Okay can I just tell you, Eddie’s coworkers are like my favorite people. I’ve written so many posts about this but I need to write more, because Eddie’s coworkers are so, so grateful he’s getting excellent dick. Even before they know it’s Richie, they want to throw this man a party.
Because like, imagine you work with Eddie Kaspbrak, risk analyst and budding aneurysm in motion. It’s not like Eddie is super forthcoming about his private life, but they’ve met Myra at social functions and whenever they gossiped about Eddie (all the time) they were like “Oh yeah, no, that explains literally everything about him, or maybe everything about him explains that marriage. Either way, this tracks.” And then all of a sudden Eddie, who hasn’t taken a personal day ever, takes off in the middle of a work day, comes back with a janky scar on his face that everyone’s afraid to ask about, is even meaner for like three months, and then!
Then one day he’s like…relaxed. Not just relaxed. He looks down at his phone and smiles at one point and everyone knows that kind of smile. That is the smile of a dude who’s remembering that he got fucked within an inch of his life by whoever sent him that text.
The office is so, so quiet. Nobody wants to move. Eddie is just sitting there in his office. He said hi to Janice. Janice did not cry but it was close. They’re all thinking it and nobody is saying it aloud because they abide by workplace regulations, until Chad is finally like “Guys, he got laid right? Right?” and they’re all like “Chad, jfc, be quiet, you’re on your third warning from HR, but yes, obviously.”
And Eddie does not come into work with visible hickeys, or looking anything less than absolutely polished, but he calms down enough that they stop calling him Ivan (the Terrible) and every few weeks he’s just…really relaxed. He buys Dave a coffee. Dave doesn’t drink coffee but that’s cool, he drinks it anyway because he’s afraid not to.
One day, however, he comes in with what is clearly a rug burn on his cheek. After two hours of staring, Janice finally clears her throat and says “Did you hurt yourself?” and Eddie blinks and turns bright red.
“Uh,” he says. “I tripped.”
Janice opens her mouth to ask what happened, but his phone is lighting up and he answers it, glaring.
“Yes,” he hisses. “I tripped and landed on the floor very, very hard, and it won’t happen again.”
He waves Janice out of his office, but not before she hears the man on the other end of the phone laugh and say “I offered to move to the bed and you said no, so don’t blame me because you have literal fuck face,” and Eddie stares at Janice and Janice stares at Eddie and Eddie stares at Janice and Janice backs out of the office very, very slowly, already texting everyone but Chad.
janainaart
yousharknotpass
jbbartram-illu
snowghoul
2087
titsay
areudirty
germansingergirl
gummygunk
annaxmalina
kianamaiart
