Roseanne smiled serenely. Oh, how sweet this turn of events was. No more fighting, no more yelling and stress and irritation. Just a sweet little toddler of a husband, clingy and needy and wonderful…
They hadn’t had the best of relationships, truth be told. Liam was a guy’s guy - macho, a rabid sport’s lover, and oblivious to the point of insensitivity when it came to his wife. They loved one another, true - but oh, how hard it had been to remember that when anniversaries were forgotten, favors not returned, and tiny little resentments bubbled and seethed from week to week. They were drifting apart, slowly but steadily, and Roseanne had even wondered at times if she wouldn’t be better off without the dude…
And then she’d stumbled across it, entirely by chance. A good friend of hers was having a baby, and for the shower she’d been searching online for something to give. Forgetting the name of that handy, odor-reducing diaper pail she’d seen so many times at the store, she started googling “diaper dis-”: meaning, of course, to continue to “disposal can”. What on earth? What was “diaper discipline”? She’d clicked, then blinked, then clicked again, her brow furrowing in increasing surprise and weirded-out fascination…
Yet she couldn’t forget what she’d read. Wayward and forgetful husbands, rebellious young men, whatever - all could, according to this odd site, be brought under control with a little judicious discipline. By reminding Liam that she existed - that he couldn’t make it through his day without her - she could begin to shape him into a better and more sensitive, caring man. And if he had done something to deserve harsher punishment, well, there were solutions for that too… Oh, she didn’t consider herself a sadist. But even though she would have hotly denied it, you could have witnessed her a few nights later, while Hubby was out yet again with the boys watching the hockey game, she’d had her own pleasurable time in bed - her hand rhythmically stroking to the thought of Liam, wailing, naked and squirming on her lap as she rained down a flurry of smacks on his reddening bare ass…
And well, here they were. One year later, and her diaper discipline had succeeded beyond her wildest dreams. By positive reinforcement, incentives, bribes, and outright punishment, she’d inevitably brought him to heel. He wanted to see the game? Sure, but he’d have to wear a diaper to please her. Had to work late? Fine, but he’d have to spend that time in his makeshift playpen later to make up for it. Forgot to pick up something from the store? Great - but she’d also forget to change him, even when he’d blushingly protested that he needed to do number two… And so on. To this she’d added hypnosis - a dozen or so audio tracks she’d found online that promised to make the listener more docile, more willing to wet and mess themselves, more attached to their bottle and pacifier, more convinced of the fact that they were truly Mommy’s little baby boy.
But the million-dollar question - has it worked? Well, just take a look at him! Wouldn’t you say that this limp, diaper-clad individual, sleepily suckling yet another ba-ba as his Mommy-wife Roseanne strokes his head and coos what a sweet little puddle-bum he is - wouldn’t you say that he’s a changed man? No more sports, no more thoughtlessness or arguments. No, just a cute, docile little man who trots off to his big-boy job every day, and obediently waddles straight home to beg his Mommy to change his smelly, soggy, thoroughly soiled diapers…
Roseanne smiled once more. Oh, yes - such a wonderful change indeed. And how odd to think that it was all because of one errant Google auto-complete!
Image Credit: ABDreams.com
Please don’t remove my caption; if you do, may caterpillars devour your begonias.
















