Only She Calls Me Em

write, sing, dance, scream. I just want to create

[onlyshecallsmeem]

Everyone I’ve fucked

Calls me Em

It’s not as special anymore

It started as new

And now I don’t know

Who this number is in my phone

Calling me Em

The list of potentials is so long

She’s not the only person

Who calls me Em

But

Every person I love calls me Em

It’s a name I hear every day

He calls me Em

She calls me Em

They call me Em

And now a name that felt sacred

That fell from only one set of lips

That I would kill to hear

Drips off the mouths of people every day

It’s a magical thing

To not have to fight for the name you want

To have all people dear to you

Calling you Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

I have found more angels on piano keys than in pews I have prayed to the deities with each chord played There is a religion found deep in the sheet music When the 3/4 time signature grabs hold And the instinct to waltz overtakes the instinct to die I have found my savior through belting out lyrics Singing to an unknown being, bringing me clarity My lips press to the mic and I see the face of God Surrounded by melodies and madness Simply diving into music as it swims through my ears it feels more holy than any prayer I’ve whispered Or necklace I’ve counted over They don’t want you to know the magic of music The way it feels to transcend god and move free It’s within the deepest trenches of my mind Innate desires to dance and sing to find peace Please forgive my sins

[onlyshecallsmeem]

I’m not sure who you thought I was

Praying at the altar

For someone destined to falter

It’s like I was set up for failure

I don’t know what you saw in us

Picture perfect movie screens

Neon lights and summer dreams

It’s just too bad it was just a facade

I don’t understand who I am

Jaded and cynical destined for pain

Loving and gentle destined for fame

It’s like you pushed me into a corner

I can’t believe how long it took

To reach inside my rib cage

To tear the words from the page

My heart wasn’t smashed the way yours was

It doesn’t feel real anymore

The madness ripping through my head

The feeling you’d be better off dead

I suppose that’s a good thing

I actually hope you’re happy now

Kissing strangers and hugging friends

Making meet and meeting ends

I hope she holds you right

I’m finally happy now

I’m running fast and breathing hard

My thoughts are not pointed and scarred

It’s quite different

It’s something I never thought possible

A life without your hand in mine

A bed without you intertwined

It’s for the best though

I think this is the last time now

That I am taken with you my muse

The idea of someone I could use

I hope I still write well

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

Were we always meant to betray the ones we love?

Wasn’t it Judas who kissed his savior?

Is that the truth that lies in a kiss?

Placing your lips on them

Trying to give them a gentle warning to run

If it’s true that means I’ve given fair warning

To each one of my heartbreaks

Telling them with my kiss

That I’ll be the one to betray them

I tried to tell them

Each time my lips pressed against their skin

My lips signal my inability to tell the truth

To commit and be honest

You saved me time and time again

Yet here I am

My lips against your neck

Cursed to betray you

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

I have been known to make all the wrong decisions

To cling to the railings out of fear of falling

Safety feels nice when it is only temporary

But then I look out and see adventure calling

I ignore my desire to run in the wind

Out of fear or perhaps something bigger than me

I doubt every step and I take easy paths

Is it because I believe there is something I lack

Every person I’ve met is covered in glitter

It’s easy to be enamored with someone new

They seem larger than life and incapable of failure

But these people don’t have the fears that I do

The voice in my head is screaming all day

I never seem to have a moment to share my thought

How does one explain there’s a train station in their head

And the trains never seem to stay in one spot

And so I crawl back to the nest I have built

One that is filled with day dreams and dooms

That way my mind can travel the worlds farthest places

But I remain in the safety and sanctity of my room

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

Touch me gently

Trace my outline with those fingers that make me weak

Hold me closely

Put your foot on my neck then don’t allow me to speak

It took way too long

For me to stop trying to put thes fires out

And just walk away

Not trying to scream or to shout

You took the best of me

And added to your collection

I took the worst of you

Let me be your possession

Kiss me softly

Then make it hard for me to breathe

It’s something different

When you beg verses when you tease

Hold my hand babe

Then pull me down to your level

Grab my hair babe

Then tell me you don’t like the color yellow

Im so tired of not owning me

Doing what I want and feeling free

Stop telling me your knowing me

Is better than the me that I see

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

The Mourning After

Oh how I have lost you

Down deep in my soul

To the crevices where nothing matters

But the taste of your lips

Your hands on my hips

And the lie that this will last forever

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

Pixie Stix

Manically possessed by the idea of perfection

I run for miles sweat with smiles and attempt to shrink myself to your liking

Salads and smoothies have taken over my tongue and I’m wondering if this is what it means to be young

I cut my hair and I change my name hoping to cast light on the strange thoughts that plague me

Will happiness continue to evade me at a zero

Will I be happy with two c’s

Stretching and molding a being of light I run to new cities and sketch ink into my skin

Pierce holes into ears and sing out at the top of my lungs

I’ll push you I’m fun let’s sneak around

A quick easy fuck

Let me make you better pull out stretching and molding new parts of you

Is this dreamy to you yet, am I all you ever wanted did you dream of sweet clementines and how she might taste

I promise my love isn’t to waste

it as if I’m incapable of remaining true when I’d rather remain with you

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

I am alive because I choose to be, you are alive because you have to be

Therein lies our difference

If only you knew the rate at which I wept

Only then would you be afraid

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

Remaining shrouded in your sadness will not save you from your pain

Hiding in the shadows of life will not protect you from harm

So glow, breathe, live

Nothing you do will save you from this insurmountable loneliness

So let rays of sun shine from your face let flowers grow from your armpits

Feel everything this world has to offer and leave a trial of glitter with every step you take

A warrior is not always clad in metal but in kindness

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

I have an infinite number of years to be dead but only a finite number of years to be alive, therefore I’m going to live while I can

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

Today I am happy

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

You won’t find me at the bottom of a bottle screaming out the names of lovers past

For the identities they held while their lips spoke my name will not be their last

Who I was when their arms surrounded me is not who I am today

So when I tell you I do not miss you it’s because that you just could not stay

We are constantly growing and changing in the ides of long lost love

And so to miss the presence of an ideology is not the same below or above

So as I sip this blood red wine and my bloodshot eyes begin to close

Know that I don’t yell for you, the old you that I once did know

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

It’s not my fault I have an incessant desire to break everything I touch

I see something soft and gentle and I think how hard can I throw this

How far can I drop this

How high will I take this

How long will I kick this

And then it shatters into a million pieces

I am left amongst thousands of glittering moments, I see what was good, the beauty of it all

Blood runs from my knuckles as the shards fall to the floor

Only then have I realized what I’ve done

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

We’re all doing horrible things to kill the sadness inside

Over indulged over compensated over stimulated

Whatever we can do to make our selves feel alive if only for a moment

A reminder of what potential this great life holds

Trying to shake the grey off of the outside of our minds

Doing whatever we can to break the molds, finding new shape in the darkest ways

It doesn’t matter how or why we just want to get rid of the sad

Alcohol slips into the crevices that grow mad with each gulp of water

Each wave of sadness carves out a new hole where once we were stronger

The smoke fills our lungs and we are finally able to breathe

We sleep and dream of a better tomorrow

A day or a night not so damn filled with sorrow

Throwing back coffee after coffee the drink as dark as our minds

We dance with strangers under flashing neon lights and our tongues meet theirs

In an effort to ward off the evils of our cortex and fight whatever it bares

Twisting and writhing with somebody new to fight the demons inside of you

We’re all just trying to get to a place where it feels okay

Do what you have to

-Em

[onlyshecallsmeem]

Sometimes we do horrible things to ourselves in attempt to kill the sadness inside us

[onlyshecallsmeem]

Dancing in the streets, screaming at the top of our lungs

Being with you here, I’m reminded that life can be fun

Trying to feel your body move slowly against mine

Running around through the city, wondering what we’ll find

Feel my hands on your body and the music in the air

Letting go of all the worries moving around without a care

Dance with me hold me fast and try not to let go

Because what tomorrow brings we will never know

-Em