Summary: You love Namjoon’s company. So maybe that why you think it is okay to actually call him everyday. Until one day you decided to stop calling and enjoy the company of being your own.
Genres: Mixes of fluff, sad, angst.
So you have a habit of calling or ‘face-timing Namjoon, every day. It’s not like you have plenty to talk about, you just love his company although sometimes, both of you stayed quiet during the first five minutes before one of you finally started to talk. Hence, you would call him either while doing your makeup or other things such as cooking, cleaning the house, and others or he would call you.
This started when you moved out of your parent’s house and lived on your own. Maybe because you were not used to being alone so that is why you called him every time. Even when the topic you discussed is only about trivial matters such as what dress should you wear to college or what should you cook and others.
And tonight, just like any other night you call him again although you waited around 5 minutes for him to finally answer.
As usual, you would place your phone on the bedside table, turn on the loudspeaker, and go out to take your books and bring them to your bedroom.
“Hey Joon, how was your day?” You asked him and you hear no answer which is kind of strange because usually, he would answer your questions right away if you’re the one that started the conversation. So you put down your books on your desk and stride towards your phone to check it to make sure you are both still connected.
To say you were surprised is an understatement. Because what you see is something that made you have mixed feelings.
No wonder you heard no answer from him. No wonder you heard some undesirable sound earlier that you thought you misheard before going out. Turned out, that sound came from his side. He must press the wrong button. He wanted to reject your call but pressed the answer button instead.
So you ended the call immediately. You wanted to cry but why? Because he’s not cheating on you. You’re not his girlfriend. You’re a mere friend to him although you have special feelings for him which you chose to conceal because you don’t want Namjoon to feel like he must fulfill everything you wish for as he never reject your wish before.
So you let out a long sigh, put aside your phone and walked towards your desk, and start doing your revision.
A week after, you thought you would never survive without calling him every day. But you did it! Every time you have an urges to call him, you make yourself busy, especially with books or dramas or sleep or sightseeing until late at night. Just like you do today. You would do anything just to distract yourself from thinking about him.
“Where were you?” You were startled by the voice. You didn’t know how long he has been standing beside your door and you did not even realize he was there since you wear no contact or your glasses before going out. Yeah, you have bad eyesight.
You let out a sigh before answering him. “I can’t sleep. So I went out.” You answer him shortly before punch-in in the password of your door. You entered your apartment and he followed you closely.
“Did you change your password?” You hummed in response before going to the kitchen where he followed you again. You drink fresh cool water and went to your bedroom straightly. You did not even care about his presence that you walked straight to your bed, laid down on your bed, cover your body with the comforter and cover your eyes with the eyes mask. You heard his footsteps and you felt the mattress shrink beside you. You know he’s sitting at the edge of the bed right now. You don’t know how to act in front of him because what you heard or saw the other night, breaks your heart. You wanted to forget about it. You wish you can erase that sound you heard or the image that you saw albeit you can’t see it clearly since the room was dark but you can’t do that easily.
“y/n… are you okay?” Again you hummed in response.
“But what is this?” You heard him shaking a bottle which you know he had found your sleeping pill. He knows you had stopped consuming the pills a long time ago so he must find it weird to find out that you are consuming them again. But it doesn’t matter if he found it or not. His opinion is not important to you right now as long as you can sleep after swallowing that pills. You let out a long breath, pull up the comforter to cover your body wholly, and turned your body from him. But you feel no movement nor hear any footsteps so you know, he’s still there.
“What happened to you? Why are you like this now? You stop consuming these pills a long time ago but why restarting to consume them now?” His voice is low. He let out a long breath. You try your best not to let your tears fall and stayed still in your position.
“Are you hiding something from me?” You heard his low voice. I am sorry Joonie, I have no answer to your question. It’s not your fault, It’s mine. I can’t let this feeling out when I have someone else. I am doing this for the sake of our friendship.
Surprisingly, he caresses your hair lightly although he didn’t hear any of your answers.
“Get some rest. Call me if you’re ready to talk to me.” He whispers to your ears before placing a kiss on your forehead, not your forehead exactly since your head was covered by your comforter except for your hair. With his attention always on you, a kind gesture, and treating you better than your parents, how can you not fall in love with him?
Another week had passed and you never call him. Not that you didn’t want to call him. You wanted to call him so bad. It’s just that you wanted to make sure all your feelings towards him is nada, empty which is impossible for you to just put it away within a week. But you did try your best! Most of the time, you would spend your time in a library. Because when you’re immersed with something, you will totally forgot your problem. And him? He never call. Because he know you wouldn’t answer his call so why waste time on trying. Your phone light up indicating you just received a text message right on the time you was thinking about him.
We are going to start our tour next week. We should meet.
The moment you read the text from him, you feel like ‘this is it. The right moment for you finally able to forget him since he will be away for a months.’ So you reply his text, in hope that he would agree with your idea.
Sorry. I have assessment this week and ended the end of next week. See you after tours.
You reluctantly press the send button but did it anyway. Truly, It is not your intention to hurt him but for the sake of your friendship, you must let go your feelings first before actually meeting him.
“This is ridiculous!” You heard a yell and you definitely recognized that voice so you walked to him who is standing beside your door. You know what he meant that. He must be trying to guess the password but failed so he snapped. You feel his eyes on you when you were standing beside him and the moment you both entered your apartment, he asked you a question. A question that you already know the answer.
“Why are you avoiding me y/n? Tell me what did I do to you that you have to change this way.”
You let out a sigh in response and went straight to your bedroom.
He followed you behind, of course. You put down your bag on your desk and took out your laptop and brought it with you on your bed. He followed your action as he took a sit on the empty space on the bed beside you. You know he’s waiting for you to start a conversation but your eyes stay stealthy on your laptop’s screen. You were acting as if he’s not there.
“Y/n do you remember three years ago? When you moved out from your parents house?” Of course you remember. He’s the first person that you call upon exiting. But didn’t give him any answer.
“We made a promise that night. We would not hide any secret from each other.” He continue. But Joon, you’re the one that hiding something from me.
“So please, tell me. Tell me everything. Especially what made you act this way towards me.”
You let out a long sigh before finally start to talk.
“Joon…” You said it without facing him, eyes straight on your laptop’s screen. You know he’s waiting patiently for you to tell him everything but words stuck on your throat when you remember that sounds that you’re trying to forget in all this week.
“All the best for your tour.”
He looks so disappointed, as you can see from the corner of your eyes. Please just leave. You thought to yourself and as if he can actually listen to your thought, he stood up from your bed.
“Call me if you’re ready to talk. I am your best friend and you can talk about anything with me.” With that he exit your room and you heard your front door being closed. Yes, forever you’re gonna be his best friend and that hurt you a little, no more!
But that a good news though. Because you don’t have to tell him about your feelings to him and this definitely would make both of you awkward since he don’t have such feelings towards you other than the platonic feelings.
You stood up and went to your balcony. You intentionally didn’t switch on your lamp so that he can’t see you from downstairs.
Few minutes after you finally spot him, entering his car. He did surprised you a little when he suddenly lift up his head and that when you immediately enter your apartment. You know he’s looking at your apartment or looking at you indirectly?You know he’s really sad about how you treated him earlier but you have no choice. It’s not like he will be super happy when you tell him everything.
Take care of yourself. Don’t forget to eat your meal and try to lessen or even much better stop taking the sleeping pills each time you can’t fall asleep, you call call me instead. Love you.
Again, why does he have to be so good to you. A message that you guessed he sent before he drove away from your apartment. Why does his act always make you love him more. Aggghh this feeling!
You decided not to reply his text. You know he will wait for you to calm down before starting to talk again. How did you know this? Because that how he is. His patience level is really high especially towards you.
“I see now you’re you done avoiding me?” The first sentence he spoke when he opened the door for you.
You smile awkwardly to his sarcastic remark, didn’t expect him to said that to you. But you kind of understand that. Like who wouldn’t be pissed off if their best friend ignored them for the last three months.
“So what do you want now?” He asked you while walking towards his PC and turned away his body from you. My God! He is really angry to you. You exhales a long sigh before walking towards him.
“I brought you food.” You lifted the bag happily. He rolled his eyes in response and took a seat in front of his computer. You then put the food that you brought from home on his table while his eyes straightly on his computer. “I am sorry for my action.” You tried to start a conversation but really, you’re really sorry for your action to him the other days. However, this did not get his attention though. He is still busy with his work. You pulled a chair and sat beside him. “I didn’t mean to avoid you or gave you a silent treatment but… I don’t know what got into me that time.” You turned your head to him. Still no response from him. You let out a chuckles and said, “I see you are doing the exact things that I did to you three months ago. So are you going to ignore me for three months before coming back to find me just like what I did today?” You said it playfully but seeing no response from him you let out a long sigh.
“Joon, I said I am sorry!” You didn’t know why but you were so pissed off by the way he treated you. Like can’t he just forgot what happened three months ago? It’s not like you chased him out from your apartment or what, you just gave him the silent treatment. That it!
He let out a chuckles when he heard your annoyed voice.
“Oh now you’re laughing. Is this funny to you?” You were so irritated by his response. Its like you were so hopeful coming here today that you woke up earlier just to cook him lunch but then he decided to retaliate everything that you did to him three months ago.
“It is y/n. It’s funny how easily you lose your patience when in fact three months ago, you ignored me. You treat me like I am a ghost. You did not even acknowledge my presence that time.”
“Whatever. I am going.” You stood up immediately and walked towards the door but then you remembered the food that you brought so you walked back to his table and harshly took the bag from him.
“Isn’t that for me?” He asked you without turning his head to you.
“No.” You reply him short and went out immediately.
“Y/n…” you heard him calling but you ignored him and when your hand was on the door knob, the door was push open from outside and to say you were startles was understatement when you see it was indeed an unknown lady that opened the door.
You observed her, from head to toe.
No, she’s not beautiful, not at all. (Note that this is my sarcastic remark that I made in my head due to jealousy because well first of all she is Joon’s GF and you heard them making out the other day.)Then you eyes laid on the bag that she brought along with her. That when it clicked. Ah, they are going to eat together.
“I didn’t know Namjoon Oppa has a guest.” She says as she sees you.
“I am about to go. No worry.” You then walked past her and straightly went back home.
You heard your phone’s rung few times before decided to finally pick up.
“Ah why? What do you want from me?” You harshly say it as you know he’s the one calling you.
“Someone is not in a good mood today.” He teased you, so you ended his call immediately and that when you heard the sound of your doorbell. You let out a long sigh because you knew whose behind the door. So you put on your hoodie and put on your glasses and went to open the door for him.
He smile and wiggles his left eyebrow when you open the door for him and you rolled your eyes in irritation.
“What do you want?” You asked him in a harsh voice tone.
“At least, this time you talk to me.” When he finished uttering that, you try to close the door but failed when he use his hand to stop you from closing the door.
You let out a sigh and gave up. You then walked to your living room and took a sit on the long couch that is situated in front of the television and he took a sit beside you. You did not even acknowledge his presence that your eyes stuck on the television screen.
That when he tilted his head to your side and leaned to your shoulder.
“I miss this.” He said it in slow voice. You try your best to calm yourself down. See this? This is one of hundred reasons you fall in love with him. Why does he is so oblivious to your feelings!
“Y/n… I am sorry.” That got your attention. But nevertheless, you try your best not to show your interest when clearly in your head, you were screaming. What is he sorry for? “I am sorry for disregarding your feelings.” You frown when you heard that. Oh My God! He knew! “The girl you saw today, her name is Narsha and she’s my….”
“Girlfriend.” You helped him to finish his sentence since he’s not confident enough telling you about it.
That when he pull his head from you and turned his head to you.
“How did you…” You turned your gaze to him and smile slightly before answering his question.
“I heard you…” A confusion expression appeared on his face.
“Heard what? I never tell you about her.” What you mean is that you heard them the other day but you were unsure of how to tell him that.
“Yeah. Just like how you acted that you never tell me that you know about my feelings to you.” And you wanted to beat yourself for saying this. Like how in the world this came out from your own mouth!
“Yeah. You said it earlier. Disregarding my feeling. But wait… so what do you mean by disregarding my feelings earlier?”
“I should tell you about her the moment we agreed to become one. Not keeping it secret from you.” Ah so, that what he meant. He thought that you would feel like being left out for not telling you about his relationship with his girlfriend and you have to find it by yourself today.
“But your feelings… Y/n, are you?” Err, how to answer this? You questioned yourself.
“No…” you answered him playfully. Not to make it obvious about it and you really hope he buys your fake smile and expression.
“Joon seriously. We’re best friend like since how many years ago. Do you think that I would fall in love with you? Seriously?” You then turned your gaze to the front and hope that he would forgot everything that you said earlier.
“I loved you.” That got your attention that you turned your head to him immediately. You were surprised by his sudden confession. Wait… so he fall in love with me? But no, don’t get your hopes too high y/n.
“Loved as in past tense right?” You try to confirm it. He nodded.
“But you were with him that time.”
“This does not change anything between us right?” You nodded your head slightly. But you lied. Because the moment he step out from your apartment, you cries your eyes out and beating yourself for not realizing about his feelings to you. It’s too late now. He has her. And you try your best to avoid him, just like how you always ditch his call, ignored his text messages until a week after that he came to your apartment unannounced.
“Y/n, I think you misunderstood something.” The first sentence he uttered the moment you opened the door for him.
“What did I misunderstood?” You asked him curiously as you motioned him to come in and he followed closely behind you. You took a sit on the couch and he did the same by sitting beside you. As you heard no response from him, you turned your head to him.
“The sound that you heard. The… you know that sound.” Ah, that sound.
“That is not me.” You let out a small chuckles as he said that.
“Oh my God, so you’re here in the middle of the night just to tell me that?” He nodded his head.
“Joon, we’re an adult. So I don’t really care about that.” You said that nonchalantly. Well, to be honest, you were so surprised by his sudden announcement. You were now at the stage of trying to forget everything including your feelings to him. Well, it’s not like you did not try the last three months ago. You tried. But it’s like … it’s not that easy. Why does it easy to fall in love but hard to forget about it. A question that even you didn’t know the answer to it.
“So you’re not going to ask who…”
“Seriously Joon, it doesn’t matter.”
“It is. When clearly you still love me.” You turned your gazed to him and clearly you can’t hide your surprised expression. How did he even know that. You thought that he’s being oblivious to your feelings all these times.
“Since when y/n.” He asked you again and that when your eyes met him.
“Since the break up.” He furrowed his eyebrows in response.
“Remember how you used to call or facetime me in the past? Or you surprise me with your sudden visit to my apartment?” You asked him.
“Yea used too. Not anymore.” He answered you in a low voice.
“I know and I am sorry for that. But that when my feelings started to bloom.” You lowered your eyes. You didn’t know where did you get the strength of confessing this to him but it feel like you need to tell him everything tonight. Its now or never.
“Is it to late if I admit that I still love you even after I am with her.”
“And then what? You want me to be the third party in your relationship?or you want to break up with her?”
“I think I can do that.” You chuckles in disbelief as he uttered this.
“And you think I would agree to be with you that?” You asked him. He let out a harsh breath. He knew my answer to that would be ‘no’ so that why he choose to stay quiet.
“Why is our time never meet?” He asked while his eyes fixated to the tv’s screen.
“Maybe because that a sign that we were only meant to be friend.” You forced a smile after saying that. You felt him fidgeting his body.
“How is she by the way?” You try to change the subject of your talk.
“She’s fine.” He answered you in short sentence.
“Good.” You answered him short.
“I miss us.” Your eyebrows furrowed when he said that.
“What?” You didn’t understood what did he meant by that.
“You can do that with her.”
“I know. I miss us too. I miss everything about us.” To be honest you miss the old time, when he’s still alone and he usually devoted his time to you but not anymore.
“Is she okay you’re here with me?”
“I don’t know.” Seriously? Does she even know know my existence? You asked yourself.
“Yah! You should have told her.” Your tone increased a little but it does not reach to the level of shouting.
“I don’t know. I am just comfortable with you.” He then lay down on the couch, put his legs at the hand-rest at the end of the couch and used your laps as his pillow. You on the other hand, already expected him to do this because this is not the first time he did this to you and soon after, falling asleep on your laps. You then plays with his hair, your habits and he will stay quiet in this position until he fall asleep.
You put the small paper on the table on the dining table, beside his breakfast that you made earlier.
I have morning class today. Your manager called and he told you to be ready by 10. Don’t forgot to eat your breakfast. It’s only a simple breakfast, I know. But hey, at least I prepared your breakfast. Eat it, ALL OF THEM!
Your girlfriend called. He think you’re cheating on her with me. Opppss! But I cleared the misunderstanding right away, so yea everything is good.
You lied, of course, well not everything is a lie. You have a morning class today but was cancelled as your lecturer was attending some kind of seminar. You feel like this is a good time, for you and him to think about this matters carefully.
It’s been three week since the last time you saw him, you know by now he would realize that you’re avoiding him. It’s not that you didn’t want to see him or what but you remember his girlfriend’s warning to you so yeah, you decided, it is time to keep your distance although it’s really killing you inside.
“I broke up with her.” He said that the moment you answered his call. He’s been calling at least six times a day and today you decided to answered him. Maybe he really needs you, so that why he called.
“Is that supposed to be a good news?” You asked him sarcastically. To be honest you didn’t expect him to tell you about their sudden break up. Today marks a 30 days since you last see him.
“I don’t know.” He answered you. You heard nothing other than his breath. This kind of awkward. This is why you should never fall in love with your best friend because once you both know about your feelings, everything will change.
“Joon…” You called him, softly. An idea suddenly appeared!
“Wanna go out? Like the old time?” You asked him. Well, since his girlfriend is not in the picture anymore, so that mean you can be friend again, just like the old time.
“You know I can’t…” He answered you. You know what he meant by that. People can easily recognized him so its really hard to go out with him. But hey, you remembered survived going out with him even after his debut.
“You can actually. Just come here now.” You said happily. He seems able to sense your ‘brilliant’ idea behind your happy voice.
“I’ll be there in fifteen.” He answered you excitedly and hang up your call.
You laugh in response. He know what did you mean by the old time. You remember you went out with him one time and asked him to draw a fake beard on his face, few moles on his face and wore a round sunglasses and its work! Like people don’t even recognize him. We even went to Han river and sat there to eat our dinner together. You smile to yourself reminiscing the past. The good old time when feeling doesn’t involve.
And again tonight, its like both of you choose Hans River as your spot to release tension, just like the old time. He sat beside you facing the Han river. He brought a mat from his dorm and even orders take out for both of you.
“I miss this.” You turned your head to see him smiling watching the scenery. How can he be so perfect. Even when you draw the fake beard on him and the round glasses that he used actually perfect for him. Like he is even more attractive with that glasses.
He suddenly turned his head towards you and catch you staring at him. You laugh when he caught you red handed observing him.
“Yeah oppps.” He reply you sarcastically.
“Joon…” You darted your gazed to the front again.
“Can we like … try?” You know what he meant by that.
“What if we end up hating each other. I don’t want that to happens. You’re my only best friend that stayed with me until now. I don’t want to lose you.” You shifted your gazed from the front to him and smile slightly. Its the sad reality. Like you have a lots of friend, but only some stays. Well in your case, only one stay, him and you’re very thankful for that, even after he’s famous right now. He is still the same Namjoon.
“We’re soulmate.” You rolled your eyes in response. Is that how he’s going to convince you to be with him? You picked the wrong sentence Joon!!! You practically shouting in your head.
“What?” You asked him. His gazed still fixated on you.
“I know. I picked the wrong pick up line.” You shrugged in response. Your gazed stayed. That when you both did not realize, the close proximity between yourself and him. At his bashful nature his eyes flick downwards to eye your pretty pink lips that are on display like a piece of enrapturing art.
Under his gaze, your cheeks visibly flush. His eyes flutter close, his breath ghosting your lips before you hear him whisper “Can I?” at his question you close the gap between your lips.
A sigh of relief escapes Namjoon’s lips when you response to his action. You on the other hand did not expect yourself to kiss him back. Maybe because the feeling is still there. So that why you did not push him away.
You’re the first one that pull away from the kiss.
“Lets not do this in a public place.” He smiles and scooted you closer to him and wrapped his arm around you.
“This felt good.” He says. You can only smile because you’re not going to lie. Its feel good to be in his hand, again… the only difference is that now you’re 100% sure that both of you has the same feelings towards each other.
“Joon, if you don’t come in 10 minutes I swear to God I am going to break up with you!” You shouted to the voicemail you sent to him. You let out a harsh breath. It was your E-day. All the guest had come and he dare to come late for this! Not that you did not remind him about this, but you called him 10 times today but Ten minutes after you sent the voice mail, there he is running towards you.
“Babe babe I am sorry!!!” He says that with his uneven breath resulted from running. You glared in response.
“Are you going to break up with me?” He asked, panicking. How dare he asked you that question!
“Yes!” You turned away from him. He then surprise you when he suddenly lifted you up.
“Yaaa… let me down.” He smirked when he spotted a blush appeared on your cheek and he find it cute, even after a year, you still blush every time you’re embarrass.
“Not until you..” You interrupted him. “Fine! Fine! I am not breaking up with you.
Not that I have any other choice.” He smile when he listened to your answer.
“I know right. You cannot break up with you soulmate.” You rolled your eyes when he uttered that.
“Now can you put me down.” You try your best to push his body but failed to do so.
“Lets just get out like this.” Your eyes widened and when you’re about to protest, he silent you when his lips touched yours. He pulls away and staring directly into your eyes and smile.
“Now I know a way to shut you up.” You smile sheepishly, embarrass that he now know about your habits when you’re embarrass of something.
“Guys I am sorry to intrude you. But… you’re like fifteen minutes late.” You were both startles by the sudden voice and when you turn towards the door, that when you realize that most of their members and yours and his family has watched your drama. Namjoon promptly put you down and chuckles awkwardly.
“I … I didn’t know you’re all here.” He says to them. In response, all of them laugh when they heard his statement. You even found it funny that he stuttered, like where did the confident Namjoon goes?
“Not to sounds so rude, but we have been here since you entered this room. You’re too consumed of thinking y/n would leave you so that why you walk past us and straightly went to her.” Jin says in teasing tone.
“Ye.. yeah..” He says awkwardly.
“Now shall we?” Your mother then says to both of you. You nodded your head but before that you asked them to leave you for a minutes. The members, upon listening to your request did not failed to tease him before they fully closed the door and when you’re confident that they leave, you took that chance to fix his bow tie.
“I am sorry for my lateness Babe.” He says as you were fixing his coat.
You nodded in response. “As long as you’re here Joonie.” You answered him.
“Now shall we.” You nodded and took his hand and walked towards the door together.
Tonight, It felt good walking hand in hand with someone that you love or should I say walk hand in hand with the person you’re not expecting at all to fall in love with you. Tonight, another new chapter is added into your life and you’re happy for it. You’re thankful that you met him, became his best friend, fall in love with him and now engaged to him. Yes, you know a lot of peoples keep asking you, why not get married straightly rather than wasting money on Engagement party. Usually, both of you smiles to the question. Yes, every person dream on getting married but in our case? We’re taking it slowly, for now.
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