No you don’t understand. If he got caught on a rooftop you’re telling me notable himbo Bruce Wayne wouldn’t lie? He’d take one look at the security guard and go
“oh well my therapist thinks pretending to be the Batman will help me exert some perceived control over my life, because I’ve suffered from an absence of agency ever since my parents were brutally murdered in front of me as a child”
and then the security guard is nodding because hey? that kind of makes sense. But can he do any flips? Like the ones the real Batman does?
Bruce can do one flip. He’s very proud. The security guard claps politely, because, yeah, this kid is definitely fucked up. But he just did a flip!
The security guard asks what kind of therapist prescribed Batman roleplay to deal with his childhood trauma. There’s loud snickering from one rooftop over. Bruce seems to ignore this, so the guard does too.
“My butler is board certified,” he says, and the security guard nods again. That makes sense. He’s heard about all the things butlers do. Rich people really have no concept of the word “overtime.”
Bruce waves him off. Apparently he’s going to keep practicing his flip on another rooftop so he can see the city better.
“I put the cowl on and then I practice my affirmations,” he tells the guard seriously, “I am enough. I am loved. I am vengeance.”
The guard points out that the last one is Batman’s affirmation, actually.
“No, I know that,” Bruce says, then waves, “have a good night!”
The guard’s shift ends a few minutes later, and he goes home and researches LARPing as a form of cognitive behavioral therapy.
Good for Bruce Wayne. Maybe he should try some therapy one of these days.
