I am very confused ppl says bi can love two genders and some says more but not all and some says all and some says they can’t love all because all is for pan/Omni .. I used to label myself as a bi but now I am not sure if it ok to still label myself as a bi ?? ( bc many says bi means two ) not mention .. demisexual ( although I feel like Demi is really natural for everyone unless I misunderstood it )
oh, wow. okay. I never expected to get a message like this in 1000 years. I am 100% not someone who is well versed in queer history or queer theory. I was in the closet and ignored this part of myself for a very long time, and for me that meant ignoring all the history and nuances that comes with queer as an identity and as a part of history. It’s very convoluted and there’s lots to learn, so please please please if you’re curious check out some reputable resources and not just ask randos on tumblr who honestly, most people (like myself), probably don’t actually know much that is truthful, useful, and fully representative of different identities and histories.
That being said, there are a few things I DO know. And one of those things is that the term Bisexual has been through some Shit(TM) over the years. To people who don’t fully understand they may believe “bisexual” means only 2, as in “men and women” but, yes, thinking of the term as having that definition is super harmful (and biphobic) because gender is not binary. Bisexual can mean many things, such as “my gender and others.” The number “2″ isn’t what’s important in the term Bisexual. What IS important is that potential for more than 1, for the addition of “and”. Bisexual is also often used by people as more of an umbrella term for people who experience sexual and/or emotional attraction to more than one gender (like Pansexual, Omnisexual, queer, etc). I don’t know if this makes sense, so like I said, please check out some other resources (I found BiResource helpful, particularly the Bisexuality 101 tab. It touches on the point you brought up).
Bottom line is, it is totally 100% OK to consider yourself and label yourself bisexual. Some people think it is a harmful term, they are wrong. The term has evolved, they will need to evolve their understanding of it as well.
If you don’t think you are bi, that’s 100% cool too. Sexuality is as fluid and changing as gender is. You can change how you identify with how you change as a person, or with how your understanding of yourself changes.
As for Pansexuality, that’s a perfectly valid identity too. In my understanding of pansexuality, as applied to my own life and experiences, it is very similar to bisexuality (to me anyway, may not be true for other people), and truthfully, I could very happily identify as pansexual and be cool with that. However, I identify as Bisexual because when I was a kid I was very confused about my sexuality (very common for bisexual people as you don’t fit the “straight” or “gay” categories and almost everyone in the world seems to want you to just pick one) and I did not have the resources that are available today.
I don’t even remember where I heard the term “Bisexual” but I remember getting a sense that that was Right. That that was who I am. Bisexual was the term I ran over in my head time and time again. Bisexual was what I typed into yahoo answers as a terrified 8 year old trying to ask people (as was the Thing to do in that time) “Am I Bisexual?” and people would answer “no, you’re a girl. Girls are often more attracted to other girls than boys are to other boys. It’s just a phase that all girls go through. You’ll grow out of it” (LOL). Bisexual was the term I tried to forget about and hide inside of me after I read that answer. Bisexual was the term that my ears honed in on in high school when we had our first pride parade. Bisexual was still the term I stomped down on in my head as I stayed closeted and ignored that part of me. Bisexual was the term I heard once in a blue moon on tv that made me smile, and feel proud but push those feelings down inside of me. Bisexual and its flag was the one that made my heart beat faster, that made butterflies in my stomach, and a grin on my face when I saw it in Pride Parades. And Bisexual is the term I used when I finally told my friends and family, and when I finally went to my first pride parade actually wearing blue, purple, and pink, and not hiding my smile or my own pride.
Bisexual as a term means a lot to me. It has been with me through my whole life. So that is how I identify. Bisexual means More than one gender. Bisexual is not a harmful term. Bisexual is a perfectly healthy and valid identity.
Please, look up some resources on everything you have questions about. Bisexuality, Pansexuality, Demisexual, everything. I have such limited experience and knowledge. I am literally just speaking from my life and a few resources that I have read. There are a lot of harmful misunderstandings outside and inside the LGBTQ+ community, and we all just have to try our best to learn and not spread harmful misconceptions.
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