heaven at nite

est 1994. “the furthest thing from perfect." unedited&mostlyforgotten.

[openthegalazy]

more than halfway

i always stood by the belief, that living til 63 isn’t a good thing for me.

i don’t want retire to a lonely condo, even if it’s on the goddamn beach.

living double what i’ve lived so far would be hell on earth for me.

no, i don’t think a big happy family and a decades-long love will ever find me.

i’m circling the drain after every word that has marred me.

i’m filling my grave with the dirt of tainted love that reached me.

i’m running low now…. i’m more than halfway gone.

i do not want to see the next year… let alone tomorrow’s dawn.

i’m kissing the poison, i’m ready for the end.

don’t mourn for me at all, i wouldn’t be worth a second you would spend.

[openthegalazy]

progress was made tonight

i stayed at the afters after she left

i feared seeing your face in the sea of people

but i danced the night away with

a tequila lemonade in hand -

because that’s my drink now

no longer your tequila sprite

but sometimes your whiskey coke girl

and instead of driving past your house

or calling to your auto-reject and bearing

another replay of your stupid fucking voicemail -

i went to our park

and stared up at the biggest moon

and i do not care if you’re blocks away

i do not care if you’re also up at 5 am

staring up at the same goddamn sky

because i’m forgetting us

i think that’s what you wanted

so here’s my fucking update, darling dear -

progress. was. made.

[openthegalazy]

i miss you - aren’t you listening?

[openthegalazy]

please don’t say this was for me…..

[openthegalazy]

new project…

(iphone notes scribbles before and after you left me - winter 2025 and ad nauseum)

11/2/25 — 11:43 PM // 3/3 vampire with haste

11/15/25 — 11:13 AM // Mix drinks I know that we're polar opposites and yet we are so stuck together because it's magnetism fuck magnets how do they work I hate that being with you is so happy it makes me sad and it's a sad I'll ever be in the happiest kind of way I know I can't let you go and you won't let me go I will never hate you for loving you this much

11/19/25 — 1:27 PM // cute texts to send new guys: [insert killdozer image] his response?: Great. —

** edit: hate people who capitalize a one word text, fuck off with that

** edit: you know it’s always always always going to end up just like this, did you manage to forget?

[openthegalazy]

i say the words “please don’t leave me” so sparingly, because each and every time they slip out, it’s like taking a razorblade to every microscopic spec that consists of my tongue and teeth

[openthegalazy]

i heard your whispered apologies

in between sobs,

thinking i was deep in sleep….

i heard it all.

why can’t you apologize to me,

face-to-face??

[openthegalazy]

angel in a cage

i think we were born in the same sandstorm,

my love

both ones that grew out of the earth like goddamn spectacles,

nothing short and sort of sore thumbs

sore sights for blind eyes

amongst all the usual and typical

special weather event patterns for

the lands we shot out of

the ground from, and not even for a second

thinking of what this would do

to shock the unprepared population

the light we are is blinding

my love

i don’t think there’s any better word for it

and i think now

we need to be stifled out

suffocated

drowning angels in cages

10,000 leagues beneath the darkest seas

[openthegalazy]

the call of the wild

you were right to leave me

i was wrong to hold on

i wish somewhere down the road

we could come across each other,

say hello to one another again as strangers

but even if i called -

i know i couldn’t expect you to show

because you were right to leave me

when i showed you my teeth

and i bit into the heart of us

and i tore apart everything

and now i will claw myself away from you

and disappear into the forest

where i’m supposed to be

and even with nature all around me -

it is you who runs free

so i will let you be

i will let you be

[openthegalazy]

“how good you can treat me is limited by how good you can treat yourself (and vice versa).”

— but what if i don’t want to treat me good? what if i’m finding it hard to be occupied within my own company? what if old memories are filling my belly up with stones, ready to push me away into tide?

i feel my heartbeat too loud, my own breathing a piercing wind in my ears. i told you, i don’t want to know me right now. but i am trying to become someone you can find your way to back in the dark and in always. for i want to be your beacon, in heart and in body. angel, i am not for the weak-minded. enter my fairytale funhouse.. if you dare.

darling, i have spun too fast and didn’t get a single thread of gold from these four cold walls. and when the goblin comes to whisk my first born away… i will be defenseless and robbed of all i created. let rumpenstilsken come take what he wants, i feel nothing for my barren earth and the likes of it in which have surrounded me and all.

i am spinning up this world, for that is my curse. i will run in circles that move around your love but never gets too close. you will become whirled up inside of me with no safety net to call yours. and i’ll cradle you there, i swear i’ll hold you forever.

do you pay the 1? do you enter my tornado of heart? do you promise me you will give yourself to me, and still long to hold me just as close? tell me now, because my ride’s not waiting.

[openthegalazy]

do you remember when you filmed me here? late at night and so in love? because guess what now, baby? our carousel is gone. it’s all gone.

[openthegalazy]

you were the first and only person who could handle my bite and wanted more. why’d you make me let you out of my teeth? didn’t you want to stay stuck in my jawbones forever? because i wanted you there. i wanted you in every single fiber and microscopic cell of me for as long as i breathed….

[openthegalazy]

grief has aged me more than the simple passing of time. grief has trapped me in heat, untethering me from collagen. grief has drained my marrow of its blood. grief has robbed me of every single thing i ever tried to hold onto, knowing i was in love. grief has theived me, steals me every night.

[openthegalazy]

acts of service

you didn’t even give me a whole year

to remember what was before you

after filling my each and every day

and violently ripping them away

i am unplugged and strung out

tears disrupt my every conversation

i’m calling out for help in every direction

but i guess i just don’t speak the earth’s language

and no one hears me trapped in the fantasy

the one you weaved big and forcefed to me

the one you convinced me we’d always exist

out of a love that was born from acts of service

i thought our love languages sang together

i thought i wouldn’t have to worry about an ending to forever -

you caught me unarmed, unaware, unprepared

that one sunday morning would come in, ruin it all

and now you won’t come close, even if i’m dying

i can’t even beg for your call, the line keeps ringing

and what all good did it do for me?

to tell me you always would, but never save me?

and when i need you now and near,

why did you put me away and so far from here?

i thought i wouldn’t have to worry about an ending to forever -

no, i thought i was finally growing acquainted to loving each day upon waking together

and now i’m awake in my nightmare

alone, desecrated, and empty of

touch, help, gifts, quality, no..

i’m bone-dried and i’m fucking dying

come back,

i don’t like myself alone

come back,

i can’t stop waiting for you in my phone

why did you leave me with almost a year of such beautiful memories?

didn’t you know it would just make it all the more painful when you finally left me?

we tattooed our skin to align each other

and god, so help me… if i don’t destroy every fucking mirror

come back to me, come back to me

and just no…. please, don’t do this to me

you said - if the world was ending,

and you promised - you would come and get me

well, where are you?

because this is not love, it’s atrophy

[openthegalazy]

to my mirror (pt II)

a fantasy to some

faceless to most

and there is no inbetween

and this is all so meaningless

and it is all fallen apart now,

what will you do

when the evening

comes to call you away?

go away go away go away

i will think of you when

i see cute spiders

but not in a good way

i will stomp in these walls

i will curdle their graves

i will set fire to multiplicities

make man regret

their discovery

[openthegalazy]

tu sais je t'en avais parlé déjà

je ne sais pas si c'est le meilleur moment pour en parler

et ça n'empêche rien

arrêtes, je t'en avais parlé déjà

je ne sais pas si c'est le meilleur moment

pour en parler

et ça n'empêche rien

arrêtes, je t'en avais parlé déjà

tu sais...

c'est la tour le jour, parfois il pleut et tu ne m'entends pas

tu n'est dit rien, déjà le soleil se couche en me tournant le dos

peut-être pourrais-tu me prendre la main et lui donner le sentiment

celui que tu veux

je ne pense pas qu'il faille en parler, ton verre est plein

ta main tremble un peu - tu est jolie,

les cheveux attachés à moi

[neatlittledomesticlife]

“i want to find myself, at home, in your eyes.”

-8.31.2021, 4:41 AM