Can you love someone you've never met?
Can you actually fall in love with someone that you've only talked to through a screen?
Can you really, actually, truthfully love someone you've never seen in real life?
I find that really hard to believe.
I mean, how can you say that you really know them?
I have a person in my life right now, and he says he loves me. Says that he can't possibly live without me. And I don't understand how he thinks that, because he actually IS living his life without me, because he lives I don't even know how many kilometers away.
So, how can he say that he loves me?
He doesn't really know me. He hasn't seen me eat or fart (which I don't, of course), or watch a movie and cry of laughter, or simply exist in my day to day life.
We haven't gone on a date. We haven't talked about religion, or politics, or anything deep beyond things that happen everyday, like what did you do today?
So, how can he say that he loves me? He knows the bare minimum about me. But he doesn't know what I like, how I am with my family, why do I cry watching Toy's Story 3... And I've let him, really, I don't usually mind not being the center of attention or topic of the conversation, but if you're getting to know someone, you would ask more deep things, no?
He just seems so set on loving me, like he just decided that I am to be the recipient of his love. Not caring about anything else.
I can't believe love just happens. Like love just appears after talking with someone two weeks in a row. I thing there are reasons for love. Maybe I'm cynical, and just now realizing that I don't believe in love at first sight. But also, shouldn't love at first sight go both ways? That's a really horrible thing for love to do, capture a poor idiot without even giving him a chance.
That makes me feel bad, too. Because I can't correspond. I say I like you, I care about you, I think you're funny, but I can't go further without lying. And I can't lie.
So how can I answer?
I can't just say I love you without feeling it, can I? It would be easy, it would be the easiest thing to be like "Bye, love you, see you tomorrow"... But it would not be true.
So how do you define the line between being there for this person, and wanting to continue the "relationship", and thinking that you are good for him... And actually being bad for him?
Because if I say I love you, I'm going to end up breaking his heart.
And I don't want to sound self-centered, but I know I can end up doing just that.
And doing that knowing from the start that I don't feel it...
It just seems like the worst thing I could do to him, and a recipe for bad karma.
I don't know. I wish he stopped telling me he loves me.
At least I don't panic (as much) when he says it now.
