[op67]

Sometimes I don’t even know how I feel.

[op67]

Some updates: making money is the best thing ever, I don’t have a car at the moment so I take trains, I hide earphones under my button-up at work and listen to audiobooks, I find every excuse to type on my typewriter, still not in school and still disappointing my parents, music things are looking hopeful for me and my boyfriend (he’s going on tour in the summer and I came back from a whole week of SXSW), I still keep bouncing from one project to another without finishing them, my parents bought a Tesla and I suffer in silence in the backseat EVERY TIME because of my motion sickness, and I made new friends but I turned down every dinner invite they’ve given me while also eating alone outside every work day so I don’t have to talk to anybody on my lunch breaks.

[op67]

Damn, I’m really fucking emo on this page lol

[op67]

I asked you to sing the song you wrote about me before we had a relationship. After you sang, I started to cry. It was almost completely laughable. And you did laugh because you had no idea why I was crying in the first place. To be honest, neither did I. I just love you so much, it overwhelmed me at that moment. And that’s never happened to me before.

[op67]

I’m not sure how I feel about having an internet presence from a young age because a lot of stupid stuff about your life is recorded down and public. Sometimes, if I want to laugh, I just look at old stuff I posted.

It meant a lot to me before to have a curated “cool” persona that presented the best parts of me to the other “cool” kids I talked on the phone often with because I was too frustratingly shy in the real world and admittedly, lonely. It’s all really silly now, because I never would’ve thought as a 15 year old that my real life (despite it being far from perfect) would ultimately be cooler than the little world I’ve created online.

[bedtime-bun]

Lovely Christmas illustration by Beatrix Potter

[op67]

Around this time last year, I’d get out of class to meet you at the parking structure, where you were waiting for me with iced coffee you bought for us. It became our routine.

We’d fool around in your car for hours. And then sometimes, we’d take a walk outside for a little bit and then go back to fooling around. Time always slips by.

[op67]

I haven’t spoken to them in more than a year. It was really nice to finally catch up. One of the greatest artists I know, and I really think there’s something special in their art that I don’t find in most people. It’s genuine, and the sincerity shows through.

I think also behind the art is somebody who you’d least expect. A definite outsider in all ways and not in a romanticized fashion. I think that’s what makes me support them even more.

[op67]

The weather is getting colder and I crave the warmth from your body.

We kissed passionately outside the station, dimly lit by a nearby street lamp.

[op67]

I saw a drive-in movie theater projecting a film on a big outdoor screen from my train, resembling floating images on the night sky.

[op67]

You were always better at me at getting gifts. Maybe because I run my mouth too much about things I love and you just patiently listen, no matter how annoying I get.

I attempted to knit a couple weeks ago and wanted to make you something neat for our anniversary. I was really shit at it and to be honest, even if I did finish, it would’ve looked like shit anyway. I was embarrassed and never told you, just like how I was embarrassed about me picking up embroidery only to be shit at that as well.

We released a song I wrote for you. I wrote many though unreleased and unfinished. You’re always on my mind admittedly. I write a lot when I’m on the train going back home from your house. It’s the best time to, because I miss you the most when I’m on the train.

An Italian writer wrote about the song I wrote for you. It’s quite funny how people have different interpretations with lyrics, and how unique it is compared to reality. It was pretty straightforward. “As she’s sat on the train, don’t you know she thinks of you.”

[op67]

We fell asleep together in your bed. When I woke up, you were still sound asleep. I watched cooking videos right next to you. It’s kind of funny doing things I’d do alone while you sleep next to me. It’s really comforting in a lot of ways.

[adandyinaspic]

Nick Drake playing guitar in the lounge room of his home “Far Leys”, Tanworth-in-Arden, with his sister Gabrielle at his feet watching him play and his mother seated on the louge in the rear, dressed in red. Around 1966.

(Via Nick Drake Pink Moon fb fanpage)  

[op67]

I like it when the tip of your nose always pokes my cheeks when you are about to kiss my face. It always makes me giggle.

[op67]

It’s been more than a shit day. I just want things to get better already, but it gets worse every day.

[sallysbutter]

The Velveteen Rabbit as quoted in Beginners (2011)

[op67]

Whenever I’m with my family, I feel more alone than anything. They really like to single me out, even if a lot of times it’s subtle.

I grew up always fantasizing that I’d move out of LA and never speak to my family ever again. I might still follow through with the plan actually. The only person keeping me here is my boyfriend and doing music here.