One Way Ticket Out @onewayticketout - Tumblr Blog

I wasn’t in the wrong because I didn’t know any better

That doesn’t change the way I feel, and how I don’t think I could ever trust someone or fall in love with someone because of some stranger who had no respect for his wife.

#writing #spilled ink #don't do this often #but it's fucked up #that people cheat in relationships #i don't want any part of it

My heart is not broken; it simply hasn’t been built yet.

I don’t know you much beyond what I see of you with others but

I’ll be damned if I pass by the best thing to come into my life so far Without so much as an,

“I’ve always been fond of you and even though I can’t talk to you, I also can’t imagine ever being myself without you” Or even an,

“I don’t know where you came from but I want to the same way I want to know your favourite colour/movie/music genre/breakfast cereal, the faces you make when you’re happy/angry/scared/in love, how every inch of your legs/hands/face/skin feels beneath my fingertips” Or maybe,

“You deserve so much better than me, but I hope you don’t realize it before I get a chance to show you how much I think you’re worth”

#writing #poetry #love #spilled ink #missed connections

I’m still in love with you and I know that I should stop seeing you as “friends” but truthfully, I’d rather kill myself slowly than not at all.

#writing #spilled ink #short #prose #love #getting over love

I wanted to write you a poem. I've written many for others and now the insatiable hunger for expression is gnawing at me so here it is. I knew I would have to tell you everything.

I would find a way to write into these lines that while I love good bread and late night drives and artwork on my body and the infinite expanse of the galaxy, my mind always comes back to you.

The snow-capped mountains.

I could end this poem right there but that would not quite accomplish the story with a happy ending we're all yearning for.

It's a bright Monday morning with no other commitments in mind. The perfect day to get up early, get up midday maybe, and drive for hours with nothing but dim music and decent weather and the snow-capped mountains before us.

This poem that I'm writing; I could spend time describing those mountains in the most intimate detail from the time I've spent with them and pictures I've seen but not from that day.

Nothing compares to the feeling of good company and the relaxed nature of not being surrounded by city traffic and not having to focus on anything in particular. It's incredible to be surrounded by so much intoxicating beauty and be aware of it but not have to focus on it.

The mountains mean nothing to me compared to how my mind somewhat clears because I want to be able to hear what you're saying and know what you're thinking but I don't have to speculate because you're right there beside me.

I spend a lot of my time thinking about work and school and my family and my future and the mountains and you and my brain and even my brain manages to twist them all into something awful because what better way is there to obsess than over what could possibly go wrong at any given moment in time, but I swear to God I've never felt as calm as I had sitting in a gas station parking lot, looking at the mountains but also not because you were in the fucking way and I couldn't care less.

I lied. There is no happy ending to this story. Because somehow I told myself I would and I've fallen in love with you. This is the end. I know you don't feel the same way and I suppose this is where I should cut myself off.

Please don't forget that bright Monday morning/Midday where we drove into the mountains. I know I'll always remember (you)

#spilled ink #writing #poetry #prose #love #friendship #mountains

inkskinned

yes, love is work. but love must be two-sided. we are raised to give ourselves until we are drained. if they do not reciprocate, it isn’t love. love isn’t pouring gasoline down the drain in the hope the sparks you felt might light a fire that keeps you warm. love is coming in out of the cold, knowing they’ll already have made you a cup of cocoa.

11 - My best friend at thirteen years old. She’s beautiful, but she doesn’t see it and as time goes on all I see is skin and bone and anemia and malnutrition and months of unneeded dieting before we fully knew what that meant.

8 - My best friend is thinner and prettier than ever. I’m not quite jealous but I can’t help comparing myself to her. And then, she’s gone. Just like that she leaves and I’m alone for the first time since ever, I don’t know how to take this.

24 - Me. My fat. I’m sixteen and I’m broken. There’s more to me than skin and bone and muscle and fat and weight and it’s everywhere and it’s killing me. You can say I’m smart all you want, but nobody wants “smart” anymore. It’s all about pretty. It’s all about pretty and sexy and beautiful and not whatever this is.

13 - It’s been two weeks and I’m addicted. I can’t stomach the thought of myself to the point I can’t stomach anything and what a rush it gives me how alive I feel is taking over and it’s only been two weeks with many more to come. Oh, God, yes, this. This is what I’ve been waiting for.

17 - I can’t breathe anymore. Everything is excruciating pain and sadness and heartbreak and lonely and there’s nothing left for me here, but I can’t leave. I’m drowning I’m drowning I’m drowning I’m underwater, and nothing can save me.

25 - I get a break. You come along and suddenly I feel whole again. You build me up and I can’t imagine tearing myself down when I look in your eyes. They’re blue. A really bright blue that shines with warmth and love and understanding and it’s possible they’re the most beautiful things my own dull eyes have ever seen.

19 - I no longer think of myself. Not as ugly or dull or fat or even pretty or smart or anything. I don’t think of myself because I don’t need to because I feel so reassured in myself because you love me and I realize that’s all I ever needed.

99 - I know it’s dangerous to love someone so completely, but I am so over everyone else that I am happy.

#writing #spilled ink #personal #love #self esteem #self doubt