this is the money garf. reblog for untold pasta and riches to come your way
Sade Olutola
Monterey Bay Aquarium

blake kathryn
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Sweet Seals For You, Always
Cosmic Funnies
todays bird
KIROKAZE

#extradirty
Keni
RMH
trying on a metaphor

Andulka

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣

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untitled

bliss lane
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

oozey mess
ojovivo
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@once-upon-a-hunter15
this is the money garf. reblog for untold pasta and riches to come your way
Explaining All The Hatchetfield Lore:
(disclaimer: all lot of this is based on context clues and expositional monologues, so it is my best guess and could be wrong. But I'm pretty sure it's right.)
We start in the 1820's, on an island in Lake Michigan. Now, there's three main families you need to know about here, and those are Muckwabs, the Metzgers, and the Waylons. Remember those because they're important.
So around 1824, Willabella Muckwab discovers the eldritch entities known as the Lords in Black (LiB). She becomes a devoted follower of them, and writes a book out of children's blood, which details their history, how to summon them, spells, prophecies, etc. This book is called the Abominable Tome, but it is most often referred to as the Black Book.
Well maybe the town doesn't like the fact that their children are disappearing, or maybe they discover the book, we don't know exactly what happened. But Willabella Muckwab is tried as a witch and hung. This doesn't kill off the Muckwab family, however, because Willabella had a daughter. That will be important later.
So basically, Willabella is hung by the Metzger family (remember them?) who are often referred to as the Hatchetmen. She is buried in the woods, the black book is lost, but her soul lives on, because of her connection to the Lords in Black. Well this isn't good, so the Hatchetmen begin killing anyone else who shows signs of having magic, burying them around the woods so they can grow into trees, their magic trapping Willabella in a 'web.' All of these magic tree-people form a forest, which is called the Witchwood. The Witchwood has special properties, because of all the magic. It affects the soil and the way things grow, but most importantly, it traps Willabella, who's is known as The Witch in The Web.
Jump ahead to 1827, it's been a couple years since Willabella's death, and that island is now known as the town of Hatchetfield. That's when the the Waylons show up (remember them?) Well, the Agatha and Mathias Waylon find the Black Book, rediscovering the Lords In Black. And isn't this just a super cool religion? Let's get everyone else involved! The Waylon's form a cult, called the Church of The Starry Children, who worship the LiB. They have a ton of people on board, and with the LiB, they offer sacrifices get rich and stay forever young. The Waylon family also sets up 5 Dark Altars around town, which coincides to the 5 Lords in Black. These altars are the Old School House, Waylon hall, the Old Mill, the Hatchetfield Gazette, and the Starlight Theater. All of these are places where somebody could summon the Lords in Black, with very little knowledge or power.
So the Church of The Starry Children has been doing very well for quite a while. In 1945, they begin the Honey Queen festival, a tradition where they elect one woman per year to sacrifice to the Lord in Black, Nibblenephim. They're very good at hiding in plain sight. However, they can't stay hidden forever. In 1975, they are meeting in Waylon Hall, when they are ambushed by the Metzgers, also known as the Hatchetmen. The Hatchetmen massacre the Starry Children, and once again, the Black Book is lost.
I hope you're enjoying this lore because it's only just getting interesting. That was all pretty straight foreword, and people generally don't argue about it. So for a recap, we have Willabella who wrote basically an evil bible for the Lords in Black, and who was murdered by the Hatchetmen. Then you have the Church of the Starry children, who worshipped the Lords in Black, also murdered by the Hatchetmen. Those are our three families. What if I told you that after all this happened, three other characters were up to some wacky hijinks? This is where things get muddy.
Now introducing our three new parties of interest: Willabella's daughter, the PEIP organization, and a mysterious woman only known as Miss Holloway. Here's what's up with those guys.
Miss Holloway was a pop star, rising to fame in the 1980's. We don't know a lot about her backstory, but it is assumed that she witnessed a tragedy, because she sought the help of the Lords in Black. They made her a deal that would allow her to have the power to help those in need, but in return, she would have to give up what she cherished most. (We don't know if those were the exact terms of the deal, but it seems to be the standard deal when it comes to the Lords in Black, so we go with that.) So Miss Holloway takes the deal. She gives up the ability to be remembered: no one knows who she is, and anytime she tries to tell anybody her story, it is immediately erased from their memory. In return, the Lords in Black make her the keeper of the Black Book, as well as magic such as hypnosis, and the ability to regenerate her body. She is able to die, but she always comes back. There is only one thing that can kill her, and that is a dagger known as the Black Blade, which she used to kill a man who made a similar deal, named Wilbur Cross.
But who is Wilbur Cross? To explain that, we have to explain Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, Inter-dimensional Phenomena, or the government agency known as PEIP. Wilbur Cross was an army Colonel, and very high-ranking in PEIP. In 2005, PEIP constructed an inter-dimensional portal to a place outside of time and space known as the Black and White. They didn't know that the B&W was home to the Lords in Black. On October 5, 2005, they sent Wilbur Cross through that portal, where he encountered the Lords in Black and pledged his allegiance to them. He was also gifted powers and immortality, but to serve the Lords in Black, which meant that he used it for evil. He stepped back out of the portal, appearing to the remaking PEIP agents, before disappearing to Hatchetfield, where he murdered Sheriff Douglas Keane.
Remember Willabella's daughter? Well, she had a daughter, who had a daughter, etc. The family tree continued until October 5, 2005, when a couple of things happened simultaneously. The portal was opened to the Black and White at the same time Hannah Foster, the descendant of Willabella Muckwab, was born. This caused a few events to occur, most notably that the timeline was shattered. Until that point, there was only one universe, but on that day, when Hannah was born and Wilbur stepped through the portal, infinite universes were created, branching off from that moment.
As a descendant of Willabella Muckwab, Hannah (as well as her older sister, Lex) was born with powers, also known as "the Gift." Her powers gave her a close connection to the Black and White, and even more so to Webby, who is not a Lord in Black, but is their sister. Webby is a spider-like goddess who embodies light and love, the antithesis of the Lords in Black. She is in a constant feud with them to gain control of the many realities, and to protect Hannah from her brothers and their minions, such as Wilbur Cross.
Now, Hannah's powers were stronger than anybody else's. She is clearly the strongest out of all the other children with a touch of the gift, and has been able to speak with Webby since she was young. I believe that this is a result of her being born at the moment that the divide between reality and The Black And White was weakest. Hannah is basically a cosmic trump card. Whoever controls Hannah controls the universe, so Webby and the Lords in Black are in a constant battle over her. The LiB want her dead, and Webby wants her alive, so that could mean that her power could be the thing to reconnect all the realities.
In present day, we have a couple of things playing out at once. Everybody's still in a competition over Hannah, with Lex determined to protect her. Miss Holloway uses her powers to help children, alongside Duke Keane, who she is falling in love with, and whose father was murdered by Wilbur Cross. Wilbur Cross does Wiggly's bidding. Some members or the Church of the Starry Children live on, those descended from or related to (by blood or marriage) the original members, and still indulge in the LiB's power and riches. Waylon Hall is cursed so that nothing may truly die there. As the Witchwood is cut down, little by little, its hold on Willabella weakens. And the Black Altars still remain, where anyone with the Black Book may summon the Lords in Black. In realities where Miss Holloway is murdered, the Black Book is kept safe by Solomon Lauter, mayor of Hatchetfield. Also, the Lords in a lack seem to have favourite humans to torture across multiple realities. The Spankoffski family is often a target of T'noy Karaxis, as an example.
So yup, that's where we're at. That's the baseline understanding of events that we as a fandom all seem to have, yet don't write down because that a lot of writing. Good thing I like writing!
Oh, and there's one thing I missed. We hate Clivesdale. Fuck Clivesdale.
This is why we can never let local news die. Commitment to the bit as an art form must survive
given the current climate this pride especially i feel i must mention that i love my trans friends, i stand with trans people in the fight against transphobic legislation and those who would enforce it, and this blog is not a good place for you to be if you do not vibe with that
KICK THE CAN!
Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.
To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.
the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now
And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!
if you see this while you're touching yourself you have to reblog it so everyone knows, them's the rules
do not unfollow me. one day i will be your 30 year old mutual
April fool's? ⁉️ Only for April 1st? ⁉️ That's a weak mindset. That's low perfomance 📉 👎👎 I am a fool every day 🗓 The grind 💪💪💪📈 never stops ❌ ⛔️ I am in it for the long run 🔛🏃♀️ No quitter mindset here 🚫🔝 🏆
It is now officially Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month, meaning if you are autistic and someone is even slightly mean to you, they will be killed on the spot
since i only ever send rick rolls to ppl i figured id just post one for all my followers for april fools day this year to save myself the effort
happy april fools y’all
Me, trying to be relatable: remember when you'd be at church as a kid during holy week and you'd be observing the stations of the cross and you'd feel a terrible jealousy when Jesus was getting crucified. Like what if there was a church so moved by my sacrifice that they gathered every year to somberly recreate what I went through. What if they sang hymns about how I was so afraid I began to sweat blood. What if they all cradled my body after and wept because they all loved me and could not stand to see my suffering
The other people at my high school reunion: ...what?
Me, holding back tears: I meant ha ha remmebr dodgebal
Birds in converse! Idk why I just drew it. And I'm making stickers with them!
goodbye chiikawa
oil paint on board, 2026
borzoi
please just give me the game
“They’re just looking for attention.”
Oh, a human being is seeking a social response? Human being, the social animal wired to make and track social connection? A human desires the vital blood that permitted their species to survive for millennia? The human being who was born completely helpless and primed in every way by nature to seek attention and help from their community?
Wow that’s crazy. How embarrassing. Humiliating even. Should we isolate them from community? Should we call Wire Mother?