ON THE CAN

A place you can go when you really need some entertainment and you may or may not be in the bathroom...

[onthecandaily]

Doh! Too much Tootski. 

Only in Michigan can you hear a story about a man named Royal Norton going to Jail to bail out a friend and getting booked himself. 

Royal went down to the local Jail to post the $300 bail for his buddy's DUI -- with straight cash homey. Only problem was, Royal also pulled out a little tootski with his hundred dolla bills. 

When the officers asked him what that was... he replied, "Garbage." Until they confiscated it and found out it was Co-Caine. 

Good going Royal, there's always next time... 

[onthecandaily]

James Dolan is calling for MA! Meatloaf! 

This week's winner of the can't miss story goes to New York Knicks owner, James "I'd rather be a Franco" Dolan. The list of mishaps is a long one: Talking shit to Ewing, overpaying no-names and now, pulling his best Jackie Moon "S his C."  

His latest mistake? Telling a 76-year old fan he's probably a miserable alcoholic and should start rooting for the Nets because the Knicks don't want you. 

Maybe they don't want you James... One playoff series in 14 years and an egregious 10-41 record this year.  

[onthecandaily]

Another epic dunklesberry for #FlushFriday. 

This one comes all the way from Brazil with a bicycle kick of epic proportions. 

From deep near the edge of the box, Joao Pedro took a cross from his homeboy - and dropped a venomous volley on Internacional. 

This is a can't miss goal of the year so far. 

[onthecandaily]

Boom Shakalaka. Seth Curry is ON FIRE. 

THE Golden State Warrior, Steph Curry, dropped 51 last night against the Dallas Mavericks to rally his squad from down 22! Take that Mark Cuban! 

"Get 50" was the motto last night by teammate Draymond Green and no not like Floyd Mayweather after the ALS/ELS Ice Bucket Challenge. 

Props to Curry for being Thursday's Too Hot to Handle champ. 

[onthecandaily]

This is SPARTA. Or Buffalo. Still figuring it all out...

Rex Ryan just months after being fired from the J-E-T-S decided his tat game needed serious upgrades now that he's all about his bills like Buffalo. 

Luckily someone was there to capture this horrific shot of him with his shirt off looking like Will Ferrell in Blades of Glory. 

Does anyone else think he looks like Clay Morrow from Sons of Anarchy? 

[onthecandaily]

Humpppp Day, there's more where that camel's from. 

Big time hero of the week is Carter Hatton, backup goalie for the Nashville Preds. Hutton may not have made ESPN's highlight but he's sure on ours.

Hutton made this incredible diving stick save after a deflection late in the 3rd with his team up a goal against the Leafs. 

Even more props go out to Carter for rebounding after getting schooled by @ShattDueces and the St. Louis Blues on Flush Friday last week. 

[onthecandaily]

How else would you do this job? #Tootski.

Johnny Football, the only QB talked about with Ryan Leaf type statistics, is back at it again... this time it's for REHAB. And no, I don't mean the pool party in Vegas. 

Cleveland's second son (behind LBJ obviously) has reportedly checked-in to a rehab facility and his "timetable" to return is unknown. You better believe him and Dustin Johnson (last week's #TootskiTuesday) are sharing a cell. And maybe some of that Mexican bam-bam.. 

[onthecandaily]

More Meatloaf? We can't believe it either. 

Tiger Woods, former pornstar loving/major championship winning/ 4x Masters Champ, finished dead last this past week at the WM Phoenix Open. 

He shot the WORST score he has ever recorded with an 82 on Friday... making it pretty damn difficult to be making any cuts. 

The only cut we see is the one on your paycheck this week.

[onthecandaily]

Ma! How could you!? MEATLOAF!!

Pete Caroll and the Seattle Seahawks decided to throw the football - rather than give it to BEASTMODE - on the one yard line last night in Super Bowl 49.  

The irish midgey who usually jumps like the Lucky Charms leprechaun found himself in tears this time around thanks to a last second interception by no-name Malcolm Butler. 

What goes unsaid about this game?

- The fight at the end of the game due to the fact Seattle seemed to be pretty sore losers

- The injuries to both Cliff Avril and Jeremy Lane 

All we can say here is MA! MEATLOAF. Hand the ball off, Pete - you pump! 

[onthecandaily]

Big shout out to Shatt-Deuces on the latest edition of #FlushFridays

The man known as @Shattdeuces on twitter went to work late last night with an overtime shoot out winner winner chicken dinner. 

A hard fought tilt between the Blues and the Preds (the two top teams in the NHL Western Conference) put on a show for fans as they entered the shoot out tied 4-4. 

A little #TJSochi helped give the blues the advantage but it was ShattyDeuce who dropped the flush for the W. Mad props homie. 

[onthecandaily]

When #TBT meets #TurtleHeadThursday - you know its a good day.

While on the football topic, why not take today to shout out the one and only Ed Reed. #20 was an absolute beast throughout his entire NFL and college career at The U. 

His hits literally made people shit their pants and that is what today is all about. Just watch him Mic'd up on special teams with his boy Ray Ray going wild after he lays lumber. 

And may we never forget - The E. Reed I'm Hurt Speech. 

[onthecandaily]

First thing's first... where's the shitter? 

A young high schooler made it to the big show (aka ESPN) last week with one of the best juke's recorded on Vine. That's obviously not saying much because it's Vine. However,  the juke is well worthy of a watch. 

The man behind the juke? Karon Keyes of Glenbard East High School in Lombard, Illinois. With #NSD15 just around the corner, it makes me think this Junior will be one to watch come next year. 

[onthecandaily]

Skittles spokesperson, Marshawn Lynch, actually used some words other than "NO/YES" in his latest interview with the candy brand. 

His SuperBowl interview answered a lot of important questions, such as: Would you want the field to be twice as long -- so you could run a 200 yard touchdown? 

Never Forget: Hold Ma D, Darren Sharper. 

They should have put this clip on and asked him for his opinion. 

[onthecandaily]

Time for some Tootski Tuesday. 

Dustin Johnson, former PGA big timer, has recently found himself on the DNP list due to some "personal issues" with the PGA. 

He has admitted to Sports illustrated that he DOES NOT have a Cocaine problem...although he does admit to having "other" issues. Caw! 

The 8-time winner on tour has a big drive in his bag...what else does he have? Probably an 8-ball on deck. We'll have to see how this shakes out. 

For now, we'll watch a little Wolf of Wallstreet: Tootski!? 

[onthecandaily]

In other football news, Manchester City was taken down 2-0 in the FA Cup on Saturday in a true David v Goliath match versus Middlesbrough FC. 

The man pictured above, who goes only by Kike, put some pimp juice in his golden cup when he netted one late in the match versus Man City. 

He then created a glorious celebration to remember -- as he led the team towards the 5,500 Boro supporters at the game and pulled his best "Frank the Tank."

See all the match highlights here. 

See the Boro Fans go ape-shit here (10 min 30 sec for the goal). 

[onthecandaily]

Ma! MEATLOAF! (I never know what she's doing up there)

Headline news this Monday comes from across the pond as Chelsea Football Club had a tragic loss at home to BRADFORD CITY. 

Who in the hell is Bradford City? Well, we're glad you asked. The League 1 team out of West Yorkshire is truly an underdog story - 112 years of financial issues, torment and relegations.

Only to one day end up at Stanford Bridge, one of the largest and most daunting European stadiums - playing in a lopsided tilt with one of the world's best sides. 

A quick 2-nil lead had Chelsea players teaching fans how to dougie -- but Bradford City had glory in mind with 3 goals after the 74th minute.

A can't miss highlight real. 

[onthecandaily]

Julian Edelman, well done! The #DeflateGate #FlexBall New England Patriots can't stay out of headline news... so Minitron (Edelman) decided to release this can't miss video today. 

A look back in history shows you a young Touchdown Tommy, Sugar Shane, Baby Gronk, JuJu Jules and Billy Bell's.

The great spin off of the original Growing Pains is worth a watch whether you like the Pats or not.