Heyyyy folks,
I'm a retired bi queer activist who happens to be racialized Black and living in North America. I enjoyed supporting and cheering for my fellow bisexual snd biromantic kin. It was a amazing to create bisexual events, support groups, and social media content to help our community members feel less alone.
Sadly, there was an unpleasent, and often violent aspect of community work and lgbt volunteering. Community members often contacted me for free complex emotional or intellectual labour, unpaid guidance on community building, and entitlement to my body. Saying no and affirming boundaries came with backlash and psychological harm. Unfortunately, bi community work often brought unhealed racism, xenophobia, internalized biphobia, classism, and gender monitoring my way too. Ugh!
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While stepping back from unpaid volunteer community leadership (there was a false assumption that I earning a paycheck for my community services), in the late 2010's, I received mid emotional and tangible support from the local community members that I served and collaborated. Mid because the connections came with expectations that I would keep on labouring. Flowing in one direction.
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Not being available for unpaid emotional labour meant I haven't received Happy New Year messages. I don't see in my email, inbox or DMs: I'd like to offer to treat you to coffee. I would like to offer you some food, money, or transportation support. Would you like to meet up at a Cafe or video chat to catch up? Invites for parties or hangouts moved to few to quickly none.
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I published many blogs and an article about bisexuals and loneliness. It became clear to me that community members didnt view me as a person who was also experiencing chronic loneliness and low emotional connection. Being pedestalized caused me great personal harm, both financially and psychologically.
Ya'll do know that being a visible bisexual advocate causes you to be at high risk to lose your job, have a hard time getting a new job, and experience physical molestation at work?
You all know that Bisexual People of Color earn less money than the entire LGBTQIA+ community?
You know that BiPOC who are also Trans or Nonbinary experience even higher rates of domestic violence, IPV, and family estragement?
Well at those harms happened to me. Those details are not "content" to be shared for they cause further harm. Some bisexual truths attract more molestors and managers that are "curious" to hire us, or community members who want to have "their first bisexual experience" with my body while assuming that I would say yes! There are my experiences that require genuine friends to provide support - offline and local preferably. Friends that fully grasp all the challenges that Bisexual People of Color live through and have the capacity to be flexible when they see us falling from the pedestal that we didnt create for ourselves.
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If you are Black Bisexual/Biromantic and live in North America, prepare yourself for the Queer community to take distance from you once you stop giving, your intellect and time. Once you hit dirt poverty and have housing insecurity, observe how your own local bi community responds to you.
There is a nasty culture of assumption about people's finances without clarifying the assumption. Running on assumptions is violently practiced in this part of the planet.
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Many community members assume that a former Black lgbt activist wants to be 'left alone'. Left alone equates to social isolation, depression, and high risk for self-deletion.
"Leave them alone" is a repulsive cognitive framework, and goes against community building.
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Once I realized that social isolation could be part of my biqueer activism retirement package, I went deeper into my hobbies and my spiritual life. I mentally prepared myself for what's to come before announcing that I would close the social platforms and community programs I built.
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Prior to closing down the platforms I reached out to bi community members asking if they would carry on with the programming and are welcome to change and update them as community needs change. A few said yes, to keep the spaces open. Yet, the tasks were too much to keep the spaces engaging. They didnt have time, energy, nor willingness to risk the exposure to sexual harrassment and death threats that come with online and in-person queer activism and community event planning.
I get that. That's why I retired too!
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I have no free advice to give about community organizing and effective ways to get people to attend your offline and online events. *I am open to provide paid consulting.
I have no unpaid tips on how you can get community members to literally DM you and do a proper check in once you stop being a hypervisible community activist or advocate.
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I am here, back on Tumblr to share about my hobbies and spiritual practices, and if lucky maybe make a few new platonic friends on here. 🍪 🤲🏾 🕯 🎨 📚
Ask me anything kind & donations greatfully received 🤗
Venmo is a digital wallet that lets you make and share payments with friends. You can easily split the bill, cab fare, or much more. Downloa
🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🩷💜💙
1/2026
