Oliver Speaks

Owner and Daddy of lovingbea1971.tumblr.com. Her blog is also here:  http://oliversoctober2016.blogspot.com

[zizicat]

[laterovaries-deactivated2017022]

This will always be my favorite gifset. Ever.

[onceuponamirror]

im morally obligated to reblog this every time i see it

[cromchychipdip]

Honestly, Darius is one of my favorite Viners.

[i-provide-you-defer-deactivated]

What It Means When I Swat Your Ass

You’re mine.

Behave.

I love you.

Look, everyone, this belongs to me.

Later, I’m going to do this much harder.

This part, right here, belongs to me. So does the rest.

I’m in charge.

It’s okay.

Don’t worry, I’m here.

Careful.

[oliverspeaks55]

Fuck you Tumblr

So now instead of seeing what I want, I spend my time marking any blog that Tumblr thinks I should follow as inappropriate.

[honedperfection]

December 17th - a rescue plan

Some good news, I’ve been talking to two developers now and got them working together, we just had a meeting with the guys behind an existing large (millions of users) site similar to Tumblr, with a vibrant and open-minded community, and more importantly, it has open-minded owners who believe in free speech. They think we can get something done here to rescue the whole community.

I’m not allowed to reveal the site name yet. I can tell you it’s mainstream, open to everyone, open-minded and welcoming. (It’s not WordPress or any site owned by Facebook or Twitter. It’s not Pillowfort, that’s in closed beta. It’s not Ello, that’s mainly for artists. It’s not kinkspace or fetlife, those are too specialist. It’s not jux, that seems to be closed. It’s not Soup, that seems still in development and too small.)

One of the reasons for delaying the announcement for next few days is they don’t want a “land grab” where people take the names of current popular Tumblr users over there (cyber squatting). So they are looking at ways for existing Tumblr users to keep the same names on the new site.

More info over the days to come.

The plan is, broadly:

1. By December 9th, announcement of the new site and how to secure your username there

2. By December 10th, an online tool for bloggers to copy their existing content to the new site automatically, with the same tags and captions.

3. Bloggers will need to copy their content across between December 10th and December 17th if they want to use the automatic tool.

4. My understanding is that after December 17th there will be no public access to any “flagged” posts on Tumblr, but the original poster will still be able to see the flagged post (for a short time at least). Therefore, the original poster may still be able to manually download a post to their own PC or phone, after December 17th, and manually upload it to the other site. But if you have lots of posts that will take a long time, it will be better to use the automatic tool before December 17th.

Please understand that these dates are approximate and may change for technical or other reasons.

There may be a few rough edges or not so perfect looking site design on the transfer tool. Everyone is doing their best. The main goal here is to help as many people as possible preserve access to their content, in the short space of time Tumblr has allowed us, and preserve as much as possible of the Tumblr community spirit somewhere new.

The new site will cater for photo, GIF, text and html posts. It will not offer video and audio posts, due to cost reasons - maybe in future, but for now you will need to preserve video and audio content yourself in some other place.

If your Tumblr blog has a mixture of original content and reblogs, or all reblogs, all of that can be copied over to the new site. Reblogs will become “your” original content if nobody else posted them yet, otherwise they will be shown as reblogs. The devs are looking at ways to preserve attribution of reblogs back to the original Tumblr poster, if that person also moves to the new site.

Important: your Likes cannot be copied from Tumblr to the new site. You will have to go find the same posts again on the new site, and like them afresh.

(Similarly, existing reblog comments, asks, messages and other user interaction on Tumblr cannot be copied to the new site - that’s just too much to do, in the short time available.)

If you want to preserve any of your existing Liked posts on Tumblr, you will need to either: (1) download the post to your own PC, or: (2A) reblog it now to your own Tumblr blog, and then (2B) use the automatic tool, before December 17th, to move your whole Tumblr blog across to the new site.

If you have Liked a lot of posts here on Tumblr, the gridllr.com webapp should be able to help you do steps 1 and 2A quickly, I mean download or reblog.

(Someone complained to me today about the appearance of Gridllr on a phone. It’s best to use Gridllr on a PC, Mac or Tablet with a large screen.)

If you have liked a post here on Tumblr and the original poster decides to delete it, or even to delete their entire blog, some time before December 17th, then that post will be permanently lost. So if you want to be sure to preserve any of your Liked posts, you should best download or reblog as soon as possible. If it’s reblogged to your own blog it is safe from deletion, at least for next few days.

Obviously, you will lose access, after December 17th, to all past posts you have liked, if Tumblr has flagged them as NSFW. Again, the steps (1), or (2A) and (2B) covered above will be the only way to hold on to these posts.

[screamkinky]

Ok…

[hitmeharrder]

Waiting for what the site is called then.

[dominantlife]

If I can get an adult version of something kinda like Tumblr up and running, would you guys be interested?

Mostly same features but with extra features like…

No bullying.

No kids.

No one under 18.

Stronger blocking tools.

All the female associated nipples you can handle.

Please let me know and PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD!!!

[dominantlife]

All genders and orientations would be welcomed.

More like Tumblr and less like Fet.

[fae-kisses-deactivated20201120]

Yeeeees!

[enscenic]

Go on…

[the-new-sysco-deactivated201812]

I’m interested

[naughtychef6969]

Go on …

[mymmm]

Run with it! Sound idea

[dangerouswomanxxx-deactivated20]

Yes please!!

[thealphawithin-deactivated20230]

Reblog this.

[crusoesampersand]

More like Tumblr and less like Fet? Sign me up!

[belfast62]

Agreed! @crusoesampersand….. Tried Fet once, scared the beejeesus out of me…..

[auroradragon1]

@crusoesampersand keep me informed! 

[sweet-but-spicy-girly-deactivat]

i’m in

[itsallprimal]

Let us know how we can help

[dominantlife]

For now, get the word out! I have the domain registered and the corporate site. I will reveal them here once they have propagated and I have something for you guys to see.

[prettylilredhead]

Absolutely

[lilsm1806-deactivated20190721]

@dominantlife has a plan!

[nwhubby-deactivated20190224]

Someone is on to something!

[the-eastern-guy]

Just wondering how you are gonna manage servers and the payment of them? What’s the pricing model like? Could you elaborate..?

[dominantlife]

Will be using cloud storage for the image content. I am not sure what the pricing model will look like. I want to have a free model and I am working on a way to achieve that. It will be damn hard to do, not impossible, but hard. If there are any developers here that want to help test, PLEASE send me a message. I plan to start testing on Wednesday of this week. HAIR ON FIRE TIME!

[dominionleathershop]

DominantLife, what can I do…message me

[heathawk13]

[reel-nauti-deactivated20221229]

This is brilliant!

[instructor144]

😳😆😆😆

[oliverspeaks55]

Love this!

[bdsminformationsafetyanded]

The Benefits Of Getting Spanked

The Benefits Of Getting Spanked

Many people believe that if someone likes to get spanked, it is all sexual. That is not the case all the time. Even though getting spanked has some sexual effects or enhances sexual arousal, there are many non-sexual benefits from getting spanked. What can spankings do for you?

1. Getting spanked relieves stress.

2. Getting spanked is calming.

3. Getting spanked generates endorphins and puts you in a euphoric state.

4. Getting spanked generates adrenaline and gives an adrenaline rush, especially if you are anticipating getting a very harsh one.

5. Getting spanked lifts moods. Russian psychiatrists have found success in treating depression with bare butt whippings.

6. The marks left from getting spanked is like an art of its own.

7. For some, it can restore feelings of youth.

Don’t be ashamed of getting spanked, enjoy it! For those who never tried it in your adult years, give it a try. You never know, you may like it.

Rodney Calmes

[33alicat]

🖤

[oliverspeaks55]

This.

[lovingbea1971]

Starting again....

So here I sit in a Florida airport, delayed what feels like 5,000 times, contemplating my life as it is now.

As it is evident I have not blogged in well over a year. I know I’ve mentioned here and there that I’ve missed blogging and wish to get back to it.  I hope that this will be my chance to do so.

I want to mention that I’ve also “hidden” myself from the lifestyle, blogging, researching and reading because I felt like I needed to hide again. I know I’ve shut that part of myself off somewhat again. I contemplate why.

I will say one thing that I am aware of…….I’ve gained some weight and it really crazy bothers me looking at all of these amazing submissive bodies online. Why does everything I see show these amazing figures? Why can’t I see “normal” bodies? I hate it. I’m so jealous. I’ve turned completely shy and mad and upset with how I am now. I feel utterly horrible and disgusted with myself.  Perhaps I’m acting like my mother and if I’m miserable everyone else should be and I hide myself from the “happy” and ignore the amazing and what can be. Plus I’m so darn lazy sometimes. Blah!

Anyway, with that being said, I’ve thought about what I should talk about in a blog now (including the opinions of myself). I’ve given it much thought.

Unfortunately, I can no longer only blog about my amazing submissive sexual experiences with Oliver. Why? Well our situation has changed. Oliver and I now live together and both of us have children from other relationships. Our schedule lacks time. In children, out children. Revolving door. No alone time, has to be scheduled, blah, blah, blah. So I thought it would be good to blog about our struggle and let people know how we handle it, our thoughts, our ideas and solutions, and perhaps share yours as well.

So, this will be our day to day kinda gig.

It has been a huge struggle for me, and I wish to help myself and others come together and unite and figure all this out. Perhaps help out others in similar situations as ours.

For starters, since we’ve moved in together, I can say that I have not felt so much like a submissive as I’ve liked to. My frame of mind goes back and forth dependent upon what time of the year it is (aka sports) and it’s hard for me to hold on to my submissive brain constantly. My job requires me to be in a dominant role and of course I have to be that way raising my child. So how do I balance ourselves between the two different roles? I know that I personally need “detox” time when I get home to get and be in the right frame of mind, but don’t really get that when I walk in the door.

I also believe Oliver struggles as well. He has MUCH more stress in life that I do and I know I am also a demand on Him.  Perhaps at times it’s too much to handle for Him and He just expects me to be submissive even without His direction? Just do as I’m told until he comes to me with more training, etc.

So my day to day…….: He picks out my panties daily, I’m expected to read my mantra and weigh myself daily, text Him when I get to work, I need permission to eat, need permission to spend money (unless there is an emergency), expected to ask to do anything or go anywhere, and as soon as I get home I am to go to His office and see Him. If He is not home in His office I am to text Him letting Him know that I am home safely.

Sometimes I wonder if that is enough for me. Sometimes I feel like it’s too much. I suppose that is all a part of being a submissive, as well as being in a relationship. The ups and downs. I’ve thought about mentioning more routines, but do I really want that? I tend to get lazy sometimes (a lot lately) and don’t want to do anything and then I get cranky about it. Then I get stressed because I don’t feel like doing it. So where is the balance? I know some of you are thinking just shut up and do it, and perhaps you are correct. I’m sure Oliver would agree with you. I’ve always though perhaps I am a switch, but when I go deeper into that thought well, …. there is no way I could control a submissive. Thought kinda freaks me out.

So, this, as my first start up (again) blog, what do you do? What are some suggestions? How do you manage with your dominant work demands and family demands and balance your mind?

I’m looking forward to getting back and being with all of you again. I am also going to speak with Oliver about getting pictures posted again. I love to share our lives with you and I think that Oliver and I need to come up with a plan on how to do this – even with a full house. Yikes! Creative ideas please!!!!!! Ox

Bea

[dominantlife]

Updated Library For Kinksters

I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Topping from the bottom

[concapx-deactivated20180102]

A Two Way Street

If you want a man that works

You have to be a woman that serves

If you want a man that leads

You have to be a woman that follows

If you want a man in a suit

You have to be a woman in a dress

If you want a man that provides

You have to be a woman that obeys

He will dedicate himself 100% to his role, but you have to also.

You cannot decide to listen when it’s convenient and act out when it’s not.

He sacrifices a lot for you.

He expects the same in return.

[chaosdollx-deactivated20191102]

This girl is so switched on!

I wanna be her when I grow up :)

[a-womans-natural-place]

Amen!!!

[midwesttraditional]

Absolutely how it should be.

[domestic-trophy]

Take note, girls.

[oliverspeaks55]

This.

[submissivefeminist]

A major part of many kinky dynamics is a focus on discipline. While “discipline” can be a fun part of your everyday activities, it can also mean something more specific in terms of punishment. “Punishment” differs from the general sense of discipline in that it has a specific goal to focus on that changes a submissive’s behaviour.

Many people engage in what can be called “funishment,”–punishment-type activities, like regular spankings or other forms of play, that are not meant to alter the behaviour of the submissive but rather to provide enjoyment to either/both/all parties. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between playful discipline and serious punishments. Punishments are consequences of negative actions, whether this is based on officially-written regulations or unspoken general behaviours like brattiness, defiance, or dangerous behaviours.

The idea of punishment is based largely on psychological research in the area of behaviourism. It consists of techniques that are supported by science to effectively alter the behaviour of an individual. (If you want to learn more about the research behind punishments, look up B. F. Skinner’s work in this area.)

Two types of punishments exist: positive punishments, which add undesired consequences to the behaviour, and negative punishments, which take away desired privileges.

Now, before I get into some specific ideas for punishments, there are some important key points I’d like to make. Please be sure to read all of these before deciding on a specific punishment.

Punishments do NOT negate the right to a safeword. Some people are mislead into dangerous situations by being told they cannot safeword during a punishment. This is completely untrue. All parties have a right to safeword at any time during any kind of play or punishment. Taking away the right to safeword equates to abuse, plain and simple. Don’t ever tell your partner they cannot safeword or ignore their safeword for the sake of punishment. This is not effective and is extremely harmful to your partner’s mental and/or physical well-being. 

NEVER punish out of anger. Anger is never a healthy motivation for punishment. Punishments are meant for the submissive’s benefit, at the core. If the submissive’s behaviour has made the Dominant angry, they should have a cooling-off period where they can calm down, think about an appropriate punishment, and resolve the matter at a later time, after healthy discussion about what happened.

Limits are NOT to be used as punishments. Many people have activities they don’t particularly enjoy that aren’t on their limits list. Some people have specific ideas for punishments that suit them best. However, regardless of you or your partner’s experience with punishments, it needs to be understood that hard limits are not punishments. Hard limits are never to be used for punishment’s sake because “hard limit” means “I do not want to do this under any circumstance.” Using a hard limit as a punishment would be an abusive act, as hard limits come with an automatic safeword attached, since they are specificly stated as things the person does not feel comfortable with. Never, ever, threaten or use hard limits to punish a submissive. 

Use healthy discretion. This one should seem obvious, but don’t follow through with punishments if rule-breaking was out of the submissive’s control. Say the submissive has a 11PM bedtime, but they recently suffered a trauma or loss and can’t sleep. Let them engage in healthy coping skills instead of punishing them for something they aren’t doing on purpose. Above all else, make safety and well-being a priority.

Make the punishment fit the crime. Punishments that are relative to the defiance are much more effective at changing the behaviour than random punishments. For example, if the submissive cums without permission, try a punishment from the “orgasm control” section. This will better reinforce the reasoning in the submissive and more effectively guide them to make better choices in the future. There are also punishments that work best for specific dynamics like for littles or pets, so be sure to read into those, below.

Aftercare is absolutely required. Like any kind of play, aftercare is required at the end of the scene. This is especially important during punishments because often times, the submissive is consumed with feelings of guilt and disappointment. After a punishment, Dominants need to give their submissives aftercare that includes a conversation about why they were punished, how proud the Dominant is for them taking the punishment so well, and that there are no negative feelings between them. The submissive should leave the punishment scene feeling forgiven for their mistakes and proud of themselves for making things right with their Dominant. Do not leave your submissive alone after a punishment without aftercare, ever! This is highly abusive and can seriously harm your partner.

Humiliation

A great way to get a submissive to stay in line is to humiliate them when they’ve done something wrong. There are several ways to go about this, depending on your dynamic and kinks, but it’s an effective and amusing way to get the message across. 

Clothing Restriction

Clothing restriction can be done both domestically and in public. Restriction can be as much as not allowing any clothing (in legal or private settings), ordering a certain amount of skin be showing, or choosing a specific outfit or collar for the submissive. For shy submissives, clothing restriction can be intense. This is an especially good punishment for submissives who have said negative comments about their bodies.

Diapering

For ABDL or little submissives, this can either be a reward or a punishment. Depending on the comfort level with diapers, they can be used as a punishment that ties into humiliation. Making them relieve themselves in only the diaper for a set amount of time or wearing it around the house as their only clothing can be very humiliating for some people.

Sissification

Sissification is a kink that is most common in submissive men. It’s the act of dolling a man up like a girl and humiliating him based on his presentation as such. This can be very effective for some people but can be very problematic to others. Be careful not to use this kink as punishment with trans or gender non-conforming subs without their explicit consent, as it can very easily trigger dysphoria and cause severe emotional problems. 

Public Humiliation

Public humiliation can be done in any subtle way that embarrasses a submissive without breaking any obvious laws. Some examples include making them wear an anal plug or remote-controlled vibrator to dinner, public leashing, or making them kneel at social gatherings. Work this idea into the submissive’s specific kinks and limits to be sure it’s just enough to embarrass them, without making them unbearably uncomfortable.

Orgasm Control

Orgasm control is simply that–controlling the submissive’s orgasms. Most of these types of punishments are used for submissives who break rules about orgasms, be it without permission or when they were told not to touch themselves. Controlling orgasms is an amusing way to teach the submissive who their orgasms belong to.

Edging

Edging is the act of getting your partner right to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release. This can be done multiple times, even in short amounts of time. It’s a little psychological torture, best for those who cum without permission.

Toy Restriction

For a submissive, like myself, who is accustomed to using toys during masturbation or play, toy restriction is a very effective punishment. This is especially good for submissives who have a difficult time reaching orgasm without toys, as it makes things very frustrating very quickly. An evil punishment may even combine toy restrictions with a quota of orgasms for the day that they must reach in order to get off restriction. Desperation will sink in very quickly and this lesson will be easily learned.

Forced Orgasms

Forced orgasm is another great punishment for submissives who cum without permission. It turns a great sensation into a torturous experience very quickly. This is especially great with toys like the Hitachi or a Sybian. Focus on a goal–either for number of orgasms, or a specific amount of time. An hour spent riding a Hitachi can really be the most agonizing thing for some people due to heightened sensitivity after each orgasm. 

Denial

Denial is the complete opposite of forced orgasms. It’s like edging, but there is no orgasm at the end of the scene. This can be doing while using toys and not allowing the person to orgasm or it can be done by restriction orgasms or even touching oneself for a longer period of time.

Chastity

Chastity, much like denial, is the refusal of orgasms. However, with chastity, the submissive is completely unable to touch themselves, even if they wanted to. Devices for people with penises and vaginas are available to purchase online to assure your submissive is following orders properly.

Domestic Discipline

Domestic discipline includes things that can be done within the home. Some of these include behaviour modifications or restrictions. While some of these can be done outside the home, these are good examples of things for couples who live together can do for punishments.

Chores

Chores not only benefit the entire household, but they can also be an effective punishment for unruly subs. Added chores can be especially fun if you make her clean the bathroom with a toothbrush or make him do dishes with nipple clamps on. Combine with other punishments for your amusement!

Furniture Restriction

Especially fun for people into pet-play, furniture restriction involves limiting where the submissive can sit or lie down. Require that they sit on the ground instead of the couches or sleep on the floor next to the bed if they’ve been defiant.

Caging

Another good one for pets, especially. Caging can be used to make the submissive reflect on their reasons for being punished. Be sure to use a cage small enough to confine them, but still large enough so they aren’t going to hurt themselves by spending too much time in the cage.

Bedtime

A great one for littles! Bedtimes are good for college students who don’t do their homework, or easily distracted adults with work to do. Set up rules that require all obligations get done and enforce an early bedtime to be sure they are well-rested (and easily frustrated) when they don’t follow these rules.

Time-Out

Another punishment for reflection. Time-outs are good for brats and littles because it makes them analyze what they did wrong. Put them in a corner or a special “time-out chair” so they know they are being punished. Increase the time or add in other punishments if they break rules more than once.

Sensory Deprivation

Sensory deprivation is a lot like time-out, but can be used for added psychological torment. Plug the submissive’s ears or use headphones, blindfold them, bind them to a bed or chair, and completely ignore them for a set about of time. This desensitizes them and not only makes them reflect on their reasons for punishment, but makes it very uncomfortable, assuring they won’t want to end up in isolation again.

Objectification

Objectification is fun for Dominants who like their submissives in service to them during punishment. Make them kneel and become your footstool or coffee table while you watch TV or catch up on work. This is even better when you make them do it completely naked and/or in front of guests.

Dietary Restriction

If a submissive has done something against the rules, you can make them follow a strict diet. This is especially useful for those using behaviour modification to lose or gain weight. However, be careful to ensure the submissive is still getting enough nutrition. For littles, see how much they want to be a brat after you take away their dessert privilege. For pets, try making them eat out of a bowl on the floor for each meal.

Speech Restriction

For disrespectful submissives, punish them by taking away their right to a personal pronoun, making them refer to themselves as “this girl,” “Your slut,” “Master’s puppy boy,” or anything else you want to use. You can also make it a rule that they must refer to you by your Dominant title at all times, even in public. Having to remember their restrictions on speech will keep them thinking about their punishment all day.

Corporal Punishment

Corporal punishment is enforcement by physical contact. These types of punishments involve pain, which is a tricky subject for punishing. Typically, pain punishments don’t work as well to change behaviour, especially if the submissive is also a masochist. Be sure to carefully choose what kind of pain if you’re going with one of these methods.

Impact

If your submissive likes thuddy pain, use stingy pain. If they like stingy pain, use thuddy. Push their limits carefully, but make it clear this is a punishment and not for fun. Have them apologize as you strike them. Tell them why they are being punished and make it clear that they are to be good and learn from their mistakes. 

Rice Kneeling

Kneeling on uncooked rice is an age-old technique that leaves painful marks. Be careful with time, as this can scar if done for long periods of time or used constantly. Be present during this to be sure the submissive can take it and listen carefully for safewords. Use this as a time out or have them recite an apology to you as you do this.

Figging

Figging is done by carving a plug out of ginger and inserting into the anus. This causes a stinging pain that ranges in intensity depending on the person. Frozen ginger is a milder form of this punishment.

Writing Assignments

Writing assignments are usually meant to bore a submissive into obedience. Whether it’s writing lines or a random homework assignment, the punishment focuses on making it undesirable for the submissive to misbehave.

Lines

Writing lines is effective if you use it reflectively. For example, for a submissive who is disrespectful, you can have him write, “I will always be polite around my Sir,” a hundred times. For a submissive who cums without permission, you can order, “I will ask permission from Mistress before I cum,” until they fill up five pages. What’s even more fun is making them be stuffed with a toy or on their knees with nipple clamps on while they write.

Apology Letter

An apology letter is a simple task meant to make the submissive think about what they have done, analyze why it was wrong, and have them apologize formally by writing it down. Have them read their letter to you our loud or crumple it up and put in their their underwear for that added perk of remembering all day that they were punished.

Essay

An essay is a good assignment for submissives who don’t seem to understand their rules. Make them come up with reasons as to why these rules are in place and write a formal essay about the reasoning and purpose of these rules. Making them analyze the fact that this is for their benefit will remind them that rules are not just there to be mean, but to guide them to healthier behaviour.

Homework

Especially fun for people with school girl or teacher fantasies, assign a random homework assignment. Ever wonder about a certain subject but never have time to actually research it? Assign a paper to your submissive about a subject of your choosing and have them report back to you–because knowledge is power! Grade their paper and reward/punish again as necessary for the quality of their work.

It’s important to remember that reinforcements are also important in addition to punishments. When your submissive follows directions, reward them. Give them a treat or praise them and thank them for being so good. If you mix positive reinforcement with punishments when necessary, they’re sure to be trained in no time!

xx SF

[howilearnedtocope]

Things I learned the hard way

1. Thinking poorly of yourself will not lessen the sting of other people thinking poorly of you.

2. Beating yourself up will not make people like you better (even if they have confused your confidence with arrogance)

3. Expecting the worst doesn’t make it easier when it happens.

4. Your careful pessimism and fear of failure will cause you to skip wonderful opportunities, give up on dreams, and miss out on great friendships. Half the time you won’t even realize the opportunity was there at all

5. The brain space created by always expecting the worst will foster a deep, depression that will take years to escape. It won’t protect you from hurt or disappointment - in fact you will feel hurt and disappointed by things that never end up happening. But you will learn - learn to be kind to yourself, learn it’s okay to disappointed if that means you actually expected something from life, learn to chose hope over fear - its at that point you will be happy again

(via howilearnedtocope)

[lovemysub-deactivated20250527]

Been reading ur blog. U need to stop calling urself a dom. All this lovey crap makes real doms sick. A sub is not for respecting and loving. A sub is for using and thats what they like. Its fine that u love ur girl, just dont call urself a dom. Real doms show dominance, use there sub and leave her laying like the cunt slut she is. Bein all sweet, and all that does is give her power over u, which makes u not a dom.

Hi there, Anon. I almost didn’t even dignify this with a response, but I think you’ve actually given me a good opportunity to say something that new doms need to know, so kudos to you. 

First and foremost, let’s establish something right here and now: You don’t get to tell me what I am, and you are damn sure not the leading authority on what does and does not constitute a dominant. For the record, I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a dom. I never even thought of myself that way until I met belovedsangi 10 years ago. I always had the characteristics of a dom, sure, but I didn’t ever put that title on myself. That title was given to me by my submissive. SHE is the one who wanted to call me Master, and Sir, and sometimes Daddy. I never told her to do these things. But of course, you probably think I am making my point for you and that if I were a REAL domly dom, I would’ve demanded those things. 

And that’s where you have a fundamental issue understanding the meaning of the title. So let me help you with that. 

A dom does not demand respect. He conducts himself in such a way as to be worthy of respect. 

A dom does not bark commands. His presence is such that he can seduce and command with nothing more than a glance. 

A dom does not raise his voice. He is the kind of man who gets what he wants without needing to. 

A dom is not a braggart. He is possessed of a calm, quiet confidence that is evident in his demeanor, the way he walks, the tone of his voice, and all other aspects of him. 

A dom understands balance. He knows that while a firm hand and discipline are critical in this type of relationship, knowing when to be gentle and understanding is every bit as important. 

A dom is a gentleman first and foremost. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a fancy man who values the finer things in life, but he does understand manners and protocol. He opens the car door for her. He orders for her if she is having trouble deciding. He treats strangers with courtesy and respect. 

A dom is a protector. He makes sure that his submissive feels safe and protected at all times. This means so much more than just telling her you will protect her. A dom shows her. He keeps a hand on her shoulder or on her waist in crowds so she doesn’t get nervous. He sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door so that he is always between his submissive and an intruder. He walks on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street so that an errant vehicle will hit him before his submissive. If anything or anyone should threaten his submissive, he must be prepared to fight for her with the ferocity of an alpha wolf. 

A dom earns her submission. It is not a thing to be demanded, expected, or assumed. And he continues to earn it, each and every day.  

A dom values her submission. Fully submitting your will and trusting your body and well-being to someone takes a kind of strength most can’t imagine, and a dom never loses sight of that. 

A dom understands that being a dominant is 10% privilege and 90% responsibility. He is literally taking her life into his hands. He is accepting the most sacred and important thing she has to give. He is taking her burdens and bearing them as his own, always, every day. 

A dom is consistent. He understands that he can’t just be her protector, lover, confidant, master, etc. when he feels like it. There will be days when a dom is tired. There will be days when he is stressed. There will be days when he is broken. On those days, it is more important than ever for a dom to show his submissive that he is still everything she needs him to be. 

So what does it mean, then, to be a dom? I get the feeling that you, anon, would say that it’s all about making her kneel, having your way with her, shouting orders and using her. Helpful hint: Any jackass can buy himself a whip and bark commands. That’s not a dom. Don’t get me wrong, I do absolutely have my way with belovedsangi. I love it when she kneels. I love the kinky, rough, mind-blowing sex we have. I love to dominate her in the bedroom. But for every moment of that, there are a hundred moments of holding her, of talking to her, laughing with her, gaming with her. There are a hundred moments of making her feel safe when she is afraid, giving her confidence when she is unsure, comforting her when she feels troubled. Those are all things that a dominant does too. 

I love my submissive more than I love oxygen. I love my submissive with a fire that can never be extinguished. I value her and respect her in every way. I treat her like a queen and fuck her like a slave. These things don’t make me weak. They don’t make me less of a dominant. These things make me stronger than you can possibly imagine. There is nothing quite so formidable as a dominant who has found the perfect submissive to fuel his fire. Never will you see anyone love so strongly or fight so fiercely. 

Bottom line, Anon, is this: you sound like a boy playing at being a man. You decided one day that you were sick of women having willpower and a voice of their own, so you decided to call yourself a dominant and seek out some weak-willed submissive who wouldn’t talk back to you or stick up for herself. You are not a dom. You are a jackass with a whip. Classic case of toodomforyou.

[daddydomandhisbabydoll]

Amen D

[lovingbea1971]

Wow...

I don’t even know when I was here last, blogging. I know that I pretty much stopped after I got my new job in October. So much has been going on.

Perhaps I should start my story over…..give a recap of sorts?

So here goes……………

I’ve known I was a submissive my entire life. I cannot say that I knew what a submissive was so I really didn’t have an understanding of anything until after I read 50 Shades. Yea I already know what some of you are thinking, but don’t. After I read those books I literally dove into Every. Single. Book. I could to learn about submission and the lifestyle.

It wasn’t really an “ah ha” moment for me because I already knew that I was a submissive, but I was very happy to learn the definition of what I was and that I wasn’t alone.

I began to search for someone that I could enter into a relationship with. Met some “dom’s” that were not so good and began to learn what a real dom was vs. a fake one. Luckily they were long distance so I didn’t suffer too badly. I was lucky.

Finally I found a real Dom on a site. We connected extremely well. He took me on as his submissive after some time of talking about limits, wants, needs, etc. One small, teensy winsy thing. He lived half way across the country. So we entered into long distance M/s relationship.

I loved this relationship. I was very happy and content. But as the years went on there was a physical need that I craved. After some time of realizing that I needed more physical then he could give me, he decided I should date.

I met several men, but none that I was really too interested in. None that I could just fuck and move on. Turns out I also found out that I am a demi-sexual. This means that I cannot sleep with anyone that I don’t have a mental connection with.

Until one day. The day I met Oliver.

I explained to Oliver about myself as a submissive and that I was owned by someone. Honestly now I don’t remember what he thought of it all but I know he did do some research. Turned out I enlightened him. It seemed that he had always felt dominant but didn’t quite understand anything about it being a lifestyle or anything else.

As time went on Oliver and I became closer and my physical need to touch him was too much. I had gotten approval from the master that owned me to have that need met. I cannot even begin to explain how amazing that time was. Something I truly will never forget. Never in my life had a man made me cum. Oliver did just that! Think I wanted more - lol…………………..um YEA!

This is where I started to have some problems. While I never wanted to be away from master, my need to be with Oliver grew. It became stressful and I felt tied between the two. It was not a happy time for me. Master had released me for a bit and I literally went nuts. I lost it and did not want to be without him. So the 3 of us made it work. It was after some time that the realization of this would not work. After several weeks of speaking with master, I was released again and given to Oliver. He then became my Dom, and still, to this day is.

I still am in contact with master daily, but our relationship is clearly very different now. I will always have a need for him in my life though. He helped me through really so much and I will forever be grateful. He’s an amazing man.

Now about Oliver and I….we don’t have a M/s relationship. We have our version of a DD/lg relationship. I’m not a true little. I do call Him Daddy though. And our relationship is 24/7 and in person, not long distance. We see each other almost every day. Our relationship has been in a bit of a rut after I got the new job. Part of that has been the reason I haven’t been here.

Part of my life is very stressful. I’ve allowed, and He’s allowed, that stress to take me away from being a submissive. It was so bad it was to the point where I questioned whether or not I still even wanted to be in a BDSM relationship. I asked Oliver for a break and we went back and forth a lot about my tasks and rules, etc. He was very lax. I think He was this way because He wasn’t sure if being hard on me would have pushed me over the edge. He waited it out until the stress dissipated.

Was this good for a Dom to do? Maybe not, but it’s what He did and we both learned from it. I don’t think that He will allow it to happen ever again. Actually I’m pretty sure He won’t allow it to happen again. He has a better hold of me and things now.

Our relationship is beginning to grow again and become much better. I’m not the easiest person to train and I think He’s also learned how to handle that. He is continuing to learn, grow and realize mistakes, as am I. I think now that the stress will be gone for awhile we need to grow stronger so that when it comes around again we will both handle it better and know exactly what to do, or not to do.

Today He said something pretty cool. Sometimes when we talk, freely, I tell Him that I think I am mentally stronger than Him. That He can’t break me. Today He asked me if I felt the same. I told Him I did. He said this. “When I’m not with you, you feel disconnected and alone. You feel confused and irritable. These are not signs of strengths. When I’m with you, you feel emboldened enough to be bratty. You feel confident and loved. Those are signs of strength. So when are you strongest? What is the source of your strength?”

Amazing right. I never realized that.

I do want Captain (I call Him this too sometimes, especially in public) to break me. Very badly. I can feel it more lately. Feeling the submission in my mind that I so missed.

The long distance relationship was so much easier not to fall out of the submission mind because it was the only thing we had. This relationship with Captain is hard work. So very much worth it though. I can’t wait to write about the future. I think Daddy is ready to take us to another level, and while I’m very nervous, I’m very excited. I trust Him, I know He will not hurt me, but it makes me nervous because He will be making me more mentally connected to Him. I love the mental part. I need it, but it leaves me open to be truly damaged if He never decides to let me go.

Not sure what else to say…………….but it feels extremely good to be back here. I hope to be back more often.

[the-discerning-dominant-deactiv]

8.0 Hear Her...

Source Iain Crawford

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” - Steven R Covey 

It is so simple for us to impose our will upon our eager, obedient submissives.

“I am the Dom. What I want is the only thing that matters. Is that understood?”

This may seem a viable arrangement for weeks, months, and even years.

But I am here to tell you in that way lies hubris. And the eventual end of your relationship.

A submissive gives herself to you, not so that she will be completely ignored and have all of her choices made for her. She gives herself to you because life can be overwhelming, stressful and anxiety-provoking. She gives herself because she enjoys occasionally having the paralyzing amount of choices made for her. Whether in the bedroom or in the ‘real’ world.  

The key word here is occasionally. Maybe even often. But never always.

She has spent a lifetime accumulating ideas, dreams, passions and viewpoints. Listen to them.

She has spent a lifetime imagining the perfect relationship. Listen to her.

She has spent a lifetime (if only figuratively) exploring the idea of being a submissive. Hear her.

Be attentive to her mind. It will speak to you not only in words, but in her silence, in the furtive shift of an eyebrow, the tension in her posture, or the melody of her laughter.

Listen to her body. It will talk to you in a special, secret language, if you only pause long enough to hear its sweet, sweet susurrus. The quickening of her breath, the strum of her heart, the raised goosebumps on her thigh, and the damp nectar between her glorious legs.

But most importantly, still yourself completely and attune yourself to her soul. Her eyes are the instrument. Absorb her melody and let her deepest longings that cannot be expressed with mere words or moans, be absorbed into your soul.

You are a Dom. Your responsibility isn’t to control every facet of her life. Your job is to know when to control, when to step back and most importantly of all, when to listen.

Hear her. It will make all the difference in the world. 

[myhandinyourhairwhileiwhisper]

🌊

[the-romantic-sadist]

This is the utter essence of being a Dom. It’s an art that takes a lifetime to master. Your sub is your masterpiece. Your Opus. Treat her well. Hear her. Even when she doesn’t speak. The stakes are higher them most realize. 

[oooinfinityooo-deactivated20180]

Very well said. 

~infinity~ 🐾

[consciousnessawakened]

Love this.

[mephistophelianmermaid-deactiva]

[youngsubmissivewife]

Yuuuuup

[thewolfawaits-deactivated201801]

Lift her chin slowly, look her in the eye and tell her "do as you are told"