trời biết, đất biết ~ the sky knows, the land knows
i finally walked in saint paul church on the main street this afternoon ~ it's 3 months today since i arrived in paris in august, right. i've been thinking of going to église saint-louis-en-i'Île across the bridge, as i believe it would be more quiet, for quite a while since i moved here (marais) for more than 2 months already but the master's has been too busy...and the weather has been colder in the last few weeks...
some youths were sitting hanging out in front of the church. i didn't pay attention if the "clean" homeless guy is in front of the gate on the other side, maybe he sets up his carton "house" in the evening...
i walked in, touched the holy water and made a cross ~ the ritual that i learned since primary school when going to Ham Long church in Hanoi with my close friend/ neighbour back then ~ a chance/ fate that i am still grateful for ~ to connect with the church space, spirit, songs and activities well before i had the first difficult time with family and friends/ foes/ class politics in secondary school and as an only child, i made a cross and talked to God
and it's more than 20 years since i experience bully ~ rumour/ exclusion in class on a daily basis 5 days a week, at my age and even the 10 year younger classmates who are almost 30 (but we're all 5 years less matured because of covid i guess) it seems so childish but how many of us get to grow from our wounded inner child...
and it's been almost 20 years since i struggle with the curse of 7 years of selective schools and further selective connections since in imo 2007, ipho 2008, duke engage 2009, royal academy of music, cambridge, oxford since 2010 and it carries on, back in hanoi ~ isee 2017, everest & 7a since 2018, song an 2020, 0 đường 2024 for central region. i didn't feel as fulfilled in uni in Hanoi, London, work places in Saigon ~ Hanoi ~ Hoi An (except from teaching with centers opened by people who also studied abroad) and now master's in Paris
but i'm also not sure i want to get back into the competitive selective cycle ~ but maybe because i'm not sure and i haven't been happy in other cycles, i could try again. or maybe, one day, the selective group who want to gather closer to nature ~ still finding my tribe, and it should be easier here, i guess. met a few at lpi so far, need to connect further. and maybe the selectives here/ in nordic are less competitive…
also, i/ we were young and didn't have enough experiences to compare or too much burden to then complain about school, study, teachers etc. in secondary school, i accepted in my diary that they are from richer families so we're different. i was also different because i didn't belong to any group ~ the carried on loneliness of an only child. but when i connect with someone, it's true-er friendship as some former close friends shared. looking back, the teachers and learning since high school was not as engaging/ inspiring as it's beyond basic knowledge and not as close to life/ tailored for future works ~ but at least we had more freedom at Ams to follow our study abroad dreams, together. and we had free meals cooked and free home ~ mostly :")
and less strangers to deal with in dating when being abroad ~ i was quite brave with that and works since 2010 ~ 2015 in London, and 2016 ~ 2022 in Vietnam, with BC that i didn't get to know enough from someone from my network, and also because of Covid i guess...i relearn recently that the referral person should be as compatible and relatable as possible for work, study and dating too i guess : )
i guess the universe has let me experience (south/ east and seemingly warmer kinder south) asians to the fuller here : ) and my connections so far here are and for longer will be mixed culture east meets west kids, a new era in my life : ) Josephine Mai? (from Doclab 2017), My Tam, Yassine? (from LPI ~ Heneo 2025), Bo (from a3, 1999 :"), Luka IMO 2007, maybe some from Overseas Vietnames ~ will see : ) the smiley south americans seems nice but there's something missing ~ the sweeter more caring asian side i guess :")
one of the signs of compatibility, relevance, being in tune and right timing is that you don't need to explain yourself so much, you are heard and understood : ) we can learn new knowledge but how it is shared can weave or just go parallel...
