I’m never on tumblr anymore, I forget this was a place where I explored my sexuality. I miss that feeling. I miss knowing myself that way, I miss connecting with my sexuality.
I’ve somehow become convinced that I only desire sexual activity for validation and to allow me to feel attractive, and I fight to suppress my desires because I don’t want my sense of self-worth (or my perception of how positive my relationship is) to be based on how much/what kind of sex I’m having.
I forget that my sexuality is more than that. I forget my sexuality isn’t solely partner-based, it’s also about how I connect with sexuality as an individual. I barely masturbate now, and when I do it’s so shallow and unsatisfying because I’ve forgotten myself. I have nightmares about forgetting how to have sex entirely. I’ve become so disconnected from my own body, my own pleasure.
I want to change that.
