardestââjust for them to put, what? Another fucking seating area in the dining hall that no one asked for or cares about? Itâs totally ridiculous.â
âHm, yeah.â
âAnyways, I hate being on it. I hate going. I understand it looks good and whatnot, but itâs a huge waste of my time.â
Wonwoo picked up the pasta box, continuing to hum his agreement while taking it into the kitchen. He dropped the fork into the sink and folded up the cardboard to stuff into his recycling.
âItâs one meeting. A skip wonât kill you, or them.â
âThatâs what Iâm saying. Mingyu thinks I went, though. So, if you run into him or something and the topic fucking miraculously pops upâjust donât give anything away. Itâs a little white lie.â
Coming back to the dining table, Wonwoo snatched up his wallet and shoved it into his back pocket, raising an eyebrow.
âWhy wouldnât you tell him?â
You pushed back in the chair, sighing heavily.
âHe really thinks I should stick with it.â
Wonwoo didnât say anything in response. He simply nodded, not wanting to hover on Mingyu as a conversation piece for too long, and waited for you to shoulder on your purse.
âOkay,â you then smiled, âletâs go look at some nature.â
Despite their boring, lacklustre reputation, Wonwoo had always enjoyed going to museumsâart, history, scienceâheâd even been to a museum that delved into ancient coin minting and the development of currency. He supposed it was his appreciation for learning new information of his own free will, unlike the fast-paced, passion-draining, wringer system that was university. Furthermore, he was surprised that you would share his interest in the matter.
âWhy wouldnât I like museums?â You had stopped just before the acclaimed beetle species wall, aglow behind a glass sheet. âI wrote in my draft that Mingyu and I went to a nature museum, remember?â
âI know. Iâm just surprised you have that much of an interest in them. Your life seems so upbeat. I didnât think you would be into something that most people find fairly dry and anticlimactic.â
âRight.â Twirling back around, you continued walking down the corridor, your eyes tracing the organized arrangement of lustre-shelled beetles. âBecause everyone else is too stupid and youâre the true upper echelon who actually possesses the mental capability required to appreciate something as seemingly trivial but totally enriching asâŚâ you then paused at the glass, squinting to read the embossed label below an oblong-shaped beetle with an iridescent green shell, â⌠as the Chrysochroa Fulgidissima? I donât know, something like thatâalso known as the Jewel Beetle. Its species is native to Japan and Korea. Itâs a⌠woodboring beetle?â
âWhy would I know?â Wonwoo laughed, coming to stand beside you and look at the plaque settled to the white background behind the display glass. âYouâre the one reading it.â
âUghâdoesnât matter. I was going somewhere with my speech and now I forget⌠oh, yeah! So, you think youâre smarter than me?â
Placing a gentle hand on your lower back, Wonwoo urged you to keep walking forward in order to let the people faintly mumbling behind you examine the wall, who seemed much more interested.
âI never said that,â he answered softly.
âOkayâbut, do you think youâre smarter?â
âIn what sense?â
âDid you take the Frontiers evaluation for calculus?â
âYes.â
âWhatâd you score?â
â9.8.â
âShut the fuck up! No you didnât.â
Wonwoo merely tapped the black-framed glasses further up his nose, smirking slightly, and began shaking his head while continuing down the exhibit. You hurried after him, remembering to lower your voice to match the collective quietness.
âProve it,â you whispered.
âGo to prof Bradbrookâs office. My nameâs on her wall.â
âI hate you.â
âWhy? What did you score?â
âIâm obviously not going to say it now.â
Wonwoo still remembered the day his test score came backâheâd opened the envelope in Miss Bradbrookâs office, and while she sat across from him, practically squirming and jittering with anticipation, Wonwoo had glossed over the paper slip with the smallest, most low effort smile. He knew he was supposed to feel relieved in that momentâoverjoyed probablyâto realize his notable success and the upstanding conformation he was legitimately good at something. But in truth, he hadnât really felt anything at all. He sort of just smiled. That was it. That was all he could muster.
And his life had mirrored that moment ever since. In the past, it would come and go. Yet, that day, it just stuck. The only time he ever experienced any glint or sparkle of happiness, it had come from his girlfriendâbut even she couldnât imbue much from him that day.
âWell, thatâs not what I expected you to ask.â
You glanced over at him, adjusting the bag on your arm.
âMeaning?â
âThere are different types of intelligence. I thought you meant, in a more general sense, am I smarter, or more knowledgeable. To be honest, I canât say. I mean, I feel like Iâve experienced and seen a whole lot, but thatâs just lifeâs illusion.â
âYou wonât really know âtil youâre on your death bed.â
Wonwoo returned your glance, squinching his brown eyes in a judgemental but innocuous way that gave bloom to his smile.
âThanks.â
âI canât help it. Museums make me think of death. I think itâs the really cold, still air. Especially in nature museums where they need to preserve things. Like, look at that fox. Itâs a bit ominous.â
On the exhibit to his right, Wonwoo observed another display protected by glass. There was a fox, with a rusty, auburn coloured coat, poised atop a fake precipice of grass. Wonwoo knew what you meantâit was the eyes, like two leaf green beads, so immensely detailed but lifeless to an almost uncomfortable degree.
âI want to see the aquarium exhibit next,â you said, tugging twice at Wonwooâs sleeve. âI heard itâs really dark in there.â
âWell, we can go take a look.â
âAnd we can eat afterward? Thereâs an atrium.â
âSure.â
Wonwoo let your arm link with his, following the natural flow of museum-goers into the next exhibit, leaving behind the shiny, colourful wall of beetles and the auburn fox in its lonesome enclosure.
The aquarium exhibit was one of the most spacious in the entire museum, placed in a large, dome-topped room, with shadows creeping at every corner. There were some lightsâdeep, blue lights that rippled and wriggled across the floor, like waves patterned against ocean sand by the sun rays. He didn't know from where, but he could hear water sloshing, a very soft sound that led him to imagine the wet sand squelching under his toes.
You approached another display wall, filled with a school of lemon-yellow and azure coloured fish placed around vibrant, unique corals.
While you busied yourself with reading the informative plaque, Wonwoo spent his time taking a more in-depth inspection around the mystifying exhibit. He noted the stingrays and luminous jellyfish flocking above his head, held on near-invisible little wires that would occasionally glimmer if they twisted the perfect angle.
After a generously long venture throughout the room, reading all the plaques and pointing to different fish behind the glass just to comment, âI think that was in Finding Nemo,â you had wanted to sit down, spotting a bench positioned before an aquarium.
Wonwoo agreed, and you collapsed on the bench together.
There was a period of comfortable silence where you both watched the aquarium, meanwhile the dappling, blue pattern cast to the floor danced and flickered around at your still feet. The atmosphere seemed so vivid that Wonwoo was surprised the next breath he took wasnât a mouthful of liquid and sea salt, or that his body wasnât miraculously suspended and floating about in the echoey shadows.
And thatâs when Wonwoo decided he liked the aquatic exhibit very muchâmore than all the others.
He looked down at the hands folded in his lap, specifically at the scarred, ruined cuticle belonging to his right thumb and how it had withstood years of his anxious scratching. Wonwoo then breathed out softly, feeling his heartbeat begin to pick up.
âWant to know something?â He asked.
You stared back at Wonwoo with an intrigued pique of your brow.
âLike what?â
âWell, first of all, we both took creative writing, you know.â
"Uh, okay," you sniffed, "sure."
"No, like, we took the course together. In the fall. Prof T?"
"Really?" You pinned him down in a non-believing stare. "Wait, you're talking about that basement auditorium, right? In Gildan Hall? It always smelt like old computers and dust bunnies?"
"That's the one."
Scoffing out some dry air, you leaned back.
"Woah. I don't think I ever saw you... did you go to each class?"
He nodded a few times. "Almost all. To be fair, I sat more in the back, off to the corner. I wasn't exactly thrusting myself into the limelight."
Folding one leg over your knee, you chuckled. "Sounds like you."
âI have this really specific memory from that class, when that random guy, whoever he was, sat in the seat you always took. Your so called unofficially-assigned-assigned-seat. And I remember that really tense feeling right before you walked in, because we all knew you were gonna chew him out for it. The way you marched straight up to him was already violating enough, and then you basically ruined his whole day.â Looking down at his hands again, Wonwoo smiled at recalling the memory. âYou absolutely terrified me. I donât even think you understand how much I wanted to avoid you.â
He caught your eyes, shimmering like the water-stained floor, with an emotion he couldnât place.
âActually?â Was all you said, hardly sounding surprised.
âYeah.â
Your face began searching around the shadowed, sloshing exhibit for something unseen. He decided to let the silence settle like a thin sheet, instead listening to the tidal pushing and pulling. The soft sounds reminded him of being a child, wandering beaches into the late evening with his older brother during summer vacations, and picking up shells just to hear the ocean speaking inside them.
Aloud, you breathed in, shaking your foot.
âI canât really remember what was going through my head that day. I know Iâd had a fight with Mingyu before going to class, so I was feeling pretty amped up and short-fused. I knew I was going straight to another SSA meeting that I hardly cared about immediately after, and then I would work until the evening. I knew I would have to make dinner when I got home, even though Iâd be downright exhausted, and the next morning, Iâd have to wake up early to attend some bullshit press, social, interview breakfast thing for my momâs new lifestyle magazine. Having that idiot sit in my favourite seat was probably just the straw that broke the camelâs back, I guess.â
âHm,â Wonwoo hummed, suddenly experiencing a profound sympathy for you that he never imagined he would feel. âWhen you give it a bit more perspective, it doesnât sound soâŚâ
âCompletely and utterly bitchy?â
âWell, I wasnât going to use that word, but, sure.â
You grinned at him through the dusky rippling of auroras that flitted across the exhibit, seeming like you were under the seaâand he was, too, sitting side by side in the somehow peaceful depths of the chaotic whirlpool that had pulled you two together.
âI have a memory.â
âOkay,â Wonwoo returned your grin, âI want to hear it.â
âSo, remember earlier how we were talking about the Frontiers evaluation for Bradbrookâs calculus class?â
âMmhm.â
"So, after all the Frontiers scores came out, I'm not gonna lieâI really thought I had one of the better marks. It's not like I specifically trotted around, throwing out my grade to anyone passing by, but I was parading a little bit to my friends. And then, like, Clara or something, told me that there was this guy who almost got a ten. I asked her who, and she said she didn't knowâjust that she overheard some of the basketball guys talking about it.
I thought she was lying. I didn't say that, though. But I remember it was on my mind every night. Like, it was itching me so bad. I wanted to know who the fuck was smart enough to get a damn near perfect ten on Frontiers. Some of those problems are ridiculously hard. I started writing nonsense around A-block. They straight up give students problems that serious, esteemed mathematicians can't fucking solve. So, honestly... I was quite jealous of you... despite not even knowing who you were. I can't believe that was you, asshole."
Wonwoo cracked his knuckles, beginning to laugh at that intense but lighthearted glare you were sending his way. Of course, you mellowed everything out with a big smile he felt his heart skip a beat over. You had actually went to bed thinking about him.
Holy fuck.
Maybe not him in physicality. But in spirit.
That was close enough.
"I just did the study guide." He shrugged.
Your knee pushed into his. "Oh, yeah, the study guide. Jeez, why didn't I think of doing that? Let me go kill myself right now."
"Keep tabs on it for next time."
With a roll of the eyes, you laughed almost to scorn him.
âI hate people like you.â
And Wonwoo laughed back. âMeaning?â
âThings come to you so naturally. You donât have to try.â
âSure,â Wonwoo agreed, scratching his nose and proceeding to nudge up his glasses, âthings like mathematics, numbers, problem solving, taking something whole apart and then looking at its pieces. I guess it does come to me naturally. I canât complain. But there are also plenty of things that donât. And⌠if I could, Iâd probably trade all my stupid math and logic and puzzling for what Iâm missing.â
You tilted your head, staring intently at Wonwoo through the blue sea between you, almost into his brain, it felt like.
âWhat are you missing?â
At first, Wonwoo didnât respond. To answer your question meant an intimate exhumation of the flaws that heâd been willfully ignoring for the past year, if not his entire damn life. It meant at last turning over the round, flat rock that had been sitting at the foot of his wooden porch since childhood, and realizing the bottom was sculpted with the grittiest texture and wet with the thickest dirt. The rock was hiding long-legged spiders and ugly, skittering bugs and it would have probably been better to let the rock sit there, untouched, only facing the warm and comfortable glow of the sun.
Wonwoo didnât want to turn the rock.
Not at all.
âA plethora of things, Iâm sure.â
Squeezing onto your wrist, you smiled at him.
âI think Iâm the opposite.â
âHow so?â
He watched you inhale a long, slow breath, and then huff it all out through your nose. Wonwoo bumped his knee against yours.
âYou donât have to talk about anything you donât want to.â
âNo, no. Itâs not like thatâŚâ
Looking up to the glowing aquarium, the dull light reflected back unto your face, and Wonwoo again saw the glisten in your eyes.
âI just feelâŚâ for a moment, your chest stilled, â⌠I feel like Iâm so much of everything that I just blend into nothing. You know, like when a child takes a whole bunch of paints and squirts them all together thinking itâs going to create this beautiful, never-before-seen new colour? But, instead, itâs just greyish-brownish, nothing.â
Your face turned back to him. Wonwoo watched you chew down on your bottom lip, meanwhile your eyes glazed aloof, off to the side, as though you were rummaging through so many different thoughts and experiences that it required your utmost mental focus.
âAndââ you swallowed tightly, and it sounded so painfully dry with stinging emotion, ââI just donât want people to see that Iâm so much of nothing. I just find myself covering it all up.â
Were you going to cry? Wonwoo felt himself jolt inwardly with panic. He had never seen you cry and he had therefore never developed the best protocol to tackle such a situation. Some people preferred immediate comfort, othersâa reassuring stroke on the back, maybe some uplifting monologue. Or, maybe, they didnât want to be touched at all. They just desired the simple, thinking silence and all its clarity. He remembered you saying something about itâthat you did like to be comforted, but only in very certain circumstances.
First, Wonwoo subtly wiped off his hand against his thigh, and then he took in the softest breath. Through the flickering, midnight blue mirage, Wonwoo reached for your hand. He settled his cold fingers inch by inch under yours, and, with a timid but gentle thumb, Wonwoo caressed in a slow path along your knuckles.
You glanced to him appreciatively, saying nothing, but squeezing his hand in return. He figured heâd done right.
Maybe more things came to him naturally than he thought.
Before leaving the nature museum, you and Wonwoo had stopped at their atrium as promised to get in a quick meal. While you poked a fork into your sad-looking salad, making small scribbles every now and then to the journal at your elbow, Wonwoo ate a grill-pressed sandwich and flicked through his phone. He was surprised to check the time and realize you had spent about three hours thereâit felt so much shorter. Wonwoo hated how quickly each moment flew past when he was with you. It was always so bittersweet.
He had wanted to know what exactly you were penciling in the journal, though he never asked, knowing he would probably be proofreading it from your document later. Obviously, you were thinking about that particular date with Mingyu from years back in your lifeâthat was the principal point in going to the museum. However, Wonwoo had chosen to regard it more as hanging out, not caring if that was a particularly delusional or untruthful choice.
After finishing your meals and tossing the plastic remnants into the recycling bins, Wonwoo looked outside the atriumâs towering glass wall to note how cloudy the sky had become. From the bright, eggshell turquoise in the afternoon, to an especially muted grey that seemed brewing and heavy with a downpour. You adjusted the bag over your shoulder and suddenly grimaced at the sight.
âJeez, is it going to rain?â
âIt could,â Wonwoo sighed. âIt very possibly could.â
âI swear. I obsessively check the forecast in order to plan all my outfits around it. It never said it would rain!â You then threw the bottle of iced tea youâd been drinking into the garbage with an aggressive slam. âThis shirt is a horrible choice. It will be stupidly see-through."
Wonwoo glanced around the atrium.
âThereâs lots of empty tables. If we want to sit and wait it out, then I donât think anyone would get mad. But, I mean, itâs up to you.â
âWhyâs it up to me?â
âI donât know. Justâif you donât want to get your outfit all soaked. Iâm sure if we left now, we could make good distance before it really started raining. Iâm not opposed to getting a little wet. But I have no issue with staying here and letting the clouds go over.â
You folded your arms, and your head fell to the side. Heâd seen that look before. It was your own patented prelude to disaster.
âI never said I was opposed to getting wet.â
He laughed. âWell, you certainly insinuated it.â
âDo you think I'm some sort of whiny little priss?â
"I think you named your bear Miss Priss."
"I think you're a smart ass. Take that smirk off your face. Now."
Wonwoo wanted to sigh, but he didnât. He then thought about trying to tenderly explain his way out of it with his smooth words. As much as he would think heâd figured you out, there was still a part of him that was very confused by you and how to adjust to your behaviour.
This time, he decided he would do nothing.
âOkay. Letâs go, then.â
He reached out his hand for you to grab.
âAs if,â you scoffed, walking around him toward the exit doorway, into the museum garden, ânot after you just insulted me.â
Wonwoo could do nothing but laugh in response, because he had caught that faint smile on your face as you passed him, and the sweet beading in your eyes. He simply followed you out the doors.
During the walk back to his apartment, it had yet to rain at all, not even a typical, humid summer drizzle or the smallest bit of spitting. Maybe it was just way more cloudy than usual, or it was a concerning spread of city smog tainting the sky. Itâs not like he wanted it to rain, anyway, though more so for your sake than his.
About a little more than halfway through the walk, however, you came to an abrupt stop outside a flower shop, and Wonwoo watched you lift a doubtful hand to your cheek and wipe something off it. Before you could say anything, Wonwoo felt a big, cold, wet drop smack just above his eyebrow and begin leaking down. He used the sleeve of his shirt to clean it up, only to experience another fat droplet strike a second later, right onto his glasses.
âYou canât be seriousâŚâ he heard you mumble.
Making the mistake of looking up, more and more droplets fell swiftly from the daunting, dark grey blanket strewn across the entire skylight. They began painting all over the sidewalk, the roadway, shaking down into the brilliant purple and white petunia pots outside the florist shop. And Wonwoo froze for a moment, because he honestly hadnât expected to be caught in the rain, let alone the downpour it was unfortunately shaping up to be.
âOw!â You winced sharply. âOne just fucking hit my eyeball!â
âShitâletâs hurry.â Wonwoo hid his phone. âMy apartmentâs only like, ten minutes away, less if we run really fast.â
âRun?!â You gawked at him. âI donât run!â
âNo, you fucking sashay, I get it.â In a matter of seconds, those intermittent raindrops had evolved into an unrelenting, bathing barrage. Wonwoo could feel his clothes beginning to dampen, and his glasses were streaming with water. He slapped his hand onto yours, jerking you forward despite your stiltedness. âAnd Iâm so sorry but youâre going to have to sacrifice one part of your pretty fucking princess routine for just five minutes so we can get back to my place.â
âMy pretty fucking whaâ!â
Once Wonwooâs fingers were clasped tight with yours, he started to run, and whether it was voluntary or not, you ran along with him, shouting something that he couldnât quite hear over the rain that bounced in loud splatters against the sidewalk and the adrenaline echoing in his own ears. He could hardly see through the downpour, but heâd walked that path so many times that it almost wasnât necessary. At one point, heâd stepped onto the street prematurely, and he heard the loud, startled honk from a car.
âJesus Christ, Wonwoo!â You half-laughed, half-coughed, clutching onto his slippery hand even tighter, âIâd ideally like to live!â
âWeâre almost there!â He chuckled back.
âI think Iâm going to lose my fucking shoe!â
âIâll buy you a new pair!â
Wonwoo didnât stop, and you didnât either. He was soaked to his bones, with thick, drizzling fronds of hair plastered to his forehead and the glasses nearly slipping from his noseâthe scent of earthy but ashen rain all around himâand still Wonwoo kept running, a very blithe smile permanent to his mouth despite all his discomfort.
Upon reaching the entryway to the pottery shop, Wonwoo almost skidded completely past it since the sidewalk was so slick and pouring like an angry river. You slammed into his back, and it was then that your hands unintentionally separated. Instead, he felt your fingers flesh into the sopping cloth covering his shoulders.
âBe careful on the steps!â He shouted overtop a reverberating crack of thunder that shook from behind the grey sleet sky.
âIf I slip, Iâm pulling you down with me!â
Wonwoo was pleased to hear the equally bright smile that bled into your words, meanwhile your fingertips dug even deeper into his muscle. Once inside the shop, a gust of wind proceeded to blow the door shut, and all Wonwoo heard was hard rain against the glass.
â§â synopsis: wonwoo, a heartbroken and burnt out writer nearing the end of his math degree, wants nothing to do with the seemingly perfect, intimidating girl who has everyone under her thumb. you. unfortunately, his literary talent has got him shoved him between a rock and a hard place when you want to write a book and require his expertise. you two are the furthest from compatible. wonwoo canât see this going well. at all.
pairing: wonwoo x fem!reader
word count: 23.5k
genres/tropes:Â writer!wonwoo, university!au, plug!vernon + boyfriend!mingyu as prominent side characters, SLOWBURN (i am not fucking around this is my slowest burn yet), relationship drama, soul searching, strong angst/hurt (iâm coming for the jugular), comfort, romance, smut, a smoothie of every emotion on earth.
(!) warnings: drug use (weed, coke, ecstasy), wonwoo has anxiety + anxiety attacks + fairly dark thoughts, prescribed medication, gambling, intense language, infidelity, throwing up.
â§â a/n: just some quick things i want to make apparent!
the fic is told from wonwooâs pov, not the readerâs!Â
all major timeline events are organized through chronological dates
potentially triggering scenes within the fic are NOT MARKED in advance
the content is already quite mature, so pls heed the warnings!
bolded and italicized text implies characters are conversing in korean, tho it doesnât happen often!
the fic in its entirety is 140k, so it has been split into 6 parts
everyone's patience and understanding has been endlessly appreciated! you have no idea ;_; i give you all shining stars đ
⢠part two | part three | part four | part five | part six
⢠soundtrack for those curious!
â˘Â read at ur own pace! :)
âMARCH 19TH.
âI have a relatively big favour to ask of you.â
 No. Wonwoo didnât want anything to do with favours.
The fact that Seokmin had actively picked out his presence in the coffee shop like he was some shiny contortion of plastic had actually offended Wonwoo. He came here for two things: to not be bothered, which his friend knew, and to work on the book he was halfway through typing and had been halfway through typing for the past six months. Call it writerâs block, or an inspiration drought, or an absolutely depressing lack of driveâit had been hanging over the writer with an annoying persistence and it seemed that no number of lemony scones or cold coffees were going to make it vanish.
âUh, Wonwoo?â
âSorry⌠what?â He forced his gaze to shift from the blank page on his laptop to Seokminâs apologetic, softly expressional face, slightly flushed from his time outdoors in the chilled March weather.
âI was just wondering if youâd be up for a favourâa pretty big oneâand I know this is your special creativity spot, but sheâs been like, breathing down my neck about it and I canât put it off again.â
âWhose been breathing down your neck?â
At first, Seokmin didnât say a word, or even make a sound. His lips twitched for a moment, but then he pressed them together and his chest visibly sucked in with a breath. God, Wonwoo hated the suspense and he hated Seokmin for interrupting him when he had been so stupidly close to putting a sentence down that he probably would have back-spaced in frustration a minute later. Â
âYâknowâŚâ he trailed off, âHer.â
Her.
No, not her, you.
But most peopleâif not everyoneâreferred to you by an alias that had seemed to stick so well the majority believed it actually was your name. When people said her they meant Her, and so in a confusing mess of finger-pointing they really meant you. Come to think of it, Wonwoo had no idea where the nickname even came from or who gave it to you or what it even meant.
And he was perfectly fine with never knowing.
âWhat?â Wonwoo deadpanned. âWhat on earth could she want to do with me? She doesnât even know me.â He slid down in his chair, fingers pulling at his circle-lensed glasses so they tilted uncomfortably across his nose bridge. âOr, is this a joke?â
âOhâno! Absolutely not!â His friend was insistent on proclaiming, vigorously shaking his head. âIâm being serious.â
âWhy donât I believe you then?â
âOkay, well, if you let me explain everything, itâll all make sense. I said I know someone who writes really wellââ
âMeaning me?â
âYes, meaning you. And the only reason that was even brought up is because she wants to write a book.â
Wonwoo couldnât help it. He laughed a very short disbelieving laugh that flashed a transient smile to his face as he readjusted his crooked glasses. You were the last person he would ever envision wanting to write a book. He then navigated the trackpad on his laptop, deciding to close the document simply titled, 01, that harboured the fleet of pages to his own current work in progress.
âYeah,â Wonwoo disregarded, âsounds like bullshit.â
âIâm telling you the truth!â Seokmin exclaimed, gripping onto the metal back of the cafĂŠ chair like he was squeezing someoneâs taunt shoulders. âShe wonât tell me about what, okay? Just that sheâs been thinking the idea for a while now. Itâs not like I didnât try to get details. But she refusedâsaid the only person who can know is whoeverâs going to help her. Look, yâhave to understand, she was pestering me about it nonstop. And youâre my only writer friend!â
âWell, youâre about to have none.â He answered, reaching for his coffee cup but stopping it just short of his lips. âHow serious is she about this, anyway?â Wonwoo sighed. âDo you know how much fucking time you need to dedicate to writing a book?â
He stomached a slow, somewhat grimacing sip as he tasted the coffeeâs coldness, meanwhile Seokmin swallowed heavily, and at last pulled out the chair heâd been white-knuckling to take a seat.
âYes, Iâm aware it takes time. I know that. And she is serious or else I wouldnât be here, bothering you. She takes everything seriously.â The boy began unbuttoning his sleek black jacket. âReally, who knows whatâll happen? Maybe youâll meet her once and sheâll decide she canât stand you, and then youâre off the hook for life.â
âYeah, well have you ever considered what might happen if I canât stand her? Are my feelings even being considered? Minutely?â
âMinutely, they are being considered.â
âLiar.â
It wasnât that Wonwoo disliked you.
In actuality, you scared him more than anything. But to be associated with you was to be drawn into your life and caught like a firefly in a glass jelly jar. The proof was right in front of himâto Wonwooâs eyes, Seokmin was basically your little mailman that scrambled around in hectic nature to do your bidding, because most tasks apparently werenât worth the time or effort.
âI canât believe youâre trying to rope me into this. You know I can hardly write my own shit, right?â Wonwoo said bitterly, wishing it was the opposite, âmy mind is a desolate, blank canvas of fuck-all and if she thinks Iâm writing it then she needs a reality check.â
âNo, noâof course you wonât write it!â Seokmin reassured him with his big, opalescent smile. âReally, youâre just giving tips, maybe guiding her process, helping with the planning⌠you know, this could be facilitated so much easier if you spoke to Her yourself!â
âSo, my nightmare?â Wonwoo huffed, shaking his leg.
In an instant, Seokmin had whipped out his phone, tapping around the screen quickly using his thin pointer finger.
âIâm just going to pull up her schedule. Itâs always pretty packed, but more into the summer break, it thins out a little. â
Wonwoo exhaled, staring off into the warm, afternoon sunlight that hailed in through the windows, striking all the shimmering flecks and pieces of dust afloat in the cafĂŠ air. When he breathed in again, he could smell the luxurious coffees brewing in their rich and distinctive notes. It was such a beautiful dayâstill chilly as the snow outdoors began to thawâbut pleasant nonetheless.
âThis is such a fucking waste.â
And Wonwoo spent it being miserable.
âNo, itâll be useful. Trust.â Seokmin chirped.
âYouâre trying to dip me in your optimism gloss again.â
His friend smiled affectionately, tilting his head.
âThis will be good. Youâve been a hermit since Iâve known you.â
âYeah,â Wonwoo scoffed, âso you think itâs a good idea to shove me with the person I relate to least on the entire planet?â
âReally? The least? So, what youâre saying is, you relate more to serial killers? Or animal abusers? Or like, literal fascââ
âStop.â
âYou want to do this. I can see it in your eyes. Iâll set you up.â
A part of Wonwoo knew there might be no wriggling out of the situation, especially with Seokmin sitting across from him, characteristically eager and brightly pushy as always, like a goddamn salesman. For now, it could be easier to let himself get cuffed.
âCan I at least have some time to think it over?â
âUh⌠well⌠the thing is⌠the thing with that isââ
âYouâve cornered me?â
âI wouldnât word it like that.â
â⌠Okay.â Wonwoo removed his glasses, shoved his knuckles tender but deep into his eye sockets, massaging through flashes of white as he came to accept a fate he didnât know even existed in his astrology. âJust, I donât knowâfuckâschedule me in wherever.â
âHa! It doesnât exactly work like that.â
âI really donât give a damn how it works, Seokmin.â
âRight,â his friend laughed nervously, âI promise that Iâll get back to you pronto. Sorry for the disturbance. And, uh, good luck.â
 âWith what part?â Wonwoo grumbled, fixing his spectacles back on to clarify Seokminâs sympathetic face, the light bouncing off his head of brassy hair like a disco ball. âMy incapability to write a goddamn thing or the fact I have to help your perfectionist friend whoâs probably going to chew me up and spit me out?â
 âBoth parts.â Seokmin grinned. âIt can only go up from here.â
Wonwoo had one very distinct memory of you: creative writing with Mr. T. It had been an elective class he took amongst all his compulsory maths, and at the time it was a much appreciated break when Wonwoo grew apathetically bored from looking at matrices and confidence intervals and equations that engulfed the length of his notebook. Professor T was late one day in the fall.
And thatâs when Wonwoo remembered you walking in.
There was a sort of sharpness about your presence that pulled everyoneâs spines straight. People tended to angle themselves away from you, though they did it subtly, feigning an adjustment in their seat or a plunge into their bookbag for something that wasnât even there. Wonwoo lacked the words to describe you. To be honest, he most likely could if he put that infinitely expanding lexicon of his to work, but even then, he feared that everything would fall flat.
Some scruffy looking guy had made the mistake of sitting in your seatâsomeone who probably skipped most lectures and only happened to find himself near Gildan Hall purely by chance.
It was the seat squat in the middle of the small auditorium.
He remembered the hand propped on your hip as you sashayed up to himâyou always sashayed places. Wonwoo found it funny, like there were paparazzi stuffed behind potted plants and vending machines waiting to spring out with their blinding flares, just to capture you picking up a half-empty bag of flavourless popcorn.
âOh no. Oh no no no no no no no.â
âHm?â
âExcuse me? Yes, hello. Youâcan you get up please?â
âUp...? Why?â
 âWho are you?â
  âIâm sorry⌠whatâs this about?â
 âAre you a first-year or something? Never bothered going to class until now? All the moshing and beer pong and ending up in some random basement of a friend of a friend of a friend is done so youâre deciding to actually get your moneyâs worth? Well, let me tell you thisâIâve been showing up to class punctually, and this is my seat. I always sit here. Itâs my unofficially-assigned-assigned seat, which seems to be a known fact to everyone in this room except for you. Everyone has one. Everyone knows youâre not supposed to sit in other peopleâs seats. I don't care who you are. You could be my own mother. You could be my best friend, even. President of the universe. That doesn't make it okay, 'cause itâs a respect thing. It's one of those assumed societal rules and you just fucking kicked dirt all over it.â
Whoever he was, he never came back to another lecture.
Since then, Wonwoo had dually made it his mission to never cross paths with you, look at you, or even so much as huff one single carbon-dioxide filled breath in your general direction, just in case that was some degree of unbeknownst personal law he might violate.
Seokmin had royally screwed it up for him.
What could you possibly want to write a book about, anyway?
âMARCH 26TH.
Wonwoo didnât know how he was expected to find you in this gigantic mall. As he brushed through the streamlines of people, bumping their shoulders and mumbling the driest, most insincere apologies, he couldnât stop looking at his phone. Seokmin had given him your number with the instruction that he could find you, here, on a busy Saturday afternoon. So far, Wonwoo had sent you four texts, none prompting a response or the grey-dotted bubble, even. Fuck, why did he agree to this? He couldnât stop thinking it.
Why did he agree to help you, whom he was beginning to not even like, or want to be aquatinted with, write a book, when heâd been struggling to fill the same page of his own story for months?
Squeezing the phone tighter in his fingers, Wonwooâs broad shoulder then smacked into someone else while he was busy steeping in his misfortune. It earned him a wildly disgusted look.
âMaybe watch where youâre going," the stranger grumbled, some man with an engrained scowl and big, bewildered eyes.
But Wonwoo ignored him.
He didnât fucking care, and he was sick of wandering through this mall. It made him feel overstimulated, like his clothes were sticking to his skin differently, like the back of his head was swelling, and like all the smells in his nose were somehow making him warmer.
The stranger just stared at Wonwoo as he walked away.
Ding!
A text, but not from youâSeokmin, instead. Apparently, you were in some clothing store on the second floor. Wonwoo stepped onto the escalator, pressing himself into the barrier to make room for the especially speedy people who couldnât simply stand and wait. He felt a random touch on the back of his head. Scrunching up the glasses on his nose and turning around, Wonwoo stared at the downward escalator, locking eyes with a pretty dark-haired girl heâd never seen before. She wiggled her fingers at him with a flirtatious smile, the scent of her perfume still lingering. Fresh roses, he thought.
He blinked at her once, twice, then turned back around.
Never in a million years.
It was funny, though.
Once Wonwoo stopped outside the clothing store you were supposedly inside, he felt the myriad of distractions and scents and noises dampen behind him. The irritability he couldnât shake was slowly transforming into nerves. Heâd never met you before, unless half-glances controlled by fear from across the small, basement auditorium that hosted creative writing counted.
Focusing on one breath, and then another, followed by a deep, self-soothing inhale, Wonwoo attempted to convince himself that he was in control, not the emotions quivering at his fingertips.
He cracked his neck and walked in.
After a minute or two of confused isle-pacing, Wonwoo rounded a corner, his eyes immediately fixating on a girl who was picking through a neatly assorted dress rack, her head tilted elegantly and her lipstick glimmering under the sterileness of the lightsâyou.
He gulped. Just suck it up.
She canât be that bad. You canât be that bad.
âUh, sorry to bother you. Iâm Wonwoo. I know we have a mutual friend in Seokmin. Lee Seokmin. Heâs in one of your seminar classes or something, and, uhâŚ. anyway. I believe Iâm supposed to help you with a book youâre interested in writing⌠thatâs what I was told, at the very least. And⌠I know weâve never met but⌠um⌠I guessâŚâ he trailed off upon noting your lack of acknowledgement.
Suddenly, he was taking a step back, letting you progress further along the clothing rack, your fingers hopping between each hanger and your eyes scanning their corresponding fabrics.
Wonwoo jerked on the inside with panic. He hated the situation already, though he somehow found the resounding courage, or perhaps, humility, to address you again, even if heâd rather die.
âSo, Iâm not sure if youââ
âCan you move, please? Over here or something? I want this dress.â
He kept his mouth shut in order to avoid spilling out any obtuse nonsense, instead watching with a nervous, analyzing gaze as you removed the hanger and shook out the purple, wine-coloured fabric, its sparkles rippling when you stroked your hand along it.
âWoah. This is too pretty.â
Wonwoo cleared his throat, unsure if you were speaking to him directly. You already had a bundle of dresses tossed over your arm. Why would you meet up with him when you were clearly busy?
âHey, what did you say your name was?â
âMe?â He found himself echoing.
âNo, the mannequin wearing that hideous plaid mini skirt. Of course Iâm talking to you. Should I get you a q-tip or something?â
âNo... I don't need a q-tip. Itâs Wonwoo.â
âWonwoo?â You exercised the name slowly on your tongue.
âYeah.â
âOkay, well, just so youâre aware, itâs 11:35. You were supposed to meet me outside the boutique at 11:30. I can see youâre not very punctual, so thatâs notedâŚâ for a moment, you stood back, and the searing line of your gaze judgmentally raked him from top to bottom. âAnyway⌠youâll have to assist me with some things now, thanks to your big delay. I got all bored waiting for you, so I decided to do a little self-indulgent shopping."
It could have been wiser to continue biting his tongue, but even Wonwoo, who had practically vowed to avoid you for all eternity due to his fear, felt compelled to challenge your unorthodox logic.
âBig delay? I donât mean to be rude, but I did take the bus to get here, and their timing is never right. I feel like five minutes is a reasonable time to wait. Not that Iâm saying youâre impatient.â
âWell, hereâs the thingâŚâ your back turned to him as you took a few slow steps down the clothing rack, probing between the different, pricy materials for anything exuberant you might have missed. âThat is what you said, isnât it? That Iâm impatient? I meanâjeezâwhy bother dancing around it when you can just say it?â
He watched you face him again, except he was keeping perfectly silent, clutching his hand into an anxious, balled fist.
âWell, I suspect you lack urgency, making you apathetic, so therefore you have no sense of initiative. Iâm sure youâre already aware, anyway. I can be slow, too, with certain things. Like, when Iâm icing a cake. Or painting my nails. But I donât walk slow, ever. Thatâs for unmotivated, pointless people who will probably go nowhere in life.â
â⌠Pardon?â
âHold this, please.â
Suddenly, you draped the wine-coloured dress over Wonwooâs shoulder. And he left it there for a second, still gobsmacked, chest shuddering from the pressure of his pumping heart, and wondered how you were even a real person. Once you began walking elsewhere in the store, Wonwoo questioned a very understandable escape toward the exit, though, for some reason, he snapped from his stupor and quickly paced after you, now folding the dress more straightly over his arm. He realized he was too afraid to surrender.
âIâm supposed to help you write a book,â he stated, feeling his lungs dig deep for air, âSeokmin said you needed help.â
âOkay, Iâm tired of holding these two. Hereââ you again blanketed the dresses into his arms, ââplease keep this olive one in good shape, no crinkles. I have yet to find this colour anywhere else.â
Swinging back around, you began heading toward the change rooms, your uncomfortably tall looking heels clicking with each step. Wonwoo stuttered, and he couldnât stop doing itâjust, absolutely baffled by you and your consuming sense of worth. He didnât know what to say, he could only follow, producing bits and pieces of sentences that you were either ignoring or genuinely hadnât heard in comparison to the monologues in your own head.
âAt what point will we discuss why Iâm here?â
Finally, he spat out something coherent.
You paused, and for a fleeting moment, flicked your very intense eyes up and down in an examination of Wonwoo, who felt like he was being intrusively picked apart under a microscope.
 He swallowed tautly, âIâm just wondering⌠thatâs all.â
You pressed your wallet against the top of his shoulder, guiding him to sit down on the white leather stool placed just outside the fitting rooms. He sat, too, fighting the urge to wipe his clammy palms on his jeansâeven worse, the dresses youâd dumped on him.
âLetâs talk after I try these on, âkay?â
There was something different about your voice. It fell lower, sweeter, and he shivered with the thought that you had quite possibly just hypnotized him. He looked up at you, nodding his head.
âGood. Everyone calls me Her, by the way.â
âI know.â
He held his breath as you reached out to take a dress, the wine-coloured one, which was more like a dark, nightly amethyst now that Wonwoo was observing the fabric up close. So, what the hell was he supposed to do? Just sit there, twiddling his thumbs and shaking his knee while you busied yourself with fitting into all those wildly sumptuous dresses? There was a plethora of other things heâd rather be doingâtoo many to name, in fact. But he wasnât going to bother slithering away now, chiefly because you petrified him too much and he wasnât in the mood to be further guilt-tripped by Seokmin. Â
Throwing his head back, he blew out a tired huff and looked at the ceiling. Why the fuck was he doing this? He just couldnât stop thinking it. What on earth could he possibly gain from being terrorized by your weird authority.
âHey, Iâve been there, for sure.â
Wonwoo noticed an older man waltzing past him, probably in his early thirties or so, whoâd spoken in a sympathetic tone. He seemed very polished and clean-cut, made apparent by his sleek suit, and as a university student who was routinely on the verge of going broke after most rents, Wonwoo knew money when he saw it.
âPardon?â
The man stopped and smiled.
âWaiting for your girlfriend, arenât you?â
âOh, no. Iâm justââ
He was interrupted by the squeak of the change room door.
âBe honest. How does this look?â
You had stepped out to examine your silhouette in the large, full-body mirrors against the wall, taking advantage of the heavier lighting to scrutinize every divot and ruffle that textured the amethyst dress. Wonwoo wasnât sure what to say in the moment, and the man he was explaining himself to had wandered off into another aisle to answer a phone call. He watched your fingers pick and pull at the material so it could be readjusted in certain places, your bottom lip pursed as you angled your hips and tensed a leg to make a pose.
There were at least three other dresses strewn in his lap, and you were most definitely going to make him sit there and judge each one. Now, he could be honest. The dress was glittery yet sophisticated, something like a gloaming, purple-stained sky and its first emergent stars encapsulated into fabric, though he wasnât completely sold on it. But he also wanted to leave the mall as quick as time would allow, so rather than being verbose, he shaved it down.
âItâs pretty, not great. I donât really know.â
âHmmâŚâ you mumbled, keeping your eyes fixated on the mirror, ânot great? Whatâs not great about it? The frilly parts?â
âYeah, the frilly parts.â
God, he wanted to go home so bad. Warm tea would be nice right now. There were crinkle-cut fries in his freezer.
âUgh, but I love the colour. Iâm getting conflicted. Maybe Iâll toss it aside and think about it again later. Yeah, Iâll do that... okay, let me get the white one next. Itâs a little short but I can make it work.â
 Wonwoo carefully pulled out the white outfit from the bottom of the pile and handed it off to you. The skirt was notably cropped.
Again, you strode back into the change room and softly clicked the door shut behind you. Wonwoo pulled out his phone almost immediately, navigating to his texts with Seokmin. His thumbs blasted against the screen, tapping out literary warfare that expanded into a decent sized paragraph Seokmin would most likely respond to with an apologetic smiley face. It might take a day or two for Wonwoo to cool off, but he always forgave him. Mr. Sunshine.
When he heard the door rattle, Wonwoo quickly hid his phone back in his pants pocket; however, he severely regretted that decision because holy fuckâthat vinyl white skirt was indeed short and tight and the winding, crossed straps of the top were just maintaining your cleavage. He needed something to help avert his eyes because Wonwoo felt them itch with the urge to stare at your body despite how uncomfortable he was. The floor tilesâcount the floor tiles, or count the lightsâsomething, anything to distract his brain.
âOkay, this is likeâif I bend over, Iâm flashing someone.â
He prayed you wouldnât ask him his thoughts.
âBut likeâokay, I can make this work, right? This has potential. If I stand really straight, and proper, and, just⌠pull this down a bit hereâokay, fuck, that was too much. Donât look for a second⌠donât lookâŚ. donât look⌠mâkay, fixed it.â
Wonwoo wanted to cradle his head in his hands. And, right when he swore that the situation couldnât sink much lower, the wealthy, black-suit man returned from his phone call. He paused the second he saw you in the mirror, watching intensely as you fiddled with the vinyl and attempted to adjust the x-shaped top a little higher over your cleavage. Except he wasnât exactly modest about his gaze. It was drinking you in like some sort of insatiable alcohol.
âThis is tough,â you huffed, pressing your hands against your chest, âthe top is super sexy. I love how open the back is. But itâs such little fabric considering the price. It sucks that I look so hot in it.â
Horrendously, Wonwoo noticed a jewel bracelet slip off your wrist onto the tiled floor. Even more horrendously, he watched in the tensest position possible as you began to bend over and grab it.
No. No, no, no, no way.
The last two dresses spilled in a silk and cotton heap off his lap, nearly tripping him during his rush toward you. He managed to cover your backside in the most heart-hammering nick of time, his hands accidentally brushing in static sparks against yours to help you pull the tight fabric back down your hips. Knowing the man was still watching in the mirror, Wonwoo clasped onto your arm and dragged you back toward the fitting room, his cheeks turned to rubies.
âFuck, you need to be more careful,â he rasped, âthe skirt is too short for you to bending over like that, alright?â
âIâm not leaving a gifted two-hundred-dollar bracelet on the fucking ground. Should I have just kicked it into the change room?â
âGoshâŚâ Wonwoo rubbed along his neck with tire and lowered his voice. âBending over in a skirt that short, especially when thereâs a fucking weirdo watching you, is not the best procedure.â
âSo, itâs my fault heâs a creep?â
âOkayâthat wasnât what Iâumââ
âDo you even like this outfit?â You deadpanned.
Wonwoo chuckled in disbelief, âIâm not answering that.â
âThis is useless." Your eyes agitatedly rolled. âIâm changing.â
âGreat, whatever. Do that.â
He gently pushed you further into the change room and closed the door with a smooth, loud shutter. His heart was still racing.
âYeah, I wouldnât let my girlfriend wear that either.â
âSheâs not my girlfriend.â Wonwoo didnât care that his tone was snappish and clearly tired as he collapsed back onto the stool, making a point to ignore the perverted bastard until he left.
âWonwoo!â You called his name after a few minutes of silence from the fitting room, âplease bring me the green one!â
He wanted to utterly vanish, have the building collapse and crush him in a pile of dust plumes and rubble. Sliding the dress through the small gap in the changeroom door, Wonwoo found himself pausing.
âWhy donât I just hand all these to you?â
âBecause, Iâm using the hangers in here for my clothes.â
âWhy canât you just puââ
âThank you!â
Impatiently, you nabbed the dress and shut the door.
However, that dress was the last one you tried on, and Wonwoo couldnât have been any more relieved. Talking to you seemed like it might give him heartburn or a hemorrhage.
He thought the shiny colour of olive green suited you best.
The dress was silken and long, slightly form-fitting, with a slit cut far up the right thigh and thin spaghetti straps at the shoulders.
You picked the first three dresses to take home, and left the last shimmery one on the rack.
âWeâre leaving now?â Wonwoo asked, cracking his fingers.
âYes, after I pay. Donât seem so eager.â
âWith all due respect, this place isn't really my scene.â
âYour attitude isn't really my scene.â You swiftly corrected him.
He stood next to you at the counter, observing as you zipped open your small black wallet to pull out a credit card. If you were shopping at a store like this, you must be making bank. But Wonwoo was somewhat nosey, and when you set the card on the countertop, he glanced at its embossed name. It definitely wasnât your name.
Kim Mingyu.
It was your boyfriendâs.
[ Wonwoo | 1:15 pm ]: Goddammit Seokmin answer me
[ Wonwoo | 1:15 pm]: Iâve sent you at least ten texts
[ Wonwoo | 1:16 pm ]: Truly how do you do anything with this girl? I feel like sheâs somewhat psychotic and you just fucking had to flash your sad mopey eyes at me in that cafĂŠ so I would break and help her write her book. Iâm sitting here with dresses in my lap, pretty much acting as her unpaid personal assistant. Why the fuck is she asking me about dresses, anyway? Did you help her orchestrate this bullshit? Iâm actually pissed at you. I want an entire paid lunch.
He wasnât all that surprised you made him carry the matte silver shopping bag (with these twine handles that he absolutely hated because of how they suffocated around his fingers), and by a certain point, Wonwoo just didnât give a damn any more. What little social battery heâd maintained since leaving his apartment had officially depleted, for he could feel it weighing in the plaza air around him like an imperceptible mist. Unfortunately, you werenât lying about being a fast walker. Heâd never seen someone stalk with such vigor.
It was nearly an endurance test to keep at your swaying hip, and the few times he fell behind, you would pause and beckon for him.
But Wonwoo discovered that even you needed to stop, to eat and drink like a normal human rather than the disguised cyborg he fleetingly speculated you were. Your touch was so abruptâa hand had curled around his bicep and suddenly Wonwoo found himself being jerked into a cafĂŠ on the bottom floor of the mall. Of course, you had to pick the most expensive place to buy food in the entire fucking vicinity, and since Wonwoo was penny pinching at the moment, he opted to stand back and let you order.
But then he saw you flick open your wallet, waving Mingyuâs sleek yet flashy credit card between your fingers with blatant enticement.
âI can pay for you.â
He shook his head, muttering a careless, âno thanks.â
âDon't BS me. What do you want to eat?â
Wonwoo couldnât stop staring at the credit card.
âWhatâs the limit on that thing?â
âEnough.â
âYou havenât burned through it already?â
âThese openly snide comments youâre making arenât appreciated, you know. Now, please give me an answer before I break off the temples to your glasses so I can use them to stir my drink.â
â⌠What?â Wonwoo mumbled, completely lost.
âPick something!â
âOkay, fuck. Iâll just get a coffee, then.â
He took a step forward to examine the menu boards that the employees were wildly scuttling around underneath, browsing down their chalk-written cold brews until he picked one at random.
That was all Wonwoo asked for.
You bought a lemonade and some sandwich he didnât catch the name of, toasted on panini bread. It felt amazing to sit down. Wonwoo let the silver bag slide completely off his arm and hit the floor, to which he could sense your gaze stinging over him in disapproval. He should have gotten a sandwich himself, but Wonwoo still wasnât sure how he felt about using the money on your boyfriendâs credit card.
Wonwoo relaxed in his chair, angling a glance down at his phone that he kept below the table, checking for any Seokmin texts.
None. He was supposed to be Wonwooâs stupid life preserver in this situation with you, and so far, heâd been left for dead. Taking a lengthy sip from his drink was the only way he could stomach it.
âYou should put your phone on the table. Screen down.â
âFor what reason?â Wonwoo responded in a dull tone, quickly checking his social media with impatient swipes of his thumb.
âSo we can have a conversation.â
At that, he almost gagged, slapping down the coffee cup heâd just picked up.
âNow?â Wonwoo laughed, his deep voice reverberating louder than he intended around the cafĂŠ, âyou want to talk now?â
âUh, yes,â you answered, picking up one half of your sandwich and readying it before your mouth, âwhy is that shocking?â
âBecauseâyouâah, whatever.â
âYou seem crabby. Is that your normal shtick or are you just hangry? Are you sure you donât want anything to eat?â
He was in a worse mood than usual, but that could be blamed entirely on the mall and how exhausted it made him feelâeverything about its environment sucked out his soul. It was most likely the reason he was even daring to act so impatient. You took another bite as you waited for him to answer, and the delicious crackling sound of the toasted bread managed to fissure something inside him.
âYour eyes tell all. Hereâs the other half.â You offered.
Finally, heâd experienced his first flares of contentment that day, though he wasnât expecting it to be from a panini sandwich with what he could taste to be lettuce, mayonnaise, tomato, and different types of melted cheese.
âThanks.â
âWell, Iâll at least give us time to finish eating.â
[ Seokmin | 2:30pm ]: I can do one paid lunch :)
[ Seokmin | 2:30 pm ]: Herâs not psychotic sheâs just uhh
[ Seokmin | 2:31 pm ]: She probs did it to mess with youÂ
[ Wonwoo | 2:37 pm ]: She thinks being 5 mins late warrants putting me through one of the worst experiences in my life.
[ Seokmin | 2:37 pm ]: Awwww
[ Seokmin | 2:37 pm ]: Who doesnât like a little shopping??
[ Wonwoo | 2:39 pm ]: It wasnât shopping it was torture. You owe me so much more than a fucking lunch.
âMARCH 29TH.
Unfortunately, Wonwoo never got the opportunity to discuss your book that Saturday. In the middle of eating, your phone buzzed with a brief call that had interrupted your peculiarly passionate rant on the different cup sizes at the movie theatre (Wonwoo had listened without saying anything, mostly because he dreaded the circumstances that may come from peeping a word when you were so fixated on explaining that âthe medium is too much but the small is too little and theyâre both obnoxiously pricedâ).
He then watched cluelessly as you launched up from the table, collecting every little belonging between your fingers, babbling about some wax appointment that had escaped you.
It was just that simpleâyou were gone.
In the beginning moments of your absence, Wonwoo had sat there without much inclination of what to do next.
Heâd worried it was another test, and that he was supposed to dutifully follow you to said wax appointment and continue bending to your every endeavour with no retaliation throughout the day. He had also found the silence across from him unsettling, in a way.
Nonetheless, if you werenât there, then Wonwoo figured he didnât need to be there either. So he left, taking the fifty-six back to his apartment, and you hadnât contacted him since.
Wonwoo actually knew his landlord quite well.
Her building was comprised of four apartments, which sat above her pottery shop on the ground floor. She wasnât a very bothersome landlord and it was fairly easy to connect with her whenever something broke or caused problems.
When he first moved in three years ago, Wonwoo had ardently adored living there, constantly studying the shelves of shiny glazed vases in addition to the beautiful water colour paintings that were created by his landlord or her students. It had been an inspiration supernova in terms of his personal literature, and he was able to start writing his book. Though, at the time, Wonwoo hadnât been living alone in his apartment, and it was an inescapable fact that the only reason he began writing his book was with the hope of eventually presenting it to his old girlfriend-slash-roommate.
Now, it was just him.
And as Wonwoo pushed up from his grave of rumpled bedsheets, feeling lethargic and empty, he tried concerningly hard to pinch those thoughts from his mind. It was nearly lunch. He knew damn well he shouldnât have allowed himself to rot that long in bed, but the other half of himself, the self-sabotaging kind, just couldnât be bothered to fucking care. Wonwoo reached for his glasses that lay half-opened on the nightstand, raking them onto his face while brushing the hair from his eyes. The first thing he properly saw was his tall, skinny, orange bottle of venlafaxine. No. He was ignoring it.
Wonwoo had been ignoring it for the past few months.
Whenever he got particularly sick of staring at the bottle, heâd shove it in his drawer, making sure to bury it deep under old, amply-scribbled notepads and inkless pens that heâd worn to the bone. At last getting up from the bed, Wonwoo experienced his entire body sway and he caught the room spinning at the distant edges of his peripheral. But he walked through it without a care in the world, utterly too used to the feeling of imminent nausea even without his medication. He decided on a shower, then dressing himself, one Poptart, a swig of water from the kitchen tap, and almost walked out the apartment door with the minty toothbrush still in his mouth.
After walking three blocks down from his apartment, Wonwoo stepped across the dead, spiky grass and into the lacklustre parking lot behind the bowling alley that always smelled like stale pizza.
He knew the vanilla Camry well enough to identify itâstalled smack and centre amongst the emptinessâthe licence plate being chiselled into his head like his old locker combination from high school (16-12-24, because Wonwoo for some reason liked fixating on prehistoric details that were glaringly useless in his present).
Early two-thousands R&B was blasting from inside the outdated-looking car, though it was thankfully turned down once Wonwoo threw the door open and shimmied inside.
The odor permeated Wonwooâs lungs in a heartbeat.
âI thought you were getting this dry-cleaned,â he sighed to his friend, Vernon, who was busy rifling through a backpack.
âUh, didnât happen. Didnât wanna pay all that. Mâgonna find someone else to do it thatâs not taxinâ my ass. Air fresheners are all dried nâshit so youâre gonna have to deal. My bad, Glasses.â
Glasses. That nickname had always made Wonwoo huff a little half-chuckle, and almost instinctively, he pushed the glasses a bit higher back up his nose. He was introduced to Vernon at a New Yearâs Eve party he was forced to attend back in December, though it had been difficult to speak with him because he was blitzed out of his fucking mindânot to mention the choking pain of ignoring the girl who had been sliding her hands along the divots of his shoulders and chest from behind, kissing at his neck.
But Vernon was branded in tattoos, and had all kinds of metal in his face, and was blessed with concupiscent, honey-burnish eyes magnetized every woman in the vicinity straight to him.
Somehow, Vernon had become Wonwooâs plug in the mix.
âNow, what are you gettinâ, Glasses? The usual quarter ounce, right?â Vernonâs tongue poked between his blistered lips as he dug a heavily-inked hand further into the backpack seated in his lap.
âYeah, quarter ounce.â
âOh, fuck yeah. Found it. This one.â Vernon exchanged the plastic-bagged ounces of weed with Wonwooâs cash. âGimme, gimme. I know itâs all here, but let me check⌠â he flaked out the tinted bills with a satisfied head nod. âPrettier than a princess. Youâre golden.â
âDid you just say princess?â
âYeah. Thatâs what I said⌠what?â
âIâve never heard that.â
âItâs not princess?â
âItâs picture, isnât it? Prettier than a picture.â
âReally? Oh. Thatâs not how I rememberâwhy the fuck are we even talkinâ about this? Doesnât fuckinâ matter. Now, thatâs gonna last you if youâre cute,â he said, throwing his notorious bag into the seat behind him, then tapping at his busted radio with a thick strip of tape across it, the next song rasping through the speakers, âdonât go crazy on it with your meds and shit. Do you still got enough papers?â
Wonwoo scoffed dryly at Vernonâs assumption while he hid the plastic bag within an inside pouch on his navy-blue jacket. A second later and his phone buzzed with a text message.
âFuck the meds, honestly,â Wonwoo grunted, shifting his hips up in the seat to remove the phone from his back pocket.
Vernon itched his dark eyebrow. âAlright. Just askinâ.â
Wonwoo opted to say nothing as he checked the text message without much expectation, and he was thankful that Vernon was the type to drop a subject easily. Instead his friend transitioned into a different conversation, something about another tattoo that heâd been debating, but in the kindest way possible, Wonwoo wasnât listening to a goddamn word. You had texted him. Finally. For the first time. After three days of radio silence. And Wonwoo didnât know why heâd suddenly exploded into such a fidgety, heart-pounding mess. You wanted to meet up again in order to discuss the bookâs details.
âWho the fuck is that? Jesus Christ?â
âNo,â Wonwoo laughed, clasping his right hand into an anxious fist, âum, I dunno. JustâSeokminâs got me doing this thing with a friend of his. Sheâs trying to write a book and he kinda threw me into helping her. Weâre supposed to meet up and talk about it.â
âOh,â Vernon answered, leaning his elbow against the window and sweeping a hand through his black tresses, âdo I know the chick?â
âMaybe?â
âShe got any social media? An Instagram?â
âYeah.â
âOu, let me see.â
Wonwoo wasnât following you. Then again, he was hardly following anyone. His Instagram had remained completely empty since his girlfriend left him, which had prompted Wonwoo to archive every single picture and delete all the ones that contained her, even the ones that captured mere traces of her in beaded bracelets and hair ties and white socks left on the carpet.
Wonwoo used Seokminâs account to find you. Honestly, he hadnât ever looked at your Instagram before. Without gleaning a single photo, Wonwoo thrust his phone at Vernon.
âOh, yeah, I do know this chick,â Vernon chuckled, thumbing through your profile with a growing smirk, âHer, right?â
âYeah.â
âMm, yeah. Know her. Tried to fuck her. Didnât work at all.â
Snapping his head to look at Vernon, Wonwoo gaped, âwhat?â
âYeah, I meanââ Vernon adjusted himself in his seat, pulling up his knee to rest a tattoo-coated arm across it, ââran into the chick at a party that some rich dude at your university threw. Sweet-talked her for a bit until I realized she had a stupid boyfriend. She told me a million different ways to kill myself. Yeah, sheâs somethinâ, for sure.â
âYouâre lying.â
âHaâa little. She didnât tell me to kill myself, just scolded me for about ten minutes. God, she was wired as fuck though. Her boyfriendâfuckinâ, Mingyu, or whateverâhe gets her coke. Iâve seen her take a line like itâs pixie dust, man. This was like, over a year ago, though. Dunno if sheâs still that loopy. I donât care. Sheâs pretty hot.â
Vernon then flashed him a picture from your account, a full body picture of you sprawled across sparkling white sand in a bikini, meanwhile Wonwoo could only stare at it with the blankest possible expression as his brain splattered with computing Vernonâs story.
âIs she still with him?â Vernon asked.
Wonwoo cleared his throat and sat with his spine rigid against the leather, nearly forgetting where he was and what he was doing.
âWith who?â
âLady Liberty. Mingyu.â
âOh⌠yeah. Theyâre dating, still.â
âNo fuckinâ way,â his friend lamented while he continuously plunged further into your pictures, thumb pressed to his chin, eyes glimmering, âyou coulda flipped this book thing on its head and actually got some fuckinâ head, especially with that deep ass voice you got there. I know itâs gotta feel good. I mean, look at her lipsââ
âYouâre being gross as fuck,â Wonwoo groaned, swiping his phone back and stuffing it away, âget a girlfriend yourself, man.â
âIâm tryinâ to clean up my act a bit before I do that.â
âThatâs definitely a work in progress, Iâm assuming.â
âAsshole,â Vernonâs voice was gritty as he coughed into a fist, slipping his knee back under the steering wheel and proceeding to crank his stereo until the music was practically suffocating Wonwoo, ânow get the fuck out. Youâre not my only deal today. Sorry, Glasses.â
âLater.â
Wonwoo pushed open the door and stepped outside into the cold afternoon breeze. He sucked in a long, relieving breath. At times the fresh air disgusted him, especially when he cozied into one of his mental ruts and everything in the world seemed so grey it was soul-crushing, but Vernonâs car smelled like straight fucking cannabis.
Fresh air was heavenly.
âDonât forget to text your girl!â Vernon laughed just before Wonwoo slammed the door shut to swallow up the melodic lyrics.
He wanted to make a snap comment before the boy drove off to his next endeavour, but he didnât care enough to think of one.
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 1:35 pm ]: hey wonwoo, itâs her. I think we should finally settle a date to talk about this book thing. let me attach a pic of my schedule and you can pick any open slots
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 1:35 pm ]: 145_348.JPG
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 1:35 pm ]: Â seokmin isnât going to be our communicator anymore, so u can stop complaining to him about it
[ Wonwoo | 1:45 pm ]: Okay, thanks.
[ Wonwoo | 1:45 pm]: Iâll take a look soon.
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 1:45 pm ]: Iâm excited to see you again
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 1:50 pm ]: no likewise?!
[ Wonwoo | 1:50 pm ]: Likewise.
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 1:50 pm ]: ugh. thx
âAPRIL 1ST.
It was around six in the evening and Wonwoo was seated in the SRX building, the sky rolling with lambent, hazy-toned pastures of peach in the windows behind him. He had arrived about an hour ago, taking the staircase up to the third floor. It was much quieter there, making it easier for Wonwoo to endlessly stare with glazed, void eyes at his laptop screen and the cursed document he couldnât finish. After tapping his fingernails in a bored, repetitious pattern against the shiny white table, he felt the urge to delete each and every paragraph as if he hadnât poured months of earnest love into them.
You would be meeting him soon.
He could still remember looking at your schedule, pinching into the screen and examining all the different colour-coded blocks: dinner parties, SSA meetings, gym sessions, errandsâhow the fuck you managed to juggle those things and more left him marvelled yet terrified. You were pretty on point regarding your arrival time, to which Wonwoo could immediately identify you before even seeing your face due to the heel clicking and the sounds of tapping jewelry on your bag.
Emerging onto the floor with a very intense scowl and a notably crushing grip on your drink, you were to say the least, angry. Wonwoo gnawed slightly on his tongue as you sat down.
Your purse clunked like a cinderblock onto the table.
He watched you inhale a slow, shaky breath, raising your hand with the expansion of your chest in order to calm down.
 âIâm going to kill myself.â
Wonwoo leaned back in the chair, subtly trying to establish more distance between you. He flicked a glance at his laptop.
âDamn. Why is that?â
âBecause of stupid, incompetent people.â
âYeah?â
âI justâI donât get it!â You laughed, though it wasnât a particularly jovial sound and more than anything it seemed like you were going to start smashing glass. âI donât get how people are unable to understand that we donât do walk-ins unless one of the stylists are freeââ you dug a hand into your purse, pulling out a straw, ââwhich in the salonâs case, is almost never! I tell them we canât in my very sweet, established customer service voice: âIâm sorry, but the only way to receive a chair is to book online.'â
Wonwoo tilted his head, grinning a little.
âBlah, blah. I tell them the entire story in the kindest way I can, even though I want to grab them by their fucking neck and drag them over the counter to show them our website.â You slipped out your laptop next, accidentally dragging out a lanyard along with it that you agitatedly shoved back into the purse. âAnd then, they get all uptight and pissy when we canât wriggle them in! Sorry, our makeup artists are busy! Working with people who made scheduled fucking appointments! The world doesnât fucking revolve around you!â
You scraped the drink toward you, slamming the straw straight through the plastic film lid with such force that several people ended up turning their heads. After taking a long sip, you gulped and glared until they probably realized it was you and pretended not to care.
For a moment, Wonwoo didnât know what to say, so heâd folded his arms instead. Considering that Wonwoo worked the late shift stocking shelves at the pharmacy department, your predicament sounded like an entirely new world to him.
âUgh, Iâm sorry to bring all this negativity with me,â you apologized, still exasperated, âI donât need this fucking teaâI need straight vodka. Iâm seriously frazzled.â
âSeriously frazzled?â Wonwoo repeated, finding your choice of words funny as he resumed leaning forward, arms still crossed.
âVery, seriously frazzled.â
âIâm sorry about your day.â
Again, you sighed deeply while removing your long, warm jacket to drape over the chairâs spineâit was a rather elegant reveal of the strapless pearl dress underneath, tinted by the evening light, peach-pink as it rained from the ceiling length windows and framed your body like you were some sort of resurrected angel. Tension at last started escaping your shoulders. Wonwoo quickly realized that he'd been staring, and his fingers curled into a nervous fist.
âYouâre actually such a good listener.â
Wonwoo cleared his throat. âUm, thank you.â
âI like that you donât interrupt me.â
Settling his elbows on the table and ruffling the back of his messy black locks, Wonwoo felt himself panic a little on the inside.
âWell,â he heaved in, âI wouldnât dream of it.â
âI know," you chirped, posturing yourself confidently, âanyway, the book. We need to talk about it.â
âTableâs yours.â
Wonwooâs knuckles pressed softly into his cheek while he waited for you to prepare your laptop. His own document was glowing at him, and he swore the emptiness of the page made the screen brighter (in the absolute worst, most mocking way).
âOkay, Iâve got my ideas and such pulled up.â
He expected you to continue and introduce the concept, but you had suddenly stopped, and Wonwoo thought you appeared almost smitten and somewhat timorous. It was strange, because from what heâd known and gauged so far, you were nothing akin to that.
âWell, promise that you wonât think itâs ridiculous.â
âI donât even know what it is.â
âThatâs why I want you to promise!â
Wonwoo pushed up his glasses and sighed, âI will need to be honest at some points you know, depending on what kind of help you want from me. Not that Iâm going to be a straight-up dick.â
You scoured at him from over your laptop.
âWhatever.â
âIâll promise if it makes you feel better.â
âJustâshut up." You wiggled your hand at him dismissively and proceeded to tug the laptop closer. âI donât even care anymore.â
Once you spent a moment affirming the document to yourself, you looked up at him and smiled. âIâm going to write a book for Mingyu. Our fifth anniversary is coming up in the winterâitâs actually on Christmas Eveâthe day he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. I just want to write him a little memoire thingy that tells our story. I want it to walk through the events of our lives, and how I remember them. First encounter, first date, first kiss, stuff like that. Iâve already collected some good memories to include. I have⌠somewhat of an outline? But my problem is the writing. I can spew nonsense from my mouth at a million miles an hour, but when I try to actually write? Itâs crickets.â
You sat back, a hand poised thoughtfully at your cheek while one leg folded over the other. Wonwoo knew you were granting him the space to speak and at least offer a slice of his thoughts, yet, in that moment, he found himself to be drowning. He didnât believe in fate or destiny or anything of the delusional like; however, hearing you explain the exact premise of a story that he had been successfully writing until a certain breakupâit had shaken him, and Wonwoo felt like the universe was smearing salt fresh into his unsewn wounds.
âSoâŚâ your head cocked to the side. âCan I at least an âokayâ or a head nod or some sign of life? Or are you just too disgusted?â
What could he say? What was he supposed to say?
Wonwoo was genuinely clueless on how to help you write a story that heâd been utterly failing at writing himself. And, sure, maybe Wonwoo should just give up completely. His ex-girlfriend had ripped out his heart without a single indication that it would happen, and then exited his life in the blink of an eye, disappearing so fucking abruptly that Wonwoo could have said she was a shadow that he imagined in pure lunacy. But he hadnât dropped the story because there was this very stubborn, unwilling part of his being that could not move on from herâher, who had been his love, and breath, and bones.
Heâd decided to finish the story as a manner of easing into closure. If that closure never came, then so be it.
âAre you seriously fucking ignoring me right now?â
His silence had promptly disturbed your peace, and now you were glaring at him with the beginning licks of fire and hell in your eyes.
âI donât think I can help you.â
âWhat?â You pronounced sharply. âAre you kidding?â
âNo, Iâm sorry,â Wonwoo said while closing his laptop and sliding it back into his shoulder-sling bag, âI justâIâm not the right person to help you. Iâm not, and youâll have to take my word for it.â
âSeokmin told me you could write fucking anything. He made it out like you were some literature God with a golden quill. Andâgreat, youâre just packing up fucking everything. Are you serious? Am I even allowed more of an explanation or are you gonna leave it at that? Wonwoo, you couldnât have told me this at a worse time.â
âI didnât plan for it to be like that.â He could hardly push the syllables up his diaphragm. âIt canât be me. Iâm sorry.â
You didnât lift a finger to stop him from leaving, though the wavelength of your incinerating stare was felt like a hot, melting scratch down his neck. This was terrible, he was terribleâWonwoo already knew that about himself. He wanted to go home. He wanted to shut himself away in his room and sink straight through the sheets until he was swallowed. His anxiety was webbing around him. It was pulling him down into the soil and earth like he belonged there.
He truly hated this part of himself.
More than anything, he truly hated when other people saw it.
Especially people like you.
âAPRIL 8TH.
Wonwoo didnât think you would ever speak to him again, in person or over text message. In retrospect, he was fine with it. You were rather overwhelming and especially tiring for someone like Wonwoo who would be perfectly fine never seeing another human in his lifetime. Not to mention he was freed from helping you with your book, which he learned was a technical love letter to your boyfriend in addition to a romance he wanted a nonexistent part in. Going down that path once was already excruciating enough, and given his anxiety attack that saw him locked in a cold washroom stall last week, it was best you just forget about him. He assumed you already had, anyway.
After he stocked the last red bottle of sinus medicine onto the shelf, Wonwoo used his boxcutter to break down the cardboard package and fold it flat with the others heâd opened. It was time for his break, and then he would only have one more hour until the pharmacy section closed for the night. Once it hit ten oâclock, the store was automatically still and hardly anyone came inâminus the few student couples whom Wonwoo had to point in the direction of pregnancy tests or plan b. But it was a Tuesday night. He was at the bare minimum appeased he didnât have to console a sobbing, snotty-nosed eighteen-year-old girl imploring for a First Response.
When he collapsed down at his favourite seat in the breakroom, Wonwoo pulled out his phone. He had sent Seokmin a text yesterday evening about going studying at the SRX building for their upcoming math midterm, though Seokmin had yet to respond and Wonwoo couldnât evade wondering if you were pulling some strings behind the curtain.
He opened his bottle of juice and spent the remainder of his fifteen listening to music and jittering his knee.
Wonwoo took his earbuds with him back onto the floor, sneaking the wires under his shirt to pull out his collar. There were only a few boxes left on his cart that required stocking, and whatever didnât fit would have to be scanned into storage. That shouldn't take long. Wonwoo could almost taste the crisp atmosphere of the night air and feel the gentle chilliness soon to ghost against his face.
However, halfway into shelving the cough drops there had been a polite tap on his shoulder, and Wonwoo wanted to wither up and lose his head right there on the tiles like a sundried rose.
He didnât know who to expect when he turned around, pulling out a single earbud while the other continued to blast his music. Â
âOh, shitâI didnât know you worked here.â
Fuck. He wanted to kill himself.
âYeah, started a couple months ago, actually.â
Mingyu.
Itâs not that Wonwoo didnât like speaking with him, because they had definitely exchanged cordial conversations in the past, particularly when they both took that Probability Poker elective last semester and Wonwoo learned that Mingyu was a pretty decent bluffer. Unfortunately, Mingyuâs belief that he was a great bluffer was actually the one indication that he was indeed bluffing. It showed in his overly confident eyes before a twitch of the lips or a subtly shifted foot, meanwhile Wonwoo was able to sit there the entire time like he was an Easter Island statue incarnate.
Put simply, Wonwoo had always preferred to avoid Mingyu because he was your boyfriend, and per routine, he attempted to slip around most people that were associated with you.
âCool.â Mingyu smiled and the flashes of his pointed teeth caught the light. âStuffâs got switched around in here again.â
âNew mods came out last week,â Wonwoo answered, placing the last cough drop box onto the shelf and facing it straight.
âWell, donât know what the fuck that means,â his tone was brassy as he laughed, âI just came to ask where the plan b is now.â
 âTwo aisles down, check the endcap.â
âAppreciate it, thanksâoh, condoms?â
âNext aisle.â
âGot it.â
âJust come get me when youâre done,â Wonwoo said, grabbing his boxcutter and running the blade along the taped seam of the cardboard to satisfyingly slice it open, âIâm the only one in pharmacy right now, so I have to ring you up.â
As soon as Mingyu disappeared around the corner, Wonwoo tossed the flattened cardboard onto his cart with the loudest, most life-draining sigh that could be harboured. He wasnât the kind of person to cultivate those racing, panicky thoughts that consumed his brain like a merciless hurricane, rather it was typically one single thought that was an eternal black space to swallow him. But Wonwoo had to admit that seeing Mingyu had triggered something of the latter, and now he was feeling sick with the fact you possibly told Mingyu about his episode at the SRX building last week. To Wonwoo it had been the shackles of his anxiety, though it probably came across as a very ill-mannered, abrupt rejection from your perspective.
Mingyu didnât take long picking out his items. It was clearly a run of the mill routine for him at this pointâa mere grab and go.
At the register, Wonwoo mentally questioned why Mingyu had grabbed such a plethora of condoms. He didnât mean to be vulgar in his thinking, but how often were you getting fucking railed?
Either that, or Mingyu preferred being well stocked.
Vernon would be bruising his knuckles on his steering wheel right now, considering how devotedly he attempted to seduce you.
As payment, Mingyu pulled out that godforsaken credit card that you had borrowed during the dress shopping. Wonwoo felt nauseous just looking at the damn thing. He swiped all of the items into a small plastic bag which he then handed to Mingyu with a notable impatience, wanting to whisk the boy out as quick as possible.
âGânight, man. Thanks for the help.â
âNight,â he answered in a deep, tired sigh, watching Mingyuâs head of thick and bouncy black hair disappear toward the aglow exit.
Well, clearly you werenât wasting anytime thinking about him despite the dramatics pertaining to the situation last week, not even in the most marginal fraction. Mingyu must rail it out of you every nightânot that Wonwoo would be surprised to learn such a thing considering the tall boyâs physique and your openly lascivious nature.
Well, good luck to you both, he supposed.
At least it was closing time.
Wonwoo had always suspected there was something ever so slightly off kilter about his body, especially in the way it reacted to certain situations and emotions. He knew it probably wasnât the most mundane, ordinary actâlocking himself in his auntâs washroom the day of his sixteenth birthday, sliding down onto the cold, hard tiles, feeling his heart jolt, punch, and thump again his chest like a battering ram. There had been a pattern of rubber ducks on her eggshell blue shower curtain, and Wonwoo remembered counting them row by row, over and over, until his breath managed to steady.
Twenty-four ducks. He could still recall the number.
A doctorâs visit about three weeks later had granted him the diagnosis and a scribbled venlafaxine prescription. Wonwoo was already collecting his sweater off the tissue sheet bed, ready to leave.
In the beginning, he was strict about his medication. He organized them into pill cartridges and set alarms and always ate them with cooked, warm meals. Understandably, his habits dwindled every now and again, however, Wonwoo was quite pious to the routine for a good couple years. But then he met his most recent girlfriend in university. She was shy and reserved. All about the books.
Cute as buttons.
He fell in love.
And it was all such a rush of rose petals and sweet symphonies that Wonwoo became distracted from his healthy habits.
Of course, everything crashed and burned once she abandoned him. He capitulated in an instant, and the sight of the orange bottle made him paler than winter moonlight. Itâs not like he wanted to suffer, or despise the way his body put him through a neural hell beyond his own control. The fact of the matter was that Wonwoo just couldnât do it. He couldnât take those stupid pills.
It was a mountain. Every. Single. Time.
And for the third time that week, Wonwoo found himself awake at an ungodly hour, rifling through the black lunchbox he kept in his closet with his glasses about to slip off the fine point of his nose.
He pulled out the baggie filled with the quarter-ounce, his silver grinder, and his rolling papers. Moving to his desk, Wonwoo clicked on the small overhead lamp to illuminate his space, in which he tapped some of the weed into his grinder and began twisting the lid until he was satisfied. He liked preparing joints to smoke on the roof. It wasnât particularly hard to access, anyway. Right outside his bedroom window was a balcony with a short ladder attached to the brick, and once Wonwoo had discovered it, he made a habit of climbing up to spark his joints so that their pungent aroma could be carried away by the fresh winds usually stirred up at gloaming.
Honestly, it was the only thing he enjoyed.
Just before he slipped out the window, Wonwoo grabbed a pair of black jeans heâd worn earlier in the week, discovering the lighter heâd accidentally left in the back pocket.
The ladder shuddered slightly when Wonwoo gripped it, though if he were being candour, he didnât care whatsoever if all the bolts suddenly loosened and he were to splatter against the sidewalk like an uncooked pancake. In fact, the fall probably wasnât enough to kill him. Maybe a few broken bones and scrapes, some blood staining the street akin to little patterns of rain, bruises that signatured violets into his skin, but Wonwoo would still be painfully, vividly alive, enough to see the stars if the glasses didnât snap off his face.
It was a colder night, so Wonwoo made sure to tuck on his beanie and huddle into his thicker-sized coat. He sat with one leg dangling over the buildingâs edge, feeling the wind whiplash against his back and crawl in these chilly, indecipherable whispers from his shoulders to his neck, almost tickling him, like it had missed him.
An orange flicker popped to life from the butane of his lighter, which he used to lightly singe the joint perched at his lips. Wonwoo then tilted his head back, blowing the cloud and its loose, airy curls straight into the skyâs deepest purples.
He loved being alone.
Even when his ex-girlfriend had moved in with him all those months ago, there was an unyielding part of him that hadnât been ready to forfeit all his space and privacy.
But, over time, his love surmounted the sacrifice.
He would wake up to her sleeping face, and with thoughtful nudges, clear the hairs off her cheeks. He would spend an hour working on his homework or writing his story while waiting for her to stir so messily in the sheets that it became graceful. He would tease her with his cold hands as she boiled up tea in the kitchen, pinching at her hips with the utmost softness and giggling huskily into her neck when she would twist in the arms that bracketed her body against his chest. He would trap her between the counter, sunshine striking the room aglow in these nearly blinding seas of light, mouthing at her throat and tugging at her shorts and hitching his fingers so deep into her heat because all Wonwoo wanted to do was make her feel good.
Opening his eyes again, Wonwoo saw the stars rather than her face. The high was disseminating past his lungs and mingling with the pain that festered in his heart, concocting something that hurt so wonderfully, in all the right places, in all the right spots.
He was a fucking mess.
It wasnât sustainable. But he didnât care enough to fix himself.
 âAPRIL 15TH.
Why did Wonwoo keep coming back to that cafĂŠ? The number of times heâd sat down with conviction that today would be fruitfulâtoday, the eloquence would flow from his fingertips like perfectly pitched music notes and the symphony would read as beautiful and mellifluous as it sounded in his mind. Today, he was going to write.
Except, he accomplished nothing of the sort.
Repeatedly tapping his index finger against the space bar, he waited for the right adjective or phrase to leap outâto grasp him in a headlock evenâwhatever it took, Wonwoo was willing to sit there all afternoon until one fucking word conjured in the infinite blankness that was his imagination. He reached for his drink, only to take a sip of dry air that smelled like his earlier cocoa. Wonwoo realized the cup was empty. Had he wasted this much time already?
It pricked similarly to a bee sting. His passions felt impossible. A sigh upheaved from his chest and fingers curled into his hair, musing up the already disarrayed strands and slowly warping himself to look more and more like a mad scientist. Wonwoo removed his glasses and slumped back in the chair, rubbing at the reddish prints left on his nose. Writing had soaked itself in agony and he was going to remain in the storm of it until the bitter, ungratifying end.
âTill death do us part.
 And then, something struck.
Though it wasnât what Wonwoo had hoped for.
Literallyâit was your hand hitting the glass of the cafĂŠ window, which had jerked Wonwoo out from his self-pitying.
He scrambled to fix his glasses back on, your face clarifying in an instant. You smiled at him with your glossed lips, and he didnât like the nuance of your countenance one bit. Watching you enter the cafĂŠ was jarring and uncomfortable and his fist immediately clenched, his index nail picking at the ruined cuticle of his thumb. Two weeks agoâthat was the last time you had spoken. At the SRX building.
âHey!â You sounded friendly. âCan I sit here?â
âWell, uhââ
âGreat, thank you.â
You pulled out the chair across from him, then set your bag delicately on the windowsill. Wonwoo watched with nervous, fluttering eyes as you smoothed out your cropped skirt before sitting down, ensuring it was tucked under yourself appropriately.
âHow are you?â
Gulp.
âFine.â
âGood. Thatâs really good. Iâm glad.â Your nails drummed once against the table. âI actually didnât plan on coming here, but I saw you as I was crossing the street, and I thought, âI should stop by and check in on himâ because, yâknow, we havenât been talking.â
Wonwoo furrowed his brow. âDo you always do that?â
âDo what?â
âSlap your hand against windows to get peopleâs attention.â
You swept something off the table with your palm, and this sunshine-like laugh turned your entire face to sweetness, but it wasnât entirely earnest, and Wonwoo bit into his lip because you fucking terrified him. He caught your sparkling eye and wanted to melt.
âDid I scare you? Iâm so sorry.â
âNo, youâre good.â
âWhat are you working on?â
âA paper.â
Obviously, he was going to lie. Whether or not you could pick up on his lie was beyond Wonwooâs control at that point. He didnât know what you wanted, or why you were interrupting the flow of your very organized scheduling system to seemingly toy with him.
You didnât respond to his paper comment. There was a thick silence between you despite the distant clattering of dishes, bubbling coffee machines, and conversations that coalesced into one big buzz.
Wonwoo bit the bullet.
âSomething you want from me, yeah?â
âNot⌠exactly⌠I mean, after you left me at the SRX building, I wanted to get very angry about the whole situation. My day was terrible, and you responding to my idea with that sickly look on your face didnât help. But I thought about it. You said no. I canât ask anything more of you, yâknow? I have to respect what you said.â
âOh.â Wonwoo unclenched his fist, stretched out his long legs a bit more. âYeah, sure. I get it. Thanks for understanding.â
âI just didnât think my idea was that bad.â
âWell⌠no. Itâs not bad. Itâs not bad at all.â
A twitch to your lip suggested you didnât believe him. Wanting to clear the air a bit, Wonwoo stopped slouching. He sat straighter and lowered the lid of his laptop, inviting the space between you.
His mouth opened, and then closed.
Fuck, just breathe you idiotâhe cursed at himself.
You did that little head tilt thing, half-smiling at him, looking radiant underneath the cafĂŠ sunlight and so oddly patient with his tied-tongue that Wonwoo was miraculously able to find his words.
âThere is nothing wrong with your idea. I made it seem like there was. Iâm sorry. I just donât want to help you write a romance story, for personal reasons that would be useless explaining. But you seem very confident in everything you do. Iâm sure youâll be fine.â
âHm, well, thank you for believing in me. Romance can be a touchy subjectâI didnât think of that, and I get it⌠I guess I felt more insecure about your reaction because writing is the one thing I canât ace. I do need help with my story, even if I donât want it. Well, itâs just the truth, isnât it? There are some things I canât do!â
You chuckled at yourself, and Wonwoo thought it to be actually endearing. All your hard edges softened in that moment.
âSo, I havenât made any progress in my story, which sucks because Iâm operating by deadlineââ reaching into your bag, you unveiled a small, compact mirror, using it to remove something invisible from your eyelash, ââdo you have any writer friends that would help me?â
Wonwoo scratched his nose.
âUh, with the book?â
âYes.â
âNone.â
âWhat?â The mirror snapped shut as you gagged at him. âHow do you have no writer friends? Isnât that your major? Literature? Do you even have friends that arenât Seokmin?â
âIâm a math major for fucks sake.â
âYouâre fucking joking, Wonwoo. Please, tell me itâs a joke.â
He leaned back, folding his arms and propping an ankle onto his knee. You were still gaping at him, and he wanted to smirk.
âWhatâs wrong with math?â
âNothing. Math is⌠math,â you gritted, shoving the mirror back into your expensive-looking, gold-buckled bag, âbut why math? Why straight math? I thought you wanted to be a writer.â
âMan, Seokmin really didnât tell you fucking anything, did he?â Wonwoo chuckled. Or, maybe you had only heard the things you wanted to hear, which was what Wonwoo assumed.
âLike I have space in my brain to remember the multiverse of information that constantly comes out of his mouth.â
âSo what is there space for then?â
âYou're toeing a dangerous line.â
âWell, I like math and writing.â
"And what kind of papers would you be required to work on as a math major? Did you stumble across some quintessential theorem that nobody else really cares about except for you and all the other pocket-protector wearers out there? Or is this a Good Will Hunting scenario? Even betterâare you waiting for someone to walk by behind you and see all that really complicated mumbo-jumbo on your screen and think to themselves, 'woah, this guy is really smart. He's working on a paper with numbers, and I only work on papers with words. Where did I go wrong in my life?' so you can develop some sort of alternative complex that writing just isn't giving you?"
Wonwoo cocked his head at you, perplexed.
âWhat the absolute fuck are you talking about?â He felt a laugh in his chest, but he pushed it down. Wonwoo had never met anyone like you before. âYou made up everything you just said.â
âYes.â
âYes, what?â
âI go on tangents. Itâs just something I do.â
âDamn. I can tell.â Wonwoo rubbed at the corner of his eye and slipped the ankle off his knee, further spreading his legs. âYou like hearing the sound of your own voice, yeah?â
He always hated when people bothered him at the cafĂŠ, especially when he was trying to write. Today, it was different.
âWell, thatâs true.â You beamed at him so matter-of-factly, like it was obvious. âThe most beautiful sound in the world, isnât it?â
âMm.â
âThought so. Ugh, I just canât believe you have no writer friends to hook me up with.â He watched you slouch forward, slapping your arms across the table. âIâll have to go wait outside Gildan Hall and start ambushing all the smart-looking literature majors.â
Wonwoo found himself examining your perfect nail polish.
âGood luck with that.â
âCan you at least try to sound more sympathetic?â
âYou donât seem like a person who appreciates sympathy.â
âPft. According to who? I like being comforted when the time is right, and youâre not being very comforting.â You groaned into the table.
âYou like being comforted?â He scoffed.
Your head popped up, and you were pouting. âAt certain times, yes. Most times, no. Itâs a complicated system. No oneâs really cared enough to learn it except for Mingyu, and that was by force, and I think even he hates it. But Iâm not asking for the moon. Just a reasonably sized chunk of it. I have to be worth something, right?â
âWhatâs life without someone catering to your every whim at the drop of a hat, huh?â He couldnât help but mutter with sarcasm.
âYes, exactly! Seeâyou read my mind.â
Wonwoo bit his tongue.
âUgh, now whereâs my stupid phone?â
It was in your purse. Immediately, your eyes lit up.
âJesus Christ. Iâm gonna be late to my electrolysis!â
Like a burst of lightning, you shot up from your seat and quickly fixed the cream-white purse back over your shoulder. It reminded him of that time at the mall. One second you were engrained into a tangent, and the next you were scrambling about, attempting to recover the lost time in your meticulous schedule.
âIf you think of anyone, please text me!â
Wonwoo nodded his head.
Now, there was a vacant seat before him, left slightly tugged from the table due to your hectic departure. For a moment, he just sighed, feeling the breath emerge from somewhere so deep in his chest that it ached. That was the thing about youâin a confusing turmoil, you managed to fill him up when he felt empty, but then empty him once he felt full.
He didnât know what kind of person you were.
But there was an odd thrill to it that Wonwoo couldnât articulate.
âAPRIL 18TH.
Sat with Seokmin at the boyâs dining room table, Wonwoo popped a purple grape into his mouth while flipping a pencil between his fingers. The two had been staring plainly at their last problem from the math homework, but the question was horribly long, and his handwriting had morphed from legible penmanship to the most slurred hieroglyphics. Wonwoo wanted to dump a ramen packet into some boiling water and call it a night. Heâd devoured a whole stem of grapes. His head was pounding and his stomach growled for a meal.
âOh! You seeâthis is what gets me every time!â Seokmin exclaimed, leaned over his scattered papers, shoulders hunched with strain, âI mess up one multiplication in a matrix, and it screws me all up! Now I have to go overâuh! My fucking pencil just snapped.â
âGood,â Wonwoo mumbled, pressing a hand along the groove of his stiff neck, cracking it, âtake it as a sign to give up.â
âWeâre so close.â
Scooting the chair back to stretch his legs, Wonwoo then snatched his phone off the table. It was nearly ten at night.
âIâm hungry, and I donât care anymore.â
Seokmin sighed, âare you going to eat now?â
âYeah. Any ramen left?â
âItâs in the box sitting on top of the fridge. Soup broth is in the cupboard beside the microwave. I think thereâs some eggs, too.â
Wonwoo easily grabbed the noodle packet off the fridge. He asked his friend if he wanted a bowl as well, and Seokmin agreed, abandoning their math homework after his defeating pencil-snapping incident. While they waited for the water to start bubbling over the stovetop, Seokmin had joined Wonwoo in the kitchen, though he leaned against the counter, holding his phone six inches or so from his face. Wonwoo had never seen anyone text that fast.
Goshâhe didnât even need to ask who it was.
Noticing a few smudges on his glasses, Wonwoo lowered them down to the hem of shirt, beginning to massage the marks away.
âOur math final is the twenty-eighth, right?â Seokmin asked.
âShould be, yeah.â
âThanks. If itâs on the twenty-eighth then I can definitely go.â
Wonwoo slid the glasses back onto his nose.
âGo to what?
TaptaptaptapâSeokminâs fingers were practically electric.
âUh, this thing that Her is having⌠at her parentsâ house⌠like⌠a big dinner party⌠Iâm helping her plan it⌠just need to make sure⌠Iâm free those days⌠there! Okay, all settled.â
At last, Seokmin had clicked off his phone and slid the device back into the pocket on his sweatpants. Wonwoo folded his arms, staring at his friend with a deeply furrowed yet confused brow.
He sucked in a helpless breath.
âI donât get you, Seokmin.â
âWhatâwhy?â
A few hot droplets of water had leapt from the pot, slightly scalding Wonwooâs arm. He promptly ripped open the ramen packet and submerged the noodle brick, poking at it with chopsticks.
Wonwoo cleared his throat, âare you obsessed with her?â
Seokmin laughed, sounding astounded.
âNo, Iâm not obsessed. Iâm just helping. Weâre friends.â
âRight.â
âYou donât believe me?â
Setting the chopsticks beside the stove, Wonwoo turned around again, habitually crossing his arms low along the chest.
âI guess I donât understand what you get out of that relationship.â He admitted. âWhy canât she do shit herself?â
âHa!âThatâs an interesting question.â
âYou donât want to talk about it?â
âNo, itâs not that.â Seokmin lifted himself onto the kitchen counter, his head thumping back against the wooden cupboard. âI just wasnât expecting you to ask that. AndâI meant itâs interesting to see your interpretation of it. Like, my friendship with Her.â
Wonwoo nodded. He wasnât going to coax anything out of his friend that he wasnât already willing to say. In fact, Wonwoo had only begun talking to Seokmin back in the early, rainy days of September, since they ended up in the same discrete mathematics course and happened to choose seats right next to each other. Their bond had formed fairly quick, but they never really conversed about topics more intimate than school work and their own interests.
âIâm sorry,â Wonwoo said, âI shouldnât have asked.â
âNo, donât apologize. I mean, I totally get why youâre curious.â
Seokmin glanced down at his knees, scratched his chin.
âUhâwell, what did you say, anyway? Why canât her do shit herself? I mean, her life is super busy. Her momâs a writer and editor for that popular fashion and beauty magazine you always see at all those glamour storesâStunning Monthlyâsomething like that. Herâs dad is this business tycoon guy. He works with my dad, actually. Iâve known Her since high school. Our families are close, so naturally weâve spent a lot of time together. Her family picked up all their stuff and moved into Hillcrest on account of her dad needing to relocate for work.â
Wonwoo remained silent at the revelation, even though he was urged by curiosity to badger Seokmin with questions.
âBut, uhâwithout all my non-essential ramblingâthe relationship with her parents is tumultuous. Who doesn't have a shaky relationship with their parents, though? A few lucky souls, probably. But they've set things up for her quite well, in my opinion. Her mom got her a job at the Milestoneâthat fancy beauty place down Bank Street? She has a makeup chair from time to time and works reception. Sheâs definitely gonna graduate Cum Laude with some big fancy scholarship. Not to mention the little power couple thing sheâs got going on with Mingyu. She just tends to beâŚâ Seokmin winced, massaging his shoulder, âsheâs just a bit unpredictable. It would be way too easy for things to start falling all over the place. Sheâs a busy girl so I figure itâs nice to help her out. Keep things organized.â
Wonwoo bobbed his head, thinking.
âI guess Iâm curious about the book thing. I mean, if everything is so perfectly laid out for her, and sheâs so busy all the timeâŚ. why write a book? That takes months, extreme dedication, planning out the ass⌠itâs loving everything youâve written and then hating it so atrociously⌠I donât know,â he sighed, shrugging with confusion, âif I were her, writing a book would be the last thing on my mind.â
Folding his arms, Seokmin leaned back against the cupboards and agreed. âI know. But sometimes she just lurches onto random things out of nowhere. One year she practically turned her entire living room into a freakinâ art studio and I slipped on an open tube of paint on the floorânearly popped out my tail bone. To be fair, her passion projects never last long. She never has the time, as you said⌠I know youâre not helping her anymore. Sheâll probably drop it without help.â
âReally? Just like that?â
âYeah,â Seokmin answered, smiling, âjust like that.â
For some reason, Wonwoo gritted his teeth. He would hate for you to discard the feat so readily, just because he couldnât pitch in as initially planned. Yes, writing was not always a fruitful cherry blossom tree and sometimes chalking down one sentence was equivalent to a month of effort and squeezing out all the creative fibres in oneâs brain, but there was so much worth and occulted beauty to it at the same time. It was the art of expression.
Wonwoo thought it was quite cruel to deprive oneself of the ability to express and articulate things as they coursed through the fragile skin and the warm veins, and chiefly, the heart.
âAnyway, maybe I didnât really answer your question,â Seokmin laughed, âbut, yâknow, donât worry too much about turning down the book. Youâre right. Sheâs got more important things to focus on, as I was telling her over and over, andâoh! Fuck, the ramenâs bubbling!â
Wonwoo quickly twisted around as the water began spilling over the edge and sizzling like fried meat. He lifted the pot off the piping hot, orange element, to which Seokmin joined him, twisting the stove dial to a much lower heat. Blowing at the white froth, Wonwoo waited a precautionary minute before returning the pot.
Once dinner was ready, they gathered back at the dining table, entwining the noodles with their chopsticks and hardly allowing a second for the ramen to cool before they were shovelling in burning mouthful after mouthful. The bite in Wonwooâs stomach was gradually appeased. He soon felt warm, and full, and less tempered.
âSeokmin.â
âHm?â His friend glanced up from his phone.
âSoâŚâ Wonwoo leaned back in the chair, his fist clenched. âI guess whatâfrom what I understandâif I donât help Her, or if she doesnât find someone who can, then the book just wonât happen â
At his observation, Seokmin nodded, seeming unbothered.
âUh, yeah. Pretty much.â
âThatâs sad.â
âHey, you two just arenât destined for each other,â he replied, slurping his noodles, âyou were right back at the cafĂŠ.â
Picking up the white and blue patterned bowl, Wonwoo prepared to drink the broth, feeling the delicious heat fan back against his face. Once he finished eating and helping Seokmin with the dishes, he planned to catch a late-night bus back to his apartment above the quaint pottery shop. He didnât know if he would sleep or not.
Maybe, however, that would give him time to rethink some choices, even if he shouldnât trust the musings his brain happened to curate past nine at night. Especially any musings concerning you.
[ Wonwoo | 11:45 pm ]: Sorry to message you this late.
[ Wonwoo | 11:45 pm ]: Iâll keep it brief: Iâve given your book idea some thought, and if the offer still stands, Iâd like to help you write it. Though, I understand if you want someone elseâs help.
[ Wonwoo | 11:50 pm ]: Goodnight.
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 6:35 am ]: AHHHHHHHHHHH
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 6:35 am ]: good morninggg
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 6:35 am ]: no thatâs so perfect
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 6:37 am ]: okay. OMG. thereâs just so much we have to sort out. Iâm trying not to overwhelm myself lol
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 6:37 am ]: thank u for giving it more thought. Iâm excited to plan everything and see u again ofc :)
[ Wonwoo | 12:55 pm ]: Likewise.
âAPRIL 24TH.
Since last November, Wonwoo hadnât invited many guests to his apartmentânot even his older brother, who had never stepped foot into the building after Wonwoo originally signed the lease. Seokmin visited once or twice, but everything was curt, and while there had been one time that Vernon slept overnight on the couch, it was hardly notable.
Knowing that you were going to be at his apartment in a few hours was a very daunting thought. Consequently, Wonwoo had done something he hadnât properly completed in months: clean.
It wasnât like he just threw out the garbage and wiped down the kitchen counter either. He legitimately cleaned, picking over his apartment with a fine-tooth comb, not allowing one coffee cup or coaster to seem even vaguely incongruous. He fluffed out the couch pillows and vacuumed the floors. He went through his entire room, tidying up piles of clothes on the floor and aligning every book on his shelf. For the first time in months, Wonwoo threw open his heavy curtains, pure sunlight engulfing the space in such a bright glare that his eyes stung and he hardly recognized his own bedroom. Most importantly, he remembered to hide the pill bottle in his nightstand.
After all the anxiety-driven cleaning was done, Wonwoo collapsed onto the couch and stared plainly at the ceiling, the reality of what he just accomplished beginning to sink into his pores.
What the fuck?
He doubted you would care even microscopically if his apartment wasnât perfectly swept and polished and artistic like a photo from an interior design catalogue. But at the same time, it would have been impossible for him to leave it alone. The burst of productivity undoubtedly left Wonwoo rather hot and sweaty, so he opted to take a shower before you arrived. Standing beneath the cool water and taking slow, languid breaths helped ease his nerves.
And, for the first time in what he imaged to beâmonths, Wonwoo dried himself off with this feeling that everything was okay.
Not good. Definitely not great. But okay.
While he buttoned up a pair of blue jeans, Wonwoo heard his phone ding from his desk. Reaching over, he tapped the screen.
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 12:05 pm ]: hi, Iâm almost there
His chest fucking lurched.
Roughly jerking open his drawer, Wonwoo pulled out the first shirt he saw, tugging the white long-sleeve over his head before he wiggled his feet into a fresh pair of socks. Once Wonwoo found his glasses, he sat on the edge of his bed with his phone.
[ Wonwoo | 12:08 pm ]: Okay.
[ Wonwoo | 12:08 pm ]: Would you like me to come down?
Godâhe felt like his stomach was going to collapse.
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 12:08 pm ]: no thatâs okay :)
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 12:09 pm ]: itâs really pretty down here
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 12:12 pm]: sorry I was looking at some of the pottery / painting stuff. itâs the staircase down the hall, right?
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 12:12 pm ]: unit 102?
[ Wonwoo | 12:12 pm ]: Yes.
He reminded himself to breathe. Calm and slow and lifting the pressure that dug so bluntly into his lungs. The webs began to burn away. It had been a narrow escape, but it was successful.
[ xxx-xxx-xxxx | 12:13 pm ]: heyy, Iâm outside
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Wonwoo walked to the front door. His fingers brushed the knob in a flash of doubt, though his mind had already committed and now the door was pulled open and you were there, just as you said.
âWell, hello.â
He nodded at you, and then gestured for you to enter.
âWhere should I take off my shoes?â
âThereâs good,â Wonwoo answered, pointing to a textured mat in the corner that you proceeded to leave your simplistic heels on.
How absurd was this? Never in his life would Wonwoo imagine you at his apartment of all placesâthe one girl whom he adamantly tried to avoid because you were his gleaming opposite, and everything that you were, certain and in control, scared him. You were gazing around with your hands politely clasped together, ignited in the fulgurant sunlight, a small smile on your mouth.
âWow, youâre very clean.â
Wonwoo stepped after you, maintaining a shy distance.
âIt doesnât normally look this neat,â he admitted, watching you readjust the strap of your tote bag, âI did clean for you.â
You turned to face him, and your laughter filled the space with a refreshing, long lost tone that made everything brighter. His fist clenched up anxiously and he knew his cheeks were pinkening.
âUm, cleaned or power-washed?â
He merely stared at you. Why couldnât he fucking speak?
âJeez, donât look so afraid. Iâm joking. And I obviously appreciate the effort.â You spun back around, continuing to walk past the coffee table and toward the kitchen. âItâs a lovely place, and itâs definitely got your personal touch. Ohâthis is a cute mug.â
He breathed out, unfurling his hand and stretching his fingers until the air in his knuckles popped. You began wandering in the natural direction of the bedroom, and so Wonwoo followed, his eyes drifting up the jeans that hugged your legs and your sashaying hips, to back of your delicious-smelling hair. What was that scent, anyway?
Manuka honey?
But it was just a trivial glance, really.
Nothing meaningful.
âIs this your room?â You asked, stopping at the doorframe.
âIt is.â
Biting your lip, you peaked inside and started to grin.
âDo you care if I go in?â
 âNo.â
He tried not to crumble right there on the floor. Wonwooâs room was his sanctuary, a fortress, something that barred out everyone but himself and granted him the freedom to do whatever he pleased (whether it was self-detrimental or not). The thought of others in his room was a gash in that perfect sanctuary, in which he could see the walls bleed out all their comfort and familiarity. His ex was the last person to be in his room, typically sprawled across the bed with a good novel in her hand.
It was a sour, sour reminder.
âOh, and thereâs the bookshelf,â you pointed out, âhow fitting.â That penetrating gaze of yours roamed his desk and his bed and all his knickknacks in between. âHey, whyâs there a balcony outside?â You then asked, settling your hands onto the window frame and leaning out, the wind fluttering minimally through the layered curtains.
âJust a remodelling error,â Wonwoo explained, âit was supposed to be removed, I think. Never happened.â
Allured by curiosity, you leaned further out, examining the ladder that led up to the buildingâs roof. He looked at you again, specifically the arch in your back and the way your arms were planted so firm at the windowsill. He looked at the sunlight rippling on your cheek and your lips that appeared to sparkle, like you had kissed glitter.
âYou definitely go up there, right?â
âYeah.â
Half-shutting the window as to keep the breeze flowing, you chuckled. âI figured⌠so, I guess we should stop dawdling and get to the meat and potatoes. Is here a good spot? Or do you want to go back to the living room?â
âWeâre in my room anyways,â Wonwoo commented, pulling out his desk chair and promptly sitting down, âso, why not.â
âCool. Let me get my laptop.â
You slipped the tote bag off your arm and sat on the edge of his freshly made bed, being careful not to rumple the sheets.
âOkay!â Your hands echoed a series of soft claps. âIâm all ready now. Iâll try my best not to rambleâoh, and please, please donât interrupt me until Iâm done. Iâm going to be very pissed if I lose my train of thought and Iâd like this meeting to remain pleasant.â
Wonwoo nodded. âI know.â
You flashed him a brief smile.
âSo, as you know, Mingyu and Iâs fifth year anniversary is coming up in December. My gift to him is this so far nonexistent book. Weâve been through a lot as a couple, and as individuals, and I want the book to fully capture this journey weâve been on and how much I⌠appreciate him. Also, Iâm going to introduce a second, special elementââ a hand plunged into your tote bag and suddenly a video camera was revealed, ââI want to record some of our brain sessions, and, like, our voyage of figuring this shit out. I like mementos. I hope thatâs okay.â
â⌠Do I answer?â
âYes.â
âOh. Then, yeah. Iâm okay with it.â
âSecondlyyyââ you lilted while scrolling a little ways down the notepad on your laptop, the video camera stuffed back into your flower-and-honeybee-patterned tote, ââthere are a few places weâll need to visitânot the actual places that Mingyu and I went to since we grew up nowhere near hereâbut places that more so have a strong resemblance to the ones in my memory. I feel like it will help me with visual aspects of the writing. Iâm a very visual person. Yâknow, setting up the scene and technical things like that. I like touching and feeling and seeing and breathing everything in. I want all my senses on fire, basically. Like⌠the way your lips feel after eating insanely hot noodles.â
âYeah, thatâs fine.â
Wonwoo didnât really care. He just agreed.
âLastly, I want to make a schedule for us. So, Iâm kindly asking you to set up a schedule of your ownâwork shifts, doctorâs appointments, testsâthe like, so I can incorporate them into my own hectic life and make us one colourful, super writing schedule.â
And then, with a big, winded sigh, you shut your laptop.
âThatâs it. Done. Thoughts?â
Honestly, the entire premise didnât sound all that terrible. He had braced himself for the worst, but you were unsurprisingly organized and had pinpointed all your desires quite clearly. Of course, he knew it was going to be sheer hellâflames up to his knees and desert sun beating on his skin like a hot skillet frying butter. You were structured and dedicated and Wonwoo was none of those things.
No doubt, Wonwoo would have to learn to deal with you.
You would either be his trigger or his pulse.
But, even worse, you would have to learn to deal with him.
âIâm just following your lead on this,â Wonwoo announced, lacklustre of much interest, resting his hands against his stomach while he rotated back and forth in the swivel chair, âwhatever you want me to do, Iâll do it. How soon do you want the schedule thing?â
âLike, as soon as possible.â
âOkay.â
âDo you really have no questions?â
Wonwoo scratched the side of his head.
âUh, have you got anything written down yet?â
âYes,â you propped open your laptop again, âan intro.â
âOh, really?â
âDonât question me. It was already difficult enough to write it, and I agonized over it for hours.â You pouted, slumping slightly.
He shifted up straighter in the desk chair.
âIâm sorry. I was just wondering. Itâs good you started.â
âOh. Thank you.â
Wonwoo tilted his head at you. âDo I get to read it?â
Your feet crossed and twirled together. He didnât think you had any nervous ticks, but that was something easy to pick up on.
âUm, not yet. Not until we officially start.â
âOkay.â He answered with a gentle voice, noticing your swaying feet still again and a bit of rigidity dissipate from your body.
Well, he didnât really know what to do at this point. Wonwoo suspected you were constrained by more tasks for today and your time with him was limited. Itâs not that you were sitting in an awkward, stifling silence, but he would rather occupy himself with something rather than nothing, because nothing left his heart to race.
âAre you hungry?â He asked.
Glancing up from the laptop, you shook your head. âI ate before I came here.â
âAre you going to be leaving soon?â
At that, your face crinkled with laughter. âSick of me already?â
Wonwoo crossed his arms. âNo. Just asking.â
âWell, I have a wax appointment soon. Iâll be leaving in ten minutes or so.â Finally, you looked up, and your eyes clicked with his in a way that made the fine hairs along his neck prickle coolly. âDoes that answer your question?â A subtle grin pulled at your soft lips.
âIt does, yes.â
âYou donât like having people in your room, do you?â
He huffed at the observation and delved a hand through his black hair, feeling the dampness slide against his fingers. âNot particularly.â
âYou should have just said that.â Rising off his bed, you closed the laptop and shoved it back into the tote bag.
Wonwooâs entire chest jerked. It felt like a ten-story drop.
âAre you leaving?â
âMm, I donât want to intrude.â
âYouâre not intruding.â
Why did his throat close up just then? Why did his vocal cords abruptly feel so coarse and tight? Why was his heart hammering? He didnât mean to project the wrong impression. He didnât hate you in his room. It just felt misplaced, and new. Like picking up a puzzle piece from the box and attempting to jam it into a different puzzle.
âItâs fine. Seriously. I should be early, anyway.â
Wonwoo stood up, realizing he needed to breathe. âUm⌠would you like me to walk you down?â
You stopped on your way out, faced him with a pretty smile.
âThatâs okay.â
But then you did something rather strange; your hand sank into his firm upper arm and suddenly you were leaning into him, so carelessly close that he could feel the fanning, light warmth of your breath against his neck. Wonwooâs head started to spin, and he thought a cloud had enveloped the room because his vision fuzzed.
âSorry,â you took a step back, removing your hand, âyou just smell really good. Like an ocean or something. It reminds me of this beach in Puta Cana. But your hairâs all damp and fluffy so thatâs probably why. That was weird. Iâm sorry.â Again, you laughed.
Why the fuck did you do that? He was almost angry. But not at you. At himself. For reacting in such a giddy, stupid way. Your touch and breath had burned him and there was this sharp, cutting flare inside Wonwoo that didnât want to let you leave.
âAll goodâŚâ he mumbled, sounding groggy and slow.
âIâll see myself out then. Bye!â
And with a final chirp, you left, the front door closing in the distance while he could only stand there, shuddering and strangely hot and beyond confused. Wonwoo moved to swing the heavy curtains shut, the entire room succumbing into its usual shadiness. He sat on the edge of his very neat bed, removed his glasses, and buckled over while rubbing his veiny, pale hands through his hair.
The feeling was so lost and suppressed to his memory.
Wonwoo didnât even know what it was.
He was relieved you were gone, but he also wished that you were still there, leaning out his open window with the wind and sunshine in your face. It was a sight so sweet and equally intimate.
Who are you?
What are you doing in his meaningless life?
âAPRIL 28TH.
Wonwoo had finished his math final with half an hour to generously spare, and now, he was sitting, bored, sketching his pencil against the last page of the thick packet. The professor wouldnât care.
Hopefully.
On one hand, Wonwoo knew he should really just stand up and hand the damn thing in, but on the other hand, he hatedâno, abhorred being the first person to return a test, especially an exam at that. Wonwoo was pretty smart. He knew that about himself and he never bothered to maintain the guise he wasnât. Still, Wonwoo wasnât pretentious. If he had to wait until the final fucking minute to hand the packet in, solely to avoid being the first student up, then so be it.
Besides, there wasnât anything too pressing that required his immediate attentionâminus the pertinent schedule he was supposed to make and have sent to you approximately three days ago. You had called him last night, to which the phone crackled with a loud, static bark of his name as you admonished him for his lateness.
âI told you three days ago I wanted the schedule! Three days! I canât believe this. Whatâs so hard about making a schedule? Beep boop, you press some buttons on your laptop and itâs done. It would take ten minutes tops! Ugh, Iâm so done with you, Wonwoo. In fact, donât call me backâdonât even text me until you have the schedule!â
And then the line had collapsed, leaving Wonwoo to stare rather expressionlessly at his phone screen, the boy huffing out a breath of tendrilled smoke while he relaxed on the apartment roof. That had been his first experience sat on the receiving end of your seasoned quips, and it left him with this very profound emptiness, like his insides had been scooped out and the shell of his body was nothing but a wooden nesting doll. It had been such a long time since he genuinely cared about disappointing someone. Wonwoo had grown far too complacent with the feeling of disappointing himself.
That would never motivate him to do anything.
But you were different. In the sense that Wonwoo mostly remained proactive out of fear you might bite his head off.
From somewhere near the back of the room, Wonwoo heard chair legs scraping, and he eagerly flexed his fingers while observing a girl with the slickest ponytail heâd ever seen march past him to the professorâs desk. She set her packet down. He thanked her. She left.
Jesus Christ. Finally.
âAll finished, Wonwoo?â His professor mumbled in a tone that hardly escaped his own lips, glancing up at the boy expectantly.
Pushing up his glasses, Wonwoo nodded.
âI suppose itâs harder for you to sit there and wait than it is to write the actual exam, isnât it?â The professor noted with an almost undetectable smirk as he slid the test packet inside a tan-coloured folder, to which Wonwoo turned January cold.
âI donât know.â Wonwoo shrugged, pretending to feel unbothered when in reality his skin was slithering like a snake pit at the thought of being even marginally perceived. âMaybe.â
âYou have a good summer, alright?â
âThanks. You too.â
Wonwoo swept a quick glance over the classroom right before he left, noticing that Seokmin was sat beside the wall, one hand tangled tight into his black, ruffled tresses as his pencil scribbled all over the paper like he was writing pure nonsense. He probably was.
And Wonwoo meant that in a nice-this isnât really your sweet spot, but youâll manage nonetheless-way. After leaving the classroom, Wonwoo thought he might go home and plunge head first into his oasis of bedsheets and flat, foam pillows that he loved so much, and permit himself to decay until it was physically impossible to lie down any longer. But he decided against it at the last minute, turning up at the cafĂŠ instead with his shoulder-strung book bag and the timely urge for a scone. He then sat down at his favourite table.
Pulled out his laptop.
Opened the document he was at incessant war with.
The last scene heâd written was breakfast.
âUh, okay. Orange juice⌠or orange juice?â
âDid you say orange juice?â
âI did.â
âSo⌠chocolate milk?â
âHa! Funny... is there any sort of correlation between being a complete nerd and making such well-woven jokes?â
âNot sure. But Iâll get back to you when I find out⌠thanks. Your tea is sitting on the island, by the way.â
âThank you, Won. Ohâyou even put it in my Woodstock mug!â
âYes, why are you so surprised that I remember?â
âBecause itâs always hidden at the back of our cupboard, behind ten other mugs that we certainly donât need and all our plates. I mean, I guess itâs my fault. Half of them are from my mom.â
âItâs sweet.â
âIt takes up too much space. But I canât tell her no.â
âThat, youâve got to work on.â
âThe Christmas thing isnât happening anymore, if that helps. I think the thought of having to cram all my family into our living room for a night was what motivated me the most. My mom said sheâll send us poinsettias instead. I think thatâs way easier.â
âOh yeah?â
âYes. Believe it or not, I can assert myself. Sometimes.â
âNo, no. I do believe you. Iâm proud. Okayâbottoms up.â
âHowâs the combination of venlafaxine and orange juice?â
âI donât know. Juicy?â
âBetter juicy than anxious?â
âYou could say that.â
Right, back when Wonwoo actually had the willpower to make himself breakfast rather than slapping a mixed berry Poptart into the toaster or worse, nothing at all. Back when he could wake up before noon without feeling nauseous enough to curl into a ball and drape the sheets over his aching head. Back when he actually took his medicine. Her face beaming at him from across their table had always been like a glass of sunlight and citrus. She had been his own vitamin.
Wonwoo knew he wasnât going to write. He was just going to stare and mope and ensnare himself in the pinwheel of memories that blew over him whenever he had the gall to reread his past literature.
The Woodstock mug. Sheâd taken that with her. Â
He decided it was strange and sometimes irritating how love, broken or not, could suture itself into even the most mundane things. Orange juice was just thatâjuiceâthe carton he used to pick up and impetuously drop into his grocery cart every so often. Now, it wasnât juice at all, but slow mornings, steaming tea kettles, and reading together on the couch with legs all tangled up until lunch time.
Now, Wonwoo couldnât drink it at all.
Breaking the lemon raspberry scone in half, Wonwoo dropped a flaky piece into his mouth before it got too cold, and then proceeded to close the document. There was no way in hell he would write, and while he loved drowning in his own misery in order to snuff any glimpse of productivity more than the average individual, he thought it might be worthwhile to finally start that schedule.
[ Wonwoo | 8:20 pm ]: schedule.pdf
[ Her | 8:56 pm ]: thanks
[ Her | 8:56 pm ]: donât piss me off again
âAPRIL 30TH.
For an April morning, it was surprisingly bright. The sun was out in full and glistering warmth by the time Wonwoo stepped onto the sidewalk and began pacing down to the park, practically needing to squint the entire way. He almost hated it. Early mornings were not his friend, nor were the blades of light cutting across his glasses. But today was his first writing session with you and Wonwoo knew it was more than crucial that he was the furthest thing from tardyâit would be akin to willingly setting his hands inside a burning fire if not.
You agreed to meet at the park since it was roughly equal distance between Wonwooâs apartment and some breakfast place you wanted to stop at. He thought it was uncharacteristically thoughtful of you to shoot him a text asking if he wanted anything, though Wonwoo declined nonetheless. It was damn near impossible for him to eat a bite of food until lunch time, hence his expression softening in confusion when he at last climbed into the passenger seat of your sleek silver car and was greeted by you passing him a cold tea.
âAm I⌠holding this for you?â He wondered, sitting still.
You shook your head. âNo. Itâs yours.â
âI didnât ask for anything.â
âYes, I realize that. I can read, thank you.â
Wonwoo wasnât going to argue. He simply shut his mouth, clicked on his seatbelt, and set the tea into the cup holder. He then began looking around at your carâs interior. Everything was exceptionally clean and smelled sugary, like iced gingerbread.
The thing was, Wonwoo still wasnât very sure how to talk to you, and most often there was the stiffest frog in his throat whenever he sat around you in silence for too long. Your thumbs were tapping against your phone at light speed. It reminded him of how Seokmin was texting you back at the boyâs apartment when they were studying for finals. Wonwoo couldnât help but wonder if Seokmin was naturally more inclined to respond to you out of friendship or fear. Maybe even a pinch of both if that was possible. Another quiet minute passed by.
âOkay, fuck, sorry,â you suddenly spluttered at random, quickly slotting your phone into the GPS holder, âjust some shit with my mom. Um, okay. Yeah. We can get going.â
âAll good," Wonwoo answered.
âYou know where weâre off to?â
âVaguely. The track by Caldwell High School.â
He watched you flit him a smile. âThatâs the place. Iâll explain more once we get there. And, by the way, I am expecting you to drink that tea. Itâs not anything crazy. Itâs oolong. Only a bit of caffeine.â
âI drink coffee, you know.â
âYes, and it probably makes you jittery and insufferable.â
Wonwoo preferred not to comment.
The car ride wasnât too long. Actually, Wonwoo did love a good car ride. He remembered the long trips he used to take with his family to the water park when he was a child, the sensation of the breeze blowing into his face and how different shades of green would scatter in through the windows as the sun hit the tree leaves like emeralds. There was something so limerent and sadly distant about the memory that Wonwoo felt his chest hurt. Even if he were to take that same road, and smell the same breeze, and see his skin glow with the same hues of the forest, he doubted it would feel the same.
His mouth had gone awfully dry. Wonwoo then reached for the cold tea sitting in the cup holder and took a sip, suddenly very appreciative that you had thought to get him something, anyway.
And while he couldnât be too certain, Wonwoo wanted to think that maybe this would be a good memory, too.
After the half-hour long car ride, Wonwoo made sure to stretch when he stepped out into the empty parking lot. It was cloudier now, a bit more of a breeze to help counteract the warmth that remained in the air. You came around to join him, twisting out a cramp in your leg while adjusting the purse over your shoulder.
The walk to the track field wasnât long, no more than a few minutes, and Wonwoo obediently trailed at your side until he witnessed the bleachers slowly coming into view. It resurfaced memories from his own high school days in PE, which Wonwoo had actually been quite successful at despite his distaste for sports and their atmosphere in general. He remembered liking kickball the best.
You sighed in a wistful tone while staring across the marked asphalt and fresh April grass. âAll high school tracks look the same, donât they?â Then, you carefully set your purse onto the bleachers.
Wonwoo rolled his shoulders, taking a more observant look around. It wasnât strikingly different from the track at his high school.
âSure. I guess.â
âI mean, there are some differences. We had ditches by our track. Come to think of it, I honestly believe they put them there for kids to hurl in from heat stroke or over-exertion⌠thatâs what I did, anyway. It was right before I had to do triple jump. I hated it because you had to really build up speed. I didnât want to run. So, even if I hadnât thrown up from heat stroke, I probably wouldâve made myself throw up some other way. Straight to the nurse. She gave me a popsicle.â
He glanced at you sideways. âSeriously?â
âMmhm.â
âYouâd rather throw up than hop, like, three times?â
âI said it was the running part I didnât like.â
Wonwoo couldnât imagine purposefully making himself upchuck in order to get out of something. If his anxiety was terrible enough, then he wouldnât even have to worry about it, really.
That was its own mechanism of disaster.
âRunning is eighty-percent of Activity Days," Wonwoo said.
You clicked your tongue at him. âExactly. And Iâd do anything to never run. I tried to sit in one time with the seventh graders. They were in their art block and they were doing painting under the trees; birdhouses or something. But their teacher kicked me out. And she didnât even let me take the fucking birdhouse that I was painting.â
âThe nerve,â Wonwoo answered, scratching his temple.
He proceeded to take a seat on the metal bench, rubbing his hands together. He still didnât know how Mingyu fit into everything.
âSo⌠whatâs your plan, here?â
You sat next to him, folding one leg over your thigh and proceeding to reveal a journal that you had stuffed inside your expensive bag. The tips of your fingers skimmed through a few fluttering pages, until you stopped on one in particular that was ink-abused with cursive scribbles. Wonwoo assumed you did most of your planning on a laptop, hence his surprise to learn that you actually used a journal. He had a journal himself, though it hadnât been touched in months. It mostly contained small poetic excerpts.
Next, you pulled out a pen.
âThis is how I first ran into Mingyu. At my schoolâs track field. He was new and good at all the activities. I swear, his name spread like wildfire. Anyways, I havenât figured out all the bits and bobs. I want to really soak in the feeling ofâoh!â Suddenly, you grasped the journal back onto your lap, the pen hitting the paper in a cursive ribbon that Wonwoo could hardly read. âI just thought of a great line. His eyes, I wanted to soak in them, like an oasis.â
You stabbed the paper again to make a period.
âNot bad,â Wonwoo commented.
âOkay, here it is!â A black case was pulled from your purse, and once you unzipped it, Wonwoo realized it was the video camera that you had initially shown him at his apartment. âOkay, I want you to film some stuff. The field, obviously. I need it from different perspectives. It will help me with setting the scene later on.â
âWhy do I have to film it?â
âBecause, Seokmin told me youâre quite handy with film equipment stuff, and I donât want to drop it. So just do it, please?â
Accepting the video camera from your hand, Wonwoo sighed in agreement. Flipping open the side-screen of the camera, Wonwoo began clicking some buttons and adjusting the focus. Luckily, he was familiar with the particular camcorder thanks to a film education course heâd taken outside of school.
While you busied yourself at the bleachers with starting up your laptop, Wonwoo began collecting footage, slowly panning the camera across the vast length of the gravel track and the grassy soccer fields situated beyond. He kept a concentrated eye on the side-screen to ensure the lighting wouldnât change too drastically. A wind had picked up from over the forest, and he could see how the clouds were consequently being pushed along like herded sheep in the sky.
Once he brushed back the floppy, black hair that kept tickling his face, Wonwoo lowered the camera and turned to you.
âSo, where else should I film?â
You were typing something, and didnât bother looking up.
âGo across the field. Film from the other side.â
âSeriously?â
âYeah.â
âI have to go all the way over there?â
âYes. Walk, crawl. Skip, hop. I donât care. Just do it, please.â
âJesus Christ,â he huffed out, feeling tired and yearning to go home, âI hate how seriously youâre taking this, yâknow that?â
Your fingers continued blitzing against the keyboard.
âNobody likes a complainer.â
Ironic, he thought, but obviously kept to himself.
There wasnât a point in expecting any sympathy from youâthat, he already knewâwhich engendered Wonwooâs long, trudging walk from one side of the track to the other, the wind irritably blowing his grown-out locks over his glasses every time he attempted sweeping them back. Hoisting the camera back up, Wonwoo adjusted the side-screen and began his same ritual of steadily panning the camera along the landscape.
You appeared in the view, still sat on the bleachers, though nothing about your face or figure was too discernible. It felt like you were a background character in a painting, just a little glob of acrylic.
âAll done?â
Finally, you had glanced up at him with a smile.
Wonwoo nodded. âUnless you need anything else filmed?â
âNo, that should be enough. The track is most important.â
âRight.â
He tried giving back the camera.
âActually, do you mind keeping it?â
âUm, okay. But how will you look at the footage?
âDropbox. Weâll share one. Upload the clips there.â
Wonwoo plopped himself back down on the bench, fitting the camcorder into its black case. He pulled the zipper along the seam.
âHow much longer do we need to be here?â
âNot that much. Just let me finish this paragraph.â
There was a dull pain throbbing at the front of his skull, edging down to his templesâacross his nose bridge where his glasses pressed in more tightly than usual. He closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled a deep breath, trying to escape the feeling, the nausea, the chills that were beginning to seep up his neck as the wind blew turbulently against him. It would be embarrassing if this happened here, right in front of you. The hard lump had suddenly lurched forward in Wonwooâs throat but he leaned his head down last minute and swallowed it despite the roughness. No, everything was okay.
âHey, whatâs wrong?â
Wonwoo opened his eyes, staring down at the trembling hands buried in his lap. Subtly, he pulled the sleeves of his cardigan over them. He assumed his face was reflecting a sheer, sickly opacity.
âNothing.â
âUh, sure. Now look me in the eyes and say that.â
Again, Wonwoo swallowed, but he managed nonetheless.
âNothingâs wrong. I get headaches sometimes. Thatâs all.â
â⌠Oh. Well, Iâm basically done here. I was gonna ask if you wanted to walk a lap around the track with me, but maybe we should just go home. I mean, how bad is it? Your headache?â
Yes, yes. Home. Wonwoo wanted to go home. He had only been away from his apartment for a solid two hours, and yet all his mind and bodyâs energy had completely drained. He felt dried out, withered, fragile as tempered glass. Going home sounded cosmic.Â
âItâs getting better. I wouldnât mind walking with you.â
âOh! Cool. If it gets really bad, just tell me.â You then spent a minute collecting your belongings back into the cream purse.
Wonwoo immediately looked the other way, dragging a frustrated hand through his hair, mouthing a string of guttural curse words directed at his discombobulated head. Because what the hell was he doing? All his relief and peace had just suckled itself down an invisible drain. Why on earth did he agree? Why?
âI think this will help me, too," you said, having left the shiny bleachers behind, instead kicking the pebbles at your feet, âif we walk the entire track, then itâs like we did the four-hundred meter.â
âYouâre supposed to run the four-hundred meter.â
âWell, I know that.â
âIâm surprised you hate running. I mean, you walk so fucking quickly sometimes.â
He heard you snort, clearly amused by his observation.
âItâs because Iâve mastered the art of sashaying. To have a perfect sashay, you canât walk too slow, but you also canât walk too fast. Itâs like a strut. You need to have confidence while you do it. It lets people know that youâre serious and professional. Iâm not dragging my feet, but Iâm also not in a rush. Itâs the perfect pace.â
Wonwoo sniffled and scrunched the glasses up his nose, continuing alongside you at a pace that was rather aimless.
âI didnât realize there was a science behind sashaying.â
âNow you know,â you declared.
Wonwooâs upper lip quirked slightly, and a small grin appeared on his face, which was starting to dapple with colour.
âI donât sashay, do I?â
At that, you laughed, âno, you amble.â
âYeah, Iâm an ambler⌠which basically means Iâm an unmotivated, pointless person who will probably go nowhere in life.â
For a moment, you stopped walking, and you merely furrowed your brow at him while your forehead creased with thought. Wonwoo stopped as well. He raked back his fluttering, windswept hair and smirked, flashing his teeth. The behaviour was uncharacteristically snide and a bit of a dig at your bluntness, but he couldnât help it.
âDonât remember, huh?â
âNo⌠but it sounds familiar.â
âYou told me that, the day I met youâthat people who walk slowly are unmotivated and pointless. Their life is a waste, basically.â
He noticed your eyes shift up toward the right, as though you were pulling the memory forward from the intricate files of your brain. And then you started to smile, and it made Wonwoo smile, too.
âOh, I do believe I said that.â You started walking again, and he followed. âHa! Wow, youâre right. I said that. Iâm so funny. I mean, I was right. You only walk slow when you have nowhere to be.â
âI did have somewhere to be. I was going to meet you.â
âWell, then you just didnât care.â He felt your elbow press shallowly into his rib. âSee what I mean? Unmotivated and pointless. And, honestly, I would have taken your apathy as more of an insult if it wasnât for the fact that you seem to treat most things like that.â
âSo, Iâm just supposed to accept that youâre calling me a loser? How do people normally react when you say things like that?â
âThings like what? Theyâre just my observations about the world. You are a person in this world. I was making an observation about you. Albeit, it came across strongly. But I donât know. No one ever cared about being gentle or sugar-coating with me. Gives you tough skin, yâknow? Metaphorically, of course! I always moisturize.â
 Wonwoo scoffed, smiling at your nonchalance. âThe way you word things is honestly fascinating.â
âPsh. How do you even remember that?â
âI donât know. Doesnât seem that hard to remember. It was a pretty memorable, somewhat awful experience, to be fair.â
âAwful?â You retaliated in unprecedented disbelief, pushing into his arm until he allowed his tall frame to stumble. âTry again.â
âInteresting?â Wonwoo substituted, his heart thumping.Â
Your eyes were narrowed at him, glimmering with a sharpness that made his fingers clench into anxious fists.
â⌠Thatâs a little better.â
He exhaled a soft breath of relief.
As you began nearing the full circle, Wonwoo realized his head had eased from its horrible aching and the chills dampening down his neck were gone. Everything didnât feel as awful compared to before. He was still tired, and his energy was sputtering in tiny, dying sparks, but at least his desire to crawl under the earth and degrade to his bare bones had subsided into something less morose.
âI heard you were having a get together next week,â Wonwoo decided to ask, rounding the last bend in the track.
âOh, the dinner party?â
âYeah. Seokminâs helping you plan it, right?â
âHe is. Which I appreciate. My mom is usually the one in charge of everything, and she loathes it. But, I mean, when we try to help her, she just ends up fretting even moreâsays weâre basically getting in the way and ruining it. I donât know. Sheâs such a snappy perfectionist. Seokmin can have fun dealing with that.â
Wonwoo almost made a thoughtless comment in response to your storyâheâs probably had eons of practice with youâthough the pieces connected just in time and his mouth sealed shut.
âYour dad canât help either?â He questioned instead.
âHa! No way. My dad helping is a recipe for fucking disaster if Iâve ever seen it. Heâs painfully bad at decorating, can hardly be trusted to cook or invite anyone from the guest list. The most my mom allows him to do is set the table.â You then scoffed, shooting a pebble forward with the tip of your shoe. âI swear, he knows exactly how to push my momâs buttons. The faster he does it, the quicker she kicks him out and heâs absolved of all chores. What a cheat, huh?â
âHm, yeah⌠is Mingyu going?â
âOf course.â You smiled. âHe always goes.â
At that point, you had circled back to the bleachers. Adjusting the bag strewn over your shoulder, you heaved out a longing sigh.
âWell, thatâs four-hundred meters in the books.â
âIs it everything you hoped and dreamed it would be?â
You cackled, ânot even close. I think I was right to avoid it.â
âMAY 3RD.
Wonwoo slid his pharmacy badge through the time-machine until he heard the beep. After an eight-hour shift, he was hungry and tired, but Wonwoo also knew the second that he got home, his urge to eat and desire to sleep would be gone. Instead, he would spend his midnight staring up at the ceiling, thinking. About anything and everything, and nothing at all. When the first cracks of dawn light would spill in from under his curtain, then he would close his eyes.
It was all very typical.
He stood outside the store, phone in hand, waiting for Vernon to pick him up because Wonwoo hadnât felt like walking home despite the softness of the nighttime wind and the alabaster moonâs shining ambiance. The mirage was pretty and he enjoyed it, but his feet were too sore to inch him another step. Luckily, Vernon didnât take long.
Luckily, he was the only one of Wonwooâs few friends with a sleep schedule just as horridly fucked up as his. It was eleven at night, but on a weekday? The dead, empty street testified for him.
âHeyy, Glasses,â Vernon sang in his throaty voice as Wonwoo climbed into the passenger seat, âyou look like a prostitute standinâ there, waitinâ for me to come get your ass. But a sophisticated one.â
The interior didnât smell heavily of weed, he noted. Thank fucking god, Vernon had finally paid someone to dry clean it. Either that, or he took the initiative into his own hands.
âI highly doubt you have ever seen a prostitute in your entire life. And the fact you think theyâd be standing outside a pharmacy at one of the quietest parts on this block attests to that.â
âGod, I hate when you get all technical nâ shit. Such a stiff.â
âIâm tired.â
âYeah, well. Youâre always tired. Nâ for the record, I have seen a prostitute, outside Room 319. It was a week before Christmas; she had this huge coat on, walkinâ up to people in her pink heels and this crazy eyeshadow that made her eyes pop. I bet sheâs a nice girl.â
âMhm. I bet she was.â
âOh, youâre a cunt, yeah? You donât believe me.â
âDoes it matter?â
âIâll take you one day. Room 319âs got a table with your name on it. Theyâve got this one shot, the Stabilizerâ itâll put you down like a fuckinâ sick dog but it gets you the best drunk of your life. Maybe weâll even run into Pink Heels lady. Sheâs our Halleyâs Comet.â
âHalleyâs Comet only comes once every seventy-five years. â
âYou know what the fuck I meant.â
âNot interested.â
Vernon blinked at him for a moment in the dull light, and then he sighed, forfeiting. He placed the tip of the key in the ignition, but he quickly removed it as though he remembered something.
âWait, Iâve gotta askâhowâs it going with Her?â
Biting down on the inside of his cheek, Wonwoo reached for the seatbelt and pulled it slowly across his chest, debating how intelligent of an idea it would be to entertain Vernonâs curiosity. But he could also understand the allure. You were like this enigmatic myth that people craved to know about, even if it frightened them.
Wonwooâs head collapsed back against the seat.
âItâs going well.â
Vernon spat out a boisterous laugh, a hand slapping down on his knee. âJesus Christ. Youâre so dry, man. Thatâs it?â
âI mean, itâs true. Weâve started the book. Or, she has.â
âOkay, and?â Vernon attempted to engage him further.
âAnd, what?â
âWhatâs she like, obviously? Is she actually a fuckinâ psychopath? Is she normal? Can she walk on her hands? I dunno!â
Wonwoo rubbed underneath his glasses. He didnât really want to talk about you when you werenât there. It felt like a Bloody Mary situation, where youâd magically conjure in the backseat to sinch your cold hands around his neck and wrangle him limp and lifeless. But then there were Vernonâs shimmeringly prying eyes that just wouldnât stop burning Wonwoo no matter how hard he bit his tongue.
âI have nothing to say. Sheâs cool.â
âOh my fuckinâ God.â Vernon slacked back into his seat, clutching at his steering wheel. âYou just donât wanna talk about it⌠oh! Shit. I just remembered. Sheâs having a dinner party tonight, isnât she? In Hill Crest. Or as I like to call it, Rich People Neighbourhood.â
âYeah, thatâs where her parents live⌠how do you know that?â
âShit!â Vernon immediately shuffled up in his seat and delivered a hard smack into Wonwooâs shoulder. âWe should drive down and check it out! Right fuckinâ now!â He was lit up with excitement, even though Wonwoo considered it a terrible idea.
âNo. Absolutely not. And answer my question.â
âWas sittinâ behind Seokmin at Solar Pop, he talks really loud, happened to overhear some thingsâdoesnât matter. I think we should go! Câmon, allow some spontaneity into your life! Why not?â
âWhat the fuck do you mean, why? Itâs a family party. With some close friends, whichâin case you havenât noticedâneither of us are. You canât fucking crash a family dinner party. Who does that? Not to mention the fact that it's eleven at night. They're probably washing up. Sending people home. By the time we get there, it's lights out."
âArenât you her friend?â
âNo. Iâm just someone whoâs doing her a favour.â
âFavours are from friends.â
âWeâre. Not. Friends.â
âOkayâfuck, Glasses. Fine. We wonât crash the stupid dinner party. But donât you wanna go for a drive or something? Iâm tellinâ you, the houses are insane. Last time I went down there, it was for a big fuckinâ party some dude at your university threw. I think I ran this by you already, when I talked about tryinâ to chat up Her. I stopped by with my old friendâyâknow, Dots, the guy that died from the overdose and everything. That party was crazy. It was in a mansion.â
âVernon,â Wonwoo had just finished massaging the throbs at his warm temples, âwe are not going to Hill Crest.â
His friend swung his head in disapproval, making a tsking sound with his teeth. âSuch a fuckinâ stiff.â He started the car. âItâs the fact I know you have jack shit to do tonight, or tomorrow.â
âIâm not gonna do some stalker drive-by on her house.â
âYou donât wanna do Room 319. You donât wanna judge a bunch of richies sittinâ up in their ivory towers. I mean, itâs not like weâre egginâ them or spray painting fuckinâ curse words on their eight-door garages. What do you wanna do?â
Wonwoo rolled down the window and leaned his face toward the moonlight, to which he could feel the wind brush up against his skin in feathery strokes, as though it were caressing him. He knew that Vernon meant in a general sense rather than in the heat of the moment. But in a general sense, Wonwoo would rather not be anywhere at all. He would rather do nothing, or even exist.
âCan you just take me home? Please?â
Vernon exhaled a defeated gust of breath and began to angle his tires away from the curb, the pharmacy lights pulled behind them.
âYeah, âcourse. Mr. Boring.â
â01:49
Wonwoo hadnât been able to fall asleep since Vernon dropped him off a couple hours ago. Heâd anticipated that. Usually, Wonwoo wouldnât do anything. He wouldnât toss or turn, or pace circles around his bedroom, or count down from one-hundred, because even if he did, none of it would work. His mind would still be wide awake.
Hence Wonwooâs decision to grab his phone. Staring at a lurid screen definitely wasnât going to help, though he wasnât trying to sleep, anyway. That conversation with Vernon was repeating in his head like a chattering bird, pushing him, pushing him, pushing him to find your Instagram and dig into your pictures because now Wonwoo was thinking of your dinner party and how vehemently you seemed to hate it. He saw that you had posted something quite recently, around the same time Wonwoo had left the pharmacy.
For a moment, his thumb hovered over the post.
He didnât want to press it because he didnât care.
Or, maybe he did.
There were multiple pictures in the set, and Wonwoo flicked through all of them. Some were of food, close-ups of your jewelryâyou even included a picture with Seokmin. But then Wonwoo had settled on the last photo and something in his stomach convulsed.
He recognized the dress like a flash of lightâthe sapphire one with the glimmering detail that you had modelled for him at the expensive boutique in the mall. Of course, that arm hanging cheekily low around your hip belonged to your boyfriend, Mingyu. He had a champagne glass pressed to his lips, fitted in his black suit with his hair neatly combed and styled into place. The smugness in his face was stifling. Wonwoo rolled onto his stomach, his eyes refusing to drift from the picture for even an instant. He just kept staring.
Staring and thinking. Staring and thinking.
One minute spent staring at your smile.
The next minute at the low placement of Mingyuâs hand.
Another minute staring at your sparkling dress.
The next minute at Mingyuâs brutally cocky expression.
He would switch back and forth.
But Wonwoo didnât really care. He was just bored.
And alone with his thoughts.
âEND OF PART PART ONE.
NOTE! while i truly cherish & adore all comments, pls refrain from remarks such as "pls post part x" "i need part x" "when are you posting part x" while i do understand the sentiment, i find these comments very dismissive & kinda disrespectful! i don't prefer to post series fics and so i don't receive these often, but pls note that if you comment this i will delete the comment!
the fic itself is completely done, so all i have to do is get the parts ready for posting. however, bc this is the first part, i don't have a set posting schedule just yet. i think it will depend on roughly how long those who read the fic take to finish it! but i will be sure to make a post about it or include the schedule in part two once i figure it out!
Content Warnings: weapons, graphic depictions of violence, blood, mentions of drowning, prostitution, depictions of parental abuse, torture, drugging, alcohol, death, eventual smut, unhealthy relationship dynamics/toxicity, they're pirates and not the peter pan silly goofy kind.
reader warnings: reader has breasts, long hair but i try not to describe more than length, she/her pronouns, and referred to as "princess"
Length: ~22k
Note: ITS FINALLY HERE!! longest fic I've ever written. my pride and joy. this is a dark fic and i tried to make the warnings as clear as possible. the romance is a slow burn. please do not interact if you may be triggered! take care of yourself first!
extra warning: MINORS DNI! 18+ ONLY! You will be hard blocked!
read more here
Old Friends
Salt water on the stale air caresses your senses awake, rousing you from your deep slumber as the gentle rocking of the tide tempts you to return to its depths. In the belly of the ship, only the gentle flame of an oil lantern hanging from the ceiling illuminates the dark closet you call your room. Just wide enough that your palms lay flat against each wall when your arms are extended, deep enough to hang a hammock for restless dozes through the night.Â
Something is wrong.
A ship full of thieves, criminals, and other degenerates never quiets to an eerie silence such as this. The lap of the ocean at the wooden sides of the vessel drowns most noise but she seldom comes away with a clean sweep like she does currently.Â
Something is very very wrong.
Twisting out of the hammock, your feet hit the floor with a slash. The black oily surface of water reflects in the dim light, consuming the entirety of your boots, soaking up to the middle of your shins. A quick survey of your space shows your only possession, a small leather trunk, bobbing in the corner.
The real prizes decorate your figure. Daggers tucked in their sheaths, littering their usual hiding places: one tucked under each cuff of your shirt, the largest one strapped to your thigh, one in the lining of each boot, and several strapped to the leather belt across your chest. Your revolver sits on your hip, golden neck polished, loaded like you left it before dozing off.
The door to this room is one of the few that sits less than an inch off the ground. Meaning the water in here is likely nothing compared to what's beyond the thick piece of wood. You need to get out of here. Out of this room and out to the deck.Â
Steadying yourself, you plant your feet in a fighting stance, preparing for the force that will race in once the door opens. Barely a turn of the knob, a click of the latch and the door is blown wide; smacking into the wall behind as the sea rushes in, informing you that the water beyond is up to your thigh as it threatens to knock you off your feet.
The worn wood of the threshold threatens to rip your nails as you hold on for dear life. If you fall into the flood, it's over. You wonât be able to get back up, crushed under the weight of the oceanâs will. It's the first thing you learn on a ship: the sea takes and takes and she doesnât return what sheâs claimed no matter how much you plead. And if you do get away, sheâll come to collect eventually.
Arms straining and thighs burning, you force forward against the onslaught. By the time you exit the confines of your room , the water is at your chest. Caressing your collar bones, lapping at your neck like a crude noose. The jostle of your movement claps waves into your face.Â
Iâve got you now. The sea whispers. Finally ran out of borrowed time, little bird.
Salt water burns your nose with each bob of your head as you work towards the stairs leading up and out. The tang floods your mouth, pooling in the back of your throat; choking you, silencing your scream for help.
Give up. The seductive voice purrs in your ear. Come to me. Let me give you oblivion.
When the ocean finds home in your lungs, you let her take what sheâs owed.Â
A knife to the throat is a less than friendly way to greet your second but Wonwoo should have expected it. His mistake for standing too close to wake his captain.
Wild eyes stare up at him, cataloging his features as the cool metal point pinches his airway. Sharp eyes, firm mouth, scar from temple to chin. He doesnât flinch as you press a little firmer, forcing the dagger into the pale skin of his neck. Finally, safe triggers in your head.
Still, it takes a few seconds before your muscles relax enough to let you retract the small piece of steel.
âYouâre needed on the deck.â
A shuddered breath is all the response he gets before you wave him out.
Wonwoo refuses to move, pointed gaze burning yours.
âHandle it.â You bark.
âTold me not to make deals in your name.â
That peaks your interest.
âWho is it?â
âStragglers from a sinking ship.â He reports. âSeokmin pulled them from the wreckage.â
âOf course he did.âÂ
If Wonwoo was a stupider man heâd mistake the exasperation in your tone for fondness. But heâs not. If Seokmin was less valuable then his ass would have been at the bottom of the sea months ago. But the strikes against him are stacking higher and higher, and your goodwill is running out.
Today, youâre in one of your better moods. Seokmin will probably end up back in the wreckage with the sorry sailors he saved if none of them prove to be of any use. That is, if you let them take a breath after finding out just who exactly is standing above you.
âWhat colors?â
Their allegiance. The flag had been long gone by the time the three men were pulled from the chilly depths. But the brands on their necks tell it just the same. A circle with a vertical line through the middle.
âKrakens.â
You're out of your bed and up the stairs before Wonwoo can blink.
Face cold as the winter wind that screams from the north, you hone in on your target the second you're in the daylight. Seokmin doesnât see it coming as you round on him. The brass knuckles swirling around your fingers rips a sizable gash across his cheek as the crack of your hand rings out, silencing your audience.
He falls to his knees as his own hands move to protect his face, a pained âFuck!â leaving his lips.Â
âYouâre lucky I don't shoot you!â You spit, lips curled and teeth bared.
Garnet blood dripping from his chin to the wooden planks only furthers your disdain for the man in front of you. The gun on your hip sings like a siren but you have bigger problems to deal with. Seokmin wonât get the bullet with his name engraved on it today but tonight he should pray to whatever powers be that it finds another target first.
Whirling to the three strangers backed against the main mast, you eye them up and down. Wonwoo was right to wake you, because looking you in the eye with a shit eating grin is the demon youâve been avoiding for years. The reason for your nightmares. The reason for the lump of hardened charcoal where a beating heart should be.
âMiss me?â he smirks.
In a flash, the revolver is in your hand. The shot hits dead center of the scant inches between his feet, smoke rising from the hole embedded in the surface of the deck. Whisps still rise from the muzzle of the gun as you cock the second bullet and raise your arm to aim for his heart.Â
His cocky facade slips for a fraction of a second, but it pulls the infamous bloodthirsty smile to your lips.
âYouâre a dead man, Jeonghan.â
The hesitant rap at the door rips your attention away from the creased parchment sprawled across your desk. Tallies of loots, debts, bribes, and more litter the ledger in tight neat script; providing nothing more than a swelling vein throbbing across your temple.
âCome in.â You beckon, eyes glued to your ledger.
Tracking his movements in your peripheral, Seokminâs entire presence screams terror. He doesnât dare look up when he cracks the door to your office open, barely enough for him to slip inside. Even the click of the latch is silent as he shuts it, releasing the twisted knob once itâs back home; attempting to make himself as small as possible, like a mouse trying to escape a snakeâs nest. He knows itâs judgment day and heâs been found wanting. The weight of his sentence hangs around his heart where he just might find a bullet in the next few minutes.
âSit.â
He isnât a horrible crew member. Bad pirate? Absolutely. But heâs loyal as they come, works hard as anyone else with something to prove to the world.Â
Seokmin was a farmer's son. One of several and the last in line to inherit any crumb of wealth his family could ever offer. At least that's what he told everyone. On the Hydra, a personâs story was their own. You didnât care who they were before they inked their loyalty onto the base of their skull, just that no one would come for them with a debt to settle while aboard your ship.
The farm hardened his body but his heart was soft as wax under a flame. In spite of the obvious flaw, itâs why heâs the best at collecting information. Pure face and a familiar warmth, naivety rolling off him in waves. A few cheap secrets swimming out his mouth, misinformed beliefs regarding the way the world worked spoken a little too loud and viola! Some fool would step up to the plate to correct him, spilling their guts on the table just before Seokminâs knife spilled them on the floor.Â
Despite what he cost you in sanity, heâd been worth his weight in gold when it came to finding leads on loose lips. Sometimes even loose legs. The women at brothels adamantly refused to take the coin you padded his pocket with. Always sending him back hours later than expected with the familiar jingle of a full purse and an unmistakable swagger in his step. You swear the velvet pocket is sometimes heavier than when it left.
You deliberately drag your gaze up to Seokminâs face, unhurried in pace, blinking lazily, almost sleepy. Jaw relaxed, and shoulders loose; your entire posture screams threat. Each of your crew needed a different captain when it came to reprimands. Soonyoung, eager to please and prove, suffered most with silent dismissals. Jihoon, the rare times he earned your ire, only responded to direct threats.
Seokminâs master and executioner was guilt.
âDo you know how Wonwoo got his scar?âÂ
Schooling your face into a neutral expression, you wait for his response. Providing nothing, refusing to allow him comfort in this moment.
Seokmin doesnât raise his gaze from his worn leather boots as he mumbles, âNo.â
âIt was my fault.â You share, picking your nails as the weight of your admission settles. âI thought I was helping a kid escape some cons. Told her she could follow us to town but after that, she was on her own. Turns out she was leading us into a deathtrap. One of her little gang took a swing at Wonwooâs face and almost took his eye with him. Luckily, Wonwoo got him first.â
Apparently, this was one of the rare instances Seokmin had the sense to stay quiet.
âHeâd thought it was a bad idea, but I tried to help her anyway. Didnât listen to his advice that some things need to be left to the fates.â
Standing from your desk, you snag the bottle of whiskey resting on the cluttered bookshelf behind you. One of the few luxuries you afford yourself. Pouring two glasses, you slide one across your desk to the frightened man before continuing.
âI didnât listen, and he got hurt.â Your tone so sharp it bites with blood stained teeth. âWonwoo almost lost his eye, Min. Tell me, what kind of shooter would he be with one eye?â
âNot a very useful one?â
âJust about as useful as a spy youâd be without your tongue.â
Seokminâs pale face balks at the implication. Hands wringing in his lap, you think he might piss himself.
âIâm not in the business of charity so I say this once: pull another stunt like you did today, and Iâll have Shua make you wish I killed you this morning.â Sitting back into the ancient leather chair, you jut your chin hauntingly. âUnderstand?â
âYes, captain.â
âGet out.â
The door clicks shut before your next breath.
Your head drops with a heavy thud against the wooden trim of your seat, eyes sliding shut. Holding the stretch of your lungs as you inhale, attempting to do the same to the stiff muscles corded around your shoulders as a squeak alerts you to a new presence.
âThat went well.â
You donât have the patience for Wonwoo's taunting tonight.Â
Sprawling in the now abandoned chair, he leisurely sips at Seokminâs untouched glass of amber liquor before speaking again..
âI didn't almost lose my eye.â
âI fail to see how that's of importance.â
âToo many rumors flying around means someone will eventually ask for the truth.â
âDo let me know when they approach you, Iâd pay good money to watch you stutter your way through the story.â
In truth, Wonwooâs trademark scar came as the result of too much lager and a very short pier. You both were still fresh as spring lambs to the cruel world beyond the high walls of the marble palace, but quickly figured that anything you could use to your advantage needed exhaustion. The rumors youâve stirred up around the jagged silver mark spanning half his face granted him a reputation beyond the edges of the ship, carried further by those who managed to escape your wrath.
Legends across the seas of the Viperâs second painted a terrifying character. Wonwooâs quiet nature and intimidating features served to fan the flames further. He was mean with a blade, even meaner with a gun. Only those with a deathwish knowingly went toe to toe with him. Those unfortunate enough to cross his mark were dead before they could even hear the cock of the pistol.Â
When Wonwoo doesnât answer, you continue. âIf anything, you should be thanking me.â
âOh?â
âHow many fights have you gotten in since I started telling people your scar was because you made a deal with a daemon?â
âSeveral.â
âWhich is certainly less than otherwise.â
âCertainly.â
âAnd I donât even get a thank you.â
âThank you, Your Grace.â He grovels, cocking his head forward.Â
âIâm not in the mood for your poor humor.â
âYou seemed to be generous with Seokmin.â
Knocking back the remnants of your cup before pouring another drink, you respond. âWhen he fucks up and I let Shua cut him to a million pieces heâll see generous as I am, Iâm good on my threats.â
Thatâs why they called you the Viper. Lethal. Calculating. Even when things donât appear to be in your favor, luck seems to find you as a friend. Everything could be a lesson or another method for you to strengthen your alliances.
Even Seokminâs fatal mistake of pulling Jeonghan on board would serve a purpose.
âSpeaking of threats. What are we doing with those Krakens?â
âEager to take a swing?â You jest, ignoring the sheen clinging to his lips.
âI have no interest in hearing them screaming at all hours for the next week. Kill Jeonghan, dump the other two and let the sharks claim them.â
âBut then Jeonghan wonât see how we greet old friends. The other two are insurance.â
There isnât enough time in the universe for you to deal Jeonghan what you owe him. The hunger to see him suffer would have terrified you in a past life. Even the hit on Seokmin this morning came with a swallowed trickle of sympathy after your rage cooled to a smolder, but no room for regret on the sea. Strike first and strike hard. Youâll pay for it all in the end and guilt wouldnât spare you.Â
But what grows in you now isnât concerned with what youâll face on the other side of the light. The poison youâve collected in your veins for years pleads for the chance to fruit in his blood and stop his cold heart.
âYou think he cares that much?â
âHeâs captain, theyâre his crew.â
âSo youâd squirm if Seokmin got under the knife?âÂ
âAsk me in a few days.â
Silence finds the space between you like a familiar companion. Wonwoo is the last piece of home you have. Youâd grown up together, run away together. Found each other again and again, no matter how long you ended up separated. A friend like him was difficult to come by when everyone had a price. Wonwooâs turned out to be too high to ever hang you out to dry, and you the same.
âTell Jihoon I want us at port by midday tomorrow.â
A humorless breath leaves his nose, âOh, heâll be thrilled.â
âI donât pay him to be happy, I pay him to get my ship where I want it to go.â
Youâre snappier than usual. The fury you feed in front of the crew protects you from the whispers and speculations. Youâd won the vote fair and square when your processor had been ousted, a man nothing more than a relic from the old days, lazy and more than willing to let others do his dirty work while he soaked in riches. Youâd sewed patches of discontent after years spent aboard, earning favors and friends along the way, mastering every job to be done on the once dingy ship.Â
Tentative friendships were easily gained, but respect? Respect was on the bidding block everyday. It wasnât enough to stain your hands whenever needed; the price for respect was razored words and padded pockets.Â
Unfortunately, Wonwoo earned his fair share of both.
âWhen we get to the pier, weâre dropping Chan.â
âWhat?â Now anger heats his tongue.
âHeâs not making progress.â
âGuns take time.â
âI've got enough mediocre gunslingers, I donât need another.â Your focus is on the parchment again, searching for the cost the youngest member of your crew is having you foot. âHeâs wasting ammunition and gunpowder as if it falls from the sky.â
âNo.â
Occasionally Wonwoo argued with you, pressed you to see different perspectives but rarely did he disagree completely. Even more rare was flat out refusal.
âPardon?â
âWeâre not dropping Chan. Heâs better than Vernon, and better than I was when Iâd been doing it as long as he has.â
Your eyes slink to his, slow and purposeful. A lioness toying with her prey, gaze sharp as the knife you raised to his throat earlier that morning. Head tilting to the side, you open your mouth with a venomous smile.
âSo when he catches up, I drop you?â
The threat is empty as the decanter perched on your desk, but there is always a sliver of Wonwooâs heart that freezes at the possibility youâll make good on it.
âYouâll never drop me.â
âAfter today, I might.âÂ
The charade drops in an instant. Eyes closing once again, you scrub your face until stars burst against the black backdrop of your lids.Â
Nights like these rip open the place in your mind that rains endless questions. What if you remained in your little piece of the world? What if you accepted the frilly dress and silly parties? Allowed your father to make your marriage match as he saw fit for his own gains, a marriage to the cold Duke of Nas-Shostâs son or one of the brutish princes of Uspar. Perhaps youâd only be subjected to the violence of one man rather than dozens. Certainly there'd be less blood, fewer scars climbing your body like grotesque ivy. The warm arms of lavish life would embrace you, dull your mind till you were pliant as your peers. Produce babe after babe for whatever loveless man youâd been bound to, allowing nannies and wet nurses to care for your children while you indulged in cards and gossip like your mother.
Destined to be a mirror image of her dreamy smiles and distant eyes. A glance at your motherâs face showed her spirit miles away, blissful nothingness constantly clouded her features. Perhaps it was her own method of surviving your father.Â
She mindlessly prattled in the few hours you spent with her as a child, typically spewing tattles of the neighbors and other society ladies as if it was of great importance. Laughing at her own quips and snarks that you couldnât quite grasp the humor of. Only one conversation of substance ever occurred amongst dainty tea cups and porcelain plates of biscuits and cake.Â
During one of the numerous lessons with your pious governess, Madam Atina, a hunched woman with a face like an old leather satchel; sheâd hauntingly informed you everyone was born in the world with a cardinal flaw sealed in their soul. Youâd run right to your mother, sharing the new knowledge with electrifying excitement. Her jeweled fingers brushed your hair as you sat in her lap, recalling the seven faults like it was an examination.
Your governess is right. She smiled.
Whatâs fatherâs? Pride. And yours? Envy. And me? You, my little bird, were born greedy as they come.
Barely seven at the time, you squealed as her fingers tickled your ribs, joyously unaware she bared your deepest secret so easily. But now, you understood why she always had a heavier hand in your upbringing than she had in your older sistersâ.Â
From the moment you left the womb, youâd wanted. Even with every luxury available, any whim granted, youâd always been greedy for a different sort of satisfaction. A different life. What use was having anything if you needed the approval of another to get it? Even as a child youâd resented the way your father had the final say on your motherâs choices. On your sistersâ. On yours.
Imagination taking you to the stables every morning, pulling the shy stable boy from his chores to appease your need for a new identity. Finding freedom in the far edges of the palace gardens, pretending you were soldiers on the front line between roses, using the bushes as cover before shooting make believe pistols at a fictitious enemy. Or two warring monarchs set to duel, branches becoming gilded swords as the day lilies provided their rapt attention. Sometimes you played pirates, forcing each other to walk the plank before breaking into maniacal giggles at the ridiculous accents you donned by the crystal lake.
The gardenâs behind the estate remained a stage until your mother had you moved out of the nursery at twelve and into a private room down the hall to prepare you for balls and parties. New ladyâs maids combed your hair up and tailored the hem of your dress down to brush the ground, signaling to everyone in court you were now of age. And then you were tasked with mastering a new kind of performance. The type that ends with your hands, neck, and crown covered in diamonds and your name on a contract to the highest bidder.
You and Wonwoo didnât play anymore after that.
But now, even as misery loomed like a cloud over your head, at least you were alive with the knowledge that you created your own destiny. Now, the entire world is your stage, the gods your audience.
Wonwoo crosses to the door with a few long strides, the shuffle of his feet intentional to alert you to his movement.
âMake sure Hoshi checks on Seokmin. Donât need his face getting infected.â You mumble into your glass, attention on the flame jumping from the black candle to the left of your desk. âAnd no food for our guests.â
âHow long?â
âThree days, longer if they start fighting. Only enough water for them to stay alive.âÂ
Wonwooâs exit is silent but his absence prickles the back of your neck, threatening to rip you to shreds. You try to focus on the pop and crack of the fire burning in the hearth across the room. How your throat burns raw with another swig of booze. Even the habitual press of your thumb across the silken abalone handle of your revolver does nothing to numb the world inside your head.
Waves crash below the windows of your office as you cut through the endless sea, pounding surf singing their nightly hymn of the souls youâve banished from this world. The haunting tune echoes louder with the knowledge that their master is shackled in the belly of your ship. An atonal ballad filled with the ghostly rattle of the chains crossed around his wrists and throat.
Ventparsk
Sunlight glares from the vast waves, the harsh beams attempting to blind you, as an infinite blue sky supplies nary a cloud of reprieve from its brutal warmth. Youâd never speak ill of a scarce blessing such as the weather of today. Glittering open sea as far as the eye could see, not a single blip in sight save for the dark mountain rising from the horizon.
Your crew has stripped their torsos down to their scarred and inked skin, only keeping the dignity of pants as they trudge back and forth below your watch from the quarterdeck. Braving the threat of a scarlett backside rather than risk fainting over the sides of the ship and into the depths. The roughspun linen of your undershirt tears across your skin as wind breathes and snaps into the white sails above, propelling the vessel closer to the crowded harbor of Ventparsk.
Weeks at sea had depleted the stock of provisions and riled the crew. Only so much entertainment to be had when surrounded by nothing but endless ocean and air. Even you found the monotony of the days tiresome despite the never ending responsibilities of being captain. Drinking and merriment kept everyone content enough, card games as well before Soonyoung inevitably ran his mouth directly into someoneâs fists. He might have maintained a tight ship under your command but when everyone gathered at night to loosen their limbs and cheer their minds, a hit on Soonyoung was fair play. Sometimes encouraged.Â
But the typical vices were no longer keeping their grumbles quelled. The gash on Seokminâs cheek only fanned the flames higher. It was understood why you dealt him that hand, but their fondness for the newer member of your crew bred unconscious resentment. Youâre not a physician but even you knew if you let the disease of discontent fester, itâll kill the entire body.
The cure was simple enough. A few days wreaking havoc across dank gambling dens, cramped taverns, and numerous brothels in the great pleasure city would easily alleviate the tension rankling on board. Ventparsk opens its doors like an old friend to anyone with a few coins in their purse and your latest voyage ensured each of your crew would be welcomed like an emperor.
Ventparsk marina is a hodgepodge of every style ship and boat imaginable. Steel military ships from the cold north of Uspar tower above humble longships no doubt belonging to eastern traders of Truyso. Even oared ships from the dark days speckle through the thick rows of docks, Proeraâs trademark. Your ship resembles one of the military fleet from Nas-Shost, swift and agile unlike the large square-rigged ships flying the blue and silver of the Islearain navy visible on the opposite end of the marina.
A cacophony of colors sail high above. The privateers and pirates arenât stupid enough to announce their colors so boldly, but the armies foam at the mouth for a chance to intimidate the easily impressed. Amongst the other sheets flying in the wind, you recognize ally as well as foe. The sullen gray of the Usparian army here, a sheet rich maroon from Proeraâs northern waters there. A rare flash of orange announces the Gulls, a band of Shostian mercenaries, are a long way from home. Even the maroon flag of the Seven Sirens flies high. If the Krakens had a ship to sail, the royal purple complete with a white circle and vertical slash would snap in the wind above all others. Cockiness bordering on stupidity, a bold challenge to anyone willing to follow them out of the harbor borders. But that tacky piece of cotton had been returned to the depths of the sea, finally resting where a Leviathan belongs.
The lush green flag with a golden ouroboros is hidden in the navigation room of the Hydra, far away from any prying eyes that may look your way. Men may be eager to have a public pissing contest, but you appreciated the fine art of minding your own business. The element of surprise and stealth could never be undervalued, only underappreciated.Â
The hodgepodge of pirate crews, merchants, and soldiers neighboring one another along the decrepit docks only exist in the assumed neutrality of the city. If youâre caught fighting in Ventparsk, breaking the delicate truce that exists within its borders, there is no trial. Your entire crew is sentenced to hang as gull food above the gate that separates the docks from the city; staked with an iron rod through one end and out the other. And anyone is willing to sell out those that defy the rules, eager to abide by the code for the guarantee of a good time without the cold sweat of a knife to the back.Â
After securing the Hydra, a portly man with watery eyes and a thick mustache waddles aboard. The worn olive green of his wrinkled uniform means heâs the customs master of this section of the marina.
He sidles up to Wonwoo, assuming his status of captain based on who can say what. Frustration lights a flame to simmer your blood, but it's better this way. The old men who run the ports wonât respond to a female captain, and if they do theyâll rip you off before finding a reason to banish you back to the open water.
âCargo?â
âNothing to sell.â
âCrew?â
â20.â
âCaptives?â
âNo, sir.â
âWhatâs the purpose of your visit?â
Wonwoo gives a lazy charming smile, âJust some men looking to enjoy the unique pleasures your lovely city has to offer.â
âSeems like you have something already on board.â
The desire to send a bullet through his skull swells riots but you reign her in. Last thing you need is to get your crew barred from the island city. Wonwoo would kill you himself.
Ignoring his comment, Wonwoo tosses the bag of coins at the officer. The old man fumbles to catch them but his assistant, a nimble tawny skinned boy who canât be more than eleven, snags the jumbling coins before they hit the deck. In silence, they count and mark the toll in their book before smiling at the crew.
âWelcome to Ventparsk.â
Youâve tasked Wonwoo and his first mate, Seungkwan, with stocking up at the trading post. The younger man could barter with anyone and you only trust Wonwoo with the extra store of coins. Itâll take them the better part of the day to haul the crates down the docks and oversee the other crew organize them in the hold.
The night crew remains on board, dozing in hammocks strung between heavy cannons below deck in the berth to avoid the blaring sun. Jihoon remains on the quarterdeck, straw hat tucked low to cover his eyes; content to stay in his corner of the ship while others explore, never one to be tempted by the pleasure houses or bidding halls. The rest of the crew looks at him with pity for not lacking the desire to hand over his time to the intoxicating pulse of the city, but you know better.Â
Back home, Jihoon has a lady. He hasnât seen her in years but sends her a stiff share of his wage at the end of every job. The few letters heâs received during his time on your ship are kept in a wooden cigar box tucked under scrolls of parchment in the navigation room just above your own quarters. Youâre only aware because the box was stashed with an abandoned codex youâd needed regarding the islands dappling the eastern waters of Truyso. In haste, the small wooden trunk clunked to the floor, spilling several envelopes stamped with a teal wax seal. Skimming the first few words of swirling script, the woman was ratherâŚdescriptive in how much she missed him. Jihoon chose that moment to shuffle into the space, fuming as you gapped over his private collection of personalized smut.Â
Leaving the treasure of your heart in his capable hands, you stride through the rusted iron gate welcoming you to the much tamer southern district of Ventparsk.Â
Rickety buildings line the streets, each advertising their services. Thick crowds bubble out of rowdy taverns and into the street, patrons unashamed to imbibe so heavily under the midday sun. The mismatched symphony of music pouring from open windows and crevices in the slats to greet them, seduce them back inside. Scantily clad brothel workers curl around banisters and press out windows, beckoning customers with a curl of a finger and twitch of the lips. The independents work hard to lure those with less pocket change to the shaded alleyways for a quick tryst against the dirty walls. Perched on the corners of cross streets, conmen rob those stupid enough to get tangled in their cheap card tricks.
The kid pressing past you barely makes it a foot before you snatch their wrist in an iron grip. Whipping the little pickpocket back to your person, you twist their arm at an angle thatâll force it to break if they so much as breathe the wrong way. Anyone looking, and no one does, will see a dotting sister ushering their younger sibling through the crush of the crowd.
âWhere Iâm from, thieves lose their hands.â You snarl down at the grubby face glaring up at you.
âI didnât take anything!â She cries, voice thick with faux tears under the tattered hood of her cloak.
Your other hand reaches into her pocket to retrieve the polished silver dagger usually kept strapped to your side, flicking it into view between you. The cheap piece of steel was worth next to nothing. Best way to keep your coin is to let a thief think they bested you by giving them an easy target, too hard to resist.
âLiars lose their tongues.â
The fury at being caught brands her features. Sheâs barely skin and bones, moth eaten velvet cloak weighing more than her but blazing in her eyes is fire. The same fire that burned in your own as you learned the ways of the streets when youâd first left the cushion of your fatherâs kingdom.Â
If you rat her out to the city guard sheâll be used as fish food. Or worse, one of the brothels will bid on her bond.
âNext time you wanna lift something, think about why itâs so easy before letting your hands get sticky.â
Retching her hand away, you brush her to the side, refusing to look at her face as you slip back into the crowd. Sheâll find the coin you slipped in her pocket quick enough.
Each room of the Lionâs Den is draped in tacky swatches of gold and all variations of red. In this particular keep, a plush mattress is perched in front of the blazing fireplace. The garnet velvet bedspread trimmed with gold tassels clashes with the blush pillow cases, both jarring against the white oak bed frame and sheets of pale silk floating down from the bars. But the design of the room interests Wonwoo far less than the woman who inhabits it.
âHowâs our little friend?â Yeseul calls over her shoulder.Â
Sheâs perched at her vanity, using the light of an oil lantern to carefully fix the greasy smudges of red staining her lips. Wonwoo isnât sure why sheâs bothering with it. Heâs paid for the entire night, she might as well remove wretched stuff. Laying back in the satin sheets of her bed, he lets one arm prop up his head as he watches the woman heâs visited for years tsk over her reflection. The swirl of smokey incense hazing her figure.
Yeseul was a few years older than he, versed in the ways of the world and determined to educate the once bright eyed boy heâd been. Sheâd imparted him with the knowledge of how to pleasure a woman even though heâd only fallen into bed with one other person. Taught the value of secrets in this world. Most importantly, Yeseul was the one who let Wonwoo know that the desire and devotion he feels towards Y/N was love, not just friendship.
âAs pleasant as a spring breeze.â
âSarcasm doesnât suit you, Wonwoo.â
âThat gunk doesnât suit you either but I settle for it.â
âYou donât pay enough for me to remove it.â
âAnd thatâs my fault? You try to send me back with half every time I visit.â
âYouâre more of a friend than a customer at this point.â
âYouâre growing soft.â
âMingyu says the same.â
âHe wrote you?â
âBribed a guard to get a letter out. Probably had to bribe him to write it too since he never learned to read.â
Wonwoo doesnât ask if Mingyu will get out of the Iron Isle. Even with the guarantee of a fair trial, it takes years, sometimes decades. More men die waiting than in the gallows at the base of the prison.Â
Yeseul isnât a fool but she is a romantic. Consumed too many novels where ill suited love wins over all and anyone can be together if they just believe it. All wrapped up in a couple hundred pages. Her way of dealing with the ugly truths of the world. Yeseul is chained to the Lionâs Den the same way her lover is chained in prison. The same way Wonwooâs heart will always be chained to his princess. Useless in hoping to be free.
âBut sheâs well?â
âA stretch of the word but I guess as content as she can be.â
âSo you still havenât told her.â
âIf I was, do you think sheâd allow me to run to your bed?â
âWith how quiet you were earlier, I assumed it went poorly.â
âIt would go poorly. Especially now.â
âPerhaps it's best to give her time.â
Wonwoo knows time isnât what she needs. The only hope for anything beyond swift rejection would be a miracle performed by the gods themselves. If he were a smarter man, a stronger man, heâd stay away. Wouldnât submit himself to the torture of her presence, her trust and reliance. But heâs not. Wonwoo is weak in all the ways it matters when it comes to Y/N. Ever since she walked into the stables when theyâd both were barely knee high and demanded he submit himself to her friendship. Heâs listened to every command since.
Few things in the world were certain but the one constant Wonwoo relied on was the sure way to lose Y/N was giving himself permission to want. Want her the way he has since they were teenagers, running away from curses of her father and his servitude and towards the unknown. Since sheâd pulled him down into the hay in that dilapidated barn after too many swigs of the wine swiped from a merchant stall. Wonwoo never saw the smile sheâd flashed him that night again. Bright and hopeful, a little shy as he covered her mouth with his own. Now the only stretch of Y/Nâs lips carried a coldness, the gleam of teeth sadistic and sinister.
Hope is a fragile thing. Like a blooming spring flower just before the last frost, or a house of cards. Delicate. It has no place in this world heâs landed in. So Wonwoo doesnât let himself hope for a chance to be free of the love in his heart. Accepts that in this life, there was never a chance for him to have Y/N the way he wants. Because the way he wants her fundamentally opposes who she is.
So Wonwoo allows himself the memories of before. Before they became Serpents, matching stains of ink at the base of their skulls. Before Jeonghan snatched her away; the scars marring her body nothing compared to what heâd done to her mind. Before Y/N found her way back, to him, to the crew, to the world of the living.Â
Memories of the palace and her uncanny talent for finding him wherever he was on the grounds. The way she snatched him away from whatever task heâd been charged with to play her silly games, allowing him to be a boy instead of an indenture. How she snuck into the servants quarters and into his bed the night Jeonghan finally came to visit the kingdom. When she called him her friend for the first time. When sheâd let Wonwoo hold her to his chest, warming them both against the frigid air after laying each other bare.
âTime wonât change anything.â
Wonwoo can never have anything more than what he has now. So he settles his heart at Y/Nâs feet, and lets his body find distraction in another.
Always privy to his moods, Yeseul crosses back to where he lies. Perching herself in his lap, her ebony robe splits open to show the creamy skin of her stomach, the soft swell of her breast peeking out from behind honey waves of her hair, long neck split with the ruby choker all girls at this pleasure house wear.Â
Maybe in another life, Wonwoo would still be a stablehand. In that life, Y/N would have married Jeonghan and the childhood friendship between a stable boy and the youngest princess of Iaslera was nothing but forgotten memories.
Yeseulâs finger traces from his lips to his chin, following the dip of his scar to his ear. It had taken him years to stop flinching when someone touched it, the sting of that rusted blade still haunting him. When her nail scrapes the hollow of his throat, Wonwoo shivers for an entirely new reason.
Flipping her beneath him, Yeseulâs flit of laughter tickles Wonwooâs lips as he claims her mouth.
âAnother.â You beckon the woman behind the mahogany counter, tilting your empty cup her way.
âWhatâs a lady like you doing in a place like this?â A disconnected voice murmurs too close to your ear, a waft of booze and snuff slipping around your cheek.
Rolling your eyes, the same dagger the orphan girl tried to claim is in your hand and pressed to the soft wood in a second. The presence behind you disappears when it catches the lantern light.Â
The Twin Star is one of the better taverns in this part of the city. Drinks are cheap enough, other patrons keep their heads down and the barmaids tend to turn a blind eye when one needs to implement less than friendly means to ward off drunkards.
âKeep it up and Iâll have to cut you off.â Inri snarks but fills your cup with brandy all the same.
âYouâre a cruel woman.â You mutter, cradling the cool glass to your chest.
âThey say the same about you.â
âIâm flattered.â you mumble with a mock salute, loopy smile splitting your mouth.
She leaves you with a sigh. Youâve been here all afternoon, hoping to drown your dread at the bottom of a bottle. So far, youâre failing.
For the first time in years, you have no desire to return to your beloved vessel. The warm fondness for the Hydra replaced with frigid unease. A drunken stupor is the perfect excuse not to go back, at least for the night. Even with the unbending laws of the island, an unaccompanied woman roaming the streets of Ventparsk was unlikely to make ten paces before she ended up pushed into an alley. One under the influence of several hefty pours of whiskey might make five if sheâs lucky. Â
âThereâs my favorite captain.â
Youâre in no mood for company. Soonyoung must have been born under unlucky stars.Â
âCan a woman not enjoy a drink in peace?â
Heâs in the chair next to you before you can object, signaling Inri to bring him a glass as well.
âI donât think Iâve seen you this drunk before.â
âWhat are you doing here, Hosh?â
Soonyoung has the courtesy to look bashful. Just down the street is the theater you know he favors, the Temple, with dark mahogany walls and swaths of dark blue silk curtains hiding what takes place beyond the doors. The shanty building housed dozens of artists, dancers, and singers. Acrobats and fire tamers. Entertainers and actors. He had been one of them before you'd lured him away with promises of adventure and riches unknown to a poor merchantâs son. Everytime you stop at the isle he walks right back home to greet his brothers and sisters.
âIn the neighborhood.â
âYour family?â
âMy ma is finally speaking to me.â He lights up. âSomething about a fortune teller telling her to let go of old grudges or some other nonsense. But my sister is starting to do high ropes without a net! And my younger brother, San, heâs gotten better with the knife throwing andâ
Soonyoung continues to ramble as you tuck your smile into your cup. At least one person has a good relationship with their family. If someone asked, you couldnât confidently say which of your sisters were still breathing; only aware your mother and father were alive from the whispers of Iaslerian merchants complaining about royal levies to pay for the queenâs jewels.Â
âOne of the younger kids showed me some slight of hand with a coin and it looked alot like the ones we lifted from those traders in Uspar.â
Swallowing a mouth full of liquor you stay quiet. The little bastard just had to be one of Soonyoungâs kin because why not? The gods had a strange sense of humor.
âStrange.â
âI thought so too. Probably just a coincidence.â
âProbably.â
âWould my captain do me the honor of escorting her back to the ship?âÂ
Pointedly ignoring the knowing smile Soonyoung flashes, you take the arm he offers.
Nightmares
The three days in Ventparsk pass quickly. More booze, a tumble with a nameless man at the Winter Garden, and enough snuff to kill a horse provides a blissful mindless haze. You even managed a quick scrub down at one of the bath houses. Soaking in the heated tub for hours, muscles loose and pliant from the herbal steam and hot stones. Jeonghanâs rotting body in the moldy damp brig of the Hydra is nearly forgotten.Â
Nearly.
Dreams always have a way of reminding us of the realities we wish to forget.
âYouâre a dead man, Jeonghan.â
The bullet is screaming to make a home in between his ribs. Every muscle in your body pleading for the same. Sink the shot in Jeonghanâs heart and be free from him forever.
âTake them to the brig.â You instruct Jun.Â
âNever could just get on with it, could you?â
The next sound from Jeonghanâs mouth is a shrill scream as blood gushes from his thigh. It swirls with the sea water still dripping from his soaked clothes, scarlett inking through the growing puddle, opaque tendrils soaking into the wood.
âShuaâs gonna have fun with you.â
Finally skating on the waves of the vast ocean, you descend into hell.
The consuming stench of stagnant water and mold invades your nostrils as you transverse through the cargo hold to reach the brig. A rat squeaks as it scurries past, looking for its next meal no doubt. You loathe this part of the ship. Too deep, not enough exits, no clear path up and out. Just another gift courtesy of Jeonghan.
Three bodies hang from their hands, bound up and over their heads, feet barely brushing the ground as the sway with rhythm of the tide. Burlap bags obscure their faces but you know which lithe form belongs to him.Â
Shua sits at his desk, a collection of mismatched knives organized in neat lines like soldiers prepared for battle on one side. Jars of different poisons clink against one another in the wooden tray in the middle, the rainbow array of liquids each lapping at the sides of the vial for the chance to escape. On the far corner rests crude torture devices heâs collected over the years. Thorned strips of leather, several cat-o-nine-tails, and a lump of metal looking like a fruit with a knob attached at the narrow end.
The entire aura of Joshuaâs corner of the ship screams anguish. A slaughterhouse for those unfortunate enough to stumble his way. Itâs why no one visits him of their own volition. Not that he seems to mind, more than content to study the ways of the body than talk to one.
You take a seat across from the man dangling in the center of the room, nodding to Joshua to remove the sack from Jeonghanâs head.
Dark circles shadow his bloodshot eyes, cheeks sullen and pale, chapped lips bleeding. Nearly four days on board without food and possibly longer before they were rescued from the hunk of drift wood theyâd been floating on while waiting to die has certainly done a number on him. Youâd ordered Shua to provide the barest sips of water, just enough to keep them on this side of consciousness.
A metal goblet brushes against Jeonghanâs lips, urging him to tip his head back and swallow the cool liquid. Gulping down the contents without a thought, Shua refills it as fast as he can from a crystal pitcher. After a few shuddering breaths, another full cup is brought to his mouth and he downs it as well.
Idiot.
When Jeonghan eyes finally adjust to the pale light of the solitary lantern illuminating the cramped space, he sees you. Raising your chin, you know he wonât resist the opportunity to try and knock you down a peg despite his compromised position.
âJust couldnât stay away.â
Joshua busies himself with arranging the necessary odds and ends on an empty wooden tray. Heâs meticulous in his grisly craft, hands sure and perfunctory. The jostle of metal fills the room as he sets down the curated set on a stool next where you sit.
Not deigning to respond, you simply flash a sweet smile. The kind of smile a girl throws a man she wants something from, woefully out of place in the dark room you're standing in. But thatâs precisely what throws Jeonghan off.
Standing, you snag one of the smaller double sided blades glimmering like a prized jewel amongst the collection. The ring at the bottom sits loosely around your pointer finger as you spin it round and round. Your steps are slow and calculated as you circle him, surveying his form from head to toe. Jeonghan is smart enough to try and keep his eyes on you but the metal collar around his neck prevents him from turning his head as you round him. Someone had the sense to remove his shirt before tying him up. Even if the shirt he came with was tattered to gossamer shreds, the fabric would find a use somewhere amongst the crew.Â
A clammy sheen glosses his dull skin, the ring of red around his bound wrists blistered and raw. Curls of dark hair stick to Jeonghanâs forehead and the column of his neck, matted to his scalp with sea water, sweat, and blood. A spray of dark bruises along his ribs are slowly healing, no doubt from whatever destroyed his ship. They labor his breath, his chest barely moving with the shallow swallows of air. The dark stain of blood is dried near black around the hole in his left thigh.
As you stand back in front of him, toe to toe, your gazes meet. Frigid steel tip of the dagger dips into the valley of his throat before you trace it down his sternum to the soft flesh of his belly. Muscles twitch as he clenches away from the sharp bite of the blade, freezing his breath to avoid pressing into it.Â
Slowly blinking you donât turn away as you ask, âShua, how long did you say it takes for the draught to take effect?âÂ
âAt least a few minutes, but on an empty stomach much less. He should already be feeling it start to kick in.â
âDo you Jeonghan?â Digging the knife in the soft flesh just above his naval, âCan you feel it?â
Shua had explained the effects when he brought the vial to your office. An oily concentration of some exotic herb from the deepest reaches of the Proera, tasteless with only the faintest smell of damp earth. Typically used as a mild sedative, fond amongst those looking to see beyond the veil of reality and into the curtain between worlds. But a heavy enough dose tortures whoever ingests it with terrifying visions, nightmares come to life. Not fatal in the slightest but after the walls melt and the person in front of you turns into a demon, one might wish it was. Unknowingly, Jeonghan took a large enough dose to incapacitate a third of your crew.
An emotion you never imagined he felt takes root on his face. Eyes wild as he focuses on the copper cup now sitting at the corner of Shuaâs desk, before they flash back to yours. You can see his brain turning, attempting to decipher what youâve slipped him, how long he has before entering the unknown.
Jeonghanâs shuddering breath puffs against your cheeks, a small whiff of the herbaceous tincture carried along it. His feet roughly scrape against the floor as he tries to maintain his footing, chains around his wrist and neck relaxing for a moment before pulling taunt again as his damaged leg buckles under his weight.
Jeonghan quakes with the effort to remain quiet. Even with poison flooding his veins, he clings to years of training to resist succumbing fright. But nothing has prepared him for this.
A crack in the facade spreads soon enough. Broken pleas force past gnarled lips, chest heaving as he struggles to inhale. Soon heâs nothing more than a child lost in a crowd. Frantic, panicked, desperate.Â
Horror consumes his face, the whites of his eyes visible as his eyebrows arch to his hairline, mouth opening to scream. Air rushes from his lungs as he wails, thrashing in his shackles without concern for the way the bitter metal rips into the flesh of his wrists and neck.Â
Youâve already pocketed the knife that was pressed into his stomach. No satisfaction in killing him when heâs out of his mind, but watching him descend into madness will bring its own pleasure.
âWhat the fuck did you do to me?â
Turning to return to your seat, he screams again, âWhat did you give me?â
Jeonghanâs voice is shredded and raw already.
In the corner, Shua is rapt with macabre attention. Carefully jotting down notes in his journal for later examination. If one person on the crew terrified you it was the fawn eyed man sitting next to you. Being handy with a weapon was nothing when someone knew how to destroy your spirit by barely lifting a finger, dead before you knew what happened.
You observe as Jeonghanâs expression grows distant. Fear festers along the surface, bubbling under his skin. Muscles flex and twitch painfully. Ugly fat beads well in Jeonghanâs eyes to spill down his cheeks, wads of snot dripping from his nose. Splotchy red patches bloom across his pale skin, fevered flesh prickled with goosebumps. The rusted shackles bite into his skin again and again as he attempts to shake free, nearly strangling himself in his effort. Silent pleas for relief, for mercy from whatever phantom of his subconscious haunts him now.
The two other men in the back of the room thrash in their chains as well, bashing their skulls back and forth to cast off the hoods over their heads. Frenzied as their brave captainâs curdled screams pierce their ears.
The nightmares chasing Jeonghan follow you up to your room that night.
âMy little bird tried to leave the nest, did she?â Your father snarls.
The piece of cloth tied around your head doesnât allow you to answer beyond muffled groans as you struggle.
âPerhaps I should teach you what happens when a bird leaves its cage.â
âCaptain!â
You wake with a gasp, the sound of gunfire and cannons shaking your core. Jun stands in your doorway, soaked to his skin with soot covering half his face.
âCaptain, weâre under attack!â
The deck is a flurry of activity. Bodies running to and fro, some headed below for the gun deck to return fire. Walls of water pour from the sky, obscuring the view beyond the corners of your ship. In the distance, flashes of light from cannons on the ship attacking yours is the only indicator of a presence beyond the moon and tide. Theyâre running diagonal to your port side, that much is clear. The mainsail is shredded to pieces over head, damp canvas whipping from cruel winds. The Hydra wonât outrun the ship attacking, the only end is to fight.
Scrambling to the quarterdeck, you join Jihoon at the wheel. He does his best to steer clear of enemy range, careful to maintain momentum you canât afford to lose.Â
âCut the wheel!â
âAre you crazy?â
âTheyâve got too much speed, they canât turn. Cut the damn wheel!â
Jihoon launches the wheel clockwise, shifting the rudders to turn starboard. The attacking vessel continues their path straight, unable to correct in time to cut you off as you slip behind them. But a second too late you both realize another ship lies in wait.Â
The second enemy ship attacks from behind, capitalizing on the attention monopolized by the first ship. The crew launches grappling hooks tangling around the Hydraâs rigging for them to swing aboard. They flood the deck like ants emerging from their hill, easily out numbering your crew.
You pick off two swiftly, bullets wedged deep in their skulls the second their feet land on the quarter deck. Rain stings your eyes, blurring your surroundings. Friend and foe indecipherable as you jump to the fray on the main deck.Â
Chaos runs free as blows are exchanged back and forth. Itâs impossible to tell in the crowd of bodies who has fallen and who remains below deck to continue cannon fire.
Wonwoo and Soonyoung are back to back, facing off against five enemy fighters. Soonyoung nimbly dodges the swords aimed at his throat, returning his own killing blows with incredible fluidity. Charges of gunpowder sting the air as Wonwoo deals his own damage, sinking the shells into hearts and bellies before moving to the next.
Whipping around, you catch sight of Seokmin pinned down against the main mast, a giant of a man exhausting him with a sword. On reflex, you duck under a swinging arm as you charge forward. Sinking your dagger between the oafâs shoulder blades you drag down with all your strength, ripping through the muscles tethered to his spine. The scorching gush of blood slips between your fingers, freeing the handle from your grip. Kicking out a leg, you land your foot along the back of his knee and bring him down. Over his head your eyes meet Seokminâs. You barely catch the flash of horror on his face before the crack of a fist lands against your temple.Â
Blood and rain and sea water soaks the deck, nearly sending Wonwoo to his knees. The wretch of death fills his nose, sulfurous gunpowder and bile sharpening his mind. Heâs surrounded on all sides, the glint of steel flashing as lightning splits the sky. The teeth of a sword split his side open from the bottom of his ribs to his navel. Wonwoo can tell the damage wonât kill him but heâll have a hell of a time recovering. The sting only dulled by the rush of a fight flooding his veins.Â
Soonyoung is on his left, picking off enemies one by one, dodging the most damning blows and weaponizing their momentum to his benefit. Wonwoo would stop to watch if he wasnât busy preserving his own life.Â
Pushing his way to the center of the ship, he spots the door below deck fly open; Jeonghan and the other two prisoners ushered out by a small group armed to their teeth. In the same second, Wonwoo locates Y/N in his periphery; just in time to watch her crumple from a cheap punch to her head.
Rage thunders through Wonwooâs veins. In a flurry, he cuts his way to the main mast, prepared to kill whoever he needs to. Seokmin rips his knife out of the person who knocked Y/N out but another of the enemy crew manages to drag her body over to the side where their ship is latched to the Hydra. They rush to get her aboard their ship, sensing the change in tide of the fight behind them.Â
Clearly theyâd been hoping to have the entire ordeal dealt with swiftly, not prepared for the force the Serpents are capable of. Minghao is already working to cut the ship away from the Hydra, nimble feet carrying him along the thin bulwark as he slashes the ropes snaring them.
Jeonghan and his cellmates are already securely on the opposite side of the gangplank, but the man holding Y/Nâs body hasnât crossed yet. If Wonwoo can provide enough of a delay, then Jihoon can get the Hydra back to the open sea.Â
In this moment, Wonwoo decides to commit the most ill-considered act of bravery heâs ever mustered. Launching himself on to the enemy ship, he lands with a thud on their deck, guns blazing. Heâs able to pick off one, two, four crew members before they realize whatâs happening. Bodies dropping to the floor around him in quick succession.Â
A final shot rings out before his ammunition runs dry and he switches to his dual swords strapped to his back. Wonwoo swings in wide arches, forcing his opponents back and away from the side of the ship to avoid the tips of his blades. Using the brief reprieve, he turns to kick the plank away, sending it to the crevice between ships just in time for Jihoon to tear free. Leaving his captain and her captor on the Hydra, and Wonwoo marooned with the enemy.
Saying a silent prayer, Wonwoo turns back to the crowd of what are no doubt Krakens, only managing to sink his sword's edge into one more before heâs overwhelmed.
A Tale of Two Ships
The Leviathan
âWonwoo, Wonwoo, Wonwoo,â Jeonghan says, shaking his head. âAlways running to save the princess, arenât you?â
Standing before him, Jeonghan resembles a rotten pile of horse shite. Y/Nâs torture strung him out, made him weak and unstable. Wonwoo watched the strain in his muscles, the moisture on his brow, the labor of his breath. Fresh, angry halos circle his neck and wrists, blisters drying and scabbing to an ugly assembly of yellows and browns.
With his hands shackled above his head and his feet chained to the floor, Wonwoo attempts to calm his breathing. Jeonghan wants him worked up, wants him to slip and play right into his hand.Â
 âWhat she sees in you is beyond me. Bastard stable boy, with nothing to his name except a whore mother and drunk father.â
In four beats, hold four beats, out four beats, hold another four. Repeat.
âSheâd sell your soul the second it became advantageous for her. You know that, right?â
In four beats, hold four beats, out four beats, hold another four. Repeat.
Wonwoo desperately tries to zone in on the lantern, to let his mind wander in the vast recesses of emptiness. Anything to spare him from the lies Jeonghan spews.
âI know you love her. Pathetic how obvious it is, Wonwoo. Reminds me of a story actually. Once upon a time, there was a stable boy who fell in love with a princess. Now the princess was clever and made the stable boy believe they were equals, friends even. Can you believe that?â
Jeonghan rounds to face Wonwoo, a sickening smirk spoiling his face.
âShe knew the stable boy cared for her and would do whatever he could to protect her. So when it was time for her to stop playing make believe, she let the stable boy take her punishment. She let him die for her and the princess never lost a second to sleep. Because the princess, no matter how she sullied herself, knew he wasnât worth the dirt under her fingernails.â
In an effort to stay quiet, Wonwoo grinds his teeth so hard they are on the verge of shattering.Â
The defiant tilt to Wonwooâs chin sends a flash of fury across the shorter manâs face before a serpentine smile curls on his lips.
âYou donât need to speak, stable boy.â Plucking a knife from his belt, Jeonghan flashes it into Wonwooâs view. âBut you will scream.â
And Wonwoo does.
The Hydra
Crowded around the large oak table of the Hydraâs navigation room, Jihoon, Soonyoung, Jun, and you spread over the atlas of the world. Attempting to decipher what Jeonghanâs plan for Wonwoo proves to be more difficult than anticipated. Even more so when you refuse to provide details on why Jeonghan would stage such an elaborate effort to capture you.Â
Your crew knows heâs disavowed and wanted by the Atterast, Nas-Shostâs military. They know youâre the reason why but youâd carefully smothered any true details of how you and Wonwoo were involved. Rumors of Jeonghan being a disgruntled lover, while half true, were enough to satiate their curiosity.
âHe hates Wonwoo but he hates me more. If his desire is to torture me then heâll leave Wonwoo alive somewhere Iâll never get him.â
âIron Isle?â
âDo you think he plans to have himself arrested too?â
âNas-Shost is unstable. Would he take advantage of that?â
âTheyâll kill him before he speaks.â
âHeâs in no shape to attempt crossing to Uspar or Truyso.â
âWhat about Iaslera?â
Iaslera.
Jeonghan isnât a fool but he is ambitious and vindictive. If your father promised him something in exchange for his original target then Iaslera is a likely place for him to go. And Jeonghan knows youâll fall right into his hands.
The knife youâve been spinning into the wood grain digs a fraction deeper.
âHow many days till Iaslera?â You ask.
âWith the damageâŚat least five.â Jihoon breaths.
âFive?â
âAt least. And thatâs assuming itâll only take us three to patch the hole in the sail and get it rigged again.â
Five days. Wonwoo will be Jeonghanâs captive for five days.Â
âSet course for Iaslera.â You bark, âAnd I want every spare hand helping patch that hole!â
The days of skidding across the ocean proved fruitful. If you didnât keep yourself busy then a rut would wear into the wooden planks of your office from the endless pacing.Â
If Jeonghan is truly in your fatherâs court then you owe the crew an explanation of what exactly the Pearl Palace of Iaslera holds. You were no artist, but luck shined on you once again with Minghao. Even the barest memories regarding the servantâs quarters or the stables were included. He sketched every detail, every crevice you could remember with shocking clarity. Reworking sections over and over until the proportions equaled out. Finally, the drawings resembled your home.
Home.
No, not exactly home. Maybe when youâd been a child, when the pearl and silver tiara felt like magic instead of a lead weight; eager to spend days lounging in the library, mind lost to far off lands and tall tales; riding along the familiar beaches, outpacing your chaperone; hiding in the gardens with Wonwoo, playing whatever new game your imagination supplied you two with.
Iaslera was the place you grew up, but the sandy shores and rolling hills only held beauty, not familiarly, the sleek marble walls bearing no warmth or fondness. It wasnât the place you longed for when out at sea or deep inland.Â
Home is the worn wood and white sails of the Hydra. Home is your mismatched crew of criminals, ex-soldiers, circus performers, and farmhands. Home is a stable boy who has been by your side since you decided Iasleria was home no longer.
Hours spent in the navigation room, your best fighters and strategists circled on either side of the heavy table, scanning the map detailing each floor of the palace.Â
âWhat do you know about the guard rotation?â
âNothing. Princess, remember?â
âHard to forget. Canât believe we didnât realize before.â
âThe way you strut about the deck did always seem particularly royal.â Jun scratches his chin, as if picturing you flouncing about with a tiara on your head.
âWould you like to know what princesses do when theyâre angry?â
âHuff their nose in the air?â Soonyoung laughs.Â
âMaybe if I didnât have a gun.â
âThe guards.â Jihoon reminds.
âI donât know. My father knows weâre coming and heâs cocky. Heâll probably let us walk right in and assume weâre weak.â
âSounds like an idiot.â
âSo if we walk right in, what do we do?â
âKill them.â Enea offers from her end of the table.
âIf he hasnât killed Wonwoo already he could have him hidden.â
âIf heâs cocky enough to let us walk through the front door, do you really think heâd go through the trouble? He obviously isnât thinking you have a chance of walking back out.â
âWe probably donât.â You say solemnly.
âWhat?â
âBest case scenario, my father dies and we walk away wanted by the throne. Most realistic outcome is Iâm captured. If that happens, you grab Wonwoo and leave me behind.â
More than a few voices protest as the room descends into yelling.
âIâm your captain and you will listen!â You roar, silencing any objects with a swat of your hand. âEither we all die or I do. I will not pull you into this mess.â
âNot to seem uncaring but do you honestly believe we want to deal with Wonwoo with you not here?â
âHeâll be fine.â You assure.Â
Wonwoo would have to be whether he liked it or not.
âHe wonât.â
âThe month the Krakens had you? Wonwoo shot me. Twice.â
âHe got into a brawl with Soonyoung.â
âHe didnât talk for two weeks.â
âWe leave with both of you. Or we die trying.â
âNo one is dying for me! This isnât some silly brawl in a washed out tavern or a rival crew weâre ambushing. My father is capable of suffering worse than anything you can imagine.â You pause, nearly choking on the horror twisting out of your stomach as you remember the king's most egregious acts. âWhen I was a child, I spoke out of turn at dinner once. Would you like to know what my punishment was?â Circling your gaze around the room. âHe put a poker into the fire until it glowed redââ
âHe hit you with it?â Seokmin opens his mouth in horror.
âNo,â you swallow, âHe couldnât do anything that might leave a mark in case it made usâŚundesirable. We had servants assigned to take our beatings while we watched. I was five, and so was she. He hit her across the face with that poker. When I cried, he did it again. When I screamed, he hit her harder. Even if he canât touch me, he will make sure someone suffers and I watch. I will not damn any of you to the cruelty heâs simmered on in the past ten years. Am I clear?â
The wooden door claps shut as you exit without waiting for their response.
The King of Iaslera
Wonwoo doesnât remember summers in Iaslera being so cold. Perhaps the bloody purple bruises blooming like a grotesque garden across his flesh have made him susceptible to the biting chill clogging the air. Or maybe the blood coating the inside of his mouth and nose. Or the cold dig of gray stone in his side.
He recognizes the damp dungeons of the kingâs palace from the guards uniform, pale blue smocks with a silver lotus blossom embroidered on the back. They havenât chained him to rings jutting from the floors or walls. Unnecessary given that Wonwooâs right shoulder is dislocated and his ankle is broken, jutting his foot out at an awkward angle. Even if the planets aligned and the gods blessed an escape, he wouldnât make it three paces before collapsing onto the ground.
Wonwoo doesnât have enough knowledge of anatomy to set his shattered bones, likely to do more harm than good if he makes it out of this cell to see another day. Perhaps he should have paid more attention to Shuaâs ramblings on the intricacies of the human body when he had the chance.
But he knows his arm can be saved.Â
The webbed pain coming from his shoulder is familiar enough. When Wonwoo turned thirteen heâd been assigned with helping break a new stallion for the captain of the guards. The stable master only let Wonwoo watch from the fence of the ring, eyes locked on the magnificent midnight steed. Proving to be a fatal mistake when the horse, Balius, charged right at Wonwoo, knocking him off the fence, down to the hard ground below. Once wind returned to his lungs, Wonwoo got a taste for the pain of a dislocated joint for the first time.Â
It'd happened twice since. Once thanks to the same dock he owed his scar, and another courtesy of the first time Jeonghan tracked Y/N across the waves to Uspar. Wonwoo knows what he has to do, but he craves to postpone the inevitable until the last possible moment.
The guards patrol in front of his cell every time the clock in the palace yard gives a large chime to signal the top of the hour. Shuffling to the bars on his bum, he uses his good foot to push himself across the weathered stone of his cell, before leaning his damaged arm between the thick shafts of iron.Â
Folding the bottom of his shirt between his teeth, Wonwoo prepares for the sear of pain. Even the faint memory of agony shoots gooseflesh down his spine. No matter how many times heâd done this, tears stung his eyes for hours till the pain sent him into a dark abyss.
Wonwoo knows if he screams, the guards will come running and eagerly dole more damage. A deep breath to corral any rogue shout that may escape his throat, and then he gives a sharp twist at his middle till he hears the sickening pop! A hefty grunt escapes into the fabric as fat pearls well in Wonwooâs eyes, leaving clean streaks down his filthy face. Vomit rises in his throat as his vision blackens and whisps float through the haze. The surging throb curdles through his blood in time with his pulse as it rushes through his veins to every inch of his body.
The pain eclipses any of the other injuries heâs sustained so far but he tries to count his breaths, sucking in four beats and trembling out another four. His jaw feels as if it might break from how hard his teeth clench, fighting to keep the groans of agony on his tongue at bay.Â
Folding in on himself, Wonwoo attempts to focus on how he will survive. At least he has the advantage of secrecy on his side. Perhaps he can get in a surprise swing if it comes down to it. Wonwoo wonât die without a fight. Heâs come too far.
âI brought you the boy, now give me what you promised.â
âOur deal was for you to bring my disgraceful daughter, not some pathetic peasant.â
âIf he is here, she will come.â
âYou better pray to the gods she does, boy. Because if she doesnât, I will show you there are worse punishments than death.â
Two days pass before a soul outside of the guards visits Wonwooâs cell. A fever claimed him yesterday, sending his body into a fit of chills and muddling his brain. The thin fabric of his bloodied shirt and trousers stick to his clammy figure like a second skin. Wonwoo figures itâs finally gone for the kill when Y/N appears in front of the bars. Back in the finery of court, gown and jewels pristine. Hair tamed on top of her head in a style Wonwoo knows she hated, beautiful face weathered with age.Â
No it wasnât Y/N. It was her mother, Queen Demetria.Â
Wonwoo had no quarrel with the Queen. Sheâd been as powerless against the king as everyone else. But even in her limited ability, sheâd cared for him and his plight. When his parents dumped him at the palace gates as an infant and allowed him to find refuge within its walls. Tasked a maid, Miss Ele, with his care. When he turned five, Wonwoo was brought back in front of the queen. He remembers how the queen asked him his name, told him it was the name of a boy who would grow into a strong man. And she let him stay, working in the stables to earn his keep.Â
There were worse fates for orphans.
With great effort he tips his head in a bow, nearly toppling over as his balance abandons him. âYour Majesty.â
âIs she alive?â
âIââ
âPlease, is she alive?â
âYes.â Wonwoo breathes. If Y/N was dead heâd like to think heâd feel it somewhere in his gut.
âWhat is she like?â
Wonwoo isnât sure what to tell her. Few things are as solid as his loyalty to Y/N. But he owes the Queen his life. If she hadnât been there, he'd have been dead long before heâd met her daughter.
âSheâs,â he pauses, trying to figure what he can say without telling too much. His mind working at half speed under the fever, thick as molasses. âSheâs incredible.â
The Queen gives him a watery smile, prodding him to continue.
âSheâs brave, and smart. And she looks just like you. Sheâs a lot like you actually.â
âReally?â She swallows thickly.
âShe tries to be like the king, but she⌠SheâsâŚâÂ
Good? Wonwoo knew the extensive lists of crimes and cruelties Y/N committed, the unknowns easily assumed. Good was a stretch but she wasnât bad. She fell somewhere in between, beyond an easy answer. It's the only way to describe the princess turned pirate. A low bar to say she hadnât been as cruel as she could have been but it's true. Sheâd done horrible things but at her core she was as good as someone in her position could be. Like a flame. Able to burn down villages if left unchecked, but eager to keep a freezing family warm if given the opportunity. Fire burns because that's its nature, but you canât damn candle for the crimes of the pyre.Â
âI remember when you were brought here, Wonwoo. Just a baby. Iâd still been carrying my daughter at the time. And I knew once Y/N came, sheâd find you. A mother just knows.â The clamor of keys tickles his ears. âYour mother asked me to protect you and I promised the gods I would. She risked her life to save her child. She inspires me to do the same.â
The door to his cell swings open, ear splitting as rusted metal scraps against stone.
âI canât walk,â Wonwoo pants. âthey broke my ankle.â
The Queen pauses at the sight of his foot and Wonwoo canât help but stare at her. The furrow of her eyebrows and twist of her lips remind him of her daughter.Â
âI have several guards that are loyal to me, not the king. Iâll try to have one fetch you and help you through the tunnels.â
âI donât know where Iâll go after.â
âEven when she was little my daughter had a talent for finding you. Iâm sure sheâll be here to collect you soon enough.â
âThank you.â
âI should be thanking you, Wonwoo. Youâve taken care of Y/N all this time.â
âShe makes it easy.â
âLove has a peculiar way of doing that, doesnât it?â
Before he can say anything else, sheâs turned to exit down the same hallway sheâd come, heels echoing as she goes.
Jeonghan paces in front of the cell like a tiger circles its cage, like he is the one trapped inside and not Wonwoo. His hair is disheveled, eyes wild, tension stringing his muscles tight. Agitation consumes Jeonghan, even Wonwooâs infection riddled mind can see it.
The sting of vomit and other refuse in the corner of Wonwooâs accommodations stains the air. This morning, his urine was tinged pink. The sliver of hope of seeing anything beyond these walls ever again left when the Queen turned her back to him yesterday. No guards came to help him. Only ones providing small buckets of water for him to clean himself and drink from.
âSheâs going to let you die in here.â
No reply. Not that Wonwoo has the energy to open his mouth, let alone goad the man. Let him drive himself mad for all Wonwoo cares.
âIt was supposed to be her!â Jeonghanâs nostrils flare as he presses his face between the bars. His hands shake as they squeeze around the biting steel. âYou ruined everything, you stupid piece of filth!â
The pieces of the mysterious puzzle click. Perhaps its infection induced delirium but Wonwoo finally understands why Jeonghan despises him so.
Jeonghan hates Wonwoo because he has what Jeonghan canât get. No matter which way Jeonghan tried to rub his unworthiness in his face, she didnât want him. Y/N chose Wonwoo, or that's what Jeonghan believes. A peasant-born bastard beat the son of a Duke. In Jeonghanâs world it was unimaginable.Â
In Wonwooâs world, it's unimaginable too.
He canât help but laugh. Scratchy and unpleasant given his condition but full bellied laughter fills his mouth, splitting the silence of the dungeon.
âYou think itâs funny? Youâre going to die here and no one is going to care.â
Snorting around caked blood and snot, Wonwooâs hysteria continues at Jeonghanâs words. Wonwoo is laughing at his own funeral. Wildly inappropriate, but the irony of the gods sends him into a fit.
Jeonghan turns to the guards, furious at Wonwooâs inability to respond to his attempts to instigate a fight. âMove him to the throne room, the King is waiting.â
The guards manhandling him upright might have hurt if Wonwooâs body wasnât begging for death. Heâs slipping away into the recesses of his mind, barely able to snag the thread of reality that continues to unravel before him as he giggles manically. The jostle of his ankle sends bile to his mouth, acrid burn flooding his tongue.Â
Spots paint his vision, the movement fatiguing him quickly. His head lulls to and fro, muscles retired as they carry Wonwoo out of the dungeon and through the palace. Wonwooâs eyes refuse to open, but he can listen. Every footstep thuds like a pulse, whispered words coming to him as if heâs deep underwater. A sharp gasp greets him when the guards finally pause.
The crack of his skull on marble is the last thing Wonwoo registers before he returns to darkness.
Onyx skies weep as a small dingy enters the harbor of Amesstino, welcoming the long lost princess home after years of separation as angry waves attempt to claim her for the tide.Â
Disguised as a gang of traders, you and your crew silently dock and flee the tiny craft. Thick sheets of rain provide plenty of cover to sneak to the palace unseen. No one speaks, crashes of thunder shaking the earth and bolts of lightning splitting the sky. Even the wind whips against your body, lashing at your back. The gods are angry.Â
Your fury is more dangerous.
The King anticipates your arrival, welcoming you with abandoned guard posts and open gates. You walk through the front door with baited breath, not even a servant ghosts through the empty quartz hallways.
Several pairs of eyes take in the finery that is the Iaslerian palace. As if sculpted from a single piece of white marble, smooth ornate columns support the massive structure, free from any blemishes or ware. Pale blue tapestries embroidered with silver lotus blossoms hang from the ceiling in even rows like icicles. Exactly the same as the day you left, frozen in time, eagerly awaiting your return.
Imposing silver doors seal off the throne room, gleaming like two teeth waiting to bite. Their thickness prevents any sound from breaking free, leaving you woefully unprepared for what will greet you on the other side.
A single beat of breath passes before your crew heaves the doors open to meet your maker.
Guns cocked and teeth bare, your eyes quickly scan the throne room. In the center, your father lazes in his throne, eyes alight with cruel mirth. Your mother is poised next to him, mouth wide in shock, face pale as if sheâd seen a ghost. Guards line the walls, swords drawn; tense for a fight.
But the heap sprawled to the right of the lotus emblem on the floor stops heart. The familiar mop of hair inkling across the braided silver and blue veins of the seal. His chest doesnât move, almost unrecognizable through bloody bruises swelling half his face.Â
Denial shrouds your mind. Wonwoo isn't dead. Youâd feel it. In your gut, in your heart. Somewhere, youâd feel his soul leave this world and escape to the next.Â
âI gave you the princess, now give me back my title!â Jeonghan demands, emerging from the line of guards to the left.
âYouâre as much of a fool as your father Jeonghan! Did you truly believe Iâd let you roam Iaslera? You ruined any chance to return to civility when you took that brand on your neck!âÂ
âYou saidââ
âSilence!â Carnos bellows, voice echoing between the walls. âMy dear daughter has finally returned.â he smiles, âI wish to welcome her back.â
Your breath stutters in your lungs. Youâve had countless knives to your throat, guns to your back, brawled with the rowdiest of thieves and criminals. But the bravery curling around your edges shrinks back in the face of your father.Â
Suddenly you're five again watching Dirce cowering on the floor, with a bloody welt across her face. Helpless as your father unleashes the monster that lurks under his skin. Itâs all your fault. Your greed. Your pride. Your envy. No one is to blame but yourself.
âYou wanted me here.â You manage to steel your voice. â Heâs of no use now. Let him go and Iâll do whatever you want.â
If your father wants your submission, to see you beg, youâll do it. He can break you if it means your crew will be left whole.
âWhat I want is for you to finally learn your place. And you will, in due time. But first, youâll watch your little bastard lose his head.â
âNo!â
âBe silent!â He demands, guards taking a threatening step forward. âYou insolent little bitch! You thought you could escape me? I am a King! You are nothing. Less than nothing. You couldnât even escape that pathetic excuse of a pirate on your own! You needed a peasant toââ
A gunshot rings through the room. A hole in the king's chest releases a trickle of blood down his front, staining the creamy linen shirt. King Carnos shakes as he dips his chin, mouth open in shock as he realizes heâs been shot.
The smoking revolver in Jeonghanâs hand quivers, his eyes wide at what heâs done.
An eerie smile creeps across your fatherâs face, blood staining his teeth. His last words are indecipherable as he chokes on the next rush through his mouth.
Not even a mouse squeaks to break the fragile silence hanging in the air, bodies frozen to the floor as the great King of Iaslera falls.Â
Then chaos explodes.
Your mother wails as she registers what's happened, guards rushing in an attempt to aid the king.Â
Every muscle in your body screams to flee but your mind keeps you on your knees. The king is dead. Your father is dead. Mouth slack, you shiver as death brushes past you, her chilled hand resting briefly on your shoulder before she steps forward to claim his soul. The once faint whispers of the sea trickling into your ears again. Iâll collect you eventually, princess. But not tonight. Death will have to wait once more for you to trail behind her.
Soonyoung drags you by your armpits, screaming something in your face that you canât hear, the ring of the bullet replaying over and over; as if youâre under the waves and life is happening far above on the surface. Wonwooâs limp body still rests in the corner, face bruised and caked with flaking patches of deep maroon.
Everything rushes you at once.
âCome on Y/N!â
âWonwoo, get Wonwoo!â You shriek hysterically over Soonyoungâs shoulder as he pushes you out.
âWeâve got to get back to the boat!â
âPlease!â You beg, voice horse as tears streak your face.Â
Hand iron tight around your wrist, Soonyoung doesnât let you break from his grip. You barely make out Jun and Jihoon carrying a third body before youâre outside and nearly falling down the cliff to the shore.
Seokmin fights to keep his hold on the dingy as it batters against the sand. You and Soonyoung are the first to make it. Minutes pass by as you watch the remaining members of your crew fly down the stairs, slowed with the added weight of another. You canât breathe.Â
Jihoon hauls Wonwoo into the ship first, followed by himself and the other men.Â
Nothing else matters, just the weak rise of his chest. Itâs the tether your sanity latches on as you return to the sea.
Dreams
In the liminal space between life and the abyss, Wonwoo dreams.Â
He dreams, and he remembers.
The first time Wonwoo meets the princess, he discovers sheâs insufferable.
The little girl glides his way, the self-righteous air of importance swirling her stiff shoulders. âWhat is your name?â
Wonwoo just gives her a slow blink, sheâs woefully out of place amongst the smells and sounds of the stable.
Turning to the older woman, the snobby girl asks, âIs he simple?âÂ
âIâm not simple!â Wonwoo objects.
âThen what is your name? You have one donât you? Or do you prefer I call you âstable boyâ?â
âMy name is Wonwoo.â
âNice to meet you.â She says, nose high in the air as she extends her hand.
Wonwoo hesitates before shaking it like heâs watched the older men do when they settle a deal.
âNo!â She objects, snatching her palm away. âYou donât shake a ladyâs hand.â
Her scolding confuses him, twisting his face.
âYou do know what a lady is?â
âOf course I do!â He stomps. âYouâre just a girl!â
âLadies are girls, you idiot!â
An older woman steps in, âMaâam, your horse is ready.â
Huffing indignantly, the little girl twirls to flounce to the other side of the stables. She walks as if the ground only exists to rise and meet her foot with each step. The princess is headed where the caramel colored mare that bit Wonwoo two days ago waits. Figures. Crazy horse for a crazy girl.
â
âWould you like to play with me?â
âI have chores.â
âThey can wait until after we play.â
âGo on, son.â urges the older groomsman Wonwoo assists. âIâll take care of your stalls.âÂ
His eyes shift as he stammers for another excuse. Play with the crazy girl? Heâd rather shovel the entire stable twice over.
Wonwoo doesnât get the chance to speak before she snagged his wrist, pulling him towards the wide entrance. âCome on!â
Once tucked away in a secluded corner of the garden, both panting, Wonwoo looks at her. She looks about his age, only an inch shorter than he is at seven years old. Wisps of loose hair float around her face with a few tiny braids and twists pinned here and there. Delicate threads of silver intertwined throughout. Her dress is simple stormy blue but the fabric clearly indicates it isn't a hand me down like all his torn and patched clothes are.
âDo you know how to play soldiers?â
âYes?â
âTeach me.â
âHuh?â
âMy sisters donât know how and when I ask the boys in court they wonât play with me.â
Wonwoo spends the rest of the afternoon running around the garden with Y/N. Sheâs decided theyâre nations are at war, and this is the final battle.
âYield!â She cries.
âNever!â
âYour majesty! What are you doing?â The shrill voice of an older maid rings out. âYoung ladies do not roll in the dirt with servants! Certainly not princesses!â
The wrinkly woman grabs Y/Nâs wrist, shooting a glare at Wonwoo.
âAnd you! Donât you have chores that need finishing?â The maid spits before whipping around towards the palace.
The little princess mouths a silent apology over her shoulder, remorseful round eyes only leaving Wonwoo when sheâs dragged behind a hedge.
âNo way to behave! Your governess will have my head when she sees youâŚâ
â
âDo you like burnt sugar cake?â
Wonwoo continues to ignore any effort for conversation, focusing on raking the new hay heâs laid down in the stall. Now that heâs twelve heâs given more responsibilities than just tossing the soiled hay into a cart.
âHow long will you be angry with me?â
More silence. Itâs the only thing Wonwoo can control in the unbalanced dynamic between himself and the youngest princess of the court. If she wished, she could command him to do whatever she wanted, the threat of whips at his back. But she allows Wonwoo to be angry. To be silent. Sheâs sat and mopped for the past two hours, huffing and sighing as Wonwoo refused to acknowledge her bids for attention. He ducks into the next stall and begins the same repetitive steps he has all morning, allowing the sweat on his brow and pull of his body to dull his mind.
What business was it to the princess that he couldnât read?Â
When he exits, he finds the piece of confection wrapped in a silk handkerchief on the wall of the stall, Y/N nowhere to be seen.
The stables arenât warmed with her presence again. Wonwoo never admits to missing it.
â
âIâm going for a ride!â
âMy lady, Muriel has oyspox and there is no one else to escort you.â A stammering maid attempts to placate the fuming princess.
âIf my mare is not saddled this instant I will take someoneâs head!â
âYou cannot ride without accompaniment!â
âHe will escort me.â
Wonwoo knows sheâs referring to him without looking away from the saddle heâs rigging onto one of the guardâs horses. A rambunctious sandy colt named Athos with a penchant to buck at strangers. Heâs one of Wonwooâs favorites.
âMaâam, he is a stablehand!â
âWhich is of no concern to me.â The rich timber of her voice is decidedly royal. âHe will be my escort and that is final.â
Handing over the reins of the stallion to another servant, Wonwoo sets towards the tack room for the appropriate gear. The dark leather saddle and matching bridle is in perfect condition despite going years without use. Wonwoo would know, heâs the one charged with oiling them.
The familiar caramel colored mare is clearly excited for a ride, baying over the door to her stall. Wonwoo canât stop the grin from spreading to his lips. Over the years, Kalsta had become as familiar as the back of his hand, only nipping his shirt when he refuses her a treat.
Once Kalsta and another stone gray mare are prepared, the fuming princess mounts her and dashes from the stable. Her hair blasting behind her as she pushes into a dead sprint across the hills leading to the coastline below the cliff housing the dazzling white palace.
Wonwooâs eyes roll, but follows nevertheless; careful to remain several paces behind, even when the horses tire to a trot. From this distance, Wonwoo catches a few muttered words about some royal from the next continent over the crashing waves.
âIf you were to marry a girl, wouldnât you care to know more about her than which season she prefers?â
It takes Wonwoo a moment to realize sheâs finally addressing him directly. When he does, he fumbles for an appropriate answer.
âIâ,â he stammers, âI donât know. I guess.â
âThen it is of no coincidence if you disagree with her about other more important topics?â
âSuch as?â
âSuch as⌠well Iâm not quite sure but certainly there are more important things than my preferences in tea.â
âSurely there is, Your Grace.â
âAre you mocking me?â
âA humble servant would never mock their sovereign.â
âHumility is a virtue you lack in spades, Wonwoo.â
The grin pulling at the corners of his lips wins the tug of war with his mind. âAhh, so she does remember me.â
Rolling her eyes, the first smile Wonwoo has seen all afternoon blooms on her face. âOf course I remember you. A girl never forgets the first boy she beats up.â
âYou didnât beat me up!â
Her warm chuckle brightens the atmosphere despite the nipping autumn breeze.
âSo youâre to be married?â
âIf my father has his way, yes.â
âWhatâs he like?â
âMy father?â
âNo, the prince youâve been mumbling about.â
âHeâs not a prince, heâs the son of a duke in Nas-Shost.â Y/N picks at the seam of the saddle. âWeâve been engaged since I was twelve, but Iâm not sure what heâs like. Weâve only written a few letters.â
âA few letters since you were twelve?â
âMarriage wasnât as looming when I was a child.â
âAnd you havenât learned anything about him in all that time?â
âHe tries to charm me but I find it quite dull.â
âPicky princess.â
âIs it so wrong to want a man of some substance?â
âLike what?âÂ
Wonwoo hadnât thought much about marriage at all. Heâd caught a few of the younger maids staring at him when he worked without his shirt on but paid them no mind. No one ever gave him reason enough to think of anything more than some lighthearted touching. He was barely sixteen after all.
âI donât know. His words tell me nothing about who he is or what he enjoys. Only that he is an incorrigible flirt who takes interest in trivial matters of taste.â
âYou donât want a man who charms you?â
âI want a man who has meaning beyond a made up title.â
ââMade up titleâ,â he rolls the words around his mouth. âI believe that borders on treason.â
âDoes it count if Iâm referring to myself?â
Wonwoo continues to ride with you in silence, this time matching your pace.Â
â
Wonwoo wakes to whispers of his name, urgent calls for him to break the delicate surface of dreams. He fights a shout when he finds Y/N hovering over him, hand covering his mouth. Brushing it aside, he throws his gaze around the tiny space of his quarters before returning to her.
Sheâs cloaked in a gauzy dressing gown, the thin cream cotton of her nightgown peeking out between the deep blue lapels where the soft skin of her chest disappears; bedraggled tendrils of hair curled around her shoulder. The gentle flicker of candlelight casts her face in a hazy glow, flame reflecting in the dark center of her eyes. The princess is in his room, perched on the side of his bed, face inches from his own. Wonwoo must still be dreaming.
âHeâs here.â
Wonwooâs brain is thick as cold honey, the day in the stables more grueling with the additional horses the kingâs guest brought. âWhat?â
âJeonghan. Heâs here.â
âAnd youâve come to my room to tell me this?â Wonwoo turns his back towards her and closes his eyes.
âHeâs horrible.â
Her admission gives Wonwoo pause. Glancing over his shoulder, he catches a wet trail of tears glossing Y/Nâs face, chin tucking to her chest to hide her visage amongst her hair. Pitiful whimpers spill from her lips. Wonwoo nearly chokes when she throws herself into his chest, hot beads streaming onto his bare skin as the walls of control crumble.
âHeâs awful, Woo.â
Wonwoo has never navigated such an emotional response from Y/N, from any woman really. When theyâd been children, sheâd stomp her foot and storm away when upset. Or sometimes tackle him to the dirt and pin him under her till he apologized and begged for mercy. Heâs completely out of his depth..
Remembering how his mother would comfort him, Wonwoo lifts a hand to stroke the top of her head. A fresh round of tears erupt, shaking her against him. A loud bawl escapes Y/N, freezing Wonwooâs blood. He cannot get caught with the princess in his bed. Not in this state; thin cover pooling around his waist, his chest bare and herâs barely covered by thin scraps of fabric. Both states of dress were courtesy of Iasleraâs brutal summers. But a coincidence wouldnât save his sorry hide if another servant walked in.
âY/N,â Wonwoo whispers gently. âIt will be okay.â
The lie does nothing to stifle her sobs.
Trying again, âIt will be fine, I promise.âÂ
Wonwoo has never been a master of words.
âIt wonât!â She shudders. âHeâs awful, and rude. And he looks at me like nothing more than some prized horse.â
âTheyâve only arrived today. Surely he cannot be that bad already.â
âHeâs exactly like my father.â
Y/Nâs father. Less of a man and more of a waking nightmare. Wonwoo barely interacted with him but the Kingâs reputation was well known across the kingdom.
Any words of comfort die in his chest. Thereâs nothing Wonwoo can do. That anyone can do.
âI wish Iâd never been born.â
If Wonwoo had been born in her position, heâd wish the same thing.
âYouâve always wanted to see Nas-Shost.â
âHow wonderful it will be from the confines of a palace.â
âPerhaps heâll allow you to travel. You said the King hardly visits the Queen since you came about.â
âSo Iâm to pray he takes up a mistress after heâs had his fill of me?â
Telltale signs of her fury take root. Huffed breath and shaking hands, a husky scoff punctuating each sentence. Perhaps anger is better than sorrow. Wonwoo has placated her many times when the princesses' temper emerged. This would be no different.
âIâd pray he takes up several, then heâd be too busy to bother you, and let you do as you please.â
âIâd do as I please anyway. Heâs barely a duke and Iâm a princess.â
âYes, as youâve reminded everyone with every breath you take.â
âJeonghan is the one who acts like his title is of importance! âFuture Dukeâ this and âwhen I am Dukeâ that. He squawks like a bird.â
âYouâre not quite dazzling to be around either so he might bore quickly.â
âI could have you arrested for speaking ill of the royal family.â
âAnd what do you plan to tell the guards, your highness?â Wonwoo smirks. âThat you forced yourself into my chambers past midnight for some gossip and found yourself offended?â
Wide eyes glace down to his naked chest, jumping to her own as she pulls her dressing gown around herself tighter. The apples of her cheeks warm enticingly as she realizes the precarious position sheâs arranged them in, still half in Wonwooâs lap, perched between his legs.
As if burned, you jump away from his bed to the wall only a foot away. âIâ. I didnât, it isnât.â
âIsnât what, princess?â
A pause before indignation takes flight. âYou truly are insufferable!â She quietly shouts. Spinning to exit his room with a dramatic sigh.
â
âI wish for a ride.â
âIâm occupied, maâam.â
âWell make yourself un-occupied.â
âHer Majesty wishes it, so it will be.â
âHow I hate when you call me that.â
âWhat would Her Royal Highness prefer?â
âFor you to shut your trap!â
âSuch foul words from a lady.â
âI have several more for you if my horse isnât ready soon.â
âYour Highness, would you mind if I accompany you for your ride?
âI prefer to go alone.â
âYouâre going with the stable hand.â
âItâs required that I have a chaperone. Since heâs a servant, he doesnât count as company.â
Wonwoo tries not to take offense to the subtle insult to his station. He knows she doesnât mean what she says but the words resemble the same ones heâs heard from other, less friendly, lips many times before.
âI see. Well, I hope to speak with you when you return.â
âOf course, Jeonghan.â
â
âYou want to what?â
âLeave. Go somewhere else. Anywhere else.â
âAnd just how do you expect to do that? Youâve never left these grounds.â
âThatâs a lie! I visited Anlehm when I was thirteen!â
âWith a royal escort! A girl on the road by herself is completely different.â
âI wonât be alone.â
âAnd who will join you?â
âYou.â
âMe?â
âPlease keep up Wonwoo, we donât have much time to discuss.â
âWhy me?â
âYou are the only person in the world I trust.â
She speaks as if the admission is little more than declaring the day's weather, but the weight rests heavy on his shoulders. The only person the princess of Iaslera trusts is a bastard stable boy with nothing to his name.Â
âAnd as such, I will need your assistance.â
âIâve never left the palace.â
âBut you understand peasant things like money.â
Itâs not a slight, simply the truth.
âSo I am nothing more than a guard for you?â
âOf course not, youâre my friend.â
Friend. Friends with the princess. Gods help him.
âA friend would tell you your plan is madness.â
âAnd you?â
âYouâll do it anyway.â
âYou know me well.â
âIf weâre caught, Iâll hang.â
âThen we wonât get caught.â
âBecause it is as easy as that.â
ââIf her majesty wishes, so it will be.â Remember?â
âSo it will be.â
â
âWhat do you know about sex?â
Wonwoo chokes on the large bite of apple heâd been munching on. âPardon?â
Rolling to her side next to him under the shade of the lush fruit tree, Y/N starts again. âSex. What do you know about it?âÂ
âIâ This isnât an appropriate conversation for a lady.â
âWell Iâm no longer a lady, considering Iâve run away with a servant. Iâm thoroughly disavowed from the crown. No need to worry about corrupting me.â
Corrupting her. Him corrupting Y/N.Â
Oh.
The thoughts were already there, smothered by his own guilt of imaging his friend in that way. Wonwoo suddenly pictures the first time Y/N wore trousers, the roughspun fabric hugging her rolling hips as she glided by. Worse, she didnât even realize what she was doing, having his tongue nearly hung out of his mouth like a panting dog. And now sheâs asking him about sex? Perhaps leaving the palace was a bad idea.
âIt's something people do to pass the time.â
âI know what it is, Wonwoo. What is it like?â
âI donât know. Probably like kissing I suppose.â
âAnd what's that like?â
âYouâve never?â
âPrincess, remember?â
âWell itâsâŚsort of wet? And feels nice. Itâs hard to explain.â
âShow me.â
âWhat?â
âShow me what kissing is like.â
â
âWonwoo.â
âYes?â
âYouâre really quite handsome. Do you know that?â
The burn of whiskey on an empty stomach loosens even the lips of royalty, it seems.
âHigh compliment coming from a princess.â
âIâm not a princess.â
Y/N huffs, stumbling back into the mound of hay Wonwoo collected for sleeping. Fall looms on the horizon and the chill of the evening air requires sharing the ratty blanket. Wonwoo would happily sleep in his own pile but her disposition after a cold night left much to be desired.
âYouâll always be a princess. You still walk like a princess, talk like one, even order me about like we never left the palace.â
âI do not order you around!â
Shrilling his voice in mockery, he does his best impression of what he dubs her âprincess voice.â âWonwoo, fetch us breakfast. Wonwoo, teach me to fish. Wonwoo, show me how to use a knife.âÂ
âWell you listen so well itâd be a shame to waste a talent.â
A pause.
âI like when you order me about.â
Perhaps heâs indulged too much as well.
âWonwoo.â
âYes?â
âWill you teach me about kissing now?
That night, Wonwoo teaches you everything he knows. He also learns sex is much more than passing time.
The Edge
Dark. Wonwoo registers darkness and warmth first. As his soul slowly returns to his body he realizes heâs laying down in a cot, the unmistakable sway of the sea rocks him to consciousness. And then, Wonwoo realizes he hurts.
A sharp pounding echoes through his bones in time with his weak pulse. Each breath stretching his lungs to the point they feel as if theyâll shred. One of his eyes is swollen shut and the other waters uncontrollably under the pain.Â
A squeeze around his hand anchors his attention. Using whatever reserve of strength he has left, he tries to squeeze back.
âWonwoo?â
The voice is familiar, buttery smoothness pleasant to his ears. Wonwoo hopes the Voice will continue saying his name. Maybe it will lull him back to sleep and away from his torment.
âWonwoo?â
How lovely the Voice is. Perhaps he is still dreaming, the smooth slide of a warm palm against his forehead comforts him before the roughness of a damp cloth wipes at his brow.Â
A pause before the Voice removes what Wonwoo assumes is her hand. He calls on the reserve of strength again to protest, coughing a weak groan into the space above him.
âYouâre awake!â She says, as if it's some marvel.Â
When she dives into his chest, Wonwoo nearly screams. His ribs protest her weight, his lungs on the verge of collapse. But on his skin he feels her hot wet tears, her nose digging into his breastbone. Even her lips brush against the sensitive flesh as she cries his name over and over. The desire to wrap his arms around her is quelled by protesting muscles. It feels as if heâs wading through wet sand.
She must sense his pain because she removes herself from his person and coos for him to sleep, raking her fingers across his scalp gently as something foul and oily slips between his lips. Sleep, what a wonderful idea.
The shallow rise and fall of Wonwooâs chest has been the subject of your attention for three days. A part of you fears that the moment you look away it will stop.
Heâd woken for the first time in the early hours of the morning a few days ago, the sun barely rising from his bed beneath the horizon as Wonwoo breached consciousness. Shua lectured on and on regarding the significance of rest to healing. Better for Wonwoo to sleep fitfully than wake in agony. But the more frequent he broke the surface of slumber the more anxious you became.Â
A brief shift of your focus to the vial of murky sedative Shua left for you to administer gives Wonwoo enough time to wake with a heart wrenching groan.
âShhh,â you coo, settling the cool cloth back on his forehead. âYouâre alright.â
âY/N?â Wonwoo mumbles, eyes firmly shut but his eyes moving rapidly behind his lids.
âIâm here.âÂ
You move your free hand to his own on the side of the bed, thumb stroking the backs of his fingers in an attempt to sooth him.Â
âPrincess.â he slurs.
The pained sobs youâve released quietly over the past few days return, watering your entangled hands as you rest your forehead against them.Â
Even in death, your father still torments you.
Wonwoo becomes fully sentient after a week. Weak from hunger and dehydration, but alive. Shua fusses over him at all hours like a mother hen, mixing vials and brewing all types of teas to speed his recovery along. Luckily, with all of the commotion from the crew to see Wonwoo with their own eyes, youâve been able to fade to the shadows.Â
Taking the wheel yourself gives Jihoon a chance to descend below deck. Or offering Soonyoung the opportunity to share a meal with Wonwoo as you man the rigging. Anything to stay away from the room next to your own.
Somehow Wonwoo awake and aware is worse.
But only so many distractions exist in such a small space as your ship. The crew begins to brush aside your offers of assistance, urging you to have time with Wonwoo now that heâs healing. Youâre at the end of your rope when Seungkwan informs you of Wonwooâs request to see you.
You can feel Wonwooâs eyes watching you in the corner of his room, your own tracing the whorls in the wood grain of the floors, walls, and ceiling.
You break the silence first, âAre you angry with me?â
âWhen have I ever been angry with you?â
âIâm angry with myself.â
âThatâs why youâre you and Iâm me. I chose to go on his ship.â
âItâs my fault he was here in the first place!â
âDo you think Iâm incapable of making my own choices?â
âIâve never,â
âIf given the same chance, Iâd do it again. I donât regret it.â
âIââ
Wonwoo cuts you off before you can protest. âWhy have you been avoiding me?â
This is the start of the conversation youâve been running from.Â
âI havenât.â
âYouâre a terrible liar.â
Heâs right. And rather than continue to lie, your feet carry you out the door and back in the safety of your office.
Two more days pass before you gather enough courage to brave him again. Youâve never been afraid of Wonwoo; never shied away from his presence. Even after tense moments, having him around was a comfort and he indulged your desire to ignore whatever bubbled between you two. But not anymore. Wonwoo is demanding answers you donât have to questions you're terrified of asking.
He sleeps thanks to the sedative Shua slipped in his tea before re-sewing some of the garish stitches along his ribs.Â
Resting in the chair next to the top of his bed, your eyes catalog his features. Even through the swelling and bruises, Wonwooâs still handsome. From the sharp tilt of his jaw to the gentle pout of his lips, even his scar warms your heart as he dozes. It's hard to settle the panic hanging over your shoulder, a swirling mass of fear and dread.Â
So lost in your own mind, you donât realize his good eye is open and glaring straight at you.
âYouâre back.â
Jumping at the rasp of his voice, you launch to your feet. âI was just leaving.â
âOf course you were.â He scoffs.Â
The venom in his tone freezes you as your fist clenches around the doorknob.
He continues, âI asked Jihoon to take us to Ventparsk. Iâm going to find a new crew.â
âWhat?â Youâre trembling.
âYou donât want me here.â
âI never said that!â
âYou donât have to! You canât even look at me without running in the other direction!â
Wonwoo just stares. Heâs patient in the worst ways and the injuries littered across his face obscure any emotions he may be experiencing himself.
âI donât know how to do this, Woo.â
âYouâre too scared to try.â
âMaybe I am! But if Iâm a coward, what does that make you?â
âA fool.â he spits. âI canât pretend to not feel for you. Not anymore. If you truly do not want me then Iâll make it easier for the both of us and allow you freedom from any guilt.â
What can you say? The man youâve bound yourself to in mind, body, and spirit, who has risked his life for you more times than you can count, is willing to walk away for your comfort; unconsciously taking half your heart with him. The idea saps the oxygen out of your lungs. You without Wonwoo. Like a flower without the sun. The sky without stars. Ocean without a tide.
Wonwoo has never asked, only allowed you to take endlessly. Perhaps itâs time you give something to him.Â
Tears are welling in your eyes before you can speak. âI donât want you to go.â Shaking your head, your voice breaks as you cry like the little girl you were so long ago. âDonât go.â Quivering like a leaf in a storm you beg. âPlease.â
Through the blur of tears you can make out Wonwoo attempting to rise out of his cot. The extensive wounds and injuries make it a Herculean effort, causing him to nearly topple to the floor before you approach him. Strong arms tangle around you as you bury your face into his neck, pleading for him to stay.
âI donât know what else to do.â He whispers into your hair.
You continue to bawl, plagued by images of your lonely figure, missing the better half of your soul. The only steady presence in your life, the one person who played witness to your weakest moments. Months of separation at the hands of fate were childâs play considering the bleak future Wonwoo suggested. Nothing sacrificed or gained would be worth the pain if he isnât there to share it with you.Â
âPlease.â
âYouâre being selfish.â
âIf this makes me selfish then yes Iâm selfish! Iâm selfish and Iâm cruel because I canât imagine a world where we separate. Please!â
âYouâll make do.â
âNo I wonât.â
âSo you ask me to stay by your side, knowing how I feel, and do what? Ignore it? Pretend it doesnât exist?â
âWhen have I ever asked you not to feel?â
âWhen have I asked you for anything? Any wish or whim in my power I do. Why canât you try?â
âI do not know how.â
âThatâs a lie.â
âWhat do you want me to say?â Your voice cuts like glass, tears of sadness transforming into tears of frustration.
âI want you to tell me the truth!â
âI am! I have no idea what any of this means!â Your back up and pacing, hands nearly ripping your hair out in an attempt to ground yourself. âI thought you were dead Wonwoo. I thought my father killed you! And for a moment it felt like I died too.â
âAnd you donât think that means something?â
âMy apologies that Iâm not able to write sonnets about feelings I donât understand!âÂ
âYou refuse to even try. I nearly died and you canât even stand to be in the same room as me!â
âBecause itâs my fault! I decided to leave the palace! I decided to pull you into my mess! How can you even look at me?â
âBecause I love you.â His eyes burn. âFor years, Iâve loved you and I tried not to butââ Wonwoo swallows roughly. âItâs become something I live with.â
âYou didnât tell me.â
âBecause telling you served what purpose? You had one of the crew tortured and tossed overboard because he guessed we rolled around in some hay when we were children. Didnât inspire confidence youâd be receptive to the idea!â
âSo you decided for me?â
âImpossible as it might be, please attempt to consider how I felt.â
âAnd now Iâm selfish? You decide to keep secrets and itâs somehow my fault?â
âThen it's my fault for not being brave enough to face your rejection?â
âI wouldnâtâ. I havenât rejected you.â You blink. âItâs terrifying. Want you the way I do. I canât think, I couldnât breathe until you woke up. What happens to me if I let myself have you, and you disappear?â
âI would nevââ
âWhat if someone comes for you again and this time they do kill you? When I saw your face at the palace, I feltâŚâ Another hot wave of tears emerges. âI couldnât do anything. All I saw was you. I begged my father to kill me so I wouldnât have to live without you.â
Silence.
âDid it feel like no matter how many breaths you took there wasnât enough air? Like you were drowning on dry land?â
âYesââ
âLike the sun fell out of the sky and the tides stopped? Because thatâs how I felt. When Jeonghan took you. My body was here but my soul was with you.â
Of course the one person who understands you is Wonwoo. He sees and he knows. And for all his claims that words arenât his strength, he gives you courage.
âI wasnât raised to understand this. My mother told me the most I could hope for with a man was friendship, maybe fondness. Love isnât a privilege Iâd learned to understand.â
A pregnant pause passes.Â
âThen we learn together.â
Sitting back on the cot, you allow the warmth of Wonwooâs calloused palm resting on the knobs of your spine to calm you. Sniffling pathetically, you listen to his heart drum in his chest. It reminds you all the times you pressed against him for warmth when you first ran away. The beat of his heart lulling you to rest better than any lullaby your nanny sang in the nursery.Â
Wonwoo breaks the delicate silence shrouding his room.
âA liar and a coward. What a pair we make.â He chuckles, humor in the irony.
Releasing your own puff of air, you hesitate before asking.
âWhat do we do about it?âÂ
âAbout what?â
âThese⌠feelings.â
âI donât know.â
From all the stories you read as a child, confessions of love and wanting meant joy and happiness. But in its stead is something like sorrow, a firm pain of a crossroads without a clue where either path led.Â
âWonwoo?â
He hums.
âWhat do you want to do about it?â
Wonwoo is silent as he ponders.Â
âRight now, I want to hold you.â
Moments pass as you trace shapes along his chest, careful to avoid the bandages crossing over his shoulder. The pressure of his lips against the crown of your skull turns your head up.Â
Wonwooâs face is soft, staring at you with undeserved fondness. The same way he did that night in the barn, the same way he has always done in private when he thinks you arenât looking. If Wonwoo is brave enough to tell you, then you owe him the same.
Tracing his features with your fingers, you carefully avoid the wounds still dappling his face. Starting at the temple where his scar begins, you follow it to the plush of his lips, the skin chap under your touch. Before following the loop of his nose and the curve of his brow.Â
âI love you.â
Your whispered admission floats in the air above your heads.Â
Wonwoo shuts his eyes and lets you do as you please, leaving a gentle kiss to the pad of your pointer finger as it returns to his mouth.Â
The smooth slide leaves you craving the contact across your own mouth. Rising up, you gently brush your lips across his. Barely a ghost of flesh but Wonwoo chases the contact. Lips slip against one another, soft passes filled with tender longing.Â
One the next stroke, you suck his lower lip between your teeth and allow the tip of your tongue to trace it. You faintly register the copper taste of blood and the salt of the sea. The drag must ignite something in his blood because Wonwoo attempts to twist you underneath him before he yelps in pain.
âStop! Youâll tear your stitches!â
âDamn the stitches,â he grits, claiming your mouth again.
Carefully maneuvering out of his reach, you break the kiss as you rise from his cot. A genuine smile of joy returning to your face after years of drought.
âWhen youâre better,â you whisper.Â
âYouâd have us wait?â
âIâd rather have you when your face no longer resembles the wrong side of a horse.â
He fails to make a grab for your sleeve, huffing as he rests back into the mattress. âI thought I charmed you with more than my looks.â
âUnfortunately, Iâm quite shallow.â
âThere should be an old scarf in my desk drawer, perhaps that can be of use?â
âWoo,â you gently coo. âYou canât even sit up straight.âÂ
âI believe thatâs a matter of opinion.â
You chuckle. âWhen youâre well enough, Iâll lock us in here for as long as you wish.â
The simmering displeasure is clear on his face. Wonwoo isnât angry with you. Heâs angry with his injuries. With Jeonghan and your dead father. With the fates.
âAs long as I wish?â
Humming in agreement as you rest one knee onto the bed, you lean over his form before whispering.Â
âYou should try and listen to Shua so I donât have to wait much longer.â
âFine.â
âItâs a deal.â
Three months.Â
Three months of silently mourning the death of your father in the dead of night, when youâre safe from prying eyes and your mind wanders free. You hardly knew him, he was as much of a stranger as a merchant you stumbled passed in a busy market. Guilt whispered across your mind as each tear slipped down your face. Mourning the man who terrorized a nation and his family, who paid for your execution, who tortured Wonwoo.Â
Three months of Wonwoo downing every greasy concoction and bitter remedy Shua prescribes. One month for the bruises to yellow and fade into memory, for his cuts to scab and scar. Two months for his shoulder to cease its insistent throb. Two months of keeping his body firmly planted in his cot until heâs cleared to rise with the assistance of a mahogany cane courtesy of Jihoon. Another month of hobbling along the deck, relearning his center of gravity under the threat of toppling into the sea.
Ninety two days of heated gazes and longing brushes of hands in passing, conversations littered with double entendres verging on obscenity. More whispered confessions and declarations. Twenty four nights of you visiting his room under the cover of the moon, sitting by his side, clasping his hand while he slept fitfully, administering more oily sedative when the nightmares chase him awake and one night he pulls you down beside him. Then seventy two mornings blinking wake, curled against one another under the thin sheets like you had all those years ago, whispering promises in the gentle dawn.
The first night Wonwoo shuffles across the deck without the assistance of the familiar piece of wood, you nearly take him against the main mast. Instead, you settle for pulling him to your cabin as the oil lantern begins to burn low, when the eyelids of the crew droop from exhaustion and their heads turn away in consideration.
A choked groan leaves your throat as his hips settle between your thighs, molding together so tightly thereâs no deciphering where you end and Wonwoo begins. Mouths refuse to separate as you roll against one another, a cacophony of breathless whimpers and husky moans blending between lips.
Your bodies burn with the inferno of a pyre, every hair stands on edge like lightning is about to strike a hair width away. Thereâs no air to breath, but the space youâve descended into thankfully requires none. Only you and Wonwoo exist, not time or the sea or the stars.
âSay it again,â he whispers into your mouth.
âI love you!â You gasp back, eager to seal the words with another suck of his tongue.
Calloused hands palm your chest, breasts heavy and full, nipples growing to stiff peaks as deft fingers brush and pluck. Wonwoo laps at the smooth dip between before latching onto one, nipping and sucking as you writhe in the sheets, thrashing wildly against him. Your own hands make busy twisting and pulling his hair, nails scraping against the dip of his neck and across his broad shoulders.
âAgain.â Wonwoo bites into your skin, punctuated with another harsh curl of his hips into yours, so deep heâs in your lungs.
Sobbing your reply, eyes closing as your forehead presses to his, you nearly choke on air as he drives into you again and again.
âI love you.âÂ
âAgain.â He pants desperately.
âWonu!â You keen, back of your head pressing into the pillows as your chest collapses from his precarious rhythm. Streams of light rupture across your vision, tension swelling in your veins and ripping you apart.
âLove you, I love you,â He mutters like a prayer into the crease of your shoulder, face buried in your neck as he snatches your wrist, twining your fingers with his next to your head, grip so tight nails sting into the back of each other's hand.
Another prayer of his name rips from your throat, cannoning Wonwoo into a frenzy. He pummels into you with such force the crown of your skull knocks into the headboard. His hips stutter as he finds his release, filling you with his seed as he cries your own name into your lips.
Stuttered breaths settle for a moment.
âAgain, Woo.â
He eagerly follows your orders, just as heâs always done.
Epilogue
Once upon a time, an unlikely friendship between a princess and a stable boy bloomed in the gardens of a kingâs palace. The stable boy followed the princess wherever she decided to go, and the princess knew that if she ever needed to turn back, the stable boy would welcome her with open arms. Even when age led her to the other side of this life like an old friend, the stable boy couldnât help but follow. Though he was eager to return to her side once more, the princess had remained behind to welcome him with a smile when he walked over the hill.
Some say that when the moon dips below the horizon of the sea each day, it's the princess returning to the warmth of her lover's embrace. Always destined to find one another in each life, never to be kept apart, no matter what came between.
this is PART ONE of my svt recommended fics. this post contains hiphop unit fics. you can access vocal unit's recos here and performance unit's recos here. don't forget to like and reblog the fics below to show some appreciation for the writers <3
⧠jeon wonu x f!reader
⧠summary: you've had a bad day, starting from when the ac decided to give up in the middle of the night during summer. after a long, tiring day you return home to your beloved orange cat, butters, and your longtime crush/roommate, wonwoo
⧠wc is approx 4.2k
⧠tags: fluffy and comedy. roommates-to-lovers, mutual pining, the intimacy of mundane acts
⧠warnings: mentions of long hair; calls themself butters' "mother"; there's mentions of past injury; panic attack mention; mention of a sexual act but not in the context of it being sexual, but in the context of it being on a shirt bc i saw a sticker and got inspired
⧠note: sooooo the first two paragraphs are showing up messed up for me. Thereâs actually supposed to be another paragraph ahead of the current first one, but whenever I try and edit it in the post reverts back to the wrong one. So apologies for the first two paragraphs on here being messed up; when I try to fix it, it doesnât work :(
You didnât even want to enter your apartment complex. When you woke up in the early hours of night, you were covered in sweat. Your hair was stuck to the back of your neck, your shirt clung to your armpits. There was a damp spot on the bed from where you had been laying.
You didnât even want to enter your apartment complex. When you woke up in the early hours of night, you were covered in sweat. Your hair was stuck to the back of your neck, your shirt clung to your armpits. There was a damp spot on the bed from where you had been laying.
After using the restroom you stumbled to the thermostat, softly cursing your orange cat as he wound himself around your ankles. You had stared at the thermostat for a second, uncomprehending. Then you frantically fled to Wonwooâs room and woke him up.Â
âWell,â he had mumbled, squinting at the bold 85 that the thermostat boasted. He fumbled with it for a moment, before relenting and announcing it was broken. âIâll call the landlord in the morning. Not like anything can be done about it until everything opens up.â
So the two of you had opened the windows and turned on every fan in the apartment. You checked the temperature of Buttersâ water fountain, ensuring the flow was still cold. Wonwoo had watched as you cooed at the tabby, reaching out and petting him before pressing quick kisses to his little orange head.
âYou care more about Butters than you do me,â your roommate had said. His voice was deeper than usual, and you foolishly fought against how it seemed to force its way inside you and settle.Â
âOnly slightly.â Your knees had cracked when you stood again. Wonwoo was looking at your shirt, and it was then you remembered the grey cotton had done absolutely nothing to soak up your sweat and instead a large stain spread out around the neck.Â
After bidding Wonwoo a good-night (for the second time in a night) you had discarded your pajamas and underwear, pulling out brand-new everything.
Which was what led to your current predicament, which was also further evidence that the universe was against you.
It wasnât until you were standing in front of your building did you remember that the t-shirt you were wearing was your last clean one. It was the one Wonwoo had gotten you two years back when he and Mingyu had gone on a vacation to the Pacific Northwest that depicted a redwood tree and had the phrase âBig Red Stick National Forestâ written across it. Even worse: you were also wearing your last clean pair of underwear, having intentionally set it aside yesterday evening as a reminder.Â
The air conditioning was back on in the apartment complex, but that did nothing to stop your bad mood or clothes from clinging to you; even worse, the cold air made your sweat stains turn cool and freeze against your skin.
âThe whole universe is against me,â you announced upon entering your apartment. Wonwoo glanced over from his spot on the couch. Butters stood from where he had been curled up on Wonwooâs chest, stretching out before jumping off.Â
âI think youâre exaggerating,â Wonwoo said, rather objectively.Â
Butters pranced over to you, looking like a small show pony. He stretched out his front legs one final time before looking up at you, blinking his huge green eyes, and screaming.Â
âI know!â You agreed, leaning down and scooping Butters up into your arms. He immediately began purring. Butters forcefully rubbed his head underneath your chin and you returned the favor, rubbing your face in his. âWonwoo just doesnât understand us, Butters. Heâs a meanie.â
âNow how is that fair?âÂ
Wonwoo stood, stretching. You watched as he extended his arms up towards the ceiling, fingers splayed and reminding you of Butters after a nap. Wonwoo was wearing a tank top, one that hung from his frame and did nothing to hide his collarbone. His muscles flexed as he stretched and you couldnât help but watch his biceps strain, and you sort of wondered what it felt like to press your hand against his lower back as he stretched, feeling how his muscles moved.Â
Once upon a time, Wonwoo was nothing but a string bean with awkward angles and too-sharp elbows and knees. That was the Jeon Wonwoo you had met; that was the Jeon Wonwoo you had agreed to room with.Â
But then he met Lee Jihoon and suddenly decided visiting the gym was a brilliant idea, filling one of your cupboard shelves with protein powder.Â
Again: proof the universe was against you.Â
You felt Butters take a deep breath, and then he was screaming again. You turned to look at him, and he reached up and settled a paw against your mouth. His lime eyes peered into yours and seemed to say âget it together, mother.â
He was right. You needed to get it together.Â
âWhy is the universe against you?â Wonwoo finally asked, done with his stretching. He made his way to the door, his feet bare and hair sticking up on one side, looking so painfully domestic and sweet.Â
For a moment you let your mind wonder. You were a successful business woman returning from a long day at the office. There was air conditioning in your apartment. You were greeted by your trophy husband and cat. Wonwoo was telling you about his day, which consisted of cleaning and gaming. You were setting Butters back on the ground so you could grab Wonwoo around the waist, sneaking your hands up underneath that too-large tank top and settling them against his skin. You were kissing Wonwoo, unhurriedly and sweetly, taking all the time in the world because the matching rings on your fingers meant that the two of you were united forever, that you had until the end of the world to kiss Wonwoo and tell him you loved him.Â
And then Butters wiggled against you, moving so he could dangle over your shoulder and forcing you to hold him like you would hold a baby you were about to burp.Â
âFirst the air conditioning wasn't working.â
âObviously.â
âThe subway was crowded and stinky. My carriage smelled like someone pissed in it, and someone probably did. I tripped stepping off of the sidewalk and onto the crosswalk --â
âAre you okay?â Wonwoo interrupted, his dark eyebrows furrowing. He glanced over you, eyes darting behind his glasses. âDid you get hurt?â
You shook your head. Butters was purring so loudly that the neighbors could probably hear it. âOnly my pride was hurt, if Iâm honest. A nice man who was jogging stopped and helped me up.â
Wonwooâs eyes narrowed for a split second before his face took on his normal neutral look. You wondered if he was still hooked on the prospect of you falling. A handful of months ago you had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, walking in front of Soonyoung just as Seungcheol launched a killer pitch at him, the ball slamming into your stomach and causing you to double over.Â
Wonwoo hadnât seen it happen; had only heard Seungcheol and Soonyoungâs shouts from the kitchen where he and a few others had been talking. You remember Wonwoo suddenly appearing at your side, practically shoving Soonyoung away from you and taking you into his arms. You remember him petting your head as you cried from the pain, Seungcheol recounting what had happened; you also recall Wonwoo shouting at Seungcheol and Soonyoung, whisking you away from the get-together and ignoring his two friends for a week.Â
That entire week he was hovering around you. He would routinely ask if it was okay to touch your stomach, if he could look at it, just to see the progress of the violent bruise that was forming. Wonwoo constantly had a frozen bag of peas or corn ready for you, switching one out whenever he deemed it too warm.
It wasnât until the bruise was fading and you urged him to get in contact with Seungcheol and Soonyoung did he finally let up on his mothering.Â
He was a good friend, caring so much about your wellbeing. Your heart fluttered a little at his concern, and you shifted Butters in your hold so you could reach out and squeeze his arm. âDonât worry about it, Wonwoo! I didnât even land hard enough to get a scratch, see?âÂ
You offered the hand of your palm for him to inspect. He glanced at it casually. He then reached out and grabbed your wrist, eyes trained on the skin there. âThat was nice of the old man to help you,â Wonwoo said.Â
âOh, he wasnât old.â He kept his eyes trained on your palm. You wiggled your fingers. You wanted him to look away from your hand with that serious look, wanted him to instead meet your eyes with his dark ones and be on the receiving end of such an open display of devotion. But instead it was your hand he looked at with such seriousness.Â
Again: the universe was against you.
 âThought you said he was an old man,â Wonwoo returned, tone casually. He pushed up his glasses.Â
You shook your head, Butters letting out a trill of discontent at the movement. âNo, I reckon he was around our age? You shouldâve seen his calf muscles, Wonie. They were huge.â
Wonwoo hummed a little. His thumb began brushing against your palm, gently swiping the skin there. Your heart began to beat in rhythm with the movement of his thumb. âDid you get his number, then?â
You furrowed your brow. âWhy on Earth would I do that?â
Wonwoo finally looked up from your hand. His eyes no longer had that serious look to them, and a small smile curled the edge of his lips. You liked how he grinned like that, when his smiles werenât large enough and instead seemed to play with only one side of his mouth. It made him look adorable; endearing; sweet.Â
âOkay. So no air conditioning; you tripped; the subway smelled like piss. What else am I missing?â
Wonwooâs thumb stopped brushing against your palm. He released your hand. You immediately missed it and wanted to reach out and return his hand to its rightful place in yours.Â
âUh. My chapstick was so hot from the weather that when I went to apply it, it was all mush. My airpods disconnected and Taeminâs MOVE blasted in the elevator. A toddler was screaming in the middle of the CVS and I honestly wanted to start screaming with him, because today has fucking sucked.â
Wonwoo nodded. He was still grinning. âWow. Anything else?â
âMy clothes are smelly and wet -- even my underwear.â
Wonwoo blinked.Â
Your eyes widened. You let out a shriek; Butters screamed with you. âNO -- theyâre wet from sweat! Iâm wet from sweating! Not from anything else -- just sweat! Because itâs so hot! Itâs hot outside!â
âAh,â Wonwooâs mouth was agape, eyes round. He glanced at the wall. Back at you. At Butters. Back at you.Â
The universe was fucking against you.
âYou can borrow some of mine,â he said.
And because the universe was so against you that even your own self was against you, you agreed.Â
The t-shirt he gave you was several sizes too-large, as Wonwoo tended to go for comfort over what looked good more often than not. It was from the vacation you, he, Mingyu, Seokmin and Minghao had taken around Christmas. You had said something about the Grand Canyon being the perfect place to take pictures and then suddenly Wonwoo was presenting you with a plane ticket and saying your flight was the next day.Â
And so your little group of photography nerds had oooâd and aaahâd the Grand Canyon. Wonwoo hadnât gotten a shirt at the giftshop, you remember (and tried to shove away the shame you felt at remembering something as little as that), but at a gas station several miles out he had suddenly appeared with a plastic bag and a large smile.Â
Then he had presented you with the shirt you were wearing currently. It had a picture of the Grand Canyon with a little hiker on the edge. There was a quote bubble coming out from the hiker that said âI rimmed the Grand Canyonâ.Â
Seokmin had actually peed himself from laughing so hard.Â
His underwear was snug around your middle, and you tightened your shorts in an effort to keep them up. You walked from the bathroom, feeling infinitely better. Wonwoo was setting a bowl next to the sink, and as soon as he caught sight of you his eyes went almost comically wide. You did a little spin, Butters screaming at your feet.Â
âTa-dah!â You cheered, doing jazz hands. âBetter, isnât it?â
âYeah,â Wonwoo agreed. âLoads better.âÂ
You joined Wonwoo at the sink, pushing your hair behind your ears. A fan sat on top of the kitchen table, practically starting a tornado from how violently it spun the air.Â
âWhatâs up with your buddy over there,â you asked, nodding towards the fan.Â
Wonwoo looked over at the fan. He had been looking at your chest, but to be fair to him, that was where the iconic text that still sent Seokmin into hysterics eight months later was. Wonwoo was probably just reading the phrase and reliving Seokminâs embarrassment at having wet himself.Â
âAh,â Wonwoo began. He pushed up his glasses. âI had cereal and it was hot.â
âYour cereal was hot?â
He looked back at you, eyebrows raising. âNo? What -- why the fuck would my cereal be hot?â
âYou just said it was!â
âNo? I meant it was hot in the apartment,â he clarified. Wonwooâs voice had that same tone he got when he found someone absolutely ridiculous. âThe heat is definitely getting to you.â
You rolled your eyes. âWhatever. But I do know youâre not leaving me to do all these dishes.â
The pile was tragic. It was tragic in that it was a sore reminder that even with the two of you combined, you and Wonwoo didnât have a single responsible brain cell. Or perhaps you did; Butters was still alive, afterall. So that had to qualify for something.
At least the pile was washed off, you justified.Â
It could be worse.Â
Like Seokmin and Soonyoungâs shared apartment.Â
âOkay,â Wonwoo began. He turned to face the dishes with you, hands splayed on the counter. His hands were tan, just like the rest of him, from spending time outside exercising with Mingyu (Jihoon absolutely refused to exercise outside). Every time you looked at his hands and were reminded of how large they were, you couldnât help but swallow and try to combat the heat that flashed through you.Â
His hands were big. Almost comically big. Except it wasnât funny how everytime you saw his hands you wanted to reach out and lace your fingers through his, you wanted to press kisses to his palms, wanted to know how it felt to have his hands settled at the base of your neck, guiding your head into a kiss --
Anyways. Anyways.Â
There was a dull thud. You looked to see Butters peering over the edge of the coffee table at a book he had no doubt pushed off. He looked away from the book and at you. Your eyes met, and you knew for a fact that if Butters was capable of judging another being, he would absolutely be judging you.Â
âYou were going to leave the dishes to me, though,â Wonwoo pointed out. You looked at him. He was smiling down at you, eyes crinkling.Â
âOkay, you caught me,â you returned. âNow that we both know each otherâs evil plan, letâs do them together.â
There was a brief pause. And then Wonwoo narrowed his eyes, cocking his head. âDo you hear that?â
You went still, trying to listen. âNo, I donât. What --â
âMy phone is ringing,â Wonwoo said, pushing away from the sink. âI better go and see who it is!â
âI see your PHONE IN YOUR POCKET, ASSHOLE!â
Nonetheless, you shoved your hair back from your face and looked down at the pile of dishes. Sighing, hopefully loud enough for Wonwoo to hear, you forcefully turned on the water. You shoved the plug into the sink, vowing to make Wonwoo pay somehow.Â
You rearranged the dishes, setting the larger bowls and plates on the counter. You tucked your escaping bangs back behind your ears again. You began with the bowls, scrubbing them and trying to come up with a master plan to get Wonwoo back for his desertion.Â
Maybe you could only do your half of the dishes and leave his dirty ones. But then heâd catch on and just start ordering out more in an effort to not have to clean. You could make him clean out the litter box, but it was his turn to do it anyway. You could invite him to a movie night and make him watch the Barbie movies, but then again he somehow always found a way to enjoy himself during them.Â
You could make him watch a kidâs show. Maybe like Bluey? Fuck wait, though, you genuinely enjoyed Bluey and didnât want to turn it into a punishment.Â
You let out a groan when your bangs fell from behind your ears, obscuring part of your vision again. You shoved them back, uncaring of the water that fell from your hands and dripped onto the shirt.Â
Oh! You could invite him to a movie night and invite Mingyu and not tell him! You had unintentionally done it once, having forgotten to tell Wonwoo that you had invited your mutual friend until Mingyu was knocking on the apartment door. Wonwoo had seemed sour the entire night, but you waved it off at him just being pissed that Mingyu took the last soda from the fridge.Â
Yes. That was the play.Â
You grinned at your brilliance, wiggling a little in celebration. Your hair shifted and once again your bangs fell to your face, dangling in front of your eyes.Â
Groaning, you lifted your hands from the soapy water to try and force your hair to obey you and keep away from your face. Then two hands settled on your waist, squeezing.Â
You jumped, shrieking a little. Wonwoo laughed, his chuckle deep and bringing heat to your cheeks. He squeezed your waist again. âJust me.â
âWell I know that now,â you snapped. âAnnounce yourself next time, dude. Couldâve been holding a knife and stabbed you. Reflexively.â
âReflexively,â he mocked, before letting out another huff of laughter. You felt his warm breath on the back of your neck. Despite the humidity and heat, you shivered.Â
His hands moved from your waist, but you didnât get a chance to miss them as they traveled up your body, close enough for you to feel the ghost of them. âDonât move, baby.â
Obediently, terribly obediently, you went still. His long fingers carded through your hair, untangling it. If you were Butters you would have been purring. Then Wonwoo chuckled again as if he was laughing at you, and you couldnât help but wonder if you were somehow purring. Then you caught yourself leaning back into his touch and realized why he was laughing.Â
You immediately straightened, pushing as close to the sink as you could. The edge of the counter dug into your stomach.Â
Wonwoo tugged one of your locks of hair. âListen to me,â he chastised you. âI told you to be still.â
âI am,â you whined.Â
He didnât say anything. His hands returned to your hair. Wonwooâs fingers resumed their petting, but this time they didnât linger. He pulled at your hair, gathering it. It wasnât until he was tying the scrunchie around your hair a second time did you realize what he was doing.Â
Your roommate was tying your hair up for you.Â
Wonwoo was tying your hair for you.Â
Jeon Wonwoo, the man youâve been daydreaming about for the past two years, the man youâve been imagining holding hands and even kissing, was putting up your hair. He had seen you struggle with your bangs and took it upon himself to help you. He didnât just hand you the scrunchie but did it himself.Â
You turned around as soon as you felt him tighten the scrunchie enough so it would hold. You peered up at him; he looked back down at you. His face was as neutral as ever, but even then you saw the little shine in his dark eyes. You wondered if you were delusional, wondered if he felt the same pull you did, if he felt the string that tied the two of you together tighten and urge you together.Â
âWhy did you do that?
Wonwoo was quiet for a moment. Then he tilted his head, eyes narrow and sharp. âGuess.â
And then he was pulling away from you completely. Your mind was blank as he took a handful of steps away from you, watching him run a hand through his black hair and the muscles on his back flex.Â
Guess.Â
You were on him in a second.Â
Your hands went to his waist, turning him towards you as you lifted yourself onto the tip of your toes. He was leaning down to you, one of his hands going to your shoulder, bringing you close, the other to your cheek, guiding you to his mouth.Â
It was frantic and messy. He was pulling you closer and closer, arm wrapping around your shoulders and fingers sinking into your hair. His mouth was hot against yours, his tongue insistent and sloppy as it forced its way into your mouth. You let him in, your hands hurriedly shoving up the hem of his tank top and flattening against his skin. You felt the warmth of him, both from his skin and his mouth.Â
âFuck,â he breathed. âFuck.â
You let out a soft little noise somewhere between a sigh and a moan. He cursed again, his hands moving. One cupped your jaw and the other went to your neck. You let him manipulate you, his mouth taking and taking from yours, his teeth biting down on your lip.Â
The hand in your hair pulled sharply; you gasped.Â
Wonwoo pulled away. The hand on your jaw moved, the other one still holding you in place. You watched, heart fluttering and gut clenching, as he removed his glasses and tossed them onto the table.Â
And then his mouth descended onto yours, devouring once more. He pressed ever closer, his hand traveling to grip at your waist. He murmured your name, chanted it, as if it were ancient words of prayer. Wonwoo kissed you like you were a god and it was his offering, spit smearing across your mouths and nails digging into skin.
There was an inhuman scream. You let out a shout of your own against Wonwooâs mouth, pulling away and whipping your head towards the sound.Â
Butters screamed again, scrambling against the coffee table before launching himself off it. He continued his scream as he sprinted across the living room and into the kitchen, his orange tail pointed straight up into the air. Butters slid on the hard floor as he came upon his food bowl, where the automated feeder was dinging and announcing dinner time.Â
You watched your orange cat inhale his food, completely unaware (or uncaring) of what had just taken place between his parents. Slowly you turned to look up at Wonwoo, who was already looking at you.Â
âUh,â you eloquently began. Shyness crept its way into you, as if you didnât just have Wonwooâs tongue down your throat and werenât half a second away from offering yourself on a silver platter.Â
âHi,â he returned, just as awkwardly. He shifted, his hands moving. One remained at your waist while the other went to the table, retrieving the glasses he had heatedly discarded.Â
You watched as he put them back on. The air was silent between the two of you, but just as rigid as in the moments leading up to the kiss. But instead of filling you with passion and heat it made you cringe, your hands flexing against Wonwooâs bare back.Â
âOkay --â
âSo hereâs the thing --â
Both of you abruptly broke off. You and Wonwoo were both still as you waited for the other to continue. When neither of you did you couldnât help but giggle, pitching yourself forward to bury your face into his chest.Â
Wonwooâs chest rumbled as he laughed, his arms going around you to hold you close. You felt him press his face into your hair, glasses digging into the top of your head. Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest, thudding loud against your ribcage.
This was it.Â
âIâve wanted to kiss you for like, two years,â you mumbled into his shirt, words rushed and your mouth practically smashing against his chest.
Wonwoo was still for a moment. You felt as if eternity had fit itself into those few seconds of pause, your heart coming to a complete still as your mind leapt to conclusions. This was the moment everything would change, and your brain was screaming like Butters did at midnight when he found either you or Wonwoo's bedroom doors closed.
Then he was pulling you away from him, one of his hands coming to guide your chin so you were looking up at him. His eyes were soft and sweet, and the corner of his mouth was beginning to pull up in a smile. âSay that again? I didnât hear you.â
âYes you did,â you protested. You were grinning; your heart was dancing. âAsshole.â
Wonwoo chuckled again, and then his mouth descended on yours.Â
Okay. Maybe the universe wasnât completely against you.
summary: after swearing off dating due to a messy breakup, wonwoo finds himself being forced out of the house by mingyu, joining the 97 squad as an honorary member. what wonwoo didn't realize, however, was that he'd end up swallowing his words after meeting the newest addition to the friend group.
content: idol!wonwoo x idol!reader, pining, friends to lovers, wonwoo's pov, reader is a 97 liner, oral (m receiving), penetrative sex, fingering, angst (with a happy ending), some self-deprecating thoughts from wonu </3
wc: 8.5k
a/n: can u guys tell i love idol aus or what .. anyways, this time i used proper capitalization since this is long as fuck! hope u enjoy even if its a bit of a mess <3
masterlist kofi/patreon
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Wonwoo was going through a slump.
As commonly known by his fans (and probably non fans too, by now), Wonwoo had a girlfriend prior to debuting. He's not entirely sure how the news came about to the public (something about a trainee leaking information ..?), but in reality that didn't really matter. What mattered now was that he now had to relive his messy breakup over and over again as people made it a bit of a 'meme' among the fandom. It wasn't like it made it to the news or anything, but even the reminder was enough to bring back the bad memories surrounding it. All the low self-esteem and doubtfulness that was attached to it. The breakup might've been distant by now, but the news breaking out were fresh, causing Wonwoo's wounds to reopen.
Now, Wonwoo didn't blame carats for this. Under any other circumstance he would've also found it comedic, but after it being a few years since the breakup and not managing to find a long-term relationship ever since, Wonwoo found himself in a slump once more, just like he felt when he was freshly broken up.
She, who shall not be named, was one of his closest friends in grade school. She hung around when he was nothing more than a lanky loser (not his words, but that of a few rowdy kids at school). She'd seen him and respected him before the world even knew his name. And then she'd become more than a friend.
As Wonwoo first made the decision to join Pledis, he was entirely unsure of himself. He wasn't untalented by absolutely any means, that much even he knew. He was growing to be a handsome young man, and was discovering new skills every day. But he didn't feel like he stood out enough to make it all the way to debut. His girlfriend, however, stood by him and gave him the strength to continue, which he did in hopes of making not only his family proud, but what he believed to be the love of his life proud too. Okay, maybe that was a bit too much, but he was a teenager, who could blame him for thinking himself in love?
Soon after came his debut. Things were going great. The sole fact that he had made it to debut with 12 of his friends and fellow trainees had him over the moon. He had fans now; supporters who thought the world of him. He had a happy family waiting for him at home, and a girl he was infatuated with that he could keep all to himself, away from the public eye. Everything was perfect. Until it wasnt.
It was as predictable as you'd imagine. The fame, the limelights, the constantly-changing schedules. It was all too much for someone who could do no more than watch from the sidelines. The issues began a few years into his debut. He felt her begin to pull away. To be fair, he might've unconsciously pulled away first, but his life was getting too hectic for things to be the same as before. Maybe it was his fault for believing that she would evolve along with his life, willing to follow him as he continued his journey with his 12 friends.
If that had been the end, maybe it would've been okay. But the breakup had not happened just yet. We could've stayed friends if we had only ended it there, he'd thought many times. Unfortunately for Wonwoo, a clean break just was not in his cards. He found out about it through his younger brother. The betrayal. The disrespect. The heartbreak. He would've rathered she'd broken his heart face to face, you know? Maybe that way it wouldn't have hurt years into the future as it continued to do.
She had found someone else. It was some guy she met in college (something Wonwoo thought he'd do someday, but had chosen the life of an artist instead). There was nothing wrong with the guy, it just wasn't Wonwoo. He thought that maybe if she'd told him, he would've understood, would've been sad, but would've respected her decision, but no, she made her choice. Had she forgotten to break up with him beforehand? Was he just an afterthought? These were the questions that plagued Wonwoo's mind years after the fact. He had decided to confront her with what his brother had seen. Them together at a cafe, too close for comfort. What was saddest was her lack of denial. She didn't even fight back; fight for him. She had turned it around into his fault. As if he'd forced her hand. What broke Wonwoo more than the betrayal was the look of disdain in her eyes. It made him feel like maybe he was the villain. That maybe even if he tried, he just couldn't be loved in that way.
That's how he found himself in this situation. Two years past the five year long relationship, coming across another post detailing a theory of whether or not Wonwoo was still with his 'pre-debut girlfriend', as people liked to call her. He believed himself to be over the girl, but couldn't find himself to admit whether or not he was over the hurt. Only time would tell, he guessed.
"Come on, hyung. You can't stay here every time you have one of your episodes. It's been years, you have to move on!"
Mingyu was getting ready for another outing with his famous 97 squad; this time the attendees being Eunwoo, Jungkook, and Y/N. He was trying, yet again, to convince his elder of joining him and his friends. Maybe he wasn't a 97-liner, but he was well-liked by all the members of the group, and he figured the outing would do his friend some good, seeing as he was once again down in the dumps over his old girlfriend.
"I told you it's not that, Mingyu," responded Wonwoo, barely facing away from his computer, once again gaming during his very limited free time.
"Okay, if you're truly not sad about that anymore, then come out with us! It's been a while since you've even left the apartment, and you've never actually accepted any of my invites out! If you don't like it, we'll leave. It's all people you've already met anyways," reasoned, a very stubborn Mingyu.
"I don't actually know any of them, Gyu. Saying hello whenever they come visit you doesn't really count as knowing a person."
"Okay! Fine! What do you want? What do I have to give to get my best friend to hang out with me? Money? You're rich! What? You wanna play video games? They like video games, too! Come. On. Just this once."
"Jesus Christ," he muttered, knowing his friend meant well, but not wanting to be around people while he had one of his usual slumps.
He pondered it for a minute. Maybe it'd be nice to be with other people like him. He'd never really made friends within the industry outside of the members and a few people he'd politely nod to as he walked the hallways of Hybe. Maybe it was time he broke out of his shell and befriended other people who would understand the loneliness that came with being an idol.
"Fine," he replied before his friend could hit him with another rebuttal to his denials. "Just this once."
Wonwoo didn't know what he was expecting any time Mingyu would bring up his outings with the 97's. With Mingyu's extroverted and eccentric personality, both in and out of the public eye, he assumed he meant clubbing or at least hitting up a pub. He wasn't sure what you or Jungkook or Eunwoo were into, but he assumed you'd be somewhat like Mingyu. But he couldn't have been more wrong.
He was pleasantly surprised to find that his loud friend's friends all had a very striking contrast to him. The three idols sitting around him in Eunwoo's (whose name was actually Dongmin, apparently) apartment all seemed very quiet and calm. Their personalities also all seemed to match his better than that of Mingyu's, which made him come to the realization that maybe that was how they'd all befriended each other; through the overgrown puppy's incessant need to befriend everyone in every room he walked into.
Wonwoo appreciated Mingyu, truly. His outgoing nature would sometimes make a shy guy like Wonwoo, who liked to keep himself as small as possible, a little uneasy at times, but be appreciated his best friend's constant aid in getting Wonwoo's mood up. Even now. He hated to admit it, but his sudden decrease in mood seemed to be rapidly disappearing thanks to the new change of environment.
He had quickly taken a liking to Mingyu's three friends.
Dongmin was nice and insightful. A pretty face and a very interesting mind. He saw a bit of himself in him.
Jungkook was polite and funny. He was the perfect balance of childhood friend and college heartrob.
You. Well, Wonwoo hadn't quite figured you out yet. Admittedly, this had been the first time you'd ever spoken past a polite greeting or an inquiry for Mingyu's whereabouts, but he had been able to get a read for the other two members of the group. You were the outlier.
What he knew, though, was that he liked you. Okay, not like that, but there was an easiness that you seemed to carry with you. You were simply easy for him to fall into conversation with. It had already been a few hours (and a few drinks) since Wonwoo and Mingyu had arrived to Dongmin's apartment, and you and Wonwoo had been engaged in ongoing conversation shortly after arriving. And the conversation didn't seem to be heading towards its end any time soon. It had begun as a group outing (well, indoors), but to Wonwoo it now felt like a one-on-one, as the three remaining members of the 97's seemed distracted on their own, leaving you and Wonwoo to converse with each other freely.
-
"Okay, yeah. That can be kind of annoying, but how can you complain about Mingyu?! He's such a sweet guy," you laughed, responding to one of the many lighthearted disses of Mingyu Wonwoo had been feeding you with.
"You don't have to live with him. He's even louder at home," he chuckled.
"Then move out! I live alone now, finally. I love my members, but there's nothing as nice as being alone after coming home from hectic schedules."
"Yeah, I can imagine. Can't do that, though. I don't really like being alone that much," he revealed.
"You? Really? Then how come it's taken Mingyu this long to get you out of the house?," you inquired, leaning towards him with interest.
That was something he liked about you immediately. You listened. You showed visible interest in what he had to say. Granted, none of the things you'd been talking about thus far were groundbreaking (so far you'd managed to speak of predebut stories, hopes for your respective groups, current hobbies, a few movie and book recommendations here and there, and endless other things), but he still appreciated someone outside of his family and members who showed interest in what he had to say. Still, part of him believed he might've been so starved for affection he could've just been reading too much into it.
"Oh," he chuckled. "He told you about that?"
"Fuck. Okay, don't tell him I said this. And I mean it, I trust you, Wonwoo," you paused. "He told us he'd been trying to get you out of the house a bit ... that you'd been feeling down."
Oh. Okay, now he felt a bit awkward. Why would Mingyu give opening for him to receive pity even from strangers?
"Oh. I-"
"So, I insisted he invited you come out with us."
Oh?
"You did? I .. How come?"
"Well. Honestly? I've been there. Having your members is great and all. And if you have a supportive family, that's even better. But our lifestyle's too isolated to not have as many people around us as we can. I don't know how I managed to navigate the industry before meeting Mingyu. He really took me under his wing and made sure I felt welcomed with the other 97's, even with all the shit he got for hanging out with a female idol so publicly."
So, that's how you'd met. Man, he's always known Mingyu as one of the nicest people he's ever met, but this truly made him take the cake. He remembered the articles that came out about both you him (and a few of the other 97-liners) when they'd made you the first female addition to the friend group. He didn't pay them much mind, seeing as dating rumours come by the dozens among idols, but he hadn't really stopped to think about how it might've affected you.
"Did he tell you about .. why I kept saying no?"
"No. And I didn't want to intrude. Your battles are your own, Wonwoo, unless you want to share them."
Well, fuck. He was wrong. Well, right. Both. You did care. You didn't even know him, but you still cared. Or at least it seemed like it. He couldn't really wrap his head around the concept. He hadn't let anyone in (other than his 12 brothers) about what had happened. He had never felt the need to. He felt embarrassed by it. I mean, it was just a break up; an old one no one even knew about. Yes, he got cheated on, but it had been years ago. He should be over it by now. Even though people kept bringing his ex up. But why did he feel like he could confide in you?
He considered it. Telling you, that is. But he quickly realized that was just the alcohol talking. You had just met. He didn't want to scare you away. Hmm. Maybe he should circle back on this thought at some point. He also didn't want to make you privy to the most embarrassing thing about him (the green room shenanigans did not hold a candle to his pathetic heartbreak story if he had anything to say about it). So, he decided to save it for another time. He'd already decided in his head that he'd want to see you again. Maybe he would take up Mingyu on his offer to join the 97's as an honorary member.
The conversation eventually circled back to something more lighthearted, allowing Wonwoo to enjoy your company for a few more hours before Mingyu decided it was time for them to leave, knowing his friends probably had busy days tomorrow, just like any idol would.
Wonwoo couldn't sleep. The effects of the alcohol were fully gone by now; his loose tongue tightened back up and his mood regulated once again. Despite that, his mind was still clouded with thoughts of you. He had originally chalked it up to alcohol, how he felt a strange sense of disappointed upon having to bid his goodbye to you earlier tonight. But, lying in bed many hours later, he realized it was all still in his head. Your long-winded conversation, the drinks you shared together, the genuine care in your eyes, even Mingyu's stupid smirk as they walked back into their apartment, muttering something along the lines of 'I knew you'd have fun'. It was all still running around in his head, depriving him of sleep. He felt an odd sense of anxiousness. Excitement, maybe? He wasn't sure. He was looking forward to finding out though.
-
The next day was filled with schedules. A quick appearance at a comeback show in the morning, followed by a fitting back at the Hybe building, along with a few hours of practice with the boys. He'd always enjoyed hectic days like this. While tiring, they kept his mind occupied, and allowed him to spend the day with some of the people he treasured the most. Seeing carats early in the morning was also a treat. Even if for only a few minutes, walking past the crowd of people waiting for his arrival at MNET was always nice. It made him put a face (well, multiple) to the people who loved him most.
He was now ending his day, just as soon as it had started, when he heard a voice call to him from across the long hallway. Turning around, he found ... you? you! what were you doing here?
"Wonwoo! Wait up!", you quickly caught up to him as he halted his movements in order to wait for you. You two then began walking together.
"Hey ? What are you doing here?"
You stopped. "Really? Wonwoo! I work here? My group's been here for a few months now, did you never notice? Hybe acquired my company last year," despite your shock at his ignorance, there was no actual anger or annoyance in your voice.
He felt kind of bad. You'd spent grand part of last night letting Wonwoo know how much attention you'd paid to Mingyu's retellings of Wonwoo's problems only for him to not know the most basic of things about you. It really wasn't that big of a deal, but it was with small details like this that his ex began to pull away.
"Oh, wait, Wonwoo. I'm not actually mad, I'm sorry. I just assumed you already knew," his face must've told on him. He had to admit that he was kind of paranoid after what had happened. He'd already ruined a few friendships (along with the relationship) with his lack of attention to the people around him. He didn't want to add you to the list of failed relationships so soon.
"Ah. Sorry. I don't really keep track of those things too often. I'm too distracted sometimes."
"I get you. There's too many new groups at Hybe for you to have noticed anyway. Anyways! Are you done for the day?"
He felt his heart accelerate at the thought of you wanting to know what his future whereabouts would be.
"Uh, yeah. I was heading home actually?"
"What? Nooo! Mingyu's taking Jungkook and I out to a little discreet pub he knows. You should come with. Please. They're so annoying when Dongmin's missing," you pleaded, making eyes at him.
You wanted him to come? You were inviting him? He hadn't really gone out for a few weeks (since he began to see people speak of his 'pre-debut ex-girlfriend' that everyone assumed was still in the picture). He had to admit, he found it kind of funny how carats would whine at the idea of him being taken. That was kind of the silver lining; a slight lift to his bad mood surrounding it. He-
"Wonwoo? It's okay if you don't wanna come. I don't wanna pressure you!"
Oh, shit. He was in his head again. He needed to break these habits if he wanted to work on his people skills.
"Oh, sorry. No, I was thinking of something else, sorry," he chuckled awkwardly, "I .. yeah, I'd love to come," he found himself agreeing.
Wonwoo was not an awkward man by any means. His fans and many others knew him as a charming guy, which he really was. He was just going through a weird period in his life. That and you made him nervous for some reason.
"Great,"you smiled back at him, further increasing the speed of his heart.
Wonwoo was extra exhausted after today's events, not being used to outings with people outside of his members after already tiresome days. For some reason, his social battery always drained almost immediately when around people he wasn't too familiar with, and tonight he'd chosen to spend the night at a pub full of strangers. But, hey, at least you were there.
Once more, you and Wonwoo found yourselves in one-on-one conversation. Although Mingyu had been slightly surprised to see his friend arrive with you at the selected meeting spot at the pub, he gave Wonwoo a knowing smile, glad to have his friend out of the house once again.
The goodbye was, again, dreadful for Wonwoo. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He wasn't usually someone to get attached so easily, but your name just called to his ever since that first time he met you. This time had worsened his condition. You drank together, exchanged numbers, maybe even flirted(?) a little, and then went your own ways, sharing a quick hug as you departed.
He hated to rush things (even if it was only in his head), but he had to admit to himself that he liked you. Yeah, like that. He felt like a teenager again; giddy at the thought of you, crushing on the pretty girl his friend introduced him to. He had unofficially sworn off dating two years ago when he broke up with her, but it wasn't like that was too big of an effort considering his dating market as an idol wasn't very expansive anyways. He also didn't want to assume things. You were just a friend. But you were also so pretty, and nice, and you had so much in common with him, you even shared a career! You were just his type, he realized. He wondered why you hadn't dated any of the 97's before. Wait, maybe you had a boyfriend. One Wonwoo, of course, wouldn't know about since you'd just met. Fuck. There he went again, letting his mind spiral over the smallest of things. He needed to give himself a break and just enjoy your friendship. Enjoy the good things he had instead of thinking of the bad. That had been a struggle lately.
You and Wonwoo continued to meet occasionally like that. Eventually meeting almost daily at the company. You'd stop by his practice room to hang out during work, and vice versa. He also found himself begging Mingyu to let him join in on his outings, wanting to see you even after work. He tried to be casual about it, but as soon as his smug friend realized the reason behind Wonwoo's sudden interest, he teased him endlessly about it, making jokes like 'But you're a 98-liner, why would you wanna hang out with us kids?,' a smirk glued to his face. He hadn't told Mingyu about his crush (nor would he ever admit to it), but Mingyu's correct assumption of his feelings for you led his friend to try and become a bit of a matchmaker. He'd now taken a habit to purposely leaving you and Wonwoo alone, even dragging his other friends away when they'd try and make conversation in order to get the two of you together. He was embarrassed by this, but was even more embarrassed that he was kind of thankful for his friend's actions.
Wonwoo had been enjoying the time he got to spend with you alone. Like now. Mingyu had invited you, Dongmin, Jungkook and Jaehyun over to his (and Wonwoo's place), something that didn't tend to happen before since Mingyu had wanted to respect Wonwoo's privacy. This was your first time here. Your first time in Wonwoo's room (door open, of course) as he showed you some of his recent photography that he'd told you about in your previous meeting. Once more, he felt like a teenager as he showed you his art, giddy at your endless compliments towards his talent.
"Jesus. So many idols pick up photography as a hobby, but I'd never seen any of them be actually good at it. Wonwoo, these are amazing!", he heard compliments like this from fans and staff alike very often, but it just had a different effect when it came from you.
He wanted to deny you; be bashful about it and chuckle a polite disagreement to your compliment, but after getting to know you better these past few weeks, he knew that wouldn't fly with you, instead opting for a shy 'thank you' in response.
"I'm serious, Wonwoo. You should do a showing or something! Your fans would love it. And .. you should teach me also!", he loved how enthusiastic you always were. It reminded him a lot of his best friend. Maybe that's why he liked the both of you so much.
He turned his head to face you as you sat next to him on his bed, lap to lap. He hadn't realized how close you had been sitting to one another in order to look at his laptop screen. Before he could scoot away, you turned your head too, now having only a few inches between your faces.
You looked at each other without saying anything, Wonwoo's breath hitching. Any reasonable man would've pulled you in for a kiss as soon as he noticed your eyes trail down to his lips, clearly inciting him to do so. But Wonwoo wasn't a very reasonable man. He was a mess of unreasonable emotions, which led him to his first mistake.
Seeing as he wasn't doing anything, you seemed to become frustrated at his lack of action, leaning in instead of him. Now, that would've been perfect if Wonwoo were, you know, normal. But the end result was less than favorable. As you leaned in, he panicked, getting up from the bed in a rush and creating a very obvious space between you. Your eyes widened, and he caught a hint of hurt and embarrassment behind them at his actions before you quickly took control of your expression.
"I, uhh. It's getting late. You have an early morning, don't you?", fuck, why the hell was he saying that?! Was he kicking you out? Wonwoo kicked himself in his mind, but his mouth kept running against his will. "I have an early morning, maybe you should, uh .."
He caught that hurt in your eyes once more as you responded. "Oh, I .. Right. Sorry .. Yes, I do, actually. I should go now .. Thanks for showing me your pictures. Have a nice night, Wonwoo," you were being far too cordial with him, seemingly making it a point of using overly formal language when the two of you had agreed before to speak casually; as friends.
He fucked it up. Again.
He watched you leave without stopping you. He had every chance to as you looked back at him one more time before exiting his room. He had another chance as he heard you close the front door to his apartment. He could've ran after you (even speed-walking would've sufficed, really), but he stood there like an idiot.
Wonwoo was right. He was incapable of love. Romantic love, at least. He still had many friends and a loving family back home, but he had been right to believe himself unlovable after his ex had left him. Turns out she was right. It was all his fault.
A few weeks had gone by since he last saw you. The text messages between you now unexistent, and the chance for reconciliation dying further every passing day. You hadn't tried to contact him after what happened, nor did you wait outside his practice room every day as you had taken a habit of doing a few weeks into your friendship. Mingyu's invites to hang out with his friends were now left unattended by Wonwoo, not wanting to sour your free time with your friends with his presence. He'd ruined everything, he admitted to himself. It was obvious to him and everyone else that your friendship had begun to blossom into something more. There had been hints here and there of your reciprocation of his feelings, but they terrified him, so he chose to ignore them.
He thought about his feelings, but not yours, he had come to realize a few days after the fact.
He had wanted to kiss you so badly. He'd dreamt about it, even. He felt silly to admit this, but you'd become such a constant in his life in such a short period of time that he found it easy to imagine you there forever now. He felt the same way he did back in high school when he believed himself to be in love with his ex. He realized now that those feelings for her had dissipated quickly after his debut. They'd only been together for so long due to the familiarity of it. Maybe that's why his ex had such a hard time breaking off things with him. Maybe that's why she chose to cheat on him instead. Maybe that familiarity was what made the situation such a mess in the first place.
He had gotten out of his slump thanks to you (and Mingyu, maybe), but now he had fallen right back into it, even worse this time.
It didn't take long for his roommate to notice his friend's absences in their outings, or the stark difference in his mood as soon as he got home every day from being an idol. Mingyu had the privilege (not really) of seeing how whatever happened between you took effect on the both of you. He saw his best friend fall back into his previous depressive state, while he saw you become a shell of yourself. He didn't know what happened, and he honestly didn't care. No one asked for his help, but he was going to give it anyways.
By some act of god, Mingyu was able to convince Wonwoo to leave their apartment long enough to participate in an upcoming outing once more. He had promised that the only other attendee would be Jungkook, as the plan was to have some drinks at the man's house. Other than you, Wonwoo had taken a special liking to Jungkook, having many things in common with him. Wonwoo had only agreed to attend in order to lessen any suspicion Mingyu may have had about the reason behind his current low mood, but he was also happy to see one of his new friends again.
Unfortunately for Wonwoo, Mingyu was a meddler. He wasn't entirely sure why he was even surprised at seeing you walk across Jungkook's front door as he sat on one of his couches, drink in hand. An unsuspecting Jungkook let you in, not taking notice of your shocked face at spotting Wonwoo just a few meters away. Wonwoo should've known that Mingyu would get involved sooner or later. He wasn't sure if he was thankful or annoyed at his friend's nosy nature.
Despite your initial shock, you were polite with Wonwoo. You interacted as you used to before the two of you had gotten to know one another. Just a few nods and tight smiles. It killed him inside a little bit. He wanted to fix things; to at least get your friendship back even if he couldn't allow himself more. He would sneak glances at you as you joked and drank with your two friends, feeling a smile grace his face at your laughter. At least you were happy, he thought.
The four of you eventually ended up in one of Jungkook's many guest rooms. This one was a viewing room, as he called it. Special for whenever he wished to invite friends over for a movie. You all sat and shared some commentary at what was playing on screen. To any outsider, this would've looked like the perfect outing. And maybe it was to Mingyu and Jungkook. But the air between you and Wonwoo still felt tense, even despite the occasional nod of acknowledgement you'd make to one another whenever your eyes met.
In a very unpredictable turn of events, Mingyu had managed to get you and Wonwoo in a room alone, dragging Jungkook away under the excuse of doing an impromptu live for his fans. He knew Jungkook wouldn't miss the chance. You and Wonwoo sat next to each other in the now empty movie room, neither of you making a move. He saw you looking at your hands from his peripheral, solemn look on your face. You were usually very talkative and lively. He felt terrible at how his presence in your life had caused such a stark difference in your demeanor. So, he did what he usually wouldn't do, and spoke up first.
"I .. How have you been?"
Great way to break the silence, Wonwoo.
You sat in silence for a beat or two, "Wonwoo, it's fine. We don't have to do this. I'm already embarrassed enough as it is."
Embarrassed? Why would you be embarrassed?
"Embarrassed? At what?"
"Do I really have to say it? I thought I read things right. I thought maybe you might've maybe liked me back. I didn't .. I didn't mean to ruin our friendship over some stupid kiss.," you wouldn't look into his eyes as you spoke, even as he uncharacteristically stared at you with all his attention.
"You ... You didn't do anything wrong. I should've talked to you. Fuck. I should've apologized. I wanted to. Kiss you, I mean. I panicked. It was so soon. I didn't want to pressure you," he had gotten up now, now sitting next to you on the couch.
"Pressure me? I kissed you. Well, tried to ..." you finally turned to look at him in his new proximity. Okay, progress, "I'm sorry, I kind of had an idea of what you were going through and still pushed you. It hurt me that you froze me out like that, but if it was what you felt like you needed to do, then I understand," you said with a sad smile that didn't meet your eyes.
God, why were you so understanding? He felt like an asshole. He was an asshole. Freezing you out was not something he wanted to do to you, but the result of his cowardice. He knew he had hurt you, but your admission to it only made him feel worse.
"You didn't do anything wrong! You- you did what I wanted to do that night. What I was going to do before I backed out like a coward. I wish I'd handled things differently. I wish I'd kissed you .. I-" he was beginning to feel shy at his almost-direct admissions of his feelings towards you, but he needed to continue. He was going to continue, but you had different plans.
As per usual, you knew him better than he did himself. You knew exactly how to salvage the situation without making him open up more than he felt comfortable with doing in his current emotional state. You grabbed his face, interrupting his speech, and ..
You kissed him.
"Like that?", you'd softly asked against his lips.
It was nothing like you'd see in movies. Just a small peck accompanied by your soft hands holding onto his cheeks.
You began to pull away almost immediately, too soon for Wonwoo's comfort. But that kiss had been enough for him to finally snap into action like he should've done weeks ago.
He grabbed you this time, pulling your lips against his again, putting much more into the kiss this time.
He'd never kissed someone like this. He'd kissed many people after his breakup. Hell, he'd done far more than kissing. But none of those moments held a candle to this one. Nothing compared to your soft moans against his lips, or the feeling of your pliant back against his palm. Nothing defeated the feeling of your hands restlessly looking for a place in his body to hold on to. He kissed you with every emotion that had been piling up since you two began to really get to know each other. No, since he first began to spiral into his depressive state. There was not a single emotion in Wonwoo's body that didn't go into that kiss.
Then came other stuff.
Wonwoo hadn't really thought about the sexual aspects of his attraction to you. Other than a few of the restless nights spent alone in his room, you in mind. As he kissed you, however, he couldn't help but begin to feel aroused. You were so pretty and so so soft against his arms. You had both begun to lean down, with his body hovering over yours, holding his body weight above you as not to crush you. You kissed mindlessly for a few minutes, at some point beginning to moan messily against each other's mouths.
Your tongue eventually came out to play with his, making him lightheaded at the sudden wetness of the kiss. You both began to feel dizzy, arousal clouding your minds. Wonwoo tried to pull away, wanting to confirm if what was happening was okay with you, but you wouldn't let him. Instead you pulled him even closer, forcing him all the way on top of you, your crotches now face to face. He decided to take the risk and begin a slow grind against you, which proved rewarding as you began to mewl against his lips, allowing his tongue to roam freely inside your mouth.
Then came even more stuff.
"Wo-wonwoo, please."
God, there was no way he would make it if that's how you sounded after just some light dry humping.
He managed to actually unglue himself from you this time; eyes lidded and breath heavy.
"Baby .. let me .. can I?", he questioned, hands approaching your nether area.
You grabbed his wrist, walking him the rest of the way, nodding desperately as you pressed his hand against your clothed cunt.
"Please, yes. I need you."
He undid the drawstring from your sweats, you aiding him in lowering your sweats just below your ass.
He neared you as much as possible as he began to rub your cunt over the thin fabric of your panties, kissing and biting at your neck as you mewled at the friction. He did this for a while until he decided to bury two of his fingers inside your cunt, making sure to rub your clit lightly with his thumb. He calculated his movements, wanting to go for a slow and steady pace that would have you lightheaded.
You moaned and whined at that, your body not knowing what to do at the pleasure Wonwoo was giving you.
He began to speak against your neck, praising your beauty and the way you oh so prettyly cried for him.
"Wonwoo .. oh, fuck Wonwoo please. Please ..." he wasn't sure what you were begging for, but he wanted more of it. So he sped up, wanting nothing more than to hear your cries of pleasure as he fingered you to completion.
Upon meeting your high, you disconnected from one another, still holding a very close proximity as you shyly smiled at each other. He helped you clean up the slight mess you had made on the couch under you, pulling your sweats all the way back up and helping you get on your feet. Neither of you said anything as he guided you out of Jungkook's apartment, not bothering to say goodbye to your friends. You both knew what you wanted with just a few looks at one another.
You then found yourselves in Mingyu's car. How Mingyu was going to get home, Wonwoo didn't know nor care. Payback for meddling, Wonwoo guessed. All he wanted now was to take you home and show you how much you meant to him.
He had his left hand on the wheel while the other held your hand over the console. You both felt giddy at the small displays of affection you'd been showing each other, sharing shy smiles and blushing at catching the other staring. It was kind of funny considering your current destination. It was all mostly wordless until your fast arrival to Mingyu and Wonwoo's shared apartment, where you both finally stopped to speak before entering the door.
"Wonwoo, wait," you stopped him before he was able to put his key in the lock.
"What's wrong?"
You seemed uneasy. Maybe this was too soon? Had he gone too far by what he did in Jungkook's house? Fuck. Okay, maybe fingering you in your friend's house while your friends were in the other room right after confessing to you (did he even confess ??) wasn't the best idea for a reconciliation. Maybe he should'v-
"Are you sure about this? I .. I don't wanna pressure you ..."
You were far too considerate of his feelings for his own good. But he didn't care about his feelings right now. He cared about yours. Because if you were happy, then he was happy. He just wanted you.
He turned his body to face you, grabbed both of your hands and squeezed lovingly. He no longer felt that sense of anxiousness when speaking his feelings to you. He felt at ease, and he wanted you to also.
"I'm sure. I want you. Anything you'll give me. If you want to go past that door and just let me hold your hand, I'll take it. If you want me to drive you back home, I'll do it. If you want to tell me off for making you wait for me to grow the balls to show you how I felt, I'll understand that too. Forget about my pace. It's been enough about me. I want to think about you. It's all about you," he finished his little speech feeling not an ounce of bashfulness, but rather an uncharacteristic sense of relief. He felt more than content at freely telling you how he was feeling.
You smiled up at him. "It's always about you for me, Wonwoo."
It took a bit of convincing from you, really. Repeating over and over again pleas and words of affirmation to ease his mind. He felt bad. He did say this was all about you. Which is why he'd insistently denied you when you first walked across the door, hand in hand, and immediately begged to suck his dick. He was caught off guard at first. He wanted to take care of you for once, not the other way around. You'd argued that he already had, insisting that he'd be doing you a favour by letting you get his cock in your mouth. Now, that .. that had gotten an involuntary reaction out of him. He couldn't help himself. You were a pretty girl - now his pretty girl - practically begging to get his dick wet. Batting your eyelashes at him and running your hands up and down his chest, muttering words such as "you'll let me take care of you, won't you?", or "i just wanna make you feel good," or his favorite "just a little bit, baby, want it so bad. been dreaming about it .."
That's how he now had you on your knees as he stood with his back against his front door, hands holding your hair out of your face as you tortured him with your tongue. You had prepared him by rubbing his dick for a minute or so, then moving onto kitten licking his tip and running your tongue ever so slowly up and down the protruding veins. You were taking your time, clearly enjoying his stuttered breaths above you.
You finally wrapped your mouth around him, sucking and licking at the tip, making all thought in his mind leave him immediately. He threw his head back against the wall at the pressure and warmth of your mouth, groaning out your name.
"Fuck .. just like that. Shit, I-fuck," there was no proper sentence that could leave his mouth as you fully enveloped his cock in your mouth, moaning around it.
Then he made the mistake of looking down, staring directly into your eyes, which were rolled back in pleasure, brows furrowed in concentration as you gave him your best performance. He hadn't known pleasure like this in ages, staring down at your pretty face as you lost yourself in the pleasure of the weight of his cock on your tongue.
You continued like this, doing everything that seemed to get a reaction out of him until drawing him almost to completion.
"Shit, baby, I'm gonna cum. You gotta- fuck. Baby, wait. Wanna fuck you ..." he tried to stop you, not wanting to cut the night short before he could get you as close as physically possible to him, your walls warmly wrapped around him. The thought did not help matters, as he felt his end approach even sooner. You also did not seem to care, as you fastened your movements and moaned even louder against him, vibrations triggering his impending orgasm. You swallowed every bit he gave you, humming at the taste.
You must be evil, he thought, watching you continue to lightly suck and lick at him even past completion, not caring that he half-heartedly tried to push you away from the slight overstimulation. When you finally pulled away, he held your hands in order to get you back up to your full height, eyes glued to your lips. He couldn't help himself. He felt depraved at the thought, but he needed to taste you and the remnants of himself twirling in your tongue. So he did what any sensible man would do, and shoved his tongue in your mouth, intertwining yours and his as he sucked his remaining juices out of your mouth and gave them back to you as he dragged your tongue back and forth. You moaned loudly into his mouth, growing restless at the lack of pleasure where you needed him most.
You pulled away, and wordlessly gave him eyes that could only mean one thing. Your eyes always got to him. One look and he'd give you whatever you wanted, so he promptly held your hand once more and led you to his room, laying you down on his bed and slowly undressing you. He wanted to savour every part of your body he'd been dying to see. Every article of clothing he removed, he caressed the skin behind. He faced you away from him and felt you up from behind, running his hands up and down your body as you pressed yourself even more against him, dizzy at the pleasure of his hands against you. He fondled your breasts and ass, wanting to commit them to memory. You moaned at the way he touched you, enticing him to continue. After a while of worshiping your body, he laid you back down, your body now facing him, and undressed himself.
He felt a strong sense of pride at the moan the sight of his bare chest pulled out of you. Your hands drew themselves towards him as you ran them up and down his chest, forming goosebumps anywhere your fingertips graced. He finally lowered himself down and pressed your chests together, wanting to be as close as possible.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered, as if it was a secret no one could ever know, "You're all mine now. Never letting you go again", he began to grind his bare length against you, now hard again against your folds.
You whined at his actions, mind clouded by his words of affection. "Nonu ... please. I need it. Need you, just- Argh! Fuck ..." he swiftly entered you, interrupting your pleas for him.
God, you felt so tight and warm around him. Your body so pliant and soft against his. He had never felt more bliss than when you arched your back and pressed your tits against his chest, harshly digging your nails on his shoulders as you moaned out his name.
Pleasure overtook his mind, making him wax poetic at you endlessly, letting out his deepest of feelings for you.
"Want you always. Can't breathe without you."
"Never wanna be away from you again. You're everything."
"Gonna keep you ... keep you close to me. Just like this ..."
Then came something not even he expected himself to utter.
"L-love you. Fuck. So much. Is it too soon? I love you. Never felt like t-fuck .. like this before."
His words seemed to have an instant effect on you, as you tightened impossibly harder around him, crying his name as your orgasm suddenly hit you. The tightening of your walls, along with knowing the effect he had on you, brought Wonwoo to his end almost immediately after, claiming his orgasm on your stomach as he pulled out with a high whine of your name.
A few minutes of cleaning you up later and Wonwoo found the both of you under his covers, you laying your head on his shoulder as you wrapped your arms around one another, softly running his hands up and down your arm. No words exchanged between the two of you.
As per usual, you broke the silence, turning yourself to face his side while still in his hold. He mirrored your actions, holding you even closer as you stared into each other's eyes, shy smiles on your faces.
"I love you too. It's not too soon. I love you, Wonwoo."
Your words took his breath away once more. What he had confessed in the throes of passion was being reciprocated. He hadn't shared the three words with anyone ever since his break up. His breakup, which had been the furthest thing from his mind ever since he had realized his feelings for you.
You fell asleep like that; holding each other tightly and muttering words of affection at each other every so often until sleep won you over. Wonwoo had never had such peaceful sleep, having never had the pleasure of holding someone he cared so much about in his sleep.
The news broke out quickly. Not to the public, of course, but to Mingyu, who had found you in bed the next morning when he'd noticed your absences last night, rushing home worried that maybe his plan to get you two to talk had backfired. Safe to say that Mingyu smugly took credit over your reconciliation (he might've deserved maybe a 15% of the credit). Then the news broke out to the 97 liners, who happily welcomed Wonwoo back into the group under the name of honorary 97-liner. Then his group mates found out, along with yours. They were all very accepting, having noticed your feelings for one another before you even did. Finally, the news broke out to your shared company. This was the trickiest one, but your insistence in the validity of your love for one another was able to triumph over any obstacles.
It had now been a few months since that fateful night, the words I love you being uttered between the two of you daily. Even as you worked your busy idol schedules and had distance put between you every once in a while, your relationship prospered, giving Wonwoo a new sense of what being loved truly was. He no longer felt like his ex had been right about him being unlovable. You had taught him to know better, while he showed you the same care in return.
Wonwoo no longer winced at the mentions of his 'pre-debut girlfriend', but even laughed along at the memes his fans made about their favorite idol being taken. Now knowing that, yes, he was taken, but had something even better now; you.
What could be worse than a valentineâs day alone? Exactly, a valentineâs day spent with your academic rival, Jeon Wonwoo, stuck in the home ecoâs kitchen because you were both sentenced to take over the cookie baking for this seasonâs day of love.Â
pairing: wonwoo x fem!reader
genre: academic rivals to lovers, smut, heart wrenching and tooth rotting fluff (wonwoo is down bad bad)
warnings: sexual content, smut warnings under cut! wonwoo is a little bit mean? but like not too mean? sheâs also kinda mean. but they are in love! promise.
word count: 5k
a/n: hi everyone!! this is part of the cupids collab hosted by the wonderful @wongyuseokie for @svthub! this work is dedicated to the wonderful, the lovely, the hilarious @highvern! i hope you like it, babes!! sending you loads of love this valentine's day and thousands of kisses, mwah! i had loads of fun writing this and am happy to be a part of this collab, hehe. also thank you @ourdawnishotterthanourday for betaing, ily! <3
âIâm giving you one chance to get out of here,â you say, holding open the door. Wonwoo doesnât move.Â
âWho says Iâm the one who has to go? Youâre obviously the worse baker.âÂ
Oh, he is truly playing with you right now. You let the door fall shut, eyes squeezed as you stare at him.
âFine. Then itâll be me and you, buddy.â
âI guess so,â he pauses, eyebrow raising, âand Iâm not your buddy.â
smut warnings: minimal degradation (usage of the word âslutâ), praising, pet names (princess, sweetheart, darling, pretty girl) oral (f. receiving), begging, softdom!wonwoo, unprotected sex (you know the drill - wrap it before you tap it, folks!), creampie (get it⌠creamâŚpie? cookies & cre- ok iâm sorry).
There are approximately seven thousand three hundred and twenty eight places you would rather be than here.Â
Nothing has helped you get out of this unfortunate situation. No pleading, no begging, not even wanting to send Seungkwan in your stead. Professor Yoon had been adamant in his decision to send you and him to this god forsaken home eco kitchen to bake the badge of cookies for the Valentineâs day sale.Â
âItâs not even a real holiday!â you had whined to Seungkwan, âif it were, we wouldnât even be at class in the first place!âÂ
All your best friend did was rub your back and tell you it was all gonna be fine, all while writing a text to Vernon on his phone in his other hand. He was used to your antics when it came to Jeon Wonwoo. Everyone was, at this point. Both of you had not made it hard to get used to - just by the amount of times you had decided to fight and dive right into rivalry when there was no reason to. Perhaps, he thought, it wasnât even a bad idea to put you two in one room together for several hours with no one else. It could give you time to talk out your differences. Call for a truce. Screw the anger out of each other. Anything that would make Seungkwanâs life easier.Â
That day comes sooner than you wanted it to, and while your hand lays on the handle of the car door, you feel the uneasiness inside you raise.Â
âI canât do this, Seungkwan. One of us is gonna end up dead.â
âYeah, my moneyâs on Wonwoo. Please donât disappoint me.â Seungkwan hums back, hands on the steering wheel and his eyebrows raised. You turn around, your mouth slightly agape before scoffing and opening the door.
âPick me up at 4?â you ask and your best friend nods, waving at you once the door is closed. He truly hopes neither of you ends up dead (but if push comes to shove, obviously Wonwoo because then Vernon would owe him 5 bucks).Â
Professor Yoon had told you that all necessities would be at the university and that you wouldnât have to bring anything except for a good mood, something you didnât dare to say was impossible in the given situation.Â
You arenât stupid (Wonwoo would beg to differ), you are well aware that your professor is trying to end whatever war you and Wonwoo have going on by pairing you up for this. And while you get the sentiment and might even appreciate it a little - youâre more than sure that nothing will ever come out of this - Wonwoo and you despise each other. It has been like this since your first semester and it most definitely wasnât going to change over something as trivial as baking cookies together.Â
The home ecoâs kitchen is in the basement of the economics building and you are happy to notice youâre the first to arrive. Smiling to yourself, you fish the key to the room out of your bag and unlock the door, walking in and turning on the lights.Â
The kitchen is spacious and modern, everything is made out of gray steel, with a few dark wood accents on the cupboards. You spot the boxes with ingredients on the island, and place your bag next to it before unpacking the things provided for you and Wonwoo. It becomes your mission to arrange the cookbook with the recipe in the center of the right side of the island, gathering all the needed ingredients around it in the order you would need it. Then, you search the cupboards for a big bowl, wooden spoon and a mixer.Â
You have gathered almost everything except for the mixer, spotting it in one of the higher cupboards you most definitely canât reach without some sort of help. Biting down on your lip and gnawing on it, you look around the room, coming up empty. There are chairs in the room next to the kitchen, but you donât have the key for it. With a sigh, you stretch yourself as much as you possibly can, hand reaching for the kitchen gadget - with no luck. Just when youâre about to climb on top of the counter, you feel something shift behind you, a body suddenly pressed against yours and an arm reaching up to grab the mixer for you without any trouble at all.Â
Wonwoo. Your body stiffens at his touch and only relaxes once he backs off, putting the mixer down next to the other stuff. Immediately you turn around, your eyes glaring at him.
âSomeone decided to show up, after all.â You spit at him and he rolls his eyes.Â
âI was forced, if you must know.â He says not even looking at you. His eyes are focused on the ingredients on the counter, his lips slowly drawing into a smug smile.
âControl freak much?âÂ
Your head burns and you scoff, walking over to the door and feeling his eyes on you as you move.Â
âIâm giving you one chance to get out of here,â you say, holding open the door. Wonwoo doesnât move.Â
âWho says Iâm the one who has to go? Youâre obviously the worse baker.âÂ
Oh, he is truly playing with you right now. You let the door fall shut, eyes squeezed as you stare at him.
âFine. Then itâll be me and you, buddy.â
âI guess so,â he pauses, eyebrow raising, âand Iâm not your buddy.â
For the most part the two of you are quiet. Mainly because you donât have anything to say to each other. You split the ingredients evenly (either one of you starting with their own batch since there is a whole lot of cookies to bake) and begin working on opposite ends of the kitchen. You get through the first batch without so much as exchanging looks. You do your thing and he does his. Only, when you get the first batch out, you ask him to hand you the oven mittens, which he does without any fuss. Youâre surprised but donât say it.Â
Itâs when the both of you start to work on your second batches that things⌠change.
You hate to admit the tension in the room. In fact, youâve been hating it since the first day youâve met him. Itâs a shame heâs so hot when heâs the absolute bane of your existence. Your friends (mainly Seungkwan, really) tease you about your obvious attraction to the man you call your archnemesis every chance they get, causing you to flip them off, or scoff, or just roll your eyes at how extremely wrong they are. If you could change it, you would! Finding him attractive whilst hating him truly is exhausting.Â
Slowly, you let yourself turn around in hopes he doesnât notice. Thankfully, he is entirely focused on sprinkling chocolate chips into the cookies - white chocolate chips. You let out a gasp and your wooden spoon falls onto the top of the counter youâre working on.
âThatâs cheating!â You shout, pointing at the package of sweets that he so obviously brought himself. What a jerk!
Not even looking at you, Wonwoo chuckles at your words, placing the chocolate chips next to him and wiping his hands on the apron he had put on earlier. Then, he turns to you, hip leaning against the counter, arms crossed and his eyebrows raised as he smirks like the douchebag you know he is.
âCheating, yeah?â He repeats, licking his lips, ânot sure it counts as cheating when it was clear from the beginning I would make better cookies, sweetheart.â
His condescending way of talking to you has always succeeded in making your blood boil, just like right now. You scoff, shaking your head and cleaning your own hands with a kitchen towel to your left.
âYou know, considering these are for the day of love it is quite ironic Professor Yoon paired me with you, the person I hate the most.â You present Wonwoo with a honey dripping smile that couldnât be more fake. Wonwoo doesnât waver though. He just continues to smirk, his eyebrows shooting up even more, and before you know it he starts walking towards you, a click of his tongue almost making you flinch.
âSee, love and hate are like siblings. While on the surface they couldnât be more different, in their core they are irritatingly similar,â his voice is deep and his eyes are right there on yours and somehow you feel like he has taken away your ability to breathe. What the hell is he doing?
âYou were always fascinating to me, darling. Always so sure of your opinion, never wavering. That first day we met, do you remember? How you were on my ass for the rest of the day because Professor Cha liked my answer better than yours?â
âHe did not!â You shoot back, surprised by your own whiny tone. Looking at Wonwooâs face, the defined jawline and cheekbones, the round specs on top of his nose and the brown soft curls falling into his forehead, you immediately regret speaking up at all. There is something in his eyes now, something you have never seen before - at least not on him. Something inside of him shifted, like a switch that had been flipped, and the way he looks at you makes all of your skin erupt in goosebumps.Â
âAh, so I imagined things?â Wonwoo only so much as whispers, his large frame coming even closer, âAre you saying Iâm a liar, pretty girl?â
Pretty girl. What the fuck? Your eyes widen and you feel your throat closing up. Absolutely not, you could not freeze right now! He was testing you, seeing how far he could go before you actually fell for whatever he was trying to do. Gathering all your confidence, you bring your hands up to place them on his chest and softly push him away. It gives you extreme satisfaction when you see the surprise on his face.
âAnd if I am? What are you going to do about it, Wonwoo?â Your smile turns smug and the little vein on Wonwooâs forehead pops out just slightly. About to retrieve your arms, you are met with his hands around your wrists and his body even closer to yours.Â
To say he catches you by surprise would be an understatement. Your lower back is pressed against the counter, your hands in his grip and your lungs missing the necessary air to not get dizzy. Why does he smell so good? You catch yourself thinking thoughts you normally would try to suppress at any given time - especially when Wonwoo is right in front of you. This time, though, there is no escaping. Not with him so close, not with him staring right into your soul.
âI have learned one thing over the years weâve known each other, Y/N,â he breathes, eyes not leaving your face, âyou can be a real fucking brat.â
The gasp you want to let out gets stuck in your throat. Instead, something like a choke comes out, something that makes Wonwoo smirk and your legs weak.
âYou really think youâre sly. Do you honestly believe I donât know how attractive you find me? How you need to look away everytime I come in wearing tighter shirts or pants that hang low enough to see the waistband of my underwear? You always try to act like you hate me and, you know what, maybe you do, but what I said earlier isnât wrong, darling, love and hate are like yin and yang - they canât exist without the other.â
He has your wrists in a strong grip and his lower body is now pressed against yours, something you never realized you craved. Feeling his growing erection against you, knowing he is turned on by you, by the situation, you feel like your head is about to explode.Â
âSo, what if I tell you that maybe I donât actually hate you, but I actually find you attractive as well? What if I tell you nine out of ten times I want to shut your annoying mouth up by shoving my cock right down your tight throat? Or how whenever you bend over your desk to tell someone something you, of course, know better than them, I want to take you just like that and make everyone see just how much of a desperate pretty slut you actually are?â
Youâre done for. With every word heâs saying, you can feel yourself actually becoming what he says you are. Desperate. The heat between your legs has turned into liquid in your panties, has turned into your heart beating at triple speed.Â
âY-You canât just say that!â You stutter, knowing full well he will just laugh at you. And he does. He laughs and he throws his head back and then he looks at you again, his eyes glinting with want that only gets emphasized by the hard cock pressing against you.Â
âOh, sweet, sweet baby. Of course, I can,â he hums, finally letting go of one of your wrists to carefully tug a strand of hair behind your ear, âyouâre so beautiful, especially when youâre flustered.âÂ
He must be playing with you. It has to be one of his games. He wants you to give in, wants you to fall for this only to hold it over your head for the rest of your college life. His mixture of dominance and sweetness is about to give you whiplash, especially when he begins to caress your cheek and leans down, his breath hitting your cheek.Â
âWe need to finish those cookies, Wonwoo.â The words are whispered and almost inaudible, but he hears you and he smiles.
âWeâre alone in this basement, sweetheart. Weâve got all day to finish those cookies.â His hand wanders down, finding its place on your hip. You shiver slightly, your gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips and when his nose bumps against yours, something tells you that maybe he is serious.Â
When he kisses you, you figure that something is correct. Whatâs supposed to start soft turns into something deep, and hot, and uncontrolled, right off the bat. Kissing Wonwoo feels like the only thing you had ever missed out on in life and now you finally got the chance to take what belongs to you. His lips are soft and his tongue is warm, pressing against yours and entangling it in a dance of fire. Your hands are in his hair and his are on your hips and youâre sitting on top of the counter with all of your ingredients pushed to the side, your wooden spoon falling to the floor when Wonwoo lifts you up.Â
As if on instinct, your legs wrap around him and you moan against his lips when his hands move up, groping your breasts through your shirt. He licks into your mouth, your fingers digging into his nape, nails dragging along his skin.Â
If you could see into Wonwooâs brain you might have gotten scared. Not because heâs thinking actual scary thoughts but because of how many times he has imagined this. Youâre always there, somewhere in his brain, your smile, your eyes, your laugh. And when heâs alone and canât sleep youâre there too, but this time itâs how he thinks youâd sound when heâs inside of you, when he sucks on your neck and squeezes your tits. There hasnât been a day since he met you that he hadnât thought about you.Â
Itâs a shame you immediately called him out to be your academic rival on that day because all Wonwoo wanted to do back then was to make you his girlfriend, basically falling in love with you at first sight. As clichĂŠ as it sounds, itâs even more clichĂŠ considering he just played along with you, acting like he hated you, riling you up during class in ways he would rather switch for moments like this one right now.Â
Never had he imagined heâd get you alone, especially considering how good you are at avoiding him. But when Professor Yoon had asked him to bake the cookies for the Valentineâs day sale - he couldnât help but suggest you as his partner. Hours would be spent together in a kitchen, hours you had to spend with him.Â
He loves how right he was. How right he was about you giving in, about you finding him hot, about you wanting him. He loves the sounds you make when he begins kissing down your neck and when his hand wanders under your shirt and shoves away your bra to touch the breasts he had been dreaming about. He sucks marks onto your neck and feels himself grow harder with every passing second. There is nowhere on this earth heâd rather be than right here, between your legs.Â
âBeen dying to do this, you know?â He mumbles against your neck, licking up to your earlobe and twitching in his pants when he feels you shivering under his touch.
âR-Really?â You whimper back and Wonwoo nods, both hands moving to your cheeks, lips back on yours in a heated, passionate kiss. He thinks that nothing will ever feel as good as kissing you.Â
âYeah, baby, wanted to kiss you forever, fuck,â he moans when your fingers move underneath his shirt, when you touch his bare skin and all of him begins to burn.
âWanted to touch you, taste you.â His words echo in your mind and you open your eyes, a horny daze in them that makes Wonwoo question his sanity. He moves down now, kissing your neck again and shoving your shirt up to kiss your stomach and breasts over your bra, nimble fingers opening the apron you had laced around your hips earlier.Â
âCan I taste you, pretty girl?â He asks then and you think you nod, at least you want to nod, but your head is clouded and you feel like youâre about to pass out. When he moves to get the apron off of you, focussing on opening your pants next, you figure you did in the end.Â
Having you half naked in front of him makes Wonwoo feel like he has reached the gates of heaven. Your pants are on the floor and your chest is heaving, eyes glossy as you watch Wonwoo move to the floor, his tall body still reaching the top of the counter when he kneels in front of you. He moves his arms, wrapping them around your thighs and pulling you closer, his nose tapping against your sensitive core the next second. With a gasp, your hands reach for his head of hair, grounding yourself in it as you stare down at the way he eyes your pussy as if he had never seen anything more delicious in his life.Â
When he moves your panties to the side, his finger softly gliding over your folds, you feel yourself shiver once more. You let out another whimper, biting down on your lip that feels hot and a little bruised after the way Wonwoo had kissed you.Â
âGod, I canât even tell you how many nights Iâve dreamt of this moment.â He kisses the inside of your thighs, making you moan quietly, fingers coating themselves in your juices, ready to please you.Â
Watching him is messing with your head in the best way possible. The way he looks at you, so full of endearment and adoration. How he touches you as if youâd break if he touched you too vehemently. He lets his tongue glide over your skin, moving until it reaches your dripping cunt, licking over your lips, tasting you for the first time. The moan he lets out has you digging your nails into his scalp, mouth dropped as you continue to stare down, continue to watch Wonwoo, your archnemesis, begin to devour your pussy like a Michelin star dish.Â
He starts off slow, licking over your folds, not touching your clit even once. If he died right now, heâd be content. Tasting you, hearing your sounds when youâre aroused, him being the cause of it - itâs almost all of his dreams coming true. His fingers move, one of them circling your entrance, your whines growing louder by the second. You want his fingers inside of you, you need them inside of you. Wiggling your hips against him, Wonwoo chuckles at your antics and finally moves his finger, inch by inch sinking into your needy hole, your eyes squeezing shut as you clench around him.Â
âSo, so eager, princess,â he mumbles against your pussy, another breathy laugh causing you to thrust forward, his finger now completely inside of you. And, fuck, do you feel wonderful. So much better than anything Wonwoo had experienced before, better than anything he could have imagined. Perhaps, he figures, itâs because itâs you.Â
Next thing you know, Wonwooâs lips are around your clit, sucking it into his mouth, tongue flicking against it and leaving you to moan his name time and time again. Your hips move against him and he lets you, his cock straining against his pants in desperate need for attention. But not yet, he isnât done with you. First, youâd have to come undone on his tongue and his fingers, first you had to scream his name as you experienced complete and utter satisfaction. Wonwoo does everything in his power for that to happen. He adds another finger and fucks you open, his long fingers meeting your sweet spot with every thrust as if he had studied your body for hundreds of hours. His tongue does the work of a god, his lips kiss you like you had never known you needed to be kissed, especially down there.Â
âD-Donât stop! Oh, fuck, Wonwoo!â You cry out, your head thrown back as you focus on nothing but your pleasure, on how he feels on your pussy, how it all is too much and yet not enough. You think about whatâs to come, about how he will fuck you next, will sink into you with his cock, will make you feel like youâre the most precious woman on this planet. Even more than he already does. Your high is nearing, itâs so close you can feel it right there in front of you, that tight knot in your stomach about to break free and give you one of the most intense orgasms of your life.Â
âCum for me, baby. Fuck, I want you to cum on my tongue.â Wonwooâs words are like magic, like a spell that he puts on you. A lewd whine escapes your throat and you do as he wishes, cumming all over his tongue and fingers, your juices drenching his face. He lets you ride out your orgasm on his face, anticipation filling him when he finally parts from you.Â
Immediately, you pull down to kiss him when he stands. Tasting yourself on his lips with your hands opening his apron and getting it off his tall frame with his help, you canât wait to get even closer to him. You slip out of your panties with his lips steadily on yours, a faint sound in your ears when they hit the floor.
âNeed you so bad, Wonwoo, please hurry,â you cry out and he laughs, kissing your neck and your cheek, his hands opening his belt, zipper and button, shoving his pants down only for you to gasp at the sheer size of his bulge. He grins, hands back on your face to make sure youâre looking at him.
âNaughty, arenât you? My perfect, pretty slut,â he kisses your lips again and your eyes roll back, your pussy throbbing in want. And obviously he knows how much you want him - he wants you just the same. As he continues to kiss you, he moves to pull his briefs down, his hard erection springing free, angry tip red and smeared with pre, oh-so ready to sink into your warm embrace. You part from him, eyes now setting on his cock, your mouth watering at the sight.Â
âFuck, youâre big,â you say, swallowing down the saliva pooling in your mouth. Wonwoo only grins wider, his big hands finding purchase on your hips as he leans down again.Â
âBeg a little for it, baby, and you might get it.â You shiver and bite down on your lip, your hands wandering over his still clothed torso and down to his cock, slowly wrapping your hand around it.
âPlease, Wonwoo, please fuck meâŚ,â is your whispered plead, and the man standing in between your legs groans against your neck, sucking yet another mark into your delicate skin before nodding and grabbing his cock out of your hand, lining it up perfectly with your entrance and slowly sinking in.
His forehead is leaned against yours when he bottoms out and his hands caress your head, coming to a stop on your nape.Â
âYouâre so fucking beautiful,â he mumbles, kissing the tip of your nose and you smile, giving the tip of his nose a kiss back. Then, he parts from you and the look in his eyes changes from soft to dark. He does his first thrust, catching you off guard, a loud moan escaping you. Your hands grab onto his shoulders as he continues his thrusts, fucking you deep and hard, his eyes focused on your face that contours in absolute bliss. When he said youâre beautiful, he meant it.Â
He is holding onto your hips again, pulling you as close to him as he can, his hips chasing yours, his cock in the deepest bits of your pussy, your gummy walls squeezing him for his pleasure. There is nothing you can do besides begging him to go faster, begging him to not ever stop and crying his name when he leans down to suck on your hard nipple over your shirt.Â
âWonwoo! Fuck!â You clench over and over again, stars dancing in front of your eyes accompanied by beautiful lights that slowly but surely turn into fireworks. With every thrust of his hips, you feel yourself coming closer to the edge again. You want him to fill you, want him to claim you as his, make you feel full of him and only him. Nails are digging into his shoulders, your head falling back against the kitchen cabinet, his groans and the beautiful sound of your name coming out of his mouth chasing you off the cliff and into the warm waters of yet another intense orgasm.Â
âDonât stop, donât fucking stop, oh- Wonwoo!â Itâs done, you are done, your climax hitting you hard and making you gush all over his length that is still so deeply buried inside your sensitive cunt. Wonwoo moans, feeling your pussy clench around him, squeeze him, beg him to cum, to decorate you in his shades of white. And he wants to, god, there is nothing he had ever wanted more. His breathing becomes labored and he leans forward, engulfing you in yet another heated kiss, one arm wrapped around you, the other letting its hand rest on your cheek, thumb caressing your chin as his tongue flicks against yours over and over, mixed with his breathless moans.Â
When you squeeze him the next time, he erupts. He moans your name, hips becoming frantic as he shoots his load into you, spurts of white and hot cum filling your spent pussy, your and his combined releases dripping down your thighs even as he fucks his cum so, so deep into you.
âFuck, fuck, fuck,â he pants against your mouth, continuing to kiss you right after, riding out his orgasm and only stopping when youâre both completely out of breath.Â
Itâs silent for a few moments, the only thing audible your almost synchronized breathing. Your hands are still on his shoulders, his hands are still on your waist and your cheek. His face is buried in the crook of your neck and he softly kisses your sweaty skin, nothing but pure happiness running through him at this point. He softly caresses your face as he leans back again, his eyes searching for yours.Â
âY/N,â he then breathes, a small and maybe even shy smile playing on his lips.
âWonwoo,â you sigh back, pulling him into a hug that he accepts with a laugh, both his arms now fully wrapped around your body. Heâs still inside of you and only leaves you when you part from the hug, more of his release now dripping out of your core. He doesnât ask whether youâre on birth control because for all he cares he would love to have you pregnant with his child. The thought alone makes his head spin.Â
âWell,â he begins, a smug smile on his face as he leans down to pick up your panties, âthat definitely gives âcookies and creamâ a different meaning.âÂ
You stare at him, slightly bewildered, for around three seconds before you burst into laughter, grabbing your underwear from him and jumping back onto your shaky feet.
âYouâre horrible,â you say and shake your head and Wonwooâs smile grows even wider.
âMaybe. But I promise you, sweetheart, Iâll never ever be horrible to you again.â
âOh, weâll see about that, Mr. Know-It-All,â you smile and give his cheek a peck that he reacts to by turning bright red.Â
It is in that exact moment you realize Wonwoo was never your archnemesis. Nor has he ever been as much of an ass as you had made him out to be. Jeon Wonwoo is nothing but a loser whoâs been in love with you since the very first day you met him, and perhaps you had always known. Perhaps you finally let yourself realize right now, the moment after he had cum inside of you and still blushes like a little kid when you kiss his cheek, that the only reason you had chosen him to be your rival was to run away from how much you knew youâd fall for him if you didnât.Â
âCome on, letâs do what we actually came here for.â
And for the rest of the day you and Wonwoo bake the cookies for the sale and talk about what your plans are for Valentineâs. To no surprise those plans immediately involve hanging out together. Maybe, you think, to give âcookies and creamâ that new meaning over and over again.Â
Pairing - Afab!reader x ot13 (OC x 1 member? 1.5 members? 2 members? Idk man, please read and let me know)
Word count - 13K
Genre - Greek Demigod AU! Weâve got crack, smut (tags for the chapter are under the cut), fluff , angst, hurt, comfort, all of it in this series, buckle up!
Chapter summary - It's been a week since you stepped foot in Camp Seventeen - as you navigated the days trying to wrap your head around the 13 boys, one's touch and another's voice start to become a bit too bothersome....
A/n - And the series has finally kickstarted! Please read the prologue before this! I won't be revealing which member/s is in each chapter, I want you guys to find out as you read so I hope you have fun :) Big thanks to @okiedokrie and @c-oupsie for helping beta read this, y'all are the sweetest <3
I do have a taglist so comment/DM/send an ask to be added! And if you enjoyed reading, please don't forget to leave feedback in the comments or tags - we've got lots of chapters to go and hearing thoughts really helps <3
Smut warnings - mutual masturbation, fingering, use of a very questionable dildo, is this considered cheating? Idk it's all blur here, jerking off, cum feeding, cum eating and I hope that's all?
âFucking hell.âÂ
You mumbled, waking up the same way you had been for the last one week - startled and nearly jumping off your bed.Â
While most people began their days to the ringing of alarm clocks (or roosters if they preferred the countryside), you regularly woke up to the sound of Seungcheolâs eagle screeching in your ear.Â
Turning your head, you glanced at Zephyr perched on the window before it gave you a short nod of acknowledgement and flew off into the darkness. Yes darkness, because unlike most people, your day also began at 4 fucking am in the morning.Â
Groaning and stretching, you sat up, holding back the large yawn that was threatening to pull you back to sleep. If Zephyr was here to wake you up, that meant you were late yet again and you hated that - you had done too many walks of shame to the training field and were in no mood to be conspicuously stared at by 13 boys as you stumbled over, carrying all your gear.Â
Knowing you didnât have enough time to drop by the washroom, you popped a mint and sprayed some deodorant before quickly grabbing your things and running out into the darkness.Â
The sun was just starting to peek from between the mountains as the House Of Zeus became smaller and smaller behind you. Although you had a long list of concerns living with Seungcheol, an unbeatable advantage was how close his residence was to the training grounds. Still, you could somehow never manage to be punctual. By the time you reached, you were 15 minutes late and Seokmin had already begun the morning drills.Â
âTwo laps around the field newbie.â He muttered as you walked past him, habituated to receiving the same punishment everyday.Â
While you begrudgingly jogged around the perimeter of the grounds, your mind wandered to everything and nothing that happened over the past few days.Â
Life at camp so far had beenâŚ. strange.Â
You would be lying if you said you were already accustomed to life here. You most certainly were not. And forget a week, not even a year could prepare you for what living in the wild was like.Â
To begin with, there was no electricity here. Thatâs right, no lights, no air conditioning, no Internet, nothing.Â
Memberâs began their days at sunrise and ended it as sunset - after all nothing much could be done in the dim illuminance of the fire torches scattered all around the base. So of course for you, who functioned best from 1 to 3am, this archaic way of life was highly inconvenient.Â
The only place that had even a trace of something technologically advanced was the Great Hall - some of the more brainy boys had managed to set up a small circuit for kitchen appliances, laundry machines, a small charging station and that was about it. Rumor was that Wonwoo's residence had its own circuit too, but no one could really confirm that intel - it was as though none of them had ever ventured into the House of Hades.Â
And as though the lack of scientific inventions was not enough, showersâŚ..were communal. Apparently it made more sense that water lines were directed to one common bath house rather than to each individual house. For them it was definitely more convenient to have the baths, jacuzzi and sauna all in one place, but for you that meant waiting everyday after training for the whole lot of them to be done washing up before you could do the same, with some privacy.Â
Oh and speaking of privacy, in the last week you spent here, you had come to realize that in this all-boys-greek-mythology world, it was privacy that was the real myth. Obviously after years of living together the boys were close but sometimes, they were perhaps a tad bit too close - like the time you had walked in on Mingyu and Seokmin boxing in just their underwear or when Soonyoung and Seungkwan sat right next to you, loudly comparing their dick sizes. You usually drew the line at phallic discussions.
The one place on camp that perhaps gave you some alone time and space away from the mess that the boys were, was the library. Considering you had shifted the last year of your University to an online study, you had a shit ton of assignments to complete and that was the only place you were able to get anything done at all. It was like the boys didnât even know the study building existed - no one cared enough to go there so yeah, maybe occasionally, you also allowed yourself to let down your hair, sing in your horribly off pitch voice and dance to beats from your walkman. Outside those four walls it was impossible for you to feel even a little peace and quiet.Â
Surprisingly, not even the temple, which one would think would be a place of sanctity, was spared from the deviant actions of the boys. The altar was less a place of worship and more a place for bargains and exchange deals - it was the only way to connect to the gods, aka, the parents in Olympus.Â
You had come to learn that just like the human world, not all God parents loved their kids the same - some members were regularly showered with gifts and goods, others would not receive so much as a response. You found yourself falling in the second half. Your father never cared for you in the human world and apparently, neither did your mother.Â
Brushing off the thoughts of the woman you had thought was dead for the last 25 years, you wrapped up your punishment and joined the boys for morning exercises, ready to start yet another tiring day.Â
âAll done!âÂ
Joshua gave you a sweet smile as he stepped out of the bath house, rubbing the towel into his wet hair. Thanking him softly, you walked into the showers, stripped out of your clothes and turned on the hot water. The mud that Minghao had you rolling in today as part of combat training washed off as the heat worked to soothe your aching muscles. Lathering shampoo onto your scalp, you finally felt yourself relaxing, letting your favorite citrus smell take over your senses. Outside the bath house, you could hear Seungcheol raising his voice, instructing all the members to head for breakfast, loud footsteps following his words.Â
Choi SeungcheolâŚ.. Living with him so far had been frustrating.Â
When you first stepped into his residence, you told him that youâve always lived alone so it might take you a while to adjust to living with someone and Seungcheol seemed to inwardly decide that giving you space was his life's purpose. After that, whenever you appeared before him, he politely greeted you and walked away. Whenever you stood as much as two feet near him he took a step back, like he didn't want to intrude on your personal space. Whenever you sat in his vicinity, he excused himself stating he'll give you some âme-timeâ.Â
You wish he knew how much you were in fact craving for the exact opposite - You wanted Choi Seungcheol. God you so badly wanted him.Â
It wasn't like you could just make a move on him becauseÂ
1.Hell no you didn't want him or anyone in this camp to realise just how (as Jihoon called it) thirsty you were andÂ
2. Seungcheol wasnât just anybody, he was the leader. Members bowed to him when he walked by, even the companions, specially Patricia who listened to no one, obeyed him - anything and everything on this camp premises held him at the highest regard. You couldn't just walk up to such a man and tell him, âhey, you're hella hot and I'm hella attracted to you, I wish you would ravage me.â????Â
All you could hope was that Seungcheol somehow approached you on his own but that seemed questionable given the clear line he had drawn between the two of you.Â
The one person you wished would actually draw a line was the first one to always cross it - Yoon Jeonghan. You knew he and Seungcheol were the same age and that they were close but you didn't understand just how close they had to be for Athena's son to barge into the leaders residence whenever he wanted? Even at times you were changing your clothes or lying casually on the bed in your night dresses that barely covered anything.Â
The most infuriating part was Jeonghan did not ever apologize - he'd just laugh and walk away and you wanted to do nothing more than throw a shoe at him. For some reason he enjoyed getting on your nerves, he enjoyed making you angry and it wasnât just you - in the last one week, it was evident that Jeonghan was a pain in everyone's ass but somehow they all adored him? You didn't get why they all seemed to love a man who always liked to pull their leg, never leaving any chance to fool them with his wit - you assumed they just preferred to be on his good side so all his harmless fun remained harmless.Â
Even Joshua, who was one of the sweetest people you knew, seemed to have a soft spot for Jeonghan.Â
When you asked him why he said before Jeonghan joined camp, Seungcheol was very uptight and ran the camp like a military barrack - it was the formerâs pranks and carefree attitude that allowed members to be at ease. Though he was talking about Jeonghan, you knew what Joshuaâs words truly reflected were his own good nature. He just seemed like the kind of guy who could do no wrong - like a pure, sweet soul. The days after you first arrived at camp it was Joshua who showed you around, guided you with everything and tried to make you feel at home. No one else really tried to get to know you as a person - they were all more interested about how and why you landed in their camp.Â
It also helped that Joshua was extremely pleasant on the eyes - at times when you didnât want to feel overburdened by thoughts, you loved to sit next to him and watch him work on his little craft for the day or write that new novel of his. Yes he was good looking and yes when he smiled, you felt dazzled, but it was his sweet disposition that made you choose his company over the other members.
On the days he would go off to the city for some work, the next best place you found yourself was on Junâs farm. Not that he was particularly nice to you or anything, Jun wasâŚ. quiet. He seemed to always do his thing, not bothering anyone, only speaking when required. When the evenings rolled around, you liked to take Natalie on a walk to visit the man she had a big fat crush on. Honestly though, who wouldnât have a crush on someone like Jun - though he was the one working in the fields, it was you who was sweating, just watching him.Â
Although you did want to talk to him, try to get to know him a little bit, you chose not to - as someone who enjoyed the peace and quiet, you decided to let at least some member offer you that because guys like Soonyoung sure as hell could not.Â
Soonyoung wasâŚâŚ.. A teenager stuck in a manâs body. Oh yeah he was hot as hell - just the nice build with muscles popping in all the right places. He knew how to dress better than most people on camp too - if you had seen him somewhere else, you would have thought he was one of those cool kids you always saw on campus.Â
But that image of him was destroyed the moment he sat on a Leopard and insisted it was a tiger. Over the last week, that was the predominant discussion between the two of you. That and his incessant flirting. Or rather, attempt to flirt. All he came across was cheesy, kinda humorous and loud. Extremely loud.Â
Wonwoo on the other hand was as silent as the night.Â
Most of the time you didnât even know if and when he was around, it was like he was non-existent. The members too didnât seem to bother much with what he did - you noticed he didnât wash up with the others, often hitting the showers after you were done. He never came for any meals on time, he always stayed back, even after all the members dispersed for the day - he just seemed to function however he liked and no one questioned him. He never questioned you either - Not once did Wonwoo ever attempt to make conversation with you or even meet your eye. It was like he couldnât care less and that wasn't very pleasant for you.Â
Someone who seemed to care a lot though, was Jihoon. Oh Jihoo was quiet too, but somehow he had his eyes on everything. Everything you did, everything you saw, even everything you felt seemed to find its way into Jihoonâs radar - he just knew. It terrified you that he was able to see right through you but the good thing about Jihoon was that he generally kept his mouth shut and wasnât too keen on discussing his observations. Regardless, his presence made you feel extremely conscious and a part of you often tried to not be alone with him, lest he could read your mind or something.Â
As the last of the soap rinsed off you, you turned off the water and grabbed your towel, patting yourself down. Your body was sore and aching all over - Minghao said that was because you were not used to such combat routines and in a few months time you would get used to it but you werenât really sure if you had it in you to tolerate all this for that long.Â
You also still had no idea what exactly these skills were needed for but from the conversations you overheard, it sounded like some sort of competition? That was both unlikely and terrifying cause who really competed with swords and spears anymore but if it was true, then what the actual hell??? Minghao said he didnât want to scare you with the details just yet and would explain everything when the time came. For now, you were to focus on building your core strength and basic self defense, in case the camp is ever attackedâŚ. Yes, cause that is less scary, way to make one feel better.Â
But that was the thing about Minghao - he did not have the habit of sugar coating things. He was honest with his feedback no matter how rude it sounded and though sometimes it did make you feel like shit, he also made sure to push you to do better. You knew if there was anyone you could approach for a real, unbiased opinion, it was him.Â
The same could not be said for Mingyu though - everything that came out of his mouth was saccharine sweet to the point it actually annoyed you. There was no doubt he was a nice guy - he was handsome, goofy, really good with his hands, really really good with his brain but the same didnât extend to his mouth. His style of getting your attention was to ceaselessly seek validation and unfortunately for him, you werenât really someone who was great with words of affirmation. When he was not trying so hard to please though, Mingyu was truly the biggest sweetheart with the fattest, most caring heart you had ever come across - the kind one wanted to wrap in bubble wrap and tuck away safely.Â
Seokmin too fell in the same category - the type who was so precious, it was hard to believe people like him even existed. The only reason you were able to survive these few weeks of training despite coming late was because Seokmin had your back every time Seungcheol wasnât watching - allowing you to take breathers, overlooking the fact that you were doing less sets than you were supposed to, things of that sort. He was always sweet and calm, giving you soft smiles and sweet eye crinkles.Â
With his members though, Seokmin was a whole different person - he was unnaturally loud, extremely energetic and all over the place. The problem was, you didnât know which of the two was the real him. You werenât really sure why but something told you Seokmin wasnât the man he seemed like and a strange curiosity coursed through you every time you interacted with him.Â
Seungkwan on the other hand was the exact opposite, he was exactly what he seemed like - always annoyed, unabashedly honest and unnecessarily snarky. In a way, you understood him - Seungkwan had the habit of taking on many things at once and keeping him unbelievably busy. In university, you too were like this - you took extra modules, signed up for multiple clubs, worked an internship alongside a couple of part time jobs and more. You liked to be occupied, to not allow yourself the room to think about what your life could have been otherwise. Maybe thatâs why you saw yourself in Mr. Busy Boo - always roaming around with that bluetooth in his ear, attending some meeting or the other, frequently heading to the city to get work done - ârestâ was just not a word in his dictionary.
But even amidst all this business and even though his automated response was to snap back at people, he still managed to bond really well with the members despite having joined the camp only a few months before you had. It was like they all needed him to be their constant reality check.Â
The one who you thought required his presence more than anyone was Hansol. A man like him whose entire personality was avoidant needed someone like Seungkwan who would drag him into everything forcibly. Hansol wasnât like Wonwoo, who was unbothered, couldnât care less and pretended like you didnât exist. Hansol was well aware of your presence and chose to actively avoid you every time - if you remembered right, there were even instances when he had practically run away from you. Something was just weird about that guy.Â
Perhaps the most normal of them all was Chan - actually he was just as loud and consistently blabbering much like some of the others but something about him made you feel very fond of him. Sure he was the same age as you but he felt like a child, always babied by his members, always grinning like a cheshire cat. And consequently, you too naturally babied him and Chan too enjoyed it - the two of you were perfectly content with your dynamic.Â
If only you got that same feeling with everyone elseâŚâŚ
As you grabbed your things and stepped out of the bath house fully dressed, Wonwoo was standing outside with a towel slung on his shoulder, scrolling through his phone. Without so much as looking at you, he walked past you, into the shower room, loudly shutting the door behind him.Â
âCan you ever be on time?â Jeonghan sighed, handing you a plate of pancakes as you looked around realizing everyone was nearly done with breakfast. âItâs not my job to wait your table every morning.âÂ
âUntil you lot arrange for me to have my own shower,â You grabbed an apple, taking a bite into it as you sat at the extra long dining table. âIâm afraid this is exactly how late I will be everyday.âÂ
âYou know what they say sweetie,â Soonyoung whisked the apple from your hand, taking a bite of his own. âIf you canât beat the crowd, join the crowd.â
You looked at him exasperatedly, knowing that he was just talking out of his ass. Maybe if it was someone else you'd be offended but seeing his childlike face and full cheeks, you were only mildly amused.Â
âI'm more of the âdon't join the crowd, let it follow youâ kinds.â
âOh I'd follow you anywhere Y/n.â He sighed dreamily as you laughed, taking a bite out of your pancakes that were still too hot.Â
âHow about you start following your own girlfriend instead Kwon?â Minghao walked around the kitchen island shooting Soonyoung an unimpressed look. âRumour is that she was seen outside the Dreamboys Disco and we all know exactly what one goes there for.â
âShe's not my girlfriend anymore.â Soonyoung muttered. âWe broke up.â
âWeren't you just planning an anniversary trip two days ago?â Seokmin looked at him quizzically.Â
âYeah then we argued over a location and she said it was better we broke up for a while.âÂ
âThis is what, your third breakup this month?â
âFifth.â He whispered sadly in a way that made you want to pat his back. âSixth actually, if you count the one that lasted for 3 hours.âÂ
âI'll never understand these on again off again kind of relationships.â Seungkwan clicked his tongue, hurriedly grabbing a banana, balancing all the files in his hand. âThe only thing it screams to me is disrespect.âÂ
âOkay Mr. Seung-I-am-the-son-of-Hera-and-marriage-is-the-way-of-life-Kwanâ Soonyoung rolled his eyes. âNot every traditional relationship is healthy, and not everything unconventional is toxic.â
âYes, except yours is both unconventional and toxic.â Seungkwan scoffed, raising his hand before Soonyoung retaliated. âI canât care enough right now, tiger boy, Iâm already late. We can reschedule your relationship counseling session sometime later.âÂ
âHow about never?â Soonyoung grumbled as Seungkwan rushed off, attending a call on his bluetooth. âWhoâs idea was it for him to join the camp again?âÂ
âMine.â Seungcheol slid onto the seat across you, raising an eyebrow. âIs there a problem?âÂ
âNope.â Soonyoung shook his head fast. âAbsolutely not.â
Smirking just a little, Seungcheol turned to you, sliding a couple pieces of chicken breast off his plate onto yours. âYou need to eat more Y/n, that little wonât last you through the day.âÂ
âSame goes for you..â Jeonghan mumbled, placing a bottle of protein shake near Seungcheol who gave him a grateful smile. From the corner of your eye, you saw Jun increase the portion of chicken to buy on the huge shopping list scribbled on the white board.
If there was anything you absolutely loved about this camp, it was the brotherhood. No matter what each member was like individually, as a team, they loved and cared about each other immensely. You werenât really sure if and when they could extend the same for you but having lived alone nearly all your life, a part of you craved to be one of them, to be cared for like that.Â
âI wonât be able to make it for the meeting tonight.â Wonwoo, as usual, strolled in much later than you and no one, as usual, had any complaints with that. In fact rather uncharacteristically nicely, Jeonghan handed him breakfast, shooting him a worried look.
âWhy, whatâs wrong?âÂ
âI need to drop by the headquarters today.â He sighed, sitting a couple of seats away from you. âThereâs an important official coming and apparently my presence is needed.âÂ
âWill you be back by nightfall?â Seungcheol asked, looking concerned. You knew why he was worried - if Wonwoo wasnât there on camp grounds at night that meant all the members had to take their places on the perimeter to guard overnight. Sleep was not an option that night.Â
âYeah,â Wonwoo replied, not looking up. âI will just have to miss out on the meeting for the lawsuit.âÂ
Right that meeting. The one you, Jeonghan and Wonwoo, had been trying to have for days now to sort out the biggest mess of your life.Â
âShouldnât be a problem, Nonu.â Mingyu patted his shoulder, shooting you a wink. âY/n has other plans with me today anyways.âÂ
You frowned confused as Mingyu clarified. âYou were going to finalise your house plan so I could start construction, remember?âÂ
Oh yeah, you had that too.Â
âAwesome, then I can go to the city today.â Jeonghan clapped cheerily, taking his apron off.Â
âYou donât work today thoughâŚ..â Jun muttered, looking at the shortage in the lunch boxes he had packed.Â
âDonât worry about food, I got some friends to meet over lunch.â The older man shot him a two-fingered salute before jogging out of the dining hall, earning Seungcheolâs tired sigh.Â
âI can never keep up with him-âÂ
âCab leaves in five!â Chan shouted, poking his head through the window.Â
The members around immediately stuffed the last of their breakfast, grabbing their things hurriedly, rushing out to get the front seat in Chanâs car. Afterall, the ones behind had to squeeze to fit themselves in and the one hour bumpy ride to the city was not fun. From their collective groans though you could tell Jeonghan had called shotgun - the asshole was lucky as usual.Â
Seungcheol downed the last of his breakfast with a fond laugh before turning to you.Â
âHave a nice day Y/n, Iâll see you later.âÂ
You tried not to smile back at him too widely as your eyes followed him leaving the premises. When you turned back to your meal, you could feel a set of eyes keenly looking at you. Looking up, you saw Jihoon staring at you with a small smirk, his expression all knowing. Gulping, you excused yourself from there.Â
You stared at the blueprint before you, humming skeptically.Â
âAre you still not happy with the design?â Mingyu sighed, crossing his arms.Â
âI donât know.â You drawled. âSomething about it feelsâŚ.off.âÂ
âSomething about your own design that you made for your own house feels off?âÂ
âGyu.â Joshua chastised, standing up from the couch and walking over to you. âArtists second guess their work all the time, have some patience.âÂ
âI am patient.â The bigger man pointed. âBut sheâs unbelievably indecisive.âÂ
âI know, Iâm sorry.â You looked up at Mingyu guiltily. âItâs just, Iâm wondering if having a bathroom in my residence is a good idea or if I should just have another small one built by the bath house? I mean think about it - my residence is so far from the training grounds and the dining hall, if I had to walk all this distance everyday, Iâm only going to be more late-âÂ
âI get it.â Mingyu patted your back. âI get your concerns but the sooner we finalize this, the sooner I can get to building it and the sooner you can get out of Seungcheolâs house and into your own space.âÂ
Ahhh.Â
Right.Â
A part of you was thankful that Jihoon wasnât a part of this discussion otherwise he wouldâve seen right through your subtle attempts to delay this process. You didnât want to be an inconvenience on purpose butâŚ.. You were just a girl and you wanted to get to know Cheol a little better. It didnât help that he was barely ever at home, leaving at the crack of dawn for training and only returning very late at night, after he finished attending night school doing that stupid astronomy degree of his. The only time you ever got with him was on Sunday because members did not train on Sundays - everyone was free to do whatever they wanted. And you wanted to do Cheol.Â
So far you only had the chance to spend one weekend alone with him and maybe just maybe if you pushed your house construction a little youâd have the chance for another weekend or two. Then perhaps, youâd be able to take this unresolved, unnecessary tension with him somewhere.Â
âHow about you take a few days and work on your plan again Y/n?â Joshua rolled up the large paper carefully, handing it to you. âWhenever youâre ready let me and Mingyu know - weâll try and figure out the materials, budget, feasibility and all that.âÂ
âItâs times like this I miss Jeonghanâs brain.â Mingyu clicked his tongue, disappointed. âWhere did he say he was off to again?âÂ
âWhen does he ever tell us?â Joshua mumbled. âHe should be back by nightfall though. Jun said he needed help with the fertilizer composition and Han told him he would help.âÂ
âWow, heâs capable of being useful.â You rolled your eyes, stashing the blueprint into your bag. Mingyu and Joshua laughed, amused.
âJeonghan is always useful..âÂ
âWe still havenât managed to figure out a thing about my lawsuit and my hearing is in a few weeks-âÂ
âHan and Wonwoo will sort it out Y/n, donât worry.â Joshua rubbed your arm comfortingly. âTheyâre the best one can ask for.âÂ
âYeah except I canât seem to ask Jeonghan for anything cause heâs a little bitch or ask Wonwoo anything because for that he would need to realise that I exist and I donât think he does.âÂ
âWonwoo hyung isâŚ.â Mingyu trailed off. âHeâs a little hard to understand. Just give him some time. Once you figure him out, youâll know why heâs like this.â
Exasperated, you shook your head and walked away. Time was the one thing you never seemed to have.Â
Like always, as the sun began setting you glanced out of the window of the library catching sight of the varied hues in the sky. On the camp ground you could see Mingyu riding his big mechanical bull, lighting up the fire torches around for the night. Pulling out the lighter from your bag, you stared at the candles stacked in the middle of the table.Â
Sighing you cast the lighter aside and snapped your fingers, watching the flames come to life in your hand, dancing across your palm. Stretching your fingers, and moving your hand around, you watched the orange yellow light just glide across your skin like it was a pretty accessory and not literal fire that should have obliterated your hand by now.Â
Fire never did burn you - how could it when a mere thought could make it come alive in your hands. You first discovered this when you were 16 and accidentally dunking your hand in a pot full of boiling water did not leave so much as a scar. Even though you were unscathed you roamed around for a few days with a fully bandaged hand - the world would have thought you were some sort of freak otherwise. Over the years you tried to play with fire in many ways, just to test your limits, just to see how far you could go and each time, much to your own dismay, the limit didnât exist. Each time proved just how much you didnât fit in the world, just how much you deserved to be alone because you really were a freak.Â
But that was until a few weeks ago.Â
Until you discovered it wasnât the inability to burn that was the true madness - it was your ability to create fire itself.Â
From there things spiraled. You learnt you werenât the anomaly but a part of a rather large group of such circus acts - a world completely hidden from your own. In a cascade of events you were thrown into camp seventeen out of no will of your own and now, this was your life, this was your world.Â
Holding your flaming hand over your redrawn sketches you glanced at them. Thanks to the two boys yet again canceling the meeting with you, you found yourself working in the library earlier than usual, exhausted by the time the sun set. As you debated between working a little more or heading back, the door opening with a slow creak made the decision for you - if it was windy outside, it was most likely going to rain and you didnât want to stay long enough to get drenched. Quickly dousing the flame and blowing out the candles, you grabbed all your things and saw your way out.Â
In the darkness, the camp was quiet as usual. You figured most of the members mustâve retired to their residences for the night and when you reached the House of Zeus, surprisingly, so had Seungcheol.Â
âY-youâre home.â You stuttered, watching the shirtless man, doing sit ups in the middle of the living room in the dim golden light of the paraffin lamps.Â
Evidently Seungcheol hadnât expected your presence so soon either because at the sound of your voice, he got up with a jerk, pulling a muscle in his abdomen.Â
âCheol oh my god-âÂ
âYouâre early.â He got up wincing, holding the side of his trunk. âIâm sorry I should have been doing this in my room-âÂ
âI mean, the whole house is yours-âÂ
âThereâs a heavy rain forecast today, not really much astronomy I can do-âÂ
âYeah I came back because of the rain too-âÂ
âYeah me tooâŚ.â Seungcheol trailed off realising how silly he sounded.Â
Grabbing his shirt from the floor, he attempted to put it on, groaning miserably at the pain shooting up his abdomen. Watching him struggle, you quickly dropped your things and tried to reach for him to help out, but just as your finger barely grazed over his skin, he stumbled back like he was electrocuted, pushing your hand away.Â
âDonât touch me.âÂ
âCheolâŚ. â You frowned, confused. âI was just trying to help-âÂ
 âSeungcheol.â He corrected. âAnd I donât need your help Y/n. Please justâŚ. stay away from me.âÂ
You blinked at a complete loss of words at his unwarranted behaviour. Unsure about how you felt, you grabbed your bag from the floor, turned on your heel and walked out silently, the same way you came in.Â
As usual, bad luck had followed you on your way out.Â
Not only was your life miserable, the weather too decided to be a pain in your ass and it started drizzling the moment you stepped out of Seungcheolâs house.Â
Even though the water was cold and you were shivering, you took off in the rain. You needed to get as far away from here as you could.Â
You were such a fool. You should have known that Seungcheol wasnât being nice or giving you your space, on the contrary he was keeping his distance, putting you at an armâs length. It was evident today - not only was he uninterested, but somehow it seemed like your very presence was disturbing him in some way.Â
And there was you who was always desperately wishing for the smallest interaction with him.. What an idiot.Â
Hugging yourself, you walked further down the cobbled path. Tomorrow you were going to finalise your house plan with Mingyu and get out of Cheolâs house as soon as possible. But as much as you wanted to avoid him and pull yourself away, a part of you was still aching at the loss of something that you believed had a lot of potential. Why did it have to be him of all people? Why couldnât it have been someone like Mingyu - he was hot as hell and unlike his leader, he actively showed interest in you all the time.Â
As you raised your head, Mingyuâs house loomed before you and your feet, as if they had a brain of their own, took you towards his mini mansion of a residence. That was until you saw Jihoon stepping out of the same place and instinctively took a swift u-turn.Â
The last person who could see you right now was Jihoon - that man would read you like an open book and know exactly how fucking embarrased you were. Hoping to god he didnât spot you, you quickly ran, entering the nearest gate for temporary refuge, till you got out of his sight.Â
But in hindsight, perhaps falling in Jihoonâs line of vision was better than the situation you had landed yourself inâŚ.. You werenât really sure whoâs house you had trespassed until the low growling expressed just how much his companion disliked it.Â
Horang.Â
Realising you had quite literally thrown yourself into the den of a wild cat, you froze, praying that it didnât notice you and you could slip out as easily as you slipped in. But before you could do anything, a hand grabbed you quickly, leading you into the neighbouring cottage, shutting the door behind you.Â
âAre you insane?â Soonyoung looked at you confused, shaking the water off his hair. âWhy would you enter Horangâs enclosure unless you wanted to be ripped apart.âÂ
âI didnât knowâŚ.â You rubbed your arms, generating heat. âI was justâŚ.trying to escape the rain.âÂ
âYou should have knocked on my door then..â He muttered, disappearing for a split second, returning with a towel in his hand. âHorang isnât used to you yet so please donât venture near my tiger in my absence - he only listens to me.âÂ
You tried not to hyperfixate on the inappropriate labeling of Horang in the off chance that an annoyed Soonyoung threw you back out. Instead, you accepted his towel, patting yourself dry, still shivering a little. With his hands on your shoulder, Soonyoung led you to the fireplace, guiding you to sit on the couch across. As you did, you glanced around his residence.
This was the first time you were in Soonyoungâs place and in all honesty, it looked much like that designated room in college dorms where all the parties happened - he had party lights everywhere, streamers hanging from the ceiling and techno music softly playing over the speakers.Â
When you turned back to him, Soonyoung held out a christmas mug, with a grin. âMulled wine.â
âI canât.â You shook your head although in the headspace you were in, you could really use some alcohol. âI wonât be able to wake up on time tomorrow.âÂ
âItâs not like youâll be on time even if you were sober.â He chuckled, immediately regretting his words as you narrowed your eyes at him. âYouâre in the House of Dionysus. This is literally the only hot drink I have to offer.âÂ
Sighing you took it from him, desperate to have something warm coursing through your body after all that coldness you experienced earlier.Â
âSo, why are you out and about in the rain?â Soonyoung sank into the couch beside you, sipping a drink of his own.Â
âIâŚ.just needed to be away from that house for a while.â You mumbled, taking a sip.Â
âWhy? Has Seungcheol gotten overbearing already?âÂ
âItâs not himâŚ.âÂ
âItâs always him.â Soonyoung sighed. âBut itâs not his fault. He just has a lot of pressure on him to be perfect as a leader, you know? That sort of thing gets to you.âÂ
âI know. Itâs justâŚ.. â You sighed, not knowing how to explain things to him. âForget it, I donât want to talk about it.âÂ
âNo, tell me.â He whined making you turn to him, finally noticing he was fully dressed from head to toe like he was about to march right into a party.Â
âAre you going somewhere?âÂ
âWork?â Soonyoung stated like it was obvious. âDonât tell me you forgot what I do.âÂ
You looked at him sheepishly. âIâve been here for just a week Kwon and thereâs thirteen of you so Iâm sorry if itâs taking me some time.âÂ
âForgiven.â He nodded amused. âI own the Midnight club in the city centre.âÂ
âRight, that big Demigod rave place.âÂ
âNo, the Midnight club is for humans. Thereâs another club hidden behind it, After Hours - Thatâs for Demigods exclusively.âÂ
You let out an oh of realization as Soonyoung continued.Â
âBusiness usually runs fine on its own but I try to drop by from time to time to just remind everyone who the boss is.âÂ
âI heard thereâs a life size portrait of you behind the DJ booth to do the same.âÂ
âObituaries are portraits too.â He rolled his eyes. âI need to let them know I am alive, kicking and always in charge.âÂ
You shook your head laughing. âWell then arenât you getting late? You should probably leave by now-âÂ
âI donât think Iâm going.â He mumbled, downing his drink in one shot, red slowly creeping on his face. âNot in the mood.âÂ
Glancing at him silently, you just blinked at him. You knew guys like Soonyoung could not keep a thing in them - he would share whatever was bothering him without you even asking in three, two, on-
âThe intel is that my ex is going to be there tonight.âÂ
âAhh.â You crossed your feet on his couch, settling in. âAnd you donât want to see her?âÂ
âI donât want to see her with other men.â He gripped his mug tight. âWith the news out that sheâs single, guys will be falling all over her and I know sheâs going to play along just to make me jealous.âÂ
âWell two can play that game right? You can do the same?âÂ
âWhat makes you think there are girls fawning all over me?âÂ
âDo you just want to hear me say youâre hot and that you could pull if you wanted to?â You cocked your head at him. âCause I can. I have a little wine in me so I can use it as an excuse.âÂ
Soonyoung laughed, throwing his head back. âNo I know Iâm hot, but do you know who she is?âÂ
You shook your head, drinking up more.Â
âAphroditeâs daughter, the femme fatales of the demigod world - boys want her and girls donât want to mess with her. No one is going to so much as look at her ex, forget trying to hit on me.âÂ
âHuh.â You pondered, the cogwheels in your brain turning. âWell technically, no one in the human world knows her so Iâm sure one of them will-âÂ
âThereâs no point of that. She knows I wonât go for a human.âÂ
âWhy is that?âÂ
Soonyoung stared back at you a little hard before a small smirk formed on his face. âY/n, are you a virgin?âÂ
You blinked, breaking out into a laugh. âI sure am drunk cause I seem to have missed why this intrusive question is relevant now?âÂ
Taking your empty mug from you, Soonyoung filled it up again from the pot. âWhat I mean is, demigods donât sleep with humans sweetie.âÂ
âWhy not?âÂ
âBecause weâre half gods, do you think humans can really satisfy us?â Soonyoung raised his eyebrows. âMortals canât keep up with our sex drive.âÂ
As you looked confused, the smirk returned back to Soonyoungâ face. âWhich is why I asked. If you havenât realised that a mortal man canât pleasure you, then either youâve never had sexâŚâŚ. or youâve never had an orgasm.âÂ
âI donât have to answer that.âÂ
âCome on, humor me.âÂ
âMaybe Iâm starting to get why your girlfriend dumped your annoying ass.âÂ
Soonyoung pouted, feigning hurt as you rolled your eyes.Â
âSo now if you want to get her back, you wonât be hit on by another demigod and you canât be hit on by a human which means your only chance of making her jealous is withâŚâŚâ You looked at him intently. âKwon Soonyoung, why are your eyes glimmering with mischief?âÂ
âYou.â He took the cup from your hands and set it on the table, much to your dismay. âYouâre the only one who she doesnât know about and the only one who doesnât know herâŚ..âÂ
âSo?âÂ
âOh youâd be the perfect bait.â Soonyoung clapped his hands. âOne look at you next to me and sheâs going to be quaking in her boots.âÂ
âIf you think Iâm about to stroll into a nightclub and pretend to hit on you to make your ex girlfriend jealous youâre sorely mistaken.âÂ
âWhy?â He whined. âWhy canât you do me a small favour. I saved you from Horong-âÂ
âNumber one. If you didnât pull me into your house, I would have ran out of the gate and been safe anyways-âÂ
âSure.âÂ
âNumber two, I donât know what the hell is in this wine. Normally it takes a whole bottle to knock me down but two glasses in and Iâm already buzzed-âÂ
âItâs a special blend.âÂ
âAnd number three, unfortunately for you, women are really observative creatures. One look at me next to you and sheâs going to know thereâs absolutely nothing going on between us.âÂ
Soonyoung opened and closed his mouth like he was thinking about what to say. âIt wonât work out Kwon.âÂ
âThis always happens.â He sighed. âShe breaks it off with me for any small thing, goes on to have her fun, pushes me till I have to beg for her forgiveness and then she accepts it whenever she feels like. Everything is always whenever she feels like it. We havenât even had sex in like two years-âÂ
âOkay.â You cut him off before he went into details you didnât need to know. âIf youâre so aware of what sheâs doing, why do you always give in to her? Do you really like her or⌠is she just a habit?âÂ
âI donât know.â Soonyoung stared at the floor, lost in thought. âI just know that weâve been together since we were 18. And I canât throw that away.âÂ
âI never knew you were such a romantic Kwon.âÂ
He laughed, sinking further into the couch.Â
âYou really want her back huh?âÂ
âI do.âÂ
âAnd this time do you want her to make the effort?âÂ
âA man can hope.âÂ
âWell then.â You turned to him. âPoint number three was relevant only if she saw meâŚdo you have your phone?âÂ
Soonyoung nodded, patting his many pockets and finally finding it, holding it out.Â
âYou're going to call and tell her you're hitting on me?â
âNoâŚ. If you give her a missed call will she call back?â
âNot immediately.â He sighed. âShe'll take her time to pretend like she didn't see and then get back to me-âÂ
âDo it.â He continued to look at you confused. âCall her and cut the call.âÂ
He followed through but the frown didn't leave him the whole time. âY/n what exactly are you doing?âÂ
âThis may be a bit diabolical but it should do the trick.â You took a deep breath glancing at Soonyoung. âWhen she calls you back, she's going to hear us having sex.â
âW-what?âÂ
âBefore you get any ideas, I'm not going to have sex with you Soonyoung, we're just going to make her think that we are.â
âHow exactly will we do that?â
âWe'll fake it.â You shrugged. âMake a couple of wet skin smacking sounds-âÂ
âand you could moan my name, say how good I'm making you feel.âÂ
âDidnât you get onboard this real fast.â You narrowed your eyes at him. âI'm going to make it really clear once again that this is for her not-âÂ
Ring!Â
At the sound of the ringtone both of you glanced at his phone and in a split second, Soonyoung picked up the call, holding it against his ear. Thankful that you got the opportunity to execute your idea so soon and determined to put up the show you promised, you immediately got to it, clearing your throat.
âFuck yes Soonyoung, that feels so good-âÂ
With widened eyes and a swift movement, Soonyoung shut your mouth with his hand, shaking his head.Â
âYeah, yeah I rememberâŚ..Oh no that was justâŚ. our cow?âŚ..Yes Daisy, she's just having a rough nightâŚ.. Anyways thanks for the reminder Hyungwon.â
You stared at him mortified, all the wine threatening to exit your system.Â
âYeah sure, see you tomorrow bro.â
Soonyoung brought down both the phone and his hand at the same time.Â
âOh god Iâm so sorry, I thought it was-âÂ
âThatâs your idea of having sex??â He looked at you shocked. âThank god it wasnât Mina because there was no way in hell she would have believed that?âÂ
âHey, I had no preparation time, you try faking it off the bat.â You mumbled. âBesides, it wasnât so bad.âÂ
âWasnât so bad?â Soonyoung looked scandalised. âDo you even know what you sounded like? Fuck yes Soonyoung, that feels good-âÂ
You leaned back inching away from him.Â
âWhat theâŚ..what was that?âÂ
âThat's what you said.âÂ
âI know butâ You frowned unsure if you heard right or if you were starting to get too drunk. âYou sounded exactly like me. Like your voice, itâŚ.it was mine.âÂ
âOh.â Soonyoung scratched the back of his head. âYeah well um being the son of the God of Theater comes with its own skill set. Imitation helps confuse opponents during war - it has actually saved us in quests many times.â
âYou can imitate anyone?â
Soonyoung nodded.
âAny sound they make?â
He nodded again as you let out a low whistle.Â
âWell that's brilliant, then you don't even need me. You can make your girlfriend jealous by simply impersonating me.âÂ
âThe keyword is imitate. I can only repeat sounds I hear, I can't just make them up.â He shifted in his seat. âSo if I should impersonate you, I need to hear what you actually sound like during sex.âÂ
You rolled your eyes. âDon't push your luck Kwon.â
âI'm kidding.â He laughed leaning back into the couch, his eyes fluttering shut. âBut you really have to work on the faking.âÂ
âYeah I've been told.â You muttered as Soonyoung sat up again.
âAha, so you have never had an orgasm!âÂ
âBecause of a man, no I've not.â You confessed. âBut bold of you to assume that I'm not perfectly capable of my own.â
Soonyoung looked confused.Â
âEver heard of masturbation, genius?âÂ
Soonyoung's mouth formed an O of realisation. âWell I've been in a relationship for almost 10 years so I've never had to take care of myself.â
âDon't rub it on my face Kwon.â You scoffed but regretted immediately knowing some dirty joke was going to come out of the man. So shutting his mouth with your hand, you held a finger to your lips. âNot a word. You're going to shut up till your girlfriend calls back.â
âThat could be a very very long time.â He mumbled against your hand making you press it harder against his mouth with a shush.Â
5 minutes later you were on your fourth mug of wine and Mina still hadn't called.Â
10 minutes later, you were nearly falling asleep and Soonyoung was already snoring away beside you.Â
15 minutes later the sound of the rain began to get softer outside.Â
And 20 minutes later was when you finally lost your patience, shaking Soonyoung awake.Â
âItâs getting late, I should goâŚ.âÂ
Soonyoung looked up at you sleepily as you got off the couch, standing up.Â
âYou should.âŚ.. Iâm sorry, I shouldn't have roped you into thisâ He glanced at the blank screen on his phone. âClearly Mina is either too busy having fun on her own or she doesnât care.âÂ
You smiled at him sadly, as he pulled his feet up, snuggling into the couch.Â
âI'm so sorry.â You whispered. âGoodnight Kwon.âÂ
âGoodnight sweetie.â
Setting the mug down, you grabbed your bag and opened his front door, relieved that the rain seemed to have stopped. But something was also stopping you from stepping out.Â
Giving it a thought and sighing, you turned around, looking at the half asleep man again.Â
âYou said you could imitate me right?âÂ
Soonyoung's eyes slowly fluttered open. Â
âSo if you listen to how I actually sound, if and when she calls back, you can execute the plan on your own right?â
Soonyoung looked at you in a mix of confusion, drunkenness and sleepiness.
âAre you saying thatâŚâ
âNo, I'm not going to sleep with you Kwon Soonyoung.â
âBut you're horrible at faking.âÂ
âYet again I'm going to remind you about masturbation.âÂ
You sighed, looking at his eternally lost expression. Grabbing his hand, you pulled him off the couch, leading him to his room.Â
Soonyoung's room was just how you expected it to be - a mess. There were things scattered everywhere, all kinds of band posters up on the wall, snack wrappers all over the floor.Â
He quickly kicked the trash under his bed and looked at you pleadingly. âYou cannot tell Mingyu how messy my room is. And you most definitely cannot tell Seungcheol I'm snacking - he does not understand post break up slump.â
You gritted your teeth annoyed to be reminded of him again. Of course he didn't understand anything remotely related to feelings.
âDon't worry, no one's gonna know anything because you too are going to keep your mouth shut about whatever happens tonight.âÂ
âI still don't know what's happening tonight.â He mumbled as you walked around his room, glancing at everything.Â
âI'm going to get myself off and you're going to listen and take notes.â Soonyoung's eyes finally widened in realisation.âDo you have a towel?âÂ
He nodded, quickly going through the stack of clothes piled on the chair across his bed and pulled out a long white one. Taking it from him you laid it down on his bed, the two of you staring at it mindlessly.Â
âCould you also close the curtains?â You fidgeted with your fingers, putting your bag down at the foot of his bed as Soonyoung nodded. âAlso dim the lights please.â
Following through your requests he tried not to look at you as you stripped out of your jacket and threw it on the bed. But when you unclasped your bra and pulled it out from under your shirt, Soonyoung was quite literally gawking.Â
âIâm hot.â You mumbled as he walked back, standing much closer to you than he was before.Â
âYeah you areâŚ. I mean,â He cleared his throat when you raised an eyebrow at him. âYeah it's a little hot in here.âÂ
Both of you tried to ignore the sound of cold raining softly falling against the window.Â
âOn second thoughts,â You took a step back. âI donât know if I can do this.âÂ
âW-why not?âÂ
âIf you havenât noticed I am buzzed as hell and Iâm not sure I can doâŚ. a great job on myself right now.âÂ
Lips slowly curling into a smile, Soonyoung cocked his head. âI can help.âÂ
âYes and I can finally use all that combat training and kick your ass. Soonyoung I am not sleeping with-âÂ
âWhat? No, no I meanâŚ.. just wait here.âÂ
Your eyes followed him as he jogged out of his room, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You must be crazy to suggest this. Sure there was alcohol in your system and sure you were trying to get your mind off Seungcheol, avoiding going back to his house but thisâŚ..
âHere you go.âÂ
Soonyoung strolled back in with what you could only describe as a wooden looking, very phallic instrument.Â
âThatâsâŚâÂ
He nodded. âA dildo.âÂ
âI have so many questions.âÂ
âLet me clarify. Yes I have used a dildo before-âÂ
âOh god.âÂ
â- Although my girlfriend isnât the biggest fan of it-âÂ
âThis wasnât my question.âÂ
â-I do occasionally enjoy it myself.âÂ
âI donât think I should be a part of this conversation.âÂ
âBut this dildo in particular, has never been used by either of us before.âÂ
âThat!â You pointed out. âThatâs all I needed to know.âÂ
Soonyoung held it out to you, looking at you expectantly. You gulped.Â
âYou know, I donât think I can do this. Iâm actually more of a vibrator girl myself.âÂ
âNow whoâs indulging in the TMI?âÂ
You rolled your eyes. âMy point is, I donât need this, I can just do it myself-âÂ
âI havenât even gotten to the story behind this.â He giggled. âThis is my fatherâs.âÂ
âAaaand Iâm done here.âÂ
âNo what I mean is-â He shuffled closer to you like he was revealing a big secret. âMy father may be the god of wine and ecstasy and madness and theatre and so many things but he is alsoâŚ. the creator of the dildo.â You stared at him vacantly. What?? âI donât think you wanna know the story behind it, itâs disturbing as fuck-âÂ
âMore disturbing than everything so far?âÂ
â-but basically, a few years back, my father was temporarily exiled from Olympus and while he was in the human world, he had, what he calls, a magnificent business ideaâŚ.sex toys. Dildoâs in particular. Thatâs when he made this.â He held it up and you wished he did it a little less proudly. âThis isnât an ordinary dildo Y/n, no. This baby can take on the shape, size, dimensions and every single tiny detailâ He gave a dramatic pause. âOf the person you are imagining while going at it.â
âW-what?â You blinked at him stumped. âYou mean to say itâŚ. morphs into a replica of someoneâs actual dick?âÂ
Soonyoung nodded fast. âThis piece is a prototype that Dionysus made but when he brought the idea to Zeus it was shut down immediately because Gods arenât supposed to interfere with human business and all that hoo ha, so he left it with me before he returned home.â With a small smile dancing on his lips, he held it out to you. âSo if you want, it's all yours.âÂ
You stared at it.Â
A magic dildo that could take the shape of any dick you wanted?Â
You would have to be insane to say no to that.Â
Pretending to hesitate just so you didnât come across completely deranged, you slowly took the toy off Soonyoungâs hand, feeling the weight of it in your own. As you tried to picture how exactly this night might go, Soonyoung took a few steps back, grabbed a fistful of the material behind his neck and pulled his shirt over his head.Â
âWhat?â He smirked as your eyes ran down his chiseled body, mouth moving but no words leaving it. âDidnât you say it was hot?âÂ
As Soonyoung moved all the clothes stacked on the chair to the floor and sat down, you watched as the minor oversights in your plan came into play. If he had to take notes, Â then Kwon Soonyoung was going to watch you.Â
Tongue in the cheek, you glanced around the room, thanking all the gods in Olympus when you spotted a lacy blindfold hanging on the headboard. Without questioning its existence in his room, you quickly grabbed it and threw it at him.
âThe deal was for audio Kwon, no visuals.âÂ
In complete contrast to his hot as fuck appearance he pouted like a child as you shook your head and looked at the blindfold pointedly. Sighing, he reached for it and put it over his eyes, tying it behind his hand. Not trusting him entirely, you walked up to him, slotting yourself between his legs and pulled the knot. Soonyoungâs hands gripped your thighs in both surprise and pain.Â
âSorry.â He mumbled, fingers softly grazing your legs as he pulled his hands away. âI promise, I canât see a thing.âÂ
You nodded, then realised he said he couldnât see and cleared your throat. âYeah, okay.âÂ
âOkay.â He breathed, leaning back, waiting expectantly.Â
Taking a few seconds, you let out a deep determined breath, preparing yourself for what was coming. As you unbuttoned your jeans, shimmying both your shorts and underwear down your legs, your eyes finally took a good look at the man of the hour, Kwon Soonyoung. Yeah he was one of the members who often trained shirtless which meant you had seen this display many times before but this was perhaps the first time you were actually paying attention to it. Before this, you hadnât quite realised just how beautifully tanned and toned he was or how much that undercut suited him or how hot he looked biting his lower lip.Â
Kicking your garments away, you pried your eyes, reminding yourself that this man was taken. Or at least would be taken again pretty soon. You shouldnât do this. You shouldnât be looking at him, you shouldnât be thinking about him and he sure as fuck cannot be the inspiration for your new magic sex toy.Â
That unfortunately meant that there was only one other person in your mind who could be the muse - Choi Seungcheol. Despite his dismissal earlier and despite being someone who held herself as a very high level of self respect, it was evident that your body shamelessly still craved him - he was the only one running in your mind. Trying to block him out, you arranged the pillows on Soonyoungâs bed against the headboard, adjusted the towel and slowly climbed on. In all the time that you took leaning against it, spreading your legs and settling in, Soonyoung remained incredibly quiet. Patient.Â
Although he couldnât see you, watching him felt weird, given the man and the dick on your mind were not him. Sighing, you glanced at the object you were gripping - it had already taken shape of what you desired and the sight of it made you gulp.Â
Lord was Choi Seungcheol thick.
Given his beefy exterior and broad build you had always assumed he was packed between his legs but this was nowhere near what you were imagining, not even close. Earlier, you were worried how you would get yourself off when you werenât even wet enough but now you were practically dripping with the thought of that inside you. Still, you didnât think it could fit, not without any prep.Â
Slipping two fingers in your mouth you wet them messily before guiding them to your folds, smearing the spit with your very evident arousal. When you let out a soft sigh, Soonyoung shifted in his seat like he was alert and when your fingers teased your hole, slowly slipping in, an unintentional moan left you too, making him practically grip the armrests of his couch tight.Â
âI'm going to need more than that Y/n.â He whispered. âWhat are you doing right now?âÂ
âIâm prepping myself, itâsâŚâ You gulped. âItâs too big.âÂ
âDo you need lube?â He frowned. âAlthough I donât know where it isâŚ.or if I even have any-âÂ
âThatâs okay.â You shook your head. âI think Iâm wet enough. Almost.âÂ
âDo you need any help?âÂ
You glanced at his tense body. âHow can you help?âÂ
âAre you the kind that listens to instructions?â
âOccasionally.âÂ
âThen push your fingers further.â He exhaled. âCurl them up.âÂ
Although that was what was on your mind anyways, you obeyed. As your fingers brushed that spot, a soft fuck escaped your lips.Â
âFeel good?âÂ
âYeah.â You nodded. âYeah thatâs good.â
âThen move.â He cocked his head. âSlowly at first, then pick up speed.âÂ
Even before he finished his sentence you had followed through, fingers pumping faster, head falling back as the grip around the dildo in your hand tightened.Â
âAdd another finger.âÂ
âThis feels good enough.âÂ
âThis will feel better.â He urged. âStretch yourself a little and add another finger.âÂ
Scissoring yourself open, you held back the moan that was threatening to tumble out, terrified Soonyoung would hear you. Belatedly you realised - Soonyoung was supposed to hear you.Â
âFuck that does feel better.âÂ
âYeah?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âAre you ready for more?âÂ
â.......I think so.âÂ
âThen wet the dildo.â He shifted. âPut it in your mouth.âÂ
Hesitating just a bit you brought it up to your eye level, still taken aback by its sheer girth. In the dim light of the lamp on the nightstand you can see a stark vein running along his length, the sight of it nearly making your mouth water. Oh you wanted him to fill your mouth, you wanted him to fill you just about anywhere so bad but it was clear from earlier that Seungcheol didnât want the same. So you were just going to take this chance and fuck him out of your brain. After tonight you were not going to think of Choi Seungcheol anymore.Â
Determined, you wrapped your mouth around the tip, humming against the weight on your tongue before pulling it out with a wet pop. As Soonyoungâs breath hitched, you sunk your mouth down on it again, taking it further in, not far enough to let it hit the back of your throat, but enough to just slightly choke around it, drool running down the corner of your mouth.Â
âY/n,â Soonyoungâs voice sounded almost choked too. âPleaseâŚ.âÂ
Youâve never had a man beg for you like this before and it wasnât enough to touch him but to touch yourself? Something in you swelled in pride, but something was also terrified about what things would be like once this was over - could you and Soonyoung really be the same again? And if things were going to change, how would they be?Â
âSweetie, you have to do somethingâŚ.âÂ
Knowing you needed something in you more than he did, you drove the thoughts away before aligning the tip at your dripping hole and slowly pushing Seungcheolâs girth in.Â
âHoly shit..â You sighed as you thrusted his length further, the stretch serving a sting that slowly ebbed from pain to pleasure.Â
âIs it all the way in?â Soonyoung groaned as you shook your head gulping.
âItâs notâŚâ You panted, glancing down to see barely any length disappearing in you yet you were so full. âI canât.â
âYou can.â He licked his drying lips. âYou can Y/n, come on - fuck yourself like you want to be fucked.âÂ
Yes you knew Soonyoung had a horrible habit of pointless flirting but you did not think his mouth was capable of spewing such filth too.Â
âTell me how you like it.âÂ
âDeep.â You whimpered, answering him as you shoved it in more, feeling it hit all the right places. âI like it deep.âÂ
âAnd fast?âÂ
âAnd fast.âÂ
âThen move.âÂ
And you did, pulling it out, pistoning it into you, sharp intakes of breath and curse words leaving you as you did. You felt your eyes roll back, threatening to shut but when they landed on Soonyoung they widened - he had slid down his chair, manspread now a lot wider and stark against his pants was the imprint of his uncomfortably trapped boner.
âSoonyoungâŚ.â You accidentally moaned, simply trying to get his attention. âAre you⌠hard?âÂ
âUnbearably.â He confessed immediately. âIâm s-sorry, itâs been a while-âÂ
âDo you want to touch yourself?â
You donât know why exactly you asked him that but you wanted him to feel good too. Just as good as faux Seungcheol was making you feel.Â
âI think I can cum without that.â He half laughed, half groaned. âBut god yes I want to.â
âDo it.â You directed him, halting your own movements, watching him. âTouch yourself.âÂ
Without wasting a second, Soonyoung instantly unbuttoned his pants and stuck his hand down, wrapping it around his erection. As he shifted uncomfortably, you could tell he wouldâve felt a lot better if he could completely free himself.
âCareful. Otherwise Iâll see youâŚI mean itâŚâÂ
âDo you mind?â He raised his eyebrows at you. âWould it bother you if IâŚ.âÂ
If you were being honest, since the moment you laid eyes on the outline of his dick you were curiousâŚ
âNo.â You shook your head. âI donât.âÂ
âThen I donât give a flying fuck.âÂ
He raised his hips a little, just enough to pull down his pants as his erection sprung free, resting against his abs, pink and flushed.Â
Oh he was long.Â
Seungcheol might be thick but Soonyoung was long, like he could reach places no one else could. As he spat in his hand and smeared the pre cum along his length pumping it in his fist, you gulped, forgetting that you too were in the middle of doing the same thing, just staring.Â
âY/n,â He moaned your name, throwing his head back, setting off a strange fire in your groin. âMatch my pace.âÂ
You nodded, thankful to not have to put your own brain to this which was threatening to shut off any moment now. Watching him half lidded, you let him set the pace for your movements, matching him almost perfectly.Â
âFuck this feels so good.â Soonyoung whimpered.Â
âIt does.â You agreed, with struggling breaths. âSoonyoung pleaseâŚ. Faster.âÂ
âFaster?â He smirked, but listened. âYou really are one of us huh.âÂ
âI need more.â You whined, feeling yourself at an edge you were just not able to cross. âSoonyoungâŚ.âÂ
âI wish I could help, baby.â He sighed, âI really do wishâŚâÂ
âWhat would you have done?âÂ
âIâd have my mouth everywhereâŚmarked your neckâŚ. marked those pretty breastsâŚ.fuck Y/n, youâd have to beg me to stop.âÂ
âDonât.â You moaned, pushing your shirt up with your free hand, grabbing a tit, squeezing it painfully hard. âTell me moreâŚâÂ
âIâd hold the toy for you, watch you fuck yourself on itâŚ.â He stroked himself faster, almost erratically. âMaybe give it to you from the back so I can see how your ass-âÂ
Groaning annoyed at the sound of music coming loudly from his pocket, your movements faltered, eyes widening. It was different from the ringtone earlier which probably meant-
âIs that Mina?âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
âP-pick it up Soonyoung.âÂ
âIgnore it.âÂ
âSoon-âÂ
âIgnore it.â He emphasized. âGo on Y/n, I donât know how long the effects of that toy are going to last.âÂ
And thatâs what made you stop wondering why Soonyoung wouldnât pick up the call when this was in fact the most ideal situation the two of you were meant to be caught in. You didnât want to lose what you were pumping inside you, you didnât want to lose the feeling of Seungcheol stretching you out. As you resumed the pace, Soonyoungâs voice left him like a croak.Â
âDo you like the thought of this? Someone listening to you get off?âÂ
You didnât want to answer that. Wasnât the kind of things you liked evident by the fact that you were fucking yourself to one man while watching and listening to another?Â
âBecause I love that youâre watching.â He whispered. âItâs driving me insane.âÂ
âI wanna see you cum.â You pulled the toy out of you, tossing it onto the towel before your fingers found your clit rubbing circles hard.
âFuck I'm close.â He pumped himself faster, losing rhythm, broken moans and whimpers leaving him. âSo close.â
Words left your mouth too as incoherent babbles as you felt your back arch and insides tighten pleasurably. Eyes crossing and shut tight, you finally came, chest heaving, trying to catch a breath. As you slowly came around and ran your fingers down your folds realising just how much you came, Soonyoung continued to push himself over the edge, like he just needed a little more nudge to finally find his release. Gulping you swung your legs off the bed and silently walked up to him, standing between his manspread, leaning till your lips were right by his ear.Â
âCum for me Soonyoung.âÂ
Almost immediately, with a guttural moan, his head fell back, baring his neck as spurts of cum shot onto his hand and torso, painting them white. Once the sheer amount left him he finally slumped back into his chair, breathing again, like he had been holding it in for too long. The sight of his cum all over his abs against the sheen of sweat on it made you clench unwillingly and you ran two fingers over it, collecting it. You knew his lips parted to catch his breath but you took the chance to slip your digits into his mouth, letting him taste himself. Surprised but not unpleasantly, Soonyoung ran his tongue along them, licking it clean, pulling away with a pop.
âYou taste as good as you sound.âÂ
It's only then that you realise your own arousal was coating your fingers too.Â
Scoffing awkwardly, you shuffled back, picking up your shorts and panties from the floor, putting them on slowly. Â
âI'm not dressed yet!â You shrieked, futilely trying to cover yourself as Soonyoung attempted to remove his blindfold. Holding his hand up, he allowed you to get dressed in the silence that followed. Silence that was too much to bear, silence that if he hadnât broken, you would have.Â
âI wasn't sure if I heard right but I thoughtâŚâ He let out a deep breath as he tucked his flaccid self back in his pants. âI thought you took someone's name as you came.âÂ
You froze.Â
You hadn't realised but now that you thought about itâŚ. maybe, just maybe, you had taken Seungcheolâs name as your orgasm hit you. Yes you were incredibly turned on by Soonyoung and the sight of him and the sounds that left him but there was only one thing running at the back of your mind - cheol, cheol, cheol.Â
âI'm not sure what you heard.â You brushed away his concerns, trying to sound casual. âI don't even know what I was saying, I was in some other zone entirely.âÂ
Soonyoung hummed in response and didn't push you for any further details. Grateful, you wiped your hands on the towel laid out before grabbing it, the bedsheet as well as the dildo and stuffed them all in your bag, throwing it over your shoulder - this was your mess to deal with.
âYou done?âÂ
âYeah justâŚ.put fresh sheets please.âÂ
âOh don't worry about all that.â He got up, attempting to take his blindfold yet again. âI got it. If you want you could-âÂ
âGoodbye Soonyoung.â You stepped back, knowing he was offering for you to stay the night. Instead you headed for the door, hoping to leave before your eyes met his again. âI hope I was of help.âÂ
And as you left, you heard him sigh, revealing something he probably didn't mean for you to hear.Â
âI don't think so Y/n.â
â
When you left Soonyoungâs house the rain had stopped but as you stood in the dining hall before the laundry machines the storm had returned yet again, much heavier this time. You glanced outside the windows at the obscurity sighing. It was like things just hated being in your favour.Â
When the ding of the washer went off, you shifted the sheets into the dryer and decided to leave it there for the night considering you couldn't carry them back in the rain - youâd deal with them in the morning anyways, you werenât ready to see Soonyoung just yet.
When you grabbed your bag from the floor, the weight had not reduced much - the dildo was still in it except it was back in its original popsicle-like shape, any trace of its resemblance to Seungcheol lost. You'd simply washed it and put it back in the bag, unsure what else to do with it. A part of you was annoyed that it had taken after Seungcheol of all people but the other was terrified that if you were to ever use it again, it would probably still model after him yet again.Â
Disappointed with yourself you took a deep breath and shook your head. No. No more Choi Seungcheol. This ends here.Â
Glancing at the machines one last time, you held onto your bag and ran out into the rain, hoping that Seungcheol had retired to his room by the time you reached. Instead, just as you approached the House of Zeus, you heard his voice.Â
âY/n!âÂ
He was drenched from head to toe, his blonde hair sticking to his face much like his shirt plastered against his pecs, like he had been soaked in the rain for hours. Letting out a struggled breath, you walked straight into his house, ignoring him. Seungcheol jogged over as fast as he could, putting himself in between you and the doors.Â
âY/n please listen to me-âÂ
âI donât want to.â You attempted to go around him, only to be blocked by him again.Â
âI just want to explain what happened earlier-âÂ
âI donât care enough for an explanation.â
âI do!âÂ
You rolled your eyes as you pushed him away, a lot less gently than you intended to and Seungcheol immediately caught your hand, pulling you towards him.
âSeungcheol-âÂ
âYouâŚ. you can touch me.â He looked at his fingers wrapped around your wrist in awe, then at your palm flat against his chest.
âDidnât you say you didnât want me to-âÂ
âYou shouldnât be able to.â He muttered like he was amazed, unable to tear his eyes away. âHow can youâŚ.âÂ
âSeungcheol, you're not making any sense.âÂ
He let out a deep breath. âDo you remember when you first came to camp we told you that every demigod has a certain set of offensive and defensive powers depending on their parentage?âÂ
You nodded, frowning.
âAs the son of Zeus, my defensive power isâŚ.an electric field.â Oh. âAt times like war, or in adrenaline driven situations, I become highly charged, rendering anyone who so much as comes two feet near me electrocuted. It's supposed to be a way to weaken enemies.â He sighed, âThatâs why I was afraid of you touching me. I didnât want you to get hurt.âÂ
âButâŚ..Seungcheol Iâm not an enemy and this isnât a war-âÂ
âI get nervous around you.â He avoided your eye. âI donât know, I justâŚ.. I can feel my skin prickling around you butâŚâŚâ He glanced at where your hands met his again. âYou donât feel anything?âÂ
âNo, no I donât but why do I make you nervous?âÂ
Seungcheol smiled softly. âDo you really not know?âÂ
You suppressed the grin forming on your own face. Fucking finally.Â
âNo.â You shook your head feigning innocence. âTell me.âÂ
âCan I show you?âÂ
Maybe you nodded a bit too eagerly, because Seungcheol chuckled, pushing himself up against the door, pulling you along with him. As your body pressed against his, his hands found your waist, gaze darkening. He leaned in, lips hovering over yours, whispering your name softly, like he loved the sound of it. As your breaths mingled, lightning went off behind you, the silver light illuminating his gorgeous face and all its sharp angles. Just as you moved closer, eyes fluttering shut, Seungcheol cleared his throat.Â
âY/n Iâm sorry, I forgot that itâs late and we have training at 4 tomorrow.â He muttered, drawing his hands away. âYou should sleep. I canât excuse your lateness everyday.âÂ
And yet again Choi Seungcheol left you completely baffled as he opened the door behind him and walked in, away from you.Â
a/n - please send me your thoughts - this kind of writing is waaaay out of my comfort zone, I need to know I'm not completely messing shit up and if I missed you in the taglist, please lmk!
PAIRING: jeon wonwoo x fem!reader (ft. kim mingyu)
GENRE: fluff, angst, suggestive content
TROPES: brother's best friend, slow burn question mark, skirting around communication because that's a good plot point, jealousy as requested, banter, teasing, arbitrary social norms about words like "cute" and "sweet" pls don't listen to a word i say ever, etc.
WORD COUNT: 12k (for some reason)
The first time you re-meet Jeon Wonwoo, your brother Joshua's best friend, you think a lot of things. He does, too. It's really interesting how neither of you say exactly what you think.
"Y/N! Is that really you?"Â
If you hadn't been on the phone with Karina when you heard Wonwoo's voice, you think you might've genuinely passed away because his voice is something of nostalgic value to you, something distant and definitely not in the same living room as you. You look up and your eyes widen when you find the man gaping at you. "-Oh, hiâ" you shoot up from your seat on the couch and then quickly remember your friend still on the line. You tell her, "Sorry, Rina, mind if I call you back later? Okay, thanks, love you. Night."Â
Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at you like you'd said something amusing and it's turn to take him in as you drop your phone onto the couch. "Wonwoo, god, you're alive?" you start with a small smile and continue, "Wow, um, you look⌠the same." What you mean to say is: How did you get even taller, you attractive bastard?
Wonwoo offers you one of his smug smiles at that and replies, "Thanks? I think. You look much more⌠grown up, you know." He really should've said: Holy shit, you're pretty. And then he opens his arms, "Bring it in, kid. Let's see if I can still get away with tackling you to the ground."
You scoff even as you step closer to him, ignoring the way his arms are a lot bigger than they once used to be when you tell him, "I think you're remembering it wrong, dude. I was the one tackling you."
 It's no use, though, because when he wraps his arms around you, you sigh contentedly because this right here? This is a hug. Wonwoo's so warm around you and you can only pretend that the way you feel his hard muscles tense around you doesn't send chills up your spine. Wonwoo's smiling wide, only barely controlling a comment about how good you smell and how you might've grown taller but somehow still manage to fit just the same in his arms.
All in all, it's a pretty sweet reunion. You haven't seen each other in over five years so the curiosity and surprise is barely uncalled for. You only wished you could've held onto the hug longer before Joshua entered the room with a disgusted grimace on his face.
"Gross. Can you guys not do that?"Â
You're the first to pull away with a flustered sigh at Joshua's comment, rolling your eyes. Wonwoo tries to cover up the way he's slightly out of breath by countering, "Why? You can't handle us interacting like two normal humans? Want us to claw at each other's eyeballs like the good old times?"
â
"I don't get it, though," Wonwoo tells you, a slice of donkatsu hovering near his mouth, "Why didn't you just move in with Shua?"
"That's what I've been asking her! Haven't I been a good enough brother to you? What did I do wrong? Huh?"Â
You'd already seen Joshua's reaction coming, sipping the beer from your glass to brace yourself. "And as I've politely reminded you many times, big brother, it's not personal. I just thinking that would be the equivalent of moving back in with my parents. Plus, I can afford to live alone now, remember? The promotion that came with the reallocation?"
Joshua flashes you the unconvinced glare he always does when you reason with him. But you train your eyes on Wonwoo instead, determined to get him on your side at least. "It would be waste to just live with him and not do the independent thing. Plus, I literally live across from you, man, so I might as well be moving in with you."
Wonwoo nods quietly as he washes his bite down with some beer, "Hmm. That's fair enough. I don't know why Shua's been whining about it then."
You break into a pleased laugh at that where your brothers gasps in offense. "Hey, Jeon Wonwoo, whose side are you supposed to be on here?"
Wonwoo shrugs, "I'm on the side of logic, my man, I'm sorry."
"God, don't let her fool you. She says all this reasonable stuff butâ"
"Oh, so you agree that it's reasonable then?" you question him with a raised brow but he ignores you as he spews his nonsense.Â
"-- But the real reason she wants to live alone is so she can get laid."
You hit Joshua real hard in the arm at that, "Ew, dude, don't be a pervert."Â
Wonwoo looks postively entertained between the two of you as he provokes you, "What does he mean?"
"Fuck if I know. I don't know what gave this guy the idea that I like to sleep around, if anything, he's the player."
Joshua narrows his eyes at you, "Uh-huh, me, the guy who was in a long-term relationship of nearly five years?"
"Emphasis on was in a relationship. How many people have you slept with since then? I don't want to know. I'm just making a point."
Wonwoo chuckles, "She's right, man. You're not exactly on the higher ground here."
"Okay, okay, but I did overhear you telling your friend that, quote, living with my brother would be the greatest clockbock there is, end quote."
Your jaw falls open when you hear him recount your words to Karina only a few hours ago. "You're eavesdropping on my calls? Wow, see, this is why I don't want to live with you."
"You weren't exactly very quiet! And you were sitting in the living room, too!"
"Whatever," you roll your eyes and then catch the questioning look Wonwoo sends your brother and you take matters in your own hands. "Fine, I said that because I mean, yeah, it's not like the hottest thing to be living with your brother, okay? Like what if I meet a cute guy and lose him to the fact that Shua's the biggest prude to exist?"
"Man, you just made a player, and now I'm a prude? Choose a story, goddamn it!"Â
You shrug with a grin, "People can be two things, bro."
âÂ
"So, you all moved in yet?" Wonwoo asks you and you try to ignore how silly he looks with the edges of his glasses fogged up against the heat of the coffee in his hands. Last week, he'd texted you asking if you'd like to get coffee and catch up. You'd replied with a goofy grin playing on your lips at 1 AM with a: sure :))) if u pay!
You hum as you stir your own latte, "I think so. But everytime I think it's all done, there's always something small I forgot. Like, this morning I realized I don't have wine glasses."
He chortles, "Ah, I know what you mean. Something small but inconvenient. Like a good night lamp."
"Ugh, I need one of those, too. I brought my old one with me but ended up leaving it in the study because I didn't have one there." You sigh as you slump in your seat, "God, I hate moving. I'll have age twenty years by the time I'm fully done."
Wonwoo watches you with a bemused smile. "I can help you with shopping, if you'd like."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, it's not like I moved in recently but I still remember some good places for this stuff. And it might be less tiresome if you have some company."Â
Your replying smile is so genuine that it's got Wonwoo smiling and he thinks he's helping you out more for himself than Joshua. It's an unsettling thought for a moment but then your voice pipes back up with an anecdote from your work and he can't care for the thoughts.Â
"...So, you have any luck finding cute guys to bring home?"
The question catches you off-guard and your grip on the wine glass you were inspecting loosens dangerously, but you hold onto it before it can break like your pretense of sanity.Â
"God," you groan as you look at a chuckling Wonwoo who's standing next to you, arms crossed in that infuriatingly attractive way. "I was slightly drunk when I said that, so it would be nice if you forgot about it."
"Why? I mean, it's understandable you'd want to get into the dating pool here. It's one way to get to know a new city."
You turn all your attention to a different glass. "I guess. But I haven't had too much luck, no. Maybe waiting around to find love organically is my problem."
Wonwoo doesn't immediately respond to that, making you uneasy and sending heat to your ears. Whatever. You'd just have to scream into your pillow and cry yourself to sleep so you could forget this embarrassment.Â
"Hmm, I don't know. It'll just take more time that way, I suppose. If you're willing to wait."
It's your turn to go mute except this time the silence is comfortable, only broken by a comment here and there about the glasses.Â
"What about you?" you ask Wonwoo at checkout, watching the worker wrap up your chosen set of glasses in bubble wrap. "Are you⌠with someone?"
Wonwoo's lips twitch with a small smile at your question. "Not at the moment. I like the space of being single." You nod in understanding.Â
"And I haven't really met anyone worth spending my time with," he says, eyes floating to you as he pushes his glasses up with a finger.Â
You pause at his words, thanking the cashier for their help and making your way to the exit. "You make it sound like dating's a chore, Wonwoo."
He shrugs with a shoulder, "It can be. With the wrong person."
âÂ
"So⌠tell me all about your hot brother's hot best friend?"Â
"Ew and ew, Karina, do you want me to block you for real this time?"Â
"I'm just being honest but all right, do you want to talk about your years-old crush on your brother's bestâ"
"That's not any better. And I don't have crush on him. Also, it would really nice if we didn't say the word crush anymore. We're both adults with jobs."
"And adults with jobs aren't allowed to have a little fun?" Karina's voice is laced with laughter and you groan in frustration. Who has she been hanging out with to make her so much worse? Not you.Â
"Anyway, since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you. My older brother is okay. And so is Wonwoo. There."
A few minutes of further pestering from Karina and you finally let slip that Wonwoo and you have been hanging out here and there, sometimes over coffee that led to shopping dates (Karina's words, not yours) and other times spent over at Joshua's, drinking or playing video games on his couch. It was pretty cozy and you couldn't really complain about this new life.
"Oh, so you don't miss me then, huh? Nice to know. But also it seems like you're hitting it off with Wonwoo and before you cut me off, you did like Wonwoo for like half your childhood, remember? Maybe this could become something. Who knows?"
Oh, you remember. It was you who spent long summer afternoons staring at Wonwoo as he came over to your home after class, spending all his time arguing with Joshua about a card game they'd been playing or about which villain was cooler in the new movie they'd watched. For a while, it had been a distant thing but over time, you'd warmed up to them and started talking more to Wonwoo, now a regular participant in their arguments.Â
And as it turns out, it doesn't take a lot of arguments to fall for Jeon Wonwoo.
âÂ
One thing about you is that you're stubborn. You like to think it's a genetic thing because the only person who could rival your firmness was none other than your brother. And this meant that when Karina tried to convince you that you still had a soft spot for Wonwoo, you tried to tell her that's all it was: a soft spot. Like a platonic affinity for someone you'd spent a lot of time with growing up.
And you reasoned it out with yourself that night, thinking back to the time you'd spent with him recently. It was familiar in the best way possible. Where meeting new people at work was absolutely exhausting, coming back home to your brother and Wonwoo was like a hug to your soul.
Speaking of hugs, your mind rolled over to the one you'd shared with Wonwoo a few weeks ago, an event that you often found yourself thinking. As sane and rational as you thought yourself to be, the way you'd find yourself unable to control a giggle in the dark every time you remembered the way you all but melted into his arms, strong but fond in their embrace around your waist.Â
And when you come to your senses, you realize it's ridiculous how stuck up on that hug you are. It's stupid your smile that breaks through anyway and the way your heart beats faster when you remember the plans you'd made with Wonwoo for tomorrow, a trip to a local bookstore because he had found your collection of books lacking the day he'd come over for a visit.
You roll over in bed then, groaning a little because you're starting to think the soft spot might be⌠growing.Â
â
"You know I really didn't think I would spend this much on books today," you mumble as you tap your card at the register. It was almost funny how many conversations you and Wonwoo have had at check-out, almost inevitable because often the shopping experience itself meant a lot of focused silence as the two of you browsed around in tandem.Â
It was a weirdly heartwarming way to spend time together. Or maybe that was just you and your weakness for quality time.Â
"What do you mean? We literally mutually decided that you needed a better collection." Wonwoo leans against the counter with a cocked brow.
"Well, the mutual part is up for discussion. It's more like you shamed me for keeping a modest book collection. And I mean, I wasn't so sure if I'd find anything good here."
"Really?" he asks, picking up the heavy bag from the counter before you can reach for it, "Because I remember you agreeing pretty quickly and enthusiastically to my proposition to go book-shopping."
"That was only because you made it sound like fun." And it meant that I'd get to spend more time with you. "And it was fun. So that's one thing you're right about."
Wonwoo's smile turns smug as you exit the bookstore, each with a paper bag in hand. You'd settled for carrying Wonwoo's own purchase of two new books that he'd apparently been meaning to come out and buy.Â
"Anyway, now what? You wanna go to my place and break into one of these bad boys?" You shake the bag in your hand with a gleeful grin. But Wonwoo's looking at the mall across from you with mouth slightly ajar in concentration. And then he smiles, pure excitement plastered across his face when looks back at you.
"I have a much better idea." That's all he says before his unoccupied hand finds yours and tugs you after him. Admittedly, you're a little dizzy at the sudden touch and let him pull you across the road with quick steps, struggling to keep up with him. At the back of your head, you store away how attractive it is that Wonwoo's holding a good dozen books in a hand and yours in the other, racing ahead like it was the most important thing in the world. And honestly? If it was with Wonwoo, you think you feel the urgency in your veins as if it were travelling across your intertwined palms.
It's a good day to be a romantic for you, as you later find out, standing in line with Wonwoo to purchase tickets to a newly released movie. The genre? Rom-com.
"Well, it's not so much a rom-com as the poster makes it seem. That's actually a deft marketing stunt. It's actually a pretty serious movie about love and I've heard it's not for the weak."
So many questions. You have so many questions.Â
For one, "I didn't know you were into romantic movies," you comment, watching Wonwoo from the corner of your eye, too afraid to look him in the eye now that your hand was no longer in his.
"It's possible to avoid romance. Everything is about love these days, even if it isn't."
You also can't believe that you're about to watch a movie with Wonwoo. It's all strangely⌠different. You'd never been to the movies alone with him. It's a new territory for you. But you're not mad. If anything, the smile on your lips is playful.Â
"And it's not just that you're too scared to admit that you like rom-coms?"
"I'm not. Into rom-coms, I mean. The humor is straight-up bad and the romance is tolerable at best. It's like if you're going to do a x to death, you might as well do it well."
"I can't believe this," you mutter more to yourself than him, "Jeon Wonwoo watching a rom-com? This must be a dream."
"You dream about me, hmm?"Â
You narrowly avoid whiplash when you turn to look at Wonwoo, his teasing only another addition to the list of things you didn't think you'd hear your brother's best friend every say to you. But the more you know, huh?
The movie itself is insane. The plot is devastating enough on its own but the way Wonwoo's shoulder pressed into yours the whole time, despite there being more than enough space between the two seats, has you more vulnerable than usual. So find yourself tearing up halfway through the movie and sit through the credits with half-contained sobs. And where Wonwoo had laughed at your tears mid-way, when he noticed your sobs, his hand found your back, rubbing it comfortingly.Â
"That was horrific," you mumble when you're less overcome with sadness and pout at Wonwoo. "I hate you for making me watch that. I will never find happiness. And worse, I will never find love."
Your words, punctuated with that small pout of yours, has Wonwoo a breath away from falling to his knees with his head in hands because fuck, you're adorable. And truth be told, he was tearing up at the end, too, but he wouldn't let you know that because the way you accuse him for your state is just incredibly precious to him.Â
"It was terrific," he corrects you, "And I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd get so emotional."
You glare at Wonwoo at that, as if you hadn't just been dabbing at your eyes with his pocket tissues, "Okay, Mister Emotionless, don't think I didn't catch you wiping tears away in the closing scene."
Wonwoo shoots a guilty grin and pats your head, "You're cute."Â
The statement leaves you speechless enough that Wonwoo gets away with it, starting to walk away with a gaping you in his wake. You're deeply confused and slightly jittery when you finally catch up to him with a small "I wasn't trying to be" of affront under your breath.Â
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"That's bad, right, isn't it? It's so bad. It's horrible."
"Calm down, Y/N, he called you cute, just so we're clear? Not a bunch of bad words right? So why is it bad?"Â
"Because!" you cry out, "Because cute is like the most platonic adjective. I thought we were having a moment, what with a movie date and allâ but if he thinks I'm cute then I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong."Â
"Okay, I know what you mean but that's not always how things work. I mean, you said he held your hand and stuff, right? That's more than platonic. And it's all about the tone. Cute can be a very romantic word if in the right context."
"The context," you tell Karina with a sigh, "is that he's my brother's best friend! He couldn't make it any clearer. Wow, and I was all up in my head over him, too."
"Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how I told you that you still had feelings for Wonwoo?"
"We will do no such thing. Because the feelings are gone now!"Â
"Right. I believe you, Y/N," Karina deadpans over the phone, "You can call me when you're done being an idiot. Bye."
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It's Karina's sarcastic tone that your thoughts catch onto the next few days, the ones you spend half in agony because Wonwoo hasn't contacted you and after your personal dilemma, you think you'd let someone shoot you before you texted him first.Â
So you try your best to distract yourself with work, showing up earlier than you'd built a reputation for, and staying a little later than most. It's a new routine for you, one that leaves you pretty tired in a way that your bones are not used to.Â
Maybe that's why your legs don't seem to be working that morning when you bump into someone on your way to the coffee machine. You'd been rubbing your neck, trying to feel out the knot that you'd woken up with, and had effectively lost track of where you were going and collided with a solid figure, sending a few steps back.
You sigh as you regain your balance, ever so thankful that you didn't fall flat on your butt as you look up at the person in front you. He's tall enough that you should've seen him coming so you're first to apologize. "Shit, sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going. Sorry about that!"
"No, no, I should've been more careful. I'm lucky I wasn't carrying a coffee or that could've been really bad. I'm sorry." The man's voice is hoarse and he talks over himself, as if eager to get all his thoughts before he forgets what he's saying.Â
You meet his eyes with a small smile, "I guess we're both at fault, huh?"Â
He reciprocates your smile with crescent eyes. "Yup. Can I get you a coffee as reparation?"Â
"I mean, it's not a big deal at all."
"I insist," the man levels his gaze at you and you wonder how he looks like he could throw you across the room without breaking a sweat, but still manages to be so soft.Â
"I'm Mingyu, by the way," he tells you as he hands you a cup of warm coffee. "Thanks Mingyu. I'm Y/N."
"I've seen you around. You were a new hire, right?"
You take your time with a sip of your coffee before responding, "Yes, I was originally at another branch but my leader wanted me closer to headquarters before they opened up new branches in this city. I don't know, something exposure for me and experience for them."
"You must be good if they sent you here," Mingyu points out and you brush it off with a noncomittal shrug. You find yourself pleasantly enamoured by Mingyu for the next ten minutes or so and you wonder how you'd missed him at all in the first place. But when he tells you he better get going, you nod with a smile, "Of course. It was nice meeting you, Mingyu."
Mingyu becomes the perfect distraction, as one might predict he would. He has a unique charm, what with the contrast between his intimidating physique but surprisingly shy demeanour. He's the textbook golden retriever in people and though you're not a dog person, you find yourself grow fonder of him every time you run into him near the coffee machine or while leaving work in the elevator.Â
"You have a work crush?"
You groan loudly, throwing a half-eaten cracker at Joshua. "Come on, what is it with all the people I know and having the most childish vocabulary?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, am I not erudite enough for you? You know it may not seem like it but I am four years older than you and I have that much moreâ"
"Yeah, yeah, something about experience and knowledge, I've heard it before. And by the way, it's technically three years and three months, not that I'm counting."
"You very clearly are," Joshua points out with a frustrated laugh, "Anyway, you gonna make a move on this guy?"
"No, because if you were actually listening to me, you'd have heard that I like him as a friend and that I need help buying a gift for his birthday."
"Right, right," your brother mumbles in thought, "And that's next week?"
You nod as you pick your phone up, scrolling through the chat with Mingyu to reach the text he'd sent you a day ago: by the way, i'm throwing for my birthday on the 6th. love it if you came ;)
Winky emoji and slightly short notice aside, you'd replied as enthusiastically as you could muster: your birthday??? when were you going to tell me!! and: ofc i'll be there but not before i make you suffer for hiding smth so imp from me :(((
Before you can squeeze any more vaguely helpful tips from Joshua, his bell rings and you sit up with a frown as he stands up to get it. "Ah, Wonwoo's here."
"Wonwoo?" is your shocked gasp to that information, body going stiff because you'd seen him only in passing since the day of the movie. You think you might pass out. Why does nobody think it's important to tell you anything these days?Â
You hear their voices in the corridor as Joshua lets Wonwoo in and your mind races with your options. Hiding in the bathroom for the night would be feasible if your brother wasn't a monster who would drag you out within thirty minutes. Maybe you climb out a window? But you were on the eight floor and as much as you liked to joke about death, you'd prefer to escape alive.Â
Your brother's voice breaks you out of your scheming, alerting you they're in the living room. "Oh yeah, Y/N, here's someone with not childish vocabulary if you want to replace me."Â
You look over your shoulder with a scowl but immediately lose your spirit when you lock eyes with Wonwoo, a lopsided smile greeting you. He's wearing a cozy sweater that's a shade of blue so dark that it might as well be black and you want to start crying because his hands are concealed beneath the sleeves, fists turned sweater paws as he stands there, looking between you and your brother.Â
"Why are you two fighting this time?"Â
"Nothing." "She has a crush at work."Â
Wonwoo lets out a sigh when you both answer simultaneously but seems intrigued by Joshua's statement, eyeing him. "What did you say?"
"She has aâ"Â
"I'm warning you, if you say the word crush one more time, I will do something so unimaginable to your face at nightâ"
"She likes a guy from work."
Wonwoo looks surprised as he looks back at you inquisitively and you frown. "Untrue. It's just a guy I made friends with recently. And I only mentioned him so I could get advice but clearly, nobody here supports me so I'm going to take this conversation elsewhere."
"I support you." Wonwoo's quick response has you freezing in your dramatic exit and you turn to look at him in doubt but when his expression is clear of any mischief, you sit back down.Â
"Nice to know. But I'd love it if we talked about something else for now. Like dinner."Â
The night takes on a more comfortable journey from thereon, with the three of you ordering take-out and fighting it out with a card game while it was on its way. You were actually proud of yourself for acting normal around Wonwoo, despite all your past internal conflict. And you would've gone to sleep somewhat peacefully if he hadn't approached you in the kitchen, while Joshua was taking out trash, having lost the game.Â
You were placing the leftovers in the fridge when Wonwoo materialized behind you, the only warning of his presence the question he asks you, "You want any help?"Â
You barely hold in a surprised squeak as you spin around to him. "Goddamn it, Wonwoo, make some noise next time you sneak up on me?"
"Then I wouldn't be sneaking up on you, would I?"
You roll your eyes, closing the fridge behind you as you declare, "Well, I'm done here. Thanks for washing the dishes, by the way."
"Sure, I know how much you Hongs hate touching water. I was surprised you installed a faucet in your kitchen at all."
You give Wonwoo a push in response, "That's a very funny way to conceal the fact that you lost at rock paper scissors."Â
"I just think it was an unfair way to decide tasks. I'm really bad at that game."
"Right, and assuming one can be good or bad at a game of rock paper scissors, what else would you have preferred to play?"
Wonwoo's eyes twinkle with an idea and then, he puts up a hand and wiggles it around in your face. "Arm wrestling."
Your smile falls, "No. That's justâ"
"See," he points at you, "That's how I feel about rock paper scissors."Â
Despite how much you claim that the two games are not at all on the same par, you let Wonwoo drag you to the kitchen table, standing across from you and arm ready for the wrestling. Slowly, you lean closer to him, hand coming to rest against his.
"Don't be too cocky," you mumble when his hand squeezes yours, already triumphant before the game had begun. The result of the game itself is pretty obvious but when you start to wrestle and feel Wonwoo's forearm tense against you, it has you light-headed. Your eyes leave the match to look at him, only to find him watching you with a glint in his eye. He smiles when you make eye-contact with him, going strangely silent for all his gloating a minute ago. You raise a brow at him and the bastard has the audacity to send a wink your way before pressing your arm against the wood of the table.
"Whatever," you tell him before his already obnoxious grin can swell any more. He opens his mouth and you're already anticipating something insulting to meet your eyes. But instead, Wonwoo says, "Your hand's so small." You look up at him only for him to take your hand in his and carefully line it against his own palm.Â
You feel your cheeks burn. It's all so clichĂŠ, especially if he's flirting with you. Arm-wrestling turns into a hand-measuring contest. So trite. And yet, you find yourself smiling.
"See?" your hand wriggles, imitiating Wonwoo from earlier, "This game was rigged. Maybe if you had a handicap or something."
"Okay, I think I better leave before you take a knife and cut my hand up or somethingâŚ"
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wonwoo: hello you
you: hi?
wonwoo: heard there's live music at the pub today. wanna come with?
you: ok creep
wonwoo: excuse me??? just informed you of a one in lifetime opportunity. shua's treating
you: WAIT he is???????
you: the one time i can't come?
wonwoo: you can't?
you: yes⌠have to attend a coworker's birthday party tonight. sorry :(
wonwoo: u should be sorry
wonwoo: imagine how much damage we could've done to joshua's wallet
You throw yourself into your sheets with a disappointed sigh, stomach uneasy at the thought of missing a hang-out with your favorite duo. But then you roll over to your side and think it's better if you go out with people who you didn't grow up with, for once. It might be a new experience. Just to be clear, this was Karina's voice resounding in your head. She had her way of giving you advice without you calling her for it.Â
Three hours later, you're tiring yourself out at Mingyu's birthday party. It's intense, the party, bustling with people but then again, you'd be a fool to think Mingyu wouldn't have a roster full of friends to invite to a party. You meet the man of the night an hour into the party and he throws his hands around when he recognizes you.Â
"Y/N, I'm so glad you could make it!"
"Of course. Happy birthday, Mingyu!"Â
He leans over the bar and yells something at the bartender who eyes Mingyu and upon recognizing him as the birthday boy, places two shots in front of you.Â
"Have a shot with me?" Mingyu grins, a slight layer of sweat shining on his forehead. You chuckle in defeat, "Sure, why not?"Â
A shot turns into two and you're working on swallowing the third one when your phone buzzes in the back-pocket of your denim shorts. You're about to take a look at the caller ID and decline almost immediately but when you realize it's Wonwoo calling you, you pause. You excuse yourself from Mingyu's side quickly, making your way to a slightly quieter cornern of the party and answer.
"Wonwoo?"Â
"Oh," comes Wonwoo's voice, a little distant, and he seems shocked as if he hadn't expected you to pick up. "Hey, Y/N. How are you?"
"Um. I'm fine, Wonwoo, just at that party I told you about. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. You're not too drunk, are you?" he asks, ironically slurring the question.Â
"I should be asking you that question. Wonwoo, where's Joshua? Do you need me to come pick you up?"
"No," his voice is laced with disbelief, "I'm fine. Just a little tipsy. Sorry, you should get back to the party."
"Yeah," you reply, feeling a little uneasy as the liquid in your stomach sloshes around with each movement you make.
"Stay safe, Y/N. Call me if you need anything? I'm gonna go find Shua now."
Before you can ask him what he means by finding Joshua, Wonwoo's hung up on you, almost as quickly as he called you. Okay, so that was weird. And cool, now you're nauseous.Â
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When Wonwoo drunk-calls you, he thinks he's officially lost you. If you didn't find him weird before, you probably thought him a lot weird now. That's great, he thinks. But the regret of his decision doesn't outweigh the need to see you right now, something about the fact that you're at some guy's birthday party making him all worked up. It should be obvious why he's like this but Wonwoo can avoid a serious thought for days if it keeps him slightly more sane than usual.Â
But then the Joshua's bell rings and he opens the door, finding you standing there just like he'd imagined a few minutes ago. You're in a slouchy shirt that unbuttoned all the way to your mid-torso to reveal a black bikini top. He clears his throat to contain the thought that threatens to escape him: fuck, you look hot.Â
"Shit," you exclaim when you see Wonwoo, "This isn't my place. Ugh. I'm stupid."
Wonwoo steps closer to you, "Are you okay, Y/N? Did you just get back?"
You nod silently and then take a step back from him. "Sorry, I'm just gonna go to the right place. You can sleep⌠or whatever."
"Wait, no," he rushes to your side, taking your elbow in his hand, "I'll help you."
You roll your eyes, "It's okay, I'm not drunk, Wonwoo. And by the looks of it, neither are you." But you don't push off the hand on you and simply let him follow you to your door, "Is Shua already asleep?"
"Hmm, he passed out. I don't know why he claims to be heavyweight when he can barely handle alcohol. I had force him to leave the pub before he made himself sick."
You listen intently, unlocking the door with a hum, "He's an idiot." You throw the door open and Wonwoo lets himself in after you. He's clearly not too sober because when you bend down to take of your shoes and your ass juts out dangerously close to his crotch, he almost falls over in an attempt to jump away to give you space. But he remains close just in case you stumble, his own shaky state be damned.
But you're unnervingly stable as you stand back up, taking your hand off the wall when you're done taking your shoes off and brushing them against yourself with a suspicious look thrown at himâ unnerving because Wonwoo just wants an excuse to get his hands on you somehow. You're effortlessly magnetic, moving across the hall to your kitchen to pour yourself some water, still unebelievably stable, and Wonwoo follows you in a trance-like manner.
"You want something to drink?"
Your question hangs in complete silence and it's only when you look over at Wonwoo that he comprehends that you're asking him. He clears his throat again, "Um, I don't want to bother you if you want to go to bed."Â
You raise a shoulder nonchalantly, "'M not sleepy. And you're here so we might as well hang." You disappear from his sight as you crouch down behind the counter, sliding open a shelf, "I have some shiraz I've been meaning to break open, if you're up for it?"Â
"Oh, that sounds great actually," he replies and you reappear with two wine glasses in your hand. You beam at him and he feels a thrill down his spine, recognizing the set you'd bought with him. "Great. Go sit in the living room and I'll be right there."Â
"No, I'll help you get the stuff."
You pause your movements toward the liquor shelf, "Come on, I thought it was clear I'm not drunk by now."
"I know," Wonwoo walks closer to you, picking up the glasses you'd set down earlier, "Just want to be here with you."Â
You turn back around and Wonwoo doesn't know it's to hide the flush that colors your face at his confession. You spend a minute too long picking out the shiraz to recover and you're glad Wonwoo also doesn't know that you could pick the bottle of red out without actually looking.Â
"Geez, I've got sand in my feet now," you complain as you take your first sip of the wine from your glass when you catch sight of the particles lodged in your toes.Â
"Sand?" questions Wonwoo as he leans over to get a look.Â
"Yeah, it was a beach-themed party," you tell him. He nods, thinking that your outfit makes a lot more sense now. "Mingyu's a silly guy for someone who's turning twenty-five."
"Mingyu, huh?" Wonwoo tries out the name, watching out for how you react. You don't give away much, simply taking another sip but your chest burns for reasons other than alcohol.Â
"Hmm, yeah."Â
"So do you like him? Joshua seems pretty convinced about it."
You hide your face against the couch, "Fuck Joshua. He's an idiot."Â
"So you've said."
"No, but really. Mingyu's a sweet guy and all, but he's⌠not my type."
Now this is something Wonwoo can work with, relief flooding his veins at your honest reply. "What is your type?"
You meet Wonwoo's gaze for the first time in this conversation and groan again. In your head, you can't help but be burdened by how unbelievably clichĂŠ your situation is. Your brother's best friend sitting next to you swirling a glass of red wine, asking you about the guy you liked when it was clearly him you liked. In fact, you think your entire relationship with Wonwoo's always been full of clichĂŠs: falling for his charm as a youth and growing into the feelings long after, hanging out with him as grown-ups, going on dates that are left unlabelled, measuring hands with him for fuck's sakeâ It was a little too on the nose, you think.Â
But you don't tell Wonwoo any of this, maybe because you're too scared to or maybe you'd liked to see the plot thicken a little. "I don't have a type."Â
Wonwoo is surprisingly quick to leave the topic alone after that and you're thankful, but half-irked because you'd hoped for more. But you can't complain when he has you wrapped up in a completely different conversation, distracting enough that you can barely remember how you finished the wine in your glass.Â
"Want a refill?" he asks you when the empty glasses have been sitting on the coffee table for long enough.Â
"Mhm, I think I'll have some apple juice instead."
"As you wish."Â
He doesn't even bother asking you where you keep your juice and takes off with the glasses to the kitchen. You watch him keenly, letting your heart lead your mind for a little as you take in how cozy the night is when you're in Wonwoo's company.
It's with that uncontrollable giddy smile on your face that Wonwoo catches you.Â
"Happy about something?" he asks, placing a cup with golden liquid in front of you and keeping his glass of wine next to it.Â
"Yeah. About everything. I'm happy."
Wonwoo smiles, arm reaching to your side and squeezing your hand in a way that leaves you thinking that you might actually like physical touch more than you've been led to think. "I like the sound of that."
Your smile only turns goofier. "What about you? Are you happy?"Â
He huffs out a breathy laugh, "I'm not too bad myself. Things have been looking up recently."
Fucking fuck, even everything you say to each other sounds like it's been said before, somewhere else in an idealistic movie about two people slowly falling in love with each other. But you can't get yourself to hate the idea so you simply shift closer to him.Â
Wonwoo notices, obviously, and smiles a little because he notices the light dusting of red on your cheeks. Your hair's come undone from what was presumably a low bun at the back of your head and he has an itch to brush the strands away from your faceâ a thought that if you were privy to would only be an addition the list titled reasons why wonwoo and you are a straight-up clichĂŠ.
But you find out soon anyway, because Wonwoo acts on the itch, hand coming to cup your face before a few fingers find the crown of your head, gently tucking the stray hair behind your ear.Â
You hum in satisfaction and Wonwoo's heart hammers, thinking that is probably the best reaction he could've hoped for. He takes a sip of the wine in his hand and moves to rest his face on his fist.Â
Except you intercept him mid-way, closing the space between you with a noise of surprise that Wonwoo lets out when he feels your warm lips against his. The shock causes the wine in his mouth to bleed into yours, just like you'd hoped, and before Wonwoo can act on your advance, you've already pulled back.
Your smile is warm with shyness when you notice the starstruck expression on Wonwoo's face. "Sorry, I wanted to taste the wine."Â
Wonwoo's silent as he processes this, moving slower thanks to the wine in his sytsem and nowâ the feeling of your kiss on his mind. When he does break from the silence, he moves to take another sip of wine and this time it's him crossing over to you, big palm steadying your jaw so he can spill into you, literally and not. You let out a little noise this time, not expecting him to reciprocate your shameless move but delighted anyway as you move against his mouth.Â
There's a third kiss. And you pull away with a dreamy sigh because really, this was straight out of your dreams. Wonwoo rests his head on his hand like he'd intended to about three kisses earlier and watches as you avert your gaze, suddenly bashful. You fix your gaze on the coffee table, proud that you'd finally chosen to place it opposite the couch instead of near the bookshelf.Â
"I haven't dated anyone for a while, you know," Wonwoo suddenly blurts out, your hair once again in your face when you turn to face him. "I was in a pretty⌠fucked-up relationship after high school and that made me give up on love altogether."
You listen attentively, eyes on his as he tells about the person he was with, voice dropping to a soft octave. When he finishes you find his hands with a smile, "Thank you for telling me that. And I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than that. You're a pretty solid guy."
"Really?" Wonwoo's mood turns light again at your comment and you try to maintain your composure, reminding yourself that his smile might be casual but your words still hold weight.Â
"Yeah, you're a rare find, Wonwoo. Quiet but not boring, witty yet funny, tall but nice to hug."Â
You bite your lip at that last part, clearly giving yourself away. But Wonwoo's eyes light up anyway, "Nice to hug, huh? That's a new compliment. Glad to know."Â
You can feel him lean closer to you without looking because his voice is closer to your ears. Flustered, you reach for your abandoned apple juice and take a sip, but overestimate your own sobriety because you manage to spill a third of it on yourself. "Fuck," you curse under your breath and throw your head back against the couch in frustration over yourself.Â
"Fuck," Wonwoo echoes you, shifting beside you, "You okay? Wait here, I'll get you a towel." He's already standing up by the time you have it in you to find your footing. You stop him with a slightly damp hand on his arm.
"It's okay, I'll just go throw this in the laundry. Needed to change anyway."Â
Wonwoo nods as he makes way so you can pad lightly to your room, ears adorably red. He lets out a heavy breath when you close the door behind you though, placing a hand against chest because the sight of your half-exposed chest slightly wet with juiceâ well, it was doing more things to him that he'd like. Your low expletive followed by your limp body hadn't helped his wild imagination either, instantly wondering what it might be like to run his hands throughâÂ
"All right, that's it. I need some fresh air." Fresh air so he could feel less like a pervert and more like⌠normal. And it helps to step out onto your balcony, the scenery of the moonlit night a pleasant surprise to his senses. He hums happily, almost forgetting about his preoccupied thoughts entirely.
And then he hears your voice resound in the living room faintly. He calls out your name, telling you to come out to the balcony, and a minute later, you step out, now clad in a cozy night set, matching blue shirt with shorts. "Hey," you mumble as you join him near the railing, body visibly relaxing in the night air. "Woah, it's nice here."
"It is, isn't it?"Â
"Yeah, this is actually my first time coming out here since I moved in. I always figured this place would be full of spider webs and like bird shit."Â
Wonwoo chuckles, "I mean we're probably standing on something that's not supposed to be here but it's for us to worry about tomorrow."Â
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When you wake up the next morning, it takes you a good amount of groaning and screaming to figure out if last night was real. Taking shots with Mingyu at his birthday bash? Understandable. Receiving a call from a self-proclaimed tipsy Wonwoo? Confusing but not impossible. Inviting Wonwoo over for wine and ending up making out with him? Insane.Â
What's worse, you couldn't really remember how the night had ended, a consequence of your inebriated self combining with sleep deprivation. But that was a pretty important thing to remember, wasn't it? It could be difference between a regretful farewell and a promising one. You don't know which one would ease the storm in your stomach faster.Â
You roll over to unlock your phone and sit up when you see you have two unread texts. And then, you see they're both from Mingyu.Â
mingyu: thanks for coming last night :D
mingyu: sorry i couldn't see u out. hope you made it home safe!Â
You sigh in barely contained disappointment as you throw your phone back into the sheets, looking up at the ceiling. You suppose you ought to do something about the Mingyu situation soon but right now, you find the idea of suffocating in your bedsheets for the next two hours much more comforting.Â
âÂ
See now, this right here is your problem. As much as you complained about hating being a clichĂŠ, you kind of wish your situation with Wonwoo was more of a clichĂŠ because right now doesn't exactly feel like something out of a film.
It feels like hard cold reality. And it's not the first time either.
1: things will happen between you and Wonwoo: he holds your hand, he kisses your lips.
2: he doesn't text you about it and you're too much of a coward to force him out of his shell.
3: things end up all in the air. And now, you're miserable.
But later that evening, you find out there's more to this list of not-so-clichĂŠ things that happen between you and Wonwoo.
4: you run into Wonwoo at your brother's place.
He's so casual, too, dressed in a plaid shirt and lounging on Joshua's couch, gaming his time away. You almost immediately regretting making an impromptu trip to your brother's place but it's too late to back out because Joshua's already set the dinner table for three. How you despise your extroverted, loving brother.Â
"Did you make that deadline you were complaining about yesterday?" Joshua asks you over a spoonful of his soup. You nod, "Yeah, turns out it was easier when I stopped whining about it."
Wonwoo lets out a laugh, earning him a look from you which you quickly retract, going back to your quiet self when the two engage in conversation. You're glad to ignore but they find it less than easy to, given how unusual your disengagement is. Wonwoo does have an idea for your mood but he doesn't feel like discussing it with your brother just yet.Â
So when Joshua asks him, "Do you know what's up with her?" when you excuse yourself to the bathroom, Wonwoo stiffens. Why was he asking Wonwoo? ⌠Had he been obvious?
"Dunno. Maybe work's busy or something."
"You think I should go pester her with some ice-cream later tonight?"Â
 "Best if you don't do that. She might disown you."
"That's like legally impossible, Wonwoo. Right?"Â
When you take an unexpectedly long time in the bathroom, Joshua goes on. "Did something happen between you two?"
Again, Wonwoo tenses up. "...No. Why do you ask?"
"I mean, she seemed fine yesterday when she came over. So I don't think I'm the problem here. Not that I'm accusing you of anything. Just⌠I know y'all have been bonding recently."
Wonwoo averts his gaze, deeply uncomfortable with this chat. "Um, yeah, I guess."
"Listen, man, I don't mean to take on the older brother tone in this conversation or anything butâŚ" Joshua sighs as he plays with a leftover piece of bread, "You know I'm okay if something does happen with you and her, right? I trust you. And well, she was an adult long before me so I hardly have a say there."
Wonwoo stares at his half-empty glass of water, frowning. "Okay, cool." His answer is curt because he's still caught off-guard by this conversation. He'd wanted to bring up the developments between you himself, in his own way, but this left him a little panicked. Like, he was being rushed to make a move. And his brain ended up shutting down in the process.
âŚbut it really wasn't the best time for his malfunction, given that you'd managed to overhear a good half of that conversation, specifically on the Joshua asking Wonwoo about you and him being indifferent about it. What was he thinking? What were you thinking?
5: you storm out of dinner without an explanation. you pretend you don't hear wonwoo call after you when you do. his texts that night go unanswered.Â
How's that for a clichĂŠ, huh?
âÂ
These days, you're trying find the joy in small things. Like waking up to your very first alarm for the morning. Or brewing an especially aromatic coffee at home.Â
Like making it to the end of a phone-call with Karina without talking about Wonwoo.Â
"Oh, wait, before I forget to ask, how did it go with Wonwoo?"
Almost.Â
You take a deep breath to steady yourself, "Not too well. I mean, we kissed. But then, he didn't text me for like three days after. Then I run into him at Joshua's and he acts all⌠cold. And judging by that one conversation I overheard, he thinks everything that happened between us was a mistake."Â
"Okay, okay, hold your horses, friend, I feel like a lot happened there. You kissed? Why is this the first I'm hearing of it?!" Karina sounds genuinely upset and you let out a groan.
"Well, I was trying to stop bringing up Wonwoo every time we catch up. It's annoying and I want to hear more about your life than complain about mine."
"We can both complain about our lives, Y/N. I have all the time in the world. At least till six. Anyway, that's besides the point! You kissed but he ghosted you afterward? And did he actually say he thought it was all a mistake?"
You bite your lip in rumination and then admit, "He didn't actually say that but it was implied. You would agree if you'd heard the same conversation as I!"
As it turns out, Karina doesn't seem to approve of the conclusion you've come to all on your own. But then you point out that it's been over a week and it's been radio silence. So you have every right to feel as hurt as you do.Â
"I suppose you do. But still, it wouldn't hurt to approach him first."Â
"I would rather die."
"Okay, well, maybe find out how he's doing from Joshua?"
"Will not."
"You're being difficult right now, Y/N. What do you want to do then?"
"I want to move on and not think about Wonwoo. Maybe I should go on a blind date or something."
"We're not in a movie right now, man, plus, I'm pretty sure you were the one who swore your life to finding love organically and whatnot."
"...Gah, I was hoping you'd forgotten about that. Fine, I'll do⌠something."Â
Your words are nothing if not misleading because by something, you don't mean to communicate with Wonwoo like a sane person might. Instead you check up on Mingyu, who you've still been succesfully making small talk at work with, and ask him if he wanted to get dinner. The enthusiasm with which he responds is comforting, a relieving contrast from the tension in your relationship with you-know-who.Â
mingyu: omg i woud love to
mingyu: but im unfortuntely busy tonight :((((
mingyu: would you be down for tomorrow? i can make some killer spaghetti if given the opportunity
you: make???? i was thinking of buying the food⌠but i won't turn that offer down
mingyu: i'm a man of many talents ;)Â
You work out the details of the date (neither of you call it that, but it's understood to be one) over the night and you feel a little uneasy as the afternoon of the day comes to a close. Either way, you find a comfortable dress that is flattering against your skin and welcome Mingyu into your place, letting his excitement work its contagious magic.Â
If you're following the plot line of this story closely, you'd figure out that the next clichĂŠ is this: Wonwoo behind the door across from your home, just now learning about this date of yours with Mingyu.Â
He's broken his pledge to himself and asked Joshua about you, after having missed seeing you there for the past week. Joshua had hesitated to respond but is honest anyway, muttering, "I think she has a date over."
"A date?" is Wonwoo instantaneous question, barely-concealed dread underlying in its tone.Â
"Yeah, remember that guy from work whose birthday she attended?" Joshua pretends to have forgotten his name but his best friend is quick to chime in, "Mingyu?"
But you'd told him he was just a friend. You'd called him sweet for fuck's sake, and that was the most platonic adjective you could use for a potential love interest. Well, he's been proven wrong by your date tonight.
He looks down at his clasped palms, the same ones that were intertwined with your skin, first the skin of your hands, then your cheek when he'd leaned into kiss you. And if he hadn't spent the last four days regretting every minute he didn't call you up, he sure did want to punch a hole in the fabric of time right about now.Â
"You okay there, buddy?"Â
Joshua's concern brings Wonwoo back to his body and he looks up, lips pursed and your brother thinks how ridiculous it is that both of you won't just talk it out. But he keeps that judgement to himself, choosing to sit back and watch his best friend pace it out.Â
"Yeah, I'm fine. Fine. Really fine. I'm okay." He clears his throat, the first tell. "I'm just⌠um, a little hot. It's hot in here, huh."Â
Joshua tames his bemused smile. "Is it? I just turned up the air-con though?"
"Oh, well, it's just me then. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, um, I love this video game."
"Wonwoo, we were in the middle of choosing a card game to play."
"Fuck. Okay, sorry, just give me a minute, I need to go call⌠my mother."
"No worries, my guy, give Mrs. Jeon my greetings!"Â
Across the hall, you're busy watching over Mingyu as he makes his way around your kitchen. You say watching over because really, the man is so clumsy in his own feet, you wonder how he's lived this long. You have to make sure he doesn't cut a limb off every two seconds.
But then your phone buzzes urgently in your pocket and you pull it out, the light smile playing on your face falling when Wonwoo's name pops up on your screen. Now he texts you?
wonwoo: hey! you think we could talk?
You lock your screen almost as soon as you read the message because honestly, you don't have time to dwell over this man in your phone when there's a whole another person cooking you dinner in front of you. That's what ends up leaving a heartbroken Wonwoo, slumped on Joshua's couch as he barely zones into the movie that was playing on the screen.Â
Joshua's had it with sitting around when Wonwoo stays unmoving throughout the ending creditsâ the man hates the credits for crying out loud!-- and instead decides to play cupid. It wasn't ideal, having to set up his sister with his best friend but well, any commoner could see how clearly you were meant to be with each other and he'd rather not have to listen to both sides' misery.Â
It's okay timing, you've finished eating dinner with Mingyu, showering his food with compliments the whole time and flustering with your genuine shock at his abilities the whole night. He's helping you clean up with a cheeky grin on his face whenever he leans in a little too close to place a utensil back in its place and you let a smile overtake your face. But you can barely let yourself enjoy the date because if Wonwoo ill-timed text wasn't enough, you're done for when both him and Joshua show up at your door.
"What the fuck?" you ask your brother because you're positive you told him you had a date tonight and then you spot a spaced out Wonwoo next to him, and suddenly put two and two together.Â
Wonwoo's eyes never leave your figure, taking in how beautiful the blue dress you were wearing was and how you'd put your hair up in a half-bun, a few strands framing your face prettily. He feels sick, first in a good way and then Mingyu pops up behind you, and now Wonwoo's sick in a bad way. The tall man looks so comfortable next to you, arm brushing against yours as he raises his eyebrows in confusion at the two intruders.
"Sorry, Gyu, these areâŚ" you start to introduce them as they are and then, find a particularly provoking way to put it, "...my brothers."
Wonwoo might actually throw up right here and right now. Gyu? Brothers???
Joshua butts in quickly, "Well, technically, I'm Y/N's older brother, and this is Wonwoo, my friend."
"Ohhh," Mingyu nods in understanding, bowing when he realizes Joshua's your sibling, "Nice to meet you. I'm Mingyu and I work with Y/N."
Before you know it, Joshua works his charms on Mingyu and suddenly, date night for two turns into family night for four. You watch in dismay as your date spends a full hour talking to your brother about one thing and another, actually considering setting them up for a minute. And then, Mingyu glances at his watch and sighs, telling you he needs to take off.Â
Joshua, devil incarnate, offers to walk Mingyu out and before you can protest, Mingyu accepts (????) and you watch helplessly as your brother leaves you alone with Wonwoo, narrowly missing the pointed look Joshua sends his best friend on his way out.Â
The room now silent with them gone, you stand up with a wary sigh, patting down your dress. Wonwoo's watching and you know because the first words he says that evening are, "You look beautiful tonight."
You hate how the heat creeps up your neck immediately at his beck and call. But you keep from telling him off because even that would mean you caving in.Â
But then he follows you to the kitchen, steps in tandem as you pretend to busy yourself with the dishes. The space between you is small though and you end up bumping into the man trying to reach for the fridge. He takes the chance and holds your wrist in his hand. "Hey," he breathes, "You won't even look at me?"Â
"No, I've seen enough."
"I'm assuming that includes the text I sent you tonight. And the ones before that?"
God, you hate how good Wonwoo is at frustrating you. You snap, "Don't act like this is on me, Wonwoo. You're the one who pretends like nothing's happened between us."Â
"Really? Because a lot's happened between us, Y/N. A lot of things that haven't happened with you and that Mingyu."Â
You scoff, brushing his hand off your wrist. "That is so typical of you. Coming around because you're jealous? But you can't stand to tell my brother something happened between us? What is this, a game to you?"
Wonwoo freezes when he considers what you've said. "Did Shua say something to you?"
You cross your arms, "No. I overheard you telling him. I can't believe it though. I really thought we had something good going for us."
You break away from the arm that Wonwoo raises to keep you close and throw yourself onto your couch with an exasperated sniffle. This couch sure has seen a lot, you think wistfully, silently listening as Wonwoo's footsteps came closer. He's sitting next to you then, hesitant arm around you.
"I'm sorry, Y/N, I'm really sorry. What you heard was⌠me being an idiot. I wasn't ready to talk about it with Shua so soon. I meant everything happened so fast. I hadn't exactly planned on falling for my best friend's sister, you know? Or kissing her in her apartment either. But it happened and I'm so glad it did. I was just slow at processing it. I'm sorry."
You groan. "It's not completely your fault, I guess. I just wish you would've talked to me about it. I felt so alone the whole time."Â
Suddenly Wonwoo's moving up from next to you and dropping onto his knees so that you're now meeting his eyes. He looks concerned, mouth ajar as he takes your hands in his. "Are you with Mingyu?"
You let out a sound of disbelief, "No! I'mâ I just called him over because I was mad at you! I thought you thought it was a mistake so IâŚ"
"I don't. And I never did. I'm just scared. But I shouldn't have made that your problem. I love hanging out with you though and I especially love kissing you. It would be great if you'd let me take you out on a date instead, please?"Â
And in that moment with Wonwoo on his knees in front of you, looking at you like you'd just told him he would live forever, you don't think you could do anything but say yes.Â
âÂ
"You think we're a clichĂŠ?!"Â
You flinch at Wonwoo's shocked question after you'd revealed to him the mental list of clichĂŠs that you embodied in your relationship with him. He's nearly seething when he finds out you're not joking.Â
"Y/N, you know that's the meanest thing you could ever say to me? Am I really that bad a boyfriend?"
"Woo, my love, will you calm down?" you take one of his hands in yours, "I don't think clichĂŠs are as bad as you think they are. They're clichĂŠ for a reason! It's because they're meant to be done over and over again. They're tried and true."
"Tried and trite, more like."
"Come on, Woo, you can't act like you don't see it! From the very beginning!"Â
He takes a lick at his gelato and you smile when you see him softening a little. You stop walking and stand in his way, barely concerned about the strangers littering the small ice-cream shop when you press a kiss to his lips. "I love you," you mumble against his ice-cold mouth. He shoots you a look that informs you that he knows what you're doing but he shoots back, " I love you, too."
"And love itself is clichĂŠ, don't you think?"
Wonwoo closes his eyes as if in physical pain while you uncontrollably laugh. "I knew I shouldn't have fallen for that! You're trying to make me cry in public, aren't you?"
"Aww, it's okay to cry, Woo, baby. Emotions are only naturalâ"
"I'm calling Shua and asking him to pick you up. I'm leaving."
"Okay, I went too far. Don't make me commute with my brother, I beg you."
âÂ
"Love, you ready to go?" you hear Wonwoo ask from the living room. You'd banished him to the couch after he'd made it his life mission to get in your way while you tried to get ready for your date. Well, double date actually. Karina was visiting you on break with her boyfriend, Taeyong, and she'd asked if you'd be down to get dinner with them. You had never agreed to dinner plans faster.Â
"I am," you call back, just as you smear on lipstick, checking your teeth for any missed food particles for good measure. "Can I come in now?"Â
You can see Wonwoo's silhouette at the door, gingerly watching you from the back for confirmation. You melt with a soft smile, beckoning him in, "Yes. Your exile's over."
Wonwoo celebrates with an exaggerated fist pump and you laugh at his antics when he skips over excitedly. "I'm a free man," he murmurs as his hands naturally slide down your arms to find your fingers. He twirls you around, admiring the black dress you broke out for the ocassion. "You look gorgeous," he says with a kiss to your cheeks.
"Are you quoting Taylor Swift at me?" you ask him with a giggle.
"Who's that?" he questions with a poorly feigned frown of confusion. You roll your eyes but open your arms invitingly, "Will you hug me?"Â
Hugging had gradually become your favorite part of your skinship with Wonwoo, even more so than kissing, because the way he would shoot you a loving smile before wrapping his arms around and swallowing you into a world of cozy and comfort⌠yeah, you don't think anything could compare easily. Sometimes, he would hum happily, the vibrations would only soothing you into the embrace further and often your boyfriend had to peel you off him so you could actually get on with your day.Â
Today, he lets you cling on longer than usual (he likes to say he's rationing his hugs. You tell him he's just a big tease), probably because he's busy relishing in being overwhelmed by your scent and the little kisses you sprinkle across his exposed neck. When he pulls away, you don't complain like normal, instead revealing the stars in your eyes to him. "You're warm. I love this sweater of yours."Â
It was the same navy sweater that had you sweating over Wonwoo back when you were still going back and forth with your feelings for each other. He chuckles in amusement and then steps away without warning, earning a whine from you. But then he tugs the sweater off and your expressions turns playful.Â
"Woo," you start warningly, "you know we're meeting them at the restaurant by nineâ"
You're stopped mid-sentence when Wonwoo straightens out his garment and commands out, "Raise your arms for me, baby?"
But this is not his bedroom voice, no, no. This is his sappy voice and you already know what he's doing when he pulls the sweater over your head and down your torso. "It looks cute," Wonwoo comments by the time you have the sleeves pulled down properly.Â
"You know I hate that word, Woo," you complain but he doesn't let you, pecking your forehead. You sigh in defeat and admire the sweater in the mirror, the fabric sitting surprisingly well against the skirt of your dress. You shrug, "I suppose I can work with this new outfit."
"If not, I can always just take it off for youâ"
"Okay, we're leaving before you say another word!"Â
Wonwoo laughs as he lets you pull him out after you, out the living room and into the hallway. He stands next to you, hands in his pocket while he waits for you to lock the door and glances at Joshua's door, wondering what his best friend was up to. You don't give a chance to do something about it though because your hands back on his arm in no time â and he swears you touch his arm for reasons beyond appropriate but you'd rather die than admit to itâ and walk into the night.Â
You meet Karina at a place called Love in the Air and Wonwoo's had listen to you go on, super smug, about how beautifully clichĂŠ the name and ambience of the restaurant is. Each dish has a romantic origin, like the shall I compare thee to a summer's day cocktail that Karina and Taeyong share, down to the lipstick-shaped bottles of wine served to your table. And as much as Wonwoo pretends to hate the clichĂŠ of love, he still orders the matching Valentine's soup as you just so you can watch his order come out in surprise.Â
And as much as Wonwoo pretends he doesn't love the clichĂŠ of love, when you lean into his arm at the end of the night, already dozing off when he runs his fingers through your scalp, he can't help but let his heart soar with affection for you. And he thinks he would, after all, be in a clichĂŠ if it means to end up in your arms night after night.Â
--
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
hiii oh my god why is this fic actually long!!! i wrote in like a day too so i'm just confused... it was 3k a minute and then 29 pages the other?? that's just wonwoo magic or smth i guess... this was requested and i hope the anon who asked for this enjoys it!!! writing it made a lil sick because of how sappy it is but ... it is what it is.
and consider this me admitting that i wouldn't mind having joshua be my brother... and that's just the flavor of parasocial relationship i'm dealing with these days lol
as always: lots of love to all friends and foes !!
GENRES ||Â Best Friends To Lovers AU, College AU, Humour, Fluff
SUMMARY || First year in college was always known to be stressful with all the assignments to complete, parties to enjoy and lectures to attend. But for you, it was a whole different type of stress: the conflicting (and growing) feelings of affection towards your best friend. Falling for him isnât an option, but neither is avoiding him. So what do you do when you are down bad for the one and only Jeon Wonwoo?
Or, in which, one drunk party sends you hurtling down a rollercoaster of love for your best friend.
SERIES MASTERLIST || teen, age
MUSIC || Sucker by Jonas Brothers
WARNINGS || Nothing actually, mentions of alcohol, just drunk!wonwoo being a menace and me attempting to be funny
WORD COUNT || 14.5k (probably my most massive work till now)
A/N || This is the first time Iâm seriously writing for seventeen so Iâm just going to consider this as my first full length svt fic. Please do tell me your thoughts!! I had a blast writing this one so I hope you all enjoy it as much as i did! Also, advanced birthday gift (or really belated?) to my bestest friend Ni @jaynaurâ . I hope we continue to be friends for million years more. Thank you for sticking with me for all these years, I honestly couldnât ask for anyone better.
TAGLIST || @misssugarlipsâ @loevngyunoâ [thank you for being interested!]
âYou are going to burn holes into his face.âÂ
Kwon Soonyoung hissed into your ears, causing you to glare at him. He raised his eyebrows, as though challenging you and you rolled your eyes.
âIâm not staring at him, Iâm justâŚworried.âÂ
âWorried heâs going to end up sleeping with her?â
âShut up, Kwon.â You muttered, eyes back onto your best friend, whom you were sure was going to regret every single action the next day. If he remembered, that is. True, the last few weeks had been extremely stressful for him, but to see the reserved Jeon Wonwoo you knew become drunk and act this wild was something new even to you, despite being his best friend for more than ten years.Â
â y/n, you canât keep staying here. youâve been living in my room for like, two weeks now. you donât even pay rent. â
PAIRING ⸠jeon wonwoo x fem!reader
GENRES ⸠smut, fluff, humor, college au, roommate au, frat au
WARNINGS ⸠profanity, shy!wonwoo, heâs a bit of an overthinker too, classic âshare a bedâ trope, sort of friends with benefits, unprotected sex, fingering, praise
SUMMARY ⸠initially, wonwoo doesnât think much about your incessant requests to play on his xbox. however, when what was supposed to be a two-hour visit to his place stretches out for two weeks, he starts to think youâre overstaying your welcome.
PLAYLIST ⸠seventeen by girls generation ⢠in my dreams by red velvet
WORD COUNT ⸠6,467 words
AUTHORâS NOTE ⸠hereâs me impulsively writing another short lil fic in 1-2 days because the wonwoo brainrotâs been hitting me :â) tbh just wrote this bc iâve been obsessed with omori LOL but hope u guys enjoy !! âĄÂ
ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON, JEON WONWOO FOUND HIMSELF BEING INTERROGATED BY YOU.
âWonwoo! You have the Xbox Game Pass?â
He was taken aback by your question. Minutes ago, he was diligently studying in the library with Kwon Soonyoung when you approached him. Lee Chan was following after you with an exasperated look on his face, sending Wonwoo silent, apologetic looks. Your face, on the other hand, looked like a collision of supernovas with the intensity of the sparkle in your eyes.
For a moment, Wonwoo wondered if you had picked up some new interest in broadcasting. There had to be a mic clipped to your shirt. If his vision wasnât so shitty, maybe he could spot the hidden camera focusing on him.
âUhâŚâ He sat up straighter and nodded. (He was camera-shyâand people-shy, but that was beside the point.) âYeah, I do. Why?â
You beamed. âCan I come over and play on your Xbox?â
rumor has it that icy department head of pledis insurance has something going on with her loyal secretary, wonwoo. well, she doesâit's just not the kind of behind-closed-doors business one would expect for them to partake in.
â FEATURING;Â secretary!wonwoo x afab!oc
â WORD COUNT; 12.3k words
â TAGS;Â coworkers to lovers, revenge fic, angst, smut
â WARNINGS; blackmailing, manipulation, mentions of past bullying, graphic sexual content (MINORS DNI)
â NOTES;Â hi... it's been forever, hasn't it? i missed tumblr a lot, and have decided to grace the tags with this fic after months of radio silence heheh ! this was a commissioned piece on twt which i tweaked to fit my tumblr audience better! cheers to 5k followers even in my absence t__t you guys are the best!
â PS;Â i'm sorry i can't be bothered to dig up my taglist and tag those who filled it up T T
Thereâs a saying in PLEDIS Insurance that goes: enjoy your coffee early because once the Ice Queen is in, itâll turn just as cold as she is.Â
Of course, the words were merely thrown around in jest. Something that bored employees come up with in the break room whenever theyâre careless enough to think their little jokes wonât reach said ice queenâs ears. But stillâtheyâre just jokes. As long as they worked enough to satisfy their salariesâ worth, Emma the Ice Queen would always turn a blind eye. She might be cold, but she isnât completely heartless.
Most of the time.
âGood morning, maâam,â her secretary, Wonwoo, greeted with a curt nod as she entered her office.Â
Emma scoffed before setting her things down on her work desk, the frown on her face only worsening when she sees the elegantly wrapped gift box in front of her. âWhat's this?âÂ
Wonwoo swallowed thickly, like he was nervous. Wonwoo never gets nervous.
âWe have an...unforeseen circumstance,â he prefaced before tapping away on the iPad in his arms. âSir Leo from the Choi group wants to pursue you.â
âUnforeseen?â Emma repeated. âWonwoo, this is completely foreseen. Isn't it our from the start is to make them fall in love, only for us to expose their dirty secrets in the end?â
He looked as if he wanted to agree. But after turning the screen of his iPad so Emma could see the article written on some shoddy newsletter, her brows furrowed together in confusion.
A Race for the Inheritance: How the Choi Groupâs Next Generation of Ambitious Youngbloods Will Do Everything to Get Their Fill of Old Money.Â
The title itself didnât give Emma much context of what exactly was making Wonwooâher ever-composed secretaryâlose his composure. Itâs natural to see the sons and daughters of a powerful business conglomerate fight each other for their rights to the family inheritance. But after reading through what the rest of the article had to offer, the pieces of the puzzle suddenly started to fit.
âThey're seeing who gets to get married first?â Emma laughed incredulously before handing the iPad back to Wonwoo. âDoes Leo really think he can get me to become his loverâeven more so his wifeâafter everything he did to me in high school?â
Wonwoo breathed in deeply. âMiss Emma, we both know the answer to that. If it were all up to you, you could easily put him to shame and reject him. But his interests somewhat align with the directorâs interests as wellâŚâ
Ah. Her fatherâs interests.
âNo,â she answered sharply. âEven if he kicks me out of my position, Iâm not going to be wed to that prick.â
âAre you sure about that?â Wonwoo sighed before adjusting his glasses. âMiss Emma, we both know you love your work more than anything. And you're chronically attached to this company even if you despise the executives. Sir Leo has good leverage over you, sad to say.â
There was something irritating about hearing Wonwoo call his ex-best friend Sir, as if he was underneath some scumbag of a human being like Leo. But then again, years have passed since then. Lots of things have changed.Â
But Emmaâs grudges hold steadfast, still.
âHmph, whatever.â She dismissed the matter with a nonchalant wave before unwrapping the gift box in front of her. âWas this from Leo, too? Is he on a deadline or something?â
âHmm, first one that gets married before December gets the rights to the inheritance,â Wonwoo informed her as he picked the clutter of ribbons off Emmaâs desk and pocketed them in his coat for later disposal. âDo you want me to look up the progress of his siblings and cousins? We can sabotage him while it's still early.â
Emma didnât respond right awayâpreoccupied with unwrapping Leo's so-called gift. But when she sees a red velvet box with an engagement ring and a folded letter inside, she begrudgingly realized that Leo wouldnât be as easy a target as her other high school bullies.
No, this man really was rotten to the core.
By the time youâre reading this, Iâm sure you already heard the news. You know what to do, right, Emma?
Or should I say, wifey? ;)
âSend this back to him. Now.â
Wonwoo nodded obediently as Emma pushed Leo's cursed gift box away from her. âAlright. Anything else I can do for you? LikeâŚhave someone plant a snake in his bedroom or something?â
Despite the sour mood that Leo undoubtedly put her in this morning, Wonwoo's little idea of a joke made the corners of her mouth turn up into a small smile. The offer was tempting, but in the end, she shook her head and booted up the PC on her desk instead.
âAs much as I want his death by a snake bite to headline the news, Leo doesnât deserve to get out of this the easy way.â Emma muttered as she started browsing through the hard-drive sheâd hooked up onto the computer. âAnd lucky for us, I finally got the evidence to send his suspiciously prosperous career down into a spiral.â
Wonwoo raised an eyebrow before taking a peek behind her. âWhat's that? Money laundering records? Tax fraud?âÂ
No. It was really something as simple asâ
âFootage of a mass orgy he participated in,â Emma casually told her secretary as she clicked on the only video on the hard drive. âMight not look like a big deal compared to what we had to go through with Ezra, but Leo belongs to a family of devout Catholics. Good thing your contact from Leo's favorite bar had some use. All I did was ask around and he quickly spilled all the details with the right amount of money.â
Wonwoo chuckled as he flashed her an impressed look. âAs far as I know, Iâm the one whoâs supposed to do the dirty work for you. Why are you directly involving yourself in matters you can leave to me?âÂ
The lewd video continued to play on her screenâmuted, of courseâand one could easily make out Leo Choi's face amongst the crowd of sex-depraved freaks. Once they sent this over anonymously to each and every person who might think that scumbag deserved to inherit his familyâs wealth, it would be all over for him.
ââCause weâre a team, Wonwoo,â she chuckled. âYouâve done your fair share of work when we took down Gavin and Ezra. But admittedlyâŚI've got more bones to pick with Leo. I think itâs only fair for me to orchestrate his downfall with my own two hands.â
âRightâŚâ Wonwoo agreed with a hint of fondness in his tone that completely went over Emmaâs headâfar too triumphant with her newfound ammunition.Â
âWeâre a team.â
But it wasnât always that way.
Wonwoo was actually more deeply involved in Emmaâs mission to exact revenge on the people whoâve wronged her years ago than one would otherwise expect. Heâd been best friends with Leo since they were kids, and when they eventually met Gavin and Ezra in their high school basketball team, the four of them were quite inseparable.Â
But despite being his best friend, Wonwoo knew that Leo could be quiteâŚoff-putting with his behavior sometimes.
âHey, look at that,â Sixteen year-old Leo scoffed before gesturing towards the loud girl earning amused stares in the cafeteria. âShe's so fucking loud. Is she the new transfer student?â
Gavin snickered as he took a bite out of his lunch. âHow'd she even get in here? Our tuition isn't a joke, and she doesn't really look like she can afford it. The kid of a maid, maybe?â
âOr she could be one of those financial scholarship kids,â Ezra pitched in with a shrug. âThough she doesn't look very bright if we're being honest.â
Wonwoo didnât offer anything to the conversation, merely eating his food quietly as his friends talked smack about the new transfer student in their class. Emma Rodriguez was like a piece of meat thrown into a pit of vipers. Some might like herâlike the classmates who were howling with laughter because of her anticsâbut others looked at her with disdain.Â
She didnât belong to any wealthy well-known families like every other kid in their grade. The girl simply popped out of nowhere like an eyesore, according to Leo. Wonwoo didnât really mind her presence though. She made the boring monotone of his school days a bit more bearable with her energy.
But what Wonwoo thought was just his friendsâ surface-level dislike for a girl who behaved differently from the others in their grade turned out to be something else.
Something worse.
He wasnât stupid. He knew what bullying was, and was well-aware that what his friends constantly did to Emma wasnât something that normal high schoolers did. Leo was the most vicious about it, and Wonwoo never really got to know his reasons for doing all those horrible things.Â
But whenever they spotted Emma horsing around in the hallways, Leo would always be the first one to come up to herâcalling her names like fraud, gold digger, and the like. Gavin and Ezra followed each and every time, and they were usually the ones who pushed her around for no real reason.
And Wonwoo? Wonwoo was the one who always stood a few feet away every time his friends decided they were in the mood to pick on the transfer student. The one who always stayed quiet and pretended nothing unsightly was happening in front of him.
The one whose gaze Emma always tried to silently catch, hoping heâd be the one to stop his friends from harassing her.Â
But he never did.
That cycle of three boys bullying a once bright and bubbly transfer student became commonplace. Before their third year in high school came to a close, Emma suddenly vanished off the radar. She didnât attend their classes, nor was she there in the completion ceremonies at the end of every school year.Â
Most of the kids around Wonwoo didnât really give two shits about her sudden disappearance. Word around the street was that she transferred out because of the heavy harassment she was getting, not just from his friends, but also the rest of the students from their grade. They didnât think Emma was funny because of her silly antics and loud jokes anymore.
Everyone started to collectively think of her as a nuisance, and the fact that she had no familial connections to protect herself with only fed into the senseless yet oh-so popular trend of crushing Emma Rodriguezâs hopes and dreams into the ground.
It was almost like Wonwoo was the only person in their entire grade who felt the tiniest bit of pity for her. But he told himself long ago that someone like him had no right to feel sorry for someone he never bothered trying to help.Â
The years passed by in a flash. After Emmaâs disappearance, Wonwoo quit the basketball team and completely cut off his friends and everyone else who actively hurt her. He didnât really know why eitherâall he knew was that he couldnât stomach the idea of keeping those connections despite what they drove Emma to do.Â
Of course, he knew he wasnât completely innocent either. But it wasnât too late to be a decent person, right?
Wonwoo simply went through the motions of graduating high school, then college, before pursuing a career in the vicious world of the corporate hierarchy. But instead of gunning for executive positions like his fellow fresh grads dared to dream, he worked his way up without using his familyâs prestige to his own advantage.Â
In fact, Wonwoo realized he liked working closely with his bosses. Thatâs why he became the designated secretary to all the finance department heads who walked through the doors of PLEDIS Insurance. He was content with being a jack-of-all-trades kind of guy whoâs at the beck and call of someone elseâa tool who worked on the sidelines. He never really wanted to be the face of any company anyway.
But then, in his fifth year on the job, he was told that there were a couple of changes in PLEDISâ executive board. The boss heâd been working under was set to retire and heâd be replaced with a new oneâsomeone younger and full of promise, as the head of human resources dramatically explained to him.Â
It wasnât really a deal breaker or anything. As long as Wonwoo got paid, heâd gladly work for even the most terrible of people in this industry.
But on the day his new boss was set to start, he was haunted by a ghost from the past instead.
Wonwoo hasnât spared a single thought for Emma Rodriguez in God knows how long. Yet the moment she stepped into the office, he recognized her almost immediately. There was no trace of that girl people called gold digger and other derogatory names because of her appearance. This was a woman with her head held highâsomeone who oozed confidence in every stride with a gaze sharper than her winged eyeliner.Â
Yet Wonwoo couldnât be mistaken. This really was Emma Rodriguez.
He wondered if she remembered him, too. The boy who kept quiet about those who bullied her in those few crucial years of her life. Wonwoo even considered apologizing for not doing anything to help her when he should have.Â
âAh, Wonwoo Jeon?â Emma repeated his name with a dismissive air, almost like she was wholly uninterested in him. âThe one who just watched when Gavin Kim pushed me in the muddy courtyard at school? The one who pretended not to see when Leo Choi splashed paint all over my uniform? Of course I remember you.â
God. Was this her exacting retribution?
For the next few days since she came into the office, Wonwoo helped Emma get used to the feel of things in the Finance Department. At least, that was his intention.Â
From the looks of it, Emma already knew the ins-and-outs of managing a companyâs cash inflow and outflow, as well as the other gritty, more technical details that came with accounting for each and every cent. She managed to prepare and present several sets of data that his previous boss had trouble organizing to the current board of directors within two daysâ time.Â
Her work ethic was admirableâshe got the job done quickly and efficiently, and that made her earn the respect of her subordinates faster than Wonwoo had seen them warm up to their previous bosses. It would have been the perfect relationship between the new department head and her employees, if it werenât for Emmaâs stone cold behavior towards other people.Â
Not only did she look different from the Emma he knew in high school, but she acted differently too. Wonwoo couldnât picture this Emma purposely making a fool out of herself just to make the people around her laugh. This Emma wanted the entire team to get the work handed to them done as soon as possible, and if they did, the most theyâd receive in return is a mere nod in approval and nothing else.
It was for that reason that employees would start calling her the Ice Queen. Though she wasnât some tyrant that gave people an unreasonable workloadâshe was actually very lenient and fair about the division of tasksâher people skills needed a little work.Â
That or Emma was purposely shutting everyone out with her chilly attitude.Â
Wonwoo had a few clues as to why sheâd want to do that, but heâs a secretary, not a therapist. The only thing he could do about it was to keep his silence.
But then came a day when Emma asked him to come into her office to do something he completely expected from her but didnât at the same time.
âAre you still in touch with Leo, Gavin, and Ezra?â she asked him, not even bothering to look up from the report sheâs reading off her PC.
The question caught Wonwoo off-guard and it was obvious Emma caught on to his reaction if the tiny smirk that curved across her lips was anything to go by. Still, he took it in strideâbreathing in through his nose as he thought about his answer.
He hasnât been in touch with any of them since his high school graduation. All their attempts at reaching out to Wonwoo to invite him for a quick game of ball or a round of drinks somewhere in the city were all ignored. Not even turned downâignored.Â
Leo was the most persistent about it. After all, they were best friends. But after several years of Wonwoo not even bothering to give their invites a single glance, Leo stopped reaching out altogether. Wonwoo's life became a lot more peaceful since he cut ties with them, and he never really regretted the decision to do so.Â
But perhaps the universe really was telling him to pay the price for his past inaction now that Emma was bringing up the past on a regular Wednesday afternoon.Â
âNo, maâam,â he told her honestly. âDo you want me to reach out to them? Their contact details are pretty easy to get our hands on.â
Emma sighed quietly before meeting his gaze, an unreadable look hovering across her face. âMmm. Yeah, Iâd like that. But aren't you going to ask why I want to contact them again?â
He wanted to, but Wonwoo learned that in his line of work, the last thing he should do was ask questions. It made him wonder if Emma was purposely setting him up on some sort of conversational bear trap, but seeing as he didnât really have anything to lose by giving, he chose to relent.Â
â...Why?â
The silence of her office rang in his ears as Emma typed away on her keyboard. It was a mechanical one with tactile switches that matched the color of her desktop wallpaper. He didnât take her to be someone who cared enough about aesthetics to that degree, but then again, Wonwoo never really got a chance to get to know her back then.Â
He was too much of a coward to do so.
Once she was done, Emma got up from her ergonomic chair (which also matched her desktop setup), leveling her gaze with Wonwoo's even if the latter was easily a head taller than she was. Something about the glint in her eyes made him swallow the lump in his throat. Not to mention that sweet yet chilly smile that graced her bright red lips.
âItâs really simple, Wonwoo,â she told him with a laugh.Â
âI want revenge.âÂ
And thatâs how their little team was formed.
It was a two-person job. Emma entrusted Wonwoo with digging up the information she needed about the three men she wanted to bring down, all while she was in charge of putting their plans into motion by heading over to the front lines.Â
Gavin was an easy target. Unlike the other two, heâs the only one who pursued professional basketball and for a while, he amassed quite the number of fans and admirers because of his outstanding plays. Whatâs more was that he managed to wife up a beauty queen whoâs already conquered the international stage a few years back. Now with their first baby on the way, one would think that Gavin Kim has a picture perfect life.
But further down the road, talk about how heâs actually a womanizing wife beater started to seep out of the cracks and crevices of the athletic industry. The allegations were serious, but no one really bothered batting an eye. Itâs normal. Lots of athletes are like that. We can't do anything about it.
It was easy to get a hold of which gym Gavin frequents to maintain his physique. He preferred working out in public facilities instead of the one provided for his team because it gave him all the freedom to ogle and flirt with other women who just happened to be hitting the gym on days he was on the prowl.Â
Wonwoo even added a little footnote in the file he prepared that said likes to engage in post-workout coitus in the shower rooms. Emma rolled her eyes in disgust when she read it, but made sure to keep it in mind.
The day finally came when sheâd collect enough evidence to ruin Gavinâs career. Emma hasnât dropped by the gym in a whileâwork having sapped her energy too much to let her psych herself back into working out. But she realized she didnât have to act out too much because the moment she started operating the treadmill right next to Gavinâs, he was already checking her out.
He didnât seem to recognize who she was, unlike Wonwoo. But then again Gavin was easily the stupidest out of her trio of high school bullies. This man was all brawn and no brains, which was why it was all too easy for Emma to seduce him in the showers of this shoddy gym not thirty minutes since sheâd arrived.
It wasnât the most pleasant experience. The last thing Emma wanted was to have this idiotic man inside of her so she offered to go on her knees and blow him insteadâsomething that Gavin was all too happy to relent to.Â
He didnât even boast a cock of considerable size. It probably wasnât any longer than her middle finger, and for a split second, she wondered why his beauty queen wife stayed with him despite having a cock that didnât back up his cocky attitude. It was probably the money.
Emma didnât waste much time though. Wonwoo visited this gym only a few hours prior to plant a bug somewhere inside the specific shower stall they were currently occupying. She just had to hope she and Gavin were positioned well enough so the camera would get a full view of what they were doing.Â
It was the longest twenty minutes of Emmaâs life, and she had to go home right away to disinfect her mouth about ten times, but hey. All in the name of vengeance, right?
At around eight in the evening on that same Saturday, her phone lit up with an email notification from Wonwoo.Â
From: Wonwoo JeonÂ
Subject: CLASSIFIED
Good evening, Miss Emma. I hope this message finds you well.
I retrieved our bug from the gym earlier today and extracted the videos taken before properly disposing of it. Attached to this email is the MP4 file of our evidence against Mr. Gavin Kim.
Around the time this message arrives to you, I have simultaneously sent said evidence to Mr. Kimâs managers, sponsors, teammates, other colleagues, and of course, his wife.Â
The only difference between their emails and yours is that this is a self-destructing message. Once youâve closed this window, it will be deleted from your inbox without a trace.
So if you are interested in watching the video below, best save it to your device of choice for better perusal.
If you have any further questions and concerns, I am merely a text message away.Â
Regards,Â
Wonwoo Jeon
Secretary, Finance and Logistics Department
PLEDIS InsuranceÂ
Like hell she was going to watch it.
The moment Emma finished reading through Wonwoo's overly formal email, she quickly exited the window and, true to his word, the message itself had disappeared. Despite being a fairly new player to the game, she had to commend all the precautions Wonwoo was setting to make sure her plans were a success.Â
It made her wonder if his previous bosses have also asked him to do shady things under the companyâs nose in the past. Whether or not that's true, she was reaping the benefits of his expertise, so she had no room for complaints.Â
As long as she had Wonwoo, sheâd get to punish everyone who wronged her without fail.
Gavinâs downfall followed soon after.Â
Tabloids were their best friend in that scenario. The thumbnail of the video that Wonwoo spread around like some virus that wouldnât stop replicating headlined every single paper, talking about how one of the most promising basketball stars of their generation had fallen prey to his own vices.
It was a good thing that not only was Wonwoo careful enough to not leave digital footprints as he sent out those emails, but he also edited the video to keep Emmaâs identity a secret. As Gavinâs world started to crumble before his eyesâhim being kicked off the starting roster of the team, his wife leaving him behind, and the public execution of his reputationâEmma simply shared a bottle of aged wine from Tuscany with the man who helped her pull off a wonderful performance.
âYouâre not too bad,â she mused as she took a small sip, crossing her legs from where sheâs seated unceremoniously on the edge of her desk. âYou're surprisingly more on-board with this plan than I thought. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were never friends with Gavin in the first place.âÂ
Wonwoo retained his stoic demeanor, not having touched the glass Emma offered him simply because it was against company regulations to intoxicate himself on the job. âIf my boss tells me to ruin someone's life, I'm mandated to do it. Iâm just doing whatâs written on my job description, maâam.â
Emmaâs lips stretched into a grin as she threw her head back with a laugh. She leaned in closer to Wonwoo, who seemed wholly unfazed by the fact that the gesture granted him an ample view of her cleavage through her blouse.Â
âDoes your job description cover watching and editing your boss' sex scandal so you can mass send it to hundreds of people?â She giggled before leaning back to take another sip of her drink. âYouâre in the green for now, Wonwoo. Keep it up and I might just have a pay raise arranged for you with HR if our next escapade is a success.â
He hummed in understanding. âWhoâs next?â
In usual Emma fashion, she didnât give him a straight answer right away. Instead, she hopped back to the carpeted floor of her officeânot even wobbling in those thin heels sheâs wearingâbefore rounding her desk to access her computer.Â
âHave you been watching TV lately? Primetime soap operas?â she asked him as she clicked away on her screen.Â
Wonwoo shook his head. âThey donât really interest me, maâam.â
âI figured they wouldnât. But this might.â
Emma gestured for him to peer at her monitor and Wonwoo wordlessly followed suit, getting up from his seat and standing behind her. Flashed on the screen was an article from a more reputable news outlet that featured two co-stars who played the main couple in a popular networkâs newest drama.Â
âEzra Lee and Alaina ParkâŚâ Wonwoo muttered under his breath before his eyes flickered to Emma. âYou have any leads I can work with?â
His boss chuckled before looking up at him with an expectant smile. âSomeone's determined. I never thought Iâd get to see someone so eager to do the dirty work for me.â
Wonwoo shrugged. âMiss Emma, I'm not sure if you're aware but desk work gets boring sometimes. Youâre right. This is a lot more interesting.â
âAlright, then,â Emma chuckled before retrieving both of their wine glasses and handing Wonwoo's back to him. âUnlike Gavin, I don't have a lot of surface-level leads with Ezra. Heâs a celebrityâtheir reputation needs to be squeaky clean, so it makes sense why I canât dig up anything about him through regular means. But this should be a piece of cake for you, right?â
Wonwoo stared at the bright red liquor inside the expensive glass, gaze darting to the wicked smile playing on Emmaâs lips. If he looked a little closer, he would be able to tell that the shade of her lipstick matches the color of the liquor in her hands.Â
He took it from her grasp with a sigh, clinking the edges of their glasses together before downing the entire thing in one fell swoop. The wine was aged well, and had somewhat of a sweet aftertaste, but despite the appealing flavor, Wonwoo reminded himself to never drink on the job ever again.Â
âIâll get back to you once I have the information you need.â
Wonwoo swiftly left Emmaâs office after that little victory party. Even with his new sideline of being his bossâs lead henchman, he still had a lot of work to do for PLEDIS Insurance. And that included telling the other employees to quit horsing around in the break room when their designated lunch break ended hours ago.
âSir Wonwoo,â one of said employees, Soonyoung, snickered before throwing an arm over Wonwoo's shoulders. âYou've been hanging out in Miss Emma's office pretty frequently. Is there something going on? You became close real quickly.â
âYeahâ said one Seokmin, whoâs still snacking on a wafer despite Wonwoo's scolding. âBoss, we know you're not the fuck-your-way-up kind of guy, but who knows, right? But with your position right now, do you really need it?â
Seungkwan, the last member of their unruly trio, slapped Seokminâs arm with a scowl. âHey! Do you really have to say it to his face? Oh, boss, if you make a report about these two, please know I have nothing to do with whatever they're saying.â
Soonyoung snickered. âAre you sure about that? Weren't you the one who first noticed that Sir Wonwoo was stepping inside Miss Emma's office more frequentlyââ
âHey! Boss told us to scram, didn't he?! Let's go.â
Seungkwan quickly ushered his two friends out of the break room, scolding them in a hushed tone before they all went back to their respective cubicles. Wonwoo shook his head with a sigh, muttering something about inevitable rumors as he made himself a cup of coffee.
Was that how they perceived Wonwooâs sudden closeness with the department head? That he was fucking Emma in the solitude of her office? Well, the idea of a boss having illicit relations with their secretary wasnât too far-fetched. Heâs heard about how the head of the Advertising Department gets frisky with his secretary through the corporate grapevine. But just because it was a popular trope among the employeesâ strange fantasies, it didnât mean it applied to himself and Emma as well.
They were strictly professional: he did the dirty work and she paid him in full. That was all there was to it.
(But what people donât know was that editing Gavinâs scandal wasnât exactly the walk in the park Emma thought it was.
Despite being one of the most indifferent people in the company, Wonwoo was still a man. Seeing his boss, whose body would be coveted by anyone who dared to want her, in such a compromising position excited anâŚunexpected physiological reaction out of him.
His resolve was as sturdy as steel, however. Instead of taking care of the obvious problem in his pants as he edited the scandalous video, Wonwoo dealt with it by taking a long, cold shower until all the blood that rushed down south started circulating properly again.
He told himself not to think about it come morning.)
âA drug den?â
Even Emma was baffled by the news that Wonwoo brought her the following weekâa scowl of disbelief permanently etched on her face as she scanned the file her secretary prepared for her. Wonwoo merely stood at her side, waiting for her to finish going through the data heâs gathered.Â
And he sure hoped she understood every single word printed on it. He practically risked his life trying to investigate Ezraâs secret business. No wonder it was so hard to dig up any dirt on himâdead men tell no tales after all.
âThis isâŚâ Emma swallowed thickly before continuing, âway above my expectations. If he was just getting faded on his own with a private dealer, I'd understand. Lots of celebrities do recreational drugs. But for him to head an entire operation? Where'd he find the time on top of his taping schedules?âÂ
Wonwoo sighed. âI wouldâve been able to investigate further if his men weren't so meticulous. They're fiercely loyal to Ezra. Couldnât bribe him like we did with Gavinâs gym coach.âÂ
âAnd you made sure to keep your identity under lockdown?â
âPositive.â
Emma drummed her fingers across the smooth surface of her work deskâbrows furrowed as she stared into nothingness. Though theyâve only been working together for roughly six months at most, Wonwoo knew her well enough to realize she hit a wall.
It made him wonder if this was where she would draw the line. Their success with Gavin gave them both an unexpected high, sure, but Wonwoo recognized that this game they were playing was a dangerous one. The people they were trying to take down had more money and connections than the two of them could ever hope to get their hands on.Â
But one thing that he failed to recognize right away about Emma was that sheâs always been grossly ambitious.Â
âThe file you gave me also mentioned na he was hoping to insure his new house in Incheon,â she pointed out. âCare to tell me why you decided to include that?â
âI know you told me not to involve the company in this as much as we can, but I couldnât think of any other way to penetrate into his circle.â Wonwoo adjusted his necktie, suddenly feeling like heâs being watched by the hawk that was his boss. âIâve been told that heâs wary of people. Side effects of the cocaine, probably. Though the info broker sounded like he was joking, itâs best to be wary of him. If he can hide behind the protection of his management and his family, we need to play our cards right and protect ourselves, too.â
Emma took a moment to process what her secretary just told her, nodding slowly before closing the folder containing Ezraâs file and locking it inside a hidden drawer beneath her desk.Â
âOh, Wonwoo. If only all men were as intelligent as you are,â she sighed, getting up from her seat before pinching his face. âGood work. Let's go out for drinks later. My treat.â
Wonwoo's face twisted with confusion. âFor what? Doing my job?â
Emma rolled her eyes. âFor going above and beyond every single time. You think you're only good at doing dirty work? At being my errand boy? You never fall behind your quotas here in the office either, you know. I think that in itself is a cause for celebration.â
Now that sheâs reasoned it out, Wonwoo was even more weirded out by this strange turn of events. In the six months that Emma Rodriguez has spent as the head of PLEDIS Insuranceâs Finance head, she never failed to uphold that arctic cold façade. She treated both executives and regular employees with the same degree of cut-throat harshness.Â
And thatâs when Wonwoo realized that she didnât really treat him the way she treated them.
Huh. Did the Ice Queen have a melting point after all?
Despite his extensive protests, however, Wonwoo let Emma rope him into grabbing dinner and drinks at a food hub several districts away from their office. The fewer people who could recognize them outside, the better. Of course, he pleaded and reminded her several times that she was his boss and she really didnât have toâ
âHey! Keep drinking!â Emma slurred with a huff, face red from the alcohol as she pushed another pint of beer into Wonwoo's face. âWhy aren't you drunk yet, huh, Wonwoo Jeon? Are you God? Maybe that's why you're so good at obtaining information for me. Ah! No! Maybe you're the devil! Right, what we're doing isn't exactly good nor is it legalâŚâ
Wonwoo exhaled long and hard as his boss continued blabbering nonsense across from him at their shared table. One glance at the smartwatch on his wrist told him that it was near midnight and that he should probably bring Emma home before she could make a scene.Â
ButâŚmaybe they could stay for a few minutes more.
âMiss Emma? Are you sleepy?â
âHm? Why would I be sleepy? We're drinking, aren't we?âÂ
âYou're half-asleep on the table, so.â
At the prospect of being called out, Emma quickly shot into an upright positionâlooking around to see if anyone caught her drooling. When she realized she was in the clear, she narrowed her eyes at Wonwoo.
âNot a word about this in the office,â she warned, using one of the finished barbecue sticks on their empty plates to threaten him. âBut...yeah. Alcohol makes me sleepy. Drive me home.â
Not even a please. This woman was really shameless even when drunk.
Not a peep of complaint was heard from Wonwoo when he drove Emma all the way to her condo unit in uptown Poblacion. Though he had to practically carry her inside and even help her out of her clothes and into her pajamas (at her request, not his own initiative), he simply told himself this was all part of his job.Â
When his boss was safely tucked in bed, he was ready to bid her farewell and head back to his own place to catch up on some sleep. But for someone who was intoxicated beyond belief, Emma was still quite aware of her surroundings. The moment Wonwoo took a step away from her bed, her hand shot out to grab ahold of his wrist, making Wonwoo look back at her with an eyebrow raised.
âWonwoo,â she murmured, face still smothered in her pillows despite her tight grip. âCan you stay?âÂ
âThere's nowhere for me to sleep,â he chuckled. âI should go.â
âThen sleep next to me.â
The furrow on his brow merely deepened. Heâd ask her to repeat what she said, but Wonwoo could recognize that Emma wasnât really in the headspace to be reasonable right now. So instead of refuting her wish, Wonwoo carefully pried her fingers off his wrist so he could take off his work coat and fold it neatly on top of her vanity table.
This is all part of the job, he told himself.
Wonwoo laid on his bossâ duvet perfectly still. He didnât want to make the mistake of touching her when he didnât have explicit permission to do so. He was merely told to sleep next to her after allânothing else.
But about fifteen minutes after he lied next to her, Emma shifted on her side of the bedâturning to him with a sleepy look in her eyes.
âYou know,â she whispered, so softly, he wouldâve missed it if he wasnât as observant as he was. âI hoped...so hard back then that you would help me when I needed it. But you never did.â
Emma probably wonât remember what she mumbled in her drunken stupor in the morning. But the sadness and honesty that underlined her words sent him back about ten years into the past. To a time when he was a much greater evil than those who directly wronged her.
An apology sizzled across the tip of his tongueâsomething thatâs a decade overdue. But before Wonwoo could hope to let her hear his piece, Emmaâs breathing had become even and shallow.Â
She was already fast asleep.
He sighed, staring up at the dainty ceiling of her bedroom as he chuckled helplessly to himself.
âThatâs why Iâm making up for it now.â
If Gavinâs case was a walk in the park, Ezraâs was an Olympic-level marathon.
Wonwoo didnât want to dwell on the details anymore. To cut it short: he was going to cross out âexposing a notorious drug lordâ off his bucket list without thinking of doing it again ever. While he managed to get out unscathed during his investigation, it just so happened that their final altercation with Ezra ended up putting Wonwoo in the hospital.Â
But so what if he fractured a couple of ribs trying to save Emma from being killed by that drug-addicted lunatic? As long as their goal to bring Emmaâs enemies down was achieved, heâd gladly sustain any life-threatening injuries.
Which was, admittedlyâŚstrange.Â
Long before Emma came into the picture as his boss, Wonwoo never wouldâve pictured himself risking his neck for the benefit of someone else. Though he had an entire arsenal of skills and knowledge at his disposal, it would take more than just his generous salary to get him to put them to good use.
But with Emma, he found himself utilizing whatever means to help her exact her revengeâon people he once called his friends, much less.
He must be going insane.Â
âWonwooâŚ?â
Funnily enough, he ended up recalling everything that happened over the past two weeks first before recognizing that he was just regaining consciousness in the intensive care unit. Wonwoo's eyes hurt because of how bright the fluorescent lights were overhead, but for some reason, he didnât flinch away from her relieved smile when it was a million watts brighter than the hospitalâs indoor lighting.
âGoodâŚday, maâam,â he croaked out awkwardly, belatedly realizing that he didnât know what time it was. âWhat day is it? Did someone fix your schedule for today? Did someone go over your meal plans in my stead? Were youââ
His endless stream of questions was interrupted by hacking fitâmaking Emma scramble for a glass of water on the table by his hospital bed, a concerned look lining her gaze.
âDon't talk too much,â she scolded him as he finished his drink. âYouâve been out for two days, idiot.â
Two days?Â
Needless to say, he couldnât do a thing about it once his boss started fussing over him. She called over doctors she personally knew and handpicked only the most competent of nurses to look after Wonwoo. How Emma could be the judge of that, Wonwoo wasnât very sure, but he gladly let her take care of him for a change.Â
After all, they successfully concluded another chapter in Emmaâs little revenge story.
âWhen are we going to start with Leo?â
Wonwoo brought the matter up about three days after he woke up, right in the middle of eating the stale hospital food served to him for dinner. Emma, who was snacking on some takeout fast food, hummed before tossing a french fry into her mouth.
âYou're not even healed yet, and you're thinking about work?â she sighed before pointing a fry in his direction. âIâm still paying you your regular wage even if you're stuck here. You donât have to worry about making ends meet so much, Wonwoo. You just need to restââ
âBut I donât want to rest, I want to be useful to you,â he interrupted her gruffly, which was strange of him because he never interrupted his employers.Â
For a moment, Wonwoo thought heâd be on the receiving end of a verbal lashing even if he was still recovering. Emma never let other people talk back to her without consequences. But instead, his boss threw her head back with a laugh that bordered on a snort. Itâs a look that Wonwoo had seen on her time and time againâa look that he noticed Emma only showed to him.Â
Back then, he didnât really think of her smile all that much. But nowâŚ
âYouâre being useful enough just by being alive, Jeon,â she reassured him, that grin of hers unwavering. âEnough questions about Leo. I'm not even thinking about him yet because compared to the previous two? Heâs a lot easier to track down.â
Wonwoo shot her a puzzled look. âWhat do you mean?â
âSame approach lang with Ezra.â She flashed him a toothy smile. âWeâre going to get him to insure some of his properties under PLEDIS. But instead of us going to him, he'll be going to us instead.â
âIâŚ? Sorry, maâam. I donât follow.â
Emma stifled a soft laugh behind her palm, unwrapping the burger included in her takeout meal before taking a bite of considerable size. âThe Choi Corporation is expanding a chain of shopping malls somewhere in Jeju. Leo Choi personally contacted our CEO and there we have it: another big shot client.â
Another person to drag down to hell.
âIs that good enough for you?âÂ
Wonwoo was still processing the news as they both finished up their respective meals. He should probably be glad that Emma didnât decide to put their secret operation on hold just because he was out of commission. But something about how smoothly theyâre progressing into the next phase of Emmaâs big revenge plan that made him wary of treading any further.Â
He felt like he was being paranoidâprobably the aftermath of almost crossing to the other side because of what happened with the Ezra incident. Wonwoo couldnât help but be wary of any and all threats to both his life and Emmaâs, and it was for a good reason.
âOkay,â Wonwoo breathed, wincing a little when he felt the spot where his ribs broke ache at how fast he inhaled. âWhat do you want me to do for now? Investigate? Trace his whereabouts?â
Emmaâs smile suddenly turned ice cold. âI want you to rest, Wonwoo. Do I have to keep repeating myself?â
âButââ
âNo buts. Bossâ ordersâI'm your boss, right?âÂ
Ah, thereâs the Ice Queen they all knew and loved.Â
Fine. Maybe he could use a break from all that quote-unquote field work he just did. But one thing about his entire hospitalization still remained unanswered.
âWhat did you tell HR? AboutâŚthis?â Wonwoo gestured towards his battered but healing body. âYouâve got the charisma, but Iâm pretty sure itâs difficult even for you to go into cahoots with the other employees of PLEDIS. Much more, our human resources head.â
Emma waved away his concerns with a shake of her head. âYou're so persistent, aren't you? Donât think about HR. Or Leo. Or the rest of our plans. Canât you be a normal salaryman and be happy that you have a break from all the things I make you do?â
âI told you, Miss Emma. I just want to make myself useful.â
âAnd I told you that you're the least useful in your current state. So give. It. A. Rest,â she threatened, putting emphasis on every syllable.Â
But behind her intimidating façade was someone who actually cared for him. The details were still a bit muddled in Wonwoo's head, but he remembered being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. Remembered how Emma never let go of his hand as they made the trip all the way. And how he heard her pray for him to make it out alive despite being a well-known agnostic.
Once their conversation had mellowed down, he laid back against the steady elevation of his bed, watching the scenic city lights glimmer outside the window of his hospital roomâjust behind the woman who made his life a lot more interesting.
He couldnât wait to be useful to her again.
âI hate this. I fucking hate this so much.â
Wonwoo spared his employer a quick glance as she practically glared at her reflection in the full-length mirror. Heâd been browsing through a sports car catalog tucked underneath the hotelâs coffee table, but watching Emma have a furious meltdown about her wedding was more worth his time.Â
âYou're the one who said that there'll more benefits if you accepted the marriage proposal,â her secretary reminded, crossing his legs as he leaned back on the couch he was sitting on. âDonât say I didnât warn you.â
âOf course I was justâŚgaslighting myself about this entire fucked up situation!â Emma growled as she stomped over to him with a scowl. âCanât fucking believe my dad agreed to marry me off just like that, too. After all his talk that I needed to love whoever I'm supposed to marry...â
Wonwoo shrugged. âAnyone can be blinded by moneyâespecially if it's from the Chois.â
âEven you?â
Itâs a question that sunk into the room with a rhetorical implication. Emma was quick to exchange the earrings her stylist chose for her with something more suited to her tasteâa pair that didnât sparkle all that much but was worth more than six months of Wonwoo's salary. In her reflection on the vanity mirror, he could clearly see the way her red lips parted in concentration as she clipped the earrings in place.Â
âNo,â Wonwoo responded even if he knew she wasnât looking for an answer. âIâm more easily blinded by other things, maâam.â
Emma glanced behind her with a puzzled look, not getting his drift. âLike what?âÂ
Wonwoo didnât dare think twice.Â
He got up from his once comfortable position on the couch, closing the distance that sat between him and Emma in long, calculated strides. She didnât seem fazed by his sudden need to walk over, but the moment Wonwoo was behind her, she stiffened when he reached a hand in front of her face. Then, with a firm yet featherlight touch, her secretary wiped off the lipstick that stained past her lip line with his fingersânot once breaking eye contact with her in the mirror.Â
âIt wouldnât be fun if I told you, now would it?â He smiled before pulling his hand back. âI need to keep you on your toes sometimes, too, Miss Emma.â
He half-expected her to scoff and brush off his attempt at being smart with her. Emma was a no-nonsense kind of person, and with the wedding happening soon, Wonwoo understood why sheâd be more high-strung than usual.Â
But instead of acting the way she always did with him, Emma took Wonwoo by surprise when she fisted his silken necktie in her manicured nails, tugging him down so that their eyes were leveled with each other. Normally, that wouldnât be enough to wrestle Wonwoo into complete submission, but this was his boss they were talking about.
Thereâs a glint in those sharp eyes of hers that had his heart beating off the charts. This wasnât the gaze of someone entitled the Ice Queen of their office. No, thereâs something warm in thereâborderline sensual. And before Wonwoo could even hope to figure out what it was, Emma was already closing her eyes and sealing their lips together like some unspoken pact.Â
Itâs an inconsequential kiss. Wonwoo has made out with both men and women alikeâall desperate gasps and lust-fueled passionâbut somehow, none of those experiences could hold a candle to the way Emma Rodriguez pecked his lips for a fraction of a second before pulling away.Â
âYou're getting more and more insufferable,â she muttered, resting her forehead against his. âYou were never this cheeky before. What happened?â
You, he wanted to tell her. You happened.
At that point, Wonwoo's brain was merely operating on carnal instinct alone. He lunged forward to capture her lips again, making her gasp in surprise as he snaked a strong arm around her waist. Thank fucking god Emmaâs wedding dress had a simple designâno pretentious frills to obstruct his movements.Â
Despite the fact that this womanâhis bossâwas getting married in less than two hours, Wonwoo couldnât even give a damn. He swiped all the makeup boxes and accessories off the vanity table, propping Emma up on the horizontal surface as he kissed her until she saw stars.Â
âWonwoo,â she sighed against his lips, thighs inching apart as he bunched the long hem of her gown up to her waist. He wondered distantly if Emma was going to ask him to stopâto see reason. But the glazed look in her eyes told him otherwise.
âMore.â
Wonwoo wanted nothing more than to give her more. Heâd do everything she could ever dream of asking him. Never mind the fact that it was more than a little messed up for him to consider fucking his boss right before sheâs married off to the man who tormented her endlessly at sixteen.Â
Nobody else matteredânot Leo, not the director, not even Emmaâs intricate revenge plot that was years in the making. At that moment, only the two of them existed, only separated by a few layers of clothing before they could finally become one.Â
But Wonwoo was abruptly reminded why he always chose reason before ambition long before he met Emma. Dreams and delusions were bound to end when you least expected them to. Reality, on the other hand, would always remind you of lifeâs harshest truths.
âMiss Emma?â They both could hear the voice of Leo's personal assistant outside the door to the hotel room, preceded by a few short knocks. âItâs time for your prenup shoot. Director Rodriguez is also looking for Sir Wonwoo. Is he in there with you?â
Whatever dream the two of them have fabricated only minutes ago had been erased from existenceâall that was left was a bride-to-be with her dress ruffled in all the wrong places, and a pitiful secretary with red lipstick stains adorning his face.
âYeah, heâs here with me,â Emma yelled over to the doorway, eyes refusing to part from Wonwoo's. âWeâll be down soon. Thanks, Christina.â
âOkay, maâam. I'll just wait for you in the lobby.â
Wonwoo counted to ten before peeling himself away from Emma, quickly striding towards the bathroom to get some tissues both for himself and his employer. But while he was wiping off the lipstick on the corners of his mouth, Wonwoo immediately noticed the shift in the atmosphere.
Emma was already busy straightening herself outâsmoothing down the creases in her gown and retouching her makeup as best as she could without her stylists. Wonwoo wouldnât have minded the silence, itâs exactly the kind of setting he preferred working in.Â
But just when he thought heâd managed to melt the Ice Queenâs heart over the past year, she turned arctic cold all over again.Â
âAfter the wedding, tell my driver to accompany me to Leo's penthouse. Though I despise the idea, we have to go home together to keep up the act for everyone to see.â She gave her orders the same way she used to tell Wonwoo to sort the companyâs financial reportsâstraight to business with little room for playing around. âOther than that, I don't have any more orders. You can rest easy for the day, Wonwoo.â
He felt like he should say something to address what just happened between them five minutes ago. To ask why she was pretending as if they werenât breathing each other in like all the oxygen on the planet had gone in a flash. But Wonwoo wasnât some desperate fool that overestimated his place in Emmaâs life.Â
âDuly noted, maâam,â he muttered with the same degree of aloofness sheâd just given him before tossing the soiled tissues in the trash. âIâll be waiting for you outside.â
Emma didnât even break face as Wonwoo's footsteps resounded on the carpeted floor. She didnât even spare him a second glance. But then againâŚ
He was her secretary, and she was his employer.Â
That was all there was to it.
Much to Wonwoo's surprise, Leo's case was closed much sooner than he thought it would be.
Before Emma could even make it to the cathedral, the commotion had already started. Wonwoo had arrived earlier in the venue with Emmaâs father, the director of PLEDIS Insurance, and were just about to take their seats among the other principal sponsors when the television screens mounted all over the church suddenly started playing a video.
A video that Wonwoo has already seen before.
He didnât have to glance at Leo to know that he was sporting the most horrified look he could muster upon seeing one of your many sex scandals having an impromptu screening at the cathedral. Collective gasps and disgusted remarks were heard in a chorus of murmurs that reached all the way up to the high ceilings.Â
Wonwoo could hear Leo's assistant, Christinaâwho turned out to be part of the sex parties her boss secretly indulged inâbarking orders for the church staff to cut the feed. But it was too late. Those who needed to see the truth have already gotten their fill.
Recognizing that his daughter couldnât possibly be wed to a man with a reputation thatâs been tarnished in a church, of all places, Director Rodriguez ordered Wonwoo to contact the bridal car driver and tell him to send Emma straight home instead. Itâs a job that Wonwoo got done fairly quickly, and despite the numerous text messages that Emma sent him demanding answers about what happened, he didnât respond to any of them right away.Â
After a few hours of digging around, Wonwoo eventually found out that one of Leo's cousins was behind the public exposĂŠ. Apparently, said cousin was able to obtain the same footage that Emma acquired and was able to sabotage Leo's attempt at seizing their family riches before Emma could even put her plans into motion.Â
Well, at least someone else already did the dirty work for them.
As usual, Wonwoo collated all the information heâs gathered in a concise email. This was how he kept Emma up to speed about their progressâthrough self-destructing emails. He informed her about the involvement of Leo's cousin and how the trash had taken itself out, ensuring that Leo Choi had fallen from the false pedestal heâs clung onto for years. Â
Their behind-the-scenes mission has been fulfilled.
While he didnât expect Emma to respond enthusiastically, receiving radio silence in return wasnât something Wonwoo had anticipated either. But he opted not to read into it much. She mustâve been royally pissed that Leo's demise wasnât brought about by her own hand, and Wonwoo respected that.
The following Monday after the canceled wedding, however, he ended up finding out the reason behind her silence.Â
âBoss,â sobbed Seokmin when Wonwoo timed in at the office. âPlease don't leave!â
Immediately backing him up was Soonyoung, who didnât hesitate to hug Wonwoo, even giving him a few pats on the shoulder as if they were old drinking buddies. âIt's okay, Sir Wonwoo. You've been here long enough. Maybe it's about time you found your path elsewhere.â
âŚHuh?
âWhat are you talking about?â Wonwoo voiced out his confusion. âYouâre speaking like I got fired.â
As if on cue, the third member of their trio walked in on the conversation as he sipped on his usual iced americano. Seungkwan stared at Wonwoo with a puzzled expression before saying:
âBut weren't you fired, sir? Miss Emma announced it this morning, but I think she left right away after, too.â
Not privy to the way the pieces started to click in his head, Seokmin and Soonyoung kept consoling Wonwoo as he made his way to his (old) cubicle. Emma had been one step ahead tooâsomeone already having packed away most of his belongings in storage boxes. Not to mention the notice of contract termination sitting on his desk. Effective immediately, it says.
âI really don't get it thoughâ Seungkwan droned behind him. âYou? The best secretary in the city? Fired just like that?â
Seokmin nodded. âI don't understand it either. You two were business-as-usual after the wedding. Miss Emma must've been so pissed that she didn't get married that she laid off the boss here.â
âTrue,â Soonyoung agreed with a snicker. âBoss, maybe Miss Emma's just being unreasonable. I bet she'll be begging for you to come back in a few days' time.â
Yeah. Thatâs what the situation would seem like to an outsider. But Wonwoo knew perfectly well that Emma wasnât bluffing about this. She fired him for a reason thatâs been stewing for more than a decade. Even if Gavin, Ezra, and Leo have had their taste of justice, Emmaâs revenge plot wasnât finished like Wonwoo thought it was.
Because Wonwoo was one of her targets all along, too.
I hoped...so hard back then that you would help me when I needed it. But you never did.
âWhere is she?âÂ
Seungkwan perked up. âUh, maybe she went home? She told us something about feeling a bit under the weather?â
Seokmin nodded. âShe's probably in her penthouse or something. If i were you, I'd start making it up to her.â
âHey, you're talking like they're actually dating,â Soonyoung scolded with a laugh.
Not even bothering to thank them, Wonwoo turned on his heel and made a beeline for the office entranceâdead set on doing exactly what Seokmin jokingly suggested.
This is why I'm making it up to you, he mused with an exasperated air as he buckled up in his car.Â
Canât you just let me in?
Emma spent her first Monday after the entire wedding disaster with Leo holed up in her unitâstuffing herself full of ice cream. The only reason she bothered going to the office today was to formally announce that her secretary Wonwoo Jeon was firedâjust like sheâd been planning since the moment she met him again as her secretary after all these goddamn years.
Her high school bullies have been put in their place. Her fifteen-year revenge plot was finally over.
But why did she feel so fucking depressed about it?
She sighed pitifully when she realized sheâd already emptied her tub of double dutch ice cream, finally deigning to get up from the couch to deposit it in the kitchen for later disposal. But just when she was about to continue moping in her living room, the doorbell to her unit buzzed from the entrance, making her glance that way curiously.
It could be her next-door neighbor. A kind, elderly woman who lived with her daughter. She borrowed Emmaâs rosemary spices yesterdayâsomething that she barely used because she often opted to go for food deliveries instead of whipping up her own meals.Â
With that reasoning in mind, she didnât bother checking who was at the door through the peephole. She simply undid the locks before opening the doorâonly to come face-to-face withâ
âHey,â Wonwoo sighed as he jammed his foot between the door and the doorframe. âMaâam, please talk to me first. Did you think I wouldn't catch onto what you were trying to do?â
âWhy do I have to explain myself to you? Youâre fired, right?â Emma growled as she pushed the door with her back, but sadly, Wonwoo easily overpowered her. At least he was decent enough to not let himself inâhe simply lingered out in the hallway with a placid look on his face. âWhat?â
âEmma,â her ex-secretary addressed her for the first time without any formalities. âIf you fired me as vengeance for not helping you all those years ago, I get it. I deserve it, even. But after what happened sa hotelâŚ
âYou canât convince me thereâs nothing between us anymore.â
Her breath hitched, face growing warm at the reminder of that intimate moment they shared hours before she was supposed to get married. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could still feel Wonwoo's mouth on hers. But that wasnât a thought that was healthy to entertain at the moment.
âWhat are you saying? That was all part of the plan, you know?â She bluffed with a mirthless laugh, fully turning to face him as she crossed her arms. âMake you smitten enough with me to let your guard down. Look, you didn't expect me to fire you, did you?â
âNo, but you canât fool me, Emma,â Wonwoo chuckled with a self-satisfied smirk. âYou wanted me tooâthat was real. If Iâm mistaken, then make me leave. Call security on me. If Iâm the nuisance you so desperately want me to be, then get rid of me here and now.â
The silence was thick between them. Emma was practically shaking with frustration as Wonwoo stared down at her with that overconfident look on his face. She wanted nothing but to punch him, hit him, slap himâ
Kiss him.
Maybe Wonwoo was right. Maybe Emma did want him more than she led herself to believe.Â
Because why the hell did she fist the front of Wonwoo's work shirt before pulling him inside her penthouse? Why did she slam him against the door, earning a sexy groan from him as she crushed their lips together?
Was this a healthy way to deal with your current predicament? Noâdefinitely not. But it felt too fucking good to pass up on.
Wonwoo, however, was all too quick to regain controlâhooking one of Emmaâs thighs around his waist as she gasped into his mouth. She could practically feel him smirk against her lips, and though sheâs loath to admit, it only made her want him even more.
âYouâre not getting rid of me that easily,â he chuckled before peppering her neck with love bites. âYou might need to kill me first before I stop pursuing you.â
Emma spared him a breathless laugh that quickly melted into a moan when Wonwoo's hand found itself inside her oversized sleep shirt. âIf I didnât know better, Iâd think you were obsessed with me, Jeon.â
His fingers were warm against her skin, and Emma couldnât help the full-on shudder that racked her body when Wonwoo grazed her bare nipples. The smile on his face was wickedâdangerous, even.Â
âMaybe I am,â he chuckled, his breath fanning against her flushed face.
âWhat would you do if I was obsessed with you, Maâam?â
Emma was well aware that Wonwoo knew the answer to his own question. It was obvious in the way he quickly picked her up from the floor, fully wrapping both her legs around his waist as he carried her towards her bedroom. But despite the carnal urgency in his grip, Wonwoo was awfully gentle as he laid her down on the mattress.
âLast chance to kick me out,â he murmured against her ear as he started unbuttoning his shirt. âYou could exact your revenge on me even better, âno? Iâm giving you the leeway to frame me for forced entryâŚamong other things.â
God. She knew Wonwoo was a little crazy when he accepted Emmaâs orders to help her make his old best friends suffer. But the way he looked at her with such crazed desire further confirmed her suspicions.
And she didnât want her men any other way.
âFuck me, Wonwoo,â she told him clearly before stripping her own clothes and laying herself bare for him to feast onâeyes lidded, desiring him just as much as he did her. âThatâs an order.â
He shook his head with a chuckle, and Emma had to force herself not to drool over his perfectly built torso. If she had more patience, she wouldâve taken her time worshiping every inch of Wonwoo's body, but heâd already set a fire in the pit of her stomach. One that she fully expected him to deal with sooner than later.
âSo wet for me,â he observed with a lopsided smirk, pressing their foreheads together as he lathered his fingers with her slick. âHave you always wanted me this way? Do you touch yourself to the thought of me, Miss Emma?â
Yes. Fuck, yes.Â
âThatâs none of your business, Jeon,â Emma stubbornly insisted, keeping herself from moaning when his lips descended onto one of her hardened nipples.Â
Wonwoo made good on the opportunity, using the fingers heâd used to feel up her slick cunt to rub her essence across the other bud he wasnât suckling on. The effect was near immediateâEmma throwing her head back with a pretty little whimper as Wonwoo started to massage her breasts.Â
Fuck. Heâd always dreamed of getting to smother his face between them.
âWonwoo,â she gasped out loud, hips bucking desperately when he bit down on her sensitive flesh. âF-Fuck me. Now.âÂ
âDemanding.â He pulled away from her sensitive nipples with a pop, staring up at her with a lustful gaze. âYou enjoy ordering me around too much, you know?â
âYou enjoy being ordered around, too,â Emma pointed out with a scoff, trying her best not to moan too loudly when Wonwoo's fingers started to toy with her leaking cunt again. âJustâI need you. Please.â
Ah, he never thought the day would come when heâd hear Emma Rodriguez begging for his cock.
âOkay, Ice Queen,â he relented with a playful laugh, kicking his underwear and trousers off as he pumped his already hard length. âSince you're so eager for me to fuck you, Iâm not going to prep you anymore. You better not cry when my cock splits you open, okay?â
Hearing him talk so lewdly to her made her pussy gush with excitement. Whatâs more was that, not only was her secretary blessed with a face and body that gods would covet, but his cock was something she was afraid sheâd keep looking for even when he was done with her.
He was awfully careful when he first pushed inside of her, sharp eyes riveted on her face as it twisted with both pain and pleasure alike. His size was something that one needed getting used to, and he wasnât about to make his first time with Emma uncomfortable for her.
No, he wanted her to keep thinking about him even after theyâve had their fill of each other.
âSqueezing me so fucking tight,â he rasped against her neck, licking a long stripe along the column of her throat to make her shiver. âToo bad you already fired me. I always wondered what it would feel like to bend you over and fuck you in your office.âÂ
He could feel her pussy squeeze his cock even tighter at the shameless image she put in her head, making Wonwoo smirk with pride as he started to move. Emma mewled his name, grabbing his face as he chased his lips. He was all too willing to give her what she wanted, meeting her with an open-mouthed kiss as their tongues clashed together in time with his thrusts.
âW-Wonwoo,â she moaned into his mouth, hips eagerly meeting his. âDeeper. Fuck me deeper.â
And fuck her deeper, he didâEmmaâs got him wrapped around her pretty manicured fingers, after all.Â
Wonwoo was relentless with the way he pounded her into the bed, the sound of skin slapping against skin ringing much too loudly in his ears. But he didnât fucking care. The feel of Emmaâs velvet pussy walls pulsing around his cock sent his mind into a frenzyâfucking her until the bedframe creaked, until Emma was begging him to give her more, more, moreâ
All of a sudden, she gasped, âComing, comingâ!âÂ
If being inside her was life-changing, feeling her cum around his cock sent Wonwoo straight to heaven. Her cunt spasmed deliciously as Wonwoo helped her ride out her highâlips locked together as they breathed each other in.Â
âCum inside me,â she murmured deliriously into his mouth, practically rubbing her breastsâsensitive and littered with all the marks Wonwoo left on themâagainst his toned chest. âMake me yours, Jeon.â
He didnât have to be told twice.
âGod, I love you,â he sighed a little mindlessly, and those carelessly uttered words made Emmaâs eyes widen with surprise before losing herself to the feeling of delirium.Â
Wonwoo spilled his load inside her quivering cunt with a long-winded moan, feeling like heâd been shot through the head and was experiencing a level of euphoria that bordered on illegal. Emma moaned at the feel of his warm cum filling her to the brim, bringing him down for another sloppy kiss as the heat of the moment started to dissipate in the quiet atmosphere of their bedroom.
As their breaths started to settle, Emma was the first to glance at himâto meet his eyes. Wonwoo couldnât find any trace of the arctic cold Ice Queen that practically told him to scram the other day at the hotel.
No, it was just Emma.Â
His Emma.
âCan I still take back my verdict?â she muttered softly, inching closer to bury her face in his chest. Wonwoo instinctively pulled her in for a tender embrace, kissing the crown of her head with a smile.
âYou mean the contract termination?â Wonwoo chuckled. âTake it up to HR, Miss Emma. Iâm just a lowly secretary.â
All of a sudden, Emma rolled over so that she was seated upright on the bed. Wonwoo had to keep himself from groaning at the sight of herâhair disheveled and body sporting all his marks. Seeing her freshly fucked by him was doing things to his libido.Â
âYouâre not just my secretary, Wonwoo,â she sighed, twiddling with her fingers awkwardly. âIâŚI wasnât going to fire you anymore. I got used to your company. IâŚ
âI fell in love with you.âÂ
The words floated between them like a cloud that couldnât easily be swept up by the wind. Wonwoo offered her a comforting smile before pulling her into a firm kiss.
âYet you fired me anyway,â he pointed out with a laugh. âWhy? You couldnât deal with the fact that you fell in love with one of your high school bullies?â
That earned him a punch in the shoulder. âYouâre not one of them. Youâre different.â
âAnd youâre in love with me too, no? You said it yourself. Since when?â
Shaking his head, Wonwoo then pressed a soft, featherlight kiss on her noseâone that had Emmaâs heart fluttering like she was a schoolgirl.
Gosh, this man. Heâs fifteen years too late.
âMaybe Iâve always been a little in love with you. Who knows?â Wonwoo spared her a Cheshire cat smile. âThereâs more where that came from though.â
Emma punched him in the chest this timeâa bit too close to the spot where he broke a few ribs months prior. But he didnât care.
She could send him to hell and back and heâd do it for her in a heartbeat.
From: Wonwoo JeonÂ
Subject: NOT-SO CLASSIFIED
Good evening, Miss Emma. I hope this message finds you well.
I heard that you dealt with quite a stressful client today. Iâm very sorry that I wasnât here to help you with the matter as I was given tasks to do elsewhere. In order to make up for this lapse on my part, I am cordially inviting you to dinner at 7PM tonight after work.Â
Rest assured, the expenses shall be shouldered by me and your only job is to sit and look gorgeous as I wine and dine you for the evening. Sincerely hoping for your most favorable response.
Regards,Â
Wonwoo Jeon
Secretary, Finance and Logistics Department
PLEDIS InsuranceÂ
Your boyfriend :)
end notes: this wasnt thoroughly proofread so if you spot some strange errors (aka sentences in a different language bc this fic was partly in filipino) here and there, pretend you didn't see em! as always, ur feedback means everything to me so scream in the tags or my ask as much as you want ^__^
