i live inside my own heart, matt damon

this is a sideblog. it is a lot.

[bizarrelittlemew]

please mr tierney he is asking so nicely

[lavenderprose]

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

[nondelphic]

writing tip: put words on page. hope this helps. i will not be taking questions because i have not done this

[assiraphales]

the thing that anyone who shawn & gus date need to realize or the relationship will never work is that they will always come second to whatever it is that these two got going

[assiraphales]

so yah shawn mentioned gus three times (the one not pictured is shawn saying ‘the biggest mistake I ever made was leaving santa barbara w/o saying goodbye to gus’) during the proposal

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[json-derulo]

they put my blood through every test under the sun and yet nowhere in the pages and pages of lab reports do they tell me what my blood type is

[json-derulo]

your neutrophils absolute? 2.71. anion gap? why, that's 11! hemoglobin A1C? a solid 5.4. and don't fret, champ—your VLDL (calculated) is a cool 12. real fascinating stuff. hm? what's that? you want to know what kind of blood you have? like, so you won't have to look your next ER nurse in the eye and tell her you have no clue what type you have right after giving her a date of birth that confirms you are over 30 years old? psh, don't be silly! we can't tell you that! it's a ✨secret✨

[json-derulo]

do you know your blood type??

yes, I'm certain of it

I think my family told me what it was but I'm not sure/no recent test to confirm

no, I have no clue

I don't have blood/results

Voting ended onJun 2

[json-derulo]

not that you could like, doxx me with them or anything, but had I known this post was gonna break containment I might not have posted my real labwork numbers

[fairweathermyth]

Stay strong, babe.

[lacreaturaa]

[kawuli]

random PSA, I know a lot of people use duckduckgo as a Google alternative search engine, but it always kind of annoyed me when I was using it because it felt like No Name Brand Google

I have switched to using Startpage.com and vastly prefer it. for one thing, instead of displaying an "AI summary" at the top of the search results (unless you turn it off, yes I know), it displays the first paragraph of the Wikipedia article, with link, whenever it finds one that's relevant.

also a waaayyyyy better sense of design than duckduckgo

also private, European based, least annoying search I've used lately (RIP old "don't be evil" Google)

[yomikoreadsbooks]

Keeping a list of Google alternatives just in case…

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

i have one of those, scraped from multiple different rec posts:

Search Engines

Infinity Search is an alternative search engine with a special focus on privacy

DuckDuckGo is a popular search engine for those who value their privacy and are put off by the thought of their every query being tracked and logged. Uses bangs, ![site] for in-page search (sells your data to microsoft and draws from fucking bing)

WolframAlpha is a privately owned search engine that allows you to “compute expert-level answers using Wolfram’s breakthrough algorithms, knowledgebase, and AI technology.” A data search engine.

Boardreader is a search engine for forums and message boards. It allows you to search forums and then filter down results by date and language.

Based in France, Qwant is a privacy-based search engine that won’t record your searches or use your personal details for advertising. Uses “&” as a bang search.

Another privacy-based search engine is Search Encrypt, which uses local encryption to ensure that users’ identifiable information cannot be tracked. Metasearch across multiple engines. 

Offering unbiased results from several sources, SearX is a metasearch engine that aims to present a free, decentralized view of the internet. Can be self-hosted. 

Gibiru’s tagline is “Unfiltered private search” and that’s exactly what it offers. Requires AnonymoX Firefox add-on for privacy. 

Disconnect allows you to conduct anonymous searches through a search engine of your choice.

Swisscows provides fully encrypted searches to protect your privacy and security. Built-in violence/porn filter cannot be overridden. 

MetaGer offers “Privacy Protected Search & Find” through its anonymised search. A plugin will allow it to be made a default.

Gigablast is a private search engine that indexes millions of websites and servers real-time information without tracking your data, keeping you hidden from marketers and spammers. Variety of filtration and refinement options for searching. 

Oscobo is a search engine that protects your privacy while you search the web. By not using any third-party tools or scripts, your data is protected from hacking and misuse. Has a Chrome extension to allow use in toolbar. 

https://search.marginalia.nu/ an independent DIY search engine that focuses on non-commercial content, and attempts to show you sites you perhaps weren't aware of in favor of the sort of sites you probably already knew existed. Use old-school searching rather than query-based for the best results. 

https://www.mojeek.com/ 

https://wiby.me/ - It’s goal is to index as many personalized websites as possible, and NOT commercial sites. 

https://4get.ca/ it works a lot like SearX, but honestly better. It doesn’t have its own index, but pulls from many others. I think it’s the best for research, since it allows you to search for answers from different indexes, is easy to configure, add free, and avoids censorship as much as it can.

https://www.searchenginemap.com/ for more on how search engines relate to each other.

https://yep.com/ is a crawler

https://www.etools.ch/ retrieves from Google, Mojeek, Bing, and Yandex, like Searx

https://www.dogpile.com/ 

https://searxng.org/ (next gen Searx)

https://luxxle.com/ - possibly conservative?

https://presearch.com/ - good for academic?

https://kagi.com/smallweb - free/randomised Kagi.

Other Searchers

www.refseek.com - Academic Resource Search. More than a billion sources: encyclopedia, monographies, magazines.

www.worldcat.org - a search for the contents of 20 thousand worldwide libraries. Find out where lies the nearest rare book you need.

https://link.springer.com - access to more than 10 million scientific documents: books, articles, research protocols.

www.bioline.org.br is a library of scientific bioscience journals published in developing countries.

http://repec.org - volunteers from 102 countries have collected almost 4 million publications on economics and related science.

www.science.gov is an American state search engine on 2200+ scientific sites. More than 200 million articles are indexed.

www.base-search.net is one of the most powerful researches on academic studies texts. More than 100 million scientific documents, 70% of them are free.https://cosine.club/ is an electronic music similarity search engine

[drabbles-and-rambles]

I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.

[russianblush]

ilya happy trail and bush ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

[calicofae]

English majors of Tumblr: How long did it take you to be able to enjoy reading for pleasure* again after your degree?

Multiple years after graduating

Over a year after graduating

A few months after graduating

A few weeks after graduating

I never stopped reading for pleasure during my degree

Currently a student: I have not stopped reading for pleasure during my degree

Currently a student: I cannot read for pleasure during my degree

Not an English major - I didn’t/don’t read for pleasure during school

Not an English major - I read for pleasure during school

I hate reading / have never been a college student

Voting ended onJun 1

*assume that reading for pleasure implies reading books that were not required for your degree, fiction or otherwise

[stealpeanutbutter]

i feel like i do 25% of what an average person does in a day and still it's too much

[thisfeebleheart]

patient needs neck kisses to survive

[pineapplecrushface]

we talk a lot about shane comforting himself with ilya's dick in his mouth (correct, good, accurate) but ilya's got that oral fixation too. he's smoking, he's sucking on his necklace, he's getting shane's dick in his mouth as much as possible.

especially when shane's attention isn't on him 100%. it's not just when shane is on the phone with hayden – sometimes shane has to read emails or look through something his mom sends him, and ilya gets antsy and bored and suddenly needs shane right now. shane is just trying to read but he has his glasses on and he's still in his pajama pants and his metros sweatshirt and it's perfect ilya rozanov bait, it's like he's chief brody chumming the water in jaws.

but he really does want to get this done, so he gently pushes ilya's hands away, which takes some doing because when ilya's in the mood it's like he has twelve extra limbs, and says "hold on, i'll be done in like fifteen minutes." and he thinks ilya does actually try to be patient, but he's not very good at it and shane spoils him. shane takes great pleasure in spoiling ilya, actually. unfortunately that means it's only about five minutes before ilya is on him again, and this time he's on his knees next to shane's chair and he's kissing shane's thighs and trying to suck on his fingers when shane reaches down to absently run his fingers through ilya's hair.

"almost done. you can wait just a few minutes," shane says, and ilya makes a very unhappy noise and shakes shane's leg.

"no," he whines. "shane, come on. i want to suck."

shane looks away from the computer and down at him because this is new. well, it's all a little new; it's only their second week at the cottage and shane hasn't really gotten used to how clingy ilya is when he wakes up and shane isn't in bed. "what's up with you?"

"why are you being so mean to me? i am your favorite person and this is my favorite dick." ilya rests his head on shane's thigh and looks up at him imploringly.

shane pushes ilya's hair away from his forehead and considers the situation. always before it's been shane who's the desperate one, shane who begs for ilya's dick. and he likes that, of course, it's a huge turn-on to shut his brain off and let himself shamelessly ask for what he wants. but this is interesting too: ilya is being playful, which is cute, but he's definitely also serious about wanting to suck shane's dick and that's hot and sweet at the same time.

finally shane cups ilya's face. "whiny baby," he says, and he realizes that he likes that. ilya is his baby and of course ilya is a little needy, and shane likes it that way. "you need it, huh?"

ilya nods, rubbing his face against shane's leg and pouting in a way that's very close to how he looks when he's about to cry, even though he's still mostly playing. "i want it."

"all right," shane says. he's been hard since the first time ilya touched him anyway. "but you can't make me come yet."

"oh, i won't," ilya says, and he doesn't. he gets shane close over and over while he tries to finish responding to all his emails. he won't budge even when shane tells him no, ilya, i have to come, i can't concentrate, come on, please, please, and by the time he's fired off one last email to theriault about the pre-season schedule (it's full of typos, which he'll be mortified about later), he's panting and crying and writhing around in his chair and ilya still won't let him come. shane says i was really good, i made it through my whole inbox and ilya says you tried to get me to make you come seven times, shane, that is not good at all. but you can make it up to me now. face down. ass up.

and that is how shane hollander accidentally agrees to do a pelaton ad dripping sweat in his underwear, but more importantly, it is how he discovers he can come from being spanked. ilya rozanov bait: successful.

[cornedbeefhashtags]

Diane, clear my schedule. I’m attempting a recipe that says “prep time: 15 minutes.”

[mariacallous]

[sprinkledsalt]

I am once again posting this excerpt from Why Does He Do That?

"MYTH #4: He holds in his feelings too much, and they build up until he bursts. He needs to get in touch with his emotions and learn to express them to prevent those explosive episodes. My colleagues and I refer to this belief as 'The Boiler Theory of Men.' The idea is that a person can only tolerate so much accumulated pain and frustration. If it doesn’t get vented periodically— kind of like a pressure cooker—then there’s bound to be a serious accident. This myth has the ring of truth to it because we are all aware of how many men keep too much emotion pent up inside. Since most abusers are male, it seems to add up. But it doesn’t, and here’s why: Most of my clients are not unusually repressed. In fact, many of them express their feelings more than some nonabusive men. Rather than trapping everything inside, they actually tend to do the opposite: They have an exaggerated idea of how important their feelings are, and they talk about their feelings—and act them out—all the time, until their partners and children are exhausted from hearing about it all. An abuser’s emotions are as likely to be too big as too small. They can fill up the whole house. When he feels bad, he thinks that life should stop for everyone else in the family until someone fixes his discomfort. His partner’s life crises, the children’s sicknesses, meals, birthdays—nothing else matters as much as his feelings. It is not his feelings the abuser is too distant from; it is his partner’s feelings and his children’s feelings. Those are the emotions that he knows so little about and that he needs to 'get in touch with.' My job as an abuse counselor often involves steering the discussion away from how my clients feel and toward how they think (including their attitudes toward their partners ’ feelings). My clients keep trying to drive the ball back into the court that is familiar and comfortable to them, where their inner world is the only thing that matters. For decades, many therapists have been attempting to help abusive men change by guiding them in identifying and expressing feelings. Alas, this well-meaning but misguided approach actually feeds the abuser’s selfish focus on himself, which is an important force driving his abusiveness. Part of why you may be tempted to accept 'The Boiler Theory of Men' is that you may observe that your partner follows a pattern where he becomes increasingly withdrawn, says less and less, seems to be bubbling gradually from a simmer to a boil, and then erupts in a geyser of yelling, put-downs, and ugliness. It looks like an emotional explosion, so naturally you assume that it is. But the mounting tension, the pressure- cooker buildup of his feelings, is actually being driven by his lack of empathy for your feelings, and by a set of attitudes that we will examine later. And he explodes when he gives himself permission to do so."

[one-bite-is-undercover]

This book is a top recommendation of mine, as a therapist.