i’m deleting tumblr and basically all social media that is just going to be flooded with stuff about heeseung leaving for a while. like my heart genuinely hearts so much. i wish nothing but the best for enhypen & heeseung but this is so hard as an engene.
genre: college au, eventual simp x simp dynamic, smut, slow burn
synopsis: getting partnered with jake, the tall awkward nerd from on of your computer science classes, should've been simple—work on the project, get your grade, move on. except now you're completely obsessed with him and he's totally clueless about it. between tutoring sessions you definitely don't need and "coincidental" dorm hall run-ins, you're pulling out all the stops. too bad jake's more interested in his textbooks than your very obvious flirting.
you've never been rejected before, so this should be fine.
…right?
warnings (MDNI 18+ only!!) : smut (oral sex(f. and m. receiving), fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, size difference, big dick!jake, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, pussy drunk!jake, dry humping, heavy makeout, whiny!jake), cursing, mild alcohol use, emotional manipulation, jealousy, themes of insecurity, angst, lots computer science related terms(i kind of geeked out here), reader's kind of delulu and a jerk
note: i'm back to my writing style for lighthearted fics for this one hehe. i lovelovelove nerdy shy men tropes sooo much. i did try to keep it a little realistic though. i hope you like this! enjoyyy
word count: 21.8k
taglist | more works!
you were alone in the computer science lab at nearly midnight, which wasn't unusual. assignments had a way of turning the building into a second home. but tonight felt wrong. everything felt too much. the lights buzzed too loud, drilling into your skull with that persistent electrical hum. your eyes burned from staring at your screen for four hours straight, vision going fuzzy at the edges. somewhere around hour three, you'd stopped actually processing code and started just staring through it.
your cold coffee sat forgotten beside your laptop, abandoned but still somehow necessary because the alternative was admitting defeat and going back to your dorm where your roommate and her boyfriend were probably still taking up the entire common space. you'd rather deal with this. the overstimulation. the way every tiny sound felt amplified in the empty lab. the aggressive brightness of your laptop screen. the uncomfortable pressure building behind your eyes that meant you were about to either cry or throw your laptop across the room. probably both.
your code wasn't working. hadn't been working for two days, and you'd tried everything. every forum suggestion, every stack overflow solution, every pathetic office hours visit where you'd explained your problem three times and still left confused. the cursor blinked at you on line two thousand and forty seven, mocking. the compiler kept throwing errors you didn't understand, and you'd rewritten that function six times already. your hands shook slightly from too much caffeine and not enough food. that tight, hot feeling crept up your throat. the one that signalled imminent breakdown.
you pressed your palms against your eyes until you saw spots, trying to reset something in your overwhelmed nervous system. didn't work. nothing worked tonight.
the silence in the lab was the worst part, it was so quiet that it made you hyper-aware of your own breathing, your heartbeat, the small wet sound your tongue made against the roof of your mouth when you swallowed. you hated it.
then suddenly, the power cut out. total darkness that swallowed everything in an instant, your laptop screen going black, even the emergency exit signs disappearing. your heart kicked into overdrive, adrenaline flooding so fast you felt dizzy. you reached out instinctively for your laptop, fingers scrabbling across the desk, needing to confirm it was still there, that everything you'd been working on wasn't just gone.
suddenly you heard footsteps. someone else was in the lab. you hadn't known anyone else was here. the realisation sent fear spiking through your chest because you'd been so certain you were alone. now there was someone moving closer, footsteps uneven and hurried like they couldn't see any better than you. you opened your mouth to say something, but before you could form words there was sudden pressure against your shoulder, hard and unexpected, and then there was the splash of cold liquid, spreading across your lap and chest.
your coffee. the cup tipped and spilt, liquid soaking through your jeans, spreading sticky and uncomfortable across your thighs. panic hit first, pure and primal, because for a split second all you could think was laptop, everything's gone, hours of work, my entire project. your hands flew out in the darkness, patting frantically at the desk, trying to assess the damage. your chest was so tight you couldn't get a full breath.
then came the anger. fast and hot and overwhelming, rising from somewhere deep in your stomach. you wanted to scream. wanted to grab whoever crashed into you and shake them. wanted to cry from sheer frustration because this was exactly what you didn't need tonight, not when you were already hanging on by a thread.
"oh my god, oh my god, i'm so sorry, i didn't see you, i didn't think anyone else was here, i'm so sorry." the voice came rapid-fire from somewhere to your left. male, young, pitched higher than normal with genuine distress.
he kept apologising, words tumbling over each other, and there was something in his tone that didn't sound rehearsed. he sounded actually afraid, like he'd just committed some unforgivable sin.
"i didn't mean to, i couldn't see, the power just went out and i was trying to get to the door and i'm so sorry, did it get on your laptop? please tell me it didn't get on your laptop."
you took a breath, trying to force words past the tightness in your throat, trying to formulate some response that matched the fury still coursing through your veins. your mouth opened, something sharp and cutting right on the edge of your tongue.
the emergency lighting kicked in. not much, just pale green strips along the baseboards casting everything in eerie, insufficient glow. enough to see by. enough to make out shapes, faces.
the guy who'd run into you stood about two feet away, and the first thing you noticed was his hands. hovering in the air between you, trembling visibly even in the dim light, fingers spread like he wanted to help but didn't dare touch anything. he was tall and lean, dark hair stuck up in odd directions like he'd been running his hands through it repeatedly. glasses had slipped down his nose, and behind them his eyes were wide. genuinely panicked in a way that didn't feel performed at all.
"your laptop," he said, voice still shaking with that same desperate concern. "what model is it? did the coffee get on it? the keyboard is the main concern, if liquid got into the keyboard we need to shut it down immediately and flip it over to drain, we need to know if you had everything backed up."
he was already moving closer, trembling hands reaching toward your desk, and you realised with a start that he hadn't even looked at you properly yet. his entire focus was on your laptop. on the problem he'd created. on fixing it.
"it's fine," you managed, voice coming out rougher than intended. you looked down at your computer. sitting safely to the right of where your coffee had been, completely dry and unharmed. "it didn't get on it."
the relief that washed over his face was so profound you almost felt embarrassed witnessing it. his shoulders sagged. his hands finally dropped to his sides. he let out a long, shaky breath like he'd been holding it since the collision.
"okay. okay, that's good, that's really good." then, almost as an afterthought, his eyes finally moved to actually look at you. taking in your coffee-soaked lap, your tense posture, your expression which you were sure wasn't friendly. "are you okay? did you get burned? that coffee looked hot, if it was hot we should get you to a sink, run cold water on it."
"it was cold," you said. true, but didn't make the situation better. your jeans were soaked through, fabric clinging uncomfortably to your skin, coffee starting to seep into your chair. you were sticky and irritated and still running on too much adrenaline. but he looked so genuinely distressed that some of your anger started deflating despite yourself.
"cold coffee is still a problem," he said, already pulling his backpack off his shoulder, unzipping it with fumbling fingers. "the sugar content means it'll get sticky when it dries, and it can stain, especially on lighter fabrics. i have napkins, i think, or maybe paper towels, i definitely have something."
he was rummaging through his bag now, pulling out crumpled papers, a graphing calculator, several pens, tangled earbuds, talking the entire time in that same rapid, anxious way.
"i'm really sorry, i should have been more careful, i knew the power was out, i should have used my phone flashlight, i just thought i knew the layout well enough to navigate in the dark but obviously i was wrong."
you watched him. something uncomfortable shifted in your chest. you'd been prepared to snap at him, to unleash all your accumulated frustration on whoever had been careless enough to run into you. but he wasn't making excuses. wasn't trying to minimise what he'd done or deflect blame or make some joke to lighten the mood. he was just genuinely, almost painfully concerned about the problem he'd created. the way he kept apologising, kept trying to fix things, made it very hard to stay angry.
"here," he said triumphantly, producing a small pack of tissues from the bottom of his bag. he held them out, then seemed to realise how inadequate they were and let out a frustrated sound. "these aren't going to be enough. we should go to the bathroom, get some actual paper towels. or maybe the kitchen area on the second floor, they have those industrial dispensers that are way more absorbent."
he paused, finally seeming to register that you hadn't moved, that you were just sitting there watching him. his ears went red, visible even in the dim green emergency lighting. "sorry, i'm sorry, i'm doing it again. my sister always tells me i go into problem-solving mode when i'm anxious and it makes people feel like i'm not actually listening to them. are you okay? like, actually okay, not just physically okay?"
the question caught you off guard. nobody had asked you that in days. maybe weeks. everyone just assumed you were fine because you were handling things, meeting deadlines, showing up to class. but this stranger who'd just spilt coffee all over you was looking at you with genuine concern, waiting for a real answer. something in your chest felt suddenly too tight.
"i'm fine," you said, softer than intended. you took the tissues from him, dabbing uselessly at your jeans. he was right. they weren't nearly enough. but the gesture felt important somehow. "it's been a long night."
"assignments?" he asked. when you nodded he made a sympathetic noise. "yeah, same. i've been here since six. had a project deadline at midnight but then the power went out fifteen minutes before and now i don't know if my submission went through because the wifi died with the electricity." he pushed his glasses up his nose. nervous gesture you got the impression he did frequently.
"i'm jake, by the way. jake sim. i feel like i should probably introduce myself since i just, like, assaulted you with your own beverage."
despite everything, ruined jeans and exhaustion and broken code, you felt the corner of your mouth twitch. not quite a smile, but close. "assaulted me with my own beverage?"
"well, yeah," he said, looking vaguely embarrassed. "i mean, i weaponised your coffee against you. that's technically assault, right? or maybe battery? i always get those mixed up. my roommate's a poli-sci major, he'd know."
he was rambling now, words spilling out in that same anxious rush, and there was something almost endearing about how completely lacking in artifice it was. he wasn't trying to be charming. wasn't trying to be funny. just genuinely nervous and dealing with it by talking too much.
you told him your name. he repeated it carefully, like he was committing it to memory. "i really am sorry," he said again, quieter this time. "what were you working on? before i interrupted?"
"data structures project," you said. just thinking about it made your shoulders tense again. "it's due tomorrow and there's a bug i can't figure out and i've been staring at it for hours."
his eyes lit up behind his glasses, spark of interest that transformed his whole face. "what kind of bug? runtime error? logic error? is it a pointer issue? those are always the worst, especially with linked lists."
he was already moving closer to your laptop, stopping himself at the last second like he'd realised he was being presumptuous. "sorry, i mean, i could take a look if you want? i'm pretty good with data structures. it's kind of my thing. i'm a TA for comp 201 actually, so i see a lot of common bugs. but also totally no pressure, i know i just dumped coffee on you so you probably don't want my help."
you should have said no. didn't know this guy, didn't owe him anything. you'd been managing just fine on your own. except you hadn't been managing fine. you'd been on the verge of a breakdown in an empty lab at midnight. now here was this nervous, rambling stranger offering help without expecting anything in return, looking at you like your problem was genuinely important to him.
it was disorienting. how quickly your anger had evaporated, replaced by something you couldn't quite name. you found yourself noticing details you shouldn't care about. the way he kept pushing his glasses up. the way his hands had finally stopped shaking now that he had something concrete to focus on.
"okay," you heard yourself say. his whole face brightened in a way that made something flutter uncomfortably in your stomach. "yeah, if you don't mind looking at it."
"i don't mind at all," he said quickly, already pulling up a chair. he left careful distance between you though, hyper-aware of not invading your space again. "show me what you've got."
you turned your laptop toward him. he leaned in, eyes scanning the lines with immediate focus. his expression shifted into something concentrated, intense. this was probably what he looked like when he wasn't tripping over people in the dark and panicking about it. he started asking questions about your implementation, your logic, what you'd already tried. his voice had lost that nervous edge. this was clearly where he was comfortable. in the clean logic of code, in problems that had solutions.
you answered his questions. watched as he nodded, occasionally pushing his glasses up, finger tracing lines of code on the screen without quite touching it. the emergency lighting cast strange shadows across his face, highlighting his cheekbones, the strong line of his jaw, the way his brow furrowed in concentration.
you were noticing things you shouldn't notice. but you told yourself it wasn't because you found him attractive. you were just paying attention because he was helping. because he'd disrupted your solitary misery and replaced it with something else. something that felt almost like companionship.
"there," he said suddenly, pointing to a line in the middle of your function. "you're incrementing the counter before you check the condition, but you need to check the condition first. it's causing an off-by-one error. see? you're accessing index n when your array only goes up to n minus one."
you stared at the line he was indicating. slowly, horribly, you realised he was right. such a simple mistake, the kind of thing you should have caught hours ago. but you'd been too tired, too frustrated, too deep in your own head to see it. "oh my god," you said quietly. "that's it. that's the whole problem."
"easy fix," jake said, smiling now. a real smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. "just move that line down two spaces and add the conditional check first. you want me to...?" he gestured at your keyboard, asking permission. you nodded, watched as he made the adjustment with quick, confident keystrokes. "there. try running it now."
you hit compile, holding your breath. for the first time in two days the program ran without errors. the output printed exactly the way it was supposed to. clean and correct and perfect. relief flooded through you so intensely you felt dizzy with it, all the tension you'd been carrying suddenly releasing at once. "thank you," you said, voice more emotional than intended. "seriously, thank you, i've been losing my mind over this."
"it happens to everyone," jake said gently. "sometimes you just need fresh eyes. i've definitely been there." he leaned back in his chair, that nervous energy returning now that the immediate problem was solved. "your code is really clean, by the way. like, really well-structured. that bug was literally the only issue, everything else is solid."
the compliment settled warm in your chest. you realised with a start that you felt calm. actually calm, for the first time all night. your heart rate had slowed. your hands were steady. the overwhelming pressure behind your eyes had eased.
the lab was still too quiet, the emergency lighting still eerie and insufficient, your jeans still soaked with cold coffee. but somehow none of it felt as unbearable as it had fifteen minutes ago. and that was because of him. because jake had crashed into you in the dark and apologised too much and fixed your code and made you feel less alone in this empty building at midnight.
jake was gathering his things, shoving papers and pens back into his backpack with the same energy he'd had while searching for tissues. "i should probably try to find someone about the power situation," he said. "and you should probably change before that coffee stains permanently. there's a campus store in the student centre that's open twenty-four hours, they have overpriced sweatpants but at least they're dry."
"yeah," you said, surprised to find you didn't want him to leave yet. "yeah, i probably should."
he stood up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder, and hesitated. "hey, um. if you ever need help with code stuff again, or if you just want to work in the lab at the same time, i'm here most nights. usually not spilling beverages on people, but, you know. tonight was special." he smiled awkwardly. you found yourself smiling back, a real smile this time.
"i might take you up on that," you said. meant it.
jake's expression brightened again. that same transformation you'd noticed earlier. he nodded. "cool. yeah, that would be cool. okay. i'm gonna go now before i accidentally break something else." he gave you a small wave, started toward the door, then turned back. "your code really is good, by the way. i wasn't just saying that."
then he was gone, disappearing into the dark hallway beyond the lab. you were alone again. but that realisation, that awareness that a stranger's clumsy kindness had affected you so much, sat uncomfortable and warm in your chest as you saved your work and finally, finally, packed up to leave.
you walked into your lecture the next morning running on four hours of sleep and caffeine-induced alertness that felt vaguely hallucinogenic. your jeans from last night were balled up in your laundry basket, probably stained beyond saving, and you'd thrown on the first clean thing you could find.
you slid into your usual spot next to yunjin, who was already comparing notes with beomgyu across the aisle. they were your people. your safe zone. the ones you'd suffered through intro courses with, pulled all-nighters with, shared desperate pre-exam breakdowns with.
"you look like death," yunjin said cheerfully, not looking up from her phone.
"thanks. love you too."
"late night?" beomgyu leaned over, stealing one of yunjin's chips. "you missed the group chat meltdown about the algorithms homework."
you hummed noncommittally, pulling out your laptop. your code from last night was still open, that perfect, error-free output staring back at you. you'd submitted it at 12:47 am, seventeen minutes after jake had fixed it. seventeen minutes after he'd disappeared down that dark hallway.
you hadn't told yunjin and beomgyu about any of it. the power outage, the coffee, jake. especially jake. it felt somehow private, like explaining it would cheapen it or make it feel less significant than it had been in the moment.
professor kim walked in, and the room settled into that particular brand of restless attention that morning lectures always had. "alright, alright," she said, pulling up a slide that made half the room groan in unison. "i know you're all thrilled to hear this, but it's time to discuss your semester-long project."
chairs scraped against floors as people twisted around to look at their friends. voices overlapped, people already calling out names, forming pairs out of habit and convenience. you felt yunjin's hand on your arm at the same time beomgyu leaned over.
"partners?" yunjin said.
"obviously we're doing a group," beomgyu added. "the three of us, right?"
you nodded, half-listening, your attention already drifting across the lecture hall. you weren't sure what you were looking for until you found it. him. jake was sitting near the back with a small group of guys you vaguely recognised from other cs classes. he was hunched slightly over his notebook, pen moving across the page, taking notes while everyone else was busy forming alliances. his hair was even messier today, sticking up on one side like he'd rolled out of bed. his glasses kept sliding down his nose and he kept pushing them back up with his index finger, that same nervous gesture from last night.
he looked small somehow, despite being tall. like he was trying to take up less space. one of his friends said something and laughed, nudging jake's shoulder, but jake just smiled politely without really engaging. his attention stayed on his notebook.
you watched him for a moment longer than necessary. watched the way his shoulders curved inward, the way he held his pen, the concentrated furrow of his brow. something in your chest did an uncomfortable little flip.
"so we're agreed then?" yunjin was saying. "i'll handle the frontend, beomgyu can do the database stuff, and you can—"
you stood up. the decision happened before you'd fully processed it, your body moving on instinct or impulse or something you didn't want to examine too closely. your chair scraped loud enough that a few people glanced over.
"actually," you said, already stepping past beomgyu into the aisle. "i'm gonna partner with someone else."
"what?" yunjin's voice pitched up in genuine confusion. "who?"
but you were already walking. moving up the steps toward the back of the lecture hall, weaving between people who were still negotiating partnerships and arguing about skill distributions. you were aware of people watching. of yunjin and beomgyu's matching expressions of confusion. of the way conversations paused as you passed.
jake's friends noticed you first. one of them, a guy with bleached hair, nudged jake's arm and nodded in your direction. another one went quiet mid-sentence, eyes tracking your approach with unconcealed curiosity. jake looked up last, following their gazes, and when his eyes met yours he froze. actually froze, pen suspended over his notebook, lips slightly parted like he'd been about to say something and forgotten how.
you stopped at the edge of their row. suddenly hyperaware of how many people were definitely watching this interaction. "hey," you said, aiming for casual and landing somewhere near awkward. "you have a partner yet?"
jake blinked. once, twice. his friends were staring at him now, then at you, then back at him like they were watching a tennis match. "i—what?"
"for the project," you clarified, gesturing vaguely at professor kim who was still explaining requirements at the front of the room. "do you have a partner?"
"i—" jake's hand came up to push his glasses up his nose even though they hadn't moved. his ears were already turning red. "no? i mean, no, i don't, but—" he glanced at his friends, then back at you, looking genuinely lost. "are you—do you mean—"
"i'm asking if you want to partner up," you said, more directly this time. your heart was doing something weird and arrhythmic in your chest. "for the semester project."
the guy with bleached hair made a noise that might have been a strangled laugh. another one of jake's friends just gaped openly. jake himself looked like you'd just spoken to him in a language he only half understood. "you want to—with me?"
"yeah."
"but—" he gestured helplessly toward where yunjin and beomgyu were sitting, both of them now watching with unconcealed shock. "don't you usually work with your friends? i thought—"
"i'm asking you," you said, cutting him off before he could talk himself out of it or before you could overthink what you were doing. "if you already have other plans it's fine, i just thought—" you paused, scrambling for justification that didn't sound insane. "you're good at this stuff. you're a TA. you knew exactly what was wrong with my code last night in like, five seconds. it makes sense. strategically."
strategically. god, you sounded unhinged.
jake stared at you. his friends stared at you. half the lecture hall was probably staring at you at this point. "i—" jake swallowed visibly. "yeah. yes. i mean, if you want to, then—yeah. okay."
"yeah?"
"yeah." he nodded, more firmly this time, though he still looked vaguely shell-shocked. "we can—yeah. that would be—yeah."
his friends exchanged glances that were absolutely loaded with unspoken communication. the bleached hair guy, jungwon you think, was grinning now, looking between you and jake like he'd just witnessed something phenomenal. "well," he said, voice thick with amusement, "this is interesting."
you ignored him. "cool. we should probably meet up sometime this week to go over the requirements?"
"yeah, definitely," jake said quickly, already pulling out his phone with hands that trembled slightly. "i can—do you want my number? or i can get yours, or—we could use email if that's easier—"
"number's fine." you rattled it off, watching him type it into his contacts with endearing focus, tongue poking slightly between his teeth. when he looked up his expression was softer, less panicked. almost shy.
"okay," he said. "i'll text you?"
"sounds good."
you turned to head back down to your seat, acutely aware of the weight of multiple stares following your retreat. yunjin grabbed your arm the second you sat down, eyes wide with questions, but professor kim chose that moment to actually start the lecture and yunjin had to settle for furious whisper-hissing "what the hell was that?" while you studiously ignored her.
you pulled up your laptop, pretending to focus on the slides about project requirements and grading rubrics. but your attention kept drifting. you could feel it, that awareness of jake sitting several rows behind you. you wondered if he was taking notes. if his friends were grilling him. if his ears were still red.
you told yourself this was practical. logical. jake was skilled, focused, clearly knew his stuff. working with him made sense from a grades perspective, from an efficiency perspective. it was a smart choice. strategic, like you'd said.
but the justification felt thin even as you repeated it to yourself. because practical partnerships didn't make your pulse spike like this. strategic choices didn't leave you feeling weirdly breathless, or hyperaware of your phone in your pocket, waiting for a text that might come in an hour or a day. smart decisions didn't come with this flutter of satisfaction sitting warm and dangerous in your chest, the kind that felt unearned and a little reckless.
you'd just chosen jake over your actual friends for a semester-long project. you'd walked across the entire lecture hall in front of everyone to ask him specifically. you'd done it without planning it, without fully understanding why, acting on instinct alone.
your phone buzzed. you grabbed it maybe too quickly, ignoring yunjin's pointed look.
unknown number: hi, it's jake. from the lab? and also from just now. obviously. you know who i am. anyway this is my number.
unknown number: we can meet whenever works for you btw. i'm pretty flexible.
unknown number: sorry i'm rambling over text now apparently. i'll stop.
despite everything, despite the weirdness of the entire situation, you felt yourself smile. properly smile, which made yunjin lean over and whisper, "oh my god, you're blushing," which you absolutely were not.
you saved his number. typed out a response. deleted it. typed it again.
you: library tomorrow at 6?
his reply came almost instantly.
jake: perfect. i'll see you there.
yeah. perfect. that's exactly what this was.
you'd gotten there ten minutes early, which was ridiculous and you knew it, but you'd told yourself it was just to secure a good table. not because you were nervous. definitely not because you'd changed your shirt three times.
jake showed up at 6:02, slightly out of breath like he'd been rushing, backpack slung over one shoulder and hair even messier than usual.
"sorry, sorry," he said, sliding into the chair across from you. "my last class ran over and then i couldn't find my charger and—" he stopped himself, ears going pink. "sorry. you don't need the full explanation. i'm here now."
"you're fine," you said, surprised by how much you meant it. "i just got here too."
it was a lie, but whatever.
he pulled out his laptop, a slightly battered thing covered in tech company stickers, and immediately opened what looked like a meticulously organised project folder.
"so i was thinking we could start by breaking down the requirements," he said, already pulling up the assignment sheet. "if we divide it into modules we can work on different parts simultaneously and then integrate everything at the end. i made a rough outline last night, but obviously we can change whatever you want."
you blinked at him. "you made an outline? already?"
"i—yeah?" he looked uncertain suddenly, like he'd done something wrong. "was that—should i not have? i just thought it would be helpful to have a starting point, but if you wanted to plan it together—"
"no, that's—" you leaned closer to look at his screen, close enough that you could smell whatever soap or shampoo he used. something clean and faintly citrusy. "that's really good actually. you're like, super organised."
"oh." he pushed his glasses up, not quite meeting your eyes. "thanks. i just like having things structured, it makes the actual coding part less chaotic."
you shifted your chair around the table, closing the distance between you under the pretence of seeing his screen better. your knees almost touched under the table. jake didn't seem to notice, already walking you through his outline with the kind of focused enthusiasm that made his whole face more animated. he talked with his hands a little, you realised. small gestures that punctuated his explanations.
it was kind of endearing. he was kind of endearing, in this unpolished, genuine way that made you want to keep watching him talk even though you should probably be paying attention to the actual content of what he was saying.
"—so if we use that framework it'll save us a ton of time on the backend. does that make sense?" he glanced at you, expectant.
"yeah, totally," you said, even though you'd caught maybe half of it. "you're really good at this."
"at what?"
"explaining things. breaking stuff down." you let your voice soften deliberately, the kind of tone you'd use on someone you were interested in. testing. "you must be a really good TA."
jake's expression brightened with genuine pleasure, completely innocent. "oh, thanks! i really like teaching actually. it's really satisfying when something clicks for someone, you know?" he turned back to his laptop. "okay so for the first module, i was thinking we could—"
you felt something deflate slightly in your chest. he'd just. moved on. thanked you politely and redirected straight back to work like you'd commented on the weather.
you tried again twenty minutes later, when he'd finished explaining the database architecture. "seriously, how is your brain even wired like this?" you said, letting your hand rest on the table between you, close enough to his that moving a few inches would mean touching. "like, this would've taken me hours to figure out and you just see it."
"i mean, i've been coding since i was like twelve," jake said, smiling in that self-deprecating way that made your stomach flip. "my dad's a software engineer so i kind of grew up around it. you'd be just as good if you'd had the same exposure."
he grabbed his water bottle, took a sip, completely oblivious to the way you were looking at him. "anyway, should we start on the initial setup? i can handle the repository if you want to draft the pseudocode for the first function?"
"sure," you said, trying not to sound as frustrated as you felt.
it continued like that. you'd find little ways to compliment him, to touch his arm when he said something funny, to lean into his space. and every single time jake would light up with friendly appreciation and then just. keep going. keep working. keep being nice in this utterly platonic way that was starting to drive you slightly insane.
when you suggested taking a break and offered to buy him coffee, he'd said "oh that's so sweet, but i'm good, i don't want to lose momentum." when you'd asked about his hobbies, trying to find some common ground beyond code, he'd given you a genuine answer about gaming and soccer and then immediately asked about your hobbies with the same earnest interest he gave to literally everything.
he wasn't being cold. wasn't being dismissive. he was just. friendly. sincerely friendly in a way that suggested he thought you were also just being friendly and nothing more. the idea that you might be flirting with him clearly hadn't even crossed his mind.
it shouldn't have bothered you. it was one study session. you barely knew him. but there was something about the way he was so completely unaffected that made you want to push harder, try more obviously, make him see you the way you were apparently seeing him.
which was insane. you were being insane.
"okay i think that's a good stopping point," jake said eventually, glancing at his phone. "we got through way more than i expected, honestly. you're really fast at this."
"we work well together," you said, maybe too much emphasis on the together part.
"yeah," he agreed easily, already packing up his stuff. "this is gonna be way less painful than i thought. usually group projects are a nightmare but i think we're pretty compatible."
compatible. he said it like he was talking about software versions.
you packed up your own stuff, trying to shake off whatever weird frustrated feeling had settled in your chest. this was good. you had a competent partner who was easy to work with. that's what mattered. not whether he noticed when you laughed at his jokes or sat closer than strictly necessary.
the library had gotten dark outside while you'd been working, the early winter darkness that feeking too heavy for eight pm. you pushed through the doors together, the cold air immediately biting at your face.
"which way are you headed?" jake asked, adjusting his backpack.
you pointed toward the east side of campus. "miller hall."
jake stopped walking. just fully stopped and stared at you. "wait, seriously?"
"yeah?"
"i'm in miller," he said, and his face did this thing, this open, delighted thing like you'd just told him something genuinely exciting. "i'm on the fourth floor. what floor are you?"
"third," you said, trying to keep your voice normal even though your brain was already racing ahead. same building. same building. you lived in the same building and you hadn't known. "that's—what are the odds?"
"i know, right?" jake fell into step beside you, and he seemed more relaxed now, less formal than he'd been in the library. "i can't believe we haven't run into each other before. though i guess i'm not around that much, i'm usually either in class or the lab or—" he laughed. "okay i'm making myself sound really boring."
"no you're not," you said, maybe too quickly. "i'm the same way. especially during midterms."
"the worst," he agreed. "hey, at least now if we need to meet up for the project it's super convenient. we can literally just knock on each other's doors."
he said it so casually. so normally, like it was just a nice logistical benefit and nothing more. meanwhile your mind was already cataloguing possibilities. you could time your meals to match his schedule. figure out when he usually left for class. find reasons to be in the common areas when he might pass through. it would look natural, coincidental. just friendly neighbors running into each other.
you were already strategising.
the realisation made something uncomfortable twist in your stomach. this was. this was too much maybe. you were thinking about him too much, cataloguing details about him like you were studying for an exam. getting frustrated when he didn't respond to your flirting even though you had no actual reason to expect him to. you'd had one late-night interaction and now one study session and somehow you were already rearranging your mental map of campus to accommodate his presence in it.
"you good?" jake asked, and you realised you'd gone quiet.
"yeah, just tired."
"same." he smiled at you, easy and warm. "thanks for picking me as your partner, by the way. i know you could've worked with your friends and i'm—i'm really glad you asked me instead. i think this is gonna be fun."
fun. he was looking forward to the project because he thought it would be fun. because he liked coding and teaching and he probably thought you were a cool person to work with. he was just. happy to have company. happy to make a new friend.
meanwhile you were over here planning imaginary coincidental run-ins and getting weirdly possessive over someone who didn't even know you liked him.
god, you were pathetic.
"yeah," you managed. "me too."
you reached miller hall, and jake held the door open for you, still talking about some technique he wanted to try for the project. you half-listened, watching the way his hair flopped over his forehead, the animated way he gestured when he got excited about something.
the elevator ride to your floor felt too short. jake got off with you, said he'd just walk up the extra flight of stairs for the exercise. "text me if you think of anything for the project," he said, already heading toward the stairwell. "or honestly just text me whenever. i'm always on my phone."
then he was gone, and you were standing alone in the hallway outside your door, feeling weirdly deflated and wired at the same time.
your phone buzzed before you'd even gotten your key out.
jake: forgot to say this but your idea for the UI was really smart. i think it's gonna make the whole thing way more intuitive.
jake: ok NOW i'm done bothering you. have a good night!
you stared at the messages, that dangerous warm feeling spreading through your chest again. he'd texted you immediately to compliment your idea. with absolutely no prompting.
you were smiling at your phone like an idiot.
yeah. you were definitely pathetic.
"i'm just saying, he's clearly not interested," yunjin said, stabbing her salad with more force than necessary. "like, you've tried everything."
you were sitting in the dining hall, picking at your food while yunjin and beomgyu conducted what was essentially an intervention about your jake situation. an intervention you hadn't asked for and definitely didn't want.
"maybe he's just shy," you said, defensive.
beomgyu snorted. "shy guys still notice when someone's flirting with them. they just get weird about it. this guy sounds like he genuinely has no idea."
"which means he's not into you," yunjin added, gentler now. "and that's fine, you know? you can just be project partners. you don't have to keep torturing yourself."
except the thing was, you weren't entirely convinced jake wasn't interested. or maybe you just didn't want to accept it yet. because he texted you unprompted sometimes, sent you memes he thought you'd find funny, always smiled when he saw you in the hallway. that had to mean something, right?
"i'm not torturing myself," you muttered.
"you've mentioned him like fifteen times in the past hour," beomgyu pointed out.
"have not."
"you literally just told us about how he holds his pen. his pen."
okay. maybe you were torturing yourself a little.
you left the dining hall feeling irritated and restless, your friends' words circling in your head. he's not interested. he has no idea. you're torturing yourself. maybe they were right. probably they were right. you should just focus on the project, get a good grade, and move on like a normal person.
you were cutting through the student centre, not really paying attention to where you were going, when you passed the community bulletin board. the usual chaos of flyers and posters, study abroad programs, club meetings, someone selling a barely-used microwave. your eyes skimmed over it automatically, not really looking.
then you saw his name.
TUTORING AVAILABLE - COMP 101, 201, 301
patient, experienced, flexible schedule
contact: jake sim
there was a row of little tear-off tabs at the bottom with his phone number. several were already missing. the flyer itself was simple, almost plain. you stared at it. people flowed around you, conversations and footsteps and the ambient noise of the student centre, but you just stood there staring at jake's handwritten flyer.
you didn't need tutoring. your grades were fine. good, even. you and jake were in the same advanced class, for god's sake. he'd probably seen your test scores when he was TAing. this would be…obvious. wouldn't it? taking a tab would be transparent and desperate and—
your hand moved before you'd fully decided. the paper tore with a soft sound that felt too loud. you stared at the little strip in your palm, jake's number printed in his neat handwriting even though you already had it saved in your phone.
what were you doing?
you shoved the tab in your pocket and walked away quickly, like someone might have witnessed you doing something incriminating. your heart was beating too fast. this was insane. this was transparent. he was going to see right through it.
but.
but it was also legitimate, wasn't it? people got tutoring all the time, even when their grades were fine. wanting to understand the material better, wanting a different perspective, wanting to be extra prepared. those were all valid reasons. normal reasons. and yeah, maybe you had ulterior motives, but the cover story was solid enough that you could maintain plausible deniability. to him. to yourself.
you made it back to your dorm before you pulled out your phone.
you: hey! i saw your tutoring flyer in the student centre. do you still have availability?
you hit send before you could overthink it. then immediately started overthinking it anyway. he was going to ask why. he was going to point out that you clearly didn't need help. he was going to—
your phone buzzed.
jake<3: oh hey! yeah i have some slots open. but wait, aren't you doing pretty well in class? i've seen your test scores when i'm grading and you're like, consistently in the top range
jake<3: not that you CAN'T get tutoring obviously! everyone can benefit from extra help
jake<3: i just want to make sure you actually need it and aren't just being nice or something
god, he was even considerate about this. checking in to make sure you weren't wasting your time or money on something you didn't need. being thoughtful and genuine while you were over here manipulating the situation to manufacture more time with him.
you felt a twinge of something uncomfortable. guilt maybe. but you pushed it down.
you: i mean yeah my grades are okay, but i feel like i'm just memorising patterns without really UNDERSTANDING the concepts you know? like i can solve the problems but i couldn't explain WHY
you: i just want to make sure i actually get it. especially since the material keeps building on itself
it wasn't entirely a lie. you did sometimes feel like you were pattern-matching your way through assignments. and deeper understanding was always good. these were reasonable concerns. the fact that they weren't your primary motivation didn't make them untrue.
jake<3: oh yeah that makes total sense actually. i see that a lot with students. they can execute but the underlying logic isn't solid
jake<3: okay yeah we can definitely work on that! my rate is $20/hour but honestly for you i'd be happy to just do it for free? since we're already working together on the project anyway
you: no way i'm paying you. you're already helping me so much with the project
jake<3: the project is a two person thing, you're helping me just as much
jake<3: but okay we can argue about payment later. when works for you?
you felt that warm, dangerous flutter again. he'd offered to tutor you for free. just casually, like it was no big deal. like spending extra time with you was something he actively wanted to do, even without compensation.
you: i'm pretty flexible. whenever you have time
jake<3: thursdays at 7? we could do the library again or somewhere on our floor if you want somewhere quieter
jake<3: also i promise i'll actually TEACH and not just fix your code for you like last time lol
you smiled at your phone. somewhere on your floor. which meant his room or yours. which meant private, just the two of you, no other students around.
you: thursdays work for me!
jake<3: cool! we can switch off. i'll bring snacks
jake<3: this'll be fun :)
he'd sent a smiley face. an actual emoticon. it shouldn't have made your heart skip but it did.
you locked your phone and sat on your bed, that satisfaction settling warm in your chest. you'd done it. you'd created a legitimate, recurring excuse to see jake outside of project work. an hour a week, minimum, where you'd have his complete attention. where you could sit close to him in the privacy of a dorm room, help him help you, let those boundaries get just a little bit blurrier.
it was harmless. he was offering tutoring anyway, you were just taking him up on it. and yeah, maybe your motivations weren't entirely pure, but you weren't lying to him. not really. you did want to understand the material better. the fact that you also wanted to be around him more was just. additional context. secondary reasoning.
you were being smart about this, honestly. creating opportunities without being pushy. letting things develop naturally within structures that already existed.
you ignored the small, quiet voice in the back of your mind that whispered this was too much. that you were engineering situations and manufacturing proximity and maybe that wasn't as harmless as you wanted to believe. that jake was offering to help you in good faith while you had an agenda he knew nothing about.
you were good at ignoring that voice.
your phone buzzed again.
jake<3: btw i've been thinking about the database structure and i had an idea
and just like that you were smiling again, typing back, that uncomfortable feeling dissolving into something easier and warmer and more immediately gratifying.
it was fine. everything was fine. this was just tutoring. just spending time with someone you enjoyed being around. there was nothing wrong with that.
nothing wrong with it at all.
you'd been doing the tutoring sessions for three weeks when your roommate officially moved out. well, not officially officially. her stuff was still there, her side of the room still technically occupied. but she'd been spending every night at her boyfriend's off-campus apartment for the past month, and one day she just stopped pretending she was coming back.
"i'm still paying rent," she'd said, shoving clothes into a duffel bag. "so like, it's still my room. i'll probably crash here sometimes. but you basically have the place to yourself."
you'd nodded sympathetically while internally celebrating. your own space. privacy. no need to coordinate schedules or deal with her boyfriend's annoying habits. it was perfect.
it took you less than a day to realise it was perfect for other reasons too.
the next tutoring session was supposed to be in the library. thursday at seven, like always. but you'd been sitting in your empty apartment that afternoon, looking at your space with new eyes, and the idea had planted itself so naturally you'd almost convinced yourself it was practical.
you: hey, would you maybe want to do tutoring at my place tonight instead? my roommate moved in with her boyfriend so it's way quieter than the library
you: totally fine if you prefer the library though!
the response took longer than usual. long enough that you started second-guessing yourself. maybe this was too much. too obvious. crossing some line from study partner into something else.
jake<3: oh
jake<3: um
jake<3: yeah that's fine. if you're sure?
jake<3: i don't want to like. intrude or anything
jake<3: but yeah quieter is definitely better for focusing
you: you're not intruding i literally invited you haha
you: i'm in 3B. just come by at 7
jake<3: okay! see you then
you spent the next two hours in a cleaning frenzy you absolutely did not want to examine too closely. you weren't trying to impress him. you just wanted the place to look nice and presentable. the fact that you changed your clothes twice and lit a candle that made the whole apartment smell like vanilla and sandalwood was just. coincidence.
the knock came at exactly seven. jake was annoyingly punctual.
you opened the door to find him standing in the hallway looking uncertain, backpack slung over one shoulder, holding a bag of chips. "hi," he said. "i brought snacks. i didn't know what you liked so i just got the variety pack."
"you didn't have to do that."
"i know, but—" he shifted his weight. "i don't know, it felt weird showing up empty-handed."
you stepped back to let him in, watching as he moved into your space with obvious hesitation. he didn't walk in so much as carefully entered, like he was worried about disturbing something. his eyes went immediately to your walls, taking in the art prints you'd hung, the string lights, the bookshelf crammed with novels and textbooks. then to your desk setup, the small kitchen area, the couch that your roommate had left behind.
"wow," he said quietly. "this is. really nice."
"it's just a dorm apartment."
"no, i know, but—" he gestured vaguely at everything. "it's decorated. like, actually decorated. my place looks like a prison cell compared to this." he was still standing near the door, like he hadn't fully committed to being here. "is that an original print?"
you glanced at the framed artwork he was pointing at. "yeah. local artist. i got it at a campus market thing."
"it's really cool." he finally took a few more steps inside, setting his backpack down carefully on the floor like he was afraid it might scuff something. his attention caught on your kitchen counter, where you'd left out the fancy coffee you'd bought yesterday. the expensive cheese and crackers. the fruit you'd pre-cut and arranged in a bowl because apparently you were that person now.
jake went quiet for a second. then he laughed, but it sounded a little uncomfortable. "okay i have to ask. are you like, rich?"
you felt your face heat. "what? no."
"because this—" he gestured at your apartment again, at the candle burning on your coffee table, the throw blanket artfully draped over your couch, the general aesthetic coherence of the space. "this seems like. i don't know. very put together for a college student."
"i just like my space to feel nice," you said, defensive. "there's nothing wrong with that."
"no, definitely not! i didn't mean—" he ran a hand through his hair, flustered. "i just meant. my room has like, a bed and a desk and some clothes on the floor. this looks like an apartment from a magazine. in a good way," he added quickly. "it's impressive. i'm just. you know. mildly intimidated."
"don't be intimidated," you said, softer now. trying for casual. "seriously, make yourself comfortable. do you want something to drink? i have coffee, tea, juice, those fancy sparkling waters—"
"you have fancy sparkling water?"
"they were on sale."
they were absolutely not on sale. you'd bought them specifically because you remembered jake mentioning he liked trying different flavours. but he didn't need to know that.
"um, sure. i'll try one." he was still standing awkwardly in the middle of your living room, like he couldn't figure out where he was allowed to exist.
you grabbed two cans from the fridge, handing him one and gesturing toward the couch. "we can work there if you want. or the desk. whatever's comfortable."
"couch is good," he said, finally sitting down and immediately looking slightly less tense. he opened the sparkling water, took a sip, and made a surprised noise. "oh this is actually really good."
"told you." you sat next to him, closer than you would have in the library. not touching, but close enough that you could feel the warmth of him next to you. close enough that when he leaned forward to pull his laptop out of his backpack, you caught that familiar scent of soap and citrus.
he pulled up the lesson he'd prepared, something about optimisation algorithms, and fell into his teaching rhythm. you'd noticed this about jake before. when he was explaining code, he became more confident. less apologetic. his hands moved as he talked, tracing invisible diagrams in the air, and his whole face became more animated.
you were trying to focus. really, you were. but you kept getting distracted by the fact that he was here, in your space, sitting on your couch. his knee bumped yours at one point and he apologised even though it was barely contact. you told him it was fine. his handwriting was neat when he sketched out examples in your notebook. he had a small scar on his left hand you'd never noticed before.
"are you following?" he asked, glancing over at you.
"yeah," you said, snapping back to attention. "sorry. just thinking."
"it's kind of a dense topic," he said, apologetic again. "we can take a break if you need."
"no, keep going. you're good at this."
something in his expression softened. "thanks. i—i actually really like doing this. the tutoring, i mean. it's nice having someone to talk through concepts with who actually cares about understanding them properly." he paused, looking around your apartment again like he was seeing it with fresh eyes. "and this is. yeah. this is better than the library for sure."
"yeah?"
"the library's always so loud, even in the quiet sections. and people keep interrupting to ask if they can take chairs from our table." he settled back into your couch slightly, his shoulders loosening. "this is way better. i can actually think here."
you felt that dangerous satisfaction bloom in your chest. this is better. i can actually think here. he was comfortable. in your space. comfortable enough to relax, to take up room, to exist without that careful hesitation he'd had when he first arrived.
"we should do all our sessions here," you said, trying to sound casual. "if you're cool with it."
jake glanced at you, then around the apartment again. for a second you thought he might question it. might recognise this for what it was. but then he just smiled, easy and genuine. "yeah, i'd like that. this is really nice."
"cool," you said. your heart was doing that annoying fluttery thing again.
you went back to the lesson, jake's voice steady and patient as he walked you through increasingly complex problems. his knee stayed pressed against yours. he'd stopped apologising for taking up space. he reached for the fancy crackers you'd set out without asking if it was okay first, just casual and comfortable like he belonged here.
and god help you, you liked seeing him like this. liked having him in your space, surrounded by your things, relaxed and focused and entirely unaware of how much thought you'd put into creating this exact scenario.
he was more comfortable here than he should be. settling into your life with an ease that should have alarmed you but instead just made you want to pull him deeper.
you were playing a game he didn't know existed. creating intimacy in careful increments. manufacturing closeness that felt organic to him but was entirely designed by you.
"okay your turn," jake said, pushing your laptop toward you. "try implementing that function we just talked through."
you pulled the computer into your lap, fingers moving over the keys, hyper-aware of jake watching. of his presence next to you, patient and encouraging. of how easy it would be to let this become routine. thursday nights on your couch, just the two of you, the rest of the world locked outside.
professor kim handed back midterms on a wednesday, and the energy in the lecture hall was exactly what you'd expect. nervous shuffling, people immediately comparing scores, that girl in the front row who always cried regardless of her grade already tearing up.
you flipped your exam over and saw the 100 staring back at you. perfect score. you felt a flush of satisfaction that had nothing to do with the grade itself and everything to do with the fact that jake would see it.
"holy shit," yunjin whispered, leaning over to look. "you got a perfect score?"
"apparently."
"that's insane. i got an 87 and i thought i did well." she shook her head, impressed and maybe slightly annoyed. "what did jake think? he must be so proud, that's basically a direct result of his tutoring."
speaking of jake, he was two rows behind you, and you could hear his friends' voices carrying.
"dude, you got a 98," one of them said. "that's insane."
"i missed this one question," jake said, and he sounded genuinely disappointed. "i can't believe i mixed up the time complexity."
you turned around without really thinking about it, catching his eye. he was already looking at you, and his face did this thing, this hopeful uncertain thing. "how'd you do?"
you held up your exam. his eyes widened.
"you got a hundred?" he said it loud enough that a few people glanced over. then he was standing up, moving past his friends, coming down to your row with his exam still in his hand. "holy shit, that's—that's amazing. you—" he stopped himself, looking almost embarrassed by his own enthusiasm. "sorry, i'm like. weirdly excited about this."
"don't apologise," you said, smiling despite yourself. "you sound more excited than i am."
"because i—" he gestured at your exam, then at you. "you understood it. like really understood it. i could tell during our sessions that things were clicking but seeing it actually translate to a perfect score is just—" he ran his hand through his hair, grinning in a way that made your stomach flip. "i'm really proud of you."
the words hit you weird. i'm proud of you. said with such genuine warmth, such unironic sincerity. like your success was somehow his success too. like he was personally invested in your performance because he'd helped you get there.
except you hadn't really needed the help. you'd manufactured the entire situation. you'd been doing fine before the tutoring started and you'd probably have gotten a perfect score regardless. jake's proud smile was based on a false premise. he thought he'd helped you achieve something when really you'd just. used him. used his time and his patience and his genuine desire to help people, all so you could sit close to him once a week.
something uncomfortable twisted in your chest. you shoved it down.
"i couldn't have done it without you," you said, because that's what you were supposed to say. what he expected to hear. even if it made you feel slightly sick.
"i know, i know. it's a good grade. i just hate making careless mistakes." he smiled at you again, softer this time. "but seriously, i'm really happy for you. you worked really hard for this."
"we should celebrate," you said, before you could second-guess it. "both of us. good scores, successful tutoring, whatever. come over tonight? i'll make dinner, we can watch a movie. my treat, as a thank you."
jake hesitated, just for a second. "you don't have to thank me."
"i want to," you said firmly with a smile. "you've been helping me for weeks and not accepting any payment. the least i can do is feed you."
"when you put it that way." he was smiling again, that easy smile that made your heart do stupid things. "yeah, okay. what time?"
"seven?"
"perfect."
...
you went slightly overboard with dinner. not crazy overboard, just. more effort than was strictly necessary for a casual thank-you meal. homemade pasta, the good parmesan, a salad that actually had more than three ingredients. you'd also bought wine, which felt very adult and sophisticated until you remembered you were literally just having your study partner over.
jake showed up at seven on the dot, holding a bag of cookies from the expensive bakery near campus. "i know you said your treat, but i can't show up empty-handed," he explained, handing them over. "it's like, physically impossible for me."
"you're ridiculous."
"i've been told." he stepped inside, immediately more comfortable than he'd been that first time. he knew where to put his shoes now, where to set his bag. he went straight for the couch like he belonged there.
dinner was easy. conversation flowed naturally, jumping from classes to campus gossip to a debate about whether the dining hall pizza was underrated or genuinely terrible. jake argued passionately for underrated, gesturing with his fork, getting sauce on his chin that he didn't notice until you pointed it out. he laughed, embarrassed, wiping it away.
"wine?" you offered, after you'd cleared the plates.
"oh, um. sure?" he looked uncertain. "i'm not really a big drinker."
"me neither. but we're celebrating, right?"
"right." he accepted the glass you poured, taking a small sip and making a face. "god, why do people like this? it tastes like someone made juice go bad on purpose."
you laughed despite yourself. "it's an acquired taste."
"that's what people say about things that are objectively bad." but he took another sip anyway, settling back into the couch as you pulled up netflix.
you ended up on some action movie neither of you had seen, the kind with improbable stunts and a plot that didn't require much attention. which was good, because you weren't really watching it. you were too aware of jake next to you, closer than he needed to be, his shoulder occasionally brushing yours. he'd finished his wine faster than you expected and seemed looser now, more animated. he kept making commentary on the movie, pointing out plot holes and questionable physics, his hands moving as he talked.
"—and there's no way that building would still be structurally sound after that explosion," he was saying, gesturing at the screen. "like, basic engineering, you know?"
"you're thinking too hard about it."
"i can't help it. my brain won't turn off." he glanced at you, something warm in his expression. "this is nice though. just hanging out. we're always studying or talking about the project, it's cool to just…exist. without an agenda."
without an agenda. the words hit harder than they should have. because you did have an agenda. you'd had one this entire time. this whole evening was carefully constructed, from the homemade dinner to the wine to the deliberately casual intimacy of it all.
"yeah," you managed. "it's nice."
the movie continued. jake shifted closer, his thigh pressing against yours. you didn't move away. his arm ended up along the back of the couch, not quite around your shoulders but close enough that you could feel the warmth of it. neither of you acknowledged it, but neither of you adjusted either.
"can i ask you something?" jake said during a particularly slow part of the movie.
"sure."
"why did you pick me? for the project, i mean." he was looking at you now instead of the screen, his expression curious and open. "you could've worked with your friends. people you already knew. but you walked all the way across the lecture hall to ask me."
your heart kicked up. "i told you. you're good at this stuff."
"yeah, but." he paused, like he was trying to figure out how to phrase something. "it felt like. i don't know. like you went out of your way. and i've been trying to figure out if i'm reading too much into it or if there was something else."
the air felt suddenly thinner. "something else like what?"
"i don't know." he laughed, self-conscious. "i'm probably being weird. forget i said anything."
"jake."
"i just—" he met your eyes, and there was something vulnerable in his expression that made your breath catch. "i really like spending time with you. like, more than i probably should for someone who's just a project partner and tutoring student. and sometimes i think maybe you. i don't know, feel the same? but i'm also really bad at reading these things so i'm probably completely wrong."
oh. oh.
"you're not wrong," you said quietly.
his eyes widened slightly. "i'm not?"
instead of answering, you leaned in. gave him enough time to pull back, to stop this, but he didn't. he met you halfway, his lips soft and uncertain against yours. for a second neither of you moved, the kiss chaste and almost careful. then something shifted. his hand came up to cup your face, thumb brushing your cheekbone, and you pressed closer, your fingers curling into his shirt.
jake made a soft sound against your mouth, surprise or maybe pleasure, and kissed you back with more confidence. his other hand found your waist, tentative at first then firmer, pulling you closer. you ended up in his lap somehow, his hands spanning your back, your fingers threading through his hair. he tasted like wine and something sweet from the cookies he'd brought.
"is this okay?" he whispered against your lips, breathing hard.
"yes," you said, and kissed him again before he could second-guess it.
his hands moved under your shirt, warm against your skin, and you felt him shiver when you rolled your hips experimentally. "god," he breathed, sounding almost pained. "we should—are we really—"
"do you want to stop?"
"no. god, no. i just—" he looked up at you, pupils blown, lips kiss-swollen. "i didn't think this would happen. i'm not. i don't usually."
"it's okay," you said softly, meaning it. "we don't have to do anything you don't want."
jake didn’t stop you. instead, he seemed to melt into the contact, his hands trembling as they slid further up your back, skin hot through the thin fabric of your shirt. when you moved to guide him off the couch and onto the rug, he followed with a sort of dazed compliance, his glasses slightly askew on his face.
you knelt between his legs, and the shift in atmosphere was immediate. the movie was still playing—some distant sound of tires screeching—but all you could hear was the ragged, uneven hitch of jake’s breath. when you reached for the button of his jeans, his hand flew to your wrist, not to stop you, but just to steady himself. his knuckles were white.
"are you sure?" he whispered, his voice cracking. "i—i'm not... i don't want to mess this up. our project, the tutoring... i don't want to make things weird for you."
"jake," you said, looking up at him through your lashes. "shut up and let me."
he let out a shaky, half-strangled laugh, his head hitting the base of the couch as he let go of your wrist. "okay. okay, yeah. shutting up."
as you eased his jeans down, you realised the lanky, awkward way he carried himself in the halls was a massive deception. he was built with a surprising, heavy sturdiness that the oversized hoodies always hid. his legs were long, his thighs thick with the kind of muscle that suggested he actually did play soccer as more than just a hobby. and when you finally freed him, you couldn't help the small, sharp intake of breath that escaped you.
"jake," you breathed, your eyes widening. "holy..."
he groaned, the sound vibrating deep in his chest, and covered his eyes with his forearm. "don't. don't look at me like that. i know. i'm sorry, is it... is it too much? i can—"
"it's perfect," you cut him off, reaching out to touch him. his skin was searing, and the moment your fingers closed around him, his entire body jolted like he’d been hit with a live wire.
when you leaned forward to take him into your mouth, jake’s reaction was explosive. he arched off the floor, his fingers tangling desperately in your hair, his breath coming in short, panicked gasps. he was so sensitive, so completely overwhelmed by the sensation that it felt like he was losing his grip on reality.
"oh god," he choked out, his voice high and strained. "wait, wait—that's—you’re so... the pressure, i can't—"
you didn't slow down. you liked the way he lost his composure, the way the articulate, logical TA was reduced to incoherent stutters. you used your hands to keep him steady, your tongue swirling around the head of him, and jake’s hips began to move in a frantic, uncoordinated rhythm. he was trying to keep some semblance of control, trying to stay "polite," but the sheer intensity of it was breaking him.
"i'm gonna... i'm actually gonna..." he gasped, his hands tightening in your hair, pulling you closer until he was practically burying himself in you. "please, don't stop. don't stop, just like that—right there—"
he hit his limit with a loud, guttural shout that was muffled only by the back of his hand as he bit down on his own knuckles to stay quiet. his body went rigid, muscles in his arms and chest standing out in sharp relief as he came, the force of it leaving him limp and shuddering against the couch.
it took him a long time to come back down. for several minutes, the only sound in the room was his heavy, labouring breath and the flickering light of the tv. you pulled back, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, feeling a fierce, glowing sense of triumph. he looked completely wrecked—hair a disaster, glasses hanging off one ear, chest heaving.
you felt powerful. you’d spent weeks engineering this, calculating every move, and seeing him like this—totally undone by you—was better than any perfect exam score.
"you okay?" you asked, leaning your chin on his knee.
jake let out a long, shaky exhale, finally moving his arm to look at you. his eyes were hazy, his face flushed a deep, beautiful red. "i... think my brain just short-circuited," he whispered, a small, dazed smile tugging at his lips.
"in a good way?"
"in the best way." he reached out, his fingers trembling as he tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. "thank you. seriously. i don't—i don't even know what to say."
you smiled, leaning into his touch. the apartment was warm, the air still smelling of vanilla. "you don't have to say anything. you should just stay."
the words were soft, natural. it felt like the obvious next step. but the second they left your mouth, you felt the shift.
it was subtle at first—the way jake’s fingers went still against your skin. then his pupils, which had been blown wide with pleasure, suddenly constricted. he blinked, the haziness clearing as his internal "problem-solving mode" kicked back in with a vengeance.
"stay?" he repeated, his voice sounding suddenly small.
"yeah. it's late, and it's cold out. just stay over. we can... i don't know, wake up and have coffee. maybe look at the project again."
jake’s eyes darted toward his hands, then to his backpack, then to the door. the relaxation in his shoulders vanished, replaced by a rigid, frantic tension. he looked like he’d just realised he was standing in the middle of a minefield.
"i—" he started, scrambling to pull his jeans up. he was moving so fast he almost tripped over his own feet. "i can't. i mean, i should... i have that grading to finish. for kim. and i—i didn't bring my toothbrush. or my meds. and my roommate, he—he'll wonder where i am. he gets worried."
"jake, it’s fine, you can borrow—"
"no!" he said, a bit too loudly. he was fumbling with his belt, his fingers shaking so badly he could barely loop it through. he wouldn't look at you. his face wasn't flushed with pleasure anymore; it was pale, his expression twisted into something that looked dangerously like panic. "no, i really should go. i’m sorry. i just... i realised the time. i have to go."
you stood up, feeling a cold, hollow pit open in your stomach. "did i do something wrong? was it... was it too much?"
"no! no, it was... it was amazing," he said, finally getting his shoes on, not even bothering to tie the laces. he grabbed his backpack, clutching it to his chest like a shield. "it was too amazing. that's the... that's the problem. i'm—i'm not good at this. i think i need to... i need to think. logically. about the implications."
"the implications?" you asked, your voice rising with a sharp, hurt edge. "it was just a night, jake. it doesn't have to be a 'logical problem' to solve."
"i know, i know. i'm sorry. i’m just... i'm a mess." he backed toward the door, his hand fumbling for the handle behind his back. "i'll text you? about the project? we still have that deadline on tuesday."
"jake—"
"goodnight! thank you for dinner. the pasta was really... the texture was perfect. okay. bye."
he practically fell out of the door, the sound of his hurried footsteps echoing down the hallway as he sprinted toward the stairs.
the click of the door closing felt final. you stood in the centre of your perfectly decorated, candle-lit apartment, surrounded by the remnants of the dinner you’d spent hours on. the half-empty wine glasses, the bag of expensive cookies, the rumpled rug.
you felt a hot, stinging prickle behind your eyes. you’d done everything right. you’d been strategic, patient, and kind. you’d gotten him to open up, to trust you, to want you. and yet, watching him run away like you were a bug in his code—something to be deleted or fixed—hurt more than any midterm failure ever could.
you sat back down on the couch, the silence of the room suddenly feeling just as oppressive as it had back in the computer lab. you picked up your phone, looking at his last text. this'll be fun :)
you threw the phone onto the cushions and buried your face in your hands, the smell of his citrus shampoo still clinging to your skin, mocking you.
jake didn't text.
you stared at your phone for the entire next day, watching the screen like you could will a message into existence. the "i'll text you" he'd thrown over his shoulder before fleeing felt increasingly like a polite lie. by saturday afternoon you broke first.
you: hey, you okay?
the message sat there. delivered, but no response.
you tried again sunday morning, going for casual.
you: still on for project work this week?
still no response.
by monday you'd moved past confusion into something that felt uncomfortably like panic. this wasn't how things worked. people didn't just. stop responding to you. they didn't ignore you or avoid you or remove you from their orbit like you were some problem to be managed. you were used to being wanted, pursued, the one who had to let people down gently. this reversed dynamic was unfamiliar and honestly humiliating.
you saw him in the dining hall on tuesday. he was with his friends, laughing at something one of them said, looking completely normal. like nothing had happened. like he hadn't been on your couch four days ago falling apart under your touch.
you started walking toward their table before you could think better of it, but jake's eyes flicked up, met yours for a fraction of a second, and then he was standing, gathering his tray, saying something to his friends. they all got up and left. just. left. walked out the side exit while you stood there holding your lunch like an idiot.
yunjin grabbed your arm. "okay, what the hell was that?"
"nothing," you said, but your voice came out wrong.
"that was not nothing. did something happen with you and jake?"
"no. i don't know. it's complicated."
it wasn't complicated. it was actually pretty simple. you'd pushed too hard and now he wanted nothing to do with you.
wednesday he wasn't in his usual spot in lecture. you spent the entire class scanning the room, finally spotting him in the very back corner, a place he'd never sat before. he kept his eyes on his laptop the entire time, didn't look up once. when class ended he was the first one out the door.
thursday was supposed to be tutoring. seven pm, his room or yours, the standing appointment you'd had for weeks now. you waited in your apartment, laptop open to the half-finished project, telling yourself he'd show up. he was responsible and dedicated. he wouldn't just bail without saying anything.
seven came and went. then seven-thirty. by eight you accepted he wasn't coming.
you: are we still working together on the project? i need to know so i can plan accordingly.
again, no response.
friday morning you were walking to class when you saw him ahead of you on the path. for once he hadn't spotted you first. you sped up, closing the distance, and watched in real time as he seemed to sense your presence. his shoulders tensed. then he took a sharp left turn down a path that definitely wasn't toward any of his classes. he was actively avoiding you. taking different routes. altering his entire routine just to not run into you.
something hot and humiliated burned in your chest.
by next week, you'd had enough. you knew his schedule. knew he had algorithms right before lunch on mondays, in the engineering building, third floor. you positioned yourself outside the classroom before class ended, ignoring the curious looks from other students filing out. you spotted jake immediately when the doors opened. he saw you at the same moment and actually stopped walking, causing someone behind him to bump into his back.
"we need to talk," you said.
"i have—i need to get to—"
"jake." your voice came out sharper than intended. "five minutes. please."
something in his expression shifted. resignation maybe. he nodded once, following you to an empty study room down the hall. you closed the door. the small space suddenly felt suffocating.
"you've been ignoring me," you said.
"i know."
"for a week. you didn't text, you didn't show up to tutoring, you're literally avoiding me on campus."
"i know," he said again, quieter. he wasn't looking at you, his eyes fixed somewhere around your shoulder. "i'm sorry. that wasn't— i should have communicated better."
"so communicate now. what's going on?"
jake was quiet for a long moment. when he finally spoke, his voice was careful. measured. "what happened last week. that crossed a line for me."
"we both wanted it."
"did we?" he looked at you now, and there was something in his expression that made your stomach drop. "because i've been thinking about it a lot. about how we got there. and i feel like. i don't know. like maybe i missed something."
"what do you mean?"
"the tutoring," he said. "you didn't actually need it, did you? your grades were already good. and the project. you had friends you could have worked with. people you actually knew. but you picked me." he paused. "why did you pick me?"
the question hung in the air between you. you could lie. deflect. but something about the way he was looking at you, patient and a little sad, made it feel pointless.
"i liked you," you said finally. "i wanted to spend time with you."
"okay." he nodded slowly. "so the tutoring was. what. an excuse? a way to manufacture time together?"
"it wasn't like that."
"wasn't it though?" there was no anger in his voice. just. tiredness. "because from my perspective, i thought i was helping someone who needed help. i thought we were becoming friends. and then suddenly we're… doing that. and i'm trying to figure out when the shift happened and i can't. because maybe there was no shift. maybe that's what you wanted the whole time and i just didn't see it."
"i did want to be your friend," you said, defensive now. "i wasn't. it's not like i was using you."
"weren't you?"
the words hit harder than they should have. because he wasn't wrong. you had used him. used his kindness, his eagerness to help, his complete inability to see through your motivations. you'd engineered situations and manufactured proximity and told yourself it was harmless.
"i like you," jake said, and somehow that made it worse. "i really do. but i feel. god, i don't even know how to explain it. exposed? like you saw something in me that made me an easy target and you just. went for it. and i didn't even realise what was happening until it had already happened."
"that's not—"
"and the thing is," he continued, talking over you gently, "you're so far out of my league. like, objectively. you're smart and pretty and confident and you have your shit together. and i'm just. me. i'm awkward and i ramble and i spend friday nights debugging code for fun. so the fact that you were interested never made sense. i kept waiting for it to click, for me to understand why, and now i think i do. it wasn't about me. it was about. i don't know. the chase? the conquest? i was a project to you."
"no," you said, but your voice came out weak. "jake, that's not true. you weren't a project."
"then what was i?"
you didn't have an answer. or you did, but it was complicated and messy and saying it out loud would mean admitting things you didn't want to admit.
jake sighed. "i'm not trying to be cruel. i'm really not. but being around you right now makes me feel uncomfortable. like i can't trust my own judgement because i didn't see any of this coming. and that's. that's my issue to work through. but i need space to do it."
"what about the class project?"
"we can do it over email. divide up the work, combine it at the end. we don't have to see each other."
"and tutoring?"
"i think we should stop. you don't actually need it anyway."
each sentence felt like a door closing. practical, reasonable, and completely final.
"i'm sorry," you said, and meant it. "i didn't mean to. i wasn't trying to hurt you."
"i know," jake said, and he sounded sincere. "i don't think you set out to do anything malicious. i just think you didn't really consider how it would feel from my side. and now we're here."
"so that's it? we just stop talking?"
"for now, yeah. maybe later we can be normal around each other. but right now i need. distance."
he moved toward the door, his hand on the handle. you wanted to say something, anything that would fix this. some argument that would make him see you differently. but looking at his face, at the quiet certainty there, you knew there was nothing you could say. he'd made up his mind. he'd set a boundary. and you had no choice but to respect it.
"i really am sorry," you said again.
"i know," jake said. "me too."
then he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him with that same horrible finality. you stood there in the empty study room, staring at the space where he'd been.
you couldn't even argue with his reasoning. everything he'd said was true. you had manufactured situations. you had used his kindness and his obliviousness to get what you wanted. you'd told yourself it was harmless, that your feelings were real even if your methods were questionable.
but intent didn't matter when the impact was someone feeling manipulated and exposed.
you left the study room feeling hollowed out. the campus looked the same. people laughed and talked and went about their days. somewhere out there jake was probably headed to lunch with his friends, relieved to have finally said what he needed to say.
and you were just. alone. with the sharp realisation that you'd ruined something before it even had a chance to be real.
the party was exactly the kind of loud, chaotic mess you needed. bass thrumming through the floors, bodies packed into every available space, the air thick with sweat and cheap alcohol and too many competing perfumes. yunjin had dragged you here, insisting you needed to "get out of your head" after moping around for two weeks straight.
so here you were. red cup in hand, smile fixed in place, laughing at jokes you weren't really hearing. performing normalcy while your brain kept circling the same thoughts on loop. jake's face in that study room. the careful way he'd said i need space. the hollow feeling that had taken up permanent residence in your chest.
"you good?" beomgyu asked, leaning close to be heard over the music.
"yeah, great," you said automatically, taking another drink.
you were on your third. or fourth. you'd stopped counting. the alcohol sat warm in your stomach but hadn't managed to quiet your thoughts yet. maybe if you drank enough you'd stop replaying every conversation with jake, analysing every moment for signs you'd missed, evidence of how thoroughly you'd fucked everything up.
"i'm gonna get another drink," you said to no one in particular, pushing through the crowd toward the kitchen.
that's when you saw him.
jake. standing near the makeshift bar someone had set up on the counter, red cup in hand, talking to a girl you didn't recognise. and he was laughing. actually laughing, head thrown back, completely at ease in a way that made something hot and ugly twist in your chest.
because he never looked like that with you. even before everything went wrong, even during those tutoring sessions in your apartment when you'd thought you were building something real, he'd always been slightly careful and polite, like he was containing himself. but now he was loose and animated, gesturing with his free hand while the girl laughed at whatever he was saying, her hand resting on his arm.
her hand was on his arm.
you watched as she leaned closer, saying something that made jake grin. that specific grin, the one where his eyes crinkled at the corners and you could see his perfect teeth on display. you'd thought that smile was special. something you'd earned. but apparently he was just like this, with everyone who wasn't you.
the jealousy hit so hard it felt physical. burning through your chest, turning your vision sharp and focused. you were moving before you'd decided to, weaving through people, your jaw clenched so tight it hurt.
jake saw you coming. his smile faltered, something uncertain crossing his face. "hey—"
"who's this?" you said, gesturing at the girl. your voice came out sharper than you'd intended, heavy with something you couldn't quite name.
the girl looked between you and jake, confused. "i'm mina. jungwon's sister remember? we just met like ten minutes ago."
"oh right." you focused on jake, ignoring her entirely. "you look like you're having fun."
"i—yeah?" jake's eyebrows drew together. "it's a party?"
"funny how you can make time for parties but couldn't respond to any of my texts about the assignment."
"i told you we could do it over email—"
"is that what you're doing right now? project work?" you knew you sounded irrational, accusatory, but you couldn't stop. the words kept spilling out, poisoned by alcohol and jealousy and two weeks of feeling like you'd been the only one affected by any of this.
"or are you just. moving on? found someone new to—"
"okay, i'm gonna go," mina said, backing away with her hands up. "this seems like. a thing. nice meeting you, jake."
she disappeared into the crowd. jake stared at you, his expression shifting from confused to something harder. "what the hell was that?"
"you tell me. you've been ignoring me for two weeks and now you're here flirting with random girls?"
"flirting?" jake's voice pitched up slightly. "flirting? i was literally just talking to her. she asked where the bathroom was and then we started chatting about the music. that's—that's not flirting, that's called being polite."
"she had her hand on your arm."
"so?" jake looked genuinely baffled now. "people touch arms when they talk. that doesn't mean anything. and even if it did—" he stopped himself, jaw tightening. "i don't owe you an explanation. you don't get to. we're not together. we're not anything."
the words hit exactly where they were meant to. "right. because you decided we're not."
"no, because you decided we weren't, like a month ago when you started playing games instead of just being honest." his voice was rising now, frustration bleeding through. "and now you're mad because i'm talking to someone else? you don't get to do that. you don't get to manipulate me into something and then act possessive when i try to move on."
"i'm not—" you started, but stopped. because he was right. you were being possessive and irrational. reading intent into a harmless conversation because you wanted there to be something there. wanted confirmation that jake was thinking about you as much as you were thinking about him.
but he wasn't. he was just living his life. talking to people at parties. laughing easily with strangers. completely unaffected while you spiralled.
"i wasn't flirting with her," jake said, quieter now. tired. "i was just being friendly. that's what normal people do. they don't engineer entire relationships or manufacture situations. they just exist around each other."
"i know," you said, your voice coming out smaller than you wanted. "i'm sorry. i shouldn't have. that was out of line."
jake nodded once, already turning away. "yeah. it was."
you watched him disappear back into the crowd, leaving you standing alone by the kitchen counter. your hands were shaking. you downed the rest of your drink in one go, the burn doing nothing to quiet the noise in your head.
you'd just proven everything he'd said about you. possessive. manipulative. unable to let go. you'd projected your own feelings onto a completely innocent interaction and made a scene because you couldn't handle seeing him okay when you were so thoroughly not okay.
you'd been so certain. so sure he was flirting, that the girl meant something, that you'd caught him in some kind of lie. but you'd been wrong. completely, embarrassingly wrong. because you didn't actually know what jake was thinking. you never had. you'd just assumed, projected, filled in the gaps with your own narrative.
and now he was probably telling his friends what a psycho you were. probably regretting he'd ever let you into his life in the first place.
you grabbed another drink.
…
the party had devolved into that late-night haze where everything blurred together. people you didn't recognise, conversations you weren't part of, music that had gotten somehow both quieter and more invasive. you'd lost track of yunjin and beomgyu somewhere around drink number six. or seven. the room tilted slightly when you moved too fast.
you were trying to find your jacket, ready to call it a night, when you spotted him. jake. sitting alone on a couch in the corner, looking absolutely exhausted. his head kept drooping forward like he was fighting to stay conscious, then jerking back up. his eyes were half-closed, his usual careful posture completely abandoned.
you should walk past him. nothing good could come from another interaction tonight. you'd already embarrassed yourself once. but your feet carried you closer anyway, some magnetic pull you couldn't quite resist even knowing it was a bad idea.
you were almost past him when his hand shot out, fingers wrapping around your wrist. "don't," he said, not looking at you. his voice was rough, slurred slightly. "don't leave."
you stopped. "jake—"
"been trying," he mumbled, his grip loosening but not releasing. "trying so hard. but you make it impossible."
"what are you talking about?"
he finally looked up at you, and his eyes were unfocused, glassy with alcohol. "you. i'm talking about you. can't stop thinking about you. it's driving me insane."
your heart lurched. "you're drunk."
"i know but so are you," he said, like that explained everything. "that's the only reason i'm saying this. because sober me knows better. sober me has self-control and boundaries and all that shit." he pulled gently on your wrist, making you stumble slightly closer. "but drunk me is tired. so tired of pretending i don't want you."
"you said you needed space."
"i do need space. because when i'm around you i can't think straight. i can't trust myself." his words were coming out uneven, tripping over each other. "you think i was avoiding you because i was mad? i was avoiding you because if i saw you i'd—" he made a frustrated noise. "i'd do something stupid. like this. this is stupid."
you sat down next to him, his hand still wrapped around your wrist. "jake—"
"you're so pretty," he said, almost accusatory. "and you smell good. and you're smart, like actually smart, not just good at school. and when you laugh it's. it does things to me. and i hate it. i hate that you have this much power over me when i don't even know if you actually like me or if i'm just… convenient."
"i do like you," you said quietly. "i've liked you the whole time."
"but do you?" he turned to face you more fully, his eyes searching yours even though he seemed to be having trouble focusing. "or do you like the idea of me? the nerdy guy you can manipulate? your little project?"
"that's not—" you stopped. "it wasn't like that. it's not like that."
"then what is it like?" he was still holding your wrist, his thumb pressing against your pulse point. "because i've been trying to figure it out for weeks and i can't. i can't understand why you'd want me. what you get out of this. and maybe i'm just stupid but i need you to tell me. plainly. what do you want from me?"
"you," you said, the word coming out more honest than you'd intended. "just. you."
jake laughed, bitter and tired. "that doesn't make sense."
"i know."
"i'm not interesting. i'm not cool or funny or—"
"you are though," you interrupted. "you are all of those things. you just don't see it."
he went quiet for a long moment. then, so quietly you almost missed it: "i've been trying so hard not to want you back. because i knew—i know it's not good for me. but i can't stop. and i'm so tired of trying."
his hand slid from your wrist to your hand, fingers threading through yours. the touch was so much gentler than you expected, almost reverent. "i deleted your texts without reading them," he admitted. "because if i read them i'd respond. and if i responded i'd end up right back where i started. wanting you. letting you in. getting hurt."
"i don't want to hurt you."
"i know. that's what makes it worse." he leaned his head back against the couch, eyes closing. "you don't mean to. you just. do."
you didn't know what to say to that. didn't know how to fix the damage you'd done or convince him that your feelings were real when your actions had been so calculated. so you just sat there, holding his hand, feeling the warmth of him next to you.
"i missed you," jake said, so quiet you barely heard it over the music. "i fucking missed you and i hated myself for it."
"i missed you too."
"yeah?" he opened his eyes, looking at you with something raw and unguarded. "you missed manipulating me?"
"that's not fair."
"isn't it though?" but there was no heat in his words. just exhaustion. "god, i'm so tired. tired of being angry. tired of trying to stay away from you. tired of pretending i don't want you so badly it hurts."
the confession hung in the air between you. jake was looking at you like he was waiting for something, permission or rejection or maybe just confirmation that you'd heard him.
you leaned in. gave him time to pull away, to remember all the reasons this was a bad idea. but he didn't. he met you halfway, his lips crashing against yours with none of the careful hesitation from before. this was messy and desperate, his hand coming up to cup the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair. he kissed you like he'd been holding back for too long, like all that careful control had finally snapped.
you shifted closer, practically climbing into his lap, and he made a sound against your mouth that went straight through you. his hands were everywhere, spanning your waist, sliding up your back, gripping like he was afraid you'd disappear if he loosened his hold even slightly.
"been thinking about this," he mumbled against your lips, barely pulling back enough to speak. "every night. hated myself for it but couldn't stop."
"me too," you admitted, kissing along his jaw. "i couldn't sleep. kept replaying everything."
"i lied about the texts i didn't respond to," he said, tilting his head to give you better access. "i read them. all of them before deleting. at like three am. read them over and over."
"why didn't you answer?"
"because i wanted to say things i shouldn't say. like how much i missed you. how i kept going to the lab hoping you'd be there. how seeing you at the party tonight fucking destroyed me even though i pretended i was fine." his hands tightened on your waist. "how i've been so fucking miserable without you."
you kissed him again, harder this time, swallowing his words. he responded immediately, pulling you fully into his lap now, and you could feel how much he wanted this, wanted you. it was overwhelming. intoxicating. the desperation in every touch, every small sound he made.
"we should," he said between kisses, "we should probably stop."
"do you want to stop?"
"no. god no." he pulled back just enough to look at you, his pupils blown, lips swollen. "but i'm drunk and you're drunk and tomorrow we're gonna regret—"
"i won't," you said firmly. "i won't regret this."
something shifted in his expression. softened. he touched your face with a gentleness that made your chest ache, thumb brushing across your cheekbone. "you're gonna break my heart," he said, not quite a question.
"i'm not."
"you will." but he kissed you anyway, softer this time. slower. like he was memorising the feel of you. "and i'm gonna let you. because i'm weak and pathetic and i want you so much i don't even care anymore."
"you're not weak."
"i am though." he rested his forehead against yours, eyes closing. "i'm so weak for you. it's embarrassing."
you could feel his exhaustion creeping in, the way his body was getting heavier against yours, his movements slowing. "come on," you said softly, standing and pulling him up with you. "let's get you somewhere you can actually sleep."
"don't wanna sleep," he protested, but let you guide him anyway. "wanna stay with you."
"you will. i'm not going anywhere."
you found an empty bedroom on the second floor, the door unlocked and the bed mercifully unoccupied. jake collapsed onto it immediately, pulling you down with him. he was asleep within minutes, his arms wrapped around you, face buried in your neck. his breathing evened out, deep and steady.
you should probably feel guilty. taking advantage of his drunken honesty, letting him confess things he'd normally keep locked away. but you were too tired, too overwhelmed by everything he'd said. i want you so badly it hurts. i've been so fucking miserable without you. you're gonna break my heart and i'm gonna let you.
you didn't have answers. didn't have promises you could make. didn't know how to fix the fundamental imbalance between you, the manipulation and hurt that had gotten you here.
but for now, in this quiet room with jake's warmth pressed against you, you could pretend tomorrow didn't exist. could pretend this was simple. just two people who wanted each other, tangled together in the dark, nothing more complicated than that.
you fell asleep still wearing your shoes, jake's arms tight around you, his heartbeat steady against your chest.
you woke to pale morning light filtering through unfamiliar curtains and the warm weight of jake still wrapped around you. for a disorienting moment you couldn't place where you were. then it came back in pieces. the party. the confrontation. jake's drunken confessions. falling asleep tangled together.
jake stirred against you, his breath catching as he woke. you felt the exact moment awareness returned, the way his body went tense. slowly, carefully, he pulled back just enough to look at you. his hair was a disaster, sticking up in every direction. his glasses sat crooked on the nightstand. his eyes were cautious but clear.
"hi," he said quietly.
"hi."
he didn't let go of you. didn't immediately scramble away or apologise or retreat into panic like last time. he just looked at you, searching your face for something.
"i said a lot of things last night," he finally said.
"yeah."
"i meant them." his voice was serious, steady despite the embarrassment colouring his cheeks. "i know i was drunk, and i probably shouldn't have said half of it, but. i meant it. all of it."
your heart kicked up. "jake—"
"i like you," he said, cutting you off gently. "i've liked you since that first night in the lab when you were stressed about your code and i got to actually help you with something. and it's been killing me trying to stay away from you because every time i see you i just. want you. so much that it scares me."
"why does it scare you?"
"because i don't know how to want someone this much and still protect myself." he shifted slightly, propping himself up on one elbow so he could see you better. "last time i didn't protect myself at all. i just. gave in. and then i panicked because it felt too big, too fast, and i didn't know how to handle it."
"and now?"
"now i'm still terrified," he admitted. "but i'm more scared of not trying. of walking away and spending the rest of college wondering what could have happened if i'd just. been brave enough to give you a real chance."
you felt something tight in your chest start to loosen. "i want that. a real chance. i want to do this right."
"yeah?"
"yeah." you reached up, brushing his messy hair back from his forehead. "i'm sorry. for all of it. the manipulation, the games, not being honest about what i wanted. you deserved better than that."
"i know," jake said simply. then, softer: "but i also know you were scared too. just in a different way."
he leaned down, kissing you with a gentleness that made your chest ache. different from last night's desperate intensity. this was slow, careful, almost questioning. you kissed him back, trying to pour everything you couldn't quite say into it. apology and promise and want all tangled together.
when he pulled back his eyes were dark, pupils blown. "i want to try again," he said. "properly this time. but i need you to be honest with me. about what you want. about what this is."
"i want you," you said. "not as a project or a conquest or whatever i convinced myself it was before. just you jake."
something in his expression softened. "okay," he said. "okay. we can work with that."
he kissed you again, deeper this time, and you felt his weight settle more fully over you. "i want to make it up to you," he murmured against your lips. "for running away before. for making you feel like you did something wrong when i was just scared."
"you don't have to—"
"i want to." he was already kissing down your neck, hands sliding under your shirt. "let me. please."
there was something in his voice, almost pleading, that made you nod. he smiled against your skin, helping you out of your clothes with more confidence than he'd had before. when you were bare beneath him he just. looked. taking his time, hands mapping your body like he was memorising every detail.
"you're so pretty," he said, almost reverent. "i thought about this. about you. so many times."
then he was moving lower, pressing kisses down your stomach, your hip bones, the inside of your thighs. when his breath ghosted over where you needed him most you couldn't help the small sound that escaped.
"tell me if anything's too much," he said, glancing up at you. then he lowered his mouth to you and your brain short-circuited.
he started slowly, almost tentatively, like he was learning you. his tongue moved in careful strokes, testing what made you gasp, what made your hips shift toward him. when he found the rhythm that had your fingers tightening in his hair, he made a low, satisfied sound against you that you felt everywhere.
"jake," you breathed, and he looked up at you through his lashes, pupils blown wide, lips glistening with your arousal.
"tell me," he said, voice rough. "tell me what feels good."
"that—" your words cut off as he did it again, tongue flicking over your clit with that same perfect pressure. "right there. just like that."
he was a quick learner. always had been. he catalogued every reaction, every sound you made, adjusting and refining. except this wasn't detached or analytical. this was hungry. desperate. he sucked your clit into his mouth and you moaned, loud and unrestrained, your thighs trembling on either side of his head.
"fuck, jake—"
"god, you taste so good," he mumbled against your pussy, barely pulling back enough to speak. his chin was wet, his glasses fogged slightly. "been thinking about this. wanted to do this right last time."
he was getting lost in it now, the careful control slipping into something messier, greedier. he alternated between focused attention on your clit and broad, indulgent strokes through your folds, like he couldn't decide between making you fall apart and simply savouring you. his tongue pushed inside you and you keened, your back arching off the bed.
"oh my god," you gasped. "jake, your mouth—"
he moaned against you, the vibration making your thighs clench around his head. he didn't seem to mind, just gripped your hips harder, pulled you closer, like he wanted to suffocate in your pussy. when his fingers joined his mouth, sliding through your wetness before pressing inside, you nearly sobbed.
"so wet," he murmured, almost to himself.
he crooked his fingers, finding that spot inside you that made you cry out, and worked it mercilessly while his tongue circled your clit. the dual sensation was overwhelming, pleasure building so fast you couldn't catch your breath. your fingers tightened in his hair, probably painful, but he just groaned and doubled his efforts.
"jake, i'm—fuck, i'm gonna—"
"i know," he said against you, his voice wrecked. "i can feel it. let go for me."
his fingers thrust deeper, faster, his mouth sucking hard on your clit, and you shattered. your orgasm hit like a shockwave, your whole body going taut as pleasure whited out your vision. you were dimly aware of the sounds you were making—high, desperate whimpers and moans—but you couldn't stop them.
jake moaned against you, the sound vibrating through your core, and he didn't let up. he worked you through it with devastating patience, his tongue lapping up everything you gave him like he was starving for it.
"jake," you gasped, trying to push at his head. "too much—"
but he just whined—actually whined—and gripped your thighs tighter, keeping them spread. "please," he mumbled against your pussy, his words muffled and desperate. "please, just one more. need to feel you come again. please."
"i can't—" but your protest died as he sealed his lips around your clit again, sucking gently, his fingers still working inside you. the overstimulation was almost painful but it was already shifting into something else, something that had you gasping and arching into his mouth instead of away from it.
he was making sounds now—desperate, needy whimpers and moans that vibrated against you. he was rutting against the mattress, you realised dimly, seeking friction while he lost himself in eating you out. his hair was a mess from your fingers, and he looked absolutely wrecked.
"so good," he whined between licks. "taste so good. could do this forever. please let me—need to make you come again—"
he was babbling now, drunk on you, his movements getting messier and more desperate. his tongue worked your clit in frantic circles while his fingers curled inside you, and the pleasure was building again impossibly fast. you were so sensitive that every touch felt electric, overwhelming.
"that's it," he gasped, feeling you start to tighten around his fingers. "yeah, give it to me. please, please—"
your second orgasm hit even harder than the first, ripping through you with an intensity that had you crying out his name, your thighs clamping around his head. jake moaned like he was the one coming, his hips jerking against the mattress as he worked you through it, tongue lapping up everything, fingers gentling but not stopping until you were actually sobbing from oversensitivity.
only then did he pull back, and when he finally lifted his head he looked completely gone. his face was flushed and wet, his eyes glazed and unfocused, his lips swollen and red. he looked drunk on you, his eyes unfocused and dark.
"fuck," he breathed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "you're so hot when you come. the sounds you make—"
you pulled him up into a kiss, tasting yourself on his tongue, feeling the way he groaned into your mouth. his cock was rock hard against your thigh, leaking and desperate.
"your turn," you said, reaching down to wrap your hand around him.
he hissed at the contact, his hips jerking forward. "you don't have to—"
"i want to." you stroked him slowly, base to tip, feeling how hot and heavy he was in your palm. precum leaked from the slit and you used it to ease the glide. "you're so hard, jake. does eating my pussy turn you on that much?"
"fuck—" his voice broke. "yes. god, yes. you have no idea."
"tell me." you tightened your grip slightly and he whimpered. actually whimpered. "tell me what you were thinking about."
"i was thinking—" he gasped when your thumb swept over the sensitive head. "thinking about how good you taste. how you were shaking. how i could feel you clenching and i wanted—wanted to be inside you—"
"yeah?" you stroked him faster, loving the way his abs tensed, the way his thighs trembled. "you want to fuck me, jake?"
"so bad," he choked out.
you guided him between your legs, not quite inside yet, just letting the head of his cock slide through your wetness. he made a strangled sound, his whole body shuddering.
"we should—do you have—" he was trying to think through the haze of arousal, being responsible even now. "condom?"
"pill," you said. "i'm on the pill. and i'm clean. tested recently."
"me too. clean, i mean." his cock twitched against you, smearing precum through your folds. "can i—fuck, can i feel you bare?"
"yes," you breathed. "want to feel all of you."
he positioned himself at your entrance, the thick head pressing against you, and even that felt like too much. he pushed in slowly, so slowly, and the stretch was intense. you were wet enough that he slid in smoothly at first, but the sheer size of him was overwhelming.
"oh fuck," you gasped, your hands flying to his shoulders. "jake, you're so—you're so big—"
"i know, i'm sorry—" he froze, only halfway in. "am i hurting you?"
"no, don't stop," you urged, your legs wrapping around his hips to pull him deeper. "just—go slow. need to adjust."
he sank in another inch and you both moaned. he was splitting you open, stretching you so full you could barely breathe. when he finally bottomed out, buried completely inside you, he dropped his forehead to yours.
"oh my god," he choked out. "you're so tight. so fucking tight and wet and—i can't—"
"don't move yet," you managed, clenching around him involuntarily. he was so deep you could feel him everywhere, pressing against spots that made your toes curl. "just let me—fuck—"
"you feel incredible," he said, his voice shaking. "i've never—nothing compares to this."
you tightened around him experimentally and he swore, his hips jerking forward. "sorry, sorry," he gasped. "i'm trying to hold still but when you do that i want to—"
"want to what?" you rolled your hips slightly and he groaned, deep and guttural.
"want to move," he admitted, his control clearly fraying. "want to fuck you."
"then do it," you said.
something in him snapped. he pulled almost all the way out and thrust back in hard, the force of it punching a cry from your lips. he did it again, and again, finding a rhythm that was deep and relentless. the bed creaked beneath you, the headboard hitting the wall with each thrust.
"yes," you gasped, your nails digging into his shoulders. "just like that—don't stop—"
"god," he panted, his voice wrecked. "you feel so good."
you looked down between your bodies and moaned at the sight—his thick cock disappearing into you, glistening with your wetness, stretching you obscenely. "jake, oh my god—"
"feel how deep i am?" he thrust particularly hard and you keened.
"yes—fuck yes—"
he wasn't being careful anymore, wasn't being gentle. he fucked into you with abandon, each thrust hitting that spot inside you that made sparks shoot up your spine. the sounds were obscene—skin slapping against skin, the wet slide of his cock, his grunts mixing with your moans.
"wanted this," he said against your neck, his breath hot. "wanted you. for so long."
"tell me more," you demanded, loving this unfiltered version of him.
"thought about this constantly," he admitted, his thrusts getting harder. "thought about having you like this. making you feel good. hearing you say my name."
"jake—" you were getting close again, that familiar tension building low in your belly.
"touch yourself," he said. "want to feel you come on my cock. need it. please."
you slid your hand between your bodies, finding your clit, already swollen and sensitive. the added stimulation made you clench around him and he swore, his rhythm faltering.
"that's it," he encouraged, his eyes fixed on where your fingers worked. "fuck, that's so hot. you're so hot. make yourself cum. let me feel it."
you worked your clit in tight circles, the pressure building faster with each thrust of his cock. he was so deep, hitting all the right spots, the slide of him inside you absolutely perfect. you were making sounds you'd never made before—high, desperate whines and gasps.
"close," you managed. "so close—"
"come for me," he urged, his voice strained. "squeeze my cock. want to feel your pussy milk me. come on, baby, let me feel it—"
the orgasm hit you like lightning, sudden and intense. you cried out his name, your whole body convulsing, your pussy clamping down on him rhythmically. waves of pleasure crashed over you, so intense you forgot how to breathe.
"oh fuck," jake choked out, his hips stuttering. "you're—i can feel you—i'm gonna—"
he tried to last, you could see it in the tension of his jaw, the way his arms were shaking. but your pussy was still fluttering around him, still clenching in aftershocks, and it was too much. he buried himself deep with a broken moan, his cock pulsing inside you as he came. you felt the warmth of it, felt him fill you up, and the intimacy of it made something in your chest crack open.
"fuck," he gasped, collapsing on top of you. "oh my god. that was—i've never—"
you wrapped your arms around him, both of you breathing hard, hearts racing in sync. he was still inside you, softening slowly, and you could feel his release leaking out around his cock.
"that was amazing," you said when you could finally speak. "you were amazing."
he lifted his head to look at you, his expression soft and vulnerable. "i think i might be falling for you," he said quietly. "is that okay? am i allowed to say that?"
your throat felt tight with emotion. "yeah. that's okay."
"good." he kissed you gently, sweetly. "because i don't think i could stop even if you told me to."
he pulled out carefully and you both hissed at the sensitivity. immediately he was gathering you into his arms, pulling you against his chest like he couldn't stand not touching you. you fit there perfectly, your head tucked under his chin.
"we should probably talk about this," you said after a while. "about us."
"we will," jake promised, his fingers tracing patterns on your spine. "but can we just stay like this for a bit first?"
"yeah." you pressed closer, breathing in the scent of him. "we can stay like this."
and you did. stayed tangled together as the morning light grew stronger, as the sounds of people leaving the party filtered up through the floor. his cum was still leaking out of you, making a mess on your thighs, but neither of you moved to clean up. you just held each other in this new, tentative peace.
jake changed almost overnight once you started dating. it was like giving him permission to want you openly had flipped some switch in his brain. suddenly he was everywhere.
he'd show up at your door before your 9 am lecture with coffee, your exact order memorised, his hair still messy from sleep because he'd woken up early just to see you. he'd kiss you goodbye and then text you five minutes later with some random thought he forgot to mention. did you know that octopuses have three hearts? just learnt that. thought you should know.
in class he'd sit next to you instead of in his usual back corner spot, his knee always pressed against yours under the desk. sometimes his hand would find its way to your thigh, just resting there, his thumb tracing absent patterns while he tried to focus on the lecture. you'd catch him staring at you instead of his laptop, and when you'd raise an eyebrow he'd just smile, unashamed.
"you're distracting," he'd whisper.
"i'm literally just sitting here."
"i know. it's very distracting."
study sessions became impossible. you'd be explaining a concept and he'd lean over to kiss your shoulder, your neck, the corner of your mouth. "jake, i'm trying to help you."
"i know, keep going," he'd say, already doing it again.
"you're not even listening."
"i am. you were talking about. um." he'd grin sheepishly. "okay i wasn't listening. but you're just so pretty when you're focused."
your friends noticed immediately. yunjin had taken one look at jake's arm slung around your shoulders at lunch, the way he was playing with your hair while talking to beomgyu, and pulled you aside.
"okay so he's like. obsessed with you," she said. "it's actually kind of cute. in a golden retriever kind of way."
"he's not obsessed."
"babe, he just offered to carry your bag even though your apartment is literally three minutes away. and he's been smiling at you for the past ten minutes like you hung the moon. it's obsessed behaviour."
but she said it fondly, and later you caught her telling beomgyu that she'd never seen you this relaxed before. "she's not performing," yunjin had said. "she's just. being."
and she was right. with jake you didn't have to strategise or calculate or perform anything. he wanted you. obviously, openly, without games or subtext. when you showed up to his place in sweats and no makeup, he'd light up like you'd dressed up specifically for him. when you stole his hoodies, he'd just buy more so you could steal those too.
"i like seeing you in my clothes," he'd admitted once, pulling you close. "makes me feel like. i don't know. like you're mine."
"possessive," you'd teased.
"is that bad?"
"no," you'd said, kissing him. "i like it."
jake's friends had their own reactions. you'd been nervous meeting them properly, remembering that disastrous first encounter at the party. but they'd welcomed you easily, even if they did give jake endless shit.
"dude, you're so whipped," his roommate said, watching jake immediately get up to refill your drink without being asked.
"and?" jake had said, completely unbothered.
"and nothing, it's just funny. remember when you said you'd never be that guy who drops everything for someone? and now you're literally—"
"finish that sentence and i'm not helping you with discrete math anymore."
but he was smiling when he said it, and later his roommate told you that jake talked about you constantly. "it's honestly annoying how happy he is."
the thing was, you were happy too. unexpectedly, overwhelmingly happy. jake made you sharper somehow, more focused. when you studied together you actually retained information because he made learning feel collaborative instead of competitive. he celebrated your successes like they were his own, staying up with you before big presentations, bringing you stress-relief snacks, sending you encouraging texts.
and you did the same for him. learnt his patterns, his tells when he was overwhelmed. you'd show up at the lab with dinner when you knew he'd been working for hours. you'd run your fingers through his hair when he was stressed, and he'd melt into your touch, all that tension draining away.
"you make everything easier," he'd told you once, late at night when you were both too tired to filter. "like the world's less heavy when you're around."
"that's the cheesiest thing you've ever said."
"i know. i mean it though."
weeks blurred together in the best way. stolen kisses between classes. jake's hand always finding yours. the way he'd kiss you goodbye at your door and then text you goodnight five minutes later even though he lived one floor up. movie nights that turned into makeout sessions on your couch, jake's glasses getting in the way until you carefully removed them, setting them aside so you could kiss him properly.
he got clingy when he was tired, wrapping around you like a koala, mumbling into your neck. "don't leave."
"i'm just going to get water."
"too far. stay."
"jake, i'll be gone thirty seconds."
"thirty seconds too long."
you'd laugh, running your fingers through his hair until he fell asleep, and feel something warm and settled in your chest. this was what it was supposed to feel like.
the beach had been jake's idea. "there's supposed to be a meteor shower tonight," he'd said, eyes lighting up behind his glasses. "and i know this spot that's perfect for stargazing. barely any light pollution. we could bring blankets, make a whole thing of it?"
so here you were, sitting on a blanket in the sand while the ocean crashed softly in the background. the sky was impossibly clear, stars scattered across it like someone had spilt diamonds. jake lay with his head in your lap, one of your hands playing with his hair while he pointed up at the sky.
"okay, so see those seven stars there?" he traced a pattern with his finger. "that's the big dipper, which is part of ursa major. but if you follow those two stars at the edge, they point directly to polaris. the north star."
you hummed, only half listening to the actual words. you were too busy watching him. the way his eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, how animated his expressions were when he talked about something he loved. the moonlight caught on his features, highlighting the sharp line of his jaw, the soft curve of his lips.
"and that one—" he was still going, completely absorbed. "that's cassiopeia. she was a queen in greek mythology who bragged about being more beautiful than the sea nymphs, so poseidon punished her by placing her in the sky upside down. you can see how the constellation kind of looks like a W? that's her throne."
"jake," you said softly.
"oh, and if you look over there, that really bright one? that's actually venus, not a star. common misconception. planets don't twinkle like stars do because—"
you leaned down and kissed him, cutting off his rambling mid-sentence. he made a surprised sound but responded immediately, his hand coming up to cup the back of your neck. when you pulled back he followed your lips automatically, trying to chase another kiss.
"you were saying?" you teased.
"i—" he blinked up at you, slightly dazed. "what was i saying?"
"something about venus."
"right. venus. because of the. um." he lost his train of thought as you leaned down again, kissing him slower this time. "you're distracting me from the meteor shower."
"am i?"
"yeah. very effectively." but he was smiling, pulling you down for another kiss.
you shifted, moving to straddle his lap properly. jake's hands immediately found your waist, sliding under your shirt to rest against bare skin.
the kissing turned heated quickly. jake made these small, needy sounds that drove you crazy, his hands roaming over your back, your sides, anywhere he could reach. when you rolled your hips experimentally he gasped into your mouth, his grip tightening.
"fuck," he whispered. "you're gonna kill me."
you kissed down his jaw, his neck, feeling his pulse racing under your lips. his hands had moved to your hips now, guiding your movements, and you could feel how affected he was. "still thinking about the stars?" you teased.
"what stars?" he pulled you down for another bruising kiss, one hand tangling in your hair. "can't think about anything except you."
you ground down harder and jake made a sound that was almost a whine, his head falling back against the blanket. "please," he gasped. "please, i need—"
suddenly, the loud, insistent beeping of his watch interrupted the moment.
you both froze.
jake's face went bright red as he fumbled with his wrist. "oh my god. oh my god. it's my fitness watch. it thinks i'm exercising because my heart rate—" another beep. "make it stop."
you couldn't help it. you burst out laughing, burying your face in his shoulder while his watch continued its concerned beeping about his elevated heart rate. "it's not funny," jake groaned, still trying to silence the watch. "this is so embarrassing."
"it's a little funny."
"my watch just cockblocked me. there's nothing funny about that."
you kissed his jaw, still giggling. "i think it's cute. your heart rate got that high just from kissing me?"
"you were not just kissing me, you were—" he made a frustrated noise. "yes. okay. yes. you have that effect on me. are you happy?"
"very." you settled against his chest, feeling his heartbeat still racing under your ear. the watch had finally stopped beeping. "for what it's worth, my heart's doing the same thing."
"yeah?" he wrapped his arms around you, holding you close.
"yeah."
you lay there together, the ocean providing a steady soundtrack, the stars scattered above you. jake pressed a kiss to the top of your head. "i love you," he said softly. "in case that wasn't obvious from the way my watch literally staged an intervention."
you lifted your head to look at him. his eyes were soft, open, vulnerable in the moonlight. "i love you too," you said, meaning it completely.
he smiled, that full, genuine smile that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. then he kissed you again, sweet and unhurried, his hands gentle on your face.
"we should probably head back soon," you murmured eventually. "it's getting late."
"five more minutes," jake said, pulling you closer. "just. let me hold you for five more minutes."
you settled back against him, his arms wrapped securely around you, both of you looking up at the vast sky. you'd come here to watch a meteor shower but you'd been too distracted by each other to notice if any had passed.
somehow, you didn't mind at all.
"hey," jake said softly. "thank you."
"for what?"
"for giving me another chance. for being patient with me while i figured my shit out. for. this. all of it." his arms tightened around you. "i know i was difficult at first."
"you weren't difficult. you were protecting yourself. i get it now."
"still. you could have given up on me. but you didn't."
"of course i didn't," you said, pressing a kiss to his jaw. "you're worth it. you've always been worth it."
jake made a soft, overwhelmed sound, burying his face in your hair. "i'm gonna marry you someday," he mumbled. "just so you know."
"jake—"
"not now. obviously not now. but someday. when we've graduated and figured our lives out and i can actually afford a ring. i'm gonna marry you."
you felt your chest go tight with emotion. "okay," you whispered. "someday."
"yeah. someday."
you stayed like that until the cold started seeping in, until you were both shivering despite being pressed together. finally, reluctantly, you packed up the blanket and headed back to campus. jake held your hand the entire walk, occasionally pulling you close to kiss you at random intervals.
"what was that for?" you asked after the third surprise kiss.
"just because," he said, smiling. "because i can. because i love you. do i need more reasons?"
"no," you said, kissing him back. "no more reasons needed."
if you liked this please comment or reblog to give me your feedback! <3
pairing. stepbrother!jungwon x reader (ft. mystery enha member x reader)
word count. 54k
warning. contains themes of heavy slow-burn plot, dubious consent (dubcon), non-consensual voyeurism, emotional manipulation, degradation, humiliation, gaslighting, manipulation, step-sibling incest, intense power dynamics, possessiveness, obsession, rough sex, cheating, spying, mentions of bodily fluids, alcohol use, mild coercion, dark themes, and explicit sexual content (18+). mdni.
living with jungwon has always been easy—sure, he's lazy, sure, he doesn’t have a job, but you loved your stepbrother anyway. but when someone else steps into your life, threatening the peace he's fought to keep, you start to wonder just how far jungwon will go to protect the life he's built around you... and what he's willing to do to keep it that way.
co-written with @jaeyunsmochi she helped me with this, and i cannot thank her enough for all her input.
families were supposed to come together out of love, not convenience. that’s what you used to believe, anyway.
after your dad passed and your mom remarried, everything changed. it wasn’t just grief anymore; suddenly, you had this new family dropped into your life, and you were expected to accept it. just like that. jungwon came into your life when you were both barely teenagers, awkward and trying to figure out how to exist in a world that felt like it was constantly shifting under your feet.
back then, he was more like a shadow than anything else. always there, but never in your way. he’d hover near your bedroom door, quiet, not saying much, but his presence was always... there. comforting, in a strange way. he was clingy, yeah, but you didn’t mind it. he’d tag along after school, sitting beside you on the couch, waiting for you to pick the show. you’d flick his forehead when he said something dumb, and he’d laugh, wide-eyed and innocent, like everything was easy. and back then? it was.
you didn’t think much of it. jungwon was just your stepbrother. harmless. you even joked about it with your friends sometimes, saying he was too attached. but it was no big deal—just the way things were.
that was then. now, it’s different.
you’re not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way, jungwon stopped being the awkward kid who hung around doorways. he grew up. and so did you.
you didn’t notice it right away, probably because you were too wrapped up in your own life—dating, college, figuring yourself out. but recently... you’ve felt the changes.
the air feels heavier between you now. jungwon’s not that scrawny boy anymore. he’s taller, broader, his shoulders filling out his clothes in a way that’s impossible to ignore. there’s a quiet confidence in him now that wasn’t there before. when he passes by in the hallway, there’s this tension. something new. your mom even points out how the neighborhood girls are always trying to get his attention, but he never seems interested.
and that’s the thing—he doesn’t seem interested in anyone. not in the way you’d expect. at first, you thought maybe he was just focused on school. maybe even... gay.
for a while, you were convinced of it. but then, you remembered the stuff you’d accidentally seen—his porn history popping up on the family computer a few times said otherwise.
okay, so... he definitely wasn't gay.
threesomes, bdsm, no other dicks included, some other kinky stuff, hell even stepsister porn. you teased him about it when you caught him, his face turning red as he slammed the laptop shut. back then, you laughed it off. just teenage boy stuff, right?
but now, it's like you’re seeing him through a different lens.
it’s not just jungwon, though. jake and sunghoon, his best friends, grew up too. they came into the picture a few years after jungwon, and back then, they were dorky, awkward, always cracking dumb jokes and geeking out over games. they were like brothers to you, in a way. except jungwon, but that was always a different story.
now, they’re not those awkward kids anymore. jake’s taller, leaner, and those messy curls that once made him look boyish now make girls turn their heads. sunghoon traded in his glasses for contacts, hit the gym, and suddenly he’s got this bad-boy charm that leaves girls staring.
watching them change from the boys you knew into confident men—men who now tower over you—it’s weird. it’s like you missed the transition, and now you’re left catching up. you’d always been the big sister figure, offering advice, guiding them through awkward phases.
but now, they look at you differently too. you feel it. jake’s compliments linger a little longer, sunghoon’s teasing has this edge to it, flirty, suggestive. they don’t cross any lines, but the dynamic has clearly shifted. you’re not sure how to handle it.
but, as always, you had to grow up faster than they did.
when you graduated, your mom and stepdad left the flat to you and jungwon. just the two of you again, trying to figure out adulthood. you’d drifted apart during those college years—he found his group, you focused on boys, academics, trying to figure out who you were. but now, somehow, you’ve drifted back together.
maybe it’s because you’re both older now, more mature. living with jungwon feels... natural. comforting, even. but at the same time, it’s not easy anymore. not when you see him like this—strong, confident.
not when you feel this attraction building up inside you.
and it’s not just his appearance. it’s the way he’s always around. not in a clingy way like before, but always choosing to be near you. it makes you wonder if it’s just out of convenience or if maybe... maybe he feels it too. that pull. that connection.
you love him, of course you do. he’s your stepbrother. but these feelings... they’re twisted, wrong. and you keep telling yourself they’ll pass. that it’s just some messed-up phase. but the more time you spend alone with him in the apartment, the more the tension builds, pulling you toward something you know you shouldn’t want.
but you can’t shake it.
your love life isn’t helping either. after years of failed relationships—guys who got bored or cheated—you’ve started to wonder if maybe the problem is you. are you not enough? you’ve vented to jake and sunghoon about it, and they always tell you the same thing—you’re beautiful, smart, any guy would be lucky to have you. but their words don’t ease the loneliness.
and then, there’s jungwon.
you can’t help but compare every guy to him. none of them measure up to his quiet strength, his presence. it’s driving you insane, and you know using him as a standard is wrong. but you can’t stop. he’s still attached to you. not like before, but he’s always there. and sometimes, you wonder if it’s out of convenience, because he just doesn't want to be bothered paying rent, or if he feels it too—that pull.
whatever it is, it’s messing with your head.
you’ve tried to distract yourself, but with your job draining you and no real outlet, it’s impossible. the flat feels more like his than yours—sleek, minimal, no warmth. it’s functional. just like him. but hey, it worked.
your mornings are always the same. you stumble out of bed, hair a mess, half-asleep, and drag yourself to the kitchen for caffeine. and there he is, already on the couch, headset on, yelling into his mic like it’s the end of the world. his voice is the first thing you hear, every single day—not the birds outside, not the traffic.
just him.
“jake, for fuck’s sake, move!” jungwon’s voice cut through the quiet of the flat, his fingers mashing at the controller. you stood at the kitchen counter, pouring cereal into a bowl, your eyes drifting to where he sat on the couch.
he leaned forward, whole body tense, muscles shifting under his skin every time his hands tightened on the controller. veins popped out on his forearms, and his focus was locked in, jaw clenched.
his hair was a damp mess from his shower, still tousled and drying. jungwon’s bare back, smooth and broad, contrasted against the dark, worn leather of the couch he spent most of his time on.
as usual, he was shirtless, lounging in a pair of low-hanging grey boxers. it was a constant reminder of how much had changed. he wasn’t the lanky stepbrother who used to hover by your door anymore—jungwon was all grown up, and you noticed every inch of it.
“can you keep it down?” you called, half-exasperated, setting your bowl on the counter as you reached for the milk.
he didn’t look at you, muttering under his breath, clearly more invested in his game than acknowledging your presence. you could hear jake’s voice muffled through the headset, followed by sunghoon’s laughter.
“jesus,” you muttered, rolling your eyes. grabbing your bowl, you wandered over to the couch and sat next to him, closer than you needed to be, leaning in just enough to be in his space. his shoulder brushed against yours, but he didn’t even flinch, eyes still glued to the screen.
you nudged him with your elbow, a grin tugging at your lips. “wanna share the screen? looks like you’re losing.”
he swatted at you lazily, not breaking his focus. “can you not?” he grumbled, frustration obvious in his voice as gunfire crackled through his headset.
jake’s voice came through, amused. “dude, is that y/n again?”
“yep,” sunghoon added with a laugh. “tell her to fuck off before we lose.”
“i’m not doing anything,” you smirked, crunching obnoxiously on a spoonful of cereal. “just enjoying my breakfast.”
jungwon shot you a quick glare, his brow furrowed, and you couldn’t help but find it a little endearing. he acted annoyed, but this was your thing. pestering him was fun, and deep down, you knew he liked it. even if he’d never admit it.
you shifted beside him, your shorts riding up slightly, which caught his attention for a split second. his eyes flicked down to your legs, a quick glance, but you didn’t notice. he clenched the controller tighter, jaw set as he forced himself to focus on the game.
“you’re so annoying,” he muttered, but there wasn’t any real bite to it, making you grin wider.
leaning into him more, you let your head rest on his shoulder. “can’t help it. you’re just so easy to mess with.”
“stop it,” sunghoon’s voice came through the headset again, exasperated. “seriously, let him play. he’s already fucking up.”
“i’m not fucking up!” jungwon shot back, defensive, his voice faltering slightly. you snickered under your breath, watching him try to focus despite how close you were.
without thinking, you grabbed the controller from his hands, holding it out of his reach. “wanna see if i can do better?”
“y/n, come on,” he growled, lunging toward you to snatch it back, but you dodged, grinning like a fool.
“admit it, i’m way more fun than this stupid game,” you teased, waving the controller in the air.
jungwon leaned in again, his hand brushing against your thigh as he reached for the controller, his fingers circling your wrist in a firm grip. the touch made you freeze for a second. his hand lingered just a bit too long before he pulled away, his face suddenly serious.
“just give it back,” he muttered, his voice low, controlled.
your heartbeat kicked up, but you handed it back. “jeez, relax.”
as he took the controller, his fingers brushed yours, sending a shiver up your arm. for a moment, the air felt heavy, charged with something you didn’t want to think too much about.
“you’re stronger than you look,” you said quietly, more to break the silence than anything.
he didn’t look at you, just smirked slightly, still focused on the game. “you’re just weaker than you think.”
“fuck off,” you laughed, though your mind lingered on how easily he could’ve overpowered you if he wanted to.
snap out of it, y/n.
sunghoon’s voice cut through the headset again. “about time she let go of the controller. man, you’re way too soft on her.”
jake chimed in, laughing. “if i had a sister, she wouldn’t even get near my stuff.”
you rolled your eyes, chuckling as you grabbed your phone off the coffee table. a text from your boss flashed on the screen. jay from seattle will be at the office by noon. show him around.
“ugh, i forgot i have to babysit some new guy at work today,” you groaned, slumping back down next to jungwon.
“already tired of annoying me?” jungwon asked, glancing at you as his character respawned.
“i was supposed to have the day off,” you sighed dramatically. “now i have to play tour guide for some guy named jay. transferred from seattle. sounds like a blast.”
the volume of the game was loud enough that you could hear jake and sunghoon laughing. “maybe jay’s hot,” jake teased. “seattle guys have that brooding, rugged thing going on, right?”
you snorted. “yeah, right. knowing my luck, he’s probably some middle-aged dude with bad breath who smells like stale coffee and has a comb-over.”
“or,” jake continued, “he could be exactly what you need. you’ve been working non-stop. loosen up a bit.”
jungwon glanced at you, his expression unreadable. “you wouldn’t know what to do with him even if he was hot.”
your eyebrow shot up at the slight challenge in his voice. “oh, really?”
he didn’t look away this time, a faint smirk tugging at his lips. “you’re too uptight. all you do is work.”
“i’m not uptight,” you shot back, crossing your arms. “i just have my shit together. someone has to feed your lazy ass.”
jake and sunghoon’s laughter rang through the headset, but jungwon didn’t smile. instead, he shrugged, his tone softer. “nothing’s gonna happen with this jay guy.”
you blinked, caught off guard by his sudden seriousness. “and how would you know?” he didn’t answer, focusing back on the screen, his fingers pressing the buttons a little too aggressively.
as you stood up to head back to your room, jungwon’s phone lit up on the coffee table, vibrating softly. you leaned forward, trying to catch a glimpse of the name on the screen, but jungwon noticed, flipping it over quickly.
“what’s that about?” you asked, narrowing your eyes at him.
“none of your business,” he muttered, keeping his gaze fixed on the TV, his voice tight.
your jaw dropped as you turned to jungwon. “wait, you’re seeing someone?”
jungwon sighed, clearly irritated. “they’re exaggerating. it’s nothing."
“nothing?” sunghoon’s voice broke through the headset, laughter lacing his tone. “pretty sure she’s been over a few times, man.”
you stared at jungwon, genuinely taken aback. he’s been seeing someone and didn’t tell me? you thought you were close. close enough that if there was someone new in his life—someone he was bringing over to the flat—you’d be the first to know.
but no, he kept it to himself. a pang of something settled in your chest, annoyance creeping up at how easily he brushed it off like it was no big deal. what else has he been hiding? sure, you and him had your boundaries, but he told you everything. or so you thought.
“you’ve been seeing someone and didn’t tell me?” you asked, your voice betraying the slight sting of being left in the dark.
jungwon’s face flushed just the tiniest bit, and you noticed how his eyes narrowed, defensive. “it’s not like that. it’s… not serious.”
not serious? you couldn’t stop the thoughts from spiraling a little. so she’s been here more than once? this wasn’t just a random hookup. there was someone coming over, sleeping in the same flat, and you had no idea.
“wow,” you muttered, trying to process the information. “and here i thought you barely left the house.”
jungwon rubbed the back of his neck, visibly uncomfortable. “she comes over sometimes. it’s no big deal.”
no big deal, huh? something in you couldn’t help but feel annoyed. it was stupid, but maybe part of you expected to be more in the loop with him, to know when things changed like this.
and damn, if he was seeing someone, that girl was hella lucky. your eyes flicked to jungwon’s frame, you could just picture it—jungwon fucking someone into the mattress.
he could probably break a girl apart, the way his body moved, the way he stayed composed even when his temper flared. fuck, why were you even thinking about this?
the thought made your stomach turn with a weird mixture of disgust and guilt, your mind snapping back to reality.
what the hell, y/n? that’s your stepbrother you’re thinking about, for fuck’s sake.
you leaned back, arms crossing over your chest as you tried to shake the lingering thoughts. “well, i’m happy for you. about time you found someone. maybe now you’ll stop being so moody all the time.”
“piss off, y/n,” he muttered, but the way he said it lacked the usual bite.
you grinned, moving a little closer, determined to push his buttons just a bit more. “i’d love to meet her, though. see what kind of girl puts up with you.”
jungwon’s entire expression shifted, his jaw tightening as he shot you a sharp glance. “not happening.”
your smile faded slightly. “why not?”
“because it’s nothing,” he snapped, a little more forceful this time. his eyes flicked away from yours, the tension in his voice unmistakable.
you raised your hands in surrender, laughing lightly to break the tension. “alright, alright. i’ll drop it. for now.”
as you stood up to head back to your room, that strange unease in your chest lingered, creeping up your spine like something wasn’t quite right. just as you reached the hallway, your phone buzzed again.
a message from your boss—jay is on his way.
you groaned softly, already feeling the weight of the day pressing down on you. "looks like jay’s gonna be here sooner than i thought," you muttered mostly to yourself, dreading the responsibility that came with showing him around.
you weren’t in the mood for it, not today.
jungwon paused the game, glancing at you over his shoulder, hearing jake and sunghoon still shouting through the headset. he ignored them, focusing on you instead, eyes narrowing just a bit, “you don’t have to do it, you know.”
you turned to him, confused by his sudden comment. "what? of course, i do. it’s my job."
he shrugged, leaning back against the couch, "you’re always working. you don’t have to take on everything. they can find someone else to do it."
you raised an eyebrow, catching the subtle edge in his voice, something almost too quick, too dismissive. since when did he care about my workload?
"since when do you care about how much I work?" you asked, half-joking but genuinely curious.
"i don’t," he muttered, his words coming out a little too fast, his attention flicking back to the game, fingers tightening on the controller. "just... you never take a break. let someone else handle the boring shit for once.”
what the hell was that about?
you let out a soft laugh, shaking your head. "yeah, well, someone’s gotta pay for this flat and feed you."
“i can take care of myself,” he grumbled, but there was something off about the way he said it. like he was trying to convince himself more than you, the usual sharpness in his voice missing.
"really?" you teased, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. "you? mr. video game addict who barely leaves the house unless it’s with jake and sunghoon?"
he scoffed, but it sounded forced. "i go out," he snapped, though the defensiveness in his tone only made you laugh more. it was like he couldn’t handle the thought of you not taking him seriously.
"oh, right. to jog. very social of you," you shot back, smirking, trying to lighten the weird tension that had settled between you.
“i said, i can take care of myself,” he repeated, his voice quieter this time, almost like he didn’t fully believe it. his eyes flickered up to meet yours for a split second before he quickly looked away, pretending to focus back on the game.
you smirked, pushing off the doorframe, but the unease in your chest only grew. “sure, you can.”
what was his problem? there was something about the way he brushed off the conversation, acting so casual but clearly irritated by something. the mention of jay? was that what was getting under his skin? but why would that even bother him?
you shook your head, trying to dismiss the thought. jungwon was just being… well, jungwon. moody, defensive, sometimes hard to read.
the weight of it followed you, pressing against your thoughts as you tried to focus on the day ahead, already dreading dealing with jay and the endless office bullshit.
just what you needed—more distractions when your mind was already a fucking mess.
you pulled into the office parking lot, fingers tapping idly on the steering wheel as some random song played in the background. you weren’t even listening—your mind was too busy spiraling with thoughts about the day ahead.
how the hell are you going to explain to jay just how toxic this place is?
the office politics alone could suck the life out of anyone, and your boss? well, he was a nightmare. you didn’t exactly envy jay, but then again, you didn’t even know what kind of person he was yet.
as you scanned the parking lot, your eyes landed on a man standing awkwardly near the entrance, briefcase in hand, looking painfully out of place. he looked like someone who got lost on his way to a corporate halloween party.
really, universe? did it have to be the middle-aged guy with the briefcase?
you sighed and pulled up closer, rolling down your window. “jay?” you called out.
he looked at you, utterly confused, his face blank like he had no idea what you were talking about. this can’t be him, right?
“uh, mr. park sent me to show you around?” you added, trying to make sense of the situation. “i’m y/n—”
before you could finish, a head popped into view at your window, making you jump in your seat, heart racing as your eyes snapped to the figure now crouched by your car.
“looking for me?”
and there he was—the real jay. fuck. tall, devastatingly handsome, wearing a suit so perfect you were pretty sure it cost more than your rent. his hair was slicked back, his jawline sharp enough to cut glass, and that smile—god, that smile—lit up his face like he knew exactly how good he looked.
it took everything in you not to openly gawk at him. this guy wasn’t just hot—he was jaw-droppingly, heart-racing, take-your-breath-away kind of attractive. and just to top it off, he smelled incredible, like cedarwood, spice, and something else you couldn’t place but was definitely dangerous.
your heart raced, and it felt like you were back in high school, locking eyes with your crush for the first time. and the way he looked at you, all confidence and charm, didn’t fucking help.
you swallow thickly as your brain short-circuited for a second. doing your best to mask the shock—and the blatant gawking—as you extended your hand to shake his. but then you realized, oh, right, he was crouched down, his face level with your car window, meaning there was no way he could actually reach you from there.
he raised an eyebrow, amusement dancing in his eyes. “we doing handshakes from inside the car now?”
you felt your cheeks heat up slightly, embarrassed by how thrown off you were. “uh, no, i—” you pulled your hand back awkwardly, trying to regain your composure. “i just wasn’t expecting… well, you.”
he grinned, clearly enjoying how flustered you were. “and what exactly were you expecting?”
you gestured toward the poor guy standing a few feet behind him, still clutching his briefcase. “not… not you.”
jay glanced over his shoulder at the guy, chuckling. “oh, him?” he laughed, the sound deep and smooth, sending a shiver down your spine. “nah, that’s the temp. he’s just helping out while i get settled.”
right. of course. because why would the universe make this easy for you?
he straightened up, giving you a full view of just how tall he really was. damn, the guy was built like a dream. he adjusted his suit jacket, flashing you another one of those infuriatingly perfect smiles. “so, you’re my guide for the day?”
you nodded, finally getting a grip on yourself. “yeah, i’ll be showing you around, introducing you to the team, that sort of thing.”
“sounds fun,” he replied, his eyes lingering on you a little longer than necessary. he stepped back from the car, giving you room to get out.
you took a breath, trying to shake off the sudden nerves. he’s just a colleague, y/n. stop acting like you’re on a damn date.
you got out of the car, smoothing your clothes down, doing your best to stay professional. but when you looked up again, jay was still watching you, his gaze following your movements a little too closely.
there was something about him that made it impossible to stay indifferent. confident, sure, but also playful in a way that got under your skin. like he knew exactly what he was doing.
“lead the way, then,” he said with a nod toward the building. you nodded back, fighting off the flutter in your chest as you turned on your heel and headed toward the entrance.
get it together, y/n. there were more important things to focus on—like how to warn jay about the office and your boss’s ridiculous expectations. the last thing you needed was a crush. especially on someone like him.
as you made your way through the doors, you mentally prepared yourself for the day ahead. you needed to focus on work, not on how good jay looked in that suit or how his presence seemed to linger around you like gravity.
jay fell into step beside you, casual and relaxed. “so, y/n,” he started, his voice smooth, “how bad is it working here?”
you gave him a half-smile. “oh, you have no idea.”
leading him through the maze of cubicles and conference rooms, it was impossible not to notice the way people stared at jay as you passed. it wasn’t just you—everyone noticed him. how could they not?
jay didn’t just walk into a room, he commanded it. and the way he made small talk with your coworkers, that smile lighting up his face—it was like he had everyone hooked.
you gave him the usual tour: break room, copy room, the stash of good coffee you stole from your boss’s private stock, and the dreaded hr department, notorious for all the wrong reasons.
jay nodded along, paying attention, but you could feel his eyes on you more often than not. by the time you made it to the lounge area, you were ready for a break, not because the tour was tiring, but because being around jay was exhausting in a whole other way.
“this is where we hide when the boss is breathing down our necks,” you said, gesturing to the snack station. “snacks, coffee, all the essentials. we can take a break before i show you the rest.”
jay chuckled, leaning against the counter with that annoyingly perfect posture. “i've gotta say, this place isn't so bad. you made it sound like a war zone.”
you shrugged, reaching for a granola bar. “it’s not the place—it’s the people. management, especially. if you last a week, i’ll be impressed.”
he raised an eyebrow, smirking. “that bad, huh?”
you tore open the wrapper, taking a bite. “you don’t know the half of it. the boss is a control freak, expects us to be mind readers.”
jay laughed, grabbing a snack for himself, eyes still on you. “good thing i’m good at reading people then.”
you felt your cheeks heat up slightly at the way his gaze lingered. yep, definitely flirting.
“yeah? how’s that working out for you so far?” you shot back, trying to keep things light but he grinned, leaning a little closer. “i’d say i’m getting the hang of it.”
what the hell, jay? maybe it was just you overthinking, but the way he keeps on leaning a closer? god, he needed to stop acting like he fucking wants you or you'd completely lose it.
“so,” jay continued, unwrapping his snack, “what keeps someone like you in a place like this?”
you laughed softly, leaning against the counter. “honestly? it pays the bills, and i haven’t found anything better yet. you learn how to survive.”
jay watched you for a moment, his gaze almost too intense. “maybe you just haven’t found the right opportunity to leave yet.” there was something in the way he said it, something that made you feel like he was offering more than just advice.
“maybe,” you replied, trying to keep your voice steady, though your heart was hammering.
jay smiled, taking a slow sip of his drink. “you’re not as uptight as you made yourself sound earlier. you’re pretty laid-back.”
you laughed, though your stomach flipped at the unexpected compliment. laid-back? not the words jungwon would use to describe you this morning.
“i’ll take that as a compliment,” you said, trying to sound casual.
jay hummed, his eyes dipping down for a moment before flicking back up to meet yours. there was something almost deliberate in the way he took another slow sip of his drink, like he was savoring it. "it was meant as one. not everyone can pull that off."
jake’s voice from earlier played on a loop in your head: maybe he’s exactly what you need. goddammit, jake wasn’t wrong. the way jay moved, the way his words slipped out so easily, it was like he knew exactly how to push your buttons without even trying.
but shit, this was work. you couldn’t lose your head over some pretty boy with a killer smile, no matter how damn good he smelled or how dangerously close he was standing.
you took a deep breath, trying to calm the pulse racing in your throat. still, your mouth betrayed you.
“you’re dangerous, you know that?” the words came out more playful than you intended, a grin tugging at the corners of your lips despite yourself.
jay’s smile widened at that, his eyes lighting up with mischief, the air around him practically buzzing. "i’ve been told."
oh, fuck.
and just like that, you were completely hooked.
as you closed the office door behind you, glancing at your wristwatch, you realized just how late it had gotten. your heels were killing you, and all you could think about was kicking them off the second you got home.
jay walked beside you, his long strides effortlessly keeping pace as you both headed to the parking lot, still chatting about schedules and the mountain of upcoming projects.
"so," you said, rubbing your temples, "looks like we’ll be working pretty closely on that new marketing push. i’ll show you the ropes, make sure you don’t drown in all the corporate bullshit."
"sounds like i’m in good hands, then." his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, making it impossible not to return the gesture.
as you continued walking, the conversation shifted, and jay started opening up more—talking about where he came from. and fuck, was that a surprise.
the guy was loaded. not just rich—serious money. the kind that makes you wonder why someone like him would even bother working in a place like this.
"so," you said, still trying to process it, "you could probably be running a company by now, right? why take a job here?"
jay shrugged, all humble and casual, like it wasn’t a big deal. "i wanted to start from the bottom, you know? understand the employees, the management... see how everything works before i think about building something of my own."
you blinked at him, genuinely impressed. who the hell chooses to start from the bottom when they’re sitting on a pile of money? "that’s… honestly, that’s really smart. most people wouldn’t do that."
"thanks," he said, smiling warmly. "i like to think i’m in the right place for now."
there it was again—that easy charm. it wasn’t just the flirting; it was how natural everything felt with him. the way the conversation flowed effortlessly, like you’d known him forever. and it wasn’t just nice—it was fucking refreshing to talk to someone who didn’t make everything feel like a power play.
you glanced at your phone, then cursed under your breath. shit, jungwon. you’d been so wrapped up in the day that you forgot about dinner. and knowing him, he probably hadn’t eaten anything decent since breakfast.
"ugh," you groaned, rubbing your forehead. "i totally forgot, i’ve got a brother to feed."
jay raised an eyebrow, a teasing smirk playing on his lips. "younger brother?"
you rolled your eyes, half-laughing. "i wish. that would be way easier. no, he’s grown—just incredibly lazy."
jay chuckled, shaking his head. "sounds like a handful."
"you have no idea," you replied, smirking. "but someone’s gotta take care of him."
you both shared a laugh, the walk settling into an easy rhythm again as you made it to your cars. jay leaned against his door, his eyes lingering on you in a way that was... not subtle. there was something magnetic about him, and as much as you tried to keep your cool, it was becoming harder by the second.
"well," jay said, pulling his phone from his pocket, "this was easily one of the best tours i’ve ever been on. we should do it again sometime." he flashed that devastating smile, his eyes flicking back up to yours as he scrolled casually on his screen.
"can i get your number? you know, in case i get lost tomorrow and need rescuing."
god, he’s good. you couldn’t help but laugh, pulling out your phone to exchange numbers with him. "sure. just don’t make a habit of getting lost, though."
he chuckled, tucking his phone away, his gaze still locked on you. "i’ll try my best. thanks for showing me around, y/n."
"anytime," you said, feeling lighter as you waved goodbye and headed toward your car. halfway home, you caught yourself still smiling like a fucking idiot.
by the time you finally walked through the door of your apartment, juggling bags of jungwon's favorite takeout, you were greeted by the usual sight of jungwon sprawled out on the couch, xbox controller in hand.
he glanced up, his eyes immediately landing on the food you were carrying, eyebrows raised.
"what’s the occasion?" he asked, eyeing the bags suspiciously. "you only ever get me this when something really good happens."
you grinned, setting the food on the table, still riding the high from earlier. "oh, you know... just had a great day at work."
jungwon’s eyes narrowed a little, his suspicion deepening. "a great day, huh?"
"yup," you said, kicking off your heels and digging into the food. "jay."
jungwon leaned back on the couch, trying to look indifferent. "and?"
you let out a dreamy sigh, not even noticing how his eyes sharpened slightly. "he’s amazing. like, seriously. smart, loaded, and so humble. it’s crazy. oh, and did i mention he’s hot? like, really fucking hot."
jungwon kept his face neutral, but there was a flicker of something—something dark that you didn’t catch. "sounds... great."
you continued gushing, going on about how well you and jay clicked, the subtle flirting, the easy chemistry. "and the best part? we’re gonna be working on a bunch of projects together. i think we’re gonna make a really good team."
jungwon stayed quiet, his gaze fixed on the food in front of him. "yeah, well," he finally muttered, his tone clipped, "just don’t get distracted."
you paused, mid-bite, raising an eyebrow. "distracted?"
jungwon shrugged, his eyes flicking up for the briefest moment before going back to his food. "just saying. you’ve got a lot on your plate already."
"i can handle it," you replied, brushing off his comment, "besides, it’s not like anything’s going to happen."
but even you didn’t believe that. something’s definitely going to happen. you could feel it.
jungwon didn’t respond, just grunted and focused back on the tv, clearly not wanting to continue the conversation. you shrugged it off, too caught up in the day to care.
as you sat on the couch next to him, scrolling through your phone, a familiar ping made you glance down at your screen. a message from jay.
instinctively, a smile tugged at your lips, and without thinking, you bit your lip as you read it.
jay: hope you’re not too tired from babysitting me all day. thanks again for the tour. promise i won’t get lost tomorrow... but i might just text you anyway ;)
goddamn, he was smooth. your smile widened, and before you knew it, you were already typing back.
y/n: i’ll be holding you to that ;) don’t leave me hanging.
you hit send, feeling a flutter in your chest as you tossed your phone onto the couch. you were smiling like a fucking teenager, and you knew it. but you didn’t care.
jungwon, sitting beside you, glanced over. his eyes darted to your phone, then back to your face. "who’s that?" he asked.
you shrugged, trying to play it off. "just jay. he’s funny."
jungwon hummed, eyes glued to the tv again, though you could see the way his jaw clenched. "funny, huh?"
"yeah, we were just texting about today. nothing big."
jungwon stayed silent after that, but you could feel the shift in the air. something was off. maybe it was the way he bristled every time you mentioned jay, or maybe it was how quiet he’d gotten all of a sudden.
you brushed it off, your mind too busy replaying your day with jay. but if you had looked up, if you had paid attention, you would’ve seen the way jungwon was staring at you now—intense, almost predatory.
his eyes weren’t on the tv anymore. they were fixed on you. and the way you smiled down at your phone, completely unaware, only seemed to fuel something deeper inside him.
he didn't even blink.
his expression was unreadable, but his gaze... it was burning. if only you had noticed. but you didn’t. you were too busy with jay, too caught up in the thrill of it all to feel the weight of jungwon’s stare.
a week had passed since then, and jungwon sat on the couch, leg bouncing restlessly, his eyes on the tv but not actually seeing anything.
sunghoon and jake’s laughter filled the room, their voices like nails on a chalkboard as they kept making casual comments about you and jay. every joke, every stupid jab about how much jay liked you felt like a fucking knife twisting deeper in his chest. fuck, this is hell. he couldn’t take it.
"bet jay’s got it bad for her," sunghoon’s voice cut through the air, making jungwon’s stomach twist, his blood boiling under his skin. his heart pounded in his ears, drowning out everything else. all he could focus on was the heat rising in his chest, the way his skin felt too tight.
he swallowed hard, trying to keep the rage from spilling out. “i’m going to the bathroom,” he muttered, standing up so fast the remote slipped from his hand and hit the floor with a thud.
jake and sunghoon glanced up, surprised, but jungwon didn’t wait for a response. he stormed down the hallway, steps uneven, barely holding it together.
when he reached the bathroom, he slammed the door hard enough to echo through the apartment. let them think he needed to cool off or whatever. but the bathroom wasn’t where he was headed.
you were still at work. probably with jay. fucking jay. probably talking, laughing, maybe even flirting with him. jungwon’s chest tightened at the thought, his jealousy clawing at him. he couldn’t handle it. he needed a release, needed something to calm the fire burning inside him.
so he went to your room.
his hand shook as he reached for the knob, pausing for a second to listen. jake and sunghoon were still laughing, still talking like nothing was wrong. he slipped into your room, closing the door quietly behind him.
the second he stepped inside, your scent hit him—sweet, familiar, fucking intoxicating. it wrapped around him, choking him in the best and worst way possible. his chest ached, and for a second, he thought he might actually break.
he leaned back against the door, sliding down to the floor, his head falling into his hands. he felt like he was losing his fucking mind. you. it was always you.
his heart pounded painfully, each beat a reminder of how fucked up he felt. he could barely breathe, barely think, and yet, the need to be in here—in your space—overpowered everything else. the room was exactly how you left it—clothes scattered across the bed, your hoodie tossed over the chair. but jungwon’s eyes went straight to the shelf facing your bed.
that fucking teddy bear.
it wasn’t small either—one of those carnival bears he’d won for you back then. it wasn’t huge, not one of those obnoxiously oversized ones, but big enough. bigger than a normal stuffed animal, definitely enough for you to… do what you did with it.
it sat there, innocent to anyone else, untouched, like it hadn’t been moved in months. for anyone else, it was a forgotten toy, frozen in time. but to him? it was everything.
it was the key to his obsession.
he reached for it, his fingers brushing over the soft fur, his stomach twisting with a mix of guilt and desire. he sat on the edge of your bed, gripping the bear like it was the only thing keeping him sane.
how the fuck did it get this bad? he hadn’t meant for things to spiral out of control, but now? now he was too far gone. for a moment, he just sat there, staring at the bear, knowing what he had hidden inside it. knowing the guilt that came with it.
it wasn’t just a toy anymore. it was a reminder—of what he was, of everything he had become.
his fingers tightened around 'teddy' as memories hit him, one after the other, like a train barreling through his mind. pulling him deeper into the past.
he could never forget that summer, the one after his first year of college. he had come back home, exhausted but fucking relieved to finally get a break from the chaos of school. the months away had been a blur, and honestly? he didn’t think much about you during all that time.
you were just his stepsister—at least, that’s the bullshit he kept telling himself.
he buried the memories of your pretty smile he grew fond of and how it made him feel, shoved them down deep, thinking that the distance would fix it, that it would kill whatever twisted thing was starting to grow inside him.
maybe if he just stayed away long enough, it’d disappear. but when he came back that summer, everything shifted. again. he should’ve walked away, should’ve ignored it. but curiosity clawed at him, dragged him closer, until he was standing in the doorway, peeking inside.
and what he saw? it fucked him up.
his breath hitched, heart slamming in his chest, pulse fucking skyrocketing as his eyes locked onto you. holy shit. you were on your bed, but it wasn’t just the sight of you lying there that stopped him cold. no, it was what you were doing.
his stomach twisted as he realized what was happening—you were straddling the teddy bear. that bear. the one he’d won for you years ago. but this? this wasn’t innocent, not in the way you used to cuddle it when you were younger. this was different. this was fucking worse.
you were grinding your pussy against it, hips rolling in slow, deliberate circles. his breath hitched, his heart slamming in his chest as he watched you, lost in your own pleasure, completely unaware that he was watching.
you were wearing nothing but an oversized shirt, the way your pussy rubbed against the soft fabric of the bear, slick and wet. the obscene sounds it made as you humped it—it was like watching some twisted fantasy come to life.
except this was real. you were real. and you were right in front of him. you weren’t just humping it. you were fucking it, using it like it was the only thing that could get you off.
jesus fucking christ. his mind screamed at him to look away, to shut the door, to fucking forget this. but his body didn’t listen. eyes glued to you as you rocked your hips faster, he couldn’t stop watching the way your pussy moved, the way you were so lost in it.
his throat went dry, hands shaking as he gripped the doorframe. he knew this was wrong. so fucking wrong. but he couldn’t stop. couldn’t fucking stop watching the way your hips moved, the way you were so lost in it.
that darkness—the one he thought he had buried—was creeping back in, stronger than ever, twisting his insides, making his cock swell painfully in his pants. fuck.
this wasn’t curiosity anymore. this was darker. more dangerous. you weren’t just the awkward teenager he once knew. you were a woman now—a fucking gorgeous woman—and you were doing things that set every buried desire inside him on fire.
your movements grew more desperate, hips grinding harder, your hands gripping the bear’s fur tight as you moaned louder, your jaw going slack. jungwon’s chest heaved, his breath shallow as he watched, his own arousal throbbing, making it impossible to think straight.
shit. this wasn’t supposed to happen. he wasn’t supposed to feel like this. not for you. but no matter how hard he fought it, he couldn’t tear his eyes away.
jungwon’s mind was a whirlwind of guilt, shame, and overwhelming fucking lust. his cock strained in his pants, rock hard, body betraying him in the worst fucking way possible. he could barely breathe, barely fucking think. all he could do was watch as you came undone on that bear.
he had tried to convince himself that going to college would kill this twisted attraction, that the distance would erase it. but standing there, watching you, he knew he was wrong. so fucking wrong. the obsession hadn’t disappeared. it had grown. it had festered
and that night? it reignited something in him that he couldn’t control.
from that night on, he was no longer the same.
he couldn’t stop thinking about you. couldn’t get the image of you humping that bear out of his head. the sound of your moans, the sight of your pussy grinding against that fabric—it haunted him. consumed him. and he knew, watching from a distance wasn’t going to cut it anymore.
that’s when the plan started.
it didn’t take much. just a little manipulation, some subtle planning. you never noticed. you never did. the bear—the one you fucked so carelessly—became the perfect vessel for his sick curiosity.
he made a small incision in the back, right beneath the soft fur, where it wouldn’t be visible. he slid a tiny camera inside, adjusting the angle, hiding the lens so perfectly behind it's eyes, you would never know. you never did.
and from that day forward, he watched you like he was fucking studying you. memorizing every detail. he knew what turned you on, what porn you watched when you thought you were alone, which boyfriends made you scream, which ones you hated and which ones left you wanting more.
he saw and heard it all. every. single. moment.
this wasn’t some passive hobby anymore. no, everything jungwon did was calculated. planned to perfection. he made sure he was always home, always there, watching.
he never left anything to chance. he didn’t even look for a job—couldn’t risk being away for too long. he needed to be there, needed to make sure the camera was charged, that he didn’t miss a single second of you.
he told himself it wasn’t obsession, that it was just curiosity. but deep down, he fucking knew better. this was something twisted. and jungwon had built his entire world around you without you ever realizing.
he controlled everything. and no one—not even you—would ever figure it out.
while you lived your life, thinking everything was normal, jungwon’s mind was always ten steps ahead, planning, thinking. how could he keep you in his grasp without you knowing?
and for years, it worked. you never noticed how he made sure to align his life with yours. how his schedule revolved around you. he made it look natural, casual, like he was just the laid-back stepbrother who didn’t care about shit. but the truth? it was so much darker than that.
he knew everything.
he snapped out of his memories, his eyes locking onto the bear again. that moment, that fucking night. it haunted him. the memory burned into his mind, twisting his insides like a sickness he couldn’t cure.
he stood up, legs shaky, the room suddenly feeling too small, too suffocating. it had all started so small, hadn’t it? he had convinced himself it was innocent.
just a way to keep an eye on you, make sure you were safe. that’s what he told himself when he planted the camera in the bear. back when he thought his feelings were still manageable. but that lie had crumbled a long time ago.
now, he needed to be close to you in ways that twisted his stomach and filled him with guilt so deep it kept him up at night. jungwon carefully placed the camera back inside the bear, adjusting it until it was in the perfect position. his hands were steady, but inside, he was falling apart.
he zipped it up, placing the bear back on the shelf, just like always. no matter how sick it made him, no matter how much he hated himself for this, he couldn’t stop. he needed this. he needed you in ways that fucking terrified him.
your room—it was his sanctuary when you weren’t home. the one place he could feel close to you without the crushing weight of being caught. in here, he could pretend, just for a second, that he had a part of you that no one else could touch.
it was so fucked up, and he knew it. but it was like an addiction, a need he couldn’t fucking shake. the guilt gnawed at him, but the need was stronger.
his heart twisted as his mind drifted back to you and jay. what were you two doing right now? the thought of jay touching you, making you laugh, getting close to you in ways jungwon never could—it made him feel like he was going to fucking explode.
you’re just his stepsister. he repeated the thought like a mantra, but the words were hollow, meaningless. that’s what you were supposed to be. that was the role he was supposed to play.
jungwon’s mind spiraled, pacing back and forth in your room, his footsteps soft but frantic. it was only a matter of time before jay would be here, touching you, fucking you.
and what the fuck was he supposed to do then? sit by and watch through the hidden camera? watch you fall and get fucked by someone else again?
probably.
fuck. he needed to leave. if he stayed in here any longer, he didn’t know what he’d do. the temptation was already clawing at him, the urge to take something of yours, to steal a piece of you like he had done before.
your panties, your scent—he’d stolen them, hid them away like trophies, jerked off to them countless times. but even that wasn’t enough anymore. not now. not with jay in the picture.
jay was a fucking threat. jungwon couldn’t stand it, the way you smiled when you talked about him, how your face lit up when you mentioned his name. fuck that.
jay was pulling you into a world where jungwon didn’t belong, where he couldn’t follow, and that scared the shit out of him. he was losing control, and it was driving him insane.
the watching, the sneaking, the careful fucking planning—it wasn’t enough anymore. it wasn’t keeping you close. you were slipping through his fingers, the thought of jay taking what was his, getting close to you in ways jungwon could never—fuck, it made him sick.
he shot one last look at the bear, the silent witness to his obsession, then stormed out of your room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. his breath was ragged, chest heaving as he leaned against the wall in the hallway. his heart pounded in his chest, a constant reminder of just how fucked up this had become.
he couldn’t keep living like this. the watching, the waiting, pretending it would all go away—that was bullshit, and he knew it. this obsession wasn’t something he could just bury anymore. it was eating him alive.
one day, watching wouldn’t be enough. the waiting, the creeping around behind your back—it wouldn’t satisfy the darkness inside him. he wanted more. he needed more.
and that day was coming sooner than he’d like to admit.
jungwon pushed himself off the wall, his legs shaky, mind racing, but even as he stormed down the hall, his thoughts were a jumbled mess, each one more fucked than the last. you were his. you didn’t know it yet, but you were.
jungwon reentered the living room, his footsteps heavier than usual, the weight of the shit storm in his head pulling him down with every step. he tried to shake it off, tried to act normal, but it was like a fucking itch he couldn’t scratch.
jake and sunghoon were still slouched on the couch, laughing at some inside joke, barely giving a shit about the movie playing in the background. jungwon forced a grin, slipping into the scene like nothing was wrong. like he wasn’t on the verge of snapping.
“what do you think, jungwon?” sunghoon’s voice had that edge to it, like he knew exactly what buttons to push. he always did. “you think jay’s the type to take her home, make breakfast the next morning? maybe throw in some flowers too?”
of course, they were still fucking talking about you. they just couldn't help themselves.
jungwon’s chest tightened, but he let out a forced laugh, “yeah, he seems like that kind of guy from what she tells me. real gentleman.” the words felt like they were choking him. he could barely get them out.
jake snickered, shaking his head like it was all a fucking joke. “well, at least she picked a decent guy this time.”
jungwon’s fingers twitched, every part of him screaming to shut this conversation down, but sunghoon leaned back, smirking like the asshole he was. “please. nice guys like jay? they’re hiding something. i bet he’s got some skeletons in the closet.”
jungwon clenched his jaw, forcing himself to breathe. “let her have her fun,” he muttered, his voice tight. “she’ll tell us all about it when she gets back.”
his throat burned. “anyway,” he cleared his throat, trying to sound disinterested, like the image of you and jay wasn’t tearing him apart, “fuck this, this movie’s boring as hell.” he grabbed the remote, flipping through channels without even paying attention, just needing something—anything—to drown out the thoughts in his head.
jake and sunghoon didn’t argue, their attention shifting to the tv. but jungwon wasn’t watching. he couldn’t. his mind was far from the room, far from the flashing screen in front of him. his fingers tightened around the remote, knuckles going white, but he didn’t even notice.
he hated jay. hated him with every fiber of his being. not because jay was bad. no, that would’ve been easier to deal with. jay wasn’t bad. jay was good. too fucking good. the kind of guy who could give you everything, who’d make you feel safe, who’d make you happy in ways jungwon knew he never could.
jungwon hadn’t met him yet, didn’t need to. the way you looked when you talked about him, the way your eyes lit up—that told him everything. jay wasn’t just some guy. he was the kind of threat that jungwon couldn’t fight with fists or anger. jay was the real fucking deal.
and if it came down to it—if it came down to losing you completely? jungwon didn’t give a shit about jay. fuck jay.
he’d do whatever it fucking took to keep you his.
jungwon had changed, and jake and sunghoon noticed. how could they not? he was more agitated, easily irritated, barely said a word. he wasn’t the jungwon they were used to—the one who laughed at their dumb jokes, who was always cheerful in his own quiet way.
now, he was distant, like he had a constant storm brewing under the surface. and they tried asking him what the fuck was going on, throwing out questions like breadcrumbs, but they knew better than to push too hard. jungwon didn’t like to share shit, especially when it came to whatever was messing with his head.
they tried though, casually bringing up the girl jungwon had been seeing. when they asked if it was about her, his response was clipped, a warning wrapped in frustration. “it’s not about her. drop it,” he snapped, and they did. they loved him enough to not push.
instead, they did what they could. they showed up, more often than usual, hanging around the flat as much as possible. not enough to make it obvious that they were worried, but enough to remind him they were there.
jungwon didn’t tell them to fuck off, which said a lot. normally, when jungwon was fine, he didn’t need their company—he’d barely ask for it. but now? he tolerated it, and that meant he needed them, even if he’d never admit it.
the flat buzzed with the usual noise—jake and sunghoon arguing over takeout, the tv humming in the background—but jungwon felt none of it. all he could think about was you, and how the fuck you weren’t home yet.
“die hard never gets old,” jake waved his pizza slice like it was some declaration worth fighting over. “perfect movie for a night like this."
sunghoon rolled his eyes, slumping further into the couch. “bro, we’ve watched that shit like a hundred times. can we please pick something without bruce fucking willis?”
jungwon’s grip tightened on the remote, fingers pressing way too hard into the buttons as he scrolled through movie options, but he wasn’t seeing any of it. his thoughts were on you, and where the hell you were.
“so, is y/n out with her new bestie jay again?” jake asked, grinning as he exaggerated the air quotes around bestie. “she’s been spending a lot of time with him lately, huh?”
yeah, jungwon thought bitterly. too much fucking time.
“probably,” jungwon muttered, his eyes glued to the tv, even though nothing on the screen registered. his jaw was tight, teeth clenched to the point it felt like one would crack. “they’ve been working on a lot of projects together.”
“projects, huh?” sunghoon snorted, sarcasm dripping from every word. “sounds like he’s working on more than just projects.”
jake laughed, nudging jungwon with his elbow like this was all one big fucking joke. “yeah, come on, man. you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed how close they’re getting.”
jungwon wanted to punch the grin right off his face, but he forced out a dry, humorless laugh instead. “it’s just work,” he said, voice tight, strained, like he was choking on the words. “she’s focused on her career.”
he wanted them to shut the fuck up. every word out of their mouths felt like nails on a chalkboard, scraping against the frayed edges of his control. jake and sunghoon never knew when to quit, always teasing, always pushing. and the more they talked about you and jay, the darker his thoughts got.
jake smirked, leaning back like he wasn’t stirring shit. “focused on work? nah, she’s focused on him,” he teased, tossing his pizza crust aside. “i’ve seen the way she smiles when she talks about him. it’s different, bro. you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”
of course, i’ve fucking noticed. jungwon thought, his insides twisting, but he couldn’t say that. couldn’t admit how much it was killing him.
“she’s just happy, okay?” jungwon snapped, the words coming out sharper than he intended. his frustration bled through, cracking the mask he’d been holding up. as soon as the words were out, he regretted them.
sunghoon raised an eyebrow at jungwon’s outburst. “damn, man, relax. we’re just messing with you.” jake and sunghoon exchanged a glance—one of those silent, knowing looks that meant they were both thinking the same thing.
“dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?” jake finally asked, leaning forward on the couch, his eyes narrowing at jungwon. there was no bite in his tone, just concern.
sunghoon, who had been lounging with his feet kicked up, straightened in his seat, nodding in agreement. “yeah, man. is something going on?”
jungwon sighed, his grip on the remote loosening as he tried to shake off the weight sitting heavy on his chest. he didn’t want to talk about it—didn’t even know how to—but he could feel their eyes on him, waiting, and for once, he couldn’t just brush it off.
“nothing’s wrong,” he muttered, voice flat, forcing a smile that felt like it could crack his face. “just been tired, you know?”
“bullshit,” jake said, calling him out instantly, his eyes narrowing further. “come on, don’t pull that tired card again. we’re not idiots. what’s really going on?”
jungwon let out a long, shaky breath, trying to play it off, but it was like a dam about to break. his fingers ran through his hair, tugging slightly as he avoided their stares. “it’s nothing,” he repeated, quieter this time, trying to convince himself more than anyone else.
and then sunghoon said it. the thing.
“is this about jay?”
it was like someone had punched him in the gut, knocking the air from his lungs. his jaw clenched so hard he thought it might snap. jake and sunghoon didn’t say anything for a moment, but that silence said everything.
jake and sunghoon exchanged another look, this time laced with humor—light, teasing. they understood what this was about, but in their usual fashion, they weren’t about to get too serious.
“so... you’re jealous,” jake said, grinning like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“yeah,” sunghoon added, “you’re scared jay’s gonna steal her away from you.”
jungwon’s lips twitched into a half-hearted smile despite himself. steal her away from me. they made it sound so simple, like it wasn’t this all-consuming thing eating at him day and night. but hearing it put like that, it almost made him feel better.
“oh, please,” jake smirked, leaning back into the couch, “as if jay stands a chance when sunghoon and i are here.”
sunghoon barked out a laugh, nodding. “exactly. y/n’s just wasting time with him until she realizes we’re the real deal.”
“you’re both idiots,” he muttered, shaking his head, but there was a small, genuine smile pulling at his lips now. it wasn’t much, but it was enough to ground him.
“so?” jake started, his grin widening, “you want us to sweep y/n off her feet? we could totally make it happen. bet she’d love to be spoiled by us.”
jungwon’s expression darkened for a second, but he played it off with a smirk. hiding how much it really fucked him up inside. “yeah? go ahead. i’d rather you two fuck her than let jay get his hands on her.”
the room fell into dead silence. jake and sunghoon both froze, staring at jungwon like he’d just said the most unhinged shit they’d ever heard. their eyes went wide, exchanging glances like they weren’t sure if he was fucking serious or just fucking around.
“what the fuck, dude?” jake raised an eyebrow, laughing awkwardly but still trying to figure out if jungwon was for real. “you can’t be serious.”
sunghoon looked just as thrown off, his brows furrowing like he wasn’t sure what to make of the whole situation. “yeah, man, that’s... kind of fucked up.”
jungwon just chuckled lowly, leaning back against the couch, acting like it didn’t bother him. “what? you guys haven’t thought about it? with all the shit you say about her?” his eyes flicked between them, sharp, like he was daring them to admit something.
jake and sunghoon shifted, clearly uncomfortable, glancing at each other for a second too long. and that was all jungwon needed to know.
“come on,” jungwon pressed, narrowing his eyes, “you’re telling me you’ve never thought about fucking her?”
sunghoon cleared his throat, his eyes darting away, and jake rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly looking anywhere but at jungwon.
“well, i mean... we’ve joked about it,” jake finally muttered, trying to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal, “but we never... you know, took it seriously. she’s your sister, dude.”
jungwon laughed, but there was no humor in it. “right.”
“yeah, we never actually meant we’d... you know,” sunghoon added, looking like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin.
jungwon’s smirk stayed plastered on his face, but his eyes were dark, and they both knew they’d crossed into territory that felt too fucking dangerous. but jungwon couldn’t stop pushing it.
he needed them to feel as fucking uncomfortable as he did. maybe then they'd keep their mouths shut, and for the love of god try not to mention jay.
“relax,” he muttered, leaning back again, trying to appear calm. “i know you’re just talk. probably couldn’t handle her anyway.”
jake forced a laugh, trying to lighten the mood, but it came out shaky. “yeah, well, maybe she’d eat us alive. guess we’ll never know.”
“yeah,” sunghoon chimed in, trying to keep things from spiraling further, “we’ll leave y/n to the real men, huh?”
he gave his friends a half-hearted grin, pretending like their banter had actually lifted his mood. but as the conversation moved on, their laughter filling the room, jungwon stayed silent, his mind spiraling back to the same thought that had been plaguing him for weeks.
he just wanted you home.
and no amount of jokes or cocky smiles could change that.
as he stared at the TV, barely registering the movie playing in front of him, he missed the quick look between jake and sunghoon—a brief exchange of glances, almost like a shared secret.
it went unnoticed by jungwon, buried beneath his own frustration, his jealousy too loud to hear anything else.
the frustration still buzzed under your skin as you leaned against jay’s car, the harsh fluorescent lights in the parking lot flickering overhead like they were mocking your mood. today had been a fucking disaster, all because your boss had to lose his shit over something as stupid as a font.
“can you believe that prick?” you huffed, running your fingers through your hair, still feeling the burn of irritation. “who the fuck cares about a font?”
jay chuckled, but you caught the edge in his eyes, the same frustration simmering beneath that calm, easygoing mask he always wore.
“yeah, the man’s got a real talent for missing the point,” he muttered, arms crossed, leaning back against his car like he wasn’t two seconds away from snapping himself.
he always had this way of looking like everything was under control, even when you both wanted to set the office on fire. “but fuck it, we crushed it. and honestly? he can go fuck himself.”
you let out a sharp laugh, tension easing off your shoulders just a little. jay always had that effect, making the shittiest days feel like they weren’t so bad when he was around. and even though you could tell he was just as pissed, he never let it show. it was... comforting, somehow.
god, he’s good, you thought, watching the way he managed to keep his cool when you were one bad comment away from throwing your laptop across the room.
“you’re better than me,” you said, your voice softening without meaning to. “i would’ve lost it in there.”
he shrugged, giving you a small, crooked smile. “just trying to keep the peace. doesn’t mean i’m not pissed.” his eyes flicked to yours, something darker in his gaze before he pushed off the car, a subtle shift in the air.
you glanced at your watch, realizing how late it was. fuck. jungwon was probably at home by now, waiting for you. the thought brought a flicker of guilt to your chest, but before you could get too lost in it, jay’s voice cut through your thoughts.
“hey,” he said, voice casual, but with an edge of something more. “wanna grab a drink? we deserve it after today.”
you blinked, a little caught off guard. “you sure? it’s late, and i didn’t peg you as the greasy takeout and beer type.”
jay grinned, that playful spark lighting up his eyes. “who said anything about greasy? i know a spot. nothing too fancy, just... chill.”
you raised a brow, skeptical. “knowing you, ‘chill’ could mean anything. i’m half-expecting a place that charges for air.”
he laughed, leaning in slightly, his voice dropping a bit. “trust me. you’ll like it.”
you hesitated for a second, but fuck it—you could use a drink. after the shitshow of a day you’d had, spending more time with jay wasn’t exactly a bad idea either.
you slid into his car, the leather cool against your skin as you let out a tired sigh. jay kept things light, cracking jokes that had you laughing and forgetting why you were so pissed in the first place. he had that way about him, making everything feel easier, like nothing was a big deal when you were with him.
when you pulled up to the restaurant, your jaw almost hit the floor.
“chaconne?” you half-laughed, staring at the chandeliers, the valet parking, and people walking in wearing designer shit like it was a casual tuesday. “you said ‘pretty chill,’ not... this.”
jay smirked, clearly enjoying your reaction. “it’s not that bad. come on.”
you smacked his arm lightly as you stepped out of the car, rolling your eyes. “i would’ve been fine with some dive bar and burgers, you know.”
he laughed, guiding you inside. “yeah, but you deserve more than that. trust me.”
and, there it was again—something about the way he said that, the way he looked at you. it wasn’t just friendly anymore. it felt... intentional.
the second you stepped inside, the low hum of conversation and soft glow of chandeliers wrapped around you. this place was fancy, no doubt, and you felt a little out of place in your office attire.
but jay? he looked like he belonged here, pulling out a chair for you with a smoothness that made your stomach flip.
“this is too much,” you muttered, sitting down. “do they charge by chandelier?”
jay chuckled, sitting across from you, and for a second, something in his eyes softened in a way that made your chest tighten. “seriously, stop. you deserve it. this is my treat.”
you tried to shake off the warmth spreading through you, but it was hard to ignore. jay had always been sweet, always thoughtful, but tonight? there was something different in the way he looked at you. something heavier.
the banter flowed easily as it always did, jokes and sarcasm bouncing between you two like normal, but every time his knee brushed yours under the table, whether it was on purpose or not, you felt it. every glance, every smile, felt like a little spark that you weren’t sure what to do with.
it wasn’t just the food or the wine—it was him. the way he leaned in just a little closer when he talked, this wasn’t the usual flirtation you were used to with him. this felt... deliberate.
and as you sipped your wine, pretending not to notice the way jay’s eyes flicked down to your lips, you couldn’t help but wonder where the night was heading.
“what?” you asked, catching him watching you again as you set your glass down, trying to keep your voice steady.
jay leaned back in his chair, that familiar cocky smirk on his lips. “nothing,” he said, voice low, teasing. “just thinking... this might be the best idea i’ve had all week.”
you raised an eyebrow, trying to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat. “taking me to an overpriced restaurant? yeah, real genius.”
he chuckled, his eyes darkening just a little. “no... spending more time with you.”
“are you flirting with me?” you teased, trying to keep it light, but your voice was softer now, your pulse picking up.
jay’s lips twitched, and for a second, his eyes dropped to your lips again before snapping back up. “maybe i am.”
you swallowed, the tension between you both thick enough to cut. “and here i thought you were a gentleman,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper now.
his smirk deepened. “i am,” he murmured, leaning in just a little more. “but you’re making it hard to stay one.”
the heat in your chest spread lower, and you shifted in your seat, trying to stay composed. “well, then maybe you should stop teasing.”
jay’s gaze flickered to your lips again, his voice dropping even lower. “maybe i don’t want to.”
the conversation flowed easily all night, a smooth back-and-forth, laughter filling the space between you and jay as the wine worked its magic, loosening the edge that had been hanging over you both.
you talked about everything—your turn-offs, shitty relationships, future plans—stuff you wouldn’t usually share with anyone. but with jay? it was easy. too easy.
“i was such a troublemaker back in the day,” jay confessed, laughing as he played with the rim of his wine glass, his fingers tapping lightly against the smooth surface. “got myself into some crazy shit before i finally realized i had to get my act together.”
you leaned in, grinning at him, already intrigued. “oh yeah? what happened? what made jay park, the legend, finally decide to get his shit together?”
he smirked, his eyes glinting with something darker, something playful as he met your gaze head-on. “had to step up. couldn’t be a a kid forever, right?”
you cocked your head to the side, teasing. “so, what? you’re a responsible troublemaker now?”
jay chuckled, fingers tracing the rim of his glass as his gaze lingered on you. “something like that.”
you could feel the wine starting to hit, your cheeks flushed, your body a little warmer than before, and you knew he’d noticed too. his eyes kept flicking over your face, taking in the flush on your skin under the dim light of the restaurant, like he was seeing you differently tonight.
“so,” you started, leaning forward just a little, a playful glint in your eye. “how much do you actually make, mr. responsible troublemaker?”
he didn’t answer right away, and you saw that smirk of his slowly curl back onto his lips. it was a power move, a playful one that had you shifting in your seat, wondering how long he was gonna drag this out.
he finally looked up, tapping his finger against his chin, pretending to be deep in thought. “hmm, let me think…”
you rolled your eyes, laughing lightly as you leaned back, trying to keep it casual. “come on, don’t edge me like that.”
jay’s eyes flashed with something darker for just a split second, but he quickly covered it with a chuckle, raising an eyebrow at you. “edging you? didn’t know i was doing anything special.”
the heat in your face rose, but you didn’t back down. the tension between you was thick, a game you weren’t sure you could win, but fuck it—you were in too deep now.
“yeah, well, you’re doing a pretty good job of it,” you say suggestively.
jay’s smirk widened, his gaze sharpening as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. “am i now? didn’t realize you were so impatient.”
you crossed your legs under the table, hoping he didn’t notice how tightly your thighs pressed together at his words, at the way your body was reacting to every little thing he was saying.
“i’m not impatient,” you replied, your voice a little breathier than you intended. “just curious. you’ve been holding out on me all night.”
his gaze dropped to your lips for just a second, almost too fast to catch, but it was enough to send your stomach flipping.
he leaned in closer, his voice dropping lower, his words wrapping around you like a caress. “maybe i’m just enjoying watching you squirm.”
the way he looked at you—like he wanted to eat you alive, like he was holding back on purpose—it took everything in you not to lose your composure completely.
“careful,” you murmured, your voice soft but laced with a challenge. “you might regret teasing me.”
jay leaned back in his chair, still relaxed, still in control, but the air between you was charged, heavy with something neither of you could ignore. “i doubt i’d regret it,” he said, his smile too knowing, too cocky. “besides, you look good when you’re flustered.”
you swallowed hard, trying to keep your cool, but the way his words slid into the space between you made it impossible to ignore the heat pooling low in your stomach.
he knew exactly what he was doing to you.
“you’re trouble, park,” you muttered, though your words lacked any real bite. truth was, you didn’t want him to stop. not even close.
jay grinned, his eyes glinting with that same playful, almost dangerous edge as he took another sip of his wine. “you have no idea.”
jay was still being a gentleman—technically, he wasn’t crossing any lines—but the way he spoke to you, the way he looked at you, it was enough to leave your pussy throbbing under the table.
by the time the night ended, and jay walked you out, his hand lightly resting on the small of your back, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted between you. and as you glanced up at him, catching the way his eyes lingered on yours, you knew you weren’t the only one feeling it.
you both stumbled up the stairs, giggles slipping out of you as jay’s hand stayed firmly on your back, warm and steady. no elevators, just endless steps, and the alcohol running through your veins made everything seem a little funnier than it should have been.
“god,” you slurred through your laughter, grabbing jay’s arm to steady yourself. “you’d think after living here for years, i’d be used to this.”
jay chuckled despite the mess of the night. “you’ve survived this long. i think you’ll make it.”
when your apartment finally came into view, you reached for your keys, but the loud shouts and bursts of laughter hit you first. you groaned, already knowing exactly who it was.
“shit,” you sighed, leaning into jay with a grin that felt more playful than exasperated. “jake and sunghoon are here. they’re probably playing that stupid horror game again.”
jay raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips. “you didn’t mention they’d be here.”
you shrugged, pushing the door open a little. “they’re harmless. might as well introduce you before they scare you off.”
quietly, you pushed the door open, jay trailing behind. the scene inside was chaotic—snacks scattered, empty cans thrown all over the place, the three boys huddled around the screen, completely lost in the game.
jake and sunghoon were yelling, clearly losing, while jungwon sat in the middle, eyes glued to the screen, fingers gripping the controller so tight his knuckles turned white. his jaw was locked, brows furrowed in concentration.
but the second his eyes flicked over to you, his grip tightened even more, and his pulse quickened as he took in the sight of your flushed cheeks, the tipsy smile that played on your lips. you looked fucking gorgeous.
“heyyy,” you giggled, stepping fully inside and waving dramatically at the guys. jake turned first, his grin wide and teasing as soon as he saw you.
“oh, look who’s back,” jake said, leaning back against the couch, voice dripping with amusement. “knew you’d be tipsy by now.”
sunghoon glanced over, laughing as well. “you look like you had one hell of a time.”
you pushed the door open wider, and that’s when all their attention shifted to jay standing behind you. jungwon felt his stomach drop, a cold knot forming in his chest. he didn’t need you to introduce him. he knew exactly who this guy was.
jay.
with a smooth smile, jay raised a hand in greeting. “hey, nice to meet you guys.”
jake and sunghoon exchanged quick, surprised glances, their tipsy minds catching up slower than usual. but they jumped up to greet him anyway, stumbling over themselves.
“hey, man!” jake practically shouted, extending his hand for a firm handshake. “nice to meet you.”
sunghoon followed right after, shaking his head with a grin. “yeah, didn’t know y/n had friends outside of work,” he teased, shaking jay’s hand too.
but jungwon? he was slower. more deliberate. his eyes stayed glued to you, even as he stood up, forcing himself to extend a hand to jay. his mind raced, trying to make sense of it all. this was the guy.
“nice to finally meet you,” jungwon said, his voice tight, the grip of his handshake firmer than it needed to be. “she wouldn’t shut up about you.”
there was a sharp edge to his words, but jay didn’t seem to catch it. he just laughed, throwing a glance in your direction. “oh yeah? she talks about me?”
jungwon forced a smirk, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “yeah, mostly about how fucking loaded you are.”
your face flushed with embarrassment, and you quickly nudged jungwon’s side, laughing awkwardly. “he’s exaggerating,” you muttered. “i didn’t say that much.”
jay chuckled, leaning in a little closer. “don’t worry. i’m flattered.”
he was too smooth. way too smooth. and the way you lit up every time he spoke? it was obvious. jay really wasn’t just some guy. all the anxiety he felt, made sense. he wasn't overthinking it, he wasn't being paranoid. jay was a bigger problem than he thought.
jungwon sat back down on the couch, fists clenched in his lap as jake and sunghoon dragged jay over, introducing him to the mess of their night. but jungwon couldn’t focus on their chatter, or the chaos of the room.
all he could see was you. standing there, flushed, tipsy, looking too fucking good for your own good.
you sat beside jungwon, wrapping your arms around him in a playful hug like you always did. “this is jungwon,” you said, smiling up at him with that same affection. “my brother.”
brother. right.
jungwon forced a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. if it were just the two of you, he’d be teasing you right now, making fun of how tipsy you were, how clingy you got when you were drunk. but with jay watching, he had to play it cool. had to pretend like everything was fine.
“yeah,” jungwon said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “she talks about you all the time. couldn’t get her to shut up about how great you are.”
jay smiled, unfazed, clearly amused by the whole thing. “well, i’ll take that as a compliment.”
you groaned, swatting at jungwon’s arm. “why do you have to make it weird, won?”
but jungwon barely heard you. his eyes were glued to you—the way your shirt had come undone, your hair a mess from the night out, your skirt riding up just a little too high.
you looked like a fucking dream. and jay was seeing it, too. he could tell by the way jay’s eyes lingered on you, by the subtle shift in his smile.
jungwon’s fists tightened in his lap, and for a split second, he thought about saying something, anything to get you away from jay. but he didn’t. instead, he sat back, pretending like he didn’t care, like he always did.
the conversation flowed around him, jake and sunghoon going back and forth with jay, throwing questions at him about work, life, plans—shit jungwon couldn’t give a fuck about. every now and then, he’d force himself to chime in, all for the sake of keeping up appearances.
“so, jay,” jake asked, leaning in like they were old friends, a grin plastered across his face, “any big plans after this project with y/n?”
jay shrugged, his eyes flicking toward you for a second, and the way his gaze softened made jungwon want to punch something. “we’ve got a few more campaigns lined up, keeping us busy, but we’re handling it. y/n’s been great to work with.”
of course you’ve been great. “yeah, she’s an asset,” he muttered, the words sharp and bitter.
you shot jay a warm smile, and the look in your eyes, that soft admiration, twisted the knife deeper. “he’s just being modest,” you said, your voice quiet but full of gratitude. “i’ve learned a lot from him.”
jungwon couldn’t fucking stand it. the way you looked at jay like he hung the stars in the sky, like he was something special.
the conversation dragged on for a few more minutes, jay playing the perfect gentleman, but all jungwon could focus on was the way you seemed to gravitate toward him, like the room wasn’t big enough to keep the distance.
then, you glanced at the clock, realizing how late it had gotten. “shit,” you muttered, standing up a little too quickly, swaying on your feet, tipsy from the wine. “i should probably go to bed.”
jay was on his feet instantly, his hand on your arm, steadying you before you could even stumble. “you okay?”
“yeah, just… tipsy,” you laughed, brushing it off like it was nothing. but jungwon saw it. the way jay looked at you, warm. protective. everything jungwon wanted to be for you.
jungwon stayed silent as he watched you lean into jay, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. every time you smiled at him, every time you let yourself get a little too close, jungwon felt his patience wearing thin.
“i’ll walk you to your room,” jay offered, his voice soft, like it was some grand fucking gesture. and you, tipsy and flustered, nodded, grateful.
jungwon didn’t say a word. he stood there, stiff, watching as you and jay made your way toward the hall. every part of him screamed to do something, to stop you, to pull you away from jay and tell you to stay. to tell you that it should’ve been him walking you to your room, not jay.
but he didn’t. he just forced a small, tight smile, pretending like he wasn’t falling apart inside as he watched you leave with someone else.
“she’s in good hands, man,” sunghoon said after a beat, breaking the silence, giving jungwon a look that was far too knowing for his liking. “jay seems solid.”
“yeah,” jungwon muttered, his voice barely audible, barely able to form the words. “i’m sure she is.”
but deep down, all he could think about was how badly he wished it was him. he wanted to be the one you trusted, the one you leaned on when you were tipsy and unsteady. the one you turned to when you needed someone.
the one you chose.
as jay walked you down the hallway, his hand resting lightly on the small of your back, you could feel the warmth of his touch seeping through your skin, making your body hum under his fingers.
everything around you feeling lighter, easier, thanks to the alcohol still buzzing in your system. “first time getting walked to my damn room,” you mumbled, a grin pulling at your lips. “so... proper.”
jay chuckled, his voice low and smooth, sending a shiver down your spine. “someone’s gotta make sure you get there in one piece,” he teased, his hand lingering on your back, staying there a little longer than necessary.
you rolled your eyes, stumbling slightly as you caught yourself with his help, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks. “oh, please. i’ve lived here forever. pretty sure i could find my way blindfolded.”
jay smirked, steadying you with that familiar, calm touch, leaning in a little closer, his breath warm against your ear. “you sure about that? i'm pretty sure you almost face-planted into that wall.”
you laughed, swatting at his chest, “okay, maybe i’m a little more drunk than i thought.”
the laughter faded as you both reached your door, the air between you thickening, tension slowly building. jay’s hand slipped away from your back, but his eyes stayed glued to yours. he took a step back, just enough to let the moment breathe, but you could still feel him, that pull between you two impossible to ignore.
“you good?” he asked softly, his voice losing some of the teasing, dropping into something more intimate, more real.
you nodded, biting your lip as warmth spread through your chest, not just from the wine, but from the way he was looking at you. “yeah... thanks for tonight. i had a good time.”
jay smiled, his gaze flicking down to your lips for the briefest second before he met your eyes again. “me too,” he murmured, his voice low, like he was sharing a secret with you. “i’m glad we did this.”
you swallowed, the weight of the moment settling in your chest, and then—your tipsy brain decided to cut through the tension. “okay, mister proper,” you teased, though your voice was a little more breathless than you intended, “this is where you leave me.”
jay ran a hand through his hair, stepping back a little, but his eyes never left yours. “right. wouldn’t want to ruin my perfect gentleman streak.”
you laughed, but the heat between you hadn’t gone anywhere. “goodnight, jay.”
“goodnight, y/n,” he said softly, and with one last look, he turned and started walking down the hallway, leaving you standing there, heart still racing in your chest.
you watched him go, and just as he reached the corner, something inside you stirred—nerves, excitement, you weren’t sure—but before you could stop yourself, you called out, “wait, jay?”
he stopped, turning back to you, that easy smile tugging at his lips again. “yeah?”
you hesitated, the wine still making you a little bolder than usual. “you’re not just leaving like that, are you?”
jay raised an eyebrow, his smile turning more playful, more curious. “what, you miss me already?”
you rolled your eyes, but the warmth in your chest only grew. “maybe,” you teased, leaning against the doorframe, trying to keep it light, “just wasn’t expecting you to... leave so fast.”
jay started making his way back toward you, his hands slipping into his pockets, his eyes locked on yours as he stopped just a few steps away. “well, you did say ‘goodnight,’” he pointed out, his smirk still there, confident and infuriating.
you bit your lip, feeling a sudden wave of self-consciousness, but you pushed through it, “yeah, but i didn’t mean, like, leave-leave.” your voice trailed off slightly as you glanced down, heat rising in your cheeks. “i just... i really had fun tonight. thanks for... everything.”
jay took another step closer, his voice dropping even lower, that same calm, comforting tone. “it was my pleasure. i had a great time too, y/n. honestly.”
you looked up at him, and there it was again—that feeling. the butterflies in your stomach, the way he was standing so close that you could feel the warmth radiating off him.
“so...” you started, your voice a little shaky, “i guess, uh... i’ll see you tomorrow?”
jay inhaled deeply, his smile still there but a little more restrained. “yeah,” he said softly, “i’ll see you tomorrow.”
for a second, you were sure he might lean in, that the night was about to take a different turn. but then jay stepped back, just enough to let the moment hang in the air, unresolved. “we’ll leave it at that... for now.”
then, without another word, he turned, walking down the hallway with a quiet confidence that left you breathless. he didn’t look back, leaving you standing there, heart pounding, mind spinning.
leave it at that, for now. the words replayed in your mind, a promise, a pause in the inevitable. it left you wondering—not if—but when something more might happen.
the sound of the front door closing echoed through the quiet apartment, sealing the night behind you. faint murmurs of jay saying his goodbyes to the boys lingered, but they felt distant, drowned out by the racing pulse in your chest.
once you made it to your room, the door clicking shut behind you, you exhaled a long breath, one you hadn’t realized you’d been holding onto for so long. everything from the evening hung in the air—every glance, every word exchanged between you and jay, replaying in your mind like a highlight reel.
“oh my god,” you muttered under your breath, feeling the heat rise to your face as a smile broke across your lips. and then, without warning, a giggle slipped out.
you tried covering your mouth with your hands, but it was no use—the excitement bubbling up inside you couldn’t be contained.
before you knew it, another laugh escaped, louder this time, and suddenly you were bouncing on your bed, your body moving purely from the rush of joy flooding your veins.
jay liked you. or at the very least, there was something there, something undeniable. the realization hit you all at once, and it sent another wave of excitement straight through you.
you collapsed onto your bed, sinking into the pillows with a grin you couldn’t wipe away if you tried.
“what the hell just happened?” you whispered, staring up at the ceiling, still in disbelief at how the night had played out. hugging a pillow to your chest, you giggled again, feeling the thrill of possibility wrapping around you like a blanket.
everything about tonight felt different. special. like it was the start of something you weren’t ready to name, but you could feel it growing. rolling onto your side, you clutched the pillow tighter, another quiet laugh slipping out.
“i can’t believe that just happened,” you mumbled, still grinning like you were in some sort of dream, your mind racing with the memory of jay’s lingering touches, the way he looked at you, the way his words felt like they held a secret just for you.
as you lay there, thoughts kept drifting back to him—how easy it was being around him tonight, how much fun you had together, how different it felt from every other time you’d seen him at work. tonight was different, you could feel it.
something between the two of you had changed, and you knew that tomorrow, things wouldn’t be the same.
jungwon sat slumped on the couch, his eyes glued to the tv, the images blurred together, meaningless noise in the background of his thoughts. jay had left a while ago, but the tension in jungwon’s chest hadn’t gone anywhere.
he absentmindedly reached into a bag of stale chips, shoving another one in his mouth, but it tasted like cardboard. his mind was too busy replaying every interaction between you and jay, over and over, like some sick movie he couldn’t turn off.
jake and sunghoon were still chatting, their voices fading as the night wore on. they’d been talking about marvel movies, but jungwon hadn’t really been listening. he felt like his brain was overheating.
sunghoon stretched out lazily on the couch, his voice heavy with sleep. “so... jay. dude seems solid, huh? i don't think you should worry about y/n too much.”
jake groaned, half-asleep already, tossing a pillow over his head. “he’s cool, but man, too tired for this shit. let’s talk tomorrow.” his words were muffled, barely coherent as he drifted closer to sleep.
jungwon’s grip tightened on the chip bag, the plastic crinkling under his fingers. he wanted to tell them to shut the hell up, to stop talking about jay like it was no big deal. but he stayed quiet, shoving another tasteless chip in his mouth, chewing mechanically.
sunghoon, still awake, glanced over at jungwon with a lazy smirk. “but don’t you think it’s weird? like, he just shows up out of nowhere, and now he’s all over y/n?”
the comment made jungwon’s stomach churn but he kept his mouth shut. he didn’t trust himself to speak without losing it.
jake, half-conscious now, mumbled from under the pillow, “y/n’s a big girl. she knows what she’s doing. jay’s just a guy.”
just a guy. jungwon swallowed the lump in his throat, forcing down the bile that was rising. he wanted to scream, to throw something, to do anything to stop feeling like this.
“he’s not just some guy,” jungwon muttered under his breath, the words slipping out before he could stop them. he wasn’t even sure if sunghoon or jake had heard him.
but sunghoon had. he turned his head slightly, raising an eyebrow at jungwon. “what was that?”
jungwon sighed, trying to play it off, forcing himself to sound casual. “nothing. just... hope he’s not wasting her time.”
sunghoon yawned, stretching again, his eyelids heavy. “nah, y/n’s smart. she’ll figure it out.”
jungwon glanced at jake, who had passed out completely, limbs sprawled out across the couch. sunghoon wasn’t far behind, his head nodding as sleep pulled him under.
but jungwon couldn’t sleep. his mind wouldn’t shut off. with a deep sigh, jungwon stood up, tossing the half-empty chip bag onto the coffee table. the quiet hum of the fridge filled the flat as he made his way to the kitchen. he grabbed two beers, the cool metal of the cans grounding him, if only for a second.
as he walked back toward his room, he passed by your door. he slowed down, his eyes lingering on it. were you still awake? were you thinking about jay right now? the thought made his chest tighten, but he forced himself to keep walking, pushing open the door to his own room.
he dropped into his chair, cracking open the beer with a sharp hiss. he took a long swig, hoping the alcohol would numb the gnawing ache in his gut. he booted up his computer, needing a distraction, something to take his mind off everything.
but the second the screen flickered to life, his stomach dropped.
there it was—the live feed from the camera he’d hidden in your room. his eyes locked onto the screen, guilt and shame flooding his body in an instant.
but he doesn't look away.
jungwon sat frozen, staring at the screen like it was some sort of punishment he couldn’t escape from. there you were, sitting on your bed, bathed in the soft glow of your bedside lamp, phone in hand, giggling quietly to yourself.
you looked so fucking happy. too happy. your fingers moved quickly over the phone, typing, pausing now and then to laugh softly, lips curling into that familiar smile. the smile he knew wasn’t for him.
jungwon took another long swig of his beer, trying to drown out the jealousy gnawing at him, but like everything else, it didn’t help. nothing ever did.
he set the beer down, fingers curling into tight fists as he watched you. part of him wanted to slam the laptop shut but he needed to know who you were texting, though he could already guess it by now.
his breath caught as you suddenly sat up, that same damn smile spreading across your face. the eagerness in your movements sent a wave of dread crashing over him.
what the fuck was happening?
you stood in front of your mirror, fixing your hair, smoothing out your clothes. jungwon watched you, his grip on the mouse tightening. you hadn’t even been home an hour and you were already getting ready to talk to jay again? seriously?
it was hard enough seeing you with jay earlier, but now—now you were about to do a video call, giggling like some lovesick teenager.
you glanced at your phone, then plopped back onto your bed, adjusting yourself, fluffing your hair, making sure everything was just right. jungwon’s heart sank. he knew that look all too well.
it was all for jay.
he couldn’t tear his eyes away, watching as you picked up your phone again, smiling at whatever message popped up on the screen. then, through the speakers, he heard it—your voice.
"miss me already?" you said, laughter filled the room, and jungwon felt his chest tighten.
of course.
the beer can in his hand crumpled slightly under the pressure of his grip, but he didn’t care. every muscle in his body was wound tight, ready to snap. he listened, jaw clenched, as jay’s voice crackled through the speakers, muffled but clear enough to set jungwon’s blood boiling.
“just got home,” jay’s voice said, casual, like none of this was fucking with jungwon’s head. “first time on a video call, huh? can’t believe we’ve never done this before.”
your eyes sparkled as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, settling into the bed, completely unaware of the storm brewing in the next room.
“yeah, kinda weird but fun,” you replied, your voice light, carefree. “guess there’s a first for everything.”
the conversation between you and jay flowed easily, his voice seeping through the speakers like poison as you both planned to meet up again. jungwon could barely breathe as he listened to you suggest the weekend.
“maybe we can do something... just us,” jay’s voice came through, warm and smooth.
just us. jay wasn’t just a passing interest. he was already staking his claim, like jungwon didn’t even exist.
then you teased, your voice dropping to a playful tone, the kind you only used when you were comfortable with someone. “is it the alcohol, or are you actually obsessed with me, jay?”
jay chuckled, his voice lower now, raspier. probably from exhaustion, probably because he was thinking about you. “oh, you caught me. totally obsessed. can’t stop thinking about you.”
you bit your lip, a small smile playing on your lips. fuck, you were glowing. you were eating this shit up. “well, you do seem to be sticking around,” you teased, enjoying every second of it.
jungwon’s stomach churned. he could see it all over your face—how much you were enjoying this. how much jay was getting under your skin, in ways that no one else ever had.
then, you took it further. “if i’m so special, you’d break your gentlemanly streak.”
jungwon could hear the playful edge in jay’s voice as he responded. “is this why you called? you wanted me to stay over, didn’t you?”
your laugh was soft, but jungwon could see the way you bit your lip, see how flustered you were getting. “i don’t know. you tell me.”
jungwon’s fist slammed down on the desk before he even realized it, the sharp thud breaking the moment. his entire body shook with the effort of holding back, his chest heaving as anger twisted inside him. the beer can crumpled completely in his hand, but he didn’t care. his focus was on you—on what was happening right in front of him.
this was worse than anything. worse than any of your exes. because with jay, it wasn’t just physical. jay was pulling you in, wrapping you around his fucking finger, and jungwon couldn’t do shit about it.
your head snapped up at the sudden noise, your smile faltering as you glanced toward jungwon’s room. “what was that?” you asked, the unease creeping into your voice, pulling you out of the moment with jay.
on the screen, jay raised an eyebrow, concern flickering in his eyes. “everything okay?” he asked, his voice soft, probing, like he could sense something was off.
you forced a smile, waving it off, though the tension lingered in the air. “yeah, it’s fine,” you said, but the waver in your voice gave you away. you glanced back toward jungwon’s room, your brow furrowed. “i think it’s just jungwon.”
jay’s concern deepened. “is he okay? maybe you should check on him.”
you hesitated, torn between the conversation and the guilt tugging at you. was jungwon okay? the noise had been loud, and it wasn’t like him to react like that. what the hell was going on with him? you bit your lip, uncertainty creeping in.
“he’s probably fine,” you muttered, trying to convince yourself as much as jay. “maybe he just dropped something.”
but deep down, you weren’t sure. things had been off with jungwon lately—he’d been distant, quieter. and you had been caught up in other things, like work, like jay, barely noticing it.
jay’s voice cut through your thoughts. “are you sure? i don’t mind letting you go if you need to check on him.”
you shook your head, not wanting to break the mood between you two. “no, no... he’s probably just being his usual grumpy self.”
but even as you said it, you couldn’t shake the unease. maybe jungwon was upset. maybe you had been neglecting him. you sighed, running a hand through your hair, wondering when things had gotten so complicated.
“what’s wrong with him?” you muttered under your breath, glancing toward your door again.
jay tried to lighten the mood, his voice warm. “he’s probably just jealous. i mean, if i had a sister like you, i’d be protective too.”
you laughed, though it sounded hollow. “yeah, he’s always been that way,” you admitted, though the knot in your stomach didn’t loosen.
jay’s gaze softened, concern and affection mixing in his expression. “seriously, though. if he’s upset, you should talk to him.”
you nodded, knowing jay was right, but not wanting to deal with it right now. the conversation between you and jay had been going so well, and you weren’t ready to let it go yet. “sorry to cockblock you,” you muttered with a grin, trying to shift the mood back to playful.
jay’s laughter was immediate, warm and infectious, shaking off some of the tension. “oh, come on,” he said, still chuckling. “don’t apologize. i’m just glad you still think i’m a gentleman after all this.”
his laugh made you smile despite yourself, and for a moment, the unease faded. you joined in, teasing him right back. “well, i did just ruin the moment.”
jay wiped away a fake tear, grinning. “trust me,” he said, voice still playful, “there’s no ruining anything with you.”
an idea hit you, your eyes lighting up with mischief as you giggled, grabbing your phone. excitement bubbled inside as you scrolled through your gallery, your finger hovering over a certain photo. the smile on your face faltered for just a second.
it wasn’t exactly a nude, but the picture of you in your baby blue lingerie set? yeah, it was definitely provocative.
jay’s brow shot up when he noticed the hesitation. “what are you up to?” he asked, the playful tone lingering in his voice, teasing, almost challenging.
you grinned, your lip tugging between your teeth. “it’s an apology,” you teased, before hitting send. your heart raced as you waited, watching his phone buzz. anticipation prickled up your spine, making your stomach flip in that giddy way.
when jay opened the message, his reaction was instant. he sat up straighter, his lips parting, eyes widening as they scanned the image. the moment it clicked, his teeth sunk into his lower lip, and you heard the faintest groan escape him. fuck, he looked sexy like that.
“well, damn,” jay muttered, his voice a bit lower, his gaze flicking back to yours. “kind of regret leaving so soon now.”
a wave of warmth spread through you, making your pulse race. leaning closer to the screen, you bit your lip, “so, still gonna be a gentleman, or am i that special?”
jay’s grin spread wider, amusement glinting in his darkened eyes. “depends,” he murmured, his voice smooth, inviting, “how special do you think you are?”
your confidence surged, and you shot back without missing a beat. “oh, i’d say i’m worth bending the rules for.”
jay’s chuckle sent a shiver down your spine, his gaze flicking back to the photo. “if you keep talking like that,” he said, voice dropping, “i just might.”
you were about to push further, to see just how far he’d go with this, but then you heard it again—a sound from the other side of the wall. jungwon. again.
jay noticed immediately, his playful demeanor shifting to something more concerned. “still think he’s okay?” he asked, his tone soft but pointed.
you sighed, glancing at your door. “i don’t know... maybe i should check on him.”
jay nodded, his expression softening. “yeah, probably a good idea. we can pick this up later.”
he smirked, and there was a glint in his eyes, a promise in his voice. “but next time,” he paused, leaning closer to the camera, “wear that same set when i take you out.”
you laughed softly, warmth still lingering in your chest even after the call ended. the teasing excitement from jay stayed with you, but now, there was something else brewing. a sense of worry, creeping in at the edges. jungwon.
you stood, giggling softly as the room tilted slightly. damn, you were more tipsy than you realized, and it took a second to steady yourself against the wall.
jay kept you grounded, kept your focus on him like no one else could. but now, without him on the line, everything felt off, unsettled. maybe that’s just what he did to you—pulled all your attention in, made you forget everything else, even forget about how much you used to think about jungwon. and now, without him, everything was crashing back in.
stumbling slightly, you sighed, feeling the weight of your concern. jungwon. something wasn’t right, not with the way he’d been acting, not with the thud from earlier echoing in your mind.
you couldn’t ignore it anymore.
pushing yourself forward, you headed down the hallway, your heart pounding in a way that had nothing to do with the wine or jay.
what the hell is going on with him?
as you approached jungwon’s door, the sound of your familiar footsteps made his heart race. panic surged through him, adrenaline kicking in. he could hear your clumsy shuffle outside, but his mind was too clouded to focus—his eyes glued to the live feed still open on his screen.
fuck.
his fingers scrambled across the keyboard, minimizing the window in a flash. his screen flickered back to the innocent desktop wallpaper just as the door swung open.
you stumbled in, nearly tripping over yourself, that tipsy smile lighting up your face. “hey,” you slurred, gaze locking onto him. jungwon sat there, stiff as a board, looking like a deer caught in headlights.
you noticed the way his eyes darted toward the screen before meeting yours again. something was definitely off.
“you good?” you asked, voice soft but with genuine concern, even through your drunk haze. there was something about his posture, the awkward stiffness that made you pause.
his screen showed nothing out of the ordinary—just a plain wallpaper. but the way he looked at you, like he’d been caught red-handed, made your drunk mind spin. the realization hit you, and a teasing grin spread across your face.
“oh…” you mumbled, eyes widening in mock surprise. “were you…?” you trailed off, giggling as the most obvious explanation popped into your head.
was jungwon watching porn?
jungwon’s heart pounded harder, realizing what you were thinking. the teasing look in your eyes, the way you bit your lip to hold back laughter—it was clear you had jumped to a conclusion. and letting you believe that? yeah, way better than the truth.
in a split second, he made the decision.
“yeah,” he muttered, leaning back in his chair, trying to act casual. “caught me.”
your eyes blinked in surprise, not expecting him to admit it so easily. the teasing grin faltered for a moment, but then you laughed, stumbling a bit as you waved your hands in a sloppy apology.
“oh shit—sorry!” you giggled, your voice light as you tried not to laugh too hard. “didn’t mean to interrupt or anything.”
jungwon forced a smirk, his insides churning, but his face stayed calm. “it’s fine,” he shrugged, playing it cool, even though his mind was still racing.
you leaned against the doorframe, your drunken smile wide as you eyed him. something about the way he was sitting there—too still, too stiff—made you pause. but your hazy mind couldn’t hold onto the thought for long, quickly getting distracted by the warmth in your body and the lightness in your head.
“well, don’t work too hard, alright?” you teased, throwing him a playful wink.
jungwon cleared his throat, fumbling over his words in a weak attempt to seem casual. “yeah, uh… i just hit my knee on the table earlier. nothing big.” it was a pathetic excuse, and he knew it. but you were drunk, too drunk to notice how thinly veiled the lie was. you giggled, brushing it off.
“really?” you laughed, stepping closer to him, your eyes gleaming with curiosity. “sounds like you were watching something good.”
but something shifted in his expression—his eyes darkened, the atmosphere thickening around you. you froze for a second, your drunken confidence faltering as you stopped just short of getting too close.
“why’re you so curious all of a sudden?” jungwon’s voice had dropped lower, more serious, almost challenging. “wanna know what i’m into?”
the question hung in the air, heavier than it should have been. your breath hitched, the alcohol making it hard to process the meaning behind his words. and then it hit you. your heart raced as you blinked, caught off guard by the intensity in his gaze.
“oh, come on,” you muttered nervously, laughing to shake off the tension. “don’t be weird. besides…” you trailed off, eyes sweeping over him in a way you hadn’t before, your tongue loose from the alcohol. “you’re already hot, you don’t need that stuff.”
jungwon’s heart nearly stopped. hot? you’d called him hot? he stared at you, his brain short-circuiting, trying to process what you’d just said. he didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know what to do with the way his chest tightened at your casual compliment.
you blinked, suddenly aware of what you’d let slip. “i mean—” you stammered, waving your hand as if to erase the awkwardness. “forget it. you should just get a girlfriend.”
the words hit him harder than they should have. get a girlfriend. like it was that simple. like anyone could ever compare to you. his eyes lingered on you, the way your clothes were wrinkled from the day, how you stood there so oblivious to what you did to him.
how many times had he imagined you, like this, stumbling into his room, his bed, then fucking you in that exact outfit? he swallowed hard, the desire twisting painfully inside him as he forced a neutral expression.
“yeah…” he mumbled, his voice barely steady. “maybe i should.”
but you didn’t notice the turmoil behind his eyes. you were already pulling away, giggling softly as you pushed off the doorframe. “anyway, don’t stay up too late watching… whatever,” you teased, oblivious to the storm raging inside him.
the door clicked shut behind you, and jungwon’s body slumped in his chair. his breath came out shaky, his chest tight with frustration. fuck, he wanted you. wanted you so bad it physically hurt.
his eyes stayed glued to the door long after you’d left, the tension in his body refusing to dissipate. slowly, his gaze drifted back to the computer screen, his fingers twitching toward the mouse. the live feed was still there, minimized in the taskbar, waiting. he could feel the pull, the temptation to click it, to watch you again.
a frustrated groan slipped past his lips as he rubbed his face with both hands, trying to shake the need out of his head. you were so fucking clueless. so damn unaware of the effect you had on him, how deeply you’d burrowed yourself into his mind.
just as he thought he might get a grip on himself, he heard it—your voice, slurred and cheerful, calling out from down the hallway.
“i love ya!” you sang, your words soaked in alcohol and affection.
jungwon froze. his heart twisted painfully in his chest as he heard your drunken giggle follow, light and carefree—the kind of laugh that used to make him smile. now it felt like someone twisting the knife deeper.
his hands pressed against his eyes, trying to block out the sound, trying to ignore the way your words lingered in his head. “i love ya!”—like it didn’t mean anything. like it was just something you threw around casually. he knew it was the alcohol talking, knew you didn’t mean it. not in the way he wanted you to.
and that made it worse. that fucking shattered him.
jungwon shot up from his chair like a bullet, his heart hammering against his chest, the rage swallowing him whole. his body trembled, his hands clenched into fists so tight his knuckles turned white. he couldn’t sit still, couldn’t keep the frustration bottled up.
pacing back and forth, his muscles burned, stretched to their limit as he swung his arms wildly, desperate for some kind of release. every breath was shallow, sharp, as if he was trying to breathe through the suffocating pressure building inside him.
but nothing was working.
without thinking, he grabbed the closest thing in reach—a small figurine on his desk—and hurled it against the wall with a guttural shout. the sound of it shattering into pieces, scattering across the floor, barely registered in his mind. it did nothing to ease the tension coiling tighter, suffocating him.
it wasn’t enough. nothing was enough.
"fuck, fuck, fuck!" he snarled under his breath, dragging his hands through his hair, yanking hard at the strands in frustration. the sharp pain barely registered. his chest was heaving, the walls of his room closing in on him, making it harder to breathe. you were killing him.
he couldn’t stop thinking about you—your stupid fucking smile, the way you looked at jay, the way you teased like you didn’t even realize what you were doing to him. it was eating him alive.
the urge to check the live feed clawed at his mind, gnawing at his last shreds of self-control. his body practically collapsed back into the chair, hands shaking as his fingers hovered over the mouse, ready to click, ready to see you again. but he couldn’t do it. couldn’t give in.
with a growl of frustration, he slammed his fist down on the desk, the sharp sting shooting through his knuckles barely enough to register. the pain was a welcome distraction from the ache burning inside him.
“why the fuck did you say that?” he whispered, voice cracking with resentment. “you don’t mean it. you don’t fucking mean it.”
the words tasted bitter on his tongue as he stared at the empty desktop, his breathing uneven, his pulse pounding in his ears. you’d called him hot like it was nothing, like it was just a throwaway comment, and yet, here he was—burning from the inside out, unraveling because of you.
how many times had you stood in front of him, drunk and completely clueless, without realizing just how deeply you’d twisted him up inside? it was like you enjoyed torturing him, like you knew he was at your mercy and didn’t care.
his hand twitched toward the nearby beer, his throat dry from the anger that kept simmering, boiling over. with a quick flick, he cracked it open, foam spilling over the edge as he downed half of it in one long gulp, desperate for something—anything—to numb the pain cutting into him.
the bitter taste coated his mouth, his lips curling in disgust as he wiped them with the back of his hand. jay. it always came back to fucking jay.
jungwon downed the rest of the beer, slamming the empty can onto the desk so hard the noise echoed through the room. his head dropped into his hands, shoulders trembling as the weight of it all crushed him, pressing down until he couldn’t take it anymore.
“fuck.”
jay had slipped into your life so easily, it was almost hard to remember a time when he wasn’t around. he visited often now, seamlessly fitting into your friend group, and even got close with jake and sunghoon. it felt like he’d always been there, like he belonged.
jungwon, though, had been a different story. after that night, after everything, he’d been distant for a while. but now? now, he sat right next to jay on the couch, controller in hand, eyes glued to the xbox screen like nothing had ever happened.
he seemed fine—more than fine, actually. like he’d accepted everything, like he wasn’t even phased by the way jay had embedded himself into your world.
tonight wasn’t any different. jay was over again, sitting in his usual spot, and everyone else was gathered in the living room too. the sound of the xbox filled the space, a low hum of explosions and gunfire. jake was sprawled on one couch, half-asleep with a soda can dangling from his hand, while sunghoon sat on the floor, shoving popcorn into his mouth like he hadn’t eaten in days.
you perched on the arm of the couch, watching jay and jungwon play another round of whatever shooting game they’d gotten into. it was almost funny—how easily they got along now, how the tension that once lingered between them had melted away.
"we're crushing it," jay laughed, glancing at jungwon with a grin.
jungwon cracked a rare, genuine smile, his eyes still on the screen. "don’t get cocky," he muttered, smirking. "you only won 'cause i carried."
jay nudged him with his elbow, his grin widening. “team effort, man.”
you couldn’t help but smile, watching the way they bantered so naturally. jungwon, the one who usually kept his cool, had loosened up around jay in a way you hadn’t expected. maybe it was surprising how quickly they’d become friends, but it was a relief too.
“you two make a good team,” you teased, swinging your legs over the edge of the couch, your voice light, trying to ignore the small tug of something in your chest.
“yeah, guess i don’t mind him hanging around,” jungwon said, shaking his head with a small laugh, like he couldn’t quite believe it either.
jay shot you a teasing grin. “wow, jungwon actually tolerates me now. i must be doing something right.”
jungwon rolled his eyes, but the smirk on his face made it clear he didn’t mind the teasing. “don’t get too comfortable.”
jake, who had been half-listening, suddenly perked up, pointing lazily at the screen. “jungwon’s just mad 'cause jay’s better at the game now. remember the first time he played? total trash.”
“not trash,” jay argued, raising his hands defensively. “just... learning.”
jungwon chuckled, leaning back into the couch. "yeah, yeah. let's see if you can hold your own in the next round."
it was weird seeing jungwon like this—so relaxed, so easygoing. he was always the serious one, the one who kept things close to his chest. but around jay? it was like the walls he usually built around himself had crumbled.
“so, when’s the next big project at work?” sunghoon asked between mouthfuls of popcorn. "you two have basically been glued to your desks."
you laughed softly, shaking your head. “we’re almost done, thank god. then maybe we can actually hang out like normal people again.”
jay smiled, his voice warm and casual. “yeah, maybe we can all do something. outside of work for a change.”
jake grinned, tossing a pillow across the room at jay. “you gonna pay for dinner, rich boy?”
jay caught the pillow, laughing. “guess i’m buying.”
jungwon laughed too, shaking his head at the back-and-forth. "yeah, you owe us."
for a second, everything felt perfect. like the puzzle pieces of your life had finally clicked into place. jay was here, a part of it all, and jungwon—jungwon had accepted it. accepted him. it should’ve been a relief, but something about the whole thing gnawed at you.
jungwon’s shift in attitude, the way he seemed so... okay with everything. it was too sudden. too easy. but you shoved the thought aside. maybe it was nothing. maybe you were overthinking it.
“all right, rematch?” jay suggested, glancing at jungwon with a playful smirk.
jungwon grabbed his controller again, eyes gleaming with determination. “let’s do it.”
they dove back into the game, and as the laughter and playful insults filled the room, you sat back, content for the moment. but that small, nagging voice in the back of your mind wouldn’t go away. jungwon’s sudden acceptance felt... off. like there was more under the surface, something he wasn’t saying.
you shook the thought away, focusing on the present. jay and jungwon were getting along, and that was enough. for now.
“hey,” jay’s voice broke through your thoughts, pulling you back to the room. “you’re up next, right?”
you grinned, feeling the weight lift from your shoulders for a moment. “oh, i’m definitely taking you down.”
the room was filled with laughter again, and as the game continued, you tried to let yourself believe that this—right here—was how things were supposed to be. but somewhere deep down, you couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all just a little too perfect.
you and jay were both at the office, the hum of workday chatter filling the background. jay sat beside you at the office like he belonged there. he was on his break, lazily fiddling with a rubik’s cube, his brow furrowed as if it took real concentration, but you could feel his eyes darting to you every few seconds. that signature smirk lingered on his lips, like he had something else on his mind.
“you ever solve one of these?” jay asked, twisting the cube with a sharp click.
you laughed softly, shaking your head. “nope, never had the patience.”
just as you were about to send off an email, your phone buzzed against the desk. you glanced down at the screen.
jake: hey y/n, we’re taking jungwon out for drinks tonight!
your eyebrows shot up. jungwon? drinks? that wasn’t something that happened often. you tapped a quick reply, but the thought lingered, pulling at your attention.
he wasn’t exactly the most social guy, especially when it came to drinking. curiosity piqued, you quickly typed back a response.
“what’s up?” jay asked, his voice cutting through your thoughts. his eyes tracked your every move, fingers still idly playing with the cube.
“just jake,” you said, leaning back in your chair, tapping the phone lightly against your thigh. “they’re taking jungwon out for drinks tonight. guess he’s warming up to being social.”
jay smirked, tossing the rubik’s cube onto the desk and crossing his arms. “he’s been pretty chill lately, especially with me. didn’t think that’d happen.”
“me neither,” you admitted, your gaze shifting fully to jay. “he’s always been kinda... closed off, but now it’s like he’s finally enjoying being around people. especially you.”
jay shrugged, though you could see the flicker of pride in his eyes. “guess i’m just that irresistible, huh?”
you rolled your eyes, but smiled all the same. “yeah, sure, that must be it.” you leaned in closer, dropping your voice. “but seriously, it’s nice seeing him open up. he’s been through a lot, and seeing him happy... well, it makes me happy.”
the conversation lulled for a moment, the office noise fading into the background. jay’s fingers drummed softly on the desk, and you could feel him thinking, like there was something on his mind he hadn’t said yet.
“speaking of happy...” jay started, his voice quieter, more thoughtful now. “this might be... really bad timing, but i’ve been wanting to ask you something.”
you raised an eyebrow, intrigued but slightly cautious. “oh? what’s up?”
he hesitated for a beat, his eyes locking with yours. gone was the teasing smirk, replaced with something more sincere, something that had your pulse picking up speed.
“i was wondering...” jay leaned in just a little, the space between you two feeling more intimate, more personal. “would you wanna go out with me tonight? like... on a real date?”
your heart did a quick somersault. jay had always been playful, teasing, but this? this was different. this was real—just him, asking you out with none of the usual jokes to hide behind.
“an actual date?” you echoed, your voice soft as a smile began tugging at your lips.
jay nodded, his fingers now absentmindedly tracing the edge of the desk, like he needed something to focus on besides your reaction. “yeah. i mean, we’ve hung out a lot, but i want to take you out properly. no more just hanging out at your place.”
warmth bloomed in your chest, spreading through your body as nerves fluttered in your stomach. jay had always made you feel comfortable, always been someone who could make you laugh, but now he was offering something more. something you hadn’t even realized you’d been waiting for.
“i’d like that,” you said softly, your smile growing wider. “yeah, i’d really like that.”
jay’s entire expression lit up, the tension in his shoulders melting away as relief washed over him. “really?”
“really,” you confirmed, feeling the flutter of anticipation start to build inside you.
he let out a breath, grinning wide as he leaned back, his confidence slipping back into place. “all right, guess i’ll have to plan something good then.”
you laughed, shaking your head. “no pressure or anything.”
“trust me,” jay chuckled, though the warmth in his eyes now had your pulse racing even faster. “i’ve got it covered.”
the office seemed to fade away as you both sat there, the moment stretching between you, feeling just right. like this was exactly where you were supposed to be.
“tonight, then,” jay said, his eyes never leaving yours.
“tonight,” you echoed, feeling the weight of the promise in your own voice.
jay stood up, stretching a little before throwing you a glance over his shoulder. “oh, and wear my favorite,” he added, his tone dropping a little, laced with something more suggestive.
you blinked, your smile faltering for just a second. “your favorite?”
jay smirked, leaning closer, his breath brushing your ear as he whispered, “baby blue.”
the memory of the set he was referring to flashed in your mind—the one you’d worn in a photo that had gotten a reaction out of him before. your cheeks flushed, the air between you two thickening with the weight of suggestion. “oh, that set.”
“yeah... that one.” his fingers brushed against your arm, just barely grazing your skin, leaving a trail of heat in their wake before he turned, heading back to his desk.
the light touch, the way his voice had dropped—it left you breathless, heart pounding against your chest. anticipation simmered under your skin, and you couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across your face as you stared at your computer screen, already counting down the hours until tonight.
the apartment was buzzing with the usual pre-party energy when you got home, the low hum of excitement filtering through the walls. jungwon was already half-dressed, moving through the space like he had all the time in the world, while you rushed, desperately trying to get ready in time for your date with jay.
“ugh, i’m running so late,” you muttered, throwing a glance at the mirror, your nerves on full display. nothing felt right, nothing was working, and time was running out.
jungwon paused, leaning against his doorframe with that familiar smirk playing on his lips. “nervous for the big date?” his tone dripped with amusement, eyes trailing lazily over your frazzled state.
“yeah,” you muttered, rifling through your drawer with a touch of panic. “jay’s picking me up soon, and i need to look perfect.”
jungwon’s eyes flickered to the bed, where you’d laid out your baby blue lingerie—the set you knew jay liked. the comment came before he could stop himself. “nice choice.”
his voice sounded casual, but you didn’t catch the way his eyes darkened as he stared at the delicate fabric.
you barely glanced up, focused on finding the right shoes. “yeah, jay loves this one. figured it’d be a nice surprise.”
jungwon’s jaw clenched. jay’s favorite? something ugly coiled in his chest, why the hell should jay get that?
he felt his phone buzz in his pocket—jake, impatient as ever, reminding him to hurry up. jungwon's gaze lingered on the lingerie for another moment, and then, he made his move.
while you were still distracted, jungwon slipped into your room, pretending to grab his jacket. with one swift motion, he swiped the baby blue panties from the bed and stuffed them into his pocket. his heart pounded, but outwardly he remained calm, collected.
“you seen my—” you turned, catching jungwon mid-movement as he pulled on his jacket, already halfway to the door.
“oh, you’re leaving already?” you asked, still half-focused on getting yourself together.
“yeah, jake’s blowing up my phone,” jungwon said, flashing you a quick, cool smile, his hand pressing the stolen lace deeper into his pocket. “good luck with your date. i’m sure jay’ll love that surprise.”
“thanks,” you mumbled absentmindedly, not even looking up as you fumbled with your outfit. "have fun with the guys."
as soon as jungwon was gone, you turned back to the bed, reaching for the lingerie. but something was wrong. the panties were missing.
"what the hell...?" you muttered, confused, rifling through the covers and around the room. i just put them here. you tore through your drawers, irritation bubbling up as your search turned up nothing.
“ugh, whatever,” you muttered under your breath, deciding on the black lace set instead. the clock was ticking, and the last thing you needed was to be late. jay won’t mind, you told yourself, trying to push aside the frustration, but a nagging feeling of something missing lingered.
jungwon, on the other hand, was already out the door, heading to meet jake and sunghoon, the baby blue panties securely tucked into his jacket pocket.
that small act gave him a twisted sense of control, a flicker of satisfaction, but beneath it all, a cold wave of futility crept in. what the fuck is this even for? he wondered, but couldn’t stop himself.
it wouldn’t change a damn thing between you and jay. stealing your lingerie, messing with your plans—none of it would stop the fact that you’d be with him tonight. yet, knowing you wouldn’t be wearing that special set for jay, his favorite set, felt like a small, fucked-up victory.
as the elevator doors slid shut, jungwon caught a glimpse of his reflection. what the hell am i doing? he ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head, but the question didn’t matter anymore. you’re not wearing that for jay, and that was enough to ease the coil of frustration in his chest.
sliding into the backseat of jake’s car, jungwon’s mood clashed against the upbeat energy of the others. jake and sunghoon were hyped, laughing, planning out their night, but jungwon barely heard them.
his fingers drifted to the pocket where the soft lace sat, his mind replaying the moment he’d swiped them from your bed, the way you’d been too distracted to notice.
his hand moved absentmindedly, tracing the delicate fabric as jake’s voice rambled on about which club to hit first. you’ll never even suspect me, he thought, a smug satisfaction settling in. there was no way you’d ever connect jungwon to your missing panties. that innocent, oblivious part of you wouldn’t even consider it.
he leaned back in his seat, letting the rush of adrenaline mix with the twisted satisfaction that came from knowing you’d be out with jay tonight—wearing something else. completely unaware of what was missing.
and in that moment, despite everything, jungwon felt like he was winning.
jungwon slouched back in the booth, the relentless thrum of the club’s bass pounding through his chest. lights flickered, neon blues and purples flashing across the crowded dance floor, but it all blurred together into a scene he couldn’t care less about.
the chatter, the laughter, the sweaty bodies swaying to the beat—it was suffocating, only reminding him of everything he didn’t want to think about.
he didn’t want to be here. hell, he didn’t want to be anywhere. but jake and sunghoon had dragged him out, practically forcing him to "get out of his head." now, here he was, at some fancy table heeseung had hooked them up with, surrounded by people celebrating god knows what.
“lighten up, man.” jake nudged him, grinning as he took another swig from his beer. “heeseung pulled some strings for this, we should be having fun.”
“yeah,” sunghoon leaned back, tossing a casual smirk his way. “it’s not like you’ve got anything better to do.”
jungwon barely managed a tight smile, they meant well, but it didn’t change the fact that he felt like he was suffocating. sitting here, pretending to enjoy himself, it was like the weight of everything was pressing harder on his chest.
sure, it was better than being back at the flat, buried in your bed, breathing in the faint scent of your perfume from the pillow you’d left behind. a little less pathetic, maybe. but being here wasn’t much better. because here, he couldn’t escape the thoughts, the images playing over and over in his mind.
you with jay.
“you good?” jake asked, his voice cutting through jungwon’s thoughts. his brow furrowed as he glanced over, clearly picking up on the tension rolling off him. “you’ve been weird all night.”
jungwon’s response was quick, sharper than he meant it to be. “i’m fine.”
he exhaled, trying to push down the frustration that threatened to spill over. no, i’m not fucking fine.
sunghoon raised a brow, exchanging a glance with jake. “dude, you always say that. you’ve been holed up in your room for days. what’s gives?”
jungwon didn’t answer. how could he explain it? how could he tell them that every time you walked out that door, it felt like a piece of him left with you?
every time you left, he’d retreat to your room, curling up in your bed, clinging to whatever was left of you. burying his face in your clothes, pretending, even for just a few moments, that you were still there. it was fucked up. he knew that. but it was the only way to deal with the rage.
this night was supposed to be an escape. a distraction from the thoughts that tortured him, from the idea of you with him. but all it did was amplify it. with every drink, every laugh, every passing moment, he could feel the jealousy tightening around his throat like a noose. because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop seeing it—you and jay.
your laughter, your smile, the way you’d look at jay like he was your whole world. the way jungwon wished, more than anything, you’d look at him.
he squeezed his eyes shut, wishing the pounding bass of the club could drown out the thoughts, the sickening ache in his chest. but it didn’t. he hated it. hated that no matter where he was, no matter what he did, it was always you. always jay. and it was destroying him from the inside out.
jungwon watched as jake and sunghoon disappeared onto the dance floor, their laughter swallowed by the thumping bass and flashing lights. he was left alone, gripping his drink tightly, the alcohol buzzed through his veins, but it wasn’t enough to quiet the ache burning in his chest.
he missed you. god, he missed you so much it fucking hurt.
his fingers slipped into his jacket pocket, brushing against the soft lace of your stolen panties, the secret that no one else knew about. but even that, even taking something so personal from you, felt useless.
he missed the way you used to burst into his room unannounced, complaining about your day or teasing him for never leaving the apartment. he missed the way you leaned against him when you were too tired to hold your head up but refused to leave. now, everything felt distant, cold. and this drink? it was doing fuck all to help.
and then, he saw you.
jungwon’s heart leapt into his throat, his pulse racing as his eyes locked on you, stepping into the club like you owned the room. for a split second, hope flared, blinding and irrational. maybe you’d come looking for him, maybe you missed him too. his lips twitched, the beginning of a smile breaking free.
but then he saw him. jay.
that flicker of hope was crushed under the weight of reality. jay, walking in behind you, his hand resting at the small of your back like he fucking owned you. like you were his.
something twisted deep in jungwon’s gut, the jealousy simmering hotter now, searing through him. his hand clenched around the glass, the edges pressing into his palm as he watched jay guide you through the crowd, his touch too casual, too possessive.
it was like a punch to the gut, knocking the breath right out of him. his mind screamed, desperate to believe this wasn’t happening, that you hadn’t already slipped away from him. but watching jay pull you closer, seeing how easily you leaned into him, jungwon knew. jay was winning.
jungwon drained his drink, the alcohol burning down his throat, but it did nothing to numb the burn in his chest. seeing you like this—in that fucking dress, looking so perfect it made him want to tear something apart—it was unbearable. he wondered if you were wearing the black or white lingerie he knew you loved. or maybe something else. maybe something jay had picked out for you.
his jaw tightened as he kept his eyes on you, unwilling to look away. he stayed rooted to the spot, slipping into the shadows where he could watch without being seen. from there, he could see everything—every touch, every smile, every laugh you gave to jay like it was his right.
from a distance, it was easier to let the jealousy fester, to let it simmer and burn without having to fake a smile, without pretending everything was okay. his smirk returned, dark and twisted, as he watched jay pull you closer, his hand sliding down to rest on your hip. you were his now, weren’t you? the thought twisted deeper, like a knife in his chest.
jungwon leaned against the wall, his eyes never leaving you, waiting for something—anything—to break. he let the jealousy, the rage, boil inside him, his fingers tracing over the lace hidden in his pocket, the one thing he had taken from you, something only he knew about.
he glanced at jake and sunghoon, who were lost somewhere in the back, wrapped around a couple of girls, laughing and whispering in their ears like they had no worries in the world. good. let them leave. he didn’t need their company tonight. tonight was about you.
his eyes snapped back to you, and the sight made his stomach churn. you were laughing, leaning into jay, your hand resting on his arm like it was the most natural thing in the world.
he fucking hated jay. he wanted to hate jay. he wanted to find something, anything, that would make him feel justified for the burning jealousy tearing him apart. but he couldn’t. no matter how hard he tried, jay was… perfect. and worst of all? jay made you happy.
that’s what killed him the most.
because no matter how much he wanted you, no matter how much he needed you, jungwon knew deep down he would never be the one to make you happy like that. he’d never make you smile like jay did, never make you laugh like that, never be enough. and it fucking destroyed him.
he leaned back into the shadows, eyes fixed on you, watching, waiting, stewing in his jealousy, his rage, his desperation.
he would never let you go.
jungwon had called it. barely a few minutes after he slipped into the shadows, jake and sunghoon came stumbling back over to where he’d been sitting, girls hanging off their arms, wide smiles and flushed cheeks.
they didn’t even have to say anything—the looks on their faces said it all. jake raised an eyebrow, smirking, while sunghoon winked, sealing the unspoken deal. they were about to make their exit.
jungwon’s phone buzzed in his pocket. he didn’t even need to look, already knowing what it would say. sure enough, there were texts from both of them.
jake: bro, we’re heading out, see you later?
sunghoon: you good? catch you tomorrow.
a bitter chuckle slipped out before he could stop it. he quickly typed out a reply, already drained by their carefree energy.
jungwon: already left. have fun.
from his hidden spot, he watched as jake and sunghoon exchanged glances, glancing around like they might actually give a shit about where he was before shrugging it off. they disappeared into the crowd with their arms slung around the girls, laughing like they had the night in the palm of their hands.
good riddance. now he didn’t have to fake a damn thing. no more keeping up appearances, no more pretending. now he could stay hidden, drown in cheap liquor, and watch the night unfold the way he knew it would.
“hey, handsome.”
the voice was low, sultry, but it grated against jungwon’s nerves like nails on a chalkboard. he barely noticed her at first, until she was right up against him, pressing her body close, her fingers trailing lightly across his chest.
he glanced down at her with cold, empty eyes. the dim lighting of the club cast shadows across her face, but even in the dark, he could see the desperation gleaming in her eyes, the too-eager smile playing on her lips. she had been watching him all night, and now, she finally thought she had her chance.
without a word, jungwon reached up and gently pushed her hand away, his fingers curling around her wrist for just a second before letting go.
“don’t.” his voice was flat, emotionless, his gaze already drifting back to where you were standing with jay.
but the girl didn’t take the hint. she leaned in closer, her breath hot against his neck. “come on, don’t be like that. you look like you could use some company.”
his jaw clenched, the retort he wanted to spit out getting stuck in his throat. he took a step back, creating some distance, but she followed him, her hands reaching for him again like she hadn’t just been told off.
“i said don’t,” he snapped this time, his voice sharp, cold. jungwon’s patience was already wearing thin.
“what’s your problem?” she pouted, her fingers still brushing against his chest, her body pressing even closer. “you’re just sitting here all alone. let me make you feel better.”
jungwon’s eyes flicked back to her, darkening. “you reek,” he said bluntly, his tone icy.
the girl blinked, caught off guard. “uh, excuse me?”
“if you keep touching me, you’re gonna fucking regret it.”
she laughed nervously, her confidence cracking as uncertainty flickered in her eyes. “wow, okay. someone’s got issues.”
jungwon leaned in, his face inches from hers, his voice dropping to a dangerous whisper. “are you my stepsister?”
her expression twisted in confusion, a nervous laugh escaping her lips. “uh, what? no, what does that even—"
jungwon’s lips curled into a cruel smirk, the intensity of his gaze making her instinctively step back. “nothing. but next time you push yourself on someone, maybe think twice.”
she stared at him, her bravado crumbling under the weight of his words. her face twisted in disgust as she backed off, muttering, “you’re fucking weird,” before turning and disappearing into the crowd.
he didn’t watch her leave. didn’t care. his focus was already elsewhere. he knocked back another shot, the alcohol scorching down his throat, his eyes locked on you again.
later that night, jay picked you up, looking effortlessly perfect in his usual style—black jeans, a fitted shirt that hugged his body in all the right places, and that smug grin that never seemed to leave his face. you’d dressed for the occasion, slipping into a sleek, curve-hugging dress that made you feel confident, sexy, a little daring.
as the two of you made your way to the club he’d picked for the evening, you chuckled under your breath, taking in the neon lights and feeling the thrumming bass vibrating beneath your feet.
“really? a club?” you teased, glancing at him with a raised eyebrow. “what kind of gentleman brings a woman to a club on their first date?”
jay smirked, his hand casually sliding to the small of your back, guiding you inside. “a gentleman who knows how jealous you got every time our colleagues went clubbing while we were stuck at work.”
your eyebrow shot up, surprised he’d picked up on that. “i didn’t think you paid attention.”
jay leaned in close, his voice dropping just low enough to make your skin tingle. “trust me, y/n, i notice everything about you.”
his words sent a rush through you, a blush creeping up your neck as you smiled and shook your head, trying to play it cool. despite the loud music and the bustling crowd, something about this felt perfect.
you nudged him playfully. “okay, maybe you do have some charm after all.”
jay grinned wider, pulling you closer as the two of you moved through the dimly lit space. “some charm? come on, i’ve got plenty.”
you couldn’t help but smile, feeling the pull of his energy. he led you to a table near the edge of the dance floor, the music loud enough to shake your bones, but instead of overwhelming you, it seemed to ground you. jay sat close, his hand resting possessively on your thigh under the table, sending little sparks of excitement through your body.
“so, what do you think?” jay leaned in, his breath warm against your ear. “better than the office, right?”
you laughed, feeling the weight of the moment settle between you. “okay, fine, you win. better than the office. but only because you knew i was jealous.”
jay’s grin widened, and for a second, his eyes darkened with something deeper. “hey, just trying to keep my girl happy,” he said smoothly, the words slipping out so easily they made your heart skip a beat. before you could overthink it, he was pulling you to your feet, leading you toward the dance floor.
“come on, let’s dance,” he urged, tugging you into the crowd.
the two of you fell into a rhythm easily, your bodies moving together in sync with the pulsing music. the tension between you grew with every beat, every movement, jay’s hands firm on your hips, pulling you against him. the heat of his body mixed with the electric energy of the club, making it impossible to think of anything else.
as the lights flickered and danced across the walls, jay pressed closer, his hands sliding lower, his touch lingering in a way that made it clear you were his tonight. and god, you loved it—loved the way he made you feel alive, reckless, like nothing else mattered but the two of you.
the alcohol was hitting now, loosening your inhibitions, making everything a little hazier, a little more intense. you laughed more, leaned into jay’s touch more, feeling lighter, freer. the air between you was thick with something more than just fun, and jay’s breath against your neck as he moved with you only made it harder to ignore the tension building between you.
“you good?” he teased, his lips brushing against your ear, his hands roaming dangerously low.
“better than good,” you grinned, your voice playful but laced with desire. “you?”
jay chuckled, his hips pressing harder into yours. “i think you know the answer to that.”
the night became a blur of dancing, shots, laughter, and more teasing touches. at some point, as you ground your hips back against jay, you felt the unmistakable hardness pressing against your lower back. the heat pooled in your stomach, and without thinking, you threw a playful glance over your shoulder.
“oops,” you said with a smirk, teasing him.
jay raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “oops?” he repeated, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “that’s all you’ve got to say?”
you bit your lip, still moving against him, testing how far you could push. “what? i thought you were supposed to be a gentleman?”
jay groaned softly, his hands tightening on your hips. “gentleman or not, you keep grinding on me like that,” he murmured into your ear, his voice dark and rough, “and i might forget all my manners.”
your heart raced, loving the way you were pushing him. “oh really?” you whispered, turning just enough for your lips to brush against his cheek. “so, what are you gonna do about it?”
his eyes darkened further, and all the teasing vanished from his expression. his hand slid around your waist, pulling you closer, his body flush against yours. “you sure you wanna test me, y/n?” his voice was low, a dangerous edge to it that made your pulse quicken.
you swallowed hard, but you couldn’t resist pushing him further. “i dunno,” you whispered, still teasing. “i kinda like seeing you like this.”
jay’s chuckle was dark, low in his throat. “you think you’re cute, don’t you?” he muttered, pressing harder against you. “grinding on me, saying ‘oops’ like it’s nothing.”
your pulse quickened, your body reacting to every word, every touch. “maybe,” you breathed. “maybe i thought you could handle it.”
his lips grazed your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. “i can handle it,” he murmured, “but can you?”
you turned in his arms, your bodies still swaying to the music, faces inches apart. his eyes were dark with desire, the teasing grin gone. “so much for being a gentleman,” you whispered.
jay smirked, pulling you tighter. “even a gentleman has his limits, y/n.”
the heat between you both was almost unbearable now, the tension so thick it was suffocating. you leaned in closer, lips brushing his ear as you whispered, “by the way... i didn’t end up wearing your favorite tonight.”
jay raised an eyebrow, his voice low and rough as he pressed his hips harder into yours. “oh yeah?” he murmured, “good thing i’m gonna be ripping them off anyway.”
his words sent a thrill down your spine, and before you could respond, his lips crashed against yours, hot and desperate. the kiss was messy, consuming, tongues tangling as you both finally gave in to the tension that had been building all night. your hands fisted in his shirt, pulling him closer, your body arching into his as he groaned into your mouth.
but as you got lost in jay’s touch, you were completely unaware of the dark eyes watching you from the shadows. jungwon sat back, his drink forgotten, his vision narrowing until all he could see was you and jay—your hands all over each other, your lips locked in a kiss that made his blood boil.
he felt nothing but pure, unfiltered rage.
you pulled away from jay, breathless, your lips swollen from the kiss. “we should get out of here,” jay whispered, his voice rough with need.
“yeah, let’s go back to mine,” you agreed, running a hand through your hair, still catching your breath.
jungwon’s world spun. he couldn’t hear the words, but he saw it all—the way your body language shifted, the way you and jay talked, like you were about to leave. like you were going home together.
his stomach twisted, bile rising in his throat. you were about to leave with jay. you were going to go home with him.
jungwon shoved through the crowd, his mind racing. he couldn’t let this happen. he had to get home first, had to do something before you and jay got there. before something happened that he couldn’t stop.
his hands clenched into fists as he stormed toward the exit.
jungwon barely made it. he’d fucking sprinted the whole way, the flat wasn’t far from the club, but every second felt like it stretched into an eternity. his chest was tight, lungs burning as he raced, a sickening mix of desperation and fury pushing him harder.
he knew you too well—knew you wouldn’t bother going far. not when you looked like you were ready to be fucked the moment you left that dance floor. the thought twisted his gut, but it also fueled him. he had to move faster. had to stop it.
he burst into the flat, his breath ragged, each step slamming against the floor, reverberating through the walls. there was no fucking time. he stormed straight to his room, the door slamming so hard behind him it rattled the frame. his mind raced, pulse thundering in his ears, each thought more fucked up than the last. every step forward felt like he was spiraling deeper into madness, but he didn’t care.
he stumbled over to his desk, fingers trembling, yanking the drawer open so hard it nearly came off the tracks. inside, neatly tucked away, was the fully charged battery he always kept on standby. his hands shook as he grabbed it, almost dropping it in his frantic state. no time to waste. he bolted down the hall, his feet barely hitting the floor, his heart slamming against his ribcage.
your room. he shoved the door open, eyes wild as he stormed inside. everything felt too slow, too fucking slow. he tore the old battery out of the hidden camera lodged in the eye of the teddy bear on your dresser. his hands fumbled, slipping as nerves made him clumsy, cursing under his breath.
“fuck, come on,” he hissed, voice low, barely containing the panic that was surging up his throat.
finally, the new battery clicked into place, and the camera blinked to life, the red light staring back at him. jungwon stood there for a moment, frozen, staring at the tiny lens. his breath was shallow, chest heaving. his entire body felt like it was on the verge of breaking apart.
soon, too soon, you and jay would walk through that door. and he’d have to watch it. all of it.
the thought sent a wave of nausea crashing over him, and for a second, he thought he might actually be sick. but he swallowed it down, fists clenched so tight his knuckles turned white, and stormed back to his room. the door slammed shut behind him, the sound echoing through the flat like a gunshot, but he didn’t give a fuck.
he dropped into his chair, fingers trembling as he flipped open his laptop. the screen flickered to life, casting a harsh glow across his face. he waited, breath caught in his throat, until the live feed blinked onto the screen—your bedroom, empty, waiting for what would happen next.
but it wasn’t enough. not for this. his mind was racing too fast, spinning out of control. he knew you wouldn’t just stay in the bedroom, not with jay. you’d move, probably to the kitchen, the couch—wherever things got heated next.
he couldn’t fucking risk it.
jungwon shot up from his chair, grabbing another small camera he had stashed away for emergencies. this was it. this was the emergency. sprinting down the hall, he made his way to the kitchen, eyes scanning the room for the perfect spot.
his gaze landed on a shelf near the counter, cluttered with just enough shit to hide the camera. he positioned it meticulously, adjusting it until it captured everything—the counter, the table, the couch, all of it.
he stood back, staring at the tiny lens nestled among the clutter, knowing it would record every fucking thing that happened tonight.
jungwon rushed back to his room, his body vibrating with adrenaline. he slammed himself down in front of the laptop, hands shaking as he switched the live feed back on. the screen split into two—your bedroom, the kitchen. every angle covered. he could see it all now.
his breath came in sharp, shallow bursts as the weight of what he’d done settled over him like a heavy fog. his pulse thundered in his ears, his heart hammering against his ribs.
all that was left to do was wait. wait for you and jay to walk through that door. and then watch. watch it all unfold, every fucked up second of it.
he wasn’t sure if he wanted to scream, break something, or just let the rage consume him entirely.
but he would wait. and he would fucking watch.
you and jay stumbled down the street, the night air biting at your skin, but you barely noticed it—too caught up in the alcohol buzz and the warmth of jay pressed up against you. his arm was draped lazily over your shoulders, fingers teasing the back of your neck as he whispered something in your ear, something filthy that made you laugh too loud, breathless.
the world around you blurred, nothing mattered except him—his scent, the way his fingers lingered a little too long at the small of your back, sending heat rushing through you. you were both drunk, careless, and the electricity between you crackled like it was ready to explode.
before you knew it, the flat loomed in front of you, your feet carrying you faster than your mind could keep up. the walk was too quick, too easy, like you both knew exactly where this was headed. lights off, no one home, the night was yours. and his.
no need for keys, no time for second thoughts. the door clicked shut behind you, and before you could even blink, jay was on you, hands everywhere, lips crashing into yours with a hunger that knocked the air out of your lungs. your back slammed against the wall, and you gasped, not from pain but from the sheer intensity of it all.
“fuck,” jay muttered into your mouth, his hands already gripping your waist, dragging you against him like he’d been holding back all night. “been waiting for this.”
you let out a breathy laugh, tipping your head back to give him better access to your neck, his lips quick to find the sensitive skin there. “could tell,” you teased, tugging at his shirt, fingers twisting in the fabric. “impatient, aren’t you?”
his teeth grazed your neck, and you moaned, barely able to form coherent thoughts as his hands wandered lower, rough, desperate. “can you blame me?” his voice was low, thick with desire, breath hot against your skin. “i know you want it just as bad.”
you let out a shaky laugh, your chest heaving as his fingers trailed dangerously close to the hem of your dress. “confident, aren’t you?”
jay grinned against your skin, his hands sliding up your thighs, gripping them tight enough to leave marks. “i’d call it certainty,” he breathed into your ear, teeth grazing the shell of it. “i know exactly what you want.”
your heart pounded in your chest, the heat between you two thickening, suffocating. you turned, eyes locking with his, daring him, testing him. “prove it.”
he didn’t need to be told twice. his lips slammed back against yours, slower now, but deeper, as if he was trying to drown you in the kiss. his teeth tugged at your lower lip before pulling back, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as his hands roamed lower. with one sharp motion, he grabbed the fabric of your dress and ripped it, the sound echoing in the dark hallway.
“jay!” you gasped, half-shocked, half-amused as you looked down at the ruined dress. “i liked that dress.”
he smirked, unbothered, lips grazing yours again, his hands rough against your bare skin. “i’ll buy you a new one,” he muttered, eyes dark with lust, his fingers already sliding under the waistband of your panties.
you were breathless, heat pooling low in your belly as his hands wandered further, fingers ghosting over the spot that had you aching for him. “reckless bastard,” you muttered, but the thrill was unmistakable in your voice.
his lips found your neck again, sucking hard enough to bruise, and you moaned, your hands tangling in his hair, tugging him closer, urging him on. the world outside of this moment didn’t exist, not the flat, not the night, not the possibility of anyone walking in. it was just you and him, and the growing tension between you that felt like it was about to snap.
just as you were ready to lose yourself completely in him, jay pulled back, breath ragged, eyes dark. “wait… jungwon,” he muttered, voice thick with desire. “think he’s home?”
the mention of your stepbrother brought reality crashing down, if only for a second. you blinked, your pulse still racing, body still pressed tight against jay’s. jungwon. he was supposed to be out with jake and sunghoon, but…
“i don’t think so,” you mumbled, uncertainty creeping into your voice. “he’s out with the guys, but…”
jay’s hands tightened on your waist, a low chuckle rumbling from his chest. “then who gives a shit?” his voice was low, teasing. “even if he is home, we’ll just be quiet.” he smirked, leaning in closer, lips brushing your ear. “unless you want him to hear.”
your breath hitched, the idea sending a shiver down your spine. the thought of jungwon walking in, seeing you like this, made you tense—but it also sent a thrill through you, something dark, something exciting. you bit your lip, glancing at jay. “he’d understand… right?”
jay grinned, pulling you closer, his lips ghosting over yours. “trust me,” he whispered, voice low, filled with promise. “he won’t care. and if he does… we’ll just have to be quieter, won't we?”
"take it off already," you demanded, pushing the thought of jungwon away, voice thick with desire as your fingers played at the hem of jay’s shirt. jay gave you that cocky grin, effortlessly peeling it off, exposing the hard lines of his bare chest to your touch.
his skin was warm under your fingertips, and jay's grin only widened as he watched you take him in. your hands roamed over his chest, lingering, exploring, before trailing lower.
"impatient tonight, aren’t we?" jay teased, his voice dripping with amusement as he leaned closer, his lips hovering dangerously close to yours.
"maybe," you shot back, playful, eyes daring him. "or maybe you're just taking too long."
jay chuckled, his lips finally pressing against yours, hard and hungry. his hands slid over your body, pulling you closer, making you arch into him as he deepened the kiss.
the way he touched you, like he couldn’t get enough, sent a heat through your veins, every brush of his fingers leaving you wanting more.
his lips traveled down your neck, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. you moaned softly, fingers digging into his shoulders as he worked his way lower, his hands moving over every curve, every dip, like he was claiming you for himself.
"you’re not comfortable, are you?" jay’s voice was a low, teasing murmur against your skin as his fingers traced the edges of your dress.
you let out a breathy laugh, your fingers trailing across his chest. "i’ll manage. not like you’re giving me much of a chance to complain, are you?"
jay smirked, lips brushing yours again, this time rougher, more impatient. "guess i’m not," he murmured, teeth grazing your lips as he pulled you closer. "but if you wanted to switch it up, i wouldn’t mind."
his hands slid down to your hips, pulling you flush against him. "is that right?" you teased, pushing back slightly, enjoying the way his body tensed under your touch. "and where do you want me, then?"
jay’s voice dropped, thick with want, his eyes dark with lust as he stared at you. "anywhere i can fuck you properly."
your lips curved into a smile as you tugged at his waistband. "then maybe you should hurry up and get those off, too, hmm?"
jay stepped back just enough to undo his belt, the sound of it hitting the floor echoing through the room. you leaned back against the counter, watching him with a playful smirk, the tension between you building with every second.
as his pants hit the floor, jay paused for a moment, his eyes meeting yours, that wicked grin still tugging at the corners of his lips.
"let’s go to my room," you whispered, pulling him toward you as you slipped off the counter. jay’s eyes flickered with hunger, his hands never leaving your body as you led him down the hallway, the heat between you nearly unbearable as you disappeared into the dark.
in the dim glow of his room, jungwon’s jaw tightened. jay's smug voice grated against his ears. "smug fucking bastard," he snarled, teeth grinding, voice low and dripping with venom. he couldn't tear his eyes away, couldn’t stop himself from watching even though it was killing him inside.
every move jay made felt like a taunt, a mockery of everything jungwon had ever wanted. the sight of jay’s hands on you—touching, claiming—was like acid burning through his veins.
“you think you’re better than me? fuck you.” he hissed, his voice barely a whisper but sharp enough to cut. his heart hammered against his ribs, chest tight with the fury that bubbled up with every second.
jay stripping you of the dress? that was his touch you should be feeling, his lips you should be kissing, not jay's. "you think you can just walk in and take her?"
his vision blurred with white-hot anger, teeth sinking into his lip until he tasted blood. watching jay move, touch, and claim—jungwon's body trembled with how badly he wanted to tear it all apart. it wasn’t supposed to be like this.
his breath hitched as jay’s hands traveled lower, his body pressed against yours like he owned you. he fucking doesn’t. jungwon’s mind raced, his thoughts spiraling into an obsession he couldn’t control. i should be the one touching her. i should be the one kissing her like that.
he couldn’t stop replaying it over and over—picturing himself in jay’s place, imagining how you would react to him instead. it should’ve been him pulling you close, feeling your body beneath his hands, hearing you whisper his name, not fucking jay.
"i’ll make him pay," jungwon growled, voice hoarse with suppressed rage. his fingers twitched, itching to smash something, anything to stop this scene from unfolding in front of him.
every breath jay took next to you felt like an insult, like he was stealing something that belonged to jungwon, ripping it right out of his hands.
“fucking... asshole,” jungwon spat, chest rising and falling heavily, eyes fixed on jay’s stupid grin as he undid his belt. jungwon’s breath came faster, fury boiling over at how casual, how easy jay made it seem. like you were nothing more than something to pass the time with. he doesn’t deserve you. he’ll never fucking deserve you.
when you tugged jay toward your room, jungwon’s breath hitched again, the room spinning around him. his room. his space. he was the one who should be walking down that hallway with you, not jay. he should be the one hearing your laugh, feeling your fingers pulling him close.
as jay disappeared with you down the hall, jungwon leaned back, cracking his knuckles one by one, eyes never leaving the screen. this isn’t over. not by a long shot.
his vision blurred, eyes burning with the sting of unshed tears, but the anger—the fucking anger—that was stronger than anything else. jungwon leaned back, cracking his neck, a twisted smile forming on his lips. just wait.
he would wait, watch, and when the time came, he’d destroy everything. everything jay thought he had. everything.
you don’t even know what she needs. you’ll never be enough for her, he thought viciously, his mind racing with the sickening idea of tearing it all down. every bit of jay’s hold over you, he would destroy it. piece by piece.
with one last look at the screen, jungwon’s hand reached for the mouse. the live feed flickered, showing your room, the kitchen, all the places you and jay might go. all the places jungwon would be waiting.
as you opened the door to your room, jay was on you before you even had the chance to take a step inside. his hands gripped your waist with that urgency you knew so well, lifting you like you weighed nothing and tossing you onto the bed with a cocky smirk that made your heart race.
you couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you, your body sinking into the soft sheets, but it didn’t last long. jay was already between your legs, grabbing your ankle, pulling you closer to the edge of the bed until your thighs dangled off. his eyes were dark, hungry, like he couldn’t wait another second.
your ripped dress barely hung on your body, teasing him with flashes of skin, and his fingers brushed the hem, slowly pushing it up as his gaze followed. he was taking his time, but you could see it in his eyes—he wanted to devour you.
“you’re driving me fucking insane,” he muttered, his voice rough as his lips ghosted over your inner thigh. the heat between your legs was unbearable now, and the way his breath brushed your skin made you squirm.
impatient, you slipped your panties off and tossed them aside, your body trembling with need. jay’s eyes flicked up to meet yours, his lips curling into a wicked grin.
“oh? i was planning to rip those off myself.” he raised an eyebrow, teasing you.
you giggled breathlessly. “good thing i didn’t wear the baby blue ones, huh?”
his chuckle was low, filled with mischief. “oh, i wouldn’t have dared... but these? yeah, they had to go.” his fingers traced your wet folds, teasing just enough to make your breath hitch, and you could feel the tension building in the pit of your stomach.
“you’ve been waiting for this, haven’t you?” his voice was rough, full of desire as his fingers slid inside you, slow, deliberate, making you gasp. “like your pussy hasn’t been fucked in forever.”
the heat of his words sent a wave of pleasure through you, your back arching as his thumb found your clit, circling with just enough pressure to make you tremble.
“fuck,” you whimpered, gripping the sheets beneath you, your body practically melting under his touch.
“that’s it,” he whispered, his lips brushing against your ear, his fingers working you over. “i’m gonna make up for all that lost time.”
you moaned, unable to form a coherent response as his fingers curled inside you, each stroke pulling you deeper into a haze of pleasure. every movement, every touch had you unraveling, breathless and trembling.
“i thought you were a gentleman,” you managed to say, your voice barely more than a sigh, pleasure clouding your thoughts.
jay’s grin against your skin sent shivers down your spine. “who said i’m not?” his fingers continued their relentless rhythm. “maybe i’m just giving you exactly what you’ve wanted this whole time.”
he leaned back slightly, his hands trailing up to your breasts, thumbs brushing over your hardened nipples as he watched you squirm beneath him. “fuck, you’re so pretty,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire.
before you could respond, his mouth was on your nipple, his tongue flicking over it, and you gasped, your back arching into him. the heat between you both was unbearable now, the thin fabric of his boxers doing little to hide just how hard he was.
your legs wrapped around his waist instinctively, pulling him closer, your body aching for more. “move up,” you breathed, your hands tugging at his shoulders, needing him closer, needing more of him.
jay groaned low in his throat, lifting himself just enough to adjust, sliding up over your body until he was fully on the bed, his weight pressing down on you in a way that made your whole body hum with anticipation. his lips found your neck, kissing, biting, sending sparks of pleasure through you.
“better?” his voice was rough, strained with desire as he settled between your thighs again.
“so much better,” you gasped, your nails digging into his back, urging him closer, needing him more than ever.
jungwon sat at his desk, elbows digging into the wood, fingers gripping his hair so tightly it felt like he might rip it out. his bloodshot eyes were locked onto the screen, the harsh light of his laptop casting deep shadows across his tired, hollow face. no matter how much his eyes burned, how dry his throat felt from panting, he couldn’t look away.
his breath came in ragged gasps, mouth slightly open as he stared, feeling like the ground beneath him was crumbling. this couldn’t be real. it felt like a nightmare, one he couldn’t wake up from, watching jay touch you like that—watching you give in so easily, moaning under him, arching into his touch like you couldn’t get enough.
“fuck,” jungwon whispered, voice shaky, his fists clenching tighter in his hair, trying to ground himself in the pain. maybe if he pulled hard enough, he’d snap out of this. maybe if he hurt enough, it’d drown out the scene playing in front of him.
but nothing worked. his body betrayed him. despite the anger boiling in his chest, he could feel himself hardening, his breath becoming more erratic as jay’s lips wrapped around your nipple, sucking, teasing, while you whimpered beneath him. jungwon’s vision blurred with rage, but there was something else too—something sick. something he couldn’t stop.
“sucking on your tits like that...” jungwon muttered through gritted teeth, his voice low, venomous, watching jay's hands grip your waist, watching how easily you surrendered to him. it twisted jungwon’s stomach, made him feel disgusted with himself, but still—he kept watching.
he always watched.
he’d watched you before—seen you with other guys through teddy’s eyes. it killed him every time, watching you with someone else, but this? this was different. jay was different.
jungwon had never let himself go this far before, never crossed that line. never touched himself while watching. there had always been that line, the one he swore he’d never cross, no matter how much it hurt.
but this time, his hand hovered closer, trembling. jay was different.
he hated it. hated how fucking good jay was. he could see it—could fucking feel it—how much more desperate you were, how much more you needed jay. jungwon’s jaw clenched so hard he thought his teeth might crack. you were never like this with anyone else.
“you’ve never fucking been like this before,” jungwon growled, fists shaking, eyes burning into the screen as your fingers tangled in jay’s hair, pulling him closer, your moans louder, more frantic. it was unbearable. you were never this desperate with anyone else. never this needy.
the realization hit him like a punch to the gut: jay might even be better than him.
something inside him snapped. the line he’d drawn for himself—the line that kept him from fully diving into this twisted, fucked-up obsession—blurred, then shattered completely. his hand shook as it moved toward his pants, his body acting on its own. there was no going back now.
fuck it.
“no, no, no,” he hissed, frustration tearing through him, raw and suffocating. “why can’t you see? why the fuck can’t it be me?”
the overwhelming urge to destroy something—anything—burned in his chest. he wanted to reach through the screen, rip jay away from you, stop this entire scene, but instead, his shaky hands fumbled for something else. your panties. fresh from the wash, but it didn’t matter. they were yours. they were enough.
he brought them to his face, inhaling deeply, desperate for any trace of you, needing the connection, no matter how fucked up it was. his teeth bit down on the fabric, muffling the growl building in his chest, eyes glued to the screen, watching you, watching jay, feeling his whole body tremble with want, jealousy, and pure need.
his hand moved lower, gripping his cock for the first time, unable to stop himself, unable to tear his gaze away from the scene unfolding before him. this should be me. why isn’t it me?
"i’m just letting him borrow you," he whispered, breath ragged, hand moving desperately now as his eyes stayed fixed on you. "you’re mine."
"i'll make fucking sure of it," he gasped, his voice trembling, eyes rolling back as he struggled to keep watching. you were flipping jay over so easily, like you had all the control. like you were playing a game.
“been wanting to suck your cock for the longest time now…” your voice, low and teasing, drifted through the speakers, and it sent him spiraling. his hand moved faster, strangled moans tearing from his throat as he watched you lower yourself between jay’s legs, that cheeky grin lighting up your face like you were enjoying every second of it. fuck.
"shit," jungwon groaned, his breath shaky, watching as you took jay into your mouth, the obscene wet sounds filling the room, driving him closer to madness.
“you should be doing that to me,” jungwon whimpered, his voice barely above a whisper, barely able to breathe. that should be him there, not fucking jay. the sight of you on your knees, lips wrapped around jay’s cock, burned into his mind, making his hand move faster, more frantic.
“i’m the one who’s been waiting… not him,” he spat, pressing your panties harder against his cock, the fabric rubbing against him, heightening the sensation until he could barely think straight.
jay’s groans filled the room, his hand cupping your cheek as you teased the tip of his cock, swirling your tongue around him slowly, making him tremble. jay’s breath hitched, voice thick with lust.
“shit… just suck me off,” jay’s voice was raw, impatience laced with desire. “or i swear, i’ll fuck you right now.”
jungwon’s jaw tightened, his teeth grinding together as he watched you hold all the power over jay, completely in control. you had him wrapped around your finger.
you smirked, dragging your tongue along the length of jay’s cock, savoring how his hips jerked forward, desperate for more, desperate for you.
“y/n,” jay growled, voice heavy with need. “don’t make me wait.”
and you didn’t. with that sly smile still on your face, you took him deeper, hollowing your cheeks, your hands gripping his thighs, steadying yourself as you worked him.
“oh, fuck,” jay muttered, his hands tangling in your hair, pulling you closer, thrusting deeper. “shit, is this okay?” his voice was strained, trembling. “want to fuck your mouth, baby, will you let me?”
the low moan you gave around his cock made jay groan, his hips bucking into your mouth, his control slipping, each thrust more eager, more desperate. he wasn’t waiting anymore—he was fucking your mouth now, deeper, harder with each motion.
jungwon’s breath hitched, his strokes becoming frantic as he watched jay’s cock moving deeper into your throat, every sound, every moan, every whimper pushing him closer to the edge. he wasn’t going to last. not like this. not watching you like this.
he’s completely lost in it now, hands gripping your head firmly as he thrusts into your throat, groaning with every deep stroke, the sound of your muffled squeals driving him wild.
“that’s it,” jay gasps, voice shaky, breath coming fast as he watches you struggle to take him, your lips stretched tight around his cock, tears welling up at the corners of your eyes. the wet, obscene sounds between you both fill the room, slick and needy, making him moan in satisfaction.
"you sound so pretty like this," jay rasps, his hand tightening in your hair, controlling your movements as he thrusts deeper. “look at you, taking my cock so well… you love it, don’t you? love how filthy this is?”
you try to nod, eyes rolling back as you gag slightly, the raw need in his voice only turning you on more. jay leans back, biting his lip, clearly getting off on the sight of you choking on him, watching as your throat struggles to handle his size.
“you’re a fucking dream, baby,” he mutters, voice rough with lust. “you gonna let me keep fucking that pretty mouth? yeah?”
he doesn’t wait for an answer. his hips move faster, his cock sliding in and out of your mouth with each thrust, more desperate, more intense with every second. you grip the sides of his thighs, nails digging into his skin as you feel him pulse in your mouth, his cock swelling as he nears the edge.
but just when you think he’s about to finish, jay abruptly pulls you off him. you cough, gasping for air, eyes tear-stained, cheeks flushed, and saliva trailing from your lips down to his cock. you barely have a moment to catch your breath before jay growls.
“come here,” he demands, voice thick with urgency as he pulls you into his lap, positioning you to straddle him, knees pressing into the mattress on either side of his hips.
the second your bodies connect, his mouth crashes against yours, kissing you hard, teeth scraping against your lips as his hands grip your waist, fingers digging into your skin like he can’t get enough of you.
before you know it, he’s flipping you onto your back, his body hovering over you, hands roaming your skin, rough and needy. his cock presses against your entrance, teasing you as he drags the tip through your slick folds, just brushing against your core but refusing to give you what you’re aching for.
“beg,” jay growls, his lips brushing your ear, breath hot against your skin as he holds himself right there, torturing you with the anticipation. “i wanna hear you beg for it.”
your body arches toward him, the heat between your legs unbearable as your voice trembles, “please, jay… fuck me.”
his smirk deepens, fingers digging into your waist as he pushes in just enough to make you feel the stretch but not enough to satisfy. “not good enough,” he murmurs, voice teasing as he hovers on the edge. “tell me how bad you want it.”
you whimper, nails biting into his shoulders as you gasp, “please, i need you… i need you to fuck me open, jay… i want it so bad.”
he groans, the sound guttural as he slides just the tip of his cock inside, your soaked pussy immediately clenching around him.
“shit,” jay mutters, inching his way in slowly, eyes locked on yours as he watches your face twist in pleasure. “didn’t think you’d be this tight, baby. you’ve been waiting for this, haven’t you?”
your breath is shaky, jaw slack as he stretches you inch by inch. it’s almost too much, your fingers gripping the sheets beneath you as you struggle to adjust to his size.
“jay,” you whimper, your body tensing as he bottoms out, his cock buried deep inside you. the intensity makes you yelp, your body instinctively trying to pull away.
he grips your hips tighter, holding you in place, a wicked grin spreading across his face. “where do you think you’re going?” he taunts. “thought you wanted this. wanted me to fuck you like this. you’re not running now.”
“wait,” you manage to smile through the haze, breath uneven as you try to adjust to the stretch. “you’re… big.”
jay’s grin widens, eyes glinting with pride. “you can take it,” he growls, rolling his hips slowly, teasing you with the slightest movements. “look at your pussy getting all stretched out for me.”
your body responds immediately, legs trembling as he starts moving again, setting a rhythm that has you gasping for air, toes curling with every thrust. jay bites his lower lip, watching you struggle to take him, the sight of you barely holding on only spurring him on.
he can’t help himself.
“harder?” jay chuckled, teasing, as he leaned back and adjusted his grip on the back of your thighs, spreading your legs wider. his weight pressed down on you, pinning you to the bed, completely at his mercy.
your hands scrambled for something to hold onto, anything to steady yourself as the shift in position made you feel every inch of him more intensely. each deep thrust sent shockwaves through your body, forcing you to arch up, gasping for air.
jay looked down at you, eyes dark with lust as he took in the sight—you, wrecked beneath him, panting, completely undone. he loved it. loved the way you looked like this, completely under him. now, with your legs spread even wider, he could feel so much more of you, every inch of your slick pussy gripping him tighter.
“fuck... you feel that?” jay stuttered, his voice thick with pleasure as his pace quickened, hips slamming into you harder. “i can feel every part of you like this... shit, you’re taking me so fucking deep.”
your moans were ragged, desperate, each one louder than the last as the pleasure crashed over you, your body arching off the bed with every powerful thrust. “jay... oh my god…”
he smirked, watching you struggle beneath him, gripping your thighs tighter, spreading you open even more. “that’s right, baby,” he growled, his voice rough. “you’re gonna take it all... every inch of me.”
you could only whimper, his pace brutal, relentless, driving you closer and closer to the edge. each thrust had you quivering, spiraling beneath him as he pounded into you, taking you apart with each stroke.
“you love this, don’t you?” jay breathed, eyes burning with lust as he watched your body react to every movement. “you love being fucked like this…”
you managed a weak nod, your voice barely a whisper through the overwhelming pleasure. “yes... fuck, jay... i love it…”
jungwon’s grip tightened around his cock, jerking himself off even though his stomach and thighs were already a sticky mess of cum. your panties, soaked and sticky with his release, dragged over his shaft, the fabric clinging to him as he pumped faster, his hand shaking.
“fuck…” he hissed, barely able to get the word out, teeth clenched as he watched jay slam into you, each thrust harder, deeper. every sound you made almost tore him apart, his body jerking like he could feel it, like he was the one fucking you.
"look at you... getting fucked dumb on his cock," jungwon’s voice cracked, bitter and desperate, a twisted mix of jealousy and arousal tearing through him.
his strokes turned frantic, jerking himself harder, faster, like if he could go hard enough, fast enough, he could make it real—make it him instead of jay. his stomach clenched, head thrown back, legs trembling as he imagined it was him inside you.
“you’d feel so much better with me,” he growled under his breath, his hand moving faster, frustration boiling over. “i’d fuck you better than him,” jungwon choked out, barely more than a growl. his cock throbbed in his hand as he imagined you screaming his name, wanting him the way you wanted jay. “you’d fucking see…”
your moans, the way you shook, the way you screamed—jungwon was losing it. he wanted that. needed that. his body tensed as another orgasm ripped through him, spilling over the already soaked panties.
jay was relentless, slamming into you so hard you could barely breathe, your entire body trembling, feeling light-headed with pleasure as you teetered on the edge of release.
jungwon could see it, could feel it in his bones. his breath hitched as he watched, hating the sight of jay inside you, filling you when it should’ve been him.
“shit, your pussy’s too good,” jay grunted, his voice strained as he thrust into you harder. suddenly, he pulled out, leaving you gasping, your body aching for more, already too wound up.
“not yet,” jay whispered against your lips, teasing you with the faintest brush of his mouth before pulling back. his hand tapped your thigh, commanding you to move.
before you could even think, jay flipped you onto your stomach, positioning you like you were nothing more than a toy to him. his hands gripped your hips tight, lifting you the way he liked, preparing to take you all over again.
out of nowhere, jay’s hand cracked down on your ass, the sharp slap echoing through the room. you yelped, the sting rippling into a wave of pleasure that lit your body on fire. “fuck,” you whimpered, biting your lip, wanting more.
“you like that?” jay’s voice was rough, dripping with lust as he knelt behind you, his hands kneading your ass before delivering another sharp smack. “look at you, already missing my cock.”
your moans were muffled by the pillow, your body trembling as your hips pushed back, desperate for him to fill you again. he lined up, teasing your entrance, barely brushing against you, making you squirm. “jay, please,” you begged, voice breathless, needy.
he chuckled low, letting the head of his cock tease you, dragging it along your slick folds, enough to make you squirm but never giving you what you needed. “tell me how much you want it,” he growled, his lips ghosting over your ear, his voice filled with desire.
“put it back in,” you whined, pressing back against him, trying to take him in yourself. but jay only smirked, pulling away just enough to enjoy your frustration.
his chest pressed against your back, his cock dragging torturously over your slick folds, teasing you without mercy. his breath was hot on your neck as he whispered, “you want it that bad?”
you bit your lip, holding back, but when he nudged just the tip inside and pulled out again, your body jolted, your pride cracking.
“jay, please,” you murmured, voice trembling with need, the ache between your legs growing unbearable.
his dark chuckle brushed against your skin, his lips grazing your neck. “c’mon, y/n… say it,” he teased, giving you another shallow thrust, pulling back just as quickly. “you know you want it.”
your nails dug into the sheets, frustration building as your control slipped. “i want it, please,” you gasped, breath shaky. “fuck my pussy... give it to me.”
his grin widened against your skin, and he pulled back just enough to line himself up, lips close to your ear. “then take it,” he growled, slamming into you hard and deep in one brutal thrust, making you scream into the pillow.
“oh god—jay,” you cried, voice muffled, body shaking beneath him as his teeth sank into your shoulder, the sharp pain mixing with overwhelming pleasure.
“fuck,” jay groaned, his breath ragged against your skin. “wanted to take you out on a proper date, but you had to grind on me at the club.”
his voice was low, growling between each brutal thrust, the slap of skin filling the room, drowning out your desperate moans as your body quivered beneath his weight.
“couldn’t help it,” you choked out, voice breaking between gasps. “you looked so fucking good.”
jay’s grip on your waist tightened, his pace relentless, fucking you harder, making you scream as waves of pleasure rolled through you. “goddamn, y/n… you’re driving me fucking insane.”
“i finally…” you panted, voice barely coherent, “broke you, didn’t i? you fuck like an animal.”
jay growled low, his hands gripping your hips hard enough to bruise. “maybe you did,” he muttered, voice raw with need. “look what you fucking do to me.”
his words sent a shiver down your spine, pushing you closer to the edge as his thrusts became more desperate, more intense.
“you wanted this,” he growled, his breath hot against your neck, his chest heavy on your back. “you wanted me like this, didn’t you?”
you tried to hold back the moans, but he was so deep inside you, every thrust pushing you closer to the brink. “yes,” you gasped, nails clawing at the sheets. “yes, jay, don’t stop—keep fucking me.”
his grunts grew louder, his pace brutal as he chased his release, lips brushing yours in a messy, heated kiss.
his hips stuttered, rhythm faltering as he reached his limit, overwhelmed by how much you wanted him, how you took everything he gave like you were made for him. “fuck, i’m so close,” he groaned, voice strained. “gonna pull out, baby.”
but you shook your head, legs wrapping tighter around him. “no,” you whispered, breathless but firm. “just—give it to me. i want all of it.”
jay’s breath hitched, body trembling as he tried to hold on. “fuck, you're serious?” he rasped, control slipping. you nodded, licking your lips, urging him to let go, needing him to finish inside you.
your nails dug deeper into the sheets, your body trembling as you gasped, “don’t pull out… cum in my pussy… fill me up.”
his grip tightened, his voice wrecked. “you’ll make me get you pregnant, baby,” he groaned, eyes dark with lust, staring down at you. “god, you’re fucking killing me.”
you nodded, desperate, voice barely audible. “i… i’ll take care of it,” you moaned, meeting his thrusts. “just- please, inside me. you’re fucking me so good, want it—”
“oh fuck, y/n,” jay growled, pushing in deep as his body shook, coming hard inside you, filling you with everything he had.
“take it,” jay grunted, his voice raw, body jerking against you one last time as the heat flooded you. even as he finished, you kept grinding against him, milking every drop from him.
his body trembled, his moans turning helpless as he collapsed on top of you, completely spent.
“shit… stop moving, baby,” jay gasped, but even as the words left his mouth, his body couldn’t stay still, still trembling as he held you tighter, keeping himself buried deep inside you.
his breath was hot against your neck, heart pounding hard enough that you could feel it against your back. soft kisses trailed along your shoulder, his lips warm, gentle, as his body slowly came down from the high.
“i’m sensitive,” jay muttered, his voice low and intimate, a softness creeping into the words as he shifted, turning both of you so you were curled into him, still connected. his cock twitched inside you, the aftershocks of his release sending shivers through his body.
he held you close, arms tight around your waist, his fingers lazily tracing patterns on your skin as the two of you lay there in silence. “i’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the back of your neck, his voice a quiet promise.
you shifted slightly, wincing at the overstimulation, making jay groan. “ugh, that was so fucking good,” you mumbled, your voice muffled against his chest.
“don’t move,” he groaned, tightening his grip on you, his arms possessive. “don’t wanna pull out yet.”
you stayed tangled together, limbs entwined, the warmth of post-orgasm settling into your bones. the only sound in the room was the steady rhythm of your breathing, occasionally broken by soft laughs as you both tried to process what had just happened.
jay shifted beside you, still warm, pulling you even closer as if he couldn’t stand to be apart from you. his fingers brushed lightly over your waist, and you felt your eyelids growing heavier, the peaceful haze of sleep starting to take over.
“mm, y/n?” his voice was soft, thick with sleep as he nuzzled into your neck, his breath warm against your skin.
“yeah?” you mumbled, your voice hoarse. “you okay?”
“just couldn’t get comfortable for a second,” he murmured, pressing a lazy kiss to your shoulder. “sorry, you can go back to sleep, baby.”
the word “baby” made you smile, but you were too exhausted to tease him for it. his affection was clear, and it warmed you from the inside out. but as your mind began to wander, a nagging thought crept in—jungwon.
you hadn’t heard from him since last night, and a small part of you couldn’t help but wonder where he was, if he was okay. you tried to push the thought away, but it lingered, pulling you out of the comfortable haze.
“what time is it?” you asked softly, not really expecting an answer, just needing a distraction.
“still early,” jay murmured, pressing his lips against your neck again. “don’t worry about it.”
you tried to relax, to let his warmth lull you back to sleep, but your mind kept circling back to jungwon. “did jungwon ever get home?” you whispered, the question slipping out before you could stop it.
jay shifted beside you, his arm tightening around your waist slightly. “jungwon?” he muttered, still drowsy. “i dunno… didn’t hear him come in.”
you bit your lip, unease gnawing at you. jungwon had gone out with jake and sunghoon, and usually, he would at least text if he wasn’t coming back. but your phone was somewhere on the floor, and jay had you wrapped so tightly you couldn’t reach it. still, something didn’t feel right.
“he’ll be fine, y/n,” jay murmured, sensing your tension even half-asleep. his voice was soothing, but it didn’t fully ease the anxious twist in your stomach.
“yeah, you’re probably right,” you whispered, though the unease remained. you snuggled back against him, trying to let the comfort of his presence calm you, but your mind kept wandering back to jungwon.
jay shifted again, and this time his voice was softer, more hesitant. “y/n?” he began quietly, his breath brushing against your neck. “would you be mad if i told you i like you so fucking much?”
his words snapped you out of your thoughts, your heart skipping a beat. “mad?” you turned slightly to look at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. “why would i be mad?”
he sighed, rubbing gentle circles on your side as he met your eyes. “i dunno. maybe ‘cause i’m saying it now... after we just, you know, had sex for the first time.” he chuckled awkwardly. “kinda feels like i should’ve said it before all of this.”
you couldn’t help but laugh softly at his honesty, your fingers brushing lightly against his chest. “you did call me your girl earlier, remember?” you teased, easing the tension with a playful smile.
he grinned, rolling his eyes. “yeah, real smooth, huh?”
“so smooth,” you laughed quietly, shaking your head as the weight of the moment lifted between you.
he leaned in closer, his forehead resting against yours, his voice softer now. “but seriously... i like you. a lot. more than i thought i would.”
his confession made your chest warm, and your heart beat a little faster. “i like you too, jay,” you admitted, your fingers tracing patterns on his skin. “and no, i’m not mad.”
relief washed over his face, and his smile widened as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “good. ‘cause i really don’t wanna fuck this up.”
“you’re not,” you whispered, leaning in to kiss him gently, reassuring him. for now, in this moment, everything between the two of you felt right—even if your mind kept drifting back to jungwon.
jay sighed, content, pulling you even closer, his body relaxing against yours. but as sleep started to creep back in, that small thought of jungwon lingered in the background, refusing to let go.
jungwon slumped back in his chair, chest heaving, body drenched in sweat, his skin clammy with the aftermath of how far he'd let himself go. his heart pounded violently, each beat a reminder of the sick desperation that gripped him tighter with every passing second. no matter how many times he came tonight, it wasn’t enough. it never was.
the screen had gone black minutes ago, but the sounds—the haunting echoes of your moans and jay’s grunts—played relentlessly in his mind. it felt like they were carved into his skull, on repeat, taunting him, reminding him of every moment he wasn’t there, every time jay had what he craved most.
jungwon dragged a trembling hand through his hair, the strands sticking to his damp forehead, his eyes burning with unshed tears. his other hand still clutched your lingerie, the delicate lace now crumpled and soaked with his own cum. disgust surged through him as he stared at the fabric. it felt like a mockery of the connection he so desperately longed for. he let it fall from his fingers, the soft thud of it hitting the keyboard echoing like a final defeat.
but the disgust didn’t make the ache in his chest any less real. it clawed at him, gnawing at his insides, threatening to tear him apart from the inside out. how long was he going to do this to himself? how long would he have to watch you give everything to jay?
his teeth sank into his lip, hard enough to draw blood, the sharp taste grounding him for just a second before the agony crashed back in, stronger than ever. it wasn’t about the release—never was. the way you begged jay to fuck you harder, to cum inside you—it was a knife twisted in jungwon’s gut, over and over.
“fuck…” his voice shook, barely more than a whisper. he hated himself for how much he wanted to blame you. but he couldn’t. he could never hate you, even as every part of him shattered under the weight of it all.
his body trembled, weak from the overstimulation, but his mind was a storm—each thought darker, more desperate. he pushed himself up from the chair, legs barely supporting him as he stumbled toward the bed, collapsing onto it face-first, still half-naked, pants bunched around his thighs. his cock twitched against the sheets, oversensitive and raw, but the pleasure had turned into something hollow, something meaningless.
the silence of the room pressed in on him, thick and suffocating. jungwon hugged his pillow tightly, his chest rising and falling with ragged breaths, exhaustion clinging to him, but sleep felt impossibly far. his mind wouldn’t stop racing.
how could he ruin this? how could he tear jay down, rip him apart, make sure he could never have you again? thoughts of revenge spiraled in his head, each one darker, more vicious than the last, but nothing felt like enough. nothing matched the depth of the emptiness he felt.
he needed to break jay. he needed to make jay feel the same crushing agony that had consumed him for weeks. the same jealousy, the same suffocating helplessness. he needed to make jay feel what it was like to lose everything.
with a sharp breath, jungwon slammed his fist into his chest, the impact sending a shock of pain through his ribs, but it did nothing to drown out the ache inside him. if anything, the hollow feeling only grew, spreading through his veins like poison. it wasn’t enough.
“fuck!” jungwon gasped, his voice cracking, raw and broken as he punched his chest again, harder this time. his knuckles throbbed from the force, but the pain was futile—useless against the tidal wave of emotion threatening to drown him.
tears welled in his eyes, hot and unrelenting. his hands shook as he gripped his hair, pulling hard, trying to keep the sobs at bay, but it was useless. the dam broke, and a harsh, guttural sob tore from his throat. one after the other, the sobs came, his entire body shaking with the force of them.
“no… no…” he whimpered between gasping breaths, the tears streaming down his face, soaking into the pillow beneath him. he had never felt so broken, so pathetic. the sobs wouldn’t stop, his entire body convulsing with each ragged cry, years of frustration, jealousy, and desperation bubbling to the surface all at once.
“it’s not fair,” jungwon whimpered, his voice barely audible, choking on the words as they left his lips. “it’s not fucking fair.”
“why?” he cried out, voice shattering in the darkness, trembling and fragile.
he buried his face deeper into the pillow, trying to muffle the broken sobs that tore from him, but nothing could stop the flood of agony ripping him apart. the pain grew, gnawing at him, spreading through his chest like wildfire, consuming him completely.
“i love you,” jungwon whispered, the words trembling, broken, and so full of hurt. “fuck, i love you so much.”
but his words fell flat, lost in the empty silence of his room. they hung in the air, unanswered, just like every other desperate plea he’d made. he sobbed harder, the tears coming slower now, but no less painful, each one a bitter reminder that nothing had changed. nothing would change.
he lay there for what felt like hours, broken, sobbing into the darkness, waiting for the pain to subside. but it didn’t. it lingered, sharp and unyielding, an open wound that wouldn’t heal. deep down, he knew it never would. he would never escape this.
days passed, and jungwon became nothing more than a ghost in the apartment, slipping through the cracks, disappearing into the shadows like he was made of them. you never saw him during the day, only heard the faintest shuffle of footsteps late at night, long after you’d gone to bed, when he knew you wouldn’t be around to see him. at first, you thought he wasn’t coming home at all.
no signs, no sounds. it was like he’d vanished. but then, in the dead of night, there it was—the creak of a door, the quiet rustle of sheets, the almost imperceptible presence of him trying to remain unseen. he was avoiding you, and you had no idea why.
it took you days to work up the courage to knock on his door. you didn’t know what you were expecting, but the silence that greeted you after your hesitant knock made the knot in your chest tighten.
“jungwon? you there?” your voice was barely a whisper, pressed against the door like you were afraid of what you might hear. there was no response. just more suffocating silence. you were about to give up, about to turn away, when you heard it—the faintest rustle of movement, sheets shifting, the sound of someone deliberately staying quiet.
he was there. he didn’t want to face you.
"hey… you’ve been in there for days... are you okay?" you tried again, the ache in your chest making your voice softer, more desperate. nothing. no answer. the silence dragged on, the weight of it pressing down on you until you couldn’t take it anymore. eventually, you walked away, the heavy thud of your footsteps echoing through the empty hallway.
the few times you did catch a glimpse of him, it was like seeing a ghost. jungwon would slip past you in the hallway, his head down, shoulders slumped, moving so quickly it was like he couldn’t get away fast enough. he wouldn’t look at you, wouldn’t even acknowledge your presence, like you weren’t there.
his face… god, his face. gaunt, hollowed out, dark circles carved beneath his eyes so deep it looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. his lips, pale and cracked, barely held together, and his clothes hung loosely on him, like he’d stopped caring about everything—including himself. the jungwon you knew was gone, replaced by this hollow shell, this shadow of a person who had locked himself away so deep inside that you didn’t know how to find him anymore.
and then there was that night.
you’d woken up thirsty, stumbling into the kitchen for a glass of water, when you found him sitting at the counter. jungwon was just sitting there, staring blankly at the floor, an untouched plate of food in front of him, cold and forgotten. he didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge you when you entered. his stillness was unnerving, like he was frozen in place, trapped in a moment he couldn’t escape from.
“jungwon?” you whispered, your voice trembling with concern, hoping, praying he’d respond this time. but he didn’t. he didn’t look up, didn’t flinch. he just sat there, hollow and vacant, like a ghost haunting the room, as if your presence meant nothing to him.
and then, just as slowly as he’d appeared, he stood, his movements stiff and robotic, walking past you as if you weren’t even there. like you didn’t exist.
for a fleeting moment, you caught a glimpse of his face—the emptiness in his eyes, the haunted look that twisted your gut with worry. it was like staring into a void, like jungwon wasn’t really there at all anymore. whatever was happening inside him, it was consuming him from the inside out, pulling him further and further away from you, into a darkness you couldn’t reach.
something was horribly wrong, and no matter how hard you tried to reach him, to break through that impenetrable wall he’d built around himself, jungwon was slipping further and further away, disappearing into a place where you couldn’t follow.
you found yourself standing in front of jungwon’s door again, hand hovering over the wood, your heart pounding in your chest. this wasn’t the first time, but it felt heavier now, like there was more on the line. you hesitated, teeth sinking into your lip, before finally knocking.
just like every other time, there was nothing but silence. the faint hum of the apartment’s air filled the space around you, but from behind that door, it was as if nothing existed. no movement. no sound. no acknowledgment of you.
the tightness in your chest grew, a knot of anxiety settling deep inside. you missed him. the silence, the way he was avoiding you—everything about it felt wrong, like something crucial had been ripped away.
you stood there, staring at the door, chewing your lip, debating whether to walk away again, or push through the painful awkwardness. you couldn’t just leave things like this. not with him.
“jungwon,” you said softly, your voice barely a whisper, fragile in the quiet hallway. “i’m... i’m worried about you. i don’t know what’s going on, but you’ve been so distant, and it’s not like you. can you please talk to me?”
nothing.
the silence on the other side of the door pressed down on you, suffocating. you leaned your forehead against the wood, trying to hold back the swell of frustration and sadness building inside. why wouldn’t he just talk to you? what had changed between you two? you’d always been close, always had that connection. but now? it was like you were invisible.
you exhaled shakily, deciding to try a different approach. "i’m going to tell you about my day, okay?" your voice was lighter, like you were forcing a smile even though he couldn’t see it. “i know you probably don’t care right now, but maybe if you hear me out, you’ll feel like talking to me. or at least... listen.”
you leaned your body against the door, as if you could get closer to him through it.
“i went to work, and it was... fine, i guess. lisa kept annoying me with her gossip, you know how she is. she tried to drag me out for drinks after, but i wasn’t feeling it.” you let out a small laugh, trying to inject some normalcy into the air, like it would remind him of what used to be easy between you two. “i know how much you hate hearing about her, but i don’t have anyone else to vent to right now, so... sorry, you’re stuck with this.”
still, silence.
the ache in your chest deepened, but you kept going. “jay’s been away on a business trip. he left a few days ago... and i don’t know, it’s been harder than i thought. him being gone, and now you avoiding me... it’s making everything worse.” your voice cracked, and you hated how vulnerable you sounded, but you couldn’t help it.
it was the truth. you felt so alone without jungwon and jay. you always leaned on him when things got hard, but now even he was gone, unreachable.
“i miss you,” you finally admitted, voice barely above a whisper, your hand pressing flat against the door, wishing you could feel him on the other side. "i miss how we used to talk, how we’d hang out. i don’t know what happened between us, but... it’s killing me that you’re avoiding me. i just... i need my brother back."
you waited, heart hammering, hoping for anything—a sound, a word, something to let you know he was still there. but there was nothing. the silence was thick and unrelenting, swallowing you whole.
your throat tightened, the feeling of helplessness wrapping itself around you. you took a deep breath, giving the door one last soft tap. "i’ll leave you alone now, but... please, jungwon. just talk to me. whenever you’re ready."
you turned away, your heart heavy, each step feeling like you were sinking further into a pit. the quiet in the hallway was suffocating, and the weight of jungwon’s absence pressed down harder on you with every second that passed. you missed him, more than you could put into words. the distance between you felt impossible to bridge, and no matter how hard you tried, it only seemed to grow wider.
"can you at least try to answer my texts?" you called out, voice softer now, almost pleading, desperation leaking through. you stopped in the middle of the hall, waiting, waiting for something, anything. but the silence stretched on, and the gnawing ache in your chest worsened.
nothing.
not a single sound came from his room. it was like he wasn’t even there anymore.
you swallowed hard, fighting the lump in your throat, your heart sinking lower with each second that passed without a response. the frustration, the sadness, the helplessness—it weighed on you like a stone, heavy and crushing. you didn’t know how to reach him anymore. you didn’t know how to bring him back.
“please, jungwon,” you whispered, your voice barely audible, more to yourself than to him now. you stood there, rooted to the spot, waiting, hoping, wishing for something, anything. but all you got was the same oppressive silence that had surrounded you for days.
finally, with a deep sigh, you turned away, that familiar ache settling deeper in your chest, like a hole that couldn’t be filled. each step down the hall felt heavier than the last, your mind racing with all the things you wanted to say but couldn’t.
you wanted him back. you wanted your brother back. but he was slipping further away, and you didn’t know how to stop it.
you sat curled up on the couch, legs tucked beneath you, scrolling through your messages with jay. the conversation had started light, but as the texts went on, you could feel the emptiness creeping in, the sharp realization of how much you missed him gnawing at you.
you: hey... i miss you. feels kinda empty here without you
jay: i miss you too, baby. just a few more days and i'll be back before you know it
you: ugh, this business trip sucks. feels like forever
jay: trust me, i’m counting down the days too
you: you better make it up to me when you get back ;)
you bit your lip, a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth as you imagined him reading that message. there was a small pause before his reply came in.
jay: oh, i will. got something special planned for you. promise.
you: now i’m curious...
jay: you’ll have to wait and see ;) but don’t worry. it’ll be worth it.
you could practically hear the smirk in his words, and the thought made your chest flutter. as much as you hated being apart, jay always knew how to ease the ache, even if it was just through a few flirty texts.
you: wish you were here though... feels off without you around
jay: same here. but i’ll be back soon. promise.
you: ugh, you’re so positive lol. i wish i had that right now
jay: gotta keep the vibes up, babe. we’ll be fine, just a little longer.
you: okay, fine... but i still hate it lol
jay: you’ll survive. i’ll make it up to you, remember?
you: you better...
the conversation made you smile, but the silence around you felt heavier than before. it lingered, pressing down as you stared at the screen, waiting for another response. then:
jay: i’ve got meetings for the next few hours, so i won’t be reachable, okay?
you: yeah, okay. good luck, don’t work too hard
jay: i’ll try. talk soon, love you.
you: love you too.
you sighed, putting your phone down, staring at the empty room. jay was right—you’d see him soon—but that didn’t stop the ache. the apartment felt hollow without him, and worse, jungwon was barely speaking to you.
what if jungwon was still acting distant when jay came back? maybe jay could help. maybe he’d get jungwon to open up. but for now, you were left alone in the quiet.
you chewed on your nail absentmindedly, eyes flicking to the screen, but the movie playing was just background noise, something to fill the silence. after a few moments, you reached for your phone again, scrolling through the unanswered texts you’d sent to jungwon. the long thread of messages, one after another, stared back at you, and each unread line made your heart sink further.
you: hey, you haven’t left your room in days?
you: seriously, jungwon, what’s going on?
you: are you mad at me? i just want to talk.
you: please answer me.
not a single response.
you frowned, the tightness in your chest growing, frustration mixing with the sadness that had been building for days. why wouldn’t he just talk to you? part of you wanted to give him space, let him come to you when he was ready, but the longer he stayed away, the more it hurt.
with a deep sigh, you opened up another message.
you: look, i don’t know what’s going on, but i hate this distance between us. if you need space, fine, but at least let me know you’re okay.
you hesitated, staring at the screen, your thumb hovering over the send button. would he even read this? you hit send anyway, the weight of the unsaid words pressing on your chest. after a moment, you typed one last message.
you: if you want to talk or just hang out... my door’s open. come to my room if you feel like it.
you set your phone down, the silence of the apartment swallowing you whole. without the distraction of the TV, the quiet was deafening, making the emptiness feel so much more real. you glanced at your phone one last time, hoping—wishing—for a reply, but there was nothing. not even a sign that he’d read your messages.
with a soft sigh, you turned off the TV and made your way to your room. the bed creaked softly as you dropped onto it, pulling the blankets around you. your phone lay on the nightstand, screen dark and still, the silence hanging heavy around you.
you left the door cracked open, just in case.
the apartment was too still, and jungwon’s absence weighed on you like a physical thing. you lay there, staring up at the ceiling, eyes heavy with exhaustion, but sleep didn’t come easily. it was a restless kind of feeling, the kind that left you half-awake, waiting for something that might never come.
and then, the bed dipped.
you jolted awake, heart slamming against your ribcage, the remnants of sleep still clouding your vision. you blinked, eyes adjusting to the dim light, and there he was—jungwon. sitting at the edge of your bed, his back turned to you, his posture rigid.
“jesus, you fucking scared me,” you muttered, trying to steady the pounding in your chest.
he didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge your words. just sat there, like a statue, head bowed, shoulders tense. something was off—really off—and the heavy silence that hung between you only made it worse. you noticed the door was closed. when had that happened? the stillness of the room felt suffocating now, like the air itself was thick with everything left unsaid.
hesitant, you reached out, placing a hand gently on his back. the moment your palm touched him, you felt him flinch, his body reacting to the contact like it was a jolt of electricity. but he didn’t pull away. he stayed there, frozen, his breath catching in his throat before it escaped in a deep, shaky exhale.
“please,” you whispered, voice so soft it was almost swallowed by the tension in the room, “don’t shut me out. i miss you.”
the words seemed to snap something inside him. jungwon turned his head sharply, eyes wide, and for the first time in a long while, you could see everything—all of it. the raw, unfiltered emotion that he’d been hiding. his eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and though he blinked quickly, trying to hold them back, it was too late. you’d seen the truth. you could feel the hurt radiating from him, almost palpable.
“you… miss me?” his voice cracked, disbelief laced in every syllable, as if the very idea of you missing him was foreign, impossible. there was something raw, almost desperate, flickering in his gaze, something that made your heart clench painfully in your chest.
you nodded, your throat tightening, the emotions between you thickening. how had you not noticed? how had you let it get this bad?
“wow…” jungwon muttered, running a trembling hand through his hair, visibly trying to keep himself from falling apart. but it was clear he was on the edge, barely holding on. his emotions swirled around him, chaotic and heavy, and you could feel the weight of it pressing on you too.
“you just say that, and suddenly… i want to be okay again.” his voice wavered, a bitter laugh bubbling up from deep within him. “isn’t that pathetic?” the laugh was sharp, almost cutting, but beneath it was something so much more fragile, something that hurt to hear.
“what are you talking about?” you whispered, your heart breaking for him in ways you couldn’t quite grasp. his words, his tone—they didn’t match the jungwon you knew. this wasn’t the boy you’d grown up with, the boy who had always been so full of quiet strength. this was someone drowning, lost in emotions that were too big for him to carry alone.
without a second thought, you moved closer, your hands gently tugging him toward you. “come here,” you said softly, your voice both an invitation and a plea. you guided him away from the edge, pulling him into you. and this time, he didn’t resist.
he let you pull him close, his head resting against your shoulder, his body curling into yours like it had so many times when you were kids, like he was searching for that comfort, that familiarity.
your heart swelled, a bittersweet warmth spreading through your chest as you held him. you remembered the times you’d fall asleep together, mid-movie, or after long days spent together.
but this... this was different. his breathing was shaky, his body trembling slightly against yours, and you could feel the storm of emotions inside him.
and yet, something else lingered, something that made the air around you feel thicker, heavier.
“but you’ll hate me,” he whispered, so quietly you almost didn’t catch it. his voice was so vulnerable, trembling with fear, with something you couldn’t quite place.
“hate you?” you echoed, your fingers brushing through his hair gently as you tried to soothe him, tried to understand. “why would i ever hate you?”
he didn’t answer right away. his face was still pressed against your chest, but you could feel the shift in him, the tension building. when he finally pulled back to look at you, his eyes were filled with an intensity that made your breath catch.
tears clung to his lashes, but there was something more, something darker in his gaze.
his eyes flickered down to your lips, lingering there for a heartbeat too long. your heart stuttered in your chest, a sense of unease washing over you. the closeness between you suddenly felt different, charged in a way that made your stomach twist.
“jungwon?” you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath, the question heavy in the air between you. but before you could process the meaning behind his gaze, before you could move or speak again, his grip on your shirt tightened, pulling you even closer.
his face was inches from yours now, and then, suddenly, his lips were on yours—soft, shaky, unsure, but insistent. it wasn’t what you expected. it wasn’t what you wanted. but it was happening.
your heart pounded in your chest, panic rising as the kiss fully registered. you pulled away quickly, your breath coming in shallow gasps, hands pushing against him. "what are you doing? stop—no, we can’t!" your voice trembled, desperate to make sense of the overwhelming rush of emotions.
but jungwon didn’t stop. his eyes, wide and filled with something raw and unrecognizable, bore into yours. there was a desperation in them, something pleading, frantic. “please, y/n, just listen—” he leaned in again, his voice almost breaking.
“no!” you cried, pressing harder against his chest, trying to create space between you. your hands shook as you tried to shove him back, your mind screaming at you that this wasn’t right. “this isn’t right, jungwon! we can’t—”
“but you kissed me back,” he interrupted, his voice cracking as he held your gaze, the hurt in his eyes twisting painfully in your chest. “i know you felt it too. you didn’t pull away right away. you liked it, didn’t you?”
his words hit you like a punch, leaving you reeling, the confusion swirling inside you tightening like a knot. “no, i didn’t—” you stammered, shaking your head, trying to shake off the weight of his accusation. how did this even happen?
“please,” he whispered, his voice breaking, and before you could react, he leaned in again, his desperation bleeding into every movement. his lips crashed against yours with a force that left you breathless, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth with an intensity that made your head spin.
you struggled, hands pushing at him, but his strength overpowered yours. the more you resisted, the harder he pressed, the kiss turning more frantic, more overwhelming. you told yourself to push him away, to stop this before it went any further, but your body… your body wasn’t listening. it froze, paralyzed in the whirlwind of emotions crashing over you.
the heat of his touch, the urgency of his kiss—it blurred everything else. for a split second, nothing else existed. it was just his lips, desperate and pleading, and the dizzying sense of wrongness mixing with the confusion in your mind.
then, you felt it. his hands slipping under your shirt, fingers grazing the bare skin of your stomach, sending a jolt through you like a cold shock of reality. the haze shattered.
you gasped, pulling away, the air in your lungs burning as the weight of the situation hit you like a ton of bricks. this wasn’t just a kiss anymore. this was something far deeper, something you weren’t ready for.
before you could fully react, jungwon moved over you, his body pressing you down into the mattress, caging you beneath him. his weight pinned you in place, his arms braced on either side of your head, trapping you. he kissed you again, more frantic this time, his desperation growing with every second that passed.
“jungwon, stop,” you tried to say, but the words barely made it out, muffled by his lips, by the weight of everything that was happening too fast, too intensely. the room felt smaller, closing in around you as his kisses became more urgent, his hands wandering with a hunger that made your skin crawl.
you needed to stop this. you had to stop this.
but he wasn’t stopping.
"please," jungwon’s voice cracked as he pulled back, a thin trail of saliva connecting your lips, his eyes wide with desperation. "i need you... i need this. don’t leave me alone… not like this.
and then you felt it—his hips pressing against yours, the hard outline of his cock rubbing insistently against your thigh. your body froze, shock rippling through every inch of you.
he was so hard, the pressure of him grinding into you undeniable, suffocating. your breath hitched as you felt his desperation, his need, pressing into you like a weight you couldn’t shake.
you hated it—the way your skin flushed under his touch, how your body reacted, betraying you. and the look on his face—pained, desperate, so full of need—made it harder to pull away. it made everything harder.
his movements became more determined, the friction between you building with each desperate grind of his hips. his head fell back, a low groan tearing from his lips, his jaw slack as if he was already lost to the sensation.
his eyes fluttered shut, and just the sight of him like this—grinding against you, looking like he could cum just from that alone—had you crumbling.
"wait—" you breathed, voice barely a whisper, trying to regain control, but your own breath was coming in short, uneven gasps, mirroring the intensity he was pressing onto you. it was too much. he was too much.
and worst of all—you didn’t completely hate it. and that terrified you.
"please, let me," jungwon begged, his voice rough, full of raw emotion. his eyes burned into yours, overwhelming, trapping you beneath his gaze. his lips trembled as he kissed you again, softer this time, like he was asking for permission with each touch, pleading with you to let him keep going.
"i can't," you managed to whisper, shaking your head, trying to fight through the fog of his touch, but your body felt weak, pinned beneath his weight.
"you were kissing me back," jungwon insisted, his voice hardening as his lips hovered dangerously close to yours, his breath hot against your skin. “you liked it. don’t deny it.”
"no, jungwon, i—" your voice faltered, struggling to form words, but he pressed his forehead against yours, eyes locking onto yours with a fierce intensity that made it hard to breathe.
"you were," he repeated, his hands cupping your face, his fingers trembling against your skin. "stop lying to yourself, y/n."
his words twisted inside your chest, sending your thoughts spiraling. the confusion, the guilt—it all mixed with the undeniable pull of the moment, the years of repressed feelings now breaking free, crashing down around you in waves too strong to resist.
"this isn’t right," you whispered, your hands gripping his shirt, half trying to push him away, half holding him closer. you were torn, the weight of the situation crashing into the undeniable connection between you.
"but it feels right, doesn’t it?" jungwon murmured, his lips finding yours again, kissing you deeply, slowly, like he was savoring the taste of you, as if this was his last chance.
you gasped into the kiss, your hands sliding down to his chest, and for a fleeting moment, you let yourself kiss him back, fully aware of the line you were crossing. but as soon as you did, the weight of reality slammed into you, and you pulled away, breathless, shaking your head.
jungwon’s eyes darkened as he hovered over you, his hands roaming your sides, fingers slipping under your shirt, grazing your bare skin. "you don’t hate it,” he whispered, his voice low, dangerous, “i can feel it."
his words slithered into your mind, clouding your thoughts, blurring the lines you had promised yourself you’d never cross. his touch—too close, too much—made you tremble, and the way he looked at you... it was dangerous. your heart pounded in your chest, a frantic beat of fear and something you didn’t want to admit.
"this isn’t right... jay—" you started, your voice cracking under the weight of it all, but as soon as you said jay’s name, jungwon’s expression hardened, his jaw clenching.
"he's not here. i am." his voice was sharp, final, as he leaned in, dragging his tongue slowly up your neck, making your body shudder involuntarily.
"doesn’t it feel good?” his hands roamed rougher now, his fingers sneaking further under your shirt, brushing against your skin with a hunger that was impossible to ignore. “i can make you feel so fucking good... you know i’m right."
his tongue flicked over your ear, making your breath catch in your throat, your gasp betraying you. his mouth moved down to your neck, sucking hard, marking you in a way that made your stomach twist with both guilt and something darker.
you pushed weakly at his shoulders, your hands trembling, but he was stronger, catching your wrists and pinning them down as his mouth continued its slow, torturous path down your body. his nose brushed against your shirt as he lifted it slightly, his tongue dragging in slow, teasing stripes along your stomach like he was savoring every second.
you arched into the sensation, a broken moan slipping from your lips, and jungwon groaned in response, the sound of your pleasure spurring him on. just as you felt yourself slipping further, the image of jay flashed in your mind, cold and sobering. jungwon noticed immediately, his eyes snapping up to yours, his expression darkening as he read your thoughts before you could even voice them.
"no, no," he whispered, moving back up to your lips, kissing you again, desperate to keep you from pulling away. "you're thinking about him again, aren’t you?" his breath was hot against your ear, his frustration bleeding into his words.
“but you’re my brother…” the words slipped out, weak and trembling, as you tried to grasp onto some semblance of reality, something to hold onto, some line that shouldn’t be crossed.
your chest tightened, the weight of everything crashing down on you as you looked at him—jungwon, the boy you had grown up with, the person who should have been your safety, your boundary.
jungwon froze for a split second, his eyes locking onto yours, and for a moment, you saw something break inside him—a flash of vulnerability that shattered the hardness in his expression. but it was gone as quickly as it came. his grip on your waist tightened, like he was afraid you’d slip away from him, like losing you was a possibility he couldn’t bear.
"i never wanted to be," he whispered, his voice raw, and those five words hit you like a blow to the chest. there was no hesitation, no regret, only a desperate need. his lips found yours again, softer this time but still so urgent, so desperate. he kissed you like he was trying to erase your words, trying to make you forget everything—your boundaries, jay, and the storm of emotions that surrounded you both.
your eyes squeezed shut, your entire body trembling as his lips moved against yours. but even as you tried to pull away, he wouldn’t let you retreat. “look at me,” he whispered, his voice shaky yet filled with quiet authority, a plea buried deep within the demand. “please, y/n. look at me.”
you kept your eyes shut tight, resisting, clinging to whatever was left of your resolve. “i can’t… i can’t do this to jay,” you breathed, voice barely holding together as you tried to escape the hold jungwon had over you.
but jungwon wasn’t stopping. he kissed along your neck, slow, deliberate, each kiss sending a jolt through your body. “jay doesn’t have to know,” he murmured between kisses, his breath hot and ragged against your skin, the warmth of him wrapping around you like a suffocating blanket.
his lips trailed up your cheek, his hands cradling your face with such tenderness it made your heart ache. the contrast of his desperation and his soft touch was overwhelming. he bit down on your bottom lip, gently but firm enough to make you gasp, and before you could stop yourself, a low moan slipped out.
he paused at the sound, and in that split second, you felt everything shift. he saw it—the way you were faltering, the way your body was betraying you. “see?” he whispered, his lips hovering inches from yours, his breath mingling with yours. “you want this too.”
"he’s not here, y/n. jay doesn’t have to know," jungwon repeated, but this time his voice cracked, and you could hear the rawness in it—the pain, the need. "i’m right here. i’ve always been here."
"no..." you whispered weakly, but even you weren’t sure if you believed it anymore.
jungwon’s hand slipped down, his fingers sliding under your waistband, finding your soaked core. you gasped, your body betraying you again as his fingers teased you, slipping inside slowly. he groaned softly, his lips curling into a dark smirk as he felt how wet you were.
"then why are you so wet for me?" his voice was low, dangerous, as he pushed deeper. "fuck, you’re soaked... all for me."
you whimpered, your body arching into him, even as your mind screamed at you to stop. "why?" you choked out, your voice trembling, your eyes pleading for answers. "why are you doing this?"
jungwon pulled his fingers out, bringing them to his mouth, sucking them clean with a groan that sent a shiver down your spine. his eyes locked on yours, full of raw emotion—something deeper, something darker. "because i love you."
his confession hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. you stared at him, your heart pounding, your breath catching in your throat as the weight of his words sank in. you hadn’t realized, you hadn’t seen it, hadn’t felt it before. but now? now everything made sense.
"jungwon..." you whispered, your hands weakly gripping his shirt, the guilt and confusion twisting tighter around you. "i didn’t know... i didn’t realize..."
"you never saw me," he whispered, his voice barely holding together, his lips just inches from yours. the sadness in his eyes was unbearable, cutting through you like a knife. "not the way i needed you to. but i’ve seen you, every single day. every second. i’ve loved you, y/n. even when it fucking hurt, even when i tried to stay away. but i can’t anymore."
his words hit you like a tidal wave, the full force of his heartbreak crashing into you. you could feel it now—the years of silent suffering, the way he’d watched from the shadows, wanting you, needing you, and you never even noticed. it tore at you, unraveling everything you thought you knew.
"i... i don’t know what to say," you stammered, your mind spinning, everything unraveling at once. guilt, confusion, and the weight of his confession pressed down on you, suffocating, leaving you gasping for air.
"you don’t have to say anything... just let me have you," he whispered, his voice breaking as he leaned in, brushing his lips against yours, soft and hesitant, like he was scared you’d push him away again. "that’s all i’m asking."
his forehead rested against yours, his body trembling as he held you close, his breath uneven, each second stretching out painfully. there was no more hiding. this was him—raw, broken, vulnerable—and he was asking for everything.
the guilt hit you hard, like a wave pulling you under. you knew, deep down, that this wasn’t just lust for him. this was years of repressed feelings, of unspoken love, of obsession. he had loved you in silence for so long, and now he was laying it all out in front of you, begging for just a moment of validation, for you to see him.
and as you stared into his tear-streaked eyes, you couldn’t deny it anymore. you couldn’t pretend. there had been something between you, once, twice... maybe more times than you wanted to admit. and now, with everything out in the open, it was all crashing down on you.
you couldn’t look away. you couldn’t push him away. he was too close, too raw, and every second you stayed, every breath you shared, the line between right and wrong blurred even more.
"please," he whispered again, his voice so broken, so full of everything he’d held inside for so long. and as his lips brushed yours again, you felt yourself slipping, falling into him, into the years of unspoken desire and love that had always been there, waiting for you to see it.
"jungwon..." your voice cracked, tears welling up in your eyes. "i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry."
the words barely had a chance to settle before you kissed him. your lips crashed into his, the storm of emotions inside you spilling over, unable to hold back any longer.
jungwon froze for a split second, his breath hitching, and then he was on you, kissing you back with a desperation that made your heart ache. he groaned against your mouth, his body trembling like this was the moment he’d been waiting for his entire life. and maybe, in his mind, it was.
his hands clamped down on your waist, fingers digging into your skin, pulling you so close that you could barely breathe. his kiss was everything—years of longing, of frustration, heartbreak—all spilling out at once.
and now that you were kissing him back, now that he had you, it was like something inside him was breaking apart and being put back together at the same time.
he kissed you like it was his last chance, like he was drowning and this was his only way to breathe. his tongue slid into your mouth, greedy, devouring every sound you made, groaning deep in his chest like this was everything he had ever wanted.
the meaningless girls, the distractions, none of it had ever come close to this. you were all he had ever wanted.
his touch ignited something in you too—something raw, something you’d buried deep. your body responded to him, the heat of his hands on your skin setting your nerves on fire, and you couldn’t help but kiss him deeper, harder.
his lips trailed down to your neck, biting, sucking, marking you, and with every gasp that escaped your mouth, he lost a little more control.
"fuck," jungwon groaned, his breath hot against your skin as his hands slipped under your shirt, his touch rough, frantic. he was losing himself in you, piece by piece, every touch unraveling something inside him that had been locked away for too long.
and now, now that he had you, he wasn’t sure if he could ever let go.
his fingers grazed your skin, and you arched into him, your body betraying you with a soft gasp that only spurred him on. his grip tightened, and the kiss deepened, his need pouring into you, relentless. he tugged at your shirt, your clothes, desperate to feel more of you, to claim more of you.
he had waited so long for this moment—watched for so long. the fantasies, the dreams, the nights spent watching you from a distance, imagining this. nothing compared to the reality of having you beneath him, of hearing your moans, of feeling your body give in to his touch.
his breath caught as he realized—you were giving in. you wanted him. your hands gripped at his shirt, pulling him closer, and it was like a switch flipped in him. his lips curled into a smirk against your skin as he kissed you harder, his movements growing more aggressive, more possessive.
oh. yes.
you gasped, breathless, as his lips pressed harder against yours, his hips grinding against you. this was what he had wanted all along, what he had craved. his cock was hard, straining against his clothes, and he groaned into your mouth, his fingers digging into your waist, his grip possessive, as if he was afraid you’d disappear.
"fuck," he breathed, his voice low, dangerous, his lips brushing your ear. "you don’t know how long i’ve waited for this."
his hips pressed into yours, grinding slowly, teasingly, his fingers slipping down to tug at your shorts. "hurry," you gasped, your breath shaky and uneven, the urgency in your voice sending a thrill through him. his body stilled for a moment, his eyes darkening, a twisted smirk playing on his lips as he kissed along your neck.
"oh, that’s it," he muttered, his voice deep, rough. "so eager. so fucking eager."
his teeth sank into your skin, harder this time, bruising. it wasn’t just a bite; it was a claim. his hands moved with purpose now, one pinning your wrists above your head, the other pulling at your clothes, his grip tight, possessive. you were his, and he was going to make sure you knew it.
the darkness in him started to bleed through, inch by inch. his touches grew rougher, his kisses more frantic. he was unraveling before your eyes, losing control, losing himself in you.
his hips rocked harder against yours, the friction sending shockwaves through you, another moan tearing from your throat. but something was shifting in him—something darker, something that made you shudder beneath him.
he was losing himself, bit by bit, and he wasn’t going to stop.
"fuck," he growled, his breath hot against your neck, his voice filled with raw need. "you don’t know what you’ve done to me. i’ve been waiting... waiting so fucking long."
his hips pressed harder into you, rougher, the tension between you unbearable now. his grip on your wrists tightened, pinning you harder against the bed, and you could feel it—the desperation, the obsession, the years of longing finally boiling over.
"i’m not letting you go," jungwon muttered, his voice dark, a promise that made your stomach twist. his lips crashed against yours again, his kiss a mix of need and frustration, his control slipping further and further away.
"you think jay could ever make you feel like this?" jungwon hissed into your ear, his breath hot and jagged, the words slicing through the air like a challenge. his voice was low, darker than you had ever heard it, filled with a jealousy and possessiveness that sent a shiver down your spine.
the roughness of his movements took you by surprise, the sudden intensity catching you off guard. a thrill shot through you at the way he was taking control, but the mention of jay—your boyfriend, miles away—sent a wave of guilt crashing through you.
then you looked up at jungwon. really looked at him.
his face was twisted, contorted in a way you’d never seen before. the softness you had always known was gone, replaced by something unrecognizable. his eyes burned with an intensity that bordered on madness, a wild, unhinged hunger that seemed to consume him.
your heart pounded in your chest, a mix of fear and something far more dangerous tightening in your stomach. this wasn’t the boy you knew. this was something else, something darker, and yet the way he dominated you, the way he held you down, had you teetering on the edge of wanting more.
"he couldn’t even eat you out after you gave him the suck of his life." jungwon’s voice was sharp, almost mocking, but laced with something more sinister, something dangerous.
your eyes flew open at his words, panic rising in your chest. how did he know? your voice trembled as you spoke, "what? how do you know that?" the room felt like it was closing in on you, the tension suffocating. no one should have known, no one could have seen or heard that moment. your breath hitched as fear crept up your spine.
jungwon's smirk deepened, his eyes gleaming with something dark, something you couldn’t place. he leaned in closer, his body pressing harder against yours.
"i know everything, y/n," he whispered, his voice low and chilling, his gaze locking onto yours with a twisted sense of satisfaction. it was like he was savoring your fear, relishing in the control he had over you.
you tried to pull away, panic tightening in your chest, but jungwon’s grip only grew stronger. in one swift motion, he yanked your shorts down, making you yelp, the action so rough it left you breathless.
"you didn’t think i’d just sit back and let him have you, did you?" his voice was taunting now, a cruel edge to his words. "i’ve been watching. every little thing."
the reality of his words slammed into you, and your heart raced with panic. watching? how?
"w-what do you mean? how?" you stammered, your voice barely above a whisper as his weight pressed you deeper into the mattress, keeping you pinned beneath him. jungwon straddled you, his eyes dark and unreadable, but there was something more there now, something sinister lurking just beneath the surface.
your heart pounded as his hands grabbed the hem of your shirt, tugging it up roughly to reveal your bra. before you could react, he snapped one of the straps against your skin, the sting sharp, causing you to gasp. your body reacted against your will, a flush of heat rising under your skin.
"wouldn't you like to know?" jungwon's smirk grew, his eyes dancing with dark amusement, like this was all a game to him—a twisted, dangerous game that only he understood.
fear and confusion clouded your thoughts, but there was something else there, something darker stirring inside you. despite the fear, the way he had complete control over you—his dominance, the weight of his body trapping you—had your pulse quickening in ways you didn’t expect.
"jungwon, i’m not fucking around," you snapped, your voice shaky but firm, trying to mask the panic that was threatening to overtake you. your hands pushed against his chest, but he was unmovable, his body keeping you pinned beneath him, helpless.
"how were you watching?" you demanded, the question barely leaving your lips as your breath hitched. you needed to know, needed to understand what was happening.
jungwon’s smirk didn’t waver. in fact, it seemed to grow darker. he leaned in, his lips brushing against your ear, his voice a low, taunting whisper. "i have my ways." the words sent a chill down your spine, his tone dripping with arrogance. his hips shifted, pressing harder against you, reminding you just how trapped you were.
your breath caught as his fingers trailed down your stomach, the heat of his touch setting off a reaction in your body that you didn’t want to acknowledge. "you’re so curious," he teased, his voice growing darker, more dangerous. "but maybe you should focus on how you’re feeling right now."
"you’re getting wetter, aren’t you?" he taunted, his voice low, dripping with satisfaction.
your body betrayed you, reacting to his dominance, the way he controlled every moment, every touch. anger flared up, but it was mixed with something else—something you couldn’t shake, something primal and terrifying.
and the worst part? he wasn’t wrong.
your body heated under his touch, despite the fear clawing at the edges of your mind. every part of you wanted to scream, wanted to fight back, but you were frozen, pinned beneath him, powerless.
and jungwon? he saw it all. he saw your hesitation, your fear, the way your body responded to him. his smirk widened, his eyes gleaming with dark satisfaction as he watched you unravel beneath him.
"he couldn’t give you this," he muttered, his lips grazing your neck, his teeth nipping at your skin, his breath hot and ragged. "he could never make you feel like this."
his words were venomous, biting, but they sank into your skin, embedding themselves in your thoughts. you wanted to hate him, to push him away, but with every touch, every word, he was pulling you deeper into his world.
"answer me," you spat, trying to steady your voice, but it wavered, betraying the whirlwind of confusion inside you.
jungwon’s reaction wasn’t what you expected. instead of answering, he laughed, low and dark, his hands sliding back up to your bra, tugging at the fabric with a casual cruelty.
"oh, i’ve been watching you for a long time, y/n," he murmured, his eyes gleaming with something dangerous, something far beyond what you thought you knew of him. "all those times you thought you were alone… you weren’t."
his words sent a chill crawling down your spine, your breath hitching in your throat. this wasn’t some sudden madness; this had been brewing inside him for longer than you realized.
his fingers moved swiftly, unhooking your bra and tossing it aside like it meant nothing. his eyes darkened as he stared at your exposed chest, a satisfied moan slipping from his lips like he’d finally gotten what he’d been craving.
without hesitation, his mouth latched onto one of your nipples, sucking hungrily, possessively. the heat of his mouth sent shockwaves through you, your body arching into him before your mind could catch up to what was happening.
“knew these tits were perfect,” he mumbled between rough kisses and bites, his voice thick with arousal. his hands bunched your breasts together, squeezing as his tongue flicked between them. the intensity overwhelmed you, your skin heating under his touch, the sensation building into something you couldn’t control.
before you could even catch your breath, his lips crashed back onto yours, demanding, relentless. his kiss was rough, desperate, like he couldn’t get enough of you, and despite the confusion clouding your thoughts, you found yourself kissing him back, matching his need with your own.
but even as your body responded to his touch, your mind was spinning—caught between the heat of the moment and the sickening realization that something was deeply, deeply wrong.
jungwon pulled back just enough to smirk, his thumb brushing over your swollen bottom lip, teasing you. "you’re still trying to figure this out, aren’t you?" he whispered, his voice soft but full of twisted control.
"tell me, won," you demanded, trying to push through the fog of your mind, daring him to either stop or take things further. your pulse quickened as you spoke, hating how your voice faltered.
his eyes narrowed, something dark flickering in his expression, but there was a glint of excitement too, as if he enjoyed the fact that you were pushing back, not just giving in. it only fueled the twisted hunger burning inside him, made him want to tear you apart even more.
your heart pounded harder as your body betrayed you, your pussy growing wetter with each passing second, reacting to the way he looked down at you—confident, knowing. like he had you right where he wanted, like he’d always known exactly how to break you down.
"i know how you hated how bad jeongin was at eating you out," jungwon’s voice dripped with amusement, his eyes never leaving yours, "but you forgave him, didn’t you? because he was cute."
your body froze, how did he know that? your heart raced, panic bubbling up inside you, but jungwon leaned in, his breath hot against your skin.
"how?" you asked, your voice trembling with disbelief, your mind racing to piece together the puzzle. but jungwon didn’t stop. his fingers moved between your legs, slipping through your slick folds effortlessly, and a sharp hiss escaped his lips as he felt how wet you were for him.
"fuck," he groaned, pulling his fingers to his mouth, sucking them clean with a satisfaction that sent shivers through your entire body. his cock strained against his pants, the bulge pressing hard against you, reminding you what was coming next.
"and kai," he continued, his voice dripping with that same twisted smirk, "you hated how he made you swallow his cum, didn’t you? because it tasted gross." he was revealing things no one should know, secrets you had buried deep.
you squirmed beneath him, your mind reeling. how did he know these intimate details? things you never told anyone, not even your closest friends.
his hand slid back between your legs, his fingers teasing your clit, rubbing slow circles as you struggled to stay in control. "but here you are," he murmured, his voice low, full of twisted satisfaction, "so fucking wet for me."
"you pervert," you spat, but your voice lacked the bite you wanted it to have. your body was betraying you, responding to his touch even as your mind screamed that this was wrong. "were you listening in on me? when i was talking to yuna?"
the memories of those conversations, those private confessions you had shared with your friend, rushed back to you. the thought of him listening in, lurking, sent a wave of nausea through you.
jungwon’s smirk grew darker, more twisted. "every word," he whispered, his fingers working your clit faster, his voice laced with a sick satisfaction. "while you thought you were alone, spilling your secrets to yuna, i was right there. hearing everything."
his free hand came down on your breasts, slapping them just enough to make them bounce, before gripping one firmly, his tongue licking his lips sinfully. he was savoring every reaction, every shudder of your body beneath him.
"but i bet you're dying to know how." jungwon’s voice was low, teasing, as he toyed with you, his fingers slipping inside you again, deeper this time. your slick coated his knuckles as he pumped in and out, your body betraying you completely.
"how?" you whispered, your breath shaky, barely able to form the words. the pressure between your legs was building, each stroke pushing you closer to the edge despite the horror of what he was saying.
without warning, jungwon pulled away, leaving you gasping for breath, your body trembling with need. he stood up, quickly tugging his shirt off, revealing his toned chest. your eyes followed the movement.
you sat up slightly, your eyes locked on his body. "just tell me how?" you asked again, more urgently this time.
"does it really matter?" he growled, his breath hot against your ear. his body pressed down on yours, heavy and dominant, as he rocked his hips against you, letting you feel the full hardness of his cock through his pants.
"you’re here, pussy dripping," jungwon's voice was dripping with twisted satisfaction, his eyes gleaming with something darker, more manic, as he watched you squirm beneath him. "about to fuck your stepbrother."
his words hung in the air like a confession, dark and sinister, and you realized—he had been watching you, listening, lurking in the shadows for far longer than you ever could have imagined.
jungwon moved, pushing off the bed to stand for a brief second before he settled back down, lying flat against the mattress. his eyes, dark and unrelenting, never left yours, watching every breath, every flicker of hesitation that crossed your face. the weight of his gaze felt like a physical force, pinning you in place.
"come here," he whispered, his voice low and dangerous, his lips curling into a smirk that sent a shiver down your spine. his head rested against the pillow, one hand lazily trailing down his chest, teasing himself, as if he had all the time in the world. "sit on my face, y/n. maybe then i’ll tell you everything."
"you’re fucking insane," you spat, your voice trembling slightly as you tried to keep some semblance of control. but even as the words left your mouth, you could feel the heat between your legs, the undeniable ache that had been building ever since his hands had been on you.
jungwon didn’t flinch. if anything, his smirk deepened, that dark amusement dancing in his eyes. "maybe," he admitted, his tone almost casual, like he was discussing the weather. "but i’m a man of my word. i’m not going to let you get all wet like this and not take responsibility for it."
his voice dropped lower, more commanding, as his hand slid lower, trailing down to his pants, his fingers teasing the waistband. "or would you rather stop this now?" he challenged, his eyes locked on yours, daring you to make the choice. "because i’ll stop if you want me to."
you sat frozen, your mind screaming at you to walk away, to leave before it was too late, but your body… your body wanted something else. your pulse quickened, heat pooling low in your stomach as jungwon’s eyes stayed fixed on yours, waiting, anticipating.
"come on, y/n," jungwon whispered, his voice taking on that seductive edge, his body shifting, as if inviting you in. "you know you don’t want this to stop." he licked his lips, his tongue flicking out slowly, teasingly. "you want it. just admit it."
"you’re such a fucking asshole," you muttered, your voice low, barely above a whisper, but your legs were already moving, your body acting before your mind could catch up.
jungwon’s smirk widened, his eyes gleaming with triumph as he watched you, his hands sliding up to rest on your thighs as you straddled him, your body trembling with anticipation. "yeah?" he murmured, his voice rough and thick with desire. "but i’m your fucking asshole, aren’t i?"
the second you settled over him, hovering just above his face, jungwon’s hands tightened on your thighs, pulling you down slowly, his breath hot against your core.
"that’s it," he whispered, his voice low and dark, sending a thrill through you. "you’re gonna ride my face, and i’ll tell you everything you want to know."
you hesitated for just a second, the last flicker of doubt crossing your mind, but then his tongue flicked out, teasing the edge of your folds, and the hesitation melted away in an instant. your head fell back, a soft gasp escaping your lips as the heat of his mouth sent a jolt of pleasure through your body.
"fuck," you whispered, your fingers curling into his soft hair as jungwon’s tongue slid between your folds, teasing and tasting you. flicking your clit, tracing circles on it. his grip on your thighs tightened, holding you firmly in place as he licked deeper, groaning softly against your skin.
your body trembled, every nerve on fire as jungwon worked you with expert precision, his tongue moving in slow, then picking up. the intensity of it all—the heat, the sensation, the control—was overwhelming, consuming you completely.
and just when you thought you couldn’t take any more, jungwon pulled back slightly, his breath hot against your core as he whispered, "you taste fucking perfect."
your breath hitched, your heart racing in your chest as his words sank in, sending a fresh wave of heat crashing through you. his tongue returned with renewed intensity, his hands gripping your thighs tighter, pulling you down harder against his face, making it impossible to think, impossible to breathe.
he was relentless, and you were lost.
"tell me," you gasped, your voice shaky, barely holding together as his tongue worked you over and over again. "tell me everything."
jungwon groaned against you, the vibration sending shockwaves through your body as he looked up at you, his eyes dark, filled with something dangerous, something wild.
"after i make you cum, baby," he whispered, his voice low and rough, his fingers digging into your skin as he pulled you even closer. "then i'll tell you everything."
and you knew, as the pleasure built higher and higher, that you were too far gone to stop now.
"shit," jungwon moaned against your pussy, his voice thick with desperation, his eyes rolling back as if he were lost in the taste of you. the sound of him, so consumed by you, had you throwing your head back, overwhelmed by the intensity of it all.
"finally," he groaned, barely pulling away to speak, his lips brushing against your swollen folds, "you let me eat your pussy."
his words were raw, dripping with satisfaction, but there was an edge to them, something darker, something possessive. his gaze flickered up to meet yours for a split second, a twisted smirk pulling at his lips.
"but jay never got a chance to try, did he?" he added, his tone mocking, taunting. it was like he was relishing in the thought of jay being left out, being second to him.
the mention of jay made your stomach twist with guilt, but before you could respond, jungwon's mouth moved lower, his tongue tracing a slick path that had you gasping.
you jerked as his tongue flicked over your puckered hole, the sensation sudden, intense, making your entire body tense on top of him. jungwon's moans vibrated against your skin, deep and primal, as he prodded his tongue against your tight hole.
it was overwhelming—everything about him, the way he touched you, the way he tasted you, his hunger for you.
"you’ve never let anyone fuck your ass, have you?" his voice was a low growl, filled with smug satisfaction as he pulled back just enough to look up at you. his eyes gleamed with dark desire, and the way he said it—it was like a promise, a claim. he had already decided what he wanted, and he wasn’t asking for permission.
"but you’re gonna let me, aren’t you?" his voice was manic, dripping with that same twisted hunger, unable to move, unable to think.
his hand gripped your hip tightly as his tongue slid back over your hole, teasing you again, the sensation sending shockwaves through your body. you couldn’t stop trembling, the mix of shock and heat building inside you, spiraling out of control.
"i bet teddy didn’t feel half of what i’m feeling right now. the way you’re grinding on me, using me, just like you used to use him—except i can make you come for real." what? jungwon's voice was dark, teasing, but you could barely process his words, too busy trembling from the way his tongue continued to lick and lap at your soaked pussy.
"i’m gonna take every fucking part of you," he growled, his tongue swirling around your asshole before sliding back up to your pussy. "fuck every single one of your holes and fill it with my cum," he continued, his words thick with lust, his voice dark and commanding. "you’d like that, wouldn’t you?"
a moan ripped from your throat, raw and uncontrollable, and before you could even process it, his palm came down hard against your ass, the sting sharp and immediate.
the force of it made your muscles clench, and your whole body jerked forward. you could feel his grip tighten on your ass, spreading you even more as he leaned in again, licking a slow, deliberate path from your asshole to your pussy, leaving you gasping for air.
"fuck, jungwon—" you struggled, trying to move, to regain some kind of control, but he was too strong. he pulled away from your pussy suddenly, replacing his tongue with the brutal force of his fingers, thrusting into you hard and fast.
the obscene sound of your wetness filled the room, mixing with your ragged breaths and the slap of his hand on your thigh. your legs shook, barely able to keep up with the intensity building inside you.
"i know you can fucking squirt," jungwon hissed through clenched teeth, his eyes wild with lust. his jaw was slack, and his expression was hungry, like he was devouring every reaction you gave him. "come on," he growled, his fingers pumping deeper, harder. "fucking squirt all over me."
your body couldn’t hold back any longer. you exploded, squirting in violent, uncontrollable bursts, your juices splashing against his chest, down his neck, his face. jungwon didn’t flinch—if anything, he groaned, deep and guttural, as he licked up every drop, his tongue greedy, relentless.
"f-fuck, stop," you whimpered, your body trembling uncontrollably as waves of overstimulation crashed over you. your vision blurred, your muscles weak as you tried to crawl away, desperate for a break, for some relief. but jungwon wasn’t about to let you go. his hand shot out, gripping your ankle, yanking you back.
"where do you think you're going?" he growled, a crazed look in his eyes as he towered over you. his hand moved to his pants, pulling his cock free, and the sight of it—hard, thick, dripping—sent another wave of heat coursing through your body.
he stroked himself slowly, pre-cum leaking from the tip, his eyes locked on yours with an intensity that sent shivers through your entire body. his grip tightened on your hair, keeping you in place, the raw obsession in his gaze making your breath hitch.
"look at me," jungwon demanded, his hand forced your head up, and your eyes immediately fell on the sight of him stroking his cock, thick and hard right in front of your face. "you see this?" he hissed, his breath shaky, almost unhinged. "you fucking did this to me."
"you’re going to take every fucking inch of me," he growled, his eyes burning with hunger as he leaned closer, his cock brushing your lips, daring you. "you hear that?"
your lips parted unconsciously, your tongue flicking out to wet them, and jungwon noticed immediately, a wicked smirk twisting at the corners of his mouth.
"that’s it…" he groaned, his voice filled with dark satisfaction. "you want it, don’t you?"
you didn’t answer. you couldn’t. your mind was swirling, caught between the reality of how far things had gone and the way your body responded to his touch, to his words.
"open up," he commanded, his voice steady, his gaze never wavering. "i want to feel that pretty little mouth wrapped around me while you fucking choke on it."
the words sent a shiver down your spine. he was watching you closely, waiting, his fingers still tight in your hair as he pressed his cock to your lips again, pushing against them, demanding more.
he didn’t wait for you to respond, his hand pushing your head down as he slid his cock into your mouth without hesitation. you barely had time to process the size of him, thick and overwhelming, as he filled your mouth completely.
your hands shot up, instinctively gripping his thighs, but jungwon didn’t slow down. he was relentless, thrusting into your mouth harder, faster, giving you no time to adjust.
you gagged, struggling to take him, your eyes watering as he pushed deeper, but jungwon’s grip only tightened, holding you in place as he groaned low in his throat, lost in the sensation. "that’s it, fucking choke on it," he snarled, his voice dripping with filthy satisfaction. "you wanted this, didn’t you?"
you couldn’t answer, couldn’t even breathe as his cock hit the back of your throat, choking you. your hands pressed against his thighs, trying to push him back, but he didn’t relent. his hips bucked against your mouth, forcing you to take more of him, his voice harsh, possessive.
"you’re gonna take all of me," he growled, his eyes wild as he watched you struggle beneath him, his fingers digging into your scalp. "you think i’m gonna stop now? after all this? after everything you’ve done to me?" his voice cracked with intensity, his obsession bubbling over, too much to contain.
your tears mixed with spit, dripping down your chin as he fucked your mouth with ruthless abandon, his groans filling the air, echoing off the walls. "you look like such a fucking mess," he taunted, his voice thick with lust, but there was something more underneath, something twisted and broken. "drooling all over my cock like the slut you are."
his words hit you like a blow, raw and degrading, but there was no denying the way your body reacted, the way your core tightened with every filthy insult, with every thrust that left you gasping for air.
"you can’t even take half of me," he groaned, his cock stretching your mouth painfully, but there was no room to stop, no room to even breathe. "but you’ll fucking learn. you’ll learn how to take every inch of me." his thrusts became more erratic, more desperate, and the sounds of your gagging only seemed to fuel him further.
"i’m gonna make you my fucking whore," jungwon growled, his words filled with possessiveness, his hand gripping your hair tighter, forcing you to take him deeper until you thought you might pass out from lack of air.
and then, just when you thought he couldn’t push further, he pulled out suddenly, leaving you gasping for breath, your throat burning, your body trembling. your lips were swollen, wet, as you tried to steady yourself, but jungwon didn’t give you a chance to recover.
he leaned down down to cage you between his arms, his bare chest pressed against yours, the heat of his body overwhelming, suffocating. his breath ghosted over your ear, “you’re mine,” he growled, his fingers digging into your hips, pinning you beneath him. “and you fucking know it. tell me how much you want it.”
your mind was spinning, your body reacting instinctively, “i want it, jungwon. i want you.”
a smirk curled on his lips, his dark eyes gleaming with a twisted satisfaction, he completely had you. “fucking filthy for me,” he murmured, voice low and tainted with pride. “and i haven’t even started yet.”
“you think jay or any of those other idiots came even close?" his lips brushed your ear, and he spoke again, darker this time. "i’m gonna fuck you so good, you’ll forget every single one of them. my cock’s the only one you’ll ever need."
and then, he pushed inside, the stretch brutal, tearing a gasp from your throat. the sensation was overwhelming, too much, but it was exactly what you craved.
your body arched beneath him, caught between the overwhelming pleasure and the creeping horror as his words sunk in. he had been watching. always watching.
"i’ve seen it all, and it's so much better than just sitting in front of my screen every night, getting myself off," jungwon muttered, his voice low, dripping with satisfaction. "every fucking time you let them touch you. every single moment you thought you were alone—i was watching."
screen? your breath hitched, panic rising in your chest as the pieces began to fall into place. “you... what the fuck—how?” you gasped, horror flooding through you as the reality of what he said hit. “you were watching me?”
jungwon’s pace never faltered, each thrust brutal and relentless. he locked eyes with you, dark and unapologetic. “yeah,” he sneered.
“you didn’t think i’d let those assholes have you without making sure they weren’t fucking you up, did you? i had to make sure they didn’t hurt you. had to make sure you stayed mine.”
"you had a fucking camera?" your voice cracked, the disbelief seeping into every word as the air between you turned suffocating.
he grinned darkly, eyes glinting with a manic edge. “yeah, i had a camera. more than one.”
your heart pounded against your chest, anger and fear warring inside you. you tried to push him off, but your body, treacherous and betraying, moved with his rhythm.
"jungwon, that’s... sick," you hissed, your voice trembling, but it didn’t stop your body from arching into him, from clenching around him as his thrusts became even more punishing.
his hand shot up, gripping your jaw, forcing you to look into his eyes. "shut up," he growled, his face inches from yours, "you don’t get it, do you? i didn’t fucking care about them. i did this for you. no one else could touch you like this. no one else deserves you."
your hands pressed against his chest, trying to fight back, but every thrust had you gasping for air, your thoughts blurring in the haze of pleasure and disgust.
“you’re fucking sick, jungwon,” you managed to choke out.
he leaned in closer, his lips ghosting over your ear, a dark chuckle slipping from his lips. “yeah? i’m sick?” he sneered, his voice dripping with arrogance. “then why are you so fucking wet for me? you didn’t stop fucking against me, even after everything.”
his words were twisted, taunting, but you couldn’t deny it. the shame twisted inside you, mixing with the pleasure coursing through your veins. "fuck off," you spat, but your voice lacked conviction, your body betraying the truth of what you were feeling.
jungwon grinned, pulling back slightly to look down at you, his eyes gleaming with that same dark satisfaction. “you think i don’t know what you do when you’re alone?” he whispered, his voice low and mocking.
“you think i didn’t see the way you fucked that teddy bear i got you, grinding against it like a desperate little slut, rubbing yourself raw until you came?”
your stomach dropped, humiliation crashing over you in waves as the truth sank in. so that's what he meant earlier, the words flying by because you were too lost in pleasure, fuck, he'd really seen everything.
you recall his words.
"i bet teddy didn’t feel half of what i’m feeling right now. the way you’re grinding on me, using me, just like you used to use him—except i can make you come for real."
"you... you’re disgusting," you stammered, the shame burning through your skin, but jungwon wasn’t fazed. he continued to fuck you, his hand reaching down to rub circles against your clit. but you slap his hand away, and he just smirks.
“yeah, maybe i am,” he groaned, his voice dripping with satisfaction as he pounded into you harder, drowning in the feeling of your tight, trembling walls wrapped around him.
“but you’re mine. and you fucking love it.” his hand slid down to your throat, his fingers tightening just enough to make your breath hitch, his smirk widening as he saw the effect it had on you. “you’re never going to need anyone else. just me. say it.”
you could barely breathe, let alone think, but even now, through the haze of pleasure and disgust, you couldn’t help but fight back. “i… i hate you—"
“wrong fucking answer,” he snarled, his grip on your throat tightening as his hips snapped forward brutally, each thrust shaking you, pushing you deeper into the bed. the sheets tangled beneath you as you gasped for air, every brutal stroke tearing another cry from your lips. “try again. you fucking love this.”
despite the storm of emotions flooding your mind—disgust, anger, shame—there was no denying it. the way his cock dragged against your walls, the way your body reacted to his dominance, had you screaming his name, it was sick and twisted, but it was true.
"didn’t you say you love me?" jungwon taunted, full of arrogance as he tightened his grip around your throat. the force of his thrusts had you bouncing against the mattress. “wasn’t that what you said?”
you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, your body shaking as he pounded into you without mercy. all you could do was grip his arms tighter, pulling him closer, needing more despite the war raging inside you.
"answer me," he growled, slamming into you harder, his hips grinding against you as his cock dragged in and out, each thrust more obscene than the last. "didn’t you say you fucking love me?"
you tried to speak, but the pressure on your throat made it impossible to get the words out. your breath hitched, your vision blurring as his hand squeezed tighter. finally, you managed to whisper, your voice shaky and broken. “you’re my brother... of course, i—I do—”
jungwon’s eyes lit up with a twisted, possessive fire. his grip tightened even more as he watched you, you were breaking, and he loved it.
"you're mine," he growled, the intensity in his voice sending another wave of heat through you. "say it."
"i’m yours," you gasped, the words spilling out of you, tears streaming down your cheeks as the weight of everything crashed into you. it was true. you were his, and no matter how hard you fought it, there was no escaping it, not anymore when he was balls deep in you giving you pleasure you'd only dreamed of.
that wicked, satisfied grin spreading across his face as he leaned in, his teeth sinking into your bottom lip hard enough to make you wince. the pain mixed with pleasure, sending a shiver down your spine, your moans turning into broken sobs as he fucked you deeper into the mattress.
“fuck—” you gasped, barely able to get the word out before he was thrusting into you again, harder, faster, his hips grinding against yours as if he was trying to bury himself deeper, trying to own every inch of you.
and maybe he already had. no, he did. he completely owned you.
“shit,” jungwon growled, his breath hot and ragged as he pounded into you, the sound of his hips slamming against yours filling the room.
your entire body convulsed, the stretch of him deep inside you was overwhelming, but your body refused to let him go. your walls clenched around him, desperate to keep him there, desperate to feel more of him.
“fuck,” you sobbed, nails digging into his back, trying to hold on, but it was no use. he had you completely, and he knew it. "jungwon, i can’t— you’re gonna break me—"
"yes, you can," he snarled, his lips hovering just over yours, his voice dripping with possession. he thrust harder, deeper, making you scream as he pushed past every limit.
“you fucking can. i’m not stopping until you’re ruined for anyone else." the sheer force of his words, the raw need in his voice, sent a jolt of heat through you, making your head spin.
your moans turned into broken sobs, your body shaking uncontrollably beneath him as he drove into you mercilessly, taking you apart piece by piece. you were addicted to him.
you came again, violently, your entire body trembling as your release gushed over his cock. your orgasm hit you like a wave, crashing down and leaving you gasping for breath, your mind going blank as everything else faded away.
jungwon let out a deep, desperate groan, his body shuddering as he felt you clench around him. “fuck,” he hissed through clenched teeth, his voice thick with crazed lust as he gripped your hips even tighter, bruising your skin. "your fucking pussy—god, it’s perfect. you’re fucking perfect."
"you know, i fucking hated jay for touching you," jungwon growled, his pace becoming even more brutal not stopping even if your pussy was already dripping all over the sheets.
"letting him fuck you like that. making him cum inside you? is that what you wanted, huh?" his fingers thread through your hair, keeping you pinned down as he licked long stripes up your neck again, obsessed with the way your sweat tasted. “you wanna be a fucking cum dumpster? that what you like? letting them fill you up just so i could fucking watch?"
you whimpered, shaking your head, but your body was betraying you, reacting to his words, to the way he was fucking you. "don’t fucking lie," he spat, his eyes burning with obsession as he pulled back to look at you. "you liked putting on a show for me, didn’t you? i almost think you were doing it on purpose.”
“jungwon, no, I—” you tried to protest, your voice trembling, but the pleasure was too intense, every thrust from him stealing the words from your mouth.
“letting me watch you get ruined, just so i could want you more,” he sneered. “you’re fucking mine now,” he growled, his voice low and dark, each word dripping with madness. “and i’m gonna make sure jay fucking sees it.”
your heart dropped, panic surging through you. “no, jungwon—he can’t,” you gasped, your body trembling as the realization of what he was saying crashed over you. the thought of jay finding out, of seeing you like this, was too much. “he can’t know—"
jungwon’s chuckled, "oh, so you want to keep this secret? keep fucking your stepbrother behind his back?" he taunted, his voice cruel, mocking, as he drove himself deeper into you.
you choked on a sob, trying to push him away, "jungwon, please—" you begged, your voice breaking, but he wasn’t listening.
“what’s the matter?” he taunts, his breath hot against your skin. “scared of what jay would think? scared of what he’d do if he knew you were getting fucked by your stepbrother?”
his grip on your jaw tightened, forcing you to look at him, his eyes wild with obsession. “you don’t get to hide from this,” he growled, his voice low and possessive. “you’re mine, and i want everyone to fucking know it.”
you could barely speak, your voice cracking as you pleaded with him. “please, jungwon—he can’t find out—”
for a moment, he seemed to hesitate, his pace slowing just enough to let you catch your breath, the pressure easing. but then, without warning, he flipped you over, pushing you onto your hands and knees. your arms shook as you tried to hold yourself up, but your body was trembling, weak from everything he’d already done to you.
before you could brace yourself, his hand came down hard on your ass, the sharp sting making you yelp, your body jerking forward. the sheets twisted beneath you as you struggled to hold yourself up, but jungwon wasn’t giving you any time to recover.
“you’re gonna fucking take it,” he growled, his voice thick with lust as he lined himself up behind you before roughly facing you to face the foot of your bed. “and you’re gonna scream my name so loud, jay will fucking hear it.”
"keep it together," jungwon growled, his hand coming down on your ass again, the sharp slap forcing a yelp from your throat. this time, the sting was harsher, your body jolting under the weight of his dominance. "i'm not fucking done with you."
you whimpered, your arms weak, trembling as you tried to push yourself up, but it was useless. your limbs felt like jelly, barely able to hold you together as he lined himself up behind you again. your heart pounded, fear and anticipation swirling in your gut as he slammed into you without warning, driving deep, the angle sending a shock through your entire body.
"fuck," you gasped, your back arching involuntarily as he filled you, the stretch almost unbearable. your hands scrambled to grab the sheets, but every thrust made you lose control, your body collapsing beneath him as he continued, merciless.
"arch your back," he snarled, gripping your hips and yanking you into position. even as you shook your head, gasping for air, his hold was unyielding, bending you exactly how he wanted.
“i can’t—” you choked out, tears streaming down your face as the pleasure and pain intertwined, his cock hitting places that had you seeing stars. "it's too much—"
"yes, you fucking can," he hissed, his fingers digging into your skin, leaving marks. "i’m not stopping until you can’t take anyone else. until i ruin you for anyone." every word hit like a blow, sending you spiraling, your body teetering on the edge as he pounded into you harder, deeper.
you sobbed, your mind a haze of pleasure and panic. your body was betraying you, responding to him, clenching around him like it needed this, needed him, despite the fear gnawing at your insides. and then he leaned forward, his chest pressing against your back, his breath hot against your neck as he yanked your head back into a kiss.
the kiss was desperate, messy, full of raw hunger. his tongue flicked against yours, and you couldn’t even respond, couldn’t do anything but whimper as his weight crushed you, trapping you beneath him.
the position made it harder to breathe, your neck straining, and the angle made every thrust hit deeper, driving you closer to the edge, closer to losing yourself completely.
your eyes fluttered shut, your mind trying to escape, but then jungwon’s voice snapped you back. “look.”
you couldn’t. you were too lost, too overwhelmed, your moans spilling out uncontrollably as he kept slamming into you. but he wasn’t giving you a choice. his hand gripped your jaw, forcing your head up, and he growled, "open your eyes."
you blinked through the haze, confused and trembling. and then you saw it—your teddy bear, sitting on the dresser, its black, unfeeling eyes staring back at you. at first, it didn’t register. what the fuck was he doing?
jungwon chuckled darkly behind you, his breath hot against your neck. "say hi," he whispered, amusement dripping from his voice, sending a chill down your spine.
"say hi?" you repeated, confusion cutting through the fog of pleasure. your voice was broken, barely audible. "i don't—"
“smile for the camera,” he taunted, his tone turning cruel, dark amusement coloring every word. “come on, he's watching.”
your stomach dropped, horror twisting inside you like a knife. jay was watching this?
you moaned, but not from pleasure—this time, it was from sheer humiliation. the sound ripped from your throat as your eyes locked onto the faint red blinking light in the teddy bear's eyes. panic surged through you, icy and cold, the realization hitting you like a truck. jay was watching. live.
the toy that had been a source of comfort for you, the one you used to hold onto during sleepless nights, had been turned into something twisted, something ugly.
you became hysterical, your body trembling uncontrollably beneath jungwon’s relentless thrusts. "no, no, no," you sobbed, your voice breaking as the tears streamed down your face. but there was no escape. your mind was spiraling, torn between disgust, shame, and the unbearable sensation of jungwon still fucking you, not letting up.
"what's wrong?" jungwon’s voice was low, mocking, dripping with sick amusement as he slowed his thrusts just enough to make you feel every inch of him. "you don’t wanna tell jay how good i'm fucking you?"
your body betrayed you, clenching around him, even as the tears kept falling, even as the humiliation consumed you. you couldn’t stop it. you couldn’t fight back.
jungwon’s hand clamped over your mouth, muffling your sobs as he pounded into you harder, more ruthless, more relentless. the weight of everything crashed down on you—jay was watching, seeing you like this. you wouldn’t be able to face him ever again. the shame burned deep inside you, twisting, making you feel even more exposed, even more ruined.
“open your eyes,” jungwon demanded, his voice rough, filled with dominance, and your eyes snapped open out of reflex. you couldn’t help it.
your gaze flickered back to the teddy bear, the red light still blinking, and the full realization of what was happening hit you like a tidal wave. jay was watching you get fucked, wrecked by your stepbrother. and just as jungwon thrust deeper, you felt it—your body giving in, pleasure and pain mixing until you couldn’t tell the difference.
your muffled screams were drowned out by the sound of skin slapping against skin, your body trembling as you clung to the sheets, unable to stop yourself from falling apart. you hated how much your body responded to him, hated how much you needed it, how much you needed him, even as your mind screamed at you to stop.
but it was too late. you were already his, and jay was watching. and jungwon wasn’t going to stop until you both knew it.
your body betrayed you, clenching tighter around him even as more tears spilled down your cheeks, sobs wracking your chest. you couldn’t process it—the mix of shame, horror, and pleasure tangling into something you couldn’t escape. jay was watching you. seeing you like this. jungwon wasn’t stopping.
his hand clamped down over your mouth, muffling your cries as he kept pounding into you, relentless. mind drowning in the flood of emotions crashing over you—humiliation, lust, guilt. how could jay be seeing this? wasn’t he supposed to be away?
"you’re lying!" you tried to scream, but jungwon’s hand silenced you, your body jerking with each thrust. the teddy bear, the once comforting presence, was now an unfeeling witness to your destruction, its cold eyes staring blankly as jungwon wrecked you.
you squeezed your eyes shut, desperate to escape it all, but it only made the emotions stronger.
if jay was really watching this, if he saw you like this, you’d never be able to face him again. the thought burned inside you, making you feel even more exposed, more ruined.
"open your fucking eyes," jungwon demanded, his voice dark with control, and your eyes snapped open on instinct.
there it was again—the teddy bear. that damned blinking light, red and cruel, blinking like it was mocking you. and just as jungwon drove deeper, your eyes rolled back, moans slipping from your lips, your body betraying every bit of shame and fear as he kept you pinned, fucking you harder than before.
"i even got him a present," jungwon grunted, his voice tight, on the edge, his pace turning erratic, desperate. "but i don’t think he’ll want them anymore."
your mind shattered under the way he was fucking you. humiliation melted into something raw, something addictive. fuck—this was too good. jungwon fucking you like this was too fucking good. the way he wanted you, the way he claimed you—you were gone. completely.
your body shook violently beneath him, each thrust pushing you deeper into a haze of pure need. you couldn’t think straight, couldn’t hold onto anything except the brutal pace of him inside you, each thrust wrecking you in ways you never thought possible. words slipped from your mouth before you could stop them.
"jay… i'm sorry," you gasped, voice ragged and desperate, barely able to breathe between each word.
jungwon's grip on your throat tightened, his lips curling into a wicked smirk. "sorry? don't fucking apologize," he growled, pulling your face closer to his. "tell him the truth. tell him how good i’m fucking you."
“i can’t—” you whimpered, voice barely above a whisper, your body betraying you as you moaned against his hand, your legs quaking as another wave of pleasure hit you.
“yes, you can,” jungwon hissed in your ear, his voice low and dangerous, filled with twisted satisfaction. "tell him how good i’m fucking you. tell him who really owns you now."
jungwon’s grip tightened, forcing your eyes back to the teddy bear, the blinking red light that reminded you of the truth.
"he’s watching, baby," jungwon whispered, his lips brushing against your ear as his hips snapped against yours. "watching you fall apart for me. watching me wreck your pretty little pussy. doesn’t it feel good? doesn’t it feel right?"
every thrust, every degrading word spilling from jungwon’s lips—he was right. you fucking loved it.
"tell him," jungwon coaxed, his voice soft now, almost soothing as his hand slid down your body, his fingers circling your clit. "tell him how much you love it."
"jay," you sobbed, your voice ragged, trembling. "i… i—fuck, i love it." the words slipped out before you could stop them, your body arching beneath jungwon, completely surrendering.
jungwon’s grin widened, his satisfaction palpable as he fucked you harder, his fingers working faster on your clit, driving you to the brink. "good girl," he whispered, his voice dripping with approval. "now tell him you're mine. tell him who really owns you."
"i’m yours," you choked out, your voice breaking as the words left your lips. "i’m yours, jungwon."
his thrusts grew erratic, desperate, and you felt him twitch inside you, his breathing ragged as he chased his release. "that’s right," he growled, his voice thick with possessiveness. "you're mine. and now jay knows it too."
he had you folded, knees pressed tight against your chest, your back arching painfully as jungwon forced your head up, making you watch, making you feel every single second of it.
there was no escaping it now. not the humiliation. not the pleasure. everything was crashing over you, overwhelming, and there was no way out.
you were a wreck—drool slipping from your parted lips, your tongue poking out as moans poured from your mouth, completely uncontrollable. “fuck, fuck, fuck!” you screamed, the sound raw, desperate, like you were on the verge of breaking apart entirely.
“yessss,” you dragged out, your jaw slack, body trembling, utterly destroyed beneath him. jungwon wasn’t any better, his face buried in your neck, his breath erratic and hot against your skin as he lost himself inside of you. his moans grew louder, sloppier, his entire body shaking with the effort of holding on just a little longer.
he was completely gone, fucking feral, groaning into your skin as he slammed into you, harder, deeper, like he needed to ruin you—like nothing else mattered except the sound of your body breaking under him.
"i’m gonna come inside you,” he groaned, his voice hoarse, broken, like he was barely holding on. “fill you up so good, no one else will ever fucking compare. you’re mine."
"please," you whimpered, your voice trembling, on the edge, barely able to form words. "fuck, come inside me. ruin me, i need it—i need you to."
your begging shattered him, ripped away whatever restraint he had left. with one final brutal thrust, jungwon buried himself deep inside you, his whole body seizing, shuddering violently as he came.
you felt it—hot, thick, pouring into you, the heat filling every inch of your body as he groaned your name, his face twisted in pure, animalistic pleasure.
your last orgasm slammed into you—overwhelming, all-consuming. your vision blurred, your mouth open in a scream you barely recognized as your own, your mind blank as pleasure ravaged you, wave after violent wave.
"fuck!" you cried out, voice raw, completely wrecked, as your body convulsed under him. your legs trembled, your breath coming in broken gasps as jungwon stayed pressed against you, his body just as wrecked as yours, both of you caught in the intensity of it all.
he collapsed on top of you, breath hot, panting harshly in your ear, but neither of you moved. neither of you could. you were both completely spent, bodies locked together, tangled in the aftermath of what just happened.
but even as the pleasure faded, your body still craved him. even as reality crashed back, the weight of what you’d done hung heavy. you gave in to him. completely. utterly. your fucking stepbrother.
when he finally pulled out, you felt it—his cum leaking out of you, dripping down your thighs, pooling on the ruined sheets beneath you. but jungwon wasn’t done. not yet.
his grip didn’t loosen. instead, he grabbed your jaw, forcing your face up, turning you toward the camera. his lips brushed against your cheek, pressing a mocking kiss there, eyes never leaving the lens.
you were fucked out, barely conscious, eyes glazed and half-lidded, a ruined mess under him. and that’s exactly what jungwon wanted.
he wanted jay to see everything.
but jungwon wasn’t done. he grabbed your wrist, lifting it with ease, forcing your limp hand into a wave. the gesture was slow, deliberate, mocking as he waved it toward the blinking red light in the teddy bear’s eyes.
jungwon chuckled softly, watching as your eyes fluttered closed, your head lolling to the side. you were passed out, completely ruined, your body limp beneath him, and yet, even in your unconscious state, he still had control.
“that’s right,” he whispered, his voice barely audible, dark satisfaction rolling off him in waves as he gently lowered your hand, brushing a thumb over your wrist like it was some twisted act of affection. “no coming back now.”
he leaned back, his eyes locked on your ruined form, and for a moment, the room was filled with nothing but the sound of his ragged breath. everything had fallen apart, and yet for jungwon, this was everything. this was what he wanted. to have you like this—to show jay, to show you both, that there was no escaping him.
he smirked, glancing back at the camera, his eyes glinting with that same sick satisfaction. “hope you enjoyed the show,” he muttered under his breath, mocking, taunting, before finally pulling away from your limp body.
because there was no coming back from this. not for you. not for jay.
jay entered the house quietly, a smile tugging at his lips. everything jungwon had told him was perfectly set in place—you supposedly asleep, the surprise he’d planned all ready to go. they’d planned this days ago, jungwon kept complaining about how sad you were, how much you missed jay.
so jay had left early, closing out everything he needed to just to make you happy. jungwon had assured him he’d be out with jake and sunghoon to give you both privacy, and he’d even asked jay to shut down his computer.
jungwon didn’t want you pestering him about the bill, and jay, being the kind of guy he was, had agreed. he trusted jungwon. loved him like a brother.
but as jay moved through the house, he noticed something—the faint sound of movement coming from your room. he paused, heart racing a little faster, not wanting to be caught just yet. he wanted the surprise to be perfect.
he slipped into jungwon’s room quietly, careful not to make any noise. the desk sat in front of him, the soft glow of the screen catching his eye.
then he saw it.
jay’s heart dropped, his smile fading, replaced by a wave of confusion, then horror. on the screen was a live feed of your room—jungwon fucking you relentlessly, his hand clamped over your mouth, muffling your sobs. your face was streaked with tears, your body shaking from the intensity of his thrusts.
jay froze.
the bouquet of flowers he had been holding slipped from his grasp, hitting the floor softly, forgotten. his mind was a whirlwind of emotions—anger, betrayal, disgust—all fighting for control.
he wanted to move, wanted to storm into that room and tear jungwon off you. but he didn’t. he couldn’t. his feet were glued to the floor as he stared at the screen, his heart shattering with each passing second.
“open your fucking eyes,” jungwon’s voice snarled through the speakers, low and demanding. jay watched as your eyes snapped open, locking onto something out of frame.
the pain in your eyes was clear at first, but then, as jungwon slammed into you harder, deeper, something shifted. your eyes rolled back, your body arching beneath him, moans spilling from your lips.
you fucking loved it.
jay’s stomach churned. bile rose in his throat as the realization hit him like a sledgehammer. this wasn’t just some accident. this wasn’t some mistake. you wanted this. you wanted him. jungwon. your fucking stepbrother.
the betrayal was suffocating. you—his girlfriend, the person he thought he knew inside and out—were being wrecked by someone he considered family. jungwon, the brother he trusted, was fucking you, and you were falling apart beneath him.
how long had this been going on? how many times had you let him touch you like this? fuck you like this?
jay’s eyes flickered to the keyboard. there they were—your panties. his favorite. stained with jungwon’s dried cum.
disgust surged through him. his fists clenched at his sides, rage burning beneath his skin. but he couldn’t stop watching. he couldn’t fucking stop.
"i even got him a present," jungwon grunted, his voice strained, breathless. "but i doubt he’ll want them anymore." jay’s heart twisted painfully as he realized the truth—this was all planned. jungwon had set him up. this entire thing was a fucking setup, a game.
jay’s vision blurred, his pulse pounding in his ears. jungwon’s hips slammed into you, harder and harder, your body writhing beneath him, begging for more.
you were so lost in the pleasure, moaning and gasping, completely ruined—and jay could only stand there, watching, as his entire world crumbled.
how could you do this?
you were sobbing now, crying out jungwon’s name as you begged for him to finish inside you. the sound of your voice, raw and desperate, shattered what was left of jay’s heart. he felt sick.
had this been a game to you? had any of it been real?
he couldn’t tear his eyes away. he hated you. he hated jungwon. but there was something else too. but he kept on watching, he needed to see it—to burn the image into his mind so he’d never forget. so he could walk away from you both forever. and when jungwon reached for your limp wrist, lifting it in a grotesque imitation of a wave.
that was the final straw.
jay stormed out of the room, the door slamming hard behind him, the sound echoing through the house. the bouquet of flowers lay forgotten on the floor, just like everything else.
you stared at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, water dripping from your body, washing away the remnants of jungwon’s touch. but no matter how much you scrubbed, the feeling of him stayed, clinging to your skin, humming in your veins. and the guilt—it sat in your chest like a weight, suffocating, crushing, making it hard to breathe.
you couldn’t deny it—you didn’t even want to. you wanted him. you had wanted him for longer than you’d ever been willing to admit, even to yourself. there had always been something between you two, something dark and magnetic, pulling you toward him, something you didn’t fully understand. but wanting him came at a price, one you weren’t ready to pay.
your reflection stared back at you, hollow-eyed, cheeks stained with tears that wouldn’t stop falling. jungwon’s hands, his breath, his lips—they were all still on you, etched into your skin. it made your stomach twist in knots, a tangle of longing and disgust. how could you want something that felt so wrong? so twisted?
but was it really wrong? the two of you weren’t even related by blood. you didn’t ask for your parents to marry each other, you didn’t want any of this.
when jungwon stepped into the bathroom, naked, his eyes dark and possessive, you couldn’t help the way your pulse quickened. his presence filled the space like a shadow, and you couldn’t escape it. didn’t want to, really.
the tension between you two was suffocating, and yet you craved it. his eyes locked onto yours, something soft flickering beneath the possessiveness, a hint of caution.
he didn’t wait for an invitation—just closed the door behind him and stepped toward you, as if he had every right. his gaze stayed on yours, but there was hesitation in the air, uncertainty mixed with that overwhelming pull.
"do you hate me?" his voice was quiet, barely above a whisper.
your throat tightened, the words sticking to the back of your throat, almost too heavy to say. "i... i don’t hate you," you whispered, your voice shaking. "but i hate myself."
he stepped closer, his hand reaching for yours, but you flinched, pulling back, creating space between you that you didn’t really want. you ached for him, craved his touch, but the shame was too much. it felt wrong. he felt wrong.
and then jay... jay didn’t deserve any of this. and from the look on your face, jungwon knew exactly who you were thinking about.
his jaw clenched, his expression hardening slightly, but his voice stayed soft, coaxing. "forget about him," he murmured, leaning in close enough that his forehead brushed against yours. his breath was warm, his presence overwhelming. "he doesn’t matter."
you shook your head, a sob catching in your throat. "he does matter. he trusted me, jungwon. he didn’t deserve this. how do i even look him in the eye again? i destroyed him."
"i can’t—" your voice cracked, the guilt too heavy, threatening to drown you. "i need to talk to him. i need to make things right."
jungwon’s fingers tightened around your wrist, his grip firm, possessive. his face hardened. "don’t," he said sharply, his voice taking on an edge. "he’ll only hurt you. he’ll say things that’ll tear you apart. i’m not letting you do that to yourself."
"i can’t just pretend this didn’t happen!" your voice wavered, panic rising in your chest. "i work with him, jungwon. how am i supposed to face him? how do i show up?"
"you don’t," jungwon replied, his tone softer but still firm. "call in sick for the week. take time off. you don’t need to put yourself through that right now." there was that possessiveness again, woven into every word, like he didn’t want you anywhere near jay. not now. maybe not ever.
"i need work," you mumbled, more to yourself than to him, but the thought of walking into that office, of facing jay after everything, made your stomach churn. "but maybe you’re right..."
"i am right," jungwon said, kissing your temple gently, his lips lingering there like a promise. "you don’t need to see him. not now."
his words were soft, but there was an underlying intensity. and even though the guilt still weighed heavy on your chest, there was something comforting in the way he held you, kissed you, tried to make the weight lighter.
"but i can’t forgive myself," you whispered, pulling back enough to look him in the eyes. "i can’t just forget what i did to him."
his gaze softened slightly, a flicker of something close to regret crossing his face. "i’m sorry," he murmured, voice low. "i didn’t want to hurt you. but i couldn’t stop myself."
"i know," you whispered back, feeling the conflict tearing you apart. "but jay didn’t deserve this. he didn’t deserve to be hurt."
"you don’t need to see him," jungwon repeated, his tone firm again, his grip tightening just enough to remind you that he wasn’t letting you go. "you don’t owe him anything."
"it’s not about owing him," you said, trying to explain, but your voice was trembling. "it’s about what i did. i need to make things right."
jungwon’s eyes darkened, his jaw clenching. "he’ll just hurt you. i won’t let that happen." his tone was final, possessive.
you nodded, but your mind was elsewhere, lost in thoughts of jay—of what he’d seen, of how you’d betrayed him. how could you ever face him again?
jungwon’s hand cupped your face, his thumb brushing away the tears that had started falling again. "don’t break yourself over him," he whispered, pressing his lips to yours, soft, lingering. "i love you."
and as he pulled you into his arms, your tears soaking into his skin, the guilt and shame still weighed heavy in your chest. you didn’t want to feel this way, didn’t want to let jungwon go either.
you were trapped between the ache in your heart and the warmth of jungwon’s arms, knowing you couldn’t escape either.
"i'm so fucked, won," you whimpered, your voice barely audible, thick with guilt and desperation.
jungwon’s hand tightened around you, pulling you closer, his breath warm against your ear. "no, you’re not," he whispered, voice low and soothing, even though his grip was firm, possessive. "you’re mine."
you trembled in his arms, your mind spinning with the weight of everything. the shame, the guilt, the way your body still craved his touch despite it all. "how can you say that?" your voice cracked. "i’ve destroyed everything. i can’t—"
he cut you off, his lips brushing your temple softly, "you didn’t destroy anything. you just did what you’ve always wanted. what we’ve both wanted."
you shook your head, tears slipping down your cheeks again. "but jay—"
"forget him," jungwon growled softly, his tone darkening, fingers digging into your skin. "he doesn’t matter anymore. i’m the one who’s here. i’m the one who wants you, who’s always wanted you." he tilted your chin up, forcing you to look at him, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that made your breath hitch.
"you’re not fucked, y/n. you’re right where you need to be."
after a few days of silence, when things had started to feel somewhat normal—if you could even call it that—your phone buzzed with a message. you glanced at it, not expecting anything out of the ordinary. but when you saw the name, your stomach twisted.
jay.
your hands trembled as you unlocked your phone, heart pounding in your chest. the message wasn’t what you’d hoped for, though a part of you knew it wouldn’t be kind. not after everything you've done.
jay: slacking off because you’re busy fucking your brother? i didn’t think you’d let this affect your job.
the words hit you like a slap, cold and sharp. your blood boiled, anger mixing with the shame that had been eating away at you. he didn’t understand. he couldn’t. this wasn’t just about that one night; this was bigger than that, more complicated. but how could he ever see that?
you felt a surge of emotions—anger, guilt, frustration—rising inside you, clouding your thoughts. maybe you did feel a little mad. mad that jay could reduce everything to something so ugly, so cruel. but also mad that you had no way to make him understand.
without thinking, you started typing back a response, your fingers flying over the keys, not even caring what you’d say at this point.
you: fuck you, jay. you don’t know shit—
but before you could hit send, jungwon was there, his hand grabbing the phone from your grip with a swift, firm motion.
"don’t," he said, his voice low, warning. “don’t respond.”
you snapped your head toward him, anger flashing in your eyes. “give it back,” you demanded, reaching for the phone, but jungwon held it out of your reach, his expression unreadable.
“you don’t need to answer him,” jungwon said, his voice calm, “he’s just trying to get under your skin.”
“well, it worked,” you spat, your chest heaving with frustration. “he doesn’t understand. he’ll never understand.”
jungwon’s jaw clenched, and he stepped even closer, his presence overpowering, almost suffocating. "he’ll be fine. people get hurt, they get over it. he’ll move on, and so will you." his hand reached out, fingers brushing against your cheek, wiping away a tear that slipped down.
"you don’t owe him anything. not an explanation, not an apology. nothing." you wanted to fight back, to argue with him, but the weight of everything had worn you down. maybe jungwon was right. maybe time would heal it, or at least make it easier to bear.
the guilt and shame wouldn’t go away overnight, but maybe you could deal with it when the time came. maybe when things weren’t so fresh. for now, you’d have to let it go. at least for a little while.
"you don’t get it," you whispered, your voice barely audible. "i need to apologize. i need to make things right with him."
"not right now, you don’t." jungwon’s fingers curled around your wrist, pulling you closer to him. his voice softened, but there was that possessiveness still lingering in every word. "you’ll deal with it when you’re ready. but not now."
you let out a shaky breath, leaning into him, the warmth of his touch soothing the storm of emotions inside you. it was hard to let go of the guilt, but the pull of jungwon was stronger—always had been. maybe time would heal the wounds, maybe someday you’d be able to face jay. you would apologize to him. one day.
jungwon tilted your chin up, his lips brushing against yours in a soft kiss, one that slowly deepened, and you let yourself melt into it. the warmth of his body, the way his hand cradled the back of your neck—it was enough to quiet your mind, to let the guilt slip away, if only for a moment.
when the kiss broke, jungwon’s eyes were dark, full of that same need, one that you had grown addicted to. his thumb brushed over your lips. "you don’t need to deal with him right now. not when he’s just going to say shit to hurt you."
you hesitated for a second, but as jungwon’s lips found yours again, as his hands slipped down your waist, you were convinced. maybe you were just being true to yourself, following what you wanted, even if it came with consequences.
"okay," you breathed, your voice barely above a whisper.
jungwon smiled, a small, satisfied smirk that sent a thrill through you. he knew he had you.
"good girl." he whispered, his lips brushing against your ear before he kissed your neck, slow and deliberate.
jungwon was in the kitchen, apron on, focused on flipping the eggs just right. the sound of sizzling filled the space, and the familiar smell of breakfast hung in the air.
this had become routine, the comfortable quiet that came from knowing you were still sound asleep in his bed, wrapped up in his shirt, your playful remarks slowly making a comeback, the little jabs at each other that made things feel normal again.
it took a while, but you were both taking it step by step.
he smiled to himself as he wiped his hands on a towel, stepping toward the hallway. he quietly peeked into the room—his room now, really. there you were, tangled in the sheets, looking peaceful, beautiful as always. jungwon lingered in the doorway for a moment longer, his heart swelling at the sight of you. it felt right.
because you belonged there, with him.
a knock echoed through the house.
jungwon takes off his apron and tossed it on the kitchen counter but not before turning the stove off, moving toward the door. the knock came again, sharper this time. "just a second," he called out.
he opened it.
standing there, dressed casually—loose jeans and a black band shirt, a faded logo barely visible on the front. the figure was hunched slightly, typing something on their phone, fingers moving quickly across the screen.
staring down at his phone, brow furrowed in concentration, before slowly lifting his gaze. their eyes met, and for a moment, neither of them moved.
jay.
neither spoke. jay’s face was hard to read. jungwon didn’t say a word, but his body tensed, eyes locked on jay’s. both of them just stood there, the weight of everything unspoken hanging between them, thick and heavy in the air.
and then, as if on cue, the phone in jungwon’s back pocket vibrated. the sound was subtle but sharp, breaking the silence.
jay’s eyes flickered down to jungwon’s pocket.
jungwon’s lips twitched, and slowly, a smirk spread across his face.
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synopsis: sunoo’s your platonic soulmate, your ride or die, the fake blue wig to your fake pink wig, practically your twin. but what happens when you realise that maybe, just maybe, it’s not normal to crave your best friend in ways you wish you could deny?
wc: 7.9k
content/warnings: friends to lovers, depictions of drinking, jakehoon starring as shitty men you meet in boring clubs, mentions of cheating, wonyoung cameo, angst, jealousy, lots of tears, fluff, confession scene, queer undertones, smut (mdni!!), drunk sex, passionate love-making, softdom! / dom! sunoo, tears (happy) during sex, lots of kissing, cervix fucking, lovebites, worship kink, not proofread….
a/n: this came to me in a dream and was supposed to be a fun and silly fic but i lowkey sobbed writing this (?)
you’re in a pink wig tonight. it’s delightfully at odds with the shimmery skirt you have on, clashing with the colour of your lipstick that's too warm toned.
you look like a hot mess in an awfully chic way — at least that’s what sunoo’s telling you as he’s doing your eyeliner, his knee resting between your slightly apart thighs on your bedroom floor.
"babe, you look stunning, like madonna on drugs or something."
you raise an eyebrow as a small giggle threatens to escape you.
"is that supposed to be a compliment, sunoo?"
"hmmm...more like an accurate assessment of your vibe. compliments are subjective you know." he quirks a brow back, and you see how a smirk is starting to form on his face, like he's crafted the perfect way to both tease and make you feel more confident in the same breath.
it's so distinctly sunoo, and you hate the way it only makes you feel more fond of him, if that was even possible given how you guys practically stick to each other like twins with separation anxiety.
"you're wearing a wig too., you know" you assert, which momentarily throws sunoo off from creating the perfect eyeliner wing.
sunoo rolls his eyes. "no."
"what do you mean 'no'? why are you being such a party pooper?"
"i'm not being a 'party pooper'. you're just being ridiculous. wigs are like your thing, not mine."
you sit up straighter, so you're more eye-level with him. you take the liquid eyeliner from his hands, and put the cap back on. you can see his eyebrows twitch, because he's clearly not done with this masterpiece yet.
"come onnn, it will be fun. we can pretend we're twins or something. lie to strangers and get free drinks from unsuspecting men. the holy trinity."
your words sound silly even to you. you and sunoo look nothing alike, and the last time you guys went clubbing, you got into a fight with a random guy because he was looking at you the 'wrong way'.
for a moment sunoo just stares at you, unimpressed, and you stare back, until you both start bursting into laughter like maniacs.
"i love you and your stupid brain, have i ever told you that?" sunoo snorts, his head falling into your shoulders from the random laughter that's taken over you both.
you instantly feel warmer at the contact, your body also leaning into him, the giggle disease infecting you too.
"yes i do. now put that wig on. we're gonna be mysterious baddies and bag the hottest people at the club."
--
after a few lacklustre rounds of drinks accompanied by a dj set that was just not the best tracklist, you're swirling your vodka & coke as if it's lost all its flavour.
sunoo sits next to you, arms touching, doing a similar thing as he boredly scrolls on his phone, checking his face on the camera app from time to time — you can't complain because, what else is there to do in this boring fuckass club?
no-one's dancing. it's just a bunch of awkward 20 somethings trying to hit on each other, barely moving their bodies in an attempt to pretend that they're not obviously here for other purposes.
"clubbing culture is non-existent nowadays. what the fuck has happened? is this a recession indicator?" you blurt out, after downing the remnants of your drink. you're slightly tipsy — but even intoxication can't provide you relief from utter disappointment.
"told you we should have gone to a gay club.." sunoo shrugs, looking equally as bored as you as he scans the dance floor for any sign of life in the place. there's too many people for it to be this dead.
"and what? let you get snatched away from me by those hungry vultures the minute we enter whilst i'm left with the options of about two lesbians in that place who are probably already taken?" you sass back, before sighing for the nth time.
"...fair point." sunoo acquieses. he feels slightly guilty recalling the number of times that has happened. his sigh harmonises with yours as he finally puts his phone down.
"the worst part is that no-one's even that hot here.." you murmur — your words might be superficial, but given that the songs were ass and you couldn't even dance, what else was left to do in a place like this?
"...yeah, but mr lip biter across the bar's been eye-fucking you for about 10 minutes now." sunoo mutters, languidly gesturing to said guy who was eye-fucking you. "looks like a fuckboy though." he sounds like he disapproves, a pout already forming on his face.
at that, you try to discreetly turn and look at him. you can't see much because of the club's dim lighting, but you're not complaining, because from your point of view — even if the guy looks fuckboyesque, he also looks hot. not the type of attraction you feel because there's no other option, but genuine attractiveness.
for a moment you guys lock eyes, and you notice how full his lips look, the pearly whites biting down on them, as he gives you a look that's nothing short of hungry.
but you also notice the taller guy next to him — also somehow really fucking attractive, with paler, sharper features like he's just stepped out of the vampire diaries. and his eyes are trained on none other than sunoo. your best friend sunoo.
the realisation feels weird for a second, before you also realise that this is the exact opportunity to save your night from a disaster and turn it into something more fun.
you nudge sunoo — who's busy looking at his reflection again, and whisper, "mr vampire next to him is practically undressing you with his gaze alone too."
that causes sunoo to scoff, but you can see the way sunoo's viewing the duo in his peripheral. it's not as subtle as he thinks.
"they're probably just wondering who the two weirdos wearing wigs in the club are."
that causes you to scoff. "girl." you deadpan as you nudge him again. "we're two hot weirdos in the club. that's basically a turn on for some dudes."
sunoo makes a disgusted face, and opens his mouth to refute your points about how mr vampire is definitely not checking him out, but he doesn't get to because the bartender is already placing two fruity looking ,colourful cocktails next to you guys.
"from the guys over there." he informs, sending both of you a wink.
you look at the drinks and then look at sunoo who's doing the same thing. both of are you in momentary disbelief, before you murmur, laughter colouring your tone, "told you so."
--
"so what are your names, pretties?"
mr lip biter is the first to initiate conversation. both of them have gotten way too close to you guys, mr vampire hovering around sunoo just as you've suspected.
the use of the petname is already cringing you out, but you don't let it show on your face. you can't afford to be picky right now — and at least they are hot. sunoo's probably thinking the same thing from how he has his smile doesn’t fully reach his eyes
you answer first, a smile on your lips that looks more devilish than shy. "i'm jessie."
sunoo chokes a little as you answer as you answer because jessie is not your name. but it only takes one subtle nudge from you to realise where you're going with this and sunoo has to hold back a laugh.
he responds in his sweet, saccharine voice, going along perfectly with your aliases: "and i'm james."
you guys both chant in unison. "we're twins."
mr lip biter and mr vampire exhange a confused look between the two of them before glancing at you both again. there are obvious differences in your appearances, but you have an inkling that these two might even think that your wigs were your real hair from how bimbo-ish they seem.
"cute names." mr vampire chimes in, but he doesn't really bother to look at you as he says so. just continues looking at sunoo in a stare that's way too intense, and it's even making you feel uncomfortable. "especially for such a cute face."
you stifle another unhinged laugh as you sunoo eye's visibly twitch at mr vampire's casanova skills. but he still seems to be into it. he's sunoo's exact type in a man — physically at least.
but mr lip biter is no different, his shoulder already brushing up against yours, too close for your liking.
"i'm jake and he's sunghoon." he adds, biting his lip again. you thought it was hot the first few times, but now it's starting to feel a bit excessive.
"you're really pretty. i like your hair — pink is my favourite colour." jake flashes a toothy grin, and from his mannerisms, you would have thought he had better game than that.
jake's not even looking at your hair. his eyes are shamelessly fixed on your chest because of the low-cut top you decided to wear. and you're really bothered with the way that jake can't tell that your god awful synthetic wig is fake. or maybe he's too drunk to care.
sunghoon is no different. on sunoo's side, sunghoon hasn't uttered a single word. just continued on with his borderline serial killeresque staring as sunoo tries to awkwardy salvage the situation by making small talk.
jake's also started to ask invasive questions — everything about you basically, and you can only come up with so many lies, given that you're 'jessie' right now. you haven't even finished the drink he bought you and the advances are going from 0 to 100 way to quickly
"sorry to be forward...but you'd look really good with your face in my pillow. bet i could make you scream real hard..wonder if twins would make the same noises" jake mutters into your ears, and the crudeness of his remark has you cringing real bad.
he hasn't even asked you for dance yet, or a date, and he's talking like some horny teenager with no self control. and it turns out that his shiver-worthy whisper was loud enough for sunghoon to hear, because he's nodding, still focused on sunoo as he mutters "what he said."
you and sunoo both exhange a look — which to the normal observer would simply appear as a casual exchange between friends, but the ever so slight synchronisation of the twitch in your eyes’ are a message to each other meaning that you both need to get the fuck out of here.
eventhough you're conversing really with jake, your eyes have not left how sunghoon's presence seems to envelop sunoo's — how the taller's advances towards your best friend strangely makes you feel weird for no real reason.
it's not like sunoo was genuinely uncomfortable — he would have made it known if that was the case, but perhaps it's the way this sunghoon way is so obvious with his desire for sunoo that's a little hard to watch.
it's too intense, and sunghoon's too attractive for sunoo to know better, and you're silently hoping that sunoo can see through the pretty face and see how sunghoon doesn't even deserve a second of his time.
in the midst of your distraction, jake's somehow managed to barge in even more of your personal space — your heart slightly beats faster, not because of giddiness, but because it's too dark for anybody to really tell what the hell is going on, including you.
however, instead of anything truly sinister, jake just picks up your hand, playing with your acrylic nails, like he's simultaneously a sleazy frat bro and hyperexcited 5 year old at the same time.
you look on over to the other side, and sunghoon's taken off his leather jacket, flexing his biceps (which were unfortunately quite impressive) to show off to sunoo.
you're starting to wonder if you and sunoo are probably the only sane people in that cursed club.
sunoo, however, notices jake's physical proximity and eyeing your reaction, he also feels something akin to what you were feeling about sunghoon.
it's barely visible, but he hooks one of his arms around yours, and the rush of warmth you feel from that grounding contact makes everything about this situation feel less catastrophic.
noticing your growing discomfort, sunoo whispers in your ear, "...time to abort mission?"
you nod back discreetly and you can almost see sunoo exhale in relief, but before either of you can make a convenient excuse about why you have to leave, life does it for you.
you notice it first. the quick, but commanding clacking of high heels. the swishing of perfectly curled hair, and lipgloss which shines even in the dim lighting.
and a very, very murderous expression.
you didn't really know what you would see tonight, but you definitely was not expecting a very angelic, yet furious woman pour the drink sunoo hadn't finished all over sunghoon and his precious biceps.
"i can't believe this, sunghoon. you're here again, cheating like the fucking lowlife you are. i can't believe i ever gave you a second chance!"
it feels like everyone in the club has their mouth agape at the scene unfolding, and it's too silent until the bartender breaks the silence, "want me to make another drink you can pour on him?"
you would snort and burst into laughter, you really would. but all you can feel is a similar sort of rage, especially because this no-life sunghoon who you had a bad feeling about from the very beginning's been two-timing, and flirting aggressively with your lovely best friend!
"wait — wonyoung, i can explain. it's not what it looks like-"
you feel your rage reach a breaking point as the bastard tries to lie his way out of it, and you reach to pour your drink over him too — but sunoo was quicker, and splashes the cocktail on him. the satisfaction you felt in that moment was unreal.
sunghoon looks wet, ashamed and on the verge of tears — and jake looks to be in a similar state, minus the wetness.
sunghoon's supposed girlfriend doesn't stop at just that, but points daggers to jake as well, who looks like he's two seconds away from pissing his pants.
"and you, jaeyun, don't think you're getting out of this too. i'm telling your girlfriend everything too."
it's your turn to have your jaw open, because what the fuck. not only was sunghoon cheating, but jake too?
before you or sunoo or wonyoung have the chance to make jake cocktail flavoured, he's already on the fucking run, ditching sunghoon to face wonyoung's wrath alone. you would have chased after him, after all the shit he's just pulled but you have faith in wonyoung and her 'hey girly' text message to set things straight.
sunoo also looks positively pissed out of his mind. the last time you saw him like this was when he found out you were talking to your shitty ex again.
he looks as if he actually is going to run after him, but you hold him back and mutter in a resigned tone, "let's just leave, sunoo. it's not worth it."
sunoo almost doesn't listen — but he restrains himself. one because he just really wants to get out of this ridiculous wig that he's wearing that almost feels like the reason for all of this madness, and two, he just really wants to get out of here, with you, and angrily debrief about the whole thing. maybe enlist both of the cheaters to the military 'acidentally.'
as you guys leave, sunoo shares one last glare with sunghoon before telling wonyoung,"leave that piece of shit in the trash where he belongs."
wonyoung, with her claws already deep into sunghoon's arms, smiles back, with a potent devilishness in her expression that you knew was dangerous, and responds,
“oh trust me, he's going to get exactly what he deserves. i've already totalled his car."
--
"that was fucking terrible."
you stuff a barely heated up pizza roll in your mouth as you say so, wigs long discarded on the floor of your apartment.
sunoo looks just as drained as you, sitting on the edge of your bed, also now nearly half finished with the tub of mint chocolate ice-cream you keep in your fridge for him in case of emergencies.
and this is definitely an emergency.
you and sunoo are still in your clubbing clothes, and a half hour of non-verbal company was absolutely necessary to recover from what you two had just been through.
"they should make like a documentary about our lives. that shit doesn't happen to just anyone, you know. it feels like some shitty movie plot." sunoo rants, only minimally healed by the flavour of mint chocolate coating his tongue.
"...how the fuck were BOTH of them cheating? and his girlfriend was so pretty too? the way he was practically devouring you too with his eyes..imagine if she never showed up...god i'm going to feel sick."
sunoo feeds you a spoonful of mint chocolate ice-cream to stop with the throwing up thoughts, and you pull your body up from its laying position to be on the edge next to him.
"...you think sunghoon was bad? that jake guy was leaving his germs all over your pretty nails. that's surely a criminal offense in some country."
you snort at the comment. it's funny how you both were angry over the person that was hitting on the other instead of the one who you were being hitted on by.
sunoo's voice sounds downright scandalised — as if he's mad that he wasn't able to chase jake and give him what he deserved.
"oh yeah? as if sunghoon wasn't one second away from kidnapping you and taking you to the nearest love hotel. i'm telling you, not only is he a cheater, but he gives like major serial killer vibes."
"yeah, but jake was all up in your space. calling you cheesy names, and using barf-worthy pick up lines."
sunoo sounds more serious now, his eyes doing that thing where it stares off into the distance, and his face looks way sterner than usual.
normally, sunoo is such a smiley person around you, so when he gets all pissed like this — the contrast makes you feel strangely on edge.
"it's not a competition. besides, that's what just men are like. cheating, lying bastards. even if they are hot. actually the ones who are hot are the worst."
sunoo scoffs and nods. "true."
you guys flop back on your bed, just staring at the ceiling, too tired to be angry and complain further. maybe tomorrow, you'll be able to fully engage in the outrage you felt tonight. but for now, the taste of mint chocolate lingers in your mouth, and you can feel sunoo's body warmth next to you.
it's times like these, where you feel truly grateful, even after such a horrible time — because you're never truly alone with sunoo around.
after a few moments of just breathing in sync, sunoo finally shuffles, and gets up. the loss of the contact between your and his body makes you feel less regulated instantly, and you mumble his name, questioning why he's already leaving.
but he's back as soon as he left, now in a sitting up position, facial wipes in his hand, slowly pulling you up too with his hand on your arm.
"i know you're too tired to wash your face, but at least let me take the makeup off. your skin's going to hate you if you fall asleep like this." sunoo murmurs, a little sleepily, his voice becoming deeper when he's tired like this.
you don't know why — maybe it's the fact that you've just gone through something borderline traumatic — but sunoo's gentle care for you in moments like this, makes you feel stupidly emotional for no reason at all.
maybe it's even the lingering alcohol in your system, refusing to leave your bloodstream, making the rhythm of your hearbeat all weird and thoughts all fuzzy.
as sunoo carefully wipes the makeup off of your face, his movements precise, and his eyes still holding so much focus at this time of night, you can't hold it anymore. a teardrop falls, until more and more are falling.
sunoo's eyes widen as he sees you cry like that, and he immediately feels more alert and worried.
“y/n, what's wrong? babe?” he whispers, stopping with his actions, instead cradling your face with his hands, his eyebrows knitting together in worry and empathy.
sunoo calls you things like 'babe' often, but right now, it only serves to make that weird pit in your stomach feel worse.
"...'m just sorry. i'm sorry for making us wear wigs, and go to that stupid club, and making you listen to that stupid boy and making you take off my makeup even now—"
sunoo cuts you off, placing a finger on your lips to stop your guilty rambles, to stop you from spiralling even further.
"...god, y/n. the only stupid thing about all of this is the way you think any of this is your fault. the wigs were fun. even the boring ass club before those dickwads ruined it was fun. you make it fun. don't take the blame for some stupid manchildren who can't even tell the difference between synthetic wigs and real hair. and i'm taking off your makeup because i want to, okay. because it's a crime against the skincare gods if i let you sleep like this."
sunoo's soft, kind, and still somehow sassy words makes you cry even harder. you've been friends for a long time, and you know that sunoo obviously wants to be around you, and cares for you.
but you feel oddly vulnerable right now, and every fibre of your body is telling you that you don't deserve someone as angelic as him.
"come on, pretty girls don't cry." his voice becomes even softer, and you feel fragile to a point of no return.
wiping away the tears, you reply back without really thinking, "you're prettier, sunoo. you're so, so pretty and nice, and i don't deserve you—"
sunoo cuts you off once again, and pulls you into an embrace, mumbling, "stop. stop saying things like that. getting all emotional all of a sudden... you're my favourite person in the whole world, okay. now don't make me start crying too."
it's silly, how you're reduced to tears — and sunoo practically is too from an even sillier turn of events. but you both have never judged the other for each other's sensitivity.
you don't know how sunoo does it. how he's simultaneuously so confident and strong but also so deeply sensitivity and attuned to your emotions. it almost feels like he was made for you.
but doubt has a way of creeping up at the worst times.
"i'm scared you're the only one who sees it. i'm scared that the only people who will want me are the jakes in the world. i'm scared you'll just see what a burden i am eventually and leave."
your pour your entire heart to him. you feel as if it's a blessing that you're even able to be so open like this. even if it's all a dream you'll wake up from soon.
you can feel sunoo swallow, can feel his embrace get tighter, something wet at your nape.
"..what's gotten into you?" he whispers, his own voice sounding wrecked from your vulnerability.
"jake's a fucking idiot, okay. matter of fact, i'm going to hunt him down — but god, you're so wrong. so, so wrong. i'll never view you as a burden. and you're like the most beautiful girl in the world. in my eyes. in a lot of people's eyes. inside and out. someone's going to steal you away any day now."
sunoo's words are soothing to your deep wounds that only seem to resurface at 2am on nights when you're not sober to stop yourself from spilling your thoughts.
it makes you stop crying, only to feel something more intense. something so intense, it feels like your heart is going to jump out of your throat.
"...you think so?" you echo back, now pulling back a little, still in his embrace, but looking at him eye to eye now.
your voice sounds unsure and it makes sunoo feel things he usually dismisses and files away into the deepest parts of his heart to deal with when he can't stop denying it any longer.
he nods, his eyes gazing into yours, watching the eyeliner he did earlier that day all smudged now, your eyes get all glassy — and you still somehow look so perfect.
"almost makes me feel jealous to know that it will happen." he admits, voice too low, his fingers twitching against your sides.
some delusional force within you makes you hope that the intense feeling is mutual.
"is it bad if i tell you that it makes me feel jealous too? knowing that there's some perfect person out there for you too, that's not me?"
it's silent for too long before he responds.
"no-one's more perfect for me than you."
you know what he means by that statement. perfect in a platonic way. perfect in a way that's not about how two people complement each other, but how two people exist together.
you know that you should be content with it, the fact that he's placed you above any possible romantic connections.
but the scary, magical area between the neatly defined boundaries of friendship and something more, something more all-consuming is suddenly now in arm's reach.
you know that sunoo doesn't even like girls as much as he likes guys. you can relate. you know exactly what it feels like to be non-conventional in tastes and desire things that society does not expect of you.
yet why does this moment feel like so much more than the binary way people choose to label themselves? so much more than just attraction based on gender, or looks, or superficial things?
you're dying to know what sunoo thinks. what he feels. if you're just being insanely delusional right now and need to sleep it off and feel normal again in the morning.
"you don't mean it in that way. you know you don't."
stupid, stupid, stupid. that word is the only thing filling your mind, as you let the words slip — spoken with too much vulnerabilty, too much heartbreak, too much of what sounds like what was once hope.
sunoo notices all of it.
you scramble to undo your mistake. "..i mean i'm being stupid. i didn't...of course, you —"
but before you can finish, that scary, magical area fully becomes blurred forever, as sunoo's grip on you tightens.
you realise he's pulling you torwards him, his hand cradled around your face, as he bring his face in and presses his lips to yours.
soft, so soft. just like everything else about him. the worst part about it is that it doesn't feel like it's a kiss that's out of pity. sunoo's lips are trembling, and his eyes are also far too glassy. he looks just as guilty as you. it’s real. it’s as real as it can get.
you look stunned as he pulls back — but it's not for long, as sunoo doesn't give you the time to process. he's already capturing your lips in another kiss, his hands going from your face, to your neck as he deepens the kiss — as if that one taste of you simply wasn't enough, and that he desperately needed more.
he tastes like mint chocolate chip, cherry chapstick, and salty tears.
it's the most delightful thing you've ever had the pleasure of tasting.
you gasp as he sucks on your bottom lip, the intensity of his actions making you feel like you could explode in that moment then and there.
when he finally pulls back, you both are panting, the mixture of sleep deprivation and sudden oxygen deprivation being the perfect recipe for recklessness. or perhaps revealing a truth that had been denied for too long.
"...what if i do? what if i meant it in that way?“
your entire body freezes at his words. you have to remind yourself that it’s just a hypothetical. not a confirmation. nothing more than just drunk, late - night ramblings. nothing more than just a drunk, late - night kiss which are a dime a dozen.
“…i know you feel it too. the way we’re made for each other. it shouldn’t fucking hurt this much to see you sad. i shouldn’t want to kiss you as much as i want to. i didn’t even ask you if i could—“
you cut off sunoo this time. shutting him up with an equally passionate kiss of your own. so tender it's almost painful.
“the answer’s yes. always yes.” you whisper back, with too much devotion in your tone. in your eyes, in everything about you.
you worship him just as much as he worships you. perhaps not just in a platonic way as well.
when sunoo realises that, there’s no going back.
he pushes you softly, so that you’re lying down on your bed, and that he’s on top of you — with that same gaze, full of adoration, of love, of an intensity that was finally beginning to reveal itself.
it would be a lie to say you hadn’t imagined this before. but only in dreams that were too hard to avoid. only in thoughts that you hurried to stop thinking about.
but it was happening in real life, and you didn’t know how to react, except for stare back, with cheeks that were too flushed, and breathing too erratic.
“…do you want me to? i — can i do more?” sunoo asks shyly, barely restrained desire in his voice.
the fact that you can so clearly hear that he wants you makes your throat feel dry. you’re used to sarcasm and jokes and gossip with him — not this. not this type of attention.
it makes you feel alive again.
sunoo’s also usually not shy when it comes to intimacy. but he’s never done this type of thing with someone he cares about so much, with someone he feels so much for. it’s scary and exhilarating and everything he’s ever wanted but denied himself.
you blurt out a ‘yes’ that’s too quick, and perhaps too eager, and you instantly feel embarrassed because of it.
and of course sunoo can tell that you’re feeling embarrassed. he always knows what you’re feeling.
he laughs softly — not in a cruel or unkind way, but in a fond one. mostly he’s just overjoyed at the fact that you’re actually saying yes, but on the other hand he can’t help but notice how cute you are, even now.
it’s also a little weird because you and sunoo have seen each other in every possible state except for this specific one.
sunoo finds himself feeling greedy, greedy enough to want to experience all of you in every way that he can and not let anyone else have it.
"is this what those assholes you date get to see?" he murmurs, still a little sarcastic even now. the slightly bitter way he says it makes sunoo himself wonder if he's been using sarcasm to cover up his jealousy this entire time. the way he's always the first to complain and disapprove of whoever you're with — the way he can't even hide how starstruck he is by the fact the he's now the one getting to see you like this. soft. vulnerable, devastatingly pretty — and heart beating loudly just for him.
“you're so beautiful it's unreal."
you laugh back, but it's not the same way you usually do. it's shyer, more embarrassed, a sound that sounds flustered, giddy and too much in love.
"i was about to tell you the same thing."
it was supposed to be a light-hearted jab at sunoo (because he also doesn't have the best dating history) so you don't expect for it to ignite something within him.
but it does.
his pupils go wider and he caresses your face with devastating tenderness. you have to hold your breath because it's too much — the way he's looking at you like you're the only person in the world. the fact that you know it's not some shitty guy lovebombing you, but the purest form of love from the person you care most about in the world.
"are you trying to make me feel insane?" he whispers, less annoyed or sarcastic, just sounding like he's on the verge of exploding from all the feelings buzzing through him. the relief and excitement from finally accepting this part of him, of you both accepting the type of love that you're capable of holding for each other even if it's deemed impossible by others.
you shake your head, but he just dips down, and you shudder as he whispers "liar" into your ears.
he moves to kiss you again, peppering little kisses on your face, on your neck, his lips feeling way too soft for a man.
you can feel his smille as he does so, and it unravels something within you too. your hands wrap around his shoulders, so there's barely any space between on you guys. just skin on skin. sweetness on sweetness.
you bite back a moan as he kisses somewhere particularly sensitive — the space between your ears and neck.
he wants to tell you that no asshole guy will ever get to see him like this again. he wants you to say the same. but he can't form it in words just yet.
instead, he takes off your top, revealing your lace bra and you can see him gulp something down, cheeks red just like yours as his fingers the material of it like it's a work of art, his eyes not leaving your body and face not even once.
"my pretty best friend, all for me."
his velvety voice only makes the heat spread through you like wildfire. the not so subtle possession in his words.
it makes you want this moment to never end, even if you're also finding it unbearable how you're completely being undone like this.
in one swift movement, he undos the clasp and you gasp at how he's so good at that.
the cold air hitting you juxtaposes deliciously with how his warm eyes gaze at you with something more intense than simple hunger.
worship
"they never deserved you. didn't even deserve one inch of you." he sighs into you as his fingers trace a tantalazing path downwards.
further, further down until he's squeezing the plush of your inner thighs under your skirt.
it's a little bit embarrassing how you're already writhing, eventhough he hasn't even touched you where you want it most yet, your heat pulsing and throbbing like it's a second heart.
surprising yourself, your hand reaches for his hair again, bringing him closer to you and kissing him with a type of desparate need that you didn't know you were capable of having.
you bite on his bottom lip — just subtly and press a kiss onto his adam's apple and neck, sucking and nibbling until you leave a mark that you know won't disappear by tomorrow.
the whimper leaving sunoo's pretty lips sounds like pure ecstasty and you think that you've already reached heaven without having to die first.
you make eye contact with him, this time just as desire-ridden and worshipful as him. not the timid, tentative girl from before.
"none of the people you were with deserved you either. i don't deserve you either. but god, i want you. more than as a best friend. even more than as a lover. i want you in ways no-one's ever had you in before."
as intense and confessional it may sound, to you — it's just the simplest of all truths. the fact that you love sunoo. that you always have, always will. in ways you don't even understand yourself.
your bleeding heart for him can't be categorised into society's labels, can't be made sense of. only felt.
sunoo's breath hitches, and he thinks that his heart stops beating altogether.
he doesn't know if this is all a dream. something that he will wake up from in any moment now. his mind reels at your courage, your unconditional love — allowing him to finally admit the truth to himself too. you're not his 'type.' not what he's usually attracted to. you're not what he thought he would desire so badly. it doesn't make sense — shouldn't.
but it happens anyways. you've become a part of his very soul, against all odds.
he wants to speak, but he can't. wants to tell you how he feels the same, but he won't be able to do your sweet declaration justice.
he feels so ridiculously tongue - tied, that he can do not much but pour his feelings into his mouth, his touch, the reverence in his actions towards you as his fingers flutter across the outline of your soaked panties.
he pulls you closer to him — his hands physically shaking like he can't take it any longer. "fuck, i can't, you're so perfect. saying everything i've wanted to hear for so long. god-" he whines against you, his hands wrapping around your waist, until your hips are connected and you can feel how painfully hard he is even through his pants.
you feel your body jolt at the contact. you can feel how sunoo's sort of embarrassed to be so needy like this, but he can't help himself.
you definitely don't mind it. in fact, you're basking in it. it's a type of re-assurance that quietens all the overthinking in your head, and makes your head blank — in a good
way.
you can see sunoo start to lean down as he whispers "gonna make you feel good down here first" but you stop him, putting your hands on his shoulders.
you really do want to feel his mouth on you, eating you out and making you feel good but you want him inside you even more right now. so much so you, that you don't mind begging.
"please, sunoo — need you inside. right now." you outright whine shamelessly, and god does that do something to sunoo.
he can't control himself anymore. he was going to take this slow, make love to you properly and take his time in pleasuring you, but how can he?
when you're begging him like that, lipstick and mascara smudged, voice so needy and whiny just for him. he's only just a man after all.
his soft kisses and touches shift into something more careless. impatient, a little rough, as he bunches your skirt up, pulling down your panties, like he's starving for it.
“your pussy is so pretty, just like everything about you.." he breathlessly murmurs. no more of that sweet, tortorous slowness. replaced by a desire so carnal and electric that all coherent thought is escaping your brain fast.
he wasn’t expecting it but he's so turned on by this, so so turned on. more than he thinks he has ever been in his life.
"fuck, wanted to take my time with you but you're making it impossible. i want to fuck you so bad baby. need to ruin you for anyone else." he groans as he takes out his hardened cock from his pants, already leaking precum at the tip. as it springs up, so fucking pretty and pink and way bigger than you thought, you let out a gasp.
sunoo would tease you for your reaction, but he's feeling too feral right now to do that. all that's replaying in his mind is that he needs to be in you, fucking you, filling you with his cum.
you're thinking the same. you don't care if it hurts. don't care if you haven't been prepared or made ready to take him in. you're already dripping — so wet that it could probably slide into you with ease.
his thumb rubs over your throbbing clit and already feel like crying out. your head can't wrap around the fact that his pretty hands are on your pussy, that his lips have been on your body, that he's going to fuck you right now.
you don't have time to finish those thoughts because sunoo's already pushing into you, your head arching back into your pillows, next to your discarded clothes, feeling light-headed from the tip alone.
his hands tighten on your hips and he finally bottoms out, and the clench of your gummy walls pulls a raw groan out of him as you mewl at the feeling of being stretched out to the max.
it hurts, but the pleasure you're feeling overpowers it, and your body is already trembling and twitching, despite the fact he hasn't even started moving yet.
it's already too much. you can feel him all the way up to your throat and your eyes are already rolling back.
he stays buried deep for a few moments, just savouring the way you hug him so tightly like your body was made for him.
his eyes are dark and blown as his voice drops. "god, look at you." another thrust. "you don't even-" this time harder. "know what you do to me."
every thrust pulls a wrecked moan out of you, as you feel salty tears start to roll down your cheeks again. this time not from sadness, but pure, unbridled pleasure. sunoo's so vocal as well, moaning and whimpering everytime he can feel your warmth envelop him like you want his cock to stay buried in your pussy forever.
it's hot and tight and now that he knows what it feels like, he doesn't think he'll ever be able to stop craving this.
the bed starts creaking with the rapid pace that he's setting. he's always thought he was more of a soft and slow person. but it's almost like his body is moving without his permission.
he doesn't know what else to do with the intensity and severity of his want for you, except for rendering you a sobbing, whining mess. defiling you in an almost holy way. on your bed. where you guys have had conversations about anything and everything and complained about shitty boyfriends and girlfriends to each other. and now he's finally making you his on it.
"don't — don't stop. it feels so good sunoo." you whimper in your messy state of tears and sweat and filthy sounds of the slapping, your moans getting louder and louder until you’re sure you’ll receive a complaint from the neighbours tomorrow.
your hands find themselves on his back, and he stops for just a second to take his top off, until he starts fucking back into you again.
his skin is so milky and smooth, nipples bright pink — just like a girl's, it turns you on more than any other muscular body. you think he's absolutely perfect like this, lean and toned and still a little soft. everything about him is perfect, you think.
your nails dig into his back, leaving lines of red on his back. the fact that he's marked by you makes you clench more tightly, making sunoo hiss.
he trembles, moaning your name like it both something holy and the cause of his destruction.
“y/n, fuck — feel that? how deep i am inside of you?"
his sweet voice whispering such filth to you only emboldens you, as you grind your hips back onto him, creating a tantalising friction against your clit and his cock.
the action only has him pin your wrists down onto the bed as he thrusts even deeper inside you, until you're sure he's hit your cervix.
"you're — ah — taking me in so well. so fucking good for me. so fucking perfect for me." his words start to slur a little, because he's also at his limit. neither of you had felt pleasure on this level before. in a way that's impossible to forget, so easy to get addicted to.
the praise has the knot inside of your stomahc tighten until it's unbearable every grind of his hips bumps right against your clit, and your voices combined are so loud. but neither of you can focus on anything else but each other, the snapping of hips and skin and hands around wrists, tears of pleasure rolling down cheeks.
he angles his hips just right and your pussy spasms wildly as he hits that spot again again and again, until you feel like you’re seeing stars.
sunoo's lips press against yours again as he feels your orgasm ripple through you, tongue messily dominating yours, in a similar way to how he fucks you so passionately and roughly at the same time.
tears roll down your cheek harder as he does so, and you involuntarily clench and twitch around him, and it has his hips finally stutter too, spilling into you without warning.
“you feel so — fuck — i love you, i love you-"
he keeps on blabbering your name and curses and soft 'i love yous' as he feels his release completely take over him. he feels so happy and satisifed he could die.
a few seconds after, both of you are breathing hard, fingers intertwined, post orgasm tiredness hitting and his cock, even if it's overstimulated, still buried within you.
you’re both fighting the urge to pass out and you’re only kept awake by sunoo’s lips still on your kisses, leaving soft kisses as a way to compensate for how he’s probably left you unable to walk in the morning.
“still need to get you cleaned up, babe.” he murmurs sleepily, his voice now sounding so soft and sweet again that the filth he was saying earlier almost feels like a dream. “i’ve got to take care of you.”
you smile, your head buried in his shoulders as your arms wrap around him, both of you in an intimate embrace that both burns and soothes you.
“i love you, sunoo.”
your voice is tired and hoarse — and sunoo’s heart still manages to find the energy to flutter uncontrollably. the stars in his eyes reflect back onto yours.
“i love you too.”
it’s silent and far too magical for a few seconds that feel like hours. you feel like you could cry again, but you’re so spent that all you can do is hug him tighter.
he strokes the back of your head, and you make eye contact with him. both just sleepily smiling like two idiots in love.
“next time we’re getting better quality wigs…” sunoo mutters, and it’s so random and sunoo that you can’t help but hate how disgustingly fond of it you are.
“next time i’m doing your eyeliner instead then. deal?”
you both laugh at the same time, heads falling into each other, hearts beating in the same rhythm.
pairing: husband’s best friend!sunghoon x fem!reader
summary: in which sunghoon can’t stop thinking about how much he hates you, even-though you’re his best friend’s wife. or how the cloying sweetness of your perfume infects all of this thoughts.
word count: 2.6k
warnings/content (please read): dead dove do not eat, smut mdni, sunghoon is a bad person and very fucked up, reader is jake’s wife, cheating, sunghoon blackmails reader, dubcon, oral (m. rec), gagging/choking, throat and face fucking, degradation, hair pulling, use of the word ‘slut’ and ‘whore’, head pushing, deepthroating, sunghoon inflicts pain, cumming on face, general toxicity, possessiveness, dark themes
sunghoon had a bad feeling about you from the very first moment jake introduced you to him.
he remembers it too clearly. jake’s hand around your waist, your makeup carefully painted on you making you look more doll than human, the glint in your eyes that revealed something more than just innocence, the overly saccharine scent of your perfume — trying to hide the stench of trying too hard, of standing out like a poorly hidden stain in a world to which you didn’t belong.
it was wrong on so many levels. the way jake looked at you with clear, blind adoration in his eyes. how all his other friends just simply accepted you into their group, even-though you’re so obviously a snake trying to sneak your way in a world not meant for you by using jake for his money and status.
it’s so obvious that you’re just a whorish gold-digger selling your body to fatten your own pockets. sunghoon’s seen it a million times before, and as much as his skin crawls whenever he sees you at the same parties, events, social gatherings — even just around jake’s vicinity, he remains quiet because he knows better than to ruin jake’s little saviour fantasy. he’ll also find out soon enough. it’s just a matter of time before he does.
—
sunghoon didn’t know it’d be such a stupid mistake on his part when he decided to keep silent about you all those years ago.
because years have passed, and you’re still by his side. upgraded from jake’s pretty little toy to jake’s pretty little wife.
it’s disgusting to even think about. sunghoon feels sick whenever he thinks about you and jake together. about how he’s wished and prayed that jake finally ditch you for good at some point during all these years. but he hasn’t. your trickery and manipulation is so flawless that his best friend and family and closest friends can’t see you for the evil that you are. the rot that you bring in their lives.
for the better part of a decade, sunghoon’s not been able to get you off his mind. all the ways in which you try and fit in but fail. the outfits you wear — now more expensive and put together, but still wrong to look at. the way your lips always have some type of sheen, and your eyeliner just a little too dramatic — like you’re begging the whole town to just fuck you brainless.
the most wrong thing he’s ever laid his eyes on is the accidental moment he’s seen you bare faced, sleepy, wearing only pyjamas — awaking from jake’s bed on a night when jake was supposed to fucking hang out with sunghoon and not you. he can’t get that stupid image out of his head. up until that point, he thought it was just your makeup and tasteless fashion that you used to lure in your prey. but he’s wrong. your bare face is definitely the absolute worst. it only took him a mere 30 seconds to get hard seeing you in that state — normally he can control it until later, when you’re no longer in his sight.
the only way he can describe how you make him feel is that you’re an infection spreading through him with no cure. you’ve corrupted him wholly just by existing. just by smiling and giggling like you have no idea that sunghoon fucks girls pretending they’re you. how he’s bought the exact saccharine perfume you wear and keeps it, spraying it on clothes he wants to dress you in and jerks off to it like an animal in heat.
you’re the sweetest infection to ever exist.
—
it happened on a night when you were too drunk to think.
jake was out for a business trip and you took the opportunity to go out, have some fun with your girl friends — something that you don’t get to do much anymore in married life. you love being jake's wife, you really do. but jake’s even clingier as a husband than he was as a boyfriend, and it makes you crave independence sometimes.tonight you’re letting yourself have it.
two drinks turn into four and four turns into a number that’s embarrassing to admit. you would usually call jake to pick you up from the bar, but he’s not in town. and you would call an uber but you’ve also conveniently forgotten your wallet like the fundamentals of going out is something that’s been erased from your memory after a period of not doing it for so long.
scrolling through your contacts, your fingers pause on a certain one. park sunghoon. your husband’s best friend.
you’ve always known that sunghoon doesn’t particularly like you. he makes it pretty clear — never bothering to acknowledge your existence and staring at you with distaste ever since you’ve met the guy. but jake always talks about how he’s a good guy, how he's just a little quiet.
taking the risk, you call him. he doesn’t like you, but you don’t think he would be unkind enough to leave you to fend for yourself right now. and even if he says no, you can try calling someone else.
you wish you could undo that moment with every fibre of your being.
—
that night ended with you in sunghoon’s bed. the memories of it were hazy but you knew what had happened. the sin you had committed.
all you could think about was how jake would react, how he would feel. you’d be a disgraced woman. you’ve worked so fucking hard to get to where you are now — you’re not going to let this one unfortunate mistake the rest of your life.
except sunghoon isn’t as nice as you thought.
what you thought would just be one unfortunate mistake turns into more and more mistakes — until it’s something rotting and decaying in your life, threatening to ruin it at any moment. sunghoon takes the opportunity to keep you in a trap with no way out.
you tell your husband and sunghoon will tell him everything. about how you’ve been cheating on him for months. about how it was you who seduced him, all horrible fucking lies that seem to spill out of sunghoon’s mouth like it’s your damned death sentence.
you have no other choice but to comply.
—
sunghoon grips your hair harshly, shoving your face towards his prominent bulge, still clothed, his hands moving your head like you’re an inanimate object and not a person.
the wooden floor of your and your husband’s bedroom feels cold as your knees rest on it, the feeling familiar yet still nauseating. you’ve just gotten a blowout, but sunghoon doesn’t give a fuck. he tightens his grip in your hair like he wants it to be painful enough for you to fear him doing worse. to replace all the times that jake’s been the one do to this to you.
“i can tell you’ve wanted this all day. getting all dolled up for me with your pretty hair. you did it so i could ruin it, didn’t you?” he accuses, his tone mockingly sweet. you hate it when he talks like this — you prefer his anger and insults far more than when he talks to you like you actually want him.
when you don’t respond and just look at him blankly, he yanks your hair again — this time more ruthlessly. you hiss in pain as he does so, tears already pooling in your eyes.
“answer, you slut. are you mute too, or something? tell me who you got fucking dolled up for.”
you want to spit at him. tell him that it’s your hair and you can do whatever the fuck you want to it. that not all your thoughts and actions revolve around sunghoon like he delusionally believes it to be.
“i went to meet jake’s mother.” you reply, giving the real reason, forcing your voice to be monotone, but a hint of defiance creeps in. it always does. it’s what sunghoon both loves and hates about you.
“lies.” he spits, taking his hardened cock out of his slacks, not breaking eye contact with you. he can see the way your eyes widen, the way your breath hitches as he does so. that confirms everything for him. that you’re just a cock-hungry slut. his slut.
“i wonder what Mrs. Sim would have to say if she knows you're panting on your knees like a bitch on heat for your husband’s best friend. or how i’ve bent you over on every surface that her precious son has bought in his own house.”
he scoffs as he pats your face with his cock mockingly, right next to your pout, rubbing it up and down all over your face, wanting traces of him everywhere on it.
you bite your lip as he does. it feels so, so degrading being treated like this, but you can’t help the way your thoughts blur a little, how the nausea still remains but is now mixed with heat and filthy need.
“tell me the truth or else i’m not going to bother with stopping fucking you even when jake comes home.”
you instantly feel sick at the thought, and you’re already rushing to mutter the ‘truth’. “no — sorry, i lied. i lied, okay. i did my hair for you. wanted to look pretty for you.”
the words feel unnatural on your tongue and any sane, rational person can see that you’re clearly making this shit up but sunghoon’s completely blind to it.
you can see his eyes dilate as you feel his cock get even harder. you’re not sure if the fact that sunghoon believes your terrible lies is more horrifying than if he didn’t.
“that’s it. you’re just a whore for me to use, aren’t you. you want it so bad, huh?” you can feel his grip soften, and eventhough his words are degrading and dehumanising, the faintly manic quality to them reveal so much more. you almost want to play into it. want to make up lies and validate sunghoon’s delusions because you know that that way he might treat you nicer. but you’re too scared that it’s just going to make him more deluded and insane than he is.
“don’t worry, baby, not gonna make you wait any longer. open up.” he steadies his hand on your hair, placing his dick onto your lips, and you instinctively open your mouth, slowly taking him in. at least he gives you time to adjust, letting out a soft moan, his eyes fluttering shut as he feels the warmth envelop him, savouring even just you swallowing his tip.
the smell of him hits you. he always smells and tastes super clean, with faint traces of his body wash.
you hate that you like it.
you’ve never liked sucking dick, even with jake — but there’s just something about doing it for sunghoon that makes your cunt throb. you’re disgusted at how aroused you are by this. how your mouth opens wider to take more of him and how the sounds he makes being softer than anything else about him makes you get embarrassingly wet.
“fuuuck, just like that. you’re doing so good. your mouth feels so good.” he murmurs, the praise being more unconscious than willing. you swirl your tongue around his tip, knowing that he’s particularly weak to that specific movement. it’s jarring how sunghoon praises you sometimes. it feels so unnatural coming from him, yet feels so much more authentic than when he purposefully degrades you. his hands are still gripping your hair, but notably softer. he’s too lost in the pleasure you’re giving him to put you in your place.
you hollow your cheeks more, moving your head up and down, until your nose meets his pelvic bone, earning a deeper groan from the back of this throat.
“such a good little fucktoy for me. sucking me like the dumb, stupid slut you are.” his words turn degrading again, as he watches your head move with hooded eyes, getting more aggressive with his hold on you. you’re generally good at predicting other people’s actions but sunghoon consistently catches you off guard. you never know when he’s going to be nice or mean.
your jaw starts to ache and then you suddenly still completely. you hear noises outside the bedroom door. they don’t sound like footsteps, but it indicates that someone might have entered. you pray that it’s just your cat, because if jake finds you like this, you genuinely wouldn’t know what to do.
sunghoon hears it too, but his head doesn’t snap like yours. he doesn’t even try to hide the way he’s displeased with you halting.
he yanks you by the hair again, and it’s clear he’s pissed.
“who told you to stop sucking, bitch?” he snarls, not bothering to wait until you’ve calmed down. the panic in your eyes both infuriates and turns sunghoon on. on one hand, you clearly care about jake seeing you like this, but on the other hand, it’s pleasing in a twisted way to see you all skittish and squirming.
he makes makeshift pigtails out of your hair, thrusting into your mouth, making sure he hits the back of your throat with each jerky, rapid movement, going from 0 to 100 without any warning. he’s downright abusing your throat, not caring about the way your nails dig into his thighs begging for him to slow down.
you garble around his dick and he can make out a strained ‘stop’ but his movements don’t slow down. his mind is still stuck on how you’re scared about jake finding out still. how you even dared to think about jake right now. he knows you’re his best friend’s wife but he tells himself its only in name. that he’s claimed you in every way that matters, not jake. never jake. only him.
“shut the fuck up, whore.” he growls, his praise feeling like a distant memory now.
tears are fully streaming down your face now as you reach the point of going past light-headedness. he’s shoving your head down like he wants to completely wreck you. until your vocal chords are damaged and you’re so helpless you can’t even speak anymore.
“this mouth is mine. mine, you understand? everything about you is. doesn’t matter who the fuck you’re married to.” he adds, more desperately. it’s times like this where you can see underneath sunghoon’s brutality. the possessiveness and insecurity coating every word and action.
you nod because you have no choice. somewhere along the blackmailing and threats, you too have succumbed to the fact that sunghoon will have you in a way that your husband never will.
just when you feel like you’re about to tap out and fade out of consciousness, you can feel sunghoon’s movements get sloppier and his noises get louder as he repeats your name like it’s a mantra under his breath. “god, y/n — mine, mine, mine –“
you start fully choking on him as he goes impossibly faster. sunghoon doesn’t stop until he feels his climax, and he wants to cum inside of you and make you swallow every drop, but he wants to defile you even more today.
taking his cock out, he paints your face full of hot, white ropes of his cum as he moans out your name in a downright pornographic way. it’s everywhere — from your eyelashes, to your lips and cheeks. you can taste bile and sunghoon at the back of your throat.
deep down, you know you look the prettiest like this. abused, defiled and fucking ruined for anyone else.
〔 𝒾 〕 How did you manage to bag one of the hottest men on campus, Sim Jaeyun? That question crosses your mind daily, along with the multitude of reasons to doubt yourself and your place in Jake's life, although you never say the words out loud. But Jake can sense something is wrong, and you have to face all of your ghosts before you lose him for good.
𝐬𝐢𝐦 𝐣𝐚𝐞𝐲𝐮𝐧 𝓍 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 12.3k ⋮ 18+ ⋮
smut, angst, fluff, college au, feat! vernon of seventeen & felix of stray kids, friends with benefits!au, lacrosse player!jake, plus-size!reader, negative self thoughts and talk from the reader, oral (f receiving), face sitting, fingering, unprotected sex, praise kink, dirty talk, creampie
ᯤ 𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗇 𝗍𝗈: what if you change — the wldlfe, waste my time — grace, vanderwaal, talk too much — coin, dizzy — yueku, best damn thing — alexander stewart, this is me trying — taylor swift, heart beat here — dashboard confessional, i'm in love with you — the 1975, kiss my scars — august royals, all my ghosts — lizzie mcalpine
⌗ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 ── This is a repost of a story I created on a since-deleted sideblog (@heartikeu for those who remember seeing me around there). This is probably my favorite story I've ever written, so I didn't want to lose it. Thank you to my beta reader besties who saw this story through it's infancy— @frenchkisstheabyss @innocygnet @xomakara to name a few—as I forget in the original post who I credited. Thank you!
You never step out of the car.
It's routine to pick Jake up after every Tuesday and Friday lacrosse practice. You detested the idea at first. You didn't know Jake's teammates and friends—you made a point not to—but you predicted long ago they would smell your anxiety the second you shifted gears on the pavement. "Just have San or someone else do it, please?" You'd responded with something to that effect the first time he asked, and the subject was dropped.
But sticking to your guns became especially difficult once Jake discovered your undoing via his incessant pouting and perfectly-executed neck kisses. Ultimately, your resolve crumbled.
You've driven to and away from the field many times in the past four months, yet your physical reactions in between the driving never change. You sit with bated breath as you see the clock on your dash shift, ten minutes past when you were supposed to be here passing in a blur. Fingers tap against the steering wheel in time to the beat of the song, the melody humming low from your speakers. All of the humdrum habits and safety of your car keep you from feeling small, but the second your head turns, or a sound pulls you from your daze, you're fucked.
Your 2011 Volkswagen is no match for the Audis and Range Rovers surrounding you in the parking lot next to the lacrosse field. In the 9 PM moonlight, they all shine something fierce. The chrome and glossy finishes are in excruciatingly stark contrast to the chipped paint on your front bumper and aged rubber lining your tires.
You can't picture what the field must look like. Booster parents and college alumni's donations ensured top-dollar amenities for the team that you've never seen play once. The Red Hawks have to be formidable in some capacity in order to garner such adoration from your peers and financial support from the school administration.
Jake laughed it off when you said you never went to a game before him and didn't plan on doing so even after ending up in his bed. He just went back to kissing you at the time and let it go because he knew the truth: it wasn't a part of the deal you both agreed upon.
"Yet picking him up is?" Jungwon asked one morning after you told him about taking Jake home the night prior. You lovingly told your best friend to fuck off and mind his business. The questions on his face could have easily cracked through your cool resolve, but you wouldn't let them.
All that can do that is your own nerves, psyching you out in a million ways before Jake can step away from the field and make it to your passenger side door.
Ultimately, though, finally seeing his sweat-soaked hair and cherry-red uniform hugging his body makes the fears dissipate enough for you to breathe normally again. A handful of guys walk off, but Jake and a few friends remain near the edge of the field. You can hear his laugh before he can get to your car, his conversation with his teammates turning from strategy to straight comedy, no doubt. Felix and Vernon share brotherly handshakes with him before making it to their own cars. You tell yourself not to follow them with your eyes, but they betray you the second the two men leave your peripheral vision. The girls waiting outside their vehicles are eager to greet them, sporting denim cutoffs and tank tops meant to show off their midriffs.
Subconsciously, your hand drifts to your own stomach. The skin there hasn't seen the sun in a hot minute. The last time had to be when you were too drunk to care. Now, more than clearheaded, you feel the hard truths come in like tidal waves. The outfit you could never pull off taunts you like the cars do. It's another piece of the puzzle to prove you don't fit in, not really.
The light but purposeful taps to your window pull you from the precipice of another mental spiral. You turn to find Jake fogging up the glass with his quick breaths. His megawatt smile is electric, unfurling your somber mood like a bird's wing. He may desperately need a shower and some rest, but he's never looked more radiant than with his flushed cheeks and damp curls. For how bright the moon shines outside, he's the sun incarnate.
He gets in the passenger side once he sets his equipment in your back seat. After he's settled in, his smile is back on you, warming you with silent heat.
"You smell," you say before pecking his lips. The kiss lasts for only a few seconds, but it could be a lifetime from how slow and smooth it feels, numbing your thoughts to their core like novocaine.
"Oh?" he asks when you pull away, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue.
"You're lucky I'm into that."
He chuckles. His lips are back on yours in the next second, the sound of his laughter still rumbling on his tongue when it enters your mouth. He presses his hand to your cheek, pulling you into him. The protective taping wrapped around his hand, running from knuckles to wrist, rubs against your cheek with every move of his mouth and fingertips.
You pull away to catch your breath, dizzy from the force of him. He whispers, "Let's go home."
He says the last word reverently, like home is just the two of you and nobody else. Exactly as it should be in his eyes. You try to believe it as you start the car, his hand firm on your thigh as you begin the drive back to his studio apartment. You want to take his words to heart, the only reassurance you'd ever need to quell the fear of opulence and beauty you barely possess, but you know the facts.
It won't last, so you have to enjoy what you can while you have it. But even that seems to be the hardest feat in the universe when you're reminded of what will soon be gone.
"Jaeyun—holy shit—right there." You gasp, moving your hips harder against Jake's soft lips. His tongue swirls around your clit as his fingers enter and exit your spongy walls. The brush of his fingertips hits you as hard as the murmurs of his words against your folds, praise leaving his lips as he admires the essence around his digits. You tighten around them with every swirl of his mouth on the hood of your cunt. He's desperate to make you fall apart once more, nuzzling deeper into you and moving faster.
You made it to his apartment quickly, the tension between you dissipating your earlier worries and transforming them into pure need. He may see it only as an expression of his desire for you, his stamina never-ending despite hours of practice. For you, it's the perfect way to make your ghosts go away, if only for a little while—his shower and rest be damned.
"She's sucking me in so well. Fuck, I love it," Jake comments, more for you than himself. He's a particular type of vulgar in bed. In normal conversation, he barely curses. Sure, he's still a guy surrounded by raging testosterone who possesses some fraction of perverted humor, but when he's lost in you and the sheets, he's feral. His composure becomes frayed in all the right ways when he sees your pussy flutter around his fingers, his tongue, his cock. He can't control it, and you don't want him to.
"God, please let me come again." You sink into his sheets as you arch your hips, chasing the feeling with eager and sweaty limbs. He pins you down harder, squeezing your plush skin between his palms while unraveling you. Jake's too good at this, snug amongst your soaked thighs and warm heat. Maybe he's made to live there in a land of skin and slick, forever existing between your legs.
"Yes, pretty girl. Let me feel it around me this time."
He switches positions quickly, sinking his aching tip inside of you as his wet fingers rub against your clit. He only manages a few strokes before you're losing your composure completely, clutching tightly to his shoulders with weak hands but lit-up nerve endings. His hips flex as your tongue shapes curses and half-completed moans.
"You're so perfect—ah, goddamnit—when you come. It's incredible. You're incredible." Sweat quickly paints his face as he maintains his slow but deep pace. He gains speed only once he feels his high trickling up his spine. "Where do you want it tonight, beautiful?"
You roll your eyes lazily, your head turning into the pillow from his praise. He always asks, although you both know the only correct answer. But you're so lost in him and the afterglow, you swallow the rhetorical barb on your lips and whisper, "Inside, Jaeyun. Fill me up, please? I want it all."
Jake curses once more before he ruts into you. Animalistic, choked cries erupt from deep in his diaphragm when he reaches his orgasm. He already had no composure left to speak of, but it’s as though he's finding it again by letting himself fall apart above you. Ropes of his seed coat your insides with warmth, and you think that this must be what he meant when he said "home" earlier in the car. There's nothing inside or outside of your bubble to fear when you're both so intertwined, so attached to one another in the most primal form.
You lay there together for a moment, evening the tempos of your heartbeats and pace of your breaths together. It's peace at its barest elements. The quiet of your mind feels as foreign as a new language, but Jake makes it easy to learn when he swims the uncharted waters with you.
But that's the trick with ghosts. They creep in the moment after a person believes they've bested them once and for all.
"I gotta ask you something," Jake whispers. He rubs his hands against the expanse of your back, but it's no longer soothing. The warmth you felt a mere ten minutes ago turns to ice, the calm waters transforming into a harsh current you're preparing to drown in. Jake senses the sudden rigidness of your body in the aftermath of his statement. He chuckles and pulls you in closer. "Relax, I'm not proposing to you."
You huff, quietly relieved. "Would've been an odd way to ask, anyway."
His chest rumbles with laughter. Your fear lowers to a manageable degree, but you remain on your toes. Possibilities flicker across your mind, the cryptic message capable of anything. Will he make another stink about you seeing one of his games? Does he want to risk you finally agreeing to attend one of the dumb house parties you've said no to a million times over, only for you to swat him on the arm and tell him to go to bed?
Your throat dries up in anticipation of the inevitable. After a moment, he says, "I want you to meet my parents."
You try silence to listen as Jake explains further, but you're running on half concentration and half inner turmoil. A few of his words play in a loop in your brain as you watch his lips move.
Jake's parents. Home from overseas. He wants to introduce you to them.
There were only a handful of rules established at the onset of whatever your relationship was. One of them was not to make the relationship itself intimately known amongst friends and family. Jake's teammates and your friends are aware you both are seeing each other, but that's the beginning and end of it. There's no showing off photos of each other, no bouts of PDA to make people envious or uncomfortable, and definitely no sharing of personal information.
You like it that way. It keeps the outside world from creeping in and expanding the doubts already adequately sized in your mind. You don't think you can take that reality, the one where everyone pulls their two cents together for the destruction of what little you've scrounged up with Jake, so you live in this one instead. You're at an arm's length from the entirety of him and his life, but he's still reachable. And you're still safe.
Only now, Jake is threatening that safety by wanting what's outside of your bounds, asking you to give parts of yourself you can't breach.
You pull away from him sharply, tasting alkaline metal in the back of your throat. In response, Jake's blush-painted cheeks go white. He presses both hands to either side of your face before you have time to move further away. His touch is so sweet, but it doesn't save you from getting lost in your head. "I know it's a lot, but they'd love you right away. And I—"
"What would we even say?" You interrupt him with bite, your teeth gnashing together in hard clamps. "'Hi, Mom, this is the girl from my organic chemistry class I've been fucking all semester. Dad, that's a nice tie'?"
"I wouldn't exactly put it like that," he jokes. He pushes some of your sweaty strands of hair from your face as he composes his next words. "And my dad doesn't wear ties, so we're good there."
"Jaeyun, you're missing my point!"
"I'm seeing it loud and clear, babe. I'm just saying there's nothing to worry about, especially my dad's fashion choices."
His teasing only makes your stomach sink deeper. How can you make him understand your perspective without cracking open months' worth of anxiety? You aren't officially dating, but it's been working just fine within the parameters of no labels. Why screw it up? "Yunnie, I can't. You know why."
He gulps and rubs one thumb along the apple of your cheek. He says nothing, but his brown irises and downturned lips hold all the questions in the world you can't answer. The biggest one of all nearly upends your willpower: Why can't you want more?
The problem is not that you don't. You do, so much so the desire for it could suffocate you. There's no woman on this planet who could sleep with Jake for this long and not grow fond of him. And that fondness has only grown stronger with time, time to be breathless with him by your side and time for your mind to race around thoughts of him when he wasn't there.
But you can't get lost in fantasy; you must be realistic. There will be a day he realizes you both are on two different planes of existence. You're perpendicular lines that, by some galaxy's grace, converged once and never will again.
He's Sim Jaeyun, lacrosse co-captain and statuesque head to toe. And you're you, the girl who your middle school bully nicknamed "Pudding" as she poked your stomach with a ruler. The teenager who delivered love notes to your friends from boys searching for less love handles and more sex appeal. The woman molded from pitiful pats to the chin and words of judgement caked with sugary understanding. "It's just baby fat, darling. We all get it, and it'll go away when you hit a growth spurt one day."
That day never came, and the extra tissue stayed. But, with time and effort, you grew callous to protect what remained soft inside of you.
Jake is the only person who seems to seep past the hard edges you've built without knowing any of your history, and it terrifies you. It makes you believe for a millisecond that he could make all the intrusive thoughts disappear if you'd let him.
But he can't, not when he asks for things that will never come, and definitely not when you're positive he won't care when he leaves you behind.
It doesn't make the pain on his face any easier to bear, though. It sags from defeat, and his lips turn in the pout you adore when he sees you don't want to hurt him any more than you already have by saying no. Before he can utter another word, or his expression can wound you deeper, you shut him up with something you'll regret later, a trade that feels like a death sentence. "The Hawk's Gala."
His eyes widen. "What?"
"The Hawk's Gala's this Sunday, right? After Saturday's game?" You swallow your fear like a dry pill. "I'll go with you."
Jake asked you weeks ago if you would attend the team's annual gala to celebrate the midway point of the season. One night, he mentioned it when you were too preoccupied with his cock in your mouth to give him a definitive answer. You expected him to not broach the topic again after you left him with no elaboration. But he had no room to complain after you swallowed every bit of his cum and mental energy. Unfortunately for you, he asked one more time after that, and you blew him again to make the invitation disappear from his mind.
Now, you’ve sprung the idea back on him to escape from the original conversation, but it only makes you feel worse as every pore on Jake's face lights up. "Really?"
He's like a kid sneaking a peek at his birthday present, tentative but ready to burst at the seams. You nod, not smiling but not frowning either, and the dam of his excitement breaks.
He squishes you back into bed, unaware of the terror in your eyes as he smatters kisses across your face and neck. His elation breaks your heart evenly down the middle, the hope seeping out of him souring instead of sweetening your mood. He's buzzing with the beginning of something more while you see the slow crawl to your end. The credits are rolling quickly past your eyes, the cackles and judgement ringing in your ears, and you can do nothing to stop it.
Working retail has to be one of the worst jobs you've ever had. It's monotonous to boot, the only upside being the extra money in your pocket for extra college expenses.
For all the glamour of the glitzy tops and convenience of the mall's constant markdowns, you have thought of quitting almost twice a day. Once customers see the name tag pinned to your shirt, you cease to be a person and become another goal post to the shopping bag they'll walk out of the store with.
The only bright spots have been your coworkers. Like Heeseung, who runs a tight ship as the store manager, and Sunwoo, your right-hand man when you need him to help with folding or handling rowdy teenagers.
Well, them, and the rare occurrence when Jake breaks your rules and stops by after classes to see you. It may only be ten to twenty minutes of time, most of those minutes being spent near the pretzel stand adjacent to the store, but it means more than you'd ever admit to anyone.
Today, you know it will be one of the hardest shifts of your life. Watching Wonyoung walk into the store with a random guy on Jake's team on her arm is like the knock of Death's fist on your door. You assume the poor kid is on the team from the Red Hawks letterman jacket he's wearing. The scoff that leaves your mouth is unavoidable. She couldn't be more transparent in her tactics to make her ex-boyfriend jealous when he's not even around.
Her presence makes a knot form in your throat as you finish rearranging the jeans on the display near the cash registers. What could she want in this store on this night when you're one of the few employees working the floor? Heeseung's on his half-hour lunch break while Sunwoo's been delegated to dressing room duty. You could use your walkie, call for backup and pretend the SOS is for a legitimate emergency, but then Heeseung would pry into it as your friend and superior. In short, there's no escaping the situation presented to you on a cruel, platinum-blonde platter.
When Wonyoung appears in front of you with a lacy dress in one hand and her boy candy's hand intertwined with the other, you stifle the bile crawling up your throat and paint on your best smile. "Welcome to Fatal Trouble Fabrics, what can I help you with?"
Wonyoung's own smile is more artificial than yours, saccharine yet glazed with venom. "Is XS the smallest size you guys have? I think it may be too roomy in the hips for me."
Your jaw ticks, and you tug the corner of your bottom lip between your teeth. "There's always alternative sizing options on our website. We go from XXXS to XXXL in almost all of the garments." You can hear the clinical objectivity in your voice, but it's the only way to get through the hell that is this conversation.
She's everything you're not in too many ways to tally up. She's half your weight soaking wet and effortlessly dolled up in the most natural makeup you've ever seen. Not to mention she has two years of experience with Jake to speak for that you'll never measure up to. He’s spoken about her in the rarest of times, only saying it ended badly during his second semester and he would never venture down that path with her again. His reassurance was a slight comfort, but not enough to quell the insecurities she springs out of you.
The second her eyebrow quirks up, your urge to vomit heightens. She can see she's getting to you; with the way her lips purse, she has to have some inkling. Knowing you’re going against a snake ready for the last strike against its defenseless prey, you steel yourself for whatever will come next.
She looks past you to the rack with tube tops in multiple colors. She lets go of Boy Candy's hand to rifle through the clothes, completely silent. Then, she pulls one bigger-sized article off the display before saying, "I'd love to buy this for my sister, but she's a bit chubbier than this. You know, your size."
Boy Candy can't fight the laughter that sputters past his lips. Your face twitches once, only once, but it makes your sight turn to the smallest capacity of tunnel vision you've ever known. She didn't have to go there, yet she did. You don’t have to feel the bruise of her insult, yet you do. It’s all over your posture now, and you can’t avoid it.
You grip another pair of jeans tighter in your hands. Turning to fold them, you say over your shoulder, "You should check out the website, then. It’ll have a lot more options for…easily accessible clothing, if you get what I mean."
Just as she's about to step closer to you, her plastic grin turning to a pissed-off pout, Jake saunters through the store and immediately wraps his hand around her upper arm. You know he's not hurting her, but it still makes your blood run cold seeing him in this protective mode. It's not one he's ever had to use for you, or maybe anyone, before. "Won, don't do this here. I mean it."
"Dude, you can't do that!" Boy Candy interjects with a high-pitched yell. He shrinks immediately when Jake turns in his direction, looking at the smaller and younger kid with rigid apathy.
"Kai, get lost before I tell Coach to bump you to second line just for pissing me off."
Kai raises his hands in defense and walks backwards to the store entrance, leaving Wonyoung to fend for herself. Jake goes back to staring down his ex-girlfriend, his expression on the cusp of explosion. “I’m asking you nicely to not cause a scene. Next time, I won’t.”
She huffs and yanks her arm from Jake's hold. "Whatever. Call me when you get tired of slumming it with food court trash." She looks back at you with a smirk before walking away towards Boy Candy.
You want to throw all the pairs of jeans at her until her smug face disappears from your mind. More importantly, you want to muffle the thoughts now overloading your headspace.
Please keep it together, you tell yourself when Jake puts his hand on your hip with reverence, a gesture that makes your heart swell but your breath quicken. Don't remind me I don't deserve him right now.
"Are you okay?" he asks patiently, moving his hand to run his thumb under your shirt. No coworkers or customers are around to see him be so secretly intimate with you, but you blush all the same.
You nod. "Yeah. I just wanna get through this shift,” You manage a smile, and he visibly relaxes when you affirm you’re fine. “You could've texted and said you were coming by."
"Well, it was a surprise." Jake moves away from you to take a box from his denim jacket. It's wrapped with a white bow, but he quickly unties it in order to open the packaging. "I know you said no gifts, but I wanted to give you this."
A gold necklace appears between his fingers. The rectangular pendant hanging from its center features a cutout of a bird, the negative space forming the shape of a hawk in flight.
You could cry if you weren’t awestruck by the gift’s beauty. Combing through your memory, you realize nobody has ever given you something so precious. It would be criminal to say no to it, although every basic instinct tells you not to fall for the false comfort it provides. But how could it be false when Jake looks at the jewelry like it's his own heart laid bare for you to take?
Without a word of protest, you turn and tuck your hair away from your shoulders so he can put the necklace on you. You can feel his smile without looking, and your knees buckle a touch.
Jake secures the clasp at the back of your neck. The pendant falls perfectly over your heart, shining against the store's halogen lights. His fingertips brush your nape as he moves away. He lights your skin on fire in every way, but the subsequent smile he gives you is what makes your belly ache with need. "I know you're going to look beautiful, but I couldn't have you going to this dinner without wearing something…symbolic."
"Symbolic, huh?" You smirk, feigning confidence, but you feel as vulnerable as he does when you ask it.
"Yeah, I think so." He runs his hand across your waist again, like he wants to pull you closer and harder against him. "If it wasn't unprofessional of you to make out with a customer, I'd have kissed you already."
You giggle, your smile beaming. "I don't think anyone's around to stop you, Sim."
He mumbles a "Fuck it" before attaching his mouth to yours, warming you to the bones slowly. You smile into his kiss and let it wash away the pain. For a moment, you think you might come out of the dinner in a few days without issue. As long as he never leaves your side, you think you can do it. Maybe.
Your fingers were tentative against the bruise marring Jake's shoulder blade. Tinted a shade deeper than his normal skintone but visibly lighter at the edges, the bruise will fade in another few days. You know this from asking him a few hours ago how it happened. "From practice, it's fine—just let me touch you, please," he had said in haste to pull you closer and take your clothes off.
Now, you tread across it gently as you sit shoulder-to-shoulder with him, covers pulled up to your chest to cover your naked skin.
"Broken blood vessels cause the bruise itself," he says. "It can take up to two weeks for the body to break down the buildup of blood, depending on the level of injury." He runs his bottom lip along your forehead, and you shiver against him, making him chuckle. "You could try listening, you know. I'm giving you important medical information here!"
You laugh into his neck, playing with the ends of his hair. "I am! Just didn't expect you to know so much about the anatomy of a bruise when your degree is for veterinary medicine."
He shrugs, suddenly bashful. For all the talk of Jake around campus as a beast on the field, he's incredibly intelligent. One class was enough for you to see how engaged he was with his studies, more than just some jock you knew by name only. He always asked questions, took diligent notes, and collaborated in discussions without dominating the conversation. In truth, it was a shock that he asked to exchange lecture notes with you over coffee two months ago.
"You're one of the only people who jots down everything Mr. Choi says!" You tried not to sound rude when responding to his proposition, but you were unsure what exactly he wanted from you in the first place. Especially when he was the equivalent of a movie starlet and you…well…
He just smiled and said, "Well, it was kinda hard to do that today when I spent half of his presentation staring at you."
You shake away your bout of reminiscing, coming back to Earth to hear Jake's breakdown of bruises for dummies. He rolls his eyes dramatically after you apologize for losing your train of focus. "Anyway, that's why bruises can be hot to the touch. It's also why they change color little by little as the blood is broken down.
"From black and blue…" Jake presses a kiss to the spot between your eyebrows. He drags his mouth across your face with every pause he takes between speaking. "…to brown…sometimes green and yellow…"
His lips on your neck make you tremble once again under his touch. Your body acts as though he didn't already spread it out for the taking a mere half hour ago.
"…and then back to its normal color," he murmurs before another tantalizing kiss lands on your lips. You stifle a moan, but a partial sound squeaks out anyway that turns your cheeks a rosy hue. "Good as new."
"Now who's losing focus, huh," you jest.
"I think I'm doing just fine in that department, pretty girl."
The edges of your mouth turn up before you press your mouth to his wounded skin. His body feels all kinds of warm against your lips. He groans unabashedly, his own gooseflesh perking up on his arms and neck from your attention. You giggle like a teenager, vulnerable in a way that isn't sounding off alarm bells in your brain.
He's the beginning, middle, and end of safety, every emotion stirred up in your heart cared for with his gentle hands.
"Who needs the body's healing process when you can just kiss it better?" he teases before pinning you between his body and his bedsheets.
You scoff playfully. "Do those lines work with all the girls?"
He pokes his tongue at you before booping your nose with his index finger. "Hopefully just one, the only one that matters."
You think Jake may be your own personal bruise, an unexpected force that's affected every inch of your body. But you don't want him to fade, not now and not ever.
You wake from your dream to the sound of your phone's text alert. Jake's contact photo lights up your phone, but what catches your attention the most is the time on your homescreen. "Fuck," you mutter before leaping from bed. Your hands make quick work of rifling through your closet as a million more curses leave your lips.
You thought a quick hour nap before getting ready would quell your anxieties about the gala in question finally coming around the corner. Unfortunately, your anxieties also made you forget to set a damn alarm, and thus left you with only an hour and a half to get ready.
And the brutality of your nerves smacks you in the face as you scroll through Jake's messages.
J 🤍 [04:15]: Hey, pretty girl. Just in case you forgot and want to coordinate, I'll be wearing red ;)
J 🤍 [04:18]: Well, a red letterman jacket and a dress shirt. But red!
J 🤍 [05:05]: Ok, a bit worried you haven't responded, but I don't want you freaking out about anything. You could walk in wearing a sack and you'd be gorgeous like you always are…
J 🤍 [05:07]: I mean, don't come in a sack if you think that's too basic, but I'll love whatever you wear. Text me when you're on your way.
J 🤍 [05:59]: Is everything okay?
"Damnit," you say before typing a quick response back to him that you're okay despite oversleeping. You end the text with a winking emoji and a heart that will ease his worries.
If only the little pixels could assuage yours.
The pit in your stomach from this morning was the size of a golf ball, manageable until you needed to sleep to take your mind off of its presence. Now, it's the size of a dinner plate pressing down on your ribcage with each and every dress you put on. They all fail to impress you, none of them doing the work of making your burdens disappear. One burgundy dress that falls to the middle of your thighs is passable, but you still want to punch a hole through the mirror hanging on your bathroom door when you see your reflection.
Even as you run heaps of makeup across your face and curl your hair, you feel like a clown that's missing the best parts of their costume. In the next second, you swipe too much lipstick on your upper lip and let out the wail of a wounded animal. It's ragged and spent, tattered from all sides.
At that moment, the first truth becomes an unmistakable blow to the stomach: every pretty garment and expensive cosmetic in the world won't keep you from embarrassing Jake. You will stick out like a sore thumb at that dinner, a stain over the picture-perfect moment he could have if you stay out of sight and mind.
In the next moment, the second truth appears: you won't be leaving your apartment tonight. You set the lipstick tube down on your desk and try not to dry heave, waddling back to your bed to disappear under the covers.
You'll break his heart for breaking your promise, but all you can do is hope he'll allow you to mend it. Maybe some part of him will understand there's a valid reason you missed it, one you cannot verbalize, but he recognizes under the layers of pretty words you'll use. That will be better than knowing the entirety of your excuse for blowing him off.
You don't bother wiping off the wreck you've made of your face or discarding the dress in the heap of clothes you've made on the floor. You toss and turn under the comforter, tears streaming down your face and hands clutching your necklace as the sun sets. Hearing the sounds of the outside world greeting dusk, you feel half your size but steel yourself to sleep with the knowledge it's better this way. It has to be.
Jake has tried to be patient.
He knows he could not have been more reasonable and nonjudgemental as he watches your chest rise and fall in your sleep. Your figure in the throes of your slumber is so beautiful, especially when your fingers remain wrapped around the pendant at your throat. He swears to himself he could fall in love with you all over again tonight if he wasn't so disappointed and pissed off. And with those emotions too present in his gut to avoid, he knows you've worn his patience down to the quick.
He waited for a half-hour outside of the restaurant for you to show, biting the skin around his nails as each minute passed by with your face nowhere in sight. Texts went unresponded to, calls unanswered, even video chat requests went through dead air. He had half a mind to run away from the venue to make sure you hadn't slipped in the shower or something far more dangerous kept you from meeting him.
Throughout the entire dinner, he brushed the concerned questions from his teammates off and said you fell too ill to make it. The guys said nothing and continued on with the engagement, but Jake remained rattled through the rest of the night. When he said his goodbyes, he felt a small semblance of relief, because that meant he could drive straight to you for the answers he desperately sought.
He didn't expect to find you passed out. You usually greet him at the door with eager arms and peckish lips, but you were too fatigued and lost in sleep to hear him unlocking your front door and stepping inside. He was also floored to find your apartment in ruins, the place akin to a bomb going off in all directions that gave no clues as to what happened to you. So, all he could do was sit at your bedside and watch you, your eyelids and body twitching as you dreamed.
Jake's been patient long enough, more than understanding for you, the girl he loves, but now he needs some sense of direction that only you can provide.
Jake runs his thumb over the lipstick smudge on your cupid's bow, and he curses himself when your eyes flutter open. You look peaceful for a moment as you wake up, but your irises immediately flood with fear at Jake's presence and the darkness surrounding you both. "What time is it?" you ask.
"One on the dot," he responds. "I used the spare key in the plant pot by your door."
You rub your face and rise, shame flooding every part of your body. You ran through the cycle of chastising yourself and swearing you were doing the right thing a thousand times over before you passed out, but facing Jake is a new breed of raw. His hurt is palpable, especially in the quiet cold of the night. It pierces you long and hard when he asks, "What happened?"
You mumble, "Nothing looked nice enough to go out in." You shrug, balling the fabric of your dress between your fists. "And I couldn't come out and meet everyone like this."
"I think this looks just fine," he says with an incredulous expression, still tainted with pain but newly inscribed with wholehearted empathy. "Better than that, actually."
Jake's hand comes to meet the side of your neck, brushing the gold necklace along your nape, and you bite down on your lip hard to fight the swell of emotion crawling up your throat. "I need you to talk to me," he whispers as you taste blood in your mouth.
You step away from him to grab your hamper, pawing at the heaps of clothing on your floor with trembling hands. If you can't control the conversation, the least you can do is make your house less of a war-zone. Anything is better than facing Jake head-on right now. "There's nothing to say besides that I didn't come and I'm sorry, I really am." You look at him directly in the eyes, forcing some confidence to rise to the surface. "Can we please just drop it?"
He scoffs at your question. "You stand me up, refuse to give me a valid explanation why, and think it's okay to ask me to drop it?" He makes you stop grabbing clothes from the floor by clutching both of your shoulders in his palms. "What is going on with you?"
You shake your head so fast it makes you dizzy. "I can't do this, Jaeyun. Please."
"Baby, I just need help understanding this, 'cause I'm so fucking confused right now." His arms run up your skin to rest on your face. "Is this about what happened the other day with Wonyoung?"
"Partly," you admit. You walk away from his touch again, but he follows behind you as you move around your small apartment. When you've done enough tidying up, you throw the hamper to one side by your bed, unbothered if the mess of clean clothes is now mixed with your dirty laundry. "How about I tell you how the night would have played out if I did show up? Your friends would've looked at me like a zoo attraction but tried to keep the peace by making small talk that means fuck-all to anyone. And no matter how polite or funny I was, they would've thought to themselves or said to their girlfriends by the end of the night that you're fucking insane for spending time with…"
The silence is impenetrable, charged with words you can't say but you hope Jake can make sense of without needing verbalization.
His face morphs in the quiet, seething.
"With what?" Jake invades your space, his quiet voice and stoic face chilling you to the bone. You lose all sense of courage to continue, but he quirks an eyebrow up as his eyes darken. "Finish the fucking sentence. With what?"
You swallow hard, terrified to say the words rattling around in your brain. You settle on something simple, but the two letters feel anything but. "Me."
The tears slide down your cheeks like knives, cutting you open for Jake to see. This is the moment that you've been dreading since the second he made a home in your heart. It won't go back to the way it was before, before every insecurity was laid bare.
"I'm fucking disgusting, Jake," you mutter with despair. "It's a miracle I've gotten past being terrified of you seeing me naked, but everyone in your life knowing that we're together would be too much because it's obvious that—" You choke on the words, the tears now coating your throat like poison. "I'm not meant for you, and you should be going out with someone like your ex, someone who's beautiful by every standard known to man." You laugh sadly. "Or maybe someone who meets even half of that criteria. But not—"
"Fuck you." He slams his letterman jacket down on the desk. A mixture of your makeup falls on the floor when the jacket meets the wood slab, but you barely hear the crack of your compacts or tubes of lipstick on the laminate tile. You're too focused on Jake's appalled and betrayed face to notice anything but him. "You have no right telling me who I'm supposed to be with, who I should want, who to love. That's nobody's business but mine. And you must think somewhat highly of yourself to think you can control that. Screw my friends' opinions or anyone else's."
"It should! They matter to you."
"You matter more, more than anyone!"
He inhales a sharp breath as his eyes water. You thought his pouts broke your heart before, but seeing him worn down like this is true heartbreak. He's broken from how broken you are, and you wish you had the power to stitch him back together. Clearly, you've made a bigger mess than you intended to, and now there's no going back.
Jake takes a few short, tear-stricken breaths before saying, "Fuck I—I love you, okay? I love you so much that all of the criticism in the world is background noise when I look at you. You're the one person, the only person I've ever known, who makes time stop for me and my problems matter less. And you're so gorgeous I can't think straight sometimes." A hollow laugh escapes him, but you can't react to it properly. Not when you're crying as hard as he is.
"I wish you could see yourself how I see you, so much it kills me, but I can't do that for you. You have to see that for yourself."
You're stunned into complete silence, your heart denying his confession as your brain computes he's walking closer to the door, prepared to leave before you can find an adequate response. You don't find one in time as he turns the knob and prepares to leave.
Before he can, he says with a somber lilt to his tone, "I hope whoever gets to see the version of you who loves herself as much as I do knows they're lucky. Because that girl will be invincible."
The slam of your door is a gunshot, piercing your chest and staining your dress a darker shade of burgundy. You manage to grip Jake's jacket between your hands and hold it close, the only thing keeping your shattered heart held together being his scent on the fabric. What could you have said to keep him, to make him stay? How could you tell him you love him too despite all the disdain you hold for yourself being what drove him away in the first place?
Your cries converge with piercing screams, rubbing your voice raw until there's nothing else to do but continue sobbing silently in a ball on the floor with his jacket as your lifeline.
The last week has been hell, to say the least.
You didn't try reaching out to Jake the next morning when you woke up. You were too hollow, too shaken. At the same time, the last words he said filled you with a sensitivity you could not find words for, and trying to pretend that didn't happen would be disrespectful to both of you.
And, to make it worse, there was no outreach on his end. He didn't show up to class on Monday or Wednesday, and there were no messages or calls from him to springboard off of. What else could you do besides leave him be? Why else would he walk away from you the way he did, spent and out of chances to give, if he didn't want to be left alone?
Hours rolled into days of silence, both parties unsure how to break the now insurmountable block of ice. You felt like a coward with every passing day, missing him desperately in spite of your lack of words. The newfound hole in your chest, inscribed with Jake's name, could only be filled by him, and it grew wider while you waited for the day he'd return or for you to find the strength to undo the pain you caused.
You sweep the store floor with your aching heart, eager to end your Sunday shift in an hour and sink into bed once again. Without Jake, your routine has been heading to work or school, running home to eat takeout, streaming a movie to cry to, and passing out. It's not that dissimilar from the habits you had before he came into your life, but it's even more soul-crushing knowing the before and after of his presence is starkly different.
Just as you walk over to the counter to grab your dustpan to collect the dust, Felix and Vernon appear like phantoms near the register.
"Jesus Christ!" You immediately stick your broom in the space between you and the two men, and their eyes widen at your defensive stance. "How the fuck did you get in the store? We closed ten minutes ago."
"We bribed some blonde kid to let us in," Vernon responds, rubbing the back of his shaved head with a sweaty palm. Although he still looks surprised you're using a cleaning tool as a weapon, his voice is deadpan.
"Fucking Sunwoo," you mutter under your breath. "Listen, you guys might be great with lacrosse sticks, but I'm even better with this broom." You waggle it to prove your point. "So, you should get the fuck out before I knock one of you on the head."
"Please, just hear us out," Felix starts. His deep voice, thicker than his counterpart or even Jake's, stuns you. "J is miserable without you."
"Yeah," Vernon confirms. "He had to sit out of the game yesterday."
You're surprised your heart can still beat after being so perfectly decimated a week ago, but it breaks once again hearing about Jake's disposition. "The feeling's mutual."
"Okay. Then talk to him and say you're sorry, simple." Felix gives you a close-lipped smile, but it seems more forced than friendly.
Your brows furrow as your hand raises up to clutch the pendant close to your heart. "He's the one that left me."
"After you stood him up," Vernon interjects, pointing a finger out. Your lack of a response makes Vernon huff out an exasperated breath of air. Before he can say anything else, Felix cuts him off.
"We shouldn't have come, this is clearly pointless."
"Oh really?" You clench your fist around the broom, the curved plastic biting into your skin.
Felix's lips mold into a deep frown, hurt rather than anger coating every feature on his face. "You made judgements about us before we even got a chance to meet you—"
"Yeah! That's pretty fucked up, by the way. We wouldn't fat-shame you. We like curvy girls!" Vernon defends himself, and Felix fights the urge to smack his older friend upside the head.
"Thanks," you respond. The word on your lips is more of a question than a statement, but you appreciate Vernon's sentiment.
"And yet you were worried we would look at you a certain way," Felix continues.
"Is that so surprising?" you justify, eyes on the verge of watering.
Felix nods before responding with, "Because the things you were so worried about were built up in your own head. It wasn't Jake's or anyone else's doing."
You bite your bottom lip, unable to deny his declarations, but offended. "Tell that to Wonyoung."
"Won's a bitch to almost everyone. She doesn't count," Vernon counters, and Felix can't help but laugh a little and nod.
Felix turns serious again. "Jake loves you no matter what you think others see when they look at you, and if that isn't apparent by now, you're not the person he told us so much about."
Felix walks towards the entrance, and Vernon leaves you with some ultimate words of advice before following his teammate out. "Just…talk to him, please."
You feel like a kid with a stomachache, scolded for eating too much candy and expecting a different result. In a way, your reactions have been admittedly childish, despite every good intention you had keeping Jake on the outskirts of your worst self-critical thoughts. But maybe he wouldn't have shied away from you that night if you had been honest from the beginning about the fears you had beginning a relationship with him. Maybe you would have survived it, perhaps even thrived despite all the monsters insisting you two weren't fit for each other.
But that was the past. Now was undetermined, and maybe it could still turn in your favor.
Sunwoo steps into view after the two guys exit the store. Your eyes burn with ire for your younger coworker, but he raises his hands immediately and says, "I need a new hard drive, and they gave me twenty bucks!"
You let go of the irritation directed at Sunwoo and finally make work of picking up the dust from the floor. If anything, it reminds you of all that still needs fixing, especially between you and the boy you can't forget.
But it's all down to you, and whether you can put in the effort to dispel your own demons once and for all.
You begin healing.
On Monday morning, twelve-ish hours after seeing Felix and Vernon at work, you skip class and head to the university's counseling center. It's two hours of intake forms and appointment setting, but it makes all the difference in the world walking out of that office a few pounds metaphorically lighter.
You talk to Jungwon and Sunwoo in a coffee shop off-campus and unload the fears that have plagued you your entire life, their voices of reassurance being the first ones you've ever heard that allow the tears to lessen and the reality of your situation to settle on your body like a warm blanket.
"You're a human with anxieties," Jungwon says as Sunwoo rubs your back in circles. "You need support like any other person. It's not right to go through it alone."
And you don't. You sit with them through lunch and dinner, drinking coffee and acknowledging your mindset needs to change.
When your head hits the pillow that night, you go to sleep with the comfort of knowing you're taking the first steps to a version of you that's better.
Wednesday, you prepare to talk to Jake. You have the words picked out perfectly in your head, recognition of your mistakes and willingness to change littered throughout. Only he never shows, and your heart sinks. He certainly can pass without a few days of attendance, but if he's putting this much effort into avoiding you, is it too late?
Was this your penance, having figured everything out after getting it so irrevocably wrong?
The answer to the question comes in the form of a sweaty Felix on the cusp of dusk. He grabs your shoulder just before you can get into your car, the day's fatigue and sadness weighing down your bones.
"J's meeting his parents tomorrow for dinner at the Italian place across from the field," Felix says through ragged breaths. "He better look like a dog with a bone when I see him on Friday at practice or I will kick your ass personally, girl or not."
You chuckle, tears lining your eye ducts. "Thank you. Really."
"Yeah. Thank me after you talk to him. He loves you but you know as well as I do that he's a stubborn fucker sometimes." He gives a last nod for good luck before running in the opposite direction.
You park in front of the restaurant with two bouquets in hand and your anxiety shot to hell. Nerves entrench your body from head to toe as you walk into the place, too busy with the flowers to bite your nails.
Before, you would pick out everyone else's clothes and physiques compared to yours like a ruthless guessing game, the only players being you and your harshest critics. Do I look as hideous as I feel? Can everyone tell? Now, that's the furthest thing from your mind. All you care to do now is fix what you've damaged.
"Welcome to Maggiano's," the perky hostess says as you walk closer to the podium. "How can I help you?"
"I'm meeting a party of three. S-Sim should be the last name on the reservation." You stutter over your words. You're unable to see Jake or his parents in the sea of crowded tables under dimmed chandelier lighting, and it throws your confidence off even more.
She directs you to their table, a corner booth off of the kitchen, and you will yourself to make the trek over to them with the last of your strength. Jake's gaze remains focused on his parents, and it's a small kindness that you don't need to face him just yet.
His parents notice you first, and they smile kindly at you. "Hello there," the woman you assume to be Jake's mother says, eyes crinkling with a smile that is all too familiar.
Jake turns to meet the subject of his mother's attention, and a million emotions flash across his eyes like shooting stars when he sees you, brief but telling. Only pain remains when the surprise wears off, and you wish his face held any other emotion but the one you know so personally.
You smile at his parents politely. "I'm Jake's girlfriend. I apologize for being late, but I was busy grabbing these." You hand one bouquet to his mother, her face lighting up at the peonies wrapped in pink tissue paper. You give Jake his own set of flowers, yellow marigolds. "For tomorrow's game. The florist said they represent good luck, not that you need it."
"Thank you," he whispers, his voice hoarse but cheeks immediately flushing pink. He turns to his parents, the couple still surprised and happy to see you. You can only wonder what Jake has told them about you, but Jake cuts your wondering short when says, "Can you guys give us a minute to talk?"
His hand in yours as he pulls you away feels too right, too easy to fall back into. A thousand memories cross your mind as you recognize this may be the last time his skin touches yours. Sleeping in and missing class as the sun rose high in the sky. Nights after practices where you couldn't remember your name unless Jake was saying it in sighs and curses. And the last ones where you were the source of his disappointment.
Can the good outweigh the bad at this point? You can only hope so.
When you're a respectful distance away from the table, Jake stands in front of you with his hands nestled in his pockets. You can see him fumbling with his thumbs under the cloth, a telltale sign of nerves he doesn't want to show. "What are you doing here?"
You swallow heavy air, your gut tightening. "I came to apologize. I should have told you from the beginning that there were these terrible opinions of myself and my body image. And keeping them from you didn't stop them from coming, but I should've given you more credit. You never made me feel like I was unworthy of being with you. That was all me."
He nods, sadness tugging the edges of his lips down. "I know."
"I'm actually turning things around, believe it or not." You laugh, the sound filled with promise rather than desolation. "And it helped me to realize now that living behind a wall I thought kept me safe did nothing but hurt you, the only person I've ever loved, and I'm so sorry."
His face perks up hearing the last few words on your lips. You clutch the pendant on your neck for strength, and his face softens at the realization you're still wearing it. You never stopped.
"I love you," you confess, "the guy who fidgets with everything at his desk when he's bored, and even when he's not. I love you because it's heart-stoppingly cute when you talk about the atomic makeup of random objects just for fun. Because you're an incredible friend, a beautiful person, and someone I want to keep getting the privilege of knowing. You saw and loved me, past all the reasons I found to hate myself." Your words fall apart by the end, voice fragmented from vulnerability, but you continue. "And you may not be in love with me anymore, but you deserve to know that you are loved by me still, and I'm thankful I had the chance to—"
You don't recognize Jake is kissing you until he places both his quivering hands on your face, the brush of his lips on yours being everything necessary to heal the hole in your heart. It's so unexpected, but essential for you to breathe again. Jake kisses you like he knows it too, like he feels the same ache inside of him that needs repairing with your help.
Tears run down your face until you taste saltwater on your tongue, but you don't care. You refuse to waste another second without him. Home is here with him, with all of your ghosts revealed.
Jake pulls away softly. "I missed that," you confess against his lips, water still trickling down your face.
"Me too," he affirms, his own wet lids reflecting in the lights of the chandeliers. "I love you."
You giggle, relief flooding your body. It's cool water over parched earth, saving a being close to the brink of ruin. "I love you more."
Jake laughs too, shaking his head like you've said the silliest words known to humankind. "Not possible." He tucks his hand under your chin before kissing you again, his lips the only salvation you'll ever need.
His dad whistles at the two of you, and Jake begrudgingly lets go of your face. "Lovebirds, we need to put in our order!" he yells from across the restaurant, and almost everyone in the room laughs. You can't fight it, laughing too into Jake's suit jacket as he holds you close.
Tonight, you don't mind the spotlight, especially with Jake nearby.
The ride back to your apartment is so long it feels like you're suffocating with every minute that remains of your ETA. You try abiding by the traffic laws and staying in your lane, but you may die if another stoplight keeps you from taking Jake home. "Patience," Jake murmurs with a smirk, rubbing small circles into your outer thigh.
"Coming from you, that's ironic." You squeeze your thighs together for friction, and Jake chuckles to himself. It's unsurprising the way your body reacts to him and his words, both charged with electric currents you've gone without for too long.
The way up to your apartment is tense, only for the fact you're trying to listen to his earlier warning of patience and not pounce on him the second you both walk through the doorway. He sets the marigolds on your kitchen counter with a shit-eating grin, one that makes it even harder to maintain composure. "Beautiful flowers from a beautiful girl. How did I get so lucky?" He pulls you in, the notes of lavender and sage from his cologne tickling you to the core.
"It helps that you're beautiful also." You hide your face in his broad chest, your necklace rustling against his dress shirt. "Thank you," you whisper into his clothes.
"For what?" He rubs your back soothingly, the responding words easy to release when he's holding you so delicately.
"Not giving up on me when you had every reason to."
"I could never," he admits. He pulls your face away from his shirt to run his fingers across your cheek, adoring you with the simplest touch. "Just wanted to make you squirm a little longer."
You mock offense with a hand to your chest. Jake chuckles and kisses the corner of your mouth. "So mean," you taunt.
"You haven't seen mean, pretty girl." Jake brushes your hair away to kiss the nape of your neck, making you shiver. Trailing his lips down to your shoulder blade, he bites down on the curve of it to elicit a yelp from you. He eagerly swallows the sound with his lips, tongue entering your mouth without protest from you.
Jake knows all the ways to make you acquiesce, to fall deeper into him without thinking of looking back up. He makes you want to live in his touch like a second skin, and it's clear he feels the same when he holds you tight against his body.
Jake's thigh rubs your core through the front of your dress, and you whimper against his lips. He moves you both to the bed, slowly undressing you with reverence and soft kisses to each piece of newly revealed skin.
Once you're naked, save for your underwear, he sits up on his knees to admire the view. You don't shy away or cover yourself, too restless to touch and be touched to feel timid. And there are still too many clothes on him.
You tsk. "Not fair," you mumble, but you make quirk work of unbuttoning his shirt and pants with keen hands. You kiss the pulse point at his neck, his chest, and the tuft of hair below his belly button. By the time you're done, his flush cock poking your thigh and your cunt pulsing with need, you're both shaking with desperation.
"Sit on my face, pretty girl," he whispers.
You giggle, breathless and dazed. "What?"
"You heard me. I've been without this pretty pussy for too long," he emphasizes his point by moving your panties to the side and running his finger through the wetness along your folds. You're already breaking, and he treasures that. "I want to show her how much I missed her."
You both get comfortable, you positioning your legs on either side of his head and Jake running his hands along the outside of your thighs. You hover above his lips, scared to truly suffocate him between your skin, but he immediately slams you down onto his chin and makes work of lapping at your cunt.
His whimpers and whines match yours, his nose bumping your clit with every drag of his tongue along your core. It's like he's never tasted it before, the way he's lapping so vigorously. A starved man waiting for his last meal, so desperate yet so giving. Jake runs his tongue around your hole before sinking it inside, his eyes rolling back at the essence gathering on his tongue.
"Fuck, so sweet," he gasps, "My beautiful girl's dripping down my chin. I love the way you taste, you know that? You're amazing."
You nod, moaning wantonly, without true acknowledgement of his words. He retracts his lips from your cunt, and you whimper at the loss. "Say it, beautiful. I want to hear you say how amazing you are."
Jake teases his tongue along your wet walls again, and you buckle down against his face, riding it harder. "I-I'm—oh shit mmph—I'm amazing."
He hums in pleased agreement. He goes faster, bumping your clit with every quick lick and suck. You thrash with the encroaching release your body ardently craves. It wraps around you with each press of his mouth and tongue, and you want to let him take you to the precipice. "I know you're close, beautiful," he whispers into your mound, drunk on the feeling of your body at his mercy. "Be my good girl and come all over my face."
You do as you're told, crying out as your orgasm takes over your senses, endorphins washing over you in expansive ripples. You ride it out until the waves calm to a steady sea, your body wholly and utterly boneless. "Ah, fuck," you breathe out once you come down.
Jake repositions you so you're resting in his lap, his aching cock leaking pre-cum at the sight of your essence soaking your thighs. He presses kisses all over your face, not bothered by the sweat coating your forehead and cheeks. "So beautiful."
You flush, glowing under his praise. Without warning, he sheathes himself fully inside of you, your wetness making the glide effortless. There is still some give, your walls clenching around him as he slides in like he's finally back where he belongs.
"Oh fuck. You're so tight, every time." His head bumps the headboard as your pelvic bones brush, his hips flush with yours when he sinks you further down his cock. "I've missed this—fuck, missed you—so much."
"Me too, Yunnie. So much." Your body bows, taking him in completely without complaint.
"Think I'd die if I didn't get to feel you wrapped around me again," he babbles, lost in the feeling of your velvety walls encasing him. They flutter around him as you begin riding him, your movements slow but calculated to induce tremors. And he feels it, every touch of your hips against his, your slick thighs against him with each time he bottoms out. It's hedonistic heaven, a serene oasis he wants to drown in.
He groans into your chest before sucking one of your nipples into his mouth. You keen, arching your back into him deeper as you slam your hips down onto him. "Bounce on me, baby," he says, releasing your nipple with a pop before teasing the other one with his tongue. "Show me how much you've missed me."
Under his spell, you cater to Jake's every whim, rocking against him harder and grinding faster to push him closer to his release. He bites down on your collarbones to muffle his cries, the pleasure overloading his senses to the point he needs to occupy his mouth and hands with something else. He kneads your breasts as he sucks and licks the skin of your upper chest with care when it blooms a dark color under his lips. "So perfect, and all mine," he mumbles, rutting underneath you, creating stars when you close your eyelids.
"Fuck, Jaeyun, I'm gonna come again," you mewl.
"Me too, pretty girl. Come with me."
You fall together in pieces, the beautiful parts of both of you intermeshing until you're one again. Jake groans as his semen fills you with warmth, ropes of cum spurting out until you feel both of your releases seeping down your legs in droplets.
It's happiness, a passion so pure shared between two people sheltered from the outside world with their intensity.
It's perfection, the way Jake loves you so well. All you can do now is pray he knows you love him just as much, if not more.
Jake wraps himself around you, encasing you tightly after you exit his lap. Your thighs burn, your skin is sweaty, but you feel lit up from within Jake's arms.
"You look happy," Jake says finally with a dopey grin, chest rising and falling.
Once upon a time, you would've brushed his words off with a quick kiss and witty comeback to hide your denial. Now, you don't deflect. You take him and his words with acceptance, knowing for the first time that his words go beyond the surface, their truth undeniable.
"I am."
This time, you step out of the car.
You nod at the respective girls waiting for their boyfriends as you rest against the passenger side door of your car. Your clothes aren't as revealing as theirs, but that's okay; someday you will be ready to be as confident as them, but the first step was exiting the driver's side. "Progress," as Felix would say with a teasing smirk and elbow to your side.
The girls all smile and acknowledge you, but Winter, Felix's girlfriend, waves back with a jovial energy that makes you wave back. Your heart swells thinking about how close you've gotten to Jake's friend group in only two months, even when you believed you would be shamed or outcasted for your appearance. Sometimes, you kick yourself for believing they would repeat the history of taunts and teases you know too well. Building armor was necessary years ago, but now, you can disarm without fear of judgement.
Sure, people like Wonyoung will continue to exist, and the doubts will always fester somewhere in your head like unpickable weeds. But you can dispel both with self-affirming words and kindness now, no longer weak to the worst skeletons in your closet. You're stronger, for both yourself and the boy you love.
There's not a lot of certainties in life, but one promise you can keep without fail is never coming so close to losing Jake again.
Like clockwork, Jake and your mutual friends walk off of the field with their gym bags in tow and sweat drenching them head to toe. Felix's newly dyed red hair is practically the same color as their practice gear, and you chuckle at the sight.
Hearing your voice, Jake's eyes lock on yours. He rifles the stray bangs from his eyes almost to confirm it's you waiting for him and not an apparition. His ensuing grin is so bright it can put the moon to shame, as usual.
"Whoa, guys," Jake says with a flourish, raising both of his arms to stop his friends from moving further across the parking lot to their significant others. You roll your eyes as you smile, shy for all the right reasons. "That's my girlfriend, right? Or am I seeing things?"
"Can you not be so down bad for her in front of us, Sim? It's gross," Felix teases, but he smiles in your direction when you wave to the guys surrounding your boyfriend.
"Whatever, cherry bomb. Tell Winter I said to go easy on the Splat next time." Jake slaps his friend on the shoulder before running towards you, his gym bag swinging in all directions while strapped to his shoulder. His teammates holler at their captain for his eagerness to be next to you, but neither of you care.
You both may be out of the shadows, but you still feel like the only two people in the world when you're with each other, onlookers and inner critics be damned.
"Hi." Jake says when he makes it to you, his body a few feet from yours. He drops his bag at his side before intertwining your fingers together, his hot and moist palms making a home in your cold ones. "You look beautiful."
"You look sweaty." Before Jake can compose a rebuttal, you slam your lips into his, teeth clashing as your tongues meet. Jake kisses you back earnestly, sounds of pleasure muffled against your mouth. He rests his hands on your hips as your fingers weave through his hair, scratching your nails along his scalp. His lips taste like salted caramel and fatigue and home, and it makes you fall in love for the thousandth time. "But I'm still into that," you say with a grin when you pull away.
"Oh, really?" His smirk reminds you of all of his kisses, his touches, and his love that has brought you here. And today, for the first time in a long while, there's no fear at all. No doubt creeping in to keep you on guard or tell you the happiness is temporary.
—> you're bored out of your mind and you're making no progress with the assignment you've been procrastinating on for weeks. luckily, you have a study buddy who's willing to help you in more ways than one.
park sunghoon:
sweet infection (s) (dead dove do not eat) 2.6k words
—> in which sunghoon can’t stop thinking about how much he hates you, even-though you’re his best friend’s wife. or how the cloying sweetness of your perfume infects all of this thoughts.
kim sunoo:
twinning (s,f,a) 7.9k words
—> sunoo’s your platonic soulmate, your ride or die, the fake blue wig to your fake pink wig, practically your twin. but what happens when you realise that maybe, just maybe, it’s not normal to crave your best friend in ways you wish you could deny?
summary: you're bored out of your mind and you're making no progress with the assignment you've been procrastinating on for weeks. luckily, you have a study buddy who's willing to help you in more ways than one.
word count: 3.6k
warnings: smut mdni, riding, oral (f. rec), hickeys, biting, unprotected sex, p in v, creampie, fingering, multiple orgasms, messy makeout, messy everything, jake's desperate and horny, reader is also desperate and horny, kind of dom! jake, jake is hung lol, not proofread!
a/n: first time writing and it's just straight filth. (and of course i wrote this whilst procrastinating.) this was supposed to be sub jake…but i got carried away. likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated!
not only are you bored out of your mind right now, but you're procrastinating on an assignment that's due in a few days (which you had weeks to do, but have only attempted to start now.) you close your laptop and sigh. after writing and erasing the first few lines of the physics research paper and going through your empty notes of actual research, you decide you've had enough. ideas aren't coming to your mind like they usually do — all your brain wants to do is to retain its peaceful, numb state without the intrusion of real life responsibilities causing internal disharmony.
after contemplating cleaning and re-organising your drawers for the nth time, an idea strikes you. a small smirk forms on your face as you scramble for your phone — knowing exactly who to call to 'help' with your assignment.
--
it's not long before jake's already at your dorm room. it's not like he was a particularly busy guy — apart from fooling around with his friends, doing his work (which he always does in a timely manner unlike you) and occasionally playing football. that's what makes him the perfect study buddy. he may be a little oblivious, but he's sweet and oh so willing to help. always answering your texts back and never leaving you on read, always sending the answers for homework which you don't bother to do.
today, you want to test how far his help really goes.
you greet him inside, not bothering to change out of your tank top and shorts which don't leave much to the imagination. when jake's gaze lingers on your chest a second too long, you don't say anything. just walk on over to your bed where you've been 'working' on your assignment and getting nowhere.
jake looks a little unsure before settling down next to you — it's not like he hasn't been here and done this exact thing before, but normally you guys work on your desk, so the change has him a little confused. but it's not like he's complaining. in fact, the moment he got your text, he felt an embarrassing level of excitement. just to come over and get to talk to you and be around you — even if its just for academic purposes. he can't quite recall when you guys became study buddies, but he definitely knows that his life feels much better when he gets to regularly meet up with a girl he finds really fucking cute.
except his thoughts aren't so cute today.
it's only been half an hour since he's arrived and started compiling more research for you from his notes, but all he can focus on is how one of your spaghetti straps has fallen off your shoulder, and how difference in skin exposure might not be huge, but it feels huge. it feels too intimate and makes his throat a little dry and thoughts all scrambled, eyes struggling to stay on task.
"my eyes are up here, you know." you break the silence like it's nothing. call him out like it's nothing. it should snap him back to reality, but all it does is make his thoughts surpass the point of no return.
he coughs, and repositions himself because he doesn't know what to do to disperse the awkwardness he is emanating. he mumbles a small "sorry" and pretends to look more focused on electrostatics, even though he hasn't been thinking anything physics related for the last 20 minutes.
you notice because you, also, have not been thinking about physics. you notice the way his body just seems a little more tense, how it feels as if he's in manual breathing mode, how he won't meet your eyes no matter what, how his crossed legs are stiff next to yours. you take the opportunity to reposition yourself — closer to jake's seated figure until your thighs are nearly touching.
that causes jake's fingers to accidentally drift off of the mousepad of his laptop, and in doing so he closes the entire window. you snicker, only slightly, but the tip of jake's ears turn a fascinating red and he swears that you can probably feel his heartbeat right now, and how it's so fast. not because you snickered or caught him out, but because he can tell that you're also distracted, that at least some part of this is intentional and he's not going crazy with delusion.
as if on cue with jake's realisation of what you're doing, you stretch, like a cat, and a sleepy whimper comes out of your mouth. the sound would have been cute if jake wasn't thinking the filthiest things right now. like how he wants to hear more of your voice, wants to defile you on your own bed and punish you for teasing him so much with your skimpy clothing and how your curves are all on display for him (and he sincerely hopes that it's only ever him).
"what are you thinking about?" you ask, tilting your head, your ponytail swishing to the side.
jake gulps at your question, eyes still pretending (failing) to be focused on work. the timing of your question almost feels like either you're a psychic or that jake's horniness is painfully obvious.
"nothing. just compiling research."
"jake, you've been staring at your empty desktop screen for the past few minutes. you're clearly pre-occupied with something else in your head."
"what about you? why are you looking at what i'm doing instead of focusing on what i'm doing?
"because it's way more fun."
that last response makes jake snap. he turns his body fully towards you, and he almost feels angry, because he's at his fucking limit with being a nice, respectful guy who cares about your boundaries.
"you're doing this on purpose."
you can hear the sheer restraint in his voice and god does that make your head go a little dizzy. you've wondered about how jake like is in bed — and you've always thought he's the type to be more sweet and submissive but you find yourself not disliking the idea of him being mean too.
"what do you mean? what am i doing?" you make a faux - confused expression. it'd be believable if you weren't 2 inches away from being able to straddle him with your thighs with how close you've gotten. no consideration of physical space at all.
"being a fucking tease." his voice drops a little as he whispers the words. it sends you a thrill right down to your core. he doesn't give you a chance to explain yourself as he shuts his laptop, instead focusing his full, undivided attention to you. "wearing those clothes, sitting so close to me, sounding like that. do you think it's funny making me feel this insane?"
it's your turn to be speechless now. you never thought that jake would react like this. you envisioned him just getting really flustered, sweet and shy — not all angry and blunt. it's making you feel even more needy and restless. so much so, that you're willing to stop this game of cat and mouse and yield first.
"no. i don't think it's funny…just wanted your attention, i guess." you murmur back, embarrassed at the way you sound so shy all of a sudden. you half expect jake to laugh at you, or to get weirded out.
but he doesn't. the darkness in his eyes just intensifies, remaining fixed on your lips, replaying the movement of them when you admitted to wanting his attention. for a second he thinks he's dreaming, but the heat that's been pooling in his stomach ever since he's walked through your door consumes his senses and he knows that this is all way too real.
"you want my attention?" he asks, voice low, eyes dark, like a switch inside him has been flipped. your shy admission only makes his already scrambled brain go more haywire.
"tell me exactly what you want." he looks at you in a way that’s both dangerous and reverent. the words are intended as a demand but there’s a hint of a plea in his tone.
you notice. of course, you notice.
"…you, jake. just want you." you respond, way too obediently. there's absolutely 0 resistance on your part and you can tell that pleases jake, but it's still not enough.
he grasps your chin with his hand, bringing your face closer to his. so close now, but he's still not closing the distance fully . "you've got to be more specific than that. come on, use your words. you're a smart girl, aren't you?" there's a hint of mockery in his words and you feel both embarrassed and turned on that you're letting a guy who's usually so soft-spoken and docile talk to you like this.
"…want you to kiss me. to touch me. everywhere."
your words are still not as explicit as jake wants them to be — but he's also so painfully turned on and pushed to his limits that he accepts it for now and gives you what you want. when he finally closes the distance, the kiss isn't sweet or soft or anything like you were imagining. it's almost punishing, with the way it feels like he's trying to eat you alive with his lips alone. he doesn't bother asking for permission before his tongue is already in your mouth, and even though it's a little sloppy and aggressive, you still feel yourself getting wetter from it.
he bites on your bottom lip, which earns a moan from you — the pain feels fucking heavenly right now. you had no idea he'd be this type of kisser. rough and messy and mean. the kiss is filthy, and that's when you know that maybe, you bit off more than you can chew.
"you taste so good baby. you'll let me taste more, right?" his words already sound a little slurred — like he's drunk off of you from a makeout alone. before you have the time to verbalise a yes, he's already moving down your neck in hot, open-mouthed kisses, savouring the taste of your skin like it's a treat he's been dying for ages.
he doesn't ask for permission to leave red blooming marks on your neck like you're his pretty toy to mark up. normally you'd protest about leaving marks, but you're realising that the feeling of him giving you both pain and pleasure is something that you think you can cum from alone.
your tank top is long disregarded, and so is your bra, leaving your bare chest fully exposed to jake's hungry eyes. you watch his eyes dilate in real time as he sees them. after a few seconds of purely drinking you up from sight alone, he takes an erect nipple into his mouth, kissing and sucking messily.
"god, you're so pretty baby. you're fucking unreal." he mumbles the words, almost like a person lost in fanaticism, and you gasp as you feel jake's clothed hard on grind against the useless fabric of your shorts, whilst he's taking your sweet time with savouring your body everywhere — from your neck to your collarbones to your breasts to your stomach. by the time his lips are finally off of your body, there's a trail of obscene love bites branding your body, and jake feels even more satisfied knowing that they'll remain there for days after.
as he watches you try and regain your composure, he pulls your body towards him roughly, until your clothed pussy is right under his nose. you shudder as you feel him practically rip off your shorts and soaked panties, parting your plush thighs so he can burrow his face in it like he's been dying of thirst for years.
"…fuck, you don't know how long i've been wanting to do this." his words sound strained — the perfect mixture of dominance and neediness, and it has you buck your hips, aching for friction.
however, before you can carry on with your desperate movements, jake steadies your hips and holds them down with his hands, forbidding you to take control. he delivers a quick slap to your flushed clit and a strangled noise escapes you.
“not yet. you need to use your words to tell me what you want. need you to tell me who you're so fucking wet for."
jake's possessive words have the strange effect of robbing you of all coherent thought, and you almost can't give a response, but you manage out a plain, wanton whimper, "need you to fuck me. with your mouth, your fingers, your cock. anything please, jake — just need you, jake." he almost makes an audible sound upon hearing those words, upon hearing you moan out his name so needily like that.
"good girl." he murmurs, almost groans and in a flash, jake is already delving into your folds, tongue running up your bare slit, which was already producing an obscene amount of fluid.
"how the fuck do you taste so good?" he moans, lapping up your fluids, his hard clothed cock already dripping with precum from the taste of you alone. eventhough his tongue is messy and sloppy and a little too overeager, just like his kiss, your back is already arching, your moans are only getting louder and louder, until you're almost crying out.
"fuck- fuck, jake, it's too much." you cry out, as his tongue flicks greedily against your clit, in that same, repeated steady motion, like he's already figured out how to best pleasure your body. as if encouraged even more by your words, he inserts two fingers into your cunt. you gasp when you feel the intrusion, another loud broken moan escaping you before you could hold yourself back.
your sounds and your fucked out face only serve to make him dangerously close to already cumming in his pants as he watches your cunt greedily take in his fingers. his pace starts of slow but builds to a relentless pace, making your body shake and twitch involuntarily. "i'm going to — fuck — gonna cum, jake." upon hearing that, jake's thick fingers curl inwards reaching the spot that makes you see stars, making your body violently convulse as he commands, "that's right, cum for me baby. all over my fingers."
your eyes roll back as he thrusts his fingers even faster, his name on your lips like a broken prayer. you sob as you feel yourself cum the hardest you ever have in your life, and jake helps you ride our your high as he delivers soft little kisses to your overstimulated clit. the juxtaposition of his softness compared to his rough actions just moments prior has you reeling, even more so, when jake's thumb is wiping off the tears which have accidentally rolled down your face. "you did so well, baby. and you looked so pretty too. i thought i was going to cum in my pants just from watching you."
the sudden praise has you feel even more heady as he pulls your limp body against him into a bear hug, grinding slowly into your core again. you can tell he wants you to give you a few minutes to recover, but he's too fucking needy and hard to be a gentleman right now. he needs his cock in your pussy now, or else he really will go insane. "need to be in you right now. you can take it, right?"
you don't get the chance to respond because jake's already hoisting you up, driving your pussy right onto his clothed cock. your stomach clenches as you feel him thrust his hip up — a gasp leaving your lips from how big it feels already.
you're not kept in suspense for long as jake frees himself of the restraints of his jeans and underwear, cock springing up, a little curved, and already leaking — almost as wet as you. "look at how fucking hard you make me. this is what you do to me, y/n."
oh you're looking all right — he's even more hung than you thought, and the veins on his dick match how veiny his hands are, and you're already moaning at the sight like you're an animal in heat.
your eager reaction leads jake to splay one hand over your stomach and use the other hand to lift your hips to be positioned to take him in fully. "gonna give you what've you been begging for. come on, say 'thank you.'"
your cheeks burn at his borderline degrading request, but some part of it — being treated like this, when jake gets a little cocky and mean eventhough he's the boy you have saved as 'studybuddy 2', turns you on so much, that you're willing to humour him.
you whisper out an embarrassed "thank you," and jake sinks you down onto his cock, swallowing your gummy walls whole. your mouth immediately forms an 'o' shape as a choked out moan leaves you. he hasn't even moved, and it feels like his cock is reaching up to your throat.
he lifts you up again, only to sink you down harder onto his cock, but then stays perfectly fucking still, not moving an inch. "what did you say? i didn't hear you."
you realise it now that he's teasing you. he's playing with you just like you did earlier. you should feel annoyed that he's not just giving it to you obediently but before you know it, you're babbling out, "thank you, fuck, thank you, thank you jake-"
you sigh in relief as he starts moving, gripping your hips with his hands and moving your body up and down — his moans becoming just as needy as yours as he fucks into you, the slapping of skin making obscene sounds as he collides into you. to say it feels good is an understatement. jake's cock stretches you out so good that it feels like it's fundamentally changing your brain chemistry. it would definitely hurt if you weren't ridiculously wet — which you've been ever since you guys started doing 'work'.
jake's thrusts get sloppier and faster like he's unable to control himself, like he's a helpless, desperate mutt in heat. "fuck, your tight little pussy was made for me. so tight and wet." the praise makes you mewl and clench your walls around his cock, earning another desperate, forceful thrust into you, making you clutch onto your bedframe for support.
your legs are tightly gripped around his waist as he moves you up and down — even though it looks like you're riding him, it's a guise for him to use your body however he wants, thrusting all the way to the hilt, making you cry out and your legs violently quiver. he doesn't care when you start crying again — in fact as the salty tears hit his face, it only makes him go at a more relentless pace.
he licks the tears off your face, captures your lips in a kiss so you guys won't receive a noise complaint from the dorm next door, eventhough it makes a primal part of him flare up thinking about others hear him claim you like this. the girl who's always put together, acing her classes with minimal effort, who never gives him the time of day unless it's about work — crying, screaming and begging for his dick.
you feel all the thoughts leave your body as jake fucks you. you can only think about how ridiculously good this feels, and how you should have done this ages ago. when you tighten your walls again, jake hisses and you can tell he's close.
"that's it baby, shit - love this pussy. love it so much, wanna be in it forever." his words sound even more slurred, messy — just like everything else about him and his movements.
you wail as the tip of his curved cock hammers at your sweet spot, repeatedly driving into it with choppy movements. you can feel the way the veins on jake's cock are creating delicious friction — your walls will probably remember the shape, each vein and ridge even after you're done.
the loud moans of you both fill the room, and you swear you can see jake cry too — but your vision itself is too hazy for you to be able to tell. "fuck..'m gonna come-" jake murmurs in a broken voice, his lips looking aggressively bitten from holding back.
you nod, feeling your orgasm come soon too, and you shamelessly whimper, "inside me please. need you to cum inside."
that simple request alone has the knot inside jake's stomach fully burst as he coats your walls with white. "fuckfuckfuck, you're so perfect, you're so—i'm cumming, i'm cumming." he says, voice shaky and unbelievably fucked out.
his needy voice and orgasm face alone make you reach your climax too, as you tighten your legs around him even more, feeling the drag of his cock and pulsing of your pussy, like you've become one with him. you feel so full of him that you can taste him in the back of your throat.
you both are so overstimulated that you guys simply remain like that for a few more minutes, his cock still buried in your pussy, refusing to remove himself, eventhough you guys have finished fucking.
you pull back, to see jake's face — and now you can confirm that jake had indeed cried at some point whilst fucking you because you can see tear streaks, but he really doesn't look bothered with that right now. his eyes are still dilated, like a kid high off of sugar, hands still gripping your waist like he doesn't want to let go. and then comes the question.
"….does this mean you're my girlfriend now?"
you stare at him for a solid few seconds before realising what the fuck you've gotten yourself into. how this wasn't simple horniness or 'help' as you call it from his side…and now you know you're fucked.
but hey, at least now you have the motivation to finish off that assignment!
genre; smut (minor dni), TOXIC, heavy angst, university au, 00's au
summary; A girl in a red dress sees me. A girl in a red dress swoons. I’m not done tonight. What do you make of it? I got a little red Corvette parked outside with your name.
content warnings; mental and verbal abuse, shaming, jealousy, jeonghan isn't your knight in shining armor, alcohol, eating/drinking, smoking, reckless driving, degrading names, fighting/arguing, crying, depression, stress/anxiety, mention of parents/arguing with parents, fuckboy mentality, lovebombing, yandere!jeonghan
smut warnings; unprotected sex, outdoor sex, car sex, virgin!reader, oral (f & m giving/receiving), fingering, dirty talk, degrading/praising, pet names, crying, impact play
w/c; 27k and some change (569 patreon bonus)
a/n; thank you to @junkissed for proofreading. you know i am always grateful, but i know this one was heavy. please read all the warnings and know this is the most toxic fic i've ever written. it might not be your cup of tea. but if you do read, I hope you enjoy it!
before continuing remember reblogs are incredibly important and please read how to support me here
That brief moment between spring and summer was Jeonghan’s favorite part about his hometown being a college town. Not that he was a student at the hoity-toity university, but it had its perks just being in the vicinity.
“No, you look, like, super cute.”
“It’s not too short?”
Smirking to himself, Jeonghan shifts the lollipop in his mouth to his cheek as he rests his elbows on the counter in front of him. He used to hate working a soul-sucking job at the mall, but then he started opening his eyes. The weather would get warmer and the girls from the university needed something to do between classes or, even better, during spring break. What better way to rot their brains than to spend hours on end in the only mall within 100 miles?
“Oh my god! No. You look so fucking cute!” Looking around for reinforcements, the pretty brunette meets Jeonghan’s eyes before grabbing your hand and dragging you towards the ice cream shop he was supposed to be managing. “Hi! Totally random, but like, could you tell my bestie how cute she looks? She’s worried the dress she just bought is too short.”
Your cheeks were on fire as you tugged at your best friend’s arm, trying to get her not to talk to the random, incredibly attractive man just trying to do his job. Shaking your head, you laugh before tugging at your new summer dress in an attempt to hide your thighs as Jeonghan’s eyes move over your frame with a curious but amused look on his face. “You can just ignore her. Megan is feeling overly sociable today. I’m super sorry.”
Shaking his head, Jeonghan pushes his hands from the counter and removes the lollipop from his mouth, feeling your eyes watching his tongue as he licks his lips. You were gorgeous and he could almost feel the embarrassment coming off you in waves—God, he loved this time of year. “You’re not bothering me at all. What? You think you’re chasing off all my customers?” Gesturing around to the empty shop, he smirks when you and your friend laugh sweetly at his joke. “But, seriously, nice to do something other than stare at the Hot Topic sign for a change and you look cute as fuck.” Tilting his head, Jeonghan watches how you shift from one foot to the other, your best friend at your side giggling as you get attention. “Perfect length on you, gorgeous.”
Squealing under her breath, Megan grabs your hand and turns towards you to hide most of her reaction to Jeonghan’s blatant flirting. “Holy shit, Y/N. He’s so hot.”
You weren’t reacting the same; you seemed more bashful and taken aback by it. Pushing your hair behind your ear, you laugh softly and nod gratefully, avoiding Jeonghan’s eyes, finding his gaze too intense. “Thanks…”
“No reason to thank me. Again, you two brightened my day.” Tapping the counter with his fingertips, Jeonghan drops his lollipop in the trash before gesturing towards the ice cream freezer next to his register. “You guys want anything?” Seeing you start to shake your head, he grins, letting his teeth catch his bottom lip. “My treat. My name’s Jeonghan, by the way. Yoon Jeonghan.”
Megan was not one to pass on free things, especially ones provided by incredibly attractive boys, so she is quick to tug you forward with a smile on her face. “I was seriously just thinking about how much I wanted something sweet.” Looking into the freezer quickly before meeting Jeonghan’s eyes again, she laughs as cutely as possible. “I’m Megan and this is Y/N. We go to the university.”
As if that wasn't obvious, but Jeonghan pretends to be surprised, tilting his head and gasping. “Really? What are you two majoring in?” Opening the back of the freezer facing him, Jeonghan smirks to himself when Megan squeals again, tugging you closer to the counter. “You can have anything. My favorite is the raspberry cheesecake, but I’m a sucker for something overly sweet.” With his words, Jeonghan meets your eyes, watching how you shyly look away, your lips pulling up in a smile as you look down into the freezer.
“Well, I’m getting my B.A in art history and Y/N—”
“I’m pre-med.”
Cute, shy, and smart as fuck. Giving you a genuinely impressed nod, Jeonghan nods along with Megan’s words as she picks the chocolate chip ice cream in a cone. “Two smart, pretty girls. Damn…” Handing off the cone to Megan, Jeonghan barely meets her eyes as he focuses on you, seeing you shy away from him again. He wanted to get past that innocent shell of yours and see if it was just an act or not, but he already had a feeling it wasn’t. “What do you want, Y/N? Vanilla?”
Almost as if sensing the underlying meaning behind his words, you furrow your brows and clear your throat, looking back down at the ice cream as Jeonghan waits. Were you that obvious? Sure, you let Megan talk for you often, but she was more extroverted than you. You also weren’t used to a guy looking at you like Jeonghan was. You aren’t sure if its defiance, wanting to prove him wrong or your stupidity in that moment, but you shake your head and point down at the raspberry cheesecake. “You said it was good. I’ll trust you.”
Smiling a bit brighter, Jeonghan lifts his brows as he scoops two scoops of the ice cream into a bowl, knowing you are watching him. You were trusting him. That was already a good sign. He needed to get to know you better. It had been a long time, at least a few months, since he had a good prospect when it came to girls—and you were perfect, just his type. Offering you the bowl of ice cream, Jeonghan lets his fingers slide over yours obviously on purpose as you thank him, your voice wavering. “Of course, gorgeous.”
Megan was already snacking on her ice cream as she watched you with Jeonghan. She had enjoyed his attention, but she wasn’t stupid. He was not interested in her; his eyes had not left you. It was almost tragic how shy you were being around someone as hot as Jeonghan when he was practically begging for your attention. You were too timid for your own good, but luckily you had been blessed with the best of best friends. “You are so friggin’ sweet, Jeonghan. Like, for real! We are so lucky we ran into you.” Gasping as if she just had an idea, though it had been running through her head for a few minutes now. “Oh my god! Are you busy this weekend? There’s a party at our friends house and you should totally come. You know, if you want.”
Jeonghan was starting to like Megan more and more. He had been trying to figure out how he was going to meet up with you again. Was he going to have to just ask you out right then? But no, bestie Megan came through with a brilliant idea. “A party, huh? And you two don’t already have dates?”
“I mean!” Laughing as she links her arm with yours, Megan glances towards you, watching you take a small bite of your ice cream. She could see the look in your eyes, the one that said you wanted to run away as fast as possible. You had already told her you probably wouldn’t come out to the party, and now she was trying to start something. “I totally have one, but Y/N—”
Furrowing your brows, you start to speak but the words get caught in your throat. Who the fuck was Megan’s date to the party? She hadn’t said anything about having a date anywhere and now all of a sudden she had a mystery date? Widening your eyes and begging for mercy from her, you shake your head but she just sighs happily, looking back at Jeonghan, who leans back on the counter, taking out his BlackBerry and pursing his lips.
“I’d love to come. Here, put your number in and that way I can get the details later.”
A soft, surprised sound escapes from your lips when Megan pushes you towards the counter and Jeonghan. Setting your ice cream down, you clear your throat and pick up his phone, carefully putting your name and number in as he smirks at you, reaching for a fresh spoon, taking a small bite from your ice cream, and humming happily.
“It really is delicious, right?”
Your cheeks had already been on fire, but now, watching Jeonghan pull the spoon through his lips as he enjoyed the ice cream, you were choking on thoughts instead of words. Nodding, you hand him back his phone and lick your lips, forcing yourself to speak. “It is. I really like it.”
Turning his phone back towards him, Jeonghan glances over your contact information like it's an award in front of him before he grins at you again. “I’m already figuring you out, Y/N. See you for our date this weekend.”
Laughing awkwardly, you push your lips together to stop the sound, taking a step backwards towards Megan. “Uh huh. Bu—bye. See you later.” It was easier said than done leaving the ice cream shop, even as Megan took your arm, guiding you out. One glance back at Jeonghan getting a wink from him had you tripping over your feet and stumbling slightly. “Shit…”
“Oh my god… Girl, chillax!” Megan was doing her best to make you look good, but you were making it difficult, tripping over your own two feet. Luckily for you, with one glance back into the ice cream shop to wave at Jeonghan, Megan found him watching you like you were nothing but perfection. “By the way, you’re welcome. I’m putting world’s best wingwoman on my fucking resume from now on.”
You were a good student: honor roll, Dean’s list, and in far too many clubs where you were president. To say that you were busy was an understatement. Spring break was never really a break for you. While others, like Megan, embraced the full meaning of the word break, you found yourself trying to get ahead on reading or planning for various club events when classes would start back in just a week.
Furrowing your brows at the book in front of you, it doesn’t dawn on you that Megan is speaking to you, much less that she’s in the room, until the book is taken out of your hands and closed. “Hey! I was studying…”
“Lame… It’s spring break, biatch. It’s time to sleep in late and stay up all night, not read—” Pursing her lips, Megan narrows her eyes at your book and reads the title like it leaves a sour taste in her mouth. “The Fundamentals of Clinical Microbiology. Seriously? Let’s do something fun!” Tossing your book onto the desk, Megan whines your name, sliding onto your bed and pulling you close to her, practically cuddling, finally getting a smile and laugh out of you.
“Ugh, fine. Like what? Do you wanna go see a movie?” You were hoping for something as simple as that, but knowing your best friend, it wouldn’t be. She already had a mischievous glint in her eye as she reached for your phone, flipping it open and scrolling through your texts.
“No, maybe. I don’t know. There isn’t really anything good out.” Kicking her feet against your bed, Megan stops on the text from Jeonghan that you had left unanswered.
Jeonghan: Hey gorgeous it’s Jeonghan. Let me know the deets for this weekend. xx
“Y/N! Why haven’t you answered him? Are you crazy?” Turning her body away from you as you reach for the pink Razr in her hand, Megan giggles under her breath before letting out a dreamy sigh, replying for you.
Y/N: hi! omg I’m such a ditz sometimes! can’t believe i let this sit in my txts for so long. the party is on friday at 10. you can just pick me up and take me if you want. xo
Smirking as she hands you back your phone, text sent, Megan sighs happily at the look on your face. She had once again saved your life. She was, in fact, the single best wingwoman on the fucking planet.
“Why would you do that, Megan…” Whining as you shift on your bed to tug your legs up towards your stomach, you snap your phone closed, hoping that it will stop the inevitable from happening. Jeonghan made you nervous. He was obviously older than you and there was just something about him that seemed dangerous. Not in a serial killer kind of way, but in a this isn’t a boy you take home to Momma kind of way.
“Because you are being stupid! He likes you and he’s really fucking hot.” Your change in behavior had Megan pouting at you. Why couldn’t you be happy that she was helping you? Show a little bit of gratitude that your best friend was saving you from yourself. “You are going to the party, Y/N. Now you have a reason besides hanging out with me. Seriously, you sit in this stupid room all the time with your nose in your books; have some fun, babe.”
You want to keep arguing with Megan. You want to tell her that you don’t want to go to the party, but the look on her face has you folding. “Fine…” Your voice is quiet, causing her to lean towards you so you will repeat yourself. “I said, ‘Fine! I—I’ll go. I don’t even know if Jeonghan will—” You had started to say that you weren’t sure if he would answer your—Megan’s—text, but the moment you started to say it, a ding from your side had your stomach in your throat.
Jeonghan: It’s alright bbz. I’d love to pick you up. What are you doing today? xx
Smiling around her thumbnail, Megan kicks her legs again before sliding off your bed and stretching in front of you. “I’m gonna go to Jamba Juice and get something. You want?”
How were you supposed to answer Jeonghan? Shaking your head to answer Megan, you glance up at her as she swipes her purse off the dresser and walks backwards towards the door. “You’re really leaving me? Now? What am I supposed to say to him?” Holding your phone up like it’s a bomb, you show Megan the text as she opens the door and grins at you. “Meg! You started this!”
“And you can finish it, baby! Love you!”
Tapping his fingers against the counter, Jeonghan sighs as he waits for you to answer him. He had to admit, your text didn’t really sound like how he expected you to text. It was too perky, but then again, he had only met you for a few minutes.
“Dude… If you don’t stock the freezer, I swear to God I will shove this mop up your ass. I promise you won’t like it.”
“How do you know?” Avoiding an empty bottle of cleaner, Jeonghan laughs as he pops back up over the counter to meet Joshua Hong’s eyes. He enjoyed the days his schedule overlapped with his best friend's. They had met in middle school, decided to share a desk, become best friends, and ruin their homeroom teacher’s morning all on the same day.
“I’m not kidding. I want to get out of here and get to Mina’s.”
That was code for I want to get my dick wet and that Jeonghan could respect. Holding up his hands, Jeonghan leaves his phone on the counter as he moves to the walk-in freezer, dragging out a few of the large containers of ice cream that needed to be replaced. Joshua was right anyway; the quicker this was done, the faster they both could get out of here and on to something bigger and better.
Seeing Jeonghan’s phone light up, Joshua lifts his brows, letting his curiosity get the better of him while Jeonghan switches out the tubs of ice cream. “Who’s Y/N? Is this the college girl you’re trying to fuck?”
You had texted him back. Dropping the ice cream without much care, Jeonghan smirks, swiping his phone out of Joshua’s hand so he can read your text.
Y/N: Just in my room. Not really doing anything. Might take a walk in a bit. WBU?
Now this sounded more like what Jeonghan expected you to text like. Lifting his brows, he nods to Joshua’s question, resting his hip against the counter as his thumbs move quickly along the keys on his phone. “Yeah, she’s cute as hell. Just my type…”
Jeonghan: Sounds cute. Want company? I’m finishing up at work xx
Joshua knew what that meant—just Jeonghan’s type. Rolling his eyes, Joshua wrings out the mop one last time as Jeonghan finishes his text, that stupid smirk on his lips. “So she’s helpless and probably dumber than a box of rocks. Could you be any more deranged?”
Shooting Joshua a dirty look, Jeonghan puts his phone back down on the counter with an annoyed sigh. “No. I mean, not all of that. She’s not dumb. In fact, she’s a pre-med student. So take that and shove it up your ass, Hong.” He couldn’t fight Joshua on the point that you were helpless. You had looked like you were made of glass and just the right amount of pressure might cause you to crack. Jeonghan couldn’t wait to see how much pressure that was.
Y/N: You want to go on a walk with me? Is that boring?
“Ooo, pre-med. She could still be stupid. I mean, fuck… She’s talking to you.”
“Fuck you. I’m a catch and you know it. Finish your mopping and go stick your dick in Mina. You are mean when you’re horny, Shua.”
Not hiding his amusement as Jeonghan sulks at his phone, Joshua shakes his head. “And you are a sensitive pussy when you aren’t getting any. Hope she puts out.” Dodging a pen being launched at his head by Jeonghan, Joshua laughs as he pushes his mop and bucket towards the back.
“Asshole…” Joshua wasn’t wrong. Jeonghan was on edge. He had put all of his eggs in one basket this week, that basket being you. He didn’t have anything else lined up; there was only you and a hope that you’d be worth his time. Were you already playing hard to get or was this confused routine you were playing at over text real?
Jeonghan: Not boring. I’ll finish up here in like 20 mins and head towards the campus. See you soon bbz xx
You were panicking. This had not been the plan. You always took a walk in the evening. That had been your reasoning behind telling Jeonghan about it, not so that he would take it as an invitation to join you. Why would he even want to do that?
Quickly sliding off your bed, you whine under your breath, standing in front of your floor-length mirror attached to the back of your dorm door. You were not in the condition to be hanging out with anyone, much less someone like Jeonghan. You didn’t even know this guy and he already made you so nervous your hands wouldn’t stop trembling.
It took the entire twenty minutes and then some for you to get dressed and to slap on a fresh coat of makeup that made you look decent without seeming like you were trying too hard. It was just a walk; literally nothing special about that at all and yet you now had clothes scattered across your bed from the amount of outfits you had deemed not good enough before settling on a pair of jean shorts and a light sweater.
By the time that you stand in front of the mirror again, fussing over the details, you hear your ringtone obnoxiously blaring as your phone vibrates loudly on your desk. Clearing your throat, you look down at Jeonghan’s name on the phone in your hand before flipping it open and putting it to your ear and smiling so that you sound more confident than you feel. “Hello?”
“Hi, gorgeous. Where the hell am I going? There are too many dorms and I don’t wanna look like a creeper driving around the campus in circles…”
Jeonghan’s voice causes your stomach to tighten and heat up. You felt like you should ask him to stop calling you pet names, but at the same time, did you really want that? You were enjoying it too much. “Um—” Laughing softly into the phone, you grab your keys and lock your door behind you. “So I’m at Elkstone Hall…”
Leaning to look at the signs, Jeonghan mutters the names mostly to himself before nodding. “Elkstone, got it. Be there in like two seconds…”
“‘Kay, um, hey… You can park in 287. That—that’s my spot. I don’t actually have a car, but they gave me a spot anyway.”
Smirking to himself, Jeonghan glances towards the building in front of him before turning into the parking lot, searching the spots by the numbers on the ground. “Gotcha. 270—Oh, got it. Nice spot… Must have cost Mommy and Daddy out the ass to get.”
You aren’t sure why Jeonghan’s comment makes you slow your steps, but yet you still laugh, awkwardly tilting your head. “Um, yeah. Wasn’t cheap, but it was required. You know, in case I get a car or something. Plus my parents use it when they visit… So not a complete waste of money.”
This was a good judge of your character already. You were timid about something as simple as how much a parking spot cost—interesting. Jeonghan could hear a bit of shame in your voice when you talked about it. Your family probably had money, but you didn’t brag about it and didn’t show off. So sweet and pure. Smirking to himself, Jeonghan locks his car and glances towards the building, seeing you waiting on the sidewalk, your phone pressed up against your cheek. Sweet, pure, fucking adorable, and his.
“Nah, makes sense, Gorgeous. I’m here, by the way.” Lifting his hand to get your attention, Jeonghan takes his phone away from his ear and hits end when you finally do meet his eyes. “You always look this fucking cute when you take a walk?” He was still a few feet away, but Jeonghan could almost see the embarrassment coming off you in waves as you tugged at the sleeves of your sweater.
“I—what? No, I don’t look cute.” You couldn’t look at Jeonghan, not directly at least. He was standing right in front of you now; you could feel his eyes on you, but it was akin to feeling the sun on your skin. “Just, you know, pulled on something.”
Jeonghan doubted that very much. He could see the bit of makeup you must have put on, though he doubted that you needed it. You had put in some effort to come outside because he was going to be here. It was cute and you were so shy that his head was going to explode. Reaching up to push his index finger under your chin, Jeonghan bites his bottom lip as he meets your eyes. “You’re perfect and you look cute. Come on, I’m here for an evening stroll.”
Looking down at Jeonghan’s hand, his palm facing up as he waits for you to take it, you feel your hands start to shake slightly. Guys never made you this nervous. Not that you took much time to date. There had been a guy or two here and there, but nothing that ever lasted for long. You were too busy and, worst of all, in their opinion, wouldn’t give it up. You weren’t a virgin, just not heavily experienced like the guys at university expected you to be. You weren’t getting on your knees at the sight of a cute guy wanting to look at his probably very ugly dick. So why now was this guy you had met a single time making you feel weak?
“Why?” Clearing your throat, you shake your head gently, sliding your hand into Jeonghan’s and feeling him lace his fingers with yours. “I mean, why would you wanna come all the way out here to take a walk with me?”
Jeonghan liked the feeling of your hand in his. He liked how you let him hold your hand properly. This wasn’t any of that middle school hand-holding; this was fingers laced, palms together hand-holding. This made girls know you were sincere about what you were saying—or at least seem like you were. “Well, baby doll, because I wanna get to know you. Isn’t it obvious that I like you?”
Could he feel your heart beating hard? It felt like it was beating so hard and quick that it was radiating throughout your entire body. The smile that pulls at your lips has you feeling even more shy as you lower your head and turn slightly away from Jeonghan. This was insane. Jeonghan’s words had to feel like you were both drowning and flying at the same time. The butterflies in your stomach were fluttering around so quickly that you almost felt sick, but when he stopped walking and guided you back towards him, you whined. “No, I mean—this is crazy. You don’t even know me.”
Your cheek is hot under Jeonghan’s thumb as he gently lifts your face back up so he can look at you again. “It’s not crazy. Crazy is not realizing you were in this stupid town all this time.” Laughing when you whine again, Jeonghan gives you a bit of mercy, moving his hand from your face and letting you walk beside him again. “I told you, I wanna get to know you. The good, the bad, the ugly...”
Sighing under your breath, you gently tug at Jeonghan’s fingers as you turn to walk backwards for a moment, looking at him to make sure he’s serious. The look on his face seems so sincere that it breaks your resolve. Moving back to his side, you let yourself linger closer to him, not seeing the smirk on his face as you give him exactly what he wants. “Okay. Um, then you should know that the first text today wasn’t from me.” Furrowing your brows, you timidly look up to meet Jeonghan’s eyes afraid that you’ll see disappointment behind them, but instead you just see slight amusement. “Megan took my phone.”
“Ah… That makes more sense. I thought you seemed different from one text to another. Less—” Laughing into his words, Jeonghan sways a bit on his feet, playfully pulling you with him, enjoying how easy it is to make you laugh along with him. “Perky.”
Jeonghan was making this easy. You were enjoying this. It felt natural. Nothing was expected of you. Just a girl taking a walk with a cute guy who could make her laugh. It almost felt too good to be true. “Mm, yeah. She’s like that, but she means well. She’s maybe overly excited about the possibility of—” The idea of saying anything about you and Jeonghan makes your nerves take over you in that moment. The bit of confidence you had gained in those few moments fades away just like your words, your eyes on the ground.
“Possibility of?” Bumping his arm into yours, Jeonghan smiles at your sudden mood change. You were interesting. Not just a beautiful face and a body he’d love to ravish, but a mind he’d love to explore for at least a little while. Jeonghan could see himself getting addicted to you quickly. “Possibility of this? Me and you, baby? Why are you scared of it? I’m not gonna bite you.”
He had a point. Jeonghan hadn’t done a single thing wrong. In fact, he had only done a hundred things right so far. You hadn’t known him long and maybe all the pet names this quick was a little bit of a shock, but they kind of felt nice to hear. You didn’t mind being Jeonghan’s baby, his baby doll, or being called gorgeous. “I don’t know. Haven’t had the best track record with guys—”
“Fuck ‘em. They aren't me, Y/N.” Taking a step backward, Jeonghan guides you with him until he reaches the retaining wall. “I’m not some burnout, college dipshit, who’s just wasting his daddy’s money...” Jeonghan doesn’t hide his smirk when you gasp at the feeling of him picking you up and sitting you on the short retaining wall so he can stand between your thighs, getting eye level with you. He liked having you like this. He knew that if he touched your cheeks again, they’d be hot like you’d been standing next to an oven. Standing like this, Jeonghan could slide his hands over your knees, testing the waters and keeping his fingers from going any higher. “You know that, right, baby doll?”
Nodding quickly, feeling chill bumps erupting along your skin under Jeonghan’s fingers, you take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Uh huh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“Shh, I know. Just—fuck.” Glancing down at your legs, Jeonghan carefully slides his hands along your thighs, squeezing gently at the meatiest part and hearing you gasp only to swallow the sound. You were fucking perfect. Everything about you. From the way you looked to the way you reacted to him. “Making me have to remind myself to behave.” Putting on a smooth, sweet smile, Jeonghan meets your eyes once again, noticing how your lips are parted just slightly as if you were on the edge of a moan. God, what he wouldn’t give to pull it out of you. Patience. He had to be patient. “You know none of the guys on this stupid, fucking campus deserve you, right? You know that, gorgeous?”
Jeonghan’s fingers glide over your skin, staying closer to your knees, but you can still feel him higher on your legs. You feel the shame bubbling inside you because you want him to touch you like that again. Swallowing hard, you nod, agreeing with Jeonghan quickly even if you don’t actually agree with him. Why were you doing that? Did it even matter?
“That’s right. You know it. My smart girl.” Brushing this thumb over your cheek, Jeonghan coos softly as your lips part once again, your eyes falling to his lips before, quick as lightning, looking away. You wanted to kiss him. The feeling was mutual. “It’s getting late and I wouldn’t dare risk you being out here after dark without me. Not with these shorts on, angel.”
Starting to speak to tell Jeonghan you’ve worn these shorts hundreds of times and nothing has ever happened to you, you stop when his thumb brushes over your bottom lip. The action not only stuns you but also does wonders to keep you agreeable. “Uh huh… okay, Jeonghan.”
Like clay in his hands already. You were speaking so sweetly, almost lazily, against his thumb. Jeonghan bet he could get you to do almost anything he wanted right now, but that would ruin the fun of this and the point of it. You were pumping through his veins now. He had thought he could get addicted… He just didn’t know how fast.
With you walking back at his side, your fingers laced with his, Jeonghan smiles, feeling your head lean towards his shoulder. It was almost night and day compared to the walk to the end of the road to coming back to the large, ugly building you were calling home. Jeonghan hated it already. It looked too much like a prison and like somewhere he couldn’t get into on a whim. “What do you have left to do tonight, baby?”
God, you loved that. Baby. You shouldn’t. You weren’t anything to Jeonghan. Not yet. You couldn’t be—that was impossible—and yet you felt like getting down on your knees and begging him to give it a label already—but you had more pride than that still. “Um, I was working on—” Smiling at the idea of what you had been doing, you shake your head and lean your head back, feeling embarrassed. “God, it’s stupid. I was getting a head start on my reading for my classes next week.”
A little overachiever. That’s adorable. Smirking to himself as the thoughts cross his mind, Jeonghan nods along with you, letting your fingers slide to the end of his as you start to walk backwards toward the building. “Can’t even let yourself enjoy a break properly, huh? Good thing you got me to take you to a party and keep you distracted for a night, right? What am I going to do with you, sweetheart?”
Swallowing hard when Jeonghan takes a step towards you so that he can slide his arm around your waist, you press your lips together and shake your head. “I—I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” Carefully moving his fingers along your back, Jeonghan bunches your sweater into his hand, letting out a soft sigh into his words. “Gotta get you to relax somehow.”
Your eyes migrate down to Jeonghan’s lips one more time, but this time they linger before you watch them pull up into a smile. “I—I can relax. ‘M relaxed…”
You were practically begging for it. You were looking at Jeonghan’s lips like they were made of candy. Licking his lips, Jeonghan nods along with your stumbled words as he rocks you in his arms once, just back and forth, testing how stiff you are. “Don’t seem very relaxed. Seem focused on something. You wanna ask for something, baby doll?”
Why was he making you ask for it? Didn’t guys just usually do what they wanted anyway? No guy that you had never gone on a date with had asked you or made you ask for a kiss. You’d get back to the door or, god forbid, their apartment, and they’d just kiss you or try to make a move. Jeonghan was clearly so different. Whining under your breath, you furrow your brows, starting to turn your head away, only for Jeonghan to gently hold your head in place with his thumb and forefinger on your chin.
“Ask me or I won’t kiss you. Say please, baby.”
It felt degrading and yet your knees were weak, making you rely on Jeonghan to keep you upright. “I—please, Jeonghan.” Seeing him nod once as if to tell you to keep going, you blink a few times and lick your lips, trying to gain the confidence to speak up. “Please kiss me?”
Perfect. Pliable. His.
Cooing at your request, Jeonghan pouts slightly, running his fingers behind your ear before sighing. “You are beautiful and you asked so sweetly. I don’t know if I should…”
Just when you think Jeonghan isn’t going to give you what you had asked for, that he’s going to make you ask him again, beg for it, he smiles and presses his lips against yours, taking your breath away. You feel boneless for a moment, no air in your lungs; it’s like your heart paused for just a couple of seconds to let you live in that moment until Jeonghan’s lips are off yours. The second that happens, your chest practically aches. Your brows furrow tightly, your fingers digging into the sides of Jeonghan’s shirt to keep him close to you as he laughs softly under his breath, giving into you and brushing his lips against yours for just a second more.
“Time for you to go inside and get ready for bed, baby. I wanna see you get through that door before I leave. Make sure nothing touches my girl.”
His girl. Sighing almost as if you were swooning over Jeonghan, because if you were honest with yourself, you were swooning, you nod to his words. “Mmkay. You’ll text me?”
You were his. What a silly question for you to ask, and yet that question made Jeonghan pleased. You were just as hooked as he was. “Of course I will. Now—” Sliding his hand from yours, Jeonghan kisses your cheek, letting his hand that had been on your back slide over your ass before he takes a step back from you. “Get your cute little ass inside. Be a good girl.”
Maybe Jeonghan hadn’t meant to let his hand go that low, but your face was on fire again. Biting at your thumbnail, you just nod and walk backwards for a couple of steps before finally turning to walk normally. Every couple of steps, you look over your shoulder to see if Jeonghan is doing what he said to find him with his hands resting in his jacket pockets as he watches you make your way to the door.
Jeonghan waits until the door shuts before he grins and turns back towards the parking lot. Taking the keys from his pocket, he shakes his head and lifts his brows, feeling the rush of adrenaline pulsing through him. This had gone better than he could have imagined it going. Sliding behind the wheel of his Corvette, Jeonghan takes out his cellphone and smirks. He could wait and send you a message later but why when you were already wrapped around his finger?
Jeonghan: You are already running circles in my mind, baby girl. I can’t wait to see you on Friday. xx <3
You could see the annoyance written on Megan’s face as she attempted to help you with your makeup despite your leg bouncing up and down. You were nervous. How could you not be? You and Jeonghan had been texting back and forth for a couple of days now, but tonight was the party and it felt like a huge deal.
“Stop.” Pushing down on your knee, Megan meets your eyes, giving you a serious look. “I’m trying to do this eyeliner, but if you keep vibrating like that, I’ll poke your eye out.”
Forcing yourself to stay still, you pout up at Megan before looking up at the ceiling, letting her continue what she had been working on. “Sorry… ‘M just—do you really have a date? Can’t you just go with me and Jeonghan?”
It hadn’t been the first time over the last couple of days that Megan had heard this plight. Sighing, she tilts your head down and furrows her brows. “Eyes closed. One, yes, I have a date. I’m going with Jun from my dance class and two, I will not get in the way of young love.”
It was even harder now to stay still. The eyeliner pencil was making your skin itch and your stomach was in knots. “I didn’t even know that you and Jun talked—”
“Well, surprise, we do. Okay, open.” Smiling at her work as if she’s looking at a canvas in front of her that she’s spent hours painstakingly painting, Megan nods. “So fucking pretty. Like, seriously, it’s unfair that you are smart and have that face.”
You watch as Megan turns and plops down on your bed, bouncing once before she starts to put away her makeup. “You’re being silly…” Your words are quieter than you mean them to be, but they still cause Megan to smirk, her eyes finding yours briefly as you shift uncomfortably, turning to look into the mirror propped up on the desk. You did look pretty. Megan had done a great job with your makeup, even if it was a bit more intense than you usually wore. “Thanks for helping me.”
Shrugging, Megan watches you turn your head from side to side, looking at yourself in the mirror. “Wasn’t even a big deal. My bestie should look as hot as possible on her first date with her boy toy.”
The idea of that had you groaning under your breath and pushing the chair away from the desk. “I—he’s not—I don’t know what—-”
“You kissed, right?” Nodding along with you, Megan smiles mostly to herself as you carefully tug your shirt over your head, avoiding your makeup. She had helped you decide what to wear too. That had been a painstaking, hour-long debate. You had wanted to cover up as much as possible, but per usual, she had won out and now you were slipping on your new summer dress. “He called you baby? Y/N… Be so for real right now. He is your boyfriend, or he will be by the end of the night.”
You didn’t want to admit that Megan was right. The conversations between you and Jeonghan told you exactly the same. Even if you weren’t sure, he seemed pretty convinced. Tugging at the end of your dress at your thighs, you shift your weight from one foot to the other, pouting at Megan in the mirror. “Maybe…”
“You’re disgusting.”
Laughing at Joshua’s complaint, Jeonghan shifts his shoulder to push his phone closer to his ear as he drives. “Whatever. You can still come to the party if you want. I seriously fucking doubt they are going to care. Plus I’m sure Megan will be looking for a dick to bounce—”
“Again, you’re disgusting! No, I’m not coming.” Rolling his eyes as he opens the door of his own car, Joshua feigns annoyance with his best friend while slipping into the driver's seat. “I have plans anyway.”
“Oh yeah? Gonna see Mina again? God, she’s got you whipped. The pussy must be great.”
Jeonghan was always good at pushing buttons. That went for anyone, but especially Joshua’s. The difference was Joshua knew when Jeonghan was just looking for a reaction. They had been friends for too long and he knew this routine. “Yeah, it’s great, man. What’s your deal? You act like Y/N doesn’t have you crawling after her. You’ve been stalking her MySpace like a creeper all fucking week.”
That wasn’t a lie. You liked to post pictures. You took the time to make little albums and make your page perfectly you. How could Jeonghan not spend an hour or so just enjoying what you had offered up to the world? “Mm, my gorgeous little doll. Tonight will be interesting for sure. Another reason I’m shocked you don’t wanna come with.”
“There’s nothing there for me. Besides, you’ll tell me all about it later.” Making a face like he’s tasted something sour, Joshua shakes his head. “In too much detail, I’m sure.”
Turning into the parking lot of your dorm, Jeonghan smirks, tilting his head slightly. “Maybe… Probably. Anyway, I’m here so…” Jeonghan had already pulled into the spot that you had told him about the last time he was here. He had only been here once and he was already feeling like he belonged, even if he couldn’t just walk into the building like he wanted to.
“Whatever. I’d say not to do anything I wouldn’t do, but—”
“I’m going to do everything you wouldn’t do.”
Joshua laughs, knowing that Jeonghan isn’t even close to lying. He had been through all of the stages with Jeonghan, but this one was different. He was hyperfixated on you. Any of the other girls that Jeonghan had set his sights on, Joshua knew they would be a quick one and done, but he had a feeling that wasn’t how this was going to go. “Alright, sure. Later.”
Ending the call, Jeonghan smirks at the screen, quickly moving to his texts with you glancing over the last view. Things had been going well—very well. You would text him the moment you woke up and the texts would come at least hourly throughout the entire day until you’d send a sweet little goodnight message. If he could get even more from you, that would be the cherry on top of the cake. He couldn’t be exactly faulted for wanting you as obsessed with him as he was with you. Fair was fair.
Jeonghan: I’m here baby doll xx
There really was no hiding your reaction to Jeonghan’s text. You were doing everything but twirling your hair as you read it and Megan was observant. It didn’t matter if she was putting the finishing touches on her own makeup; she knew swooning when she saw it. She had seen that look on your face more than a dozen times over the past few days. “Tell Jeonghan I said hi. I’ll see you guys at the party, babe.”
The butterflies in your stomach were swarming at the idea of seeing Jeonghan again. Biting your bottom lip, you whine under your breath, glancing quickly towards Megan before swiping your bag from your bed. “Uh huh…” The moment you start to turn towards the door, you stop and clutch your phone against your chest tightly, meeting her eyes once more. “You sure I look okay?”
“More than okay. You look hot.” Megan could almost see the heat radiating off your face from across the room. She knew you were her most innocent friend and she loved you for it, but innocence had an expiration date. ”Just don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Scoffing as you open your door, you find yourself stumbling over your own feet as you try to keep your cool. “I—okay. You’d do anything and everything so—”
“Exactly! I don’t plan on making it home tonight and if you do, I’ll be so fucking disappointed.” Laughing under her breath when you slam the door behind you, Megan turns her attention back to the mirror in front of her. There was a good chance you’d still come before midnight, but she could hope that Jeonghan was the one who would bring you out of your goody-two-shoes shell and help you have some fun.
Just when Jeonghan was starting to become restless waiting for you, his lips pulled up in a smirk around the lollipop resting between his teeth. You were so fucking gorgeous and his brain was pulling in two different directions just watching you walk towards him. On one hand he couldn’t wait to take you to this party and have you on his arm, and on the other he wanted to skip the fucking party and keep all eyes off of you. Did you even realize how pretty you were? Could you feel how short your dress was or how the wind was picking up the end of it around your thighs? God, Jeonghan’s mouth was watering at just the sight of you.
“Hi, Jeonghan. Sorry, I was trying to hurry but—” A surprised sound slips from your lips only to be muffled when Jeonghan pulls you towards him as he leans against the side of his car. His lips meet yours and you taste the strawberry lollipop he had in his mouth on his tongue. You hadn’t expected such a sudden kiss, but he had your stomach tightening and your head spinning—you weren’t complaining.
Resting the hand against your hip, Jeonghan keeps his fingers away from your dress so that his lollipop doesn’t touch you as his other hand cups your jaw, keeping you close. You were better than candy and the soft little noises you were making had his jeans threatening to get tighter. Sighing against your lips, Jeonghan lets you lean back as he licks his lips and smiles at you, bringing his lollipop back up and offering it to you, watching you open your mouth shyly but obediently. “Hold on to that for me, baby doll. God, you look like an angel. How am I gonna keep my hands off you tonight?”
Strawberry candy quickly coats your tongue, and you have to swallow hard to keep yourself from drooling at the thought of Jeonghan’s hands on you. You weren’t like this, so attention-starved, but Jeonghan really brought something out in you that scared you and excited you. Moving the lollipop to your cheek, you smile softly and tilt your head. “I dunno. You look really good. You—mmm, you ready to go? It’s a bit of a drive to Chan’s house.”
Jeonghan was ready to go, but hearing the name of the friend’s house in question had him rolling his eyes even as he opened the passenger’s side door for you. “Chan, huh? Chan who?” Scratching his eyebrow, he watches closely as you slide into the leather seat, your fingers under your soft thighs enjoying the feeling of the material under your skin. “How close are you and Chan?”
You hadn’t realized how nice of a car Jeonghan drove until you were inside of it. Glancing around, you bite your lip at the idea of the soft top and how nice it would be to put it down. All of the thoughts slowly leave your head at the tone of Jeonghan’s voice and the questions about Chan. Blinking up at him, you take the lollipop from your lips and suck on your bottom lip to clean the sticky candy from it before shaking your head. “I—just Lee Chan. He’s a year or so younger than me and Megan. We aren’t, like, super close. He’s in Megan’s dance club.” Trying to judge Jeonghan’s reaction, you tilt your head and smile at him in an attempt to ease the tension. “He just throws a lot of parties, Jeonghan.”
Nodding along with you, Jeonghan smiles when you do before reaching for the lollipop, bringing it back to his lips to suck on it between speaking. “Just curious, baby. Buckle your seatbelt.” Not giving you time to speak, Jeonghan closes your door and moves around to the other side, sliding into his seat as you adjust your seatbelt over your chest with a sigh, once again looking around the car and towards the roof. “You want the top back? Just gotta ask me for things. Can’t give you what you want if you don’t.”
Something in how Jeonghan speaks makes your stomach tighten. You look down and laugh softly, uncomfortably, before shrugging. He wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t like he could read your mind… “Um—yeah. I’ve never been in a convertible before.” Your lips push together as you gather the courage to lift your eyes, meeting Jeonghan’s, finding him watching you curiously, his fingers turning the keys in the ignition, bringing the car to life. “It’s a really nice car, Jeonghan.”
It was a nice car. Jeonghan knew that all too well. It was his pride and joy. Glancing around the car, he grins before reaching up to press a button, watching the top start to move back slowly. “Thanks, baby. My dad doesn’t know how to say I love you so he bought me a car instead. I’m not complaining.”
Even as you begin to feel the breeze start to move through your hair, you can’t seem to find your smile after Jeonghan explains his car. That made more sense. You had felt bad for wondering how he could afford something so nice working at the mall, but clearly there was more to this story. “Oh… I—we haven’t really talked about our families, so I didn’t—”
“Aw, baby. Don’t worry so much.” Putting his car in drive, Jeonghan grins at you before tossing the last of his lollipop out the window. With his hands free, he sighs and slides his palm along your knee, feeling you tense slightly under his touch. “My family is two ways to fucked, but it has its benefits.” Gesturing his fingers from the steering wheel, Jeonghan sighs, leaning his head back against the headrest. “My mom should’a left my dad a long time ago, but she’s just as spoiled as me, and people don’t get divorced around here.”
Swallowing hard, you glance from Jeonghan’s fingers kneading into your thigh back up to him as he takes a left when prompted to. “No, I guess it’s the same way where I’m from. I’ve been lucky, though. My parents are really happy, and I—well, Megan says I have a charmed life.”
Jeonghan could already see that was the case. He had seen the parking spot, your clothes, your bracelet, and even the purse you were carrying. It wasn’t like he was much different in terms of money; his dad was a hedge fund manager, but when Jeonghan decided to drop out of college and play around, that’s when his dad stopped lining his pockets so easily.
“It’s cute. How you clearly don’t have to try for anything.”
Furrowing your brows, you look out the window to hide the way that Jeonghan’s words tug at your self-esteem. It didn’t feel that way to you. If anything, you felt like you had to try harder. More was expected of you. It wasn’t like you woke up one day and announced you wanted to be a doctor by choice. You were following in your mother’s footsteps. “Take another left.”
Your voice had gotten so much quieter. You were meek to begin with, but now you were almost crawling inside yourself. Smirking to himself, Jeonghan rolls his eyes at your attitude change, knowing he struck a nerve. “Alright, baby. You mad at me? Was I bad?” Stroking your inner thigh lightly, Jeonghan glances over at you, offering you a soft pout when you do finally meet his eyes. He could see the way your eyes searched his. You were hurt; you probably wanted to be angry, but you were too sweet so instead you just shook your head. “No? I’m not a bad boyfriend, am I?”
Boyfriend. God, you still weren’t used to that term. When had it even been decided? You weren’t sure if it had been that first night when Jeonghan had kissed you or perhaps during the text conversations afterwards—but the word made your stomach tighten. “No, Jeonghan.” You didn’t have enough context to tell him he was a bad anything yet and you wouldn’t want to. How could you look at this handsome guy and tell him that he wasn’t perfect? That would be insane.
Sliding his hand from your thigh into your hand, Jeonghan smiles, feeling you lace your fingers with his. “I’d be so upset if you were mad at me. Hate seeing anything but a smile on my beautiful girl’s face.” As if on cue, Jeonghan glances over to see a smile pull at your lips, giving him what he wants. “There it is. God… I’m lucky, aren’t I?”
You weren’t so sure how lucky Jeonghan could be with just you, but he made you feel like a diamond when he treated you like this. You were special and his. Biting at your bottom lip, you hum out a happy sound as Jeonghan’s fingers tighten against yours before he lets go completely in place of having both hands on the wheel. The traffic around the party was a bit busier. You could instantly see the frustration wash over Jeonghan’s face as he furrows his brows and mutters under his breath, pulling into the yard. This wasn’t an ideal parking spot, but it would do and there were already plenty of people taking notice of not just how nice Jeonghan’s car was, but who was getting out of it.
“Holy shit… Who is that?” There were plenty of other whispered conversations that started just like that as Jeonghan moved around to wrap his arm around your waist, pulling you towards him. People wanted to know if he was a senior or why they couldn’t remember seeing him or his car on campus before—but mostly he could see the lust in so many eyes. There was desire not only for him or you, but to be him or you. That was intoxicating and infuriating. He loved being the topic of conversation. Loved having the arm candy, but you were his candy and he didn’t share.
“You never told me I was dating the popular girl on campus, baby doll.”
Jeonghan speaks right against the shell of your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. Between the warmth of his breath and the breeze against you, you feel goosebumps erupt over your skin. Turning to look at him, you laugh softly under your breath, feeling shy under Jeonghan’s close gaze, but also at his words. “I—no. What? I’m not.”
It was almost too amusing how you tried to make yourself smaller as Jeonghan pressed his fingers into your waist, keeping you close to him. “No? Funny, everyone seems to be paying attention to you.” Swiping a drink from the counter, Jeonghan brings it to his lips, taking a sip of the alcohol and enjoying the slight burn in the back of his throat as you seem to take in his words. He could almost see the way your eyes studied the crowd, a smile pulling at your pretty lips when a few people waved at you, earning themselves back a shy wave in return.
“It’s just—they’re just people from some of the classes I’m in. They barely talk to me. I doubt they remember—”
“Hey! Y/N, you came!”
Pressing your lips together, you see Jeonghan’s brows lift to the excited voice as he lets you turn in his arm to face who it belongs to. You weren’t sure why it made you feel so self-conscious and almost guilty to be next to Jeonghan as one of your friends fawned over you, but your cheeks were on fire. Smiling at Chan, you nod along with him, leaning into his hug, feeling Jeonghan’s fingers slide from your stomach to give you space. “Yeah! Yeah, I wouldn’t have missed this. You throw the best parties…”
Chan laughs, his brows lifting as he gives you a confused look before he glances over to the man whose eyes haven’t left him. “Uh, well—I mean, hell yeah. I have a reputation to uphold. Can’t let anyone think that my title is up for grabs, know what I mean?”
“What title is that?” Jeonghan was tired of watching this guy hold on to you and get your attention. You were smiling a bit too sweetly for his liking, and Chan’s fingers were still on your arm. Who the fuck did he think he was? Who the fuck did he think that Jeonghan was? Couldn’t he see who you belonged to?
“Oh! Channie is like the “Party King” or something.” Rolling your eyes playfully, you laugh quietly, but it dies off just as quickly when you meet Jeonghan’s eyes only for him to turn his attention back to Chan.
“And I wear my crown proudly. It’s made of beer cans. Soonyoung literally made me—”
“You want a drink, baby? Maybe the Party King, planned snacks.”
Furrowing your brows tightly at how Jeonghan cuts Chan off, you swallow hard and shake your head before quickly nodding when Jeonghan nods at you. “I’d—yeah. I’d like a drink, Jeonghan.” You think that maybe Jeonghan will go get you a drink and bring you one back, but instead his fingers lace with yours and he starts to guide you away from Chan, who looks taken aback.
“Uh—” Gesturing towards the kitchen, Chan shakes his head, trying to wrap his head around what had just happened as Jeonghan smirks at him. “There’s shit in there. I—I’ll talk to you later, Y/N.”
You don’t have much time to say anything, Jeonghan guiding you along with him as you nod to Chan, offering him an apologetic smile. You could feel your stomach twisting with anxiety even when you stepped into the kitchen and Jeonghan sighed your name. Your eyes follow his hands as he uses the ladle to pour some of the punch into a red Solo cup before offering it to you.
“There you go. Is it good?” Concern was written on your face, but Jeongan just smiles at you fondly, watching you tip the cup back before nodding. You were so sweet and innocent, even now with a drink in your hand, that he felt like he had to guide you—protect you. Lifting his hand to swipe a bit of the drink from your lip, Jeonghan hums softly, bringing his thumb to his own mouth and sucking it clean. “Messy baby. Here, eat this.”
You weren’t really hungry, but when Jeonghan puts the bag of chips in your hand, you take it anyway. How could you tell him no when he was just trying to take care of you and looking so perfect while doing it? Letting him guide you back towards the living room, you stay quiet at first. It’s easier to let him guide the conversations and talk for you. All you have to do is smile and nod as you lean against him. It isn’t until he presses a kiss to your cheek and tells you that he’ll be back that you feel a layer of pressure lift from you along with anxiety taking its place.
This wasn’t your scene—not normally. You’d come to a party of two a year, but there had been a good reason Chan had been so surprised to see you show up. You rarely actually accepted the invitations. There were more important things to do. You were always covered up with homework or some task that could be taken care of instead of doing what you were doing now: dulling your senses with the rest of your drink. Frowning at the empty cup in your hand, you look around for Jeonghan before moving back to your feet and into the kitchen on your own.
“That shit is dangerous, you know.”
Turning your head towards the familiar voice, you smile and shake your head, returning the ladle to the bowl before turning to face Kim Mingyu. You didn’t know him well, but he was also pre-med and incredibly handsome. He was hard to miss. “Oh? Tastes fine.”
Mingyu grins at you, his eyes not so subtly moving over your face and down the front of your body before he sighs, picking up his own cup to get a drink. “I know it does, but what you don’t know is that it’s 40 percent juice and 60 percent fuel. I’d take it slow, you know, if I were you.”
Watching Mingyu tip back his own drink as he manages to empty it in seconds, you laugh and sip at your own much slower. “Guess you’re glad you aren’t me then, huh?” Your eyes move over Mingyu’s handsome face before you clear your throat, remembering who and where you are as you start to look for Jeonghan.
“I don’t know. Being smart and beautiful doesn’t sound too bad.” Feeling a pang of disappointment when your attention is pulled from him, Mingyu purses his lips and rests his hip against the counter. You were really one of the prettiest girls not just at the party but at the university, and this was a rare occasion that he saw you out and your nose wasn’t buried in a book. “You missing somebody?”
Nodding along with Mingyu, you lick your lips and quickly shake your head, feeling a little confused as you try to think how to answer his question. “I—um, kinda. My—” What did you call Jeonghan? Yes, he was your boyfriend, but it felt so weird saying it now. Just as you start to open your mouth to explain, seeing the look on Mingyu’s face, you feel a hand slide over your ass and up to your hip as Jeonghan pulls you back towards him, away from Mingyu.
“There you are, baby doll.” Nuzzling his nose against the spot where your shoulder and neck meet, Jeonghan smirks at Mingyu, seeing the wheels turning in the man’s head. “You weren’t where I left you. Who’s this?”
Shivering to the feeling of Jeonghan’s nose against your skin, you whisper his name, feeling embarrassed by the very public display of affection in front of a friend. “Thi—This is Mingyu, um, Kim Mingyu. He’s the same major as me.” Meeting Mingyu’s eyes, you watch his brows furrow so you add. “He’s my friend.”
Jeonghan hated him already. Friends didn’t look at one another the way that Mingyu had been looking at you. He was looking at you like he wanted to take you to the closest surface and bury his cock in you—that wouldn’t be happening for him. “I see. Hi, friend.” Sliding his hand from your hip, Jeonghan offers it to Mingyu as he stays behind you, staking his claim with his eyes. “I’m Yoon Jeonghan.” Grinning into his words, Jeonghan turns his head to press a kiss to your head before adding on. “This gorgeous angel’s boyfriend.”
Mingyu knew what Jeonghan was doing. He was looking to get a rise out of him with his overplayed possessive act, but instead of showing how he truly felt about it, he took the man’s hand instead. “Nice to meet you, Jeonghan.” Tightening his hand around Jeonghan’s more slender fingers, he watches how his brows tighten slightly before he lets go and sighs happily, as if nothing could possibly be wrong in the world. “Didn’t know you had a boyfriend, Y/N.”
“Well, I—”
“Surprise. Here I am.” Whining into his words as he cuts you off. Jeonghan slides his hand back around your stomach, pulling you against him. “Baby, this party is a fuckin’ bore. Can we get outta here?”
Meeting Mingyu’s eyes, you take another sip of your drink, feeling your cheeks burning under his and Jeonghan’s attention. You know you should take it slow, maybe even put your drink down; instead, you tip it back, causing Mingyu’s brows to furrow not only at your actions but also at Jeonghan’s when he chuckles your name.
“Slow down, angel. It’s too strong for a sweet girl like you. Or didn’t your friend already say that…”
So he had been listening longer than Mingyu realized. Sighing into a laugh, Mingyu tilts his head as Jeonghan takes the cup from you, putting it down on the counter. “I did tell her that, in not so many words…”
“Well, don’t you worry your little head, Mingyu; I’ll take care of her.” Linking his fingers with yours, Jeonghan smirks at Mingyu, then turns his attention back to you, cooing softly when he sees the slightly hazed look in your eyes as the alcohol starts to turn through your body. “Let’s get some air.”
You lift your hand, waving at Mingyu, your eyes staying with him for a moment longer before Jeonghan ushers you out the door. The moment the breeze hits you, you shiver, wishing you had worn something longer or at least something that covered your arms. “Oh—it’s cold, Jeonghan.”
Scoffing softly at your words, Jeonghan nods before shrugging his leather jacket off and putting it around your shoulders. “Of course it is, doll. The sun went down and you have your pretty little ass hanging out of your dress.” Seeing you start to speak, a questioning look on your face, Jeonghan smiles at you and hugs you closer as he leads you towards the front yard. “It’s all good, baby. We can get in my car and I’ll turn on the heat for you. Would you like that?”
The idea that your butt is exposed still lingers in your mind, causing you to look over your shoulder until Jeonghan speaks to you so sweetly. “Mm, I’d like that. I like your car. It’s so pretty.” Leaning into Jeonghan, you smile as he starts to open the passenger’s side door, a smirk pulling at his lips before he guides you around to the driver’s side. “What—”
“Go on, baby. Sit down.”
Looking at the empty driver’s seat, you furrow your brows and let out a soft but awkward laugh before shaking your head. “I—why? I’ve been drinking and—”
“So have I. We’re fine; we didn’t have enough to matter. I wanna see you behind the wheel.” Urging you towards the car, Jeonghan bites his lip when you finally do slide into the leather seat. “You thought it was a pretty car before. Now it’s fuckin’ gorgeous with you sitting in it.” Hanging you the keys, Jeonghan laughs at the surprised look on your face before he moves around to the passenger’s side, closing the door hard. “You know how to drive, don’t you, baby doll?”
Your eyes move around the dashboard of the car before you meet Jeonghan’s eyes again, his hand guiding yours to the wheel before he takes the keys and starts the car himself. The loud purr of the engine brings you back to reality as you furrow your brows, adjusting the seat so you can reach the pedals and nodding to answer Jeonghan’s question before speaking. “Just don’t wanna fuck up your car, Han…”
His name, shortened on your lips, causes Jeonghan to take in a sharp breath. A pleased smirk takes the place of his grin as he nods along with you, reaching over to slide his hand along your thigh towards your knee. “I know, gorgeous. You won’t. ‘Sides, that’s half the fun. The rush of it, right?” Jeonghan’s eyes follow your hands as you slide them over the wheel before gripping it tightly and swallowing hard. “Drive it like you stole it, baby.”
You start to argue again, any reason you shouldn’t be behind the wheel on your lips, when Jeonghan squeezes your thigh and urges you to put the car in drive. You find yourself driving so carefully that your hands are sweaty as you grip the steering wheel too tightly and never take your eyes off the road. It isn’t until Jeonghan sighs your name and slides his hand back towards your knee that you glance over at him even briefly. “I don’t wanna go too fast and—”
“Told you to drive it like you stole it, baby. Let me help.” Putting pressure down on your knee, Jeonghan laughs under his breath when you whine his name, your foot pressing down harder on the gas. “There we go. Feel that engine, huh? She purrs so good you can feel it through your entire body, right?”
He wasn’t wrong, as the car picked up speed, the engine putting in more work, you could feel the rev of the engine running through you. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. “Oh my god!” Squealing softly, you ease your foot off the gas, hearing Jeonghan chuckle when you realize how fast you had been going. “You’re crazy, Yoon Jeonghan. What if I scratch your car?”
Leaning his head back against the headrest, Jeonghan grins at you and shrugs. “Just paint, baby. Turn up here. I wanna spend more time with you.” Easing his hand up more on your thigh again, Jeonghan watches you take a deep breath as you turn off the road and towards the lake. It had been a little bit since he had come out here with anyone, but you were just the right person to revisit one of his favorite spots with. Gesturing to a set of trees near the lake, Jeonghan lightly presses his fingers into your thigh and nods. “Good girl. Nice and quiet here, right? You still cold?”
You knew about this place; it was a local hangout spot—or rather, makeout spot—but you had never been there before with anyone else. Shyly shaking your head to answer Jeonghan’s question, you turn off the car and bite at your lips. “Not really. Wh—” Smiling softly, you look away from Jeonghan’s intense gaze, knowing the answer even before you get the question out fully. “What are we doing here?”
“Ah…” Looking out at the lake, the moon reflecting off its surface, Jeonghan doesn’t try to hide the slight grin on his lips. You were perfect—so innocent and sweet. Were you really asking that question expecting a genuine answer or were you playing hard to get? In the end it didn’t matter to Jeonghan. “Well, this is such a beautiful place. I wanna enjoy it together. Come on, baby.”
The breeze was possibly even chillier by the lake, but you found yourself following Jeonghan out of the car anyway as you tug his jacket tighter around you. He was right; it really was a beautiful place and you could see the appeal for every single reason people brought someone else here.
Resting against the hood of the car, you sigh softly, enjoying the silence. You could hear traffic off in the distance but somehow here it was overshadowed by the sound of the breeze moving the leaves, the frogs chirping in the lake, and a quiet hum of insects going about their night. “Pretty…”
Yes, you were. God, Jeonghan couldn’t take his eyes off of you. All you were doing was existing, and yet he felt like he was going to go insane. “Baby?” Watching you lift your brows, your head turning to face him, Jeonghan smiles when you do. “I wanna kiss you so damn bad. I’ve wanted to all night. Can I? That alright?”
It wasn’t like Jeonghan hadn’t kissed you before, but it felt different now with him asking. The look in his eye was different; it made you feel like you were melting into a puddle beside him. Nodding, you bite your bottom lip and let out a quiet laugh when he moves to stand in front of you, his hands sliding along your waist and down to your hips. You really wanted this—to be kissed by him, wanted by him. It was addictive to have Jeonghan look at you like this, as if you were the only girl in the world.
Moving one of his hands back up to your neck, Jeonghan smiles just a few centimeters from your lips, hearing you let out the sweetest whine. You wanted him; there was no doubt about it. It was empowering to hold such an innocent flower in his hands and try not to ruin it all at once. “So fuckin’ beautiful. Can’t believe you’re mine.” Jeonghan sighs into his words, brushing his lips against yours as he steps closer, pushing you up against the front of the car. “You are, right?”
You already felt breathless and all that had happened was Jeonghan’s lips touching yours. Holding on to his bicep tightly, you furrow your brows and whine his name. It seemed like such a silly question. You were with him, weren’t you? Whose else would you be? Nodding almost frantically, afraid that Jeonghan won’t kiss you, you let him help you slide back on the hood so he can step between your thighs, finally pressing his lips firmly against yours.
While Jeonghan would have preferred to hear you say it out loud, your actions were enough for now. It was warm standing between your legs, and your lips were soft—Jeonghan was in heaven. He could feel your soft moans going straight to his cock, and he wasn’t going to hide that from you. Groaning your name under his breath, Jeonghan pulls your hips closer to his, letting you feel him, hard in his jeans against your thinly covered pussy. “Fuck, the things you do to me, angel. Want you so bad…”
Gasping softly on Jeonghan’s lips, you close your eyes tightly, trying to stop the moan caught in your throat. One more rock of Jeonghan’s hips against yours has you not only clinging to him but also unable to stay as quiet as you’d like to. “I—shit. I’ve never—”
This was even better than Jeonghan had anticipated. You were hot to the touch, not only between your legs but also on your cheek under his thumb, but the best part about it was that you were just as innocent as you seemed. “Never? Fuck…” Resting his forehead against yours, Jeonghan slides his hands along your thighs, enjoying your reaction. You were covered in goosebumps again, and you weren’t telling him to stop. “Never done anything, baby doll?”
Shaking your head, you take in a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself down but fail when you let it out on an even shakier one. “I—no. I mean, I have done stuff. Just not—”
Jeonghan’s eyes widen slightly, as does his smirk at your response. You had him wrapped around your finger without even realizing it. “Yeah? What stuff?” Sliding his fingers under the end of your dress, Jeonghan grins when you whine his name, your cheeks burning even hotter. You were adorably embarrassed and it had his cock straining to be freed.
You close your eyes and cling to Jeonghan, afraid to answer while also being afraid not to answer. If you answered, would he be ashamed of you? If you didn’t answer, would he be upset? Gasping at the feeling of Jeonghan between your legs, you lean your head back and whine once more as his lips brush against your throat. “Just… You know the normal stuff. I—I haven’t dated much.”
Chuckling against your throat, Jeonghan nods alone with you before pulling back to look at you and how you avoid his eyes. “Normal stuff, huh? Why are you so shy to say it?” You were crumbling in his hands. Jeonghan knew he could and maybe should let it go at that, but you were too fucking adorable. “Touched a cock? Had your pussy played with? Hm? Or did it go further? Did someone get their mouth on these pretty tits? Did you let someone fuck your mouth?”
God, you were dying inside. Shaking your head, you practically sob Jeonghan’s name, feeling his thumb press over your nipple. You had never wanted to do much with anyone else, but Jeonghan made your stomach tighten with arousal in a way you hadn’t experienced before. “Just touched—ah! Jeonghan, please…” Meeting his eyes finally, you struggle to catch a full breath as his thumbnail drags across your nipple, causing it to harden under his touch. “Hannie…”
How could anyone resist you? How was Jeonghan supposed to be a gentleman when you were panting like a cat in heat and calling him Hannie? “Fuck, baby. I’ll give it to you. Lift your hips for me.”
Pushing your hips up and forward, you gasp at the feeling of air hitting your skin when Jeonghan carefully tugs your panties down to your thighs. The hood of the car is cold against your ass, making you want to keep your hips up, only for them to be guided back down onto the cold metal. “Hannie… it’s not comfortable.” You were visibly shivering now, but Jeonghan simply bit at his bottom lip, pocketing your panties.
“You can be a good girl, can’t you?”
Hadn’t you been doing that this entire time? Nodding quickly, you settle back on the cold hood before gasping under your breath when Jeonghan guides you to lie down. Warm lips ghost over your inner thigh and you lift your head only to whine once again when you see Jeonghan’s head between your legs.
One hand keeps your dress up at your stomach, as his other hand kneads into your hip, enjoying the way you were already trembling. “Shh, angel. God, you’re gorgeous…” Sliding his hand from your hip to the center of your legs, Jeonghan groans quietly, using his thumb to spread your soaked folds. “Wanna taste you so bad…”
It wasn’t a question from Jeonghan; you knew that, and yet you were still nodding and whining out yes so he knew it was okay. The first swipe of his tongue between your folds is jarring. This wasn’t something you had done before. You weren’t such a prude that you hadn’t seen porn, but seeing something you had watched on a screen happening to you was completely different. The warmth of Jeonghan’s tongue was intoxicating and every pass of it over your clit had you shifting your hips closer to his mouth.
You tasted just as good as Jeonghan thought you might. Your skin was soft and you were soaked, practically dripping on to his tongue. It was obvious to Jeonghan how much you wanted this—how much you needed this. “Shit, baby…” Shaking his head, Jeonghan marvels at you for a moment before burying his face back against you, his lips wrapped around your clit and sucked lightly.
The pressure that had been building up in your stomach becomes unbearable. Arching your back from the hood, you moan Jeonghan’s name and thread your fingers into his soft hair. It’s like a dam breaking the moment that your orgasm rips through you. You try to stay calm, but Jeonghan only becomes more feral, his groans vibrating through you, making you lose all control as he greedily laps at your cum. “Ah—oh my god! Jeong—Hannie!”
Feeling your thighs shaking on either side of his head, Jeonghan groans and nips at your soft folds before finally giving you a break. He didn’t want to move, but he also didn’t want to overstimulate you so much that you’d be in pain—though the thought was so tempting. You were already crying; it was almost impossible not to look at those streaks on your cheeks and not want to see more. “Fuckin’ perfect. Baby?” Now Jeonghan was whining, his lips skirting over your lower stomach, feeling you suck in a deep breath as you continue to shake. “Wanna be inside of you. I’m so damn hard. You’re killing me.”
If you had been nervous about Jeonghan’s mouth on you, this was another dimension completely. Swallowing hard, you meet Jeonghan’s eyes with nervous ones of your own. “What—what? Here? Like this?” Glancing around, you feel the wind blow against your skin as it moves through the trees above you. “What if someone—”
“They’d be so fuckin’ jealous they couldn’t have you.” Smirking against your skin as he leans to nip at your stomach, Jeonghan hums softly into his words. “We can get in the car, gorgeous. Is that better? Or—I mean if you don’t want me to love you—”
“No!” Panic rips through you when Jeonghan even threatens for a second not to love you, though you can’t separate the idea of him loving you from wanting to fuck you. You were his girl, and he was in pain. How could he not be, with his tight jeans holding his cock prisoner? “We can get in the car, Hannie.”
Offering you his hand, Jeonghan helps you slide from the hood as he glances around the lake, checking for anyone else around. Nothing but silence, at least for now. Resting his hip against the car, he grins at you, opening the door before letting the passenger seat fall forward so you can climb in before him. “Fuck—” Rubbing his hand over his lips as you have to lean over, your dress pulling up enough that he can see the swell of your ass, Jeonghan tilts his head and groans.
The leather seat of the car wasn’t much better than being outside, but the heat running through your body at how Jeonghan was staring at you made up the difference. Sliding to the other side of the car, you shyly wait for him to join you in the back of the car and for the door to shut. Your eyes stay fixed on him as he settles into the seat, near the middle. He was so calm in comparison to you and in some ways that made you feel better and yet in others it was making your heart beat out of your chest.
“Come here, baby…” Smoothing his hands over his thighs, Jeonghan waits for you to move. The moment you do, his hands are on your waist, guiding you over his thighs as he groans happily under you. “I’m so fuckin’ lucky. You know that, right? Not just that we are here and doing this… but that I have you at all.”
Feeling your heart tighten as you almost swoon over Jeonghan’s words, you pout as you rest your hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating steadily. You feel yourself start to calm down, the pressure of the moment lifting from you before you lean down to press a gentle kiss to his lips. You were still nervous, your body trembling occasionally, but it felt right. Jeonghan cared about you and he was the perfect person to take care of you when you felt so vulnerable.
Jeonghan groans gently against your lips, his own capturing yours, enjoying how soft and sweet you are. You felt perfect in his lap and he had been struggling to keep his hands to himself, but the moment you relaxed under his hands, he moved them, slipping your dress back up your stomach. “So pretty…” Muttering under his breath, Jeonghan watches you shrug his jacket off, leaving him with more access to your skin. With each new inch of it exposed to him, his fingers working your dress over your chest and finally over your head, Jeonghan feels his mouth watering.
You shiver once again when your clothes are on the floorboard. Lowering your lashes, you carefully tug at Jeonghan’s shirt, urging him to take it off. “Please?” It didn’t seem to take much to get Jeonghan moving. His hands carefully move yours, letting him tug his shirt over his head. He pats your thighs and watches you crawl back over to the seat as he pushes his jeans down with his boxers, all the while knowing your eyes were on him.
Jeonghan was perfect in almost every sense of the word. You had found him devastatingly handsome before, but undressed he was ethereal. He wasn’t like some of the guys at university. Jeonghan clearly worked out, but it wasn’t all muscle that told you that, but how fit he was in general. His abs were softer, but as you moved back into his lap, you could feel each ridge under your fingertips.
You had felt soft before, but with your skin against his, Jeonghan was struggling not to throw you down on the seat and bury his aching cock inside of you. Sliding his fingers along your ribcage, he groans when he feels your soft breasts against his thumbs. You weren’t some picture-perfect model and that’s what made you even more stunning. There were tiny scars and blemishes in various places on your skin, but seeing them and feeling them under his fingers made Jeonghan want to spend hours exploring you. “Move to your knees, doll…”
Keeping your legs on either side of Jeonghan’s, you whine a bit in distress when you feel his cock rest against your thigh. This was something you had never done before, though a few guys had tried to get this far with you. You had never felt ready before, but with Jeonghan, you just knew he would take care of you—he would be gentle.
“Such a good girl. You are so wet…” Again Jeonghan was speaking to you but not meaning for you to answer. He was transfixed on the feeling of you against him and the way you were leaking onto his fingers. Carefully easing the first finger in, Jeonghan groans into his words, finally meeting your eyes again when you gasp his name. “Fuck, you’re tight. I’ll be so good to you, I swear to god. Lean on me.”
Doing as you are told, you lean forward and rest your cheek against Jeonghan’s shoulder as he slips a second finger in beside the first. You had felt this before. Your first boyfriend had asked to touch you a few times, but even if the feeling was familiar—remembering his fingers or your own—nothing compared to how good Jeonghan was making it feel.
“My good girl. Push your hips back on my fingers. Just like that—” Swallowing the last of his words, Jeonghan leans his head back, feeling your lips press to the side of his neck. His fingers were slowly stretching you, almost begging you to be ready before he blew his load just from the feeling of your pussy around his fingers alone. “One more. Oh—” Groaning as you whine out a moan so sweet, he has to bite down on his lip before he’s finally able to speak, pushing his fingers into you deep. “Fuck, you sound perfect. Sucking my fingers right back in, aren’t you? Hmm… Is that how you’re gonna treat my cock too?”
You had never been good at dirty talk. You weren’t sure how to answer Jeonghan so instead you just moaned and pushed back on his fingers, enjoying the feeling and that bubbling pressure rebuilding in your stomach. You are right there, your orgasm teetering on the edge when Jeonghan groans into a chuckle and slips his fingers from you. “Wa—Hannie? Please?”
Brushing your hair back, Jeonghan coos at you with faux sympathy as he uses his other hand to line his cock up with your dripping entrance. “Please, what? Please, this?” Helping you slowly sit down over him, he watches with his lips parted in a silent groan as tears slip from your eyes and down your cheeks like before. You felt so fucking good around him and from the look on your face, you were enjoying it too.
Full—you felt so fucking full by the time that you sat down fully. Burying your face against Jeonghan’s neck, you whimper, feeling a stinging pain rush through you, but as quickly as you felt it, the sensation fades away. Tears were covering your cheeks. You felt overwhelmed by so many feelings but desire takes over most of them the moment that Jeonghan rocks his hips up towards yours.
You were clenching around him like a vise. Jeonghan had been with his share of girls. He had fucked a handful of what he had thought were tight pussies, but they didn’t compare to you. Nothing compared to fucking you for the first time—for your first time. You were so responsive. Every single thrust, no matter how shallow and gentle, had your thighs shaking like you were right on the edge of covering his cock with cum. “So, so good, baby. You feel good? Huh? You like it?”
Jeonghan’s praise makes you feel like you are floating. You want to be good for him. You want to be as good for him as he’s making you feel. Nodding, you whisper his name and roll your hips down over him, earning yourself a choked groan. With that groan, Jeonghan tightens his hands on your hips and thrusts up deep and hard. “Ah! I—oh my god, Hannie.”
You were ready for him to stop babying you if you were ready to try to fuck yourself on his cock. He’d give you exactly what you wanted. Shifting in the seat to put you on your back, Jeonghan rests his forehead against yours as he pushes his cock back into you and rocks his hips forward as far as he can go. It causes him to see white for a moment with how good you feel around him. You were so perfect, warm, and wet. It was taking everything in Jeonghan not to cum in you right now.
Scratching at Jeonghan’s biceps, you manage to get out a moan between breaths as he thrusts into you harder, deeper, and faster. Pushing your head back against the seat, you squeeze your eyes shut, causing more tears to flow back towards your temples when your orgasm rips through you.
All the patience that Jeonghan had dissolves when you cum for him. Groaning your name, he reaches up with one hand to hold on to the seat when you lift your hips upwards to meet his thrusts, causing him to fall over the edge with you. He is seconds away from cumming inside of you before Jeonghan manages to slip from you and his cum paints your lower stomach white and leaves you feeling sticky.
“Shit…” Collapsing onto you, Jeonghan smiles when you whine his name, obviously a bit uncomfortable between his weight and the feeling of cum on your skin. “Give me a minute, baby doll. Fuck, you about milked me dry.” Groaning as he pushes himself up, Jeonghan looks between the two of you with a smirk before leaning to open his center console to take out some napkins. It wasn’t perfect; he’d rather clean you up with a warm washcloth, but this would have to do.
Your eyes follow Jeonghan’s hand as he painstakingly works to clean your skin completely. The sticky feeling remains, but you find yourself not as grossed out once most of his cum is off you. Moving to sit up, you wince at the strain in your hips while Jeonghan quickly uses the rest of the napkins to clean himself up. You weren’t sure how to do this—the after part. Jeonghan seems to sense your discomfort and leans to pick up your dress, gesturing his head for you to lift your arms.
“You feel okay? I don’t want you to get too cold. Once we’re dressed I can start the car and get the heater going, alright?”
Nodding along with Jeonghan’s words, you smile softly, your bottom lip getting caught between your teeth as you sit back, letting him dress himself. “Can—you have my panties in your pocket, Hannie…”
Jeonghan simply grins, glancing towards you before picking up his jacket and offering it back to you. “I know where they are. They’re mine now. You don’t need them tonight, do you?”
Heat rushes through your cheeks as you smooth your dress down over your bare thighs, feeling a bit uncomfortable with your lower half so naked. You want to say you do need them; ask him again to give them back, but the lust-ridden look in his eyes has you giving in. “You can keep them.”
That was more like it. Jeonghan was sitting a little bit away from you now and he could still just about feel the heat on your cheeks. Biting at his bottom lip, he smirks before sliding out of the car and offering you his hand once again. Pulling you towards him once you are on your feet, Jeonghan chuckles softly against your lips before kissing you deeply, feeling you rest against him for strength. The look on your face when he pulls back makes everything worth it. You were his. He could say, ‘Let’s jump in the lake,’ and you’d go along willingly.
Settling back into the passenger seat, you let out a deep breath and close your legs tightly the moment that Jeonghan closes your door to move around to the other side. This wasn’t how you thought you’d feel after losing your V-card, but you weren’t complaining. Your heart was beating hard in your chest and every look at Jeonghan had you swooning. You were falling hard and fast, and him being your first was only helping you think that you were falling in love.
The drive to your dorm is mostly quiet. There are a lot of hushed giggles under the music from you as Jeonghan laces his fingers with yours and brings the back of your hand up to his lips. He was exactly what you wanted. He was so sweet and made you feel so warm. It isn’t until he pulls up to your building that you start to pout.
“Aw, gorgeous. Smile for me.” Pulling down on your bottom lip, Jeonghan grins when you do as he asks and give him a smile. “I’ll text you when I get home, baby. Don’t be sad. If I could stay here with you, you know I would.” Laughing into his smile when you whine his name, Jeonghan leans to kiss you again softly before speaking between kisses. “I’d curl right up in that bed with you and hold you all fuckin’ night. God…” His words seem to fail him when Jeonghan brushes his thumb over your cheek and stares at you like you are priceless. “I—fuck, I love you.”
The words make you feel like you are going to pass out. It’s too soon for him to say that to you—you know that logically, but it doesn’t stop your stomach and chest from tightening out of joy. Kissing Jeonghan slowly and sweetly, you hold tightly to his shirt and whimper before leaning back to meet his eyes. “I—” The words feel almost impossible, but Jeonghan tilts his head and you wouldn’t dare hurt him. “I love you too.”
His. The fucking boys you see every day should be here to hear you say that to him. He pictures Mingyu's idiot face hearing you say it and Jeonghan just grins brighter. “Shit, babe… You sure you wanna go back inside? I could bring you home with me instead…”
You didn’t want to go inside. You didn’t want to leave Jeonghan, but this was one of the last few days of “freedom” you had left and all you could picture were the books in your room. “I have to, Hannie. I have class in a couple days…”
Fuck classes and fuck this school. God, you were too perfect in every way and some of it was already annoying Jeonghan, but he wouldn’t let you see it. He wanted you to pick him over your stupid-ass homework, but he wouldn’t say that to you. You were too good of a girl not to finish your work. “Of course, doll. Get upstairs and wait for me to text. I want a goodnight from you so I can sleep.”
Nodding quickly, you kiss Jeonghan one more time before sliding out of the car. You find yourself looking back at him as many times as possible before the doors to the building shut, leaving him alone outside.
Jeonghan glares at the oppressive building and knocks his head back against the headrest. You had been out of his hand for less than two minutes and he was already feeling stir-crazy.
Jeonghan: morning gorgeous
Y/N: good morning hannie
That is how every day starts now. You smile at your phone, seeing a text from Jeonghan before you head off to class. Classes had been back in session for just over a week and you were already feeling the pressure of finals sneaking up on you. Jeonghan was a welcome distraction—or that was what you kept telling yourself.
Jeonghan: baby do you want me to pick you up for lunch?
You adored him—hell, you loved him—but you were trying to get used to someone texting you regularly throughout your busy day. Sometimes you would get to the text right away and other times you’d be in class and not notice the texts until it was evident Jeonghan was annoyed.
Jeonghan: guess not
Jeonghan: i can just get something by myself :(
Sighing at your phone, you adjust your bag on your shoulder as you leave your class and head towards another. There was a reason that you rarely went to parties during the year. You always overscheduled yourself with classes. You found yourself running from one side of the campus to the other in order to just make it on time. Now you were terrified to hurt Jeonghan’s feelings while also trying to stay on top of things.
Y/N: i’m sorry
Y/N: I was in class. next time. I promise babe
Now you were making promises you’d be hard-pressed to keep. Shoving your phone into your pocket just as it vibrates again, you whine and keep your eyes forward, walking faster in order to make it to your next class right on time. Sliding into the seat, you lean your head back as the professor shoots you a look before starting the conversation for the day.
Beside you, Mingyu’s brows lift at the state of you. Normally you were so well put together, but it seemed after break that you were constantly frazzled. Shifting to sit up and lean his forearms on the desk, he clears his throat quietly, getting your attention. The look on his face is clearly one of concern, asking, ‘Are you okay?’ without a single word.
“‘M fine…” You shake your head and turn your attention back to the front of the class as Mingyu settles in beside you, doing the same. You were fine. This was all fine. You were fighting the urge to check your phone, feeling it go off again. The vibration felt like a phone call; it was either that or Jeonghan was sending texts back-to-back too quickly.
“Y/N.”
Hearing your name come from the front of the room, you sit up more and hold your hand down on your pocket as the vibration finally stops. “Ye–yes, sir?”
Narrowing his eyes at you, your professor sighs and gestures down at the book on his desk. It was the same book that you had in front of you, but yours was still closed. “Could you please read the next section?”
Panic makes its way across your face as you look down at the front of the book, unsure where the next section is. You start to speak up and apologize when Mingyu pushes his book towards you and taps the paragraph.
Clearing your throat, you shift forward and muddle through the paragraph as best you can.
“In addition to simple alkynes with one triple bond, research is also being carried out on polyynes—linear carbon chains of alternating single and triple bands.” Hearing others in the room shift, a small laugh on each of their lips, you shake your head and try again. “Sorry… triple bonds.” Mingyu nods along with you, reading silently in his book in front of you as you try to continue. “Poly–polyynes with up to eight triple bonds are thought to be present in interstellar space, and evidence has been presented for the existence of carbyne, an allo—”
“Yes, thank you, Y/N. Let’s all make sure we have our books open to the correct section. Chapter 9, Section 1: Naming Alkynes.”
Your head drops forward apologetically as you scoot Mingyu’s book back towards him and open your own book to the right place. You were always a good student. You had just had a rough start back from break. You would get through this just fine.
After an hour of following along in the book, you mutter thank you along with the rest of the class as your professor wraps up the day. Now you could check your phone. The stress of the moment was off your shoulders and you could take a deep breath.
[2 missed calls from Jeonghan]
Jeonghan: :(
Jeonghan: it’s not like you to avoid my calls
Jeonghan: are you mad at me?
“Seems like someone was trying to get in touch with you pretty badly. Everything alright?” Mingyu wasn’t trying to snoop, but you were sitting right there pouting at your phone. “Are you alright, Y/N? You seem dis—”
“I’m okay. Swear. Just a little out of it today.” Sliding from your chair, you pack up your things and smile at Mingyu trying to convince him as much as yourself. “I’m just tired.”
That sounded about right. You looked exhausted; it was a little unnerving compared to how you were before break had started. “Alright, cool. Just checking.” Following behind you, Mingyu catches up enough to walk beside you as you look at your phone again, typing out a quick message. “So… There’s a party thi—”
“Uh, no. I mean, no thanks.” Gesturing at your bag, you fake another smile and let it fade into a small pout. “You know I don’t really do the party thing. Classes are kicking my ass, Mingyu.”
Your phone was vibrating again and it had Mingyu curious if it was the same person. “You gonna take that?” Watching you turn your phone over, he sees Jeonghan’s name and fights the urge to roll his eyes. “He’s persistent, isn’t he? He knows you’re in class, right?”
Managing one last strained smile, you nod and flip open your phone, putting it to your ear. “Hannie—”
“I’m waiting for you near the sidewalk. I’ll take you back to your dorm.”
At his words, you look towards the parking lot, furrowing your brows when you do see Jeonghan’s car idling. “Oh! I—well, okay. I could have walked ba—”
“Come on, baby doll. Or are you too busy for your boyfriend?” Jeonghan couldn’t make out your expression from where he was, but what he could see was that tall idiot from the party lingering near you. It had his blood boiling as you so clearly smiled at him before turning in the direction of where you were asked to go.
“Later, Y/N! Let me know if you change your mind about the party.”
Cringing, you wave back at Mingyu before putting your head down and picking up your pace to make it to Jeonghan’s car just as he hangs up his phone. You force another deep breath before opening the door and sliding into the leather seat, your bag resting between your feet on the floorboard. “Hi, Hannie. Sorry I didn’t ans—”
“What party? The fuck was he talking about?” Jeonghan’s eyes weren’t on you; they were still on Mingyu as he grinned and laughed with his friends in front of the building. “You know, first you don’t answer my phone calls. I don’t know if you are even alive and then—” Gesturing back towards Mingyu so you look at him only to watch you wince and look down at your hands. “Then you are lookin’ awfully cozy with that punk. Did he ask you out?”
Panic was once again rippling through your veins with every hard beat of your heart. “No! Hannie… he’s just my friend. I told him I wasn’t going to any parties; that’s seriously all that—”
“And you think I believe that shit? Look at him, Y/N.” When you don’t look back towards Mingyu, Jeonghan holds your chin firmly and turns your head for you. “He’s probably telling all his little friends how easy you are. He’s making us both look like idiots, baby.”
You could see how Mingyu was laughing at something someone else said. As if feeling your eyes on him, he looks towards the car and lifts his hand to wave at you, not getting the same response back. “‘M not easy. I—he’s not—” Tears were sitting on the rims of your eyes as Jeonghan scoffed at you and pulled his hand away almost harshly, like he couldn’t stand touching you anymore. “‘M sorry, Hannie! I didn’t mean to make him think I’d do anything with him. I just—I only wanna do things with you.”
It wasn’t like the sound of you crying didn’t affect Jeonghan; it just did it in a way that you probably wouldn’t expect. Lifting his brows, he watches the first tear roll down your cheek and lets you sit in your shame for a moment longer before he tenderly lifts your head back up. “I know, Angel. Just—” Hissing out a breath, Jeonghan caresses your cheek as you blink away your tears, still muttering that you are sorry. “I just missed you, that’s all, and then that punk.” Looking past you towards Mingyu, he smirks at the other man. For a moment he isn’t sure that Mingyu sees it, but then Mingyu’s expression changes into something darker—something similar to anger.
“I’m really sorry. I won’t miss your calls like that again and I—” Swallowing your sob, you look up just as Jeonghan’s eyes find your face again. “I promise I won’t let Mingyu think that I’m—” You weren’t even sure how to say what Jeonghan wanted to hear.
“Baby, you’ll tell him to fuck off. Tell him that you have a boyfriend.” Lowering his head to meet your gaze, Jeonghan nods along with you before wiping away more of your tears. “Don’t cry, gorgeous. Gonna make me feel bad—”
Shaking your head quickly, you turn your face towards Jeonghan’s palm, brushing your lips over it. You couldn’t stand the idea that he felt bad over something you did wrong. “No… I’m sorry. I’ll stop; I’m just—” Closing your eyes tightly, you force back your tears and nod. “I was stupid. Won’t let that happen again. I love you so much.”
Cooing softly at your words, Jeonghan leans forward to brush his lips against yours, tasting the salty tears on your lips. “I know, angel. I love you too. I love you more than anything.” You were crying again, fresh tears slipping down your cheeks but Jeonghan knew it was out of relief. He wasn’t breaking up with you. Why would he when you were so perfect? “Let’s get you home…”
“Y/N!” Rushing back from the bathroom to tug on her shoes, Megan sighs at the sight of you sleeping on top of your books at your desk again. Shaking you gently, she waits for you to look up at her confused before she even says your name again. You looked like shit. You were exhausted and she knew for a fact that you were behind on your homework. “I—fuck. Have you ate?”
Trying to remember what you had done today, you shake your head and turn your attention back to your books before gasping as you pick up your phone. Jeonghan had called and you had missed it. You were so fucking stupid. You had tried so hard to stay awake and answer every call or text, all while doing your late work, but your body had other plans.
“Jesus, Y/N. It’s just a phone call. He can deal.” Megan moves to close one of your books, hoping you will pay attention to her, but you whine at your phone, quickly typing out a text. “I’m—look, I’m headed to dance. Don’t you have the networking club meeting like—” Looking at the time on her watch, Megan sighs at you. “Now?”
Normally you’d fuss at Megan for messing with your textbooks or anything on your desk, but right now you couldn’t care less. You had made Jeonghan upset again. God, could you do a single fucking thing right? “Uh—no. No, I’m not in networking anymore. They—” Sighing as Megan pushes your phone down to make you look at her, you continue. “I was asked to step down as president. So if I’m not doing that anymore, why the fuck should I go?”
This was the second club that you had been demoted in and then quit. Megan had never really understood your need to be the best, but now it didn’t seem like you cared either. “Okay… so what are you doing? You need to eat something, and— fuck!” Taking your phone out of your hand when you stop listening in place of reading the text back from Jeonghan, Megan feels her blood pressure rising. “I think you should tell Jeonghan that you need some space.”
Megan’s words feel like a dagger being stabbed into your chest, but it’s even worse when she holds your phone above her head to keep it from you. “Stop! No, I’m not telling him anything stupid like that. Give me my phone back!” She only manages to keep your phone from you for a moment longer. You get to your feet and jerk it from her hand, causing her to stare at you like you are a different person.
“He’s—Y/N, baby… You are tired all the time and always staring at your phone. I’m worri—”
“Shut up, Megan! I’m fine and he’s perfect. Are you just that jealous?”
That was enough to get Megan to react in a way that she had been trying to avoid. You had snapped at her more than once in the past week and over the month you had become unbearable. “You’re not fine and I’m not fucking jealous!” Staying close to you, Megan narrows her eyes at you and shakes her head. ”I don’t even know who you are right now. He’s too much. He’s intense and always keeps you on a leash. Y/N! Be serious… you know this isn’t right. If you don’t say something to him about how tired you are and how stressed you are, I fucking will!”
Pushing Megan back, watching her eyes widen in surprise, you scream out of frustration and fear. “No! You won’t even talk to him.” Your head was busting and your heart was in your throat from anxiety. “Don’t fuck this up for me! Just leave me the hell alone!”
Megan wants to say something, to pull you back down but the look in your eyes tells her she wouldn’t be able to. You were too far gone. “Y/N…” Her words come out more like a whisper as you push past her, tears running down your cheeks. She hated seeing you like this. You were her best friend and she felt responsible for how different your life was now. She had been the one to push the idea of talking to Jeonghan and dating him, and now she’d give up anything to go back to that day in the mall and avoid him.
Words start to form on Megan’s lips when you suddenly suck back your tears and open your cellphone, putting on a happy voice. “Hi, baby! I miss you too. So so much…” Megan watches you grab your jacket and open the door with a happy gasp. “I’m coming down right now! No, no, of course I’m not too busy for you.”
Looking over the paperwork on your desk, Megan rolls her eyes at your lie as the door shuts. You had at least three unfinished projects on your desk, but clearly your priorities were elsewhere now.
It doesn’t take you long to jog down the steps and out the door to find Jeonghan waiting for you next to the sidewalk. He was like a breath of fresh air, just leaning against his car. You hadn’t realized just how much you missed him until he grinned at you, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head. Squealing happily, you wrap your arms around his neck and give in to his kiss as if it were the only thing keeping you alive in that moment.
“You too busy to hang out? I tried to call but—”
“‘M sorry, Hannie. I kinda fell asleep and—”
Jeonghan narrows his eyes, his hands sliding along your sides as you apologize. “At your desk? Baby doll… You need a break. Come on, let’s get you away from this hellhole and get your mind on something else, hmm?”
You know you should say no. You should go back upstairs and get back to work on one of the projects that you were neglecting, but instead you smile and slide into the car without question.
“Hannie—”
Licking your lips, you whine Jeonghan’s name as his lips move further down your body. Your fingers cling to the half-made bed under you. You hadn’t spent much time at Jeonghan’s apartment in the month that you had been dating him, but every time you did end up here, you ended up in his bed.
It wasn’t like you didn’t enjoy it. Jeonghan could make you breathless with a single kiss and his fingers left your body feeling like you were on fire. The only difference today was how exhausted you felt and you two had barely gotten started. At least he didn’t ask much from you—usually. You could lie in the middle of his bed and enjoy the feeling of him ravishing you. Normally you didn’t have to lift a finger, but it seemed that today Jeonghan had other plans.
Groaning your name quietly, Jeonghan sits back on his knee, his other foot planted on the floor as he pushes his jeans down with his boxers. He loved your eyes on him. You’d watch his every single move and it was like he could read your mind—see every dirty thought you were thinking. “Baby doll, come here. God, I want your mouth on my cock so fuckin’ bad.”
You’d give him anything if he’d keep looking at you like that. You’d do things you didn’t really enjoy for him to praise you like he was now. Closing your eyes, you brace yourself for the feeling of the tip of Jeonghan’s cock hitting the back of your mouth. He always got so close to your throat and loved the feeling of your choking on him.
“Shit—oh fuck. Good girl, just like that. God, you keep sucking my cock like that and I’ll cum down your throat.” Jeonghan could see the goosebumps that were spreading along your skin. He could read you like a book. You wanted him to cum, but he wasn’t doing it in your mouth. Why the fuck would he choose your mouth when he could have your perfect pussy? “Fu—fuck! That’s enough, baby. Jesus Christ, you are getting so good at that.”
The first time that you had tried to give Jeonghan head, he had to coach you through it. You were decent at it, but too timid. Now you knew how he liked it: wet and sloppy. Jeonghan’s dreams were plastered with spit and cum covering your pretty mouth as the mess started to run down your chin and throat. Patting your thigh, Jeonghan runs his other hand through his hair as he helps you get into the position he wants you in. He’d fuck you in any position, but there was something special about having you on your knees in front of him, your face against the bed.
“Ah—don’t tease me, Hannie.” Whining under your breath, you scratch at the comforter under you when Jeonghan nudges his cock against your clit. This was a position you had been in for hours at a time. Jeonghan loved to tease and you were almost always at his will, but in this position even more so.
Smirking, Jeonghan taps your clit one more time before adjusting his cock and easing into your welcoming hole. There was nothing in the entire world like this. Your warm, wet walls hugged him and pulled him in closer every single time. Your hips were already covered in fading bruises, but that didn’t stop Jeonghan from digging his fingers into your skin and pulling you back hard against him as he thrusts forward with a groan. “You’ve wanted this all damn day, haven’t you, angel?”
There was no point in lying to Jeonghan; it was easier to just nod and moan as he filled you completely. Perhaps you hadn’t been thinking about getting fucked while you were at your dorm earlier, but did it matter now? You couldn’t think of a single reason why it would as the trusts got faster and harder. You had started to like this—the way that Jeonghan could render you speechless and dumb. There was no real expectation in his bed other than to make him feel good, but he did the same for you every single time. “Han—Hannie! There!”
Your broken whines were almost as good as feeling you tighten around his cock. He knew what he was doing. He could and did play you like a fine-tuned instrument. He knew what made you tick and more importantly, he knew how to make you cum. Jeonghan had spent many a night with you learning every inch of it. He found out exactly how to curl his fingers to make you scream and squirt on his hand. He had almost died of desire, learning how hard he could fuck you before your legs would start shaking. “Yeah? That the spot, doll? You gonna cum on my cock like a good slut?”
Closing your eyes tighter, you turn your face towards the bed before you shake your head. You didn’t like that part of this. Jeonghan liked to degrade you and call you names like slut, whore, and sometimes things that seemed even meaner. You knew he didn’t mean it. This was just part of sex with him, but it never failed to make your stomach tighten with how bad it made you feel in the instant it came out of his mouth.
“No? So you don’t wanna cum?” Jeonghan tsks before bringing his palm down hard over your right ass cheek, feeling you tense under him. “That’s fine, little slut, I’ll use you then. Remind you that you’re mine.” Smirking once again, he groans your name when he feels you tightening around him. “Fuck—and maybe if you are lucky, I’ll let you cum for me.”
You couldn’t stop yourself from begging. You were so close that it was almost painful. It was less of a want to cum and more of a need to. “Pl—please! Jeonghan…” Tears had begun to soak the bedding under you as you sob out of frustration when he slows his thrusts with a laugh. You push yourself back on him only to get spanked again, causing you to give him what he wanted to begin with. “Ah! I am! I’m a slut.” Speaking through whines, you plead with him. “Please let me cum. Please, baby. Need it so bad. I’m yours!”
Truer words had never come out of your mouth. “That’s fuckin’ right you are. All of you is mine. Your pussy, this ass, your pretty tits…” Biting at his bottom lip, Jeonghan holds back a groan as he thrusts into you hard once again, making sure he angles himself just right this time. “This cum is mine, huh?”
You try to nod, but with one more low, deep thrust of his cock, you fall flat on the bed. You felt exhausted; your legs were weak and shaking uncontrollably as Jeonghan laughed your name under his breath. This wasn’t stopping him from finishing; it was incredibly hot to feel how tight you were with your legs together between his as he pounded into your tight hole.
“Good fuckin’ girl! Take it, baby…”
Every time that Jeonghan came inside of you, it made your brain go fuzzy. He had fucked you well and left you full. It was like your body was finally satisfied and gave your brain the right to cut off completely. Catching your breath, you only furrow your brows when Jeonghan slips from you and slides off the bed. You could feel the pain in your chest of wanting to be held, but Jeonghan had a ritual after sex that you were starting to get used to.
He would go to the bathroom and get himself cleaned up before finally coming back to you and collapsing on the bed next to you. Tonight wasn’t the exception. You didn’t have any real expectations, but it didn’t stop the lonely feeling that washed over you when you’d finally slide out of bed yourself and make your own way to the bathroom.
“Baby, when you come back, bring me a bottle of water.”
Stopping in your tracks, you glance back at the bed and furrow your brows as Jeonghan smiles at you, causing your heart to tighten. God, you loved him. You loved him as much as you hated the feeling in the pit of your stomach. Forcing a smile, you nod and turn into the bathroom to take care of yourself.
Jeonghan is half asleep when you finally come back. He could tell you had taken a shower because you smelled like the shampoo that he had bought for you to keep at his place. There was so much he had done for you recently and yet it wasn’t enough. He could move the fucking world for you and still not get everything he wanted. “Mmm, c‘mere, baby doll.”
Taking the bottle of water from you, Jeonghan tosses it to the side before pulling you into his arms and pressing his lips to yours. You had put back on clothes; granted, they weren’t the ones you had come here in. You had changed into one of Jeonghan’s old shirts. He loved when you’d wear his clothes. His shirts would always end at the swell of your ass, giving him access to your skin. Squeezing gently at the fullest part of your thigh, Jeonghan laughs under his breath when you whimper into his mouth. “Sorry. You drive me crazy. You know that?”
You try to smile, simply nodding when Jeonghan’s fingers brush over your cheek and his brows furrow. Turning your head in his hand to avoid his eyes, you mutter his name under your breath. Your cheeks were wet with tears and Jeonghan’s mind was racing. You had seemed fine before the shower. He had fucked you good, just like he promised and yet here you were crying and hiding it from him.
“Y/N… Baby, stop moving your damn head away from me. What’s wrong?” This was one thing about you that annoyed Jeonghan. How could you seem fine just five minutes ago and now you are trying to hold back sobs? Sitting up, he tugs you with him and holds your chin between his fingers, making you look at him. You didn’t look like you were in pain, at least not physical and in his mind there was nothing that had happened to cause this. “What’s wrong?”
The shower had let you have too much time to yourself and your emotions were raging. You felt just as stupid as Jeonghan probably thought you were. God, why were you crying? The more you tried to figure it out and keep him from looking at you, the harder you cried. It took a few minutes of him coaxing the words out of you before you realized what was wrong. “I’m just—I’m so fucking tired, Jeonghan. I’m exhausted.”
Exasperated, Jeonghan sighs at your words, looking away from you. He knew you were tired. That was part of the issue he had with your fucking class schedule. Of course you were going to be tired when you were always sitting in front of some tight-ass professor who gave you too much work to do. “I know, angel. Hey…shhh. Stop cryin’. Come here.”
When Jeonghan shifts on the bed, you let him pull you with him and into his arms. Resting your cheek on his chest, you close your eyes tightly and try to do as you are told. It should be so easy to stop crying, and yet tears were still slipping down your cheeks and onto his skin. “”M sorry. I—fuck. I need to go home, Hannie. I have so much work that I still—”
“Fuck that. Baby, you are crying in my arms. You think for a second I’m letting you leave right now?” Shaking his head, he scoffs at the idea of you leaving. Where did you think you’d go anyways after dark? You’d get your ass handed to you by the administration and then your parents if you were caught out this late during the week. “You see, this is why I keep telling you to just move in with me. How much easier would it be on you? I’d take you to—”
“Hannie, you know I can’t. It’s not—you know it’s not that I wouldn’t like it.”
Biting his lip hard enough to almost break the skin, Jeonghan shakes his head at your excuses. It always went like this. He’d offer you something good and you’d refuse it. He could feel the frustration building its way to anger as you tried to speak between your tears again. “Fine, then get up.” He could see the surprise in your eyes, but this was what you wanted, wasn’t it? “Don’t look at me like that. You’re ungrateful, Y/N. All the shit I do for you—” Sliding from you to pick up his boxers and pants, Jeonghan scoffs out a breath into his words. “Up, Y/N. Get dressed. You can’t go back to your dorm dressed like that.”
You were moving slowly and Jeonghan could hear the pitiful whimpers as you kept your face down from him. He wasn’t going to let you trick him into being nice again right now. “I’ll wait for you downstairs. Once you decide to get your ass moving.”
Jeonghan was pissed at you—you knew that. Even though you didn’t think it was fair for him to get upset over something like this, the shame that you felt for making him this angry was almost debilitating. He was right; you were so ungrateful. He had made you feel so good and held you while you cried; now you were getting what you deserved as you shuffled around the empty room putting on your clothes.
Leaning against his car, Jeonghan inhales deeply, causing the end of his cigarette to burn brighter in the dark. He didn’t even like to smoke but since he had started dating you, it had become a more frequent habit. Why the fuck couldn’t you just do something that made sense? How easy would it be on you and him if you lived with him instead of on that stupid-ass campus? He wouldn’t have to worry about you getting hurt, you wouldn’t cry nearly as much, and there would be less opportunity for that prick Kim Mingyu to see you. Jeonghan wasn’t an idiot. He knew that Mingyu was still keeping his eyes on you and it pissed him off more than your mood swings.
With your arms tightly wrapped around yourself, you sniff back the last of your tears as you move towards Jeonghan’s car and the smell of smoke. It was just dark enough that you would have to actively work to see every feature of what was around you, but when Jeonghan took another drag from his cigarette, you could see the annoyance written on his face.
He doesn’t speak to you at first; he just opens the passenger’s side door and turns his head away from you to blow out the smoke. There is a moment's pause before he sighs under his breath and closes the door hard, causing you to tense up as you wait for him to make his way around to the other side and slide behind the wheel.
You want to speak. You want to apologize to Jeonghan but it’s hard to find your words when every time you look at him, he looks angry and heartbroken. You had done that—again. You were good at this. You were good at ruining something good.
Jeonghan knew he didn’t have to speak to you. There was enough happening in the car that his words weren’t needed to get his point across. He could hear your soft sobs. He could see the way your body was shaking as you tried to hide each time you wiped the tears off your cheeks. It was heartbreaking as much as it was frustrating.
Finally sighing once again, Jeonghan takes the final turn towards your dorm before he looks at you more fully and slides his hand along your leg to catch your hand. Your sleeves were wet, but instead of letting that annoy him more, Jeonghan furrows his brows out of concern. “Enough, baby. I—god, you just—you’re breaking my fuckin’ heart. I—I’m trying to do what you want. You said you couldn’t stay with me so I’m bringing you home…”
Though you knew that wasn’t exactly how this had happened, you find yourself pouting into a nod as you link your fingers with Jeonghan. You were so happy to have his hand back on yours. You had felt punished and raw until he tightened his hand on yours. “I’m sorry. I—I’m so fucking stupid, Hannie. I know it’s my faul—”
“It’s mine too. I pushed too hard. I just want what's best for you. You know that, don’t ya?” Watching you nod, Jeonghan pulls up next to the sidewalk and leans his head back on the headrest to look at you better. “I’m sorry, angel. I just—I got so damn mad because I love you so much. You get that, don’t you? You don’t even realize how painful it is to be away from you.”
Jeonghan’s words are pretty and soothe you at the same time as making you feel horrible. You hated the idea of him missing you so much that it caused him pain. You understood the feeling more than he seemed to realize. “No, I know, Hannie. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” Sniffing back more tears, you turn in your seat and lift his hand in yours to your lips, kissing his knuckles gently between words. “I’d move in with you if I could. I’d love it so much, but—” There was always a but and the moment you say it, Jeonghan’s fingers strain against yours, causing you to panic. “Please! You know my parents would kill me! Try to understand…”
Relaxing his hand in yours, Jeonghan sighs, though his jaw tightens. More excuses, but at least this time he knew you were right. The conversation had come up several times already and he had even been in the room when you had called your mom to broach the idea. He had heard her screaming at you and felt the anger rising in him as he did everything he could not to snap. “I know. I–I fuckin’ hate it, but I understand it. Don’t mean I gotta like it.”
Frantically trying to keep him calm, you nod along with him and kiss his knuckles again as fresh tears slip down your cheeks. “I know, Hannie. I don’t like it either. I’ll try to talk to her again about it, I promise.”
It was colder tonight. You were dressed to the nines and Mingyu knew he shouldn’t be looking, but it was hard when you were standing there looking so lost. “You lose your keys?” Watching you jump, having been lost in thought, Mingyu grins when he meets your eyes, seeing you slowly relax.
“No, I—no.” Laughing softly, you shake your head and turn your attention back towards the parking lot, scanning it for Jeonghan’s car. You wished he would hurry. Mingyu wasn’t the first guy to talk to you tonight, but at least you felt more at ease with him nearby. “Just—I’m just waiting.”
That was obvious. Shaking his head as he lets out another sigh, Mingyu glances in the direction you are looking before settling back on you. “Yeah? You going to the party?” When you nod, he does the same, his smile becoming brighter. “Cool. I mean, I figured with the outfit and everything, but yeah—who knows. You might be waiting on a date or something.”
Those words cause your brows to furrow and for a strained laugh to slip between your lips. “I—I mean, yeah, I kinda am. I’m waiting for Jeonghan.”
Jeonghan. Trying to stop himself from rolling his eyes at his name, Mingyu leans his head back and nods. “Right, the boyfriend.”
What did that mean? Crossing your arms in front of you tighter, you turn slightly towards Mingyu and lift your hand from your arm in question.
“I—no, nothing. Don’t get me wrong. I was just hoping we could meet up at the party if you weren’t busy.”
“Clearly I am, Gyu. I—I’m waiting for—” Biting your cheek, you watch Mingyu’s brows furrow tighter as he listens to you carefully. “He’s my boyfriend. It—It’s serious—”
“I get it, Y/N. Sorry, I pushed.” Unable to stop himself from smiling at how ridiculous this all is, Mingyu lifts his hands up and laughs under his breath as you shake your head. How serious could it really be with some random townie with a piss-poor attitude? “I—you know I’m just gonna say it. I don’t like him. He looks at you like he owns you or something. It’s a little intense.”
Sighing, feeling exasperated by Mingyu’s words, you roll your eyes and turn away from him slightly. “You—you don’t even know him. Don’t be a jerk…”
Rolling his eyes in return, Mingyu runs his hand over his mouth, letting you have your way. There was clearly something you saw in Jeonghan that no one else did. He knew he wasn’t alone in being concerned for you, but he also wasn’t going to tell you what to do. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I am being an ass.”
You couldn’t tell fully if Mingyu meant what he said, but the look in his eyes seemed sincere enough and yet his apology made your stomach feel queasy. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too. For, you know, snapping at you.”
God, you really were too sweet for all this shit. Shaking his head, Mingyu waves off your apology before looking back out at the parking lot. “You don’t ever have to apologize to me for something like that. We’re cool, Y/N.”
It was times like this that Jeonghan wished he could read lips better. Tightening his hands on the steering wheel, he pushes his tongue against his cheek and narrows his eyes at the sight of Mingyu next to you. What makes it worse is the two of you smiling at each other as you talk about some bullshit. Jeonghan had been running late, but he had never expected to find you like this. His blood was boiling but he was going to keep himself in check for now.
Gesturing out in front of him, Mingyu’s smile fades as he points out Jeonghan’s car to you. He could feel the heat off the other man’s eyes even as your smile brightens and you move close to the edge of the sidewalk as the car pulls up next to you. “I’ll see you later, Y/N…”
You barely acknowledge Mingyu before pulling open the door and slipping into the seat next to Jeonghan. It had been a couple of days since you had the chance to see him in person. The sight of him was like a breath of fresh air until he looked at you with a tight smile and your heart sank into your stomach. “He—hi, Hannie. I missed you.”
Had you really missed him? Scoffing under his breath, Jeonghan leans his head back against the headrest and nods. “And I missed you. Let’s go.” He didn’t give you much more time to talk. He could sense the shift in your mood. Your shoulders were tighter, a little higher, as you chewed at your lips while he sped down the road, taking curves just a bit too fast.
“Hannie, are you okay?”
Rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses, Jeonghan only sighs at your words, keeping his eyes on the road and his hands on the wheel. If you were asking that question, you knew the answer. You weren’t as dumb as you pretended to be at times. You had to know what you had done wrong and he wasn’t going to justify that question with an answer—at least not yet.
You felt the tension rising so instead of pushing, you simply looked down at your phone in your hands and stopped talking. This had to be your fault. You had done something or said something without realizing it; Jeonghan was giving you time to figure it out. Getting so lost in your thoughts, you don’t realize that the two of you have parked until Jeonghan sighs again, bringing you back to reality.
“You coming or not?”
Furrowing your brows, you watch Jeonghan get out of the car and move towards the house only to stop and wait for you. Most times he would open your door and take your hand immediately, but apparently today was going to be different. Sliding from the seat, you carefully close the door before moving towards Jeonghan and his outstretched hand. If he was letting you hold his hand, he couldn’t be that upset with you, could he?
“Y/N!”
You smile, but it quickly fades at Jeonghan’s raised brow. You were happy to see your friends, but the grip tightening on your hand told you that you needed to stay right where you were. “Hi! Oh my god, you look so pretty.”
Jeonghan’s eyes were on a swivel as you greeted your friends at his side. He hated these people and how almost all of them looked at you. He had enjoyed it at first. Any attention you got made me proud to be the one on your hand, but now he was starting to feel the tension rising in his throat. It was almost becoming too much; one more hug and he was going to lose it—but to his luck, you excuse them both in search of drinks and a place to sit down.
Looking at the drink in your hand, Jeonghan sighs before bringing his drink to his lips and speaking between sips. “Don’t drink too much.”
You had never been much of a partier but Jeonghan knew that. He knew that you’d get drunk from one or more cups of alcohol, and he was good to keep an eye on you. Smiling, you nod, taking smaller sips, hoping to make him proud of you, yet his expression never changes. “Thanks for bringing me to the party today, babe.”
“Mm. We aren’t staying long so enjoy it while it lasts.”
The arrival of Mingyu doesn’t go unnoticed by many, but especially not by Jeonghan. The idiot was too well liked by all of these stupid-ass people and the moment he was seen, they called out his name in excitement. Of course he would show up. Jeonghan could feel his blood boiling as he remembered how Mingyu had smiled at you and how close he had been standing. He couldn’t keep his hands off something that wasn’t his—maybe he needed to be told.
Sliding from the seat next to you, Jeonghan squeezes your thigh and gives you a tight smile. “I’ll be right back.” He gestures to where you are sitting and nods. “Don’t move… So I can find you easily when I get back, alright?”
Confusion evident on your face, you just nod and settle down in your seat more. “Oh—okay, Hannie. I’ll be here.” Reaching out to take Jeonghan’s hand as he starts to turn away, you tilt your head and try to keep your voice low enough others might not hear. “Are—you sure you’re okay?”
Instead of answering you, Jeonghan just nods and leans down to brush his lips against yours, finally making you smile. “Stay put.” Not looking back, he lets your fingers trail from his as he heads in the direction of the bathrooms before taking a right out onto the patio, where he had seen Mingyu go a few minutes before.
Mingyu enjoyed parties. He was a university student and fairly popular; this was his realm but sometimes it was nice to get a break from the music and loud voices. Taking a deep breath, Mingyu lets the smoke slowly billow out from between his lips as he rests the hand with his cigarette on it on his knee. It was a pretty night. The stars were almost visible even with all the lights and it was just cool enough for him to enjoy the feeling of his hoodie wrapped around him. Besides the low sounds of muffled music coming from behind the patio door, Mingyu was draped in quiet until the door opened and closed behind him.
Jeonghan isn’t surprised when Mingyu doesn’t check to see who came out behind him. He was cocky and overly certain of himself. Leaving his hands in his jacket pocket, Jeonghan watches Mingyu for a few more seconds before letting out a low sigh into his words. “I need you to do something for me.”
Furrowing his brows at the familiar voice, Mingyu glances back as he moves the cigarette from his lips in surprise. He doesn’t necessarily mean to scoff, but that’s the sound that leaves his mouth when he lets out a breath of smoke. What could Yoon Jeonghan possibly need from him? Why the fuck was he even talking to him? It wasn’t a secret that neither man liked the other. “Yeah? What’s that?” Offering his pack of cigarettes towards Jeonghan, Mingyu waits for Jeonghan to move but when he doesn’t, he just sighs again. “Fine, I’ll keep ‘em then.”
So fucking sure of himself. Gritting his teeth to keep himself from losing his temper right away, Jeonghan stays where he is, watching Mingyu rest the cigarette between his lips and move to his feet so he can face him.
“What—”
“Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend.”
The words hang in the air for a moment before Mingyu can’t help but laugh. Was he serious? It didn’t seem too serious, or at least it hadn’t until the cigarette was knocked onto the ground and Mingyu felt the siding of the house against his back. Catching his breath, he meets Jeonghan’s eyes and his brows tighten with frustration and confusion. “Get the hell off’a me, man! I—I haven’t done anything with Y/N! She’s my friend—”
“She’s not and you’re a damn liar. You are always on her fuckin’ back.” Pushing Mingyu harder against the wall even as the larger man struggles to get out of this without a fight, Jeonghan glares at him. “Always trying to take something that doesn’t belong to you. Spoiled little prick…”
Mingyu wants to fight back. He could easily push Jeonghan off him and probably get in a punch or two before the older could react, but that wasn’t who he was. Mingyu had never been one to fight with his fists. He never lifted a hand in anger unless it was necessary, and the more that Jeonghan got in his face, the more it was beginning to feel necessary. The look in Jeonghan’s eyes was crazy — more than that, it looked dangerous. Mingyu finds himself becoming nervous not just for himself but for you. “I—”
“Shut the fuck up. I’m tired of hearing you speak, so just fuckin’ nod if you understand.” Nodding along with Mingyu, Jeonghan’s lips pull up slightly into a smirk as he pushes him back against the side of the house one more time and steps back. “Good boy. If I see you around her again, you’ll regret it. And that’s a promise.” He had gotten his point across. Mingyu looked small and scared; that was exactly how Jeonghan wanted him.
It had been around ten minutes since Jeonghan had left you, but you were still right where he had told you to stay. Pouting at your cup, most of the alcohol still in it, you consider downing the rest but remember what Jeonghan had told you. He would be disappointed in you if he came back to find you with an empty cup, knowing you had drank too fast again. So instead you sit still even as your friends say hi and try to pull you up to dance with them. You find reasons to decline: you are tired from classes, you are feeling too drunk, so many excuses…
“Your drink that interesting, angel?”
Jeonghan’s voice puts a smile on your face and seems to lighten your mood instantly. He had called you angel again. He seemed to be in such a better mood than he had before. You could smell a bit of smoke on him, but it didn’t matter as you moved to your feet and wrapped your arms around his neck, listening to him chuckle near your lips. “Missed you. Where did you go?”
This was his. You were his. Everything that was happening right now was exactly as it should be. Sliding his hands along your sides to your hips, Jeonghan closes the distance between his lips and yours with a satisfied hum. “Just to the bathroom. You finish your drink?”
When you shake your head no, Jeonghan just nods, taking your cup and putting it to your lips, tipping it back carefully. “It’s a party, baby doll. You can enjoy it. I know I can be an asshol—”
Licking your lips clean, you quickly shake your head and shift so you can kiss Jeonghan’s cheek, silencing him. “No way. You aren’t an asshole. You are just looking out for me.” You feel Jeonghan’s smile get wider at your words, his cheeks getting fuller under your lips before you pull back to take your cup and enjoy a larger sip. “Mm, I can enjoy this with you knowing you’ll keep me safe.”
That he would. Nothing or no one would ever do anything to you while Jeonghan was around. “Of course. I love you.”
Brightly smiling, you swoon at Jeonghan’s confession. You had heard him say it hundreds of times over the past couple of months, but it never stopped making you feel warm and safe. “I love you more.” Humming into your drink, you pout when you realize it's gone. “You want another drink too, Hannie?”
Jeonghan scans the room quickly and smiles at you, offering you his cup and letting you take care of him this time. There was less for him to worry about now. He hadn’t seen Mingyu since their little talk and you were hanging all over him. He could let you go to the kitchen alone while he settled back into his seat and took in the music.
Weaving through the crowd, you bite your bottom lip lightly when you finally make it to the kitchen. It was less crowded in here. The music was still loud and there were cups and snacks all over the counters, but somehow this room felt less stressful than the living room full of people. You fill your cup and Jeonghan’s before you start to turn back towards the living room only to stop in your tracks when Mingyu meets your eyes and quickly averts them down to his own cup.
“Hey, Mingyu! I was wondering if you were just kidding earlier or if you were really comin—”
“I’ll see you around, Y/N.”
Your eyes follow Mingyu as he turns out of the room and leaves, cutting you off. Maybe he was upset at how the conversation had gone before the party. You didn’t think it had been that serious, but perhaps you had really hurt his feelings. With a look of confusion and disappointment on your face, you move back through the sea of people to find Jeonghan.
Taking his drink, he smiles into the sip even as you look at your own drink, lost in thought. He had seen Mingyu rush away from you and the disappointment on your face. At least one person had learned where they belonged today.
“C‘mere, baby doll.” Patting his lap with his free hand, Jeonghan ushers you down to sit on his thighs before resting his chin on your shoulder, smiling next to your ear. “You having fun?”
You nod, but still can’t shake the uneasy feeling in your stomach as you scan the crowd, feeling completely out of place for the first time.
“We are just very disappointed, honey…”
This had become the weekly routine. You used to look forward to calls from your parents, your mother in particular but after your grades started to slip, you found yourself dreading the call.
“I know you are trying to enjoy university and the boyfriend…”
There it was. The real reason that your mom was in a bad mood. She hadn’t even met Jeonghan and she didn’t like him. It wasn’t fair. They should trust you and your judgment. You loved him and they should too.
“Stop it, Mom. It’s not even that big of a deal.” This was a conversation that looped over and over again. “I’m gonna pass.”
“Barely! You—dammit, Y/N. You were on the dean’s list. You were set to graduate top of your class. People are looking at you. Don’t you even want to be offered residency at a top hospital?”
You were listening, but you also knew this routine. You’d feel like shit and try to push yourself more at the beginning of the week, but then you’d be so exhausted that you’d end up collapsing. There had been too many days lately where you’d barely make it back to your bed after classes and spending time with Jeonghan. Some nights you’d find yourself crashing at his apartment and rushing to class the next day.
“I’m only saying this because I love you and I’m so truly concerned, honey. I think—we think that it would be best to let the boyfriend go.”
“What?” There had been hints at your parents wanting you to break up with Jeonghan, but your mother had never come right out and said it before. You hear her start to speak again, explaining her reasoning, but your heart sinks with your own words. “Stay the fuck out of my life! Seriously, Mom! I hate this shit!”
“Don’t raise your voice at me, Y/N Y/L/N!” Though the conversations had been tense, they had never reached this level before. It felt like more and more of your friendships and family relationships had become strained lately. All of them are pushing you away from Jeonghan and, at the same time, pushing you away from them. “He’s not worth ruining your life! I wasn’t going to say this but I think it’s time you heard it! Straighten up your life or you’re coming home. It’s not up for discussion, Y/N!”
Tears roll down your cheeks and you try to speak through sobs only to hear your mother scream at you more over the phone. When it becomes too much, you close your phone and hang up on her, trying to run away from your disappointment and pain.
You were crying. Even from where Mingyu was standing, he could tell. You looked defeated and maybe that was the reason he didn’t avoid you like he had started to. Glancing around for any signs of Jeonghan, Mingyu groans under his breath and lets his feet follow the concern digging into his heart. “Y/N? Are—hey, you okay?”
Turning your face from Mingyu, you feel more tension in your chest when he speaks to you. He had been avoiding you for weeks now. At first, after the party, you had given him a few days but then each time he had seen you during class or in the hallway, he would turn the other direction or find a seat further away from you. It was painful to have Megan be mad at you but she could only avoid you so much; Mingyu felt harsher. He had always been kind to you. He was like a bright part of your day during classes and his light had been ripped away from you.
Watching you try to walk past him, Mingyu groans under his breath again and reaches out to stop you, feeling you shrug your shoulder to get his hand off. “I… listen to me. I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay. You’re crying!”
You scoff and still avoid his eyes, though your words are harsh and full of your own pain. “Like you even care.”
Mingyu furrows his brows and shakes his head. Perhaps he deserved this a little bit, but he had only done what Jeonghan had told him to do. It didn’t seem fair for you to lash out at him when he was trying to respect you and heed Jeonghan’s threats. “Hey—that’s not… I do care! I’m not an asshole, Y/N.”
Scoffing again, you finally meet Mingyu’s eyes. “Could’a fooled me.”
You see the string snap in Mingyu even as you try to walk away again only to be pulled back by your wrist. “That’s not fair! I— dammit, Y/N. I— stop walking away.” Letting you jerk your hand from his, he sighs your name and stays still even as your eyes dig into him like daggers. “Something’s wrong with you. It’s been wrong for a while now and we both know what it is. It’s Jeonghan!”
Oh, so him too. Of course he’d be like this. He avoided you for weeks and now he’s got so much to say. Your heart pounds in your chest as you glare at him and shake your head. “No! He’s fine. He’s— he loves me and I love him. Why is everyone being like th—”
“He’s a possessive asshole, Y/N! You are so blinded by him you don’t see it.” Taking a step forward, Mingyu knows he should just let this go but someone needs to try to make you see it. “He threatened me and told me to leave you alone. He said I’d regret it! You think I wanna act like this? Be for real, Y/N and open your eyes.”
You start to speak, tears clouding your vision when you think back to the party and the moment that Mingyu had started avoiding you. Jeonghan’s behavior had changed so much from one moment to the next, but he’d never—
“Get in the fuckin’ car, Y/N!”
The sound of tires against pavement near you and Jeonghan’s angry voice make you stop and you both look towards the red Corvette idling next to you on the road. You didn’t know that Jeonghan was coming to visit, but then again, it wasn’t like he asked or told you. He just did. Ignoring Mingyu’s quiet pleas for you not to get into the car, you shrug his hand from your arm one more time before sliding into the seat and slamming the door.
Watching Mingyu in the rearview mirror, Jeonghan tightens his hands on the steering wheel hard, causing his knuckles to turn white. You were crying but he wasn’t in the mood to listen to it. “Stop whining…”
You try to suck back your tears, wrapping your arms around you, feeling Jeonghan’s anger radiating towards you from his seat. “I’m sorry. I’m trying. Mingyu was just—” You start and stop when Jeonghan scoffs under his breath. “I’m just trying to tell you what was happening, Jeonghan.”
“I know what was happening, Y/N! I’m not a fuckin’ moron.” Slamming on the brakes, Jeonghan puts the car into park and glares at you as you put your hand to your chest where your seatbelt caught you. “Why the fuck are you out here acting like a whore? Huh? Am I not good enough for you, Princess?”
Jeonghan sees more confusion spread across your face, but he doesn’t give you time to speak. There was still plenty he needed and wanted to say. “You get some cock from me and suddenly you’re a slut? Gonna take any from anyone?”
“No! What?! Hannie—”
“Don’t Hannie me.” Putting the car back into drive, Jeonghan slams his foot down on the gas even as you whine his name and hold tightly to the handle above the door.
“Stop. Please? I really didn’t do anything wrong.” Clearly that wasn’t what Jeonghan wanted to hear, as he takes a turn so fast that the tires squeal and make your stomach flip. “I’m scared, Jeonghan! I’m sorry! Please?!”
With another turn taken too sharply, Jeonghan scoffs under his breath and only speeds up. He knew he was frightening you, but not even your pleas for forgiveness were making a difference right now. It isn’t until you scream his name and tell him to let you out of the car that he seems to come back to his senses, letting off the gas.
“Wh—Y/N…”
“Don’t! Let me out!”
Panic starts to rise in Jeonghan as he pulls his car over to the side of the road and reaches out for your hands, only for you to pull them back. “Baby! I’m sorry! I just got so pissed off!”
That was an understatement and after most of what you had seen with Jeonghan and experienced, you would easily accept his apology. This time, however, your stomach was in your throat. You had felt true fear waiting for him to take one turn just a hair wrong and for the car to collide with something else. Everything you had heard from Megan, your mother, and Mingyu flashes through your mind in just a few seconds when you meet Jeonghan’s eyes, barely hearing him plead for your forgiveness.
“I’m an idiot! I don’t know what I was thinking! I just—I love you so fuckin’ much that it makes me a little crazy sometimes.” Trying to grab your hands again, Jeonghan feels tears prick at his eyes as you smack his away and reach for the door, pushing it open. “Where are you going? Baby, get back in the fuckin’ car! We are in the middle of nowhere! Least let me take you home…”
“No! I’m done, Jeonghan!” You were having a hard time believing yourself, but you managed enough conviction in your voice to get your point across and to see the realization move over Jeonghan’s face.
“No! What do you mean you’re done?!” Jeonghan watches in horror as you open your phone and put it to your ear, calling someone. You weren’t letting him take you home. You were refusing to get back in the car. Yes, he could get out and force you back in, but the realization of what he had just done sits on him like a pile of bricks. How had he let himself go that far? He could have killed you both because he was angry. “Baby! Who are you calling?”
Ignoring Jeonghan even as he gets out of the car, leaning over the top to plead with you more, you hold your phone tighter to your ear, feeling relief wash over you when you hear a confused “hello?” “I need help. Can you come get me?” Walking away from Jeonghan’s car, you hear your name frantically called behind you even as you try to ignore it.
“Yeah… Where are you? I’m leaving right now.” Mingyu could hear Jeonghan’s voice in the background and he sounded pissed. He had been terrified when you got into his car and watched the Corvette take off with reckless abandon. “Are you okay, Y/N? Do—should I call the police?”
Running his hands over his face, your name dies on Jeonghan’s tongue as you continue to walk away from him. He had done it this time. Maybe if he let you get some time to yourself, you’d realize how bad of a decision this was—but even as the thought occurred to him, he knew that wouldn’t happen. He had fucked up this time.
How truly fucked up he was didn’t hit him until he saw the black Impala pull up next to you and he watched you get into the passenger seat. He knew whose car that was and even though the man avoided his eyes, he knew you had called Kim Mingyu to come get you. This was worse than you breaking up with him. This was a stab to the gut as he watched Mingyu turn in the road and head back towards the university with you in tow.
When you wake up, you are almost afraid to look at your phone. Every single day had been like living in limbo since you had broken up with Jeonghan. You always had dozens of missed calls and even more text messages for you to ignore. You had read them at first; they always ranged from devastated to furious, but you never answered them. You had made a promise that you wouldn’t. It wasn’t just a promise to friends, but also one to yourself.
It had taken over a week for you to get rid of the instinct to run to Jeonghan to escape this painful feeling in your heart. You were broken, but you hadn’t realized how much until you were forcing yourself to stay away from him.
At first you slept even less than you had before. You cried yourself to sleep and then finally you started to sleep too much. The depression hit you like waves no matter who was by your side trying to help you through it. You had thought that you had pushed away everyone. That had been the first thought you had after coming home, that no one would want to be around you like they were before—but instead you found yourself surrounded with even more love and care.
“Y/N, babe… Let me block him. I know you don’t wanna do it, but I can—”
“Not yet.”
Megan had been your biggest supporter. You had gotten out of Mingyu’s car and fell right into her arms. She had spent days making sure you were eating and keeping yourself clean. Your mind had let you think that she hated you and wanted you to fail, but like Jeonghan’s many pretty words, that was also a lie.
“She’ll do it when she’s ready. Come on, try to sit up and eat.”
Mingyu had been right there too. You wouldn’t have blamed him if he had rid you from his life completely after everything had happened, but instead he stayed. He didn’t push for anything; he only offered. All you felt when you looked at him now was regret for how you had treated him and how you had let Jeonghan treat him—though he’d never accept your apology for it. He just reminded you how it wasn’t your fault and he’d never think it was.
It would take you a while to get past this. You still felt Jeonghan in your heart. You could still hear him tell you that he loved you—but as the days faded into one another, you started to question it more. Had he ever really loved you, or were you just a prize that he had wanted to keep?
Jay made the mistake of paying his best friend to date you, it was a big mistake. He only did it to get you away from a different man who wasn’t treating you right, and because he couldn’t do it himself. The fact that his best friend breaks the rules and decides to catch feelings drives him up a fucking wall. Why? Because Jake should know better than to go as far as sleeping with his girl, or rather...erm, his step-sister.
៸៸៸ sim jake x afab reader | park jongseong x afab reader
៸៸៸ minors dni
៸៸៸ wordcount: 30k
៸៸៸ genre: college break au, summer setting , smut, stepcest
៸៸៸ content tags: angst, smut, fluff, more dominant jay, inexperienced jake, infidelity(?), jealous and possessive behavior, risky sex, jay is mean, jake is a total loser posing as a dude who knows how to pick up girls. reader has hair that can be grabbed and pulled during smut scenes.
៸៸៸ !WARNINGS!: dub-con, step-cest, jay is a narcissist, manipulation, possessive behavior, use of degrading names such as: dumb, stupid, whore, and slut. i am not responsible for your inability to consume the right content for you.
៸៸៸ side characters: sunghoon as your ex boyfriend, heeseung as your ex boyfriend’s best friend
៸៸៸ a/n: thank u for 1k followers <3 lets just call this one a late new years gift and a thank u for indulging me! btw, this isn’t edited!
៸៸៸ nsfw tags under cut
៸៸៸ nsfw tags: jake is a boob guy, big dick jake, thick dick jay, degradation, finger fucking, doggy style, mating press, unprotected sex, hair pulling, pussy eating, crying, being pinned down, but also!!!, soft and passionate fucking, riding, marking out, blowjob/deepthroating
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Jay knew his dad was quick to love, but quick to marry wasn’t really something he was expecting. It took the span of a single semester for him to not only learn that his father had a new girlfriend, but that he was eloping with her, meaning, Jay would be coming home for the summer to an entirely different home life.
He knew nothing of this woman and barely even knew what her name was but it’s not that big of a deal to him, considering he’s out of the house anyway save for holidays and summer breaks. It’s not like he’s going to have to deal with it too often. Afterall, he’s an adult, and so is his father. If anything, the man deserves to feel some love after sending Jay away to one of the best colleges around. Why does it matter that the marriage happened so quickly?
It doesn’t.
It’s much the same for you, if not the exact same thought process on the way your mother calls you and dotes on her new husband as if she’s one of your best friends calling you after a hook-up. You’re even a bit excited to head home once finals are over to see your much-missed mother and her new husband.
Your mother is more detailed in her descriptions of the new life though. Her husband is tall, he’s handsome, he has money, he has a son with the highest GPA on his campus. You weren’t too inclined to process the information at the time though, considering she had called you dead in the middle of crunch time for finals.
All you know is, your mother is happy and you’re happy for her.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“Why the fuck are you here?” Jay asks upon returning home and walking through the front door.
The first thing he noted was that there is a girl sitting on his father’s couch, and she’s far too young to be his new wife. Upon her turning to face him, presumably to see who is walking into the house, he notes that it’s you.
“No fucking way.” You start, standing up and brushing off your legs of imaginary dust. “You’re the son my mom mentioned?”
Jay looks at you with a bit of shock unable to be hidden within his expression.
“I have a fucking sister? And it’s you, of all people?” Jay huffs in an annoyed way, ultimately because, what kind of shitty luck in life is he set up for?
The only reason this is his reaction is because, well, the two of you have history. Kind of. To him, at least, probably not to you.
He remembers the first time he ever saw you, bright eyed and bushy tailed during his freshman year on campus. He thought you were pretty, but it’s not like that thought would go anywhere further. It’s the fact that he found everyone beautiful on campus, solely because he knew he must have been surrounded by people as smart as he is, or perhaps as well off financially as his father is.
The day he decided that you’re really pretty was during a gen ed class that year. A class that he really could have done with his eyes closed if he’s being honest, but still, his eyes stayed open due to being paired with you for a simple single-class project. Where the two of you were to separate from the other pairs and come up with some sort of argument on a whim regarding a given topic.
You were great at arguing, even better than him perhaps.
And from that moment forward, he noticed you more and more through the semesters as you grew as students, despite only having one other class together during that time.
He noted during that single other class period he shared with you some year and a half into his educational journey that you were one of the only students who didn’t boast about their GPA, which led him to believe you’re probably a little bit dumber than the other students.
He also noted that you’d hang around the hockey team a lot as time went on, specifically Sunghoon and his friend Heeseung. Those two were rowdy, loud, and always threw the best parties. Or so he’s heard, it’s not like Jay ever showed up to them or anything. His GPA was far too important to not prioritize.
Eventually, he’d end up noting that you would always be all over Sunghoon. A clear indication that he should keep his eyes to himself, especially with the way Sunghoon would occasionally make eye contact with him after eying his presumed girlfriend for too long.
Dating Sunghoon though? Yeah, you’re probably a little more than a little bit dumb.
Still, it was just a little college crush that would never turn into anything further. He didn’t need more than the ability to glance at you from time to time and remember how well you argued in that first semester of college. After all, there are tons of other pretty girls on campus too, some that are also probably far more intelligent and not wasting their time on the meat-heads that barely keep their GPA up enough to attend the school.
That’s why he’s shocked to walk into his father’s house, happy to be home, to find none other than you sitting on that couch.
And now you’re standing up, facing him, and looking at him for probably the first time in several semesters. He’s actually a little shocked that you remember him at all.
“Did–” You pause, looking at him confused. “Did your dad not tell you?”
Jay slowly shakes his head, dropping his bag and slipping off his shoes.
“Probably didn’t think it was too important.” He finally says, shrugging and stretching his arms out above his head after the long drive.
“It’s pretty important, actually.” You laugh awkwardly, having just gotten to your new home yourself, waiting for your mother to come out of her shower. “This is fucking awkward.”
Jay nods and then walks past you.
“Hey wait, where are you going?” You ask, confused by the atmosphere in the room.
“To my room?” He says back in a sarcastic tone, internally conflicted over the fact that his father forced him into crush-hood with someone he is now related to by marriage.
Still, that’s something he will keep to himself. After all, it was just a small crush that never went away due to not having a reason to stop thinking you’re pretty.
He has a reason now, and he’s still happy to be home despite the awkwardness that’s now living beside him. If anything, he can fill his free time with his old friends rather than becoming friends with you. And he does, entering his room, locking it, and immediately sending a text to his long-time friend that he hasn’t seen since last summer.
Speaking of said long-time friend. Jake grew up down the street from Jay and as expected, chose to stay home with his family rather than travel for college. He loved them too much to leave them, plus the college here was good. Not as good as the one Jay goes to, but still a great accomplishment nonetheless.
Jake has a perfect GPA, a perfect family, perfect hair, and a very imperfect way of living up to his own accomplishments.
For instance, not going with Jay to university despite having a high chance of making it in. He didn’t even try, didn’t even fucking consider it. Jake is the type who is both entirely lost in the world and one hundred percent okay with it. He doesn’t know who he is, who he wants to be, or what to do about it outside of following the general rules of life.
Be born, learn to talk, learn to walk, go to school, go to college, work, die.
Still, he is Jay’s best friend, which is why he is the first person he texts upon returning home.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
The first dinner with your new family felt strange at best. You have a brother figure now, a father figure, and your mother is smiling for reasons that aren’t you or her new favorite show on tv. It’s both nice and insanely weird to experience sitting at a dinner table with more than just yourself.
Things were always casual with your mother. Dinner is whenever, eat wherever. But as you look at her, you see her trying to fill a role for the handsome man she’s now married to. You don’t dislike the guy but as her daughter, who she raised almost entirely on her own, you’re cautious about him.
And looking at Jay? It’s a little bit strange for you. He was so quiet on campus, which is a stark contrast to his loud and vibrant father. The two of them are still alike in some way when it comes to their ice cold stare that can’t be as icy as it appears.
You remember working with Jay maybe once or twice throughout your semesters, and he was very well spoken. To the point that it almost felt as if you were working directly with a professor rather than a college student. He was clean back then, and somewhat brooding in his own way. It still rings true today if you remind yourself of his attitude upon meeting you in the living room.
“Jongseong,” His father clears his throat with his son’s name, a smile forming as he places his cutlery to the side. “How did your finals go?”
Jay perks up at the ability to talk about himself and his accomplishments as he looks to your mother. He smiles at her, and you can’t help but think he’s putting on some sort of act. He never smiled too often when you did see him.
You snort.
“Jongseong?” You say, laughing at the way his father is so formal. “I thought your name was Jay?”
Jay was mid-sentence when you so rudely interrupted him and his shiny GPA, as he shot his head to you.
“Okay,” He says shortly. “What’s your GPA then?”
His father and your mother share a quick glance at each other, seemingly worried that the two of you appear to already be acting like siblings that do not get along.
“Pfft,” You snort, rolling your eyes. “My GPA is just fine, Jongseong.”
You’re just kidding around, but you can’t help but press when you note his, almost immediate, annoyance. Which to you is a bit too uptight if you’re being honest.
“So what is it then?” He glares, huffing out through his nose. “Because mine is a weighted 4.7.”
It’s the fact that you already hate that he’s challenging you. You had no idea that his GPA was so high already, revealing that he must take extra honors classes and advanced courses by this point. Probably making straight A’s in most of them, if not all of them.
You swallow around your spoon, your cheeky smirk falling almost instantly.
“Point taken.” You roll your eyes.
“What is your GPA?” He asks again with a smug smile.
“I told you, my GPA is fine.” You argue.
Jay thinks you must have fallen off of your ability to argue, because you’re really not putting up a fight like you did during that first semester.
“Doesn’t seem fine.” He laughs, grabbing his cup and glaring at you from over it. “Probably just hiding that you’re failing, just like that boyfriend of yours.”
You pause, actually mad now.
“Excuse me?” You stare at him, dropping your spoon and clenching your fist.
“Jongseong!” His father raises his voice at the family mishap, taking your mother’s hand on top of the table.
Both you and Jay shoot your heads to him.
“That is your sister, don’t be rude.” His father says in a booming voice, reminding Jay that he can’t be petty like this to you.
Despite wanting to. Mad that he still thinks you’re pretty even with the new discovery, even more mad that he enjoyed pushing your buttons just now.
What’s worse is the way he glances at you and sees you snicker at his scolding before flinching as if your mother kicked you from under the table.
He grimaces at the situation, at you, and then smiles at his father.
“Sorry,” He says, scratching his forehead before grabbing his cup again. “Would have been nice to know I was coming home to a sister though.”
His dad’s eyes widened before narrowing at his son, annoyed that his own flesh and blood is acting like such a child over this matter.
“Jongseong–” He warns, and then your mother is speaking up.
“Wait, you didn’t even tell him that I have a daughter?”
The apologetic look that takes over your new step-father’s face is interesting because, honestly, it is a weighted question. You’d like to know why he didn’t tell Jay too, then again, maybe it wasn’t intentional.
With that, you watch as Jay stands up and leaves the kitchen, leaving his plate there presumably for someone else to clean and can’t help but do the same.
You can see that familiar look of hurt on your mother’s face and feel it best that you sink away into your own room, which still needs to be set up and rearranged anyway.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
A week and a half since you’ve been to your new home, a week and a half of awkward family dinners, a week and a half of being shunned by your new step brother, and a week and a half of your boyfriend not texting you back.
Safe to say, this summer is starting off on the wrong foot for you and you’re already wanting it to be over so that you can at least focus on schoolwork, rather than the fact that it feels like everyone on this earth must hate you.
You sit in your room once again after an awkward dinner, hearing your mother and Jay’s father talk quietly in the living room about being in love or something, you’re not sure, you don’t really care.
At this point, being here rather than your mother’s old house just makes it worse. None of your friends are close enough to just up and visit you, Sunghoon certainly isn’t going to come un-bore you, and it appears that the only form of entertainment you can focus on is your own self-doubt at this moment.
Why not go hang out with Jay? At least pushing his buttons would be more fun than wallowing in boredom and self-pity. Surely it would be more fun, surely he’d probably have some fun too, since he seems so fond of pissing you off already.
Up you go, onto your socked feet as you head for the door and just across the hallway to his cracked door.
You don’t even knock before stepping inside as if it’s your own room.
You note that he jumps, startled at your presence. That split second of seeing him before, from behind, it seemed like he was quite focused on his pc, but his little surprised jump leads you to believe he was a bit too focused on it.
“Sup bro,” You smile, flopping down on his bed in a grand entrance. “Watching porn?”
Jay rolls his eyes, closing out his tabs because, well, he was gonna but hadn’t yet opened the website or closed his door.
“Why are you in my room?” He asks, not turning to face you yet.
“I’m bored.” You admit, eyes looking at how messy his bedroom is. Posters on the wall, clothes thrown all around, abandoned dumbbells lying in the corner.
If anything, you’re a little shocked that Jay is so messy. He appeared so clean cut and well-put together back before you were forced into close proximity with him, his room is a huge mismatch in your head right now. Like, wow, he has personality? His clothes aren’t all boring tones of white, beige, and gray? He likes music? Arguably pretty decent music if the posters are anything to go by.
“Your room is disgusting.”
“Then leave.”
You pause, sitting yourself up and staring at the back of his head.
“Why are you so fucking rude?” You ask, glaring a hole through the mess of hair on his head.
“Because you’re incapable of having an intelligent discussion and still try to talk to me.”
God, he’s so robotic when he speaks to you, it’s so disheartening. So emotionless, so boring.
“Jongseong.” You say, mostly to try and elicit some type of emotion out of him.
He swivels his chair around to look at you, just as annoyed as you expected him to be.
“Stop calling me that.” He warns, leaning forward and narrowing his eyes. “Why are you bothering me right now?”
You shrug, eyes looking up and around his cluttered room again before sighing.
“I’m bored,” You try to say nonchalantly. “And lonely now that my mom is too busy with your dad.”
Jay tilts his head at you in curiosity, almost seeming interested in your issues before smirking.
“Yeah, well,” He chuckles, turning back to his computer. “What makes you think I’m not busy?”
You stand to your feet, huffing in defeat.
“Listen,” You say, nearly tripping on a neglected shirt on the ground and grabbing his chair to force him to turn around. You see that it’s annoying him, which is great. “We should at least try to get along.”
Jay stays silent, looking past you and to his skewed bedroom door before sighing.
“So, I guess you’re not as stupid as you seem then?” He offers, looking up at you from his chair with a stupid smirk on his face. Seemingly proud of how much he intends to talk his shit at you. “Smartest thing i’ve ever heard you say.”
God, he’s so fucking annoying. Why does he act like that? So pompous with such an ego. Which is really pathetic when you think about it and all of the times you never once noticed him on campus. Sure, there were a few times that you did, but what gives him the right to act so high and mighty? No one even knows who he is save for the professors who deal with his constant ass kissing.
“It’s embarrassing for you to think that your high GPA is all that's worthy of a person. You’re so stuck up, you know that, Jongseong?” You argue immediately, backing away and sitting right back on his bed. “It’s no wonder you’re such an asshole, you should go get your dick sucked or something because this is ridiculous.”
Jay pauses.
“I’ve had my dick sucked plenty.” He laughs, because he’s not lying. “Still, sex doesn’t make me that dumb.”
The way he looks down on you is demeaning and offensive, if you’re being honest. And somehow, you’re shocked by those words, like entirely floored that he’d even say such a thing to you. You told him to get his dick sucked to loosen up that up-tight shitty personality, not because you wanted to fucking know that he’s not the virgin he parades around looking like.
Still, you’re floored that he’s focusing on that single aspect of your comment. Simmering on it, insulting you for having sex. Calling you cock-stupid basically.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“You think half the school doesn’t see you practically ride Sunghoon in the hallways?” He rolls his eyes.
“Maybe you’d have a brain in that little head of yours if you weren’t too busy letting him fuck it out of you.”
You lean back in disgust at him, reminding yourself that not even Sunghoon wants to talk to you right now. Sad that he’s almost right about it. Sunghoon does fuck you stupid, and you probably are fairly obvious about it considering there have been more times than you can count that he’s been just as hot and bothered mid-class day with you.
That doesn’t matter now though, considering he won’t fucking text you back.
“Well, maybe you’d feel better knowing that I’m about to break up with him.” You huff. “Again. So maybe then, you’ll stop basing my entire existence on the fact that I get fucked like any normal person.”
Jay stops for a moment, seemingly pleased with what you just said.
“Hmm,” He hums out, looking at you with a less annoyed gaze. “Maybe he hasn’t rendered you completely incompetent then.”
And with that, you’re done. You stand to your feet with a scoff and immediately head for his door. Only to bring Jay’s attention further to you. He presses your buttons on purpose, of course, but it’s fun for him. It’s not like you weren’t doing the same thing. He really thought you’d at least fight him a little more in this argument, and he finds himself confused as to why you’re actually offended.
Soft, gullible, and stupid?
“Wait, hold on.” Jay says, noting the way you stop. “What did he do?”
Of course he’s nosy, of course he wants the details, you think. And of course you’re going to stay and give them to him considering your mother is too wrapped up with someone else to hear about your relationship problems anyway.
“I don’t know.” You give in immediately, prancing back on his bed as if you’re in a girl’s room and hugging one of his pillows. Which, mind you, somehow smells good despite the room looking like it should smell like dried sweat and cum. You’re pleased with the aroma as you breathe in to continue. “He hasn’t texted me back since the last day of class, and I already know what that means.”
Jay leans forward in interest, for the first time listening to you rather than complaining about you. If anything, he’s invested in the break up solely because his past-self did find himself a little jealous that you wasted your time on such a man.
“What does it mean, then?” He asks.
“He’s probably with that girl he was with last summer.” You admit, voice cracking only a little bit. “He promised he wouldn’t but this would be the third time if it’s true.”
Jay was going to say something, but you cut him off.
“I broke up with him last summer too, and just a few days before the semester started he called me and begged for me to take him back. Something about how it won’t happen again this time, that he promises he will block her for good, and that he’s sorry.”
Man, you are dumb. Which is a shame, because even for someone like you he doesn’t think that’s very fair. He knew Sunghoon was an asshole by his appearance alone, but like, cheating? On someone that’s as hot as you? With a body like yours? Really?
“Huh.” He says, pinching the sides of his chin as he thinks.
“Last time, he didn’t even respond when I broke up with him. I was finally feeling better when he decided to come back.”
“Then, just don’t let him this time?”
You sit for a moment, thinking about if you’d have the ability to actually stay away from Sunghoon. He’s hot, and good fucking lord is he good at pleasuring you. Part of you was okay with the kind of, like, fling thing you had going on with him. The first two times he ignored you for someone else hurt, but you’re not hurting as much now.
You’re just annoyed now, because if Sunghoon would just be honest, maybe the two of you could work out something. How come he is rendered single during the summer but you’re not? After all, if you so much as mention another guy to him he gets mad. Hell, he even argued with Heeseung in front of you simply for hugging you around the waist rather than over the shoulders.
“You know,” You start, trying to come up with some sort of solution. “I always think I won’t, but he always says the right things to make me believe him, even just in the moment.” You pause to take a breath in. “Things are so good during the semester, then he’s just gone when we are away.”
Jay thinks hard about this, and even harder about the crush he had on you previously, knowing that it’s still there despite trying to pretend it isn't. Knowing that he’s glad you and Sunghoon are in this back and forth. He’s happy you’re going to leave him, and not entirely because he’s cheating on you.
It’s partially because he doesn’t want to have to look at you with him. As wrong as that is. It didn’t hurt too bad before he knew you. After all, you were just a pretty girl to look at. But now? Seeing you around the house? Knowing your daily routine? Forced to be close to you and loving it despite pretending he hates it?
It’s sad, really, that Jay immediately became more interested in you the moment he knew it was not only against the rules, but morally wrong. Still, ss dumb as you are, he knows he’d treat you right.
And you know, if he could, he would. He would try and swoop in considering he’s around you during your breaks and has the full ability to be there on campus as well, unlike Sunghoon. Never would either of you have to be apart from each other.
There are several issues with this though. Obviously. And he has to keep reminding himself each time he thinks about it. He doesn’t fucking see you as his step-sister. You’re still just that pretty girl with the pretty lips, who wastes her body on men who don’t want her. You’re not his type at all, and yet? You’re entirely the girl of his dreams.
Logically, he clearly isn’t your type either, if Sunghoon is anything to go by.
By marriage, he is now your brother. By marriage, he is now barred from openly glancing at you and your body. By fucking marriage, Jay is forced into a guilty mindset of wanting to disobey every moral direction in his head involving you.
The good news? By marriage, he is now obligated to protect you as your brother. So, is it really a taboo that he’s happy to see you think about leaving Sunghoon? Of course it isn’t.
And he’s gonna keep telling himself that.
“Then maybe, since you’re away from him and he’s out doing his thing, you should–” He internally panics for a second, knowing he’s talking too quickly to stop himself. “Maybe you should go out and have some fun too.”
He immediately regrets it upon saying it. Why the fuck would he insinuate you should go out and fuck more dudes who would probably treat you just like Sunghoon does? He has to think fast, and he has to think now.
You watch him, amazed by the fact that he isn’t arguing with you. He’s actually helping you, and offering some pretty solid advice.
“Like, I should just cheat on him?” You stare.
“Well, no. You’re breaking up with him, aren’t you?” He continues, tuning out to what you’re saying and tuning in to his head in order to figure out how to bar you from actually heeding the advice.
You take a moment before nodding, it’s not like this would be anything new to Sunghoon anyway.
“I’m sure you’ll meet someone here that’ll be better.” He finally adds to his advice, entirely half-assing it because you’d better not. Unless that person is him. “Perhaps you wouldn’t want Sunghoon back by the time fall semester starts.”
And with that confirmation, you smile at him.
“Aw,” You say snidely. “Look at us, getting along and shit.”
He stares forward, narrows his eyes just like before, and then turns back to his PC.
“Now get out.”
And for the first time, you don’t argue. Feeling a little better about joining his family now.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“A hundred dollars a month.” Jay emphasizes in a hushed tone to Jake. “Just hear me out, she’s hot.”
“Jay, that’s your sister.”
“Okay? Are you going to do it or not?”
“Make it two hundred.” Jake counters, leaning close and staring his best friend in the face. “I gotta say, it’s a little weird that you’re paying me to do this. I’m only just finding out you have a sister, dude.”
Jay keeps his face calm, trying to appear like this is simply to help out his lonely step sister. In reality, he’s doing this solely so he knows what is happening with your relationship status, and he is absolutely praying for Sunghoon’s downfall.
Plus, if he pays someone to date you, it makes up for the fact that he can’t give it a shot himself. Jake can easily get your focus off of Sunghoon for even just a little while, he’s sure of it and considering he’s his best friend, he knows Jake wont cross any boundaries and keep this to strictly business. After all, Jake can just break up with you by the time you’re over Sunghoon, and who will be there to comfort you?
Exactly. Jay will be there.
Essentially, your step-brother will have full control over your love life for a mere two hundred dollars a month.
All so you don’t go out and actually meet someone else. All so he doesn’t have the jealousy in the back of his brain nagging at him. All so he can, kind of, in his head, keep you to himself.
“Well, to be fair –” Jay offers to Jake, noting how long his hair has gotten. “I’m just finding out I have a step sister too. But listen, she’s got this asshole going back and forth with her and I can’t let him keep doing it.”
“So, what you’re saying is that, you’re paying me to get your sister’s mind off of him?” Jake raises a brow, stunned by the fact that he hasn’t seen Jay all year and this is the first thing they talk about upon meeting up again. “Why me?”
Jay smiles.
“You’re my best friend, anyone else would cross a boundary. Just date her ‘til she moves on or something, I don’t know. I don’t want to watch her be taken advantage of by someone like him.” He explains, as if he’s not trying to take advantage of the situation himself.
Jake nods, not really needing to think too much about how good of a deal this is.
“What makes you think I could pull her though? You just said that she’s hot. Since when can I pull hot girls?”
“Well, you probably can’t,” Jay laughs, “But you could probably play the part pretty well if you act like your GPA is garbage and like, i don’t know? Act cool? She seems to like the idiot edgy guys.”
Jay is pleased with the way Jake instantly accepts, and doesn’t focus on the fact any longer that he called his step sister hot, or at least, until he does.
“Okay. Act cool, maybe paint my nails–” Jake’s eyes light up. “Oh! Do you think she’s into, like, band guys? I can pull out your old guitar and say you’re teaching me to play so I can get bitches.”
Jay smacks him across the head for already acting about as dumb as you’d probably like, then actually considers the fact that it’s a great idea.
“Wait, yeah actually.” Jay smiles. “Would probably be best if she doesn’t know we are friends too. Use that as an excuse to come over and hangout and stuff.” He trails off momentarily before Jake speaks again.
“So, is she actually hot though?”
Jay freezes, because yeah. But he really can’t just say that again considering the circumstances. Plus, why the fuck should Jake care? He only said it before as a means to convince him to take the deal.
“You’ll like her.” He avoids saying anything else, ignoring the feeling in his gut that he knows Jake is going to be all over you the second he gets the chance. “Just–listen, there are rules involved in this.” Jay finally warns, tapping his wallet.
“Rules? Okay, go on.”
“For two hundred a month, take her out. Just dates. Talk to her and hang out with her, I don’t know.” He starts, waving his hands around as if he’s trying to think about what he’s saying, and ultimately, beating around the bush. He notes quite quickly though, how Jake looks at him as if he just stated the obvious.
“I mean, like, don’t fuck her. Don’t kiss her, don’t be weird.”
Because that, somehow, feels worse than knowing you’re already wasting your body on Sunghoon.
Jake tilts his head in confusion.
“How exactly are you going to pay me to date her and not act like I’m interested?” He asks, furrowing his brows. “What if she tries to kiss me? What if she tries to fuck me?”
Jay laughs, or snorts, really.
“Please.” He waves him off. “I doubt that will be an issue but if, for some insane reason it does come up– just tell her you’re saving yourself or something.”
And at the end of the day, Jake accepts the terms of the deal, not yet pocketing the money because Jay tells him that he needs to go home before you come home.
Why? Because he’s not looking the part. If you walk in and see this loser sitting in front of him, you’ll automatically know that Jake is a close friend of Jay’s. You need to not know that.
So, with that, Jake goes home with a plan to come over for “guitar lessons” the following day, at a time where Jay knows you’ll be home. And then? After the initial meeting, he will get his first payment.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
He knew it. Jay fucking knew you were a slut.
Jake didn’t even have to try that hard. Honestly, it’s almost pathetic to watch. If anyone on campus found out, if Sunghoon found out how you’re acting right now, he thinks your reputation would spiral straight into the gutter.
And while he shames you for unintentionally falling into the trap, he feels proud. Proud that his best friend is able to play a part so well.
Jake came over, dark hair unbrushed but somehow intentionally styled, flannel hanging off his shoulder, where a ratty black tank covered his chest underneath. Ripped jeans just tight enough to show off, just loose enough to make it look like he knows how to wear these kinds of clothes, and he wears them well. Nails painted, and it even appears that he intentionally chipped them.
Hell, he barely recognized his own best friend when he walked through the door.
“Holy shit.” Jay had said upon sizing him up. “What the fuck?”
And Jake just smiled at him, with the same loser-filled dopey grin as he always had before the two of them went to Jay’s room, made sure the door was open, and plugged in the guitar for maximum noise level.
After all, His father and your mother go on date nights like three times a week it seems. There’s plenty of time to be rowdy college kids if need be.
And the need is definitely here.
It wasn’t long by the time you came home, curious as to why you were hearing the sound of guitar strings being plucked terribly. When the fuck did Jay play a guitar? Arguably, if this is what he does when no one is home, maybe he’s a little more likable in the fact that his hobbies aren’t sitting around and jerking off while staring at his GPA.
When you walked into the room though, prepared to annoy the fuck out of your step-brother, you stopped upon seeing him look the same as ever while sitting just in front of….some guy.
Just, some fucking guy.
A hot fucking guy.
With a guitar on his lap, with your step brother offering direction to him.
Jay looked at you, noted your curiosity of his best friend-turned-pretend-stranger, and then glared.
“Can I help you?” He had said, taking the guitar from the guy and propping it up on his lap.
You stood there, feeling the eyes of the other dude staring you up and down before shaking your head
“Uh, no.” You had responded before awkwardly slinking away and into your own room.
And honestly, it would have ended there if it weren’t for the fact that Jake was immediately whisper shouting at Jay about how you really are hot. Making plans on how to get you back in the room, or perhaps how to get Jake out of it and beside you.
It wasn’t hard really, as Jay reminds himself how it all went down. His own discomfort aside at how Jake appears to act much like he does in his own head.
“Just finished up the lesson, you wanna come eat something with us?” He had said, far too out of character.
“You give fucking guitar lessons?” You responded, entirely confused by the fact that….Jay was the one who played the nice sounding strums, not the guy in front of him, the one that appeared to be the type to be the one giving the lesson.
“Yeah? Are you coming or not?”
You paused, and ultimately joined them upon Jay stating that you could starve for all he cares.
And that’s when Jake started his act.
Sitting next to you, looking at you, asking about your interests, telling you that Jay is helping him learn the guitar because he has dreams of forming his own band someday. That he’s in college but doesn’t really care much for it, that his dreams lie in the stars still and no desk or nine to five job would bring them down for him.
Jay did want to smack his best friend across the head for that lame line, but you seemed to think it was poetic, or romantic, or some shit. It only further reminded him that you’re entirely too dumb and he needs to be here to make sure you don’t get all caught up again with a guy who doesn’t look at you the way he does.
The way he can’t stop looking at you, actually.
Jay watched as you fell in tune with his best friend’s pretend-persona, and arguably Jake was far more charismatic than usual. If he chose to really dress like this, or act like this, Jay thinks he could probably pull any girl he wants.
And he watched, and he watched, and he watched. Up until the third time Jake pretended he was going to leave so as to not intrude in the home any further.
Jay didn’t have to make the excuse that time. It was you.
And that’s when he noted that you are, absolutely, unmistakably, a fucking slut.
Why? Well, it could be due to the fact that after having a quick meal, you ran to your room and came back out dawning your own fucking tank top, showing off a pair of nice tits that you seemed to hide from him. Which, his head shouldn’t be in the gutter about that but man. He and Jake were both stunned at how you decided to present yourself.
Could be due to the fact that it’s like, you met Jake for a solid hour and immediately started sucking up. Using a cute voice that Jay knows for a fact is fake as hell. You whine about Sunghoon, like you’d struggle to truly break up with him, but you’re still all over Jake like you’ve been flirting for fucking years.
It could also be due to the fact that you invited Jake to stay longer by inviting him into your room under the guise of “checking out your music selection.”
Jay was left to his devices by that point, where you led his best friend to your room and closed the door in his face with the argument of, “Jongseong, since when were you so interested in what I listen to anyway?”
He huffed in annoyance at you saying his name and then slamming the door on him, he huffs in even more annoyance as he steps back and leans against the wall thinking hard about the plan he’s come up with.
The fact that he’s living with a total skank who never once looked at him the way you did to Jake all fucking day. Is he that boring? Really? He knew you liked edgy guys based on Sunghoon. Such a pretty boy, despite getting rowdy and dirty during hockey practice and matches. Jay never understood how he kept his face pristine, and also never understood why girls liked him at all when it came to how much of an asshole he was.
And then there’s Jake, playing the part of someone Jay assumed you’d like. It’s the fact that you do like it, and it’s entirely different from himself. Even if you weren’t now related by marriage, he probably never would have had a fucking chance with you to begin with.
Even with all of that clicking in his head, he still finds himself wanting you more now than he ever did before. With that fucking tank top, and that stupid fake voice you were using, and with your stupid interest in his stupid best friend.
This was probably a bad idea. After all, he could have just left it alone but no. He just had to be in control of who you’re dating. At the very least though, Jake knows to keep his hands to himself, and that’s the only thing that comforts Jay in regards to this deal.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“Jongseong?” Jake laughs when you close the door and trap him in your room with him. Eyes glued to you and the sweet deal Jay offered up. “I’ve never heard him called that before.”
He’s lying, of course. Jake has been in and out of this house since he was a child. He’s heard the name hundreds of times, if not thousands.
“I know, right? I couldn’t help but laugh when I heard it the first time.” You snicker, putting on a show when you head to your unpacked box of disks and vinyls. “I don’t think he likes it when I call him that, so I try to do it as much as possible.”
Jake offers you a crooked smile, messy hair dangling in front of his eyes as if they were somewhat….shy? Like he’s being bashful in this room with you, but you try not to think about that because, well, look at him.
He doesn’t seem like the shy type.
“Maybe I’ll start doing it too then.” Jake laughs, standing awkwardly behind you when you bend over to pick up the box. Immediately he chokes up, stepping closer unintentionally because honestly, who wouldn’t think with their dick at this point?
And when you stand back up, turning with the box, you jump at how close he’s gotten.
“Oh!” You breathe in surprise, looking away shyly for a moment, wondering how lucky you must be for your boring ass step brother to invite such a nice looking guy into the home. “Um, you have a nice smile.” You add out of nowhere, and then immediately feel embarrassed.
“You have nice tits,” is what Jake would say in response if he were for one, allowed to, and two, not a nervous mess about being alone in a room with such a pretty girl.
Only now does he realize how difficult this might be to get through. For two hundred dollars? Well, it’s a sweet deal if you actually want to go on a date with him, and given the persona he’s given himself, he thinks he could probably get away with asking tonight. Which is insane, because he really thought he’d be paid another two hundred just to get to that point. You’re entirely into him though, and he hates to admit that he might be entirely into you too. Jay would kick his ass if he knew what’s going through his head right now.
“I like your tank top,” Jake says instead, wanting to reach forward and snap the strap of it solely because he feels confident enough to do it, but he doesn’t. The words are actually quite lame, and are a blatant show at how bad he is at talking to girls. Thankfully though, you know, since he’s supposed to sound like a guy with two brain cells, it kinda works out.
“It matches mine.”
You smile shyly yet again, entirely in tune with the idea of taking Jay’s advice and having some fun yourself. Perhaps with this guy. But for now? You have to at least pretend you actually want to show him your music collection.
And of course, Jake has to pretend he actually cares about it when you sit down on your bed and start sifting through the boxes.
“Huh, you like some pretty heavy stuff. I wasn’t expecting that.” Jake compliments, though uninterested in a music taste that isn’t his own, it’s insane how the two of you do listen to some of the same bands.
“Oh yeah? Why not?” You ask, sitting up straight and making sure your chest looks good enough to keep his eyes glancing down at them.
Because he hasn’t stopped looking, really.
“I dunno,” Jake shrugs, watching how your tits squeeze together and he can’t tell if it’s intentional or not. No girl has ever tried to show off for him like this, and he’s enjoying it a bit too much. “I, um,” He loses his train of thought when you lean back, letting your breasts fall into their natural position as you look at him.
“My eyes are up here, Jake.” You smile, watching him tear his eyes away and swallow around a lump in his throat.
“Oh, right.” He lends a nervous chuckle, one that he feels is entirely out of character given the personality he’s supposed to have. “Can’t really help it, they’re nice.”
Ah, right back into the act, perfect.
He almost panicked at the forwardness too, because Jake would never have the confidence to say such a thing to a woman on any other day.
“Oh? You can’t?” You smile, leaning back up and pushing the box from your lap. “Maybe I should cover up then?” You add, staring right at his flannel.
Jake notes your line of sight and then looks down at his own shirt.
“What?” He says, pinching the collar of the flannel and shaking it. “You already wanna wear my clothes?” He smiles.
“If you wanna see me in them.” You comment shortly, sizing him up for the billionth time. “Or out of them.”
Well, it’s safe to say Jake wasn’t prepared for that. This deal is going a bit too smoothly, and he just knows that Jay must not have any idea of this side of you. His sister, right here, insinuating Jake should like, take her clothes off. Or rather, take his clothes off of you.
It’s against the rules but goddamn is he feeling the spark with you. Right in his pants, actually. Embarrassingly.
“I’ll give it to you right now if you go out with me tomorrow night.” Jake avoids the situation smoothly, while offering an alternative. “Then, we can talk about getting my clothes off of you.”
You nod, feeling your heart skip beats at flirting with a man that isn’t Sunghoon.
“Hand it over then.” You reach out, leaning in real close to him. “But, I’d still rather you keep staring at my tits.”
Man, following the rules Jay set in place is gonna be way, way, harder than he thought.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Jake could get used to this, really. Taking you on dates, anyway. What he can’t get used to? Dodging anything more than dirty talk and then coming over just the next day to see the confusion on your face as to why he isn’t picking up your hints.
He wants to, like really, he really, really, fucking wants to. You’re so blatant with him on dates, rubbing up on him, whispering slutty little words that only drive his cock to pulse and beg to be used. He can’t bear it, especially knowing that these very dates are paid for by your own step brother.
Still, if he were allowed, he probably could have gotten himself between your legs on the very first day he met you.
“No, dude, she was all over me this time, even more than usual.” Jake explains to Jay during another guitar lesson, pleased that he’s actually learning how to play. “She even mentioned that guy Sunghoon and said I was way cooler than him.”
Jay was pleased, he could say. Save for the jealousy that only grows each time he watches you take Jake away from his lesson to hang out with, without him. Save for the fact that you only continue to prove that you like any guy who isn’t him. In reality, why would you? He knows there is logic to this situation, but he is finding it harder and harder every day to think logically around you.
Jealous. He’s jealous. He’s mad at how bad you want it from Jake. Hell, you’d probably take it from anyone at this point as he eyes his best friend and his new found fashion sense. It matches him, and acting like an idiot seems to match him too. Maybe Jay should consider not brushing his hair and dumbing down a little bit too.
Then again, this could just be the resentment in him building up. He’s the only reason Jake has a girl throwing herself at him. Both you and Jake should be far more thankful for what Jay has brought upon the three of you.
Still, he’s pissed about how good the plan is working, and before long, he’s hoping that Sunghoon will be long forgotten when Jake finally asks you to be his girlfriend. Then he can toy around for a bit before breaking up with you under the guise that “you’re just not his type.”
“I had the idea that she was easy,” Jay explains, rolling his eyes at his best friend. “No wonder Sunghoon kept coming back, it’s like he knew she would throw herself at him at the drop of a hat.”
Jake pauses, furrowing his brow.
“Why would you even say something like that?” Jake asks, tilting his head. “Aren’t we doing this to like, help her?”
Jay shakes his thoughts out, realizing how awful that must have sounded.
“Yeah, yeah.” He waves off his edgy best friend. “Of course. I was just saying.”
There's some awkward silence in the room now as Jay’s internal panic takes over. He doesn’t want his reputation on the line for this. Even just to Jake. Perhaps he’s being too resentful with his words, only able to offer passive-aggressive remarks out loud when it comes to you.
“I just thought that if we got her away from him, maybe she’d stop throwing herself at guys that don’t care about her, is all.”
Jake gives him a look of further confusion, maybe even some concern.
“Um, isn’t that what we’re doing right now?”
Damn, Jay really should’ve thought that through. Is he losing his touch? Is your stupidity rubbing off on him now?
“Yeah, but you’re not touching her so, maybe it’ll help her learn some fucking self restraint? I don’t know dude, just be a good boyfriend, fuck.”
Jake raises his hands in defense, realizing he basically interrogated Jay of his choice of words, and perhaps thought too deeply into them. Still, he can’t help but feel like Jay holds some type of hatred within him for you, which is weird, considering the lengths he is going to try and “help” you.
“God, relax.” Jake reaches forward to grab his best friend by the shoulders. “As much as she throws herself at me, I guess I can kind of understand what you mean.”
Jake understands far too well, having gone through one too many dates while trying to contain himself to give in to your every hint or insinuation of at least kissing.
He happens to miss the way Jay glares at him for his words though. Because in all honesty, no one is allowed to talk about you like that but him, and there was something in him that broke to hear Jake insinuate that you’re a slut. Like Jake isn’t the luckiest guy in the world right now to have you throwing yourself at him?
Bullshit.
“I’ll be a good boyfriend, I promise.” Jake finally adds, checking his watch. “She’s gonna be home soon too. I’ll try and get her to hang out in the living room this time so you can see what I mean though.”
Jay wants to refuse the option to watch even more than he already has to, but there’s something in him that kind of can’t resist it.
“She likes horror movies, you know?” Jake continues, giving Jay information that he probably should have already known, but somehow doesn’t. “I’ll tell her that you wanted to watch the new one, and I’ll pay to rent it since, you know, you’re paying me to do this.”
Jay shrugs casually, anticipating the image of you and his best friend all tangled up on the couch, while he’s stuck at the end by himself. With no one. Alone.
“Yeah, that’s fine. Dad’s probably gonna be home but I can ask for the living room.”
“Oh shit, wait–” Jake thinks hard. “What if he sees me looking like this? Acting like this? She’s gonna find out that I've been lying this entire time about us being friends and shit.”
Jake only panics because he believes he’s acting more with Jay than he is with you. If you were to find out that he’s been lying, you’d be so angry at him. But do you know what scares him more? Jay finding out that he maybe kind of actually likes you more than he’s supposed to.
Jay sighs in defeat because his best friend is right, if his father finds out that Jake is running around acting like this, dressing like this, he’ll definitely say something about it.
“You know…” Jake finally says, staring at Jay’s TV.
“No.” Jay immediately shuts the idea down, not at all wanting to experience the two of you tangled together on his own bed.
“Dude, come on. Why not?”
Jay rolls his eyes in an annoyed huff, pinching the bridge of his nose as he stands to put the guitar away, ignoring that there was no practicing at all today. It’s just been hours of talking about you. And how you’ve managed to find yourself a summer job so fast, and how you’re entirely horny for Jake, and how–
“I don’t want to see my own sister try and get in your pants in my room.” Jay tries to explain as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Then, immediately he gives in. Solely because the sudden thought of you lying in his bed at all again is something that….might help later.
“Jake, so help me god if you so much as brush your hand across her tit I’m going to slice your tires.”
Jake smiles in victory, nodding to his best friend with the promise that, at least tonight, he wouldn’t do such a thing.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Every day you find yourself wondering why it is that Jake appears to be so into you, yet constantly shooting you down.
When you try to kiss him, he leans in, his eyes start to close, sometimes you can even feel his breath on your lips then, he just– pulls away?
When you try to insinuate that you want to touch him, or want him to touch you, you can physically see his reaction. The way his ears go red, his eyes go dark, and occasionally you even catch a glimpse of what’s in his pants growing heavy and strained.
It’s driving you crazy, really. With the way he talks all that shit but doesn’t live up to it. He’ll say some of the nicest things, he’ll dirty talk you in the middle of a restaurant, he’ll even make promises to follow through with it too. But he never does. You find yourself wondering why you even continue to text him back, or why you consistently keep this fucking flannel he offered up to you on the first day of meeting.
Every single date, you’ve worn it, just to see if he’s got the nerve to take it off of you. And every single date he pretends like it wasn’t his flannel to begin with, despite his hungry stare constantly staying on you.
So now, as you awkwardly half-lay on Jay’s bed with him, Jay separated and on his computer chair, you wonder why he’s even here.
Sure, Jay gives him lessons but as far as you know, it’s a little strange that he stayed over to watch a movie with you presumably, only to invite Jay, and to you know, watch it inside of Jay’s room.
Are they like, friends now or something? Well, arguably they had to have at least been friends on some level, but still. It feels awkward hanging out with Jay when you’re trying to get his “friend” to rail you.
Either way, you guess you don’t mind too much when Jake is actually next to you. Most doubt sinks into the back of your head and the confusion is replaced with that of extreme arousal. Something about this guy, Jake, is alluring and feels…right? Is that the right word for it? Like, correct? Or maybe, meant to be?
You know, maybe he’s waiting on sleeping with you because despite his edgy appearance and his dead-beat goals in life, maybe he really is just a big softie and wants this to work out long-term. God, you hope you’re right about that.
Doesn’t stop you from trying though, as the movie reaches its climax and you move your hand under the covers against Jake’s legs, feeling the rips of his jeans and sliding your hand through one of them. Gently, attempting to feel the warmth of his skin in a discreet and somewhat cheeky way.
You hear his intake of breath at the touch, his shoulders stiffening as he stares forward to try and focus on the movie. Still, you feel his hand move lower, lying it directly on yours with only his thin, ripped denim separating the touch.
“Oops.” You whisper to him, slowly massaging the thick of his thigh with your finger tips, toying with the way he reacts.
You don’t notice the way his eyes shift to Jay, who was already glaring at the movement he noted under the covers, on his fucking bed.
Jake, on the other hand, feels like he’s between a rock and a hard place right now.
He’s being paid to pretend to like you, being paid to not genuinely like you, being paid to not touch you, and practically being paid to ask you to be his girlfriend only to break up with you.
Which fucking sucks because he maybe, kind of, likes you? A little bit?
A lot, actually, especially with your cheeky little whispers and sneaky little hands.
Arguably though, Jay should have known better than to expect Jake to not feel some type of way towards a girl like you. To Jake, it’s insane anyone could simply pretend to be into you without actually falling in deep. You’re not only hot, but you’re fucking funny too? You laugh at his jokes? You cuddle up with him? You’re actually a lot smarter than Jay gives you credit for? And you appear to want to kiss and touch him just as bad as he does.
So, it’s torture really, that he’s so close to breaking. So fucking close to kicking Jay out of his own room just to feel what your hands alone could do for him but, he refrains.
He suffers, sitting here with this not very good horror movie, pretending his cock doesn’t ache for you. Pretending his own best friend doesn’t see how much he wants it. Yet, still hoping you see.
And you do. You do see it.
You feel it too, as you shift your hands out of his ripped jeans and move them upwards as silently and secretly as you can while remaining focused on the movie. You brush your pinky up and against the dick you clearly want so badly at this point. And the way Jake flexes it, almost intentionally lifting his cock up for you to know he likes it, despite the risk of Jay seeing. Despite the fact that he hasn’t done this at any point when the two of you were alone.
You smile to yourself, pushing your hand closer, closer, closer, until you grab it.
There goes his stiff shoulders again, there goes a soft sigh, and you’re fucking beaming.
Jay sees the way the covers are moving over the lap of his best friend, and honestly? He’s appalled over the fact that Jake was right. You fucking throw yourself at him with no shame, to the point that not even being in the same room as your step-brother would stop you enough to have some fucking self-restraint.
He watches for a while, about five minutes or so. Studies the way Jake makes attempts to arch away from your touch as if he’s following the rules of the deal but, Jay isn’t stupid. Jake, of all people, should know that. He can fucking see the way he also arches into your touch too, despite it all being under the blanket he sleeps under at night.
It’s not until Jay sees you throw your leg over Jake’s, and you lean in really close to him to the point your face is hidden in his neck and Jake appears to be listening to something you’re saying, that he decides to put a stop to this.
Neither of you are even watching this movie. You’re encouraging Jake, surely. You’re trying to snake your hand down his pants. You’re trying to fuck his best friend, right in front of him.
It feels like an insult, or perhaps an intentional act of defiance and god knows Jake wouldn’t be able to resist if Jay himself feels a twitch in his pants at the scene unfolding, even through this frustration.
Why are you like this? Why do you just–do this to yourself? To him? To his best friend? Why do you seem to know how irresistible you are? It’s almost at the point that Jay wouldn’t even want to put a stop to it solely to see what your hands could to for him if this life wasn’t so fucked up.
Still, he has to put an end to it. Jake is breaking the rules.
“Are you really trying to do that right now?” Jay asks out, and he watches the way you snap your hand back and lean away from Jake.
Both heads turn to him, and he huffs out a sigh of frustration that shows you crossed a line.
“What do you mean?” You ask, trying to pretend that you weren’t doing anything at all to the pretty boy sitting next to you.
“God–” Jay grimaces. “You’re really gonna play dumb after arguing with me that you’re not?”
You lift past Jake, staring at him.
“You can be a whore all you want, but to assume I want to see it? You’re disgusting. I’m your fucking step-brother.” He finally says, as if it’s final, and as if to convince himself that every word he spits is true.
Jake remains silent as he listens to the way Jay speaks to you, quite offended for you, maybe even a bit pissed off about it himself. Then again, it could just be because Jay is dead set on cock-blocking him.
You though? You feel silenced, a little embarrassed, and entirely turned on by the fact that Jake’s first time letting you actually touch him, was right here. Maybe he’s into that. You know, like, being caught or something. Still, the quickness in which Jay shames you isn’t shocking at all but for him to have an ego to the point of assuming you did this for him to watch? Insane, he’s so fucking stuck in his head to believe that everything a person does, is because of him.
A fucking text-book narcissist.
“And you.” Jay says, shifting his eyes over to Jake. “You could do better.”
Ouch. That stings a little bit, as your eyes avoid looking towards Jay and fall onto Jake, who only swallows at his words.
Without another word, you shift from the bed, stand to your feet, and walk out, leaving the two in the room alone.
Jake feels, uh, bad?
Or rather, he knows he’s supposed to but he simply doesn’t. After all, it’s been two paychecks from Jay now and he still hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend solely because he finds himself wanting it to last.
Even without the sex. Even with the intense edging he’s being put through. Even with the fact that he’s hard as a rock as Jay attempts to scold him, he doesn’t feel bad.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Jay finally offers to the silence of the room upon turning off the movie. “Did we not agree that you’d–”
Jake huffs out, annoyed for the first time.
“Dude, shut up already.” He rolls his eyes as he turns to his friend, wincing at the way his cock is going soft and sensitive. “Don’t tell me you didn’t fucking see me try to stop her.”
Jay thinks that through for a moment. Not entirely blaming Jake for like, eventually giving up and letting you touch him but also entirely pissed that it’s happening for Jake, and not for himself.
“You did a bad fucking job of it.” He gripes back to him. “If you give in to the fact that she has no self-respect, you’re just as bad as Sunghoon and I’ll just go find someone else to take care of her.”
Jake pauses because he's right in terms of the deal but god. It’s not like he can just out and say “hey, so i think i actually like her and wouldn’t be against actually dating her, like for real, also i hate the way you talk to her so if you don’t stop i might have to punch you in the face.”
“I’m not going to give in.” Jake lies, knowing for a fact that it’s only a matter of time before he does. “She still cries over Sunghoon and I’m genuinely trying to make this situation better here, Jay, so fucking relax.”
Jay wants to believe him, but truly, he doesn’t. Solely because there’s no way he won't give in considering what he’s just witnessed. At this point, you might actually end up wanting to be with Jake for good, and Jay will lose his control of the whole situation.
“Plus, you can’t just go find some stranger to do this, they’d definitely fuck her, day one.” Jake makes a good point to his friend, reminding him that he isn’t the dumb guy he’s parading as.
Jay does take those words into account. Honestly, he really would have the entire control taken from him if he paid someone else to do this. At least he can threaten Jake with friendship, or guilt him or something if he does step over the line.
“Hurry it up then, I don’t want this shit to last all summer.” Jay finally huffs out, slightly defeated that this is his fault anyway, but still trusting his best friend and understanding him on some level.
“Okay, I’ll go ask her to be my girlfriend right now.” Jake smiles. “The sooner I ask, the sooner she gets over him, and the sooner all of this can be over with, right?”
He hopes he’s wrong.
Jay nods reluctantly, and Jake is instantly out of the room and able to breathe the biggest sigh of relief in his life. It’s insane how he’d rather be with you over his own childhood best friend, but whatever. Life works in mysterious ways or something.
And as Jay sits in silence, glaring at the spot on the bed where you had his best friend’s dick in your hand, all he can do is feel angry.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
You hear the soft knock on your door and already know exactly who it is. It’s not Jay, it’s not his father, and it’s certainly not your mother.
The knock is gentle, almost reluctant despite knowing he’s allowed to walk into your room at any point, without so much as asking.
“Come in.” You smile to yourself, trying to push the awkward situation that just happened out of your mind.
The door opens and Jake steps inside, looking to the floor and seemingly avoiding eye contact with you. Part of you wonders if it’s because he finally had the balls to let you touch his dick, but another part of you knows it’s probably because Jay just chewed his ass out for letting you do it right in front of him.
“Sorry about doing that,” You look away now, trying to deafen the silence in your room into a numbness that doesn’t feel nearly as awkward as it does right now. “I shouldn’t have done that in front of Jongseo-”
Jake immediately shakes his head at your words, sitting down on your bed and grabbing your face in his hands.
It’s a shock, actually, that only now he acts the way you expected from the beginning.
“It’s my fault.” Jake explains, holding your face to look at him. “I wanted to make you my girlfriend before we did anything more–” He continues, already leaning in to kiss you for the first time without shying away from it. “I didn’t want you to think I was just trying to fuck you.”
And man, that hit you right in the heart, especially because he said it, and then immediately kissed you before letting you answer him. As if he was afraid you’d say no or something. As if he’s trying to prove something right now.
He certainly is proving it too, surprising you in the way he’s a decent kisser though not entirely great at it. Such a confident and pretty boy seems to not have nearly as much experience with girls as he lets on. That alone was something you picked up on, because let’s be honest.
No one but Jake would get that obviously hard at a restaurant over spilled water on your tits.
And when he pulls back from the kiss, he feels elated in the way he just lied straight to Jay’s face. Promising to follow through with the deal, which also held the promise of no physical contact with you.
He really walked straight out of his best friend’s room, went to your room, and kissed you. He couldn’t be prouder of it when he pulls back, heart pounding in defiance, and looking at you for an answer.
“You want me to be your girlfriend?” Is the first thing you ask, feeling his hands fall from your face and land against both sides of your hips as you look at him. “And that’s why you let me make a fool of myself trying to get in your pants?”
You both smile before chuckling and looking away from each other at how blatant that question was, because you both know how true it is.
Only Jake knows how true it isn’t supposed to be though.
“Yeah,” He answers, looking away from you and ignoring the chill on his shoulders from the air in your room. He really should stop trying to dress like a slutty man for you, honestly. It’s no wonder you were all over him.
“I kind of don’t think it would be a good idea if I fuck my guitar teacher’s sister without at least taking her on a few date’s first, you know?”
“Hah,” You roll your eyes briefly before flopping back against your pillows and feeling the way his hands fall lower to the top of your thighs. They’re warm, and big. “You’re always around and I can’t say Jongseong has that many friends to begin with.”
Jake almost feels bad that he knows you’re right.
“Arguably, you’re probably his only friend and he would feel embarrassed knowing you don’t even see him as one to begin with.” You laugh at how sad Jay really is as a person. “Just your guitar teacher, huh?”
Someone so entitled, so fucking rude. If anything, he should know by now that his lack of friends are determined entirely by his shitty personality.
“I can see that,” Jake nods, staying put as you blink up at him from the pillows. “I mean, I like hanging out with him but I don’t necessarily like the way he talks to you. I can imagine he’d kill me if he knew I kissed you.”
You roll your eyes.
“I can assure you, Jake. He doesn’t give two fucks about me.” Your arms reach out for him, and immediately he intertwines his fingers with yours.
And it feels good for him to do. To have a girlfriend in some way, despite it not technically being real to anyone but himself and you. After all, a relationship built on a lie can’t last, can it?
Maybe he really should just stick to the plan and pull back before it’s too late. Maybe you wouldn’t even be interested in him if he didn’t act this way. Or if he didn’t dress this way. Or talk this way. Or play guitar.
How could he ever think he’s even in the right to do this to begin with? What? For two hundred a month? God, he fucked up yet, he doesn’t want to turn back now.
There’s a chance it can still work, right? He can at least enjoy the time he has with you before he inevitably has to break up with you, right?
You don’t have to know about the deal, and Jay doesn’t have to know about how he intends to break the terms of it.
…Right?
“So,” Jake finally says, looking away from you before turning and falling forward over you, keeping his fingers tightly locked with yours above your head as he lands his face in front of yours. “Will you be my girlfriend then?”
You smile shyly, looking down before making direct eye contact with him again. Noting how his lips constantly form a natural pout in silence, and the way his eyes are always so bright.
“What about when my break is over and I have to go back to campus?” You ask reluctantly, hoping that he isn’t like Sunghoon. “Are you just going to stop talking to me?”
Jake hates that he is in a position where he has to lie, going back and forth in his mind of whether to betray himself or his own best friend.
“I like you, you know?” He says, not breaking eye contact. Trying to will his words now to stick with you through the inevitable break up if that's what it comes down to. “I’d come see you every weekend.”
You smile.
“So, what? You think I’m just gonna let you be so far away all the time?” He continues, instilling a sense of comfort in your chest. “You think I’d be able to stay away from you for a whole semester? I can barely make it a few days as is.”
The way he chuckles at how silly your question sounds makes you feel…wanted? Almost needed?
And as you look up at him, with that mess of fluffy hair and big, sparkling eyes, all you can think about is how lucky you feel to have so many new people in your life this summer. Even Jay. You appreciate the fact that he brought Jake into your life, even if accidental.
You’re happy your mom is in love, happy that his father appears to be good for her, happy that Jake is here right now, treating you like a goddamn person.
Happy that Sunghoon hasn’t texted you.
Happy that even Jay encourages you to keep your break-up status with the man, showing that he cares on some level for your well being.
“You’re too good to be true, you know?” You say, sending Jake into an absolute world or happiness.
He’s never had a girl tell him that. Let alone a girl so fucking pretty.
“That still doesn’t answer the question, babe.” He finally says, ticking his tongue as if he’s being cheeky.
“Oh, right.” You roll your eyes with a smile. “I thought I was being obvious with my answer, but I forgot that you’re kind of dumb.” You add with a smile, lifting your head to kiss against his nose.
“I am kinda dumb, aren’t I?”
If only you knew how true that statement is. No GPA can explain why he feels so stupidly attracted and attached to you. He can’t explain it to anyone but you.
Jay would kill him if he knew how real he wants this to be.
“A little, yeah.” You laugh, kissing his cheek this time.
“For you, at least.” He whispers, feeling like he’s being far more real than he should be and loving every second of it. “So, be my girlfriend.”
You roll your eyes again, lending him an even brighter laugh.
“You seriously think I wouldn’t?”
And he just smiles, dipping down to kiss you again for the second time.
You can’t help but feel elated by it, and the way he seems to break how eager he’s been for this. Elated by the fact that he waited, and he has done nothing but respect you as a person.
Arguably, you don’t think you could ever refuse to be his girlfriend. With that rough fashion sense and entirely too-soft personality. It’s such a stark contrast when you think about it.
All of the cocky dirty talk, all of his boldness? It was clearly just a front that would make you like him because this is not at all what you expected. If anything, it’s a pleasant surprise that he did that for you. Showing off, trying to get your attention, then flipping on a dime when you give him the time of day.
“You’re a lot sweeter than I thought you’d be.” You finally whisper out. “Honestly, I expected you to fuck the lights out of me and never call back the first day we met.”
Jake chuckles, trying to avoid how much that statement turns him on because on instinct he knows he shouldn’t be doing this.
“Can I be honest?” He asks against your lips, lending a small lick to the bottom one with a nod. “I really, really, wanted to.”
You pause, opening your eyes and seeing that he’s already looking at you.
“I would have called you though.” He smiles, calming the immediate insecurity you felt about his statement.
Now though? The thought of knowing Jake wanted to fuck you since day one only drives you to like him more than you already did.
“Oh yeah?” You smile, feeling his fingers release from yours and move right back to your hips. “Does it make me a bad person to say I would have let you?”
Jay would have called you a slut again over that.
“No, babe.” He shakes his head with an amazed chuckle. “If that makes you a bad person, wouldn’t it make me a bad person too?”
Wow, the first man to ever speak to you as an equal.
Jay would probably call him a slut too.
“What about now, then?”
God, Jake really can’t resist. He’s already waited so long, and now that you’re officially his girlfriend…kind of, why should he? Jay doesn’t need to know that he’s trying to think up some way to get out of the deal. Really, Jay should be happy that you’ll be with someone who actually cares for you, right?
After all, this whole plan was to help you.
Why should it matter if it ends a little bit differently? All he needs to do is sit him down and talk to him. All he needs to do is not accept any more money, right? Technically, Jay isn’t the type to be that bad of a person. Like, he wouldn’t actually be mad that Jake caught feelings, right?
He’s not breaking the rules if it’s true.
“If you can be quiet–” Jake says, leaning back and glancing around the room. “Jay was really mad about what happened in his room, I don’t want him to kick my ass thinking I came in here and railed his sister.”
You roll your eyes.
“Jay doesn’t give a shit. He probably thinks we’ve already been fucking.”
God, the dynamic between you and your step brother is so fucking weird, Jake thinks. You have such a weird view of him, and he seems to have such a weird view of you. You really think Jay doesn’t give a shit while he’s the one who seems entirely too protective of you while also being an absolute scum-bag towards you.
“Still,” Jake pauses, pulling back entirely and sitting over you. “I’d rather your parents not walk in.”
“Then, lock the door?” You offer, eyes scanning his body and noting the way he’s always hard when he’s with you. Those tight jeans do nothing to save him the embarrassment, and part of you wonders how often he wore them on purpose.
Plus, you can imagine he’s probably suffering after having already played with him briefly in Jay’s room.
“Right. Doors have locks on them.” Jake dead-pans, standing up and wincing at the way his cock is entirely too obvious about what he wants to do right now. “I’ll just–” He points his thumb to your door before locking it and practically leaps back on the bed with you, laughing all the way.
And you know, the last thing Jake expected today was to share his first real touch with you, first real kiss with you, or his first time actually, like, pushing to break the rules. He’s a little nervous, seeing as how he’s maybe had sex with two girls in his entire life, but still.
He can’t possibly be bad at it, right?
It doesn’t process in his mind how he’s absolutely breaking boundaries right now, and even if he did, he wouldn’t care. The way you laugh along with him sets his heart aflame, and the way you look at him shows him that this could be real. He could truly be your boyfriend, slowly reverting back to his normal self under the guise of a “bad boy” phase or something.
And now, as you look at him, you note how soft he truly is despite all of those dirty words he said previously. He’s really just sitting on your bed, laughing like a boy in love and it makes you feel entirely different than how Sunghoon makes you feel.
“It’s nice, you know?” You say, glancing down when you reach out to him again, mostly to resume the position and pull him back on top of you.
“Hm?” He hums, following the pull and landing both of his hands on either side of your head, staring down at you as if he could eat straight through your chest and to your heart. “What is?”
“The fact that there’s someone here for me, I guess?”
Ah, he’s a goner. Sorry Jay, the deal is over.
“Do you think Sunghoon will try to get you back again?” Jake follows up. “You know I won’t let him, right? You’re my girlfriend now.”
You smile, lifting your head a bit to kiss his plush top lip before shaking your head.
“I’m sure he’ll try, but I don’t think I’m interested in him anymore,” You start, hearing the buzzing in the air due to the pure electric feeling in the room. “Now that I’ve met you, anyway.”
This is the point in which Jake is supposed to move back from you. This is when he’s supposed to whisper to Jay that the deal is done, and that Sunghoon is no longer an issue. This is the point that Jake absolutely shouldn’t be rolling off you, feeling your soft pillows hug around his head, and pulling you on top of him instead.
It’s like you’re meant to straddle him with how perfect you look right now.
“Oh yeah?” He smiles, losing the persona he’s supposed to have, unable to pretend like he isn’t smitten at this moment.
“Yeah.” You say, smiling on top of him and feeling his length pulse beneath you.
You’ve wanted to get on him like this so bad, since the very first night you met him. He waited, he respected you, and now? He’s your boyfriend. He’d let you, right?
“You seem happy,” You rock back on him without warning, listening closely to the way he sighs out at the pressure you offer. “You said if I can be quiet, right?”
He nods eagerly, unable to speak as he watches you move on him, hands reaching to brush the tufts of his dark hair out of his face.
“Can’t make any promises, Jake–” You add, reaching down to the hem of your shirt and lifting it off of you in one motion. “What about you?”
Jake is stunned audibly. You heard his breathing hitch when your shirt blinded you from looking at him for a split second. And who could blame him? He knows he’s staring at the way your tits bounce with just the small lift of your shirt, bulging only partly over the lining of one of the cups.
Immediately he throws one hand up, cupping one in his hand and bucking his hips upward at the ping of arousal centering itself in his body.
“Can you be quiet?” You continue playfully, placing your hand over his and the other behind you, unclasping the bra with ease and letting it fall onto his chest.
Jake immediately shakes his head because, no. Absolutely not. He will not be able to be quiet if any of his jerk off sessions regarding you are anything to go by. In fact, this situation could be quite telling about his lack of experience with women. This situation could be quite fucking telling to anyone outside of this room, actually.
“I thought not,” You smile, reaching down and lifting slightly to remove his ratty old t-shirt. “I don’t care if Jongseong hears anyway. He’s a weirdo, would probably be jealous.”
Jake would like to think you’re wrong about that, but something inside of him agrees with you. The way Jay reacts towards you is fucking weird and ultimately uncalled for. Then again, if Jake had to come home to a brand new sister, who is like– really hot, Jake would probably have a dilemma on his own.
Still, that’s kinda gross if it’s the case, so he tries not to think about it.
“Let him hear then.” Jake finally says, confidence boosted solely because he is now thinking with his dick.
His hands fall straight to your waist once you get his shirt off of him, his eyes stay glued to your tits, and all he can do is push and pull you over his length, praying that these tight jeans don’t rub him raw before he gets to pull it out.
You can tell his body is acting on its own too, with the way he seems entirely gone for you over something so basic in terms of foreplay. After all, this is just grinding. It’s just tits. But you get it, as you stare directly at his toned body that has remained partially hidden from you until now.
And it’s the way you’re just as shameless as he is when it gets hot and heavy. Your lips don’t leave his for the most part after that, at least until you hear his muffled moans as you’re soaking straight through your shorts and onto him.
Both of you are kind of moaning into the kiss actually, and to you it sounds so loud, but you’re sure no one in the home has realized yet. Plus, locks. Doors have locks, so even if they did, you wouldn’t stop anyway.
You can feel the way Jake wants to push, how he’s thinking a mile a minute in the way he kisses you. His tongue seems eager and messy, trying to kiss every part of you, trying to lick and taste your mouth in ways Sunghoon wouldn’t even do.
Arguably, it’s sexy that he does this. So messy and dominating in the kiss despite being worse at it than he was when he came into the room. There’s something about the confidence in being bad at living life that turns you on. He could be bad at everything and you think you’d still want this with him.
Even the way he moves you on his length is messy and not at all thought out. It’s jerky and almost frantic in the way he thrusts up out of time with your movements, like he’s chasing a consistent pressure on the whole of his cock. And like, if he wants that, maybe he should just pull it out for you.
After all, even with the messy boy lying under you, kissing you like he’s desperate for it, you’re still wetter than you’ve ever been with another person.That’s an honest truth you can come to terms with too. Someone obviously so inexperienced? How does he make it feel better than Sunghoon’s expert hands? Fuck if you know, but you can’t help but love every second of how Jake writhes under you.
He acts like he’s never felt so good in his life, and that alone makes you feel entirely needed.
“Let me,” You say in a wet whisper against his lips, sliding your hand down between your bodies and attempting to undo his pants. “Jake, take them off.” You whine shortly after, unsuccessful with unbuttoning them on your own.
“God, fuck, yeah, okay.” He responds frantically, out of breath.
He lifts up, feeling you shift on his lap as you stay in place to your best ability and his eyes don’t leave yours when he undoes his own pants, blinking up with a pretty, glassy gaze and messy dark hair.
All you can do in that moment is hug his head into your chest due to the sheer amount of endearment he gives you, brushing your fingers through his hair and halting his hands where they stay on his undone jeans. There, you grind, hiccuping what resembles a moan solely because he is genuinely just so fucking attractive. You can’t help it, you really can’t.
He’s in awe of the way you use him, hugging his face against your tits, which only allows him to attach his mouth to one of them and moan himself at what you’re doing to him. God, sign him up if this is how you fuck. Holding a person in place, grinding against them, smothering them with your pretty tits, moaning the whole time? He could give you everything. He wants to give you everything. All of him, all of the world, every shiny trinket that’s ever been made.
Honestly? It doesn’t even matter that he couldn’t get his cock out yet, this is something he’s never had a girl do to him and it makes him feel entirely wanted. It’s an addicting feeling too, knowing that you’re chasing the feeling of what he has to offer under these restricting pants, and not being able to wait for it.
“Babe–” Jake mumbles around your nipple, trying to fumble his pants down but being unable to, considering you’re grinding on his lap right now. “Baby, let me get it out–”
It’s kind of insane how you could have gotten off from doing this, fully clothed, fully ready to do it. But, he’s right, and that deep register of his raspy voice only drives you to pull off of him as quickly as you can.
“Mm, sorry, you’re just so,” You start, falling off of his lap and spreading your legs open to show him the wet spot on your shorts. “Shit.” You stop yourself, seeing the way he freezes upon seeing how you display yourself to him.
“Shit.” Jake follows up the same words, not even caring how stupid he must look trying to kick these death-grip skinny jeans off of him.
You do stifle a little chuckle at that blatant show of arousal from him, and you do him a solid by removing your shorts too, heart pounding and face warm when you see his cock spring free once he finally gets the pants down his thighs.
Honestly, you don’t even let him take them off in full before you’re shoving him back to your pillows and smiling at the way he gives you a kind of half-drowsy smirk. You watch his eyes stare you down and you can tell he likes what he sees probably about as much as you do.
“You look so nice in my bed,” You start, crawling over him and grabbing his hand, putting it straight between your legs. “I’ve thought about you every night.”
His eyes roll back in a glorious show of how much of a loser he truly is. A loser for you in full right now, as he feels the wettest part of you yearn for him. His fingers slip and slide so easy, and he plays with your folds in an instant. Drenching his fingers to the point that his own leaking cock wishes you’d do the same for him.
“Me too.” He says, unable to string together a full sentence. “All night.”
You tick your tongue and coo out at him, feeling the way his fingers are gentle, staring down at the way his cock flexes every few seconds.
“What do you think about?” You ask now, crawling over his legs and leaning down to blow against his cock. You see it twitch and stand proudly at the feeling of your warm breath hitting it. “I’ll tell you, if you tell me.”
His fingers can no longer reach the wettest part of you with the way you’ve moved on him, but he doesn’t mind considering when he looks down, you’re smiling at him with his length inches from your face. He chews against his bottom lip at the image before slipping his fingers into his mouth, tasting what could be if you’d let him.
“Nothing as good as this.” He manages to get out from around his fingers as he stares down at you, elated by how he would never let another man experience this from you.
You smile, nodding at the way he doesn’t lie before you lightly tap two fingers at the head of his cock, feeling the precum dribble with each tap enough that it’s almost dripping down his length. You focus on it only for a moment before you use the wet to coat his length in one long stroke.
Another beautiful groan from him, fingers still wedged in his mouth as his eyes roll back again. Then, he’s rolling his head forward, looking down at how your hands grip him, and how your lips look so pretty when you kiss the underside of his length. God, it feels like he’s neglected himself despite jerking off every night to this exact image. Or rather, something that resembles this but could never feel as heavenly.
And when you trail your lips down, kissing against his heavy and cum-filled sack, you feel his entire body flinch in sensitivity and a chuckled moan come from him.
“Sorry–” he mumbles, reaching a hand down to brush against your cheek when you come back up to look at him. “No one has ever done that to m-”
“I’d do just about anything to you right now.” You cut him off, licking against the head of his cock and enveloping his entire length.
He has no words, but so, so many thoughts. Would you really? Anything? Goddamn, he would do anything to you too. Not just right now, but any time. All you’d need to do is ask. All you’d need to do is push him down and sit on him.
And it’s kind of cute really, how he speaks with his body alone. The way his hands grip anything he can get ahold of when you continue to take his cock further and further into your mouth. Up until the size of it is restricting your airways and he’s stuttering against the sheets with a death grip.
He could come right now if he isn’t careful, and he does his best to hold off.
His grip stays tight against your sheets when you breathe through your nose and flex your tongue against the underside of his cock, the weight of his length making it nearly impossible to do. It’s great, actually, how he doesn’t fuck into your throat and render you unable to utilize your own skills to please him.
The sweet, salty flavor of his precum is constant until you take him in too deep to taste it, and when you flick your eyes up, you can see that he’s amazed by how you do this. Part of you wonders if he’s ever been deepthroated at all, with the way he appears to breathe through it and tries to feel each clench of your throat.
God, your mouth is so tight around him too. So warm, tight, and perfect for him. With the way your lips stretch and your cheeks hollow out. He can’t bear to stare at you for too long when you’re doing this. Already he’s trying to hold in moans far too loud, already he knows that one right clench around him, he’s not going to last.
And you love it. Quite literally, you are in love with the way he seems to struggle through the pleasure. So blatant and unashamed of how much he likes what you’re doing. Because honestly? Most men act like you could do more, most act as if you’ll never give the best head of their life.
Jake though? He makes you feel like you’re the only person who could render him a whimpering mess. Part of you wonders if he even knows how loud he’s already being. With his rasps and grunts, with his higher pitched sounds coming from his chest and forcing their way out of his wet and bitten lips.
He really looks like this is where he belongs. Against your pillows, in your bed, cock out, eyes rolled back, hair cute and fluffed out against your pillows.
You pull back slightly when your eyes threaten to become too wet to see him, easing the tension in your throat with each inch of his length that leaves you. And when you fully pull off of him with a pretty and wet little “pop!” sound, he regains all of his composure and stares right at you.
“Holy fuck–” He says with a heaving breath.
“Jake,” You start, clearing your throat before using your hand to gently jerk him off, lips landing against the head of his cock again as you speak. “You kind of act like a virgin, which is funny considering all of the things you said to me before.”
You smile as you say the words, precum still coating your lips.
He lends you a crooked smile, feeling entirely like himself in this moment and not at all ashamed of his lack of experience. He would think that comment would scare him, like he’s doing bad or something. But the way your hand works his cock is just enough to tell him that you love it.
“‘M not a virgin.” He says, voice uneven. “But I can’t say I’ve fucked that many girls.”
That elates you. The fact that he’s so real about it. The idea that he held off with you for a reason that didn’t involve disinterest. It’s almost like he prefers sex to mean something, which is a long forgotten concept to you and anyone else in your life it seems.
“That’s hot.” You comment, halting your hand at the base of his cock before releasing it entirely and crawling further up to straddle him right where you want him.
If he wasn’t already gone for you, he is now. He can feel the warmth of your pussy sit against his already sensitive and needy cock and it takes everything in him not to groan out.
And well, he appears to have zero control of his volume because he does, in fact, groan out.
Loud enough to probably alert the person who he wishes didn’t exist right now.
You moan back at his desperate action, wiggling your hips as if to dig his cock into your thigh, smearing the mess seeping through your panties onto him.
“All this time, I thought about how you could hold me down,” You start, noting how he is nothing like how you imagined he would be. “How you could fuck me hard, and deep,” You slide forward and back a little quicker now, letting the head of his cock bump your clit. “How you could ruin me if you wanted to.”
You’re the one ruining him though. You both know it.
“It looks like I was wrong about those thoughts though, wasn’t I?” You smile at his panic when he shoots his eyes open.
“No!” Jake half-moans, louder than he meant to once again. “I can do that.”
You wouldn’t have believed him if it weren’t for the fact that he definitely tries, lifting from your pillows and tipping you back onto your mattress. Before you even know it, your panties are off of you and he’s grabbing your legs, moving them to wrap around his waist.
Then he just stares at you with flushed cheeks and wet lips.
“I can do anything you want.” He continues, snaking his hands under your ass just to lift your lower half against the underside of his cock. “You want me to hold you down? Fuck you hard?”
You nod, eyes sparkling up at him with a pleased sound at how he shifts who he is entirely for you. Thirty seconds ago you wouldn’t have expected him to change up like this, and it’s only lends you more to like about him.
“Hold onto me, then.” He gives a gentle warning, wishing he could have like, ate you out first or something, but he’s too far gone now to imagine doing anything other than what you ask of him. He can get his head between your thighs another time, yes. He can lick you clean, making sure you know how much he wants you.
And you do, you hold onto him, legs around his waist, hands in his hair, feeling the weight of his cock sit against your wet folds while his hands hold you in place.
And it’s like, woah. Okay, you already experienced how big he is but feeling it there is another thing. He’s quick to stuff your blanket up under you to keep you lifted, and then he’s immediately using one free hand to press down on your stomach, and the other holding his cock as he slides it himself through your folds.
He stares down at the way his length looks between your heat, so wet and glistening from the mix of arousal the two of you drip out. You wish you could see it too, with the way he wets his lips and keeps the bottom one caught between his teeth.
And when you moan, his eyes flick up to your face, so innocent looking at this moment despite your kissed lips and heaving breath. Tits on full display, pussy spread out around his cock, god. He’s in heaven. He can most definitely hold you down and fuck you deep, it’s like he was born to do it, if he’s being honest.
And then, in one movement, he pushes his cock down with his thumb and slides in, bottoming out in one motion while keeping his eyes on your face. With the way your jaw is slack, and your eyes close in pleasure.
He does much the same, holding his breath as he feels the way your soft walls hug around him, strangling his length in a way he truly needed. You’re so tight, god, so, so, so wet. At this point, he’s not even doing it because you are asking him to, he’s doing it because he can’t help it. His body loses composure the second he bottoms out and feels the entirety of how much this pussy wants him.
Jake doesn’t let you adjust, hell, barely even lets himself adjust before there's an echo of his thighs meeting the flesh of your ass. Consistent, deep, hard. Just like you wanted.
Just like he needed.
And it gets to the point where Jake is burying himself so deep, that you can barely make out words. Moaning his name in hiccups, trying to say something but always stopping short of it.
“J-Ja-J.” You hiccup through each thrust, waiting for him to kiss you, wanting him to kiss you, wanting him to ruin you like you asked, like he promised.
And when Jake is out of breath, listening to that pretty little stuttered mantra of his name, he does lean down to kiss you. Tongue immediately licking against yours to the point that he swears he feels little dribbles of desperate saliva leave the corners of his mouth.
All of it is hot breath, wet, wet, fucking wet. All over.
His hips move faster, and he drives his cock in deeper, his moans only come out louder with each stutter of his name, and honestly? The death grip your legs have on him, keeping him from pulling out of you too far? He has no idea how he’s lasted this long already, but he loves himself a little more knowing that he’s making you feel good.
“Yeah,” He grunts out, pulling one hand back to hold your leg tightly against him, and the other falling on his elbow above your head. He makes direct eye contact with you here, just inches from your face as he speaks with full confidence. “Say my name,” He says almost defiantly. Hoping Jay hears it and knows how good he can be for you. “I’ve been dying to hear you say it like this.”
His thrusts somehow remain consistent as you shoot your hand to your clit, rubbing harshly at his words. You give him exactly what he wants, moaning his name in full against his lips with a desperate and bitten kiss from you, all while your pussy practically strangles the base of his cock with each deep thrust.
His moan sounds relieved when you repeat his name, he swallows your hiccups up, proud that despite how fucking bad he probably is at fucking, you seem to love it.
And when you rub against your clit just right, feeling his abdomen press your fingers against it harder, you continue his name.
Breathing it out in a gasp before your orgasm hits you and he somehow manages to fuck you straight through it. His stuttered name coming out with each slam, never quite able to moan it in full again once you’re seeing stars.
And when your ears pop, and your eyes feel tired, you look at him.
You feel him.
His cock moving desperately in and out of you, the sweat on his brow proving to you how much he wanted to do this to you and for you.
He wants it so bad.
He wants you so bad.
You reach up, feeling the sweat in his hairline when you run your fingers through the mess of hair on his head and push his face down. Your legs fall from around him, and instantly he’s moaning.
“You don’t need to pull out.”
“Fuck–” He stutters, hips meeting your thighs once more before you feel him release strings of thick cum in you. Amazed by that single sentence, half-not even realizing a condom was nowhere in sight anyway. He doesn’t know if he could have pulled out to begin with but the words of encouragement shoot his orgasm straight through him.
And the way he moans through it with uneven breaths? Perfect. He sounds perfect. The way saliva dribbles from the sides of his mouth as his lips desperately kiss against your neck and shoulders? More perfect.
The way he pulls back to look at you after the fact? Twitching inside of you, unmoving, and not pulling out? God.
The two of you lay like this for a while, his cum bubbling out of you from around his sensitive and softened length by the time he finally decides to pull out. Which saddens him a little bit because he hates that he can’t have his cock in you at all times, but still.
And then the panic washes over him. There’s no fucking way Jay doesn’t know what he just did, and the fact that there were no harsh knocks on your door? That’s even more scary.
His heart rate picks up instantly, but you somehow calm him as you continue running your hands through his hair, down to the back of his neck and scratching.
It’s like he mewls at the feeling, nuzzling against you as close as he can get before sighing.
“Jay is going to kill me.” He mumbles against your skin with closed eyes.
You hum out a small chuckle, feeling the sticky mess between your legs and somehow not feeling as grossed out as you normally would by this.
“Jongseong isn’t going to do shit.” You smile, shifting to sit up and feeling more cum drip out of you. “I actually can’t wait to see the look on his face when I drag you to shower with me.”
Jake panics internally but he can’t stop himself from smiling at you with a nod.
And he does follow you into the bathroom. Straight past the bedroom of his glaring best friend with the wide open door.
He pretends to not hear the way the door slams when the two of you get into the bathroom, and desperately begins thinking of a way to make this work out for the better.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Jay heard all of it. Every slap of a cock driving into you, every breath, moan, giggle, and every fucking dirty word the two of you shared.
He tries not to think of the way he slouched against his bedroom door, straining his ears to hear all of it too. He tries not to think of how his hand could never live up to whatever the fuck you were doing to Jake either.
Time and time again he could get off to the thought of you, but each time it just becomes more and more unbearable to see you face to face after. This time? Having to hear you with someone else? Someone that he, himself, was supposed to trust? It’s the most unbearable, and it hurts him inside to know that you liked it.
It isn’t fair that he was stuck, alone against his door, biting back moans of a situation he hated more than anything. His best friend was in there fucking the daylights out of the only girl Jay has ever wanted like this, and all he could do was fuck his fist and release a half-sobbed moan in his own silence over it?
Honestly, the orgasm hit him harder than he’s ever felt when he heard you moaning the name of his best friend. The stuttered breaths of Jake’s unfinished name sounded just like his name, and his brain went insane wondering if that’s what you’d sound like if his cock was pounding you.
Would you stutter like that for him? Would you moan out his name in such a pretty way too?
“Jay! Jay! Jay!”
It replayed in his mind over and over again up until he saw the two of you in the hallway. Jake appeared to be ashamed to look at him, avoiding his gaze.
Jay felt pathetic, angry, and entirely empty. Jake fucked up big time, betraying his trust just minutes after promising the opposite. There is so much shame within him right now, but none of it lives up to the fucking rage he feels towards Jake.
Never in his life has he ever felt so betrayed by not one person, but two. As if you knew you had such a hold on him to betray him at all, but still. It pisses him off more than anything that he still has to hear the two of you in the bathroom now, unashamed of what just happened behind your closed bedroom door like your parents aren’t just downstairs and probably aware of what their slut child was doing.
He seethes for what feels like hours. All the way until Jake slinks out of your room after the parents went to bed, and into the night without a word to him.
Days, even. As the sounds of you fucking Jake haunts him.
What’s worse? Jake ignores his texts even when he’s being nice. Inviting him over for a “lesson”, begging him to come talk, saying he isn’t angry he just wants to know where the deal stands. He ignores him even on his payday, which arguably, Jay wasn’t going to pay him this time but as a bribe to get him to talk to him? Of course he texted him again.
And with the way you’re leaving every other night, Jay can tell it’s because you’re going to see him outside of his control. Likely because Jake suggested it, and no part of him feels thankful that he can’t hear what the two of you are up to behind his back.
He could rip his hair out at this point, when each family dinner feels empty and filled with disgust. Looking at you and wondering what it must have felt like for Jake to get between those thighs that seem to open for just any man that would lie to you. You eat quietly, sometimes shooting him a happy smile as if you can’t tell that he’s rotting in front of you over the fact that you’re happy with someone that isn’t him.
He can barely look at you when you’re home without the thoughts flooding his brain, rendering him jealous and resentful of everyone in his life whether they’re involved in this situation or not. He doesn’t hold back remarks each time you come back home either, bright eyes with a sex glow surrounding you.
“Out spreading your legs again, I take it?” or “Can never get fucked enough, can you?”
He says them proudly to you, as if it’s any indication that he likes you far more than Jake ever could. But, to his dismay, you look happier and brush him off without a single furrowed brow or argument. You’ve been nicer, and you even walk with better posture now.
He wishes you would argue with him about how untrue his words are, but you don’t. Which renders him only further angry because you don’t deny it, and that you agree with him. The issue is that Jake is on the receiving end of why those words are true.
Jay only wants them to be true if he is on the receiving end.
He wants you to spread your legs every other day for him. He wants you to never be fucked enough….by him. Not by Sunghoon. Not by fucking Jake.
And then? Three long and agonizing days after Jake’s payday, he finally texts.
Jake: we need to talk.
Jay: come over then
Jake: no, i’m not coming back to your house until we talk.
Jay: yours then?
Jake: yeah
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Things were instantly awkward for Jay when he stepped through Jake’s door. It’s like he could tell you’ve been here recently by the feeling in the room alone. You always leave a room so alluring, so stupidly bright.
Jake even appears happier, much like you do when he manages to take note of how you act back at home.
Still, Jay doesn’t come too far into the house out of fear he may very well end up breaking things if it comes down to it. Instead, he stands in the doorway, shoes still tied on his feet, eyes still heavy with an exhaustion that only he can explain.
“I know you know what’s been going on,” Jake starts, raising his hands in defense as if to try and save both his friendship and new relationship. “I want you to know that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, but it did, and I want to at least tell you that I’d treat her right.”
Jay stares forward, feeling his imaginary monarchy fall. His gaze goes straight through Jake and to the room behind him as he listens to him say words that any sibling would love to hear. All he can feel right now is buzzing, goosebumps on his skin threatening his sanity over the fact that he's always gotten everything he ever wanted, except for you.
And he didn’t even want you like this until he knew he couldn’t have you.
“You promised me.” Jay starts with a harsh tone in his voice. “You went straight into her room and started fucking her? And now you have the audacity to ask me if you can date her?!” He bites out with angry brows, now clenching his fists.
Jake should have known better than to think he would be reasonable about this, given how he’s acted throughout the entire situation. Still, he’ll never stop thinking how fucking weird it is. How Jay is entirely protective over you despite consistently making sexual remarks, staring for a little too long, paying a stranger to date you just so you get away from your ex boyfriend.
For all Jake knows, if it wasn’t for you confirming the situation, he could argue Jay would have made up lies about Sunghoon being a bad boyfriend too.
Jay is jealous and Jake fucking sees it.
“You literally paid me to date her. So what if I actually want to be with her now? Why is that such a bad thing?!” Jake retorts, throwing his hands up as if everything Jay is saying doesn’t make any sense to a normal person.
Which is true.
“I paid you to pretend, not to actually want her!” Jay raises his voice again, despite being in Jake’s home, despite being his long time childhood friend. Over all, trying to appear more threatening as a means to regain his control.
“I don’t understand why you’re not okay with this.” Jake starts, much calmer than Jay. “What? You're gonna keep her from dating anyone ever again?”
Jay stands down at those words, knowing that if he could he would. Knowing that it must be incredibly telling to Jake, who isn’t as stupid as he acts.
“Why? You’re mad because you can’t be with her? And if you can’t, then no one can?” Jake adds with a smile.
Immediately Jay storms up to him, fisting Jake’s shirt collar in his hand.
“You think I want to be with trash like her?” He seethes out in a hot whisper, body telling on him in the way his words don’t match the defensive stance he takes. “I just don’t want you fucking my sister.”
“The deal is off, Jay.” Jake says in an even calmer tone, almost smiling. “Besides, I already fucked her.”
Jay intensely stares at him, anticipating the next word Jake says ending in a swift punch to the jaw.
“Multiple times.”
That breaks him.
What he thought would end in a physical altercation appears to be ending in his own begging. His own self-pity at how sad he is for himself over this overtakes every thought in his head. He is desperate to get you, and desperate to make sure Jake leaves and never comes back.
“I’ll pay you double what i’ve already paid to break up with her.” He bribes. “Triple.”
“You can’t just keep her, she doesn’t want you.” Jake continues, pressing all of the buttons of a friend he used to trust with his life. “She doesn’t even like you.”
Jay stands there, releasing the grip on Jake’s shirt and taking a step back. He knows Jake is right, and he hasn’t done anything to make you like him either, but still. Why does everyone else get parts of you that he can’t have?
“Jake, you’re misunderstanding.” He tries to reply in a calmer voice. “I’ve known her since freshman year and I’ve watched her get hurt. I don’t want anyone around her.”
Jake laughs at him. And honestly? It shocks Jay with the way his friend has changed in just a matter of weeks. It’s the fact that it’s his fault.
“You’re fucking weird, dude.” Jake continues to laugh. “You know me better than anyone and you don’t even want her to be with me? Of all people?”
Jay listens, trying to ignore how his truth has to come about another way. If Jake wants a fight over you, so be it.
“Sunghoon? Yeah, I get it but, the fact that you won’t even let me be with her? When is it what she wants?”
“Break up with her, this is my final warning.” Jay dead-pans.
“Or what?”
Jay stands there, directly in front of a friend he just threw away over a girl. Staring at him with such immense hate in his eyes that even Jake feels a shiver run down his spine.
He says nothing when he shoves past Jake and walks straight out the front door, only speaking before closing it with a “You have a week to break it off.”
Jake rolls his eyes at the words, shrugging at the situation despite knowing the sadness of losing a friend will hit sooner or later. Really though? Deep down, Jake knew that Jay had a thing for you after the way he’s been acting.
And it’s like, Jake knew he was bad at talking to girls but at least he doesn’t call them sluts and whores, or make them think he would rather be run over by a fucking tank than to say anything nice to them.
What’s worse is that he gets it. You’re entirely likable, lovable even, and it’s going to take a lot more than a couple of threats to pull Jake away from you. Likewise for Jay it seems. Step-siblings aside, there’s no way Jay didn’t have a crush on you before you became his step sister. Anyone would have a crush on you.
Still. That’s weird, and there’s nothing Jay can do to have you. With or without Jake, you’d never want him after the way he spoke to you. You’d never fuck family, nor would you ever be interested in a guy like him anyway.
At least with Jake’s false persona, he acted more like his true self than he meant to when he was around you.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
A week goes by and there is no word of Jake ending it with you.
In fact, you’re still leaving every other night to see him, coming home with a little bounce in your step and a stupid fucking smile on your face. Jay can’t stand it anymore.
He thought a week was him being nice. Giving Jake, who he still cares about, mind you, enough time to come to terms that this will never work if Jay is around. Once again though, Jake didn’t listen. The once lost and intelligent guy now appears to know exactly what he wants in life and it’s so fucked up to Jay that it just so happens to be his girl.
A girl that isn’t really even his, and the only ownership he has over you is a title that makes him want to gag.
Step-sister.
Jay has come to terms by now that he is willing to end his longest friendship over you. He is willing to defy his own moral standards for you. He is willing to love you, touch you, and be anything you need. The only issue is the fact that he’s already fucked it up for himself.
Jake was right in saying you don’t even like him. Not as a friend, not as a step-brother, and certainly not as a boyfriend. It truly is his own fault too, but things can change.
And they will change.
“Why do you act like Jake is the best thing that’s ever happened to you?” Jay asks, leaning against the frame of your bedroom door with his arms crossed.
“Oh, am I?” You look down shyly, smiling because you can’t stop. “I guess I didn’t notice.”
Jay lends a short nod and a smile to himself, feeling more and more calm as the seconds pass and he steps into your room.
You, on the other hand, are elated tonight solely because of the date Jake took you on just the day before. He was so sweet, and so nice. Even going as far as eating you out in his car simply because he couldn’t resist, and missed you too much in the twenty four hour span of not seeing you previously.
You wish you could talk about it with Jay, you wish you could thank him for bringing Jake into your life and let whatever fucked-up relationship you have with him die so that it can be replaced with something more pleasant.
“Thank you, by the way.” You say meekly as he enters and wanders around your room, staring at several of Jake’s shirts hanging in your closet.
“Hm?” Jay responds off handedly, reaching into the closet to feel one of your soft t-shirts.
“Thank you for letting me meet Jake. I was shocked that day you invited me to eat with you guys, so I assumed it was to help with the whole Sunghoon situation. It did help, you know?” You smile fondly, thinking of your boyfriend and how nice he looks when he’s holding your hand.
“Ah–” Jay turns to look at you, letting one of your soft shirts fall from a hanger so that he can run his fingers through his hair with a stressed look up at your ceiling.
You watch as he takes in a deep sigh before hanging his head.
“Listen, I have something to tell you about Jake.” He finally says, walking to your door and closing it before sitting on your bed and looking at you with a serious expression.
“What is it?” You tilt your head at him.
He watches your face of confusion, seeing how heavy the feelings are that you’ve managed to grow for a man you were never meant to have feelings for. The way you swallow around a lump in your throat shows him that you’re going to listen to him, and possibly believe him.
For the first time, Jay isn’t going to be lying to you about Jake either.
“Jake is only dating you for the money I give to him every month.” Jay admits, knowing you’re about to bombard him with questions as to why he’s paying Jake to do it.
“What?” You question again, dead-pan staring at him.
“I paid him to date you because I trusted him not to be like Sunghoon, and you seemed really hurt by what happened.”
“What?!” You echo yourself, furrowing your brows at Jay and the way it’s the first time he’s ever looked at you in such a soft way. “How much?!”
“Two hundred a month. I dropped off his last payment last Sunday.” He lies.
You pause, reminding yourself that just the Saturday before he was holding you close to him on his couch, telling you all sorts of nice things that made your heart double in size.
“He only learned to play guitar because we thought it would be your type. Jake is more of a loser than I am. If you had met him just a day earlier, you wouldn’t have looked at him twice.”
You remain silent, listening to all of this fucked up information.
“Here pretty soon, he’s supposed to break up with you.”
And now your face is hot, and your eyes are burning. All of those words Jake said to you felt entirely genuine. The way he kissed you, touched you, and even the way he looked at you felt so real and electrifying.
There’s a part of you that doesn’t believe a word Jay is saying, but there’s also a part of you that wonders how much of it is true. You’ve seen Jake’s room and his selection of monotone and earth tone clothing that you’ve never seen him wear before.
“I don’t believe you.” You say, crossing your arms, looking away from Jay, then sniffling. “It would be so fucked up if you really paid some guy to pretend he liked me.”
Jay shakes his head in mock sadness for you.
“I set rules, you know? He wasn’t supposed to let it get so bad. He wasn’t supposed to sleep with you or even kiss you, I know that he did though.” Jay says, reaching a hand out to yours. “I keep seeing how happy you look and can’t stand that he’s doing this to you. I just wanted to help.”
You blink up at Jay.
“Why did you care so much to help me get over Sunghoon? So much that you’d pay Jake to do this?”
“Because I didn’t want to see you be taken advantage of. I see that it was a bad idea now though, because Jake definitely took advantage of you when he could.” He looks down, still in mock sorrow for you. “I wanted to punch him so bad when I paid him last time, with his stupid shit eating grin like he’s won the lottery or something.”
“Do you–” You pause, trying to process the information. “have proof?”
Jay nods, pulling up the few text messages he and Jake have sent about the situation.
Jay: do you think she fell for it? you completely changed vibes bro
Jake: yeah for sure i got a date tomorrow with her
Jay: if i knew it would be this easy i wouldn’t be paying you so much
Jake: money AND a girl? best deal ever.
Right then and there, upon reading those texts, the crying really does start. You question your ability to read feelings, body language, and words. You really thought Jake meant everything he said, and over all you’re just learning that…well, he’s a great liar.
“I know what I did was wrong, but I’m trying to make it right.” Jay soothes, scooting closer to you and hugging you against his chest. “I’m here whether you’re mad at me or not.”
You shove him away from you initially, but he uses his strength against you to hold you against him tightly. It’s the first time Jay has ever hugged you, the first time he’s ever comforted you while simultaneously being the cause of your shattered heart right now.
“Why are you like this?” You ask in a truly pathetic voice, raspy and full of overwhelming emotion that you don’t know what to do with. “Why did you have to do that?”
Jay takes in a deep breath, readying himself for whatever reaction you could possibly give to his next, very carefully thought out words.
“Because I’ve liked you since freshman year, and now you’re my sister.” He says in a sweet whisper against the top of your head. “Because you never noticed me before, and you barely do now, but I wanted to help your situation somehow without making it weird.”
He feels you cry harder against him now, your hands gripping his shirt without intention as you try and work through the even bigger flood of information now. It’s true that you didn’t notice Jay too much, and he never indicated any type of feeling for you. He could have been your type, if he had made an attempt to get to know you, but he never did. He became your step-brother instead. One who would do nothing but ridicule you and pay men to fuck you, apparently.
And as you cry, all you can do is raise that same gripping hand and land it harshly against his chest in a punch that feels weak to him. Over and over again, and he just takes it. Sitting there hugging you against him in a way that keeps your abuse weak and pathetic as you release the emotion on him.
“I would have been able to do more for you if it wasn’t for Jake taking advantage of my own weakness.” Jay now says, trying to land the final nail in Jake’s coffin for you. “In some way, I think I would have made you happier.”
Your attempts to hit the anger out of you fall short with each passing moment as your fingers find purchase back in his shirt, and the feeling of being enveloped by an apology overtakes you in full.
You can taste your tears against his shirt, feeling sorry for yourself for dampening him like this. Feeling sorry that he likes you and knowing you don’t like him back. Feeling sorry that the only person you’ve ever felt strongly for like this, never felt a thing back for you.
You’re worth two hundred dollars to both of them.
And when you pull back, feeling Jay allow you to pull away, you just stare at him with an empty and broken expression.
Jay can’t help but think you look even prettier with a broken heart. Mostly because he knows he’s the only person here who can fix it for you. He knows exactly what’s going through his mind when he leans forward and kisses you without hesitation.
You are shocked by the action, feeling unfamiliar lips on yours for just a moment before you’re shoving him back with a grimace.
“What the fuck?!” You yelp, baffled and entirely disgusted.
Jay says nothing as he stares at you as if he’s lost his mind. His mouth is slack when he looks at you and it’s a face that very nearly scares you. Especially when he takes your face in both of his hands and does it again.
A harsher kiss, with him holding you there against his lips, running his hands down to keep your body from pushing him away again.
“Let me make it better.” He pleads in a desperate whisper between his forced kisses. “Just this once.”
You’re not sure what’s happening right now, as you sit stiffly in his grasp, feeling him plead and kiss against you like a mad man. Wondering why you’re not fighting after hearing his broken voice. Wondering if he feels just as broken as you do right now.
This is your sibling by marriage, trying to give you something that he should not be giving you. Indulging you in truth, too much truth. And maybe you’re going a little crazy too, because you just let him.
And you let him, and let him, until he’s releasing his grip on your body forcing you to stay close to him, and gently caressing your face through his one sided kisses.
“Please.” He whispers just against your lips, pulling back a few inches to look at you.
And when you look at him this time, it feels raw. That’s the only way you can describe this situation of immense loss inside of you. Forced away from someone while being totally suffocated by another who only seemed to want to hurt you before all of this.
“Jongseong, no.” You warn, not entirely understanding why you don’t fully agree with your own words right now.
Maybe it’s because you want to be wanted, or needed, or loved at this moment.
“Don’t call me that.” He whispers, leaning forward again, kissing you on the corner of your mouth. “Why won’t you let me try?”
You take in a deep breath, wondering the same thing.
Because he’s your brother?
Because he paid Jake to break you more than Sunghoon ever has?
Because you want to let him try, solely to numb yourself from everything else for the night?
“I–” You start, staring forward and straight through him. “I don’t know.”
He smiles, spreading his legs wide beside you to adjust himself solely because he got to feel your lips on his. His hands stay against your face as he looks at you through this, and notes only slightly the way you reach your hands up to grip his biceps.
“You don’t?” He asks. “Why do you throw yourself at everyone but me then?”
Those are words that should hurt you more than he already has, but they don’t. He’s not wrong. If you were more careful of the people you lend your body to for pleasure, maybe you wouldn’t continue to get hurt. Maybe everything he’s done really has taught you how to pick and choose better people.
Sunghoon, Jake, and now him.
Now him.
It feels so final, like a last hurrah of hating yourself before you decide to never let another man into your heart again. You won’t date Jay, you won’t even think of him as someone you could be with solely due to the circumstances.
But for some reason, there is something you will do and that happens to be living up to all of those insults he threw at you before. Dumb, whore, slut.
And you’ll do those things solely to make yourself feel better right now. Sex isn’t healing but when a person appears to want you this badly, it kind of is in its own way. A reminder that at least you’re wanted on some level, especially when you’re running circles in your head over what it could be that you keep doing wrong.
This time, Jay is shocked when you’re the one who leans forward, your hands falling from his biceps straight to his hands over your face. You cry when you kiss him, feeling utterly insane that you’re doing this, not knowing why you’re going to keep pushing, and absolutely ignoring that you’ll regret it.
“If you want to fuck me so bad, just do it then.” You say, more as an insult to him, yourself, and the entire situation.
What’s worse is, you said that so Jay would pull back and come back to his senses. Anyone who hears those words should know that it’s an all or nothing question. Any decent person, any selfless person would deny fucking you in this state.
And while you want him to fuck you at this point, just to prove how badly he’s wanted to, you equally wanted him to just be here for you in the way he was supposed to.
Jay doesn’t pick up on the cue though, and instead jumps right in. Kissing you back and pulling you down with him against your mattress.
The bed feels less pretty with Jay lying in it with you, but his lips work better than Jake’s did the first time he kissed you so messily. You don’t mind only because you don’t care about a single outcome at this point.
Everything bad that could happen to you has already happened.
Jay wants you to like it though. He wants you to like everything about him. Even the aspects about himself that he can’t stand. And he kisses you in a way to try and force this outcome.
Jake is still in the front of his mind though, as he takes his girl back on the same bed where Jake presumably took you away to begin with.
And you’re so pretty too, with your tear stained cheeks kissing him in an angry way. Jay couldn’t be happier that you’ll take this out on him. He deserves it, doesn’t he? To be hated? Hated enough to be kissed by you? It’s wonderful, really.
He stays like this with you for as long as he can, the fear of it stopping fizzling out with each passing minute that you only kiss harder, harder, harder. Up until he can’t stand the feeling of his cock in his pants, up until he can’t help but feel you up, relishing in your hot skin and the way you still shiver probably through the chill in your heart right now.
His hand lands under your shirt, pulling your bra down just so he can eagerly circle his fingers around one of your nipples. Thinking so hard about the tits he’s wanted to see bare for so long, feeling it perk up against his finger in reaction.
He throbs at it, even if you won’t make eye contact with him between kisses. Even if you kiss him like you mean it but clearly don’t. He’s taking what he can get, taking what you’ll give to him.
“I heard you guys, you know.” Jay says, pinching your nipple before rolling on top of you just to dig his length against your leg. “You seemed so happy to gag on him, why aren’t you like that for me?”
You ignore his words, trying not to moan at the thickness you feel in his pants. Never once have you thought about what Jay could be packing, but it’s…bigger than you probably would have expected. Feeling it against you breaks that final barrier in your brain keeping you from being entirely turned on by the lack of morals you’re sharing with him.
This is the first thing you’ve ever shared with Jay outside of an argument.
“Can you stop talking?” You ask in a huff, breath hitching when he adjusts his hips between your legs and rubs himself against the center of your heat. “It’s pissing me off.”
“Mm, I bet.” He smiles, using both hands to push your shirt and bra up to your collarbones, revealing your chest to him. He grabs both of them without hesitation, and studies the way they fit in his hand. “I’m trying to fix this right now though.” He nods to himself, smirking the same smirk he always gives you when he’s being an asshole and squeezing the tit that rests above your heart.
You’re angry that you like it. You enjoy the way he grips tighter, and ruts himself harsher against you. Almost more desperately than Jake did. Rougher, so much rougher.
“You can’t fix what’s happened.” You groan out, annoyed and equally as aroused. “So, stop trying.”
“Getting you wet can fix it.” He says, leaning back and placing both hands on your knees, spreading your legs wide. He stares at you and the dismay on your face, then down between your legs. It doesn’t take much convincing from him though, to have you bucking your hips up against your own will.
You never knew Jay could be so confident or dirty.
And when he backs up just to take off your bottoms in one swift motion, you don’t even hide your face. Because you don’t care what you look like right now, or what he sees. You’re already past the boundary and at this point your body wants what it wants.
Quite frankly, you hope he fucks the morals right out of you. You hope he fucks the emotion out of you, and renders you a shell of a person that can no longer feel pain in any capacity.
“Well, well, well.” Jay gloats as he gets back between your legs, noting how you’re already wet. Not entirely wet, but definitely turned on. “Can’t believe you’re wet for your own brother.”
You roll your eyes, wishing he’d stop focusing on that. You’re barely related. Just by marriage, anyway.
“Stop talking.” You argue.
And, well, for the first time he listens to you.
If you knew you could shut him up by putting a pussy in his mouth, perhaps you would have done this sooner. Then again, you likely wouldn’t have considered it before now.
Anything he could say to you right now is muffled, and all you can hear are groans and grunts each time he tries to lick straight into you. Through you almost. His tongue is just as harsh as everything else, neglecting your clit and going straight for what he wants in his mouth.
He licks and laps at you without shame, knees planted on the floor and fingers spreading you open against his lips. His eyes stay open though, staring up at you, only blinking slowly when he gets a taste of something particularly sweet.
You try not to reach down like you always seem to do for Jake. You really do try, but it’s like an instinct thing, you guess. You find your fingers in his hair, gripping the strands much harsher than you usually would this time.
If he’s rough, you can be rough too, right?
You drag him up by his hair, listening to his shameless moan of pleasure at how you treat him. You plant his face directly against your clit, and he’s just as harsh with his tongue against it. Flicking it, swirling his tongue around it, side to side, up and down, before he circles his lips around it and sucks with another one of his embarrassingly sexy moans.
Something about him liking this to the full extent is so good. It’s so wrong, but it’s so, so, fucking good.
And as you hold him there, his fingers slide into you as if he knows exactly how to do it. You’re shocked that he does, actually. With someone so invisible to the world to anyone but himself, he must have gotten plenty of practice in with all of the snooty book-smart girls back on campus.
You hate to admit that they’re kind of lucky. Jay is clean with it. Goes straight for the pleasure spots and doesn’t fuck around at all. Sunghoon was always messy with his fingers, smiling and playing with you and the way you’d whine for him to hit a particular spot again. Jake, on the other hand, would never know where to land his fingers, but he’d find it and keep hitting it when you’d make that one specific sound.
Jay knows where it is, and he knows he does.
You know he does.
To the point that you can’t help the moans that fall from your lips. Almost as shameless as he is, avoiding the fact that you do like this. You do like the entire situation that surrounds it. After all, you’d never get fucked like this is it wasn’t from Jay, right? If he didn’t go off and set you up for failure first, right?
Fuck Jay.
Quite literally. Fuck him for being so good at ruining everyone.
“I hate you.” You whisper between moans, already feeling the tears bubble up again. You hate him so much, and you hate everything about how he really could have been something had he tried before.
You hate that it feels so good.
You hate that he chuckles at your words, vibrating his voice against your clit and making you shiver.
You can’t stand that he can fit three fingers into you with ease, proving how wet you are for him.
And even more do you hate the way he pulls back, staring up at you as he quickens his fingers, hitting that same spot, over and over again with a filthy smirk on his glistening lips.
“Hate me all you want,” He says in a smooth voice, listening to the sounds of how wet you are gushing out and against his palm. “You seem to love what I can do for you.”
You groan out again, from deep in your chest as you try to close your legs around him, as if to push him out of you but you can feel the way he easily keeps one of your legs spread out and open, preventing the act.
And as he listens to the sounds of your body, it all clicks in his head. It’s no wonder Jake wanted to be with you so bad. The taste of you, the smell, the sounds your body emits to be fucked? He wouldn’t let anyone take you from him. Sunghoon too, no wonder he kept coming back. That girl he always fucks during the summers surely doesn’t stand a chance against you.
No one could look so sweet and sound so arousing like this but you. Not a single other person in this world could have his cock straining against his pants like this over the act of giving head. If anything, Jay hates giving head. But you’re clean.
You taste sweet.
He could eat you out for days.
“God, just fucking look at you.” He groans to himself when he stares at his three fingers plunging into you, hitting that same spot since he started.
He can feel the squeeze of your pussy around his fingers each time he drives them in deep, pushing them together. And you only squeeze more and more as he does it. He knows exactly what this means.
“Already?” He asks snidely. “Just from my fingers?”
You stay silent only because you couldn’t speak if you wanted to. Never has a man assaulted your g-spot so well before, and you’ve felt it building up this entire time. Your whole body feels weak, your eyes feel fogged over, your brain is going numb as you relish in the pleasure rather than the reality just outside of it.
“Fuck, Jay.” You manage to get out, not even shocked that you just said his name in regards to this situation.
Nothing shocks you anymore.
And it’s like music to his ears to hear you sing his name in pleasure. It’s not a stutter of Jake’s name this time. It’s really his name, and he feels so fucking elated by it. He fucks his fingers in faster through the eagerness of hearing you willingly say that to him. He even dips down, his shoulders keeping your legs open just so he can lick around the same hole his fingers are stretching out, and right there is where he wills for you to come.
He wants to feel it drip against his tongue, he wants his fingers and face to be fucking soaked in you and all of that hate you claim you have for him.
It’s not a shocker to him that you do, either. He knows how to touch a pussy, you’re not a puzzle for him. But at least your cum is sweeter than he’s ever tasted. He laps it up like a fucking dog, moaning through it as you hold your breath. Your legs shake, your cunt clenches, your clit throbs, and he’s the reason for all of it.
He works you through it so well, to the point that you’re out of breath and looking at him as if he is your boyfriend. Only now do you wish that your mother didn’t have to go off and marry his dad. You could have easily dated this asshole just for the way he gives head and uses his fingers alone.
Yeah, maybe you are a slut.
“Mm, I heard that.” He coos out, licking up the last of your orgasm before lifting and resting his head just below your belly button. “You moaned my name.”
You’ve never seen him smile like this. His eyes have never looked so bright before. You’re mad that he looks attractive between your legs, with his lips dripping in your own arousal. You hate that you like it.
“I did.” You say, leaving no room for him to respond.
After all, he probably said that just to try and get a rise out of you.
“You’re going to do it again, you know.” He responds anyway, now standing and reaching for the button on his pants. “And again.”
You watch him, not wanting to believe that you’ll be moaning his name again tonight. Thinking that this is the end of it, though you should have known better. He’s going all the way.
“Roll over.” He says now, almost demanding in a way that makes you immediately follow the direction.
You roll over perfectly for him, presenting an already fucked and pulsing hole for him to rub up and against. He actually has to blink up at the ceiling with a deep breath before really getting a good look at this angle.
A perfect ass, perfect cunt, all wet and willing for him of all people. You’re right where you belong at this moment. Against your bed, with his cock out and ready to fuck you until you forget Jake ever existed.
“Damn.” He comments, thumbing at your pussy lips and gripping himself with the other hand. “Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror like this?”
That’s a weird question, but yeah.
Still, you don’t nod or answer. You just stuff your face into the very same pillow that Jake laid against the day you straddled him. If you breathe in hard enough, you can almost smell him on it.
“I’m sure you have.” Jay answers for himself, now spreading your cheeks and getting a good look at both holes.
Then, he leans forward, takes off his shirt, and slaps his cock against your swollen lips. Over and over again, watching the strings of your previous orgasm connect him to you. He pushes, and pushes, rubbing it between your lips and relishing in the image of his cock against you.
Where it fucking belongs.
And then he’s releasing a string of saliva, letting it drop directly onto the head of his length before he pushes the tip in.
God, he’s thick. Just the head alone feels so much bigger than you’ve had before and it’s a bit unfamiliar. Because, of fucking course it is.
Still, he stays like that. Pushing his tip in, out, in, out.
Over and over again, giving you small sighs from his throat at the feeling until you can’t fucking stand it anymore.
You’re the one who pushes back, slipping another inch of him into your tight and wet walls, gripping your sheets much the same way Jake did when you went down on him.
“Fuuuuck,” Jay moans out slowly, using both hands to spread your cheeks and get a good look at the way you’re the one who wants more. “Didn’t expect you to be this tight, baby.”
You ignore his words, knowing they’re more insulting than you need to hear right now.
And then, you feel his hand move to the small of your back and push a perfect arch out of you, his other hand pushing forward to grip your tit. He slides all the way in this time, bottoming out before staying in place just to feel you adjust around him.
“Let me feel how tight you really are then,” He smiles from behind you, finger flicking your nipple and flexing his cock inside of you. “Squeeze it.”
You clench on demand, not because he asked for it, but because the feeling of his fingers on your nipple forces you to do it. It’s a slight pleasure that always shoots straight to your pussy and you can’t fucking help the moan. You’ve always been weak to have your nipples played with, and Jake really indulges you in that. Jay is doing the same without even fucking knowing what it does to you.
“Goddamn, I just know they’ll miss you.” Jay breaks out in a moan, boasting about having his cock in you and feeling the way your perfect cunt jerks it off for him. “Wouldn’t let anyone fuck this pussy again,” He continues to ramble to you, spilling out his filthy desires. “My pretty slut of a sister, giving it to me like this?”
You gasp when he finally moves, pulling out nearly all the way before stuffing you full again.
“Finally letting me see what all the hype was about?” He degrades, keeping his pace slow just to hear you give into his words with each moan. “I’ll give it to you, you’d like that wouldn’t you?”
You nod against your will, never realizing that maybe you like being called these names. Jay, once so quiet and stoic, now talking to you in a way you never could have imagined. You don’t know why it’s so hot. You won’t think too hard into it, nor will you ever bring this shit up again either.
“Wouldn’t you?” He repeats, leaning down against your ear. “I’ll be the one to fuck you the way you need, won’t I?”
His hips pick up at that point, driving those long and languid strokes into you at a quicker pace, with so much ease and confidence that you almost find it hard to think he’s lying. Maybe the only person you shouldn’t be fucking really is the only one who could fuck you the way you need it.
“Jay,” You hiccup against your pillows, trying to lift, but his hand only pushes you further down, keeping that perfect arch for him to hit your g-spot much like he did with his fingers. “Jay,” You try again, wanting to say something and not yet having the ability.
“That’s right.” He encourages you through his own stifled grunt, putting all the force in his body behind his thrusts now. “Say it.” He continues, now moving the hand from your tit to your hair, forcing your head back and your arch to reach pure agony.
God, that slight change in position nearly does him in. The way you gasp out and let him force you into a shape that only a gymnast could achieve. So flexible. So slutty. You’re perfect.
“God, Just fucking say it again.” He groans, now releasing your hair and gripping your ass, forcing you to ride back on him, trying to memorize the way your pussy walls hug around him, trying to memorize the way you moan for him, the way you’re wet for him, the way he’s finally fucking you.
“Jay–” You moan out, lifting on your arms yourself this time, ruining the arch but pleasing him all the same when you bounce back, to the point that he’s chuckling out his groans and biting his bottom lip to the point he may actually be bleeding.
You are truly so unbelievable to him.
“So needy for dick.” He tuts, trying to keep his composure as he stares down at the scene of you riding against him. “Just gonna ride me like the filthy slut I always knew you were?”
You hiccup, chasing the pleasure for yourself and you alone. Loving the numbness in your brain right now, and the way his cock pulses inside of you. You feel like you could burst with every color of emotion you’ve ever felt in your life, but you refrain.
You bounce back harder, harder, harder, until your knees buckle and he slips out of you when you fall flat back onto your stomach.
He thinks it’s cute though, in the way you fucked against him until you couldn’t anymore. Rendering your body a melted mess of a woman, where he can easily move you to roll over, and take you for all your worth. So he can fuck you better than anyone ever has, so he can remind you that while you’re dirty, and give yourself to just about anyone, you’re proud to have given it to him too.
And as you lay there, staring up at him when he pushes your legs up to your chest, slipping right back into you with a pornographic moan of his own, you can’t help but see him as anyone other than Jay.
He’s too attractive, he fucks too good.
Except it is Jay. You’ve moaned his name. It’s his cock inside of you, he’s the reason you’re so close to your second orgasm.
And goddamn, do you need it.
You need it so much that your fingers leave marks against his shoulders as you try to hold onto him. All you can hear are his breaths of the words “Yes.” and “Mhm.” encouraging you to scratch him harder and deeper as he fucks into you.
He knows you feel good, mostly because of the way you finally make eye contact with him, and the way you look at him as if you want him to be the one fucking you right now over anyone else.
“You really are just–” He starts, in awe at how pretty. “So fucking pretty.” He laughs this time, slamming his hips into you at a pace that forces small moans out of you with each pointed thrust.
And you are shocked by his sudden kind words. This whole time you never could have guessed he had some weird little crush on you, and event through him fucking you, you couldn’t tell. But now he suddenly wants to say you’re pretty?
You don’t get him. Nor do you even care to understand, because what he’s doing right now is enough to distract you from the inevitable situation that will follow.
You remain silent save for the few moans you offer, trying to focus solely on the way his cock splits you open. And man, he really does fuck hard. Each slam into you feels like you’re seeing stars, to the point that you can feel your throat go dry from your slacked lips.
To the point your tits are squished under your legs painfully.
To the fucking point that the saliva that does collect in your mouth only falls out of the corners of your mouth.
Jay is so quick to catch it too, leaning down and squishing your tits even more painfully as he licks up each dribble and revels in the warmth of your mouth. He doesn’t kiss you though, no, no. He likes seeing you cock-drunk for him too much.
You’re really letting him fuck you, and you’re really just letting him do whatever he wants? All it took was losing Jake as a friend? He’d do it over and over again just to experience this in all the different ways he could imagine.
And as he thinks about it, with your pussy clenching him so tightly, he finally releases your legs and focuses on getting you off once more. He lands his fingers right between your legs, aggressively rubbing your clit in time with each of his breathless thrusts.
He’s out of breath by this point, sweating, and his hair is falling against his face only to stick to his forehead as he gives it to you the way you deserve. He wills it out of you, unsatisfied if he can’t get you to come at least twice on him.
Then, he encourages it.
“Come on, baby–you’re close, right?” He grunts, already feeling dangerously close to his own orgasm. “Let me feel it,” He continues, staring straight into your eyes as if he’s telepathically forcing the orgasm out of you. And it works, he can feel the clench become suffocating around his length, forcing his own eager orgasm to the surface.
“Fuck, yeah, this is what you wanted.” He nods to himself frantically, fingers stuttering against your clit as he grinds his cock into you as deep as he can manage, holding it there as he witnesses your second orgasm along with his own.
And both of you are whispering moans and strings of “fuck” and “goddamn” and even a few of his name.
It only drove his orgasm to keep spurting out of him far past your own high. You feel it, and you watched him do it. He didn’t pull out, nor did he even ask if he needed to. He fills you to the brim and only keeps going, lending short thrusts as if to push the cum deeper and deeper into you until he’s entirely drained and spent.
There, he pulls out without a single glance to you before he falls onto your bed, letting the mess on his cock seep into your sheets. That’s when he looks at you, out of breath and sparkly eyed as he pushes his hair out of his face.
He fucking smiles at you.
“Feel better?” He asks through deep breaths, reaching his hand up to your cheek and caressing it as if he actually cares.
“No.” You say numbly, feeling more hollow than you did before giving in to the temptation of a situation so fucked up. “I feel worse now.”
“Aww,” He coos, lifting on his elbow to look at you. “You should’ve told me, I could have kept going.”
You stare at him, unsure of how you feel about any of this. Certainly not wanting it to happen again, but somehow knowing that it very well might.
On your terms.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Things are weird after Jay goes back to his room. He even cleaned you up a little bit using one of Jake’s old shirts with a chuckle. Even nodded to you, saying you should give it back to him unwashed when he inevitably breaks up with you.
It made you cry the instant he finally left you alone. Which is so fucked up because you couldn’t even tell if you wanted to be alone or not. You almost wanted him to stay and pretend to love you for a little longer despite how wrong it was.
At the end of the day though, Jay got what he wanted, and you’re still here having to clean up the trail of destruction he leaves behind him.
The first thing you need to do is talk to Jake and lay it out straight to him. You want to tell him you know the truth, but most of all you want to ask why he did it. You want to know why he was so good at lying, and you deserve to know if any of it at all was real.
Because if he so much as nods his head that any of it was real, you’d never talk to Jay again. In fact, you’d never even look at him again. Especially after what just happened. Regardless of if you liked it, regardless of if Jake really did lie to you, you’d tell Jake everything.
Even if it makes you weird for letting Jay fuck you. Even if it’s weird that you fucked yourself against him.
You’d give everything to Jake if he’d accept it, and all you can do now is hope that somehow this situation is flipped on its head.
Though there’s no way it could be.
So, you lay there, alone in your bed wishing so much that you had someone to tell you that everything will be okay.
The last thing you needed was for that person to be fucking Sunghoon.
The bright and unknowing text makes you cry harder, but you still respond to it.
Because at the end of the day, you really are dumb.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Approaching Jake the next day felt like a whirlwind of emotion in your chest. Wondering if everything Jay said was true, wondering if it’s a lie.
You don’t think you’ve ever hoped more for anything. For Jake to explain it all, for him to make promises and never break them. For him to still want you even if you don’t want yourself.
He sees your face fall the second you look at him. You look nervous, scared, maybe even a bit broken. Which is insane compared to how you normally look at him, or act around him. He immediately panics too, especially when you don’t lift up and kiss him like usual.
“What’s wrong?” He asks, sitting with you in his driveway after a silent drive over. “Things feel really weird and I’d rather you just tell me now because I feel like I’m going crazy.”
“Jay told me everything.” You say, voice breaking throughout each word as you try your damndest to keep the tears from falling and making you look more pathetic than you already do.
Jake is silent when he hears you say that. Reminding himself of the threats Jay threw at him last week, and wondering why he, himself, didn’t try to work things out further with Jay so the truth wouldn’t have come out this way.
You probably hate him. After all, this whole relationship is based on a lie, but that doesn’t mean he lied about his feelings. Because he fucking meant everything.
“Can we go inside to talk about it?” Jake asks gently, turning to you in a timid stance, seemingly curling in on himself. He reaches out to you, but you flinch away, not wanting to be touched by anyone. “Please?”
You try to look at him but the second you do, the tears well up to the point you’d rather just go back home. You feel so tired. Your legs are sore from what Jay did with you, your heart is sore from what Jay told you, and your really, really, just want to sleep it all away.
“Did he really pay you?” You ask through your tears, shifting closer and closer to the door just to create distance so you can breathe.
“Please, just come inside.” Jake pleads, face flushed and heart buzzing at the fear of losing you.
Angry over the fact that Jay would really stoop so low.
“No.” You dead-pan, staring out the window. “I don’t want to go inside with you.”
That really shatters Jake. Entirely, actually, in the way you say it so confidently. He knows you deserve answers though, and you’re probably sick of people toying with you and your little frail heart strings.
“Okay.” He says in a sigh, breathing out and pushing himself against the back of his driver’s seat before turning to look at you again. “He did pay me, but I need you to tell me what he said to you.”
You feel that last bit of hope dissolve with his confirmation. Why does it matter now what Jay said? It’s probably true, right?
It takes you a few minutes to regain composure, crying hot and salty tears next to a man on the verge of breaking someone’s arm over this.
“He said he paid you to get me away from Sunghoon. That you lied the whole time, and that you were planning to break up with me soon.”
In that instance, Jake sees red.
You can hear him breathe through his nose trying to control how badly he wants to raise his voice, not at you, but at Jay. Jay isn’t here though, no. Jay is at home, daydreaming about how he had you once and for all, and the way he set it up for Jake to have no room to wiggle again.
You hear Jake call your name, trying to get you to look at him, but you can’t. You try to keep your eyes out the window, solely because you refuse to look at him if he can’t come up with some type of excuse for you to cling onto.
Jake is good at lying though, you remind yourself.
“I didn’t lie the whole time.” He starts, leaning himself back against the seat of his car and trying to think up a way to explain it that doesn’t make him look worse than he already does. “There’s no way I can explain this without it making me look bad but–” He stops, lifting in his seat and reaching for you, forcing you to look at him. “I only lied to you about wanting to start a band, everything else was real. I stopped taking his money. I tried to tell him the deal is off because I want to be with you, I–”
You look at him this time, letting the information sit right in the center of your brain.
“He got mad when I told him I didn’t want to break up. He offered to pay me triple to do it, then threatened me when I ignored him.”
Maybe he’s not lying.
“I’ve known him since childhood, I only took this deal because I thought he was genuinely just trying to get you away from some asshole. But when he didn’t even want me to be with you, I realized–”
“He fucked me, you know?” You say, shaking your head with a sad laugh. “I let him. I don’t know why but, I did.”
Jake freezes, his apologetic tone leaving his body in an instant.
“Are you fucking joking right now?” He asks, clenching his fists before loosening them to grab your face on both sides. “I need you to understand that I lied to you before I knew you. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
You stare forward in a numb way, feeling his warm hands caress your cheek like it doesn’t look like he wants to murder someone right now.
“I don’t care if you slept with him. He’s the one who took advantage of you, not me.”
Only now do you think your tears dry up, choosing to believe Jake, choosing to hate Jay. Both with all of your being.
“I need you to promise me not to tell anyone.” You say with a hollow voice. “I need you to make a lot of promises to me after this if you still want me.”
“Wha-” Jake is dumbfounded by your words. “If I still want you?!” He continues, that angry expression now turned at you. “You think I don’t want you now? Because my own best friend decided to become a piece of shit? This isn’t your fault.”
You feel lighter at those words, your legs feel less sore, your heart starts beating at a pace that you can hear.
“I let him though.” You say, trying to look away but feeling Jake hold your face and keep it from moving. “I believed him over you.”
Jake nods, softening his features in an instant when he lunges forward to kiss you.
“Let’s just– let’s go inside, okay?”
You nod slowly, feeling slightly dissociated about all of this, especially with the way your entire life and moral status shattered within the span of a day and a half.
And when Jake walks you inside, he sits with you on the couch with no indication of taking advantage of you. He looks just as hurt and confused as you do despite being Jay’s co-conspirator at one point.
“Sunghoon texted me.” You add to the whirlwind of mishaps. “I responded, but then he ghosted me again.”
Jake nods, listening to you before the room falls heavy and silent. The only comfort you feel comes from the warmth of his side pressed against yours.
“I really hope you believe me when I say I meant all of what I’ve said to you. If I was really going to break up with you and do what he wanted me to do, I wouldn’t have slept with you.”
You pause.
“You wouldn’t have?”
Jake shakes his head, proving to you time and time again that he is nothing but a man who cares about how other people feel. If he were to continue the deal and have no feelings for you by the end of it, you genuinely believe the blow would have hurt less because he would have made sure of it.
“As much as I wanted to sleep with you from day one, I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t as attached to you as I was, or still am.”
Everything always feels better when Jake is the one talking, explaining, navigating. It’s like there’s nothing in the world he can’t do. A situation that felt like it couldn’t be fixed, suddenly feels mended and unbelievably stupid to you.
Jay is pathetic, and you gave in to the way he spoke to you, you gave him what he wanted, and what did he do? Smile because he got his way? Chuckle at your pain? Get off on it, even? God, you’re so stupid.
“I believe you.” You finally breathe out, feeling an immense amount of weight lifting off of you. “What should we do, then?”
“Piss him off? What? He doesn’t have anything on me after this anyway. He isn’t gonna run and tell your mom he slept with you or anything, I know for a fact his dad would beat his ass.”
You chuckle, which feels morbidly uncanny to do right now, but you worried you’d never be able to crack a smile again.
“So, what else then? What else did you lie to me about?” You ask, blinking away lighter tears now.
“My gpa isn’t a 2.1.” He looks away, feeling bad that he lied to you at all. “It’s a 4.3.”
Oh. A smart boy.
“I don’t usually paint my nails or wear ripped clothes, and I’m kind of a loser. I’ve only slept with like two girls before you.” He continues, looking at you with sparkling eyes. “I think I like this look on me though, so in a way I wasn’t even lying about my fashion sense past the first day, if I’m being honest.”
You smile, reminding yourself of how genuine he felt when you were with him back then.
“Only two girls?” You pin point that quick statement he made. “I definitely wouldn’t have guessed.” You laugh sarcastically, sniffling a bit due to the sheer amount of crying you’ve been doing.
Jake rolls his eyes at you.
“Isn’t that proof enough to know I wouldn’t have done any of this with bad intentions?”
You smile, nodding, feeling like you’re worlds away from the pain you felt this morning.
“I can’t believe he did that.” You finally let out, leaning closer to Jake and gripping onto his arm as if you need more balance. He lets you, feeling happy but still angry at the man who used to be his most beloved friend.
“I’d like to say the same, but unfortunately I’m not shocked.” Jake shakes his head in pity a Jay, the guy who thinks he has it all. “He’s always been awful to other people, but never to me until now.”
You nod in agreement.
“I barely noticed him before my mom decided to marry his dad. It’s going to be hard going back to campus without you. He’s probably going to sabotage me more or something.”
“Nah,” Jake shakes his head languidly. “4.3 GPA remember?” He continues, wrapping both arms around you and hugging. “I could transfer.”
And for some reason, you can’t help but feel excited knowing Jay may have had you once, but he will never have you again. You can’t wait to see the look on his face with Jake rolls up on campus, tainting any plan to get close to you. Even more? You know Sunghoon will be fuming to know he fucked around and found out.
After all, with your mother so lovey dovey with Jay’s dad, you could always spend the summer with Jake instead. Leaving Jay all alone, where he fucking belongs.
𝕺BSESSION THEORY 𝒶 study on how love becomes obsession
𝕰XPERIMENT OVERVIEW ────── sunoo studies you like a perfect experiment, tracking every glance, every habit, every reaction. what starts as careful observation quickly spirals into a consuming fixation—his formula is simple: you, always.
𝕾TUDY DETAILS : this study contains themes of obsession and possessive behavior, as well as references to violence, stockholm syndrome, blood, knives, and smut. 17k word count one-shot 𝖔bsession theory playlist
STAGE ONE : 𝓐WARENESS
you first notice him noticing you on a thursday.
the library's third floor is always quiet at this hour, that strange pocket of afternoon where most students are either in class or pretending they don't have assignments due. you've claimed your usual spot by the window, the one where the light comes in at just the right angle, warm but not blinding. your laptop screen reflects the pale sky outside, and you're three paragraphs into an essay that's going nowhere when you feel it—that particular weight of being watched.
you glance up.
sunoo is sitting two tables away, chin propped on his hand, and he's looking directly at you. not the furtive, embarrassed kind of looking that people do when they're caught staring. no, his gaze is steady, open, accompanied by a smile that reaches his eyes and makes them disappear into crescents. he's been in your sociology seminar since september, always sitting near the front, always raising his hand with that enthusiastic energy that makes professors love him. you've spoken maybe four times total. casual things. borrowed pens. comments about readings.
"caught me," he says, voice pitched low to respect the library silence but somehow still bright, still carrying that warmth he seems to radiate. he doesn't look away. "you always do that thing with your hair when you're thinking. it's cute."
your hand freezes halfway to your head. you hadn't realized you'd been twisting a strand around your finger. "do i?"
"yeah. you did it last week too, during professor kim's lecture about deviance theory." he tilts his head, and there's something in the way he says it—so specific, so observed—that makes your stomach do a small, uncertain flip. "you were sitting three rows ahead of me. you wore that blue sweater, the oversized one."
you remember the lecture. you don't remember the sweater specifically, but you probably did wear the blue one. it's your favorite. what you don't remember is sunoo sitting behind you, close enough to notice your unconscious habits, detailed enough to recall what you were wearing a week ago.
"good memory," you say, and you mean it as a compliment, but it comes out sounding like a question.
his smile widens. "only for things that matter."
he goes back to his laptop after that, and you try to return to your essay, but the words won't come. you read the same sentence four times. your awareness has shifted, hyperconscious now of every small movement you make, wondering if he's still watching, wondering why you kind of hope he is.
the next time, it's the campus café on monday morning.
you're in line, still half-asleep, mentally preparing yourself for an eight-thirty lecture you're definitely not ready for. the café smells like burnt espresso and cinnamon, and someone's playing indie music too loudly through the speakers. you're scrolling through your phone, not paying attention to anything, when someone says your name.
sunoo is beside you suddenly, close enough that you catch the scent of something clean and slightly sweet—vanilla, maybe, or honey. he's holding two cups, steam curling up from the lids, and he's wearing a cream-colored cardigan that makes him look soft, approachable, like sunlight personified.
"i got your usual," he says, extending one of the cups toward you. "oat milk latte, right? with an extra shot?"
you stare at the cup. at him. "how did you—"
"you mentioned it." he says it like it's obvious, like everyone remembers the coffee preferences of people they've barely spoken to. "couple weeks ago, remember? we were both leaving class and you said you needed caffeine to survive tuesdays."
you don't remember that conversation. or maybe you do, vaguely, the kind of throwaway comment you make to fill silence while walking in the same direction. but he remembered. he remembered, and he's here now, at eight in the morning, with your exact order in his hands.
"you didn't have to do that," you say, but you're already reaching for the cup, already feeling that warm flutter of being seen, being thought about.
"i wanted to." his fingers brush yours during the exchange, just briefly, and his eyes hold yours for a beat longer than necessary. "besides, i was getting one anyway. it's not a big deal."
but it feels like a big deal. it feels like the kind of gesture that means something, that crosses some invisible line from acquaintance into something else. you thank him, and he waves it off with that bright smile, and then he's walking away to meet some friends across the café, and you're standing there with a warm cup and a warmer feeling spreading through your chest.
you think about it all through your lecture. the way he said your name, familiar and fond. the way he knew exactly what you'd want.
by wednesday, you start to notice the pattern.
he's in the library again when you arrive, same third floor, different table but closer this time. he looks up when you walk in, like he was waiting, like he knew you'd come. "hey," he says, and there's that smile again, the one that makes you feel like you're the only person in the room. "working on that essay still?"
you are. you settle into your spot, and within ten minutes, he's moved to your table, asking if you mind the company. you don't. he's easy to be around, all animated hand gestures and enthusiastic tangents about everything from the symbolism in the film you're analyzing to his new obsession with scented candles. "i got this one that's supposed to smell like a bookstore," he tells you, eyes bright. "old paper and leather and wood. it's perfect. you'd love it."
you probably would. you tell him so, and he grins like you've given him something precious.
"i'll bring it next time," he says. "you can tell me if it lives up to the hype."
next time. like it's already decided that there will be a next time, and another after that.
thursday, he's in the café again. friday, you see him outside the sociology building, and he falls into step beside you like it's choreographed, asking about your weekend plans. his attention is constant, warm, flattering. he laughs at your jokes, remembers the names of your friends when you mention them in passing, asks follow-up questions about things you barely recall telling him.
"how's your roommate doing?" he asks on monday. "the one who was sick last week?"
you blink. "she's better. wait, i told you about that?"
"yeah, you seemed worried about her." he's looking at you with such genuine concern that you feel guilty for questioning it. "i'm glad she's okay."
maybe you did mention it. conversations blur together when you're tired, and you've been tired a lot lately. it makes sense that you'd forget the small details, even if he doesn't.
by the end of the second week, you realize you're looking for him too.
you scan the library when you arrive, feeling a small disappointment when he's not there, a small thrill when he is. you linger in the café longer than necessary, hoping he'll walk in. you find yourself mentioning things in conversation—books you're reading, places you're going—and some part of you wonders if he's listening, if he's filing it all away the way he seems to do with everything else.
it should feel strange, maybe. this sudden intensity, this rapid escalation from barely-knowing to something that feels almost intimate. but it doesn't. it feels natural, inevitable, like you were always going to end up here, in this space where his attention wraps around you like warmth, like safety.
you catch him watching you sometimes, when he thinks you're focused on your work. his expression shifts in those moments, something deeper moving beneath the bright surface. something focused and intent and almost hungry. but then you look up fully, and he's smiling again, all sunshine and charm, and you tell yourself you imagined it.
on friday, you're walking to your car after your last class, and he's there, leaning against the wall near the exit like he's been waiting. the late afternoon sun catches in his hair, turns it golden, and when he sees you, his whole face lights up.
"hey," he says, pushing off the wall. "i was hoping i'd catch you."
your heart does that stupid flutter thing again. "yeah?"
"yeah." he steps closer, close enough that you have to tilt your head slightly to maintain eye contact. "i was thinking… there's this new café that opened downtown. supposed to have really good pastries. want to check it out tomorrow? with me?"
it's not quite asking you on a date, but it's not quite not asking either. it exists in that ambiguous space that makes your pulse quicken, that makes you hyper-aware of how close he's standing, how his eyes haven't left yours.
"sure," you say, and his smile could rival the sun.
"perfect." he reaches out, and for a second you think he's going to touch you, but he just adjusts the strap of your bag that's slipping off your shoulder, his fingers barely grazing your arm. "i'll text you the details."
you don't remember giving him your number, but you must have. at some point. in one of those conversations you're forgetting.
you watch him walk away, and something in your chest feels tight and loose all at once. excited. nervous. seen in a way you haven't been in a long time.
you don't notice the way he glances back three times before he rounds the corner. you don't notice that he knows your schedule well enough to know exactly when and where you'd be leaving. you don't notice the way his smile fades into something more serious, more satisfied, once you're out of sight.
you're too busy thinking about tomorrow, about pastries and conversation and the way he looks at you like you're something worth studying, worth knowing, worth keeping close.
you're too busy noticing him to notice what's actually happening.
STAGE ONE — 𝒶wareness: subject exhibits initial attraction responses. fixation index: low. early attention shows curiosity, not yet obsession. reciprocal interest developing as predicted. subject responds positively to consistent presence and personalized attention. memory discrepancies noted but not questioned. foundation established. proceeding to stage two.
STAGE TWO : 𝓕ASCINATION
you start noticing the pattern on a tuesday.
sunoo is already at the campus café when you arrive, seated at the corner table by the window—the one with the good natural light, the one you always gravitate toward when it's available. he's scrolling through his phone, but the moment you step through the door, his head lifts like he's been waiting. his face breaks into that bright smile, the one that crinkles the corners of his eyes, and he waves you over with an enthusiasm that feels like sunshine.
"i saved you a seat," he says, gesturing to the chair across from him. there's a cup already waiting there. "i got you the vanilla oat milk latte. you switched from almond milk last week, right?"
you pause mid-step. you did switch. but you're certain you never mentioned it to him.
"how did you—"
"i noticed when we were here thursday," he says easily, that smile never wavering. "you ordered it at the counter. i thought you might want the same thing today."
it's thoughtful. it's sweet. you sit down and wrap your hands around the cup, feeling the warmth seep into your palms, and you tell yourself that he's just observant. that he pays attention. that this is what it feels like when someone actually cares.
but something small and cold settles at the base of your spine.
over the next few weeks, it keeps happening.
you're leaving your afternoon lecture on thursday, already thinking about the essay due next week, when you nearly collide with someone in the hallway. sunoo catches your elbow to steady you, laughing that bright, musical laugh of his.
"careful," he says. "you looked like you were a million miles away."
"what are you doing here?" you ask, glancing around. this isn't his building. his major is completely different from yours—you know because he told you about his classes once, animated and gesturing wildly as he described a presentation he'd given.
"oh, i had some free time," he says, falling into step beside you as you head toward the exit. "thought i'd walk this way. maybe run into you."
the way he says it sounds casual, coincidental. but this is the third time this week he's been nearby right when your class lets out. you think about mentioning it, but he's already talking about something else—a documentary he watched last night about bioluminescent organisms, his words tumbling over each other in his excitement, his hands moving through the air to illustrate the way the creatures glow in the ocean darkness.
you find yourself smiling despite the unease. he's so alive when he talks like this, so genuinely enthusiastic. it's contagious.
"you'd love it," he says, glancing at you with those dark, intense eyes. "i thought about you the whole time i was watching it. the way they light up in the dark—it reminded me of you. the way you get when you're talking about things you care about."
your chest tightens. it's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to you.
so why does it feel like too much?
on saturday, you're at the bookstore downtown, the one with the creaky wooden floors and the smell of old paper and coffee. you're browsing the poetry section, running your fingers along the spines, when you hear a familiar voice.
"i thought i might find you here."
you turn, and sunoo is standing at the end of the aisle, holding a canvas tote bag. he's wearing an oversized sweater and light-wash jeans, and he looks soft and approachable and completely at ease.
"sunoo," you say, surprised. "what are you doing here?"
"i love this place," he says, walking closer. "the owner sources a lot of rare editions. i've been coming here for years."
he's never mentioned that before. you've never seen him here before. but maybe that's just coincidence. maybe you've just never overlapped.
he stops beside you, close enough that you can smell his cologne—something clean and slightly sweet, like cotton and vanilla. his shoulder brushes yours as he leans in to look at the shelf.
"looking for anything specific?" he asks.
"just browsing," you say.
he hums thoughtfully, then reaches past you to pull a slim volume from the shelf. his arm crosses in front of you, close enough that you feel the warmth of him. "you might like this one," he says, handing it to you. "it's all about longing and observation. the way we watch the people we care about and learn them like languages."
you take the book, flipping through the pages. the poems are beautiful—intimate and aching and uncomfortably perceptive.
"how did you know i'd like this?" you ask quietly.
his smile is soft. "i pay attention."
you buy the book. he walks you home afterward, talking the whole way about his favorite poets and the photos he's been taking lately—nature shots, mostly, he says. trees and flowers and the way light filters through leaves. he shows you some on his phone as you walk, and they're beautiful. he has an eye for composition, for capturing small, quiet moments.
"i'd love to photograph you sometime," he says as you reach your building. "i think you'd be a wonderful subject. you have really expressive eyes."
you laugh, feeling your face heat. "maybe," you say.
he grins. "i'll hold you to that."
as you head inside, you glance back through the glass door. he's still standing there on the sidewalk, watching you. he lifts his hand in a small wave. you wave back and turn toward the stairs.
that cold feeling returns.
by the third week, you can't ignore it anymore.
sunoo knows your schedule better than some of your closest friends. he knows you have coffee every tuesday and thursday at ten-fifteen. he knows you go to the library on monday and wednesday afternoons. he knows you take the long way home on fridays because you like to stop by the park.
he's always just… there.
not in an obvious way. not in a way that feels threatening. but there. at the café before you arrive. passing by when your class ends. texting you right when you're thinking about him.
"it's like he's psychic," your roommate jokes one evening when you mention it. "or maybe you're just predictable."
maybe you are. maybe that's all it is.
but then there's the candle.
he brings it to you on a wednesday, presenting it with a shy sort of pride that makes your heart squeeze. it's in a simple glass jar with a minimalist label: bergamot and sage.
"i was at this little shop yesterday and i thought of you," he says. "i know you like citrus scents. and herbal things. this one felt like it would match your energy."
you take it, turning it over in your hands. you do like citrus. you do like herbal scents. but you've never told him that. you don't wear perfume regularly. you don't burn candles in your apartment because your lease doesn't allow open flames.
"how did you know?" you ask, looking up at him.
his expression is open, guileless. "i notice things," he says. "like that body lotion you use sometimes. it has a citrus base, right? and you mentioned once that you liked the smell of rosemary. i just… put it together."
you did mention rosemary. once. weeks ago. in passing. you'd been walking past a restaurant and commented on the smell of the herbs in their window boxes.
he remembered.
"thank you," you say, because what else can you say? it's thoughtful. it's perfect. it's exactly what you would have chosen for yourself.
it's too much.
that night, you light the candle anyway—just for a moment, just to smell it. the scent fills your small apartment, warm and comforting and slightly overwhelming. you blow it out after a few minutes and sit in the dark, trying to untangle the knot of feelings in your chest.
you're flattered. you're unnerved. you're drawn to him in a way that feels both natural and dangerous, like standing too close to a fire.
the next day, he texts you at two-thirty in the afternoon.
how was your meeting with your advisor?
you stare at your phone. you did have a meeting with your advisor. at two. but you never told sunoo about it. you're certain you didn't mention it.
you type and delete three different responses before settling on: it was fine. how did you know about that?
his response comes immediately: you mentioned it last week! you were stressed about it, remember?
you scroll back through your message history. through your memories of your conversations. you don't remember mentioning it. but maybe you did. maybe you're forgetting. maybe you're being paranoid.
right, you text back. sorry, i forgot.
no worries! he sends, followed by a string of encouraging emojis. want to grab dinner later? there's this new place that just opened. they have really good spicy food. i know you've been craving something with heat.
you have been craving spicy food. you were literally thinking about it this morning.
your hands feel cold as you type: sure. sounds good.
sunoo is charming and attentive, asking about your meeting, telling you a funny story about something that happened in his class. he orders the spiciest dish on the menu and challenges you to try it, laughing when you tear up from the heat. he offers you his water, his hand lingering on yours as he passes the glass.
"you're cute when you're trying to be tough," he says, grinning.
you laugh, wiping your eyes. "i am tough."
"i know," he says, and something in his tone shifts. his gaze holds yours across the table, intense and unwavering. "i know you are. you're stronger than you think. braver. i see that about you. even when you don't see it yourself."
your breath catches. there's something in the way he's looking at you—something that feels like being seen and being studied at the same time.
"sunoo," you start, not sure what you're going to say.
he reaches across the table and takes your hand. his fingers are warm, his touch gentle. "i think about you a lot," he says quietly. "i hope that's okay. i just… i feel like we have this connection, you know? like i understand you in a way most people don't."
you should pull your hand away. you should ask him how he knows so much about you. you should create distance.
instead, you squeeze his fingers and say, "i feel it too."
because you do. despite everything. despite the unease and the questions and the way your instincts are screaming that something isn't right. you feel it.
he smiles, and it's radiant.
walking home that night, you feel his presence beside you like a physical weight. he stays close, his arm brushing yours with every other step. when you reach your building, he hugs you goodbye, and it lasts a beat too long. you feel his breath against your hair, the way his hands press against your back.
"text me when you get upstairs," he says. "so i know you're safe."
you nod and head inside. as you climb the stairs, you pull out your phone and see he's already texted you.
i'm still outside. i can see your light from here. third floor, right window?
your stomach drops. you go to your window and look down. he's standing on the sidewalk, looking up. when he sees you, he waves.
you wave back automatically, then step away from the window and close the curtains.
your hands are shaking.
you text him: i'm safe. goodnight.
goodnight, he responds. sweet dreams. i'll be thinking about you.
you sit on your bed in the dark, your phone glowing in your hands, and try to remember when you told him which window was yours. try to remember if you ever mentioned which floor you live on.
you can't.
but maybe you did. maybe you just forgot.
you lie down and pull the blanket up to your chin, and you tell yourself that this is normal. that he's just attentive. that you're special to him, and that's why he pays such close attention. that this is what it feels like to be cared for.
you almost believe it.
outside, three floors down, sunoo stands on the sidewalk for another twenty minutes, watching your window. when your light finally goes out, he smiles to himself and starts the walk home, already planning tomorrow. already thinking about the next time he'll see you. already composing the text he'll send you in the morning, timed perfectly for when you wake up.
he knows you so well now.
and you're starting to know him too.
that's what matters.
that's what he tells himself as he walks through the dark streets, his hands in his pockets, his heart full of something that feels like love but burns hotter, brighter, more consuming.
you're his now, even if you don't fully realize it yet.
but you will.
he'll make sure of it.
STAGE TWO — 𝒻ascination: attention shifts from casual observation to focused monitoring. emotional attachment increasing. potential possessive behavior emerging.
STAGE THREE : 𝓘NFATUATION
he's always there.
you notice it on a tuesday morning when you arrive at your locker and catch the faint scent of his cologne lingering in the air, sweet and citrusy, even though you don't see him anywhere. the hallway is crowded with the usual pre-class chaos, but that specific scent cuts through everything else, and you know—somehow you just know—that he was here moments ago. waiting. watching. the realization settles in your chest like a stone dropped into still water, ripples spreading outward.
by lunch, he's sliding into the seat across from you before you've even fully sat down, that brilliant smile already in place, a container of food pushed toward you. "you didn't eat breakfast," he says, and it's not a question. "i noticed you rushed out this morning."
you want to ask how he noticed, how he could possibly know, but the words stick in your throat because he's already opening the container for you, chopsticks held out expectantly, and the food smells amazing and you are hungry, so you take them. you take them and you eat and you don't ask.
after school, you find a note tucked into your bag, folded into a perfect square, your name written on the outside in his careful handwriting. you don't remember him being near your bag. you don't remember leaving it unattended. but there it is, nestled between your textbooks like it's always belonged there.
you looked tired today. make sure you rest tonight. i'll be thinking of you. —s
your phone buzzes before you can fully process the note. a message from sunoo: a photo of the sunset from what looks like his bedroom window, the sky painted in oranges and pinks. the text below reads:
wish you were here to see this with me. next time?
next time. like it's inevitable. like there will be a next time and another after that and another, stretching forward into a future he's already mapped out.
that night, you're studying in your room when your phone lights up again.
are you drinking enough water? you always forget.
you glance at the half-empty glass on your desk, the one you've been ignoring for the past hour, and something cold slithers down your spine. you text back a simple yes and watch the read receipt appear instantly. he was waiting. he's always waiting.
the next morning, there's a coffee on your doorstep. still hot. your exact order from the café three blocks away, your name written on the cup with a small sun drawn next to it. you look up and down the street but see no one. just the coffee, steam rising into the cool morning air, and the growing certainty that he knows your schedule better than you do.
you start noticing the pattern. he's there when you leave for school, leaning against the fence with that easy smile, asking if you slept well. he's there between classes, appearing around corners like he's been waiting just for you. he's there after school, offering to walk you home, and when you say you're meeting a friend, his smile tightens just slightly at the edges before he says, "oh, that's okay. i'll walk with you partway then."
partway becomes all the way. your friend gives you a look you can't quite interpret, something between concern and knowing, but sunoo is already chatting brightly about his day, his hand finding yours like it's the most natural thing in the world, and you let him. god help you, you let him.
the notes continue. you find them everywhere now, like he's leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for you to follow, leading you deeper into the forest.
in your locker: you're beautiful when you concentrate. i love watching you think.
slipped under your door: couldn't sleep. kept thinking about your smile. it's my favorite thing in the world.
tucked into your jacket pocket, discovered only when you reach for your keys: saw you talking to him today. you're too kind. some people don't deserve your attention.
that last one makes you pause. him. which him? you'd talked to several people today, casual conversations, nothing meaningful. but sunoo had noticed. sunoo had been watching. sunoo had opinions about who deserved your attention.
you should feel afraid. part of you does. but another part, a part that's growing stronger and harder to ignore, feels something else entirely. seen. chosen. wanted with an intensity that's almost addictive.
the gifts start small. a keychain of your favorite character, left on your desk during class. a book you'd mentioned wanting to read, appearing in your locker with a note: thought you'd enjoy this. tell me what you think? your favorite snack, one that they only sell at one specific store across town.
"how did you know?" you ask him when you see him next, showing him the snack.
his smile is radiant. "i pay attention," he says simply, like it's that easy, like everyone should know everything about the people they care about. "you mentioned it once, weeks ago. you said it reminded you of childhood."
you don't remember saying that. but he does. he remembers everything.
the gifts escalate. a scarf in your favorite color, soft and expensive, wrapped in tissue paper and left on your doorstep. earrings that match a necklace you wear frequently, delicate and beautiful and probably cost more than you want to think about. a framed photo of the two of you from a day you'd spent together, his arm around your shoulders, both of you laughing at something long forgotten. you don't remember seeing anyone take that photo.
"do you like it?" he asks when you mention the frame, his eyes bright and eager. "i thought you'd want to remember that day. i know i do. i remember everything about it."
"it's beautiful," you say, because it is, because you do want to remember, because his joy at your approval is intoxicating. "thank you."
he hugs you then, tight and warm, his face buried in your hair. "anything for you," he whispers, and you feel the words vibrate through your chest. "i'd give you anything."
but then there's the gift that changes things. you find it on your bed when you come home from school, and you know immediately that something is wrong because you'd locked your door. you always lock your door. but there it is, sitting on your pillow like an offering: a hoodie. his hoodie, the one you'd complimented once, soft and oversized and smelling like him.
there's a note pinned to it: for when i can't be there to keep you warm. but i'm always with you, even when you can't see me.
your hands shake as you hold it. he was in your room. in your private space. he was here, touching your things, leaving pieces of himself behind. you should call someone. you should be terrified.
you put on the hoodie. it's warm and soft and smells like safety, and you hate yourself a little bit for how much comfort it brings you.
your friends start mentioning that you're harder to reach. "i texted you like five times yesterday," your best friend says over lunch, a lunch that sunoo isn't at for once, though you can feel his absence like a missing tooth, your tongue constantly probing the gap.
"i didn't get anything," you say, pulling out your phone to check. nothing. no missed messages, no notifications. "are you sure you sent them?"
"positive." she frowns at her own phone, scrolling. "see? delivered and everything."
you don't understand. you check your settings, your blocked list, but everything seems normal. it doesn't make sense.
unless.
no. that's crazy. that's paranoid. sunoo wouldn't— your phone buzzes.
miss you. what are you doing?
you glance around the cafeteria and spot him across the room, sitting with his own friends but watching you, phone in hand, that soft smile on his face. when he catches your eye, he waves, a small, intimate gesture that feels like a secret between you.
having lunch, you text back.
with who?
you hesitate. a friend.
the response is immediate. which friend? are you having fun? do you want me to come over?
"who are you texting?" your friend asks, and you realize you've been staring at your phone for too long.
"no one," you say, but you're already typing back to sunoo, already telling him it's fine, he doesn't need to come over, you'll see him later. you send the message and look up to see him across the cafeteria, reading it, his expression flickering through something you can't quite name before settling back into that gentle smile.
he stays where he is. but you feel his attention on you for the rest of lunch, heavy and constant, like sunlight through a magnifying glass.
the touching increases. his hand finds yours constantly now, fingers intertwining, thumb rubbing circles on your skin. he plays with your hair when you're sitting together, twirling strands around his fingers, tucking pieces behind your ear with a tenderness that makes your breath catch. his arm stays around your waist when you walk together, possessive and secure, keeping you close.
personal space becomes a memory. he stands close enough that you can feel his body heat, close enough that you have to tilt your head back to meet his eyes. when you're talking, he leans in, attention focused entirely on you, like nothing else in the world exists.
one day after school, you're at your locker when you feel him approach from behind, his presence announced by that familiar scent before his arms cage you in, hands flat against the lockers on either side of your head. not touching you, but surrounding you, trapping you in a bubble of him.
"hi," he says softly, and his voice is close to your ear, intimate and warm.
your heart hammers. "hi."
"i missed you today. feels like i barely saw you." his breath ghosts across your neck, and you suppress a shiver. "you've been busy."
"just… normal stuff. school stuff."
"mm." he doesn't move, doesn't step back. "you know you can always make time for me, right? i always make time for you."
it's true. he does. he's always available, always ready to drop everything if you need him. it should be comforting. it is comforting. but it's also something else, something that makes you feel like you're standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down into a drop you can't measure.
"i know," you whisper.
"good." he finally steps back, and you can breathe again. when you turn, his smile is bright and cheerful, the intensity from moments ago completely hidden. "want to get food? my treat."
you go. of course you go.
the conversation happens on a friday evening. you're at his place, something that's become increasingly common, sitting on his bed while he's at his desk, supposedly working on homework but mostly just watching you. you can feel his eyes on you constantly, tracking your movements, your expressions, cataloging everything.
"can i tell you something?" he asks suddenly, and his voice is different. serious. the playful sunshine boy is gone, replaced by someone older, more intense.
you set down your phone. "of course."
he turns his chair to face you fully, and the look in his eyes makes your stomach flip. "i can't stop thinking about you," he says, and each word is deliberate, weighted. "every moment of every day, you're all that's in my head. when i wake up, i think about you. when i go to sleep, i think about you. you're everything."
"sunoo—"
"i need you to understand," he continues, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. "you're not just important to me. you're necessary. like breathing. like my heartbeat. i need to know you're safe. i need to know you're happy. i need to know you're with me."
the room feels smaller suddenly, the air thicker. "that's… that's a lot."
"i know." his smile is soft but his eyes are burning. "i know it's intense. but i can't help it. i don't want to help it. you're mine to care for, mine to protect, mine to—" he stops himself, jaw tightening. "i just need you to understand how much you mean to me."
you should say something. you should establish boundaries, create distance, explain that this is too much, too fast, too intense. but looking at him, at the raw vulnerability and desperate need in his expression, you find yourself saying, "you mean a lot to me too."
it's not enough. you can see it's not enough by the way his expression tightens, the way his hands clench. "but?" he prompts.
"but sometimes it feels like… like it's a lot. like you're everywhere and i can't—" you struggle for words. "i can't breathe sometimes."
the silence that follows is heavy. sunoo stands slowly, walks over to the bed, sits down next to you. close. too close. his hand finds yours, gripping tight.
"i'm sorry," he says, and he sounds genuine. "i don't mean to suffocate you. i just love you so much that i can't stand the thought of not being near you. of something happening to you when i'm not there. of you forgetting about me, even for a moment." his grip tightens. "you won't forget about me, will you?"
"no," you say automatically, because his intensity demands an answer, demands reassurance. "no, i won't forget."
"good." he brings your hand to his lips, kisses your knuckles softly. "because i could never forget you. you're burned into my brain, into my soul. you're part of me now."
you should be afraid. you are afraid. but you're also drawn in, caught in the gravity of his need, and part of you—the part that's growing stronger every day—doesn't want to escape.
the breaking point comes on a wednesday. you'd made plans with friends, a group hangout you'd been looking forward to, and you'd deliberately not mentioned it to sunoo. you need space. you need to remember what it's like to exist without his constant presence.
you silence your phone and try to enjoy yourself. for two hours, you almost succeed. you laugh and joke and feel like yourself again, like the person you were before sunoo's attention became the center of your universe.
when you finally check your phone, your stomach drops.
fifteen missed calls. thirty-seven text messages. the progression is visible in real-time: concern, then worry, then panic, then something darker.
hey, what are you up to?
haven't heard from you. everything okay?
getting worried. please respond.
where are you? why aren't you answering?
i can see you're active on social media. why are you ignoring me?
this isn't funny. i need to know you're safe.
please. please answer me.
i'm coming to find you.
the last message was sent ten minutes ago. you look up, scanning the café where you and your friends are sitting, and your heart stops.
he's there. across the street, standing in the rain without an umbrella, soaked through, staring directly at you through the window. his expression is unreadable from this distance, but you can feel the intensity of his gaze like a physical touch.
your friends notice your distraction. "you okay?" one asks.
"i have to go," you say, already standing, already moving toward the door, drawn like a magnet. you don't even question it. you just go.
the rain hits you immediately, cold and sharp, but you barely notice. you walk toward sunoo, and he meets you halfway, his hands coming up to cup your face, tilting it up toward him.
"where were you?" his voice is soft but strained. "why didn't you answer?"
"i was just… i needed some space. some time with friends."
"space." he repeats the word like it's foreign. "you needed space from me?"
"not from you, just… just time to myself. that's normal, sunoo. that's healthy."
his jaw clenches. water drips from his hair, runs down his face, but he doesn't seem to notice. "i thought something happened to you. i thought you were hurt. do you know what that feels like? to think the person you love most in the world might be in danger and you can't reach them?"
"i'm sorry," you say, and you mean it, even though you shouldn't have to apologize for having a life outside of him. "i should have told you."
"yes." his thumbs stroke your cheekbones, gentle despite the tension in his body. "you should have. you should always tell me where you are. i need to know. i need to know you're safe."
"how did you find me?"
something flickers in his expression. "i know you. i know your favorite places. i know your friends' favorite places. i know everything about you." he leans down, forehead pressing against yours. "i'll always find you. you can't hide from me. you can't leave me. i won't let you."
you should push him away. you should run. but his hands are warm on your face and his eyes are desperate and part of you—that traitorous, growing part—feels relieved that he came. relieved that you matter this much to someone. relieved that you're not alone, even if alone is exactly what you needed.
"i wasn't trying to hide," you whisper.
"good." his smile is soft, almost sad. "because i would find you anyway. i'll always find you. you're mine to protect, mine to care for, mine to love." he kisses your forehead, gentle and possessive. "say you understand."
you're soaked through now, shivering in the rain, surrounded by him, and you can feel your friends watching from inside the café, can feel the concerned looks, but all you can focus on is sunoo and the desperate need in his eyes.
"i understand," you say, and the words feel like surrender.
he smiles then, brilliant and beautiful, and pulls you into a hug that feels like being wrapped in chains made of silk. comfortable. inescapable.
"let's get you home," he murmurs into your hair. "you're freezing. i need to take care of you."
he walks you home, arm around your shoulders, keeping you close. he doesn't let go until you're at your door, and even then, his fingers linger on yours.
"text me when you're inside," he says. "and before you go to sleep. and when you wake up. i need to know you're okay."
you nod. you agree. you watch him walk away, and only when he's out of sight do you realize that you never actually made it back inside the café. you never said goodbye to your friends. you just left, pulled into sunoo's orbit like you have no gravity of your own.
inside, you find another note on your pillow, and you don't even question how it got there anymore.
you're everything to me. don't ever forget that. don't ever leave me. i couldn't survive it. —your sunoo
your sunoo. when did that happen? when did you become his and he become yours in a way that feels less like love and more like ownership?
you put on his hoodie, breathe in his scent, and feel the comfort and the horror of it in equal measure. you're in too deep now. you know it. but the worst part, the part that keeps you awake staring at the ceiling, is that you're not sure you want to get out.
your phone buzzes. goodnight, my everything. dream of me. i'll be dreaming of you.
you will dream of him. you know you will. he's invaded every part of your life, every corner of your mind. there's no space left that's just yours.
and somewhere in the darkness, you wonder if that was always the plan.
STAGE THREE — 𝓲nfatuation: emotional dependency on subject detected. desire to control or influence behavior begins. obsessive tendencies apparent.
STAGE FOUR : 𝓟OSESSION
you haven't seen your best friend in three weeks.
the realization hits you on a tuesday afternoon when your phone buzzes with a notification—not a text, just a reminder about her birthday next month that you'd set six months ago. back when you still made plans that far in advance. back when your calendar wasn't just sunoo's schedule with your life fitted around the edges.
you scroll through your messages and find the last conversation with her, the thread growing cold. her final text sits there unanswered:
hey, haven't heard from you in a while. everything okay?
you'd meant to respond. you remember reading it, remember sunoo's arm around your shoulders as you sat in that café, remember the way he'd glanced at your screen and smiled. "she's always so worried about you," he'd said, voice light and affectionate. "it's sweet. but you're fine, aren't you? better than fine."
and somehow you never replied.
you start typing now, fingers hesitant:
sorry, been busy. want to grab something to eat this week?
the response comes fast. too fast. like she'd been waiting.
i can't, actually. things are really hectic right now. maybe some other time?
it's polite. distant. the kind of message you send to acquaintances, not your best friend since freshman year. you stare at it, something cold settling in your chest, and you know. you know she's pulling away, or maybe you pushed first, or maybe—
your phone buzzes again. sunoo:
miss you. come over after class?
you close the thread with your friend.
it wasn't always this obvious. the isolation crept in like water rising, so gradual you didn't notice until you were already drowning.
first it was study group. you'd mentioned it casually, said you might go thursday nights to prepare for midterms. sunoo had nodded, understanding, but then thursday came and he'd shown up at your door with takeout and that bright smile. "thought you might be hungry. we could study together instead? i'm good at chemistry."
he was good at chemistry. better than the study group, actually, and it was nice having him there, his presence warm and focused. so you skipped study group that week. and the next. and then you just stopped going.
then it was the gym. you'd gone three times a week religiously, but sunoo started joining you, which was fine at first. nice, even. except he had opinions about your workout partners. "that guy spots you too close," he'd say, casual, still smiling. "i don't like how he looks at you." or: "she's always trying to chat, doesn't she realize you're here to actually work out?"
his observations felt protective. caring. and maybe he was right—maybe you hadn't noticed how that guy's hands lingered, how that girl's questions felt intrusive. sunoo noticed everything. he was just looking out for you.
eventually it was easier to work out at odd hours. quieter hours. hours when sunoo could come and it would just be the two of you.
and then there was a guy from your literature seminar.
he was friendly and funny, who'd asked if you wanted to be partners for the final project. you'd said yes before thinking about it, and he had grinned, suggested meeting at the library saturday afternoon to outline your analysis.
you'd told sunoo about it that evening. mentioned it casually over dinner at his place.
the temperature in the room dropped.
not literally. sunoo was still smiling, still nodding, still twirling pasta on his fork. but something in his eyes went flat. distant. like looking at a frozen lake and knowing the ice is too thin.
he repeated his name. "the one who sits next to you? with the brown hair?"
"yeah. it's just for the project—"
"of course." his smile widened. "that's fine. totally fine."
but saturday morning you woke to a text from him:
hey so i actually found a different partner, prof said we could switch. sorry for the inconvenience.
you'd stared at that message for five full minutes.
when you asked sunoo about it later—casually, carefully—he'd looked genuinely confused. "what do you mean? i didn't do anything." that bright laugh. "maybe he just realized he wanted to work with someone else. people change their minds."
"it's just weird timing."
"is it?" sunoo had pulled you close, pressed a kiss to your temple. "don't worry about it. you can be my partner instead. for everything."
the thing is, you wanted to believe him. wanted to believe in coincidence, in your classmate's sudden change of heart, in the natural drift of friendships. but you'd seen him in class the following week, watched him avoid your eyes, noticed the way he took a seat on the opposite side of the room.
noticed the fading bruise on his jaw that he tried to hide.
you didn't ask sunoo about it again.
now your world has narrowed to the size of his presence. your apartment, his apartment, the routes between. the coffee shop where he likes to take you. the late-night convenience store runs where his hand stays locked around yours.
your phone buzzes constantly with his messages. good morning texts with hearts. lunch check-ins. evening plans. late night calls that stretch until you fall asleep with him still on the line, his breathing steady and satisfied like he's won something.
you don't remember giving him your location. don't remember turning on sharing. but it's there in your settings, his name with a little icon showing he can see exactly where you are. always.
you discover it on a wednesday.
you'd told him you were going to the library. needed to research for a paper, needed some quiet time alone with your thoughts. he'd said okay, said he understood, kissed you goodbye with that sweet smile.
but two hours later he'd appeared between the stacks, coffee in hand, settling into the chair across from you like he'd been invited.
"how did you know i was here?" you'd asked.
"you said library." innocent. easy.
"i meant the one on campus. this is the public library across town."
something flickered in his expression. brief. gone almost before you caught it.
"lucky guess?" he'd offered, sliding the coffee toward you. "your favorite. extra shot, vanilla, oat milk."
you'd opened your phone then. checked. found the location sharing you didn't remember enabling.
"sunoo."
"what?" he'd leaned back, relaxed, that smile never wavering. "it's for safety. so i know you're okay."
"i didn't turn this on."
"you must have. maybe you forgot?" his head tilted. "or maybe i helped you set it up. we were together when you got your new phone, remember? i was just making sure everything was configured right."
"that was four months ago."
"was it? time flies." he'd reached across the table, fingers wrapping around your wrist. gentle. firm. "why does it matter? you have mine too. we can always find each other. isn't that romantic?"
you'd pulled up his location. he was right. you could see him—right here, public library, same as you.
"see?" his thumb stroked over your pulse point. "nothing to worry about. i just like knowing you're safe. that you're… where you say you'll be."
the way he said it. the weight behind those words.
you'd looked at him then, really looked, and seen something in his eyes that made your breath catch. possession. pure and undiluted. the kind of look that said you were his favorite thing in the world and he would burn everything else down to keep you.
"what if i turned it off?" you'd asked quietly.
his smile had frozen. not faded—frozen. like a mask stuck in place.
"why would you want to do that?"
"privacy?"
"privacy." he'd repeated the word like it was foreign. "from me?"
"sunoo—"
"no, i want to understand." his grip on your wrist had tightened. still not painful, but firm enough that you felt the strength in his fingers. "we're together. we love each other. what do you need privacy from me for? what are you hiding?"
"i'm not hiding anything—"
"then why would you want to turn it off?" his voice had stayed level. reasonable. but his eyes were burning. "unless you're planning to go somewhere you don't want me to know about. see someone you don't want me to know about."
"that's not—"
"because i need to know where you are." the words came faster now, intensity bleeding through. "i need to know you're safe. that you're okay. that no one's bothering you or hurting you or trying to take you away from me." he'd leaned forward, close enough that you could see the slight tremor in his jaw. "i can't protect you if i don't know where you are. and i need to protect you. you're mine to protect."
the library had felt very quiet suddenly. very empty.
"okay," you'd whispered.
the tension had drained from him instantly. smile brightening, grip loosening into a caress. "okay. good. that's good, baby." he'd lifted your hand to his lips, kissed your knuckles. "i'm not trying to control you. you know that, right? i just love you so much. too much, probably. i can't stand the thought of anything happening to you."
you'd nodded. agreed. let him pull you up and out of the library, the research forgotten.
but that night, alone in your apartment, you'd gone through your phone more carefully.
and then you'd found them. the apps you didn't remember downloading. innocuous names, hidden in folders. you'd googled them with shaking hands.
tracking apps. monitoring software. things that could read your messages, track your calls, access your photos.
you'd sat there on your bed, phone clutched in your hands, and felt the walls close in.
he was watching. always watching.
every text, every call, every photo, every location. he knew everything. saw everything.
you'd started to delete them, fingers hovering over the uninstall button—
your phone had rung. sunoo. video call.
you'd answered without thinking.
"hey, beautiful." his face filled the screen, that smile so bright it hurt. "couldn't sleep. wanted to see you."
"it's late," you'd managed.
"i know. but i missed you." he'd shifted, and you could see he was in bed, shirtless, hair messy. "what are you doing?"
"nothing. just… on my phone."
"yeah? anything interesting?" his tone was light. casual. but you'd seen the way his eyes sharpened. "you look stressed. everything okay?"
you'd glanced down at your screen. at the tracking app still open beneath the video call.
he knew. of course he knew. he could probably see exactly what you were looking at.
"everything's fine," you'd said.
"you sure? you know you can tell me anything." that smile. "i'm always here for you. always watching out for you."
always watching.
"i know," you'd whispered.
"good." he'd settled back into his pillows, looking satisfied. "keep me on while you get ready for bed? i like watching you. you're so pretty when you think no one's looking."
but someone was always looking now.
you'd kept him on the call. gotten ready for bed with his eyes following your every movement. climbed under the covers with his voice in your ear, soft and possessive.
"that's my girl," he'd murmured. "sleep now. i'll watch over you."
and you'd closed your eyes with the phone on your pillow, his breathing steady through the speaker, and known that even in sleep you weren't alone anymore.
you were never alone anymore.
it comes to a head on a friday.
you're at your apartment, trying to grade papers for your TA (teacher's assistant) position, when there's a knock at your door. not sunoo's knock—he has a key now, you're not sure when you gave it to him or if he just made one—but an unfamiliar rhythm.
you open the door to find someone from your cohort—friendly and warm, someone you’ve chatted with at department events but never really hung out with one-on-one.
"hey," he says, apologetic smile in place. "sorry to just show up. i texted, but you didn’t respond."
you check your phone. no messages. but lately, you’ve noticed notifications missing, messages not coming through—you’d thought it was just a glitch.
"oh. sorry. what’s up?"
"i’m worried about you," he said simply. "we all are. you’ve been… distant. and i saw you the other day with that guy, sunoo? he had his hand on your neck, and you looked…" he trail's off. "scared. you looked scared."
something in your chest cracks. someone noticed. someone saw.
"i’m fine," you say automatically.
"are you?" his eyes are kind, concerned. "because if you need help, if something’s going on—"
"she said she’s fine."
you both turn. sunoo is there, at the end of the hallway, walking toward you with that bright smile. but there’s nothing warm in it now. it’s all teeth.
"sunoo," you start.
"from the department, right?" sunoo arrives at your door, slides an arm around your waist, pulls you against him. possessive. claiming. "we met at that mixer."
"yeah." he is looking between you, registering the tension—the way you’ve gone stiff. "i was just checking on—"
"on my girlfriend. that’s sweet." sunoo’s grip tightens. "but as you can see, she’s perfectly fine. i take very good care of her."
"i’d like to hear that from her."
the air goes electric.
sunoo’s smile doesn’t waver, but something dark slides behind his eyes. "of course. baby?" he looks at you, a warning in that gaze. a reminder. "tell him you’re fine."
you should say something else. should ask for help. should tell him that you’re not fine, that you haven’t been fine in weeks, that you’re drowning and need someone to pull you out.
but sunoo’s fingers dig into your hip. you remember your other classmate’s bruised jaw, your best friend's sudden distance, every person who’s tried to get close and then backed away.
"i’m fine," you hear yourself say. "really. thanks for checking, but sunoo’s right. everything’s good."
they look at you for a long moment, weighing options, calculating risk. then hi eyes drop to sunoo’s hand on your waist, to the possessive way he’s holding you, and something in their expression shutters.
"okay," he says quietly. "but if you ever need anything…"
"she won’t," sunoo says brightly. "but thanks for stopping by."
he guides you backward into your apartment, closes the door in his face. the lock clicks with finality.
then he turns to you.
"who told him to come here?" his voice is still light. still pleasant. but there's steel underneath.
"no one. he was just concerned—"
"concerned." sunoo steps closer. you step back. "about what? about us? did you say something to him?"
"no. i haven't talked to him in weeks."
"then why is he showing up at your door?" closer. "why is he looking at you like that? like he wants to save you from something?"
your back hits the wall. sunoo's in front of you, one hand braced beside your head, the other cupping your jaw. gentle. always so gentle even when there's violence simmering beneath.
"there's nothing to save me from," you whisper.
"no. there isn't." his thumb strokes your cheek. "because you're exactly where you're supposed to be. with me. always with me." his eyes search yours. "you know that, right? you understand that we're meant to be together? that i'll never let anyone take you away?"
"sunoo—"
"say it." his grip tightens. "say you're mine."
"i'm yours."
"say you'll never leave."
"i'll never leave."
"say you love me more than anything."
you close your eyes. "i love you more than anything."
"look at me when you say it."
you open your eyes. meet his gaze. see the obsession burning there, the desperate need, the love that's twisted into something dark and consuming.
"i love you more than anything," you repeat.
his smile returns. real this time. radiant. "there's my girl." he kisses you, soft and sweet. "i love you too. so much it scares me sometimes. so much i'd do anything to keep you." he pulls back just enough to look at you. "anything. you believe me?"
you nod.
"good." another kiss. "he won't be a problem anymore. none of them will. i'll make sure of it."
"what does that mean?"
"it means i take care of what's mine." his hand slides from your jaw to your throat. not squeezing, just resting there. feeling your pulse. "and you're mine. my responsibility. my love. my obsession." that laugh, bright and slightly unhinged. "god, you have no idea what you do to me. how crazy you make me."
"i think i'm starting to understand," you whisper.
"are you?" his eyes light up. "good. that's good. i want you to understand. want you to know exactly how deep this goes." his thumb presses against your pulse point. "i would burn the whole world down for you. would destroy anyone who tried to take you from me. would lock you away where only i could find you if that's what it took to keep you safe."
"that's not love, sunoo."
"isn't it?" he tilts his head. "then what is it?"
you don't have an answer.
he kisses you again, deeper this time, and you feel yourself responding despite everything. despite the fear and the warning bells and the knowledge that you're in too deep. because he's right about one thing—there is something between you. something intense and electric and impossible to deny.
even if it's destroying you.
"come on," he murmurs against your lips. "let's go to bed. i want to hold you. want to feel you close."
and you let him lead you to your bedroom. let him pull you down onto the mattress. let him wrap around you like he's trying to merge your bodies into one.
"mine," he whispers into your hair. "all mine. forever mine."
and you close your eyes and try not to think about what forever means.
you wake to his hands on you.
it's dark, the middle of the night, and for a moment you're disoriented. then you feel his fingers trailing up your thigh, his breath hot against your neck, and you remember. he stayed. of course he stayed.
"sunoo?" your voice is rough with sleep.
"shh." his lips brush your ear. "i've been watching you sleep. you're so beautiful like this. peaceful. mine."
his hand slides higher, under the hem of your shirt, and you feel your body respond even as your mind struggles to catch up.
"i can't stop thinking about you," he murmurs. "can't stop wanting you. it's like you're in my blood, under my skin. i need you all the time. need to touch you, taste you, feel you." his teeth graze your shoulder. "need to remind you who you belong to."
you should stop this. should push him away. should establish some kind of boundary.
but his touch feels so good and you're so tired of fighting and maybe if you give him this he'll be satisfied. maybe if you let him have you completely he'll ease up on everything else. (you know that's not true. you know it will never be enough. but you let yourself believe it anyway.)
"please," he whispers, and there's something raw in his voice. desperate. "let me have you. let me show you how much i love you."
you turn in his arms. meet his eyes in the darkness. see the hunger there, the need, the obsession that's eating him alive.
"okay," you breathe.
he kisses you like he's drowning and you're air. hands everywhere, pulling you closer, closer, never close enough. you kiss back, matching his intensity, and feel something in you break open. surrender, maybe. or acceptance. or just exhaustion.
"say you want this," he demands against your mouth. "say you want me."
"i want you."
"say you need me."
"i need you."
"say you're mine."
"i'm yours, sunoo. i'm yours."
he makes a sound low in his throat, almost pained, and then he's pulling your clothes off with shaking hands. his shirt follows, then his pants, and then it's just skin on skin and heat and the sound of your breathing filling the dark room.
"i love you," he says, and it sounds like a prayer and a threat. "i love you so much it's killing me."
his hands map your body like he's memorizing it. every curve, every dip, every place that makes you gasp. he's touched you before but never like this. never with this intensity, this focus, like he's trying to imprint himself on every inch of your skin.
"you feel that?" he grinds against you and you can feel how hard he is, how much he wants this. "that's what you do to me. all the time. every time i see you, think about you, smell your perfume on my clothes." his hand slides between your legs and you arch into the touch. "i'm obsessed with you. addicted. you're my favorite drug."
"sunoo—" you gasp as his fingers find the right spot, circling with practiced ease.
"that's it. say my name." he works you with skilled fingers, watching your face in the dim light. "i want to hear you say it. want everyone to know who makes you feel like this."
"please—"
"please what?" his thumb presses down and you cry out. "tell me what you want. i'll give you anything. everything. just ask."
"you," you manage. "i want you."
his smile is brilliant and terrifying. "you have me. you've always had me. from the first moment i saw you, i was yours." he positions himself, and you feel him there, right there. "and now you're mine. completely mine."
he pushes in slowly, watching your face, and you feel yourself stretch around him. it's intense, overwhelming, and you grab the sheets for anchor.
"shit," he breathes. "you feel perfect. like you were made for me. like we were made for each other." he starts to move, slow and deep. "tell me you feel it too. tell me you know we're meant to be."
"i feel it," you gasp, because you do.
"yeah?" he picks up the pace, one hand gripping your hip hard enough to bruise. "you feel how perfectly we fit? how right this is?" his other hand finds your throat again, resting there. claiming. "you're mine. say it."
"i'm yours."
"again."
"i'm yours, sunoo."
"louder. i want the whole building to hear."
"i'm yours!" you cry out as he hits that spot inside you that makes you see stars.
"that's my girl." he's relentless now, driving into you with purpose. "my perfect girl. my obsession. my everything." his hand tightens slightly on your throat. "i'll never let you go. never. you understand? you're stuck with me forever."
you should be scared. you are scared. but you're also so close to the edge, pleasure building with every thrust, and all you can do is hold on and let him take you apart.
"come for me," he demands. "want to feel you. want to know i'm the only one who can make you feel like this."
"you are," you gasp. "only you."
"prove it. come for me. now."
and you do. you shatter around him, crying out his name, and he follows right after with a groan that sounds like triumph and relief and possession all mixed together.
he collapses on top of you, breathing hard, and you feel him press kisses to your neck, your jaw, your lips.
"mine," he murmurs between kisses. "mine, mine, mine."
you can't find the energy to respond. can only lie there as he rolls to the side and pulls you against him, arms locked around you like chains.
"i love you," he says into your hair. "i love you so much. you're everything to me. my whole world."
and you realize with creeping horror that he means it. that his love is real and intense and all-consuming. that he really would do anything to keep you.
that you're not just in deep.
you're drowning.
the days after blur together.
sunoo is always there. always. he's at your apartment when you wake up, waiting outside your classes when they end, beside you when you fall asleep. the key you don't remember giving him gets constant use. your space becomes his space becomes our space becomes his space with you in it.
"i think i should stay here," he says one evening. not asking. stating. "it's silly for me to go back and forth. we're always together anyway."
you're sitting on your couch, his head in your lap, his hand playing with yours. it looks domestic. comfortable. like a normal couple.
"don't you think it's too soon?" you try.
"too soon?" he looks up at you, genuinely confused. "baby, we're past too soon. we're past all of that. this is forever, remember?" he brings your hand to his lips. "besides, i basically live here already. might as well make it official."
"i like having my own space."
something flickers in his expression. "your own space. away from me."
"that's not what i meant—"
"then what did you mean?" he sits up, turning to face you. "because it sounds like you want time away from me. like you don't want me around."
"i just think everyone needs some independence—"
"independence." he laughs, but there's no humor in it. "you want to be independent from me. separate. like we're not one person now." his hand cups your face, grip just a little too tight. "but we are, baby. we're connected. intertwined. you can't be independent from your own heart, can you?"
"sunoo, you're hurting me."
he releases you immediately, expression shifting to concern. "i'm sorry. i'm sorry, i just—" he runs his hands through his hair. "the thought of you wanting space from me makes me crazy. i can't stand it. i can't stand the idea of you being somewhere i'm not, doing things i don't know about, living a life that doesn't include me in every moment."
"that's not healthy."
"i don't care about healthy!" his voice rises. "i care about you. about us. about making sure nothing ever comes between us." he grabs your hands. "don't you get it? i need you. not want, need. like oxygen. like water. you're essential to my survival."
you look at him—really look at him—and see the truth of it in his eyes. the desperate, clawing need. the obsession that's consumed him completely.
"okay," you whisper, because what else can you say?
"okay what?"
"okay, you can stay here. move in. whatever you want."
his whole face lights up. "really? you mean it?"
"yes."
he kisses you hard, grateful and possessive all at once. "thank you. thank you, baby. i promise you won't regret it. i'll take such good care of you. i'll make you so happy. you'll see. we'll be perfect together."
and you nod and smile and let him hold you.
but inside, you feel the last door close. the last exit seal shut.
you're his now. completely. irrevocably.
there's no way out.
that night, he makes love to you again. slower this time. tender. his hands gentle as they explore your body, his kisses soft and sweet.
"my girl," he murmurs against your skin. "my beautiful, perfect girl. i'm going to take care of you forever. going to love you forever. you'll never want for anything because i'll give you everything."
everything except freedom, you think but don't say.
after, he holds you close, your back to his chest, his arm heavy across your waist.
"i'm so happy," he whispers. "happier than i've ever been. you make me complete."
you stare into the darkness and feel the weight of him surrounding you. his arm, his body, his presence. inescapable. overwhelming.
"i love you," he says. "say it back."
"i love you too."
"again."
"i love you."
"one more time."
"i love you, sunoo."
"good." he kisses your shoulder. "don't ever forget it. don't ever doubt it. you're mine and i'm yours and that's how it'll always be."
you close your eyes.
somewhere in the distance, you hear a siren. someone else's emergency. someone else's crisis.
you wonder if anyone would hear if you screamed.
you wonder if you even want to scream anymore.
or if part of you has started to accept this. to want this. to need the intensity of his obsession because at least it means you matter. at least it means you're the center of someone's universe, even if that universe is collapsing in on itself.
and you drift off in his arms, trapped and treasured, possessed and cherished, loved in a way that's destroying you both.
STAGE FOUR — 𝓹ossession: subject shows strong fixation and controlling behavior. boundaries ignored. risk of harm increases. obsession has become the dominant emotional driver.
STAGE FIVE : 𝓕IXATION
you've been here for three weeks.
or maybe it's four. time moves differently now, measured not in days but in the rhythm of his comings and goings, in the meals he brings you, in the hours he spends watching you sleep. the apartment—his apartment, though he never calls it that anymore, always says "our home" with that soft smile—has become your entire world. the windows are locked. you checked. checked again. checked until your fingers bled from trying to pry them open.
he noticed the blood. kissed your fingertips. bandaged them with such gentle care that you almost forgot why they were bleeding in the first place.
almost.
but tonight, right now, in this moment of clarity that cuts through the fog like a knife—you remember. you remember your life before. your friends. your freedom. the version of yourself that existed before kim sunoo decided you were his.
he's in the shower. you can hear the water running, can picture him in there, head tilted back, water streaming through his dark hair. he always takes long showers. you've learned his patterns, catalogued his habits the way he's catalogued yours. fifteen minutes, usually. sometimes twenty if he's washing his hair.
you have fifteen minutes.
your hands shake as you pull on shoes—your shoes, the ones you were wearing that first night at the café, a lifetime ago. they feel foreign on your feet, like artifacts from an archaeological dig of your former self. your phone is long gone, confiscated that first week when you still thought you could reason with him, still thought this was something you could escape through normal means. calling the police. calling friends. calling anyone.
but there's the door. just the door. you don't need a phone to run.
your heart hammers against your ribs so hard you think they might crack. the deadbolt turns with a soft click that sounds like thunder in your ears. the chain slides free. the doorknob is cool under your palm, real and solid and leading to somewhere else, somewhere he isn't.
the hallway is empty. fluorescent lights buzz overhead, casting everything in sickly yellow. you don't let yourself think. thinking is dangerous. thinking means remembering the way he touches you, the way he whispers that he loves you, the way he looks at you like you're the only thing in the universe worth looking at.
thinking means hesitating.
you run.
the stairwell door crashes open under your hands and you're taking the stairs two at a time, three at a time, your breath coming in sharp gasps that taste like freedom and terror in equal measure. six floors. five. four. your legs burn. you don't care. three floors. two. the exit is right there, you can see the door with its glowing red exit sign like a beacon, like salvation—
the water stopped running.
you don't know how you know, but you do. some instinct that's developed over these weeks of captivity, some sixth sense attuned to his presence. the water stopped running and that means he knows and that means—
you hit the ground floor and throw yourself at the exit door and it opens, it actually opens, and the night air hits your face like a baptism. the street is right there. people are right there, walking past, normal people living normal lives, and you open your mouth to scream, to call for help—
"going somewhere?"
his voice comes from behind you. not from upstairs. from behind you. here. on the ground floor.
you spin around and there he is.
sunoo stands in the stairwell doorway, and he's wearing that shirt. the black short-sleeve button-up with the yellow flowers, bright tropical blooms scattered across dark fabric like sunshine on a void. it's open, unbuttoned, showing the white tank top underneath that clings to his frame. black jeans. hair slightly damp and messy from the shower he apparently cut short. or maybe never took at all.
maybe the water was just a test.
"you—" your voice cracks. "you were in the shower."
"was i?" he tilts his head, and his smile is wrong. it's his smile, that beautiful sunshine smile that made you fall for him in the first place, but it's wrong. too wide. too knowing. "or did you just assume i was?"
he takes a step forward. you take a step back, out onto the sidewalk. people are walking past. a couple holding hands. a man on his phone. a woman with grocery bags. normal people. help is right there.
"help," you try to say, but it comes out as a whisper. "please, someone—"
"they can't hear you," sunoo says softly, taking another step. he's fully outside now, the streetlights catching the yellow flowers on his shirt, making them glow. "and even if they could, what would you tell them? that your boyfriend is trying to bring you home? that you had a fight and ran out upset?"
"you're not my boyfriend," you spit, finding your voice. "you're my kidnapper. you're—"
"i'm the person who loves you more than anyone else ever could." his voice is calm, reasonable, like he's explaining something simple to a child. "i'm the person who knows you better than you know yourself. i'm the person you belong to."
you turn and run.
you make it maybe ten steps before he catches you. his hand closes around your wrist and yanks you backward, and you stumble, and then you're fighting. really fighting. your free hand scraps at his face and he jerks his head back but doesn't let go. you kick at his shins, his knees, anywhere you can reach. he grunts in pain but his grip only tightens.
"stop," he hisses, and there's something new in his voice. something raw. "stop fighting me. you know how this ends."
"fuck you," you gasp, and drive your elbow into his ribs.
he makes a sound—half pain, half something else—and suddenly you're moving, he's dragging you backward toward the building, and you're screaming now, really screaming, and people are looking but no one is helping. they're just watching, uncertain, probably thinking exactly what sunoo said they'd think. just a couple fighting. just a domestic dispute. not their problem.
you grab onto a streetlight pole and hold on with everything you have. sunoo pulls at you and your fingers slip, slip, grip tighter. he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls and you're screaming and holding on and—
your fingers give out.
he drags you back into the building and the door slams shut behind you and suddenly you're in the stairwell again, that fluorescent-lit purgatory, and he's pushing you against the wall. his hands are on your shoulders, pinning you, and his face is inches from yours. his chest heaves with exertion. that tropical shirt hangs open, the flowers almost mocking in their cheerfulness.
"why," he breathes, and his eyes are wild, hurt, angry, desperate all at once. "why would you try to leave me?"
"because you're insane," you sob. "because you kidnapped me. because this isn't love, sunoo, this is—"
"this is the only real thing either of us has ever had." his grip tightens. "everything else is fake. everyone else is fake. but this—us—this is real."
you try to knee him. he blocks it, slams you harder against the wall. your head cracks against concrete and stars burst across your vision.
"i didn't want it to be like this," he says, and he sounds genuinely anguished. "i wanted you to understand. i've been so patient. so gentle. i've given you everything."
"you've taken everything," you gasp.
something shifts in his expression. the hurt bleeds away, leaving something colder. more determined.
"fine," he says quietly. "if you won't come willingly, then we'll do this the hard way."
he starts dragging you up the stairs. you fight every step, thrashing, kicking, screaming until your throat is raw. on the third floor landing you manage to break free for just a second, just long enough to stumble toward the hallway door. your hand closes around the handle.
then you see it.
the knife.
it's sitting on the floor by the wall, a kitchen knife with a black handle, and you don't question why it's there, don't wonder if he placed it there deliberately. you just grab it.
when sunoo reaches for you again, you swing.
the blade catches his forearm. not deep, but enough. blood wells up immediately, dark red against his pale skin, and he freezes. you both freeze, staring at the wound, at the blood dripping onto the yellow flowers of his shirt, staining them.
"you cut me," he says, and he sounds almost… impressed?
"stay back," you warn, holding the knife between you with both hands. they're shaking so badly the blade trembles. "stay back or i'll—"
"you'll what?" he takes a step forward, ignoring the knife entirely, ignoring the blood running down his arm. "stab me? kill me? you won't. you can't. because despite everything, despite how much you want to hate me, you can't."
"i do hate you," you say, but your voice wavers.
"liar." another step. the blood drips onto the floor now, little drops of red on dirty linoleum. "you hate that you don't hate me. you hate that part of you understands. that part of you wants this too."
"that's not—"
he moves fast, faster than you expect, and suddenly his hand is on your wrist, the one holding the knife, and he's pushing it up, away, and you're struggling but he's stronger, he's always been stronger. the knife clatters to the floor. he kicks it away.
then he's on you, both of you crashing to the ground, and you're fighting like animals, all desperation and survival instinct. you strike at his face and feel skin under your hand. he pins your wrists above your head with one hand—his bleeding hand, his blood smearing on your skin—and uses his weight to hold you down.
"stop," he pants. "stop fighting. you're only making this harder."
"good," you snarl, and try to bite him.
he jerks back, then laughs. actually laughs, breathless and a little unhinged. "there you are. there's that fire. i knew it was still in there."
he shifts his weight and you manage to get a hand free, and you punch him. your fist connects with his jaw and his head snaps to the side and for a moment you think you might actually win this, might actually—
he looks back at you and his lip is bleeding now too, red on his pretty mouth, and his expression is ecstatic.
"yes," he breathes. "yes, fight me. show me you're still you. show me you're worth keeping."
the words chill you more than anything else has. worth keeping. like you're a possession. a pet.
you're still processing that when you feel the prick in your neck.
your eyes widen. sunoo's hand is there, pulling back, and you see it—a syringe, small and empty. when did he—how did he—
"shh," he whispers, stroking your hair with his bloody hand, leaving red streaks. "it's okay. it's all okay now. just let go."
"what did you—" your tongue feels thick. the stairwell tilts sideways. "what did you do—"
"just something to help you relax. to help you sleep. i didn't want to use it, but you left me no choice." his face swims above you, those dark eyes so full of love and madness. "when you wake up, everything will be different. better. you'll see."
you try to fight it. try to stay conscious through sheer force of will. but the drug is pulling you down, down, into darkness that feels like drowning. the last thing you see is sunoo's face, the last thing you feel is his lips pressing against your forehead.
the last thing you hear is his voice, soft and certain: "you're mine completely now. no more running. no more fighting. just us."
then nothing.
you wake up slowly, consciousness returning in fragments.
soft sheets. dim light. the smell of antiseptic and something else, something floral. your head throbs. your body aches. your wrists—
your wrists are bandaged.
you force your eyes open. the room swims into focus. not the apartment. somewhere else. smaller. darker. there's a bed—you're on the bed. there's a small table. a chair. one window, but it's covered with something, boards maybe, only thin lines of light getting through.
and there's sunoo.
he sits in the chair, watching you. he's changed clothes—wearing a simple black t-shirt now, jeans. his forearm is bandaged where you cut him. there's a bruise forming on his jaw where you punched him. he looks tired. he looks beautiful. he looks insane.
"you're awake," he says softly. "how do you feel?"
you try to sit up and realize your ankle is chained to the bed frame. not tight enough to hurt, but secure. inescapable. you stare at it, at the metal links, at the padlock.
"i'm sorry about that," sunoo says, following your gaze. "but you proved you can't be trusted yet. you need time to adjust. to understand."
"where are we?" your voice is hoarse from screaming.
"somewhere safe. somewhere no one will find us. i've been preparing this place for a while, just in case." he leans forward, elbows on his knees. "i hoped i wouldn't need it. hoped you'd accept this willingly. but you're stubborn. it's one of the things i love about you."
you look at him—really look at him. at the careful bandaging on his arm. at the bruise you gave him. at the way he's looking at you like you're a precious, fragile thing that he's finally managed to capture.
"you're going to keep me here," you say. not a question.
"i'm going to keep you, yes. here, or back at the apartment once you've learned. once you understand that running is pointless. that fighting is pointless. that the only thing that matters is us."
"people will look for me."
"they already have. they've given up. you've been missing for weeks. the trail is cold. and now we're somewhere even more remote. no one is coming." he says it gently, like he's trying not to hurt your feelings. "it's just us now. the way it was always meant to be."
you should feel despair. should feel hopeless. but instead, you feel something else. something that terrifies you more than anything else has.
relief.
no more running. no more fighting. no more pretending you don't feel the twisted pull toward him, the dark magnetism that's been there since the beginning. you tried to escape and failed, and now the choice has been taken from you, and there's something almost peaceful in that.
you hate yourself for thinking it.
"i see it," sunoo whispers, and his smile is radiant. "i see it in your eyes. you're starting to understand."
"i hate you," you say, but it sounds weak even to your own ears.
"you hate that you don't hate me enough." he stands, moves to the bed, sits on the edge. his hand reaches out, cups your face with such tenderness. his thumb brushes your cheek. "you hate that part of you has always wanted to surrender. to let someone else take control. to be consumed completely."
his hand slides down to your throat, rests there. not squeezing. just present. a reminder.
"i know you better than anyone," he continues. "i know the parts of yourself you're afraid of. the parts you hide. the darkness that matches mine. that's why we're perfect together. that's why this was inevitable."
you close your eyes. his hand is warm on your throat. you can feel his pulse through his fingertips, or maybe it's your own pulse, or maybe you can't tell the difference anymore.
"look at me," he commands softly.
you open your eyes.
"say it," he whispers. "say you're mine."
you should refuse. should spit in his face. should fight until your last breath. but you're so tired. so tired of fighting. tired of pretending. tired of running from the truth that's been chasing you since that first night at the café.
"i'm yours," you hear yourself say.
the words feel like surrender. like defeat. like relief. like truth.
sunoo's smile could light up the world. he leans down and kisses you, soft and sweet, and you taste blood—his or yours, you're not sure. when he pulls back, his eyes are shining.
"there," he breathes. "was that so hard?"
he tends to your wounds then, rebandaging your wrists with careful precision. his touch is gentle, clinical, loving. he brings you water and makes you drink. brings you food and watches you eat. the whole time, he talks—about his plans for you, for both of you. about the life you'll build here, in this hidden place. about how he'll take care of you, protect you, love you the way no one else ever could.
you listen. you eat. you drink. you let him touch you.
the food sits heavy in your stomach. the water has cleared some of the fog from your head, but not enough. not nearly enough. sunoo sits beside you on the bed, his hand resting on your thigh, possessive and warm through the thin fabric of your clothes—the same clothes from the escape attempt, now rumpled and stained with his blood and yours.
"you hurt me," he says quietly, and his fingers trace up your leg, higher. "you cut me. you hit me. you tried to leave me."
"i'm sorry," you whisper, and you're not sure if you mean it or if you're just saying what he wants to hear. maybe there's no difference anymore.
"are you?" his hand moves to your hip, grips there. not gentle now. "or are you just sorry you failed?"
you don't answer. can't answer. his other hand comes up to your face, fingers pressing into your jaw, forcing you to look at him. the bruise you gave him is darker now, purple and ugly against his pale skin. his lip is split where you made him bleed.
"you marked me," he says, and there's something hungry in his voice. "left your violence on my skin. do you know what that means?"
"what?" your voice barely works.
"it means you're mine in every way now. not just because i claimed you. because you claimed me too. with your fists. with that knife. you marked me as yours the same way i've marked you as mine."
his hand slides from your hip to the hem of your shirt, fingers slipping underneath, touching bare skin. you flinch—not from fear, but from the electricity of it, the way your body responds even though your mind is screaming that this is wrong, this is so wrong.
"we shed blood together," he murmurs, leaning closer. his breath is hot against your ear. "we fought like we were trying to kill each other. and now we're here. alone. and you said you're mine. you can't take that back."
"sunoo."
"shh." his hand moves higher under your shirt, fingers splaying across your ribs, your stomach, mapping you, yet again. "you're still wearing these clothes. still covered in our blood. in the evidence of what we are to each other."
he pulls back enough to look at you, and his eyes are black with want. with obsession. with something that goes beyond desire into the realm of need, of hunger, of consumption.
"i'm going to have you now," he says, and it's not a question. "here. in this place where no one can find us. where you can't run. where you finally admitted the truth. i'm going to claim every part of you, and you're going to let me, because you're mine. say it again."
"i'm yours," you breathe, and your body is already responding, already betraying you, heat pooling low in your belly despite everything, despite the chain on your ankle and the wounds on your wrists and the fact that this is captivity, this is wrong, this is—
his mouth crashes into yours, brutal and demanding. not the soft kiss from before. this is claiming. conquering. his tongue forces past your lips and you taste blood again, fresh blood from his split lip reopening, and he groans into your mouth like the pain is pleasure.
his hands are everywhere, pulling at your clothes with desperate urgency. your shirt comes off, then his. the bandage on his forearm is stark white against his skin, a reminder of your violence. he sees you looking at it and grabs your hand, presses it against the wound. you feel the heat of it, the slight give of the gauze, and he hisses.
"feel that?" he pants. "that's what you did to me. that's your mark. your claim."
he pushes you back onto the bed, follows you down, his body covering yours. the weight of him is overwhelming, inescapable. his hands work at your pants, yanking them down along with your underwear, and you're bare beneath him, exposed, vulnerable. the chain on your ankle rattles as you instinctively try to close your legs.
"no," he says firmly, forcing your thighs apart with his knee. "no hiding. not anymore. i want to see all of you. i want to have all of you."
he strips off his own jeans, and then there's nothing between you. his cock is hard against your thigh, hot and demanding, and his hand slides between your legs, fingers finding you already wet despite everything, despite your mind's protests, your body has surrendered first.
"look at this," he breathes, fingers sliding through your wetness, circling your clit with maddening pressure. "your body knows. your body has always known. you can lie to yourself but you can't lie to me. not when you're this wet for me. not when you're trembling like this."
"please," you gasp, and you don't know what you're begging for. for him to stop. for him to continue. for this to be over. for this to never end.
"please what?" he pushes two fingers inside you, rough and sudden, and you cry out. "please fuck you? please claim you? please make you mine in every possible way?"
"yes," you sob, and the admission breaks something in you. "yes, please, sunoo, please—"
he withdraws his fingers and you whimper at the loss, but then he's positioning himself, the head of his cock pressing against your entrance, and he pauses. just for a moment. his eyes lock with yours.
"this is it," he whispers. "this is where you stop being who you were and become who you're meant to be. mine.
then he thrusts into you, hard and deep and claiming, and you scream. not from pain—though there is pain, the stretch of him, the force of it—but from the overwhelming sensation of being filled, being taken, being possessed so completely that you can't tell where you end and he begins.
"mine," he groans, pulling out and slamming back in. "mine, mine, mine."
he fucks you like he's trying to merge your bodies into one, like he's trying to crawl inside your skin and live there. his hands grip your hips hard—new marks to add to the collection, new evidence of his ownership. the bed creaks beneath you. the chain on your ankle rattles with each thrust. the sounds are obscene, flesh on flesh, your wetness, your moans mixing with his.
"say it," he demands, his pace brutal now, relentless. "say you're mine. say you belong to me. say you'll never try to leave again."
"i'm yours," you gasp, your hands clawing at his back, leaving scratches, marking him the way he's marking you. "i belong to you. i won't leave. i won't—fuck, sunoo—"
"that's right," he pants, one hand moving between your bodies to rub your clit, pushing you toward the edge. "give yourself to me. all of you. every part. your body. your mind. your soul. everything."
the orgasm hits you like a breaking wave, like drowning, like dying and being reborn. you come apart beneath him, around him, your body clenching and shaking and surrendering completely. you hear yourself crying out his name, hear yourself saying things you'll hate yourself for later—i love you, i need you, i'm yours, i'm yours, i'm yours.
he follows you over the edge with a guttural moan, burying himself as deep as he can go, and you feel him pulse inside you, feel his release, hot and claiming, marking you from the inside out. he collapses on top of you, both of you trembling, covered in sweat and blood and the evidence of what you've just done.
for a long moment, neither of you moves. you can feel his heart hammering against your chest, or maybe it's your heart, you don't know anymore.
finally, he lifts his head, looks at you with eyes that are soft now, satisfied, full of dark love.
"there," he whispers, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, your cheek, your lips. "now you're really mine. now you understand."
and the terrifying thing is, you do understand. you feel it in your bones, in your blood, in the place where he's still inside you. you are his. completely. the fight is over. the surrender is complete.
he pulls out slowly, and you feel his release start to leak out of you, but he pushes it back in with his fingers, possessive and thorough.
"keep it," he murmurs. "keep me inside you. a reminder of who you belong to."
you nod, too exhausted to do anything else. he lies down beside you, pulls you into his arms, and you let him. you curl into his embrace like you belong there. maybe you do.
"sleep," he says softly, stroking your hair. "when you wake up, we'll clean up properly. but for now, just sleep. just be mine."
you close your eyes. you're still chained to the bed. you're still his prisoner. but as you drift off in his arms, you feel something that might be peace. or might be the final death of who you used to be.
you're not sure there's a difference anymore.
days pass. or maybe weeks. time is meaningless here. there's only sunoo and the small room and the chain on your ankle that gets longer each day as you prove yourself. as you stop fighting. as you start accepting.
he brings you books. art supplies. things to occupy your mind. he talks to you for hours about everything and nothing. he holds you while you sleep, his body curved around yours like a shield. like a cage.
sometimes you test the chain, just to remember it's there. sometimes you think about escape, but the thoughts are distant now, abstract. where would you go? back to a life that feels like a dream you once had? back to people who've forgotten you?
here, you are the center of someone's universe. here, you are loved with an intensity that borders on worship. here, you matter more than anything else in existence.
it's sick. it's wrong. it's everything you should hate.
but it's also the most real thing you've ever felt.
one night—or day, you can't tell anymore—sunoo removes the chain. you stare at your bare ankle, at the faint marks where the metal has rested.
"you don't need it anymore," he says simply. "do you?"
you could run. the door is right there. he's not holding you. you could try.
but you don't.
instead, you reach for him, pull him close, and kiss him like you're drowning and he's air. he makes a sound of surprise and pleasure and relief, and then he's kissing you back, and his hands are in your hair, and you're both desperate and hungry and finally, finally on the same page.
when you break apart, he's crying. so are you.
"i love you," he whispers against your lips. "i love you so much."
"i know," you whisper back.
you don't say you love him too. you're not sure if what you feel is love or stockholm syndrome or some twisted combination of both. but it doesn't matter. the feeling is there, real and undeniable, and you've stopped fighting it.
you've stopped fighting everything.
he takes your hand—the one with the bandages, the one that held the knife—and brings it to his lips. kisses each finger. then he guides your hand to his chest, over his heart.
"feel that?" he asks. "it beats for you. only you. always you."
you feel it. the steady rhythm. proof of life. proof of obsession. proof of love, if love can look like this.
you place his hand over your heart in return. let him feel your pulse, your life, your surrender.
"we're the same now," he says. "two halves of one whole. you see that, don't you?"
and the terrifying thing is, you do.
you look at him—at his beautiful face, his dark eyes, his soft smile. you look at the bruise you gave him, fading now to yellow and green. you look at the bandage on his arm where you cut him, where your violence marked him the way his obsession has marked you.
you're both scarred now. both changed. both irreversibly altered by this thing between you.
"yes," you say. "i see it."
he pulls you into his arms and you let him, curling into his embrace like you belong there. maybe you do. maybe you always have. maybe from the moment he first saw you, this was inevitable. written in the stars or in blood or in the dark spaces between heartbeats.
you close your eyes and breathe him in and feel something inside you settle. not peace, exactly. but acceptance. resignation. a twisted kind of contentment.
you are his. completely. irrevocably.
and he is yours in the same way—consumed, obsessed, destroyed and remade by this love that looks like madness.
in the darkness of your shared prison, you finally stop fighting.
and in the surrender, you find something that might be freedom.
or might be the final stage of your captivity.
you're not sure there's a difference anymore.
STAGE FIVE — 𝓯ixation: emotional and psychological control complete. obsession is total. subject's attachment is unshakable; intervention required to prevent harm.
NOTE : intervention impossible. subject has successfully isolated target. no outside contact detected. case... concluded. final observation recorded three months post-isolation. subject and target observed through remote surveillance. target displays no signs of distress. appears... content. stockholm syndrome confirmed, or perhaps something deeper. something that existed before the obsession took hold. perhaps the obsession simply revealed what was already there. perhaps they were always meant to find each other. perhaps some people are born to be consumed. case closed. obsessions remain. some loves die. some burn together. likes , reblog and feedack is always appreciated <33
wow :( i went through your comment on sugarglass a couple of times and you write it so well :( you comprehend and fathom your thoughts in words that even i was like ??? omg /pos while of course sugarglass is fiction & fantasy,,, i can't help but to think that feelings are only controllable to a certain degree, and that's defo what sunghoon had to go through. i think if he was given a choice, i'm sure he didn't want to love his little sister romantically. thank u so much for the compliment on my writing :( i don't deserve it, truly!!! <3 i'm glad you enjoy...?? it >.<
sorry for the late reply but i am honestly in love with your writing…i don’t usually comment but it always feels like your writing makes me unlock new neural pathways in my brain haha. you deserve all the compliments!!
synopsis: while working late at the waterpark, you slip through reality and fall into the nightmare realm known as the backrooms. you think you’re alone—until you meet jungwon, a charming boy who offers comfort, survival tips, and the promise of an escape together. but something about him doesn’t feel right. the more time you spend together, the more his affection turns eerie... and the deeper you fall into his trap.
note: this is probably my darkest work, and also my first time writing smut!! i hope you like it >///<
word count: 10.3k
backrooms au collection
if you liked this please comment or reblog to give me your feedback! <3
you had been working late at the waterpark again, the last employee left on closing duty.
the usual nighttime sounds surrounded you—the steady drip of water from the slides, the faint hum of the filtration system powering down, the occasional creak of the structure settling. it was peaceful in a way, being alone in the empty park after hours, though tonight the silence felt heavier than usual.
you pulled your hoodie tighter around yourself as you walked past the wave pool, the water still and dark now that the pumps were off. your sneakers squeaked against the wet tiles, the sound echoing strangely in the vast, empty space.
as you moved toward the tower of spiral slides to complete your final check, you couldn't shake the feeling that the air had grown colder, thicker somehow.
that was when you heard the first laugh—a high-pitched, playful sound that seemed to come from the top of the blue slide.
you froze, your grip tightening on the flashlight. that couldn't be right. you'd checked every area twice already, made certain no guests remained. the park was supposed to be empty.
"hello?" you called out, your voice steady despite the sudden chill running down your spine. "the park is closed."
there was no response at first, just the continued dripping of water and that odd, heavy silence.
you were about to dismiss it as your imagination when the laughter came again, closer this time, seeming to bounce off the fibreglass walls of the slides.
your pulse quickened as you approached the staircase leading up to the slide platform. the metal steps were slick with condensation under your hands as you climbed, your flashlight beam cutting through the darkness.
"if someone's up here, you need to leave now," you said, forcing authority into your voice even as your palms grew damp.
when you reached the top, the mouth of the slide gaped before you, a circle of darkness that seemed deeper than it should be. you crouched to shine your light down its length, expecting to see nothing but empty plastic. instead, there was movement—something pale flickering at the edge of your vision.
before you could react, the world twisted around you. it wasn't wind that pulled at you, but something far more unnatural. the slide's opening seemed to stretch, the darkness within it suddenly alive and hungry. you tried to scramble back, but your feet slipped on the wet platform.
as you fell forward, you realised this wasn't just a slide anymore. the walls pressed in around you, warm and yielding like flesh, the air thick with the cloying scent of chlorine and something decaying. you flailed, trying to find purchase, but there was nothing to grab onto as you tumbled through that impossible space.
then there was only nothingness.
the impact knocked the air from your lungs before you even realised you'd stopped falling. your elbows stung where they'd slammed against the tile, your ribs aching like you'd been folded in half.
for several terrifying seconds you just lay there, gasping, your vision swimming as you tried to remember how to breathe. when you finally managed to push yourself up, your hands slipped on the damp floor—not the smooth fibreglass of the slide, but something older and cracked that felt wrong.
the slide was gone.
you whirled around, panic rising like floodwater in your chest, but there was only a wall behind you—water-stained wallpaper peeling away to reveal moldering drywall beneath. the cheerful cartoon dolphins printed on it were faded, their smiles stretched and warped where the paper bubbled.
your breath came in short, sharp bursts as you staggered to your feet, the room tilting dangerously around you. this wasn't possible. you'd just been at work. you'd just been checking the slides.
the space around you stretched endlessly in every direction, a nightmare parody of the waterpark you knew. the same blue-and-yellow colour scheme, but bleached and sickly under flickering fluorescents. the wave pools were empty except for stagnant puddles that reflected the ceiling back at you in distorted fragments. the air clung to your skin, thick with the scent of mildew and that same overpowering chlorine sting—but underneath it, something sweet. cloying. like fruit left to rot in standing water.
"hello?" your voice cracked on the word, barely louder than a whisper.
when no answer came, you tried again, louder: "is anyone here?" the sound died almost instantly, as if the humid air had swallowed it whole.
you moved forward without meaning to, your sneakers sticking slightly to the tacky floor with each step. the lights buzzed overhead, their flickering intensifying as you passed beneath them. down one hallway lined with lockers rusted shut, past another shallow pool that had no visible edge—just tile that stretched on until it blurred into the distance. your fingers trailed along the wall for balance, coming away damp.
a sound from above made you freeze. not the creak of old pipes, but something... wetter. like flesh dragging across metal. you didn't look up. couldn't look up. your pulse roared in your ears as you forced yourself to keep moving, your breath coming too fast.
in the reflection of a murky puddle, you saw something move behind you—a pale shape where nothing should be. when you spun around, there was only an empty hallway. but the puddle rippled, as if whatever had been there had just stepped out of view.
you broke into a run.
the corridors twisted in ways that made no sense, leading you past the same cracked mirror three times, past a snack stand with its menu board melted like wax. your lungs burned, your thighs aching, but you didn't stop until you reached a small kiddie pool tucked between two crumbling walls. its cheerful mosaic tiles were chipped and faded, the painted sea creatures now just vague smudges of colour. you collapsed beside it, pressing your back against the wall as you struggled to catch your breath.
that was when you heard the whistling.
low. off-key. a tune you almost recognised but couldn't place. your blood turned to ice in your veins.
the sound was getting closer.
you scrambled behind a rusted lifeguard chair, its paint flaking away under your desperate grip.
the whistling continued, unhurried, accompanied now by the steady tap of footsteps against tile. a shadow stretched long across the floor before its owner appeared—a boy, maybe your age, dressed in a staff polo that looked freshly laundered. his black hair was neatly styled, his sneakers pristine where yours were soaked. the name tag on his chest caught the light when he moved, but the letters swam when you tried to focus on them.
he saw you immediately. of course he did.
"there you are," he said, as if you'd been keeping him waiting. his voice was pleasant, almost friendly, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. they stayed dark and unreadable as he took a step closer.
"it's not safe to be out alone."
you pressed yourself harder against the wall, your mouth dry. he looked human. normal. but nothing here was normal.
when he extended his hand, his fingers were clean. no dirt under his nails. no dampness on his skin.
"come on," he urged, tilting his head slightly. "before they find you."
above you, the lights flickered again. somewhere in the distance, something heavy dragged itself through water.
his smile never wavered.
your fingers twitched before you even realised you were reaching for him—some primal part of your brain screaming that warmth meant safety, that another human voice in this suffocating silence was worth clinging to, no matter how wrong this all felt.
his hand closed around yours without hesitation, his skin almost feverishly hot compared to the clammy chill clinging to your own.
"i'm jungwon," he said, pulling you to your feet with unsettling ease, like your weight meant nothing.
his fingers lingered a second too long when he let go, leaving behind a tingling imprint that made you want to rub your palm against your jeans.
"you're lucky i found you first."
the words slithered under your skin. first before who? before what?
he was already moving, his steps light and certain against the warped tiles as he led you down another decaying hallway. you followed because there was no other choice, your sneakers squeaking against the damp floor while his made no sound at all.
when you opened your mouth to speak, your voice came out cracked and thin: "where—"
"this place doesn't have a name," he interrupted, glancing back with a smile that didn’t crinkle the corners of his eyes. "not one you'd understand."
his gaze flickered over your face, lingering on the way you bit your lip, the rapid flutter of your pulse in your throat.
"i call it the aquatic sector."
your breath hitched. the backrooms. those creepy internet stories you'd skimmed late at night, half-believing, half-mocking.
"like... the backrooms?" you whispered, the word tasting absurd even as it left your tongue.
jungwon's smile didn’t waver, "something like that." he said it so casually, like he was discussing the weather, and the sheer normality of his tone made your stomach twist.
he turned a corner without checking if you followed—of course you did, where else would you go?—and you realised with a jolt that he knew this place. the way his shoulders never tensed at the distant, wet sounds echoing through the pipes. the way he stepped over a particular cracked tile without looking down, avoiding the dark stain spreading beneath it like he’d done it a hundred times before.
when he finally pushed open a door marked staff only, the room beyond was so jarringly intact it made your eyes water. clean towels stacked neatly on a shelf. unopened cans of fruit lined up in a tiny pantry. a battery-powered lantern cast warm light over a faded couch, its cushions dented from use. it looked like a lifeguard break room plucked straight from your own world and dropped here, untouched by the decay choking everything outside.
"this zone's safe," jungwon said, watching your face as you took it in. he grabbed a water bottle from the cabinet and held it out to you, the plastic crinkling in his grip. "but only for now."
your fingers trembled as you took it, the condensation cool against your palm. you wanted to drink so badly your throat ached with it, but the way he watched you—head slightly tilted, dark eyes tracking the bob of your throat as you swallowed nervously—made your grip tighten without opening it.
something about the way his smile didn't reach his eyes, about how his uniform was still perfectly dry when your clothes clung damp and clammy to your skin, about how he'd known exactly where to find you in this endless maze.
"you should drink," he said, softer now.
he took a step closer and you could smell the faint citrus of his shampoo, so out of place here it made your pulse skip.
"you'll get dehydrated fast in this sector."
his fingers brushed yours as he reached to twist the cap off for you, and for a dizzying second you considered letting him. his touch was the only warm thing in this entire place. but then the pipes above you groaned, a wet, meaty sound that had you jerking back, the water bottle slipping from your grip to roll across the floor.
jungwon's expression darkened for just a second—a flicker of something sharp behind his pleasant mask—before he sighed and crouched to retrieve it.
"you'll learn," he said, more to himself than to you as he placed the bottle carefully on the table.
outside, something heavy splashed into one of the pools, the sound echoing through the thin walls. when you tensed, jungwon's hand settled between your shoulder blades, warm even through your damp hoodie.
"don't worry," he murmured, his breath stirring your hair. "i won't let anything hurt you."
the promise should have been comforting. so why did it feel like a threat?
time bent around you like wet paper, the hours stretching and warping until you couldn’t tell if minutes or days had passed.
jungwon became your only constant, your lifeline in this rotting, endless maze. he told you where to sleep (the staff break room, always with the door locked), when to hide (when the lights flickered in a pattern that wasn’t random), which corridors to avoid (the ones with the faint smell of overripe bananas). but he never explained why.
"don’t follow the laughter," he said one evening, or what you thought was evening, as you both sat cross-legged on the floor of the break room, sharing a can of peaches.
the syrup was too sweet, clinging to your teeth, but you ate it anyway because hunger gnawed at your stomach like a living thing.
you frowned. "what laughter?"
jungwon’s fingers paused where they’d been tracing patterns on the tile floor. he didn’t look up.
"you’ll know it when you hear it. it sounds almost human. almost." his voice dropped on the last word, and something in his tone made you set the can down, your appetite gone.
"that’s not an answer," you muttered.
he finally lifted his gaze, his dark eyes unreadable. "it’s the only one i can give you."
you wanted to push, to demand more, but then the walls breathed—a slow, wet expansion of the water-damaged drywall that made you recoil. jungwon didn’t even flinch.
"also," he continued, as if nothing had happened, "don’t trust water that moves on its own. and never, never go into a glowing slide."
"why not?"
he leaned forward suddenly, close enough that you could see the faint scar on his lower lip, the way his pupils swallowed the dim light.
"because some doors only open one way," he whispered. then he pulled back, his smile returning like a curtain falling.
"eat your peaches."
you noticed things, over time. the way the walls never dripped when jungwon was near, how the flickering fluorescents steadied when he walked beneath them, as if they were afraid to sputter out in his presence. you noticed how he watched you—constantly—his gaze lingering on the way you tucked your hair behind your ear, how your fingers trembled when you were tired.
and then you found the notebook.
it was tucked under his pillow, the leather cover worn soft. you hadn’t meant to snoop, but he’d been gone longer than usual (to "check the perimeter," whatever that meant), and the silence had pressed in on you until you needed something to focus on besides the sound of your own heartbeat.
the first page was a sketch of your face, rendered in startling detail. your lips slightly parted in sleep, your eyelashes casting shadows on your cheeks. you turned the page.
another. another. dozens of drawings, all of you—your hands clutching a blanket, your back arched in alarm when something had banged on the door the night before, your tear-streaked cheeks from when you’d broken down sobbing your third day here.
your breath caught.
"you’re beautiful when you’re afraid."
you hadn’t heard him come in. jungwon stood in the doorway, his head tilted, his expression unreadable. your fingers clenched around the notebook, the paper crinkling under your grip.
he stepped closer, his movements smooth and predatory.
"just kidding," he murmured, but his eyes—dark and endless—never left yours.
he pried the notebook from your hands with terrifying gentleness, his thumb brushing over a sketch of your crying face. "you’re beautiful all the time."
the air between you thickened, the silence broken only by the distant sound of something heavy dragging itself through water. jungwon didn’t seem to hear it. his gaze burned into you, possessive and hungry, and for the first time, you realised the most dangerous thing in this place wasn’t the shifting halls or the things that lurked in the water.
it was the boy standing in front of you, smiling like he already knew every way you’d break.
the air in the filtration room had been particularly thick that day, clinging to your skin like a second layer of sweat as you followed jungwon through yet another routine patrol.
you'd memorised the path by now—past the cracked wave pool tiles, left at the concession stand with its permanently stuck "hot dogs $3.99" sign, right at the third set of rusted lockers.
his flashlight beam cut through the perpetual twilight, illuminating dust motes that swirled like tiny galaxies in the stale air.
"wait here," jungwon said suddenly, his hand squeezing your wrist just a bit too tight before releasing.
the filtration tunnel gaped before you both, its mouth dark and damp.
"i need to check something. don't move." his smile didn't reach his eyes as he said it, the way it never did anymore.
you nodded, forcing your breathing to stay even as you watched him disappear into the tunnel. the moment his light vanished around the first bend, your body thrummed with nervous energy. this was it. you'd been watching for weeks, noting which corridors made him tense, which doors he always locked extra carefully. the copper-scented hallway to your right had been his most consistent avoidance.
the first step away from the tunnel entrance sent a jolt of electricity up your spine. your sneakers made barely a sound against the slick tiles, your movements practised after so many days of following his lead through these endless halls. the chlorine-copper smell grew stronger with each step, so potent it made your eyes water and your tongue feel coated in pennies.
halfway down the corridor, your foot caught on something soft. you barely stifled a scream as you looked down to see what appeared to be a waterlogged park uniform, the fabric bloated and discoloured. something about the way it lay—too flat, too empty—made your stomach turn. you stepped over it carefully, your pulse pounding in your ears.
the maintenance ladder appeared like a mirage, its rusted rungs nearly blending into the water-stained wall. you tested the first step with your weight, wincing as the metal groaned in protest. every creak seemed deafening in the silent hallway. as you climbed, the air grew noticeably colder, each breath forming visible clouds that dissipated into the gloom above you.
at the top, the platform was smaller than you expected, barely three feet across. the glowing slide pulsed before you, its eerie green light casting strange shadows across your trembling hands. up close, the hum you'd noticed from below vibrated through your teeth, setting your nerves on edge.
you hesitated, one hand hovering over the slide's entrance. jungwon's warning echoed in your mind, but so did the memory of his sketches, the way his fingers lingered just a beat too long when he touched you. the way he'd started saying "we" instead of "you" when talking about the future.
the decision crystallised in an instant. you launched yourself forward, the slide's surface shockingly cold even through your clothes. for one glorious moment, you felt weightless, the current carrying you forward with exhilarating speed.
then the world twisted.
the temperature plummeted so fast your muscles locked in protest. the smooth tunnel contorted violently, the walls rippling like disturbed water before going rigid at impossible angles. your scream caught in your throat as you were flung sideways, then upside down, the laws of physics abandoning you completely.
when you finally crashed into a brackish pool, the impact drove what little air remained from your lungs. the water tasted foul—salt and something organic, something living. you thrashed toward the surface, your limbs heavy with exhaustion and terror.
breaking through into the air brought no relief. the cavernous room stretched endlessly in every direction, the ceiling lost in shadow. the pool's edges weren't tile but something porous and veined, pulsing faintly in time with your racing heartbeat.
then you saw him.
jungwon stood perfectly still at the water's edge, his clothes soaked through as if he'd swum through miles of tunnels to reach you. water dripped from his hair into his eyes, but he didn't blink. the quiet rage radiating from him was more terrifying than any monster this place could have conjured.
"didn't i say," he began, his voice deceptively soft as he stepped into the pool, "not to trust glowing slides?" each word carried the weight of betrayal, his hands flexing at his sides.
the water resisted as you tried to back away, its viscosity suddenly wrong - too thick, too clinging. jungwon closed the distance effortlessly, his fingers wrapping around your biceps with bruising force as he hauled you onto the slick ground.
your body hit the floor with a wet slap, the impact reverberating through your bones. jungwon loomed over you, his knees caging your hips, his breath coming in sharp bursts that fogged in the frigid air. up close, you could see the way his pupils had swallowed nearly all the brown in his eyes, leaving only thin rings of colour around bottomless black.
"you could have died," he hissed, his voice cracking on the last word.
one hand came up to cradle your jaw, his thumb brushing roughly over your cheekbone.
"do you have any idea what's out there? what would have happened if i hadn't found you?"
tears spilled hot down your cheeks, the salt taste mixing with the brackish water still dripping from your hair.
"i just wanted to go home," you choked out, your voice barely audible over the distant, watery echoes of the cavern.
jungwon's expression fractured. he pressed his forehead to yours, his nose brushing against your tear-streaked skin.
"this is your home," he whispered, the words vibrating through your skull. "i'm your home."
his grip gentled as he pulled you upright, his arms wrapping around your shivering form in a mockery of comfort. one hand tangled in your hair, tilting your head back until you had no choice but to meet his gaze.
"don't ever do that again," he murmured, his lips grazing your temple. the kiss felt like a brand.
"next time..." his fingers tightened almost imperceptibly in your hair. "next time i might not be able to save you."
the unspoken threat hung between you, heavier than the humid air, darker than the endless corridors stretching in every direction. as he helped you to your feet, his arm slung possessively around your waist, you realised with dawning horror that you'd just proven his worst fear.
and in doing so, you'd given him the perfect excuse to never let you out of his sight again.
that night, something inside you finally cracked open—not with the sharp snap of defiance, but with the slow, inevitable splintering of resistance worn down by exhaustion and something dangerously close to surrender.
you sat shivering on the edge of his mattress, the damp fabric of your clothes clinging to your goosebumped skin like a second layer of shame. the scent of chlorine still clung to your hair, undercut by something darker—something organic and vaguely sweet, like fruit left to rot in standing water, which seemed like a recirring scent in this place.
jungwon knelt before you, a threadbare towel in his hands, his movements methodical as he dragged the rough fabric up your calf. the friction should have warmed you, but you only felt colder with each pass, your skin pebbling under his touch.
"you never listen," he whispered, his voice almost affectionate, the way one might scold a beloved but wayward pet.
his fingers tightened slightly around your ankle—not enough to hurt, just enough to make the bones shift under his grip.
"do you know how many rules you broke today?" his thumb pressed into the hollow beneath your ankle bone, a silent demand for your attention.
you swallowed hard, your throat clicking with the motion. "i just—"
"shh," he interrupted, pressing a finger to your lips. his skin tasted like salt and metal. "i know what you were trying to do. but we don't lie to each other, do we?"
his hand slid higher up your thigh, fingers pressing into the soft flesh there, just shy of bruising. "say it."
your breath hitched. "no. we don't lie."
"good girl." the praise curled warm in your stomach despite everything.
his thumb hooked into the waistband of your soaked shorts, tugging them down your legs with agonising slowness.
"i should punish you," he mused, his breath hot against your inner thigh as he pressed a kiss there, "but you look so pathetic like this."
his teeth grazed your skin—not biting, just testing. "all shivering and wide-eyed. like a drowned kitten."
you should have stopped him. should have pushed him away. but your hands stayed limp at your sides, fingers twitching against the mattress as he pulled you closer to the edge, his grip firm on your hips.
"jungwon—"
"tell me you're sorry," he murmured against your skin, his lips brushing the crease of your thigh.
your pulse pounded in your ears. "i'm sorry."
"for what, exactly?" his tongue darted out to taste you, just once, making your stomach clench.
"for—for trying to leave." the admission tasted bitter on your tongue.
he hummed, the vibration travelling straight to your core. "and?"
"for not listening." your voice broke on the last word.
his mouth found you then, soft at first—just the barest flick of his tongue that made your toes curl. then deeper, firmer, until you couldn't stifle the gasp that tore from your throat. your thighs trembled around his head, your fingers twisting into the sheets as he worked you open with his tongue, each lick sending sparks up your spine.
"that's better," he murmured against you, the vibrations making your hips jerk.
"this is what you need, isn't it? to be reminded?" his fingers dug into your hips, holding you still as his tongue circled your clit with devastating precision. "to be taken care of?"
you couldn't answer. your thoughts had dissolved into static, your body no longer your own. when you whimpered his name, he hummed in approval, the sound curling low in your belly.
"use your words, sweetheart." his breath was hot against your soaked skin. "tell me what you want."
"please—"
"please what?" he nipped at your inner thigh, just hard enough to sting. "you have to say it."
your vision blurred at the edges. "please don't stop."
he rewarded you immediately, his tongue laving over you in broad strokes before he pressed two fingers inside, curling them expertly until your walls fluttered around him.
"like that?" he asked, his voice rough. "you want me to make you cum? to remind you who you belong to?"
you nodded frantically, your hips rocking against his hand.
"say it." his fingers stilled inside you, denying you the friction you craved. "say you're mine."
the words stuck in your throat for only a second before you choked them out: "i'm yours."
he crooked his fingers just right, the heel of his palm grinding against you in time with each thrust, and you shattered—your back arching off the mattress, your walls fluttering around him as pleasure ripped through you like a riptide.
he kissed you after, his lips tasting of you, his grip bruising on your jaw as he held you in place.
"you're mine," he said again, his voice rough, his pupils blown so wide they swallowed the brown of his eyes.
"no one else gets to have you. not even reality."
his words settled into your bones like a curse. you wanted to protest. wanted to tell him you belonged to yourself, that this place wasn't your home, that you would find a way out. but when he pulled you against his chest, his heartbeat steady under your ear, you didn't resist. and when his fingers traced idle patterns over your hip—claiming and possessive—you let him.
because the worst part wasn't the way he touched you.
it was the way your body arched into his hand when he reached for you again.
the way your breath caught when he whispered, "again."
the way you obeyed.
after that night, the invisible leash around your throat pulled taut like a noose gradually tightening. jungwon became your shadow, your keeper, your only tether to anything resembling safety in this rotting labyrinth.
when he did leave—always with that same murmured excuse about "checking the perimeter"—the backrooms seemed to come alive with malicious intent. the first time it happened, you sat perfectly still for exactly three minutes after he left, counting each second by the erratic drip of water from a ceiling pipe.
then the lights began stuttering like a dying man's pulse.
"jungwon?" you called out, immediately hating how small your voice sounded.
the hallway ahead warped suddenly, the tiles rippling like water disturbed by some unseen force. when you turned to run back to the break room, the door you'd just come through was gone—replaced by a staircase that definitely hadn't been there before, its steps slick with something dark and viscous.
"no, no, no," you chanted under your breath, pressing your back against the wall as the staircase shifted again, the top step now leading to a ceiling vent far too small for any human to crawl through.
that was when you heard it—a wet, clicking sound from the darkness beneath the stairs, accompanied by the unmistakable scent of overripe bananas and something metallic. your stomach turned as the clicking grew louder, more rhythmic, like dozens of tiny bones knocking together.
jungwon found you exactly seven minutes later curled behind a stack of mouldy pool noodles, your nails digging bloody crescents into your palms.
"i told you not to wander," he sighed, crouching before you.
his fingers were warm when they pried yours open, his thumbs rubbing circles into your clenched fists.
"what did you see?"
"the stairs—they moved," you gasped, still trembling. "and there was something under—"
"shhh," he interrupted, pressing a finger to your lips.
his eyes darted to the hallway behind you, suddenly sharp. "don't say it out loud. this place listens."
he helped you stand, his arm slipping around your waist in a way that might have been comforting if not for how easily his fingers spanned nearly the entire width of your torso. "let's get you cleaned up."
you tried to assert yourself exactly once, three days later.
it started as a simple request—"i need space"—but the words came out cracked and brittle, like you were begging rather than demanding.
jungwon paused in the middle of rewrapping your blistered foot (when had you gotten blisters?), his head tilting in that unnervingly precise way of his.
"space?" he repeated, the word curling oddly in his mouth.
his smile bloomed slow and sweet, like blood spreading through water. "oh, sweetheart. there's nothing but space here."
his fingers brushed your ankle, trailing upward with deliberate slowness.
"endless, hungry space." when his hand reached your knee, he squeezed just enough to make your breath hitch. "i'm just protecting you."
you swallowed hard. "from what?"
jungwon leaned in so close his lips brushed your ear, his next words a warm puff of air that made you shiver.
"from what happens to pretty things that get lost in the dark."
he pulled back slightly, his dark eyes searching yours.
"this place listens to me. you don't want to hear what it says about you when i'm gone." his thumb traced your lower lip. "the way it licks its chops every time you stumble. the way the walls whisper about how sweet you'd taste."
that night, you woke abruptly to the feeling of something cool and padded encircling your wrists. your eyes flew open to find yourself in jungwon's lap, your arms secured to the bench with what looked like salvaged lifeguard rescue tubes—the orange foam frayed but still sturdy.
"w-what—" you stammered, panic surging as you tugged against the restraints.
"shhh, just for your safety," jungwon soothed, his fingers already carding through your hair. the casual ease with which he held you down sent ice through your veins.
"you were thrashing in your sleep again. nearly rolled right off the bench." he held up a can of peaches, the syrup glistening in the low light. "let's get some food in you, yeah?"
when you turned your head away, his grip tightened fractionally in your hair.
"now, now," he chided, popping the lid with a metallic snick. "none of that."
the first syrupy slice pressed against your lips was cold and cloying. "open."
the fight drained out of you with terrifying speed. by the third bite, you were chewing mechanically, the sweetness coating your tongue like medicine. jungwon's approving hum vibrated through you as he wiped a stray drop of syrup from your chin with his thumb—then sucked it clean with a soft, satisfied sound.
"good girl," he murmured, kissing each of your knuckles in turn. the shackles stayed on all night.
as the days bled together, resistance became a distant memory, as foreign as sunlight or fresh air.
his touches became your only constants—the steadying hand at your elbow when the floor suddenly slanted, the broad palm spanning your back when a corridor narrowed unexpectedly, the strong arms that lifted you effortlessly over patches of suspicious-looking water. in the hot pool (the one oasis in this rotting place, its waters always perfectly clear and heated), he would wrap around you from behind, his chin resting on your shoulder as the steam curled around you both.
"feel good?" he'd murmur, his hands drifting along your arms beneath the water.
you'd nod silently, too tired to lie or protest. his heartbeat against your back was the only rhythm left in this place, the only thing that still made sense.
the backrooms themselves seemed to worship him. puddles stilled when he approached, their surfaces going eerily smooth. hallways straightened obediently at his approach.
once, when you caught your reflection in the pool's surface, it grinned at you—wide and knowing—even as your own face remained carefully blank. when you jerked back with a gasp, jungwon just tightened his arms around you.
"just a trick of the light," he murmured, but his smile didn't reach his eyes.
the question burned in your chest for days before you finally found the courage to whisper it one night: "what are you?"
jungwon went very still, his fingers pausing where they'd been tracing nonsense patterns on your bare shoulder. for a long moment, the only sound was the distant drip of water and your own too-quick breathing.
"i used to be like you," he said at last, his voice soft with something almost like regret. "scared. lost. convinced there was a way out."
his hand returned to your shoulder, his thumb brushing the knob of your collarbone. "then i stopped pretending to be afraid. stopped fighting what this place wanted from me."
his lips grazed your temple, lingering just a second too long. "you'll understand soon."
the promise should have terrified you. should have sent you scrambling for escape. instead, a warm heaviness settled in your chest, spreading through your limbs like syrup. when he pulled you closer, you went without resistance, your head finding its familiar place against his shoulder.
outside your fragile bubble of warmth, the backrooms groaned and shifted—but here, cradled in jungwon's arms, the world held its breath. you closed your eyes, letting the steady rhythm of his breathing lull you into something like peace.
somewhere along the way, you'd forgotten how to fight.
somewhere deeper still, you'd stopped wanting to.
it had been weeks—or maybe months, you had no idea how the warped time her worked—since jungwon had let you out of his sight for more than a few minutes at a time.
you'd practised the request of wanting to sleep alone in your head for days, carefully framing it as concern for his own rest rather than your desperate need for space.
"you look tired," you ventured one evening as he rubbed your sore feet (when had you started letting him do that?).
your fingers played with the frayed edge of his sleeve, the fabric soft from countless washes in the pool's filtration runoff.
"maybe... maybe you should take a night for yourself. i'll be fine here."
jungwon's hands stilled on your instep. the silence stretched so long you could hear the drip-drip-drip of water from the ceiling vent counting out your racing heartbeat.
when he finally looked up, his smile didn't reach his eyes—those dark, fathomless eyes that always seemed to see straight through you.
"one night," he conceded, his thumb brushing the delicate bones of your ankle. the casual possession in that simple touch made your stomach clench.
"but scream if you need me." his fingers trailed up your calf, leaving goosebumps in their wake. "the walls carry sound beautifully here."
he left you in a small bunkroom near the filtration systems, the space eerily pristine compared to the decay everywhere else. thick blankets covered the narrow bed, their faded nautical patterns almost cheerful under the glow of luminous pool tiles embedded beneath the frame.
you waited until his footsteps faded completely before letting out the breath you'd been holding.
the second the door clicked shut, the air grew heavier, pressing against your skin like wet hands. you told yourself you wouldn't sleep—just rest your eyes until morning came, whatever that meant in this endless place. curling up on the bed, you pulled your knees to your chest and stared at the door, straining to hear anything beyond the ever-present hum of machinery.
every sound became magnified in his absence. the walls creaked like old ship hulls, the pipes groaned with more than just water pressure, and every distant droplet echoed like approaching footsteps. at one point, you swore you heard whispering—not words exactly, but something like the hiss of water through cracks, forming almost-syllables that prickled the hairs on your neck.
"it's just the pipes," you muttered to yourself, your voice thin and unconvincing in the heavy air.
pulling the blankets over your head, you tried to focus on your breathing, but the fabric stuck to your lips with each panicked exhale.
when the bed suddenly shifted beneath you—just a slight dip, like someone had sat at the foot—you nearly screamed. your muscles locked, every nerve ending alight with primal terror as you waited for the inevitable touch, the breath against your neck.
but nothing came. the silence that followed was worse than any sound, thick with anticipation and something else—something watching.
by the time jungwon returned, you were curled into a tight ball, your face pressed against your knees to muffle the quiet sobs wracking your body. the door opened without a sound, but you knew it was him from the way the room immediately stilled, the oppressive weight in the air lifting as if by command.
"oh, sweet thing," he murmured, his voice dripping with false sympathy as the mattress dipped behind you.
his hands were warm where they slid under your shaking form, gathering you against his chest like a child. you hated how easily you folded into him, your body betraying your mind with its immediate relaxation.
"see?" he whispered into your hair, his lips brushing your temple. "you're safest when i'm touching you."
you wanted to protest, to push him away, but your limbs felt leaden, your resistance worn to nothing by the terror of the empty hours. when your fingers twitched weakly against his chest, jungwon made a soft, approving sound and kissed your forehead.
"shhh, i know," he murmured, one hand sliding up to cradle the back of your neck.
his thumb stroked the sensitive skin behind your ear in slow circles. "you just needed to learn, didn't you? needed to see what happens when i'm not here to keep you safe."
his kiss started soft, just the barest brush of lips. but when you didn't resist, it deepened, his mouth hot and insistent as his tongue slid against yours. the taste of him flooded your senses, metallic and sweet like the canned fruit he always fed you, and some broken part of you responded without thought, your hands fisting in his shirt.
when you didn’t pull away, he pressed deeper, tongue slipping past your lips with practised ease. he kissed you like he had the right to. maybe that’s what terrified you most.
“see?” he whispered against your mouth, tasting you in slow drags. “you’re already calmer.”
you weren’t. not really. but your breathing had steadied, your muscles unknotted just enough to stop trembling, and your arms were curled weakly around his shoulders. it felt… safer. wrong, but safer.
he coaxed your top over your head with ease, discarding it like it meant nothing. his hands were warm and slow as they skimmed over your skin, trailing reverent touches across your ribs and stomach.
“let me take care of you,” he murmured, more command than offer, but spoken like a promise. “you were scared without me. i know. i felt it.”
his mouth moved to your chest, kissing your collarbone, then lower. when he sucked your nipple into his mouth, you flinched, but didn’t stop him. the heat of his tongue, the way he hummed low in his throat when you arched into him—it made your stomach twist, shame and need tangled too tight to separate.
“you don’t have to think,” he murmured, his palm sliding down your side. “just let yourself feel.”
you should’ve said no. you didn't want his presence right? but you didn’t push him away, instead clung closer to him whispering a breathy okay. because your limbs still felt heavy, your brain still foggy with the memory of isolation and the cold silence of the bunk.
and his hands were so warm.
he kissed his way down your stomach, pausing to bite gently at your hip before nudging your thighs apart with his palms. his eyes flicked up, reading your expression in the low light. your breath hitched.
“tell me to stop,” he said. his voice was calm, but something coiled underneath it. “i’ll stop if you ask.”
you didn’t. you couldn’t.
and that was enough.
his mouth met your folds with agonising slowness, tongue sliding through you like he already knew exactly where to touch. he teased you with slow flicks, warm and wet, circling your clit until your hips twitched, then pulling away just to hear you whine. you hated how quickly your body betrayed you.
“you’re already dripping,” he murmured into your skin. “sweet thing… you missed this too, didn’t you?”
his fingers slipped into you without resistance, two of them stretching you gently. the stretch made you gasp, your walls clenching around him instinctively. he crooked them slightly—finding a spot that made you buck, unbidden—and smiled against your thigh.
“so sensitive,” he cooed, kissing the inside of your knee. “so good for me, even now.”
he kept going until your legs were trembling, slick pooling where his wrist met your body. you were panting, eyes hazy, brain empty of anything but the rhythm of his fingers and the hot drag of his mouth against your clit.
when he finally pulled back, you almost whimpered at the loss.
he stripped without a word, the soft rustle of fabric the only sound between you. when he hovered over you again, cock in hand, he paused at your entrance.
“i’ll go slow,” he said. “i want you to feel everything.”
he pushed in with a groan, hips moving with infuriating control, stretching you inch by inch. the burn was real. but so was the way you clenched around him, the way your legs wrapped around his waist out of instinct.
“fuck,” he breathed, resting his forehead against yours. “you feel like you were made for me.”
his rhythm started slow—careful, deep thrusts that filled you completely, his fingers locked with yours on the sheets. his other hand hovered at your throat again, resting lightly as if to say remember who’s in control.
and still, you didn’t push him away.
you didn’t want to.
you’d tried to sleep alone, and it had nearly broken you. here, at least, you could pretend his touch was warmth and not some strange obsession.
he moaned when you clenched around him, and his thrusts picked up pace, harder now, deeper. the bed creaked beneath you, his hips slapping into yours with a rhythm that turned everything else to static.
“you’re mine,” he growled, breath hot against your ear. “you know you’re mine.”
your orgasm hit with sudden force, tearing through you like a cracked dam. you cried out, shaking, your nails digging into his back.
jungwon swore, driving into you once—twice—before he spilled inside you with a shudder, pressing in so deep it felt like he was trying to disappear inside your body.
neither of you moved for a long time. he stayed buried in you, breath shallow, arms wrapped tight around your waist like he couldn’t bear the thought of letting go.
“you won’t ask to be alone again,” he whispered against your hair. “will you?”
you didn’t answer. your eyes were already drifting closed.
he pulled the blanket up and curled around you, possessive and still, his fingers tracing lazy shapes across your stomach, like he didn't want to stop touching you.
“good girl,” he said softly. “sleep now.”
and you did, not because you felt safe.
but because you were too tired to be afraid.
the next night, jungwon’s fingers interlaced with yours in the dark, his grip just shy of painful.
"i want to show you something," he murmured, his breath warm against your temple. you hadn’t even heard him approach—he moved through these rotting halls like a shadow given form.
"it’s late," you whispered back, your voice hoarse from disuse. the words tasted like a lie because you both knew time didn’t exist here.
jungwon’s thumb stroked your knuckles, a mockery of comfort. "it’s always late here," he said, pulling you to your feet with effortless strength. "come on."
he led you to the broken diving board—the one with cracks spiderwebbing through its surface like veins. you’d passed it a hundred times, maybe more. but tonight, under the flickering glow of the emergency lights, something was different.
"watch," jungwon breathed, pressing your palm flat against what looked like solid wall.
beneath your fingers, the surface pulsed like a heartbeat before peeling away with a wet, tearing sound. your stomach lurched as a hidden alcove revealed itself, the air inside stale and thick with the scent of mildew and something sweet.
"what is this?" you choked out, trying to recoil, but jungwon’s arm banded around your waist, holding you in place.
"ours," he said simply, stepping inside and dragging you with him.
the shelves were lined with artifacts—your waterpark nametag, the plastic slightly warped as if melted. your favourite silver bracelet, the clasp broken, the chain tangled in on itself like a strangled snake. the hoodie you’d been wearing that first night, the fabric stiff with dried pool water and something darker.
"the place gave me these," jungwon murmured, running his fingers over each item with reverence.
his nails scraped against the nametag, the sound making your teeth ache. "it knew you belonged here." he turned to face you then, his eyes glowing an unnatural blue in the dim light. "just like i do."
your breath came in short, sharp bursts. "that’s not—that’s not possible."
jungwon stepped closer, the wall sealing shut behind him with a wet, sucking sound.
"you feel it, don’t you?" his hand rose to cup your cheek, his skin fever-hot against yours. "the way the water stills when you touch it? the way the lights flicker when you’re scared?"
his thumb brushed your lower lip, his grip tightening when you tried to turn away.
"you were always meant to be mine."
you wanted to scream. wanted to claw at his face until that smug certainty bled out of him. but your throat closed up, your voice abandoning you just as it had so many times before.
jungwon’s lips crashed into yours, wet and cold like the slide that had brought you here. his teeth caught your bottom lip, sharp enough to draw blood. the taste of him flooded your mouth—chlorine and copper and something alive, something wrong. behind you, the pool water began to ripple without any disturbance, parting in perfect symmetry as if making way for something unseen.
"see?" he panted against your mouth, his fingers tangling in your hair to keep you close. "even it knows."
the days bled together after that. you watched, numb, as the backrooms bent to jungwon’s will.
you sat cross-legged by the pool’s edge, trailing your fingers through water that had gone suspiciously still. jungwon watched you from a few feet away, his arms crossed over his chest.
"make it move," he said suddenly, nodding toward the water.
you blinked. "what?"
"the water." he stepped closer, his shadow swallowing yours whole. "try."
you shook your head. "i can’t—"
"try," he repeated, his voice hardening.
you swirled your hand through the water, creating weak ripples that died almost immediately.
jungwon sighed, crouching beside you. "you’re thinking too small."
he placed his palm flat against the surface, and the water recoiled as if burned, forming a perfect circle around his skin.
"it’s not about force. it’s about knowing." his eyes locked onto yours. "knowing this place is yours."
you swallowed hard. "i don’t want it."
jungwon’s smile was all teeth. "liar."
the punishments grew subtler but no less cruel. when you tested him—when you asked one too many questions or pulled away from his touch—the backrooms themselves turned against you.
"why won’t you let me leave?" you demanded one night, your voice cracking.
jungwon, who had been humming under his breath while braiding a strand of your hair around his finger, went very still.
"leave?" he repeated, the word dripping with amusement. "oh, sweet thing. there’s nowhere to go."
the lights chose that moment to flicker violently before plunging you into darkness. something wet dripped onto your shoulder from above. jungwon’s fingers found yours in the dark, his grip vise-like.
"shh," he murmured, though you hadn’t made a sound. "it’s just angry you’d even ask."
when the lights returned, his knuckles were smeared with something dark and glistening. you didn’t ask.
sleep became your only respite, though even that was tainted. jungwon insisted you rest curled against him, his arms banded around your waist like living restraints.
"sing to me," he’d whisper into the nape of your neck on the bad nights, when the walls groaned a little too loudly.
his voice would curl around words you didn’t recognise, the language guttural and wrong.
"it’s an old lullaby," he explained once when you stiffened. "the first thing this place taught me."
sometimes he’d disappear for what felt like hours, returning with his hands stained rust-red under the nails and a smile that made your stomach drop.
"someone else got lost," he’d say, wiping his fingers clean on a towel that was somehow always pristine afterwards.
his eyes would roam your face hungrily, as if comparing.
"but they weren’t you."
the unspoken always hung heavy between you—they weren’t special. they weren’t his.
eventually, he began allowing you to explore—always with him, always with his hand clamped firmly around yours. the invisible leash between you grew shorter each day, tightening whenever you strayed too far.
"why do you hold my hand so tight?" you asked once, your voice barely above a whisper.
jungwon stopped walking, turning to face you. the hallway seemed to hold its breath around you. "because i can’t trust you yet," he said simply, his free hand brushing your cheek. "but you’re learning."
you held his hand not just out of fear, but because his skin was the only warmth left in this rotting place. because the hollow in your chest ached when he wasn’t near. because you couldn’t remember what your reflection had looked like before it started smiling at you with too many teeth.
the pool became your twisted mirror. no matter how still you stood, how blank you kept your face, your reflection always grinned back—wider each time, its eyes darker, its features sharpening into something that wasn’t quite yours anymore.
"she likes you," jungwon said one day as you stared at your warped reflection, his chin hooked over your shoulder. his lips brushed the shell of your ear. "she knows you’re staying."
and now it felt like you did too.
the tallest slide loomed before you—the same one that had first swallowed you whole months (or was it years?) ago. only now, it twisted upward into the flickering fluorescent void, its plastic edges blackened and glistening like the inside of a living throat. you could feel it breathing, each pulse of the structure sending warm, damp air washing over your face. jungwon stood behind you, his arms wrapped around your waist in a mockery of tenderness, his chin resting on your shoulder as you both stared into the abyss.
"it's beautiful, isn't it?" he murmured, his lips brushing your ear.
his fingers traced idle patterns on your stomach through your thin shirt.
"i've been waiting so long to show you this."
your throat tightened as the slide emitted a low, wet hum that vibrated through your shoes and up your spine.
"what... what is it?"
jungwon chuckled, the sound dripping with amusement.
"it's our way forward, sweet thing."
one hand rose to cup your chin, tilting your face toward the spiralling darkness.
"this one leads deeper. to where the water is warm and the lights never flicker," his thumb brushed your lower lip, "where nothing can ever separate us."
you swallowed hard, your pulse rabbiting in your throat. "i don't understand."
"you will."
his arms tightened around you, pulling you back flush against his chest. you could feel his heartbeat against your shoulder blades.
"it's where we belong. where you've always belonged."
when you turned in his arms to face him, your hands came up instinctively to brace against his chest. jungwon was already smiling, his dark eyes gleaming with something ancient and hungry. up close, you could see the way his pupils dilated—not round anymore, but slit like a cat's. when had that happened?
"we'll be happy there," he promised, his voice dropping to a whisper.
his fingers tangled in your hair, tugging just enough to make you gasp. "no more running. no more fear. just you and me. forever."
the word hung between you, heavy and final.
you searched his face—the boy who had fed you when you were starving, who had shackled you when you tried to leave, who had kissed you with teeth that were just a little too sharp. the only constant in this endless, rotting nightmare.
"what happens to me if i say no?" you whispered.
jungwon's smile didn't waver, but something dark flickered in his eyes. behind him, the walls groaned, the sound wet and pained. a single drop of black liquid oozed from the ceiling, landing with a splat between your feet.
"oh, my love," he sighed, brushing your hair back from your face with terrifying gentleness. "that's not an option."
the slide pulsed again, the hum rising to a fever pitch that made your teeth ache. your reflection in the pool behind you grinned, wider than any human mouth should allow.
jungwon's hands slid down to grip your waist, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh there.
"trust me," he murmured, his lips grazing yours. "you want this."
and the terrible thing was—
you did.
you took a shuddering breath, your fingers curling into his shirt. jungwon's smile widened, triumphant and tender all at once. his forehead pressed against yours as the slide's opening stretched wider, the darkness inside beckoning.
"together?" you whispered, the word tasting like surrender.
jungwon's laugh was warm against your lips. "always."
you closed your eyes—
and let yourself fall.
ALTERNATE ENDING
you found it again.
the tallest water slide in the entire park—the one that had pulled you into the nightmare when this all began. even after everything, it was still here, standing exactly where you remembered it, though now it shimmered faintly with a green glow that pulsed gently from within the tunnel’s mouth.
jungwon stood beside you, just slightly behind your shoulder. he didn’t say a word. his silence was heavier than any threat he’d ever spoken aloud.
when you turned to glance at him, the absence of expression on his face was more unsettling than any of his smiles. he wasn’t smiling now. there was no softness, no cold affection, not even the hint of disappointment.
“it leads out, doesn’t it?” you asked, your voice quiet and unsteady, though you already knew the answer.
it had to lead out. you felt it. everything in your chest ached with the possibility.
jungwon didn’t answer. instead, he reached for your wrist. his fingers curled around it tightly—not enough to hurt, but firm in a way that told you he was prepared to hold on if you ran.
“it doesn’t matter,” he said eventually.
his voice was calm, too calm, as though your desperation was something he didn’t need to take seriously.
“you don’t want to leave.”
but he was wrong.
you did.
you wanted to leave more than you had ever wanted anything in your life. your body was already bracing to run, every instinct firing all at once. your heart pounded in your chest, loud and fast, and your mouth had gone dry with the weight of the decision forming behind your teeth.
the tunnel wouldn’t stay open forever. the backrooms would shift again. the slide could vanish. and jungwon—he wouldn’t give you another chance. if you hesitated now, if you gave him even one second longer to read your fear, he would never let you get close to this kind of freedom again.
you looked at him—really looked. at the boy who had trapped you with soft hands and quieter lies. who fed you, touched you, claimed to protect you from the things out there when he had become the worst thing in here. the fear in your chest rose like bile.
“jungwon,” you breathed, but the rest never came out.
instead, you ripped your arm free.
his fingers slipped from your skin, and before he could react, you turned and sprinted toward the tunnel, your bare feet slapping loudly against the damp tile. you didn’t look back. you couldn’t.
he called your name, but it came out ragged—loud and broken in a way that didn’t sound human. his voice echoed across the walls of the abandoned park like something that belonged underground.
but you kept running.
you threw yourself into the slideheadfirst, and it swallowed you without hesitation.
the slide gripped you instantly, and the light blurred as you careened downward. the curves of the tunnel twisted your body in every direction, and each sharp turn sent jolts of pain up your spine. the green glow surrounded you, too bright and too close, pressing in like it wanted to consume you. your lungs burned with the pressure, and your arms flailed for anything to hold onto, but the walls were smooth and slick.
you were falling, spiralling, unmoored in a tunnel that didn’t feel like it was ever meant to end.
and then, just as suddenly, it did.
you hit the ground hard, the concrete beneath you unforgiving and wet. the impact knocked the wind out of your lungs, and you lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. the world spun behind your eyelids as you coughed, your body shaking violently.
but then you realised something was different.
the air you were breathing—it was real. it wasn’t thick with that damp, humming rot of the backrooms. it was cool and dry, laced with the familiar scent of chlorine, dust, and cheap coffee. the silence around you had edges again. and above you, warm sunlight filtered through cracked skylights, casting real shadows onto the floor.
this was the waterpark.
the real one. the one that didn't stretch endlessly into pools of nightmare
you were back.
you pushed yourself upright, palms scraping against rough tile, and looked around with wide, disbelieving eyes.
everything was where it should be. the vending machines stood in their proper place. the lazy river looped around peacefully in the distance. the walls were solid. your own breathing echoed back to you. you had made it.
you had escaped.
your chest clenched as a sob rose up from your throat, and before you could stop it, you were crying. laughing and crying at the same time.
you curled your arms around yourself and let it all out, letting your body shake with the unbearable mix of relief and exhaustion.
you were safe.
you had finally done it!
but then, just as you began to steady your breathing, a sound broke through the quiet.
it came from above, from deep within the vents lining the ceiling—soft at first, almost unnoticeable. but as it grew louder, the shape of it became clear. it was a whistle.
your breath caught in your throat. the sound was too familiar, it was the same off-key melody jungwon always hummed when he thought you were sleeping.
the first footprint appeared in the puddle you'd left behind—larger than yours, the edges too perfectly defined against the concrete. then another, materialising closer as if someone invisible was walking toward you. the water in the lazy river began to ripple against its current, forming patterns that looked disturbingly like grasping fingers.
your hands shook as the lights above you flickered once, twice, before plunging the park into darkness.
the temperature dropped so fast your breath fogged in the air, the hairs on your arms standing on end as the silence stretched, thick and suffocating.
then suddenly, cold fingers brushed against your ankle, their grip tightening like a vice.
"did you really think," jungwon's voice whispered from right behind you, his breath chilling the nape of your neck, "that i'd let you go that easily?”
baratheonpilled
2087
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
titsay
