Sirius was the best, out of the marauders, the gryffindors, his whole charms class, the muffliato charm, and that was unexpected and surprising for him for some reason.
when he first heard about it, he knew it could use it for so many exciting, mischievous things. at first, he'd cast them in classes to plot and scheme with his fellow marauders (or just talk about how down bad James had it for a certain ginger, or which mold Snivellus looked most like today)
then as he grew, he found it was wonderful for if he brought someone into his bed with the curtains drawn, while his roommates would pretend to be asleep more than usual. he would mumble it with ease as he stumbled down corridors, a messy hurricane of tangled limbs and didn't want to get caught in a broom closet (especially not with Moony, his very close very platonic friend)
everyone knew these reasons, but there was always one that no one knew. or at least, Sirius didn't think so.
when he gets certain letters signed The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, when the youngest Black son sneers instead of smiling back, when something so little as McGonagall being genuinely disappointed in his class performance, he'll shield himself away with the curtains on his bed and the last thing anyone would hear would be:
Surprisingly, Remus was the first to notice how Sirius would sound as he cast it. His usual confident demeanor would evaporate like the smoke from his stress cigarettes, and if you strained your ears (or just had unnaturally efficient hearing) you could hear how his voice broke off before the deafening silence the spell left behind.
It was fourth year, Regulus' birthday when Lupin figured out the greatest mystery of Sirius Black.
In his blind fury, a hasty hash that even James knew not to intervene with, Sirius' curtain rings screeched like a mandrake, followed by his best charm. But he had left a sliver open, only visible on Moony's side of the room.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
Needless to say, satisfaction is not what Remus got from snooping.
Creeping, not to stir the storm (he had often wondering what he animagus form would be - he entertained the idea of a mouse), his eye hovered by the fabric separating him from his friend. He simply stood there for at least a minute, trying to figure out what was happening while the scene in front of him played on mute.
After a while, he got it.
Sirius' mouth was wide open, his eyes screwed shut so tight it was a wonder that he didn't have wrinkled like Dumbledore. His pale hands grasped and pulled at his covers, veins popping with stress and strain. Like drops of silver, thick, hot tears fell down the usually smiling (smirking more like) boy.
So this was how Sirius coped. When cigarettes, shagging and firewhiskey couldn't suffice, he would seal himself away and just scream.
The next morning, after Remus returned to his own cot, Sirius looked relatively normal, as in he didn't look like he was screaming his lungs out the night before. He croaked slightly when he replied to Peter with his usually cheery "Morning, Wormy." But passed it off as a cold.
Months and months after Remus' discovery, when they finally crossed the line of "non-queer platonic snogging" and shared a bed while wearing clothes more than once a week, Sirius had been called for a meeting with his brother in Slughorn's study. When he came back, he looks shaken and immediately made a move for his bed, his safe sanctuary and tried to draw the curtains, but before he could, Moony more or less threw himself onto the bed, facing Sirius.
Three little words. Three little words and Sirius could feel the walls he built up crumble.
That night, he did cast Muffliato. That night, he did cry. But that night, he didn't scream or yell or twist and tangle his bedsheets.
That night, instead of screaming until his throat was raw and crackling and felt like he swallowed a cactus, he just talked. He talked to Moony about what it was like in The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, how him and his brother's relationship shredded a little bit more every year until now, when the young Regulus declared he no longer had a brother, it was severed like a tie being held onto like a lifeline. He talked about everything and anything - big things, small things. And when he woke up in the morning, voice soothingly not croaking like Frank's family toad, and in the safe confines of Remus' arms, he let himself smile.
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