Hello! This is Rie! (He/Him) ━☆ﾟ*･｡*･ user @/okiedokrie-main on tumblr
I'm 21 years old, '04 liner! My bias at the moment is Jeonghan, his eyes literally have me by the throat, however, I do have a bias line! Seokmin, Jeonghan, Soonyoung, and Joshua! All my blogs are adult spaces and are not made to cater to, or be safe for children. So as always, MDNI!
This is my main blog! This is where I follow and send asks from!
All of my blogs are NSFW unless stated otherwise, okiedokrie is my main kpop writing blog, hong-jisoo is my filipino writing blog, jisoo-cristo is my dark fic blog, okiedokreations is my graphics blog, and priemogems is my anime/hoyoverse blog!
Messages are always welcome!
Status: Active!
Main blog for ━☆ﾟ*･｡*･ @okiedokrie, @okiedokreations, @hong-jisoo, @jisoo-cristo. @lifeofthetorturedpoet, @priemogems, and @oneiriec-shards!
it’s not unusual for artificially intelligent robots to blend in seamlessly to society. many years ago you found a robot that was being abused and stole him. you saved him and put him back together, and in the process upgraded his programming to the point both of you often forget he’s not a human. he’s become your companion as you navigate the dark neon city together.
⟢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞(𝐬): romance, smut, angst, established relationship
⟢ 𝐚𝐮(𝐬): cyberpunk
⟢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 18.1k
⟢ 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: loss of parents before the story, cussing, angst, drug use, talks of dealing drugs, stealing, hacking, working basically as gang to take down a company, Joshua has a lot of internal conflict struggling with not being human, talks of prostitution, and sex bots, they’re both quite codependent on each other.
⟢ 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: multiple sex scenes I think there is 4, sex with a robot. Soft dom joshua, sub reader, he’s got super strength and uses that to lift and move the mc easily, Unprotected sex, creampie (he has synthetic cum), cum play, cum eating, overstimulation, fingering, oral (fem rec), big dick Joshua (joshua hung if you will), pussy stretching, body worship, hair pulling, spanking, semi exhibitionism, semi public sex, rougher sex, choking, nipple play, panty kink, things are intense between them nicknames: baby, starlight (hers) shua, baby (his)
⟢ 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 18+
🎧: agora hills - doja cat | bmf - sza | pov - ariana grande | burning blue - mariah the scientist | intro (end of the world) - ariana grande
⟢ 𝐚𝐧: this is part of @studiosvt’s cyberpunk: reload collab. Thank you @aeristudios for helping me with this one and @jakedustry for beta reading. Divider by @/saradika-graphics.
You haven't lived your whole life in the city of Chroma Nexion. Your life started out very differently than it is now. Your childhood was the stuff of dreams. You grew up in a luxurious city away from this neon hell city has become. You were raised with a silver spoon in your mouth. Your father worked at a bank that handled money for huge companies like FleXeon. Everything shifted when you were freshly seventeen, after a late night at business dinner you lost both your parents in a tragic car accident.
That night shifted everything for you. The house you had grown up in left you feeling haunted. Selling it was the only way you could escape the ghost of your past.
Taking the bullet train to Chroma Nexion changed your life. You realized with the money from your inheritance and your excellent programming skills, you had the ability to never work a mundane regular job.
Meeting Seungcheol made you realize that you could hack just about anything. He took you under his wing and you joined the team that he’s made. You learned Seungcheol had one goal in life, it was to rob the rich and give to people who truly needed the money.
On one of his missions you snuck into a tech corporation. In the basement you were searching around with Wonwoo. You found an android who looked to be a test robot of some sort. With Wonwoo's help, you brought the android to your home that night.
The side of his neck had "J05HU9" tattooed on his human-like skin. It took you two days to fully reprogram him and get him up and running.
Joshua is probably the greatest thing you've ever programmed. From the moment he rebooted you instantly had a connection with your new android.
CYBER SEX
The neon turquoise glow radiates off his pristine skin. You wish you could thank the engineer who crafted him for making him look this beautiful.
Seungcheol has you out a couple blocks down from the FleXeon lab. You're sitting at a computer in the back of a van that Seungcheol set up and Joshua is playing look out with Wonwoo. You've been looking into the FleXeon server nonstop, trying to find errors in their security programming. Seungcheol's goal is to bring down and expose FleXeon and their CEO for their creation of Lavender Haze, and their legal ways of acquiring money.
Whoever designed their security programming is good. Everything is well protected, and their files are fully encrypted. You lucked out and found a kink in their almost impenetrable armor. You were able to access a pretty high up employees’ emails. Sorting through them, you found employee identification information and mentions of blue dust and lavender haze. Reaching into your bag you grab the drive Seungcheol gave you.
You start uploading everything as quickly as possible. Being so close to the FleXeon building you know they have a security sweep in about five more minutes.
Tapping your fingers you watch as the data transfers. The moment it's finished, you hit the door of the van twice. The driver side opens and Wonwoo jumps in. The back door slides open and Joshua joins you in the back.
"Did you get it?" Wonwoo asks.
"Yeah."
"Good job, Starry." It's rare these days for anyone to call you by your actual name. You have a birth on your shoulder that looks like a star, which led to mostly everyone calling you Starry. Joshua is different, occasionally he'll call you Starry, but he mostly calls you his starlight.
"I'll drop you guys off at your place, so you can take your more subtle bike to meet Soonyoung and Jeonghan." Wonwoo says.
"Where are they?" Joshua asks.
"Dumb and dumber went to the lights district." Wonwoo says, rolling his eyes.
The lights district is the scummy part of town. The morally gray and corrupt tend to hang out there. The district is filled with clubs, and even more drugs. You already know why they went there. Soonyoung wants to get blue dust, and he knows a guy who sells it there.
Arriving at your place, you and Joshua quickly jump out of the van. Joshua was smart enough to bring both your helmets.
"I wish we could just take this to Minghao ourselves." Joshua hates when you go to the lights district.
"I would love that too, but you know how Cheol works. He said I have to pass it off to these two."
He helps you put on your jacket and fasten your helmet. He starts the bike with you sitting on the back holding on to him.
Joshua pulls out of the garage. You look at the sky to see it's raining just like it always seems to do these days. Luckily, motorcycle gear works for the rain.
The twenty minute drive to the lights district in the rain isn't pleasant. Arriving at the club you know you would find them at, Joshua parks the bike. He locks your helmets on to the bike. He grabs your hand as you walk up to the crowded club. The bass is booming as EDM music rattles the place.
This place is filled to the brim with people either drunk on Pop Rocks, or high on blue dust. Pushing your way through the crowd you find Soonyoung and Jeonghan in the back. Soonyoung has his tongue shoved down the throat of some girl with pink hair, while Jeonghan is sitting on the couch whispering to a girl with icy white hair. You let out a heavy sigh. This day has been too damn long. You spent hours jumping around locations, trying to get into the FleXeon system and now you're dealing with two of Seungcheol's highest ranked men, who thought it was a good idea to get high out of their minds on Blue Dust.
"Stay back here." You tell Joshua. Him and Soonyoung already butt heads. You don't want anything to unfold between them tonight.
"Soonyoung." You yell, leaving Joshua a few feet behind you leaning on the wall.
He smiles, peeling himself away from the pink haired girl. "Starry, you came!" He shouts. By the wild look in his eyes, and with how blown his pupils are you immediately know he's high.
Soonyoung yelling catches Jeonghan's attention. He pulls himself away from his girl and stands up. His eyes are just as blown as Soonyoung's.
"You guys couldn't make this easy on me, could you?" You huff.
"You're being dramatic." Soonyoung laughs.
You knit your brows glaring at them. They could have been somewhere closer. Instead, you and Joshua had to drive all this way in the rain, after working for hours. These two are already giving you a headache and it's only been a few minutes.
"I'm not being dramatic, you're being inconsiderate." You roll your eyes.
"Ouch, Starry is more sensitive than normal." Jeonghan holds his chest like he's wounded.
"You're just being bigger assholes than normal." You can feel Joshua's eyes burning into the back of you.
"You seem more irritated than normal." Soonyoung points out.
Joshua pushes himself away from the wall, he's already irritated with Soonyoung and his nonsense.
Jeonghan barks out a laugh. "Starry, maybe if you got laid you wouldn't want to kill us all the time."
"She's fucking lover bot over there, getting laid isn't her issue." Soonyoung laughs.
Joshua pushes himself off the wall. This is going to escalate quickly if you don't shut down these idiots.
"Maybe she needs some cock from someone who isn't a machine." Soonyoung laughs. He's definitely trying to get punched. If you knew Cheol wouldn't ring your neck, you would break Soonyoung's nose right now.
"Shut the fuck up. You're just jealous you haven't seen any pussy in months." You poke Soonyoung in the chest. "My issue is that I'm trying to drop off something extremely important and you and Hannie are out of your minds on blue dust."
You reach into your pocket grabbing the drive. "Here." You shove the drive into Soonyoung’s jacket pocket.
"Cheol is gonna fucking love the fact that his edgesunner, and right hand man are high off blue dust is scummy club in the lights district."
Soonyoung reaches for your hand. "Starry, don't be like that."
"Don't touch her." Joshua is standing by your side instantly.
Soonyoung holds his hands up and steps back. "Chill, lover boy. I'm not going to do anything to her. You and I both know I tease her but I love her."
Joshua laces his fingers with yours pulling you back from Soonyoung.
"I think we should go. I better not hear that Minghao and Cheol didn't get that drive."
"We'll go now." Jeonghan says.
Tugging on Joshua's hand, you lead him through the cramped club. Stepping outside, you're hit with the cold breeze. It seems the rain stopped. Releasing Joshua's hand, you zip up your motorcycle jacket. He walks over to your bike, grabbing both your helmets. He steps in front of you, helping you put your helmet on. He buckles the bottom strap before kissing the tip of your nose. Reaching up he slides your visor down before putting on his own helmet.
"Are we going home?" He asks, walking towards you. You push your visor back up. His eyes are shifting around. You know him well enough to know he's upset. Silently, you nod.
You follow him to the bike. He stops in front of it and pauses. You don't want him to drive while he's upset. "Shua?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't worry about Soonyoung. I'm not interested in human men."
"Who are you interested in?"
"An android." You reach up, sliding the visor back down.
Joshua gets on the bike, and holds his hand out. You hop onto the back, wrapping your arms around his stomach. He gives your thigh three pats. Even if he won't say it out loud, you know that's his way of saying "I love you."
He revs the engine before he takes off down the dark alley. The asphalt below blows with the neon lights from above. The drive out the lights district takes about twenty minutes before you're back in the hub of the city.
Driving through, you look around at the video boards that line the tall sky scrapers. There's a clip of the president of FleXeon playing on repeat. That man is corrupt and helps run production of the drug known as lavender haze dust. His side company that people don’t know about. made an extra synthetic blue dust that's extra potent. Seungcheol is disgusted by drugs and will be pissed if he finds out any of you touched it.
Towards the east side of the hub, the less luxurious side, is where your apartment is located. Pulling into the underground apartment, Joshua parks the bike. You hop off and take off your helmet. Joshua takes off his own, and pulls your bag from the side compartment.
The parking garage has a low turquoise haze to it. The light near the elevator hums as it flickers.
Clicking the button you wait silently next to Joshua. Your neighbor who lives three doors down gets out of her small beat up two door car. She's a sweet older lady who works at the hospital on the edge of the hub.
"Late night out for you two love birds?" She's always in such a good mood. You don't understand it sometimes. She sees so much pain and destruction in that hospital and yet, she still smiles.
"Hello, Mrs. Opal. We wanted to go out for a late night ride." Joshua lifts his helmet to show her.
The elevator dings and the doors slide open. You step back until your back is against the cold metal wall. Joshua presses the thirteenth floor button and stands next to you.
"When are you two kids going to get married and have some beautiful babies?" If only she knew that your lover is an android. Marriage and babies aren't something the two of you can necessarily have.
Joshua is one of the most humanoid androids you have ever encountered. His mannerisms and looks make him seem fully human. His tattoo on the side of his neck could be a give away, but most people don't know that the ink on his skin is a model number. You made the choice immediately not to make it common knowledge that he's an android. The last thing you need is people snooping around or trying to hack his programming. Or worse trying to steal him from you.
"Maybe one day, Mrs. Opal."
She looks at you and gives you a sweet smile. "Darling, you're lucky you found such a great man." If only she knew that you quite literally found him, and fixed him.
"I'm very lucky." You finally speak.
The elevator dings signaling your arrival to your floor. Joshua grabs your hand leading you down the hall towards your apartment.
"Have a good night you two." She says.
"Goodnight, Mrs Opal." He responds.
He stops at the door and types in the pin. Stepping inside, you're greeted by the turquoise neon glow of the city outside. You didn't bother closing the curtains to the floor to ceiling window that looks out into the dark city. You live in a one bedroom apartment. It's spacious enough for the two of you to live comfortably together. The high ceiling with exposed metal venting, makes the space look larger than it is.
Joshua grabs your helmet from you, along with your bag and places it on the table that sits by the door. He drops down to his knees to help you remove your boots.
"I need a shower." You sigh.
"Go shower and I'll make you something to eat." For someone who doesn't need food to survive, he's really good at cooking. He often eats with you even though his body just burns up everything.
Heading off to the bedroom, you grab a pair of panties and baggy shirt. Walking into the bathroom, you take your time stripping away your clothes. Your bathroom isn't huge by any means and your lighting is terrible, but the water pressure in the shower is perfect. Your whole apartment has a radiant haze to it, just like the rest of the city.
Opening the glass door, you crank the water on. It's scorching hot the moment you step in. After missions you always feel gross, maybe that's your self-conscious telling you what you're doing is illegal. Closing your eyes, you tilt your head forward, letting the hot water relax your tensing muscles. You were hoping Joshua would join you, but you know he's more worried about making sure you eat.
You're not sure what your life would be like if you didn't have him. Being with him has made your life worth living again. He's sunshine in this dark city with a fluorescent glow, and you're the midnight rain.
Getting out of the shower, you dry off and put on just a thong and a baggy shirt. Looking in the mirror, you realize how tired you look.
Walking out into the living area, you're greeted by the smell of ramyeon. Joshua is busy dishing two bowls. Your bare feet pad across the cold hardwood floor.
Sitting down at the small table near the kitchen area, you watch as he brings over food. While you were showering, he must have changed. He's now shirtless, wearing just a pair of sweatpants that are sitting low on his hips. It's clear he's not wearing anything underneath them.
He sits down across from you. He raises his brow, watching you pick up your chopsticks.
"Are you going to power down tonight?" This is the same question you ask him every single night.
"No." He picks up his own chopsticks.
You let out a heavy sigh, and rub your eyes with your free hand. This conversation is always so frustrating.
"Josh, you need to power down occasionally."
"Why?" He's annoyed by this conversation just like you.
"Because when you turn back on, it reboots. That will help get out any kinks in your system. I have to do the same thing with my tablet."
He puffs out a disgusted sound. "So I'm just like your tablet."
You set your chopsticks down. "Don't do that. Don't act like I'm calling you a robot or a device."
"But you are." His tone is pointed.
"From the first time I powered you on and fixed your software to give you emotions, I have never treated you like a robot. I have always and will always treat you like a human."
His brows soften, he leans back in his chair. A look of defeat plays across his face. "Powering down reminds me that I'm never going to be a human. I'm just an android."
You can't say anything, you just stare at him. You know how desperately he wishes he was a human.
"I sometimes forget that I'm not real."
"You're very real. You might not be human. But you're real, and you matter to me. So that's all that fucking matters." Your emotions are high after today and you know you should have just left this alone tonight.
"I'll power down tomorrow night. I don't want to do it after we just had a fight." It's probably best he doesn't do it tonight. The last thing you need to do is go to bed upset while he's rebooting.
"Okay."
You both eat in silence. You've both forgiven each other but there isn't much left to say about your fight. The food Joshua made is delicious, just like it always is. You get up to do the dishes, but he doesn't let you. He grabs the dish and heads over to the sink.
Standing at the window that overlooks the city you stand there wondering what the people are up to down below. The city is still pretty lively for it being close to four in the morning.
You hear him walking up behind you, but you don't move. His arms wrap around your stomach, pulling you back against him.
His hand taps your stomach three times. Closing your eyes, you rest your hand on his thigh and give it three taps.
"I'm sorry." He rests his chin on top of your head.
"I'm sorry too."
"It's been a long day." He sighs.
"I want to go to bed, but I just want to be with you." You desperately crave being close to him.
"I'm all yours, baby."
Pulling away from him, you turn around. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him closer to you. You don't want to think anymore. You want him to fuck every logical thought out of your brain.
Leaning up, you press your lips to his for a heated kiss. You don't need to explain to him what you want, he understands you completely. His hand slips under your shirt, running across the bare skin of your back. His hand roams lower down to the fleshy cheek of your ass. Your lips don't stop moving together. He kisses you like he's trying to say he's sorry a million times over.
Pulling away, you tug on his bottom lip. "Please just fuck me."
He backs you up until your back is pressed against the cold glass window. Pulling back a little, he looks down at you. "Do you want me to take you to bed?"
"No. Fuck me here."
He grabs your hips, spinning you back around. Your chest is pressed up against the cold glass window. Your thin shirt does nothing to prevent your nipples from hardening.
Pushing your hips back against his crotch, you can already feel him hardening. Joshua’s anatomy is very much like human man's. His body reacts the same as anyone else when he's sexually aroused. Technically, his anatomy is different then the average male. Whoever created him, blessed him with a massive cock. You know deep down inside they created him to be a sex bot.
His hand dips down to your core. He pulls your thong to the side. Two of his fingers rub your sensitive clit.
With his lips near your ear, he rasps, "you're already so wet."
He slides his fingers down to your needy core hole. He dips two of them in with ease. You're so desperate for him, you're pretty sure you could take his massive size without any prep.
The palm of his hand ruts against your clit, and he works his two fingers in and out of you. Gasps leave your lips as your head rolls back against his shoulder. One of your hands grip his sweatpants while the other grips the arm that's wrapped around your stomach, holding you against him.
Your high is rapidly approaching. Your body tenses, as you struggle to breathe for a moment.
"So good for me." He moans in your ear.
Your high breaks, and your walls flutter like a heartbeat squeezing his fingers. He rubs your clits, helping you ride out your high.
"Oh—" you pant.
"You sound so pretty." He whispers against your ear.
"Fuck me."
You push your hips back against the erection that's straining against his sweatpants. He presses you fully against the window. He pulls back just enough to push his sweatpants down below his butt. He pulls out his cock, pumping it slowly a few times. Another blessing from his engineer is that his "precum" works as the perfect lubricant.
"Keep your chest against the window, and push your hips back towards me." He grabs your hip and puts you into position.
With his cock in his hand, he runs it through your folds a few times. Each time he brushes your clit, you can't help but moan.
"Please." You have no problem begging him.
The rosy mushroom tip nudges at your weeping entrance. He pushes an inch in and pulls it out. He does it a few times, teasing you. You push your hips back, causing him to slip in further.
"Naughty girl." He gives your ass a quick swat.
"Please, Shua."
He lets out a little laugh. He grips your hips with both hands. He pushes his hips in slowly. He feels you completely, he's so big you can feel every single ridge of his cock. He starts at a slow but deep pace.
Your cheek rests against the cold glass. You could care less if anyone in the sky scrapers that line the sky can see you. Joshua is fucking you so hard, your brain has stopped working. The only thing you can process is the tip of his cock, kissing your cervix over and over again.
You rock your hips back, helping meet him with each thrust. The groans that leave his lips sound sinful. Leaning forward he starts kissing the side of your neck.
"Are you close?" He rasps.
"Yes." You whine.
Without saying a word, he pulls out of you. You can't even react before he’s flipping you around. He uses his enhanced strength to lift you up, as if you weigh nothing. He pulls your panties to the side before sliding you down his massive length. Closing your eyes, you lean your head back against the window. He's hitting a completely different angle in this position.
He thrust into you at a quick pace. His sweats slip further down his thigh with each thrust. Your back knocks against the glass over and over. His lips are anywhere they can reach. He starts by kissing your jaw and then moves down your neck.
Your fingers tangle in his dark hair. Tugging his head back, you desperately want to look at him. His lips part slightly as quiet moans pass his lips.
"Shua—" his name never sounds as sweet as it does falling from your lips in the haze of an orgasm.
His hips don't stop moving. He helps you ride out your high as your walls flutter against his cock.
Your hand talons into his shoulder, lost in a cock drunk haze.
His thrusts get sloppier as he rapidly approaches the edge. He moans your name like a sinful prayer. Similar to humans, he releases a cum like substance when he orgasms. He fills you to the brim, holding you flush against him. Leaning forward, he rests his head against your shoulder.
You're scared if he puts you down, you jelly legs won't work. He leaves a few open mouth kisses against your shoulder before he pulls away.
Slowly he pulls out of you. Gently, he sits your feet on the ground. Your legs feel like they're made of jello. He tugs your thong back over your core that's starting to drip out his release. He leaves you there just long enough for him to pull his pants up and to tuck his softening cock back inside them.
He lifts you up bridal style and carries you to the bathroom. He sits you down on the cold concrete counter. You immediately shiver at the feeling.
"Can you take off your panties?" Your eyes go wide. You aren't sure your abused core can take another orgasm tonight.
"I'm not going to fuck you anymore. I need to clean up my cum."
Lifting your hips you pull off your thong. You hold it out and he grabs it before tossing it in the hamper behind him. He reaches under the cabinet for a cloth.
You take this as your sign to spread your legs. A playful smile tugs at your lips. Dipping your fingers through your sensitive core, you collect some of his release. His cum like substance looks exactly like human cum. It’s thick and milky, but instead of being salty and sometimes unpleasant, his is sweet. It reminds you almost of a subtle simple syrup. Sticking your fingers in your mouth you taste his sweet cum.
Joshua gives you a smile as he shakes his head at you. He runs the cloth under warm water before stepping between your spread legs. He gently cleans up the mess he's made of you.
Before pulling you off the counter, he stands between your legs and leans of kisses across your face. He has one hand on your butt and the other on your cheek. The hand that's on your cheek, he taps three times before pulling back.
"It's almost five, you need to sleep."
He pulls you off the counter and carries you to your room. He lays you down gently on the bed. Crawling under the covers, you wait for him to join you. He's over by the window that looks out into the city. He pulls back the curtains to block a little of the morning sun that will soon be rising.
He joins you in bed and pulls your body close to his. You're laying on your side with him firmly pressed behind you. You smile at the fact that you're no longer wearing panties and just a shirt.
"Sweet Dreams, Starlight."
GLITCHES AND STATIC
It's a night where you finally don't have to work. You contemplated staying in all night and just spending time with Joshua. Somehow Mingyu and Wonwoo convinced you to go out with them. They seem to be the only two that don't cause problems when they go out. Sitting in a bar near your place, Joshua comes over holding a bottle of beer and a weird lime green looking drink.
He slides in next to you. Wonwoo was telling you about a motorcycle he was looking to get soon. Mingyu slides in next to him, holding the same two drinks as Joshua.
"Why did you bring over battery acid?" Wonwoo asks, picking up and examining the drink.
"It's called luminescent." Mingyu responds.
"Please tell me someone didn't make a new drug." You sigh.
"The bartender said it's like PopRocks but more citrusy." Joshua chimes in.
"PopRocks makes me incredibly drunk after one." You've blacked out too many times because of that potent sparkly pink drink.
"I think Starry should drink the beer." Mingyu says. It's the best idea, Joshua can't actually get drunk. He really only drinks to blend in socially.
"What about us?" Wonwoo looks at the fluorescent green drink.
"I'll drink it, you can drive us home." Luckily Wonwoo and Mingyu are roommates and rode here together.
Joshua goes to move his hand to grab his drink, and you immediately catch his hand twitching and locking up. You definitely haven't seen that happen before. Resting your hand on his thigh, you give it a squeeze. He glances at you, moving his hand to his lap. Taking his wrist in your hand you rub slow circles into the underside where his skin is delicate.
Wonwoo and Mingyu are oblivious to what is happening as Mingyu is talks about some cute bartender he met.
Joshua keeps trying to squeeze his hand. Slowly, the glitch works its way out. He grabs your hand, bringing the top of it to his lips for a gentle kiss.
You give him a knowing smile.
"Shua, you need to try this luminescent drink."
"Alright." With his other hand, he picks up the glass filled with the electric liquid.
Soon a very buzzed Mingyu has convinced Wonwoo that they should play darts. You and Joshua are given a moment alone at the table.
Running your finger along the side of the beer bottle, you're mindlessly playing with the condensation. Joshua is still slowly sipping on the electric drink. He opted not to chug it like Mingyu did.
"Is the glitch with your hand new?"
"Kind of." He sighs, flexing the hand that glitched.
"How long has this been going on?" You hate that he didn't tell you the first time it happened.
"About two weeks ago." He looks down at the table, embarrassed. He absolutely hates anything like this that reminds him he's not human.
"Two weeks and you didn't tell me." You stare at the side of his head.
"Yeah. It's fine. It will work itself out." He looks at you and gives you a smile. As if he's trying to convince both of you that it's fine.
"No, it won't. I need to look at your software and fix it."
Mingyu lets out a cheer, catching both your attention. Joshua grabs his drink, taking a big gulp to help cut the tension.
He sets the glass down on the table. "Can we talk about this later?"
"Sure." This isn't a conversation that you want other people to hear necessarily. You don't want the team finding out about him glitching. Seungcheol might not be happy if one of his enforcers are having processing errors and glitches.
After Mingyu's poor decision to drink a beer after the luminescent drink, Joshua helps move a very drunk Mingyu to Wonwoo's car outside. You stand by the bike, watching everything unfold. Wonwoo reaches into the glove compartment and grabs a packet of jolt. It's a sweet substance that helps sober people up from alcohol and blue dust.
Wonwoo pulls the substance into his best friend’s mouth and slaps his cheek. Mingyu shakes his head and from a distance you can see he's already sobering up.
Joshua closes the car door and walks over to your bike. You hold out his helmet for him.
The ride back to your place doesn't take too long. Arriving back at your home, Joshua immediately heads off to the bathroom. You head off to the bedroom and grab something to change into. Opening the bathroom door, you're instantly greeted by steam and the sound of Joshua humming a song.
Stripping away your clothes, you toss them in the hamper. Opening the glass door, you step inside. Nothing is said as Joshua steps aside, giving you room for the water. You stand there, facing the facet. The hot water feels cleaning.
Joshua presses himself against you, wrapping his arms around your stomach. Neither of you say anything as he holds you.
He pulls away and grabs your strawberry scented body wash. He takes his time washing your body, making sure to massage your tense shoulders.
Getting out of the shower, you both take your time drying yourself off. You don't bother getting dressed.
"Why did you not tell me?" You finally break the screaming silence.
"Because I didn't want you to worry."
"Shua, we don't keep secrets." Since the moment you turned him on, you never hid anything from him. Long before you were romantically involved, he was still your friend and your companion. You promised him from the very beginning you would never keep secrets from him.
"I know and I'm sorry."
"Let me look at your software and upgrade you."
"It's fine? If it gets worse you can." You can tell by the look on his face this is a losing battle tonight.
"Fine." You grab your clothes off the counter. You pull on a baggy thin tshirt, and a lacy pink thong, this is the usual attire you walk around at home and sleep in.
You can feel Joshua's eye burning into you as you walk out of the bathroom. You head off to the kitchen. You need a glass of water. You don't want to go to bed upset and you just need a moment to cool off.
Leaning against the counter, you look out at the bright city. You hear Joshua before you see him. You look up and find him dressed in just his tight boxer-briefs.
"I don't want to go to bed mad." He says, stopping in front of you.
"I'm not mad." You're not lying to him. You aren't mad, you're more stressed than anything. "I'm just worried."
"I know you are, and I'm worried too." You both know deep down inside he should at least shut down for the night so he can reboot slowly.
You sit the water down on the counter. Holding your hand out, you wait for him to come close to you. He grabs your hand, stepping right in front of you. He places your hand on his chest. If he was human, you would be able to feel his heart beating.
You drum your finger three times right above the void of where his heart should be.
"It would beat for you." In a perfect world, Joshua wouldn't struggle with feeling inadequate about not being human. Him being an android changes nothing for you. You don't love him any less because of it.
You tap his chest three times again. "Mine beats only for you."
You lean against the counter. You take a moment focusing on him. Recently, he seems to be more emotional. The only reason that could possibly be is he's worried about something going wrong with his programming.
He places his hands on either side of you, caging you in against the counter.
"I'm sorry."
Things between you haven't always been like this. It wasn't until last year when Joshua started fighting shutting down a few times a week at night. He's been with you for about three years and you have been romantically involved since six months after you found him. Things between you have always been intense, but in the last year and half, you noticed how much Joshua struggles with the idea of not being a human.
"We're okay." You whisper.
Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull his face closer to yours. Your lips touch, and the only thing your brain can think of is getting as close as possible to him. His hand grabs your hips, pulling you far enough away for him to slide his hand down your back, and to grab you butt.
You moan into his mouth, rolling your body towards him. He pulls away and immediately picks you up sitting you on the edge of the counter.
Instinctively, you spread your legs, and pull your panties to the side. He dips down and starts kissing your knee, making his way across your inner thigh. He kisses the top of your mound as he drags two fingers through your wet folds.
He focuses on licking your clit over and over again. Two of his fingers pump in and out of you, helping to stretch you out.
Your fingers tangle in his dark locks, hold his face close to your core. Looking down, you find him looking up at you through his lashes.
He eats you out like you're water in a blazing hot sun. Pushing your hips towards his face, you're growing desperate for your release. You just want him inside you, but you know he won't until you've came at least once.
He moves his fingers in a come hither motion, touching that spot inside of you that has you seeing stars.
The tidal wave hits you hard. Tugging on his hair, you try to anchor yourself. Your walls tug on his fingers and he keeps brushing your g spot.
"Fuck— Shua—" your words are nothing more than a broken plea.
He pulls back smiling. He dips his two fingers in his mouth, cleaning up your release.
"You sound so pretty when you moan." He steps back and takes off his boxers.
He pumps his massive erection, helping to lube it up before he stretches you out. Your kitchen counters sit at the perfect height for him to be able to fuck you while you sit on them.
He leans in close, giving you a wicked grin before kissing you. You moan into his mouth as he runs the tip of his cock through your folds.
He always likes to tease you with just the tip a few times before he slowly pushes his whole length in.
Your legs wrap around him, pulling him fully inside. His rose tip kisses your cervix as he bottoms out.
Wrapping your arms around his neck, you crash your lips into his. He pushes his hips into yours at a slow and deep pace.
Time doesn't seem to exist when you're with Joshua like this. All that matters is just the two of you.
Leaning back, you look down at where you're connected, watching as he stretches you.
"Baby, take your shirt off." He tugs on the bottom of the thin fabric.
Pulling your shirt off and tossing it on the ground, you're left completely bare except for your panties he has pulled to the side.
Reaching forward, he grabs one of your breasts, groping it before he tweaks your nipple.
"Fuck—" you moan.
Leaning back on your hands, you push your hips to the furthest edge of the counter. One of Joshua's hands rests on your core. His thumb rubs circles on your clit. He picks up his pace, thrusting into you.
He lifts your leg up over his shoulder. The new position has him hitting different areas then before.
"I'm close." You moan.
He’s rubbing your clit harder, helping to push you over the edge.
"Oh fuck." Your eyes squeeze shut, and your head rolls back. Your orgasm hits hard. He doesn't stop thrusting or working on your clit. Unfamiliar pressure builds in your core. One specifically hard thrust makes you see stars, and liquid sprays from you, covering his crotch.
He gets a solid two thrust in before he fills you to the brim with his synthetic cum. He stops moving fully. Releasing your leg, he pulls you close to him. Your body is absolutely spent. Your head is resting on his shoulder. His large hand is running up and down your back, helping you soothe you.
"You've never done that before." He finally speaks.
"I don't think my legs can work."
"Let me clean you up and I'll carry you to bed."
Sitting on the counter, Joshua takes his time cleaning up the mess he made between your legs. He lifts you with ease, taking you to the bedroom.
It's not long before you're sound asleep in his arms.
-
It's another late night job. Minghao has a drive for you to look at. There is a meeting on the north side of the hub.
Soonyoung is already with Minghao, and Jeonghan is coming along to make sure no one is following you.
Minghao picked a better meeting place than Soonyoung is known to pick. You're at a little hole in the wall family restaurant. There is a flicking neon open sign at the door.
You're greeted by an older man who just gives you and Minghao a nod. He tends to like to come to this place for meetings. This sweet old lady is used to Minghao and his crew showing up.
He’s at one of those L shaped booths in the back corner. He's got a sea of plates on the table. Soonyoung is next to him, eating from a plate of noodles.
Minghao is tapping away on his tablet. Jeonghan slides into the booth next to Soonyoung. You follow next to him. Joshua sits on the edge keeping guard.
"Jeonghan, did you come just for the food?" Minghao quips not looking up from the tablet.
"No, Cheol sent me."
"Does Cheol not trust us?" Soonyoung responds.
"Well, he knows we have a taste for blue dust, and he threatened to end all of us if we touch it while working." Jeonghan reached for an empty plate.
"You two idiots are the ones who did dust while you were working." You glare at him.
"How did Cheol find out about that?" Soonyoung asks, glancing up.
"I told him." You don't care that you snitched on them. Them being high is a liability.
"Then why did he send you to babysit, you were also high?" Minghao says glancing up from the tablet.
"Because he knows I'll stop it from happening again. He already threatened to throw me off the FleXeon tower if I fuck up again." The thing about Seungcheol is that he's the ring leader and the man in charge, and all of your group loves and respects him, but you all know he's a very capable man and should be feared.
"He’s trying to get into Cheol's good graces by babysitting." You respond. You know Seungcheol is tough on Jeonghan but he cares about him the most.
Jeonghan starts dishing a plate of food. Him and Soonyoung start talking about the noodles.
Joshua reaches into his bag and pulls out your tablet. Minghao set down his chopsticks. Reaching into his jacket pocket he pulls out a drive. With a firm push, he slides it across the table.
Picking up the drive, you connect it to your tablet. Opening the files, you see something unexpected. You open a drive called "the wife", your brows knit together as you scroll through evidence of an affair unfolding.
"The CEO’s wife is cheating?"
"He's blackmailing her." Minghao closes his tablet.
"That's illegal." Soonyoung says between bites.
"We can add it to FleXeon’s long list." Jeonghan rolls his eyes.
"There is some code that's blocking some security footage that I can’t figure out. I'm pretty sure you can break it."
"Should we be discussing this here?" Joshua finally speaks up.
"There isn't a soul in here and Ms. Rose knows to stay quiet. I make sure she's paid well for the trouble." You glance over to see the neon flickering open sign is turned off and the door is shut.
"I'll work on getting in. When do you want the drive back?"
"After you crack the code. Seungcheol wants a team meeting soon anywhere." Pulling the drive out, you hand it and your tablet back to Joshua. You notice immediately his hand glitches as he tries to grab the tablet. He closes his eyes as if he's trying to focus. His hand finally works and he's able to put your tablet away.
Minghao flags over Ms. Rose and hands her a hefty wad of cash. You and the boys all make your way out the door. Soonyoung and Minghao head off to their care and you follow Jeonghan off towards his. Seungcheol put him in charge of being the driver tonight.
Arriving at the apartment, Joshua is holding your bag and your hand. The elevator ride is quiet except for the hum of the elevator. The doors ding and slide open.
Walking into your apartment, you take off your shoes and immediately get your other tablet out. Moving to the kitchen table, you start sorting through all coding.
Joshua disappears for a while before coming back dressed just in a pair of sweatpants. Glancing over into the living area by the window, you see him messing with his hand. He needs to power down and reboot but you don't want to argue with him tonight.
"Are you hungry?" Joshua asks, walking towards the kitchen area.
"Yeah. I didn't really feel like eating at the meeting." In those kinds of setting, you don't normally have an appetite.
"I can cook you dinner."
"Can you make us ramyeon?"
"Yeah."
He moves around the kitchen quietly while you work on finding the coding Minghao mentioned. This job seems bigger than anything your job has ever done. Seungcheol’s goal is to take down FleXeon and to steal money from them. Once this job is done, and if it goes down correctly, you will have enough money for the rest of your life.
Once this job is done, maybe you and Joshua can find a bigger place or take a trip somewhere. You stop typing and just stare at your tablet. Maybe you and Joshua could live a more comfortable life. A life that doesn't involve you constantly doing something illegal. Honestly you don't really need a bigger space. This loft style apartment is perfect for you both. As long as you're together, you don't feel like you need more.
"Starlight?" Joshua sits down at the table across from you.
"Yeah?"
"You're zoning out."
He puts your bowl down in front of you. You close your and pick up your chopsticks. "I'm just thinking about what we can do after this job."
"What do you want to do?" He picks up his own chopsticks
"I don't know. Maybe we could leave the crew and stop working these jobs."
"We can if you want to."
"I thought about even moving."
Joshua glances around the apartment. "But this is our home."
"I know. I love this apartment and it feels like our home. Maybe we can take a vacation. Get some space from this city."
He reaches across the small table taking your hand in his. "I'll follow you anywhere you want to go." Joshua loves you so much, and it's not because you programmed him to love you. You made sure when you fixed his programming after you found him, you gave him emotions and free will. He fell in love with you because he wanted to.
You aren't sure what you want to do, you just know that whatever happens, you want him by your side.
THE NEON GLOW IN YOUR EYES
The lights district is definitely your least favorite part of the city. You finished working another stake out and a handful of the guys convinced you and Joshua to go out.
Standing by the table, you watch the large tv that hangs in the middle. There is a press conference with FleXeon CEO Kang Dohyun. Your eyes focus trying to read the subtitles as they sprawl across the screen. The company is working on putting out another line of androids similar to Joshua. It doesn't sit right with you that people are making androids to basically be worker and sex bots. Next to you are Chan, Soonyoung and Mingyu. Joshua is at the bar with Wonwoo and Jeonghan.
Glancing over, you see Chan pull out a container of blue dust. At this point, half your crew does it during their off time. You tried it a few times when you first joined the crew. The powder feels like instant adrenaline with heightened emotions that fades into relaxation.
You think the only ones in your crew who don’t mess with this stuff are Seungcheol, Joshua, Wonwoo, and you.
Soonyoung nudges your shoulder holding out the vile light blue powder in it. "You want a bump?"
"Soonyoung—"
"Come on, you're stressed and this will help." He raises his brow.
You glance over at the bar, seeing Joshua talk to the boys. He must feel you looking at him, he turns and gives you a smile, tilting his head.
Maybe Soonyoung is right, maybe this will take the edge off. Grabbing the vile from his hand, you pour a small dab on the back of your hand. You lick it off in one quick swipe or the tongue.
Taking a slow deep breath, the high feels like ice rushing through your veins. Your eyes feel incredibly heavy for a moment. The flutter and you instantly see Joshua's eyes locked on yours.
Joshua hands his drink off to Wonwoo and rushes over to you. Every single nerve in your body feels electric. The moment he's in front of you, he rests his hand on your cheek.
"Starlight, what did you do?" He leans in close so you can hear him over the booming music.
"Dust." Your pupils are blown wide as you share him.
Joshua hits Soonyoung's arm capturing his attention. "How much did she take?!" Joshua shouts over the music.
"A small hit, she's fine. Give her an hour and she'll be relaxed."
"I don't want her on the back of my bike in an hour."
Leaning in close Joshua brushes his nose against yours, helping to center you.
"Baby."
"Yes, Shua?"
Wonwoo and Jeonghan join the rest of the group. Wonwoo instantly can tell by Joshua's uneasiness what has unfolded.
"Did she take a hit?" Jeonghan asks.
"Yeah!" Chan shouts over the music.
"She hasn't done dust in years." Jeonghan says, patting Joshua on the back.
"Do you want me to get the jolt out of my car?" Wonwoo asks Joshua.
Joshua takes your face in both hands. There is a neon glow from the lights above shining in your blown pupils. He's seen you drunk before, but he's never seen you high.
"Do you want Wonwoo to get you a jolt?"
"I don't want to think anymore tonight." Between trying to take down FleXeon and worrying about Joshua and his software glitches, for once, you just want to shut down your brain that won't stop spinning.
"Wonwoo, later can you take the bike home and I'll drive your car?"
"Yeah." Wonwoo is a wise man, and he's well aware that something deeper is unfolding.
The booming music feels like it's rattling your chest. Joshua's hand stays on your waist, holding you close. Your eyes find Soonyoung's blown pupils staring back at you. For a while now, Soonyoung has had a love for the shimmery blue dust. He's the type that will take another hit before the relaxation kicks in.
Soonyoung has his eyes on a pretty blonde girl on the dance floor. He starts whispering something in her ear.
Before you start to dip down, you just want to enjoy this feeling. Reaching out, you grab Joshua's hand.
"I want to dance." You say with your lips against his ear.
He just nods. He takes your hand, leading to the crowded dance floor. Soonyoung is already dancing with the blonde, and Chan has found himself a pretty girl.
The whole time you're dancing with Joshua, every single sensation feels heightened to the max. The feeling of his hands on your body is electric.
Your hands are wrapped around his neck, pulling him down to you. Connecting your lips to the side of his neck, you kiss your way across his synthetic skin. Running your tongue along the "J05HU9" that runs down the side of his neck.
"I want you." You say just loud enough for him to hear.
He pulls away and looks at you with big doe eyes. He looks utterly confused as he just blinks at you. "Not like this."
He doesn't like having sex with you when you're drunk. You know there's no way he'll have sex with you while you're high.
"Oh." You pull back.
Shaking his head, he grabs your hand. "Starlight, not like this."
A slow, steady warmth starts taking over you. Your heightened emotions are making you crash. The feeling of rejection is crushing.
"Baby." He takes your face in both hands. "We're okay."
All you can do is blink at him. "You don't want me?"
"I always want you. I just need to take care of you tonight."
He leans in close, resting his nose against yours. He presses his lips to yours for three quick kisses.
"Should we sit down?" You pull back from him.
Taking your hand, he leads you back toward the table where Wonwoo, Jeonghan and quite high Mingyu are sitting.
If you were sober, you might enjoy the fact that Jeonghan is trying to be on his best behavior since Seungcheol clearly put him in his place.
Joshua helps slide you into the booth. He sits down next to you. His hand laces with yours, holding it in his lap.
Slowly, your heightened emotions are starting to dissipate. A jelly-like feeling is starting to take over. You feel incredibly calm and relaxed.
Closing your eyes you lean against Joshua. "I'm ready for bed." You mumble. It's been over an hour since you took a hit and your body is starting to crash.
"I think it's time Starry goes home." Jeonghan says before taking a sip of his beer.
"Do you want my car?" Wonwoo asks.
"How is Mingyu going to get home if you just have the bike?" Joshua asks.
"We all should head out. I'll take the bike, and you can take my car." Jeonghan says.
"Soonyoung and Chan left with those girls. I'm good riding the bike."
Joshua gets out of the booth and picks you up effortlessly. He holds you close, making his way through the crowded club. Mingyu follows behind Wonwoo closely.
Arriving at Jeonghan's car, Joshua sits you in the passenger seat. Looking over at Wonwoo's car, you see him pouring a jolt into Mingyu's mouth. Joshua works on buckling you up before giving Jeonghan his motorcycle helmet and his jacket.
Joshua hops in the car. "We'll be home soon."
The ride back to your apartment feels like a blur. Joshua parks the car and Jeonghan pulls up behind you on the bike. Jeonghan helps Joshua get you upstairs. Joshua lays you in bed and strips away your clothes, leaving you in just your panties. Going over to the closet, he grabs a baggy shirt and helps you pull it on.
"I need to thank Jeonghan, and then I'll be back." He leans down and kisses your forehead.
Heading out into the living area he finds Jeonghan sipping on a glass of water looking out into the fluorescent cityscape.
"I haven't seen her like that since she found you." Jeonghan says. Joshua doesn't say anything. He's not quite sure how to respond. "I used to think what she has with you isn't healthy for her, but I think it's the opposite. You ground her in a good way. You've become a home for her. She loves you so much, and it's clear you love her."
"Jeonghan, I love her so much."
"Did she program you to love her?" Jeonghan glances over at the android standing next to him.
"No. I have free will, emotions and feelings. The only thing she did was program me to make me have normal emotions humans have." Joshua's eyes bounce around the room. "When I first told her I liked her, she asked me if I made that choice on my own. Or if I felt like I owed her something."
"Do you think you owe her something?" Jeonghan loves you and only wants to protect you.
"No. I just can't help that I fell in love with her."
Jeonghan reaches up, patting Joshua on the back. "I used to worry about her all the time. Cheol found her right after she lost her family. She was so lost and lonely. He took her in and she joined our group. She used to live with me in the beginning. I would find her crying sometime in the middle of the night. Those nights used to rip my heart out. I just wanted to see her happy, and I hoped one day she would find someone who could love and care for her like she deserved." He pauses and looks back at the city. "I didn't think it would be an android she found, but finding you made a light start burning inside of her. Falling in love with you made her so bright."
"Jeonghan."
"You don't have to say anything else. Just do me a favor and always take care of her. Even if she wants to walk away from this crew, I just want to know you'll always be with her."
"I will."
"I should go." Jeonghan pats him on his back one more time before heading out.
Joshua stands there for a moment, locked into place. He knows before him you were a mess, and he doesn't remember his life before you turned him on, but he knows what little life he had before you got together, hollow and empty before you fell in love.
His hand feels weird. He looks down and tries to squeeze his hand. He takes a moment, trying to focus on getting rid of the glitch. He's just glad Jeonghan didn't witness this. It takes minutes before he starts feeling normal.
Walking back into the bedroom, he finds you sound asleep in bed. He strips away his clothes and stays just in his boxes-briefs. Pulling the covers back he curls up next to you.
He pulls your body close to his. He kisses the top of your head and whispers, "I love you."
REBOOT AND RESTART
Stationed outside Quantum Tower where CEO Kang lives, you're in the back of a truck with Jeonghan. Joshua is standing outside acting as a guard. Chan is roaming the area with Vernon.
Sitting in the driver’s seat is Seungcheol. It's quite unusual for him to go out on missions. He's got Jihoon at the base, his third in command, with some of the secondary team at FleXeon tower with Minghao looking into their security coding, while Wonwoo, Mingyu, and Soonyoung are running the perimeter there.
"So, the wife is fucking one of the broad members?" Seungcheol asks, looking into the back of the mirror.
"It seems that way." You're tapping away at your tablet. You're trying to access the wife’s financial records.
"It looks like she was being blackmailed by someone anonymous that the CEO hired." Jeonghan chimes in.
"Why is he blackmailing her?" Seungcheol asks.
"Because he's afraid she knows too much." You've managed to find her records and discover she's been paying large sums of money to an unknown account.
"Something else is going on with her." You say.
"What?" Jeonghan asks.
"A different account is sending her large payments from her."
There are two taps on the door, before Joshua slides the door open. Chan and Vernon pile in.
"We got to go. Security is doing a perimeter sweep."
You pull the drive from your tablet and hand it to Seungcheol. "Have Minghao look into this. See if he can figure out who owns this account. "
Seungcheol slides it into this jacket pocket. Jeonghan crawls into the front seat next to Seungcheol. Vernon and Chan buckle up.
"Alright let's head out." Seungcheol nods and shifts the car into drive. Joshua moves into the seat next to you.
Looking down at his lap, you see Joshua's hand is fully locked up. Reaching down, you take his wrist in your hand. You slowly start dragging your thumb across the delicate synthetic skin on the inside of his wrist, helping to soothe him.
No matter what happens tonight, you know that Joshua needs to shut down and reboot.
The ride to Seungcheol place is about twenty minutes. He lives in an apartment on the outskirts of the hub.
Seungcheol parks the car and everyone piles out. Entering the elevator, it's quite full. Joshua is pressed against the wall with your back plastered to his front. His arm is wrapped around you, holding you close to him. Glancing up, you find Jeonghan carefully watching you. Closing your eyes, you lean your head back against Joshua's chest.
The doors dig and Seungcheol steps out. The whole crew follows closely behind. Piling into Seungcheol place, you find the girl that lives with him. You don't know much about her. According to Seungcheol she's a childhood friend he looks after. The moment she sees everyone enter, she scurries off towards her bedroom. The door closes and shortly after Jihoon, Soonyoung and Minghao walk in.
Vernon sits down on the couch with Chan. Jeonghan immediately goes off to the kitchen. Seungcheol is standing by the window with Minghao and Soonyoung scrolling through his tablet.
Joshua is standing next to you. His hand keeps glitching. Looking down, you see him trying to get it to stop. Reaching down, you grab his hand. Maybe if you mess with it, it will help distract him.
"Kang is definitely making lavender haze, and his wife is well aware of it. It's clear he's just not making tech for androids like Joshua." Seungcheol walks over. "I think if we shut down his system, we can copy the software coding he used for his androids, wipe his accounts and set him up."
"How would we set him up?" Jeonghan asks, walking back into the living room.
"We're gonna make sure everyone knows FleXeon created lavender haze."
"I think between me and Starry, we could hack the programming and any of the FleXeon androids can be reset to have emotions and memories like Joshua." You knew at some point the software edits you did to fix Joshua would end up being used again. If Seungcheol wants to fix the FleXeon androids, you will. All the androids he has out in the city being workers and sex bots deserve a chance to feel human like Joshua.
You give Joshua's hand a squeeze. "We could do it."
"Hao, I'm going to have you see who is paying the wife." Seungcheol tosses the drive towards him.
Minghao catches it and salutes him. "Next week I want to send Soonyoung and Vernon into the building. Starry, see if you can shut down their security system for a few minutes."
"Okay." You're pretty sure you should be able to do that no problem.
"Alright, you're all free. I should check on Angel." Angel is the girl who lives with him. She's one of the few people who Seungcheol will show his softer side to.
Joshua walks over to the table and grabs both your helmets. You're exhausted, it's almost three in the morning. This mission tonight has lasted longer than planned.
Heading down to the garage, the elevator is filled with most of the group. Jeonghan and Jihoon stayed behind.
The doors open and everyone immediately starts going their separate ways. Wonwoo and Mingyu head off to Wonwoo's car. Vernon and Chan head off to their cars. Soonyoung and Minghao both walk towards their bikes they took here.
Joshua takes his time helping you put on your helmet.
"How is your hand?" You ask, watching him put on his own helmet.
"It's fine." He squeezes his hand to show you it works. You both know it's not truly fine.
He hops on the bike, and holds his hand out. You hop on behind him. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you hold on. Driving out of the garage, you're hit with the sight of the wet asphalt. It must have rained while you were having your meet. The city neon haze leaves the wet roads glimmering in a glow of turquoise.
The ride back home is short. Joshua seems too quiet. You hate this feeling of impending doom.
Entering the home you share, Joshua takes your helmet before he heads off to the bedroom.
Following behind him, you start getting ready for bed. You get dressed in your normal sleeping attire. Joshua leaves after stripping down to a pair of boxers.
Walking into the living area, you find him staring out into the city below.
"Shua." He turns around.
"I won't fight you on shutting down tonight." You both know there is no point in fighting about this anymore.
"You'll only be down for about two hours. I just need to reboot your system."
"Okay." He lets out a sigh.
Walking off to the bedroom, Joshua lays on his side of the bed. Crawling into the bed next to him, you sit on your knees. He leans up, resting his hand on your cheek. He presses his lips to yours for a kiss.
He rests his hand on your thigh and gives it three taps. "I love you too." You respond.
He reaches behind his left ear and holds down a button that is barely visible. His eyes turn a bright blue before they shut. His whole body goes limp as he powers off.
Your eyes instantly well with tears. Reaching out, you rest your hand where his heart would be located. In order for his system to properly reboot he'll need to be shut down for two hours. You have this sudden feeling of loneliness that takes over. Crawling off the bed, you grab the tablet that controls his operating system.
You open it up and a hologram of his system appears. You go into his power settings, and set it for him to reboot back in two hours.
Closing the tablet, you look at him lying there completely lifeless. You know he needs to reboot every so often, and you even fight him about it, but you hate this.
Crawling back into bed, you curl up against him. Resting your head on his chest, you can't help but cry. Your tears continue to fall until you finally fall asleep.
When Joshua finally reboots, he instantly notices your tear stained cheeks. He knows you've cried yourself to sleep.
"Starlight." He whispers.
Your eyes slowly flutter open. "Shua?"
"I'm awake, and I'm okay."
"Can you hold me?" You whisper.
He moves you both so you're lying on your side and he's pressed up against you. He presses a few feather light kisses to the side of your neck.
He taps your stomach gently three times. "Goodnight, Starlight."
-
It's been five days since Joshua rebooted his system, and he may not want to admit it, but it didn’t fix his glitch with his hand.
You're in the lights district again. Soonyoung and Jeonghan are yapping about something. Mingyu is flirting with a girl at the bar, you're sitting at the table with Wonwoo, and Joshua.
Soonyoung walks over and pulls out a bag of blue dust. He holds it up towards you and gives you a wicked smile.
"Come on pretty girl, you know you wanna hit this." Soonyoung loves flirting with you. Joshua tries not to be fazed by Soonyoung, but it's hard sometimes.
"Soonyoung." You narrow your eyes at him.
"Last time you did this, I thought you and Joshua were gonna fuck on the dance floor." You instantly cringe at the reminder of what unfolded between you and your partner. His rejection still stings, but you understand why he did it.
"Knock it off." You respond.
"You act like you've never done dust before. My sweet Starry, we all know you're not miss innocent." Jeonghan fully focuses on what's unfolding.
"Soonyoung, knock it off. I don't know why you're flirting or antagonizing Starry, but you need to stop." Jeonghan put his hand on his shoulder.
"No drugs tonight." Joshua chimes in. He rests hand on your thigh, before giving it a squeeze.
"It's time for us to leave." You say.
You and Joshua get up and head out of the crowded club. You lace your fingers with Joshua, weaving your way through the club. Stepping outside, you notice the wet asphalt that has a neon glow reflecting off of it. You must have missed the rain while you were in the club.
Joshua releases your hand and grabs your helmet. "Where do you want to go?"
"I'm hungry."
"Do you want to go to Sarks?" Sarks is a little hole in the wall restaurant near your apartment.
"Yes."
Joshua helps you put on your helmet. Hoping on the bike, you sit behind Joshua with your arms wrapped around him. The ride to the restaurant isn't too long. This place has become a place that you and Joshua started coming to after late nights out. The place is located a couple blocks from your apartment. It's on the corner of a twelve story apartment building.
Walking inside, you're immediately told to pick your own table. This place is filled to the brim with people who work late. A few of the servers here are FleXeon androids, just like Joshua. Ever since you changed Joshua's software, you always wondered if you could change your favorite android Cherry's. She's a sweet girl, who was clearly programmed to act like the sweet girl next door. If Seungcheol's plan goes correctly, you want to give her the life she deserves.
She walks over to your booth and takes both your orders. You hand over the menu and watch as she walks away.
"What are you thinking about?" Joshua asks.
"I just hope if Cheol's plan goes correctly, maybe I can reprogram Cherry like I did you."
"She's sweet." Joshua looks over at your waitress putting your order into the system. "Does she just power down here every night?"
"Probably." It makes you sad to think about the fact that all she knows how to do is work. You aren't sure what Joshua's job was before you found him, but based on his original programming you're pretty sure he was supposed to be a sex bot.
"Cheol's plan will work, and we can save her. Maybe she can move in with some of the boys until we can help set her up." Joshua gives you a sweet smile.
"That's a good idea." You hope to help give other androids a life.
SYNTHETIC TEARS AND HIGH STRUNG EMOTIONS
You've both had the day off and you've spent the day locked away in your apartment.
Standing in the shower together, you watch as Joshua scrubs his shampoo into his hair. He stops moving and just stares at you with a blank stare. Immediately, you know his hand and possibly his arm is frozen. In the last couple days his glitch had gotten worse.
You don't want to fight about upgrading him, but you know that’s what you have to do.
His eyes start to dodge yours. He turns around so his back is to you. He finally gets his arm to move again. Stepping closer, you wrap your arms around him. Your cheek rests between his shoulder blades against his wet synthetic skin.
"I don't want to talk about it in the shower." He breaks the silence.
"Okay." You run your hand across the wet skin just below his bellybutton.
Getting out of the shower Joshua dries off quickly and pulls on a pair of sweats. By the way he rushes out of the bathroom you would swear he's avoiding you.
You take your time drying yourself off and applying your sweet scented lotions and oils. You get dressed in a pair of panties and baggy shirt.
Walking into the main living space, you find Joshua at the stove. He's making what you assume is ramyeon.
Heading over to the fridge you grab a bottle of juice. You look at Joshua watching as he's focused on cooking.
"I thought we should eat." He doesn't need food to survive. He only eats so he can feel more human.
"I'm hungry."
"Can you set the table?" It's clear he's trying to distract himself from the necessary conversation you need to have.
"Absolutely."
You grab some napkins and two pairs of chopsticks. Joshua dishes two bowls before bringing them over. He places the bowl in front of you. He sits down across from you.
You both eat in silencehe looming, much needed conversation, hanging over both of you like a dark cloud.
You take your first bite of ramyeon. Placing your chopsticks on the table, you give him a sad smile. He looks down at his empty bowl. Neither of you can avoid this any longer.
"Shua."
He closes his eyes and tilts his head back. "I know."
"You have let me upgrade you. If you keep glitching like this, a systematic error could pop up in your software."
He doesn't say anything, he just stands up. He grabs both your dishes and walks over to the sink. He doesn't bother cleaning them. He just rinses them with water.
"Joshua." You stand you. You don't want to play games right now. You just want him to listen to you.
He walks towards the living area. You follow him closely.
"I don't want you to upgrade me. It's a mild glitch, I'm fine." He sits down on the couch with a huff.
"Clearly you're not fine." You love him so damn much, but sometimes he's too stubborn. "Your mild glitch will lead to something worse if you don't let me fix it."
"No." He leans back pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Joshua—" He stares at for a long moment before standing back up.
He doesn't respond. He just walks over to the big window that overlooks the city. You stand frozen in place near the couch.
"Joshua, stop being stubborn about this." You hate that he never makes this easy on you. "If I don't fix this, the error could be irreparable. If we're not careful, it could corrupt your software, and I could lose you. I need you to realize I don't think I could live without you."
He turns around and you instantly recognize the sadness in his eyes. "What if something happens when you upgrade me? I'm absolutely terrified I'm going to shut down for an upgrade and I won't remember a thing when I wake up." You have this same fear, but you trust yourself enough to know that won't happen.
"You have to trust me." He walks towards you in two big steps.
"I do trust you. Just like you can't live without me, I don’t want to exist if I don't remember everything we have."
He drops to his knees in front of you. He rests his head against your stomach. His arms wrap around you, holding you close. Mindlessly you run your fingers through his hair, helping to soothe him.
"I won't let anything go wrong." You close your eyes as tears slide down your cheek.
"You can do the upgrade." He pulls back, and you see his glossy eyes, slowly leaking tears. Just like humans, androids have the ability to cry. "Should we do it tonight?" He picks himself off the floor.
"Yeah."
He stands in front of you. He leans down pressing his lips to yours. Pulling away slightly his noses rest against yours. "I love you." You both are truly in love, but it's rare you say those three words. Normally, you communicate it by three simple taps on the other person's body.
"I love you too."
He laces his fingers with yours, leading you off to the bedroom. He releases your hand and walks over to the shelf by the window. He grabs your tablet that you use to monitor the software, and the cable that connects behind his ear.
He hands off the equipment and lays down on the bed, in the same spot he sleeps in every night.
He blankly stares at the ceiling. The vice grip on your heart is making you nauseous. This is the last thing you want to do. But you know this needs to be done.
"I'm sorry." You truly are. You wish that you didn't have to do this. Upgrading his system scares you, just as much as it scares him.
"It's okay, Starlight." He reaches out for your hand. He brings it towards his lips and presses three kisses to the top of your delicate skin. "I love you." He releases your hand.
Closing your eyes, you try your hardest not to cry. "I love you too."
Taking the cord, you connect it into the small port hidden behind his ear. Plugging it into your tablet, the hologram of his software pops up. You start taking away the coding of his software.
"The software update should take about four hours."
"Okay. Get some sleep while it updates." He glances over at you.
Crawling across the bed closer to him, you lean down and press your lips to his. You kiss him like this is the last time you might get to kiss him. "I'll be right next to you when you wake." You can't help the salty tears that slide down your cheeks.
He reaches up resting his hand on your cheek. "I'll see you in a little while."
He pulls his hand away. You start the updating process. His eyes turn bright blue before they go completely dark as he shuts down.
For the first hour of his update, you lay in bed next to him, watching the tablet to make sure nothing goes wrong. You stay awake until your eyes have grown too tired to stay open.
You dream of Joshua. You dream of a life away from this neon city. You find yourself laying in the tall grass under the warm sun, curled up in his arms. On your finger is a matching gold band that both you and him wear. There's a warmth that fills your chest, that he's your husband.
You're woken up to the feeling of the bed moving. Your eyes slowly flutter open, and you find Joshua awake, laying next to you.
"Joshua?" You’re terrified he won't have his memories.
"Hi, Starlight."
"Are you okay?" You push yourself up.
He nods and gives you a smile. "All my memories are still there."
All the worries that have been eating away at you instantly disappear. Your eyes instantly start to water.
"Baby, don't cry." He hates seeing you upset.
"I was so worried." You push the blanket off you. You push yourself up and crawl into his lap. He rests his hand on your cheek, brushing away your salty tears.
"I'm okay. No need to worry anymore."
Wrapping your arms around his neck, you crash your lips into his.
His strong hands roam your back under your shirt. You pull away from the kiss, long enough to pull off your shirt.
Joshua maneuvers both of you so you're on your back and he's hovering over you.
He leans in, pressing multiple kisses on your lips before he starts leaving a trail of kisses across your jaw and down your neck.
Not much is said as he kisses away his across your chest, taking his time to toy with each of you nipples. He tags his tongue across your stomach. He stops at the top of your panties.
You're impatient and just want him to touch you. "Shua—" you plead.
Hooking his fingers into the top of your panties, he slides them down your thigh. Lying in the bed, completely bare, you stare at him with a mixture of lust and love in your eyes.
"What do you want, Starlight?" Normally, you would tell him to fuck you, but right now, you don't want that. You want him to be as close as possible as he can be to you.
"I just want you."
A smile tugs at his lips. He hops off the bed and makes quick work of removing his sweatpants.
"I don't need foreplay, I just want you."
He walks over to the dresser and pulls out the little container of lube. Even though his cock is self lubricating, he needs to make sure you're wet enough for him. He crawls on to the bed towards you. Clicking the container open, he pours some of the cool lube onto your core. He takes his time massaging you and helping to prep you for his massive size. He clicks it shut again and starts pumping his length, helping to lube up his cock.
Spreading your legs wide, you welcome him. Sex between you is always passionate, and can sometimes be on the rougher side. Right now you don't want that. You just want things to be nice and slow.
He pushes the tip of his cock in, earning a gasp from you. "You feel so good."
Your hand talons into his shoulder pulling him closer to you. You want him as physically close as he can be. His nose rests against yours as he pushes the rest the way in, the tip of his length is kissing your cervix.
He's resting on his knees, practically plastered against you. Reaching up, you hold his face in your hands. He's not moving, he's giving your body a moment to adjust to his size.
"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." You say as tears slide down your cheek.
"You're the best thing that could have ever happened to me." He gives you a smile that makes you feel like mush. "I can't imagine a life where I'm not by your side."
He starts moving at a slow but deep pace. The room is filled with echoing sounds of skin hitting skin and your moans and whimpers.
Your hands roam his body, touching anywhere you can possibly reach. His lips are constantly on yours, or kissing the side of your neck. He gently nips at your skin, definitely leaving marks in his wake.
The feeling of his cock stretching you out, with each thrust is intoxicating. Reaching between your bodies, your fingers toy with your clit, helping to push you closer and closer to the edge.
"Baby I can tell you're close." He moans against your neck.
You rub your sensitive clit harder, pushing you closer to the edge. He pulls back so he's sitting on his knees between your spread legs. He lifts one of your legs resting it against his chest. He moves your hand away from your core. He rests his hand on your mound, and with his thumb he starts quickly rubbing your clit. Every muscle in your body tightens. Squeezing your eyes shut, you let out a loud moan. You high hits you like a ton of bricks.
Your orgasm hits hard and fast. Joshua never stops moving. He picks up his pace a little, chasing his own release.
"Please cum." You beg him.
He drops your leg and moves so he's hovering over you again. He crashes his lips into yours as he comes hard. He feels you to the brim with his sweet release.
Slowly, he stops moving, but doesn't pull out. He pulls his face away from yours and gives you the sweetest smile. "I love you."
Gently you tap his lower back three times. "I love you too."
He drags his thumb across your tear stained cheeks.
"I'm sleepy." You sigh.
"Let me clean you up, and then you can sleep."
Joshua slowly removes himself from you, before he takes his time cleaning you up. Neither of you bother getting dressed for bed, you both curl up in bed naked together.
OH THE LAVENDER HAZE
It's three in the morning and everyone is together for the big heist. Everything your crew has been working towards has led up tonight. Standing in Seungcheol's apartment you watch him as he stands in the kitchen area, talking to the girl who lives with him. She looks just as concerned as you would be if Joshua was going on this mission without you. The whole entire crew is here tonight.
Seungcheol walks back in. "Alright, here is the plan."
The plan is to split off into three separate crews. Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Wonwoo, and Joshua will go in Mingyu's car where he'll act as the getaway driver.
Vernon, Chan, Jihoon, are gonna be running security outside the building.
You and Minghao are going to be breaking into the security office with Soonyoung to shut down the whole system and copy all the files.
"Any questions or concerns?" Seungcheol asks.
"Do we have another person with Starry and Hao?" Wonwoo asks. You glance over at Joshua to see he looks anxious. Soonyoung is a very capable person of keeping both of you safe. Soonyoung can be vicious and even deadly if he needs to be. You've seen him get into fights and they're terrifying. Minghao is also extremely capable of protecting both of you. The gun he keeps tucked into his waistband and the knife he keeps concealed is enough to keep you safe. You're pretty confident in your own fighting abilities. When you joined the crew, Soonyoung and Wonwoo taught you to fight to protect yourself.
"We'll be okay." You chime in.
Joshua grabs your hand. He instantly squeezes it and stares at you with the same anxious look.
"Let's go."
"I'm team one, Jihoon you're team two, and Soonyoung you're team three." Seungcheol says.
Everyone starts heading out of the apartment. You and Joshua linger behind for a moment. He takes your face in both hands. He smiles before leaning in for a searing kiss. It definitely feels as if this could be a goodbye kiss and that's scary. Joshua's team is not going to have it easy. They're going to have to take out a lot of guards.
"I love you, be safe." You say with your lips against his.
"I love you too, and you be safe as well. Listen to Hao and Soonyoung. They will both keep you safe."
Following everyone down to the cars, you get in the back seat of the car Soonyoung is driving.
It's pouring outside. The rain leaves the asphalt with a neon turquoise glow.
Reaching into your bag, you pull out Joshua's tablet. You open it up and immediately his hologram pops up. You scroll through his coding, making sure there are absolutely no errors in sight.
Minghao glances into the back seat. "He's going to be fine."
"I know." You close the tablet and stick it back in your bag. "I'm just worried."
"Quit stressing about your robo boy. He's going to be fine." Soonyoung chimes in.
Arriving at the FleXeon building, Minghao already has the cameras up. You're working on shutting down their alarm system. Mingyu's car pulls up behind you. Soonyoung reaches into his bag and pulls out ear pieces for all three of you.
"No matter what happens, you both need to listen to me." He says. You and Soonyoung might butt heads often, but you're well aware he's a good leader. He'll make sure nothing goes wrong. Getting out of the car, the three of you pull up your mask and your hoods. The rain helps your cover.
The alarm system is fully down and Minghao has tricked the system into thinking nothing is wrong. After many nights casing this place, Soonyoung leads you both off to the side door that's near the security office.
He makes quick work, knocking two guards unconscious. The three of you rush down to the hall to the security room. Minghao immediately plugs his device in and works on shutting down the security system.
Soonyoung is standing at the door with his gun drawn. You watch him carefully for a moment before you start sorting through the system coding.
The second you're into the file database you start making copies of everything.
-
The moment Soonyoung gives the signal that everything is clear, Seungcheol leads team one into the building. Seungcheol's goal tonight is to not only steal all the company's data, but to also steal any tech they're storing.
Heading up to the lab is where they encounter their first batches of guards. Seungcheol's original plan was to knock them unconscious, but when one of them sends a bullet slicing through Joshua's synthetic skin, that's when things take a turn. Jeonghan and Wonwoo are both incredibly good shots. The two of them take down most of the guards while Seungcheol and Joshua knock out the others.
Walking up to the lab door, they're relieved to see that the lock’s been shut off. Stepping inside Joshua winces at the sight of different androids like him. Some of them aren't fully built, while others look like they're fully operational.
Joshua walks over towards this. Wonwoo puts his hand on his shoulder. "We'll get them later."
Seungcheol starts searching around. He finds a latch that opens another door. In there they find the machine that makes lavender haze.
"Got ‘em." Seungcheol starts snapping photos of everything. He grabs his duffle bag and starts filling it with close to a million dollars worth of lavender haze. Jeonghan disappears for a while and comes back holding wads of cash.
"Where is that from?" Joshua asks.
"I found a room with a safe in it."
"How did you get the safe open?" Seungcheol asks.
"I shot it, obviously."
Wonwoo barks out a laugh, and Seungcheol just rolls his eyes.
"Wonwoo, go with Jeonghan and start filling all the bags with the money. Joshua, start taking the androids to the van."
-
Through the security camera's tablet, you watch as Joshua moves through the building quickly. He's carrying as many androids as he can to the van Mingyu is in. Mingyu is helping load them into the back quickly.
Tapping away at your computer, you know you probably have another twenty minutes until you have all the data copied over. Your goal once you're done is to send a virus to FleXeon’s system. You and Minghao worked together to make itto nearly impossible to stop viruses.
"How is team one doing?" Minghao asks Soonyoung.
"Cheol says they need another thirty."
"I can keep the system down." You respond, not bothering to look up from your device.
"I found all the hidden files for the formula for lavender haze." Minghao chimes in.
"Make double copies of that."
These passing twenty minutes are some of the most stressful of your life. The data has finished copying and you're making sure to monitor the cameras. Your eyes go wide when you see more security heading towards the room you're in.
"Soonyoung, code red."
"Fuck." He says. "Code red, code red." He says into his com.
"Minghao, are you good?"
"Yeah. We have everything copied."
"Launch the virus." You respond. You start typing away. You launch the virus into the system.
Seconds later, Soonyoung starts shooting down the hall. You hear Seungcheol yelling over the com to clear out. You and Minghao move quickly to grab all your stuff. Reaching into his waistband, he pulls out a gun, and Minghao holds it out to you. Without even thinking, you grab it. He grabs another gun from his bag.
Soonyoung grabs ammo from his bag, reloading the gun. "Hao, guard Starry and get her out of here."
Minghao turns to you. He takes your face in both his hands. You must look terrified. You've been with this group for a long time, and this is the first time you're worried you might die because of a job. "Starry, I promise you won't get hurt."
"Okay."
"Stay behind me, and keep your gun drawn." He keeps holding your face. "Joshua will kill us all if we let you get hurt."
"Fuck what about Shua?" You realize if you're in a gun fight it might not be clear at the lab.
"He's fine." He releases your face. "Just hold my hand until I let go." He takes your hand in his.
"Okay, go." Soonyoung gives you the signal.
Another set of guards are running up. Minghao leads you out towards the door with his gun drawn. He takes two shots by the two guards blocking the door.
"Run." He shouts. You run next to him with your gun drawn.
You practically throw your body against the doo,r breaking your way outside. Soonyoung follows behind you.
Standing in the pouring rain you look over towards Mingyu's van to see him and Joshua soaking wet, loading a machine into the back. The moment Joshua turns and looks at you, he pushes his wet dark hair away from his face. Instantly, you see the tear in his jacket, and the slice in his arm. You're frozen in place staring at him.
Gun fire rings out, startling you. Minghao grabs your hand dragging you towards the car.
You see Jihoon and his team sprinting towards the van. Soonyoung grabs you from Minghao and practically throws you into the back seat. The car speeds away before you can even react. Looking out the window, you watch as team one breaks out of the building with guards following behind them.
Your eyes water thinking about the danger you're leaving behind. It's the dead of night and the fluorescent city, is a buzz with the sound of blaring sirens. Soonyoung drives like a mad man to get back to Seungcheol's place.
Salty tears slide down your cheek as you think about the chaos that has unfolded. Minghao's phone rings and he's quick to answer. He doesn't say much, you just hear him repeat yes over and over. He hangs up the phone and is instantly calling another person.
Soonyoung glances in the mirror looking back at you. Quickly you avert your eyes, the last thing you need is him teasing you about the fact that you're crying.
"Seokmin." Minghao says. That name immediately catches your attention. You know he's a medic. He's stitched up the boys a few times. Your heart sinks, and nausea hits you quickly. "It's Jeonghan and Wonwoo."
The car is silent for a moment outside the sounds of distant sirens and the rain hitting the car.
"Not fatal. Jeonghan was shot in the shoulder and Wonwoo in the ribs." He pauses again. "Cheol said Wonwoo was grazed pretty deeply."
"Soonyoung—"
"They're fine." He quickly responds. "Hao said he's not fatal. Seokmin will stitch them up.”
"Just meet us at Cheol's asap." Minghao hangs up.
Soonyoung pulls into the dark parking garage. Getting out of the car, you grab yourself. Soonyoung looks around making sure you're not being watched. You all rush towards the elevator.
Minghao presses the button and instantly the doors slide open. Stepping inside, Soonyoung quickly hits the close button over and over.
The elevator rattles as it heads up to the tenth floor. You blankly stare down at your shoes.
"They're fine." Minghao finally speaks. "They just need stitches."
The doors slide open. You all practically run down the hall to Seungcheol's apartment. Soonyoung punches in the code, and the door slides open. Sitting on the couch near the window, you find the sweet girl who lives with Seungcheol. She jumps at the sudden intrusion.
Soonyoung puts up his hands letting her know we aren't a threat. "It's just us. Seungcheol is on his way home."
"Is he okay?" You've never actually heard her speak before. Her voice is quiet and full of fear.
"Yeah he is." Soonyoung slowly puts his hands down. Silently she gets off the couch and rushes out of the room.
Minghao grabs his bag and walks over to the table. "Can I have the drive with the lavender haze formula?"
You reach into your pocket and grab one of the two drives that hold the information. You toss it over to him. He plugs it into his computer and starts typing away.
"What are you doing?" Soonyoung asks.
"I'm concealing some of the formula and anonymously leaking it."
There is a knock on the door. Soonyoung grabs his gun and walks over. He pulls the door open with his gun drawn. Instantly he puts it down at the sight of Seokmin.
Seokmin comes in and starts getting out all the supplies he'll need.
The door flings open and the rest of the crew follows in. Wonwoo limps in with the help of Joshua and Mingyu. Jeonghan is being helped by Seungcheol. Jihoon, Chan and Vernon follow in behind them.
Joshua stares at you with wide eyes. Everything is so chaotic that neither of you have time to talk.
"Vernon, do you remember how to do stitches?" Seokmin asks.
"Yeah." Vernon walks towards him.
"Okay, I'm going to need you to take Wonwoo to the restroom and full-clean out his wound and then stitch him up." Seokmin reaches into his bag and pulls out everything Vernon will need. "Mingyu and Soonyoung please help Vernon."
Everyone listens to Seokmin and takes Wonwoo off to the bathroom. Seungcheol brings Jeonghan towards Seokmin.
"We need to remove his jacket and I need to see if there is an exit wound." Jihoon and Seungcheol take a very dazed Jeonghan into the kitchen.
Joshua rushes towards you. He pulls you into his chest and kisses the top of your head. "Starlight, I was so worried about you."
"I'm fine, Hao and Soonyoung kept me safe." You pull away and glance at his torn synthetic skin. "I need to fix this later."
"Okay."
You hear Jeonghan scream. You take off towards the kitchen where you see Seungcheol holding him down as Seokmin is digging the bullet out of his shoulder.
You wince when you see a very obviously in pain Jeonghan let out another scream. You walk closer to him. He's turning his head away from his injury, wincing.
Reaching out, you rest your hand on his cheek. "Hannie, it's okay." His eyes go wide looking at you. "It's okay." You wish there was some way you could soothe him.
"Chan, get me a syringe of numbing meds from my bag." Seokmin shouts.
Moments later, Chan comes rushing in. Seokmin gives Jeonghan a full shot of the numbing meds. His eyes droop slightly as they instantly take effect.
Joshua grabs your hand, leading you away from the chaos. Moving into the living room, you sit on the couch feeling dazed. Wonwoo comes out of the bathroom with the help of Mingyu.
They sit next to each other on the other couch. Seokmin shouts for Joshua's help. He leaves you alone for a moment. Seungcheol heads out the kitchen and instantly heads towards the room Angel is in. He must be going to check on her.
Joshua walks out of the kitchen carrying Jeonghan. Jihoon leads them off towards Seungcheol's room. Seokmin walks out of the kitchen with his shirt stained with blood. Soonyoung walks of the bathroom.
"Is Jeonghan okay?" Soonyoung asks.
"Yeah. We knocked him out because he was in pain, but the bullet is out and stitched up. Luckily, it missed all the major arteries." Seokmin says.
Seungcheol heads back in and gives everyone the run down and then gives everyone a bag with money in it.
"This is just cash. I'll have more coming later." He lets out a sigh and pushes his fingers through his hair. "We can have another meeting in a couple days when Jeonghan is feeling better."
"Breaking news." The tv turns on blaring. "FleXeon is being exposed for producing the very illegal drug known as lavender haze. Police arrived on site now at the CEO house. The company is now under investigation."
Soonyoung barks out a laugh. "Looks like we were successful."
"Everyone keep your heads low for a little while." Seungcheol says.
MEET ME IN THE AFTERGLOW
Arriving back at your apartment, you sit down Joshua at the table and work on fixing his arm that's sliced open.
"They missed your wiring." His wiring is essentially his arteries. "If they hit those I might have had to rewire your arm." You know he's listening to you, but he's completely silent as he stares at the floor in front of him. "This is a simple fix."
"Does this feel weird having to fix your robot boyfriend? If I was human you wouldn't have to worry about my wiring." He glances up at you.
"If you were human, you could have been in bad shape like Wonwoo and Jeonghan." At this point you prefer he's a robot. You never have to worry about him getting sick or hurt like that.
"Do you wish I was human?" There's a deep rooted sadness behind his eyes.
"No, not at all. I promise, I've never once wished you were human." You aren't lying. Never once have you had that thought. You finish working on his arm, and move so you're standing in front of him.
"I wish I was human."
Reaching out you take his face in both hands. "I've never wanted you to be anything else." His eyes are wide and glossy. Slowly you drag your thumb across his cheek. "I love you for who you are."
"I love you too." He closes his eyes leaning into your touch. Leaning down you press your lips into his for a sweet kiss.
Stepping back, you walk off into the kitchen to wash your hands. Looking over, you watch as Joshua stands up. He walked over to the big window that looks out into the city. In the distance, the sun is starting to rise. The sky is becoming shades of cotton candy pink and orange.
"When I heard the first gun shot, I was scared they were going to take you from me." Joshua says as he blankly stares towards the windows.
Walking over, you stand in front of him and wrap your arms around his stomach. "I was scared too, but I knew the boys would keep me safe."
"Starlight, look at me please." You step back and look up at him. "Right now, I just want to be with you."
"Okay."
You aren't surprised when he reaches down and picks you up as if you weigh nothing. Crashing your lips into his, you kiss him as if you need him to breathe.
He pulls his lips away long enough to lead you both to the bedroom. In between kisses, you both strip away your clothes.
Laying on the bed with your legs spread wide, he eats you out like a man starved. He plays with you until you fall apart not once but twice. Your fingers tangle in his hair, holding him close to your needy pussy.
Crawling up your body, he crashes his lips into yours. You can taste yourself on his tongue, and it's absolutely intoxicating.
You aren't sure what his plan is, but all you know is you want him in any possible way. He grinds his already hard length against your core over and over, until you're moaning into his mouth. Practically on the brink of falling apart again.
"Shua—" you whine as he pulls away.
He moves so he's sitting with his back against the headboard. You waste no time crawling across the bed to get to him.
Sitting on his lap, you card your fingers through his dark hair. Lifting your hips, you reach down, lining his cock up with your needy entrance. Ever so slowly, you sink down on his length, inch by thick inch. He's snug inside you, but neither of you move. He looks up at you with needy eyes.
Neither of you seem to have any desire to move. You could sit on his cock for hours, and he would do anything to stay inside you forever.
"I have never and will never love anyone like I love you." You can't explain the love you feel for him.
"We may not be able to get married, but you're my wife." His sweet words earn a smile from you. He's never called you his wife, but you could get used to him calling you that.
"Are you going to buy me a ring with the money we just got?" You hold up your bare hand. You could actually care less about a ring, you honestly just want to tease him a little.
"I'll buy you anything you could possibly want." Leaning forward, he presses his lips to yours for a searing kiss. "Anything my pretty wife could ever want, I'll give her." He says between kisses.
Lifting your hips, you pull yourself off of him, until only the tip is left inside. You tug his hair back so he's looking up at you. Slowly you drop back down. He's so long he's practically bruising your cervix. Rolling your hips, your clit brushes against his pelvis.
Joshua's hands are anywhere they can touch. He doesn't help guide your movements yet. He'll help you move once he knows you're too tired.
Biting your bottom lip, you try your hardest to hold back your moans. His wet lips start leaving a trail of kisses from your jaw down to your breast. He takes his time teasing each of your pert nipples. He gently bites your nipple earning a moan.
"Josh—" you cry out.
He pulls away smiling. "Baby you feel so good."
You pick up your pace, desperately chasing your high. Reaching down your fingers quickly start rubbing your clit.
"I love watching you play with yourself." He moans with his lips against your neck.
Your orgasm is like a white hot ecstasy. Throwing your head back you cry out in pleasure. Salty tears slide down your cheeks at the overwhelming feeling. You two have had a lot of sex, but this feels extra intense. Your walls flutter around his cock like an erratic heartbeat. Your lips are parted as mindless moans pass your lips over and over.
Without saying anything, his large hands grip your hips and he helps guide you up and down his massive length. Your high is barely settled and he's pushing you right to the edge all over again.
"Fuck—" you whine.
"Can you cum again?" He asks.
Wordlessly you nod. He's fucked you to the point you aren't even sure if you can form proper words. He’s guiding you up and down, practically impaling you on his massive length over and over again.
Your orgasm hits both of you at the same time. He holds you down flush against him as he fills you to the brim with his sweet and sticky release.
Your body goes limp leaning against him. His hand runs up and down your back slowly, helping you relax.
"You did so good." He knows exactly how to praise you. Your mind can't process much other than the two mind numbing orgasms you just had back to back.
"Baby, I need to clean you up."
"Just let me lay here." You sigh.
He lets you stay sitting on his lap for about twenty minutes before he forces you to take a shower with him.
After showering you don't even bother getting dressed for bed after he dries you off. Curled up in bed together, your head is resting on his chest. Mindlessly he's drawing different shapes on your back.
"If you want, we could have a little wedding with our group. It doesn't have to be official, but they'll be there to witness us getting married." You say.
"I would like that. I meant it when I said you're my wife."
"And you're my husband."
What you have may not be conventional by any means. But the love you feel for each other is what people dream about finding. You know there is still a lot to be done by making sure FleXeon doesn't come back, and you and Minghao need to work on reprogramming the FleXeon androids. But for just a little while, you want to have time with Joshua. You don't want to think about an evil corporation. You just want to think about the future you have with Joshua.
AN: I love this universe so much I might write something for a couple of the other boys. Let me know if you would be interested.
the issue with growing up in the 2000s and 2010s was like there was this really big push toward "accepting your weirdness" overall but they meant like idk wearing mismatched socks or something not being tangibly beyond the norm in any way shape or form
SUMMARY: They said money is the solution, while you naively believed it wasn’t the answer to everything. Yet you found yourself in despair as your father’s fate fell in the hands of the town’s so-called “impartial” judge. You begged him to see reason, swearing your father was innocent. But there was another deception lurking beneath the surface.
WARNINGS: mature themes content (strictly MDNI), strong language, power imbalance, bribery, abuse of authority, manipulation, gaslighting, system corruption, implied stockholm syndrome, unprotected sex, fingering, impregnation kink, biting, skin sucking, dubcon ig?, abuse mention (not reader or jeonghan, just for the case), psychological disturbance, rough sex, heated kiss, pregnancy (mentioned), violence & death (major character death).
WC: 22k
add tags❦: bakery owner! reader, jeonghan is a little evil here, detective! seungcheol, seokmin as childhood friends, lawyer! joshua, possibly another love interest(?), widower jeonghan, implied docile reader, beauty n beast reference if you squint slightly, grief, ambiguous ending(?), morally grey characters, inaccurate legal system, wouldn't call this dark romance cuz this is so fucked up lmao
A/N: wow, the number of people who liked the preview was amazing. yall nasty fr, anyway happy reading (or not). disclaimer: fictionalized and inaccurate legal procedures for narrative purposes.
The smell of freshly baked goods filled the bakery. The lingering scent tingled your nose, though you were already used to it.
It had been almost four years since you began managing the bakery on your own. After your grandmother passed away, you reopened it yourself. You hadn’t planned to continue your higher education at the time, especially when your father had fallen ill, only recently recovering.
You greeted your regular customers as usual, the place busy from morning until noon. You were grateful that the bakery’s success repaid every sacrifice you had left behind. Even though becoming a lawyer had once been your greatest dream. Helping people, fighting for justice, but seeing customers happily buying your goods and complimenting them each day made you feel like the happiest person alive.
Still, deep inside, you were just a girl who once dreamed of becoming a good lawyer—someone who could help others obtain the justice they deserved.
So focused on your work, you didn’t notice Seokmin tailing you like an excited puppy until he startled you from behind.
“Goodness, Min,” you sighed, rolling your eyes as you stepped back into the pantry to refill the bread display. “Don’t scare me like that. What brings you here?” you asked without looking up at him.
Seokmin hummed, crossing his arms. “Can’t I stop by to see the lovely Miss Baker?” he chuckled, still following you as you busied yourself. “Say… are you perhaps available this weekend? I mean— I’d love to take you out for a nice dinner.”
When you didn’t respond immediately, too focused on arranging the croissants, he sighed dramatically.
“Okay… I’m sorry, just this once,” he continued, stepping in front of you so you had no choice but to look at him properly. “I know the last time you said you couldn’t, but please give me a chance.”
You softly sighed, patting your hands against your apron as you shook your head. “I’m sorry, Min. I just… I can’t, okay?” you said, moving to the cashier counter to busy yourself with nothing in particular. “I’m already occupied. I don’t know if I can make time for…”
You hesitated to mention the word love or relationship.
Seokmin had been your friend since childhood. Though he was two years younger, you always treated him as an equal. At first, you saw him as a younger brother, maybe you still did, even after he grew into a fine young man. Still, you couldn’t allow yourself to enter a relationship, let alone think of marriage. You had always been content with what you had… especially when you weren’t ready to leave your father’s side.
You had lost count of how many times Seokmin had tried to ask you out. His attraction toward you wasn’t subtle, he had always pined like a lovesick puppy. You, on the other hand, never took his feelings lightly. Even after rejecting him when you were younger, he remained persistent. You appreciated him deeply, as a friend, perhaps even as family, but your bond with him had always remained platonic.
Before you could even answer his many questions, your attention was already stolen by the customer standing in front of you.
Mr. Yoon.
He was one of your regulars. You stated the total, and he handed you the money, which you politely accepted. You weren’t sure when it began, but there had always been something melancholic about him. He usually bought the same thing, the castella cake, or simply a plain pound cake. On rare occasions, when he seemed to be in a particular mood, he would choose the lemon-flavored one. You never questioned it. In fact, you had memorised his preference so well that you made sure it was always restocked, just in case.
You thanked him, offering your usual polite smile as you watched him walk toward the door. You didn’t even realize you had been staring at his figure as it slowly disappeared outside until Seokmin called your name, snapping you out of your thoughts. Blinking, you looked at him. “If you keep startling me like that, you might as well help around here,” you huffed, pretending to count the notes in your hand.
It wasn’t that you were understaffed. But the bakery had been packed all day, with massive pre-orders and constant restocking. You felt a little guilty watching Seungkwan and Chan shuffle back and forth without proper breaks.
You had always greeted your customers cheerfully, even asking about their day with genuine warmth.
The only exception was that man.
Mr. Yoon, the judge of the courthouse in town. Known as one of the most respectable individuals in the district. You first met him years ago when you were still a student. He had been invited to your university for a legal workshop. You remembered admiring him back then. He was articulate, confident, someone who spoke about justice as if it were sacred.
After you dropped out, he became nothing more than a distant memory. Seeing him again years later felt… different.
It wasn’t as though you had any lingering attachment. Still, the unfortunate incident involving his late wife, the arson case the newspapers wrote about had changed him. At least, that was what people said. Perhaps that was why he carried that quiet heaviness around him now.
But it was none of your business.
“Seeing Judge Yoon this close was kind of scary, if I’m honest,” Seokmin said while helping pack the goods. “It feels like a shiver runs down my spine whenever I’m around him.”
You stilled, eyes still fixed on your list, not responding immediately. “Come on, you’re exaggerating. If anything, everyone probably feels that way because of his position.”
Seokmin only grinned, nudging you gently, and you returned a faint smile. “If I were serious like him, would you have accepted me?” he leaned closer, voice playful. “You know… my sex appeal would be more attractive if I used it properly.”
You rolled your eyes, though a small smile lingered as you moved away so he wouldn’t get distracted. “Less talk, more work. I like a hardworking man, Min.”
Chapter 1: The Corrupt Judge and His Sullied Court
People’s gossip was never something that interested you. Sometimes you overheard things here and there, but you rarely paid attention.
Although, you couldn’t deny it unsettled you whenever the subject revolved around Judge Yoon.
It wasn’t surprising for people to talk about scandalous marriages or secret affairs. But this time, the conversation was about something more serious.
“I heard about the recent case, Mrs. Kwon being accused of murdering her own husband?” one of the middle-aged women said suddenly, making you subconsciously listen as you stood with your back facing them. “They said in court she claimed it was self-defense. Apparently, she revealed that her late husband had been abusing her.”
“Oh dear, that’s horrible,” the other woman gasped. “I hope everything goes well… I wonder how she’s feeling now. It would be unfortunate if she fails to prove her innocence. All that fortune from her husband would eventually go back to his family.”
You hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, yet there you were, listening to every word as you gathered the ingredients you had just bought. The conversation eventually died down, and you hurried along, mentally cursing yourself for rejecting Seokmin’s offer to help.
It wasn’t that you thought their discussion was unnecessary.
If anything, it made you uneasy.
When you first heard that Mr. Kwon had died from murder, it genuinely shocked you. He had been one of your regular customers and, if you remembered correctly, an acquaintance of Seokmin’s. You could still vividly recall the bright smile he wore whenever he stood at your counter, proudly bragging about how smoothly his business was running.
Though he was one of the wealthiest men in town, he carried himself with humility, at least, that was how he appeared to you. He had a way of making you feel like you were no less important than he was. So hearing that he had allegedly abused his wife felt almost unbelievable.
You had met Mrs. Kwon a few times at the clothing boutique. She often spent lavishly on glamorous pieces. You were never one to judge someone’s lifestyle, but the news still came as a shock.
Almost too suspicious. Or perhaps you simply shouldn’t have judged a book by its cover.
When you returned to the bakery, it didn’t go unnoticed that your staff were slacking off in the back. You shook your head as you approached them, both far too invested in the newspaper spread across the table.
“Would you like your pay to be cut short?”
Your voice nearly made Seungkwan and Chan jump out of their skin as they scrambled back into position. Seungkwan was the first to break the tension, attempting to smooth things over with a dramatic whistle. “Oh dear, I think I might’ve forgotten how to make pain au chocolat—do you know where the recipe is, Chan?”
“I seriously don’t know, man,” Chan agreed smoothly, wiping an already spotless surface with his rag.
You sighed, shaking your head before picking up the newspaper they had been so absorbed in. Your eyes skimmed over the article.
Ah.
Of course.
A small column near the top mentioned the recent court case. You were certain details like this weren’t meant to be public, yet here it was in ink.
Mrs. Kwon’s case.
According to the article, she had been sentenced only to probation. Which meant the court had acknowledged her claim of self-defense. Meaning… the allegations about her husband’s abuse were true after all. You weren’t sure how to process it. It felt unreal. Yet, in the end, it didn’t matter anymore, Mr. Kwon was already dead.
Still, something inside you twisted uneasily.
Just a week ago, he had been standing at your counter, smiling brightly. You had always assumed he was a kind man. Seeing this revelation in print felt almost impossible to reconcile. Your eyes drifted toward the familiar surname printed beneath the article. The reporter had made it clear that the case was handled under Judge Yoon.
That name always lingered somewhere in your mind, though you could never quite pinpoint why. Perhaps it was simply because you saw him at the bakery so often. Standing near someone of his caliber had always felt surreal. Even meeting prosecutors or judges once in your life carried a certain weight.
The desire to become one of them had already died long ago.
You folded the newspaper and set it aside, returning to your stock work while your staff resumed whispering about the news.
“Man, I can’t believe Mr. Kwon was that kind of person,” Chan murmured as he arranged the trays.
“I know, right?” Seungkwan replied, hands busy shaping pastries. “I never imagined someone we knew could turn out like that. What’s crazier is that I saw his wife shopping at the jewelry boutique the other day like she didn’t have a care in the world. Then boom— murder.”
That was enough.
You cleared your throat deliberately, and their chatter died instantly. There was no use crying over spilled milk now.
──
Your life had always been simple, you preferred it that way.
Though that never stopped people from running their mouths, especially in a neighborhood like yours. They often commented that your life had been “robbed” by your sick father, as if you hadn’t chosen to drop out of your studies to care for him yourself. As if sacrifice had not been your own decision.
After all, he was your only family.
Sure, it had been years since then, yet some still criticized your choice to remain a bakery owner instead of pursuing a “more respectable” profession, especially as a woman in this era.
You had grown used to it.
But you would never allow them to speak badly about your papa. He was everything you had left after your grandmother passed away. That was why you chose to continue the business, pouring everything you had into rebuilding it. And now, seeing familiar faces return each day, watching customers smile at the taste of your pastries, it felt worth it.
The bakery was filled with warmth and sweetness.
At your age, it was only natural for people to question your marital status — a topic you always brushed off with a polite smile. It was rather nosy of them, prying into matters that did not concern them. So what if you chose not to settle down?
It hadn’t gone unnoticed that a few bachelors had shown interest in you, but you politely declined before anything could even begin. Most people found you odd, perhaps they always had. Even when you were younger, you had been too engrossed in books, too eager to learn and discover more.
The only man you allowed close was Seokmin. He was perhaps the only one who never attempted strange advances or crossed lines. Even after being rejected more times than you could count, he continued to respect your boundaries.
When he suddenly entered the bakery, his face looked unusually troubled. Before you could even greet him, he grasped your arms gently, as if steadying you or himself, while carefully choosing his words. He called your name softly.
“Listen to me… I need you to stay calm. Just listen to what I’m about to say.”
You stared at him, confused, searching his expression for any hint of what was coming. Your heart began pounding, a nervous rhythm echoing in your ears.
He wasn’t joking.
“Your father…”
The rest blurred. The moment he uttered the words of arrest, accusation, embezzlement, and everything else drowned in a loud buzzing inside your head. The details slipped past you, lost somewhere between disbelief and fear.
Your papa has been arrested for embezzlement. It didn’t make sense. None of it did.
You didn’t waste a second. There was nothing you wanted more than to see your father immediately.
At the detention centre, where your papa was now being held, the sight of him behind the metal barrier made your heart clench painfully. His face brightened the moment he saw you and Seokmin approaching.
“Papa!” You rushed forward, fingers curling around the bars as if you could reach him through sheer will. Your chest felt unbearably heavy at the sight of him confined like this.
“My dearest… thank God you’re safe,” your father sighed in relief.
Safe?
You were the one falling apart.
“____, you shouldn’t worry about me—”
“Please, Papa,” you interrupted quickly, shaking your head. “This is serious. Of course I need to be involved.” Your brows furrowed. “I’m not a child anymore. You should be worrying about yourself. How did this even happen?”
Your eyes scanned him anxiously. He looked physically fine, healthier than he had been two years ago, but that didn’t stop your mind from spiraling. Stress alone could undo his recovery.
Your father gently placed his palm over yours against the cold barrier, grounding you.
“My dear, take care of yourself,” he said softly. “You mustn’t fret over me. We can hire an attorney…”
His gaze shifted to Seokmin, giving him a meaningful nod just as the officer called for the end of visitation.
“Take care of her for me.” Before you could say another word, your papa was already being led away. The metal door shut with a sound that echoed too loudly in your chest.
“Hey—it’s alright,” Seokmin murmured, gently turning you to face him as you stood frozen. “I’ll help you, okay? I’ll hire an attorney for your father. We’re in this together.”
Your expression softened, though you slowly shook your head, much to his visible disappointment.
“No, Min… I can’t do that to you.” Your voice trembled slightly. “Your family already helped us when Papa was ill. And when I reopened the bakery…”
You couldn’t ask for more. Seokmin’s family had always been better off financially. They had never once made you feel small for it. His parents adored you, yet accepting more help felt dangerously close to indebting yourself.
And you hated feeling indebted.
Seokmin’s hands tightened gently around yours as he called your name. “Please let me help. I want to do this. I mean it.”
You hesitated. In a situation like this, you couldn’t afford an incompetent attorney.
After a long moment, you nodded.
“…Alright.”
──
In the Union States of Sebong, there was a man who directed the courthouse under government administration while quietly collecting profit for himself.
His name was Yoon Jeonghan. In posterity, he would be remembered as the Collector.
No one ever understood how he determined the outcomes of his cases, whether the accused were found guilty or not. It hardly concerned honor. If you had money, you were saved. But even that did not guarantee your life. That decision belonged to corruption itself.
No one dared to question him.
Yoon Jeonghan was regarded as the most respectable man in town. Therefore, once his verdict was spoken, it was final. In the courtroom, Jeonghan liked to believe that every sin committed passed through his hands alone. He decided who was guilty. He decided who was innocent. And if they paid enough to be acquitted, then their crimes would be permitted.
Only cash would do.
Well… at least in hell.
He did not consider himself greedy. After all, wasn’t he helping those in need? In the end, they should all understand that their lives depended on him.If they wanted salvation, they would pay the proper fee.
Jeonghan adjusted his judicial gown as he prepared to enter the courtroom for the next case. The doors opened at his silent command. The room stilled. Prosecutors, attorneys, defendants, and spectators rose to their feet in respect.
He took his seat, face stoic, voice low and neutral.
“Now,” he said calmly, “let the trial begin.”
You tensed in your seat, sitting rigidly on the wooden bench with your fingers clasped tightly in your lap as your father stood before the court. He looked smaller somehow. Not physically, but diminished under the weight of accusation.
What you hadn’t expected was that Judge Yoon would be assigned to your father’s case.
You had to remind yourself that he was not the quiet regular customer who bought castella cake from your counter. Not the man you occasionally admired from afar.
Down here, beneath the towering ceiling of the courtroom, he felt different.
Intimidating. Distant. Powerful.
And you felt very, very small. You had heard the whispers before, that defendants prayed never to fall under Judge Yoon’s trial. They called him ruthless, though the public preferred a more refined word.
Impartial.
He carried that reputation flawlessly.
And yet, despite everything you had heard, you silently prayed that this time. Just this once, the case would favor your father.
You needed his innocence to be proven, and him to come home.
As the trial progressed, your heart remained heavy with distress and unease. Sleep had abandoned you entirely these past few nights. For now, the bakery was left in the capable hands of Seungkwan and Chan while you dedicated yourself to gathering every possible record, financial statements, receipts, testimonies — anything that could support your father’s innocence.
You have done everything.
When the opposing counsel finally rose to speak, your stomach twisted.
You couldn’t help but frown at the confident cadence of his voice, at the certainty dripping from every word he uttered. His client sat beside him, posture relaxed, almost assured as if victory had already been promised.
That unsettled you.
You weren’t supposed to feel doubt.
Not when you knew your father was innocent.
“Your Honour,” the prosecutor began, voice clear and unwavering, “the evidence will show that this was neither a mistake nor a misunderstanding. This was a deliberate, long-term scheme of embezzlement.”
He paced slowly as he spoke. “We will present the paper trail—the bank transfers, the altered receipts, and the final destination of those funds: the defendant’s own pocket.”
A pause.
“At the conclusion of this trial, we will ask this court to hold him accountable for this grave breach of trust.”
The words echoed in the chamber, heavier than they had any right to be.
You felt your fingers tighten against each other in your lap.
Deliberate. Long-term scheme. Embezzlement.
It sounded so certain when spoken aloud.
The defense attorney rose slowly, adjusting his spectacles. “Your Honour,” he began, voice firm but measured, “the prosecution presents a compelling story. Thus, a story is not a conviction.”
A murmur rippled faintly through the gallery.
“The transfers cited required dual authorization. My client did not possess unilateral access to those accounts. Furthermore, the alleged altered receipts were processed through a third-party accountant, one who has yet to be summoned before this court.”
The prosecutor scoffed lightly. “Deflection.”
The defense ignored him.
“My client built that company from the ground up. Twenty-two years of work. If he wished to steal, he would not do so through traceable bank transfers under his own name.”
Your father finally stepped forward.
His voice trembled, not from guilt, but from exhaustion. “I would never steal from my own partners,” he said. “That business fed my family. It fed theirs too. I have nothing to gain from destroying it.”
Your throat tightened.
For the first time since the trial began, the room felt human.
All eyes slowly shifted toward the bench.
Judge Yoon had not moved once. His hands were folded neatly before him. His expression is unreadable.
He studied your father.
Then he spoke. “Mr. ____,” he said evenly, “you claim loyalty.”
“Yes, Your Honour.”
“You claim integrity.”
“Yes.”
“And yet,” Jeonghan continued softly, “the funds did arrive in an account bearing your name.”
Silence.
Your father swallowed. “They were transferred without my knowledge. I reported the discrepancy.”
“After how long?”
A pause. “…Three weeks.”
The courtroom shifted. Jeonghan leaned back slightly. “Three weeks,” he repeated.
The way he said it made it sound like a confession.
Your fingers dug into your palms.
The defense attorney quickly intervened. “Your Honour, my client needed time to verify the irregularities before escalating—”
Judge Yoon raised one hand. The entire courtroom went silent instantly. “I find,” he said calmly, “that the evidence presented thus far establishes sufficient ground to treat the defendant as a potential flight risk.”
The words didn’t register at first. Your head snapped up.
What?
The defense attorney stiffened. “Your Honour?”
“Pending further examination of financial records,” Jeonghan continued, voice cold as winter steel, “the defendant’s bail privileges are hereby revoked.”
The courtroom erupted.
Your heart stopped. “No—!” you nearly rose from your seat.
Your father turned toward you, shock written across his face as two officers approached him.
“Your Honour, this is highly irregular!” the defense protested. “My client has complied with every summons—”
Judge Yoon’s gaze sharpened. “Compliance,” he said quietly, “does not erase capability.”
The room fell into stunned silence again. That was it. That was the ruthlessness people whispered about.
He simply decided. The reality bent.
Jeonghan adjusted his sleeve. “This court will recess for thirty minutes,” he declared. “Proceedings will resume thereafter.”
His gavel struck once. Final and absolute.
As people began to move in frantic confusion, he stood from his seat. For the briefest second, you swore that his eyes met yours, you find his eyes were not apologetic or cruel. Just… assessing. As if he was calculating something. Then he turned and disappeared through the chamber doors, leaving you frozen on the bench.
──
The trial continued, though the entire session blurred together in your mind.
Arguments were dismissed one after another. Evidence you were certain was clear enough seemed to crumble under the opposing attorney’s effortless rebuttals. Every time hope rose in your chest, it was quietly struck down.
You kept telling yourself this wasn’t the end. It couldn’t be.
Yet when you finally heard Judge Yoon deliver the verdict, your head snapped up.
“This court has reviewed the exhaustive ledger entries, the third-party forensic audits, and the defense’s claims of ‘procedural irregularities.’ However, the law does not operate on intentions that remain silent for three weeks. It operates on facts.”
Your throat went dry. Your gaze flickered anxiously between your father and Seokmin.
“The facts show a systematic diversion of five hundred and eighty thousand dollars. It shows a breach of fiduciary duty that crippled a twenty-two-year-old institution.”
The judge paused.
The silence in the courtroom felt suffocating.
“Therefore, on the count of Grand Larceny and Embezzlement in the First Degree, this court finds the defendant—”
Your heart pounded violently.
“—GUILTY.”
The word struck the room like a physical weight.
You watched as your father’s expression did not change, but his head lowered slightly. That small movement shattered something inside you. Across the courtroom, the opposing party erupted in quiet satisfaction, their lawyer already gathering his papers with a victorious air. Meanwhile, you sat frozen in your seat, the world around you collapsing into noise and silence all at once.
Judge Yoon had already risen from his chair. The gavel had fallen. The case was closed.
Just like that.
──
Your heart pounded violently in your chest as you ran toward the estate gates. Your dress and cardigan clung to your skin, drenched from the rain as you rushed toward Mr. Yoon’s residence begging for the fifth time to plead your papa’s innocence. You had called out to him when he declared your father guilty of embezzling a large sum of money, a crime you were certain he had been framed for. Your papa would never do such a thing. He was the gentlest and the sweetest man you had ever known.
It couldn’t be happening.
Even when you tried to approach the judge as he exited the courtroom, an unease settled deep in your stomach. The case had been decided in a single day. It was unfair. No one listened to you. Evidence was dismissed as if it meant nothing, when it was obvious some high-ranking bastard had set your father up.
It was heartbreaking.
Your papa was the only family you had aside from your bakery. When he fell ill during your studies, you dropped out to care for him. He was your world. And so you continued your grandmother’s bakery, running it just as she once had. Your knees ached from kneeling too long. Your fists rested against them as you bowed your head before the estate gates. The rain poured relentlessly, yet you remained there for nearly two hours, desperate to speak with Mr. Yoon. What had your papa done to deserve this? Was it about money? Of course you didn’t have enough to bribe him.
But why your papa?
The men who framed him were celebrating their victory while your father bore the blame.
You needed answers. You would do anything to prove them wrong.
Your father had only just recovered from his illness. You never wanted him to work again, but he insisted. Maybe you should have tried harder, then none of this would have happened.
The estate doors opened. A housekeeper approached, likely to dismiss you as usual but instead, a pair of polished leather shoes stopped in front of you.
You didn’t dare look up.
Your soaked fists trembled against your knees. You weren’t sure if you had any tears left, or if they had simply blended into the rain.
Then something shielded you from the downpour.
An umbrella.
Mr. Yoon stood above you, one hand holding it over your head, the other tucked neatly inside his robe. He did not look surprised. “Get up,” his familiar voice said calmly.
You slowly lifted your head.
“We’ll discuss this inside.”
You felt awkward changing into the nightgown one of his female employees had handed you. A shawl was draped over your shoulders, a gesture of courtesy from him. Now warmer, you sat quietly with a cup of tea cradled between your palms, staring into the amber liquid absentmindedly.
It was late.
Even if you returned home now, no one would be waiting. Ever since your papa was imprisoned, the house had felt unbearably hollow. The cell must be colder than the rain you endured outside his estate. The food, if they even fed him properly, would be nothing like the warm bread you baked every morning.
God… you just wanted him to be alright.
Your thoughts spiraled into darker possibilities. Prison was never kind. Guilty or not, men often met terrible ends there. So lost in your mind, you didn’t hear Mr. Yoon calls your name more than once. You blinked, startled, quickly mumbling an apology. When you tried to speak, your words got tangled. “Why… the evidence was there. You didn’t even… hear us out. Why?”
Silence settled between you.
He did not look offended nor surprised. “Why?” he repeated smoothly, placing his cup down. “The case was decided. The defendant’s side presented their argument well. Their attorney was… quite persuasive.”
You frowned in disbelief.
Of course. That would be his answer.
“But Mr. Yoon, it was obvious my father had nothing to do with it,” your voice trembled, almost pleading. “He was framed. Used by those—”
He lifted a hand, silencing you effortlessly. “The case is closed. I have no intention of reopening it.”
Before he could rise again, you spoke. “…You took a bribe from them, didn’t you?”
Your eyes didn’t waver.
Something in your gaze despite your soaked, pitiful state caught his attention.
He thought that it’s either you were bold or simply foolish. Either way, he decided to entertain you. “What makes you think that?” His expression remained unreadable.
You swallowed, intimidated by his composure but pressed on. “I heard rumors. I didn’t want to believe them. But I looked into your past cases.” Your voice steadied slightly. “There’s a pattern.”
For a moment, he studied you. Then a slow, faint smile appeared on his face, “So you finally completed your assignment. Impressive. As expected from a law student.”
There’s a pause in between. “Though you are a dropout now.”
Your breath hitched at the sudden revelation. You wanted nothing more than to understand how he had unearthed pieces of your past you thought were long buried.
He began listing your full name. Your birthplace, your former university, your academic standing and last but not least, your withdrawal records. Basically your entire history.
Cold crept up your spine.
You wanted to ask how he knew, but no words came.
“I have my ways,” he said lightly. “This isn’t the first time someone has accused me. And you’ll notice…” He took another sip of tea, responding to your accusations, “I never directly deny it.”
Your stomach twisted at that. So he wasn’t even ashamed.
“Go on,” he gestured lazily. “Threaten me, expose me, harm me. Others have tried but I’m not sure about you.”
But you did none of that. Instead, you only lowered your head. “…Please release my papa. He was wronged.”
He watched you carefully. Most people would’ve shouted at him. Threatened him with a murderer or arson, maybe threw chairs too.
But you only knelt before him at the gate, in front of his estate, looking docile and desperate. Like a little kitten seeking shelter after getting caught in the rain.
He sighed softly, tilting his head slightly. “You want me to help your father?” He leaned back, fingers interlocked over his knee. “Then pay the fee for your life, little bird. Salvation isn’t free, you should already know how it works.”
You stared at him, stunned by how openly he admitted it. He wasn’t even trying to deny it. Those bastards who framed your father must have paid thousands to secure their victory enough to bury your father behind the iron bars. So logically, you would need to offer double that amount.
Obviously, you didn’t have that kind of money.
The bakery barely covered expenses. The staff salaries and maintenance. The lawyer you already hired though you paid more than that. Your family had never been wealthy. Just ordinary people trying to live quietly in town.
Your silence answered him.
Jeonghan observed you for a moment and seemed to understand. He had only presented the option to demonstrate how the world functioned. He already knew you couldn’t afford it.
He rose from his seat, “I thought so.”
When you saw him move to the door, panic surged through you as he walked toward the door. His unreadable face made it clear, he would not consider it unless it benefited him.
“Judge Yoon, wait!”
If he walked out now, everything was over.
Something inside you just snapped. “Please—just this once—I—” Your voice faltered. Then the words tumbled out before you could stop them. “I’ll do anything!”
His steps halted just before reaching the doorknob. Slowly, he turned. “Be careful with those words, birdie,” His voice lowered. “Those words shouldn’t be used so carelessly. They carry weight.”
You didn’t care and didn’t know what else to offer. Pride might as well had no place here. Without hesitation, you knelt again. Hands resting on your thighs, eyes lowered to the floor. At that moment, humiliation and dignity meant nothing.
Only your papa mattered.
“…I mean it, Mr. Yoon,” your voice cracked. “I’ll do anything to prove my papa’s innocence. Just this once. I won’t ask again.”
He stared down at you. Your trembling lips, your clasped hands and the way you refused to look up. Something twisted inside him. It had been a long time since he felt this… entertained. And he loved the sight before him.
Anything huh?
He stepped closer. Then slowly knelt in front of you. His thumb brushed against your cheek, wiping away a tear with deliberate gentleness. “Don’t cry, little bird,” he cooed softly, almost tenderly. “Tears don’t suit you.”
His gaze darkened, there’s a pause in between as he continues. “And kneeling…” His thumb lingered under your chin, tilting your face upward just enough. “Though I must admit, it is rather fitting.”
His lips curved faintly. “Still, I’d prefer you in other positions.”
It made you stiffen slightly, caught off guard by the sudden shift in his tone. Yet you didn’t pull away. You weren’t even sure you were allowed to.
“Now,” he murmured, voice softer, “did you truly mean what you said just now?”
You could have sworn you saw the faintest grin tug at his lips.
You nodded slowly, and his smile widened. Not close to amusement nor pleasant. Something darker, like he had planned something evil behind those eyes. You felt a chill creep up your spine. In that moment, it truly felt as though you had struck a bargain with the devil himself. Maybe you should have thought about this. But what choice did you have when you were already standing at such a disadvantage?
His gaze lingered over you, studying every reaction. Your eyes. The slight tremble in your brows. The way your lips parted unconsciously. He exhaled quietly as his slender fingers traced from your cheek down to your bare neck. The nightgown clung softly against your skin, the very one he had provided after the rain.
You realized then that he had planned this comfort far too smoothly.
“I must say, birdie…” His voice lowered, almost silk-like. “You look rather exquisite in my late wife’s nightgown.”
Your breath faltered. Only then did the realization fully settle in. You were wearing his wife’s clothing. You hadn’t thought much of it earlier, too consumed with desperation to question the wardrobe he kept. But now, standing this close to him, the fact felt intimate in a way that made your stomach twist.
So this was why he owned a woman’s nightgown.
His fingers drifted to the shawl resting on your shoulders, the one he had draped there himself. Slowly, almost thoughtfully, he toyed with the fabric between his fingers.
The same shawl meant to keep you warm. You hadn’t even noticed how close he had moved. His face hovered inches from yours now, his presence overwhelming, his eyes never once breaking contact. You forgot how to breathe. You couldn’t remember the last time you had stood this close to a man, close enough to feel the warmth of him, close enough to sense the quiet control radiating from his stillness.
And he knew it.
“I’m not a good man, as you can see…” His voice lingered, gaze lowering in a way that made your skin prickle. “Perhaps you’ve already realized that, but I can be gentle… if I choose to.”
Your eyes met his grin. It was a smile, yes, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Those held something unhinged. Something close to dark, that made your pulse thunder in your ears. You had never felt fear like this before. People always exaggerated when they spoke about walking into hell. But if anyone ever asked you what it felt like, you would describe this moment.
And this was only the beginning.
You hadn’t even touched the fire yet.
The tip of the iceberg.
Suddenly, he yanked the shawl from your shoulders. You let out a soft gasp, instinctively clutching the thin fabric of the nightgown as though you had been exposed.
“Say it again.” His tone shifted, no longer smooth, but commanding. It was controlled and final. “Did you truly mean what you said?”
His fingers tightened slightly around the discarded shawl. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t make me repeat myself. Just because I said I can be gentle… doesn’t mean I am patient.”
Your lips parted, breath trembling. “Y–yes,” you managed, voice barely steady. “I’ll do anything. Please… save my father.”
You didn’t even realize you had maintained eye contact the entire time.
It felt as though he was pulling the words out of you without touching your mouth at all. Like you were stepping forward willingly, even as every instinct told you to run.
And there he stood. The devil himself.
Your karma. Your judge. Your biggest nightmare.
Yoon Jeonghan was the very definition of a blessing in disguise.
He grinned, almost too satisfied with what you had told him. His fingers lifted your chin, prompting you to look up at him as though he were inspecting you. “Just to make sure… are you being courted, Miss ___?” he asked lightly. “I figured a woman of your age would be married by now. It’s a shame such a lovely lady like you hasn’t.”
Hesitating, you slowly shook your head. “...N-no… I wasn’t… and never…”
You swore you saw the glint in his eyes sharpen. Whatever idea had formed in his mind was not something you were thrilled about.
“Ah,” he hummed. “You’re one of a kind. I honestly thought someone had already taken you off the shelves.” Then he leaned closer, too close for your liking yet you stayed still, not daring to make the wrong move and risk upsetting the man before you. “I’ll need to make sure of something…” he murmured against your ear, the warmth of his breath making you shudder.
Suddenly he dipped his head, his face brushing near your jaw as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck.
A soft gasp slipped past your lips.
His hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer, his grip anything but gentle. At that moment, you almost forgot how to breathe as he inhaled your scent.
“M-Mr. Yoon?!” you whispered weakly.
He shushed you at once.
His hold tightened. Your breath hitched as he began trailing soft kisses along your neck. You hated how the closeness made something unfamiliar stir within you.
It started softly. But gradually it became greedy.
He pulled your body flush against his, arms wrapped firmly around your waist as he pressed open-mouthed kisses along the column of your throat. A quiet moan escaped you before you could stop it. Your eyes widened. You had never expected a sound like that to come from yourself. Jeonghan chuckled lowly at your reaction, continuing to scatter hot kisses along your neck before moving down to your collarbone. His fingers tugged slightly at the shoulder of the nightgown, pulling the sleeve lower.
He grew rougher with each passing second, as if he wanted to devour you whole. You bit your lip, struggling to keep any more sounds from escaping. After a while, he finally pulled back, studying the marks he had left behind like an artist admiring his work.
You felt flushed—hot, exposed, and strangely dazed.
A sly smile curved on his lips as he leaned close again, your noses brushing. “If I had known you were like this,” he murmured softly, “I would have swept you away right there from the bakery.”
You blinked, sharply inhaling at his words.
Seeing this side of Yoon Jeonghan awakened a dangerous thought in the back of your mind. You had stepped into territory far more dangerous than you ever imagined.
Chapter 2: The Doting Father and His Daughter
That night, you ended up sleeping at Yoon’s estate with one eye open the entire time. When you finally returned to the bakery the next morning, you were greeted by a cluster of worried faces, including Seokmin’s. It seemed your sudden disappearance had sent everyone into a panic, searching for you like anxious hens.
You only brushed it off with a small smile. You could never tell them you had been at Yoon’s estate.
“Um, actually… there’s a gentleman looking for you,” Chan spoke up, causing you to frown in confusion.
Curious, you stepped out to meet him. A man stood there in a neatly pressed suit, offering you a gentle smile. He looked calm and warm—almost the complete opposite of Jeonghan.
“You must be Miss ___,” he said, extending a hand.
You hesitated for a moment before accepting it. Instead of a firm handshake, he simply held your knuckles lightly, far gentler than expected. “Yes… yes, that’s me,” you replied, returning a faint smile. “Is there a reason you’re looking for me?”
“Ah,” he said politely, “I suppose Judge Yoon has already informed you beforehand. Hasn’t he?”
Oh.
You remembered then.
Mr. Yoon had mentioned that a new attorney would be appointed for your father’s case.
You were surprised he had helped you this easily. Too easily. Something about it made your stomach twist. You knew better than to believe this was kindness.
Nothing from Yoon Jeonghan came without a price.
But he did it. He really did.
You just hated knowing the price you would eventually have to pay.
“With that,” the man continued gently, “my name is Joshua. I will be representing your father’s case from this point forward.”
And just like that, Joshua—now your father’s newly appointed attorney had entered your life.
The rest of the day passed by in a blur. Even though you were physically present, going through your usual routine, your mind drifted somewhere else entirely.
Too many possibilities. Too many outcomes.
You knew you had to see Mr. Yoon again tonight. Perhaps you could ask him more about everything. Somehow, it all felt unreal—too easy, too good to be true. Your heart refused to calm down. If anything, the unease only grew stronger. No one knew about this arrangement except the two of you. Yoon Jeonghan and you. That night, you really did meet him again, just as the two of you had agreed for further discussion, yet somehow, you had a bad feeling about this meeting.
Was this how Judge Yoon handled every arrangement tied to bribery?
But you weren’t like those people. You hadn’t bribed him.
Instead, you had offered yourself willingly to do anything. That was what you told him, yet even now, you weren’t sure what you were actually willing to give. The thought alone made your stomach twist in discomfort, especially when you knew you couldn’t possibly repay him with money. You glanced around his study as you waited for him, examining the room and its surroundings. That was what the maid had told you to do when you first arrived.
Obviously, he was a busy man.
You couldn’t expect someone like him to spare much attention for a matter like yours, someone who had come here desperately begging him to release a father accused of a crime he didn’t commit.
It was pathetic, really.
You refused to accept defeat even when it seemed painfully clear that the odds were against you. So why had Judge Yoon even bothered to pay attention to someone like you?
Your thoughts scattered the moment the door suddenly opened.
The devil himself had arrived.
Mr. Yoon stepped into the room, looking as though he had just finished dealing with something important. “I apologize for the delay, Miss ___,” he said casually, tossing his coat onto the chair behind his desk. Then his eyes landed on you. “Now,” he continued coolly, “spit it out. What can you offer me?”
Something about Mr. Yoon was unsettling. He could combine politeness and cruelty within the same sentence.
You blinked, caught off guard by the bluntness of his question. “Pardon?”
Mr. Yoon began unbuttoning the cuffs of his sleeves before rolling them up, exposing his forearms. “You heard me,” he said flatly. “Don’t pretend you didn’t.”
He stepped closer. Close enough that heat rushed to your face.
You didn’t know what to say.
Yes, you had agreed to this arrangement, but the thought of what it might truly mean suddenly made your resolve waver. A cold feet.
He could take your bakery. Your savings. Everything you owned.
But offering yourself—
That possibility had never crossed your mind when you first begged him. And now you are here. Standing in front of him, unsure of what you had truly agreed to.
“Or perhaps,” he murmured, his voice lowering, “you’re pretending you didn’t know what you signed up for… little bird.”
Suddenly, his hand gripped your waist. You gasped as he effortlessly lifted you onto the edge of his study desk. His arms caged you in on both sides, trapping you there as his gaze bore into yours—dark and unreadable. His hand moved to loosen his tie, the knot sliding down as he undid two buttons of his shirt.
The sound of his slow exhale made your body tense. It was obvious now that he was in a foul mood. And he had no patience left to entertain hesitation.
“I told you, I’m not a patient man…” he murmured lowly, leaning closer.
You felt his hands creep up along your thighs, the touch almost sensual, and instinctively you stopped him. His lips tugged into a smirk at your reaction.
“My, my, ___,” he drawled teasingly, “you’re making me look like a monster with that reaction.”
He chuckled softly as he withdrew his hands, resting them back on the desk on either side of you. His head tilted slightly as he studied your expression.
“You knew the price for this,” he continued. “If you can’t seem to pay the fee… you might as well pay with something else.”
His gaze lingered meaningfully as he leaned close to your ear. “…or rather,” he whispered, “someone else.”
With a casual flick, he popped open the button of your dress collar. The fabric loosened instantly beneath his fingers, and you gasped, hurriedly clutching it closed again. He chuckled under his breath, almost mockingly, as though amused by how flustered you were. “You act like a virgin.”
Then, unexpectedly, his expression shifted. “I have a daughter,” he said suddenly.
That made you pause.
“…She has always liked the castella cake I buy for her. Which is probably why you realized by now why I always purchase that specific one from your little bakery.”
You stayed quiet, unsure how to react. You knew he had been married once, but you had never heard that he had a daughter. The thought that someone like him was actually a father felt strangely unsettling.
“Her mother and I were arranged in a loveless marriage,” he continued casually. “I never felt any romantic attachment to her. But we had a child nonetheless.”
His fingers brushed along your cheek, and you shivered slightly at the unexpected gentleness of the touch. “But I do dote on my daughter,” he said, almost thoughtfully. “Quite a lot, actually. I cherish her.”
He paused for a moment before continuing. “Her nanny has grown rather old over the years. I’ve been looking for a replacement.”
Your brows lifted slightly in surprise. You weren’t sure if he was implying what you thought he was. You didn’t even know how old his daughter was.
He noticed the faint relief crossing your face. Then his hand suddenly slid back over your dress. You yelped softly when his warm palms settled against your bare thighs.
“Oh, don’t look so relieved just yet,” he murmured with a low chuckle. “I still have my interests in you, little dove.” His voice rumbled with quiet amusement as his fingers traced lightly over your skin. “You belong to me now,” he continued, his gaze locking onto yours.
“For a lifetime.”
His hands slowly brushed along the inside of your thighs. He leaned closer until his lips were a hair’s breadth from yours. “I’m having a bad day dealing with some outdated fools,” he murmured. “The least you could do for me is be good.”
His nose brushed against your jaw as he inhaled deeply, as though savoring your scent. You instinctively held your breath. One of his hands pinned your wrist against the desk while the other settled at the back of your nape.
His lips curved into a wicked smirk, his eyes glinting with satisfaction. “You like this, don’t you?”
His hands slid higher, fingers grazing the lacy edge of your panties. A soft gasp escaped you before you could stop it.
He hushed you immediately, his voice dropping into something almost coaxing. “You signed up for this, sweetheart,” he murmured. “I think it’s far too late to back out now. Think about your precious papa sitting in that cell.”
This bastard.
He had done that on purpose, just to remind you.
You frowned, and he seemed to enjoy that reaction far too much.
Leaning closer, he pressed soft kisses against the edge of your ear before trailing them slowly down your jaw. He wasn’t touching you intimately, not truly, but it felt like he was.
Every brush of his fingers, every whisper against your skin set your nerves on fire. He was stoking something inside you, a slow-burning heat you weren’t sure you wanted to extinguish.
You weren’t even sure you could.
“Come now, little dove,” he breathed, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear.
“Are you going to be good for me… or do I need to make you?” His teeth grazed your earlobe, and you yelped softly. A biting tease, a silent threat. He wanted to hear you say it. And if you didn’t, he looked entirely prepared to make you beg.
His fingers slip beneath the fabric of your panties, touching your bare skin for the first time. Your whimper fills the air, a sweet sound that makes his blood sing with hunger. He feels the heat of you, the slickness of your folds. “Dirty girl, already this wet while waiting for me?” he taunts you, the soft pad of his thumb pressed against your clit, the way your body yields to his touch. It’s intoxicating, addictive, and he knows he’s found something he wants to possess completely.
Your face grew warm at the realization, feeling embarrassment rush over your entire face that you were capable of such a thing. You were definitely ashamed of it.
His fingers stroke through your folds, teasing, exploring—learning what makes you gasp and what makes you moan. “You’re so soft, so responsive. I can feel you throbbing for my touch already.” He continued to circle your clit with the pad of his finger, applying the barest pressure just enough to make you ache for more. His other hand slides up your side, cupping the soft swell of your breast, thumb pressing over the peak of your nipple through the fabric of your dress. He can feel it stiffen under his touch.
Part of it was that you hated how your body responded to him in every way possible. You couldn’t help but shudder at every touch he gave, your voice betraying you with involuntary sighs and soft whimpers.
“Look at you,” he whispers, voice rough with desire. “Coming undone with the simplest touch. I’ve barely started, and you’re already panting for me.” His fingers dip lower, slipping between your folds, feeling your slick heat coat his skin. “I wonder how long it will take before you’re begging me for more?” He curls his fingers inside you, stroking your inner walls, feeling them clench around him. His palm grinds against your clit, the pressure delicious and maddening all at once. From the looks of it, he’s not going to let up, not until he’s had his fill.
And judging by the way your body responds, you might just let him have it. “Keep your eyes on me while I fuck my fingers into you, sweetheart,” he drawled, his voice almost commanding. His dark eyes stayed fixed on you. Your mouth fell open as you struggled to maintain eye contact while he worked you through it.
His fingers thrust deeper—harder, the obscene sound of your wetness filling the room. “Can feel you getting closer, your cunt tightening around me. You want to come, don’t you?” He taunts you as he leans in, brushing your ear, breath mingling with yours. “Come for me then, sweetheart.” With that, his fingers pump harder, faster—driving into you with a newfound urgency. He can feel you tensing, your walls fluttering around his invading digits, and he knows you’re close.
You gripped his shoulders, tightening around him as you finally got your release, coming undone hard enough that you moaned out his name.
“That’s it,” he praises, capturing your mouth in a searing kiss. He swallows your cries, drinking in the sweet sounds of your ecstasy. His tongue delves deep, tangling with yours as he claims you thoroughly. The kiss feels like more than simple desire. It’s as if he wants to devour you entirely, like he wants to crawl beneath your skin and stay there, chasing the heat and hunger only you seem able to give him.
When he finally breaks the kiss, you’re both left panting.
His eyes are dark, his pupils blown wide with desire, a wicked glint flickering in their depths. He’s not done with you yet. Not by a long shot. “Fuck… that was intense.”
He slips his fingers from you, bringing them to his lips. You watch, dazed and pleasure-drunk, as he slowly licks your essence from his skin. The way his eyes never leave yours only makes the sight more embarrassing, more intimate than it should be. “Tastes better than that sweet cake itself,” he confesses, a filthy smirk tugging at his lips.
“For someone so defiant like a kitty, you sure listen to me obediently.” He laughs softly, the sound edged with mockery.
His hands grasp your knees before he sharply spreads your legs wider, making you gasp. His gaze never leaves you, firm and unwavering. “From now on,” he says calmly, “you’ll cater to my daughter’s needs… and meet me like this every evening at six.”
With that, he captures your lips in another heated kiss. Your protest is muffled as he maneuvers you roughly against the desk.
The rest is history.
…
You had never had a child of your own, nor had you ever imagined caring for one. However, that didn’t mean you were bad with children.
So when you met the current nanny, a woman probably in her sixties, you couldn’t help but feel slightly surprised. She didn’t look nearly as fragile as Jeonghan had exaggerated. If anything, she seemed rather firm, strict even like someone who had managed the Yoon estate for many years.
It was clear she had experience.
You had no doubts about her abilities. If anything, your doubts lay with Jeonghan himself.
Whatever reason he had for suddenly assigning you the role of caring for his daughter felt unusual. Why would he entrust you with something so personal? Of all people, he should know better than to let a stranger become this close to his family.
The thought lingered quietly in your mind.
Once, when you had tried to pursue your original profession, you had worried it might someday put your family at risk. Perhaps that was why things had never worked out the way you had hoped.
Perhaps there had been a reason you never managed to follow that path.
As you listened to the rules she explained, you soon realized she wasn’t merely the young lady’s caretaker. She had been managing the Yoon estate for many years. You didn’t ask for further details, but it was clear she must know Jeonghan far better than most.
When she opened the door that presumably led to his daughter’s room, she began, “You will only need to prepare teatime for Miss Yoon. You don’t need to concern yourself with the rest of the household.”
You blinked as you glanced through the small opening of the door. From where you stood, you couldn’t see the girl clearly. She appeared to be sitting by the window, her figure faintly reflected in the glass, but the details of her face were indistinct.
“Then… may I ask?” you said cautiously. “How old is the young lady?”
Your question made the old woman hesitate.
It was subtle, but you noticed the way her shoulders stiffened as she tried to remain composed. “…She’s ten.”
That was all she said.
Something about the way she answered made suspicion stir within you. She had been sharp and confident before, yet now there was uncertainty in her voice, her eyes avoiding yours.
As if she were lying.
You brushed the thought aside, not wanting to make it a bigger issue than it was.
Everything should be manageable. You could balance your time between the bakery and this new responsibility. After all, Jeonghan wasn’t that cruel.
For now.
Soon, you would have to attend your father’s trial.
And then what?
Even if Jeonghan truly guaranteed your father’s innocence, you knew things could never return to the way they once were. You had already paid the price. There was no backing out now. You had chosen this yourself, after all. And yet… a quiet unease lingered in your chest, as though you had stepped onto a path that would never let you walk away.
Joshua handled the proceedings with remarkable efficiency.
The case was brought before a different judge that morning, an older man with silver hair and a stern expression who barely spared a glance at the spectators filling the small courtroom.
Documents were presented. Testimonies reviewed.
Joshua spoke calmly but firmly, pointing out the inconsistencies in the accusation that had placed your father behind bars in the first place. What had once looked like an open-and-shut case slowly unraveled before the court’s eyes.
By the end of the hearing, the truth was painfully obvious. Your father had been wrongfully accused.
The judge adjusted his spectacles before delivering the final verdict. “Given the evidence presented,” he said gravely, “the court finds no grounds to continue this prosecution.”
Your hands tightened around the wooden bench.
“The defendant is hereby cleared of all charges and released effective immediately.”
The gavel struck.
And just like that, your father was free.
Your heart suddenly felt lighter. The heavy weight that had been pressing against your chest for so long finally began to lift. Though you knew there were still many things waiting to unravel in the future, you couldn’t guarantee that life would ever return to normal after this.
All you could do was pray that the world would be kinder to you from now on. Although… that felt like too much to ask after bargaining with the devil.
Your father would be released properly soon enough. For now, you and Joshua stepped outside the courtroom together.
It wouldn’t be a lie to say that you were curious about how Jeonghan had managed to secure someone like Joshua as an attorney so quickly. Then again, a man like him probably had connections everywhere.
You wondered if Joshua knew what lurked behind Jeonghan’s deception.
“Thank you for everything, Attorney Hong,” you said, offering him a small smile. “You helped us a great deal.”
In return, he gave you his usual gentle smile.
“I already told you to just call me Joshua,” he said lightly. “But yes, it is my job.”
You couldn’t help but wonder more about him, whether he knew anything about the truth behind all of this. You searched his expression carefully for any hint of the kind of manipulation Jeonghan carried so effortlessly.
But there was none.
“I know this may not be my place to ask,” you began slowly, “but… do you and Judge Yoon know each other?”
Joshua chuckled softly as he adjusted his tie. “Ah, there’s no need to worry about that. We’ve known each other since we were students,” he replied. “So when he suddenly asked me for a favour… I’ll admit it was rather unusual coming from him.”
“Oh,” you murmured. “A favour, you mean?”
Joshua hummed thoughtfully. “He didn’t specify much. Only that there was a complicated case he thought would suit me.”
So that meant he was unaware of your situation… and of your arrangement with Jeonghan. Still, the thought of anyone else learning about it made unease stir within you.
“Miss ___?” Joshua’s gentle voice pulled you from your thoughts.
“Yes?”
“This may sound a little forward,” he said carefully, “but… is there someone waiting for you?”
You blinked, trying to process his question.
Seeing your confusion, he laughed softly, his expression charming and warm. “My apologies,” he clarified. “What I meant to ask is… are you currently seeing anyone?”
It took you a moment to respond before you shook your head with a faint smile. “No… there isn’t anyone like that waiting for me.”
Joshua smiled, almost with relief. “Then… would you mind if I sought to court you someday?”
That truly caught you off guard. You hadn’t expected such a question. It wasn’t the first time someone had expressed interest in you. There had been others before, even Seokmin once.
But that felt like a lifetime ago.
You hesitated before answering. “…I’m sorry, Joshua,” you said gently. “I don’t think I’m in the right place to pursue love or marriage right now.” You offered him an apologetic smile.
If you were being honest, you had considered such dreams once. But those hopes had faded long ago, first because of your father’s illness, and now because of your situation with Jeonghan.
Perhaps a life of your own family simply wasn’t meant for you.
Joshua accepted your rejection with remarkable grace. “I understand,” he said calmly. “Then I can only hope that if fate allows us to meet again… you might consider me with an open heart.”
You smiled in return, grateful for his kindness.
He reached for your hand and pressed a gentle kiss against your knuckles. “Do write to me if you ever need my help.”
With that, he finally took his leave.
For some reason, you found yourself wishing him happiness. And deep inside, a small part of you hoped that perhaps, in another life or under different circumstances, you might meet him again properly.
As you watched Joshua disappear down the courthouse steps, a black carriage stood quietly across the street.
Inside it, a familiar pair of eyes observed everything.
...
Six o’clock was nearing.
You informed Chan to handle the closing at the bakery. After all, you trusted your staff completely, they had been working with you for years.
You also told your papa not to wait for you tonight. You claimed you had matters to attend to outside, much to his disappointment that you couldn’t spend the evening with him. It hurt more than you expected to lie to him like that.
You had told him you were fortunate enough to meet a capable attorney, that his case had been reopened through a petition. The lie tasted bitter in your mouth, but it was easier than explaining the truth. It pained you to lie to Seokmin as well. Though you had been careful and secretive about it, you could only hope he hadn’t noticed anything strange.
Something about the Yoon estate always made you uneasy.
There were maids and servants around, yet you could hardly feel their presence. They rarely spoke, barely interacted with anyone. Sometimes you wondered what the point of hiring them was if they behaved like shadows.
The only person who ever spoke to you normally was the nanny. She had been in the estate the longest.
It wasn’t the quiet that bothered you, it was the air itself. Something about it felt… unsettling. Perhaps it was just your imagination. Still, for such a large estate, the silence felt unnatural.
By now you should have heard a child running down the hallways, laughter echoing through the rooms.
But Miss Yoon wasn’t quite the child you had imagined.
It was strange, yet you never questioned it.
You replaced the tea and placed a fresh slice of cake on the table, just as the nanny had instructed. You didn’t look directly at the young lady, nor did you attempt to speak to her.
Still, you couldn’t help noticing that the table sat just beside the chair.
From behind, you could see the young girl sitting there, facing the window.
Unmoving.
At first, you hadn’t paid much attention to the details. But over time, you began to notice something odd.
The same warm tea would grow cold. The same slice of cake would remain untouched.
Morning. Afternoon. Evening. Night.
Every time you replaced them, they remained exactly the same. It felt wasteful, yet the nanny had insisted you change everything at every teatime.
A faint sense of dread began to creep into your thoughts.
While waiting for Jeonghan’s arrival, you took a quiet stroll through the estate. Your eyes wandered toward the library, a room that had quickly become your refuge. The shelves were filled with books of every kind, and whenever you had spare time, you found yourself drawn there.
Strangely enough, Jeonghan never seemed to mind. That alone unsettled you.
Your steps eventually slowed near a familiar door. His daughter’s room.
The door was slightly open.
You stepped closer, peering inside. The same chair faced the window, its back turned toward you. Once again, you could only see the girl’s silhouette.
You leaned slightly to catch her reflection in the glass.
Just before you could make it out—
“Miss ___.”
You startled at the voice. Mrs. Thompson stood behind you, her expression stern. “You shouldn’t be here,” she said firmly. “Lord Yoon will be arriving shortly.”
You blinked slowly, adjusting the silk robe around your shoulders. “…Right. I’m sorry. I was just returning from the library.”
Mrs. Thompson studied you for a moment before stepping forward and gently closing the door. Her movements seemed almost… protective or perhaps cautious.
Your attention then shifted to the suitcase she was holding. “Were you about to leave?” you asked, brows lifting in surprise.
The thought of her leaving so soon unsettled you more than you expected. If anything, you preferred having her around. It had only been a week since this strange routine began, and the estate already felt eerie enough.
She nodded. “I received a letter earlier today. One of my relatives has passed away,” she explained calmly. “I informed Lord Yoon beforehand. I trust you will be able to manage in my absence.”
“Ah… I see,” you murmured quietly. You tried not to show your disappointment. “My condolences.”
You were never the type to pry into other people’s affairs. Still, it was difficult to ignore when there were so many things left unexplained, so many mysteries surrounding this house. Everything in this estate… everything involving Yoon Jeonghan himself… felt unsettling.
Disturbing, even.
Ironically, when you first met him, you had assumed he was simply a lonely, sorrowful man. Now it felt like something far deeper than that. Whatever lay behind his actions, you knew better than to dig into it. Some things were better left unknown. Ignorance was bliss, as they say.
Your fingers drifted over the frame of a photograph resting on his mahogany desk, the very same desk where he had taken you before. The memory alone warmed your cheeks, and you quickly pushed the thought away.
The photograph showed a young girl. Her smile was angelic. You assumed it must be his daughter. At last, you were seeing her face clearly. It was almost amusing how much she resembled her father.
Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door creaking open.
Jeonghan had arrived.
You quickly set the photograph back down before turning toward him.
His eyes flicked briefly to the frame you had just replaced, then returned to you. “I assume Mrs. Thompson has already informed you about her leave?” he said casually.
He approached slowly, hands tucked inside the robe draped over his nightwear.
“She did,” you replied, straightening slightly. “Though I’m not sure when she’ll return.”
Jeonghan smirked. The expression alone sent a chill down your spine as he stepped closer, trapping you between him and the desk.
Your back pressed lightly against the wood.
“Why the worried face?” he murmured. “Afraid you’ll be spending more time here than you expected?”
You stiffened as he leaned down, his breath brushing beneath your jaw as he inhaled your scent. To him, the faint sweetness of flour and sugar lingering from the bakery, mixed with your soft perfume, was intoxicating.
“I wasn’t,” you replied.
But your voice came out softer than intended. Barely audible. Not when his face was already buried against your neck, his lips brushing down toward your collarbone while you instinctively steadied yourself with your hands against his chest.
He pulled back suddenly. His face hovered inches from yours. “Next time,” he said calmly, his dark eyes piercing into you, “try saying it properly. Like you’re standing in a courtroom… not whimpering beneath me.”
Heat rushed to the back of your neck.
The audacity of this man, placing the courtroom and your humiliation in the same sentence.
He chuckled. His hands slipped easily around your waist, pulling you closer as he hummed softly, clearly pleased by the sight of you in silk nightwear. “Don’t start acting shy now,” he teased. “Not when you were moaning my name beneath me just yesterday.”
You inhaled sharply, staring at him in disbelief. “Could you not say that?”
“Oh, of course I can,” he replied lightly. “You’re mine, after all.”
He tilted your head gently before pressing his lips to yours. This kiss was different. It was slow and sensual. Nothing like the rough intensity he usually showed. And you hated the way you found yourself melting into it.
You had never imagined something as simple as a kiss could feel so intoxicating—not when he deepened it, his tongue brushing against yours as though claiming you completely.
For a moment, you forgot why you were even here.
Eventually, you both pulled away, breathless. “You enjoy this more than you realize, little bird,” he murmured with a grin.
“Ugh.” You tried to turn away, but he caught your hips easily, holding you in place.
His chin rested against your shoulder as he whispered softly beside your ear. “Ah, ah. And where do you think you’re going?”
You exhaled slowly, your breathing shallow as your back rested against him, his arms loosely wrapped around you.
“Though I would prefer you to be more obedient,” he continued thoughtfully, “I must admit this defiant side of you is far more entertaining.”
His lips brushed gently against your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.
He was infuriating. A cruel bastard.
Those were the words you wanted to say. In spite of that, you had made an agreement with him. Even so, the strange atmosphere of this house continued to nag at the back of your mind. Yet you dared not ask directly.
Instead, you tried something safer.
You asked about his daughter. “I haven’t heard her name yet,” you said carefully. “May I ask, if you don’t mind?”
For a brief moment, silence filled the room. You didn’t dare turn around to see his expression. You couldn’t tell if he was upset or something else entirely. But eventually, he answered. “Jiae,” he said simply. “…It means wisdom and intelligence, combined with love.” His voice softened slightly. “Isn’t that beautiful?” His fingers tightened slightly around your waist when he said her name.
You could feel his warm breath against your skin. For a moment, the way he held you felt almost like that of lovers.
Except that the two of you were nothing close to that.
You hadn’t expected him to answer so calmly. If anything, you had expected him to snap at you.
“It is…” you replied quietly.
The thought lingered in your mind. This man was a father, and yet he lived a life surrounded by corruption. You couldn’t tell whether it was driven by pleasure, greed, or hatred. Perhaps it was all of them.
Either way, you decided you would rather not know.
Come to think of it, you wondered if he had any other family aside from just him and his ‘daughter’. It wasn’t your place to ask anyway. You had your assumptions here and there, but you preferred to remain unbothered by them. Feeling a bit braver, you spoke up.
“...Are there any family members aside from just your daughter and you?” you asked softly, your head not daring to turn toward him as if he might bite the moment you did.
He only let out a faint chuckle, the kind that made every part of your skin crawl in the most eerie way. “Interested in my lineage, huh?” His grip tightened, squeezing your hips and forcing you to shift.
“To answer that…” he whispered against your ear in a way that felt almost intimate, both electrifying and unsettling. “…I’m quite distant from my parents. Ever since my late wife passed away, I’ve been distant from my in-laws as well.”
What does he mean by that?
Your lingering thoughts were abruptly cut off when he suddenly pushed you against his desk. Your palms instinctively caught yourself on the surface as you felt your body bend forward. You blinked in surprise, feeling him hover over your back. Your hips pressed against him, making you stiffen as a sharp inhale escaped your lips.
“Why? Interested in continuing my bloodline?” he whispered, his hot breath making you feel flushed at how close he was. His hands rested over yours, pinning them there.
His chuckle this time was crueler, as if he were mocking you or simply enjoying the way you reacted.
When you tried to protest and spin around, he held you firmly in place, making you gasp. The position was compromising, normally you would have tried to shove him away, but you couldn’t afford to provoke his temper. For someone with such a sharp tongue, he also had a dangerously quiet patience.
“Stay where you are, sweetheart,” he murmured lowly, his voice turning rough. “If you’re interested in being part of my family, the option is always open.”
A small, helpless whine escaped your lips when you felt him grind sharply against you. Your breath caught in your throat at his words. The implication alone was enough to make heat rush up your neck, your fingers tightening against the polished wood beneath your palms.
“You’re unbelievable,” you muttered, though the protest lacked its usual sharpness.
Another low chuckle escaped him. “Am I?” he murmured, voice brushing against your ear as his chest pressed closer to your back. “You’re the one asking about my family.”
You swallowed. “That’s not what I meant.”
His fingers slowly slid over yours where they rested on the desk, deliberately intertwining them as if he were claiming the space between them. “But you’re curious,” he continued softly. “And curiosity always leads somewhere interesting.”
You tried to twist around to face him again, but his hand settled firmly against your waist, keeping you exactly where you were.
“Did I say you could move?” he asked, the amusement in his tone unmistakable.
A frustrated breath left you. “You’re insufferable.”
“And yet,” he murmured, leaning closer so his lips nearly brushed the shell of your ear, “you keep coming back to me.”
The warmth of him behind you was impossible to ignore now. Every slight movement only made you more aware of how close he was, how easily he could keep you pinned there.
Your heart pounded louder than you liked. “You’re impossible,” you whispered.
“Perhaps.” His grip tightened slightly on your waist, not painful, just enough to remind you of the position you were in. “But you didn’t answer me,” he added quietly. “About joining my family.”
You scoffed under your breath, trying to regain some composure. “You’re the one who dragged me into this mess in the first place.”
“Dragged you?” he hummed. “That’s an interesting way to describe it.”
Before you could reply, he pressed himself against your back, one hand sliding around to your stomach while the other gripped your hip possessively. He leaned down, his lips brushing against your neck as he spoke with a needy rumble. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful. I can’t believe you’re not married.”
Your breath hitched, your mouth falling slightly open when you felt his other hand slide lower, cupping your inner thigh beneath the silk fabric, just close enough to touch you intimately. His other hand slid up from your hip, fingers tracing the underside of your breast through the thin fabric of your nightwear. Your heart racing beneath his palm, matching the frantic pounding of his own.
He nipped at your earlobe before trailing open-mouthed kisses down the column of your throat, his tongue darting out to taste your skin. Cupping your breasts fully, his thumb brushing against the peak of your nipple through the fabric. Letting out an audible sigh, your silk robe slipped slightly off your shoulder, the thin strap of your nightwear sliding easily down your smooth skin.
Jeonghan’s hand slid up, yanking the silk robe the rest of the way off. He pushed the outer layer aside as it pooled on the floor, exposing your skin to the cool air, and to his heated gaze. Now his hand cupped the soft swell of your breast, thumb brushing against the curve as he leaned in to whisper hotly against your ear, “You like this, don’t you?” He made a sharp thrust against your ass, yelping at the roughness. “Keep whimpering like that, sweetheart. I’m going to fuck you so hard until all you know is the feeling of me inside, around you, consuming you completely.”
His words send shivers down to your spine. He let out a low, feral growl as he pulled your nightwear up, the silky fabric, and ripped your panties aside, baring your most intimate area to his gaze. You could feel the heat of your core, the slick arousal that coated your folds and the cold air made you whimper. He wasted no time as his fingers slid through your slickness, teasing your entrance before pushing inside, filling you in one swift, hard thrust.
"Always so ready for me, little bird,” he groaned, “Can feel how much you want this, how much you need me inside you.” He pumped his fingers in and out of you, thumb finding your clit and rubbing tight circles around the sensitive nubs. His other hand slid up to kneading the soft flesh roughly as he pinched and rolled your nipple between his fingers. Before you could even process the pleasure of having him finally touch you, he took it away from you.
You could only whine helplessly, feeling the surge of overwhelmedness, he was grinning and you tried to plead him wanting for more. At this point, you can’t help but to surrender to your desire for your desperate release.
Jeonghan didn’t waste no time in fulfilling your desperate plea, with a guttural groan, he hilted himself inside you with one powerful thrust, your body yielding to his as he stretched and filled you completely. A moan escaped from your lips, your walls clenching down around his hard length.
He set a hard, fast pace, pounding into you with a fervor you’d never experienced before. Each thrust pushed you forward, the desk creaking beneath you with the force of his lovemaking. One hand gripped your hip, fingers digging into your soft flesh as he held you in place. The other slid up to your throat, tilting your head back to expose the column of your neck to his hungry mouth. Licking and sucking at the sensitive skin, his teeth grazing your pulse point before he bit down, marking you as his. All the while, he never ceased his relentless thrusts, his cock driving into you deep and hard. Hitting that secret spot inside you that made stars explode behind your eyelids.
He punctuated his filthy words with a sharp thrust, grinding his pelvis against your ass as he filled you completely, his cock throbbing and pulsing inside your fluttering walls. You were blabbering nonsense as he fucked you, unable to keep your mind straight.
Jeonghan groaned deeply as he felt your walls fluttering and clenching around his throbbing cock, your body tensing as your climax approached. He redoubled his efforts, fucking you with wild abandon as he chased your pleasure, determined to make you come undone. “That’s it, darling,” he growled against your nape. "Come for me, I’ll pump your womb full with my seed and put a baby in you.” He could feel his own release building, his balls tightening as your velvet walls squeezed him like a vice. He gritted his teeth, fighting back his own climax, wanting to hold off until he could make you come first.
The thought of yourself pregnant with his child is almost frantic, yet your pussy clenched hard around his shaft, like you’re about to snap him in half. He chuckled darkly when he felt it, “You want that, sweetheart? I’ll make you a mother then, so that you could only depend on me.”
Suddenly, he felt your body stiffen and then convulse beneath him, your back arching as you cried out his name. Your walls flutter as your orgasm crashes over you. He mumbled out a cuss, his voice echoing off the bedroom walls. Jeonghan slammed into you one last time, burying himself to the hilt inside your spasming cunt. He let out a guttural groan, finding his own release as he filled you with his hot seed.
“You are so good to me, sweetheart.” he gasped out, brushing his lips against your nape, hips jerking erratically as he emptied himself inside you. “...so fucking good. You’re mine…all mine, remember that.” he whispered, placing a feverish kiss on your bare shoulder.
Chapter 3: A Confession To Be Told
You have been spacing out a lot lately. Sometimes you would be sleeping soundly beside Jeonghan, and then there would be moments when you felt strangely restless.
Both mentally and physically, you felt disturbed. You weren’t sure if you had lost track of your cycle, and your appetite had become so sensitive that you could barely eat properly. You figured it was simply the result of stress, managing the bakery along with everything else weighing on your mind.
Your thoughts were suddenly snapped away when Seungkwan called your name repeatedly as you stood at the cashier. “Are you alright?” he asked, examining you from head to toe as if trying to make sure.“You’ve been distant a lot lately. I hope you’re not seriously sick.”
You gave him a faint smile and shook your head. “I’m alright… just a little restless, perhaps.”
He didn’t seem convinced. His eyes lingered on the silver diamond necklace around your neck. “That’s beautiful,” he said. “When did you buy it?”
You didn’t answer right away. Absentmindedly, you reached up and gently held the necklace. Your mind drifted as you remembered it was given by Jeonghan. Though to you, it felt less like a gift and more like a collar, something meant to remind you that you belonged to him.
Instead, you gave Seungkwan a small smile. “It’s from a friend…” you said.
Seungkwan hummed thoughtfully as he continued packaging the goods. “Right. This friend of yours definitely knows how to choose the perfect gift for a lady.”
You didn’t reply. It almost sounded as if he was implying you were seeing someone, though the situation was far more complicated than he imagined.
Setting that thought aside, you greeted another customer approaching as usual, offering the warm smile you always wore. A man stood tall before you, his broad shoulders immediately catching your attention. He looked a little intimidating at first. You didn’t think you had ever seen him around before, probably a new face.
After he made his purchase, he gave you a small nod, and you returned it with a polite smile. It was unusual; you found yourself watching his figure until he disappeared from sight.
“Boo, do you know that man just now? I don’t think I’ve ever seen his face here…” you asked.
Seungkwan lifted his head from his work and thought for a moment. “Oh, yeah. He just recently started coming by. I think his name was Seungcheol?” he said. Then he added, “He usually comes around this hour when you’re not here.”
You turned to look at him. “Recently?” you questioned.
Seungkwan hummed in response. “Yeah, he said he’s kind of new here. Got dispatched here because of work reasons,” he shrugged casually.
You didn’t answer immediately. “…Oh. May I ask what his occupation is?”
“I think he mentioned something about investigation-related work,” Seungkwan said with another shrug. “I don’t know much though. Maybe he’s a police officer or something.”
Unexpectedly, Seokmin came in, his usual bright smile directed at you. It made your heart feel lighter for a moment, only a little. Sometimes you had forgotten that you’d been spending less time with him. You had even forgotten that you’d promised him a day out, something he had been looking forward to for a while.
So you went anyway, wanting to get some fresh air from everything. Just to breathe, even for a moment. You hoped he didn’t notice the weariness on your face that you sometimes tried to hide. The thought of him questioning you about it made you feel even more drained. You simply didn’t want to explain anything.
As the two of you strolled past the shops, you suddenly noticed a familiar figure across a boutique.
It was Mrs. Kwon.
Since when had her probation ended? You assumed you simply hadn’t been keeping track, but seeing her spending lavishly again, just like before. It reminded you that she had won favor in her previous case regarding her late husband. Ironically, she didn’t look sorrowful at all. In fact, it was the complete opposite. She looked exactly the same as she did before the case, as if nothing had ever happened.
Your suspicion stirred.
Then you remembered that Judge Yoon had been the one assigned to her case.
Did she bribe him too?
So occupied with your thoughts, you didn’t even hear Seokmin calling your name several times. You blinked and turned to him.
“Yes?”
He studied your face. “You’ve been so distracted lately. Your staff even told me you’ve been acting unusual,” he said with a sigh. “You know, if you’re feeling unwell, you can tell me anything.”
You smiled at him, a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes, though you hoped he wouldn’t notice.
“I’m alright. Just a little restless, I guess.”
Seokmin smiled back, believing you. He continued browsing the jewelry displayed in the shop window.
“I was thinking of getting you something nice,” he said, “but when I saw that necklace you’re wearing, I decided to choose something else.”
Blinking, you glanced down at the necklace Jeonghan had given you.
“T-this?”
He hummed as he examined the different pieces of jewelry. “It got me thinking. The one you’re wearing is actually part of a matching set with a ring. It’s almost like a wedding gift.”
His eyes turned toward you.
Your throat suddenly felt dry. You didn’t know what to say. Did Jeonghan give it to you on purpose? Instead of feeling flattered, you only felt as if you were being trapped in something you had never agreed to.
Seokmin seemed not to notice your pale expression.
“It’s a shame,” he continued softly. “I was planning to choose that for you. I know you told me before that you don’t want to settle down yet, but I just wanted to make a promise with you.”
You felt a little lightheaded. Seokmin’s words never truly reached you. Your mind was flooded with too many things, and love simply had no space left within it.
“Are you alright, ____?” Seokmin gently held your hand, his voice soft with concern.
You steadied your breathing and nodded.
He could tell you were overwhelmed. Your lack of response made him flustered. “I’m sorry if I’m being too forward,” he said quickly. “I told you I would respect your decision—your space.” He inhaled slowly before continuing. “The truth is, I really want to be with you, ____. Lately, my family’s business has been facing a lot of problems. We’re dealing with some charges for reasons I don’t even fully understand yet.”
He hesitated before adding quietly, “I even got your father’s blessing for us.”
Your heart clenched.
“I just… I want to promise you the life I hope to build with you,” he said earnestly. “Maybe someday, when you’re ready, when you finally decide to find happiness with me.” You heard him clearly, his devotion, his sincerity. But you couldn’t accept it. Not when you were trapped in the circumstances you had created. Your life was no longer normal.
Sensing your silence, Seokmin rested his hand gently over yours and gave you a small smile. “Think about it, okay?” he said softly. “You know I’ve always loved you.” And yet the weight of the necklace around your throat felt heavier than ever. Even at this moment, when he wasn’t physically present, it felt as if Jeonghan was still there.
Then your eyes drifted past the glass of the shop window, and you saw the last person you expected to meet right now.
Jeonghan.
He was staring straight into your soul. Sitting inside the café across the street with one leg crossed over the other, he calmly sipped his drink. Had he been watching you the entire time while you were with Seokmin? The implication alone made your breath hitch.
Slowly, you withdrew your hand from Seokmin’s. Your pale expression was impossible to hide now. “I think… I need to go somewhere else first, Min,” you said suddenly. “We can… talk about this another time. After everything settles down, alright?”
You looked at him hopefully, wishing he would let it go. To your relief, he did, though you could see a hint of disappointment in his eyes when you indirectly avoided the conversation from earlier.
“Alright,” he said with a gentle smile. “Take care. I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
You nodded, offering him an apologetic smile before leaving the shop quickly. For some reason, your feet carried you straight into the café where Jeonghan was sitting.
He didn’t look surprised by your presence at all. Instead, he casually gestured toward the empty chair across from him. “Surprised, are we?” he said calmly. “Come. Won’t you accompany me on this lovely evening?”
You didn’t respond. You simply sat down across from him.
Whatever he was planning behind that calm expression, you refused to lower your guard. He had clearly seen you with Seokmin, yet it was impossible to tell what exactly was going through his mind.
He looked up at you now, his gaze steady and unreadable. He seemed… pleasant. That somehow made you even more uncomfortable.
“Is there any reason why you’re here?” you asked immediately, perhaps a little too sharply, as if you were trying to stop him from speaking first.
Jeonghan only grinned and placed his cup down with a soft clink. “Why? I’m simply enjoying my evening. I do have a life outside the courtroom, you know.” He hummed in amusement as he glanced out the window, toward the very place where you had been standing with Seokmin earlier. “I must say… that ‘friend’ of yours was rather touchy for someone getting close to a woman who doesn’t belong to him.”
The way he emphasized those words made you frown.
“He’s not just a friend,” you replied defensively. “He’s family. Perhaps even closer than that.”
Jeonghan hummed again, his eyes returning to yours.
“Is that so?” he said slowly. “Do family members usually propose to you and take you out to buy rings?”
You didn’t answer. Your palms tightened against the fabric of your coat.
He smirked at your silence. “And let’s be clear here,” he continued smoothly. “Does he even know you’re with me?”
You were about to reply, but he cut you off immediately.
“Don’t compare this to some cheap affair,” he said coldly. “Does it look like I treat you as a mere kept woman?” Leaning back in his chair, he crossed his arms over his chest with quiet arrogance. “The moment you made an agreement with me was the moment your life began to belong to me. Remember that.”
You stared at him in disbelief, momentarily at a loss for words.
“It’s unfortunate,” he continued casually, “that your friend happens to be the sole heir of his family business.”
Your ears sharpened immediately.
“I heard they’re currently facing charges involving money laundering. The opposing side has even approached me, asking if I would be willing to… assist them.”
Your brows furrowed. The implication became painfully clear in your mind. “Are you going to accept it?” you asked sharply. “Are you threatening me by putting my friend’s life at risk?”
Jeonghan chuckled softly. “Come now, little bird. You know it’s not my style to choose sides so easily. If something is too risky, why would I involve myself?”
He spoke casually, almost lazily. “Of course… it always depends on the case I’m handling.” He tilted his head slightly. “Though it’s usually quite obvious which side ends up being favored.”
Your heart began pounding violently. If the Lee family lost the case, they could go bankrupt–even if they were innocent. And judging from the way Jeonghan spoke so lightly about bribery and influence, it was clear he was playing with you.
Forcing you to choose. Just so he could remind you how much control he truly had.
“So?” he said with a soft tut. “The choice is yours, sweetheart. Say the word, and I’ll give you whatever you want.”
You could hear the amusement in his voice, see the faint smile tugging at his lips.
The Lee family has helped you and your father many times. Of course you felt indebted to them. The thought of them suffering while you knew the truth… you weren’t sure you could live with that guilt.
You had already given yourself to Jeonghan. What more could he possibly want?
Exhaling slowly, you lifted your gaze to meet his. “What exactly do you gain from all of this?”
For a brief moment, he said nothing. He simply stared at you.
“You,” he answered at last.
You didn’t believe him. “Stop messing around,” you said, though your throat had gone dry.
Especially when the look in his eyes suggested something far more possessive. “Does it look like I am?” he asked quietly. He stood up and walked over to you, his steps slow and deliberate until he loomed beside your chair. “In return…” he murmured, leaning slightly closer. “You give yourself to me completely.”
Somehow, the necklace around your throat suddenly felt impossibly tight. Almost suffocating you, so that you can't even breathe.
…
You were never particularly religious, but sometimes you would stop by the church to offer your baked goods whenever they held Sunday prayers.
There were also days when you generously donated food to the orphanage, the lovely children who always welcomed you with bright smiles.
Lately, however, you had no reason to visit anymore.
And yet here you were now, early in the morning, sitting quietly in the church. You were the only one there as you clasped your hands together, your head bowed in prayer.
Everything had become so heavy. So difficult. With everything happening around you, you found yourself here, seeking solace and guidance, anything that might ease the turmoil in your heart. It felt as though you were walking straight toward the pit of hell, step by step, and there was no turning back.
You had never felt this lost before. Everything had become so complicated. When you finally finished your prayer, you let out a slow breath. Somehow, it made you feel a little lighter. Just a little.
The air inside the church felt cool and quiet. You should have been alone. Yet you could feel someone’s presence behind you. You didn’t turn around. “Speak,” you said calmly. “I know you’re there.”
A brief silence followed.
Then a voice spoke. “I apologize for disturbing you, madam,” the deep voice said. “My name is Choi Seungcheol. “Do you know a man named Yoon Jeonghan?”
You froze. Slowly, you turned to face the man. You tried not to show your surprise, but the mere mention of that name betrayed you.
“…No,” you said slowly. “…not personally. Why?”
The man named Seungcheol sighed as he stood up from the pew and approached you. You frowned immediately, your body going slightly rigid with caution.
“I would appreciate it if you didn’t lie to me,” he said calmly. “I saw you with him yesterday. At the cafe.”
You let out a defeated sigh and stood up. “In that case, I have nothing to say about this.”
You began to walk past him, intending to leave, when suddenly he grabbed your wrist. Your brows furrowed as you immediately yanked your hand away. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t pull people around like that,” you said sharply, glaring at him. “Do you always grab someone’s hand whenever you feel like it?”
You hadn’t meant for your words to come out so harshly, but lately you had been far more sensitive than usual. At this point, you couldn’t even bother trying to be polite anymore.
Why did a man always have to bother you every time?
Seungcheol studied you for a moment, unfazed by your sharp tone. “There have been reports of judges accepting favors, altering verdicts,” he said. He paused slightly before adding, “His name tends to appear around those rumors.”
Something about his words made your heart pound violently, so hard that you couldn’t answer him right away. You didn’t know whether you were walking on thin ice, or if your prayers had been answered a little too quickly.
Thanks to Jeonghan, your paranoia has probably worsened.
Seungkwan did mention what kind of person Seungcheol was, and you figured this must be what he meant.
“Rumors,” you echoed, looking away as if clinging to a false sense of hope. But what was the point? You had long since let that kind of hope fade. “A judge receiving personal profits is something anyone would say after losing a case,” you continued. “If it’s only a rumor and not an actual allegation, then I can’t answer that, sir.”
With that, you turned and began walking out of the church.
Seungcheol hurried after you until you stopped and turned around again. You were already exhausted from everything surrounding this situation—until he suddenly held out an envelope.
“Hear me out,” he said, slightly out of breath. “You have no idea how long I’ve been investigating this man. Four years now.” His expression hardened. “He’s not the kind of man you think he is.”
You stared at him, then at the envelope in his hand. Deep down, you already knew that. But whatever truth lurked inside that envelope… you weren’t sure if you could handle it.
Still, you took it.
Later, the two of you sat together, discussing everything in private.
A cup of warm tea sat between you on the table, untouched. You hadn’t even noticed it growing cold as you listened to Seungcheol recount everything he had discovered during his investigation. Case after case. Rumors of corruption. Suspicious verdicts. Influence that reached far beyond the courtroom. All you could do was sit there, almost hollow, as if your soul had already drifted somewhere far away. None of this truly surprised you.
Somehow, though, you still felt… lost.
Then Seungcheol mentioned something about Jeonghan’s past. Something that made you falter.
“What?”
Seungcheol spoke carefully. “I need your help,” he said. “If you can bring me anything from his mansion—documents, records, anything that could serve as evidence.”
“I can’t do that,” you replied immediately. “What if I find nothing?”
“You have to try,” he insisted. “It’s the only way we can prove it in court.”
You looked down again at the newspaper article inside the envelope. An old tragedy. An arson incident involving the Yoon residence. It reported the devastating loss of Jeonghan’s family.
Then something caught your attention.
His daughter.
Your heart began pounding again, this time in a far more unsettling way.
The article stated that both his wife and daughter had died in the fire. Their injuries had been too severe for them to survive.
“Seungcheol…” you said quietly. “Tell me more about this case.”
He leaned back in his chair, recalling what he remembered.
“It happened about eight years ago, if I’m not mistaken. From what I gathered, it was likely retaliation from people who were dissatisfied with the outcome of a trial.”
He continued, “Judge Yoon was assigned to the case. I’m not sure exactly how things escalated, but the losing side apparently didn’t take the result well. They wanted revenge.”
Your throat went dry.
“So they targeted his family.” He sighed. “It was tragic, really. I never thought people could go that far just because they doubted someone’s work.” He paused before adding, “Maybe that incident changed him. But whatever the reason, it still doesn’t justify what he’s doing now.”
His tone hardened. “He’s practically letting criminals walk free.”
You were already aware of that. But your thoughts drifted to something else.
To a specific memory. To the girl inside that mansion.
The one living there with you and Jeonghan.
“D-does that mean… he’s the only survivor?” you asked hesitantly.
Seungcheol shook his head. “He wasn’t even home at the time,” he replied. “He returned from work just as the mansion was already burning.”
Your stomach twisted.
“They said he was screaming when he saw the fire.”
God.
You suddenly felt like you were going to throw up. Then who was that girl in the house? The one you had been serving. The one you brought tea to every day. The one who never touched the cake you carefully prepared. You pressed a hand to your forehead as dizziness washed over you. Lately, you have been feeling like this more and more often.
Maybe even longer than you realized.
“Are you alright, ____?” Seungcheol asked.
You nodded weakly. “I’m fine,” you said, attempting to reassure him. But the effort barely held.
Chapter 4: The Beginning and The End
He was known as a ruthless and impartial judge, a figure many defendants hoped to avoid once they learned he would be presiding over their case.
Everything in Jeonghan’s life had always been dull and gray.
The reason he pursued his profession was simple: he was following in his grandfather’s footsteps, the former director of the courthouse of the Union State of Sebong. For generations, the same career had passed down within his family.
From his university days to where he stood now, he had done nothing but live under those expectations. Even his marriage had been arranged by his mother. He paid little attention to it at the time; it was obvious they expected him to marry someone of equal status–the daughter of the chief judge.
Although their marriage was strained, they eventually had a child.
It was a girl. Her name was Jiae.
For the first time in his life, Jeonghan experienced something close to genuine joy when he first held that small bundle of life in his arms. He adored his daughter dearly, doting on her every chance he could. She grew up to be a kind and intelligent child. But that joy lasted only a few short years.
One evening, while he was on his way back home, he saw something that made his entire world collapse. His mansion was burning. Flames raged violently through the building, lighting up the night sky. His expression faltered as he rushed forward, attempting to run inside, but someone stopped him before he could reach the entrance. People were already trying to contain the fire, shouting over one another as the flames consumed everything.
Everything happened all at once. The suffocating heat. The deafening chaos. Jeonghan screamed until his throat burned raw, calling his daughter’s name as if she could somehow hear him through the inferno.
As if calling for her would bring her back.
Eventually he collapsed onto his knees, watching helplessly as the fire devoured the building.
A week later, during the funeral, he could only stare blankly at the gravestone of his daughter. His wife’s grave stood beside it. All he could think about was how painful it must have been for her inside that fire. How scared she must have been. The thought alone felt like knives tearing through his chest.
Time passed, but his grief never faded.
Then one day, he discovered something that changed everything. Behind the arson attack was the truth about his father-in-law. The man had been arrested for accepting personal profits for years. One of the cases he had presided over involved war crimes. He had deliberately allowed the perpetrators to walk free.
The verdict enraged the victims, causing the entire village to rise in anger. That anger eventually turned into violence. The violence that reached Jeonghan’s home.
His daughter. His family.
Jeonghan gripped the newspaper tightly in his hands as the truth finally connected in his mind. Everything made sense now, but one question remained. Why did he and his daughter—have to suffer the consequences of someone else’s sins?
Strangely, he found that he felt little grief for his late wife. Their marriage had always been nothing more than a loveless arrangement. They argued constantly. The only thing that had ever kept him together… was Jiae. She was the only good thing this world had given him, and the world had taken her away. Years passed, yet he still couldn’t move on. He lived trapped in the bitterness of the past, isolating himself from everything around him. Work became the only thing that occupied his mind.
Until one day, something strange happened. He passed by a small shop.
Something about it seemed to call to him. Inside, the store was filled with dolls, rows and rows of them, staring silently from shelves and glass cases. It was one of the most eccentric places he had ever seen.
Custom-made dolls, he assumed. He wandered through the shop slowly, examining them one by one.
Then a man suddenly appeared beside him. He wore an apron and carried a wide, almost mischievous smile. A Cheshire grin. The man introduced himself as Jun, the owner of the shop. Jeonghan hadn’t even realized how their conversation had begun. But when Jun suddenly spoke about believing in magic, Jeonghan nearly scoffed. Jun claimed he could make anything come true. Naturally, Jeonghan found the idea ridiculous and was about to leave.
Until he saw it.
A doll.
No… not just a doll.
It looked almost exactly like his daughter.
Jeonghan immediately asked if it was for sale.
Jun refused.
“No matter the price?” Jeonghan asked.
Jun shook his head. “It’s not for sale.”
Jeonghan attempted to negotiate anyway, offering more money than most people could imagine.
But Jun remained firm. Instead, he offered something else.
A deal.
Jun explained that if Jeonghan truly wanted the doll, he would have to pay with something far more valuable.
Jeonghan frowned at that. If the man wanted money, he would simply say so. In spite of that, Jun kept insisting that what he wanted was something only humans could offer. Something more valuable than gold. When Jun mentioned something close to a soul, Jeonghan furrowed his brow.
And yet… he still accepted. So he made a deal with the devil.
From that day forward, Jeonghan began collecting greedy humans. Those who came to him with bribes, believed money could buy justice. He was selective with his clients. Even if they escaped punishment in court, their freedom never lasted long.
Soon after, they would disappear. Gone without a trace. Jeonghan never believed in witchcraft or supernatural nonsense, but watching them celebrate their purchased victories with dirty money only convinced him of one thing.
Hell was the only place waiting for them.
No one had the right to judge his sins except himself. He would never allow people like them to escape with the fortunes they used to corrupt the world.
And every soul he collected brought him one step closer.
Back in his mansion, the doll stood silently in its place. It looked almost alive. Life-sized, the same height as his daughter had once been. Its porcelain skin glowed softly beneath the light, dressed in a beautiful gown. Jeonghan treated it as if it were alive. He always returned home quickly, afraid she might feel lonely during his absence.
Sometimes he even spoke to her, as if she could hear him. He had convinced himself of one thing. If he collected enough greedy souls…
He might be able to bring her back to life.
…
The mansion felt unusually quiet.
It had always been quiet, but something about the air now felt even more eerie than before. After discovering everything from Seungcheol—who claimed to be part of the officers, you couldn’t see this place the same way anymore.
You knew Jeonghan had never been a good man. Whatever the reason behind it, you somehow found yourself capable of feeling a little sympathy for the tragedy that had happened to him. Still, none of his actions could ever be justified. It simply didn’t make sense.
Losing a child was something no parent could easily overcome. You could empathize with him for what he had been through, but grief was something a person had to face on their own. Yet the conflicting emotions only made your head ache the more you thought about it.
You have been emotionally sensitive lately, restless and easily overwhelmed. You really needed to take better care of yourself, especially when you were walking a line as fragile as a tightrope.
Before coming here, you made sure to tell Seungkwan and Chan to take care of the bakery in case there were days you wouldn’t return. They had looked confused, but you brushed it off. You even wrote a letter to Joshua. You couldn’t help it. In a situation like this, where you couldn’t tell anyone, not even your father, he was the only person you could trust. Perhaps it was because he was an attorney, someone you might eventually need to rely on.
It felt almost like you were foreshadowing something terrible the moment you stepped into Yoon’s mansion.
What if he suddenly decided never to let you leave? You needed to stop thinking like that.
Your hands trembled as you tried to steady the tray, the slice of cake and the teacup rattling slightly against the porcelain. Eventually, you gave up and placed it back down.
“You seem rather unwell these days,” Jeonghan’s voice came from behind you. He pushed himself away from the doorframe and slowly approached. “Exhausted, perhaps?”
You sighed softly, remaining where you stood, your arms folded loosely around your silk robe. “Maybe.”
He hummed quietly, studying the way you absentmindedly tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “I’ll take care of it,” he said calmly. “Go and rest.”
Yet somehow you still found yourself following him as he carried the tray toward his daughter’s room.
You stopped at the doorway. You didn’t dare step inside. From where you stood, you watched him carefully place the plate and teacup on the small table beside the chair facing the window. The figure sitting there had its back turned, only visible from your angle.
The soft melody of a music box filled the room as he opened it.
Jeonghan began speaking to her. His voice was quiet, almost gentle.
You couldn’t bear to listen. Letting out a slow breath, you stepped back and leaned against the wall outside the room.
The lullaby from the music box should have sounded comforting. Instead, it made your skin crawl. Something about it was too eerie, too wrong. You felt frozen in place, as if your body didn’t know whether to run or stay. There was no way he could be keeping a living corpse in there. If that were true, you would have noticed something before—the smell, the decay, the unmistakable signs of death.
But the last time you stepped inside the room, it smelled faintly of flowers.
And the glimpse you caught… the smooth skin, almost porcelain-like. Far too perfect to belong to anything human.
In the end, you quickly returned to the bedroom—his room, or rather, the one you both shared now. You wouldn’t even be surprised anymore if he suddenly showed up one day with a ring, just to seal the deal.
After a while, you saw him enter the room carrying another tray with two teacups. “Drink up,” he said simply. You sat up from the bed and took the cup, glancing down at the liquid before looking back at him.
He chuckled lightly, taking the cup from your hand and sipping from it before returning it to you. “What?” he teased. “Do you think so little of me that I’d poison you?” You didn’t protest, sipping from the same spot his lips had touched. An indirect kiss. The aroma of the tea filled your senses—ginger and peppermint, you thought. It soothed the nausea that had been bothering you lately.
The gesture itself was strangely sweet, and yet you still found yourself drawn back to him. It wasn’t like he had ever been violent with you. He had never once raised a hand to harm you.
Only rough in bed.
Ironically.
You placed the cup aside. He was sitting at the edge of the bed beside you. The moment felt almost too calm. For someone like him, he was the perfect image of an angel in disguise, acting like a gentleman even though you knew deep down he was crueler than the criminals he judged. You wondered what he had been like with his late wife. He had mentioned it was a loveless marriage. Still, imagining him with a lover was the last thing you would have expected.
Then again… he was a father. Humans were complicated like that. Even they could never fully understand their own hearts.
“You’re acting strange today,” you said, glancing toward him.
He only grinned and leaned closer across the bed. You had already grown used to the closeness. “Am I?” he murmured with a soft chuckle, his nose nearly touching yours. “It’s a little sad that you didn’t come in earlier. My daughter has grown rather fond of your presence.”
You froze for a moment, your eyes searching his.
Still, you forced yourself to remain calm. “…Is that so?” you replied slowly. “I didn’t realize my presence mattered that much.” He hummed, his hand gently cradling your face before leaning in to kiss you.
You kissed him back.
“It does,” he whispered softly. “And what if I told you she wants you here forever?”
You pulled back slightly, studying his face. “Don’t joke about something like that.”
“I wasn’t joking.” His eyes remained fixed on yours, completely serious.
For a moment, neither of you moved. The distance between you was barely a breath. You sighed quietly and pulled him back into another kiss. He groaned softly against your mouth. “You’re rather needy today, little bird.”
You exhaled softly against his lips. “I’m emotionally sensitive these days,” you murmured before pressing your lips to his again. You needed warmth, something comforting. And the only person you had was him. Jeonghan didn’t deny you. He gave you exactly what you wanted as your kiss deepened. For a moment, you tried to forget the uneasiness creeping through your mind, the fear that lingered in the corners of this house.
And the only place you could hide from it…
Was in him.
…
You had never felt so anxious, so mentally exhausted and drained. Now, standing in front of his daughter’s room felt deeply ominous.
Slowly, you pushed the door open.
Your trembling hands steadied the tray as you placed it carefully on the table, trying your best not to look at the figure sitting beside it. As much as you wanted to know, you had never felt this afraid before. Not wanting to know the truth felt safer. Because sometimes the nightmares were already bad enough when you woke up beside Jeonghan. Your thoughts drifted back to Seungcheol’s words. So far, you haven't found anything. You had searched his study room before, hoping to find documents or evidence that could help, but there was nothing.
Nothing at all.
And you had never dared to check inside this room. Until now. Because you had simply been too scared.
Slowly, you forced yourself to look.
Your eyes moved toward the so-called person sitting by the window. You froze. Your feet carried you forward without thinking, moving slowly to the side so you could finally see it clearly.
Its eyes were closed. The lashes looked almost real. Everything about it seemed delicate… beautiful even.
And yet, it wasn’t alive.
You stepped back abruptly, your heart racing at the realization. When you looked closer, there was no doubt.
It was a doll. A life-sized one, crafted with terrifying precision.
For a moment, you couldn’t even tell if it had once been a real body that had been turned into this thing. The thought alone made your stomach twist violently.
You nearly collapsed right there.
Then suddenly—
A soft lullaby began to play. You jolted in shock, turning around quickly.
The music box.
You must have brushed against it accidentally. The tiny ballerina inside spun slowly as the melody filled the room. The atmosphere instantly became unbearable.
Too quiet. Too eerie. Too wrong.
You needed to get out.
Now.
But before you could turn away, Jeonghan was already standing in the doorway.
You flinched.
“I thought the nanny told you before,” his voice said calmly. He didn’t sound angry. But the look in his eyes told you everything. You had discovered something you were never meant to see. Your words stumbled over themselves as you slowly stepped backward, your heart pounding violently. He wasn’t supposed to be home yet.
Why was he here?
“I—I was…” Your voice faltered as you tripped slightly against the bed when he continued walking toward you. “…I thought you would be home late.”
“I was,” he replied calmly. Now he stood over you, trapping you against the bed, his hands resting on either side. “…but I figured if I came home early,” he continued softly, “I could see my girls sooner.” His gaze slowly dropped to your stomach. “…and my little one.”
Your breath caught sharply.
The implication hit you instantly. You had already suspected it, the nausea, the dizziness, the strange exhaustion. You never imagined that he would notice, or that he would accept it so easily.
Then suddenly, both of you turned your heads when you heard a loud commotion outside.
Jeonghan moved quickly to the window. From above, angry voices echoed through the night. People were shouting—furious, chaotic.
He muttered a curse under his breath.
You watched him in confusion as he began pacing across the room. Then you saw him pull something out from the drawer.
A revolver.
Your eyes widened in alarm. “What does this mean?” you demanded, almost frantic. “Tell me right now, Jeonghan.”
You needed answers.
And whatever was happening outside didn’t look good at all. He didn’t answer, instead, he grabbed your hand firmly. “Be quiet,” he said sharply. “Just follow me if you want to stay alive.”
He began pulling you toward the doorway—
But suddenly someone barged into the room.
Both of you stopped abruptly.
Jeonghan immediately stepped in front of you, shielding you behind him. Your heart pounded violently as you tried to understand what was happening.
The man standing before you was someone you recognized all too well.
The same bastard who had framed your father.
And judging by the fury in his eyes, he had come here with only one purpose.
“I told you, Judge Yoon,” the man sneered. “I thought we had an arrangement. Yet you decided to betray it so easily when I needed your help.”
His gaze shifted toward you. “So this is what it’s about?” he scoffed. “You chose that wench instead? When I offered you a fortune in gold to help me?”
Jeonghan let out a cold, mocking laugh. “It aches my heart a little,” he said dryly, “but I let my gavel fall cleanly—for money.”
The man’s expression hardened instantly. He raised his gun, pointing it directly at both of you. Your breath hitched as fear surged through your body. Your grip tightened around Jeonghan’s hand.
“Say that again,” the man hissed, “and I’ll make sure you finally get what you deserve.”
Jeonghan remained completely unfazed. “I would never hand over my fortune to the likes of you,” he replied calmly. “Especially not someone who pretends to be a kind businessman in public while secretly stealing from orphanages.”
The gunshot rang out suddenly.
You flinched, but the bullet didn’t hit either of you. Your trembling hands clutched Jeonghan tighter as you looked up at him.
That was when you noticed—
He had already raised his revolver. Pointed straight at the man. A broken sound escaped your throat as panic flooded your chest. Then you smelled something.
Smoke.
Your head snapped upward to see the ceiling above was beginning to burn. Flames crept along the corner near the window. Your entire body froze in terror.
“Déjà vu, isn’t it?” the man chuckled bitterly. “I thought you should be reminded why all this is happening. By now you should know that dreaming of something mo—”
A gunshot cut him off.
Jeonghan fired first. The bullet tore through the man’s arm, forcing a painful grunt from him.
But the man fired back immediately.
The second shot struck Jeonghan in the side. He grunted in pain.
Before the man could react again, Jeonghan fired the final shot. The bullet pierced straight through the man’s head.
He collapsed instantly. Dead.
You screamed. Horrified, you rushed forward just as Jeonghan’s body began to give out. He collapsed into your arms as you fell to your knees with him, carefully lowering his back against you as blood began pooling from the wound at his side.
A broken breath escaped your lips as your hands pressed desperately against the injury. “No—no, no… why did you do that?” you cried, panic overwhelming you as his eyes half-closed in pain.
“Fuck…” he hissed weakly. His gaze lifted toward your face. For a moment, something strange flickered across his expression. A moment of realisation hits him, he hated seeing that look on your face. That terrified, devastated expression.
Perhaps this would be the first time… and the last.
It was a shame that this face of yours might be the final thing he would remember. Then again… there would be no afterlife waiting for him.
Only hell.
The smoke thickened around the room, the flames slowly climbing across the walls. You struggled to keep Jeonghan upright, your hands trembling as you pressed against the wound on his side.
“Get up,” you pleaded desperately. “We have to go, the house is burning!”
He barely moved. His breathing was uneven, but his eyes were strangely calm.
Then, a sudden voice barged in, calling your name. A voice shouted through the smoke.
You turned your head sharply to see Seungcheol burst through the doorway, coughing as he stepped inside. His eyes immediately scanned the scene, the dead man on the floor, the flames spreading along the ceiling, and you kneeling beside Jeonghan.
“Are you insane?” he barked. “The whole place is about to collapse!”
He rushed toward you and grabbed your arm. “We’re leaving. Now.”
“No!” you cried, pulling away. “He’s hurt—he can’t walk!”
Seungcheol glanced down at Jeonghan briefly. Their eyes met for a moment. Something silent passed between them. “He made his choice,” Seungcheol said firmly.
“I didn’t!” you snapped back. “I’m not leaving him here!” You tried to pull Jeonghan up again, but he stopped you. His hand gently caught your wrist.
“…Little bird.” His voice was softer than you had ever heard it before.
You froze. The fire crackled loudly around you.
“You should go.”
Your head shook immediately. “No.”
“I’m serious.”
“You’re bleeding!” your voice broke. “You can still make it, we just have to—”
His gaze shifted past you. Toward the room, the room where his daughter sat waiting. “…She’s still there,” he murmured quietly.
Your breath caught. “Jeonghan…” you whispered, horrified.
“You should leave before the roof collapses,” he continued calmly. “You shouldn’t stay in a place like this.”
You grabbed his shirt desperately. “I’m not leaving you!”
For the first time, something in his expression softened. His hand slowly moved to your stomach. “…Take care of them.”
Your chest tightened painfully.
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m serious.” His thumb brushed lightly against the fabric. “…You’ll be a good mother.”
The words made your vision blur with tears. Seungcheol stepped forward again, grabbing your shoulders.
“We don’t have time for this!” he snapped. “The fire is spreading!”
You struggled against him. “No! Let go!”
Jeonghan watched silently. Then he spoke again.
“Take her outside.”
Your eyes widened. “You don’t get to decide that!” you cried. But Seungcheol had already pulled you away. Your nails dug into the floor as you tried to hold on.
“Jeonghan!”
For a moment, he simply watched you. The flames reflected faintly in his eyes. “…It was nice,” he said quietly.
You stopped struggling. “What?”
“For a while.”
Your chest tightened painfully.
Then he turned his gaze away. Toward the hallway, to the room where the doll waited.
“Go.”
Seungcheol didn’t hesitate this time. He dragged you toward the exit as the fire roared louder behind you. “Jeonghan!” you screamed, your voice breaking as the smoke swallowed the room except that he never turned back.
Everything blurred together. Seungcheol had finally dragged you out of the mansion, and now all you could do was watch as the fire swallowed it whole. Flames roared violently, devouring the entire building while people around you shouted, rushing back and forth trying to control the chaos. It was too much. Your shaking gaze drifted upward toward the floor where he had been. From outside, you could only see the fire consuming everything. A broken, devastated wail escaped your lips. You tried to rush forward again, desperate to go back inside, but Seungcheol was faster, grabbing you before you could do something reckless.
“No—!” you cried, struggling against him. But his grip tightened as he pulled you back.
All you could do was cry as he held you in place.
Your body slowly grew weak, your knees finally giving out beneath you. Seungcheol followed you down as you collapsed, kneeling beside you while trying to steady your trembling shoulders.
“It’s over,” he murmured firmly, though his voice softened slightly. “You can’t go back in there.”
It felt strange that you were capable of feeling something like this for Jeonghan. The man who had brought so much misery into your life.
And yet…
You had never truly known what lay behind the mask he wore. You knew it wasn’t love, not even close. Somehow, the warmth you had felt from him, however small, had not been completely fake. Maybe some small part of it had been real. And somehow… that realization hurt. Or maybe it was just the hormones.
Everything around you slowly became distant. The noise, the fire, the shouting. Your vision dimmed as exhaustion and shock finally overtook you. And before you realized it, everything went black.
In the burnt remains of the mansion, they would later find what looked like the charred bodies of a parent and a child.
At least, that was how Jeonghan might have seen it. In truth, all they found was the body of a solitary man… and a scorched porcelain doll.
Eight years had passed.
You placed the flowers gently on the gravestone. The name Yoon Jeonghan was engraved across the stone.
It had been a long time since your last visit. Your eyes lingered on the name for a moment, something distant stirring in the back of your mind.
“Mama, who is this?” Your daughter looked up at you with curious eyes, her small hand swinging as she held yours.
You smiled softly and patted her head. “Someone I knew in the past…” You turned when someone called your name. Your husband stood a short distance away, waiting patiently.
Joshua.
“Why don’t you go to Papa first, sweetie?” you said gently. You knelt down to her level, and she nodded before running toward her father. Joshua laughed softly as he easily lifted her into his arms. You slowly stood up again, giving the gravestone one last glance before finally turning away.
After a while, you returned home. Not long after entering, you noticed a package waiting at the door. It was a medium-sized box, carefully wrapped with a ribbon. You frowned slightly as you picked it up.
Your daughter bounced excitedly beside you. “Jiae, don’t jump around,” you scolded lightly. “You’ll hurt yourself.” She pouted but watched eagerly as you untied the ribbon and opened the box.
Inside was a porcelain doll. Beautiful and delicate.
You said nothing at first, a strange sense of déjà vu crawling over your skin. Jiae giggled happily and immediately picked up the doll, holding it carefully in her arms. You noticed a small card attached to it. It must have been from the sender. You frowned. You couldn’t remember Joshua mentioning anything about a gift. And you hadn’t kept in contact with many people since your marriage, aside from your father.
You turned the card over and read it.
He told me to give this to you.
His final wish.
— Jun W.
Your brows furrowed. You assumed it was a shop owner. A workshop, maybe. But that only raised another question. Who would send this to your address? You were certain you had never given it to anyone… except your father. Another card rested inside the box. Your hand hesitated before picking it up.
Slowly, you read the message.
I hope you love this gift.
I made sure she resembles our little one.
— Y. J.
You froze. Your gaze slowly lifted toward your daughter, who was already playing happily with the doll across the room. Your steps felt heavy as you walked toward her. When you looked closer at the doll in her arms, your breath faltered slightly.
It looked… strangely familiar, not exactly the same, but close enough. Uncomfortably close.
Jiae looked up at you with a bright smile. “Look, Mama! She’s pretty!” You forced a small smile in return. Jiae hugged the doll tightly, “Mama, can I keep her?” You watched the porcelain face for a long moment.
Somehow… it felt like the past had found its way back to you. Even after all these years, some things never truly disappeared. And perhaps, some legacies refused to be buried.
FIN(?)
a/n: ah, we've come to the end! dang, that was tragic but pls don't romanticize these lol. i honestly sleep with an eye open after re-reading back to this story cuz idk how i came up with that plot tbh (i had a vocaloid phase, so ig i would say it was based from that lore series lol). reblogs n comments are appreciated. thanks again, dear apples!
PAIRING: Devil!Joshua x Angel!Reader
SUMMARY: You've never been able to follow anyone but Joshua - even if it means falling from Heaven for him. Even if it means being kept in a gilded cage.
WC: 5,393
AU: Supernatural, Angels/Demons
GENRE: PWP
RATING: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging in and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.
WARNINGS: This is sacrilegious as fuck. Like genuinely VERY much sacrilegious. Reader is absolutely obsessed with Joshua and cries a lot and misses him all the time. She's pathetic but in a longing, aching, hollow kind of way. Joshua is literally Lucifer/Satan, power play, implied sub reader/dom Joshua, lots of crying and some licking of tears, explicit language, explicit sexual content including begging, oral (m. and f. receiving), unprotected sex in multiple positions, a lot of spit and cum and drool, kind of mess overall, very worshipful sex, mentions of pain/inflicting mild pain during sex, possessiveness, biting, scratching, looooots of allusions/religious imagery during the sex scenes, reader essentially just really fucking worships Joshua and vice versa
SMUT NOTICE: This entire fic is centered around smut and cannot be read while skipping it. If you don't like smut, skip this fic.
A/N: I really wanted to try out a writing exercise of writing super super descriptive smut paired with a lot of like... imagery and some prose I guess I don't know so this is my attempt at that. I also wanted to make up for posting late for @joshujin's birthday in April so she gets two fics.
A/N 2: This is not beta read sorry :/
MAIN M. LIST | ASK |
YOU HATE WAKING UP ALONE. You blink the sleep from your eyes, staring up into ceilings that soar several stories overhead, disappearing into the shadows. Light streams through stained glass windows, casting the room in a prism of colors. You turn your head to look at them, eyes tracing each piece of colored glass that depict angels among the clouds, their wings stretched across vast expanses of midnight blue, their faces soft, turned toward the sun.
You don't feel like that kind of angel. You never have. You don't really remember what it's like to be that kind of angel. You'd never been given the chance, barely out of adolescence when the Fall began.
Hundreds of candles fill the room, burning in crystal sconces mounted along the walls, their reflections multiplying in the stained glass windows. Thick rugs woven from fabrics of impossible colors cover the floors - a personal gift from Joshua because despite this room being in Hell, the floors are always too cold for your feet.
Sitting up, you feel the emptiness eat away at you immediately. Being along in such a big room feels overwhelming. Even the bed is too big, sitting on top of a raise platform of black marble, surrounded by ivory curtains that drift with a breeze you can never quite pinpoint.
The heavy scent of incense clings to you and the soft, woody smell of Joshua. You lean over and breathe in the sheets deeply, his scent lingering there but not as strongly as you'd like, which means you've been sleeping alone for a while. The thought makes your stomach flip nervously, and you glance toward the heavy double doors.
You're not really supposed to leave his chambers. He'd banished anyone from this wing of the palace for you anyway, but he prefers you to stay in the room. The room has everything you need anyways - books, painting supplies, food, bathing chambers, pencils and parchment for drawing. And if there's anything you want, anything you need, Joshua will get it for you.
Usually, anyway. If he's in the right mood, which he often is.
If you want him to remain in a good mood today, you ought to stay in the bedroom. Still, you already feel an empty hollow without him here, a nervousness that you can't quite get rid of whenever he's gone.
Instead of falling into temptation and wandering the halls, you wander the room. You already know every corner of these rooms, but you explore anyways, keeping to the carpets to warm your feet as you trail your fingers over shelves filled with paintings and fresh flowers, golden bird cages with no birds, jewelry boxes overflowing with necklaces and earrings.
A grand piano sits in the middle of a small alcove, your favorite place to curl up on the bench when Joshua plays. Right now it sits empty, the fallboard closed. You pass the piano, fingers dragging along it's edge as you pass to an enclosed garden full of orchids and climbing wisteria, the grass soft and damp under your feet.
Every part of the room is meticulous. Perfect. A sanctuary built for you. While you could appreciate the dedication, what you really wanted was Joshua to be here with you. For him to never leave - or for him to take you elsewhere, so long as you were with him.
The thought of being here alone without him makes you want to cry. You feel the way your throat tightens, your fingers wrapping in your nightgown as you stare at one of the stained glass windows, the depiction of the Morning Star falling from Heaven. It's your favorite, because it was the first time you'd followed him, but Joshua hates to be reminded of it.
Still, for you, he keeps it here, an ode to how willing he is to provide. To protect.
Your bare feet whisper across the rugs, past the candles and past the bed draped in silks and ivory where he's taken you apart so many times you've lost count. The marble is cool beneath your knees when you sink down in front of the stained glass, tilting your head back to take it in.
Your Morning Star, his wings spread wide and beautiful and terrible, plummeting through a sky that bleeds from gold to red to black. Other stars fall behind him, small and barely there, and though you know you are one of them, you've never been sure which one.
You'd hardly understood what you were doing when you fell with him, only that you couldn't bare to be anywhere he wasn't, that the light of Heaven felt cold and empty without the heat of his presence, the fire that lit you up from within.
The ache returns like it always does, starting in your chest before it spreads outward like cracks in fracturing glass. You miss him. You miss him so much that sometimes it feels like dying, and right now you're sure you're going to die, your hands curling against your thighs, nails biting into the soft skin until you draw blood.
You try to breathe through it like he's asked, but the hollow, gnawing thing that lives inside of your ribs is becoming too much and it swells and swells and swells until it spills out your raw insides, a sound that's half-sob, half-gasp.
The tears come hot and fast, burning like acid. You don't know why your tears burn - they hadn't done it before the fall, but they do now, stinging and burning and hissing as they spill down your neck. You curl inward, arms wrapped around your middle as though you can stop the ache from spilling out, like maybe if you squeeze hard enough, you can miss him less.
It doesn't work. It never does. You need him and he's not here and you don't know where he is or when he's coming back, and the not-knowing is worse than anything else in the world. It could be minutes, it could be hours, it could be days, but it never matters how long because any increment of time feels just as terrible as the next, an inexorable stretch of misery.
You're trembling now, your entire body shaking with the force of your crying and no matter what, you can't stop, can't breath, can't think past the overwhelming need for him to be here, to feel him against you, for him to whisper that he loves you, that he loves your sin and that he'll never stop loving you-
The door opens but you don't hear it at first over your crying. You don't register it until you hear him coo, the sound tugging at you like a marrionette. Your head jerks in his direction and you see him through your mess of tears, standing a few feet away with his arms crossed.
Joshua.
He's dressed head to toe in white, pristine and so bright that it should wash him out, but instead it makes him look like something carved from the darkness. His suit jacket clings to his shoulders and chest, the lean lines of his body visible because there's no shirt beneath. You focus on the hollow of his throat, the softness there that you've bitten time and time again, mapping his flesh in sin colored the same red as Eve's first bite of the apple.
Even through your tears, even with your vision swimming, he's so beautiful it hurts to look at him. It always hurts to look at him. His face, sharp jaw and full lips that curl in cruelty and tenderness in equal measure, balanced between the light and the shadow, a perfect angel and perfect demon. Dark hair falls across his forehead, slightly disheveled like he's been running his hands through it. And his eyes. Those eyes that see everything, that stripped you bare the first time they found you and have never stopped looking since.
You cry harder now, relieved that he's here. You move toward him, half falling over, half crawling, unable to find the strength to get up to your feet and go to him properly. He stops a few feet away, and for a moment there's only silence except for your ragged breathing.
The candlelight catches in his hair and halos him in gold, and when you look up at him with tears swimming in your eyes, you can't look away. It feels like staring into the sun, and even though every second you stare up at him makes you more aware of how small and broken you are on the floor, you don't care, unwilling to look away.
"Why are you crying, angel?" He asks, voice low and gentle in a way that makes your heart twist.
The endearment nearly destroys you. You try to answer but all that comes out is another sob, and you press your hands harder against your face, ashamed and relieved and so overwhelmingly grateful that he's here you can barely stand it.
Joshua's footsteps click on the marble as he approaches you, slow and deliberate until he's close enough that you can smell him, cedar and smoke and something darker that makes your mouth water through the tears.
His hand finds your chin, fingers cool and firm as they tilt your face even higher toward him. You blink hard to clear your vision, desperate to see him without the tears and when you finally do, you want to stop breathing.
Joshua looks down at you with something so soft in his eyes that makes you want to crawl out of your skin, makes you want to press yourself into him until there's no space left between you, until you cannot tell where you end and he begins.
"There she is," he murmurs, smiling. His thumb brushes across your lower lip, tugging it down. "There's my sweet girl, hmm?"
You try to say his name but it comes out broken and he makes a soft sound, pouting at you while his thumb presses forward, slipping past your lips and into your mouth. The taste of him floods your senses, salt and skin and something faintly metallic. You close your eyes, your entire body shuddering as you instinctively close your lips around him, sucking gently.
"That's it," he coos. His other hand comes up to cup your cheek, thumb stroking just beneath your eye where the tears are still wet on your skin. "That's my good angel. Always so eager for me, aren't you?"
You whimper around his thumb, nodding as much as you can with his hand holding your face. Your hands come up to grip his legs, fingers digging into the white fabric of his trousers, anchoring yourself to him.
"Why haven't you learned yet?" he asks softly, pressing his thumb deeper, making you gag just slightly before he eases back. "Hmm? Why haven't you learned that I always come back to you?"
You can't answer. Can't do anything but suck on his thumb and stare up at him with tear-blurred eyes, feeling yourself slip into that space, warm and hazy where nothing exists except him, his voice, his touch, and the weight of his presence filling every empty corner inside of you.
"I always come back," he repeats, his voice dropping lower, more hypnotic. "You're mine, angel. Where else would I go?"
The words land soft and addictive. Your eyes flutter, half-closing, and you feel yourself swaying slightly, held upright only by his hand on your face and your iron grip on his legs. He presses his thumb firmer on your tongue - firm enough that it hurts and you melt into it, lashes fluttering.
The stained glass behind you casts colored light across his white clothes, turning him crimson and gold, bathed in the colors of a saint, like something holy standing over you as you kneel in benediction.
Joshua is the only god you've ever needed.
Your hands slide up his thighs, trembling and desperate as you pull at his pants with clumsy fingers, tugging at the fabric. He watches you with dark, amused eyes, not helping as you struggle. When you finally get them open and free his heavy cock, your mouth falls open automatically, a prayer without words.
"Look at you," Joshua breathes, and there's something like wonder in his voice beneath the hunger. "My devoted little angel. So desperate to worship, so fucking desperate for communion."
He pulls his thumb from your mouth with a wet sound that makes you whimper, and then his hand is in your hair, gripping tight, guiding you forward. You go willingly, your tongue reaching for him before he's even close enough.
When he finally slides his cock into your mouth, you moan, the taste of him overwhelming. Salt and musk and something uniquely him that drives you mad as you swallow him eagerly. Your lips stretch around his cock, jaw aching already and it's perfect. It's everything.
"Fuck," Joshua hisses above you, his grip tightening in your hair. "That's it. Take it. Take all of me."
You do, hollowing your cheeks and sucking hard, turning messy and graceless, drool already spilling from the corners of your mouth and dripping down your chin. You don't care. You don't care about anything but the weight of him on your tongue, the way he pulses against your throat, the sounds he's making - low groans and sharp intakes of breath that makes your entire body flush with heat.
You pull back just enough to swirl your tongue around the head, tasting the salt-slick of him, before taking him deep again. Deeper. Until he hits the back of your throat and you gag, tears wetting your eyes. You don't stop - you never stop, determined to take every inch of him, to prove that you can and that you're good for him, that this is what you were made for.
"Fuck," he snarls. His hips rock forward slightly, testing, and you moan around him in encouragement. "So fucking perfect. My perfect, filthy angel."
The stained glass window behind you catches the candlelight, throwing patterns of light across his white clothes, across the hand he has fisted in your hair, sacred and profane, holy and obscene. You're on your knees before him like a supplicate, receiving your sacrament.
This is your worship. This is what you chased from Heaven.
You pray to him with your mouth, tongue, lips and throat, sucking and licking and swallowing around him until you're a mess of spit, tears and cum, your hands gripping his thighs, nails digging in. You hope your nails leave marks, hope he carries the evidence of your devotion on his skin like the scars on Christ's hands.
"That's my girl," Joshua pants, his voice rough now, strained. "That's my good fucking girl. Look how beautiful you fucking are."
You look up at him through wet lashes, and the sight nearly undoes you. His head is tipped back slightly, throat exposed, that sharp jaw clenched with pleasure. The white of his shirt is stark against his skin, unbuttoned enough that you can see his chest rising and falling rapidly. He looks like an angel himself. Like something divine experiencing the ecstasy of the flesh for the first time, and it's because of you.
You're the one on your knees, worshipping him with your mouth, your body, your complete and utter surrender. He looks down then, catching your gaze and he grins, sharp and wicked and so beautiful the tears start anew.
"Greedy little thing," he murmurs, and his hips start to move in earnest now, fucking into your mouth with shallow thrusts that make you gag and moan in equal measure. "Can't get enough, can you? Could stay here forever with my cock down your throat."
You nod frantically, desperately, because yes, yes, you could. You would. You'd live on your knees for him if he asked, spend eternity with the taste of him on your tongue and the weight of him in your mouth and nothing else would matter. Nothing else would exist.
The rhythm builds. His thrusts get deeper, harder, and you relax your throat as much as you can, taking it, taking everything he gives you. Spit runs down your chin in thick strands, dripping onto your chest, onto the marble floor, and the wet, obscene sounds of it fill the chamber, echoing off the high ceilings, mixing with his groans and your muffled whimpers.
"Fuck, angel," Joshua grits out, and you can feel him getting close, can feel the way he's tensing, the way his cock is throbbing against your tongue. "Gonna come down that pretty throat. You want that?"
You moan around him, nodding as much as you can with him buried in your mouth, and your hands slide up to grip his hips, pulling him deeper, begging without words.
"Take it then," he growls, and his hand tightens almost painfully in your hair, holding you still as he thrusts deep one last time. "Take all of it. Every fucking drop."
He comes with a low, guttural sound that makes your whole body shudder. You feel him pulse on your tongue, feel the hot rush of him flooding your mouth, and you swallow immediately, greedily, not wanting to waste a single drop. It's bitter and salt and perfect, and you keep swallowing, keep sucking gently as he rides out the aftershocks, milking him for everything he has.
When he finally pulls out, you gasp for air, your lips swollen and slick, your chin wet with spit and cum. You must look wrecked, but when you look up at him with hazy, worshipful eyes, he's looking at you like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
"Perfect," he murmurs, his thumb coming down to swipe through the mess on your chin before pressing it back into your mouth. You suck it clean without thinking, tasting yourself and him mixed together. "My perfect, ruined angel."
Joshua pulls you up suddenly, hands gripping your arms to haul you to your feet with a strength that hurts. You don't care. You'd let him hurt you over and over, let him do anything. Your legs are shaky, weak from kneeling, and you stumble into him, your hands finding his chest to steady yourself.
His mouth crashes into yours, hungry and desperate and claiming and you moan into him, opening up for him immediately. He groans as his tongue sweeps into your mouth, hand sliding into your hair to grip tight enough to hurt.
The kiss is messy and wet as Joshua licks into your mouth like he's trying to devour you, like he wants to tear through the softness of you with his bare teeth until there's nothing left. Your teeth clash and his tongue slides against yours, demanding. You give him everything, every whimper, every gasp, every desperate sound that claws its way up your throat.
His hands are everywhere, sliding down your back, gripping your waist, pulling you flush against him until you can feel every hard line of his body through the thin fabric of your dress. You're still trembling, still floating in that hazy space between worship and need, and he's grounding you, anchoring you with his touch, his taste, the sheer overwhelming presence of him.
"Mine," he growls against your mouth, and it sounds like a prayer. Like a vow. "My angel."
You nod frantically, desperately, your hands fisting in his suit jacket. "Yours. Always yours."
He pulls back just enough to look at you, and the hunger in his eyes makes your knees weak all over again. His lips are red and swollen, wet with your kiss, and there's something almost feral in the way he's looking at you, like he wants to tear you apart and put you back together and tear you apart again.
"Bed," he says, voice rough. "Now."
He doesn't wait for an answer. His hands slide down to grip your thighs, and then he's lifting you, hauling you up against him. You wrap your legs around his waist instinctively, your arms looping around his neck, and he carries you across the chamber.
You bury your face in his neck, breathing him in, tasting the salt of his skin with your tongue, and he makes a low sound that vibrates through his chest until he presses you to the altar of your bed.
He stands over you for a moment, just looking, and you feel stripped bare under his gaze even though you're still wearing your nightgown. he candlelight catches in his dark eyes, makes them glow like embers, and the white of his clothes is stark against the shadows of the bed curtains, turning him into the avenging angel he is, something come to deliver judgement.
You're ready for his judgement, ready to be found wanting, ready to be punished and praised and consumed.
"Beautiful," he murmurs, and then he's on you.
Joshua's hands find the hem of your nightgown and he tears it, the fabric ripping. Cool air hits your skin and then his mouth is on you, hot and wet, trailing down your throat, your collarbone, the valley between your breasts.
"Joshua," you whine, breathy.
"Shh," he soothes, even as his teeth scrape against your skin hard enough to break skin. "Let me worship you, angel. Let me show you what devotion looks like."
His mouth closes around your nipple and you arch off the bed with a cry. He sucks hard, tongue flicking and circling, and his hand comes up to palm your other breast, squeezing, rolling the nipple between his fingers until you're writhing beneath him and whining so loud that the ceiling echoes your hymn back to you.
The stained glass light falls across your stomach in blue and purple and red, turning you into one of his paintings, something sacred made to be defiled, an offering on an altar, waiting for his holy fire.
Joshua's mouth moves lower, kissing and biting and licking a burning path down your stomach to your hip bones, the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. No part of you is left un-worshiped as his hands grip your legs, spreading them wide. You let him, boneless and pliant, so desperate you could cry anew.
"Look at you," he breathes, and you can feel his breath ghosting over your pussy, making you shiver. "So wet for me already. So ready."
You are - Heavens you are. You can feel how slick you are, how swollen, your cunt aching and empty and needing to be filled. You try to close your legs, suddenly self-conscious, but his hands tighten, holding you open.
"Don't you fucking dare," he snaps. "Don't hide from me. I want to see all of you. Every perfect, sinful inch."
Then his mouth is on you and you nearly scream. His tongue is hot and wet, relentless as he licks through your folds and circles your clit, dipping inside you to taste you. He drinks you like communion wine and he's ready to give himself to you, to claim you as his savior. The sounds are obscene, his mouth eager and greedy and selfish as his tongue fucks into you.
"Please," you whisper, voice breaking on the word. "Joshua, oh fuck-"
He hums against you, the vibration making your thighs shake, and then he's pushing two fingers inside you, curling them just right, finding that spot that makes you see stars. His mouth stays on your clit, sucking and licking, and you're falling apart, coming undone, your hands fisting in the silk sheets as pleasure builds and builds and builds.
The stained glass light shifts across your body as you writhe. Blue across your breasts. Gold on your face. Red between your legs where his mouth is working you over, where his fingers are pumping in and out, slick and obscene. You look down and the sight nearly kills you, his dark head between your thighs, his eyes closed like he's in prayer, like he's the one worshipping now.
"Come for me," he commands, pulling back just enough to speak. His lips are wet, glistening with you, and his fingers don't stop, don't slow. "Come on my tongue, angel. Let me taste your sin."
You come with a broken cry, your back arching off the bed, your whole body shaking with the force of it. Pleasure crashes through you in waves, drowning you, and Joshua works you through it, his tongue lapping at you, his fingers gentling but not stopping, drawing it out until you're sobbing with oversensitivity.
When you finally come down, gasping and trembling, he pulls back and looks at you with dark, satisfied eyes. His mouth is wet with you, his chin glistening, and he licks his lips slowly, deliberately, like he's savoring the taste.
"You taste like heaven," he hums. Then he shakes his head. "No, you taste better. Have a taste."
He kisses you so you can taste yourself on his tongue and you moan into his mouth, wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him closer. You can feel his cock, hard and hot against your thigh, and you reach down between your bodies to grip him, stroking slowly.
He hisses, his hips jerking forward into your touch. "Fuck, angel."
"Please," you whisper against his mouth. "Please, Joshua. I need you. Need you inside me."
"Yeah?" His hand comes down to cover yours, guiding your movements, making you squeeze tighter. "Need my cock filling that pretty cunt?"
"Yes. Yes."
He pulls your hand away and kicks off the rest of his clothes, revealing the gold lines of his body, each part of him a masterpiece of God's creation. He is the most beautiful thing God ever made, perfect in every way, his favorite, rebellious son, the Morning Star.
Joshua positions himself at your entrance, the had of his cock sliding through your wetness, teasing. You whimper and try to shift your hips to force him in but he holds you still with a hand on your hip, grinning.
"Beg," he says, and there's something dark in his voice. "Beg me to fuck you."
"Please," you gasp immediately, no hesitation, no shame. "Please fuck me. Please, Joshua, I need it, need you, please please please-"
He slams into you in a single brutal thrust and you choke. The stretch is overwhelming, perfect and painful and so fucking good you stop breathing. He's thick and long, splitting you open while your nails dig into his shoulders, drawing blood as you claw down his back. He groans low and deep, dropping his forehead to yours, panting, breaths mingling.
"Fuck," he grits out. "So tight, fucking heavenly."
He doesn't give you time to adjust. He pulls out almost completely and slams back in, setting a brutal pace that has you crying out with every thrust. You wrap your legs tighter around him, taking him deeper, and the angle makes him hit something inside you that sends sparks of pleasure shooting up your spine. You're babbling now, incoherent, just his name and please and yes and more, and he gives it to you, fucks into you harder, faster, his cock dragging against your walls with every thrust.
Each window of stained glass watches you. The Fall. The Temptation. The Corruption. You see them in the shadowed corners of your vision, and you wonder if a stained glass will be made of you, the devil and the angel locked together in sin and worship, something that transcends both.
"Look at you," Joshua pants, his voice strained. "Taking my cock so well. Who else would love you like this, hm? Who else could understand the sin inside of you, the need to let go? Only me - only I love you this way."
"Only you," you gasp. "Only you."
"That's right."
He shifts, hooking one of your legs over his shoulder, and the new angle makes you sob. He fucks you like he's trying to prove it, like he's trying to brand himself into your skin, your bones, your shoulder. Every thrust is claiming and possessive and you give yourself over to him completely, let him take and take and take until there's nothing left.
Your second orgasm builds fast, coiling tight in your belly, and you can feel yourself getting wetter, slicker, your cunt clenching around him with every thrust. He feels it too and groans, dropping his head to your neck where he bites down hard enough to break your skin, blood filling his mouth.
"Come on my cock," he commands, his hand sliding between your bodies to find your clit. "Come for me, angel. Show me how good I make you feel."
His fingers circle your clit in tight, perfect circles, and combined with the relentless thrust of his cock, it's too much. You come with a wail, your whole body seizing, clamping down around him so hard he curses. Pleasure whites out your vision, makes you shake and sob and cling to him like he's the only solid thing in the universe.
He fucks you through it, doesn't stop, doesn't slow, just keeps pounding into you until you're oversensitive and writhing and begging for mercy you don't really want.
"One more," he growls. "Give me one more. I know you can."
He pulls out suddenly and you whimper at the loss, but then he's flipping you over, pulling your hips up so you're on your hands and knees so he can slam back into you. Your arms give out, your face pressing into the silk sheets. He grips your hips hard enough to hurt, and you can hear him panting behind you, can hear the wet slap of his hips against your ass.
"So fucking beautiful," he groans. "Love watching my cock disappear into your cunt. Love seeing you take it. Love how desperate you are for it."
You are desperate - mindless with it, even. You push back to meet his thrusts, fucking yourself on his cock to chase enother orgasm even if you're not sure you'll survive it. You wonder if this is what it feels like to be offered up to a dark god, willing and eager and grateful for the honor.
Joshua's hand slides up your spine, into your hair, and he pulls, forcing your back to arch, your head to lift. The position makes him hit even deeper and you sob, tears streaming down your face from the overwhelming pleasure-pain of it.
"That's it," he croons, licking your tears. "Cry for me."
His other hand comes around to your clit again and you nearly scream. You're so sensitive, so overstimulated, but he doesn't care, just rubs tight circles until you're shaking, until you're coming again, a third orgasm ripping through you so hard you think you might actually die from it.
You clench around him, milking his cock, and he groans long and low, his rhythm faltering. He curses, his grip on your hips tightening to the point of pain, and then he's slamming into you one last time, burying himself as deep as he can go. You feel him pulse inside you, feel the hot rush of his cum filling you, and it makes you whimper, makes you clench around him again.
He collapses over you, his weight pressing you into the mattress, and you can feel his heart pounding against your back, can feel his breath hot and ragged against your neck. You're both shaking, both wrecked, and for a long moment neither of you moves.
Then, slowly, carefully, he pulls out. You whimper at the loss, at the feeling of his cum starting to leak out of you, but then he's gathering you up, turning you over, pulling you into his arms.
You curl into him instinctively, your face pressed to his chest, and he wraps himself around you like he's trying to shield you from the world. His hand strokes through your hair, gentle now, soothing, and you can hear his heartbeat starting to slow beneath your ear.
"I love you," Joshua murmurs into your hair, and his voice is rough, raw.
You close your eyes, tears slipping down your cheeks, and press closer to him. "I love you too. So much it hurts."
"I know," he says softly. "I know, angel. I know."
In his arms and colored in the stained glass light of angels, you've never felt more holy.
Word Count: 13,498
Genre: Fluff, smut, slight angst
AU: Non idol AU, pastor!Joshua
Tropes: Strangers to friends to lovers
Rating: Explicit, MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Blasphemy, Jihoon is a toxic and slightly misogynistic asshole but reader dumps his ass I promise, definitely a power imbalance because Joshua is reader's pastor, smut (soft dom!Joshua, unprotected sex, creampie, oral, dry humping, sex in a church closet, a tiny bit of exhibitionism, Joshua has a corruption kink, breeding kink, virgin!reader at the beginning). If you think I missed a warning, please let me know!
Summary: Your church's new pastor teaches you about more than faith.
A/N: Shout out to the absolutely wonderful @okiedokrie-main, @nothoughtsjustfic, @effervescentorbs, @ohnoitsanotaku, @themoonlightfae, and @spacequokka for listening to me talk about this fic and helping me with ideas during the very long brainstorming and writing process! I love you guys so much.
And in case anyone was wondering, all of the quoted Bible verses are from the New Living Translation.
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @notyourjaem, @ikeukiss, @shadowkoo, @my-neurodivergent-world, @1800dojaejung, @aeristudios, @thestraybunny, @mylovesstuffs, @be-my-sunrise
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
You loved your parents dearly, but you hated attending their church. Not because you weren’t a believer, and not because you disliked church in general, but because you’d completely lost any and all respect you ever had for the church’s head pastor. Reverend Yoon had a good reputation in your hometown, and most of the other members of the congregation adored him, but you hadn’t felt the same for a long time. After all, he seemed to have a very superficial view of faith, putting more emphasis on following rules than actually loving and trusting God in his sermons.
You were actually considering finding a new church to attend when you found out that Reverend Yoon was leaving. On a seemingly random Sunday, he told everyone in the congregation that God was calling him to work as a missionary, but the way he fidgeted as he spoke and refused to meet anyone’s eyes when they approached him after service told you that there was probably more to the story than he was letting on. Regardless of the reason, however, you were relieved that he was leaving.
The following Sunday, you met Reverend Yoon’s replacement. As you walked into the church with your parents and Jihoon, your longtime boyfriend, you noticed a man that you hadn’t seen before standing at the front of the room. As you watched him speak with church leaders whose names you’d stopped caring to remember, you started to wonder what this new pastor was like, so you decided to introduce yourself. Before you could, though, Jihoon pulled you to your seat, and service begain.
With a confidence that you could only wish you had, the man you’d noticed when you walked in approached the pulpit and said, “Hello, everyone. I’m Reverend Hong, and starting today, I’ll be taking Reverend Yoon’s place as he moves on to have new experiences and grow in his faith. Before we begin with the announcements and opening prayer, however, I want to say thank you. Thank you, everyone, for attending today and giving me a chance.”
Jihoon seemed unimpressed by the introduction, but you were moved by the way Reverend Hong spoke immediately. Even his simple introduction seemed to have more passion than an entire sermon delivered by Reverend Yoon, and you felt oddly hopeful. It was too soon to say for sure, but you were already considering continuing to attend services where you were rather than searching for a new church like you’d originally planned.
For the most part, the rest of the service was no different from what you were used to. The worship team sang various Christian songs that you’d heard on the radio, there were prayers for members of the congregation that had been struggling, and shiny offering plates were passed along each row of seats so that everyone in the congregation could give money to the church. When Reverend Hong started his sermon, however, you realized that he really was nothing like Reverend Yoon.
Your eyes were fixed on Reverend Hong from the moment he stepped closer to the pulpit and said, “Hello again, everyone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming today. It is such a joy to be here with all of you to worship God.” He paused for a moment to collect himself before he continued, “Today, I wanted to talk a bit about new beginnings. Not just because today marks the beginning of my time as head pastor at this church, but also because the past few months have been a time of change for everyone. As we leave the previous year behind and start anew, it’s important to remember to trust God in all of our endeavors. New beginnings may seem frightening, but God will always have our backs, no matter how difficult life gets. As the book of Psalms says, ‘The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.’”
From the moment that Reverend Hong began to speak, you felt a wave of peace wash over you that you weren’t really used to. Sure, you considered yourself a devout Christian, but that was because of the time that you’d spent studying the Bible on your own time. You’d never been moved by a sermon before, especially so early. You were pleasantly surprised by your church’s new pastor once again.
As Reverend Hong continued to speak about trusting God in uncertain times and the joy that can come from new beginnings despite their difficulties, you continued to find yourself unusually emotional. You even started to cry at one point, something that had never happened during a church service before. As the sermon concluded with another Bible verse, you realized that you’d completely changed your mind about finding a new church.
When service was over, you finally got the chance to introduce yourself to Reverend Hong. He had a crowd of people around him that wanted to do the exact same thing, though, so you had to wait longer than you would have liked. Still, you were excited to finally speak to the man that made you tear up during a sermon for the first time in your life.
When the crowd started to disperse, satisfied with their first impressions of the new pastor, you moved closer and introduced yourself.
“It’s lovely to meet you,” Reverend Hong responded as he reached his hand out for you to shake. “What did you think of today’s sermon?”
You shook his hand as you said, “I thought that it was beautiful. Today was actually the first time I’ve ever been moved to tears during a sermon.”
“Really?”
You nodded and continued, “Your passion when you speak about God is admirable.”
“Thank you very much.”
“I’m really looking forward to next week’s sermon,” you said with a grin.
“Thank you. I’m so happy to hear that.”
You heard Jihoon call your name, and that was when you said, “I have to go now, but it was wonderful to meet you. Have a blessed day!”
“I hope you have a blessed day, as well.”
You walked away from Reverend Hong to find your boyfriend, who was standing by the entrance looking slightly annoyed. When you reached him, you asked, “Is everything ok?”
“Everything is fine, dear,” Jihoon answered, though you knew he was lying.
“Are you ready to go?” you asked. He nodded, and you took his hand and walked out of the church.
Once you and Jihoon were in the car, he sighed and asked, “So, what do you think of Reverend Hong?”
“I’m not sure yet,” you answered. That was a lie, but Jihoon didn’t need to know that just yet.
“Really? You seemed to like him quite a bit.”
“I mean, he’s passionate when he speaks, and I admire that.”
He laughed softly and said, “I don’t know if I’d describe him as passionate. Melodramatic seems like a better word.”
You went quiet after that, and Jihoon continued to talk about how Reverend Hong spoke with too much emotion and didn’t seem to know the Bible as well as Reverend Yoon did. You thought that Jihoon was judging Reverend Hong far too harshly, though, especially because he’d only heard one sermon from the new pastor. However, you didn’t share your thoughts with your boyfriend. After all, what was the point of speaking if you knew he wouldn’t listen?
When Jihoon pulled up to your apartment building, you leaned over to kiss his cheek, but before you could, he moved away and said, “I’ll text you when I get home.”
“Ok, I love you.”
Jihoon didn’t respond, so you got out of the car and went into your apartment. As you went about the rest of your day, you wondered what you’d done wrong this time for your boyfriend to move away from you when you tried to do something as simple as kissing his cheek. And for him to refuse to say that he loved you? You were devastated.
It was strange, really. When you and Jihoon first started seeing each other, he was one of the most affectionate men that you’d ever met. He never went a day without telling you just how lucky he was to have you, he always had his arms around you, and he got excited to spend time with you. Now, he still acted like that sometimes, like when he wanted something from you or when you acted the way he thought a woman of God was “supposed to act,” but for the most part, you were lucky if he told you that he loved you back. He never initiated physical contact with you, and half the time, he moved away if you tried to. Attending church together and going on dates felt more like a formality than something that was done because he wanted to see you.
You loved Jihoon dearly, you really did, but you didn’t know if you could continue with a relationship where you felt like you had to constantly make yourself smaller to be treated like you were worthy of love.
After that first sermon, your admiration for Reverend Hong only grew. Each week during Sunday service, he spoke with such love and passion, whether he was advising against sinful behavior or reminding the congregation of God’s love for them. And almost every time, he brought you to tears as you pondered his sermons and noticed feelings that you didn’t quite have a name for yet blossoming in your chest.
As your respect for Reverend Hong grew, however, your relationship with Jihoon got worse. On top of his prior behavior, he was now accusing you of spending too much time with other men, even complaining about Reverend Hong whenever you spoke to him after service.
“I’m just saying, it’s suspicious that you talk to him every week after service.”
“Why is it suspicious that I want to talk to my pastor?”
“You never used to stay to speak to Reverend Yoon after service.”
“Reverend Yoon made me uncomfortable and cared too much about enforcing rules he himself didn’t follow to encourage a connection with God the way Reverend Hong does.”
“I liked Reverend Yoon,” Jihoon mumbled in response.
“That’s not the point,” you spat. “The point is that it’s not wrong for me to want to speak to my pastor.”
Jihoon sighed and said, “You know what, I’m going home.”
“Fine,” you said as Jihoon left.
Once you heard Jihoon pull away, you plopped onto your couch and sighed. He’d been so controlling lately, you didn’t think that you wanted to be with him anymore. The realization hit you like a brick, but once you had the thought, it wouldn’t leave your mind. So, you did what you always did. You prayed, and when you finally stood up to go about the rest of your day, you knew exactly what you needed to do.
The decision to leave Jihoon hadn’t been an easy one to make, but it was what you knew needed to happen. The only problem was that you didn’t know how, so you decided to get some advice after church. You arrived for service with your parents and boyfriend like usual, but instead of going right to your seat, you went to the front of the church to find Reverend Hong. When he saw you, he smiled and said, “Hi! How are you today?”
“I’m doing well, Reverend. Thank you for asking,” you answered as you tried to maintain your composure. “Can I speak to you about something after service?”
“Of course. Is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine. I just need some guidance on a personal matter.”
“I understand. Come see me after service, and we’ll pray together. See what God calls you to do after that. Then, we’ll see when we can discuss further if you need additional advice.”
“Wonderful. Thank you so much, Reverend.”
“It’s no problem.”
“I still appreciate it,” you replied before leaving to find Jihoon.
When you found your boyfriend and sat down next to him, you noticed that he seemed frustrated. You wanted to ask him why, but before you could, the service began, so you decided to talk to him after you saw Reverend Hong. In the meantime, you would enjoy another service.
After the sermon and closing prayer, you asked Jihoon to wait for you outside the church. He agreed, and you approached Reverend Hong. There were a number of people already speaking to him, so you waited patiently and thought about how you wanted to approach the conversation when you asked him for advice. You didn’t want to sound disrespectful, but you also knew that downplaying the way that Jihoon treated you wouldn’t help you, so you chose to just be honest.
You were so focused on deciding what to say, you didn’t hear Reverend Hong calling your name at first. You didn’t even realize he was trying to get your attention until you felt a hand on your shoulder. You jumped at the sudden contact, and Reverend Hong said, “I’m so sorry I startled you. Are you alright? You seemed like your mind was elsewhere.”
“I’m ok, Reverend. I was a bit lost in thought; I’m sorry I didn’t notice that you were trying to get my attention.”
“It’s alright. Now, what did you want to talk about?”
With a sigh, you quietly answered, “I’ve been struggling a bit with my relationship. I love my boyfriend, but he doesn’t act like he loves me unless I’m doing something that benefits him or behaving the way that he thinks that I should.” It was a lie at that point to say that you loved Jihoon, but you didn’t think Reverend Hong needed to know that.
“What do you mean by ‘the way he thinks that you should?’”
“Well, there are times that he tells me I’m not acting like a godly woman, and if I don’t meet his standards, he acts like we aren’t even together. The way he treats me is so confusing.”
Reverend Hong looked like he was troubled by your admission, but he quickly shook his head and changed his expression to a soft smile before he said, “Have you ever tried to talk to him about the way that he treats you?”
You nodded and said, “He doesn’t listen, but I have tried. I think I need to leave him, but I don’t know how to start the conversation.”
“Well, that’s what we’ll pray about, then. Would that be ok?” he asked. You nodded, and he took your hands in his and bowed his head. You did the same, and he started to pray that God would give you the strength to communicate your needs and walk away from a relationship that was hurting you.
Once Reverend Hong was done praying, you looked up at him and smiled before you said, “Thank you.”
“No problem. Let me know how the conversation goes, and if you need anything else, don’t hesitate to come find me.”
“I appreciate that more than you know, Reverend. Have a blessed day.”
You left the sanctuary to look for Jihoon, and when you found him, he was laughing and talking with his best friend, Seokmin. Your boyfriend looked like he didn’t have a care in the world, and you almost felt guilty for interrupting his time with his friend. So, you waited for them to notice you instead of saying something. You didn’t have to wait long though, since shortly after you made your way over, Jihoon looked at you with a smile and said, “Hi, honey. Are you ok?”
“I’m ok. I just wanted to talk to people before we left.”
“Is everything ok? You look upset,” Seokmin asked.
You smiled at your boyfriend’s friend and said, “I’m ok, ‘Min. I just wanted to ask Reverend Hong to pray with me about something.”
Your boyfriend soured immediately at the mention of Reverend Hong and said, “I think we should go. Are you ready, honey?” You nodded, and he turned to his friend and said, “Bye, Seokmin.”
“Bye, guys!” Seokmin replied with a smile. You waved in response, and Jihoon practically dragged you out of the church and into his car.
Once you were in the car, Jihoon asked, “Why the hell did you go to Reverend Hong for advice and not me?”
“I was asking him for advice because there’s something that I wanted to talk to you about, but I didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”
“What is it?”
With a sigh, you answered, “The way you treat me hurts a lot. It’s like you only love me when I’m acting the way that you want me to.”
Jihoon was quiet for a minute before he answered, “That’s not true.”
“Then I wish you wouldn’t act like it,” you mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Then I wish you wouldn’t act like it,” you repeated, slightly louder this time.
“How do I act like it?”
“I try to kiss your cheek, and you move away from me. I tell you that I love you, and you’re silent in response. You tell me what to do, what to say, and how to act, and if I don’t meet those standards, it’s like I’m nothing to you. I love you, but I’m tired.”
“And you chose to handle those feelings by going to someone else first and then telling me that there was a problem?”
“Jihoon, what is with you? I asked someone that I respect for advice because I wanted this conversation to be productive.”
“Do you respect him more than you respect me?”
With a sigh, you answered, “No.”
“Then don’t act like you do.”
“You know what? I’m just gonna say it. I’m done. We’re over.”
“Really? Because I’m not doing exactly what you want? In a true Biblical relationship, the-”
“Jihoon, I don’t want to hear it. We’re done.”
Just as you said the words, Jihoon arrived at your apartment. So, you got out of his car, went inside, and immediately blocked his number. Then, you curled up in a ball on your couch and cried. Sure, you knew that your relationship with Jihoon was long over by the time you actually talked to him, but the realization that he would never love you the way you used to love him was still painful.
The following Sunday, you arrived at church alone and once again approached Reverend Hong before service finding your seat. When he saw you, he smiled and said, “Hi! How are you doing today?”
You felt like you were about to break down in tears, but you still forced a half smile and said, “I’m doing ok. Thank you for asking, Reverend. Would it be alright to speak with you again after service today?”
“Of course. Is it related to what we prayed about last week?”
You nodded and said, “The conversation didn’t go as well as I would have hoped.”
Reverend Hong put his hand on your shoulder and said, “I’m sorry to hear that. I’m happy to help however you need me to.”
“Thank you. I should go find my seat now, but I’ll see you after service.”
You quickly turned to find your seat, and the service began. You honestly didn’t pay attention through most of it, but you immediately perked up when Reverend Hong said, “Hello, everyone. I’d like to begin today’s sermon by speaking to the brokenhearted among us. In Psalm 34, verse 18, the Bible says, ‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.’ Trust me when I say that I know it can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that God is always with us, no matter how much pain we’re in. Trust Him and allow Him to carry your burdens.”
You started to tear up as he spoke, and you thought about what he said through the lens of your own recent experiences. You thought about how God had always gotten you through challenging times in your life, and you found peace in the knowledge that He could and would do it again. Sure, you were hurting, but you knew that you would heal. You always did.
When the service was over, you approached Reverend Hong and waited for him to finish talking to other members of the church that had gotten to him before you. As you waited, you couldn’t help but notice the kind way that he spoke to everyone that approached him and the gentle smile on his face as he answered questions and gave advice like it was his highest calling. When it was your turn, you moved closer to him and said, “Hello, Reverend. Thank you for speaking with me today.”
“You’re welcome. How did everything go? Did you talk to your boyfriend?”
“Yes, and we broke up,” you answered, fighting back tears as you spoke.
“I’m so sorry to hear that. Would you like to pray together?” he asked. You nodded, and he took your hands in his before he prayed for God to guide you in your healing journey and send you someone that would treat you with love and respect when the time was right, if that was what you wanted. After he ended the prayer, he let go of your hands and looked at you before he said, “If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m happy to help you in whatever way I can.”
“Thank you, Reverend. That means a lot to me.”
“It’s no problem at all.”
There was a brief moment of silence before you asked, “Would it be possible to speak about this more another time? There are some specific things that I’m struggling with, but I don’t want them to be overheard.”
“Of course. I’m free this Saturday if that works for you.”
“It does.”
After that, the two of you discussed a time to meet at his apartment and exchanged numbers. Then he texted you his address before he said, “I hope that you find the peace and healing that you need.”
“Thank you so much, Reverend. Have a wonderful day.”
After the conversation with Reverend Hong, you found that you already felt better about the end of your relationship with Jihoon. Sure, you still sort of missed him, but you knew that in the end, everything would be ok. After all, when you left the church and got back to your apartment, you felt noticeably lighter, and you silently thanked God for sending Reverend Hong to your church.
As the week went by, you realized that you were more nervous than you thought you would be to actually go to Reverend Hong’s house. Sure, you knew that he just wanted to help you, but you couldn’t shake the anxiety that bubbled up if you thought about the meeting for too long. It was strange, really. You never felt nervous to see or speak to him at church. But, in the end, you chalked your nerves up to the anxiety that always comes with visiting someone’s home for the first time and decided to ignore it as much as you could.
When Saturday finally arrived, you felt more nervous than you’d been all week. Despite your anxiety, however, you tried to be hopeful that talking to Reverend Hong would help you feel better. After all, it was nice to have someone in your corner.
When you were ready to leave, you put the address that Reverend Hong had given you the previous Sunday into your phone’s GPS and drove to his apartment. Once you arrived, you softly knocked on the door, and he opened it with a smile before he said, “Hi. How are you doing today?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure, Reverend. How are you?”
“Please, there’s no need to be so formal when we’re not at the church. Call me Joshua.” There was a brief awkward silence before he said, “Come on in,” and moved out of the doorway.
When you walked into Joshua’s apartment, you couldn’t help but notice how cozy everything was. Bookshelves filled with different versions of the Bible as well as various comic books and novels that you didn’t recognize lined the living room. The couch looked soft and inviting, the deep brown color reminding you of coffee. Everything about it made you feel at home.
You were so distracted by your admiration of Joshua’s space that you didn’t realize he was speaking until he tapped your shoulder and asked, “Is everything ok?”
You jumped at the sudden contact and answered, “I’m fine. I was just admiring the way you’ve decorated. The whole place feels so cozy and inviting.”
“Thank you. Would you like to sit?” You nodded, and he led you to the couch before he added, “So, what’s been going on?”
With a sigh, you answered, “I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Well, every relationship I’ve ever had has gone downhill at some point. When I was in high school, it was usually because I wasn’t interested in… certain activities,” you replied, hesitating when you remembered the boys you’d casually dated in high school. “Then, I started seeing Jihoon about a year and a half ago, and everything was perfect. At least, it was for the first few months.”
“What happened with Jihoon?”
With a sigh, you explained every detail of your relationship that you had hesitated to tell him before. You started with how sweet he was when the two of you first started dating and ended with how he didn’t even treat you like a friend anymore after a while, much less his girlfriend. But you noticed Joshua’s expression shifting as you spoke, so you stopped yourself to say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overshare.”
“No, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that. Especially from someone that claimed to love you.”
“I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
“I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think the only thing ‘wrong’ is your taste in men,” he said with a laugh.
You sighed and responded, “I guess you’re right. I don’t know what to do about that, though.”
“Well, we could start by praying, if you’d like.”
You smiled softly and said, “That sounds lovely.”
With that, Joshua took your hands in his and prayed that God would guide you in the right direction and help you find a man that would treat you with love and respect, if you wanted a relationship. Once the prayer ended, he turned to you and asked, “Do you feel better?”
You nodded and said, “Thank you.”
“There’s no need to thank me. It’s my job as a pastor to provide support when someone in my congregation needs it.”
“That doesn’t mean that I can’t show appreciation.”
“I guess you’re right,” he said with a gentle smile. After a brief silence, he added, “I could also give you a few Bible verses that I think would help you, if you’d like.”
“I’d love that.”
“Wait here.”
You were puzzled when Joshua stood up and left the room, but when he came back with 2 small pieces of paper and a pen, you realized he was probably writing down the verses for you. Your guess was confirmed when you saw him pull one of the many Bibles that he owned off of a bookshelf and open it to a seemingly random page. After that, he wrote something down, flipped to another page, and started writing again. After both verses were written down, he handed you both sheets of paper. You carefully took them from him, and when you looked at the first one, you saw the following written in the most elegant handwriting you’d ever seen:
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7”
You very carefully folded the first piece of paper and put it into your pocket before turning your attention to the second. The writing on the second piece of paper said:
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10”
You looked back up at Joshua, and he smiled before he said, “I thought that those two verses specifically would be good reminders of what to look for in a partner. Someone that truly treats you like they love you and helps you when you need someone to lean on is more valuable than gold, in my opinion.”
“Those are definitely good qualities to look for.”
There was a brief but comfortable silence before Joshua asked, “Would you like to stay for dinner tonight? I’m not having anything fancy, just leftovers from last night, but you seem like you could use the company.”
“Thank you. Dinner sounds wonderful.”
With that, Joshua stood up and left his living room to reheat dinner for the two of you. While you waited, you thought about the verses that you’d been given, and you did find some comfort when you felt the two small pieces of paper in your pocket.
You were pulled out of your thoughts by Joshua’s voice asking, “Are you ready to eat?” You nodded, and he added, “Come with me,” gesturing for you to follow him into the dining room.
While the two of you ate together, you discussed your personal histories with your faith, and every minute only increased your respect for Joshua. He was clearly a man of God, and you were grateful that you had a leader like him in your community. As he shared the story of how he decided to go into ministry, you couldn’t help but get the slightest bit emotional.
Every minute of your conversation made you feel safer with Joshua. He seemed to hang onto every word as you told stories from your childhood and teenage years that solidified your faith in God, and after a conversation about your favorite stories from the Bible, he smiled and said, “You really know what you’re talking about.”
“Thank you. That means a lot, coming from you.”
The two of you continued to talk well into the night, but eventually, you did have to leave. After all, you would need to be awake at a reasonable hour the next morning so that you could get ready for church. So, after you thanked Joshua for having you in his home, you drove back to your apartment, once again silently thanking God for sending a man like Joshua to your community.
For the next several months after that first visit, you and Joshua met regularly, either at your apartment or his, to read from the Bible together and discuss whatever the subject of his sermon was that Sunday. Sure, you didn’t necessarily need his advice on anything, but you enjoyed hearing his perspective, and having something besides church to look forward to on weekends really helped your mood.
As time went on, however, you found yourself struggling to pay attention during your discussions. Instead of thinking about the words that Joshua said, you found yourself thinking about the way his voice sounded and how attractive he looked when he was focused on finding a specific passage from the Bible. You spent more time than you wanted to admit thinking about how it would feel for him to kiss you, to hold you, and to take you to places you’d never been before.
You knew that it was wrong to think the way you did, especially about your pastor, but you just couldn’t seem to stop yourself. So, you decided to pray. Every night, you begged God to help you figure out a way to get the inappropriate thoughts out of your mind, and every day, you realized that the answer to your prayer was a firm “no” for reasons you didn’t understand.
Since prayer didn’t help in the way that you’d hoped it would, you decided to try reading from your Bible more. Every day, you made time for personal Bible study, and while you were actively studying, you were able to focus on something other than the sinful thoughts of Joshua that plagued your every other waking moment. As soon as you were done, though, the thoughts would return, and you’d go right back to feeling hopeless and guilty.
Not knowing what else to do, you decided to call Joshua and ask him if you could come over the next time he wasn’t busy for some advice on a personal matter. He happily agreed, and you thanked him before you hung up the phone, ready to face the situation head-on.
The agreed-upon day finally came, and you felt like you were going to cry for the entire drive to Joshua’s apartment. Still, you knew that you had to go. After all, you couldn’t get the advice that you needed from him if you didn’t ask in the first place. So, with a deep breath, you knocked on the door. A few seconds later, he opened the door and smiled before he said, “Lovely to see you! How are you today?”
“I’ve been better. Can I come in?”
“Of course.” Joshua stepped out of the way long enough for you to step into his apartment, and once you were inside and the door was shut, he asked, “What’s wrong? You seem upset.”
“Before I actually tell you what’s going on, I just want to say that I am so, so sorry.”
“Listen to me. Whatever it is, I’m here to provide support and guidance,” he said as he took a seat on his couch and patted the spot next to him. “Now, what’s troubling you?”
You sat on the couch next to him, and your heart started to race. Whether it was due to attraction or anxiety, you had no idea. Still, you tried to take deep breaths to calm down before you looked at him and said, “I’ve been struggling with inappropriate thoughts lately.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. Why are you apologizing to me?”
You really wanted to leave and never face Joshua again, but you’d come too far to go back. So, with another deep breath, you added, “They’re about you.” His eyes widened at your admission, and you said, “I’m sorry, I know that it’s-”
Joshua softened when he heard your apology and said, “Sweetheart, listen to me. Ok?” The pet name took you by surprise, but you still nodded, and he continued, “There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. It’s normal to think that way about someone.”
Quietly, you asked, “Are you mad at me?”
“Not at all. Can I admit something to you too?”
“What is it?”
“I think about you the same way.”
“Really?”
“Of course, sweetpea. How could I not?”
“I don’t know. I just felt bad about thinking about you in that way. Especially because the thoughts usually happen during our Bible studies.”
“My dear, there’s nothing to feel bad about. If God didn’t want us to feel attracted to people, He wouldn’t have given us the ability to feel attraction in the first place. It’s ok.”
You relaxed significantly when Joshua reassured you and said, “Thank you for not judging me or telling me that I’m wrong.”
“I’ll never judge you, sweetheart,” Joshua said as he placed his hand on your shoulder. You opened your mouth to say something in response, but in the end, you decided against it. He must have noticed because he added, “What’s on your mind?”
“I was thinking about kissing you again,” you mumbled.
“Again?” Joshua asked, clearly enjoying how embarrassed you felt.
You nodded and quietly answered, “I daydream about it sometimes.”
“Well, why don’t we make those daydreams a reality?”
You nodded, and he leaned closer to you. You leaned in too, and before you knew it, your lips met his. The kiss was soft at first, with neither of you sure how far you should go, but in a matter of minutes, the air in the room shifted. The way he kissed you started to feel hungry, for lack of a better way to describe it. You knew that you probably should have been ashamed of the way you felt as he kissed you, but you weren’t. Instead, all you could think about was how good his lips felt against yours and how badly you wanted the moment to last forever.
At some point, Joshua pulled away to give you a chance to breathe. As you caught your breath, he looked at you with something you couldn’t quite identify in his eyes and asked, “Can we try something, angel?”
“What is it?”
“Sit on my lap.”
You hesitantly did as you were told, and you felt something unfamiliar rubbing against you. You weren’t upset, though, and based on the sigh that slipped from Joshua’s mouth as you settled into a comfortable position on top of him, he wasn’t either.
Once you were settled, he looked up at you and asked, “Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then will you let me help you?”
“What do you mean? I thought that you said that it’s normal to feel this way.”
“It absolutely is normal, sweetheart. I just meant that I could help you get some relief if you’d like.”
You thought about what he said for a moment before you said, “Ok.”
Joshua smiled at you and placed his hands on your hips. Then, he asked, “Are you sure that you want to do this?”
With a sigh, you nodded and said, “I’m sure. I trust you.”
“Then can you start moving your hips for me?”
You slowly started to move back and forth, with Joshua’s hands on your hips guiding you and setting a slow but steady pace. The feeling between your legs as you moved was unfamiliar, but you loved it. It was a kind of pleasure that you’d never experienced before, and as you started to lose yourself in that pleasure, you couldn’t help but wonder if Joshua would help you experience it again.
Shortly after you started, a soft moan slipped out of your mouth, and you abruptly stopped and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“Don’t apologize. It’s ok. I promise. It felt good, right?” You nodded, and he said, “Keep going, sweetpea. I wanna hear more of those sweet little sounds.”
Hesitantly, you did as you were told. In a matter of minutes, though, your hesitation melted away, and the only thing left was pleasure. As you rocked your hips back and forth, Joshua bucked his hips up to meet yours, groaning softly and whispering soft praises into your ear.
“You look so pretty on top of me, angel,” he said with a sigh. “I wish you could see just how beautiful you are.”
You wanted to be embarrassed by the way your body reacted to his words, but you didn’t care nearly enough about what you should have been feeling to be ashamed. All you cared about was how good Joshua made you feel and how happy you were that he thought about you the same way you thought about him. You were also more relieved than you could put into words that he didn’t think that you were wrong for thinking about him that way like you’d expected him to.
As you continued to rock your hips back and forth, an unfamiliar feeling started to build in the pit of your stomach. You wanted to ask Joshua what the feeling was and what to do about it, but before you could get the words out, your whole body tensed as a wave of unbelievable pleasure washed over you, loud moans falling from your lips as you lost yourself in the feeling.
As you caught your breath, you found yourself thinking about just how badly you wanted to do the things that you just did again and again. The desire that had taken center stage in your mind was still pretty new to you, and you were certain that if you were of a clearer mind you’d be ashamed of yourself, but you already found yourself addicted to the pleasure that Joshua gave you.
You snapped out of your thoughts when Joshua said, “Hey, stay with me, baby. Are you ok?”
“I’m ok. I was just thinking.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“I really wanna do that again.”
With a soft smile, Joshua cupped your face in his hands and kissed you again. Without meaning to, you started to move your hips back and forth again, and he pulled away just long enough to say, “Calm down, sweetheart. Plenty of time for more of that later. But first, there’s something else that I’d like to try. Would that be ok?” You nodded, and he added, “I want you to get on your knees for me, angel.”
You scrambled to follow his instructions before you looked up at him and asked, “What do you want me to do?”
“Well, how do you feel about sucking my cock?”
Suddenly feeling shy, you looked down and mumbled, “I’ve never done that before.”
“I know, dove. That’s why I’m going to teach you how, as long as you want me to.” You hesitated to respond to that, though, so he placed his hand under your chin and lifted your face so that the two of you were making eye contact again before he asked, “Do you want me to?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Are you sure, dove? We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
With a deep breath, you answered, “I’m sure. I want to do this with you. I trust you.”
“Promise me that you’d tell me if you didn’t want it.”
“I promise.”
“Good girl.”
Joshua’s words and the sweet way that he said them made you feel giddy in a way that you weren’t used to, and it made you want nothing more than to make him happy. Sure, you were nervous, but you meant it when you said that you trusted him, so you were happy to do whatever he asked, especially if you could make him feel the way that he’d made you feel.
With a loving smile on his face, he gestured to his pants and said, “Go ahead and unbutton these, dove.”
You did as you were told, and he stood up to fully remove the pesky clothing. When you finally saw him bare from the waist down, you were hit with a fresh wave of nervousness, but the same desire that had gotten you to this point was what helped you move past it. With a flirty smile, you looked up at Joshua again and asked, “What should I do now?”
“Just slowly take it into your mouth, angel.” Slowly, you wrapped your lips around him, and he added, “Good girl. Now slowly move your head up and down.”
You happily did as you were told, wanting nothing more in that moment than to please Joshua. As you bobbed your head, you found yourself struggling to not gag, but you were willing to fight the feeling for as long as you could. Especially with the sweet moans and grunts that fell from Joshua’s lips as he told you how good your lips felt around him.
“Fuck, just like that, baby. You’re doing so good for me,” he groaned as he started to gently thrust into your mouth.
Of course, as soon as you started to wonder what else was going to happen, Joshua groaned and said, “I’m close, dove.”
You briefly considered stopping and asking Joshua what to do, but before you could, he grabbed your head and held you in place while a warm, slightly bitter fluid filled your mouth, and a series of loud moans and curses fell from his. Once you were sure that it had stopped, you looked up at him as if to ask what to do next. Noticing the confusion on your face, he took a deep breath and said, “Swallow it, baby.”
You once again did what you were told, took a series of deep breaths, and said, “That was fun.”
After Joshua caught his breath, he carefully helped you up and said, “Come here, angel.” Once you were standing again, he immediately pulled you into a hug and added, “Can I admit something else?”
“Of course. Anything.”
“I really want more than this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I want more from this, from you, than just ‘finding relief.’ I want an actual relationship with you.”
You lit up at his words and asked, “You do?”
“Of course I do, baby. I wouldn’t have done those things with you if I didn’t want something more.”
You were quiet for a minute before you asked, “Does this mean that we’re together now?”
“Only if you want it to.”
“I really do.”
“Then yes, it does.”
You smiled and kissed him again, elated that your discussion with him had gone better than you ever could have hoped. When you pulled away, you smiled and said, “Today has been a lot of fun.”
“I’m happy to hear that, angel.” There was a moment of silence before Joshua added, “Are you feeling ok? Regarding everything that we did earlier, I mean.”
You nodded and said, “I was definitely nervous, but I loved every second of it. Honestly, I kind of want to do it again.”
Joshua laughed softly before he responded, “As fun as that sounds, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” You pouted, and he added, “I just don’t want you to get overwhelmed, dove.”
You were still disappointed, but you understood. So, you said, “Ok. Thank you for looking out for me,” and pulled him into a hug.
“I’ll always look out for you, sweetheart.”
There was a brief moment of silence before you asked, “Can we cuddle?”
“Of course, baby,” he answered. “Do you wanna stay here and sit on the couch or go lie in bed?”
You hesitated before you responded, “Bed?”
“Ok. Come with me.”
Joshua let go of you briefly, and you opened your mouth to complain, but you changed your mind when he took your hand to lead you to his bedroom. With a smile, you said, “Your room looks so cozy.”
“Thanks,” he responded with a shy smile before lying down on his bed. Once he was settled, he reached his arm out to pull you into bed with him, and you laughed as you landed next to him. When he turned to see you staring at him with a gentle smile on your face, still laughing softly, the thought entered his mind that your laughter was even more beautiful than your moans, if that was even possible.
With his own dopey grin, he said, “Come here, baby,” and held his arms out to you. You moved closer, and he wrapped his arms around you while you put your head on his chest. Once you were settled, he asked, “Is this what you wanted, dove?”
You nodded and said, “This is nice.”
“Good. That was the goal.”
While you relaxed in Joshua’s arms, the two of you talked and got to know each other better. While you talked, you found yourself feeling tired, and you knew that you would probably need to go home soon. Almost immediately after you had that thought, however, you fell asleep.
The next morning, you panicked when you noticed that there was another person in your bed. You briefly relaxed when you rolled over and realized that you were lying next to Joshua, but once you started to remember the events of the day before, you panicked all over again. You rushed to get out of bed, but before you could get very far, Joshua pulled you closer before he said, “Just five more minutes, baby. Please?”
“But I need to go. I-”
“Where do you have to go?”
You hesitated before you answered, “Well, nowhere today, but I’ve never-”
Joshua could tell that you were stressed, so he started to rub your back and said, “Baby, it’s ok. Deep breaths, ok?”
You did what he asked before you said, “I’ve never spent the night at a boyfriend’s place before. I swear that I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’m so sorry.”
“Angel, there is nothing to apologize for. I kind of figured that you didn’t mean to fall asleep. It was cute, though.”
Surprised by the compliment, you asked, “Really?”
“Of course. Everything you do is cute.”
You pouted in response to the compliment and responded, “Well you’re cuter.”
“Do you really wanna play that game with me, baby?” You went quiet after that, and he laughed softly before he added, “I love you.”
You were surprised that Joshua said that he loved you so soon, but you couldn’t really say that you were upset. After all, the way you felt about Joshua was already so much more intense than anything you’d ever felt for another person before. So, you reached out to play with his hair as you said, “I love you too.”
A few weeks after you and Joshua made your relationship official, the two of you planned for him to show up at your apartment early so that the two of you could spend some extra time together before he had to be at the church. So, you got up early and got ready, daydreaming about what you wanted to do with him while you waited for him to arrive.
Initially, you struggled to decide on an outfit, but in the end, you settled on a soft pink dress and matching flats that you found in the bottom of your closet. Once you were dressed, you admired yourself in the mirror until you heard a knock on the door.
“Hi, baby,” you said as you opened the door.
Joshua stared at you with what you could only describe as awe as he said, “Hi, angel. You look gorgeous today. Is that the dress you’re wearing to church?”
“Yep! Do you like it?” you asked, twirling to show it off.
“I really do, dove.”
With a smile, you moved out of the way so that Joshua could come in and asked, “Is there anything specific you wanna do to pass the time?” You had a few ideas when you saw Joshua all dressed up, but you weren’t sure how to ask for what you wanted. So, you stayed quiet, at least at first.
“I am too. What do you wanna do until we have to leave?”
“I’m not sure. Do you have any ideas?”
“I was thinking about a few things earlier, but I don’t want to do too much right before we have to leave.”
“Well, what were you thinking about?”
“This,” he answered before he pulled you as close as he possibly could and kissed you. You melted into his touch, and you were so distracted by the way his lips felt on yours, you almost didn’t notice his hand moving from your waist down to your ass. Honestly, you probably wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t squeezed softly, earning a gasp from you. With a soft smile, he pulled away slightly and said, “You’re so cute.”
You didn’t respond at first, but after you took a few deep breaths, you collected yourself enough to mumble, “I really liked that.”
“Oh, really?” he asked. You nodded, and he chuckled and said, “You’re so cute, dove.”
Without thinking about it, you asked, “Can I touch you?”
“Maybe later, baby,” he answered, surprised by the question. You pouted, and he added, “I just don’t want you overwhelmed before church. Besides, I don’t know if we have time for that before we have to leave.”
“What about after?”
“We’ll talk after.”
“Ok. I love you.”
“I love you too, angel.”
A few minutes later, the two of you left for church, and Joshua’s hand was on your thigh for the entire ride. You definitely weren’t complaining, though. You loved the way his hand felt as he carefully moved it back and forth, and you liked how intimate the seemingly insignificant gesture felt. The only problem was that you kept getting distracted by thoughts of him touching you somewhere else.
You were so lost in your thoughts of the things that you wanted to do after church, you didn’t even notice that you had arrived until Joshua moved his hand from your thigh and asked, “Are you ready to go in, angel?”
“I guess,” you answered, the disinterest in your voice apparent.
“What’s wrong, sweetpea?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just kinda don’t wanna do this today.”
“I understand, baby. Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have picked you up if I’d known.”
“I didn’t say anything because I still wanted to see you. I just don’t wanna sit through service today.”
“I really wish you’d said something. I could’ve figured something else out.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, nothing to be sorry for, dove. Just tell me next time, ok?” You nodded in response, and he added, “Thank you.”
“Are you ready?”
“Just a second. Can I ask you something, dove?”
“Of course.
“You seem a bit distracted,” Joshua said. “Is there something on your mind?”
You hesitated for a minute before you answered, “I’d rather be doing something else right now.”
“I have a feeling I know what it is that you want to do, but I still wanna hear you say it. So, what would you rather be doing right now?”
“Touching you.”
“Maybe after service, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Now, are you ready to go inside?” he asked. You nodded, and he said, “Ok, then let’s go.”
You and Joshua got out of his car and walked into the church, where everyone was happy to see both of you. It was kind of funny, really. No one cared to even say hello to you for most of the time you’d attended that church, but now that you were dating the pastor, you could hardly walk two steps without someone stopping you to say hello and ask how you were doing. Normally, you wouldn’t have minded the conversation, since you loved interacting with people, but that day, you were just so tired and really didn’t want to be there.
Joshua definitely noticed that you weren’t feeling well, and he tried to draw attention away from you wherever he could. To someone on the outside looking in, he would have seemed jealous and self-centered, whisking everyone that so much as said hello to you away and dominating the conversation. You knew better, though. In between greeting members of the congregation, he made sure to check in on you, something you greatly appreciated. He didn’t verbally ask you if you were ok, but he didn’t need to. All he had to do was take one good look at you, and he could gauge how you were feeling, at least when it came to your social battery.
By the time the service was actually ready to start, you were noticeably more relaxed. You were smiling more, your responses to questions and greetings were much less blunt, and you were more involved with conversations. As you and Joshua walked to your seats at the front of the church, you squeezed his hand, a silent expression of gratitude for looking out for you. He squeezed your hand again in response, a quiet acknowledgement that he understood.
The service itself was incredibly dull. Even Joshua’s sermon, which was about having healthy relationships as Christians, did nothing to keep you from getting bored as you waited for the socially acceptable time to leave to finally arrive. No one in the church would be able to tell that you were bored, though, except maybe Joshua, but only because you’d told him before service. As far as the rest of the congregation knew, you were the same good girl you’d always been, listening eagerly to the things that your pastor said.
When service finally ended, you immediately found Joshua, hoping to leave with him as quickly as possible. Of course, before you could go home, though, there were a number of people that wanted to speak with your boyfriend, either because they wanted to share their thoughts on the sermon or because they had a personal matter that they wanted guidance on. You wanted to be annoyed by the series of delays, but you really couldn’t find it in yourself to be upset. After all, he took such care to address every question and concern with nothing but love, reassuring everyone that he spoke to and praying with them if they asked. Even the handful of children that approached him were treated with respect and dignity, like Joshua viewed their questions as just as important as the questions the adults in the congregation had.
Every moment watching Joshua interact with the people in your community made you fall more in love with him.
You were so lost in your thoughts; you almost didn’t notice that Joshua was calling your name. Once you snapped back to reality, you turned to face him with a smile, and he asked, “Are you ready to go?” You nodded, and he took your hand to lead you back to his car.
The ride home was mostly silent, with both of you too tired to fill the empty space around you with conversation. Joshua’s hand still rested comfortably on your thigh, however, and the seemingly small gesture did help you relax.
When Joshua pulled up to your apartment, you broke the comfortable silence that had formed during the ride and asked, “Would you like to stay for a bit?”
“Are you sure?”
You nodded and answered, “I’d really like some more time with you before you have to go home.”
“I think that sounds great, angel.”
With that, you and Joshua walked into your apartment together. The moment your front door was shut, you pulled him into a tight hug and said, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
After he let go, you led Joshua to your couch, sat down, and asked, “What do you wanna do?” You hoped you didn’t sound as nervous as you felt, but considering how good Joshua already was at reading you, you wouldn’t have been surprised if he could tell.
Joshua pretended to think for a minute before he said, “I think you should pick what we do, baby.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded and said, “I’m sure. What do you wanna do?”
You didn’t answer him verbally. Instead, you leaned closer and kissed him with everything you had. A soft noise of surprise left his mouth, but he relaxed pretty much immediately, tangling his hands in your hair as he deepened the kiss. A soft moan left your mouth, and you pulled away from him just enough to say, “I want you.”
“Oh really? What do you want from me, baby?” he asked, the teasing tone in his voice turning you on even more.
“Want you to touch me. Please?”
“How?”
“However you want. Just, please?”
“Patience, sweetheart. Do you want to do something we’ve already done, or do you want to do something different?” You mumbled something he couldn’t quite hear, so he said, “Speak up, love. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you want.”
“Wanna try something different.”
“What do you wanna try?” You were quiet after that, so he added, “Do you want my fingers? Do you want my tongue? Do you want my cock?”
A soft whine slipped out before you whispered, “The last one.”
“Oh really, baby?” he asked. You nodded, and he gently placed his hand under your chin, lifting your head to make eye contact with him as he asked, “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Baby, I’m being serious here. Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“I know. I’m sure. I trust you.”
Joshua was amazed by how much you trusted him already.
“As long as you’re sure. If you change your mind at any point, though, I need you to tell me. Ok, angel?”
“I will. I promise.”
“Good girl,” he replied before he kissed you again, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer, if that was even possible. When he pulled away from the kiss, you whined softly, and he asked, “Should we take this to your room, baby?” You nodded, and he laughed softly before he said, “Use your words, dove.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” you mumbled.
“Then lead the way, darling.”
You hesitantly took Joshua’s hand and led him to your bedroom. Once you were there, though, and Joshua’s lips found their way to your neck, any lingering hesitation was completely replaced by arousal. Soft moans slipped out of your mouth as he kissed and bit every inch of you he could comfortably reach, and once the desire that coursed through your veins was too much to bear, you whined, “Please do something.”
“I am doing something, sweetpea,” he teased.
“Want more,” you begged.
Joshua pretended to contemplate his options for a moment before he said, “Alright, baby. Can you take your clothes off for me?”
You nodded and did what you were asked, because of course you did. You were more turned on than you ever thought possible in that moment, and all you wanted was to make the man that you loved happy.
Once you were standing in front of him, naked and desperate, you mumbled, "Want you."
"I know, baby," Joshua replied as he rid himself of his own clothing. "Lie down on the bed."
You scrambled to follow his instructions, and once you were comfortable, he carefully climbed on top of you. When he was sure that you were ready, he slowly entered you.
To say the feeling of Joshua's cock inside of you was jarring would have been a vast understatement. Still, you didn't exactly dislike the feeling, especially once he started thrusting.
Joshua started out slowly at first, letting you adjust to the feeling, which you appreciated. Sure, you’d had a vague idea of how sex worked before you met Joshua, but you had no idea how it was supposed to feel, really. Now that you were actually experiencing it, you couldn’t help but think that Joshua’s cock inside you was one of your favorite feelings in the world.
Soft whines slipped out as the pleasure started to build, and Joshua kissed you before he said, “You feel so good, baby. Knew you would.”
“Want more,” you pleaded.
“What do you want, baby?” he asked as he stopped his thrusts.
“Don’t know,” you said, trying to catch your breath. “Just know I want more.”
“Aww, poor baby,” he said, laughing when you pouted. “Don’t worry, sweetpea. I’ll give you everything you want and more, I promise.”
With that, he started thrusting again, and the room was mostly silent as both of you got lost in how good you felt. When Joshua started to pick up the pace, though? You could barely contain the sounds that started to increase in volume and pitch.
“Fuck, baby, you’re gonna be the death of me,” Joshua said with a loud groan. “I’m gonna fucking marry you one day, I swear.”
You moaned loudly and choked out, “Please,” too lost in how he felt inside you to fully process what he was saying.
Joshua fucked into you harder as he said, “Can’t wait for you to be my gorgeous little wife. Maybe one day I’ll give you a baby too. How does that sound, angel?”
“Please. Want it so bad. Love you so much,” you whined, clenching around him.
“I love you too, baby. Fuck, I’m close.”
Before you could say another word, Joshua pulled out of you, cum hitting your stomach as he moaned your name. Without really meaning to, you whined at the loss, and he chucked softly, admiring you as he caught his breath.
“I have an idea,” Joshua said as he climbed off of you and sat on your bed. “Can you sit on my lap, angel?”
You nodded as you followed his instructions, and once you were comfortable, you asked, “Like this?”
Joshua shook his head and carefully moved you so that you were straddling one of his thighs before he asked, “Do you remember what we did a few weeks ago?”
“Yes? I think so. When I was on your lap?”
“Yes, exactly. Do you wanna do that again?” he asked. You nodded, and he said, “Go ahead, my darling.”
With no further hesitation, you started to move back and forth, with Joshua placing his hands on your hips to guide you. Every moment sent sparks of pleasure through you, and you knew that you weren’t gonna last much longer.
Almost right on cue, the now familiar heat in the pit of your stomach started to build, and you knew that you wouldn’t last much longer. You tried to warn Joshua, but before you could, you came undone on top of him, holding onto the man you loved while pleasure coursed through your veins.
After you caught your breath, you carefully climbed off of Joshua, and he helped you clean up and put fresh clothes on. Then, once you were both dressed and comfortable again, you quietly asked, “Do you wanna stay the night?”
“Are you sure, baby? I don’t want to upset you again.”
“It’s ok, really,” you said. “I was just embarrassed last time." There was a brief silence before you mumbled, "I want you to stay."
"Ok, then I'll stay."
"Thank you. I love you."
"I love you too, dove."
With that, the two of you left the bedroom, going to the kitchen to cook an early dinner together. After you finished eating, he helped you clean the kitchen, and the two of you spent the rest of the night enjoying each other’s presence.
After your first time with Joshua, you felt like a completely different person. Not a bad kind of different, but different nonetheless. Before you met him, you never would have even considered sex before getting married. But when you were with Joshua, it was almost like you didn’t care anymore. You trusted him more than you’d ever trusted another person before, and that meant you were more than willing to test your limits when you were with him, even if you’d been told your whole life that the things you did together were sinful.
A few months into your relationship, you and Joshua found yourselves testing your limits once again at a church potluck. For the most part, everything was normal, with everyone in the congregation chatting about Joshua’s sermon earlier that morning while they enjoyed good food and good company. You enjoyed the sunny afternoon by sitting at a table outside of the church along with Joshua and a few of your mutual friends, and no one had a care in the world until you heard a disappointingly familiar voice ask, “How are you doing today?”
“I’m doing fine, Jihoon,” you answered halfheartedly as you turned toward the source of the voice.
“Do you have a few minutes to talk privately?” Jihoon asked, the nervousness he was feeling evident both in his voice and the look on his face.
“Is everything alright, Jihoon?” Joshua asked, visibly annoyed by your ex’s presence at your table.
“Everything is fine, Reverend. I just wanted to speak to her alone,” your ex answered, emphasizing the last word as he answered.
Joshua reached out and gently took your hand as he said, “I don’t believe that’s necessary.” It was a subtle gesture, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Jihoon. Or by you, for that matter. Whether it was the way he touched you with such care or the hint of frustration in his voice, or some combination of the two, you didn’t know. All you knew was that a feeling started to build in the pit of your stomach that was wildly inappropriate for where you were. Though, you had a feeling that Joshua would've loved it if you'd told him.
“Forgive me, Reverend, but I think that she should have the final say. Don’t you?” Jihoon asked before turning to look at you expectantly.
“There’s nothing for us to talk about, Jihoon,” you responded flatly. “It was nice to see you.”
Jihoon sighed and said, “It was nice to see you too,” giving you a halfhearted smile as he struggled to hide the frustration and disappointment that had replaced the nervousness he felt when he approached you. He still left you alone after that, though, which you were more grateful for than you could put into words.
Joshua, however, was clearly still angry, even after Jihoon walked away. So, you tried your best to distract him with silly conversations and plenty of touches that certainly toed the line of appropriateness but didn’t cross it obviously enough for the two of you to get in trouble. At first, you worried that you were pushing too far, but when you watched Joshua struggle to maintain his composure as you laughed at one of his jokes, you knew you had him right where he wanted you.
A few minutes after Jihoon walked away, Yewon, youth pastor Kwon’s wife, approached your table and asked, “Reverend Hong, is there another pack of paper plates somewhere? We’re getting low.”
“There should be some in the supply closet near the restrooms,” Joshua answered. “Would you like me to go get them?”
“Are you sure?” Yewon asked.
“Of course,” Joshua answered before he turned to you and asked, “Would you mind helping me look for them, my love?”
“Not at all,” you answered, happy to help your boyfriend.
“Thank you so much,” Yewon said before she walked away.
With a mischievous smile on his face, Joshua took your hand and said, “Let’s go get those plates.” That was when you started to get a feeling that something more would happen, but you weren’t sure if that was because of how he was acting or how badly you wanted him in that moment. Regardless of the reason, you stood up and let Joshua lead you into the church.
Once you found your way to the supply closet that Joshua had mentioned, he entered the cramped storage room, pulled you in behind him, and shut and locked the door. You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could, his lips were on yours.
You melted into the kiss with a sigh, and Joshua wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. A soft whine slipped out as he deepened the kiss, and he pulled away just enough to look you in the eyes and say, “You need to be quiet, sweetheart. Don’t want anyone to hear us doing this, do we? Especially here of all places.” You shook your head, and he answered, “That’s what I thought.”
“Wait, are we-”
“Only if you want to.”
A million thoughts ran through your mind, but only two words came out of your mouth. “Why here?”
“Because I need you,” he answered, his voice laced with desperation.
“Won’t we get in trouble if we get caught?” you asked.
“Oh, definitely. But that just means that we need to try not to get caught.”
It would have been a lie to say that you weren’t nervous about the situation you’d found yourself in, but it also would have been a lie to say that you weren’t incredibly excited and turned on. Since meeting Joshua, you’d had all kinds of new experiences, and in your mind, this was just another opportunity to try something new with the man you loved.
“Baby, are you ok? Do you not want-”
“I want to.”
“Are you sure? You seemed hesitant.”
“I’m a little nervous about it if I'm being honest, but if you think that it'll be ok, I trust you.”
“That’s my good girl.”
"All yours," you mumbled.
"Say it louder, sweetpea."
"I'm all yours," you said, this time with more conviction.
"Very good. Now, are you gonna keep being a good girl for me and take my cock?”
You nodded, and Joshua lifted your skirt and pulled your panties down. When you felt his tip brush against you, a soft whine slipped out of your mouth, and you heard him chuckle to himself.
"What did I say about being quiet, dove?"
"'m sorry, it just feels so good."
“I know, my darling, but we don’t wanna get caught, right?” he asked. You shook your head, and he added, “That’s what I thought.”
With a soft groan, Joshua slowly entered you. Sure, it wasn’t exactly your first time anymore, but you still found yourself struggling to adjust to the sensation of his cock inside you. Once you were ready, however, he started to move, and you swore you could see stars.
You had no idea if it was the excitement of potentially getting caught, how hard Joshua fucked you, or some combination of the two, but regardless, it was more difficult to stay quiet than you expected. So difficult, in fact, that your lover put his hand over your mouth to muffle the sounds that slipped out no matter how hard you tried.
“What did I tell you, dove?” Joshua asked. “It’s important to be quiet. Unless you want to get caught?” Something about the condescending tone in his voice turned you on more than you expected, and when you clenched around him, he laughed and asked, “Really, angel? You want someone to see us, don’t you?”
You wanted to shake your head or try to say something to indicate that you were trying to listen to what he said. But deep down, you knew that you didn’t care if someone opened that closet to see what the two of you were doing. The only things you cared about in the moment were Joshua’s cock inside you and the orgasm that hit you before you even realized you were close.
Seconds after you came down from your high, you felt Joshua come inside of you, holding you tight as he rode out his high. Then, once you both calmed down, Joshua carefully pulled out of you and helped you get dressed again. After putting his own clothes back on, he asked, “How about we actually grab those plates now?”
After you found the plates, you went back to the picnic almost like nothing happened. There was one minor difference, however. Every time you noticed Jihoon staring at you and Joshua, you couldn’t help but feel smug, because you knew he could see how beautiful you felt now that you were with someone that loved you with no expectations.
Before you knew it, it was almost your one-year anniversary, and you could hardly contain your excitement. You'd spent weeks searching for the perfect gift for Joshua, but with each shopping trip, you worried more and more that you wouldn't find anything to accurately show him how much you loved him.
However, you got luckier than you expected at your local craft store. You had about 2 weeks left until your anniversary, and you were getting desperate. But after aimlessly wandering through the store for what felt like hours, you noticed a skein of yarn that was baby blue, his favorite color, right next to a display of cross-shaped beads, and inspiration struck.
When you got home, you grabbed your crochet hook and searched for patterns for a book sleeve online. Once you found one that you were happy with, you got to work making a sleeve for Joshua’s favorite Bible. It took multiple tries (and even more attempts at measuring the book when Joshua wasn’t looking) to get the size just right, but in the end, you were satisfied with the results. You'd spent days assembling the book sleeve and adding small decorations that you knew he’d like, such as a beaded cross on the front, and you were proud of yourself for finishing the project in time.
The morning of your anniversary, you called Joshua and invited him over before going through your favorite cookbook to look for a recipe to cook for dinner. Typically, you wouldn’t have put so much effort into dinner, but you thought your anniversary was a fitting day to put the extra effort in.
You started dinner about an hour before Joshua was set to arrive, daydreaming about what you wanted the future to look like while you waited to properly celebrate a year with the man you loved.
Right on time, Joshua knocked on the door, and when you opened it, you pulled him into your dining room and said, "Sit down. Dinner is almost ready."
"You didn't have to cook for me, baby."
"I know. I wanted to because it's a special occasion. I love you."
“Well, I appreciate it. I love you, sweetpea.”
The familiar pet name sent butterflies to your stomach, which made finishing dinner difficult, but you got there in the end. When it was done, you fixed two plates and brought them to the dining room table with a smile.
When you put Joshua’s plate in front of him, he said, “Thank you. This looks incredible.”
“Thank you, my love,” you said, feeling giddy as you set your own plate down. Before you actually started to eat, though, you looked up at Joshua and asked, “Actually, before we eat, can I give you your gift?"
"Yeah, of course.”
With that, you grabbed the bag that you’d left under the table and handed it to Joshua. When he opened it and looked at what was inside, he looked back at you and asked, “What is it?”
“It’s a protective sleeve for your Bible. I remembered what you said about how you wish you didn’t have to be so careful to keep it from getting dirty.”
With a soft smile, he said, “Thank you,” and gently placed the bag next to his chair. With that, the two of you ate dinner in almost complete silence, focused more on enjoying each other’s company than coming up with something interesting to say.
At the end of the meal, however, Joshua looked at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes and said, “I have a surprise for you.”
“What is it?”
Joshua didn’t respond to your question verbally at first, but he didn’t need to. You knew exactly what was happening when he stood from his chair and pulled a small box out of his pocket. With a soft smile and shaky hands, he looked up at you and said, “My darling, I love you more than I’ve ever loved another person before. Every minute with you has been a rollercoaster of new emotions and experiences, and while to many it may look like it’s too soon to say for sure, I’ve never been more certain of anything than I am that I never want to get off the ride. Will you marry me?”
You nodded in response, not trusting your ability to speak without crying as Joshua stood from his place on the floor and placed the ring on your finger. You admired the ring as the diamond sparkled in the light of your dining room, and Joshua looked at you with an excited grin on his face as he asked, “Does that mean you like it?”
“I love it, and I love you.”
“I love you too, angel. I always will.”
Joshua cupped your face in his hands and kissed you with a passion that almost knocked you off your feet, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You lost yourself in the way his lips felt on yours shockingly quickly, so distracted that you almost didn’t notice his hand slowly making its way to your ass. What finally snapped you out of it was his hand squeezing gently, which caused a soft moan to tumble from your lips.
With a smirk on his face and mischief in his eyes, he pulled away and said, “I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”
“Maybe then you’ll finally keep that promise you made the first time we had sex,” you answered with a laugh.
“What promise?” he asked. You gave him a knowing smile, and that was when he remembered everything. With a shy laugh of his own, he said, “Maybe I will.”
“You’d better.”
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
Word Count: 13,498
Genre: Fluff, smut, slight angst
AU: Non idol AU, pastor!Joshua
Tropes: Strangers to friends to lovers
Rating: Explicit, MINORS DNI!
Warnings: Blasphemy, Jihoon is a toxic and slightly misogynistic asshole but reader dumps his ass I promise, definitely a power imbalance because Joshua is reader's pastor, smut (soft dom!Joshua, unprotected sex, creampie, oral, dry humping, sex in a church closet, a tiny bit of exhibitionism, Joshua has a corruption kink, breeding kink, virgin!reader at the beginning). If you think I missed a warning, please let me know!
Summary: Your church's new pastor teaches you about more than faith.
A/N: Shout out to the absolutely wonderful @okiedokrie-main, @nothoughtsjustfic, @effervescentorbs, @ohnoitsanotaku, @themoonlightfae, and @spacequokka for listening to me talk about this fic and helping me with ideas during the very long brainstorming and writing process! I love you guys so much.
And in case anyone was wondering, all of the quoted Bible verses are from the New Living Translation.
Taglist: @xomakara, @chugging-antiseptic-dye, @notyourjaem, @ikeukiss, @shadowkoo, @my-neurodivergent-world, @1800dojaejung, @aeristudios, @thestraybunny, @mylovesstuffs, @be-my-sunrise
Send me an ask or dm to be added or removed!
Fic is under the cut.
You loved your parents dearly, but you hated attending their church. Not because you weren’t a believer, and not because you disliked church in general, but because you’d completely lost any and all respect you ever had for the church’s head pastor. Reverend Yoon had a good reputation in your hometown, and most of the other members of the congregation adored him, but you hadn’t felt the same for a long time. After all, he seemed to have a very superficial view of faith, putting more emphasis on following rules than actually loving and trusting God in his sermons.
You were actually considering finding a new church to attend when you found out that Reverend Yoon was leaving. On a seemingly random Sunday, he told everyone in the congregation that God was calling him to work as a missionary, but the way he fidgeted as he spoke and refused to meet anyone’s eyes when they approached him after service told you that there was probably more to the story than he was letting on. Regardless of the reason, however, you were relieved that he was leaving.
The following Sunday, you met Reverend Yoon’s replacement. As you walked into the church with your parents and Jihoon, your longtime boyfriend, you noticed a man that you hadn’t seen before standing at the front of the room. As you watched him speak with church leaders whose names you’d stopped caring to remember, you started to wonder what this new pastor was like, so you decided to introduce yourself. Before you could, though, Jihoon pulled you to your seat, and service begain.
With a confidence that you could only wish you had, the man you’d noticed when you walked in approached the pulpit and said, “Hello, everyone. I’m Reverend Hong, and starting today, I’ll be taking Reverend Yoon’s place as he moves on to have new experiences and grow in his faith. Before we begin with the announcements and opening prayer, however, I want to say thank you. Thank you, everyone, for attending today and giving me a chance.”
Jihoon seemed unimpressed by the introduction, but you were moved by the way Reverend Hong spoke immediately. Even his simple introduction seemed to have more passion than an entire sermon delivered by Reverend Yoon, and you felt oddly hopeful. It was too soon to say for sure, but you were already considering continuing to attend services where you were rather than searching for a new church like you’d originally planned.
For the most part, the rest of the service was no different from what you were used to. The worship team sang various Christian songs that you’d heard on the radio, there were prayers for members of the congregation that had been struggling, and shiny offering plates were passed along each row of seats so that everyone in the congregation could give money to the church. When Reverend Hong started his sermon, however, you realized that he really was nothing like Reverend Yoon.
Your eyes were fixed on Reverend Hong from the moment he stepped closer to the pulpit and said, “Hello again, everyone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming today. It is such a joy to be here with all of you to worship God.” He paused for a moment to collect himself before he continued, “Today, I wanted to talk a bit about new beginnings. Not just because today marks the beginning of my time as head pastor at this church, but also because the past few months have been a time of change for everyone. As we leave the previous year behind and start anew, it’s important to remember to trust God in all of our endeavors. New beginnings may seem frightening, but God will always have our backs, no matter how difficult life gets. As the book of Psalms says, ‘The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.’”
From the moment that Reverend Hong began to speak, you felt a wave of peace wash over you that you weren’t really used to. Sure, you considered yourself a devout Christian, but that was because of the time that you’d spent studying the Bible on your own time. You’d never been moved by a sermon before, especially so early. You were pleasantly surprised by your church’s new pastor once again.
As Reverend Hong continued to speak about trusting God in uncertain times and the joy that can come from new beginnings despite their difficulties, you continued to find yourself unusually emotional. You even started to cry at one point, something that had never happened during a church service before. As the sermon concluded with another Bible verse, you realized that you’d completely changed your mind about finding a new church.
When service was over, you finally got the chance to introduce yourself to Reverend Hong. He had a crowd of people around him that wanted to do the exact same thing, though, so you had to wait longer than you would have liked. Still, you were excited to finally speak to the man that made you tear up during a sermon for the first time in your life.
When the crowd started to disperse, satisfied with their first impressions of the new pastor, you moved closer and introduced yourself.
“It’s lovely to meet you,” Reverend Hong responded as he reached his hand out for you to shake. “What did you think of today’s sermon?”
You shook his hand as you said, “I thought that it was beautiful. Today was actually the first time I’ve ever been moved to tears during a sermon.”
“Really?”
You nodded and continued, “Your passion when you speak about God is admirable.”
“Thank you very much.”
“I’m really looking forward to next week’s sermon,” you said with a grin.
“Thank you. I’m so happy to hear that.”
You heard Jihoon call your name, and that was when you said, “I have to go now, but it was wonderful to meet you. Have a blessed day!”
“I hope you have a blessed day, as well.”
You walked away from Reverend Hong to find your boyfriend, who was standing by the entrance looking slightly annoyed. When you reached him, you asked, “Is everything ok?”
“Everything is fine, dear,” Jihoon answered, though you knew he was lying.
“Are you ready to go?” you asked. He nodded, and you took his hand and walked out of the church.
Once you and Jihoon were in the car, he sighed and asked, “So, what do you think of Reverend Hong?”
“I’m not sure yet,” you answered. That was a lie, but Jihoon didn’t need to know that just yet.
“Really? You seemed to like him quite a bit.”
“I mean, he’s passionate when he speaks, and I admire that.”
He laughed softly and said, “I don’t know if I’d describe him as passionate. Melodramatic seems like a better word.”
You went quiet after that, and Jihoon continued to talk about how Reverend Hong spoke with too much emotion and didn’t seem to know the Bible as well as Reverend Yoon did. You thought that Jihoon was judging Reverend Hong far too harshly, though, especially because he’d only heard one sermon from the new pastor. However, you didn’t share your thoughts with your boyfriend. After all, what was the point of speaking if you knew he wouldn’t listen?
When Jihoon pulled up to your apartment building, you leaned over to kiss his cheek, but before you could, he moved away and said, “I’ll text you when I get home.”
“Ok, I love you.”
Jihoon didn’t respond, so you got out of the car and went into your apartment. As you went about the rest of your day, you wondered what you’d done wrong this time for your boyfriend to move away from you when you tried to do something as simple as kissing his cheek. And for him to refuse to say that he loved you? You were devastated.
It was strange, really. When you and Jihoon first started seeing each other, he was one of the most affectionate men that you’d ever met. He never went a day without telling you just how lucky he was to have you, he always had his arms around you, and he got excited to spend time with you. Now, he still acted like that sometimes, like when he wanted something from you or when you acted the way he thought a woman of God was “supposed to act,” but for the most part, you were lucky if he told you that he loved you back. He never initiated physical contact with you, and half the time, he moved away if you tried to. Attending church together and going on dates felt more like a formality than something that was done because he wanted to see you.
You loved Jihoon dearly, you really did, but you didn’t know if you could continue with a relationship where you felt like you had to constantly make yourself smaller to be treated like you were worthy of love.
After that first sermon, your admiration for Reverend Hong only grew. Each week during Sunday service, he spoke with such love and passion, whether he was advising against sinful behavior or reminding the congregation of God’s love for them. And almost every time, he brought you to tears as you pondered his sermons and noticed feelings that you didn’t quite have a name for yet blossoming in your chest.
As your respect for Reverend Hong grew, however, your relationship with Jihoon got worse. On top of his prior behavior, he was now accusing you of spending too much time with other men, even complaining about Reverend Hong whenever you spoke to him after service.
“I’m just saying, it’s suspicious that you talk to him every week after service.”
“Why is it suspicious that I want to talk to my pastor?”
“You never used to stay to speak to Reverend Yoon after service.”
“Reverend Yoon made me uncomfortable and cared too much about enforcing rules he himself didn’t follow to encourage a connection with God the way Reverend Hong does.”
“I liked Reverend Yoon,” Jihoon mumbled in response.
“That’s not the point,” you spat. “The point is that it’s not wrong for me to want to speak to my pastor.”
Jihoon sighed and said, “You know what, I’m going home.”
“Fine,” you said as Jihoon left.
Once you heard Jihoon pull away, you plopped onto your couch and sighed. He’d been so controlling lately, you didn’t think that you wanted to be with him anymore. The realization hit you like a brick, but once you had the thought, it wouldn’t leave your mind. So, you did what you always did. You prayed, and when you finally stood up to go about the rest of your day, you knew exactly what you needed to do.
The decision to leave Jihoon hadn’t been an easy one to make, but it was what you knew needed to happen. The only problem was that you didn’t know how, so you decided to get some advice after church. You arrived for service with your parents and boyfriend like usual, but instead of going right to your seat, you went to the front of the church to find Reverend Hong. When he saw you, he smiled and said, “Hi! How are you today?”
“I’m doing well, Reverend. Thank you for asking,” you answered as you tried to maintain your composure. “Can I speak to you about something after service?”
“Of course. Is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine. I just need some guidance on a personal matter.”
“I understand. Come see me after service, and we’ll pray together. See what God calls you to do after that. Then, we’ll see when we can discuss further if you need additional advice.”
“Wonderful. Thank you so much, Reverend.”
“It’s no problem.”
“I still appreciate it,” you replied before leaving to find Jihoon.
When you found your boyfriend and sat down next to him, you noticed that he seemed frustrated. You wanted to ask him why, but before you could, the service began, so you decided to talk to him after you saw Reverend Hong. In the meantime, you would enjoy another service.
After the sermon and closing prayer, you asked Jihoon to wait for you outside the church. He agreed, and you approached Reverend Hong. There were a number of people already speaking to him, so you waited patiently and thought about how you wanted to approach the conversation when you asked him for advice. You didn’t want to sound disrespectful, but you also knew that downplaying the way that Jihoon treated you wouldn’t help you, so you chose to just be honest.
You were so focused on deciding what to say, you didn’t hear Reverend Hong calling your name at first. You didn’t even realize he was trying to get your attention until you felt a hand on your shoulder. You jumped at the sudden contact, and Reverend Hong said, “I’m so sorry I startled you. Are you alright? You seemed like your mind was elsewhere.”
“I’m ok, Reverend. I was a bit lost in thought; I’m sorry I didn’t notice that you were trying to get my attention.”
“It’s alright. Now, what did you want to talk about?”
With a sigh, you quietly answered, “I’ve been struggling a bit with my relationship. I love my boyfriend, but he doesn’t act like he loves me unless I’m doing something that benefits him or behaving the way that he thinks that I should.” It was a lie at that point to say that you loved Jihoon, but you didn’t think Reverend Hong needed to know that.
“What do you mean by ‘the way he thinks that you should?’”
“Well, there are times that he tells me I’m not acting like a godly woman, and if I don’t meet his standards, he acts like we aren’t even together. The way he treats me is so confusing.”
Reverend Hong looked like he was troubled by your admission, but he quickly shook his head and changed his expression to a soft smile before he said, “Have you ever tried to talk to him about the way that he treats you?”
You nodded and said, “He doesn’t listen, but I have tried. I think I need to leave him, but I don’t know how to start the conversation.”
“Well, that’s what we’ll pray about, then. Would that be ok?” he asked. You nodded, and he took your hands in his and bowed his head. You did the same, and he started to pray that God would give you the strength to communicate your needs and walk away from a relationship that was hurting you.
Once Reverend Hong was done praying, you looked up at him and smiled before you said, “Thank you.”
“No problem. Let me know how the conversation goes, and if you need anything else, don’t hesitate to come find me.”
“I appreciate that more than you know, Reverend. Have a blessed day.”
You left the sanctuary to look for Jihoon, and when you found him, he was laughing and talking with his best friend, Seokmin. Your boyfriend looked like he didn’t have a care in the world, and you almost felt guilty for interrupting his time with his friend. So, you waited for them to notice you instead of saying something. You didn’t have to wait long though, since shortly after you made your way over, Jihoon looked at you with a smile and said, “Hi, honey. Are you ok?”
“I’m ok. I just wanted to talk to people before we left.”
“Is everything ok? You look upset,” Seokmin asked.
You smiled at your boyfriend’s friend and said, “I’m ok, ‘Min. I just wanted to ask Reverend Hong to pray with me about something.”
Your boyfriend soured immediately at the mention of Reverend Hong and said, “I think we should go. Are you ready, honey?” You nodded, and he turned to his friend and said, “Bye, Seokmin.”
“Bye, guys!” Seokmin replied with a smile. You waved in response, and Jihoon practically dragged you out of the church and into his car.
Once you were in the car, Jihoon asked, “Why the hell did you go to Reverend Hong for advice and not me?”
“I was asking him for advice because there’s something that I wanted to talk to you about, but I didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”
“What is it?”
With a sigh, you answered, “The way you treat me hurts a lot. It’s like you only love me when I’m acting the way that you want me to.”
Jihoon was quiet for a minute before he answered, “That’s not true.”
“Then I wish you wouldn’t act like it,” you mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Then I wish you wouldn’t act like it,” you repeated, slightly louder this time.
“How do I act like it?”
“I try to kiss your cheek, and you move away from me. I tell you that I love you, and you’re silent in response. You tell me what to do, what to say, and how to act, and if I don’t meet those standards, it’s like I’m nothing to you. I love you, but I’m tired.”
“And you chose to handle those feelings by going to someone else first and then telling me that there was a problem?”
“Jihoon, what is with you? I asked someone that I respect for advice because I wanted this conversation to be productive.”
“Do you respect him more than you respect me?”
With a sigh, you answered, “No.”
“Then don’t act like you do.”
“You know what? I’m just gonna say it. I’m done. We’re over.”
“Really? Because I’m not doing exactly what you want? In a true Biblical relationship, the-”
“Jihoon, I don’t want to hear it. We’re done.”
Just as you said the words, Jihoon arrived at your apartment. So, you got out of his car, went inside, and immediately blocked his number. Then, you curled up in a ball on your couch and cried. Sure, you knew that your relationship with Jihoon was long over by the time you actually talked to him, but the realization that he would never love you the way you used to love him was still painful.
The following Sunday, you arrived at church alone and once again approached Reverend Hong before service finding your seat. When he saw you, he smiled and said, “Hi! How are you doing today?”
You felt like you were about to break down in tears, but you still forced a half smile and said, “I’m doing ok. Thank you for asking, Reverend. Would it be alright to speak with you again after service today?”
“Of course. Is it related to what we prayed about last week?”
You nodded and said, “The conversation didn’t go as well as I would have hoped.”
Reverend Hong put his hand on your shoulder and said, “I’m sorry to hear that. I’m happy to help however you need me to.”
“Thank you. I should go find my seat now, but I’ll see you after service.”
You quickly turned to find your seat, and the service began. You honestly didn’t pay attention through most of it, but you immediately perked up when Reverend Hong said, “Hello, everyone. I’d like to begin today’s sermon by speaking to the brokenhearted among us. In Psalm 34, verse 18, the Bible says, ‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.’ Trust me when I say that I know it can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that God is always with us, no matter how much pain we’re in. Trust Him and allow Him to carry your burdens.”
You started to tear up as he spoke, and you thought about what he said through the lens of your own recent experiences. You thought about how God had always gotten you through challenging times in your life, and you found peace in the knowledge that He could and would do it again. Sure, you were hurting, but you knew that you would heal. You always did.
When the service was over, you approached Reverend Hong and waited for him to finish talking to other members of the church that had gotten to him before you. As you waited, you couldn’t help but notice the kind way that he spoke to everyone that approached him and the gentle smile on his face as he answered questions and gave advice like it was his highest calling. When it was your turn, you moved closer to him and said, “Hello, Reverend. Thank you for speaking with me today.”
“You’re welcome. How did everything go? Did you talk to your boyfriend?”
“Yes, and we broke up,” you answered, fighting back tears as you spoke.
“I’m so sorry to hear that. Would you like to pray together?” he asked. You nodded, and he took your hands in his before he prayed for God to guide you in your healing journey and send you someone that would treat you with love and respect when the time was right, if that was what you wanted. After he ended the prayer, he let go of your hands and looked at you before he said, “If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m happy to help you in whatever way I can.”
“Thank you, Reverend. That means a lot to me.”
“It’s no problem at all.”
There was a brief moment of silence before you asked, “Would it be possible to speak about this more another time? There are some specific things that I’m struggling with, but I don’t want them to be overheard.”
“Of course. I’m free this Saturday if that works for you.”
“It does.”
After that, the two of you discussed a time to meet at his apartment and exchanged numbers. Then he texted you his address before he said, “I hope that you find the peace and healing that you need.”
“Thank you so much, Reverend. Have a wonderful day.”
After the conversation with Reverend Hong, you found that you already felt better about the end of your relationship with Jihoon. Sure, you still sort of missed him, but you knew that in the end, everything would be ok. After all, when you left the church and got back to your apartment, you felt noticeably lighter, and you silently thanked God for sending Reverend Hong to your church.
As the week went by, you realized that you were more nervous than you thought you would be to actually go to Reverend Hong’s house. Sure, you knew that he just wanted to help you, but you couldn’t shake the anxiety that bubbled up if you thought about the meeting for too long. It was strange, really. You never felt nervous to see or speak to him at church. But, in the end, you chalked your nerves up to the anxiety that always comes with visiting someone’s home for the first time and decided to ignore it as much as you could.
When Saturday finally arrived, you felt more nervous than you’d been all week. Despite your anxiety, however, you tried to be hopeful that talking to Reverend Hong would help you feel better. After all, it was nice to have someone in your corner.
When you were ready to leave, you put the address that Reverend Hong had given you the previous Sunday into your phone’s GPS and drove to his apartment. Once you arrived, you softly knocked on the door, and he opened it with a smile before he said, “Hi. How are you doing today?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure, Reverend. How are you?”
“Please, there’s no need to be so formal when we’re not at the church. Call me Joshua.” There was a brief awkward silence before he said, “Come on in,” and moved out of the doorway.
When you walked into Joshua’s apartment, you couldn’t help but notice how cozy everything was. Bookshelves filled with different versions of the Bible as well as various comic books and novels that you didn’t recognize lined the living room. The couch looked soft and inviting, the deep brown color reminding you of coffee. Everything about it made you feel at home.
You were so distracted by your admiration of Joshua’s space that you didn’t realize he was speaking until he tapped your shoulder and asked, “Is everything ok?”
You jumped at the sudden contact and answered, “I’m fine. I was just admiring the way you’ve decorated. The whole place feels so cozy and inviting.”
“Thank you. Would you like to sit?” You nodded, and he led you to the couch before he added, “So, what’s been going on?”
With a sigh, you answered, “I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Well, every relationship I’ve ever had has gone downhill at some point. When I was in high school, it was usually because I wasn’t interested in… certain activities,” you replied, hesitating when you remembered the boys you’d casually dated in high school. “Then, I started seeing Jihoon about a year and a half ago, and everything was perfect. At least, it was for the first few months.”
“What happened with Jihoon?”
With a sigh, you explained every detail of your relationship that you had hesitated to tell him before. You started with how sweet he was when the two of you first started dating and ended with how he didn’t even treat you like a friend anymore after a while, much less his girlfriend. But you noticed Joshua’s expression shifting as you spoke, so you stopped yourself to say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overshare.”
“No, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that. Especially from someone that claimed to love you.”
“I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
“I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think the only thing ‘wrong’ is your taste in men,” he said with a laugh.
You sighed and responded, “I guess you’re right. I don’t know what to do about that, though.”
“Well, we could start by praying, if you’d like.”
You smiled softly and said, “That sounds lovely.”
With that, Joshua took your hands in his and prayed that God would guide you in the right direction and help you find a man that would treat you with love and respect, if you wanted a relationship. Once the prayer ended, he turned to you and asked, “Do you feel better?”
You nodded and said, “Thank you.”
“There’s no need to thank me. It’s my job as a pastor to provide support when someone in my congregation needs it.”
“That doesn’t mean that I can’t show appreciation.”
“I guess you’re right,” he said with a gentle smile. After a brief silence, he added, “I could also give you a few Bible verses that I think would help you, if you’d like.”
“I’d love that.”
“Wait here.”
You were puzzled when Joshua stood up and left the room, but when he came back with 2 small pieces of paper and a pen, you realized he was probably writing down the verses for you. Your guess was confirmed when you saw him pull one of the many Bibles that he owned off of a bookshelf and open it to a seemingly random page. After that, he wrote something down, flipped to another page, and started writing again. After both verses were written down, he handed you both sheets of paper. You carefully took them from him, and when you looked at the first one, you saw the following written in the most elegant handwriting you’d ever seen:
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7”
You very carefully folded the first piece of paper and put it into your pocket before turning your attention to the second. The writing on the second piece of paper said:
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10”
You looked back up at Joshua, and he smiled before he said, “I thought that those two verses specifically would be good reminders of what to look for in a partner. Someone that truly treats you like they love you and helps you when you need someone to lean on is more valuable than gold, in my opinion.”
“Those are definitely good qualities to look for.”
There was a brief but comfortable silence before Joshua asked, “Would you like to stay for dinner tonight? I’m not having anything fancy, just leftovers from last night, but you seem like you could use the company.”
“Thank you. Dinner sounds wonderful.”
With that, Joshua stood up and left his living room to reheat dinner for the two of you. While you waited, you thought about the verses that you’d been given, and you did find some comfort when you felt the two small pieces of paper in your pocket.
You were pulled out of your thoughts by Joshua’s voice asking, “Are you ready to eat?” You nodded, and he added, “Come with me,” gesturing for you to follow him into the dining room.
While the two of you ate together, you discussed your personal histories with your faith, and every minute only increased your respect for Joshua. He was clearly a man of God, and you were grateful that you had a leader like him in your community. As he shared the story of how he decided to go into ministry, you couldn’t help but get the slightest bit emotional.
Every minute of your conversation made you feel safer with Joshua. He seemed to hang onto every word as you told stories from your childhood and teenage years that solidified your faith in God, and after a conversation about your favorite stories from the Bible, he smiled and said, “You really know what you’re talking about.”
“Thank you. That means a lot, coming from you.”
The two of you continued to talk well into the night, but eventually, you did have to leave. After all, you would need to be awake at a reasonable hour the next morning so that you could get ready for church. So, after you thanked Joshua for having you in his home, you drove back to your apartment, once again silently thanking God for sending a man like Joshua to your community.
For the next several months after that first visit, you and Joshua met regularly, either at your apartment or his, to read from the Bible together and discuss whatever the subject of his sermon was that Sunday. Sure, you didn’t necessarily need his advice on anything, but you enjoyed hearing his perspective, and having something besides church to look forward to on weekends really helped your mood.
As time went on, however, you found yourself struggling to pay attention during your discussions. Instead of thinking about the words that Joshua said, you found yourself thinking about the way his voice sounded and how attractive he looked when he was focused on finding a specific passage from the Bible. You spent more time than you wanted to admit thinking about how it would feel for him to kiss you, to hold you, and to take you to places you’d never been before.
You knew that it was wrong to think the way you did, especially about your pastor, but you just couldn’t seem to stop yourself. So, you decided to pray. Every night, you begged God to help you figure out a way to get the inappropriate thoughts out of your mind, and every day, you realized that the answer to your prayer was a firm “no” for reasons you didn’t understand.
Since prayer didn’t help in the way that you’d hoped it would, you decided to try reading from your Bible more. Every day, you made time for personal Bible study, and while you were actively studying, you were able to focus on something other than the sinful thoughts of Joshua that plagued your every other waking moment. As soon as you were done, though, the thoughts would return, and you’d go right back to feeling hopeless and guilty.
Not knowing what else to do, you decided to call Joshua and ask him if you could come over the next time he wasn’t busy for some advice on a personal matter. He happily agreed, and you thanked him before you hung up the phone, ready to face the situation head-on.
The agreed-upon day finally came, and you felt like you were going to cry for the entire drive to Joshua’s apartment. Still, you knew that you had to go. After all, you couldn’t get the advice that you needed from him if you didn’t ask in the first place. So, with a deep breath, you knocked on the door. A few seconds later, he opened the door and smiled before he said, “Lovely to see you! How are you today?”
“I’ve been better. Can I come in?”
“Of course.” Joshua stepped out of the way long enough for you to step into his apartment, and once you were inside and the door was shut, he asked, “What’s wrong? You seem upset.”
“Before I actually tell you what’s going on, I just want to say that I am so, so sorry.”
“Listen to me. Whatever it is, I’m here to provide support and guidance,” he said as he took a seat on his couch and patted the spot next to him. “Now, what’s troubling you?”
You sat on the couch next to him, and your heart started to race. Whether it was due to attraction or anxiety, you had no idea. Still, you tried to take deep breaths to calm down before you looked at him and said, “I’ve been struggling with inappropriate thoughts lately.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. Why are you apologizing to me?”
You really wanted to leave and never face Joshua again, but you’d come too far to go back. So, with another deep breath, you added, “They’re about you.” His eyes widened at your admission, and you said, “I’m sorry, I know that it’s-”
Joshua softened when he heard your apology and said, “Sweetheart, listen to me. Ok?” The pet name took you by surprise, but you still nodded, and he continued, “There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. It’s normal to think that way about someone.”
Quietly, you asked, “Are you mad at me?”
“Not at all. Can I admit something to you too?”
“What is it?”
“I think about you the same way.”
“Really?”
“Of course, sweetpea. How could I not?”
“I don’t know. I just felt bad about thinking about you in that way. Especially because the thoughts usually happen during our Bible studies.”
“My dear, there’s nothing to feel bad about. If God didn’t want us to feel attracted to people, He wouldn’t have given us the ability to feel attraction in the first place. It’s ok.”
You relaxed significantly when Joshua reassured you and said, “Thank you for not judging me or telling me that I’m wrong.”
“I’ll never judge you, sweetheart,” Joshua said as he placed his hand on your shoulder. You opened your mouth to say something in response, but in the end, you decided against it. He must have noticed because he added, “What’s on your mind?”
“I was thinking about kissing you again,” you mumbled.
“Again?” Joshua asked, clearly enjoying how embarrassed you felt.
You nodded and quietly answered, “I daydream about it sometimes.”
“Well, why don’t we make those daydreams a reality?”
You nodded, and he leaned closer to you. You leaned in too, and before you knew it, your lips met his. The kiss was soft at first, with neither of you sure how far you should go, but in a matter of minutes, the air in the room shifted. The way he kissed you started to feel hungry, for lack of a better way to describe it. You knew that you probably should have been ashamed of the way you felt as he kissed you, but you weren’t. Instead, all you could think about was how good his lips felt against yours and how badly you wanted the moment to last forever.
At some point, Joshua pulled away to give you a chance to breathe. As you caught your breath, he looked at you with something you couldn’t quite identify in his eyes and asked, “Can we try something, angel?”
“What is it?”
“Sit on my lap.”
You hesitantly did as you were told, and you felt something unfamiliar rubbing against you. You weren’t upset, though, and based on the sigh that slipped from Joshua’s mouth as you settled into a comfortable position on top of him, he wasn’t either.
Once you were settled, he looked up at you and asked, “Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then will you let me help you?”
“What do you mean? I thought that you said that it’s normal to feel this way.”
“It absolutely is normal, sweetheart. I just meant that I could help you get some relief if you’d like.”
You thought about what he said for a moment before you said, “Ok.”
Joshua smiled at you and placed his hands on your hips. Then, he asked, “Are you sure that you want to do this?”
With a sigh, you nodded and said, “I’m sure. I trust you.”
“Then can you start moving your hips for me?”
You slowly started to move back and forth, with Joshua’s hands on your hips guiding you and setting a slow but steady pace. The feeling between your legs as you moved was unfamiliar, but you loved it. It was a kind of pleasure that you’d never experienced before, and as you started to lose yourself in that pleasure, you couldn’t help but wonder if Joshua would help you experience it again.
Shortly after you started, a soft moan slipped out of your mouth, and you abruptly stopped and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“Don’t apologize. It’s ok. I promise. It felt good, right?” You nodded, and he said, “Keep going, sweetpea. I wanna hear more of those sweet little sounds.”
Hesitantly, you did as you were told. In a matter of minutes, though, your hesitation melted away, and the only thing left was pleasure. As you rocked your hips back and forth, Joshua bucked his hips up to meet yours, groaning softly and whispering soft praises into your ear.
“You look so pretty on top of me, angel,” he said with a sigh. “I wish you could see just how beautiful you are.”
You wanted to be embarrassed by the way your body reacted to his words, but you didn’t care nearly enough about what you should have been feeling to be ashamed. All you cared about was how good Joshua made you feel and how happy you were that he thought about you the same way you thought about him. You were also more relieved than you could put into words that he didn’t think that you were wrong for thinking about him that way like you’d expected him to.
As you continued to rock your hips back and forth, an unfamiliar feeling started to build in the pit of your stomach. You wanted to ask Joshua what the feeling was and what to do about it, but before you could get the words out, your whole body tensed as a wave of unbelievable pleasure washed over you, loud moans falling from your lips as you lost yourself in the feeling.
As you caught your breath, you found yourself thinking about just how badly you wanted to do the things that you just did again and again. The desire that had taken center stage in your mind was still pretty new to you, and you were certain that if you were of a clearer mind you’d be ashamed of yourself, but you already found yourself addicted to the pleasure that Joshua gave you.
You snapped out of your thoughts when Joshua said, “Hey, stay with me, baby. Are you ok?”
“I’m ok. I was just thinking.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“I really wanna do that again.”
With a soft smile, Joshua cupped your face in his hands and kissed you again. Without meaning to, you started to move your hips back and forth again, and he pulled away just long enough to say, “Calm down, sweetheart. Plenty of time for more of that later. But first, there’s something else that I’d like to try. Would that be ok?” You nodded, and he added, “I want you to get on your knees for me, angel.”
You scrambled to follow his instructions before you looked up at him and asked, “What do you want me to do?”
“Well, how do you feel about sucking my cock?”
Suddenly feeling shy, you looked down and mumbled, “I’ve never done that before.”
“I know, dove. That’s why I’m going to teach you how, as long as you want me to.” You hesitated to respond to that, though, so he placed his hand under your chin and lifted your face so that the two of you were making eye contact again before he asked, “Do you want me to?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Are you sure, dove? We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
With a deep breath, you answered, “I’m sure. I want to do this with you. I trust you.”
“Promise me that you’d tell me if you didn’t want it.”
“I promise.”
“Good girl.”
Joshua’s words and the sweet way that he said them made you feel giddy in a way that you weren’t used to, and it made you want nothing more than to make him happy. Sure, you were nervous, but you meant it when you said that you trusted him, so you were happy to do whatever he asked, especially if you could make him feel the way that he’d made you feel.
With a loving smile on his face, he gestured to his pants and said, “Go ahead and unbutton these, dove.”
You did as you were told, and he stood up to fully remove the pesky clothing. When you finally saw him bare from the waist down, you were hit with a fresh wave of nervousness, but the same desire that had gotten you to this point was what helped you move past it. With a flirty smile, you looked up at Joshua again and asked, “What should I do now?”
“Just slowly take it into your mouth, angel.” Slowly, you wrapped your lips around him, and he added, “Good girl. Now slowly move your head up and down.”
You happily did as you were told, wanting nothing more in that moment than to please Joshua. As you bobbed your head, you found yourself struggling to not gag, but you were willing to fight the feeling for as long as you could. Especially with the sweet moans and grunts that fell from Joshua’s lips as he told you how good your lips felt around him.
“Fuck, just like that, baby. You’re doing so good for me,” he groaned as he started to gently thrust into your mouth.
Of course, as soon as you started to wonder what else was going to happen, Joshua groaned and said, “I’m close, dove.”
You briefly considered stopping and asking Joshua what to do, but before you could, he grabbed your head and held you in place while a warm, slightly bitter fluid filled your mouth, and a series of loud moans and curses fell from his. Once you were sure that it had stopped, you looked up at him as if to ask what to do next. Noticing the confusion on your face, he took a deep breath and said, “Swallow it, baby.”
You once again did what you were told, took a series of deep breaths, and said, “That was fun.”
After Joshua caught his breath, he carefully helped you up and said, “Come here, angel.” Once you were standing again, he immediately pulled you into a hug and added, “Can I admit something else?”
“Of course. Anything.”
“I really want more than this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that I want more from this, from you, than just ‘finding relief.’ I want an actual relationship with you.”
You lit up at his words and asked, “You do?”
“Of course I do, baby. I wouldn’t have done those things with you if I didn’t want something more.”
You were quiet for a minute before you asked, “Does this mean that we’re together now?”
“Only if you want it to.”
“I really do.”
“Then yes, it does.”
You smiled and kissed him again, elated that your discussion with him had gone better than you ever could have hoped. When you pulled away, you smiled and said, “Today has been a lot of fun.”
“I’m happy to hear that, angel.” There was a moment of silence before Joshua added, “Are you feeling ok? Regarding everything that we did earlier, I mean.”
You nodded and said, “I was definitely nervous, but I loved every second of it. Honestly, I kind of want to do it again.”
Joshua laughed softly before he responded, “As fun as that sounds, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” You pouted, and he added, “I just don’t want you to get overwhelmed, dove.”
You were still disappointed, but you understood. So, you said, “Ok. Thank you for looking out for me,” and pulled him into a hug.
“I’ll always look out for you, sweetheart.”
There was a brief moment of silence before you asked, “Can we cuddle?”
“Of course, baby,” he answered. “Do you wanna stay here and sit on the couch or go lie in bed?”
You hesitated before you responded, “Bed?”
“Ok. Come with me.”
Joshua let go of you briefly, and you opened your mouth to complain, but you changed your mind when he took your hand to lead you to his bedroom. With a smile, you said, “Your room looks so cozy.”
“Thanks,” he responded with a shy smile before lying down on his bed. Once he was settled, he reached his arm out to pull you into bed with him, and you laughed as you landed next to him. When he turned to see you staring at him with a gentle smile on your face, still laughing softly, the thought entered his mind that your laughter was even more beautiful than your moans, if that was even possible.
With his own dopey grin, he said, “Come here, baby,” and held his arms out to you. You moved closer, and he wrapped his arms around you while you put your head on his chest. Once you were settled, he asked, “Is this what you wanted, dove?”
You nodded and said, “This is nice.”
“Good. That was the goal.”
While you relaxed in Joshua’s arms, the two of you talked and got to know each other better. While you talked, you found yourself feeling tired, and you knew that you would probably need to go home soon. Almost immediately after you had that thought, however, you fell asleep.
The next morning, you panicked when you noticed that there was another person in your bed. You briefly relaxed when you rolled over and realized that you were lying next to Joshua, but once you started to remember the events of the day before, you panicked all over again. You rushed to get out of bed, but before you could get very far, Joshua pulled you closer before he said, “Just five more minutes, baby. Please?”
“But I need to go. I-”
“Where do you have to go?”
You hesitated before you answered, “Well, nowhere today, but I’ve never-”
Joshua could tell that you were stressed, so he started to rub your back and said, “Baby, it’s ok. Deep breaths, ok?”
You did what he asked before you said, “I’ve never spent the night at a boyfriend’s place before. I swear that I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’m so sorry.”
“Angel, there is nothing to apologize for. I kind of figured that you didn’t mean to fall asleep. It was cute, though.”
Surprised by the compliment, you asked, “Really?”
“Of course. Everything you do is cute.”
You pouted in response to the compliment and responded, “Well you’re cuter.”
“Do you really wanna play that game with me, baby?” You went quiet after that, and he laughed softly before he added, “I love you.”
You were surprised that Joshua said that he loved you so soon, but you couldn’t really say that you were upset. After all, the way you felt about Joshua was already so much more intense than anything you’d ever felt for another person before. So, you reached out to play with his hair as you said, “I love you too.”
A few weeks after you and Joshua made your relationship official, the two of you planned for him to show up at your apartment early so that the two of you could spend some extra time together before he had to be at the church. So, you got up early and got ready, daydreaming about what you wanted to do with him while you waited for him to arrive.
Initially, you struggled to decide on an outfit, but in the end, you settled on a soft pink dress and matching flats that you found in the bottom of your closet. Once you were dressed, you admired yourself in the mirror until you heard a knock on the door.
“Hi, baby,” you said as you opened the door.
Joshua stared at you with what you could only describe as awe as he said, “Hi, angel. You look gorgeous today. Is that the dress you’re wearing to church?”
“Yep! Do you like it?” you asked, twirling to show it off.
“I really do, dove.”
With a smile, you moved out of the way so that Joshua could come in and asked, “Is there anything specific you wanna do to pass the time?” You had a few ideas when you saw Joshua all dressed up, but you weren’t sure how to ask for what you wanted. So, you stayed quiet, at least at first.
“I am too. What do you wanna do until we have to leave?”
“I’m not sure. Do you have any ideas?”
“I was thinking about a few things earlier, but I don’t want to do too much right before we have to leave.”
“Well, what were you thinking about?”
“This,” he answered before he pulled you as close as he possibly could and kissed you. You melted into his touch, and you were so distracted by the way his lips felt on yours, you almost didn’t notice his hand moving from your waist down to your ass. Honestly, you probably wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t squeezed softly, earning a gasp from you. With a soft smile, he pulled away slightly and said, “You’re so cute.”
You didn’t respond at first, but after you took a few deep breaths, you collected yourself enough to mumble, “I really liked that.”
“Oh, really?” he asked. You nodded, and he chuckled and said, “You’re so cute, dove.”
Without thinking about it, you asked, “Can I touch you?”
“Maybe later, baby,” he answered, surprised by the question. You pouted, and he added, “I just don’t want you overwhelmed before church. Besides, I don’t know if we have time for that before we have to leave.”
“What about after?”
“We’ll talk after.”
“Ok. I love you.”
“I love you too, angel.”
A few minutes later, the two of you left for church, and Joshua’s hand was on your thigh for the entire ride. You definitely weren’t complaining, though. You loved the way his hand felt as he carefully moved it back and forth, and you liked how intimate the seemingly insignificant gesture felt. The only problem was that you kept getting distracted by thoughts of him touching you somewhere else.
You were so lost in your thoughts of the things that you wanted to do after church, you didn’t even notice that you had arrived until Joshua moved his hand from your thigh and asked, “Are you ready to go in, angel?”
“I guess,” you answered, the disinterest in your voice apparent.
“What’s wrong, sweetpea?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just kinda don’t wanna do this today.”
“I understand, baby. Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have picked you up if I’d known.”
“I didn’t say anything because I still wanted to see you. I just don’t wanna sit through service today.”
“I really wish you’d said something. I could’ve figured something else out.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, nothing to be sorry for, dove. Just tell me next time, ok?” You nodded in response, and he added, “Thank you.”
“Are you ready?”
“Just a second. Can I ask you something, dove?”
“Of course.
“You seem a bit distracted,” Joshua said. “Is there something on your mind?”
You hesitated for a minute before you answered, “I’d rather be doing something else right now.”
“I have a feeling I know what it is that you want to do, but I still wanna hear you say it. So, what would you rather be doing right now?”
“Touching you.”
“Maybe after service, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Now, are you ready to go inside?” he asked. You nodded, and he said, “Ok, then let’s go.”
You and Joshua got out of his car and walked into the church, where everyone was happy to see both of you. It was kind of funny, really. No one cared to even say hello to you for most of the time you’d attended that church, but now that you were dating the pastor, you could hardly walk two steps without someone stopping you to say hello and ask how you were doing. Normally, you wouldn’t have minded the conversation, since you loved interacting with people, but that day, you were just so tired and really didn’t want to be there.
Joshua definitely noticed that you weren’t feeling well, and he tried to draw attention away from you wherever he could. To someone on the outside looking in, he would have seemed jealous and self-centered, whisking everyone that so much as said hello to you away and dominating the conversation. You knew better, though. In between greeting members of the congregation, he made sure to check in on you, something you greatly appreciated. He didn’t verbally ask you if you were ok, but he didn’t need to. All he had to do was take one good look at you, and he could gauge how you were feeling, at least when it came to your social battery.
By the time the service was actually ready to start, you were noticeably more relaxed. You were smiling more, your responses to questions and greetings were much less blunt, and you were more involved with conversations. As you and Joshua walked to your seats at the front of the church, you squeezed his hand, a silent expression of gratitude for looking out for you. He squeezed your hand again in response, a quiet acknowledgement that he understood.
The service itself was incredibly dull. Even Joshua’s sermon, which was about having healthy relationships as Christians, did nothing to keep you from getting bored as you waited for the socially acceptable time to leave to finally arrive. No one in the church would be able to tell that you were bored, though, except maybe Joshua, but only because you’d told him before service. As far as the rest of the congregation knew, you were the same good girl you’d always been, listening eagerly to the things that your pastor said.
When service finally ended, you immediately found Joshua, hoping to leave with him as quickly as possible. Of course, before you could go home, though, there were a number of people that wanted to speak with your boyfriend, either because they wanted to share their thoughts on the sermon or because they had a personal matter that they wanted guidance on. You wanted to be annoyed by the series of delays, but you really couldn’t find it in yourself to be upset. After all, he took such care to address every question and concern with nothing but love, reassuring everyone that he spoke to and praying with them if they asked. Even the handful of children that approached him were treated with respect and dignity, like Joshua viewed their questions as just as important as the questions the adults in the congregation had.
Every moment watching Joshua interact with the people in your community made you fall more in love with him.
You were so lost in your thoughts; you almost didn’t notice that Joshua was calling your name. Once you snapped back to reality, you turned to face him with a smile, and he asked, “Are you ready to go?” You nodded, and he took your hand to lead you back to his car.
The ride home was mostly silent, with both of you too tired to fill the empty space around you with conversation. Joshua’s hand still rested comfortably on your thigh, however, and the seemingly small gesture did help you relax.
When Joshua pulled up to your apartment, you broke the comfortable silence that had formed during the ride and asked, “Would you like to stay for a bit?”
“Are you sure?”
You nodded and answered, “I’d really like some more time with you before you have to go home.”
“I think that sounds great, angel.”
With that, you and Joshua walked into your apartment together. The moment your front door was shut, you pulled him into a tight hug and said, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
After he let go, you led Joshua to your couch, sat down, and asked, “What do you wanna do?” You hoped you didn’t sound as nervous as you felt, but considering how good Joshua already was at reading you, you wouldn’t have been surprised if he could tell.
Joshua pretended to think for a minute before he said, “I think you should pick what we do, baby.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded and said, “I’m sure. What do you wanna do?”
You didn’t answer him verbally. Instead, you leaned closer and kissed him with everything you had. A soft noise of surprise left his mouth, but he relaxed pretty much immediately, tangling his hands in your hair as he deepened the kiss. A soft moan left your mouth, and you pulled away from him just enough to say, “I want you.”
“Oh really? What do you want from me, baby?” he asked, the teasing tone in his voice turning you on even more.
“Want you to touch me. Please?”
“How?”
“However you want. Just, please?”
“Patience, sweetheart. Do you want to do something we’ve already done, or do you want to do something different?” You mumbled something he couldn’t quite hear, so he said, “Speak up, love. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you want.”
“Wanna try something different.”
“What do you wanna try?” You were quiet after that, so he added, “Do you want my fingers? Do you want my tongue? Do you want my cock?”
A soft whine slipped out before you whispered, “The last one.”
“Oh really, baby?” he asked. You nodded, and he gently placed his hand under your chin, lifting your head to make eye contact with him as he asked, “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Baby, I’m being serious here. Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“I know. I’m sure. I trust you.”
Joshua was amazed by how much you trusted him already.
“As long as you’re sure. If you change your mind at any point, though, I need you to tell me. Ok, angel?”
“I will. I promise.”
“Good girl,” he replied before he kissed you again, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer, if that was even possible. When he pulled away from the kiss, you whined softly, and he asked, “Should we take this to your room, baby?” You nodded, and he laughed softly before he said, “Use your words, dove.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” you mumbled.
“Then lead the way, darling.”
You hesitantly took Joshua’s hand and led him to your bedroom. Once you were there, though, and Joshua’s lips found their way to your neck, any lingering hesitation was completely replaced by arousal. Soft moans slipped out of your mouth as he kissed and bit every inch of you he could comfortably reach, and once the desire that coursed through your veins was too much to bear, you whined, “Please do something.”
“I am doing something, sweetpea,” he teased.
“Want more,” you begged.
Joshua pretended to contemplate his options for a moment before he said, “Alright, baby. Can you take your clothes off for me?”
You nodded and did what you were asked, because of course you did. You were more turned on than you ever thought possible in that moment, and all you wanted was to make the man that you loved happy.
Once you were standing in front of him, naked and desperate, you mumbled, "Want you."
"I know, baby," Joshua replied as he rid himself of his own clothing. "Lie down on the bed."
You scrambled to follow his instructions, and once you were comfortable, he carefully climbed on top of you. When he was sure that you were ready, he slowly entered you.
To say the feeling of Joshua's cock inside of you was jarring would have been a vast understatement. Still, you didn't exactly dislike the feeling, especially once he started thrusting.
Joshua started out slowly at first, letting you adjust to the feeling, which you appreciated. Sure, you’d had a vague idea of how sex worked before you met Joshua, but you had no idea how it was supposed to feel, really. Now that you were actually experiencing it, you couldn’t help but think that Joshua’s cock inside you was one of your favorite feelings in the world.
Soft whines slipped out as the pleasure started to build, and Joshua kissed you before he said, “You feel so good, baby. Knew you would.”
“Want more,” you pleaded.
“What do you want, baby?” he asked as he stopped his thrusts.
“Don’t know,” you said, trying to catch your breath. “Just know I want more.”
“Aww, poor baby,” he said, laughing when you pouted. “Don’t worry, sweetpea. I’ll give you everything you want and more, I promise.”
With that, he started thrusting again, and the room was mostly silent as both of you got lost in how good you felt. When Joshua started to pick up the pace, though? You could barely contain the sounds that started to increase in volume and pitch.
“Fuck, baby, you’re gonna be the death of me,” Joshua said with a loud groan. “I’m gonna fucking marry you one day, I swear.”
You moaned loudly and choked out, “Please,” too lost in how he felt inside you to fully process what he was saying.
Joshua fucked into you harder as he said, “Can’t wait for you to be my gorgeous little wife. Maybe one day I’ll give you a baby too. How does that sound, angel?”
“Please. Want it so bad. Love you so much,” you whined, clenching around him.
“I love you too, baby. Fuck, I’m close.”
Before you could say another word, Joshua pulled out of you, cum hitting your stomach as he moaned your name. Without really meaning to, you whined at the loss, and he chucked softly, admiring you as he caught his breath.
“I have an idea,” Joshua said as he climbed off of you and sat on your bed. “Can you sit on my lap, angel?”
You nodded as you followed his instructions, and once you were comfortable, you asked, “Like this?”
Joshua shook his head and carefully moved you so that you were straddling one of his thighs before he asked, “Do you remember what we did a few weeks ago?”
“Yes? I think so. When I was on your lap?”
“Yes, exactly. Do you wanna do that again?” he asked. You nodded, and he said, “Go ahead, my darling.”
With no further hesitation, you started to move back and forth, with Joshua placing his hands on your hips to guide you. Every moment sent sparks of pleasure through you, and you knew that you weren’t gonna last much longer.
Almost right on cue, the now familiar heat in the pit of your stomach started to build, and you knew that you wouldn’t last much longer. You tried to warn Joshua, but before you could, you came undone on top of him, holding onto the man you loved while pleasure coursed through your veins.
After you caught your breath, you carefully climbed off of Joshua, and he helped you clean up and put fresh clothes on. Then, once you were both dressed and comfortable again, you quietly asked, “Do you wanna stay the night?”
“Are you sure, baby? I don’t want to upset you again.”
“It’s ok, really,” you said. “I was just embarrassed last time." There was a brief silence before you mumbled, "I want you to stay."
"Ok, then I'll stay."
"Thank you. I love you."
"I love you too, dove."
With that, the two of you left the bedroom, going to the kitchen to cook an early dinner together. After you finished eating, he helped you clean the kitchen, and the two of you spent the rest of the night enjoying each other’s presence.
After your first time with Joshua, you felt like a completely different person. Not a bad kind of different, but different nonetheless. Before you met him, you never would have even considered sex before getting married. But when you were with Joshua, it was almost like you didn’t care anymore. You trusted him more than you’d ever trusted another person before, and that meant you were more than willing to test your limits when you were with him, even if you’d been told your whole life that the things you did together were sinful.
A few months into your relationship, you and Joshua found yourselves testing your limits once again at a church potluck. For the most part, everything was normal, with everyone in the congregation chatting about Joshua’s sermon earlier that morning while they enjoyed good food and good company. You enjoyed the sunny afternoon by sitting at a table outside of the church along with Joshua and a few of your mutual friends, and no one had a care in the world until you heard a disappointingly familiar voice ask, “How are you doing today?”
“I’m doing fine, Jihoon,” you answered halfheartedly as you turned toward the source of the voice.
“Do you have a few minutes to talk privately?” Jihoon asked, the nervousness he was feeling evident both in his voice and the look on his face.
“Is everything alright, Jihoon?” Joshua asked, visibly annoyed by your ex’s presence at your table.
“Everything is fine, Reverend. I just wanted to speak to her alone,” your ex answered, emphasizing the last word as he answered.
Joshua reached out and gently took your hand as he said, “I don’t believe that’s necessary.” It was a subtle gesture, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Jihoon. Or by you, for that matter. Whether it was the way he touched you with such care or the hint of frustration in his voice, or some combination of the two, you didn’t know. All you knew was that a feeling started to build in the pit of your stomach that was wildly inappropriate for where you were. Though, you had a feeling that Joshua would've loved it if you'd told him.
“Forgive me, Reverend, but I think that she should have the final say. Don’t you?” Jihoon asked before turning to look at you expectantly.
“There’s nothing for us to talk about, Jihoon,” you responded flatly. “It was nice to see you.”
Jihoon sighed and said, “It was nice to see you too,” giving you a halfhearted smile as he struggled to hide the frustration and disappointment that had replaced the nervousness he felt when he approached you. He still left you alone after that, though, which you were more grateful for than you could put into words.
Joshua, however, was clearly still angry, even after Jihoon walked away. So, you tried your best to distract him with silly conversations and plenty of touches that certainly toed the line of appropriateness but didn’t cross it obviously enough for the two of you to get in trouble. At first, you worried that you were pushing too far, but when you watched Joshua struggle to maintain his composure as you laughed at one of his jokes, you knew you had him right where he wanted you.
A few minutes after Jihoon walked away, Yewon, youth pastor Kwon’s wife, approached your table and asked, “Reverend Hong, is there another pack of paper plates somewhere? We’re getting low.”
“There should be some in the supply closet near the restrooms,” Joshua answered. “Would you like me to go get them?”
“Are you sure?” Yewon asked.
“Of course,” Joshua answered before he turned to you and asked, “Would you mind helping me look for them, my love?”
“Not at all,” you answered, happy to help your boyfriend.
“Thank you so much,” Yewon said before she walked away.
With a mischievous smile on his face, Joshua took your hand and said, “Let’s go get those plates.” That was when you started to get a feeling that something more would happen, but you weren’t sure if that was because of how he was acting or how badly you wanted him in that moment. Regardless of the reason, you stood up and let Joshua lead you into the church.
Once you found your way to the supply closet that Joshua had mentioned, he entered the cramped storage room, pulled you in behind him, and shut and locked the door. You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could, his lips were on yours.
You melted into the kiss with a sigh, and Joshua wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. A soft whine slipped out as he deepened the kiss, and he pulled away just enough to look you in the eyes and say, “You need to be quiet, sweetheart. Don’t want anyone to hear us doing this, do we? Especially here of all places.” You shook your head, and he answered, “That’s what I thought.”
“Wait, are we-”
“Only if you want to.”
A million thoughts ran through your mind, but only two words came out of your mouth. “Why here?”
“Because I need you,” he answered, his voice laced with desperation.
“Won’t we get in trouble if we get caught?” you asked.
“Oh, definitely. But that just means that we need to try not to get caught.”
It would have been a lie to say that you weren’t nervous about the situation you’d found yourself in, but it also would have been a lie to say that you weren’t incredibly excited and turned on. Since meeting Joshua, you’d had all kinds of new experiences, and in your mind, this was just another opportunity to try something new with the man you loved.
“Baby, are you ok? Do you not want-”
“I want to.”
“Are you sure? You seemed hesitant.”
“I’m a little nervous about it if I'm being honest, but if you think that it'll be ok, I trust you.”
“That’s my good girl.”
"All yours," you mumbled.
"Say it louder, sweetpea."
"I'm all yours," you said, this time with more conviction.
"Very good. Now, are you gonna keep being a good girl for me and take my cock?”
You nodded, and Joshua lifted your skirt and pulled your panties down. When you felt his tip brush against you, a soft whine slipped out of your mouth, and you heard him chuckle to himself.
"What did I say about being quiet, dove?"
"'m sorry, it just feels so good."
“I know, my darling, but we don’t wanna get caught, right?” he asked. You shook your head, and he added, “That’s what I thought.”
With a soft groan, Joshua slowly entered you. Sure, it wasn’t exactly your first time anymore, but you still found yourself struggling to adjust to the sensation of his cock inside you. Once you were ready, however, he started to move, and you swore you could see stars.
You had no idea if it was the excitement of potentially getting caught, how hard Joshua fucked you, or some combination of the two, but regardless, it was more difficult to stay quiet than you expected. So difficult, in fact, that your lover put his hand over your mouth to muffle the sounds that slipped out no matter how hard you tried.
“What did I tell you, dove?” Joshua asked. “It’s important to be quiet. Unless you want to get caught?” Something about the condescending tone in his voice turned you on more than you expected, and when you clenched around him, he laughed and asked, “Really, angel? You want someone to see us, don’t you?”
You wanted to shake your head or try to say something to indicate that you were trying to listen to what he said. But deep down, you knew that you didn’t care if someone opened that closet to see what the two of you were doing. The only things you cared about in the moment were Joshua’s cock inside you and the orgasm that hit you before you even realized you were close.
Seconds after you came down from your high, you felt Joshua come inside of you, holding you tight as he rode out his high. Then, once you both calmed down, Joshua carefully pulled out of you and helped you get dressed again. After putting his own clothes back on, he asked, “How about we actually grab those plates now?”
After you found the plates, you went back to the picnic almost like nothing happened. There was one minor difference, however. Every time you noticed Jihoon staring at you and Joshua, you couldn’t help but feel smug, because you knew he could see how beautiful you felt now that you were with someone that loved you with no expectations.
Before you knew it, it was almost your one-year anniversary, and you could hardly contain your excitement. You'd spent weeks searching for the perfect gift for Joshua, but with each shopping trip, you worried more and more that you wouldn't find anything to accurately show him how much you loved him.
However, you got luckier than you expected at your local craft store. You had about 2 weeks left until your anniversary, and you were getting desperate. But after aimlessly wandering through the store for what felt like hours, you noticed a skein of yarn that was baby blue, his favorite color, right next to a display of cross-shaped beads, and inspiration struck.
When you got home, you grabbed your crochet hook and searched for patterns for a book sleeve online. Once you found one that you were happy with, you got to work making a sleeve for Joshua’s favorite Bible. It took multiple tries (and even more attempts at measuring the book when Joshua wasn’t looking) to get the size just right, but in the end, you were satisfied with the results. You'd spent days assembling the book sleeve and adding small decorations that you knew he’d like, such as a beaded cross on the front, and you were proud of yourself for finishing the project in time.
The morning of your anniversary, you called Joshua and invited him over before going through your favorite cookbook to look for a recipe to cook for dinner. Typically, you wouldn’t have put so much effort into dinner, but you thought your anniversary was a fitting day to put the extra effort in.
You started dinner about an hour before Joshua was set to arrive, daydreaming about what you wanted the future to look like while you waited to properly celebrate a year with the man you loved.
Right on time, Joshua knocked on the door, and when you opened it, you pulled him into your dining room and said, "Sit down. Dinner is almost ready."
"You didn't have to cook for me, baby."
"I know. I wanted to because it's a special occasion. I love you."
“Well, I appreciate it. I love you, sweetpea.”
The familiar pet name sent butterflies to your stomach, which made finishing dinner difficult, but you got there in the end. When it was done, you fixed two plates and brought them to the dining room table with a smile.
When you put Joshua’s plate in front of him, he said, “Thank you. This looks incredible.”
“Thank you, my love,” you said, feeling giddy as you set your own plate down. Before you actually started to eat, though, you looked up at Joshua and asked, “Actually, before we eat, can I give you your gift?"
"Yeah, of course.”
With that, you grabbed the bag that you’d left under the table and handed it to Joshua. When he opened it and looked at what was inside, he looked back at you and asked, “What is it?”
“It’s a protective sleeve for your Bible. I remembered what you said about how you wish you didn’t have to be so careful to keep it from getting dirty.”
With a soft smile, he said, “Thank you,” and gently placed the bag next to his chair. With that, the two of you ate dinner in almost complete silence, focused more on enjoying each other’s company than coming up with something interesting to say.
At the end of the meal, however, Joshua looked at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes and said, “I have a surprise for you.”
“What is it?”
Joshua didn’t respond to your question verbally at first, but he didn’t need to. You knew exactly what was happening when he stood from his chair and pulled a small box out of his pocket. With a soft smile and shaky hands, he looked up at you and said, “My darling, I love you more than I’ve ever loved another person before. Every minute with you has been a rollercoaster of new emotions and experiences, and while to many it may look like it’s too soon to say for sure, I’ve never been more certain of anything than I am that I never want to get off the ride. Will you marry me?”
You nodded in response, not trusting your ability to speak without crying as Joshua stood from his place on the floor and placed the ring on your finger. You admired the ring as the diamond sparkled in the light of your dining room, and Joshua looked at you with an excited grin on his face as he asked, “Does that mean you like it?”
“I love it, and I love you.”
“I love you too, angel. I always will.”
Joshua cupped your face in his hands and kissed you with a passion that almost knocked you off your feet, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. You lost yourself in the way his lips felt on yours shockingly quickly, so distracted that you almost didn’t notice his hand slowly making its way to your ass. What finally snapped you out of it was his hand squeezing gently, which caused a soft moan to tumble from your lips.
With a smirk on his face and mischief in his eyes, he pulled away and said, “I can’t wait for you to be my wife.”
“Maybe then you’ll finally keep that promise you made the first time we had sex,” you answered with a laugh.
“What promise?” he asked. You gave him a knowing smile, and that was when he remembered everything. With a shy laugh of his own, he said, “Maybe I will.”
“You’d better.”
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
Thank you everyone for reading! If you liked this one, please make sure to like and reblog!
If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist can be found here. If you wanna see what I'm working on, my upcoming works list is here. If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, my taglist form is here! You can also send me an ask or dm at any time to be added or removed.
Thank you again for reading, and have a wonderful day!
PAIRING: campus DJ!jeonghan x f!reader
GENRE: friends to lovers, college au, 2000s au
WC: 16,816
WARNINGS: weed/alcohol consumption, discussion of mental illness, bit o jealousy, angst, idiots in love, semi-public sex but like barely, dry humping, fingering, oral, multiple orgasms, petnames (baby), cum swallowing, lots of whimpering u already know!!!!!, jun cameo and he's real weird again!! (/pos), i made up a bunch of terrible fake band names enjoy
A/N: written for @studiosvt's First Time Caller collab! be sure to check out all the other banger fics on the masterlist! i had a blast writing this, loser emo boi jeonghan was not something i knew i needed but i fear i am now in love with him. btw, this fic is set in 2003! peak era for this genre of music if u ask me :) shoutout to the homie @haologram for beta reading, u da best fr ily <3
SYNOPSIS: You met Jeonghan freshman year of college — he seemed a bit strange at first, shy and a bit elusive, but you two instantly became friends when you bonded over your love of alternative music and record stores. You wouldn't necessarily call him your best friend, but as friendships and relationships came and went over the years, Jeonghan was always a constant in your life. It's junior year now, and you're trying to convince him to apply for the open DJ position at the campus radio station. WFVC 90.5 is known for being the hotspot for underground punk music, and with Jeonghan majoring in communications studies you know it's the perfect role for him. He gets the job, and you figure you'd be seeing a lot less of him now that he's busy working the late night shift at the station. But it's quite the opposite — you're spending more time with Jeonghan than ever before, and you start to realize there might be something more than friendship on the horizon for you two.
[ONE]
Filtered sunlight beaming through the treetops hits your eyes as you step out into the quad, making you squint in the sudden brightness that starkly contrasts the dim interior of the Literature Hall you were just in. The air is crisp — not yet chilly, but fresh and invigorating, a tell-tale sign of fall being right around the corner. The quad is buzzing with life, students chattering as they stroll to class, bikes zipping past you on the sidewalk, every bench and shaded spot under a tree occupied with people laughing, reading, relaxing. You leisurely make your way over to your usual spot, but as you approach the small oak near the Communications Building you see two girls you don't recognize sitting in the grass beneath its low branches. Puzzled, you look around, but then you spot a familiar lanky figure standing outside the Comms building. His back is turned to you, so all you can see is the mess of long dark hair upon his head, but the baggy flannel shirt and the black backpack adorned with various pins and patches slung over one shoulder are a dead giveaway. As you head in his direction, you see he appears to be staring straight ahead at a lamppost.
"Hey dork, I was looking for you," you call out playfully as you walk toward him, but he doesn't seem to hear you. Getting closer, you spot the pair of headphones on his head, the wire plugged into the portable CD player in his hand — the loud, raucous sounds of Linkin Park blaring in his ears tinnily resonating through the air from halfway across the sidewalk. When you get within arm's reach you tug on the handle of his backpack. He nearly jumps out of his skin, whipping around and yanking the headphones off his head with a startled expression on his face. When he sees it's you, he relaxes, but not without majorly rolling his eyes.
"Jesus, you fucking scared me," he sighs. He lifts the CD player in his hand and pauses the song, the banging melody ringing through the foam-covered headphones ceasing.
"Sorry," you apologize, but a wide grin spreads on your face. "I didn't think you'd react that much. What are you doing, anyway?" you ask, looking over to the lamppost.
"Nothing," he says quickly, but a flier with bold text catches your eye.
Do you like punk music? Do you like radio?
WFVC 90.5 is HIRING for a DJ position!
No experience necessary, Communications majors preferred.
APPLY NOW at the station (Comms Building 2nd Floor)
"Oh my god, Jeonghan this is perfect!" you exclaim, but your friend shakes his head.
"I was just looking."
"Dude, you HAVE to apply. This is literally your dream job!"
Jeonghan frowns. "I doubt they would hire me."
"What the hell are you talking about? You're exactly the person they're looking for," you tell him. And it's true — Foxville College's singular radio station may be a local joint, but it's famous across all of Wisconsin for being the station for underground grunge, punk, and alternative rock. You've been listening to it since you were a kid, and its where your love of the genres originated. Jeonghan happens to share the exact same music taste — it's how you became friends in the first place back in Freshman year.
"Hey!" Jeonghan calls after you as you both exit the same building. You had just came from the same class, Intro to Poetry, but it's the very first day of school, so he doesn't know your name. But he saw your notebook fall out of your half-open backpack, and you didn't notice it.
He picks up the small, black leather notebook and quickly zips after you. "Excuse me," he tries again, but you're wearing headphones. Your music is loud, and familiar. He taps on your shoulder, startling you slightly.
"Hi, sorry," Jeonghan tells you as you turn to face him, shifting the headphones off one ear so you can hear. "You dropped this." You look at his hands as he extends the notebook to you.
"Oh! That is mine," you remark, taking your headphones off fully now and pausing your music.
"Yeah, your backpack was open."
You look over your shoulder, and sure enough, the bag is half-unzipped.
"Whoops," you tell him with a lighthearted laugh, taking the notebook and putting it back in the bag, making sure to close it all the way this time. "Well, thank you, I appreciate it," you say with a friendly smile. You go to put your headphones back on and walk away, but before you can do so he points at your portable CD player.
"Are you listening to Green Day?" he asks.
"Oh, yeah! I am!" you reply excitedly. "It's the Dookie album, one of my faves."
"That album is so good," he agrees with a smile. "I don't mean this in a rude way or anything," he says shyly. "But you I wouldn't have guessed you'd be into punk music."
"Yeah, I get that a lot," you say with a laugh. "I don't particularly dress very edgy or anything. Maybe I should start dressing the part."
"Wear whatever you want," he responds with a shrug. "The most punk rock thing you can do is be yourself."
"That's very true," you grin back at him. "I'm y/n, by the way."
"I'm Jeonghan," he replies with a soft smile. "It's nice to meet you."
And so you and Jeonghan quickly became friends. He's a pretty quiet guy, very much the opposite of your bubbly, sociable self; but despite your differences you get along well. He's also pretty much the only person you know who likes the same type of music as you, so you definitely share a close bond over that.
"Besides," you say to Jeonghan. "You really should get a job anyway."
"Hey!" he pouts. "Are you calling me broke?"
"Yes. Because you are."
The left corner of his mouth lifts slightly, giving you a half-grin. "So are you, moron."
You playfully give him a light punch in the arm. "Takes one to know one."
"I'll think about it," he concedes.
"You better. If not then I'll submit the application for you."
"Pretty sure that's not allowed," he replies, raising a brow at you.
"Like that's gonna stop me," you inform him.
"Unfortunately, I believe that," he chuckles, rolling his eyes again. "Anyway, c'mon," he says to as he starts walking off. "I have a surprise for you."
"Oh god, what have you done now?" you pretend to complain as you follow after him.
"No no, you're gonna like this one," he grins. "I promise."
"Okay, well now I know where we're going," you say as Jeonghan turns onto Harton Street. The street boasts a Dead End sign, and it's path is winding. You can't see much past the trees, but you know there is only one reason to come down this way.
"I was here over the weekend," you inform him. "I don't need to buy anything else."
"Oh please, like you'd pass up the opportunity to get some new vinyl," he grins.
"Dude, I'm already living off ramen."
"Just trust me."
"Okaaay," you reply, feigning skepticism. "If you say so."
The tires of Jeonghan's 1991 Mercury Tracer crunch as he turns off the main road onto a white gravel drive. A humble building comes into view, its exterior painted pastel yellow with a giant sign reading TURNPIKE RECORDS in a large, swirling font that looks straight out of the 1970s. A neon sign resides in the window, flickering slightly but advertising that the shop is open. There's only one other car in the small lot: a pristine, hot red Chevy Camaro also straight out of the 70s, belonging to the shop's owner.
Jeonghan parks the car and the two of you head into the store. The front door squeaks as you open it, an assortment of small bronze bells hanging above the door ringing out to announce your entry. The familiar, slightly-musty scent of the used record store fills your nose as you walk down the three steps taking you to the shop floor. Aside from the natural light from the window, the place is pretty dim, lit mainly by a couple of bare bulbs hanging from the ceiling and a variety of glowing lava lamps of all shapes, sizes, and colors placed throughout the room. Nearly every inch of wall is covered in a hodge-podge of framed posters and photographs, giving the whole place a chaotic but vibrant feel. Without a doubt, this is your favorite spot in town.
"I wonder if they have the new Muse album yet," you comment, meandering through the empty shop over to the Rock section.
"Not yet," Jeonghan replies as he starts flipping through a nearby discount bin. "I checked already."
You hear a faint swoosh come from behind you. You turn around to see a tall, heavily-tattooed man carrying a large box emerging from the thick velvet curtain that leads to the back of the store — none other than the shop's owner, Tripp. He's in his mid-40s, bald except for a long goatee on his chin, and he has more earrings than you can even count.
"Hey hey, I thought I heard my favorite customers out here!" Tripp says cheerfully when he sees you and Jeonghan. He sets the box on top of the counter, brushing his hands off and coming out to greet you on the floor.
"Oh please, you say that to everyone," you grin at the man.
"Definitely not," he shakes his head. "Besides, between the both of you you guys are keeping me in business. Speaking of," he says as he suddenly snaps and points at you. "I got something for ya."
He quickly returns to the counter and retrieves something from the shelves beneath the register. He walks back to you and hands you an album, light gray in color. You flip it over, and your jaw drops. It's a Japanese edition of Led Zeppelin IV — your favorite album of all time.
"Your friend told me you've been looking for this one," he tells you, nodding his head in Jeonghan's direction. "He convinced me to set it aside for you."
"Wow, that's so nice thank you!!" you tell Tripp excitedly. "How much?"
"Don't worry about it. It's already paid for."
"What?!"
You look over at Jeonghan, but he just smiles back at you sheepishly.
"What the hell, thank you," you grin at him. "You did not have to do that though."
"Actually, I did," Jeonghan admits. "Tripp made me."
Tripp lets out a hearty laugh. "Well regardless, I'm glad it's in the hands of someone I know will really appreciate it."
"Let me pay you back," you say to Jeonghan as Tripp returns to restocking, but he just shakes his head.
"Don't worry about it, really," he tells you warmly.
"Okay, fine. But you're gonna come over and listen to this with me," you insist, poking him in the chest. "We can smoke and I'll order pizza."
Jeonghan's face lights up. "Sounds like a deal to me," he grins.
brrrrrrr
brrrrrrr
The dull trill of the phone rings in your ear as you wait for the call to connect. You've only hit the bong once, but your head already feels like you're floating in the clouds. You mindlessly twirl the cord around your index finger, and you're halfway zoned out by the time the other line picks up.
"Arthur's Pizzeria," a cheerful voice suddenly speaks into your ear. "How can I help you?"
"Yeah hi!" you blurt out in your mildly startled state. "Can I order one large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese for delivery?"
"You got it! What's the address?"
"22 Elmwood Street, Unit 201."
"Great! It'll be about 20 minutes."
With a click you set the handset back onto the hook, returning to the living room. Your roommate won't be back until later, so you two have the place to yourselves — perfect for getting high and lazing around without judgment. Jeonghan sits on the couch, sinking into the cushions already and staring off into space. It takes him a moment to register that you're back; when he notices you, he tries to sit up, but the effort required for it currently seems monumental.
"Pizza ordered?" he asks, peering at you through lazy eyelids.
"Yup," you reply as you plop onto the other end of the couch. "Be here in 20."
"Sweet," he grins. You reach for the bong, grabbing the lighter next to it and lighting a bit more of the bowl. After a decently fat rip and a few solid coughs, you extend it out to Jeonghan.
"Man, I'm so high already," he groans, but he takes the colorful swirled glass from your hand anyway. "Where'd you get this grass?"
"Got it from Joshua," you reply, lifting your feet up onto the couch and tucking them beside you.
"Oh," Jeonghan replies, giving you a look as he exhales a cloud of smoke and hands the bong back over.
"What's your deal with Joshua?" you question, raising your brow at him.
"What? Nothing," he says quickly. "We should open a window."
He gets to his feet and walks across the room, lifting the nearest window up as far as it will go. It's a nice evening — the crisp air from earlier has gotten cooler, but it feels delightful as it begins to drift into the apartment in the light breeze.
"I know you don't like him," you continue, not letting Jeonghan ignore your question. "But I've never known why."
"I never said I didn't like him," he denies, flopping back onto the couch.
"You didn't have to," you point out. "Your face says it all."
He grimaces, rolling his eyes. "Curse my expressive nature. Anyway, I dunno, he just always seems like he's trying to make a move on you."
"Oh, he's like that with everyone," you reply matter-of-factly.
"Right."
"He is," you affirm. "And besides, so what if he was?"
"Huh?" Jeonghan pipes up, seemingly surprised by your question. "Oh, I just mean… I just don't trust guys who are always talking to girls that. Seems sleazy."
"No, really," you reiterate. "He's like that with everyone."
"Okay," he concedes skeptically. "If you say so."
"Should we play some Zeppelin?" you ask, getting up to go grab the record. Jeonghan's face lights up.
"Fuck yeah," he grins.
You put the album on, the signature bold, heavy sounds of the band greeting your ears as you crank up the volume. As you sit there listening, you finish off the bowl with Jeonghan, the air of your apartment now completely overtaken by smoke despite the open window.
"When's that damn pizza gonna get here?" he mumbles, but before you can even respond you hear a knock coming from the front door.
"Whoa, you summoned it," you giggle, rising to your feet a bit too quickly and stumbling slightly on your way over to the door. You answer, having a quick conversation with the usual delivery boy before paying and scurrying back over to the couch, the heavenly smell of hot, greasy pepperoni pizza joining the weed aroma in the room. You don't even bother with plates, instead simply picking up the slices and shoveling them directly into your hungry mouths. The conversation remains paused for a few minutes; you zone out, letting yourself get lost in the music, but eventually your conversation with Jeonghan earlier pops back into your head.
"You really should apply to that DJ job," you say, turning to him, but he just shrugs.
"Eh, I don't think I'd get it."
"Not with that attitude you won't."
"You always say that," he rolls his eyes.
"It's true!" you insist. "Jeonghan, come on. This is basically your dream job, and you're literally the perfect guy for it. Just apply and see what happens!"
"Maybe, I dunno."
"Besides," you add. "You need the money to fund your poor spending habits."
"Hey!" he balks. "I do not have poor spending habits."
You pick up the vinyl sleeve, tapping the little yellow sticker on the cover with a messy $40 scribbled on it in black ink.
"Yeah, you do."
He groans, letting his head fall back into the couch. "You're so annoying," he says to you with a grin.
"Takes one to know one," you tease back. He grabs the nearest throw pillow, lobbing it at you and hitting you in the arm.
"Okay, I probably earned that," you admit with a laugh.
The current song ends, the gentle guitar strums of "Stairway to Heaven" filling your ears as the iconic song begins.
"Oh shit, shut up," you tell Jeonghan, launching the pillow right back at him. He jumps slightly as the unexpected pillow hits him in the chest with a soft thump. "I fucking love this song."
He is about to tell you that duh, everybody with a brain loves this song — but your eyes are closed already, bobbing your head slightly to the beat, clearly already lost in it; so he just shakes his head, chuckling silently to himself.
The both of you feel like you're drifting to a higher plane as the song progresses, fully immersed in the grand crescendo you've both heard so many times yet have never tired of. When it ends, your eyes flutter open again, finding Jeonghan fully sunk into the other end of the couch. You start to wonder if he actually fell asleep, but then he lifts his head, opening his eyes to look at you.
"You know how some people say a hot dog is a sandwich?" he asks. You stare at him for a moment, trying to comprehend in your inebriated state what it was he just said.
"Who the fuck says that?" you inquire once you finally process his question.
"I dunno. People."
"Stupid people, maybe."
"I mean, yeah," he agrees. "But like… do you think pizza is a sandwich?"
You stare at him for a moment. "What?"
"I don't know, it's got bread and cheese and meat and tomatoes, right? Those things go on sandwiches."
"You're high as shit, dumbass," you tell him.
"Okay, well watch this!" He reaches over to the pizza box and picks up a new slice. Turning to show it to you, he slowly folds it in half. "See? That's a sandwich!"
"Oh shut the fuck up," you reply, but you can't help but laugh.
Jeonghan munches on his pizza-sandwich while you reach for your stash, refilling the bowl and lighting up again. When he finishes, you hand the bong over.
"Not like either of us needs it, but whatever man," you say with a pleased grin.
With heavy, banging drum beats, the last song on the album begins to play. This one has always been Jeonghan's favorite, you recall despite being astronomically faded. You glance over at him, finding him staring out the open window into the now-dark night. Certainly not out of the ordinary, but something about him in this moment seems… sad, almost. He notices you watching him, but he seems to have become self-conscious, averting your gaze.
"What's on your mind?"
Jeonghan continues staring out the window, but he lets out a small sigh.
"Do you ever think about how big the universe is?" he asks. "And then it makes you realize how small and meaningless we really are?"
You pause for a minute, considering the gravity of his question.
"No, not really," you finally answer gently. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he answers instinctively; but after thinking about it for a moment, he adds: "But sometimes I wonder if I'm not."
"In what way?"
"Just… the whole entire world feels impossibly huge, yet Earth is just a tiny pale blue dot compared to the whole galaxy. In the grand scheme of things, we're nothing. Nothing we do matters."
"I don't think that's true at all."
Jeonghan finally looks over to you, staring at you curiously.
"But how? How can anything have any meaning if we are so tiny?"
"I think that makes everything all that much more meaningful," you reply. "Like… the universe is so huge and vast and yet here we are, chillin' together, existing at just the right time to eat pizza and listen to Zepp. I just think that's a really nice thought."
"Hmm," he mumbles, opening his mouth to say something else — but his words never come. At this point he is so physically relaxed that he seems fused to the couch.
"You're fuckin' blasted, dude," you giggle, reaching over and shaking him playfully.
"Am nottttt," he pouts, but moments later he starts giggling too. "Okay, fine, I am. But, I guess I've just never thought of it that way before."
The album ends, the room falling silent. You get up, casually shuffling over to your ever-growing collection of records that is now taking up the entire corner of the small living room.
"What next?" you ask Jeonghan over your shoulder.
"Surprise me."
You peruse through your titles, not sure exactly what you're looking for; but then one catches your eye.
"Ooh, got it," you say with a grin. You replace the vinyl on the turntable and set the needle in position, the sounds of Dookie by Green Day playing aloud in the room, making Jeonghan smile too.
[TWO]
You stroll through the library, exiting the stacks to make your way to your next class. On your way out, you're surprised to spot Jeonghan, sitting alone at one of the tables. Unexpected — as he usually spends most of his free time out in the quad or in the Comms Building's study space; if he's in the library, it's usually just to take a nap. He has a book on the desk beside him, but it's closed, and he instead seems to be intensely focused on a piece of paper, brow furrowed and deep in thought. You walk over to him, but he doesn't notice you approaching. As you near the desk you can see the word APPLICATION in bold font at the top of the paper.
"Yay, you're doing it!!" you say to him as you appear beside him, shaking him by the shoulder excitedly and making him nearly fly out of his seat.
"Jesus Christ you have got to stop sneaking up on me!" he yelps quietly, but it still earns him a glare from a nearby librarian. She raises her finger to her lips, shushing the two of you before going back to re-shelving books. You sit down in the chair next to him, scooting in close enough so you can whisper.
"This is so exciting!" you tell him in a hushed voice, but he sighs, shaking his head.
"I'm not even sure if I'm gonna turn it in," he admits.
"What? Dude, you're halfway there, just finish and go turn it in!"
"I don't know," he frowns. "They're probably just gonna laugh at me."
You raise your brow at him. "Why on earth would you think they'd do that?"
"Most people do," he shrugs.
"Well, even if they do — which they won't — who cares?" you question. "Just follow your dreams, don't let other people get in the way."
The librarian turns around again, her displeased glare telling you you're still being too loud for her liking.
"C'mon," you say to Jeonghan. "Finish up your application and let's get out of here."
He quickly fills out the rest of the form and you ditch the library together. Jeonghan is done with classes for the day, but he accompanies you across the quad to your next class.
"What are you up to tonight?" he asks. He kicks a pebble along the sidewalk as he walks; you watch his dingy old converse scuff against the ground as he does, noticing the small hole forming in the toe of his right shoe.
"I'm getting dinner with Mark," you reply casually. You see his face drop slightly out of the corner of your eye.
"Basketball team Mark?"
"Yep! We have History of Feminist Literature together, though he's a Economics major so he's just taking it for an elective."
"Hm," Jeonghan says out loud without meaning to.
"What?"
"Oh, nothing. You just hardly ever go on dates, that's all."
"Oh, it's not a date," you say plainly, but you see him roll his eyes. "It's not!!" you insist. "We're just friends."
"I doubt he sees it that way."
"And how would you know that?"
"Because dudes only think with their dicks."
"Are you speaking from experience?" you inquire teasingly.
"This is not about me," he mutters, looking mildly embarrassed as he avoids eye contact. Luckily for him, you've arrived at the Literature Hall, giving him an excuse to change the subject.
"Hope you have a good class," he tells you warmly.
"Thanks," you reply with a smile. "Now you go turn in that job application or I'm going to kick your ass."
"I will," he laughs.
"Pinky promise?" you ask, extending your hand. He chuckles, but he connects pinkies with you.
"I promise."
"Good!" you tell him with a grin. "See ya later!"
"See ya," he smiles back.
You unlock your front door quietly, trying not to make noise and wake up your roommate considering how late it is by now. But as you enter the apartment you see her sitting at the computer, back turned to you as she is absorbed in whatever is on the screen.
"Hey, I didn't think you'd still be up," you say as you shut the door and kick your shoes off.
"Oh hey," Mina replies as she turns around to greet you. She lifts her wrist to peer at her watch. "Damn, I didn't realize how late it was."
"What are you doing on the computer?" you inquire, walking over to the desk out of curiosity.
"It's this new MySpace website Irene told me about," she replies, turning back around and double-clicking on something. "It's so sick, I've been here all night making my profile."
"Oh yeah, I've heard of that," you tell her as you watch her scroll through her profile. "Seems pretty cool."
"You should make one!" she tells you. "I can add you to my Top 8 friends."
"Oh, maybe. I'm still getting used to this whole Internet thing, honestly," you laugh.
"Soooo," Mina starts, shutting down the computer and heading into the kitchen. "How was your date with Mark?"
"It wasn't a date," you tell her. "I don't know why everyone keeps saying that."
"Okay, whatever," she responds, browsing through the snack cabinet for a minute before deciding on the bag of Cheeto Puffs. "How was your not-date?"
"It was… good."
"You don't sound so sure about that."
"No, it was!" you assure her. "It's just that… I don't know, he kinda just talked about basketball the whole time."
"Ugh. Typical guy shit," Mina rolls her eyes.
"He's really nice, though…" you say, though you're not sure if you're trying to convince her or yourself more.
"Nice enough to go on a second date — sorry, not-date with?" she raises her brow at you.
"Well, I don't know about that…"
You sigh, feeling a bit dejected suddenly. It's not like you're trying to date or anything, but you can't deny that it would be kinda nice to have at least a little bit more success.
"Maybe I should just give up on dating," you grimace.
Mina pops another Cheeto in her mouth. "I mean, I don't know why you bother. You basically already have a BF."
"What?" you ask, puzzled. "No I don't?"
"C'mon, you're literally hanging out with what's-his-name all the time. The metalhead."
"Jeonghan?? He's not into metal."
"Okay, whatever noise it is you guys listen to."
"It's called punk, and it's cool."
"Riiight."
"Anyway, he's just my friend," you tell her. Her lips curve into a slight grin, and she gives you a look.
"Sure he is."
"I can be friends with dudes!"
"Dudes only think with their dicks," she retorts, echoing Jeonghan's exact words from earlier.
"He's not like that," you assure her.
"Well that's rare, if true. Maybe you should date him."
You roll your eyes, but you're tired. Mina means well, but you don't really feel like having this conversation right now. Luckily, she's already putting her snack away, and then heads off to her room.
"Anyway, I'm off to bed. Goodnight!"
You too head off to bed, but as you brush your teeth you start to think about what Mina said. What if Jeonghan does see me as more than a friend? you wonder to yourself. After all, he did say the exact same thing earlier, too. You don't think he meant it in that way, but now you're beginning to second-guess your intuition…
You go straight to bed, deciding not to think about it anymore tonight.
[THREE]
You have some time between classes, so you take up residence in your usual spot in the quad, sitting on the ground reclined against your usual tree. Fall is officially here now, and it's a bit cold out, but you're perfectly comfortable in your thick sweater and windbreaker. Out of the corner of your eye, you suddenly see something in the distance charging directly at you. Looking up from your book, you see Jeonghan, forgoing the sidewalks and sprinting across the grass straight toward you, waving and flailing his arms like a maniac.
"You look like a psychopath," you call to him as he approaches.
"I got it!!!"
"Got wha— wait, the DJ job?!" you perk up excitedly.
"YES!!"
He plops down on the ground next to you, out of breath from running, but he doesn't seem to notice or care.
"Holy shit, congrats!!" you tell him enthusiastically. "See, I told you you'd get it!"
"I can't believe I almost ripped up the application and threw it in the trash."
"Jeonghan!" you blurt out, hitting him playfully in the arm, but he just shakes his head and laughs.
"I didn't though! You made me pinky promise."
"This is amazing! When do you start?"
"Tonight, actually," he answers. "Unfortunately, I'm stuck on the late night shift since I'm a newbie — 10pm–4am."
"Oh, yikes," you reply concernedly, but he shrugs it off.
"It's fine," he smiles. "I don't sleep anyway."
"Damn, I guess I'm never gonna see you again," you say jokingly, but an unexpected wave of sadness washes over you as your own words sink in.
"No way," he shakes his head resolutely. "We're still gonna hang out. I'll find a way to make it happen."
A fluttering sensation hits your stomach. You hang out with Jeonghan all the time, so you're not sure why you'd have this reaction. But something about the way he said it — "I'll find a way"— feels… different. But, regardless, you're just glad you're still going to be able to see your friend.
"What are you doing until then?" you inquire.
"I was just gonna go grab a bite at the dining hall and then go nap in the library."
"Wanna go to Jacq's instead?" you ask. "My treat."
Jeonghan's face lights up. "Hell yeah," he grins. "That sounds like a way better idea."
The low hum of neon lights buzzes gently through the tune of the usual rotation of 1960s hits as you and Jeonghan sit in the corner booth, chatting and giggling over your meal. Jacqueline's Diner is an old-fashioned joint, and the majority of its clientele is over the age of 60 — but the food is cheap, greasy, and delicious, so the two of you are practically regulars. Jeonghan ordered his usual, chicken tenders and a Cherry Coke float; you opted for a grilled cheese and chocolate milkshake, and you ordered a basket of fries to share.
"You heard about this MySpace?" Jeonghan asks, dipping three large, salty fries in ketchup and shoving them all into his mouth at once.
"Oh yeah," you say, picking the maraschino cherry off the top of the whipped cream and eating it one bite. "Mina's on there, she told me about it. Seems pretty cool."
"I think it sounds lame," he shrugs indifferently.
"What? Why?"
"I dunno, the whole Top 8 friends is kinda weird. Just sounds like one big popularity contest if you ask me."
"Yeah, I guess so," you agree.
"Besides, I don't even have eight friends."
"Oh shut up," you retort. "That's not true!"
"It's okay," Jeonghan chuckles. "I'm just not the kind of guy who has a lot of friends."
"We'll I'd put you in my Top 8," you tell him, but he rolls his eyes. "It's true, I would!"
"C'mon, y/n," he laughs. "You have so many friends."
"Mmm, not really," you reply. "Not ones I hang out with on the regular, anyway. It's mostly you and Mina these days."
"Well, thanks for hanging out with me," he says sheepishly.
"You say that like it's a charity case," you tease him. "I hang out with you because I like you, moron."
Jeonghan says nothing, sipping on his float instead, but the big grin creeping across his face is undeniable.
"So," you ask after a bite of grilled cheese. "Are you excited?"
"For the job?"
"No, for Christmas," you reply jokingly. "Yes, the job!!"
"I guess so," he shrugs. "Mostly I'm just nervous."
"Why?"
"Because what if I'm bad at it and they fire me?"
"Jeonghan, that is not going to happen."
"But I don't know what I'm doing!" he frowns.
"Dude, nobody knows what they're doing when they start a new job," you remind him. "Besides, they're going to train you! You'll learn the ropes in no time."
"What if I don't?"
"I find that hard to believe. You're smarter than you give yourself credit for, Hannie. Stop being so hard on yourself."
"Easier said than done," he replies lightheartedly, but his lack of confidence still shows.
"Why is that?" you inquire.
He thinks for a moment. "I don't know," he eventually answers. "Sometimes it just feels like there's a little voice in my head telling me I suck at everything and that I should just give up."
"I worry about you sometimes."
"I'm okay, I promise," he smiles softly at you. "Sorry for being sad so much."
"You don't have to apologize for that," you tell him firmly. "You're my friend and I'm here for you no matter what."
A couple remaining fries sit at the bottom of the basket, calling to you from the red-and-white checkered paper lining. You reach for them, but Jeonghan does too, your hands colliding over the table.
"Ope, sorry," he says timidly, retracting his hand. "You can have it."
"No, you take it," you insist, sliding the basket toward him. "You've got a long night ahead of you, you need the fuel. Speaking of, want another float?"
"No, it's oka—"
But you're already signaling to the waitress across the restaurant, pointing to Jeonghan's empty glass.
"I don't know why I asked," you tell him. "I already knew the answer."
The waitress quickly brings him a refill in a fresh glass, complete with his usual order of an extra cherry on top.
"Thanks, y/n," he smiles. "You're the best."
After you finish your meal and pay, Jeonghan drives you home. He pulls up next to the curb outside your apartment, putting the car into park and turning to face you.
"Thanks again for dinner," he smiles.
"Of course," you smile back. "I got ya. And I'll make sure to tune into WFVC tonight!"
Jeonghan chuckles, shaking his head. "I don't think I'm going to be on the air just yet. I think I gotta be less of a noob first."
"Well, I'll be thinking of you anyway," you tell him with a nod. He drops his head slightly, trying to hide his face behind his long hair.
"Besides, I wanna support the station — and maybe I'll find some new bands I like." You playfully give him a punch him in the arm. "Jut remember to relax, you're gonna crush it."
"I'll do my best," he promises.
"Good!" you nod, opening the passenger door and hopping out of the car. "Later skater," you smile at him, giving him a wave before shutting the door. He waves back, watching you walk toward your building, waiting until you've made it safely inside before shifting the car into gear and driving off.
[FOUR]
Jeonghan stands in the hallway, staring at the windowless, red door in front of him. He pulls a crumpled sticky note out of his jacket pocket, flattening it to reveal C-302 written in smudged pen. Looking up, he triple-checks the room number on the small metal plaque next to the door, but just as the first two times, it still reads C-302. The dozens of band stickers all over the door, some that look like they have been there for decades, are also a dead giveaway — this is it: the campus radio station. He takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly, then reaches for the door handle.
As the door swings open, a small, hectic room comes into view. Floor-to-ceiling shelves line every bit of wall, overflowing with endless stacks of CD cases; the rest of the room is crammed full of all sorts of audio and mixing equipment — some he recognizes, some he doesn't — and it seems that every bit of exposed surface is covered in show posters and even more band stickers. A too-small desk pushed against the far wall houses two computers, and at one of them sits a tough-looking man with a ponytail, seemingly older than himself, but not by much — perhaps a graduate student. The man peers up as Jeonghan enters the room.
"Hi, I'm Jeonghan," he says timidly. "I'm the new student employee, I was told to meet here at 9:45—"
"Yes, hello!" the man says cheerfully, hopping out of his seat and strutting across the room to give Jeonghan a very firm handshake. "I'm A.J., I'm the one running this joint for the most part — aside from Professor Sampson, of course. You're in undergrad, yeah?"
"Yes," Jeonghan replies politely, relieved that the man doesn't have the tough-guy demeanor he initially expected. "I'm a Junior."
"Awesome, well welcome to the team bro! Johnny's almost wrapped in the booth, and then you're on," he says, pointing his thumb back at the small window in the far wall; Jeonghan tries to peer through it, but all he can see is the top of the current DJ's head, clad with chunky headphones. "But don't worry — tonight I'll be showing you the ropes, so you just have to follow my lead. Cool?"
"Yeah, cool," Jeonghan nods in agreement.
"Excellent! Well, for starters, obviously we want to keep the volume to a minimum so there's no background noises when we're on air, but the soundproofing in the booth is good enough that you can talk at a regular volume out here and nobody's gonna hear ya. Just no screaming or anything crazy. As you can see over here," he says, pointing to the packed shelves. "We have quite a number of CDs on file. Now, I assume you're familiar with the station's catalogue?" Jeonghan nods, and A.J. continues. "Good. So you know we don't play anything that's even remotely popular — and if it's ever been on the radio, forget it. Most of our inventory is underground artists, garage bands, et cetera; the purpose of this station is to put a spotlight on new or small groups, show them some love and appreciation. So unless you're big into the local scene, you probably won't have heard of most of these bands."
Jeonghan skims over the nearest shelf, sure enough finding nothing familiar. Instead he finds jewel cases boasting all sorts of unheard-of band names — plunk!, Blister, Pisswizard, The Underwater Grandmas, and Groob, to name a few.
"Anyway, few ground rules. First, if the ON AIR sign is lit, you are live. Don't go saying anything you don't want hundreds of strangers to hear. Second, keep up with the queue, but also clean up after yourself. Don't leave loose CDs laying around, and make sure they go back into their actual cases — makes everyone's jobs easier."
Jeonghan nods attentively, trying not to seem nervous, but he feels like he's not doing a very good job. A.J. seems to notice too, but he claps Jeonghan on the shoulder and gives him a grin.
"Third, and this one's the most important if you ask me: just have fun. As long as you're doing a good job, just be yourself. Nothin' to stress over, I promise."
Jeonghan hears the booth door swing open; peering over A.J.'s shoulder, he sees a tall, dark-haired student stepping out into the main room.
"Ope, looks like we're on," A.J. says to him. "Johnny, this is Jeonghan, our new night shift guy."
Johnny walks over, shaking Jeonghan's hand enthusiastically. "Welcome! Nice to meet you, bro!"
"Thanks," Jeonghan replies, slightly intimidated by how friendly everyone is being, but he smiles politely at his new coworkers.
"Catch you guys 'round!" Johnny says as he takes off, giving the other two men a cheerful salute.
"Alright, the queue will be running for another 10 minutes or so," A.J. says as he enters the booth, pointing at the unlit ON AIR sign. "So in the meantime I can show you the basics…"
As promised, A.J. gives him the rundown, going over the master audio mixer controls, how to queue up songs, how to check the logs to see what's already been played, and a few different generic scripts for radio announcements.
"Like I said, you won't be talking on air just yet. But it's good for practice — and the more you practice the more natural it'll feel," he assures him. "Alright, we're coming up on the end of the queue. Grab some discs from that stack over there — doesn't matter which ones, really — and get them ready, I'll make the announcement." He places the bulky headphones on, pulling the mic in front of him and waiting for the song's outro begin to fade. He signals to Jeonghan as he goes live, the ON AIR sign lighting up bright red above their heads.
"That was 'Bitchcraft' by the Lipstick Dollz, and you're listening to WFVC 90.5 — the hottest place for underground punk and badass rock n' roll," A.J. speaks effortlessly into the mic. "Coming up next for you this hour, we've got some more Doomcock, a few from Spaceshuttle, and The Mary Jane Planes with their newest track, "Reefer Renegade" — only here on WFVC 90.5. Don't you dare touch that fuckin' tuner!"
The ON AIR sign shuts off, its red glow disappearing as the next song begins to play.
"See? Pretty easy," A.J. grins.
"Damn, that sounds so cool when you do it," Jeonghan tells him shyly.
"Don't sweat it, man. You'll get the hang of it in no time!"
Jeonghan isn't so sure, but he tries not to let the negative thoughts win. A.J. has him running the broadcast mixer, learning how to fade in and out and how to balance everything just right. He picks up on it faster than he expected, and the rest of the late-night shift seems to fly by. The job isn't the most exciting thing, but it's fun and interesting — and Jeonghan finds he enjoys even the monotony of mindlessly shelving CDs back into their places. But it seems that as soon as there's a lull in the job, you pop into his mind. By the time it's the middle of the night, he's certain you must have gone to bed by now — but he wonders if you were actually listening earlier. Did she like the music? he muses. Did she think of me at all?
He doesn't know the answer, but he really hopes you did.
The next day, Jeonghan doesn't show up to class.
You don't actually have any classes with him this semester, but after your Advanced Creative Writing class you always meet him in the quad underneath the usual tree. He's usually there first, so you waited for him for about 10 minutes — but he never showed.
Fortunately, his apartment is within walking distance from campus, so you make your way there. You knock on his door, but no response. You try again, a bit louder; after a few moments you hear footsteps from within the unit, shuffling their way toward the front door. The door swings open, revealing a messy-haired Jeonghan wearing pajamas, looking very much like you just woke him up.
"Have you been sleeping all day??" you ask with a grin.
"I guess so," he answers, placing his hand over his mouth as he yawns. "What time even is it?"
"3:23pm," you read from your wristwatch.
"Holy shit," he grumbles. "I slept through everything."
"You must've been exhausted," you point out. "Sorry for waking you up, I just wanted to make sure you were alive."
"No, no — don't apologize," he shakes his head. "Here, come on in," he says as he swings the door open, traipsing back into the apartment. "I'll make us some coffee."
You follow your sleepy friend into his kitchen, where he locates a bag of coffee grounds and starts to brew a fresh pot.
"Soooo," you say eagerly, sitting down at the kitchen table. It's stacked with books, CDs, piles of mail, and one very ripe-looking banana sitting atop a toppled box of Lucky Charms — but you're able to clear off enough space for two coffee mugs. "How was it? Tell me everything!"
"It was actually really good!" he responds enthusiastically, leaning against the counter. The warm aroma of hot coffee drifts across the room as the dark liquid begins to drip into the carafe. "Nothing particularly exciting, since I was just training. But it's all super cool, I think I'm really going to like it."
You haven't seen Jeonghan this excited about something since he scored tickets to the blink-182 concert last summer. He's become one of your closest friends, so you know that he's generally a bit of a melancholy guy — but seeing him so passionate about something really warms your heart. Happiness is a good look on him, you think to yourself.
"What's that look for?" he inquires, raising his brow at you.
"Nothing! I'm just really excited for you," you smile at him. "I was listening last night, you know."
His face lights up. "You were?" he asks eagerly The pot begins to sputter as the coffee finishes brewing; he grabs two mugs, filling them with the beverage: one cup black, for himself, and one with a tablespoon of sugar, for you.
"Of course! I said I was going to, didn't I?"
"You did," he smiles, bringing the mugs to the table and setting yours in front of you. You take a sip — it's piping hot, but it's delicious. "Didja hear any new songs you liked?"
"Yeah, I really liked all of it! There was one band called something weird that I enjoyed, I think it was 'Beenis'?"
Jeonghan laughs. "Yeah, I recall seeing a Beenis in the mix. Hey, speaking of new bands…"
He gets up, fetching his backpack and pulling a slightly-bent bright yellow piece of paper from it. He hands it to you, and you see that it's a flier for a show down at Dizzy's Tavern, a local dive bar known for it's cheap beer and loud, live rock music. The two bands listed are Fuckwagon and The Flagstaff Arizonas — names you've certainly never heard of before, but then again you're not too acquainted with the local music scene.
"My boss told me about this show tonight, apparently Fuckwagon are a pretty well-known name around the station. Said they're always bringing in new demos and singles for us to play," he explains. "I don't work tonight, and I don't know what you're up to, but I thought maybe we could go check it out."
"I'm down! I have nothing else going on today, and that sounds fun!"
"Sweet," Jeonghan replies casually, trying to contain his excitement, but his face is positively beaming. "I'll pick you up at 7:45, then?"
"Sounds like a plan," you grin back at him.
[FIVE]
Dizzy's Tavern is, for lack of better words, a shithole. As you step through the front door you are immediately hit with a wall of cigarette smoke that is somehow both stale and fresh. It's dark inside, the only source of lighting being the red lights above the bar and neon signs of various beer brands hanging around the walls; despite the dim environment, the dinginess of the establishment is still glaringly obvious. The place is a decent size, but it's packed — there are people of all ages, most of whom seem to be clad in leather jackets, and many with hair dyed unnatural colors or a multitude of piercings. The vibe of the place certainly screams punk.
"Holy shit, it's crowded," you remark to Jeonghan as you both shuffle into the crowded bar area.
"We don't have to stay if it's too much—" he quickly offers.
"No, it's okay!" you assure him. "I just think this will be more fun once I have a drink or two in me," you say lightheartedly.
"What do you want to drink?" he asks, grabbing onto your arm gently as you meander through the throng of bodies as not to get separated.
"Jack and Coke," you answer. He raises a brow at you.
"Oh so we're drinking drinking tonight," he smirks.
"Hey, you get whatever you want," you tell him, poking him in the chest. "You don't have to drink just because of me."
"Maybe I want to."
"Okay, just be careful though. I know how much of a lightweight you are."
"Hey!" he protests.
"Well, you are! Am I wrong?"
"No, you're right," he concedes with a smile. "As usual."
He finally gets the bartender's attention, ordering a Jack and Coke for the both of you. You sip it as you make your way through the crowd, holding onto Jeonghan as you head toward the small stage at the back of the bar. The band isn't on yet; according to the flier they should be on any minute now, but you have a feeling that being precisely punctual perhaps isn't very punk rock.
"Let's hang out here," you say, spotting a tiny, unoccupied high-top table off to the side. It's less crowded over here, and not too close to the stage. "I'm sure we will be able to hear just fine."
You're in the middle of a very non-serious debate about Halloween costumes when you spot a familiar face emerging from the nearby hall that leads to the bathrooms. It's Joshua, your weed dealer, and you unintentionally make eye contact with him. His face lights up with recognition, and he waves at you, heading in your direction. Jeonghan looks over his shoulder, doing a poor job of hiding his grimace when he realizes who it is.
"Hey hey!" Joshua says cheerfully as he approaches your table. "What's up you guys?"
"Hi Joshua!" you tell him cheerfully. "We're here to see the show," you explain, nudging your head toward the still-empty stage. You want to ask him what exactly he's doing here, considering that this doesn't seem to be his scene in the slightest, but you figure that might be a bit rude.
"Oh, cool!" he nods eagerly. "Hey, by the way," he says, leaning in to the both of you. "I got some new school supplies coming my way soon, if you catch my drift." He winks at Jeonghan, nudging him playfully with his elbow. "I'll make sure to save the good stuff for you."
Jeonghan stands there frozen with awkwardness at Joshua's directness. "Um," he finally manages to reply. "Yeah, uh, that sounds cool. Thanks."
"Awesome!" Joshua smiles at him sweetly. Turning back to you, he gives you a casual salute.
"Well, I gotta bounce," he excuses himself. "Catch you guys on the flip side."
Once he's out of earshot, you turn to Jeonghan, giving him a knowing look.
"Told you," you tease. "He's like that with everyone."
"Okay, okay, fine," he huffs, raising his hands defeatedly, but a smile spreads across his face. "I believe you now."
Several minutes later, the band finally comes out on stage, eliciting drunken cheering and whooping from the crowd of bar-goers.
"What the fuck is up!!!" the lead singer screams into the microphone. "We're Fuckwagon, and here's some fucking music!"
A screeching guitar riff begins, joined momentarily by crashing drums and a bassline that somehow already seems out of sync with the song. The lead singer appears to be playing the shrill guitar, and the bass player also has a mic; they start singing in tandem — sort of. You're not sure if the sounds coming from either of them can even be considered singing, but they proceed regardless, wailing into the mics as the drummer is already flailing crazily at the drum set. You nod your head to the beat as best you can; turning to Jeonghan, you see he also wears a stunned expression, staring blankly at the raucous scene on the stage.
"Is this the same song or a new one?" you ask him a few minutes later, leaning in to speak into his ear.
"Fuck if I know," he shrugs. He tosses back the rest of his drink, picking up your empty glass as well. "Want another one?"
"Yeah, definitely."
He returns a few minutes later with two fresh Jack and Cokes in hand. The lead singer has somehow already taken his shirt off, revealing a plethora of tattoos that you personally would consider hideous. You and Jeonghan down the drinks fast — unintentionally, but anything to make the music more tolerable. There seems to be no distinction from one song to the next, the night going by in a non-stop cacophony of hard, grungy rock sounds. You don't pay too much attention to the music though, instead talking and laughing with Jeonghan the whole time.
"That's not even the weirdest part," Jeonghan continues his story, resting his elbow on your shoulder as he leans in close to your face. "The next week, I get home and the apartment is filled with boxes of potatoes. Turns out, Jun had built a potato cannon, and he thought he had placed an order for a hundred potatoes — but he had accidentally ordered a hundred ten-pound bags."
"Oh my god," you laugh in disbelief. "How did he not notice, wasn't it expensive??"
"I have genuinely no idea," Jeonghan shakes his head, also laughing. "He just does things like that sometimes."
"I think he has to be the strangest guy I've ever met," you respond. "I can't believe you live with him."
"Hey, he's a great roommate. He's clean, quiet, and half the time he's not even there — off doing god knows what."
"And that was our last song!!!" the lead singer screams into the mic over the drummer continuing his solo despite the song having ended. "Goodnight motherfuckaaaas!!!"
The band exits the stage, the next band already setting up their instruments.
"Thank god," you say to Jeonghan, who is all but fully leaning on you at this point. You pick his drink up off the table, finishing it off before he can drink any more; he doesn't seem to notice.
"You think the next band will be any better?" he asks you, his face mere inches from yours, heavy eyelids blinking slowly in his drunken state.
"There's no way they can possibly be worse than that."
You were wrong. Despite it being harsh and grating, the first band at least had upbeat rock music; the new band consists of six people, one of whom plays the trumpet, and all of whom barely fit on the stage — and their music is dull, drawn-out, and extremely repetitive. You're not sure if lead singer is drunk or if he just sounds like he is, but either way, it's borderline insufferable.
You turn to Jeonghan, about to suggest you call it a night, but he clearly has the exact same thought.
"Should we… leave?"
"Yeeaaaah," you nod eagerly in agreement. "We should leave."
It's even colder now as you step out of the bar, but despite the chilly autumn wind the fresh, smoke-free air feels delightful.
"So," Jeonghan asks as you stroll down the sidewalk together. He drove you to the bar, but neither one of you seem to recall that detail — but you're both too drunk to drive, anyway. "What did you think of… that?"
"I think it sucked shit," you reply honestly. Jeonghan bursts out laughing, making you start giggling too.
"Yeah, that was pretty terrible," he agrees. "Sorry I dragged you to this."
"Don't be!" you insist. "I still had a good time."
"Good," Jeonghan replies, a smile lighting up his face. "I did too."
Though your apartment is further than his, he walks you home first. The alcohol in your system has kept you warm all night, but the cold nighttime breeze is starting to get to you. You shiver, tugging the sleeves of your sweater down over your hands and tucking them into you as you cross your arms to try and stay warm.
"Here," Jeonghan tells you as soon as he notices, immediately taking his jacket off.
"No, I'll be fine—" you start, but he's already wrapping it around your shoulders. The jacket is warm, both from its thick leather and Jeonghan's body heat. You accept it graciously, slipping your arms into the baggy sleeves and zipping it all the way up.
"Thanks," you tell him sincerely. "You're the best."
In the dim orange-y glow of the incandescent streetlamps it's hard to tell, but Jeonghan blushes, his face turning even pinker than the alcohol made him.
You arrive outside your apartment a few minutes later.
"Well, goodnight," Jeonghan smiles at you. To his surprise, you suddenly throw your arms around him, leaning your head against his shoulder as you hug him. He tenses up slightly as his inebriated brain tries to process what's happening, but slowly he wraps his arms around you too, sinking into your embrace. It only lasts a few seconds, but the moment simultaneously feels hours long and also over way too fast.
"Goodnight," you reply as you let go, waving as you turn toward the sidewalk to head home. "Get home safe, okay?"
"I will," he nods softly. He watches until you've made it inside, then turns to head back to his own apartment, wondering if you knew that you just completely flipped his world upside down.
[SIX]
You wake up the next day uncomfortably hot.
Prying your eyes open, you see that you're in your living room. Apparently, you were too tired to make it all the way to your bedroom, so you just crashed on the couch, still wearing your shoes and Jeonghan's jacket. Your arm feels like lead as you try to lift it, peering at your watch: 12:16pm.
"Holy shit," you grumble as you hoist yourself up into a sitting position, your head pounding with a killer hangover. A few seconds later, Mina walks into the room.
"Jesus Christ, you're a mess," she tells you bluntly. "What the hell did you do last night?"
"Um, went to a shitty bar and saw a shitty band," you answer, rubbing your aching eyes. "Scratch that — two shitty bands."
"With your boyfriend, I assume?" she asks, glancing at the oversized leather jacket with its many pins and buttons.
"He's not my boyfriend," you mumble through a yawn, shimmying out of the jacket and neatly placing on the armrest next to you.
"Well, you knew who I was talking about without me even saying his name, soooo…"
"Shut uppp," you groan, flopping your tired head onto the back of the couch. With a pleased grin, she heads into the kitchen. You close your eyes, nodding off again, but soon you start to smell fresh coffee, and hear the sound of a sizzling skillet. A few minutes later, Mina returns, carrying a large mug of steaming coffee and a plate of fried eggs and pancakes.
"Here, eat," she says firmly, setting the plate and mug in front of you on the coffee table.
"Thanks, Mina," you smile at her.
After devouring your breakfast, you hop in the shower, standing there under the hot stream of water for far too long — but, you feel a million times better afterward. You toss on some sweats and decide to work on some homework from your bed. After a surprisingly productive afternoon, make your way back to the kitchen to find some dinner. On your way there, you pass by the couch, spotting Jeonghan's jacket still laying there. You feel bad that you didn't remember to give it back last night — after all, this is quite literally his only jacket. You're figure you should just take it over to him after you eat dinner. But, you're pretty sure he mentioned that he was working tonight; and since it's getting late and campus is a closer walk for you anyway, you figure you'll just try and drop it off at the station.
Your walk to campus is eerily empty. You've never seen this few people around, but it is Saturday night, after all. Most people are probably either at home or partying off-campus by this point. You approach the Comms building, suddenly worried that the door might be locked at this hour; but its swings right open when you pull it, and you let yourself inside. You've only had a couple classes in this building before, so you're not familiar with its layout, and you realize you have no idea where the radio station is actually located. You're about to start wandering down the halls in a random direction when you spot a directory by the staircase. The station appears to be on the top floor, so you head up the stairs.
There's no signage for the station, but you figure the bright red door with all the stickers all over it is probably the one you need. You knock at the door quietly, just now realizing that maybe this was a bad idea and that you shouldn't be here. You consider turning around and leaving before you can bother anybody, but then the door swings open. A tough-looking man with long hair and a beard pokes his head out.
"Hi, so sorry to bother you," you tell him apologetically. "But I was wondering if Jeonghan was working tonight? I just wanted to drop off his jacket."
"Oh!" the man replies with a smile, looking suddenly much less intimidating. "Yeah, he's here, come on in!"
You're not sure what exactly you thought a college radio station that plays punk music would look like, but this place seems to fit the bill. You don't see Jeonghan, but then the man points his thumb back to the small window in the far wall.
"He's in the booth right now, but I'll go grab him once we cut to commercial," he tells you. "I'm A.J., by the way," he adds, extending his hand to you.
"Y/n," you introduce yourself.
"Oh, so you're y/n!" A.J. responds amicably. "I've heard all about you.""
"Oh," you reply, feeling your face turn hot suddenly. "Really?"
"Yeah, Jeonghan talks about you all the time. All good things, though, I promise," he smiles. "Hey, I gotta go fax something real quick — just hang out in here for a sec, I'll be right back."
He exits the room, and you walk over to the window, peering into the booth. There's a lot of equipment in the way, but you spot the back of Jeonghan's head, clad with headphones and bobbing his head to whatever must be playing on the radio right now. You can't see his face, but you get the sense that he really is enjoying the job.
A.J. returns in a couple minutes. He waits outside the booth door, glancing at the lit-up ON AIR sign overhead.
"I'll go grab him as soon we're not on air," he tells you. Sure enough, it shuts off a few seconds later, and he slips into the booth. Watching through the window, you see Jeonghan turn around to greet his boss; A.J. points to you through the window, and Jeonghan turns, his face lighting up when he sees it's you.
"Hey!" he says cheerfully as he comes out to greet you. "What are you doing here?"
"Just returning your jacket I accidentally stole from you," you say, extending the garment to him.
"Oh yeah," he chuckles, taking the jacket from you. "I didn't even realize until I was almost home, I was wondering why I was so cold."
"Sorry," you smile apologetically.
"Don't even worry about it," he smiles back at you. "Thanks for bringing it to me, you didn't have to do that."
"Yes I did. I know for a fact that you don't own any other jackets," you tease.
"Okay, you got me there," he grins.
"How's the job going?" you ask.
"It's great!" he answers with more enthusiasm than you're used to from him. "I'm can officially run the show and be on air by myself now, no more supervision required."
"That's so cool," you beam at him. "You seem like you're really liking it so far."
"Yeah," he nods. "I definitely am."
"Well, I should let you get back to work now," you tell him. "Hope you have a good rest of your shift."
"Thanks, y/n," Jeonghan smiles warmly. "See ya later."
The end credits to Law & Order: Special Victims Unit begin to play as you lay on the couch, eating potato chips straight from the bag. It's not particularly the most exciting Saturday night you could be having, but you're enjoying the relaxing night in. You're not really in the mood to keep watching TV, so you grab the remote and shut it off. Mina isn't home yet, so you figure you'd take this opportunity to play your music out loud without wearing headphones. You get up and shuffle over to the boombox perched on the bookshelf, turning it on; it's tuned to the local pop station — clearly Mina used it last. You enjoy this station too, but your mind flashed back to Jeonghan in the booth. Maybe I'll hear him on the air, you think to yourself excitedly. You change the tuner to 90.5 and are greeted by the heavy tune of an unfamiliar but grungy-sounding song.
Plopping back on the couch you reach for your bag of chips again — but over the crinkling of the bag as you stick your hand in it, a very familiar voice comes through on the radio.
"You're listening to WFVC 90.5, the hottest place for underground punk and badass rock n' roll. The track you just heard was "Beautiful Monster" by Meatglove, one of their earliest and most iconic releases. Up next — we've got some Death Day Party for you, as well as a classic from Wunderguts; but first, some local flavor from Z-41 with their newest track "Hell Highway."
You're a bit taken aback by the confidence and air which he delivered his spiel. You can tell he's still getting used to it, but you swear you've never heard him sound so self-assured. The crashing drums of the next song begin; you're getting a bit sleepy, but you're comfy — so you end up laying on the couch for another hour or so, zoned out as you enjoy the music. You're halfway asleep when Mina returns home, so out of it that you don't even hear her come in; but you do hear Jeonghan's voice over the speakers, making you smile as your eyes start to drift close.
"I assume that's your boyfriend on the radio?"
Your eyes shoot open again at the sudden sound of Mina's voice. Looking up, you see her looming above you as she stands beside the armrest.
"I didn't even hear you come in," you tell her, rubbing your tired eyes.
"Yeah, I can tell," she teases. "You wouldn't be swooning and gushing over him like that if you knew I was here."
"I was not," you roll your eyes. "I was like half-asleep."
"Mhmm. Well, I'm going right to bed — goodnight!"
And with that, you're alone with the radio again.
While the commercials play, an idea pops into your head. You remember Jeonghan making an off-hand comment about how the station does take requests — it's just that hardly anyone ever calls them in. You consider for a minute, and then decide, fuck it.
You get up again, quietly heading over to the landline. You're don't actually know the number, so you flip through the phone book, perusing the thin yellow pages for the station. Eventually, you spot it: Foxville College Communications Department, WFVC 90.5 — 555-1004.
You dial the number, the line ringing as you wait for it to connect. You realize you're not even sure what exactly it is you planned to request, considering that the station only plays underground stuff. Anything you would normally request on the radio is off the table.
Before you can think of something, the line picks up.
"WFVC 90.5, we have a caller live on the air," you hear Jeonghan answer the call. "Hi there, whatcha calling for?"
Your stomach drops a bit — you weren't expecting him to actually pick up live on the air. You're not a shy person, but the thought that a bunch of random strangers can hear you right now does make you at least a little bit nervous.
"Hi!" you say cheerfully, careful not to be to so loud as to wake Mina. "Um, I was hoping I could call in a request."
"Of course you can!" he answers. You were wondering if Jeonghan would recognize your voice, but the slight pause and the upward shift in his voice tells you he definitely does. "What are you looking for?"
Thinking on the fly, you say the first thing that pops into your head.
"Well, I don't actually have a specific song in mind," you reply. " Can you play me something upbeat and happy? A song I'd play if I was just chilling with my friend or something."
"I sure can," Jeonghan responds, and you swear you can hear the smile in his voice. "What's your name?" he remembers to ask at the last second — of course, he already knows, but he makes sure he sticks to the script.
"Y/n," you tell him.
"Well, y/n, thanks for calling in — we appreciate ya. Got a special one just for you coming up right now: this one's called 'Heart Attack', by good friends of the station, Fever Baby — right here on WFVC 90.5!"
The call ends, the flat tone humming in your ear. You put the receiver back, heading back into the living room. You're not entirely sure how radio requests work, but you assume there's some sort of slight delay. Sure enough, right as you return the end of your call plays, followed by a light and rhythmic guitar strumming — the song he chose for you. You sit down as you listen, the melody picking up with a bright atmosphere. The song is exactly the vibe you were looking for, and you like it a lot. Turns out the band has a female lead too, something you always love, especially in this genre of music. You must've said that once a long time ago, in some off-hand comment, but Jeonghan remembered. That's the thing about Jeonghan, though — he always does.
[SEVEN]
The semester passes by, days getting shorter and temperatures getting lower as the final weeks of fall come to a close. School has kept you plenty busy, with midterms and papers taking up the majority of your time. You haven't been able to have as much of a social life as you would like, which isn't particularly unusual for this time of year; but Jeonghan especially has been busy — late nights at the station have caused his sleep schedule to shift significantly, rendering your schedules largely incompatible. You miss him, and you really hope you can find a way to hang out with him soon.
You're sitting in your apartment studying one night when the phone rings. The phone doesn't have caller ID, but you expect it's one of Mina's friends calling, as she likes to chat on the phone more often than you do. She's not home right now, so you could easily just let it go to voicemail, but something in you feels the urge to answer.
"Hello?" you answer as you pick up, grabbing the nearby stack of sticky notes and a pen in case you need to take a message.
"Hey y/n," you hear Jeonghan say softly through the line.
"Hannie!" you say, surprised but excited to be hearing his voice. "How's it going? I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!"
"I know, I've been so busy," he concurs. "I'm tired as hell, but I'm okay. How are you?"
"Same, I'm exhausted but I'm getting by. How's the DJ life treating you?"
"It's good!" he answers eagerly. "I mean, that's why I'm so tired. But in a way it also kinda gives me an energy boost. I know that probably sounds crazy…"
"Not at all," you smile. "That means you really like it! I'm so glad it ended up being a great fit for you."
"Me too," he agrees. "I've been so happy lately. Except for the fact that we haven't hung out like, at all. That part sucks."
"We gotta find some time to hang," you say assertively.
"Actually, that's why I'm calling," he replies. "The Comms Department is having this social thing on Friday night. I wasn't really planning to go, but guests are allowed if you'd wanna come with me. There's gonna be free food."
"Hell yeah, I'm always down for free food," you grin — though, you're much more excited about getting to see Jeonghan finally.
"Cool! It starts at 7, I'll drop by your place around then and we can walk to campus together."
"Sounds good," you say excitedly. "Is this like, a formal event?"
"Um, I don't think so? But like, maybe a little?"
"I'll dress up at least a little, then," you tell him. "I'd rather be overdressed than underdressed."
"Good idea, I'll do the same. Well, I gotta head to work in a few minutes, so I gotta go."
"Have a good shift!" you tell him. "See ya on Friday."
"See ya then, y/n."
Friday afternoon you start rummaging through your closet, looking for something to wear to the social later. You have a few hours until you need to be ready, but you figured you'd give yourself a little extra time to make yourself look at least a little bit nice. It's been a while since you've had an excuse to dress up anyway, so what the hell, why not.
Nothing is particularly catching your eye as you flip through the hangers, until you get to the end and spot a brand new skirt you had completely forgotten about. You pull it out to look at it; it's a black pinstripe pleated mini skirt, brandishing a built-in belt, and it still has the tags on. A bit on the casual side, but you figure if you pair it with a nice sweater and tights that don't have any holes in them the outfit will look just the right amount of sophisticated for the occasion.
Digging through your dresser drawer, you take a look at your sweaters. Most are a bit too tattered, and about half of them are just sweatshirts featuring a band logo, but you do find a deep maroon sweater that you rarely wear. You lay it on your bed above the skirt and grab a pair of tights to lay out as well; all put together, it actually looks pretty nice.
You throw your outfit on and spend a little bit longer than usual putting makeup on, adding some shimmery eyeshadow and some tinted lip gloss to your usual routine of eyeliner and mascara. When you're done styling your hair, you take a look at yourself in the mirror. It's not that you usually look bad, but you definitely tend to dress more on the casual side, so you're pleasantly surprised by how put-together you look right now. Turns out, a little extra effort can go a long way.
You're reading your book a couple hours later when you hear a light knocking at your door. Hopping up off the couch you flutter over to answer it, opening the door to reveal Jeonghan looking the fanciest you've ever seen him. He's still in his leather jacket, of course — but underneath he wears a maroon button-down shirt and crisp black dress pants, and you've never seen his long hair so neat and styled.
"Holy shit, since when do you own dress pants?" you ask with a playful smirk.
"Hey, shut up," he pouts. "I know they look stupid."
"They do not!" you insist. "You look really nice, Jeonghan. I've just never seen you so dressed up. And we even matched on accident!" you chuckle.
"Looks like we did," he smiles. "You look really nice as well," he says, staring at your outfit for a moment but quickly averting his gaze. You typically wear clothes that are at least a little bit baggy, but this sweater fits you snugly, its thin knit fabric accentuating your every curve very flatteringly. Jeonghan tries not to think about it.
"Thanks! Here, let me put my shoes on and then we can bounce."
He steps inside as you grab your Doc Martens, leaning down to slip your feet into them and tighten the laces. Your back is to him as you bend over, and while your skirt isn't super short it does ride up a bit in the process, your thighs on full display through the sheer black tights. He ogles you as you tie the boots up, feeling his face grow hot. He knows you don't notice, but he forces himself to turn away before you do, prying his eyes off of you, but it's too late.
"Um, I'm gonna go pee real quick," he tells you, scurrying off to your bathroom.
"Okie dokie," you reply.
Jeonghan doesn't actually have to pee, but he locks himself in the bathroom anyway. He stares at himself in the mirror, still thrown off by how different he looks all cleaned up.
"Get it together man," he grumbles to himself.
A couple minutes later he returns.
"Ready?" you ask, grabbing your coat.
"Yep!" he says with a smile.
The walk to campus is cold, but there's no wind, so it's surprisingly pleasant. On your way there it begins to snow, huge flakes falling gently through the air and starting to accumulate on the ground. You arrive to the Comms Building, brushing the snow off your jacket before you step through its doors to the warm interior.
"You've got some in your hair, too," Jeonghan points out. You ruffle your hair lightly, shaking the snow off.
"So do you," you tell him, reaching up and brushing your fingers across his hair, brushing the stark white snow out of his long, dark locks. Jeonghan freezes up slightly, grateful that his cheeks are already pink from the cold so you can't see him blushing like an idiot.
"Thanks," he says softly.
You make your way to the end of the hall, where two doors propped open lead you into the event space. Immediately you see that despite your efforts, you are both still noticeably underdressed.
"Welp," he mumbles to you quietly. "Guess I didn't get the memo that this was actually fancy."
"It's okay," you reply reassuringly. "We still look nice." And it's true, but amongst all the suits and heels you still feel a bit out of place.
You make your way over to the food table together, grabbing plates and piling them high with the assortment of hors d'oeuvres on display. It earns you a few judgmental glares from a group of older adults standing nearby, but you're both broke college kids, so you don't really give a fuck.
"Let's go over there," Jeonghan says after you each grab a glass of wine, nudging his head toward the back of the room. You meander through the groups of professors and whomever else standing around and chatting, claiming the two chairs in the corner.
"So, what exactly is this event supposed to be again?" you ask him as you pop a fancy cracker with cheese on it into your mouth.
"Um, I don't actually know," he admits as he sips at wine, glancing around the room. "I thought it was for students and professors to meet each other, but I don't think any of these people are actually students…"
You look around too, and he seems to be right. Everyone is significantly older and distinguished-looking — very clearly not undergraduates.
"Oops," you say, trying not to smile too big. "Does that mean we just walked in here and stole their food?"
A grin starts to spread across his face. "Um, yeah. Looks like it."
He starts to giggle out loud, prompting you to subtly whack him in the leg.
"Shhh, people are gonna notice!" you whisper, but you feel the urge to start laughing too. A voice rings out over the speaker system as somebody starts talking into a microphone. The attendees all turn and face the small stage, where a woman in a sequined navy dress starts to speak.
"Should we go?" he asks quietly.
"Yeah, definitely," you reply, tossing back the rest of your wine. "But let's grab some more food on the way out."
Jeonghan grins. "I like the way you think."
After piling the small plastic plates with as much food as you possibly can and grabbing another glass of wine each, you sneak out the back door of the room, quickly making your way towards the building's exit.
"Holy shit," Jeonghan laughs as you burst through the door returning you to the quad. "That was awesome."
"I love to steal free food," you giggle. The falling snow has picked up, blustering around calmly but shrouding everything in a sea of white. "C'mon," you say to him, zipping off toward your usual spot under the small oak tree. "Let's go over here."
You stand together beneath the branches, accepting their humble offering of any sort of cover as you scarf down the rest of the food on your plates.
"I guess we also technically stole these wine glasses," Jeonghan comments as he stares at the remaining red liquid in the bowl. "I didn't even realize they were real."
"Me neither," you say, finishing your drink. "Whoops."
Hors d'oeuvres and wine now gone, you toss the plates in a nearby trashcan, leaving the glasses sitting on the steps to the Comms Building and zooming off before somebody catches you. When you get off campus you slow your pace, strolling casually down the block through the deluge of snow.
"Maybe I should've driven," Jeonghan chuckles. "But also who wants to drive in this weather."
"True," you smile. "But I don't mind the snow. It's nice."
"Me neither."
You chat the whole walk home, taking and laughing about anything and everything and nothing at all. By the time you make it to your building, your cheeks hurt — not only from the cold but from smiling nonstop the whole night.
"Tonight was really fun — even if it wasn't what we expected," you say, turning to face Jeonghan.
"Same here," he smiles softly. "I'm glad I finally got to see you."
"Me too," you beam back. You're thinking about inviting him up, maybe to smoke a J or something, when suddenly his lips are on yours.
Your whole body freezes. His lips are soft, the kiss is sweet, but you were not prepared for it. Quickly he pulls his face back, his eyes widening with fear like a deer in the headlights.
"Sorry," he stammers, then takes off.
"Wait!" you call out after him. "Jeonghan!" But he's gone in the blink of an eye, running off down the street into the snowy night.
[EIGHT]
Almost an entire week passes, and you don't see or hear from Jeonghan once.
You tried calling him, but you just kept getting Jun, who seemed to be confused but didn't ask any questions. You tried to meet him after several of his classes, but he either wasn't there or managed to completely evade you. You even tried e-mailing him, but as you expected, no response.
So you gave up for the time being. You knew he wasn't going to avoid you forever, that eventually he would come back. But damn, you hated waiting for it.
It's now Thursday night. Six nights have gone by, and still radio silence from Jeonghan. You're not even upset with him, you just want to talk to him. There's too many questions swimming around in your brain right now — you can hardly think about anything else.
Why did you kiss me?
Why did you run away?
Why have you been so scared to talk to me?
Do you love me?
The living room boom box softly plays the local classic rock channel as you lay at the couch, staring at the ceiling and thinking too much. For reasons you can't explain, you suddenly get up and go change the tuner to 90.5. You lay back down, unsure what exactly the point of that was, but also you don't really care. You're not even sure if Jeonghan is working tonight, and even if he is it's too early for him to be on — but the radio station is enough to remind you of him. You feel tears begin to well in your eyes, blinking them away quickly.
The DJ eventually comes back on the air; as expected, it's not Jeonghan, but that doesn't make you any less sad about the whole situation. The next song that comes on sounds vaguely familiar, and awful; it occurs to you about two minutes into the song that this sounds like that terrible band you saw at that bar — Fuckwagon or whatever. The one you saw with Jeonghan.
Tears begin to stream down your cheeks. Unable to shut them down, you just let them flow, softly sobbing into the couch.
This is so fucking stupid, you tell yourself. I'm crying to a Fuckwagon song right now. You let out a laugh through your tears, in disbelief of how utterly stupid this scenario is. After crying for a few more minutes, you eventually calm back down. Your mind is a bit clearer now, and you come to the realization that there's nothing stopping you from marching over there right this instant and putting an end to this nonsense.
Fifteen minutes later, you're standing outside Jeonghan's apartment. All that's left is to knock, but now that you're here that part feels daunting. You take a deep breath, slowly raising your hand to the door, then you knock. It comes out a bit more aggressive than you meant it, but you hope that means he'll hear you right away. You hear footsteps trodding toward the door, and then it opens.
"Oh, hi y/n," Jun greets you. He looks frazzled, like you just woke him from a thousand-year slumber.
"Hey, Jun. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," you tell him apologetically.
"Oh, I wasn't asleep," he replies nonchalantly. You're about to ask him what the hell he was doing then, but you decide some questions don't need to be answered. Besides, that's not why you're here.
"Is Jeonghan here?" you cut to the chase. "I was hoping to talk to him."
"Sorry, no," he shakes his head. "You just missed him — he left for work about ten minutes ago."
"Dammit," you mutter.
"Has he still not talked to you since he kissed you?"
You look up at Jun, a perplexed expression coloring your face. "You know about that?"
"Yes," he replies matter-of-factly. "He came home right after that and was freaking out about it. He wasn't exactly very coherent, but through his ramblings I got the general picture."
"Did he say why he was freaking out?" you try.
"He was scared that it was a mistake, that he fucked it all up."
"Fucked what all up?" you ask, furrowing your brow. "Our friendship?"
Jun lets out a gentle sigh. "So you didn't know, then," he says softly. "Jeonghan is in love with you, y/n. Has been since the day he met you."
You make it to campus in record time, speed-walking as fast as you can, zooming across the quad directly toward the Comms Building. You're out of breath as you enter, groaning as you spot the three flights of stairs you now have to climb. But you move quickly anyway, your body seemingly unable to slow down for anything.
This time you don't even bother knocking on the red door. You fling it open, expected to have to come up with some sort of explanation on the fly with his boss, but you are greeted by an empty office. The door slowly closes behind you as you walk over to the booth window. Peering in, sure enough you can see the top of his head as he sits at the broadcast mixer. The ON AIR sign above you is lit; you wait for the red light to shut off, then you knock on the booth door. Jeonghan turns around slowly, looking confused, but then he sees you standing outside the window. His eyes widen, and he leaps out out of his chair, bolting to the door and swinging it open.
"What are you doing here??" he asks, looking genuinely surprised.
"I don't want to get you in trouble, but we have to talk."
"Nobody else is here tonight," he replies. "Here, come inside."
He shuts the door behind you as you enter, but as soon as he does you grab him by the arm and spin him around to face you.
"What the—"
"Why did you run away?"
"I—" He pauses for a moment. "That's… not what I thought you were going to ask," he admits.
"What? Why?"
"Well, I just thought you were going to ask me why I kissed you first."
"Okay," you reply. "Then why did you kiss me?"
Jeonghan sighs, dropping his head slightly; but a moment later he lifts it again, looking you directly in the eyes.
"I kissed you because I love you, y/n. I ran away because I was scared you didn't love me back, and I wasn't prepared to face that reality."
His gaze is locked onto yours so intensely that you feel like you might burst into flames. He looks like he's experiencing every emotion at once, anxiously waiting for you to say something, anything. But you don't know what to say, so you do what only feels right — you throw your arms around him, pulling him into your embrace.
He gasps softly as you squeeze him tight, burying your face into his chest; you can feel the accelerating pace of his heart, thumping against your cheek. He instinctively wraps his arms around you, leaning his head on top of yours.
"I love you too," you say softly. "I didn't realize it for a while — but it's so obvious to me now."
He kisses the top of your head, rubbing your back as you nuzzle your face deeper into his sweater.
"That's the best news I've ever heard."
You could stay here in his embrace indefinitely, but eventually you lift your head, looking deeply into his eyes.
"Kiss me — but for real this time."
Slowly, Jeonghan grabs your face with both hands, eyeing you hungrily before pulling you into a kiss. This time it's slow, sweet; you slip your hands around his waist, clinging to him as you savor it. Your heart pounds in your chest as your lips tug at each other, refusing to let go, pressing your body into his and pushing him up against the door. A soft, involuntarily moan emanates from his throat, and you feel the stiff, growing bulge in his pants against your stomach.
Eventually your lips part, lingering near each other as he presses his forehead into yours.
"Holy shit," he mutters. "I can't believe this is really happening."
He drops his hands from their grasp on your head, unzipping your coat and taking it off of you; tossing it on a nearby desk, he hurriedly slips his hands around your waist, kneading at the soft flesh and holding your body tightly against him. He feels slightly embarrassed by how quickly he got a full-fledged boner, but he's too aroused to care — besides, judging by the burning desire in your eyes, you're feeling the exact same thing right now.
"You're perfect," he tells you, cracking a smile and blushing as the words leave his lips. You grin back, giving him another soft kiss before taking hold of his hands.
"C'mere," you say to him, dragging him over to the sound mixer.
"What are you—oh." You cut him off by giving him a slight push, sitting him down into the thick, sturdy chair. You straddle his lap, pressing your core against his bulge, rubbing yourself against it through both of your jeans.
"Fuck," Jeonghan gasps as your weight presses against his cock; you lean your head down to kiss him again, locking lips as you start to make out, mouths crashing and tongues eagerly dancing against each other. Eventually you begin to sway your hips, unable to contain your excitement. You gasp as your mouths part, tossing your head back as you grind against him harder; his arms around you squeeze tighter, pulling you in as close as physically possible. His face presses against your tits as he rubs his hands over your ass, guiding you as you rock back and forth on top of him.
"Oh my god…" he sighs. He tosses his head back, and you swoop in, kissing the delicate flesh of his neck, making him let out the most pathetic-sounding groan. You moan as you grind your heat against him, getting the both of you off at once.
"F-fuck, that's so hot," his voice wavers.
"If I keep doing this it's gonna make me cum," you tell him, starting to sound whiny and frantic.
"Oh my god, please do."
You increase your pace, pressing your aching clit against his clothed cock. It feels incredible — you simply can't help the soft little cries escaping your lips.
"Can I…" Jeonghan asks, tugging at the button of your jeans.
"Please," you say breathily as you eagerly nod your head. He unfastens the button, tugging down your zipper and opening your pants enough for him to slip his fingers beneath your underwear. You let out a whimper as his fingertips dip into your folds, his lips parting lustfully as he discovers the absolute pool of wetness in your panties right now.
"Fuck," you whine, rubbing your clit against his fingers with fervor. A burning fire builds in your gut, your whole body tensing in anticipation of your release. It washes over you in bursting waves, your body trembling atop Jeonghan as you ride out your orgasm. As your movement slows, you catch your breath, lifting your head to kiss him on the lips. As you open your eyes you get a glimpse at him, you find him looking utterly desperate, and ready to bust at any given moment. You let out a giggle, still in a daze from your high; but you slip off the chair, kneeling down before him between his legs.
"Oh my god, you're gonna kill me," he half-laughs, half-whines. He raises his drenched fingers to his mouth, lapping your juices up feverously, eyes rolling back as he savors the taste of you. You slowly unbuckle the studded leather belt around his waist, unbuttoning his jeans painfully slowly; he wriggles in his seat, silently pleading for you to take his cock out, for you to put your mouth over it…
Finally, you do — reaching into his boxers, you tug them down, wrapping your hand around his hard, thick cock and pulling it out.
"Holy shit," you blurt out, glancing up at him and giving him a giddy smile. "You've been packing this the whole time?!"
He bursts out laughing, cradling your cheek in his hand, slowly guiding your lips to his cock. You lightly circle the tip with your tongue, teasing him; he lets out a sigh, licking his lips as he watches you taste his cock. Slowly you take the head between your lips, suckling it lightly before you start to slide your mouth down his length. You're not even halfway down when it reaches the back of your mouth; you push down further, taking him in your throat, gagging audibly on his size.
"Ohhh, wow," he mumbles as his eyelids flutter back. "That's so good…"
His hips gently push upward as you bob your head up and down, feeding you more of his length as you slide it in and out of your mouth. Your noises escalate, pathetic whining growing louder as you start to increase your pace. He can't help himself — he starts to fuck his cock into your mouth, sliding deep into your throat. Tears well in your eyes, but you continue to stare up at him; the sight is enough to send him over the edge.
"Baby, 'm gonna cum," he groans. A few thrusts later, you feel ropes of hot cum shooting down your throat, his cock pulsing in your mouth as he releases. Soft whimpers escape his trembling lips as he cums hard in your mouth, relishing every moment of the delicious sensation. He strokes your head gently as he finishes; you swallow all his cum, slowly dragging your lips off his spent cock.
"Fuck," he sighs, melting into the chair. Opening his eyes, he looks down at you sweetly, his head still spinning from the orgasm. "Thank you."
"For sucking your dick?" you ask, starting to giggle.
"Yeah," he says with a stupid grin. "That was awesome."
He helps to you your feet, tucking his cock back inside his pants and zipping them up again. He pulls you onto his lap, wrapping his arms around you and kissing you again.
"Sorry I kissed you and ran away like an idiot," he tells you, holding you snugly against him. "That was really stupid and embarrassing."
"You're not an idiot," you reply, playfully thumping him in the chest. "I like you just the way you are."
Jeonghan smiles. In the few years you've known him, you've never seen him radiating with genuine happiness like this — you decide it looks great on him.
[EPILOGUE]
You gasp for air as your head falls back into the pillows, chest heaving in the aftermath of your orgasm. Jeonghan remains parked between your legs, lazily lapping at your soaked pussy — his new favorite place to be.
"Fuck," you sigh, dragging your fingers through his hair. "That was so good."
He lifts his head, his mouth and chin glistening with your juices.
"Good," he replies, grinning at you proudly.
"Kiss me," you plead softly; he crawls up the bed to greet your lips with his, planting a deep kiss onto your mouth. A sudden knocking at your bedroom door makes the both of you jump.
"Hey lovebirds," Mina calls out through the door. "Your take-out just got here. I already paid for it, so you owe me $20."
"It was only $15!" you shout back.
"Service fee. For me," she responds cheekily, already walking away. You roll your eyes, laughing it off. Jeonghan starts kissing your cheeks, pecking gently as the soft skin.
"Hey, that tickles!" you giggle.
"But you look so pretty when you laugh," he replies, continuing to kiss you.
"You're ridiculous."
"I just love you, that's all."
He lifts his head, smiling at you sweetly.
"I love you too," you reply, beaming back at him. "We should go get our food before it gets cold—" you say, starting to try and sit up, but Jeonghan holds you pinned against the bed.
"Hey!" you protest, but he's already sliding back down the bed.
"You have a microwave," he says matter-of-factly, taking hold of your thighs as he positions his face right in front of your dripping core again.
"Besides, I'm not done here yet…"
thank you so much for reading! if you enjoyed this fic, don't forget to REBLOG and COMMENT — your feedback is greatly valued ♡
☕ Featuring: Stranger!Joshua Hong x Small Town Barista!Reader
☕ Rating: NSFW! Mature (18+) Minors DNI.
☕ Word Count: 5965
☕ Genre: little slice of life, fluff-comfort with a little crack, eventual smut, porn with plot, strangers to lovers au.
☕ Warnings: as usual, some cursing, queer characters, speedy romance.
☕ Sexually Explicit Content: kissing, marking, biting, Joshua HUNG, sexual intercourse (penis in vagina), orgasms (both), slight orgasm control like v slight, condoms used, multiple positions.
☕ Summary: Joshua Hong doesn't just stumble into your cafe at 3am one winter night, he is an avalanche that changes the trajectory of your life and his.
🗝️ Note: No beta per usual, I will maybe reread and edit this later. Please let me kindly know if there is anything that needs immediate attention. I fully anticipated having more time to leisurely write this but ofc, its busy season at work on top of it being holiday season and I am a fool for thinking that. Wrote half of this in two hours yesterday 😅 Anyway, this is my submission for A Very Merry KPOPmas - go give the others a read!
🎁 A Very Merry KPOPmas
📰 Read it on Ao3!
☄️ Core Catalog
Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction; I do not own any of the idols depicted below.
03:00
“I can’t believe you’re actually open,” a frozen gasp and tinkling of your front door bell has you whipping your head from your novel.
A tall man with frost bitten cheeks and bright eyes stares back at you from his post at the door, snow melting from his boots.
“We are called 24H for a reason,” you grab the pot of regular coffee and make your way to the end of the counter to beckon him over.
“I uh, actually just need to call a tow truck. My phone died and I slid off the road into a bank.”
“The coffee will warm you up, I have decaf if you prefer.”
The man taps his boots to clear off any residual snow and approaches the bar, “caffeinated is fine.”
You pour him a mug and set it on the counter, “cream, sugar and the top three flavors of the season.”
With a tap to the condiment carousel you turn away to place the pot back on its warmer.
“Hot Frosty?”
“Peppermint mocha, a local fave.”
“Mmm, I am Joshua by the way,” He reaches an ungloved hand across the counter to you, which you accept with a firm shake.
“So Joshua, the tow company isn’t open twenty-four hours like us. You will have to wait until morning.”
Joshua’s eyes roll with irritation and he quickly schools his face, “I am not upset with you just the-”
“Situation,” you nod in understanding.
“Yea,” he breathes with a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
“Why don’t you leave your jacket over by the fireplace and you can cozy up on the loveseat,” you duck below the counter and retrieve your coworkers' napping blanket.
Joshua quirks an eyebrow at you, and you raise yours at his in a challenge.
“There is a charging bank on the table beside the loveseat. Take a nap, I will wake you before my shift is up and get you the number to the tow company.”
Joshua heeds all of your advice, setting his coat and boots by the fireplace and padding across the rug in wool socks to the loveseat that faced it. Tucking himself under the sky blue blanket and letting his eyes skim the shop.
The coziness of the establishment brought ease to his mind as he took in the comforting shades of the brick walls. The warm glow of the lighting, opposed to the harsh fluorescents he was accustomed to at his office. Accompanied by the bright pops of green from the plants scattered and tucked into every crevice of the store, breathing life in the middle of winter.
His eyes finally come to rest on you, leaning against the far end of the bar, paging through your book.
“Why is the coffee shop open twenty-four hours but not the tow company?”
Your eyes jump to his, lips parting when the tinkling of the door steals both of your attentions.
A stereotypical looking truck driver walks in and calls out what Joshua assumes is your name. He watches as you tend to the older man with familiarity, jesting at one another before he passes you a thick roll of cash. Which you attempt to return but the man is already headed out the door, wishing you a happy holiday.
“Because we are on the trucking route in and out of the big city, it's very profitable this time of night.”
You pick up your interrupted conversation, waving the large tip playfully at Joshua who apologizes for his lack of tip and payment.
But you brush him off, “We don’t overtax the hardships here.”
Joshua hums, his eyelids drooping with sleep.
“Get some rest, I will make sure nobody bothers you.”
05:00
Your morning shift arrives around 5am, motioning to the man sprawled over the loveseat. His socked foot kicked up over the back, lips parted slightly.
“Needs a tow,” you whisper as they slip behind the bar.
“Mingyu told the last person he towed he isn’t hauling anything in until noon so that the sun will warm the roads a bit.”
“Shit.”
“He can stay on the loveseat, but the morning rush is definitely going to wake him.”
You purse your lips in thought as you shrug on your coat. Decision made, you wander over to collect Joshua’s boots and coat before waking him.
“Hi-” Your face warms as his lips curl into a gentle smile at you.
“Tow truck?” Joshua asks, grunting into a sitting position.
“So about that…”
You inform him of your recent discovery and offer up your plan.
05:30
“Should you be taking a stranger home?”
Joshua casts a sidelong glance at you as your boots synchronize crunches in the snow.
“Nothing bad ever happens in the town of Darling-” you smile at him as you wind your scarf tighter around your neck, “-plus my roommate has biceps so big they could pop your head like a cherry.”
“Mmm, sign me up,” Joshua wags his eyebrows at you flirtatiously.
You let out a visible puff of both, startled and amused air into the cold.
The rest of the walk to your house is serendipitous silence, peppered with questions that Joshua asks about Darling; if there is crime or murder, does he need to worry about thieves stealing parts of his car.
You amusedly inform him that the most criminal action Darling has ever seen, raising your hands to make air quotes with gloved covered fingers- is the local weed dealer Jeonghan.
“But Hannie always tips the most and is kind to everyone.”
“Hannie, huh?”
Joshua looks at you with an unspoken question trapped behind his curious eyes, that you choose to ignore.
The rest of your trek is quiet as the snowflakes begin to freeze both of your cheeks and tips of your noses.
06:00
“Cheollie, this is Joshua-”
You gesture to the man beside you.
“Hong,” Joshua finishes reaching a hand towards your cousin as he stands.
“Bringing home strays again cousin?”
Seungcheol quips, firmly grasping Joshua's hand.
“Good grip, do you deadlift?” Joshua asks with earnest curiosity, eyes scanning Seungcheol's biceps.
“Yea, I just finished upper body for today. Have a post glow pump goi-” Seungcheol flexes his forearm in a typical carved stone roman pose.
“Ahem, anyway he crashed his car, your bootycall isn't towing until noon. Are you good if he crashes on the pullout?”
Your cousin's ears tint rose instantly, “he's not my boo- that's fine, I will grab some spare pillows.”
You turn to Joshua after placing your coat and bag on the rack, helping him out of his coat before toeing off your boots and gesturing for him to do the same.
“Put them next to mine on the drip tray,” you pad towards the sunroom door, “Oh I have a dog by the way. Are you allergic or scared?”
“No and no,” Joshua strides up next to you, eyes warm.
You can't help but laugh at his cuteness.
“What?”
“You look just like her right now.”
“Your dog?”
In answer you open the door to reveal a wiggling red irish setter, goose plushy in her mouth.
“This is Ruby.”
“Oh my goodness” Joshua meets your dog, dropping smoothly to his knees and cupping her fluffy neck.
“Don’t steal my dog, I am going to make up the couch for you.”
Joshua looks up from cooing at Ruby, “I am your stray now too.”
You roll your eyes at him playfully.
06:30
Once the couch is fluffed into a comfortable bed for your guest. You wander into the kitchen to make a bowl of instant ramen, waiting for Joshua to finish up in the shower so you can take a turn.
You're leaning against the counter, chopsticks midway to your mouth when he wanders out in borrowed gray sweats and matching hooded pullover. Toweling away at his damp hair when his eyes lift to yours.
“Oh ramen, could I steal a bite?”
You manage to close your mouth and avert your gaze without causing suspicion at the eye full you had just caught.
“You can have the rest, I am going to shower and power nap before my next shift.”
Joshua sets the towel next to your abandoned bowl, dripping his head to scoop a bite into his mouth with a pleased moan.
“You have to work another shift?”
You're almost to the hallway when he calls out to you.
“Yep! Second to last one before the new year and then I am here to watch you like a hawk, Hung.” You make an I'm watching you motion with your fingers before realizing your mistake, “I-I mean Hong!”
You escape without looking back after hearing his bubbling laughter.
12:00
You sneak out a couple hours later for your shift without disturbing the sleeping guest.
The same guest that had stolen your cuddle buddy.
Ruby was softly snoring in his arms with an outline of her toys surrounding his body.
19:30
When you arrive home from your evening shift, you’re surprised to find Joshua not only there but working out with your cousin.
“Hey!” Joshua greets you just as warmly as Ruby does, his bright eyes locking onto you as the Irish setter bounds over to you.
You give Ruby a pet and place a kiss to the top of her silky head before you shed your outside clothing as Joshua launches into an update.
“So we got the car towed in, but Jihoon said that there is an issue with the part-”
“That it won’t be in for two weeks due to the storms and holidays,” Seungcheol chimes in.
“There still aren't any available rental cars or hotels in a fifty mile radius, which I think is a little insane. But Seungcheol said it would be okay if I stayed until the car was fixed. That I can use your Wi-Fi here or at the cafe to do my work since I have my laptop.”
Seungcheol nods eagerly from his perch behind the weight bar where he had previously been spotting your new couch surfer.
Joshua prattles on, given your furrowed brow and silence, “and I am more than willing to pay the rate of a normal hotel fee, plus anything else you deem necessary.”
At this point you shake your head in mild confusion, shushing him and Seungcheol.
“Have you had those the entire time?” You point at his exposed biceps, now on display in a tank top.
Seungcheol bursts into laughter as Ruby looks eagerly from the three of you with her toy lamb whipping with each turn of her head.
Joshua looks at his arms as if he is also confused, before looking up at you under his lashes with an arched grin, playing bashful by flexing his arm behind his head.
“Yea, muscle mass helps with brain and cognitive function.”
“Cool. I am going to make dinner now.”
You greet Ruby with a deep hug, burying your nose in the silky strands of her ginger coat and taking a centering inhale.
“Do you want chicken or beef today?”
Ruby licks cheek in response.
“Beef it is.” You kiss her cheek in return before climbing to your feet and pulling all needed items for everyone's dinner from the fridge.
You are placing Ruby’s bowl on the stand for her when Joshua joins the two of you in the kitchen, his disarming muscles cloaked yet again in Seuncheol’s borrowed sweatshirt.
“Can I help with dinner?”
“Mm, if you want. Are you safe in the kitchen?”
Joshua laughs at your scrutinizing stare, “I won’t burn anything if that's what you’re worried about.”
“Good! Aprons are in the tall cabinet.”
You fall into sync beside each other, preparing dinner for the three of you. Effortlessly, as if you were atoms that had been sparked to life near one another and were coming back to each other centuries later. It flusters you in a way, the domestic chemistry of it accompanied by how easily he touches you.
“Oh! Watch out,” Joshua says, behind you suddenly.
The heat of his body fanning across your back, intentional fingers pulling your sleeves up your forearms and out of splatter distance.
“Thanks,” you mumble as the blunt tips of his nails brush your bare skin in their exit.
Little moments like this occur throughout the cooking process, how you turn to ask for something and he was already in the process of passing you the item before its name passed your lips.
The most alluring part however is the unwavering warm eye contact, and soft spoken but clear voice Joshua postures. Making you feel as if you are the only person in the world that he cares to give his attention to at that moment.
Dinner passes as easily as cooking and you escape with the excuse that you cooked and that means Seungcheol must do the dishes.
Under the steady stream of hot water you bite at your knuckles to mask a silent scream.
Who the hell was Joshua Hong and why had he come into your life showing you a piece that you hadn’t even known was missing!
Seungcheol calls out to you when you emerge from the bathroom, asking if you want to join them for the movie.
“No thanks Cheollie, I have an early shift tomorrow. Will you just take Ruby out one last time before bed?”
“I can take her,” Joshua pops up from the kitchen side of the hallway.
Startling you slightly, as if he magically knew the thoughts that had been overtaking your mind in the shower.
“Oh, it’s okay the yard is fenced in so you just let her out. We usually run in the mornings, but my schedule has been hectic the last week.”
“Do you want me to take her on my run in the morning?”
“You don’t have to do that, I consider this her holiday break too.”
Joshua’s eyes flick over your body and suddenly you feel a little too bare in your matching thermal pajamas.
“Goodnight,” you let out in a breathless hush.
“Sweet dreams!” Joshua responds with a warmth dripping off of his tone.
02:00
It appears Joshua had cursed you with the last sentence he had uttered. Suddenly it went from ten at night to two in the morning and you hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep.
Your eyelids tattooed with vivid images of him and his swell of shoulder muscles.
“UGH!” You wail into the satin of your pillowcase.
06:00
“Hey, wake up-”
A pleasing voice beckons you by name from your slumber, and you roll towards it- that is until your eyes open and you’re face to face with the entire reason you lost a whole night of sleep.
“Umph, what Joshua?”
You pull the covers higher up your chest as he kneels down beside your bed. Quickly taking in his runner flushed cheeks, bright eyes, legs in shorts despite the cold and putting together that he had just gotten back from a run.
“Come on, we picked up breakfast burritos on our way back.”
With a squeeze to your forearm Joshua rises from the floor and leaves you to unpeel yourself from your warm bed.
Once dressed you pad out in thick socks to find Seungcheol perched on the barstool across the counter from Joshua.
“I hope you don’t mind, we took Ruby with us this morning.”
You peel back the foil from the burrito Joshua has slid across the counter, looking around for your pup immediately at this news and finding her gnawing away at the remnants of a dried pig ear.
“I heard you tossing and turning all night, so I figured she might be just as restless as you cooped up in the house the past week.”
You cough around a bite of potato at Joshua’s statement, embarrassment flaring in your stomach. He had heard you last night. Only he didn’t know the blanket kicking was about him…or did he. This stranger seemed to be incredibly intuitive when it came to you.
Seungcheol smirks at the myriad of emotions that cascade across your face. You send him a glare, blindly reaching into the bag of dog treats and retrieving Ruby a new one.
“Ruby!” You whistle low while tossing the treat at him.
Ruby immediately tries to intercept the treat before it makes it to your cousin, successfully knocking Seungcheol off the stool backwards.
Joshua lets out a gasp that dissolves into laughter as Ruby not only snatches the treat but the remaining bit of bacon Seungcheol had pulled out of his burrito.
“Thank you for taking her and the burrito, Joshua.”
Boldly you plant a kiss to his cheekbone before escaping out the sunroom to shuck on your outdoor gear. Buzzing on sleep deprivation and winter delusion about the man occupying your sofa, you tuck into your hot, free breakfast to combat the cold on your walk to work.
13:00
That man happens to show up at the café later to do some work of his own. Typing away on his laptop, thin metal rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.
Distracting you with secretive smiles and glances, so much so that you burn your hand on the steam wand. Which forces your coworker, Youngji, to swap with you for their usual spot at the register.
“Hey did you finish that pour over?”
“Shit Ji, I forgot!”
You spin around to prep the filter and grind fresh beans of the small batch roast the customer had requested. You’re absent watching the scalding water stream from the spout of the kettle when Youngji belatedly responds to you.
“Don’t worry, I such suck at no foam lattes.”
You turn to face them and see the counter flooded with soy milk. The two of you burst into laughter and you rush to help them clean up the mess. Before switching back to your usual strengths.
You pass off a perfectly executed and clean, no foam latte just as Youngji arrives to give the pour over to its customer.
“Wow he is…distracting,” Youngji rumbles, leaning her hip against yours.
You both steal a glance at Joshua who looks up just then, catching you both and sending a disarmingly bright smile at you in warm confusion.
Youngji pretends to faint at the sight of his smile, collapsing dramatically into your arms, causing all of you to erupt into laughter. Youngji beckons you closer and you lend her your ear.
“What in the Hallmark bs is this,” She whispers to you.
“It’s only Hallmark if he ends up sweeping someone away to their happily ever after.”
“Mmhm, I see that happening before my eyes.”
Youngji scans your body as you set her upright and shove her playfully back to the rightful spot at the register.
“Are you going to Soonyoung’s party tonight?”
“Planned on it, why?”
“You should bring him,” She juts her chin towards Joshua where he scowls at his computer screen.
“Well…I can ask, but I cannot force him Ji.”
“Yo, Joshua-”
His face whips towards the two of you, eyebrows raised in alarm at her tone.
“Yea you, there is a party tonight, you down?”
“Uh sure?”
“Cool, dress code is something sheer.”
“Okay…I don’t know if I have anyth-”
“Cheollie will hook you up, don’t worry.” Youngji smiles widely at him.
Joshua’s gaze flickers to you and you stifle a laugh at the look of mild fear on his face. You offer a sympathetic shrug to which he shakes his head and goes back to his work.
21:00
You had left the two men in Seungcheol’s room, in the process of dressing Joshua last minute, since he had left the cafe after you. Something about wrapping up his workload until the new year to allow for distractions.
Soonyoung had outdone himself this year, his house was lit up with clear lights on the outside. While the inside was draped in white fabric over more clear lights, creating a cozy frozen glow throughout the whole place.
Soonyoung shouts your name, waving you over to the shared DJ booth of Minghao and Youngji. You make your way slowly through the crowd, hugging, greeting and complimenting outfits as you go. Until you’re in front of two of your closest friends, burrowing into Soonyoung’s fuzzy white coat and wrapping him in a tight embrace.
“Soon, I thought the theme was sheer delight?”
“I am sheer too!” Soonyoung bursts his coat open dramatically to reveal a white tulle shirt underneath.
You laugh wholeheartedly, “the fur is the delight?”
“Exactly,” He beams at you with childlike earnestness, his hand plucking yours to spin you in a circle.
The icy blue lace of your sheer dress twirls the perfect amount around your navy tights.
“You look perfect, sheer and delightful!”
You hug Soonyoung close at his compliment, the two of you giggling and spinning around until Youngji stops you suddenly.
“H-o-l-y shit,” Youngji leans between the two of you, her gaze fixated on something across the room.
“You did not tell me he was packing those underneath his fisherman sweaters.”
You finally catch sight of what, or rather who she is talking about.
Joshua is chatting up Jeonghan animatedly, biceps straining in a gauzy black long sleeve shirt, modestly dressed over a fitted black tank top.
“I just recently found out too-” You breathe as Joshua seems to feel your stare and lifts his eyes to meet yours through the throngs of mingling people.
You don’t know how you see it, or even if it's just wishful thinking- but his eyes darken as they rake up your body. Self conscious suddenly creeping in, knowing that the deep blue intimate set you wore was boldly shining through the pale blue lace of the dress.
Jeonghan breaks the trance cast over the two of you, as he casts a mischievous look your way, whispering something into Joshua’s ear that has him slowly turning away.
With the spell broken, you turn back to your friends. Launching into everything you had learned about Joshua Hong over the hours.
Once their curiosity is satiated you drift away to find your coworkers and spend a little time with them, all the while your mind drifting back and forth between present conversations and to thoughts of Joshua.
You find them easily, seeking out the tallest person at the party, Mingyu. Who your cousin was tucked into sharing sips of Soonyoung’s sparkly party juice.
“Hey-” Joshua leans in to greet you, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.
“You look good!” You shout over the music.
“So do you,” His eyes drop to the section of your exposed midriff, fingers brushing the floral stitching of your dress.
“Did you want anything to drink?” You motion towards the cup in Mingyu’s hand.
“No, I was busy talking to your friend, Hannie-” He teases, and you roll your eyes moving away from him playfully.
Joshua tugs you back to his side, “I can get us some though.”
You only trust yourself to nod and Joshua leans in to whisper in your other ear.
“Don’t move, I will be right back.”
He turns to Mingyu, “I am going to get a drink, do you need a refill?”
Mignyu nods, kissing Seuncheol’s cheek before untangling himself and disappearing into the crowd of people with Joshua in tow, heading towards the kitchen.
Seungcheol smirks at you and you kick his shin, to which he gasps dramatically before the two of you slip onto the sofa together.
“Did you like his outfit?” Seungcheol wags his eyebrows at you.
You purse your lips, feigning disinterest, “he looks alright.”
“Alright?!? He has a better chest than me or Mingyu!”
You cast a faux contemptuous look at your cousin, “cheating on Mingyu already.”
You click your tongue disapprovingly at him.
“Speaking of, don’t wait for me, I am going to spend the night with Gyu.”
“Ew.”
“Well you could ew with our guest if you wanted.”
You punch Seungcheol and he pouts at you again, “stop hitting me! I bruise like a peach.”
“No you just have the ass of-”
He shoulders you over as Mingyu and Joshua reappear, making space for Mingyu to sit on the couch and create a safety barrier between you and your hits. Also successfully pushing you up against Joshua who had just taken a seat on the other side of you.
“Hi-” You say in unison, before laughing at the silliness.
Not much is said after that, you recline back on the sofa, Joshua draping his arm across the back as you take turns sipping the shimmery alcohol and watching others dance.
“You don’t want to dance?”
“I actually kinda want to go home, and cuddle Ruby-” You laugh, turning to look over your shoulder at him.
Joshua’s warm eyes slowly cut a path from where his fingers had been idly tracing a flower on your thigh up to your waiting gaze.
“Can I cuddle too?”
“Yea-” You breathe, realizing how close the two of you had gotten in that moment.
“Then let's go.”
Joshua trails behind you through the crowd, a lingering hand on your hip as you say your goodbyes.
Mingyu is thankfully kind enough to drop you at your place on his way home with Seungcheol.
“You know, I actually thought that you might be gay and I was going to try and pair you up with Cheollie.” You offer in an attempt to try and combat your nerves as you find the right key to open the door.
“I am open to the idea, although he seems arguably already quite taken. We have another problem.”
The door successfully unlocked you turned to Joshua, curiosity peaked. Your breath coming out in visible stutters at his proximity and the heat in his gaze.
“Seungcheol isn't my type, you are.”
23:00
“I don't usually do this-” You start as Joshua pulls your dress over your head as the two of you dance your way through the house to your room, Ruby sleepily following at your heels.
Dress still clutched in his fits, Joshua lunges to kiss you again as your hands tug his tops free from his pants.
“Neither do I, but we're both-” Joshua pants against your jaw as your hands skim his bare stomach.
“Consenting adults, yea.”
With one look at each other, Joshua tosses your dress into the bathroom and laundry hamper before snatching you off the ground. Once secure in his arms you’re battling one another again orally again. Tongues twisting with urgency, moans folded between each lick as Joshua carries you towards the bedroom.
“Fuck that was attractive,” You groan when he tosses you effortless on the bed, before turning around to apologize to Ruby before shutting the door.
Joshua laughs, climbing over you and slotting knee between your barely covered thighs, “my strength or me apologizing to Ruby?”
You tug him to you with a fistful of his shirt, “both- but I was talking about your biceps.”
You give both of his arms a squeeze and drop your head back with a show of appreciation. Joshua chuckles into your clavicle, his tongue tracing the bone structure to the hollow of your neck. Groaning against your throat as you tease the trim of his pants, before laying a path of damp, open mouth kisses to your lips. His hands roaming with purposeful squeezes across your body.
“This set, it's driven me crazy all night.”
Joshua’s fingers dip into the cup of your bra, dragging his nail over your hardened nipple. Your body stutters in response as your eyes lift to his lidded ones.
“Yea?”
“Yea,” Joshua hums, his other hand cupping your face and thumb stroking your cheek with a paradoxical softness compared to the hunger of his kisses.
“Then it did its job,” you smile wickedly at him, and flip Joshua over so that you’re the one on top and grind slowly against the denim covered bulge of his pants.
Joshua gasps out a shocked moan, fingers biting into the fabric of your tights as you slide against him. Your hands shoving his shirt up and mouth chasing each inch of skin that is exposed. He lets his head drop back into the bed.
“Fuck,” his hands blindly find your thighs to hold you against him as he rolls his hips upwards, “it never feels this good, this fast.”
Your gasps mingling as you successfully push the shirts up under his jaw, and seek out his mouth for rewarding kisses.
“Too many clothes,” You mumble against his lips.
“I agree,” and his fingers slip under the hem of your tights to peel them down your ass.
Breaking the kiss briefly to roll them over your knees and off your feet before tossing them aside, your bra joining seconds later as his fingers dive under the band of your panties to grab twin handfuls of your ass and rub you into his restrained erection.
“Joshua-” you whine.
“I'm right here, what do you need?” His lips brush your ear.
“More-” you cry, rutting against the denim, hard.
“Condoms?” He gasps, fingers squeezing your breasts together and kissing each swell with a show of admiration.
“Top drawer, I'll get it. You take off your pants.”
You clambering off of Joshua midsentence to retrieve the protection.
“You don't want to take them off?”
You glance over your shoulder to see him on his stomach gazing at you with those molten eyes.
“I think you’ll blow your load if I do that,” You can’t help but jest.
Joshua laughs heartily, “ you might be right.”
He rolls easily off the bed and you watch him discard his tangled shirts, before his fingers methodically pop the button, tease the zipper down and shimmy in what feels like slow motion out of the blue jeans.
“I might blow my load actually…” You mumbled, climbing back onto the bed.
Joshua's eyes cut to yours and he snatches your ankle tugging you to the middle and crawls over you.
“Good thing we both can come more than once.”
You cant when his hand tightly cups the prize at the apex of your thighs.
“Joshua-” his name melts into your kiss, with a whisper of yours.
Your fist clenches the condom as two of his fingers test the wetness between your folds before thrusting into you. You throw your head back with a gasp as he fucks you open on them.
“I'm a little big-” He starts to explain.
“I know-” You gasp, clutching his shoulders as he adds a third finger.
His smirking mouth lowers to your breast, teething at your nipples as his hand palms at your clit and fingers stroke your core. Softening you for him, pushing you just to the edge before buzzing to a stop.
“Joshua!”
You had been so absorbed in your own body you hadn’t noticed that his breathing had grown labored and his hips had been driving a hole into the bedding between your thighs.
“Are you ready for me?”
You nod in response, hips chasing his retreating fingers. Joshua sits back on his calves and you pass him the condom. He presses a kiss to your lips before putting the wrapper between them rising up on his knees to roll his boxer briefs down, smiling around the item in his mouth at your reaction to his cock. Wasting no time he rips it with his teeth, eyes on yours and fists the latex over his length until it's secure.
His fingers tips are on your hips next, dragging the band of the panties down your thighs and tossing them off to join the other items of clothing.
“Come here-” Joshua purrs, arm slipping under your back to help you climb into his lap.
Your hands find his waiting erection and guide it into your needy core, both of you let out a joint gasp as he breeches your walls.
“I want to go slow, but I want you too bad-” Joshua moans as you start to sink down on him.
One of his hands spread over the back of your ribs and the other under your ass, controlling your depth for your own comfort.
“Okay-” you spread your knees and roll your hips forward sensually, “we can go slow.”
You whisper the last part against his jaw and you move to mark his neck.
“Ahhh,” Joshua breathes and his hips jolt up into yours, stroking you in a way that has your eyes rolling back.
“Do that again.”
He does and does until you're fully seated, leaking arousal all over the inside of his spread thighs.
“Was that slow enough?”
His mouth is busy sucking deliberately on a nipple, as his hand massages the other one and his hips meet your desperate thrusts.
“Joshua wait, I'm gonna-ngh,” your first orgasm rolls over the two of you.
Your body convulses in his arms as his mouth releases your breast to bury his face in your neck. Strong hand holding you by the nape of the neck firmly and all of his focus on fucking you through the aftershocks or your climax. His deepened breaths are the only thing anchoring you to the bed. You cry out as the intensity of everything seizes you, your nails digging into the supple swells of his shoulders.
“Joshu-”
“I have you, keep going.”
You spread your thighs to mobilize enough power to fuck him harder, slower and longer. Fueled by Joshua whining your name and clutching you to him as you do. His praises and encouragement doused over you like the blanket of snow dusting the ground outside. Each stroke stoking the build up of another combustive fire inside you.
“Ah fuck,” Joshua exclaims, sweeping you under him.
You let out a startled yelp that deepens into a moan as he drives into you.
“Oh fuck!”
He smirks down at you, bangs damp against his forehead as he thrusts into with vigor, “I just said that.”
“Joshua!”
“Going to come again?”
You nod urgently, the only sounds leaving your mouth are desperate whimpers as your body starts to tighten again. Your thighs pressing to his hips is an attempt to fight off your orgasm just a little longer. His eyebrows converge, bearing down with his hands to your hips as he works your body over, his lips parting as you start to shake underneath him.
“Are you waiting for me?” Joshua gasps in realization.
“Yes!” You whine, fingers twisting in your bedding as your head presses back into the pillows.
“Fuck-” he grunts, shoving your legs up by the back of your thighs.
“You already said that-” you tease between gasps.
“Want to hear me moan your name instead?”
His eyes catch yours, with the slits you are managing to keep open. Watching as his warm irises are eclipsed by the new moon of his pupil as he whispers your name, brokenly.
That is what sends you over, gasping his name as he holds true to his promise, moaning yours as he slams against the back of your thighs. Until his hips tremble and he whines your name with unsheltered need, pressing your legs to your chest, and seeking your lips.
You clutch him to you as seismic waves of your orgasm quake over the both of you. Joshua gently lowers your legs to the bed before persisting in his pursuit of oral dance. Moaning into the back of your throat as you idly roll your hips against him.
“Keep it up and I am going to come again,” he growls, fingers pinching your nipple so that your body jumps in delight under his.
“I thought you said you could come more than once?”
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