Never Tell Me The Odds

[contemptible-scoundrel]

[its-the-blob]

#huh. didn’t know sheev palpatine could turn into a dinosaur.

well, the dark side is a path to many abilities some consider to be totally rad

[kermitlesbian]

when I was in high school my dad was speeding like crazy because I was running late to my job at the cemetery. and the cop who pulled him over gave him three whole tickets because who the hell goes 95 in a 25??? but then, when my dad went to court the cop didn’t show, and so the judge looked over at the charges and just couldn’t believe it. he thought the cop must’ve been so racist that he made it up because who the hell goes 95 in a 25? so my dad got all 3 tickets dismissed bc of racism. that he didn’t even experience because he was in fact going 95 in a 25.

[kermitlesbian]

to clarify. my dad used to be a cab driver in ny and he also grew up in india so he just drives like a dickhead.

[probablybadrpgideas]

Instead of rolling dice, buy a copious amount of Chinese fortune cookies. Every time you need to roll, read aloud your fortune and let your Dungeon Master decide what it means.

[iamthegenderman]

DM: Eat for initiative

*Everyone reaches into a large bowl of fortune cookies in the center of the table*

The guy who was way too eager: it says… “Every flower blooms in its own sweet time.”

DM: You go last

[alanaisalive]

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

[iguanamouth]

oh shit

[throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight]

[alanaisalive]

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

[docd666]

Y'all know what to do Tumblr.

[cosmiiqueer]

can we like, have adaptations made by people who care about the thing they're adapting

[waitingtobebroken]

Every time some showrunner is like "I didn't read the book" or "I know nothing about the game" I'm like??? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE THEN?

[oddlittlestories]

Or just as bad, implies that the original work was boring and they’re going to “fix it.” 😡

[disc80s]

it’s the “date of birth: 1303 BC” for me...

[theoutsanityshoppe]

“Profession: King (deceased)”

[winterthebeau]

If bro ever decides to come back to life, he's all set and in the system

[sneef-to-a-snorf-fight]

i always underestimate just how many people on tumblr are blogging from work. very beautiful. very powerful.

[sneef-to-a-snorf-fight]

love seeing this get a burst of notes between the hours of 9am-2pm these past few days

[escuerzoresucitado]

[rylandsgrace]

Mean Girls (2004) // Conclave (2024)

[helenmarie95]

Happy to report the screenwriter is FULLY aware of the parallels and has totally embraced it

[frierenburger]

alternate universe where the 1917-23 revolutionary wave is largely successful but emoji still end up a widespread thing so the flags section is just full of red rectangles

[frierenburger]

[saywhat-politics]

Keep your messaging simple:

“Trump fired everyone in charge of airplane safety, and a week later planes started crashing into each other.”

That’s it. That’s the messaging. Don’t get bogged down disputing Trump’s false claims. Just blame him, in short and repeatable sentences.

[queerculus]

Trump removed bird safety regulations in his first term and now bird flu is killing so many laying hens that eggs are $5 a carton

Trump removed food safety standards his first term and now we have recalls every few weeks

Trump cut the subsidies for the solar farms under construction so now electricity costs more

Trump disbanded the pandemic response team and we now we have bird flu and tuberculosis outbreaks

[beardedmrbean]

[nathanielbuildsatesseract]

This is what having auditory processing issues is like.

[fleshdyke]

birds have truly mastered feathers like what do you Mean they can be shiny. how fucking cool is that

[fleshdyke]

glossy ibis

european starling

greater blue eared starling

nicobar pigeon

purple martin

glowing puffleg

violet backed starling

+ special shoutout to rob garren and his purple poultry project. he is breeding his chickens to be very shiny and very purple

[hauntedchronicler]

a few additions from aotearoa; kererū!

tūī!

takahē!

[coldwateriztasty]

@todaysbird

[dokudamitea]

well life just isnt fucking fair is it humpback whale 85

[jessebloom]

you can’t believe what you think about yourself after sundown and you can’t believe what you think about yourself on your period and you can’t believe what you think about yourself when you’re hungry and you can’t believe what you think about yourself when you’re tired, the only time you can believe what you think about yourself is the split second after you’ve made someone laugh but only if it’s something other than “i should be a standup comedian”

[1tbls]

did you grow up with a grand-aunt/uncle (your grandparent's sibling) in your life?

yes

no

other????

Voting ended onFeb 9, 2025

"in your life" meaning you met them enough times and substantially enough to remember them. and not just consider them some faceless, theoretical stranger.

[manichewitz]

what does it say about me that ariana grande has become more famous to me in the last three weeks for talking about queercoded lesbians on main than she has been for the past decade of being a world renowned incredibly talented pop star