updog.

[laurbyboom]

a man shooting a nerf gun at his light switch from the bed, missing every shot, and going to sleep with the lights on

[outroct]

░  SMS: SHROOMIE.

SHILOH: oh my god

SHILOH: i leave you home alone for two hours and you manage to lose the king of the castle

SHILOH: don't panic, okay? he's probably at the old lady's house across the way getting pampered like the little bastard he is

SHILOH: i just know she's feeding him chicken nuggets that she made in her stupid two hundred dollar air fryer even though i've told her multiple times that it gives him the worst gas

CHRISTIAN: am i fired as his knight :(

CHRISTIAN: she was the first person i checked with!!!

CHRISTIAN: otherwise i wouldn't have texted u so i could keep my failures to MYSELF!!!

CHRISTIAN: i'm a bad dad

CHRISTIAN: cats who get out usually come back right they're smart they're fuckin tiny geniuses

CHRISTIAN: i'm gonna go stand in the middle of the street to slow down the cars

[outroct]

░  SMS: SHROOMIE.

CHRISTIAN: sooooo no biggie

CHRISTIAN: no problem no need to rush home or anything

CHRISTIAN: except i left the back door open for a second earlier and now i dont know where the hell reginald is if he's hiding from my fuckin panicked energy or if hes gone

CHRISTIAN: hahaaah

[jackieshaunas]

[askyfullofwinterstarsss-deactiv]

“Is this making you feel better at all?”

[ryanreynoldssource]

[outroct]

*  𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧  &  𝐤𝐮𝐧  !

One the main reasons why Kun enjoyed talking to Christian was that the other seemed to understand that even if his words and tone weren’t too friendly, it was just his version of playful banter. Another reason was that he did like the attention, even if he tried his best not to show it. “Mhm, that’s the deal.” He confirmed, a small smile making way into his features as he watched the bartender hurrying to get his drink done. As he got it, Kun downed the shot before looking up at Christian and considering his suggestion. “Okay, go for it. If it’s good and it becomes a signature drink, do I get any revenues for inspiring it?” He teased.

         it always felt like a bit of a triumph to get kun to crack a little grin,  &  if he weren’t in polite company he might just have to fist-pump about it. his eyes followed the other as he downed the shot immediately, an eyebrow raising at the response a moment later.  ❛  be serious. d’you really need the revenue  ?  not making enough money as a model  ?  ❜  he teased, before glancing away to consider his options. he wasn’t sure if kun was really the type to enjoy a particularly sweet drink, but that avenue was too tempting to pass up  --  &  the concoction he began putting together on the spot was something he knew he would like drinking, at least. not too sweet, just a little sour,  &  most importantly, would manage to cover up the taste of the alcohol.  ❛  &  this is gonna be good, okay  ?  not a question. if you don’t like it, that’s on you  --  the customer is always incorrect, i like to say.  ❜  

[imsoofuckingsad-deactivated2018]

if you ever want to love an idiot you know where to find me

[04tf3h84h0g384gh08h-deactivated]

drug dealer? no man. hug dealer. come here

[outroct]

                                      *  𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫  :  @cunnlng​  !

       there was nothing quite like getting drunk at a discounted rate at his own place of work  &  then scarfing down a pile of hot wings outside with his ass parked on top of the half-wall  --  the night sky was gorgeous, the wings well-sauced and crisped to perfection,  &  christian was well and truly on the way to hammered, happily so, just about ready to call anyone in his contacts who would come and meet him to continue the night. his blissful existence came to an abrupt end, however, when he looked up as a shadow crossed his path,  &  locked eyes with the one person in his phone he wasn’t sure he wanted to see at the moment. it was, of course, the perfect time to fumble with the wing he was holding,  &  as it plunked back onto the plate he’d snatched and  ‘  snuck  ’ outside with, his eyes widened and he swallowed his bite with difficulty, half-chewed. he choked and then couldn’t keep from coughing for a long moment, abashed afterwards despite himself.   ❛  shit,  ❜  he wheezed with some difficulty,  &  then added, grabbing with clumsy hands for a wet paper towel he’d at least had the wherewithal to bring out of the bar with him:  ❛  jesus. i’m... not working tonight. not that that’s why you’re here, i meant that’s why i’m  --  fuck it, man. ‘sup.  ❜  sometimes, christian had painstakingly learned over many years of being an embarrassment, it was bet to quit while you were still only slightly behind.

[its-arrested-development]

[lopmon]

[outroct]

                                    *  𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫  :  @shinawatras​  !

         freshly-showered  &  oblivious to the droplets of water flicking onto the well-loved tee he’d thrown on and the floor beneath him, christian made a bee-line to the kitchen as he smelled the anticipated smell of a well-cooked meal in the making. the sight that greeted him had him skidding to a socked, slip-and-slide stop on the hardwood,  &  he stared for a moment before barking out a laugh and then raising his fingers to his lips to give a poor attempt at a wolf whistle.   ❛  nice shorts, man  !  ❜  were they new  ?  he was somewhat offended he hadn’t been given the privilege of seeing them before, if they weren’t. bright red, enemy of the state plastered across the back,  &  christian could feel his little heart do a gleefully entertained somersault in his chest at the simple fact that shiloh owned these for whatever reason  --  presumably of his own volition.  ❛  but they should say enemy of hearts. ‘cause that booty is just breakin’ mine.  ❜

[outroct]

                                  *  𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫  :  @fakendtrue​  !

          it was far too hot out to do anything more active than lounge around outdoors today,  &  christian was nonetheless willing to risk his life with hay-fever just to get out. he’d said as much to stella, ready to beg for some of that good vitamin d after sleeping in too late most of the week to catch any of the excessive rays of the current summer before he’d had to get ready for his shifts at the bar.  &  here they were at a local park, back of his head resting against her thigh, him smelling intensely of sunscreen and sneezing every so often, sending birds flocking away with the intensity of it. attempting to block his eyes with his phone as he scrolled through feed after feed, he only spoke occasionally to comment on a funny or stupid post by any of their mutual friends or his own hate-stalked half-enemies, otherwise enjoying the silence  --  for a brief time. he heaved a loud sigh eventually,  &  then tilted his head further back, grinning at the image of his best friend from this angle.   ❛   stella. beautiful stella,  ❜  he intoned, serious and willful in breaking the somewhat peaceful moment.   ❛   i think it’s time... we play the penis game.  ❜

[straightboyfriend]

[lulerains-deactivated20201030]

[outroct]

*  𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧  &  𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚  !

stella : WHAT ?! SOON ?! stella : NO TAKE BACKS ! stella : seriously ur picking my mom n my sister over me ? stella : me ? the five star bitch ?

christian : wait if u die now can u pack me in YOUR suitcase? christian : the guilt would eat me alive anyway... not the no takebacks rule... christian : and let’s get one thing clear christian : ur mom exclusively