Stake & Scribe

ﾒ Reclusive vampire herbalist & part-time local omen. ﾒ Grown in low light conditions. ﾒ Mildly unhinged. Socially difficult. ◡̈ ﾒ These photos and stories were brought to you by an absolute lunatic, hermit and creature of existential crisis. . /ᐠ ᐟ\ /|㇏ ꒰｡ ˋ۵ˊ｡꒱ ノ|\ © 2026 Mar Mortelle. All rights reserved.

[onebattoomany]

Gregory says they change colour with the acidity of the earth. I say they’re simply moody. We respect that in this household.

[onebattoomany]

There is a creature in my garden that moves with the speed of an unpaid bill. The 3 foot tall ‘spider’ and I share an understanding: I do not scream, she does not sprint directly at my face.

[onebattoomany]

If you ever feel useless, remember I once alphabetised my enemies.

[onebattoomany]

I can’t wait to sow my poppies!

[onebattoomany]

Moths mistake my hands for moonlight & I do not correct them. The moon has enough admirers.

Some girls collect flowers. I collect nocturnal admirers with questionable survival instincts.

[onebattoomany]

No, I am not secretly reading Asterix & Obelix inside the latest, really important, really secretive, really need to learn this before the next nocturnal gathering, codex on Vampire Laws & Customs.

I am studying.

Very hard.

Fergus is outside staring at a plant until it apologises.

We are both committed to our crafts!

[onebattoomany]

Gregory said I needed ‘fresh air’. This is the face of someone compromising… I’m trying to be approachable. So far I’ve frightened three pigeons & a man called Nigel.

[onebattoomany]

I’m rooting for you. From a distance. In the dark.

[onebattoomany]

Yes, I live in a gothic fever dream. No, I will not redecorate.

[onebattoomany]

I’m very approachable. Slowly. At dusk.

[onebattoomany]

Survived plagues. Currently battling WiFi.

[onebattoomany]

[onebattoomany]

Splendid. A bat in a bed sheet. I’ve spent a thousand years striking terror into mortals, and now my underlings are auditioning for budget Casper. Truly, nothing screams fearsome predator like a flying pillowcase - G. Mortelle 🧛‍♀️

[onebattoomany]

Trick-or-treat, he says. As if centuries of blood taxes, inquisitions, and unpaid bar tabs don’t already count as the biggest bloody trick in history. - G. Mortelle 🧛‍♀️

[onebattoomany]

Nothing says ‘trust me’ like a bat smiling like it knows where you hid the bodies. - G. Mortelle 🧛‍♀️

[onebattoomany]

[onebattoomany]