Sweet Seals For You, Always

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@onlyfunnyontuesdays
A friend and I once ran into Jonathan Hyde (Van Pelt) in a pub after seeing him in a production of “King Lear”. My friend said, “Your character in Jumanji gave me nightmares when I was 7.”
Hyde looked him straight in the eye, stepped really close so they were basically nose-to-nose, and said: “Good.”
Then he walked away. What a dude.
I BET THAT IF TWO KIDS LIVED IN THOSE TWO HOUSES THAT THEY WOULD COME OUT ON THEIR ALMOST CONJOINING ROOFS OUTSIDE THEIR BEDROOM WINDOWS AND TALK AND BE BEST FRIENDS AND FALL IN LOVE.
I will not write fluff to that. I won’t. No.
LUCY I FOUND IT
But what if instead of two kids, it was, say, a kid and an old woman? And at first they just ignore each other and keep their blinds down and curtains shut, but then the kid climbs out onto the roof one spring morning to get a frisbee and she’s got the window open bc it’s so nice out and she tells him to cut that out, it’s not a jungle gym and maybe the kid shows off a bit and nearly falls, and the old woman catches his arm…. anyway, so sometimes they leave the windows open and the kid’ll show off his comic books or asks what rhymes with ‘beautiful’ (and it’s totally for homework shut up), and the old woman tells him about all the protests and marches she took part in, and asks him the name of that one cute pop star (it’s absolutely for her crossword now shush). And the old woman gives the kid relationship advice and doesn’t tell when he tries a bit too much of his parents’ liquor cabinet one time, and the kid comes over and shows her how to use the smartphone her daughter bought for her and doesn’t tell when she sneaks a cigarette out of said daughter’s bag. And when the weather’s too bad to open the windows, they tape silly pictures or notes to the glass for the other to see (the kid makes sure to make his extra big so she doesn’t have to admit her eyeight isn’t what it used to be), and when it is nice the kid will sneak over and leave seashells on her windowsill, because the old woman said once she misses the sea, but she can’t travel like she used to. And one day he peeks in her window and sees her on the floor, and calls 911 and basically saves her life because she had a stroke and nobody would’ve known in time otherwise. And when she finally gets back from the hospital, just for a while because her daughter’s talking about a retirement home where she’ll have plenty of medical care and lots of friends her age, the kid comes through the window and then pulls another kid through the window who he introduces as his boyfriend, and says he wanted her to meet him. And she sniffs and interrogates the boyfriend in proper elderly relative fashion, and then declares him worthy of her boy— barely. And when she finally does have to go to that retirement home, the kid still comes to visit her, and always leaves seashells on the windowsill.
I’m not crying or anything
I am omg
My only goal in life is to be as sarcastic as him
Robert Downey Jr, ladies and gentlemen….
how did steve and nat walk around that mall with just a hoodie and not get recognized i mean if i was in that mall i would have been like “do you smell that? i smell freedom. i smell steve rogers”
[eagle screeches in the background]
*slides you $20* pls stop ignoring me
hey look a $20 bill
G U Y S H E D I D T H E T H I N G !
[here]
THIS CHICKEN IS SO FROZEN IT STARTED SINGING LET IT GO
Second semester senior attitude
every semester attitude. let’s be honest
My attitude since pre-k
my friend Pete literally makes me cry with his snap stories
this is me, i am pete, love me
i love you
Types of people who romanticize small town life:
People who didn’t grow up in small towns
#THE LOCALS AREN’T QUIRKY#THEY’RE RACIST
#THERE’S NOTHING TO DO #EVERYONE’S ON DRUGS
#PEOPLE LITERALLY KNOW EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING #AND IT'S INVASIVE NOT #FUCKING ROMANTIC
I can 300% relate to this
THEIR NOSES GET COLD AND CATS ARE SO CUTE
i would be such a shit famous person because when a fan wants to take pictures i’d be like “show me” and then id be like “ew delete it” all the time
mattie:
The most intense form of pretentious dishevelment I’ve ever seen in my life.
EVERY WORD OF THAT SENTENCE IS PURE GOLD
The ol rrrrrrrazzle dazzle
The longer I watch, the funnier it gets
*gets anon hate from the dog with a blog*
I WOKE UP HOME ALONE AND
THERE IS A DEERR IN MY HOUSE KJGKJKLLKJ I’M SCARED IT WON’T GO OUTSIDE NAD IT’S EATING MY DOGS FOOD
why would you ever want it to leave it is a magical woodland friend
I love how this picture is obviously taken by someone who is hiding behind a couch