Adventures in Online Dating

The world of online dating is a terrifying place, so I armed myself with my laptop, a WiFi connection, and a Tumblr side blog in a feeble attempt to maintain my sanity.

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

I'd say, "no," but he'd probably think that's a "yes" in disguise.

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

Ten bucks says he pulls the “sexy librarian” card next.

Damn, I lost the bet.  

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

Forget to mention this because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but Michael replied to me on Wednesday.  I heard from him again early this morning, but he was just telling me he wouldn’t be able to properly reply to my (second) message until the weekend because of how much work he’s got right now.  I don’t feel so foolish anymore. 

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

I'm starting to feel a tinsy bit foolish about this Michael Aranda thing.  He reblogged one of the posts I tagged him in and added a comment that (now as I think about it) makes me sound like some stupid fangirl.  And of course, because he has a lot of followers, people keep reblogging it and I'm starting to feel like I'm the butt of a joke.  Sure, he was probably being goofy and clever and whatever, but I know that my apprehensions are valid.  It doesn't help that the he's logged on to the OKC profile since I sent the message and hasn't answered it.  He's not obligated to answer, of course, but that coupled with the post doesn't make me feel better.  

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

Everything I'm writing sounds so stupid.  If I don't get a reply from him, my account's getting deactivated again.  And I already replied to one guy who sent me a good message, so I really hope I don't regret this.  We'll see.

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

Oh, and when I said that there’s a convincing michaelaranda profile on OkCupid, I mean it’s really convincing. Aside from the fact that there’s a mini FAQ and the first question is

The tone of the profile sounds exactly how he writes and speaks. Part of me...

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

I think this is your roundabout way of confirming that that's your profile.

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

The more I think about it, the more I'm considering reactivating my profile just to message this "Michael Aranda" profile.  Michael's Instagram account is linked to his photos, so either someone knows his log in information or he's on OkCupid.  I think it's the latter.

I don't know what I'd say in the message, though.  I'd want to talk to him as Michael the person not Michael Aranda the YouTuber.  And from what I can tell from his profile, we don't have too many interests in common.  So it probably wouldn't get too far.

I think I'll base my decision whether or not to reactivate on if I can take a decent selfie.  When I logged on last night and reviewed my profile, I didn't like the way some of it sounded.  You could tell that I was getting frustrated with the kind of attention and messages I was getting.  And in this particular case, I'd want my picture to show my face.  After having both full pictures and cropped pictures, it doesn't matter; the comments about my physical appearance still occur.  They just occur a little bit less with the crop picture.  But with the cropped picture comes the "Why's your picture cut off?" questions.

Ugh, I don't knoooow.  If it's not a legitimate profile, I feel like I'd be setting myself up for getting catfished.  But at the same time, what could it hurt?  The worst case scenario is that I get hurt emotionally over some guy online.  It's happened a handful of times already, so it's nothing new to me.  And if nothing else, maybe I'll make a new Internet friend/acquaintance.

If any of you read this and want to share your thoughts, please do.  I'm pretty sure I've made up my mind, though.  If I can take a good selfie today, I'm going to send "Michael" a message. 

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

Oh, and when I said that there’s a convincing michaelaranda profile on OkCupid, I mean it’s really convincing.  Aside from the fact that there’s a mini FAQ and the first question is  

The tone of the profile sounds exactly how he writes and speaks.  Part of me is convinced that it’s legitimate, but the other part of me remembers how many times I caught people trying to catfish.  My skepticism outweighs my hopefulness.

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

Sounds bad, right?  Just wait, I haven't shown you his list of favorite books yet: 

With that in mind, let's look at a few more of his responses:

There's way too much of a coincidence.

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

He didn’t reply

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

I knew I shouldn’t have answered a message from a 50-year-old.

But I did take the opportunity to check out his profile.  OH BOY.  There’s so much that bothers me that I just annotated the screenshots like a piece of literature.  I mean, it’s long and boring enough to be one.  Most things are highlighted and have comments next to them, but a few are just underlined. 

He’s got this weird obsession with children and women at least two decades younger than him.  He also talks about women like they’re only good for reproduction, raising children, and fixing him.  Yep, it sure is a mystery why he’s an unwed 50-year-old with no children. 

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

He’s added to his profile since I last saw it, and it doesn’t make him sound any less condescending or controlling.  

If this guy has ever wondered why he’s 50 years old and has never been in a committed relationship, he should start by reading his own profile.  That and the fact that he uses “boink” instead of “have sex with” will answer any questions he might have

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

Damn, I’m good.  He didn’t think so, unfortunately

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

He's back and his ego is more fragile than ever

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

I don't know what this guy's problem was, but it scared me.  It was too Elliot Roger-esque, and that didn't sit well with me.  The way he treated me was completely uncalled for.  Both of his messages are emotionally manipulative and mildly abusive.  Plus he was defensive, entitled, rude, and condescending.  The "generic profile" jab was pretty hypocritical considering his profile is just different variations of "nobody cares".  

His profile got deleted sometime this past week, but I don't know if he's made another one or intends to in the future .  Just keep an eye out for this guy.  He's one big red flag.

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

If his picture is any indication, I don't think he was impressed with the booty

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

A 32-year-old man who relies on cheesy pizza jokes.  Excuse me while I go stick my head in a hot oven.  

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

Send this to anyone who says, "Oh my gawd, I LOVE British boys!  They're so much better than American boys."

[onlinedatingshenanigans]

"I would've said cutie"  Yeah, because that's sooo much better than "sexy"...

His profile said that he has two kids whom he "sees often," which most likely means he doesn't have full custody.  Can't imagine why.  He seems like such a good role model.