OA

A place where I am just figuring out the world of adulthood.

[onadulting]

More than Friends?

I don’t know what changed and how it happened but we are here now. Over time, we became closer and he was coming round mine just as often as I was going round his. And suddenly the lines were blurring.

Friends to lovers is a popular romance trope in films and books which I never thought I’d experience. But how wrong I was. Although that’s not quite right either. With gestures and words, his doings didn’t seem as platonic as they were before, but I didn’t know if that was my own delusion that overpowered my critical thinking skills. I wanted to believe that I was overthinking and I was reading too much into all of our interactions but the good night texts and sharing couple posts were becoming more frequent. Was it all in my head? He never mentioned anything about liking me nor have I ever dared say anything to him. I didn’t want to start liking him out of the courtesy of his feelings for me- if he even had any. But the point is that it all appeared so natural and normal, nothing was forced. To me, I still view him as a good person, although I’m not certain he’s for me. Sure, I’ve liked the guy, or secretly still getting over him, but I think this all happened because of our close proximity and it was inevitable. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. For some time, I was convinced he was going to say something about it but the time never came. I’m moving soon and still nothing has been said. I’m exhausted and hurt. He knows that I would want someone to take initiative and he has not done so, making me feel like there was nothing there to begin with. Sometimes I even feel crazy for assuming there was a little bit of something. 

I’ve lost all hope for this, it’s been too long. They say that if he wanted to, he would, and if he won’t, then someone else will. Maybe there’s some truth to that. I refuse to say something just in case it was all in my head. I know I’ll find a man that will do all the things he has done for me and so much more, as well as owning up to his feelings. I’m upset and lost. My friends have also been discouraged because of how long this has been going on, one even getting angry and saying how he’s disrespecting me. Perhaps she’s right but I don’t want to think badly of him like that because at the end of the day, he’s still my friend. And even if he was disrespecting me and leading me on, I have unknowingly allowed myself to fall into this trap.

OA <3

[onadulting]

Favouring Silence

I’m not sure how many can resonate with this, if at all, but I see silence as a weapon. There’s a reason as to why the idiom “silence is golden” exists. What I’ve experienced as a relatively quiet person is that usually people regard me as shy and closed-off because I wouldn’t ever talk much. It was seen as a flaw that many sought out to change. Sure, as a child I had little to no confidence but now, many years later, I’ve found how much of an asset one’s silence can be. 

Silence and listening go hand-in-hand. Learning to be silent and actually proactively listening to the conversation around is a skill that some lack. Consciously stepping back in conversation gives you an upper hand in detecting insincerity and deception. There isn’t really much else to it than favouring silence over mindless rambling, especially in awkward or uncomfortable situations. Through thoughtful silence and the correct attitude, objective persons will see it as an assertive, level-headed quality. For only sensitive people will get defensive when questioned on their silence.

OA <3 

[onadulting]

The Hook-Up Culture at its Finest

Living as a person in their 20s in the 21st century is as hard as it is but the additional pressure of having to go through with the current hook-up culture is a mess. There is this notion that this trend is empowering and something that everyone should try out because it’s a no-strings-attached form of self-pleasure. However, what no one tells you is just how damaging is it for those that do not wish to participate, for they are deemed as lame and prudes, so to speak. I guess to some, this culture is somewhat freeing but most just do it because of the lack of other options, they get swallowed up without the intention of it.

In my “humble” opinion, this sort of trend is a form of devaluing oneself for the sole purpose of sex. Which is very shallow. I am all for sexual liberty if it is done in a respectful, safe, and law-abiding way. But any new trend and social construction comes with consequences. Those consequences, specifically in regards to the hook-up culture, being the insincerity and superficial forms of relationships that come as a result. 

Anyone who shies away from this trend and instead wants for something more substantial is left with little to no options. Instead, this generation relies on rizz and games in order to get in someone’s pants. It has come to the point of not knowing who is being genuine and who has an ulterior motive. It has become so normalised that no one sees an issue with this. It’s a sure destruction of what real romance and love should be- for the bare minimum gets celebrated. Again, one’s value is determined by sex rather than anything else that makes a good human being. But who am I kidding? Personal qualities seem to have no value in this day and age.

Maybe I’m the lame one and the prude. Maybe all I want to do is find a good, loving partner and start a family with them. But I don’t know how that’s meant to happen if this is the reality. There really is no shame in wanting to be a part of the hook-up culture if that’s something that you really want, but please don’t shame others for having different views and forcing them into this trend. 

OA <3

[onadulting]

Appreciation

From a child’s perspective, parents always seem to get everything right. They know everything and have the answers to all questions because they are omniscient. But as you grow older, you see how that is not all true. From my understanding, it all comes down to improvisation because for the most part, no one knows how to raise a child to become a decent human being. One can read as many books on child-raising as they can, yet a child will still defy all literature.

I am not someone who has children of their own, nor am I someone who looks after children on a daily but I do understand gratefulness. I’ve come to witness that our generation is lacking it. Maybe it comes with the process of growing up but having appreciation for those that brought you up, at least to me, is a must. It’s a given that everyone had a different way of upbringing and maybe the execution of such was horrible but the appreciation of not ending up like someone counts just as much as the opposite. 

Perhaps this post makes little sense or in your opinion has limited truths to it but regardless is something to think about. Despite your upbringing, there will always things to be grateful for which your caregiver or parent taught you- good or bad. I know it’s ironic to be grateful for being taught something bad but it teaches you a life lesson nonetheless. You just have to change your perspective. As shallow and insensitive as it sounds, it all amounts to your outlook on things.

It will take time, patience, and a truck load of childhood trauma to heal but it’s all for your own growth. It is never my intention to purposefully upset anyone with my words but I understand how this post might make some people feel. Learning to be grateful for undergoing harsh experiences is far from easy but at the end of the day, it is only you who has the complete control of how you deal with these situations. One can despise people and experiences all they want but it’s such a nasty mindset to be stuck in. 

From my experiences, it only made me a resentful person who fueled their anger with reliving those traumatic events. I was the furthest thing away from a good person or someone fun to be around. Not going to lie, it took me years to see or begin to understand the little good that came out of those situations. But what I’ve come to realise is that appreciating the negative is not so much of a bad thing. Sure, it’s very strange but not inherently terrible in itself. Without having lived through those experiences I would’ve still been that naïve and hateful teenager. I am very glad to have grown up to see the positive glinting behind all the negative. Maybe with time that can be you too.

I see this post may have taken a slight turn from its beginning but I got to my point eventually. I’m not sure if this is an amazing tone-setter for my first blog post but it’s a start regardless. I just wanted to get my thoughts out there in the hopes that someone might relate.

OA <3 

[onadulting]

On Adulting

Through this page, I wanted to create a space for people who are currently growing up in the 21st century to relate to the struggles of what it means to become an adult. By ‘On Adulting’, I wish to build a platform that is open to everyone as well as speak on the topics that we, as young people, are left to figure out on our own.

By no means am I an influencer or someone who believes that they have it all right. I’m very much still working things out and decided to share my experiences in the hopes that at least one person can connect with. For all I know, this could turn out to be a major flop and I’ll be embarrassed for the rest of my life. But regardless of how this platform might work out, please consider joining me on the adventure of adulting. Who knows, maybe you’ll actually like the content…

Thank you for reading,

OA <3