Falling
part 2 part 1 here steve harrington x reader word count: 13.2k summary: you left steve. well, not for forever, at least you hoped not. feeling wrecked over your fight, and steve left to pick up the pieces in an empty home, will you find it in you to forgive him, or leave the both of you falling apart? content/warnings: ANGST, hurt/comfort (actual comfort this time), fluff (FINALLY), kissing, flirting, swearing, reader has hair, reader is shorter than steve, mentions of anxiety, kind of self-harm (finger picking and biting), insecurities, mentions of weight, art teacher!reader, coach/teacher!steve, one single use of y/n (i couldn't figure out how to get around it), crying, pathetic steve honestly, let me know if i missed anything!
a/n: hi everyone! thank you so much for being patient with me. i apologize for the delay, i've been working late a lot and i had finals last week so it's been pretty hectic but she is here!!! i hope y'all enjoy this part 2! i really appreciate everyone's comments and i have tagged everyone who has requested to be tagged! xx divider by @cursed-carmine
Present, Tuesday
Tossing and turning on the couch in Nancy and Jonathanâs living room, your body began to sweat and your mind elsewhere. You opened your eyes to see yourself in a pitch black void, the ground underneath you solid, but black as tar. You looked around you, trying to find a source of light or anything but black nothingness. You were dreaming.
Turning around rapidly- back and forth- you spot two people.
âHello,â you shout into the void, hoping to catch their attention.
You start walking towards the pairing, shouting to grab their attention.
âHey,â you said, trying again with no avail, your presence to them was nonexistent.
Once you got closer to make out who the strangers were, you stopped in your tracks only a couple of feet away. It was Steve and Laurie.
They were talking to each other, laughing at whatever each person was saying. You stood in front of them just a few steps away, observing them like an audience. You couldnât make out what they were saying because it was all gibberish. Nothing was making sense. Taking a few steps forward, you hoped they would soon realize you were standing there and stop and look at you. Deep down, you were hoping Steve would look at you.
Eventually you were only a foot away from them, still not acknowledging your attendance. Their words were jumbled but it seemed like whatever they were talking about, they were speaking in a language only they could understand.
âSteve,â your voice barely above a whisper, trying to catch his attention.
You watched as Laurie moved her head up towards Steveâs ear, whispering something to him. Whatever it was, made his face blush and his ears change to a bright red hue. A smirk creeped up on his face. His face turned towards Laurie, reaching down to catch her lips.
You immediately took a step back, your face crestfallen.Â
They didnât stop. It felt like you were part of a CIA torture project and their task was to shatter your heart into the smallest pieces possible. You rapidly took more steps back, trying to get away from the sight, but the more steps you took, the closer they got, like they were following you- tethered.Â
You turned around to look away and their bodies appeared back in front of you, getting closer and closer. The two were embraced, lips glued to each other.
Tears poured from your eyes, feet stomping on the pitch black ground trying to get away. You whipped your head around to see them, their figures disappearing. You turned your head back forward, only to have the kissing figures stand in front of you. The sudden movement caused you to trip over your feet, falling to the ground. The pitch black ground felt endless, but the paint shooting through your knees felt real. Your hands were splayed below you, trying to hold up your weight.
Your tears cascading below, your sobs growing louder and louder. The laughs of Steve and Laurie echoed throughout the space, bouncing off invisible walls. You brought your hands to your ears trying to sound out the horrible sound.
You shot up on the couch, hands grabbing towards your ears. The sound of your heavy, staggering breathing pierced through the living room. Your body broke out in a sweat soaking through your pajamas you packed. You made a mental note to wash these, along with the slow growing pile of dirty clothes, when the sun came up.
Your head slapped back down on the lumpy decorative pillow behind you. This was the only spare pillow they had, but you gratefully took it. It was better than laying your head down on a hard armrest. You clamped your hand to your chest, feeling your heart thump thump thump like a drum against your ribcage.
This has been a recurring nightmare for the past three days since youâve been staying here. You thought sleep would be a good getaway from the constant turmoil running rampant through your mind but it seems to have only manifested itself into your worst nightmare.
The only thing you have been able to think about since you left that Saturday morning was Steve. You were constantly worrying about him. If he was okay, if he was eating, how he was feeling, if you made everything worse, if you should have just put it behind you and let it be, then maybe it would have gotten better on its own or if maybe you could have just gotten over it.
But that option was too late. You already left. You were going to have to deal with the confrontation eventually, you just didnât know when. You told yourself you needed to give yourself time to think, but deep down you know youâre just putting it off for as long as you can, hoping it will fix itself on its own. But thatâs sadly not how it works. Eventually, youâre going to have to go back home and actually talk to Steve and figure out what to do. Youâre just using this as a way to have a little escape from everything. Well, at least as much of an escape as you can possibly have.
You still saw Steve at school in passing. Heâs tried to approach you, with it ending in you doing a 180 and walking back to where you came from. You werenât ready to face it yet. It was only Tuesday, three days having passed, but it felt like itâs been weeks, months without him.
You didnât know when you were going to be ready.
Steve was hoping it would be soon.
ŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť
The Saturday Before
When Steve came back home that afternoon from baseball practice with the kids, he expected to walk in and see you. He planned everything out during practice of what he was going to say to you to make up for everything. He felt like a fool, like he watched you fall through his hands like sand slipping away.
You were the best thing thatâs ever happened to him and he felt like an idiot for giving you an opportunity to leave. He had to make it up to you or he would spend the rest of his life making it his mission to get you back. He didnât care what he had to do to get it. All he knew was you were his life. He was nothing without you.
Walking inside the house, Steve called out for you. Not hearing a reply, he walked towards the bedroom, stopping in his tracks as he saw a piece of paper on the kitchen counter.
Your note.
He grabbed it, eyes scanning the scribbled and rushed writing. He didnât know how many times he read it, or even how long he stood in place, note gripped between his fingers as he tried to understand what was happening. The reality of it crashing around him.
Steve felt like he was suffocating. You left. And he didnât know when you were going to be back. Or if you were ever going to come back.
He canât believe he let it get this far, let himself believe it was going to blow over and he could apologize and it would fix everything. He never imagined you would ever leave him, but he felt naive for doubting your pain, doubting your limits.
He broke your heart, and he was determined to fix it, no matter what it took.
Steveâs first thought was to reach for the phone and dial Nancy and Jonathanâs home phone. But he hesitated once he pulled it off the receiver, realizing you might need space before talking to him. This was still fresh, the wound was open and bloody and he didnât want to worsen it by acting out in the heat of the moment.
He fought a mental battle in his head, part of him wanting to respect the boundary you have given him, but another part wanting to just hear your voice.
He sat down on the dining table chair, elbows resting on his knees as his hands held his face. He felt like the ground was falling apart underneath him. He couldnât lose you and he sure wasnât going to give up fixing what he caused.
He loved you.
So much.
And he hated that you didnât believe him, because of his own stupid behavior. You were his reason for getting up everyday and making the best of his life. He had you to look forward to being at his side along the way. And now he risked losing that forever.Â
He always told himself he met you at a time in his life when he needed you most.Â
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1987
Working at Family Video felt like he was at a dead end. Yeah, he got to work there alongside Robin, but he always wanted bigger things for himself. His dad didnât help with the pressure, always asking him during holidays when he was going to get his life together and get an âactualâ career. He never felt like he was taken seriously by his dad, and his mom didnât bother having an opinion that countered her husbandâs.Â
And then you showed up, and continued to show up, and Steve felt like it was a sign. He remembered you from school but you were always quiet, not really interacting with anyone besides the few friends you had. Steve was doing his own thing as Hawkins star basketball player and you were on the outskirts of the school class hierarchy. But then you became a regular at Family Video, showing up once a week to rent a movie.
After your sixth weekly visit, Steve finally gained the courage to give you a movie recommendation himself.
âHave you seen Canât Buy Me Love,â Steve quipped behind you as you were scouring an aisle for a new movie.
His arrival startled you, a sudden gasp emitting from your lips, your hand reaching up towards your chest to your heart. You turned to face him, your eyes wide in shock.
âIâm so sorry, I didnât mean to scare you,â Steve chuckled beside you.
You laughed at your own reaction, shaking your head.
âNo, youâre fine. I was in my own little world for a second. But no, I havenât seen that yet. Is it any good?â
âI havenât seen it, no,â Steve said, shaking his head, a strand of his hair falling over his forehead, âbut my friend Robin says itâs pretty good. I think itâs a chick-flick, though, so not my usual go-to for a movie.â
âSo, youâre recommending a movie you havenât seen yet,â you questioned, your eyebrows quirking up.
Steveâs mouth opened and closed like a fish, not having a smart comment to make back.
âIâm just messing with you,â a smirk appearing on your face, âbut Iâm counting on this friend of yours to know what theyâre talking about. Five dollar rentals arenât cheap, ya know.â
You made your way around Steve, walking out of the cramped aisle.
âThe movieâs on me.â
Your head shot up while you made your way to the checkout counter, rummaging through your bag for your wallet. Your eyebrows were scrunched together in confusion.
âI canât let you do that. I can pay, seriously.â
âNo, itâs fine, I can use my discount.â
âI donât want you getting in trouble, honestly. I can pay for the-â
âHow about you pay me back by going on a date with me?â
Your mouth was left agape, genuinely at a loss for words. You couldnât believe it. The Steve Harrington was asking you out on a date. The same Steve Harrington who was the most popular guy in school who paid you no mind since youâve known each other. You stared at him like a gaping fish.
Steveâs smile dropped slowly, hesitation replacing it.
âOr I mean no date is good, too!â He tried to play it off innocently. âSorry, that was too forward, I didnât mean to make you uncomfort-â
âYes!â you interrupted, sounding a little too enthusiastic once the word left your mouth.
âI mean, no, it wasnât too forward and yes, Iâd love to go on a date with you.â You rambled, feeling like you were tripping over your words and embarrassing yourself even more. âIâm sorry, Iâm probably making this worse,â you said, giggling slightly, turning your face away to hide the obvious heat flushing your face.
âNo, no, youâre okay,â Steve said, chuckling. He was finding your reaction to be the cutest thing heâs ever seen. He was honestly in awe of everything about you at that moment, even if all he knew was surface level.
âSo, yes to the date?â
You looked back up at him, trying to hold the shit-eating grin from appearing fully on your face.
âYes,â you nodded, âyes to the date.â
Steve perked up, grinning so wide, his cheeks began to ache.
âAwesome! I mean,â he cleared his throat, trying to act cool and collected. âYeah, sounds good. Let me write down my number for you.â
Steve turned around to grab a pen and paper, quickly jotting down his landline number on a piece of receipt paper he quickly fed from the machine. You watched his movements careful, your cheeks aching from smiling. He handed you the paper, looking at it before tucking it into your back pocket.
You turned around to leave, before stopping and turning back around towards him.
âActually, did you maybe want to watch this movie with me? Tonight, maybe,â you asked, your voice quiet like you were trying to be careful not to make more of a fool of yourself.Â
âTonight! Yes, yes I can do tonight!.â
You giggled at Steveâs excitement. Youâve never had anyone- much less a guy- look so excited to be offered the opportunity to spend time with you. You never did get around to dating much in school, too focused on getting it all over and done with.
You grabbed the same pen he used previously and another piece of receipt paper to write down your address. You were starting to be happy that your parents were out of town this weekend, having at first feeling disappointed at the idea of being home alone. But now you were given the chance to spend it with someone else, someone willing to fill your empty home with some company.
You placed the paper down on the counter, gave Steve a sweet smile, and walked out, movie in hand.
Steve stared at your address like he found a pot of gold. He continued to check the clock every minute, waiting for the end of his shift to near. It felt like an eternity had gone by once it hit 9:00PM.
Waiting at home, you paced anxiously up and down the hallway of your home, peeking out of the living room window curtain to see if Steveâs car had pulled up yet.
You were nervous.Â
No, you were anxious.Â
You had to do breathing exercises to tame your heart beating a hundred miles an hour against your chest. You were scared it was going to beat out of your chest and Steve would come inside to see your body on the ground with a heart-shaped hole through your chest. You shook the thought out of your head. Between peeking through the window and pacing back and forth endlessly, you also wouldnât stop checking your appearance in the bathroom mirror.
You didnât know how many times you have touched your hair in the past hour but youâre sure you just broke a world record. You changed outfits ten times before just settling with the outfit you were originally wearing. I mean, it had to be good enough for Steve to want to go on a date with you. Straightening your sweater and swatting your jeans to get rid of any possible dust or dirt every five seconds was useless. You were eventually just giving your hands something to fidget with to ease your anxiety.
You didnât know what time Steve was going to arrive, forgetting to ask him before you left. You didnât even ask him what snacks or drinks he liked.
What if he doesnât like soda? Maybe water? No water is too boring. Soda should be fine. Shit, what if heâs expecting alcohol. I could break into dadâs liquor cabinet. No, what if they notice some of itâs gone. Okay, soda should be fine. Wait, does he like popcorn or chips? But what kind of chips? Maybe candy? But what if he has allergies?
Your mind was becoming an infinite world of anxious questioning.
Itâs just a movie, stop overthinking it!
You didnât want to make it obvious to Steve that youâve never actually gone on a date with someone, worried you were going to make a fool of yourself in front of someone who has way more experience than you in every field imaginable. Oh god, you felt like a loser.
Half past nine, you heard the engine of a car pulling into the driveway. Immediately stopping your anxious pacing and nail picking, you ran to the living room window to see Steveâs maroon beemer. If someone else could see you, they would have said you looked like youâd seen Madonna.
Seeing him get out of the car, you scrambled away so you didnât make more of a fool of yourself with the possibility of him seeing you sticking your neck out through the curtains like a child waiting to spot Santa Clause on Christmas.
Steve knocked on the front door three times, this being your cue to act calm and collected for once.
You ran your hands over your hair one more time for good measure, fixing any loose strays, before opening the door to a smiling Steve. You looked down to see a bouquet of tulips in his hands.
Steve followed the direction of your eyes, realizing what you were looking at.
âOh! Hi, these are for you,â he reached his hand out holding the flowers to hand them to you. He watched as you grabbed them, a smile slowly gracing your face in admiration.
You looked back up at him, biting the inside of your bottom lip to stop yourself from smiling too wide- your attempt at being nonchalant. When have you ever been nonchalant about anything?
âThank you so much, but you didnât have to get me anything,â you said, looking up at him.
âI know but I wanted to.,â he said, smiling gently.
âWell, this is my house. Well, technically itâs my parents house, I definitely donât own it. I mean obviously I wouldnât own it, hah, thatâs so funny, Iâm going to be quiet now before I talk your head off,â you rambled on, awkwardly laughing it off.Â
You stood back to let Steve inside, walking in behind him. You could hear him chuckle, an obvious reaction to you nervously talking, hoping to fill the silence. You were either going to bore him to death with awkward silence or overwhelm him with nervous rambles. You didnât know which was worse.
You pressed your palms to your cheeks, trying to cool down the obvious heat that rushed to your cheeks. You watched as he took in the space. Your home was simple, totally not a mansion or anything. You hoped he wasnât judging the small space, but you trusted the possibility of this Steve being a lot nicer than âKing Steve.â
âSo, umâŚI have the movie in the VCR already. Did you want anything to drink or eat, maybe?â You words came out slow and quiet, worried you were already weirding him out and ruining the date before it even properly started.
Steve turned around, mouth still spread into an admirable smile, like he was discovering a new land and not your two-bedroom home that was almost too spotless. You knew you shouldnât have cleaned up so much. Now it looks like no one even lives here. You mentally beat yourself up over the minute âissueâ.
âThat sounds great, actually. Did you need any help?â
âOh, no, I got it. Donât worry,â you said, already beginning to walk over to the kitchen.
âSeriously, I donât mind,â Steve said, walking behind you leading to the kitchen.
âWell, I just have popcorn for us. Not really a two-man job to stick a bag in the microwave,â you awkwardly laughed. You reached into the pantry to grab the box of popcorn and a bowl from the dish drying rack
âThen Iâll keep you company.â
You looked up at Steve, a cheeky smirk plastered on his stupidly attractive face. You were always bad at keeping eye contact and Steve seems to be a pro at it. You looked away quickly, placing your attention to putting the bag of popcorn in the microwave, pressing the â2â and â0â twice, the microwave humming in the background.
You didnât know what to look at, feeling Steveâs eyes on you and that stupid smile still on his stupid face. You were leaning on the kitchen counter and Steve was standing across from you, his hands leaning behind him against the counter. You darted your eyes across the floor, staring back and forth between your shoes and his.
God, you felt way in over your head.
You wish you could read his mind, just to ease your anxious thoughts and know exactly what he was thinking- what he thought about you and if he was having the worst time of his life being here with you now. He was probably laughing at you in his head, regretting even asking you out.
Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, popâŚ
The microwave beeped, signaling it was done. You turned around, reaching up to open the microwave doors. Steve reached over to try to do the same. You turned your head to him as you both grabbed the handles, pulling it open.
Being distracted by him, you forgot to move your head out of the way, swinging the door directly on your face. You stumbled back, your hand reaching up to touch the spot you just hit. Your eyes were squeezed shut, the pain shooting through your forehead and nose.
Steve grabbed the microwave door, shutting it, directing his attention to you. He grabbed your face, holding it like it was the most fragile thing in the world.
âOh my god, are you okay,â he asked, his eyes blown wide in shock, darting across your face. He gently moved the hand covering your face to see the damage done, you hissing in pain in the process.
âOkay, it doesnât look too bad, but it will definitely bruise later. Do you have an ice pack anywhere,â Steve asked, walking towards the refrigerator.
Your hand went straight back to your head, trying to soothe the pain. Your eyes were still squeezed shut, knowing if you opened them, you would see stars.
âThere should be a bag of peas in there,â you groaned, your teeth gritting together.
Steve walked over to you, gently grabbing your hand away and pressing the bag of frozen peas to your forehead. You hissed at the sudden cold feeling. You felt his warm hand engulfing your free hand, leading you to the living room.
âWhy donât you sit here and Iâll grab the stuff, okay? Donât want you banging yourself up even more,â you could hear him chuckling as he walked back to the kitchen.
âHah, hah, very funny. Almost knocked myself unconscious and you have jokes,â you said, the sarcasm oozing out of your mouth.
Steve came back with the bowl of popcorn and two sodas he grabbed from the fridge. He set the bowl and sodas on the coffee table in front, feeling the couch cushion sink under his weight and the warmth of his body radiating next to you from how close he was. You felt your heartbeat begin to speed up again, goosebumps prickling at your skin.Â
First, you were already acting nervous and now you gave yourself brain damage. Whatâs the worst that could happen now?
You didnât really want that answer.
âLemme see,â Steve said, grabbing the bag of peas from your face. You peaked one eye open, immediately catching his eye.
âItâs looking better. How many fingers am I holding up,â he asks, holding up three fingers.
âI didnât go blind,â you scoffed. Steve stubbornly waited for an actual response. âOkay, three, happy now?â
âVery. Canât have my date dying on me before I could ask her out again.â
Your face ran hot. You wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off his face.
You wanted to kiss that stupid smirk off his face.
The thought made your stomach flip. You hoped he couldnât read your mind.
Your hands shot up to your face, covering it. You bowed your head down, groaning into your hands. Steveâs face fell, his body straightening up like.
âWait, what happened? Did you hit yourself that hard? Do we need to go to the hospital,â Steveâs mouth was running a mile a minute, panic in his voice.
âNo,â you muffled into your hands, âIâm just really embarrassed and feel like I ruined the entire date because I donât have any spatial awareness and now you probably think Iâm weird and even more of a loser than before and youâre going to tell all of your friends how Iâm still the same awkward and weird girl I was in high school and Iâll have to forever live with the fact that I fumbled the hottest guy Iâve ever met and Iâm going to forever punish myself for it.â
You huffed a breath, trying to ease your heartbeat. You couldnât see the wide smile on Steveâs face, nor the blush creeping up. He was astonished by how fast a person could talk, yes, but he was also starting to feel bashful at the thought of you thinking he was the âhottest guyâ youâve ever met.Â
The silence was killing you. If you couldnât have felt him next to you, you would have thought he fled the house at how ridiculous you were being. You peaked between your fingers, Steveâs face spread into a crooked smile, wide-eyed.
You moved your hands down your face slowly, waiting for a response from him.
âYou think Iâm the hottest guy ever?â
You reached behind you to grab a pillow from the couch, hitting him across the shoulder with it.
âOw,â Steve said, laughing, âwhat was that for?â
âI ran my mouth like it was a freight train and the only thing you got from it was that I think youâre hot?â
âYeah, because everything else was a lie. Iâve only been here for 15 minutes and this is probably the best date Iâve ever been on,â he said, still laughing.Â
You stared at him like he was speaking in hieroglyphics.Â
âYouâre insane.â
âMaybe, but Iâm still having a good time. So what you banged your pretty head up? As long as you donât have brain damage, we can still watch the movie.â
You then stared at him like he was a runaway from an insane asylum.
âYou think Iâm pretty,â you asked shyly, wanting to cover your face back up with your hands and sink into the couch cushions, becoming one with the dust bunnies.
Steve leaned over towards you a little, only a few inches from your face, admiring your features. It was like he was examining each individual atom that made up your face.Â
âI think youâre very pretty, honey.â
You bit back a smile, your face feeling like it was a billion degrees hotter than before.
Steveâs eyes were darting from both of your eyes to your lips, doing a once over before landing back to your eyes. Youâve never held eye contact with someone for so long until now. You were going to have to get used to it with him.
âIâm gonna start the movie,â you whispered.
âSounds good,â Steve whispered back, the tension palpable.
You got up from the couch, walking timidly to the VCR player. Your heart was thump, thump, thumping in your chest. It was almost loud enough for Steve to hear. You bent down, pressing play on the VCR, before shuffling back to the couch next to Steve. You were pressed against the armrest, arms crossed around your stomach, creating a few inches of space between the two of you. However, you were still close enough to Steve, the two-seater couch being too small to create even a foot of distance. You could feel the heat of his body radiating towards you.
The sound of the movie previews played in the background, you keeping your attention to the screen. You could feel Steveâs eyes glancing back and forth from the TV to the side of your face. Your heart began to beat faster, the nerves getting to you more and more. You uncrossed your arms, letting your left arm lay across the armrest and your other arm lay at your side, resting on the edge of your couch cushion.Â
You could see Steve through your peripheral vision, spotting his hand move from his lap to the side of the couch cushion. Your fingers were inches apart. One twitch and you would be touching fingertips. The sound of âCanât Buy Me Loveâ by The Beatles blared from the speakers, a young Patrick Dempsey riding on a lawnmower appearing onscreen.Â
Steve cleared his throat, shifting on the couch. The tips of his fingers caressed yours, sending goosebumps up your arm immediately. You took a deep breath, expecting him to pull back.Â
He didnât.
Staying in that position, hands barely touching, you moved your eyes from the television down to your hands, head barely moving. Steve noticed. You caught his head snapping straight to your hands, the same dumb smirk on his face that you are convinced is a permanent feature on his face now. You quickly glanced up at him, making eye contact, before quickly snapping your eyes back to the movie.
You wanted to smack some sense into yourself at this very moment to get yourself to stop acting so shy. You felt like a little girl who just received her first compliment from another boy. Being this inexperienced at 20 years old felt like a hindrance. You were on the completely opposite side of the spectrum as Steve.Â
You tried to loosen up, moving your arm away from the armrest, shuffling your weight on the cushion. You reached over to the bowl of popcorn sitting untouched on the coffee table, bringing it into your lap.
âYou want some,â you asked timidly, offering the bowl to Steve.
âSure,â he said, scooting closer to you.
Steveâs leg was squished next to yours, letting the bowl rest between his and your legs. His arm was nestled against yours, skin brushing every time one of you reached into the popcorn bowl.
As the movie played, you or Steve quipped up with a comment about the drama happening in the movie, you finally slowly coming out of your shell, giving him a sneak peak inside your mind.
âSome of these actors donât even look like theyâre in high school,â you pointed out, earning a laugh from Steve.
âWhat the hell even is a Columbus Day dance,â Steve asked, laughing as he asked it. You giggled in response.
Eventually, the empty popcorn was tossed to the side, both of you propping your shoeless feet on top of the table, bodies glued to each otherâs sides. You fought the urge to lean your head on Steveâs shoulder, but too scared you were going too fast and crossing a boundary. You didnât want to make a move and embarrass yourself. You were terrified the entire night of embarrassing yourself.
When the movie ended, you got up towards the VCR, rewinding the tape before slotting it back into its case.Â
Steve leaned into the couch, feet moving off of the table. He glanced up at you, staring as you set the tape down on top of the box TV.
âThat actually was a really good movie. Maybe you are good at your job,â you said, a snarky undertone in your words. You looked back to him, seeing his face morph from a smile to shock, mouth agape.
âExcuse me, I am very good at my job,â Steve replied, hand across his chest feigning shock.
âWhatever you say,â your hands up in surrender, âI might need another movie rec as more proof.â
âI can make that happen,â Steve replied, the corner of his lips turning upwards.
You smiled to yourself, huffing a laugh under your breath. You watched as Steve got up from the couch, grabbing the empty popcorn bowl and putting the soda cans into it.
âHere, let me help you clean up.â
âOh, no, you donât have to do that. Canât have my guest doing the dirty work,â you said, attempting to grab the bowl from his hands, watching as he moved it away from your reach.
âNo, no, I insist. I have to repay you back for the hospitality somehow.â
âI think you helping me recover from an almost concussion is good enough repayment,â you quirked your eyebrows at him, crossing your arms.
âMaybe Iâm just finding an excuse to spend a couple more minutes with you.â
A pregnant pause fell between you, your brain backfiring before scrambling to find a retort.
âI-...okay, fine,â you stuttered, your arms falling to your sides.
You followed behind him as he walked to the kitchen. You grabbed the soda cans from the bowl, throwing them away into the trash can. You watched as he quickly washed the bowl in the sink, standing behind him.
In the few seconds it took for him to scrub the popcorn butter from the inside of the bowl, your eyes raked from his hair down to the back of his jeans.
Your eyes were glued to his ass. Your mouth fell slightly open, eyes concentrated on the tightness of his jeans.
Jesus Christ, did it always look this good?
Steve turned around to face you, your eyes immediately snapping back up. You hoped you played it off well enough so he didnât notice that you were definitely staring at his ass.Â
He smirked.
Again.
He definitely noticed.
You cleared your throat, scratching the back of your neck, refusing to make eye contact to prevent even more embarrassment.
âThanks for cleaning up. You didnât have to but-â
âI wanted to,â Steve interrupted.
You suck your bottom lip between your teeth before releasing it.
âThank you. Still,â you paused, however this time the silence falling between you wasnât uncomfortable. It felt welcomed.
âI can walk you out,â you said.
âIâd like that, thank you,â Steve replied, a fond smile on his face.
He followed behind you as you walked to the front door, walking outside towards the beemer in the driveway.
His keys jingled as he grabbed them out of his pocket, planting his feet by the driverâs side door. Your hands were clasped behind your back, not knowing what to do with them. You stood in front of him, raking your eyes across the maroon car.
âI had a really good time,â Steve said.
âEven though you had to play nurse for the first half?â
Steve laughed, snorting a little bit. That earned a laugh from you, the sound catching you off guard. You didnât expect Steve Harrington to be the type to snort when he laughed, like it was characteristic he was âtoo perfectâ to have. God, you wish you didnât already have him on a pedestal. Heâs just a guy.
âHey, I think my efforts saved your life,â Steve said, putting his hands up in surrender.
âIf you count putting a frozen bag of peas to my head as âlifesaving efforts,â then thank you very much,â you said, huffing a laugh, âWouldnât be alive without my knight in shining armor.â
You bit your bottom lip, directing your eyes to the concrete driveway, not brave enough to see the effect of your poor excuse of flirting. It was worth a shot, you thought.
Steve quietly chuckled, and you thought you would never get tired of the sound. You wanted to record his different laughs on a mixtape, just to listen to when he wasnât aroundâŚis that weird?
The sound of crickets and a neighbor's dog barking at passing cars bled through the quiet of the night. You willed yourself to look back up at Steve, him already looking at you catching you off guard. Neither of you said anything, just looked into each otherâs eyes. You took the time to really look at Steveâs eyes, noticing that his eyes werenât actually brown, but hazel. The nearby streetlamps enhancing the brown, gold, green hues in his eyes.
His eyes are so big, you thought.
You began to wonder what he was thinking about. If he really did enjoy tonight, if he wanted to see you again, if he was weirded out by you, if he was just being nice to not hurt your feelings, if he liked you. Your mind was moving at high speeds. You wondered if it was obvious you were overthinking, if your eyes were exposing your secrets.
You watched as Steveâs eyes flicked from your eyes to your lips, moving back to your eyes within a millisecond. Your heart skipped a beat. Almost like the both of you were magnets, pulling towards each other, you felt yourself leaning closer towards him.
You were close enough to feel his breath on your face, eyes still locked on to each other. It felt like you were in your own world for a second, the sounds of outside turning off and all you could hear was your heartbeat.
âI really want to kiss you right now,â Steve said under his breath, barely above a whisper. Just loud enough for only you to hear.
You shuddered a breath, a shiver running down your spine. Your eyes flicked back and forth between his eyes, trying to force a response out of your mouth to not leave him hanging.Â
Itâs time to suck it up, buttercup, and make a move!
âGood thing I really want you to kiss me, then,â you replied, using his own words back to him, your mind backfiring on you to think of anything clever.
Steveâs breath hitched, his hand moving slowly up your arm to the nape of your neck where his hand cradled the back of your head. The feeling made goosebumps spread down your arms as your hands reached for his shirt, planting them to the front of it for stability.Â
Steveâs lips met yours, a gentle kiss pressed to your lips. You thought your legs were going to give out from under you, leaning into his body as you deepened the kiss. Steveâs hands moved to cradle your face while your fingers began digging into his shirt as you gripped it. Your lips moved in sync as if you were performing a choreographed routine you both had practiced beforehand.
You pulled back, the air between you mixing together as you both tried to catch your breath. Your fingers still gripping Steveâs shirt, you slowly removed them, hands gliding down his chest back to your sides. Steveâs hands moved to your waist as he stared into your eyes, his chest moving up and down trying to calm down his breathing.
âI meant it when I said this was the best date Iâve ever been on,â Steve said, pausing before finishing his thought, âI really want to see you again, if thatâs okay.â
You tried to bite back the smile that forced its way through, your attempt at nonchalance. You tried and failed.
âIâd like thatâŚto see you again, I mean,â you quipped, the excitement obvious in your tone, âugh, I feel like Iâm embarrassing myself more and more as the night goes on.â
You covered your face with your hands, wanting to sink into the ground to hide your embarrassment. Be cool, be cool, be cool.
Steve grabbed your wrists, pulling your hands away from your face.
âYouâre cute,â he said, a cheeky grin on his face, âand definitely not embarrassing yourself. I promise.â
You were trying to decipher the way Steve was looking at you. If you could read his mind, you would see that he was staring at you like you hung the stars and moon in that very moment. He was enamored. And he also felt like he was in deep when it came to you, even after just one date. It was everything he was hoping it would be and more.
Steve let go of your hands, fishing his keys back out of his pocket that he quickly shoved in so he could kiss you without interruption. This was your cue to take a step back, your hands clasped in front of you, fiddling your fingers.
You watched as he slid into the driver's seat, closing the door, before rolling down the window.
âAre you doing anything tomorrow night,â Steve asked, sticking his head out of the window.
âNo,â you replied, curious why heâs asking.
âGood. Iâll call you when I get off of work,â Steve said smiling. âThatâs okay, right?â
You giggled at his way of asking for reassurance, nodding your head.
âYeah, yeah thatâs okay. Iâll be here.â
âPerfect, Iâll be looking forward to it. Goodnight, honey.â
Honey.
That petname again.
You donât think you could ever get tired of hearing Steve calling you that.
âGoodnight, Steve,â you said, walking back to the front door, and walking inside.
You peaked out of the living room window, spotting Steve as he pulled out of your driveway and drove down the street. He waited until you got inside before leaving.
You went to bed that night with a permanent smile on your face. It took you forever to go to sleep, the entire night running through your mind like a movie youâve memorized.Â
ŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť
Present Day, Tuesday Night
That was the start of your relationship. You were both so giddy like school kids, experiencing feelings that neither of you had really felt with anyone else, especially Steve. The next three years went by so fast. You were both so happy and in love. Rarely fighting, rarely bickering. Your family and friends viewed the two of you as the perfect couple, with many hoping you would eventually move onto the next step and get married. You couldnât imagine being with anyone else. You almost wanted to write a letter to the founder of Family Video just as a thank you for making the company in the first place because without it, you donât know if you would have ever been with Steve in the first place. He was your favorite person, your best friend.Â
And now, as you stared at Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byersâs ceiling in their living room- back laid against their couch- you wondered if it was too late to get back to those happy times.
Get back to when you felt Steveâs love. Get back to how unconditional and confident it felt.
You havenât had a good nightâs rest since you left. Itâs been years since you slept alone, having gotten used to having Steveâs body laid next to yours, only a few inches away if he wasnât cuddled up next to you. It felt colder being by yourself. It didnât help that this was the most uncomfortable couch youâve ever had to lay on, but you dealt with what you were given. You were grateful either way. You were grateful for Nancy to even allow you to stay here and take up the space that youâre sure Jonathan and her are used to having to themselves. You were sure Nancy understood where you were coming from- at least a little- having dated Steve before, too.
Did she have to deal with this, too? Was she jealous of other girls, worried he wanted someone better deep down?
You wanted to confide in her, ask her about if she had the same worries at the time. You knew you were better off, though. It was years ago when they dated, too. Nancy always said Steve was a lot different now than he was then. But how different?
You decided to get up from the couch, making your way to the small kitchen. You grabbed yourself a glass of water, trying to be as quiet as possible to not wake anyone up. It seems Nancy might have super hearing, walking out of her and Jonathanâs bedroom to see what you were doing.
âHey, you okay?â
âShit, Nancy,â you whisper-shouted, startled by her natural skill of sneaking up on people. You spilled some of the water in your cup in the process, setting it back down in the sink.
âI need you to start making sound when you walk or youâre going to give me a heart attack one day,â you said, laughing under your breath.
âSorry, I just wanted to check up on you.â
You leaned back against the counter, feet crossed in front of each other. You took a deep breath before opening your mouth, closing it right back, thinking about what your next words were going to be.
âI just canât sleep. I havenât been able to sleep since I got here. I just-,â you paused, âmy mind wonât stop thinking. I have so many questions and Iâm justâŚscared to ask them. Iâm scared of the answers.â
Nancy looked at you with concern in her eyes, her eyebrows scrunched together. You kept your focus on the light the moon casted on the linoleum floor.
âWhat questions did you have? Iâm sure getting them out of your system might help,â Nancy said, walking over to stand across from you.Â
Sheâs been worried about you ever since you called and asked if you could stay over for a couple of days. You gave her the rundown of everything that had happened within the past couple of months and she completely understood where you were coming from. But she also told you you were going to have to talk to Steve eventually. She hadnât mentioned that heâs called the local newspaperâs number to ask Nancy about you everyday since.
ŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť
Tuesday Morning
Nancy was sitting at her desk, editing an obituary article her boss asked her to finish up by the end of the day. Her desk phone began to ring, knowing immediately it was Steve. He called multiple times yesterday and the day before and the day before. She expected him to call again, today.
âSteve, you canât keep calling me at work like this. Youâre going to get me in trouble,â Nancy said in the receiver, voice low so her boss didnât hear her. She looked around to make sure he wasnât pacing the room like he usually does when heâs out of his office.
âI know, I know, I just want to know if sheâs okay. She wonât even look at me at work.â
Steve sounded defeated. Nancy knew he was calling in between his classes, his only available time to call since he wasnât allowed to call her home number, where you might overhear.
âSheâs doing as okay as she can be, right now, Steve. You just need to give her time. It hasnât even been a full week yet. Sheâll come around.â
âI fucked up, Nance. I fucked up so bad and I donât-,â Steveâs voice broke, his breath shuddering, âI canât lose her, Nance. I will never forgive myself if I have to live my life without her.â
Nancy was at a loss for words. She was put in the middle of two heartbroken and distraught individuals, and she wasnât sure she had all of the answers they were looking for.
âJust give her time, Steve. She loves you. A lot. But you broke her heart and itâs going to take some time for her to be okay again. I mean, if Jonathan had girls all over him constantly, I would be a little upset, too. Hell, Steve,â Nancy hunched down into her cubicle, whispering to avoid anyone overhearing, âif he agreed to someone saying I gained weight, Joyce would kill him.â
Steve froze on the other end. Hearing it from Nancy, he still didnât know what she was talking about. He never got the chance to ask you about it. He was only left in an air of confusion, his memory failing him.
âNance, I really donât know where thatâs coming from. I donât recall doing that and you of all people know I would never say that about someone, especially her.â
Nancyâs eyebrows scrunched at his statement. âWhat are you talking about? The class reunion you guys went to? Laurie Sullivan?â
âNancy, Iâm serious, I donât know what you are talking about. She mentioned it once while we were fighting and then didnât bring it up after. What did she say happened?â Steveâs voice was frantic. He felt like he was in an interrogation and his life was on the line- his life being you.
Nancy took a deep breath, sitting up straight in her seat, not caring anymore if her boss sees her. âFrom what she told me, Laurie mentioned how she assumed you two had kids already because it looked like she gained weight. She told me you said âyeahâ before you guys walked off.â
Steve went still. He replayed the night in his head, feeling like an idiot for brushing that off.
âSteve, are you still there?â Nancy was making sure Steve didnât drop dead, with the only sound on the other end of the phone being white noise.
âYeah, yeah Iâm here.â Steve said, sounding distressed. âNance, I didnât mean it like that. I didnât mean for it to sound like I was calling her- oh my god, Iâm so fucking stupid. She was acting weird the rest of the night, too. Fuck! Itâs a misunderstanding, Nancy, please believe me.â
Nancy was wide-eyed, taking in the new information. âWhat did you mean by that then, Steve? From what I was told, it sounded bad.â
âI know, I know but thatâs not what I meant. I was barely even paying attention to what Laurie was saying at that point. My mind was on getting out of the conversation and trying to leave. I didnât even want to talk to her in the first place.â Steveâs head was in his hands. He felt helpless. âWhat do I do, Nance?â
âYou need to talk to her. Iâve told her she canât avoid you forever but I also understand where sheâs coming from. I know itâs a misunderstanding but sheâs still hurt by the other stuff, too, Steve.â
âIs there any way you could convince her to let me call her atleast?â
âSteve, I donât kno-â
âPlease, Nancy, please,â Steve said with desperation, âI just want to hear her voice.â
Steveâs hand was covering his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling down his face. He didnât need his students asking why Coach Steve looked like he just watched All Dogs Go To Heaven for the first time and got to the end scene.
Nancy hesitated, silence on the other end of the phone.
âIâll talk to her,â Nancy said, hearing Steve breathe a sigh of relief, âbut I canât make any promises. If she says no, she says no, Steve. You canât force her. You know how she is.â
âI know. Sheâs always been very headstrong. I love that about her. Can I call tomorrow, maybe?â
âWeâll see. Iâll talk to you later, Steve. Just give her time.â
âOkayâŚtalk to you later, Nance.â
ŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť
Tuesday Night
Your mind rummaged through all of the possible questions you had. For Steve, for Nancy, for yourself. Questions you werenât sure you even wanted the answers to, fearing they would prove you right. You wanted to be wrong. You were thinking the worst of it all and you wanted them to prove you wrong, make yourself believe you were just overthinking and it all just led to insecurities instead.
You looked up at Nancy, mouth opening and closing in hesitation.
âDid you everâŚ,â you paused, wanting to get the words right, âwere you ever insecure about other girls when you were with Steve?â
Your words came out slow, like the words were foreign in your mouth. You looked away from Nancy, feeling like a bug under a microscope.
âOhâŚum, well, maybe sometimes, but not really. Steve always got that kind of attention from other girls but I never doubted that he loved me. I think he was really just clueless about it.,â Nancy said, then snorted at a thought,â Honestly, I think he was so infatuated with me, the idea of other girls hitting on him didnât even come to mind. He didnât really take notice of it from what I remember.â
You didnât realize you were holding your breath until you exhaled. Her answer gave you some hope. But another part of you was telling yourself that people can change a lot within a matter of years. And it had been years since Nancy and Steve dated. You wanted to trust her answer, but you were filled with so much doubt.Â
Nancy must have seen your face change from hopefulness to doubt. She reached across, grabbing your hand and squeezing it. Her way of telling you âitâs okayâ.
âHeyâŚSteve would have to be the stupidest guy to hurt you on purpose. From the outside looking in, I truly believe he only has eyes for you. I know youâve been overthinking everything the last couple months, but I think you really need to give him the chance to explain his way out of it, just to hear what he has to say. He loves you, babe. I donât even think he loved me that much,â Nancy said, smiling at the last part.
You looked at her, searching her face for a sign of her lying to you. You couldnât find it, but you also know deep down, Nancy would never lie to you like that.
You weakly smiled, it not quite reaching your eyes.
âThank you, Nance,â you said, nodding your head.
Nancy squeezed your hand one last time before letting it go. You watched as she went back to her room, leaving you standing there to ruminate her answer.Â
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Wednesday Morning
You slept on it that night, waking up with the worst headache due to depriving yourself of sleep for the past couple of days. There wasnât enough coffee in the world that would remove the bags under your eyes or recover the years off your life that youâve most definitely lost with the couple hours of sleep youâve been surviving off of.
Getting ready for work the next day went along the same routine youâve had since you left: agonizing, exhausting, and a chore. Youâve done the bare minimum to get ready, skipping doing anything to your hair or putting makeup on. You didnât necessarily do a lot to your face, but made sure you didnât look like the Cryptkeeper every morning. However, the bags under your eyes have become more noticeable, and youâve resorted to doing the least work to tame your hair.
You arrived at the middle school around 6:30, giving you about an hour to prep your class and set out any remaining clay projects that your students need to finish glazing. A mug, a bowl in the shape of a flower, and many clay pendants were placed on their specific studentsâ assigned seats. You were keeping track of the time, waiting for the clock to strike 7:15, giving you 15 minutes to go to the teachersâ lounge and grab you a cup of coffee.
Also to be able to avoid running into Steve.
You remembered like the back of your hand that Steve got to school at the same time as you, heading to the teachersâ lounge for coffee, and leaving for his classroom at 7:00. You gave yourself enough time to make sure he was settled in his classroom before walking to the lounge.Â
Deep down, you felt like a coward. You knew you couldnât- shouldnât- avoid him forever. But the confrontation scared you. You were stuck in a limbo that you were too afraid to get out of due to the risk of being sent to either heaven or hell.Â
Walking to the lounge, you approached the door before turning around at the sound of your name being called by a student.
âMiss Y/L/N!â
The young girl quickly walked over to you, huffing and puffing like she had been running through the hallways just to find you.
âCassidy, hi! Whatâs up,â you said, standing in front of the teachersâ lounge door.
âI know itâs last minute and our projects are due Friday, but is there any way I can start over and do something else? I donât like how mine is turning out and I have something else Iâd like to do,â the young girl said, her words coming out fast.
You looked at the clock on the wall across from you, keeping track of the time. You desperately needed coffee, not believing you could survive an entire eight hour work day without some kind of caffeine.
âUhâŚI donât know, Cassidy. Itâs already Wednesday. Do you think you could finish something today in class? I need enough time to fire it in the kiln so you can have enough time to glaze it and have me fire it in the kiln again tomorrow.â
You watched the young girl as she thought to herself, her eyes looking up at the ceiling deep in thought.
Before her words could come out of her mouth, the door opened up behind you. You turned around to move out of the way with no luck. Whoever was walking out was still deep in conversation with another teacher, head tilted back laughing at whatever joke someone could find so funny at this time of day. Not paying attention, their mug of warm coffee hit your chest, spilling the warm liquid all over your dress.
You jerked back, gasping at the feeling, looking down at the brown stain slowly spreading as it soaked into the fabric. You watched as it dripped onto the floor, brown droplets spreading on the tile.
You looked up to see who the culprit was, only for you to make eye contact with Steve.
Just my luck.
âCrap- I mean,â Steve said, attempting to correct himself as he realized a student was in front of him, âshoot. I didnât see you standing there, Iâm so sorry. Lemme help you clean up. God, Iâm so sorry, honey, I really wasnât paying attention.â
Your eyes shot up at the nickname, hands freezing in position as you stopped trying to wring out the excess coffee from your dress.
âItâs fine, I got it-â
âNo, really, this was my fault, I was distract-â
âSteve, I said itâs fine.â
You looked into Steveâs eyes, trying to put your foot down. This wasnât how you planned your day to go. You actually planned it to not go like this. Strictly planned it, in fact. Punctually planned.
You turned to the young girl still standing beside you, waiting for approval of her request.
âCassidy, Iâll let you do a new project, but,â you raised a pointed finger to emphasize your point, âyou have to finish it in class today. If you canât finish it, then Iâll have to ask you to finish your original idea instead, okay?â
You watched as the young girl awkwardly looked between you and Steve, trying to decipher what was going on between you two. It wasnât unknown amongst the school that the two of you were together. It was just unknown that you were having issues. You didnât need everyone having access to your dirty laundry.
The young girl gave a wide smile before turning around, scurrying to her homeroom class. You took a deep breath before turning back around to Steve. He looked like a puppy who just got scolded for chewing up someoneâs shoes.
âI have extra clothes in my classroom. Iâll be fine, Steve. Thank you, though,â you gave a meek smile before turning around to walk back to your class.
Steve reached over to grab your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.
âPlease, wait.â
âSteve,â you protested quietly, turning around to face him. A knot was beginning to grow in your throat.Â
You tried to swallow it back down, not wanting to cry at school. Kids can be nosy. You didnât need twelve year-olds prying into your love life.
âI miss you,â Steve said, voice cracking in the process.
You looked away, knowing you would start crying if you looked into his eyes. The same hazel eyes you fell in love with. You think you fell in love with him that first night you really looked into them. They always had a way of making you fall back into him.Â
âSteve, please, donât do this here. Weâre at school,â you said, shaking your head.
âI just want to talk to you, honey. I miss your voice. I miss your face. I miss you,â Steve swallowed hard, trying to prevent his words from coming out as sobs, âJust talk to me. Please.â
You looked up at Steve, seeing his eyes glisten with tears threatening to spill. Your lips were downturned, your deep sadness on display like a zoo animal. You sighed deeply, thinking about your options. You thought about Nancyâs advice, but you really thought about what you wanted the most that youâve been forcing yourself to ignore.Â
You wanted Steve.
You really missed him, but you couldnât ignore the hurt you felt at the same time. You were scared he couldnât make the promises you needed. You couldnât stand the idea of tolerating feeling like you being put on the backburner, that you were safe and he only settled with you.
âOkay, we can talk. But not here.â
You watched as Steve exhaled deeply, like he was holding his breath.
âOkay, okay that works. I can meet you after school.â
âIâll just meet you at the house. If thatâs okay,â you said, hesitating in between your words.Â
Steve beamed at your answer. He let go of your wrist, nodding his head eagerly.
âYes, of course thatâs okay. Itâs your home, too, honey.â
âThis doesnât mean Iâm staying, Steve. It just means weâre talking,â you stated, hoping he understands where youâre coming from.
You watched as Steveâs suddenly straightened posture fell, his demeanor faltering.
âOkay, I can-,â Steve paused, swallowing the lump in his throat, â-I can work with that.â
The school bell rang through the speakers, indicating class had started. You looked at the clock hanging on the wall above you, seeing the time at 7:30.
âShit,â you muttered under your breath, âI gotta go.â
âYeah, me too,â Steve murmured.
Before walking off to your class, you turned back around to face Steve. âIâll see you at home, okay?â
Steve nodded. âOkay.â He gave a quick smile, it falling as soon as you turned around, walking away from him.
ŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť*ŕŠâŠâ§âË*ŕŠâŠâ§âËŕźşâŕźť
Wednesday Afternoon
As you sat in your car, you mentally prepared for what was to come once you pulled into the driveway, entered your home- you and Steveâs home- and talked to Steve. Your mind raced with the possibilities of how your conversation could go.
 You were nervous.
 So, so nervous.
You tried to fight the urge to pick at your fingernails, not wanting to have to worry about cleaning them and definitely not have Steve worry. You didnât want him to see how bad youâre doing. But you were kidding yourself. The way you have been coming to school would be evidence enough to show how miserable you have been feeling. You thought you were stronger than this. You had hoped you were. You felt like you were proving yourself wrong and you hated yourself for it. You felt things so strongly and it felt like a flaw more than a strength.
One major inconvenience for this mess was the fact that you had to start biking to and from work. You and Steve didnât have to worry about needing two cars, especially when it came to going to work. No car meant figuring out your own mode of transportation since you couldnât bear the thought of relying on Jonathan or Nancy to drive you to work everyday. They were already giving you their home- you didnât want to be more of a hassle.
The bike ride was calm, giving you time to clear your thoughts and ease your emotions. Arriving at the house, Steveâs car was already pulled into the driveway. You sat your bike on the side of the house in front of his beemer. You hesitantly walked to the front door, contemplating whether you should knock or just walk in.
Itâs technically my home, too, so should I just walk in?
No, I canât do that, I should knock. Iâm a guest right?
Why would I be a guest in my own home? Just walk inside.
Before you grabbed the door handle, the door opened, with Steve staring at you like he could hear your thoughts himself.Â
You swallowed, awkwardly looking around like you were caught doing something you shouldnât. Your cheeks felt hot from the embarrassment of having been seen just standing there, doing nothing. Youâve been told your face shows what youâre thinking. You donât know how true that is but youâre hoping itâs not or else Steve can see how panicked and embarrassed you are inside.
âHi.â Steve looked at you inquisitively.
âHi,â you said sheepishly, waiting to be invited in.
âOh, come in,â Steve stepped aside and let you walk inside. You looked around, seeing the house look almost untouched, unlived in. You wondered if Steve even did anything when he was home since youâve left. It looked like the place hadnât been touched since then. Desolate, deserted, empty, haunted.
You stood by the couch, shifting your weight on your feet. You felt yourself start to pick at your fingers, quickly tucking them behind your back hoping Steve didnât notice. His eyes flicked to it quickly, eyebrows scrunching. He knew.Â
âSo-â
âI called Nancy the other day,â Steve interrupted. You stared at him, eyes wide with this new information.
âOh? I didnât know that. She never mentioned it.â You were squeezing your hands behind your back, a dull ache blooming in your joints.
âYeah,â Steve scratched at the back of his neck, a nervous tick youâve grown familiar with ever since you met. âI wanted to see how you were doing and she kind of explained something to me. Something I shouldâve caught on to but Iâm just-â
Steve paused, looking away and scattering his eyes across the room. He looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole, he felt so ashamed.
âIâm an idiot, honey. Iâm-â Steve brought his hands down his face. â-She told me more about that night. The reunion. And what Laurie said. And then what I said.â
Your hands still, bringing them back around slowly, wrapping your arms around your torso. The memories of that night rang through your head, the sound of Laurieâs voice shrilling in your ears. You looked away from Steve, biting the inside of your cheek.
Steve took a few steps towards you, planting himself in front of you, only a few inches away but not close enough where you could feel him and his body heat radiating off of him.
âI know how it sounded. Shit, honey, if I were you, I would have thought the same thing, but I didnât mean it that way. I promise.â
You watched as Steve recounted the events of that night, telling you what Nancy told him, what actually happened, what he meant by his words that had cut you in half when he uttered them. You stood there at a loss for words, feeling like an idiot. The voice in your head telling you you shouldâve just talked to him that night, and maybe this wouldnât have blown over as it has.
Steve walked a few more steps to you, grabbing your hands from around you, he looked at the few fingers that had bandaids on them, and the few that didnât, looking red and raw from overbiting. His face scrunched, like he could feel the same pain you were feeling.
âAnd what about those women you let flirt with you? Is that just a misunderstanding, too?â You yanked your hands away from Steveâs grasp. You wiped at your eyes, preventing any tears that have been welling up from falling. You needed to stand your ground.
âI donât want to have to compete for your love, Steve.â
âYouâre not competing for my love, you have it-â
âThen why does it feel like I am?â You threw your hands up, exasperated.
âI donât want you to feel that way. I never want you to feel that way.â Steve said, shaking his head. âIâll tell them to stop, that itâs not appropriate. That I have you and only want you, honey. I promise. I canât-â Steveâs voice cracked, you watched as his throat bobbed as he swallowed.
âI canât live my life without you. These past few days have been hell for me. I hated having to come home to an empty house alone without you and going to bed without you next to me. You donât know how relieved I was just being able to talk to you this morning. Iâve missed your beautiful face and your laugh and your smile and your everything. I will punish myself for the rest of my life if I have to just to be able to make up for what Iâve done to you. I will do anything, honey,â Steve was sobbing, his voice hiccuping in between sentences. His face was red and his eyes were squeezed shut, like he was willing himself to wake up from a nightmare.
You watched as Steve fell to his knees, grabbing your hands and leaning his head on your stomach. You gasped, staring at the man you loved, seeing him at rock bottom. Youâve never seen Steve cry this hard. You never wanted to see him like this ever again.Â
âIâm so sorry, honey, Iâm so, so sorry. Iâll do anything to have you back,â Steveâs words were muffled, tears and shaky breath mixed into them. You brought your hand up to caress his head, attempting to sooth him.
âSteve, baby, please,â you uttered, trying to calm him down. You grabbed his face, bending down to get to his level. Your hands were wet with his tears, trying to wipe away as many as you could.
You brushed his hair out of his face, cradling his cheeks. âI love you. So much. But itâs going to take some time for me to be able to trust you again. You really hurt me, Steve.â A tear fell down your cheek, your lips downturned.
âIâll do anything, honey, Iâll do anything to have you back,â Steve shook his head back and forth. He wiped away the few tears falling on your face with his thumb, cradling your jaw. âI love you, I love you, I love you.â Steve chanted, bringing his hand to the back of your head and resting his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. His breathing started to slow, his breath still shaky.
You broke out into a sob, body shaking uncontrollably. You cursed yourself in your head.
Steve pulled back to look at you, the tears on his face mostly dried up. âHey, hey,â he coaxed you, holding your face in his hands. You shook your head, trying to will away the tears that poured from your eyes.
âLook at me, honey, please,â Steve said, looking at you with worry in his eyes.
You shook your head more, trying to take a deep breath but being interrupted by the sobs racking through your body. You brought your hand to your mouth, trying to muffle the noise.
Steve engulfed you into a hug, your head resting against his chest as your body shook. He sat down, cradling you in his arms, shushing you quietly.
Steve whispered sweet nothings into your ears, his words muffled by your hair as he placed kisses to your head over and over. As soon as you slowly began to calm down, and the only sound being sniffles from the both of you and your own shaky breathing, Steve moved to look at you.
âLetâs get you cleaned up, okay?â Steve helped you to your feet, leading you to the bathroom. You looked at the not-made bed in the bedroom, your side looking a mess. You connected the dots, realizing Steve had been sleeping in your spot for the past couple nights.Â
You watched as Steve ran a shower, setting out towels and a clean pair of clothes for you. You watched him diligently, leaning against the bathroom counter.
Steve walked towards the door. âIâll be out here when youâre done, hone-â
âWait,â you paused, looking at him. âWould you like to shower with me?â Your voice was quiet, like you were hesitant to even ask.
Steve smiled before turning back to face you. âOf course, honey. If thatâs okay with you?â
You nodded. âI want you to.â
You watched as Steve lifted his shirt over his head and unbuttoned his pants. He looked at you, realizing you havenât started to take your clothes off. His eyebrows scrunched, taking a few steps towards you.
You were becoming insecure about being naked in front of Steve. You know now his comment to Laurie wasnât malicious but the negative thoughts youâve had over your body because of it, ruminating in your head over the past couple months, have left you feeling like a foreigner in your own skin.
Like usual, it felt like Steve could read your mind. âHey, I can give you some alone time if thatâs what you need.â
You shook your head. âNo, I want you here, I just-,â you glanced at yourself in the mirror, eyes raking over your body. âI feel soâŚso gross in my skin.â
Steveâs face fell at your words, a frown rearranging his features. âYou are far from being gross, honey.â He stepped closer to you, his hands resting on your waist. âYou are the most beautiful, breathtaking, stunning, sexiest woman I have ever seen. I am in constant awe at you and how I got lucky enough to have you want me.â
Your face heated up at his words, turning your head away from him to hide it. Steve grabbed your chin, forcing you to face him.
âI mean it. I wouldnât lie to you. Especially about that.â
Your conversation was interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing in the kitchen. Both of your heads snapped towards the sound.
âShit, I forgot to call and tell Nancy I was coming here. She probably thinks I got kidnapped on my way home,â you said, your hand up to your mouth in shock.
You fast walked to the phone before the ringing stopped, picking up the receiver to your ear.
âSteve, is she there? I donât kno-â
âIâm so sorry, Nance. I forgot to tell you I was coming here. It was a last minute decision and I forgot. Iâm fine, though.â Your words spilled out of you, trying to ease Nancyâs anxiety she must have been feeling.
You heard Nancy breathe a sigh of relief. âOh thank god, I was about to report you as a missing person.â You huffed a laugh at her statement. âAre you sure youâre okay? Do you need me to come get you?â
âYes, Iâm fine, I promise.â You looked at Steve standing in the entryway of the kitchen, looking intently. âWeâre fine,â you emphasized, smiling at Steve.
âOkay, thatâs good. Good to hear youâre not going to be on 20/20. Though I wouldnât have minded being able to talk to Barbara Walters,â Nancy said, snorting at her own joke. âKidding, kidding. Well, let me know if you need anything. Are you going to stay there?â
You looked at Steve again, admiring him for a second. âYeah, I think Iâm gonna stay. Iâll come by tomorrow after work to grab my stuff.â
You watched as a grin broke out on Steveâs face, walking towards you. He wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you from behind and attacking the sides of your face with kisses.
âOkay, Nance, I gotta go. Iâll see you later, love ya, bye.â You rushed off before slamming the phone back on the wall.Â
You squealed as Steve lifted you off the ground, arms still wrapped around you. You turned around to face him once he let you down, seeing a big fat grin on his face. You missed that smile.
âAre you really gonna stay?â Steve grabbed your hips, bringing you closer to him, now chest to chest.
You looked up at him, smiling. âIf youâll have me.â
âIâll have you for forever if you let me,â Steve said, his face leaning towards yours.
You lean into him, catching his lips with yours. Steveâs hands were splayed across your back, pressing you into him. You grabbed onto his shoulders for stability, deepening the kiss. Your hands glided across to the back of his head, gripping and pulling his hair. A groan escaped Steveâs lips, opening them up for you to slip your tongue into. Your tongue brushes against his, a whimper squeaking out of you.
You missed this- the way he tasted, the way he felt. You could die happy if you could do this- kissing Steve- forever.
You broke away to look at him, Steve looking absolutely wrecked.
âIâm never letting you go, ever again. If I ever upset you like that again, you have every right to beat me up.âÂ
You giggled at Steveâs exaggeration, shaking your head at him. âDeal.â
You watched as Steveâs face grew a permanent grin, his face lighting up. âI seriously do really love you. I think I saw you in a dream once and you just came to life, just for me.â
âI love you most.â
You looked at Steve with all the love you had for him, his words always getting to you. You donât think itâs possible for someone to love you any more than Steve does, but you wouldnât have it any other way. You donât want anyone else, and neither does he. Heâs made it his mission to make sure you knew that everyday for the rest of his life. You knew that, even if you were falling, Steve would always be at the bottom to catch you. Your new heights were being built one-by-one, one day at a time.
âNow, about that shower,â Steve said, smirking at you.
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