In 2010, I started a new job as Life Enrichment Manager for a senior living Corp. Darlene, the Buisness office manager, went out of her way to make me feel welcome. We'd spend our lunch hour getting to know each other better, and discussing improvements we hoped to make on the campus. It was during our lunch chats, that Darlene shared, that in just one week, she would be going in for a major surgery.
The she left for medical leave… I saw her walking to her car, gave her a big, one-armed wave and for some reason (still unknown to me need anything at all, just holler, I'll be there in a flash!
Two days lasted, I recieved a call from a very groggy Darlene. When you said to call youif I needed ,help... did you really mean good help with ANYTHING? Staying true to my word, YES! ABSOLUTELY! I watched the the worried look rapidy melt from her face.
OH,THANK GOD!!! I can't kero up with n⁸[o puppies are driving me nuts. Could you pleeeaaasse take them until I'm released? "
Why this didn't seem like a favor at all, caring for 9-6 week old pugs!!! I imagined myself on the floor covered in adorable tail waggers who looked like one had chased a parked car, and the remaining 8 followed suit. THE PUPPY BREATH...Ohhh, the puppy breath and those adorable pug puppy sounds…I couldn't wait to get them home to snuggle them!!
NOPE! NONE OF THE ABOVE HAPPENED!!
It was like hosting a birthday party for 9 baby piranhas, where every 3 hours I had to skillfully wade thru the frenzy of yippy and extremely zippy, little ankle biting guests, I'm order to hang the party piñata! Which, by the way, had the added duty of sitting on a hard stool for a minimum of half hour, waiting for each one to crap before the ding of the bell and the piranha pug wrestling pro championships began. If I missed even 1 squatter, it meant baths for all!!
ON WEEK 3, I upped my Xanax prescription to Anna Nicole Smith level, bought 2 tiny wading pools (one for intake… one for outpoo-t), which did solve 2 of the 1,796,857 other issues, from PEWEES PUGTOP PLAYHOUSE, ranging from nooo sleep, to no sex, because my husband, apparently makes mother pug noises during coitus, triggering all nine to cry, then poop, then wrestle in the poop, aaaaaannnd you know the rest. This unraveling series of unfortunate dog domino events, had profound ability to instantly trigger the realtion of the passion of foreplay to the image of an 11pm poo party mop up. Resulting in an emphatic "NO!" when my husband dared to develop even a single sparkle in his eye!
FINALLY.....week six had arrived, and it was pick up day at Pissy Missy's piranha-dog daycamp. I practically threw all 9 yapping bandits, like snowballs at a mean kid on Christmas break, in desperation to get them in her car fast enough.
Darlene gasped, and softly slapped her hands on her face, with mouth opened in awe. She marveled at how much they'd grown since she'd last seen them. She quietly squeeled while spewing the science behind their fast bellies and healthy glow, "they only do this well while in the cage of someone who obviously LOVED caring for them!" I felt like such a fraud, but pocketed the counterfeit compliments as she went on like Bill Neye, the pug science guy.
She finally took a breath, then fashioned an obvios mirror rehearsed smile (somewhere between Shirely Temple and the Grinch) . She announced, "I've been thinking this whole time about how I could possibly repay you for the huge favor you did! " ...(we can start with 3-5 paid days off work), a tin of ankle bandaids- the good fabric kinds and a magnum of Greygoose Vodka, is what I was thinking) …
Darlene continued…."So I talked to my husband last night, and we've decided to give YOU".......(at the point, my butt puckered with excitement, thinking it was a new car, I mean there was so much build up!)… "PICK OF THE LITTER!!!" She continued. YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF DARLENE! Was the reply in head… so I thought it was in my head, till I saw the Grinchy Temple smile fade from her church lady face, then realized my reply had somehow escaped, during my flash of PUG PTSD, thinking she was gonna leave me with one of those little bastards!!
"Ohhh they can be alot, can't they?" She said (kinda cringing) then she smiled. I said nothing (but the crowd inside my head went wild! They were so proud I fought back 4 letter words reserved for US Navy Brigoderes stranded for 6 months at sea ), when I relaxed my mouth, I could feel the blood rush back into my lips, so I knew I had kept them tight as nuns ass during midnight mass.
Two days later, I found a check on my desk for $500 and a note from Darlene thanking me again for all my help. There was of, course no way I was keeping the money, so returned it to her desk while she was at lunch. In big red letters I had written the word "VOID" accros the check, in tiny letters bellow the void I wrote "of this friendship" with a laugh emoji. I hid in the lobby, waiting for her to return to her office. return heard her let out the biggest laugh… then I entered and joined her.
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